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Legislature Compromise Puts Gay Bills to Bed
Obama Promises ‘Don’t Ask Don’t’ Tell Repeal
AIDS Foundation Oscar Gala Turns 20
Sundance Wrap-up
QUAC Ski-n-Swim Page 26
PHOTOS BY DAVID DANIELS
In This Issue Staff Box publisher/editor
ISSUE 147 • february 4, 2010 Michael Aaron
QUAC Ski-n-Swim. . 26 News National . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Local. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
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From the Editor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Queer Gnosis. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Creep of Week. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Snaps & Slaps. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Mountain Meadow Mascara. . . . . . . . . 17 Lambda Lore . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 Gay Geeks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Bullshattuck. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Who’s Your Daddy? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Lipstick Lesbian. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
A&E
Gay Agenda . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 Crossword, Cryptogram. . . . . . . . . . . 42 Comics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Qdoku. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 Anagram. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40 Petunia Pap-Smear. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 Puzzle Answers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 The Back Page. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48
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Februa r y 4 , 2010  |  issue 1 47  |  QSa lt L a k e  |  3
From the Editor
Where the Real Power Lies by Michael Aaron
I
anticipate there will be much
debate over the decision to reach a compromise rather than a debate over gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues during this Utah Legislative session, if my Facebook wall is any kind of indicator. Personally, I can see both sides of the issue. On one side, even a lost cause brings a discussion to the fore. On the other, the likely, and permanent loss of the gains made last year in Salt Lake City and County was too big an ante to sacrifice. But now, here we are. Where do we go from here? A recent The Salt Lake Tribune poll shows overwhelming and growing support for legal protections for gay and transgender Utahns. But does that matter? Is the power in the general electorate? Do legislators on Utah’s Capitol Hill listen to such polls; do they listen to their constituents?
They do if they are the ones who elect them into office. And by that, I mean they are the delegates who go to their party’s biennial conventions. If we were to commission a poll that mattered to lawmakers, we would make sure to call these delegates and only these delegates. This is the truth that right-wing (and some left-wing) leaders know. Election results in the vast majority of races are determined not in November, but in May and June at the conventions. Once West Jordan Republican delegates cast their ballot, the outcome is largely determined. Similarly, when Salt Lake City’s Avenues delegates chooses their favorite son/daughter, the hard work is done. The following fundraising, campaigning and posturing is largely for show. The candidates’ greatest concern is to not to make a misstep. Looking at who these delegates are
will show us why our elected leaders are out of touch with the general populace. There are those of us most motivated to get involved, aka the most polarized people in the state. They are the ones called by the Utah Eagle Forum; they are union members; they are gun owners; and, yes, they are gay and lesbian people. The average Joe and Jill are far less likely to make the trek to a meeting and seek election as one of perhaps two or three people to represent their neighbors at the county and state conventions. That gives the power of the electorate to about 5,000 Utahns, not the million or so people eligible to vote in the state. You think your vote counts as much as anyone else’s? No. Delegates in the state, by my math, wield the power of about 460 people. We learned that back when newcomer Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats (which has morphed over time into Utah Stonewall Democrats) took to the streets of Rose Park in the ’80s
and muscled an anti-gay Democrat out of office, replacing him with a young Pete Suazo. And Gayle has learned that as well. And she does a better job of it. It is time that our community realizes that raising big bucks for post-convention elections is like paddling a dinghy at the edge of a waterfall. The outcome is already determined by then. We need to put a much larger focus on getting gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and progressive Republican delegates elected in West Jordan, Davis and Utah Counties, and other areas we have no power. Look into what it takes to be elected at the upcoming Precinct Caucuses. Find friends in your neighborhood to go and cast their votes with you. Find the delegates in your area and befriend them. Show up and have the brass to put your name in the hat. That is how to gain the real power in Utah politics. Q
Raising big bucks for postconvention elections is like paddling a dinghy at the edge of a waterfall. The outcome is already determined.
4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
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Februa r y 4 , 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 5
News — National Obama Promises DADT Repeal in SOTU Address, Activists Unimpressed During the State of the Union address Jan. 27, President Barack Obama suggested the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell military gay ban could be repealed this year. “This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are. It’s the right thing to do,” he said. In general, gay activists and commentators were unimpressed with the two sentences because Obama didn’t give himself a deadline for ending DADT and he again ignored the fact that he could issue an executive order today suspending the ban’s enforcement while he waits for Congress to act. “No real specifics. We better get some soon,” said prominent gay blogger Andy Towle of Towleroad.com. “Obama just seemed to repeat the status quo.” National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Executive Director Rea Carey said: “While we know the State of the Union speech aims to present broad visions, the next time President Obama speaks to or about our community, he must provide a concrete blueprint for his leadership and action moving forward — this includes his willingness to stop the discharges happening on his watch until Congress can fulfill its responsibility to overturn the law. The time for broad statements is over.” At least one prominent gay blogger, however, liked what he heard. “I think it was good,” said AMERICAblog’s John Aravosis, who has unrelentingly criticized Obama for failure to deliver on his big campaign promises to LGBT people. “The President said ‘this year,’” Aravosis wrote. “That’s a timeline, baby. The president said he would work with Congress and the military. He didn’t call on Congress to act, putting the burden on them, which many of us feared he might. He took responsibility for working with Congress and the military. That’s good. He said ‘repeal.’ He didn’t say ‘change,’ which he and his people have been saying a lot lately, especially in front of straight audiences. ... He added the ‘it’s the right thing to do’ remark. That wasn’t in his prepared statements. It’s subtle, but it means he knows this specific promise matters. ... Now he’s on the clock.” The Log Cabin Republicans, meanwhile, were wholly unimpressed with the president’s speech. “President Obama is more concerned
Quips & Quotes
by rex wockner
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They come in wearing BYU T-shirts and talking about [LDS] missions. I was very carefully deceived.” —Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, telling The Salt Lake Tribune that 8: The Mormon Proposition filmmaker Reed Cowan tricked him into an interview for the film in which Buttars made several anti-gay remarks
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about protecting the rights of terrorists than he is about the rights of gay and lesbian Americans who are putting their lives on the line every day fighting to preserve peace and democracy in Iraq and Afghanistan,” said spokesman Charles Moran. Writer Joe Jervis of the Joe. My. God. blog said Moran’s rhetoric was out of line. “We’re all unhappy with the whole DADT thing,” Jervis wrote. “But we’re not trolling Free f---ing Republic for our talking points. SRSLY. I’m thinking those GOProud guys totally made the right call by ditching your tired ass. And f--- you for making me say something nice about GOProud. SRSLY.”
GOProud is a conservative national LGBT Republican organization that broke off from the purportedly less conservative Log Cabin Republicans. FreeRepublic.com is an “online gathering place for independent, grass-roots conservatism on the web,” the site says. The Family Research Council responded to the State of the Union address by warning that allowing gays to be out in the military will lead to an increase in sex crimes. “Forcing soldiers to cohabit with people who view them as sexual objects would inevitably lead to increased sexual tension, sexual harassment, and even sexual assault,” the group said in an action alert.
Federal Prop 8 Trial Pauses
Prop 8 was a direct product of hostility, fear-mongering and demonization of lesbians and gay men. And through the deeply moving testimony of the plaintiffs and other members of our community, they proved beyond question that denying same-sex couples the right to marry causes great harm to LGBT people and their children.” The lawyers defending Prop 8, on the other hand, failed miserably, Minter and many others said. “Stacked up against this mountain of facts, scholarship and science, the Prop 8 proponents — though represented by fine attorneys — were not able to come forward with a case of their own,” Minter said. “Before trial, they dropped nearly every witness they had planned to present and relied entirely on two poorly qualified, ill-prepared expert witnesses, neither of whom was able to establish that banning same-sex couples from getting married has any rational or legitimate purpose relating to procreation, child rearing, tradition, or any of the other justifications that have been offered in the past in support of anti-gay discrimination.” The gay side is represented by famous lawyers Ted Olson and David Boies, who argued that Prop 8 violates the U.S. Constitution’s guarantees of due process and equal protection under the law.
The trial in the federal case against Proposition 8 paused Jan. 27 after the final witness testified at U.S. District Court in San Francisco. Judge Vaughn Walker plans to review the evidence, then call the attorneys back for closing arguments, likely in March. Gay lawyers, activists and others who followed the trial predicted, nearly unanimously, that gays won the case in a landslide. “What stands out the most after having seen all the witnesses on both sides is how overwhelmingly one-sided the evidence in this case turned out to be,” said Shannon Minter, legal director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, who covered the trial for the Pam’s House Blend blog. “The plaintiffs, represented by some of the most skilled attorneys in the country, laid out a well-crafted, meticulous case, backed by the testimony of half a dozen of the most respected historians, psychologists, economists and political scientists who study marriage, sexual orientation and child development.” Minter said. “Using the Prop 8 proponents’ own outrageous and inflammatory words, ads and e-mails, the plaintiffs powerfully demonstrated that
6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
Is [Buttars] saying it was OK to talk that way because he thought we were BYU students?” —Cowan’s response
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I would urge people to see it before you make those sorts of judgments, because the evidence presented is pretty clear.” —8: The Mormon Proposition narrator Dustin Lance Black, when asked by Salt Lake City Weekly what he would say to those who think the film is biased towards the LDS Church
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[T]hose looking for a meaty dissection of how Prop 8 passed despite early popular support on the pro gay-marriage side — and particularly despite the fact its opponents outspent the pro-Prop 8ers — will find this film wanting.” —Salt Lake Magazine’s review
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This could well be the movie of the year.” —Fred Karger, founder of Californians Against Hate, in The Huffington Post.
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What the homosexuals have done is engineer this documentary in time for the opening of the legislative session because they want the endorsement of the LDS church to sway legislators to vote in favor of the homosexuals and say nothing about them.” —Utah-based anti-gay group, America Forever, in an unsolicited fax sent to 80,000 people condemning Sundance for screening the documentary.
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DJ and Dan [Fair] are anxious to have charges filed so they can receive justice. We fully expect those charges to be filed soon.” —DJ Bell’s lawyer Roger Kraft talking to the Deseret News about his client’s petition to get charges brought the family who beat him and his partner in 2008.
To buttress their case, they attempted to demonstrate a number of things that intersect with precise legal considerations or constructs: that there’s no coherent reason for the government to ban same-sex marriage, that Prop 8 passed primarily because California voters are prejudiced, that gays and lesbians need government help to fight the discrimination and persecution that continue to harm them, that being gay is usually not a choice and sexual orientation is usually immutable, that gay couples’ children fare as well as straight couples’ children, and that so-called traditional marriage has undergone transformations throughout history. Passed by voters in November 2008, Prop 8 amended the California Constitution to re-ban same-sex marriage just 4½ months after the state Supreme Court legalized it.
Olson and Boies’ lawsuit is ultimately aimed at the U.S. Supreme Court, where it could end up as soon as a year from now, after a stop at the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. If successful, the lawsuit could bring about the legalization of same-sex marriage nationwide, which would be the mother of all gay rights victories. If unsuccessful, the lawsuit could have the effect of stopping the movement for same-sex marriage, which now is legal in five states, dead in its tracks for possibly a generation. The lawsuit is without doubt a highstakes gamble, so much so that the gay rights legal establishment opposed it and was, as a result, blocked by Olson and Boies from later jumping on the bandwagon once it became clear the case was going to happen and was going to be a very big deal.
Hawaii House Kills Civil-union Bill that Passed Senate
Hawaii’s House of Representatives killed a civil-union bill in an unrecorded voice vote Jan. 29. The measure, which extends all statelevel rights and obligations of marriage to gay and straight civil-union couples, had passed the Senate 18-7 on Jan. 22. Last year, the House had passed the bill 33-17, but Senate tinkering with the measure’s language made it necessary for the House to vote again. Reports said legislators may have been reluctant to deal with the issue in an election year. Republican Gov. Linda Lingle had not taken a position on the bill, but the
Senate vote on it was veto-proof. The House needs 34 votes to override a veto. Last year, when 33 legislators voted for the measure, one member who favors the bill was absent. The bill states, in part, “A party to a civil union shall be included in any definition or use of the terms ‘spouse,’ ‘family,’ ‘immediate family,’ ‘dependent,’ ‘next of kin’ and other terms that denote the spousal relationship, as those terms are used throughout the law.� The measure could be reconsidered in the House this year, but only if twothirds of legislators vote to reopen the matter.
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Februa r y 4 , 2010  |  issue 1 47  |  QSa lt L a k e  |  7
News — Local
Qmmunity
Rep. Johnson, Republicans Compromise on Gay, Transgender Bills Several bills, both pro- and anti-gay, were making it through the Utah State Legislature pipeline this session, but a compromise between Democratic and Republican leaders has effectively put a moratorium on any gay legislation this year. Newly introduced House Bill 128, cosponsored by Democratic and openlylesbian Rep. Christine Johnson and openly-LDS Republican Sen. Howard Stephenson, is titled Anti-Discrimination Study Related to Employment and Housing and, according to Johnson, will put all bills related to the recently-codified ordinances on housing and employment, as well as gay and lesbian adoption and wrongful death, “to bed.” Newly-sworn Sen. Ben McAdams, DSalt Lake City, who spearheaded the new ordinances in Salt Lake City, opened the press conference announcing the new bill on Friday afternoon, Jan. 29. “Our goal to produce legislation that reflects thoughtful and respectful compromise, bringing together Democrats and Republicans, Mormons and non-Mormons, gay and straight has achieved success in its early stages,” Johnson said. The uncodified study, said Johnson, would create a committee to research housing and employment discrimination within the state, its cities and around the country. The committee would report before the 2011 Legislative Session whether additional legislation is warranted. “In exchange, this bipartisan bill puts all bills relating to preemption, adherence, employment and housing nondiscrimination, as well as LGBT adoption and wrongful death to bed for the remainder of the session,” Johnson explained. “This, in no way, means that opposing sides are abandoning their respective legislative goals,” Johnson continued. “It does, however, mean that Democrats and Republicans have mutually agreed that further edification and understanding on all sides of the issue is necessary.” “It is my goal,” Johnson said, “to help Utahns understand that sharing our state means respecting differences in belief and opinion, and that allowing opportunity for critical dialog to prevail over narrow-focused and closed-minded perspective is paramount in achieving balance.” Johnson said she would take the opportunity to learn more about the “other side’s viewpoint” and hopes in return to be afforded the same courtesy. Stephenson noted in his statements that McAdams was “pivotal in working with the Becker administration in bringing all of the different groups on both sides of the issue together in unity in supporting this important anti-discrimination ordinance,” speaking of
Salt Lake City’s new ordinances making it illegal to fire someone or evict them from their home for simply being gay, bisexual or transgender. “It’s important now that we let it work and see how it works,” he said. He reiterated that the new bill is not a “backingdown on beliefs,” but an agreement to get data and science and return next session “hopefully with greater civility than we’ve ever experienced within our communities.” Johnson said a total of “eight or nine” bills related to the anti-discrimination ordinances had been written. “There was a desire on both sides to be almost reactionary to Salt Lake City’s ordinances,” Johnson said. She noted the stress of the current session and the desire to work on important topics which affect the community as a whole rather than the hot-button topics surrounding gay and lesbian rights. Also, Stephenson said there is a “common desire to ensure that Utah is not the battleground for the nation on these kinds of issues.” “We hope to set a standard of civility and cooperation and respect that hopefully will be copied in other states,” he said. Majority Whip Sen. Jenkins said the Senate Republican leaders supported the compromise as “a good truce.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints made the unusual move to publicly support the ordinances, while Utah Gov. Gary Herbert says that while discriminating against gay people is wrong, it shouldn’t be a crime.
Why the Compromise?
Johnson made a video intended for supporters of gay and transgender rights explaining why she drafted the compromise. “Not since 2006 has the LGBT community walked into session with bills stacked against them the way we have experienced this session,” Johnson said in the video. “I personally identified five bills between the house and senate that were specifically targeting members of the LGBT community and municipalities like Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County who have enacted ordinances to protect us in housing and employment.” Johnson said that these bills and the four bills being presented in support of gay and transgender rights were generating a lot of tension in the legislature. “Honestly, I have no guarantee, and in all likelihood [favorable] bills would have failed,” she said. “On the other hand, I think the bills working against us would have passed. And that’s sort of the grim reality of our political situation.” Johnson said that it is possible the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would have come forward in sup8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
ACLU Lobby Night
Sen. Howard Stephenson and Rep. Christine Johnson at a press conference announcing a compromise bill that ends both pro- and anti-gay legislation this session. port of maintaining the housing and employment protections, “though not guaranteed.” HB 128, however, has been greenlighted by leaders on both sides of the aisle. The hot-button issue of creating a protected class out of the term “sexual orientation” that may cause conservatives to vote against the bill has apparently been sidestepped. The bill states only that the committee will study discrimination “on the basis of being in a sexual or gender based minority.” “It will be the one piece of legislation dealing with the LGBT community that is pretty well guaranteed to pass. It will create an opportunity for study this summer that has measurable results and measurable expectations,” she said. “It also will invite stakeholders to come to the table: the Labor Commission, Equality Utah, the Sutherland Institute, as well as groups and individuals who have experienced discrimination in the workplace and housing.” “I’m very hopeful that this kind of dialog is going to be as productive as we anticipate. It is brought forth with the clearest and most positive of intentions. It is not one-sided; it is not a trap; and this is by no means selling out our community.” Johnson is hoping that community members will still talk to their representatives about issues that face them. “Talk about your families, talk about your partners, talk about the need for rights and hopefully, in this year of no pressure from legislation, we’ll find legislators more receptive and more open to have this type of dialog. Johnson is welcoming feedback to the compromise. “I know it’s disappointing that we’re not going to have bills run that we have in the past,” she said. “The silver lining is that this positive dialog is about to begin. That, with your help, can be constructive and productive and lead us toward some great legislation.” Q
The American Civil Liberties Union of Utah will hold a citizen’s lobby night. Participants will learn about the issues the ACLU will follow throughout the session as well as how average citizens can have a voice in local government. Refreshments will be served. Overflow parking can be accessed through the driveway on the ACLU office building’s south side. When: Feb. 4, 6–7:30 p.m. Where: ACLU of Utah offices, 355 N. 300 West RSVP: Reinard at 801-521-9862, ex. 101 or aclu@acluutah. org
Planned Parenthood Dinner Planned Parenthood Action Council will hold its annual dinner, “Taking Back the Right,” Feb. 10. Golden Globe Award winner Camryn Manheim will be keynote speaker. The evening will also feature the council’s awards ceremony: Pediatrician Katie McElligott will receive the Jackie Erbin Award for her work with teenage mothers, and the new Securing the Future Award will be given to teenager Emma Waitzman for her efforts in getting teens involved in the passage of sex education legislation. Rep. Lynn Hemingway will receive the Just Say Know Award for his efforts in promoting comprehensive sex education legislation on Capitol Hill. When: Feb. 10, starting at 6 p.m. Where: Downtown Marriott, 75 S. West Temple Cost: $100 per ticket Info and tickets: ppac@ppau. org, 801-328-8939 or ppacutah.org.
Equality Utah Letter Writing Workshop Statewide gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights group Equality Utah will hold a workshop on drafting letters to the editor. When: Feb. 4, 6–7 p.m. Where: Equality Utah office, 175 W. 200 South, Ste. 3001 Info: Lauren Littlefield, 801-3553479 or Lauren@equalityutah.org.
Babs De Lay is Entitled Utah realtor, Tibetan Buddhist and Universal Life Church minister Babs De Lay will conduct a service entitled “I’m Entitled to What?” about empowerment. When: Feb. 28, 10:30 a.m. Where: Southern Valley Unitarian Universalist Society, 6876 S. Highland Dr. Info: svuus.org
Stonewall Dems, Log Cabin Reps Prepare for Delegate Elections Two thousand ten is an even numbered year, which means that it’s once again election time. But various municipal offices, seats in the State Legislature and the state’s governorship aren’t the only things up for grabs in this midterm year. In neighborhoods and districts all across the state, Utahns from both major political parties will be competing for another kind of office, that of precinct delegates. Utah is one of only three states with a delegate system, which gets people involved in each party who hold such offices the final say on which candidates make it to election day. And given that many of the candidates who do make it in are apathetic or actively hostile towards gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Utahns and their concerns, getting fair-minded delegates into office is the first and perhaps the most important part of making the Legislature itself more fair-minded. This year, Equality Utah, the Utah Stonewall Democrats and Utah Log Cabin Republicans will all be working hard to ensure that more gay-friendly delegates come onboard in each of Utah’s major political parties. Every two years, delegates are elected from precincts, areas sometimes no bigger than a few streets in each legislative district. These delegates are the ones who meet at each political party’s state convention (typically held in midMay of an election year) and vote on which candidates will represent their district in November’s elections. In other words, if a gay-positive candidate has a large percentage of gay-positive delegates who want to see him or her square off against the opposite party, he or she is more likely to win the opportunity to do so, or at least enough to force a primary election between two party hopefuls. To illustrate exactly how delegates are important, Keri Jones, manager of programs and administration for statewide gay and transgender rights group Equality Utah, mentioned how Republican delegates in West Jordan returned a notoriously anti-gay Senator to the Legislature in 2008. Facing criticisms and calls to resign both for his anti-gay remarks and for saying of a bill he did not like “the baby is black, I tell you, it is a dark ugly thing,” Sen. Chris Buttars nonetheless ran and retained his Senate seat two years ago — all because of one delegate’s vote. “It’s telling how important [the delegate process] really is,” she said. “The biggest change is made at the delegate level.” Mel Nimer, president of Utah Log Cabin Republicans, agreed. “If we’d had 10 [pro-gay] people there,
we wouldn’t be putting up with this nonsense,” he said. Those who are interested in becoming a delegate for any party need to find out when and where their precinct meetings will be held, said Nikki Boyer, chair of Utah Stonewall Democrats. When the time for the meeting comes, Boyer said that delegate hopefuls should bring neighbors and friends from their precinct to vouch for their candidacy — otherwise, she added, a delegate hopeful runs the risk of being voted out by candidates who bring more support. At these meetings, she added, precincts with larger populations who have more delegate spots (three or four versus the regular one or two) can also elect such positions as delegate chair and vice chair, or even secretary. “[A delegate hopeful could] go to a precinct meeting and there might be 60 or 70 people there and they [the hopeful] have never done this, that’s why they need to bring their neighbors and friends to vote for them,” Nimer concurred. Additionally, Jones stressed that becoming a delegate is “the best way to remain involved in whatever party you’re with.” Throughout the year, for example, she said that delegates can attend neighborhood meetings and weigh in on issues that are important to their precincts. Currently, Boyer said that the Utah Stonewall Democrats are the state’s largest Democratic caucus, and interest in the party is growing in all corners of the state. In order to meet this interest, she and other Stonewall Democrats will be visiting such cities as Logan, Ogden, St. George, Cedar City and Moab in the weeks leading up to delegate elections to recruit and train fair-minded individuals.
“We’ve had really good success in Southern Utah before,” she said, noting that this part of the state has its own Stonewall caucus. “A lot of people showed up and showed interest.” “We don’t have much to do in [heavily Democratic] Salt Lake City, but in other parts of the state there’s a lot of work to be done,” she added. Nimer noted that there is also a lot of work to be done in getting gay-friendly Republican delegates elected all across the state, but particularly in Republican-heavy areas such as Sandy, Draper and Utah County. “For me to be a [Salt Lake County] delegate would be of little use because anyone I might vote for on the Republican side will probably lose,” he explained. Nimer said that his caucus is hoping to recruit as many fair-minded precinct delegates as possible to attend the state convention “so we can pick the person who will best represent the Republican Party and also to show we have strength and power” as an electoral force. To accomplish this, Nimer is encouraging gay-friendly people of all political views to register as Republicans and run for office at their precinct meetings (under Utah law, one must be a registered party member to run for delegate office). He stressed that registering for any political party does not need to have any bearing on one’s personal political views, or how one votes in November. “How you vote in November at the private ballot box has nothing to do with the party you’re registered with,” he said. “That’s a personal matter.” If LCR can get enough sympathetic delegates elected, Nimer predicted a sea of change in how Utah does politics. “If Buttars would know he’s got 40 different delegates who are LGBT that he has to convince [to vote for him], he’d start thinking twice bout what he says and does,” he said. Equality Utah will be conducting its usual delegate training workshops in
Chaffetz Introduces Resolution to Block DC Gay Marriage Rep. Jason Chaffetz, R-Utah, made good on his threat to introduce a “disapproval resolution” in Congress to block the District of Columbia’s attempt to legalize same-sex marriage on January 27. If approved by the House and Senate and signed by President Obama, the resolution would override the gay marriage bill signed by Mayor Adrian Fenty in December. But D.C. Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton stated that she has received assurance from House Democratic leaders that the House will not even vote on Chaffetz’ resolution. “I am pleased it will not be taken up by committee,” said Norton, adding her
Democratic colleagues believe District officials should make their own laws. Chaffetz, himself, has made statements that his bill has little chance of passage and it is “more symbolic than it is realistic.” “I wish it would come up for a vote, because I think traditional marriage would win,” he told the Deseret News. “But with the Democrats controlling the House, the Senate and the presidency, I can’t imagine that this would make it through the process.” Without Congressional intervention, same-sex marriages would begin early next month in the district.
February and March including workshops in St. George, Price County and Salt Lake City, the latter of which is tentatively scheduled for March 20, with a location to be determined. Both the Stonewall Democrats and Log Cabin Republicans will be invited to join, said Jones. “We could use allies in both [parties],” she said. Nimer also said that he and LCR Vice President James Humphreys will set up house meetings and travel anywhere in the state to explain the delegate process. For more information or to schedule a meeting call 801-613-8359 or e-mail ut@ logcabin.org.
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Februa r y 4 , 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 9
News
Qmmunity
Center to Launch New HIV Prevention Efforts As the new year rolls into its second month, the Utah Pride Center is rolling out a new program: a revamped HIV prevention campaign an eye for outreach efforts among several communities — and, naturally, a snappy theme. “If we can do it, you can do it,” said Lillian Rodriguez, the Center’s HIV prevention coordinator. “[Getting tested is] not scary, it doesn’t take that long and the most important thing is getting tested and knowing your status.” To kick off the campaign, Rodriguez and HIV Prevention Youth Program Coordinator Jeremy Yamashiro will show that anyone can (and should) get tested for HIV by taking the rapid result test themselves and uploading their photos to the program’s Facebook fan page. In honor of Valentine’s Day, they are encouraging couples to come in and get tested together throughout the month. After the test, they’ll have the option of getting a photo of themselves (holding their hands in heart shapes and sporting band-aids) for the page, which is currently in development. The campaign will also have a print advertising component, to be funded through grant money. But couples aren’t the only group to which the program will reach out. Each month, Rodriguez said the campaign will partner with a number of other groups, some in house, like the Center’s staff and its Queer Oral History project, and some based in the wider community, including youth in April and Latino groups in October (the month in which National Latino AIDS Awareness Day is observed). In addition, the project will also hold periodic meetings where, said Rodriguez, “we talk explicitly about anything you wanted to know about sex, basically” with the goal of addressing safer sex and HIV prevention measures. Ultimately, said Rodriguez, the idea of the program is “giving the leadership back to the men we’re trying to influence,” who will plan everything from special events to outreach efforts at local bars and clubs. But she also hopes that the men participating will carry the prevention message long after these events end. “We don’t want to just encourage individuals, but we want individuals to encourage their friends to get tested,” she said. For more information about the Center’s HIV prevention program or to volunteer, contact Lillian Rodriguez at 801-5398800, ex. 23. The Utah Pride Center, 361 N. 300 West, holds a test site on the second and fourth Wednesday of each month from 5–7 p.m. Beverages and snacks are provided and a movie is always played: apropos for Valentine’s Day, February’s film will be Sex and the City.
U of U Pride 2010 The University of Utah’s LGBT Resource Center is looking for students, staff, faculty and members of the community at large to help plan the school’s Pride Week, which will be held in October. The Pride Week committee will hold its first meeting this month. For more information contact Cathy Martinez at 801-581-4861 or cmartinez@ sa.utah.edu.
Utah AIDS Foundation HIV Testing
Liquor is pouring at JAM after finally winning a 20-month struggle for one of Utah’s coveted liquor licenses. The bar had battled polygamist neighbors, changing city ordinances, hostile community council leaders and a lack of available licenses while being open as a beer-only tavern.
Oscar Gala Turns 20
When it comes to contenders for the country’s longest-running Oscar party approved by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, most people probably think of big cities like New York, San Francisco or, most obviously, Los Angeles, the home of the 81-year-old awards ceremony. Few, however, probably know that the party is actually held right here in Salt Lake City. Since 1990, the Utah AIDS Foundation has held the state’s only officially sanctioned Oscar party, Oscar Night America. Each year, said Nathan Measom, the foundation’s development director, one such celebration is held in each of the 50 states to raise money for various nonprofit groups. All proceeds from the evening’s ticket sales go to UAF’s many programs assisting Utahns with HIV/ AIDS and educating the populace about the disease. “We’ve been their choice for the past 20 years,” he said, noting that organizations have to reapply for approval each year. Like many long-running parties frequented by Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, UAF’s Os10 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
car Night America started out “really small,” according to Measom — “just at a bar with people getting together.” However, the party grew in size each year and peaked at 1,200 participants in 2002 — also the year that a live feed from the celebration was shown during the televised ceremony. This year, however, Measom said he expects “around 600–700” guests, thanks in part to the sluggish economy. “But I’d love to get back up to those numbers [from 2002] because it’s our 20th year and we’d love to have the support of the community and get people involved again.” “It’s kind of a milestone for us,” he added. The black tie, red carpet party will be held March 7 at the Rail Event Center, 235 N. 500 West. Cocktails will be served an hour before the broadcast begins at 6 p.m. Tickets are $120 per person, $1,200 for a table of 10 and $1,500 for a corporate table. Corporate seating includes an official program book, wine service by Phoenix Wine & Spirits, a gift and an official Oscar Night America poster per table. For more information or to purchase tickets call the Utah AIDS Foundation at 801-487-2323. PHOTO: DAVID DANIELS
The Utah AIDS Foundation offers weekly low-cost, confidential testing for HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea and hepatitis C. HIV tests are administered by oral swab with results ready in 20 minutes. Results for other STI tests are available within one to two weeks and can be given over the phone or in person. When: Mondays 5–7 p.m. walk-ins and Thursdays 10 a.m.–1:30 p.m. by appointment. Where: UAF test site, 1408 S. 1100 East Cost: $15 per HIV and rectal chlamydia/gonorrhea test, $5 for syphilis test, $25 for hepatitis C test. The test for genital chlamydia/ gonorrhea is free. Info: 801-487-2323
The PDA Show In conjunction with Gallery Stroll, Nobrow Coffee, Utah Pride Center, Alchemy Coffee, Ken Sanders Rare Books and Kayo Gallery preset The PDA Show. Fifty visual artists from around the country respond to the detention of a same-sex couple for showing affection on LDS property. There will be a Kissing Booth installation at Kayo Gallery with Sister Dottie S. Dixon. Live performances by Steve Creson and Lisa DeFrance at Nobrow Coffee. WHEN: Feb. 19–March 14 WHERE: Various locations INFO: Laura Sharp Wilson, 360-3496973 or sharplaura@mindspring. com
NCLR Benefit Party Get away for an evening in Salt Lake with your friends from NCLR. Fine food and drink and wonderful company all in abundance. 2010 looks to be a milestone year for the LGBT community – but not without you and not without incredible effort. Come learn about where NCLR and the movement are headed and get energized for the work before us. WHEN: Feb. 26 INFO: nclr.org
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News Joyful Sound Celebration Draws Hundreds to Hill A Joyful Sound for Common Ground, a celebration of music and shared community held days before the 2010 General Legislative Session opened its doors drew approximately 800 Utahns of all faiths, sexual orientations and gender identities to the Capitol Rotunda, according to one of the event’s organizers. Russ Gorringe-Baker, chair of the Interfaith Pride Committee which cosponsored the event along with local groups as diverse as the Utah Pride Center, Equality Utah, PFFLAG and the Inclusion Center for Community & Justice, said that he estimated at least that many people crowded in the expansive building when he attempted to count. “Many people may have estimated smaller because the rotunda is so big that a big gathering looks small but I was counting the rows [of people],” he said. “At first I was thinking maybe 200 or 300, but I think we were closer to 800 or maybe 1000.” Unlike political rallies the local gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender
community and its allies have held before previous sessions, Joyful Sound brought this crowd together for an evening of music by the First Unitarian Church of Salt Lake City and prayers and blessings by a number of Utah’s gay-friendly clergy and faith groups, including Fr. Bob Bussen of St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Park City. The evening also featured inspirational speeches by RadioActive producer, playwright and QSaltLake columnist Troy Williams (whose complete remarks can be read in this issue)
and Dustin Lance Black, the Academy Award-winning screenwriter of Milk, the 2009 film about the life and times of Harvey Milk, the U.S.’ first openly gay politician. Black is also the narrator of 8: The Mormon Proposition, a documentary about the LDS Church’s involvement in the passage of Proposition 8 in 2008, a measure which re-banned samesex marriage in California. The documentary premiered at the Sundance Film Festival on Jan. 24. In his remarks, Black invoked the spirit of Harvey Milk and told those gathered that they were following his example in Utah by coming out of the closet and reaching out to those around them in love and determination. “I didn’t come to Salt Lake City to protest. I came to Salt Lake City to introduce myself, to share a message of love and mutual respect with our fellow God-loving, patriotic Americans and to encourage all of you in continuing this education campaign,” he said, his voice reverberating through the rotunda’s expanse. “I’ve heard so much about the great work you’re doing here, and I want to encourage you to continue it.” Calling to mind Milk’s assertion that gay and lesbian Americans would never have full equality “until all our rights are secured,” Black encouraged those in attendance to build coalitions among other marginalized groups “because the coalition of the us-es is unbeatable at the ballot box.” Black, who lives in California, then discussed the passage of Proposition 8, a political move that he called “devastating” not just politically and socially, but to the most vulnerable of gay, les-
bian, bisexual and transgender Americans: youth. “I feel certain there’s a kid right here in Salt Lake City ... who woke up the morning after that election to see yet again gays and lesbians had been denied their rights,” he said. “I know all too well the dire solutions that may have flashed through his or her head.” Noting that gay and lesbian youth are much more likely than their straight counterparts to attempt suicide and be kicked out of their homes, Black encouraged those present to continue the fight for full federal and state equality not only for themselves, but for these children. The efforts for equality must be redoubled state by state, he noted, “in a way that has not been seen since Harvey Milk’s time.” Above all, he encouraged those present not to engage in the tactics of fear, divisiveness and lies in which anti-gay opponents have lately engaged. “This is a movement of love, compassion and mutual respect. Your truth is your shield and your story is your sword,” he said to loud applause.
Black’s speech inspired several in the audience, including Equality Utah Executive Director Brandie Balken. “I felt empowered listening to him, that someone with a lot of stature in the LGBT community was talking about how important the work we were engaging here on the ground in Utah was,” she said. While Black’s presence was, undoubtedly, a factor in the large turnout for A Joyful Sound for Common Ground, Gorringe-Baker also attributed the event’s popularity to the number of groups that put it together. “We got word out [about the event] a little bit later than our initial save the dates partly because we weren’t 100 percent sure we could get [Black],” he said. “We didn’t mention him, just that we were coming together as an interfaith community and having this event. I think a lot of it was the number of volunteers on the organizing committee getting the word out.” A complete video of Black’s speech can be found at tinyurl.com/ylb74bq.
Sonic Boom Hits Utah Restaurants Come March, a new gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender-friendly dining group will be out on the town, and just plain out at a number of Salt Lake City’s eateries — all in the name of having a good time and raising the community’s visibility during one of the most contentious political climates it has ever faced. Salt Lake Sonic Boom was created by Tom Wells and modeled after a similar group in which he participated while living in Denver. “They’d announce a bar, usually it was a straight bar, and announce the bar a few days ahead to make sure they had the staffing, and you’d see a group of people converge on this bar,” he said. “I went to several [of these outings], and the employees loved it, and everyone had a great time.” “The point was, we’re here in the city
12 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
too, and we want to let you know we’re good people,” he added. “You may not have known we’re gay before, but now we’re coming to your places of business to let you know. We’re important to you and you’re important to us.” Letting business owners know that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are not only good customers, but perhaps some of their regular customers, is important to Wells, especially, as he said, “with everything in the news now where people are trying to portray us as wanting special rights.” To help the community at large get to know its gay and transgender members, Wells encourages diners to wear red — and, of course, to tip well and treat staff politely. “This isn’t a guerilla tactics or a mob mentality, it’s just showing we’re good neighbors,” he said.
Currently, Salt Lake Sonic Boom’s Facebook page, where Wells announces each month’s restaurant and takes suggestions for future events, has nearly 70 members. The group’s first outing will be a dinner at Piper Down, 1492 S. State St., on March 1, 7 p.m. People of all sexual orientations and gender identities, including straight allies, are welcome to attend. Ultimately, Wells plans on bringing group members to a variety of eateries, not just “those restaurants,” like Bambara or Market Street Grill, known for being gay-friendly. “But we do want to show them our support too,” Wells added. If the group is popular enough, Wells also said that it could also go on outings to other venues in the future.
To join the group, search for Salt Lake Sonic Boom on Facebook. Photos: Ed Kosmicki
Proposition 8 Documentary a Hit at Sundance When the Sundance Film Festival announced, as one of its selections, 8: The Mormon Proposition, a documentary about the LDS Church’s role in the passage of California’s controversial Proposition 8, members of Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community began making preparations not only to promote and celebrate the film, but to counter any anti-gay protestors who showed up to the screenings. But when none of the usual suspects like Fred Phelps’ Westboro Baptist Church or local anti-gay group America Forever staged any counter protests, local activists like Jacob Whipple and Eric Ethington turned their attention to enjoying the festival and publicizing Reed Cowan’s controversial film, which received a total of six screenings — the last added by popular demand. During Sundance’s duration, they also spoke to reporters, filmmakers and festivalgoers alike about their involvement in the film and their views of Proposition 8’s impact on the country’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. “I think many things contributed to the additional screening being added, most importantly the amazing film itself and Reed’s tireless efforts to promote the film,� said Ethington, owner of the blog Pride in Utah. “But I do like to think that our rallies had at least something to do with it. This film is such a gift to the national LGBT community and anyone else who cares about their fellow human beings. Its message is one of love and understanding.� Ethington, Whipple and a number of local activists staged several rallies throughout the festival to draw attention to the film, in which some of the activists actually appeared discussing how they were affected by the church’s support for Proposition 8, which rebanned same-sex marriage in California just six months after the State Supreme Court struck the ban down (the LDS Church considers gay sex to be sinful). They also attended panel discussions held by 8:TMP director, writer and producer Reed Cowan, producers Steven Greenstreet and Emily Pearson, narrator Dustin Lance Black and local philanthropist Bruce Bastian. “There were many questions about the movie, and many sincere thanks for bringing this message to light,� Whipple wrote about the opening night Q-and-A panel discussion in a lengthy Facebook post about his festival experiences. “There was one self-proclaimed Yes On 8 supporter that asked about the ominous sound effects and Big Brother type video that was used when they played audio from the Church’s broadcast to [California]. It was definitely a valid question when looking at it from
an LDS perspective, but Reed’s answer was that those effects helped everyone in the audience, from either perspective, to see and feel what we saw and felt when we hear those words from a General Authority.� Overall, Whipple and Ethington said that response to the film was not only positive, but often times overwhelmingly so. At the movie’s premiere on Jan. 24, Whipple wrote that the audience “cheered ... shouted [and] cried� and booed segments featuring anti-gay Utahns like Gayle Ruzicka and Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, (who appears in the film comparing gays to terrorists in a clip from a controversial interview given last February). Ultimately, the crowd of 600 gave the film a standing ovation that lasted throughout the credits. “I think the audience reaction to the film, while the film was playing, goes a long way to show how great it was and how well it brings people in,� Whipple wrote. “It’s one thing for a movie to bring cheers and open up dialogue when it’s over; it’s something completely different to incite remarks and cheers during the movie.� “Our publicity guy later told us that in 13 years of working Sundance he had never seen a standing ovation!� he added, noting that the film received a similar ovation during every screening at the festival. During his stint at Sundance, Whipple said that several people approached him to discuss the film when they saw him wearing a lanyard advertising it. “Most end[ed] up expressing their own support for our cause,� he said. “Members of the audience and the press alike have come up to me and expressed their gratitude that this story is finally being told. They come to us with tearful eyes telling how their lives have been impacted by intolerance and how they have hope that this film will act as a catalyst to help end discrimination and hate.� “I’ve seen skeptics go in and after it’s over come back out and ask us for buttons and for interviews,� he continued. I see the message being heard loud and clear and accepted by the hearts and minds that dare to see it.� Ethington agreed, saying that “the last thing 8:TMP does is attack the church.� “The movie is really a cause-and-effect piece,� he said. “It highlights honestly what involvement the Mormon leadership had on Proposition 8, then focuses on what happened as a result of those efforts. The horror and violence perpetrated against the LGBT community in the name of Prop 8 has been enormous.�  Q
Februa r y 4 , 2010  |  issue 1 47  |  QSa lt L a k e  |  13
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Views
Letters Gay Rights on Hiatus
Q on the Street
Now that all LGBT bills are basically put to bed during this legislative session, what should we fill our days with until the session ends? Dominique Storni By helping plan the Equalnox March that will take place in SLC on March 20th. Invite your friends & family. Open your spare rooms or floors to out of town guests who will come to march with us. We’re hoping for a repeat of October in DC.
Jacob Whipple
ing an election year? And — in UTAH! If we lived in ... oh, any other state, I could maybe wrap my brain around the idea of holding off for political reasons. But, in one of the reddest states in the Union? That bothers me even more. It has come to pass that the squeaky wheel no longer gets the grease, but we simply just stop turning the wheel. Eventually, if we study the wheel long enough, we will miraculously see that yes, in fact, grease is necessary to make it right. Just as, apparently, if we study the issue of legalized discrimination long enough, we will, in fact discover it is wrong. Well, I for one would just like to grease the wheel, and move forward.
Editor, I am writing in response to the hiatus on gay related legislation as addressed by Utah state lawmakers a mere five days after the session began. I have known Sen. McAdams, personally, for over a decade, and have met Rep. Johnson many times over the years in a number of venues. As a member of the LGBTQ community, I want nothing more than for there to be a ceasing of hate legislation aimed Edward Bennett at sexual minorities. However, I also Sandy, UT do want to see legislation pushed that grants equal rights to all members of our society. I am not naive enough to Editor, believe the LDS Church, its leaders, and The 10th Amendment states: “[t]he powmembers would ever jump on board a ers not delegated to the United States by “Let’s go with the gays” bandwagon, and the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to considering more than 80 percent of our the States, are reserved to the States relegislature is LDS (not to mention the spectively, or to the people.” disproportion of conservative RepubliAside from the requirement to limit can legislators), a significant amount of state legislation to one topic, the 10th equality legislation is unlikely. Amendment is invoked in several, so However, does that mean we shouldn’t the resolutions are numerous (five of the try? In an article published in the New nine measures considered at this writing) York Times there is a statement made because each is intended to be adopted that claims, “lawmakers are hoping by the state House of Representatives or to avoid drawing national attention to the state Senate, or both, or both with the Utah in the battle over gay rights during signature of the governor. Altering the an election year.” kinds of resolution gives one or more of Really? Our elected officials cannot them the best chance of adoption. fight for equality because it is politically As I explained to QSaltLake, the 10th motivated? I’m baffled by that assertion. Amendment legislation is neither new How can it be the case that common sense nor necessarily harmful to gay Americivil rights injustice is such a politically cans. In fact, it would help us. Legislators in every state but Delacharged issue it cannot be addressed dur1 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
10th Amendment is No Slap
ware have considered such legislation since 1994 and most of them have adopted some kind of the measure. Utah legislators adopted a similar resolution in 1995 with the support of many Democrats including then House Minority Leader Frank R. Pignanelli who also sponsored the first state hate-crime laws. Massachusetts is currently suing the federal government under the 10th Amendment to secure federal health and tax benefits for the same-sex couples that the commonwealth has married. It argues that because the amendment protects the commonwealth’s authority to marry same-sex couples according to its own laws, the government must recognize the marriages equally and provide benefits to them. Two other Utah resolutions are being considered which would limit the effects of federal health-insurance reforms in the state if the plan is adopted, and would encourage members of the U.S. Congress to oppose and vote against it. The reforms would especially harm gay Americans by prohibiting the extension of domestic-partner health-insurance benefits in the states, counties and cities that already offer such benefits. In the states, counties and cities that adopted some kind of provision of samesex marriage or domestic partnership, of medical marijuana for people with AIDS and others, or of the health-insurance benefits that they already offer to their gay citizens, the states have done so under the protections of the 10th Amendment. Our legislators and leaders should stand with the 10th Amendment and work to protect it.
David Nelson
Salt Lake City
I think that we should mobilize to get non-discrimination ordinances passed in as many towns, cities and counties in Utah as we can. It will take a lot of out reach and a lot of mobilization from those of us in the rural community, but if the state won’t pass a bill then we should protect ourselves this way.
Tony Fantis I think there’s be nothing better than a whole issue devoted to Jell-O recipes. Heck, I’d even be willing ta give ya ma green Jell-O and hamburger recipe!
Jessica Bair Join HRC for Lobby Day in DC on March 4th! Only through Federal legislation will we end the LGBT ghetto system. Battling for each city, county & state results in pockets of Equality, where we are forced to live for freedom. Write and visit Senator Bennett to support ENDA now.
Cynthia Stevens I think national pressure from the LGBT community needs to be kept on the LDS Church to answer for their past history and current statements regarding gays. If we network and have our ducks in a row, the tide will turn sooner.
Guest Editorial Sit at the Counter by Charles Lynn Frost
H
“The LGBT Compromise” was announced the same day as the 50-year anniversary of when four black men challenged the status quo by sitting at a whites-only Woolworths’ lunch counter in Greensboro, N.C. Utah is poised, promises promised, and all pre-work has been done! So we choose a weakened compromise, because it is less complicated? Those who are our supposed exemplary leaders choose to take the facile, less clashoriented road? With our current legislators (Democrat and Republican) we will always be on the defense. Oh how we need worker and leaders, ready to do the very, very hard work. Leaders ow ironic that
on her, shame on Equality Utah for advocating and promoting such a tragic strategy. Some say this is going to be a big year for us, the LGBT community. Perhaps a big year to deal and dance
Queer Gnosis Joyful Sound by Troy Williams
T
he following are the remarks I
The black men on that historic day said, ‘don’t ever request permission to start a revolution’ who understand an orchestrated offense. The black men on that historical day said “don’t ever request permission to start a revolution.” What guts and integrity that took, not to mention what exemplary and undeniable courage. I only wish our LGBT and straight supportive legislators as well as the entire Utah LGBT culture could muster such organization, fearlessness, bravery and courage. Let’s hope that State Rep. Christine Johnson’s surrogate labor pains are as excruciating — as it was watching her pathetic YouTube excuse video for illogically taking the easy road; shame
with the devils even longer, allowing them to find ways to legitimize our inequalities. One more year to swallow the bitter or (Buttars) pills. All of this because of fear, and a need to ‘quiet those queers.’ Dialogue has been had, studies have been taken and evidence proven, common ground has been ignored and trampled, lives have been lost, and injustices have occurred, belittling words such as ‘violence to marriage’ have been hurled. That simple refusal 50 years ago to accept separate but equal led to a movement that changed the South and indeed the nation. Utah is the South this time around, the spotlight is on us. Too bad we don’t have the players and
delivered at the Joyful Sound for Common Ground event, staged Jan. 21 at the Utah State Capitol. The event was hosted by Equality Utah, the Utah Pride Center, the Unitarian Universalists, the Inclusion Center and the Interfaith Roundtable. It is an honor to stand together with you in this beautiful capitol, built by our forebears. This is our building — the people’s house — it was built by our ancestors who believed in the promise of democracy. We stand here today to inherit and carry on the work of liberty, justice and freedom. We stand here today to raise a joyful sound for common ground, to recognize that all people in our community, no matter their social, ethnic or religious standing, can enjoy full access to the great institutions of this state and of this nation. My ancestors crossed the plains and helped settle the city of Ogden. I come from proud Mormon pioneer stock. The blood and the sacrifice of our foremothers and fathers live on today in me, and in all of you. And we remember that the early Mormon settlers came to these mountains to escape bigotry and persecution. Our ancestors fled from a nation that wanted to exterminate them for their beliefs. As a nation, we have grown and prospered, and in many ways evolved. We saw that slavery was abusive and morally wrong. We saw that it was un-
just for women to not own property or to have the right to an education or to vote. We saw the abuses of children and adult workers in factories, and we saw how people who are differently abled were barred from access to buildings, buses and employment. Time after time, issue after issue, we have been collectively faced with a challenge: Will we create a society that benefits a few people, or will we fight with all of our souls to insure that all people are treated with dignity, fairness and justice? And time after time, in the face of mighty resistance, we have collectively gathered together and said yes. Yes we will fight for the betterment of humankind. We said yes to full legal equality for people of all races. We said yes to women’s suffrage, yes to public education, yes to social security for the elderly, yes to child and adult labor laws and yes to environmental protections of our common land. This is who we are. And though the work is far from over — and though disparity, injustice and bigotry continue to divide us — we keep coming back, over and over, fighting the fight. Some people say that humans are hardwired for competition. That we care only for our own self-interest. We want to make sure that only me and mine rises to the top. But I don’t believe it. I believe humans are hardwired for community — for cooperation, reciprocity. We are wired for empathy and compassion. We need each other. I grew up a Mormon boy in Eugene, February 4,
more importantly the leaders to make the choices and create the change the Universe is ready to deliver, albeit with more arduous and grueling work and duress, but nevertheless deliver.
Charles Lynn Frost, award winning playwright & actor, Utah native, LGBT activist, director, certified coach, business leader, civic volunteer. As a leader in the LGBT community he has served as President and Board Member of the Utah Pride Center, as well as Board Member of Equality Utah. He has been involved as an actor, board and committee member with The Sundance Playwright’s Laboratory, The Utah Arts Council, The College Board, The Kennedy Center Educational Arts Advisory Board, and the Getty Foundation.
Ore. And in that city of liberal, atheist, tree-loving hippies I was in the Mormon closet. When I told other kids I was LDS they mocked my faith. After my mission I moved to Utah — and into another closet. Here I was marginalized because I was gay. And I watched the majority vote away our rights. The legislation of discrimination was drafted in these very chambers. They told us by their vote that we were less than them. But ironically, I draw strength from my Mormon ancestors. Through their example, they taught me to endure any persecution, to endure any hardship and to cross any distance for what I know to be true. That is the spirit that forms my DNA and runs like fire through my blood. This is who we are. Some of us in the gay community often ask, “Why do Mormons, Christians and the Legislature hate us so much?” But I don’t believe they do hate us (though some obviously do). I believe they don’t understand us. And what people don’t understand they fear, and what they fear they marginalize and fight. When we can look into the eyes of a stranger — into the face of the foreigner standing across from us — and when we can see ourselves in the alien, then we will build empathy and compassion and eventually acceptance for the Other. This is what we are hardwired to be. This is our great human potential: to co-create a more just, loving world. That is the work of social justice. This is why we are gathered tonight. We will not retreat, we will not cower, we will not stop. We will never stop until all people are protected, until all people have access and until all people enjoy full equality under local, state and federal law. Can we build that world together? Will you do everything in your power to make that world a reality? Join with me and make a joyful sound for common ground! Q 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 15
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Creep of the Week Hak-Shing William Tam by D’Anne Witkowski
Y
ou know what? If
Gay marriage is just a ploy to get child rape legalized, then to hell with it. Can I get an Amen? No? OK, how about a WTF? This is one of the lunacy-based claims made by Hak-Shing William Tam, a defendant in the Prop. 8 lawsuit going on in California (the trial you’ve all been busy watching on television, right? Just kidding!). In a letter to Chinese-American church groups in California during the 2008 campaign, Tam wrote that once you let gay people marry each other, they’re going to go after kids next. “On their agenda list is: legalize having sex with children,” he wrote. In a Jan. 14 blog post responding to Tam’s claims, Dan Savage wrote, “Because, you see, once same-sex marriage is legal then, umm, good people everywhere who oppose the rape of children
... will be too busy 1) reeling from the shock (good straight people) and 2) planning their bachelor/bachelorette parties and registering at Macy’s (good gay people) to stop those all powerful radical gay child rape advocates from forcing the Legalize Child Rape Patriot
‘On their agenda list is: legalize having sex with children’ Act through both houses of Congress.” Tam came to his bizarre conclusion after reading online about a gay rights meeting in 1972 where gays supposedly set their radical agenda for world gay domination in motion. Anti-gay folks love to hold it up as “proof.” Granted, the majority of gays and lesbians have probably never read this document, but the contents of it are hardwired in the gay brain at birth. Or something. I don’t know, I’m not a geneticist. Personal experience also shaped Tam’s views. In his deposition he said,
16 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
“My daughter told me her classmates chose to become lesbians and experiment with it after they noticed same-sex marriage, they think it is a cool thing.” Right. Nothing is cooler in junior high and high school than lesbianism. That’s why all the girls are dyking it out in an effort to become head cheerleader and homecoming queen. It’s just so easy to be gay in school. I feel sorry for all the straight girls who have to pretend, hanging posters of Melissa Etheridge in their lockers instead of Taylor Lautner. But that’s not all. He goes on to say, “They have some problem getting dates with boys, so same-sex marriage, since it is in the air, they think, ‘Oh, why not try girls.’” Whoa there. First of all, girls aren’t a dish at a tapas bar, and same-sex marriage isn’t H1N1. That’s just not how love, sex and relationships work. But, you know, thanks for playing. Tam also wrote in his letter that if gays could marry in California, “other states would fall into Satan’s hands.” Look, something tells me Satan doesn’t exactly have a state-by-state strategy here. He isn’t Karl Rove (or is he?). But Tam apparently wants to give a whole new meaning to the term “red state.” What’s most galling about Tam is that he’s trying to get out of the lawsuit, saying he wants to be dropped as a witness because he doesn’t want his personal views to become publicized. Hmm. Something tells me he should have thought of that before sending that letter. Q D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister and teaches writing at the University of Michigan.
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Snaps & Slaps SNAP: Rep. Christine Johnson Time and time again, Rep. Christine Johnson has proven herself to be a tireless champion of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights in a Legislature notorious for doing everything in its power to stomp those rights back to the 1940s. But this session, she has managed to accomplish the truly Herculean: defeating at least five anti-gay bills before they were even enrolled — and getting a Senate Republican’s help to do so. Johnson’s work in creating the Anti-Discrimination Study Related to Employment and Housing is truly outstanding. She has, most likely, saved Salt Lake City’s ordinances that protect gay and transgender people from housing and employment discrimination. The community owes her its thanks.
SNAP: The Study Itself Of course, when it comes to the actual bill, former State Sen. Scott McCoy said it best: “Do we really need to study to discover that gay and lesbian people face discrimination? I mean really?!” But while the study is one blatant example of the reddest of red tape, it’s also a very good thing. The facts are indisputable: Discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity exists in Utah, as the Salt Lake City Human Rights Commission proved in its landmark report, released last July. If the bill passes, and a legislative committee is forced to actually examine these and other facts, arguments against extending protections to Utahns regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity will become even more untenable. Like McCoy, we’re hoping for the best.
SLAP: The Bills the Bill PreEmpted According to Equality Utah, the bill Johnson and Sen. Howard Stephenson introduced struck down five anti-gay bills — one of which would have given the adherents of any religion the right to “opt out” of Salt Lake City’s ordinances. To the anti-gay legislators who authored these bills: Seriously? The Legislature is facing a wide-ranging discussion on ethics reform and the worst budget crisis in decades, yet you still have the time to author five bills all with the purpose of slapping around a municipal government? In the same session with five resolutions trumpeting the virtues of states’ rights and small government? Seriously? Oh, wait. This is Utah.
Mountain Meadow Mascara Blue Dog Day
S
by Ruby Ridge
I was , petals , in all my bedraggled morning glory, when who should appear on the Channel 13 news but Utah Congressman Jim Matheson. I wasn’t fully awake and thinking straight, so a shower of toothpaste shot across the room as I yelled “You Douche Nozzle� at my TV set. Believe me, muffins, Matheson didn’t always invoke such a visceral response in our house, but this year he is just treading on my last nerves and I needed to vent! Considering what a policy wonk, glued to the news channels, Rachel Maddow fan that I am, I rarely ever see Mr. Matheson engaging with the media. My theory is that he’s lurking in Dick Cheney’s vacated Washington bat cave, but I could be wrong. Anyhow, I guess with 2010 being an election year, Jim Matheson decided to make a token local appearance and come out of hiding like Punxsutawney Phil the Ground Hog. Except let’s be fair, a ground hog is only scared of his shadow once a year, not the entire congressional term! Ooops, was that my out loud voice? My bad. Now, before you start sharpening your pitchforks let me say this: I know Matheson’s Congressional District has been seriously gerrymandered by the Republicans over the years. If my memory is correct, the Utah Second Congressional District currently includes Salt Lake City, Southern Utah, a shopping mall in Mesa, Ariz., and a housing tract overlooking the Temple in St. Louis. So yes, he has the unenviable task of balancing the needs of Salt Lake’s urban hipsters and St. George’s “let’s do the afternoon Temple session and then we’ll hit the early bird special at Village Inn� demographics. Trust me, I understand all of that. But what bugs the living daylights out of me is Matheson’s dismissive attitude towards the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community (many of whom I know put hundreds of volunteer hours into his campaign) and the progressive issues that he implied he o there
supported. I swear to God, pumpkins, if you took the audio track from any of Matheson’s press appearances this year, and superimposed it onto video of a tea party protester wearing a tin foil hat, the lips would probably synch up. That kind of betrayal is annoying enough, but what really chaps my fat white ass is Matheson’s smug attitude of “What are you going to do, vote Republican? You have nowhere else to go.� That off-handed contempt is soooo irritating, because it’s soooo partially true. Even though I am a fiscally conservative, small business owner at heart, there’s no way in hell I could ever bring myself to vote Republican on social issues, or support their “just say no to embarrass Obama� strategy for winning the midterms. So that puts me in a real electoral dilemma. The Republicans clearly hate us, and the Democrat just ignores us. So which is worse? Which reminds me, why does Jim Matheson vote like a Republican, snipe at the president like a Republican, and yet he’s still allowed to call himself a Democrat? I don’t get it, is he channeling his inner Lieberman? It seems that ever since President Obama took office, Congressman Matheson (our sole, singular, one and only Democrat in the Utah delegation) has been in an arms race with Jason Chaffetz to veer hard right and sabotage the very party platform that Americans elected Democrats to enact in the Legislative and Executive Branch. If any of you Stonewall Dems have any insider knowledge as to why this guy is behaving like this, and why we should support him in the primaries, let me know and I will gladly include it in one of my columns. Because cherubs, I have to say I am just not feeling it! Ciao, Babies. Q
Let’s be fair, a Ground Hog is only scared of his shadow once a year, not the entire congressional term
You can see Ruby Ridge and the Matrons of Mayhem in all of their politically incorrect polyester glory at Third Friday Bingo, Friday Feb. 19 at 7 p.m. at First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East. This month they are raising funds for Intermountain Therapy Animals.
Februa r y 4 , 2010  |  issue 1 47  |  QSa lt L a k e  |  17
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Lambda Lore Some Like It Hot by Ben Williams
U
nlike today, pornography was
illegal and very hard to come by in 1969. Straight porn was difficult to find and gay porn nearly impossible. Denmark was the first country in the world to legalize the production, sale and distribution of pornography in 1969. In the United States, court cases were working their way through the judicial system to change all that. In 1969 a man named Albert Ross
Deim was arrested in his Salt Lake City home for having pictures, books and movies “deemed obscene.” A city judge fined him $100. Interestingly, his arrest would never have happened at year’s end because of a U.S. Supreme Court decision that ruled people could view whatever they wished in the privacy of their own homes. In Stanley v. Georgia, the U.S. Supreme Court unanimously invalidated all state laws that forbade the private possession of ma-
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terials judged obscene, on the grounds that such laws violated the First and 14th Amendments. The court found that an individual has “a right to satisfy emotional needs in the privacy of his own house.” But court cases were of no use to three horny South California high school seniors in April of 1969. The day before my 18th birthday, Jerry Smith, Fred Townsend and I went to a drive-in theater to see Three in the Attic which had been rated R. In late 1968 the Motion Picture Association of America instituted the nationwide system of ratings based on the viewer’s age. At the drive-in cars were backed out to the street with theater security walking up and down the line looking for cars full of teenagers. Finding us, we were asked to produce identification showing that we were 18 years old. Fred was 18, so he had no problem, but Jerry and I weren’t going to be 18 until the next day, so the guard made us pull out of the line. We bitched, and we complained, and we thought how stupid it was, but there was nothing we could do. Undaunted and still horny, we then set off to prove we could pass for 18. We decided to go specifically to a “dirty theater” to see if we could get in. In 1969 the only “art” theater that we knew of in Orange County was in Buena Park. “Art” was a euphemism for porno back then. We braced our nerve, drove to Buena Park (with Fred and Jerry drinking Kirin Japanese beer to fortify their courage), and tried to get into an “adult movie house.” When we went up to the ticket window we found, to our horror, that sitting behind the booth was a little old white-haired lady with chubby cheeks. Our lust was almost lost. I couldn’t believe it. I was ready to call the whole thing off because, after all, who could buy a ticket to a smutty, filthy stag movie from somebody’s grandmother? However, Jerry, the horny cynic, reasoned, “She probably owns the theater!” So with that logic, we sallied forth, huddled together to prove we had the stuff to get into an adult movie. Upon entering the lobby we were assailed by the smell of Old Spice cologne. The theater was dark, filled with a smoky haze, and with each step our gym shoes seemed to stick to something on the tacky floor. We stumbled in during the ending of the first movie. The place had only about 10 men there,
mostly sitting alone but a few in pairs. Cigarette smoke drifted up and swirled in the projector’s light. The film was some kind of black and white burlesque movie. The only thing about it I could really make out was some Amazon-type women dressed in sequin outfits which covered only their snatches. Their big bosoms had falsies pasted on from which tassels dangled. I should have known I was gay back then because I don’t remember the women, but I sure remember the costumes. The movie was of the poorest quality I had ever seen. We only saw 15 minutes of that film before it ended, so we waited in anticipation for the next movie. During the intermission, Fred went to the concession stand for popcorn, and we nearly puked when we tried it. It was stale and tasted rancid and was probably days old. I bet we were the only ones who ever bought popcorn in that place. To our dismay, the next film wasn’t even in English. It was a Japanese flick, filmed in black and white with English subtitles written in white, so most of the time we couldn’t even read them. We sat through the entire film because, after all, we paid $3 for an Art House experience. But mostly, we stayed because Fred and Jerry were hoping to see more tits and ass. They hoped in vain. This second feature was the most boring, mind-numbing, tedious and monotonous film ever. The only part I could remember after leaving the theater was a scene of this Japanese man running down a dark alley, yelling in guttural Japanese while being chased by a hoard of pigs. The chase scene went on for about 15 minutes. He finally broke down the door of a building, ran into the men’s room and fell into a urinal while the pigs rutted and snorted around him as the credits rolled. This was it?! We were robbed! We should have known something was wrong when we were the only ones to stay after the intermission. We should have saved our money and bought a Playboy. So much for my first encounter with smut in the movies. Years later I learned that if you really want to enjoy an Art Theater experience, you find a single gentleman to sit next to. Like Blanche Dubois, I came to rely on the kindness of strangers. Then I didn’t care what was on the silver screen. Q
Who could buy a ticket to a smutty, filthy stag movie from somebody’s grandmother?
1 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
Gay Geeks Valentine’s Day by JoSelle Vanderhooft
A
h, Valentine’s Day! The holiday
that divides people of all sexes, orientations and gender identities into one of two camps: Those who hate it with the heat of a combustion reactor and want to mow down anyone carrying a Whitman sampler, and those who love it and get defensive about, well, protecting their precious little holiday from the big, mean haters. OK, make that three camps. Needless to say, I tend to do a lot of duck-and-cover with the rest of the Valentine’s agnostics as soon as Christmas clears out and Walgreens stores across the nation begin overstocking on red and pink M&Ms. I say agnostic not because I think the holiday is, oh my God, a big conspiracy to make us all buy Hallmark cards and cheap teddy bears, but because I don’t like the misery it causes many single people — and many couples who wish they were single. And no arguments that the lonely and dissatisfied should just treat themselves to a fancy dinner and candy, spend time with friends, or start their own Valentine’s traditions are really just another way of saying, “Let them eat cake!” It’s a fun and sweet holiday, yes, but also one, I think, that deals far more in smugness, hurt and ill-will than a day dedicated to love ever should. So, this Valentine’s Day I’m calling for an armistice, or a V-Day if you’d
rather. Single and coupled, straight and queer, cisgender and transgender, let’s forget about sex and romance for a moment and talk about some forms of love I like even better: The love of whimsy, pranks and, ultimately, each other as members of a community. And who better to show us what this is all about than the geeks? Instead of coming to Utah to rant and rave about 8: The Mormon Proposition in front of Jacob Whipple, Eric Ethington and a bunch of other awesome people attending Sundance to support the documentary, Fred Phelps and his everclassy Westboro Baptist Cult decided they’d get a better reception in San Francisco. They went on a whirlwind picketing tour of Jewish organizations like the Contemporary Jewish Museum and then, for reasons unbeknownst possibly even to God, decided to wave their signs in front of Twitter, Inc.’s offices. Here they were met by a cadre of Dadaists, 4Chaners and other assorted geeks who favored some of the most creative ways of saying “Fuck off, Phelps” that I’ve yet seen. These included unicorn costumes, accordions and signs reading such catchy non sequiturs as “I’m Tired,” “Build Prisons on the Moon” and my personal favorite, the lyrics to Rick Astley’s 1987 hit “Never Gonna Give You Up” — a reference to an internet meme known as “rickrolling.” Take a look at some photographic
This Valentine’s Day I’m calling for an armistice, or a V-Day if you’d rather
evidence at tinyurl.com/phelpsgotowned. Even though this counter protest (rick)rolled into the world roughly two weeks before Valentine’s Day, it was still one of the most (fun)loving things I’ve seen in a long time — and consequently, one of the things I wish the day could be all about. Of course, it’s important to celebrate our romantic relationships — undeniably so. I mean, I love spoiling my girlfriend on Feb. 14 as much as anyone. But I also wonder why, as a society, we don’t really celebrate so many other loving relationships that are just as important, and just as powerful: like friendship, chosen families and camaraderie among those society considers a little bit, well, “queer” — not only us queer folks, but the freaks, the geeks, the Goths, the losers and the lovers and all of us the mainstream disdains as “weird” and not really worth anyone’s consideration. Because it’s often the outsiders in any society or culture who have the most to
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say about loving kindness and respect, geeky ones. You need look no further than this creative, fun agitprop-y response to Phelps and his goony family to see exactly what I mean. On that day in front of Twitter’s offices, a bunch of strange people came together to tell a bunch of hateful people to shove it, and in doing so they demonstrated parts of geekdom I most admire: social consciousness, solidarity the marginalized (in this case, the queer people Phelps regularly targets) and an infectious sense of silliness. If every Valentine’s Day could only feature rickrolling, unicorn costumes and absurdist social activism, I think that we could end this Valentine’s Day war once and for all. This year, when Feb. 14 rolls around, let’s try to make the holiday less about romance and more about agape love, geek-style. Or, if we can’t manage that, let’s at least try not to eat too many of those Whitman samplers. I mean, what do they put in those, anyway? Crack? Q
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Bullshattuck Gay Year’s Resolutions by Ryan Shattuck
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between 60 and 90 opportunities in life to create New Year’s resolutions. Now, I do realize that you are reading this column in February of 2010, which is rather late in the year to be writing about New Year’s resolutions. So I’ve obviously already broken my personal New Year’s resolution: “Turn my columns in on time.” Regardless of the time of year, we in the gay community can always benefit by setting new goals and resolutions. This past decade saw both successes (gay marriage becoming legal in several states; the election of Barack Obama) and failures (the passage of Proposition 8; the presidency of Barack Obama). By setting new resolutions and creating new goals, we can help make this become our most successful decade yet. What should the gay community set as its New Year’s resolutions for 2010?
ALL PROCEEDS BENEFIT
If you’ve had more sexual partners in the past year than there are members of the U.S. Senate (100), then you probably need to be less promiscuous. And if you’ve had more sexual partners in the past year than the number of prostitutes serving members of the U.S. Senate (823), then you definitely need to be less promiscuous. The gay community is, by nature, more sexually liberal than our straight counterparts. That having been said, sticking ourselves into every throbbing hole in the tri-county area doesn’t look good on our permanent record. If we wish to convince America that gay men and women are to be taken seriously and are sexually mature enough to deserve marriage, then we should start acting accordingly. After all, who do we think we are — members of the U.S. Senate?
Let’s Be More Proactive and Better Organized
Let’s Be Less Cynical and More Optimistic
It’s easy to become cynical, discouraged, or pessimistic, which explains the success of anti-depressants, self-help books and Jersey Shore. We can’t find a job and if we do, we’re fired for being gay. We can’t get married in most states and if we do, odds are good that we’ll divorce. The weather is terrible, the milk has become spoiled, there isn’t anything good on TV and Sarah Palin is still saying words at people. But we don’t have to let discouragement control our lives. After all, the collective attitude of the gay community is in the collective hands of the gay community. Will we choose to see the glass as half empty, or will we break the glass over the bar and threaten anyone who threatens our happiness? Conan O’Brien, the former host of The Tonight Show, certainly has reasons for being cynical, discouraged and pessimistic. Nevertheless, he’s learned that such ugly qualities cannot control our lives, as was evident when he said the following: “Please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”
Let’s Be Friendlier and Less Bitchy
No one’s ever said in a eulogy, “What I will miss the most about the dearly departed is how bitchy he was.” Being a bitch is not a redeeming quality, which is why I cannot be more emphatic when I say the following: 2010 is the year we stop being a bitch. Being “a bitch” should have gone the way of Will & Grace and the faux-hawk, and yet, year after year, many gay men continue to delude themselves into believing that being a bitch is the equivalent of being powerful. “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” is more than simply a sex position. It is a reminder that none of us are better than any of us. We’ve all been closeted, we’ve all been scared, we’ve all been alone, we’ve all felt depressed and a hand up instead of a shove down will help us all in the end. Stop being a bitch and start being a friend.
If we learned anything from Proposition 8 in California and Proposition 1 in Maine, it was that we could benefit from being more organized. Money can’t buy happiness anymore than it can buy success at the polls, and we should stop believing that throwing dollars at a probLet’s turn our columns in on time lem will make it go away. Our religious and drink less alcohol! opponents knock on doors and glad hand Just kidding. That last one is just for at church, whereas many of us prefer to me. Q use our hands for holding cocktails and getting off. We may believe that we are Ryan Shattuck is a columnist and freelance right and the right wing is wrong, but to writer based in Salt Lake City. His first book, quote our religious opponents, “Faith Revolutions for Fun and Profit!, is available at without works is dead.” revolutionsforfunandprofit.com. 20 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
Lipstick Lesbian My Interview with Chris Butt by Rachelle Graham
I
begged my editor to interview any-
Salt Lake City; Boyd K. P acker , M ark H acking , T ed Bundy? No. He said it had to be Chris Butt. I drank wine as if it had boobs for the rest of the day. I prayed for a concussion, deadly car accident, anything to keep me from going. Knock. Knock. I breathed in deeply, feeling a panic attack coming on. The door opened. I expected Butt standing there with a shotgun. But what I did see surprised me. “Oh, I’m flattered. But, no you’re the best kisser,” a young man placed his fingers on his cell phone receiver and turned to me. “Silly,” he waved his hand for me to come in. “No need to knock, darling. The door’s wide open at Butt’s domain,” he leaned in to give me, as ‘family,’ a proper greeting; a hug and a peck on the lips. He introduced himself as Ryan. I caught a sniff of his delicious raspberry scent and immediately stopped sweating out drops of three cups of coffee. Too nervous to eat this morning, I went crazy on the wicked hot chocolate. As a client of ADHD; one cup of coffee relaxed me, two sent me to sleep and the third one turned me into the energizer bunny on speed. I paced back and forth in the front office, my head spinning. Ryan smoothed out his tight black jeans before heading into Butts’ open office, “someone’s here to see you, honey.” I blinked a few times and then pinched my arm a few more times, but I wasn’t dreaming. Maybe Butt wasn’t the anti-gay tyrant of Utah he pretended to be. A lightbulb flickered. He’s one of us. Butt didn’t look up when I entered, “these kids only want their last year of high school so they can inject needles full of heroin and perform sex acts of all kinds. My wallet is getting smaller and smaller,” he said, rolling the pig coin jar on his desk. “Maybe, but the parents are not too keen on the idea of taking out an entire year of high school,” a hillbilly voice said through the speaker phone. Well, make it happen, don’t care what you have to do,” he slammed down the receiver. He turned to me, wearing a grumpy scowl, “Who are you and what are you doing here?” My editor from QSaltLake set up an interview with you yesterday?” I whispered as if it was a question. I sat down one else in
and then feeling restless I stood back up. He probably thought I was one of those kids who injected heroin regularly. He grunted. “Is that ok?” “Isn’t that the queer paper?” My heart jumped about a mile, knowing what was coming next. He’ll call the cops and have me thrown in jail for wanting to have sex with women. Want being the key word. “Sure. As I always say, any media is
good media.” I sat back down at the edge of the loveseat, “do you mind if I record you?” He nodded, lighting up for the first time. “What’s your opinion on protection for gays and trans [people] in the workplace?” “What?” he yelled, leaning his pot belly over the desk. At first I think he’s yelling at me because he’s outraged by the question, but then I think back to the fact I’m deathly quiet when I’m uncomfortable. I repeated the question a second time; figuring even though he didn’t believe in senior year, as a state senator he’d have an educated response. “Hell no! I hate those fags. I’d never work with one,” Butt said. A high shrieking noise came from outside the door. Ryan must be back on the phone, discussing more than just kissing.
Who’s Your Daddy? Greek by Christopher Katis
“Y
ou always had American-
made underwear!” That’s a direct quote from my mom. She made it after hearing that while growing up, my friend Sabine wore European underwear, which was deemed to be of better quality and greater value by her German-born parents. Mom wasn’t trying to convince me that she had made some great sacrifice to keep me in made-in-the-USA BVDs. No, she was telling me that my upbringing could’ve been worse. I grew up in a pretty traditional Greek family: Stuffed grape leaves, tiny old ladies dressed entirely in black, and priests with ZZ Top beards were everyday events. I was even in an allGreek Boy Scout troop. I guess because I wasn’t weird enough. Raising my kids “Greek” was a nobrainer. It’s the only upbringing I know, and as odd as it can be, it can’t be any stranger than having two dads, right? It also provides the boys with an identity beyond their dads’ sexuality. And I think that’s important. I’m also confident that being raised in a Greek family with two dads will appropriately screw up the boys. I did struggle with how to prepare them for the myriad of bad jokes they’ll hear, however. Trust me, being both gay and Greek, I’ve heard them all. It got so bad in college that I started referring to my-
self as Hellenic-American! But I’ll cross that bridge riddled with jokes about Greeks in tennis shoes in a few years. Right now I have to help them deal with a loving and very well meaning big, fat Greek family, many of whom often resemble characters in that Vardalos film. Most of you probably don’t know it, but the Evil Eye is rampant in Salt Lake City. Just ask my mom. Gus was diagnosed as having contracted the Evil Eye on his very first trip to Utah. We had spent the day with Kelly’s family, and that evening Gus was having trouble sleeping. In the morning my mom held Gus, looked at him closely and declared that she knew what was wrong. Unintentionally of course, someone in Kelly’s family had given him the Evil Eye. She then did the sign of the cross over him, “spat” on his head and declared “garlic in your eyes!” to ward off the devil. And my dad is worse. He once blew a gasket because we let Gus play in an empty cardboard box that moments earlier had held Niko’s Pampers. He looked at his grandson sitting there, legs stretched out in the box, and thundered that he had never put me in a box as a child. We met his anger with blank stares. My mother explained our faux pas. Evidently seeing a child in a brightly colored cardboard box complete with photos of smiling babies on the side is
Never underestimate a Mormon’s oblivion. My next question was out of pure curiosity, since the man was obsessed with references to gays. I figured maybe he dug us, “What’s your view on lesbians?” “Women are supposed to be behind a man, not the other way around. When I think of two women together I want to puke. The man needs to take part; he’s the one who has the fine parts.” That explained more than just my question. “How do you feel about the gay movement?” “They’re the biggest threat to America going down on me, that I know off,” he followed my eyes, covering up an issue of Playgirl on his desk. I had wished I had brought my camera with me. Not just to photograph the dirty magazine, but to verify I didn’t wear my boyfriend’s BYU sweatshirt. Q
just like seeing your kid in a coffin! Seriously. Of course, this is the man who once tried to convince me that the word sari — the word for the Indian dresses — comes from the Greek word psari — fish. Then there was Niko’s baptism. After much consideration, the family determined that Dec. 6 — St. Nicholas’ Day — was the best choice for it because that day would bring extra blessings. And he’s been “spat” on, too. Just a couple of weeks ago, his great aunt protected him from contracting an inadvertent case of the Evil Eye from a woman in the store who kept commenting on how cute he was. OK, it’s not just my family, it’s me too. A good third of the songs on my iPod are in Greek — most of which, my cousin Eleni in Athens, reminds me are also found on the MP3 players of every 11-year-old girl in Greece. And to protect myself from the Evil Eye, I wear a mati, a glass blue eye, around my neck every waking minute. There’s a large one on the boys’ bedroom door, too. Sure, I’m focusing on the slightly more bizarre aspects of our life. I know that my kids, when they grow up, will share with their friends the weirder stories of coming from a whacky Greek family. Just as I have done with my friends. But I also hope that they’ll remember they were raised within a family that may “spit” on each other and hold strange views about cardboard boxes, but in the end, it’s also a family that supports their dads unconditionally. And I hope they’ll recognize how they are accepted and loved by an entire ethnic community, one which embraced them as two of their own. That’s what being Greek is really about. By the way, I’ll never be able to repeat my mom’s underwear quote to Gus and Niko. On their last trip to Europe, Sabine and her husband John brought back made-in-Switzerland BVDs. The kids love them! Q
Februa r y 4 , 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 21
People Meet QSaltLake’s Wedding Winners by JoSelle Vanderhooft
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W
QSaltLake last interviewed Jessica Engle and Amanda Brown a little over a year ago, they were facing some scary and uncertain times. Shortly after appearing together in a story in The Salt Lake Tribune about World AIDS Day 2008, Engle was fired from her job at the Jordan Valley Medical Center-owned Associates in Orthopedic Surgery for coming out so publicly. The situation left Brown as the sole provider for a household of six, including Engle’s four children (one of them a pregnant 17-year-old) from a previous marriage whom Brown could not legally adopt and therefore put on her company’s health insurance plan. “Financially, that’s been one of the hardest things, just struggling and trying to make ends meet,” Engle recently said. “That puts a huge stress on any relationship.” But a year later, their situation has turned around considerably. After five weeks of unemployment, Engle returned to her former job teaching at one of the state’s Montessori Schools, a job she had left to pursue a career in the medical field. Her termination from the clinic and the fact that she missed working with children made her give up that idea. “The company I’m working for now embraces my lifestyle and my family and is very accepting of all of us,” she said. And this spring, QSaltLake is giving Engle and Brown a wedding. When the newspaper announced that it would be giving away a wedding package in 2010, editors received several submissions. The one that stood out for owner and editor-in-chief Michael Aaron, however, was Engle’s. “The story of the love affair and challenges faced by Jessica Engel and Amanda Brown ended up winning our hearts,” he wrote in the paper’s January 21 issue. Long before the fateful Tribune story and Engle’s termination, Engle and Brown met while volunteering with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. A marathon runner, Brown was in the process of training to run the society’s annual marathon in 2007 and had volunteered to be a team captain. Engle, she said, showed up wanting to run the marathon as well. “I guess we met volunteering together,” said Brown, joking that she always tells gays and lesbians who are looking for a partner to volunteer. “[Jessica] joined with one of her best friends and from the moment I met them, I knew that one of them would become my best friend,” said Brown. “As it unfolded, it was Jess that I liked more.” “She was really inspiring to me, she was definitely a team captain the way she pumped us all up and motivated us to achieve whatever we wanted to, and about fundraising and the impacts we could have,” Engle recalled. “I thought she was very inspirational.” So inspirational, that Engle soon invited her team captain to spend time with her and her friends while hinting, said Brown, “that I could bring a friend or boyfriend, and I kind of saw that as her way to see if I was gay or not.” “Anyway, I couldn’t go but I invited her [out] for coffee that weekend,” Brown continued. “Deep down, I was hoping for a kiss.” Although the kiss hen
was a little while in coming, the two spent several hours at a coffee shop, playing chess and talking about their lives. “We realized that day that we had a whole lot in common and we thought a lot alike and we said from the get go we were on the same wavelength,” said Engle. From there, things just moved gradually into the relationship the couple share today, one which both women describe as a positive experience even though it has taken some adjusting for their children. “Going through this [adjustment period] could either make or break a relationship. I believe that we have become closer, with the opportunity to parent together,” Engle explained. “The struggle has come from me allowing and trusting someone else to make decisions with me and offer help in parenting. And though it has had its difficult days, I believe we have been overwhelmingly successful and I couldn’t ask for anyone better when it comes to raising children. Amanda is very loving, consistent, fair, organized and dedicated. The kids love her and she loves them. It’s a beautiful thing.” Another beautiful thing, said Brown, was their children’s reaction on the night the couple found out that they had won the contest. All of them are “very excited” about the ceremony and want to take part in it. “One of the very first things [our 8-year-old daughter] said was, ‘Now you get to be my real mom!’” Brown laughed. “It just made me smile, and she’s been calling me mom ever since.” Engle and Brown will be tying the knot on March 13 at the University of Utah’s Fort Douglas Post Chapel. On and leading up to the date, they will receive services from a number of local merchants including a bridal shower held by Mini’s Retro Café on Feb. 25 and invitations by 3D Design. To date, Engle and Brown have also had photos taken by David Newkirk with hair and makeup done by Aubrey Difabrizio of Image Medical Spa in Bountiful. Trista Emmer, the director of religious education at the South Valley Unitarian Universalist Society will be presiding over the wedding ceremony — and, Brown noted, Emmer hopes to perform similar ceremonies for same-sex couples in the future. QSaltLake will be following the couple as they prepare for their wedding. Additionally, the two are keeping a blog about their wedding preparations at lesbianmomma. wordpress.com. Q PHOTO: DAVID NEWKIRK, DAVIDNEWKIRK.COM
An
Evening of Sermon and Song with
Salt Lake Men’s Choir and Sister Dottie S. Dixon the
SATURDAY, MARCH 13, 2010
DINNER
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6:30 t CHURCH STARTS AT 7:30
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SALTLAKEMENSCHOIR.ORG Februa r y 4 , 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 23
Sports
QUAC Inspires A history of Utah’s premier sports organization ALL PHOTOS BY DAVID DANIELS DAVIDDANIELSPHOTOGRAPHY.COM
by Brad Di Iorio
I
n life, there are those individuals
who help us create, learn and grow. Some would argue that this is the essence of living, that interaction with other humans is essential in feeling emotion, building and creating the world we choose to live in, and bringing meaning to the direction of the lives we have chosen for ourselves. It could also be said that this is true for groups, too. Behind every organization or club, there are usually one or two people who inspire the formation of that group. The Queer Utah Aquatic Club had such an inspirational spirit behind its beginnings, in a little known collaboration between a straight female swimmer, wYllis Dorman-Li; a Masters swimming coach, Utah’s ‘out,’ estate planning and wills-and-trust lawyer Doug Fadel; and David Ferguson, an aspiring tri-athlete honing his swimming skills.
“It was [Dorman-Li’s] idea to start a gay and lesbian swim club,” said Fadel. “When I first met her she thought I was gay, but I didn’t tell her I was.”
A Helping Person
That was the type of person Dorman-Li was, according to friends and the people she interacted with. “She could have a gruff way about her but she wasn’t a gruff person,” said Lucille Hesse, who along with husband Jim Gebhardt helped run the local Chavurah B’Yachad Jewish Congregation, which Dorman-Li formed after leaving the local Congregation Kol Ami in the mid ’90s. “WYllis was running the show for a couple of years [at Chavurah B’Yachad] and she didn’t pull any punches when she was communicating with people, so I was the person that joined as co-president during a two-year period, maybe it was ’94–95,” recalled Gebhardt. Dorman-Li was born in 1937 and grew
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up in Brooklyn, N.Y. She received a Bachelor of Arts from City University of New York with a double-major in political science and psychology, and a minor in business administration, and also joined a program that helped the poor in Haiti during Francois “Papa Doc” Duvalier’s presidency. She did graduate studies in psychology at the New School for Social Research, New York City and also studied fine arts at Newark State College and human resources management at the University of Utah. Dorman-Li also volunteered extensively for the Organization for Rehabilitation through Training, a nonprofit organization that promotes understanding and appreciation of Jewish values through a global network of schools and training programs in 62 countries. “She was her own person,” said Paula Forster, her sister, who now resides in Arizona. “She was a flower child, living in Greenwich Village, and she was al-
ways going to school to learn things and get degrees. “She was just a helping person. She was an activist and was very involved in politics in New York.” So how did Dorman-Li come to reside in Utah? Her good friend Olga Nadeau was instrumental in her making the move to Salt Lake City. “We met in New York,” said Nadeau, who was born and raised in Utah and went to New York to dance. “She helped me pack my things up and I moved back to Utah and she came out and stayed out here for awhile and then decided to stay out here.” Nadeau and Dorman-Li had lived in the West Village, half of Manhattan’s Greenwich Village, known for being an eclectic, active, vibrant and ethnically diverse place during the late ’60s and early ’70s, and a popular home for artists. Nadeau and Dorman-Li met at Kol Ami and both volunteered at the ORT’s New York headquarters. Dorman-Li was never married but cohabitated with Richard Ligh for over 30 years. Ligh followed her to Utah and lived with her until her death in 1998. He died several years later. At some point, Dorman-Li dropped the ‘gh’ of Ligh when signing her name, and Fadel said he knew her only as Dorman-Li. “She was a contrarian, and if you had one thought she would take the other side,” said Doris Krensky, another friend who was part of the Chavurah B’Yachad in Salt Lake City. “She stood out in Utah and everyone loved her. Richard died after her but didn’t function too well after she left.” Dorman-Li also served as a Utah representative, winning a two-year term as a Democrat from ’76–78. She did run again after her term was up, but was not re-elected. A Deseret News article described her image as ‘militant feminist,’ especially as she actively campaigned for the Equal Rights Amendment and public funding of abortions. According to her sister, Dorman-Li developed uterine cancer and though she did not have health insurance, she eventually had a hysterectomy to help fight the disease, and took up swimming for exercise at Steiner Aquatic Center. Here she met Fadel, who had been swimming and had become a Master’s coach in 1992. As Fadel recalls, Dorman-Li just approached him at the pool one day and suggested that he compete in the gay and lesbian swimming meets that were held in the United States, specifically mentioning the Gay Games about to take place in New York. “I didn’t know her and I wasn’t that out, so I thought it was strange she was talking to me,” said Fadel. “wYllis did the research and found out about an international gay and lesbian swimming competition being held in the United States each year. She was able to get me in contact with the Washington, D.C. team, and I competed in 1995 in several events with that team.”
Meanwhile, Dorman-Li had been literally bumping into another male swimmer at the Steiner pool. David Ferguson had always been semi-athletic while growing up in Murray, and attending Cottonwood High School and then the University of Utah. “In my late 20s, I was running marathons and one of my friends suggested I try a triathlon,” said Ferguson. “So I began swimming. That’s when I started swimming at Steiner Aquatic Center. I pretty much swam on my own there until I met wYllis.” Ferguson recalled his first meeting with Dorman-Li when he was sharing
a lane with her and another woman. “Apparently, wYllis did not appreciate how I was sharing the lane and scolded me in a way my mother never could,” said Ferguson. “wYllis’s scolding was so frightening that it felt like she had cast a spell on me. I warned friends I would see at Steiner not to share a lane with ‘wYllis, the witch,’ because the same might happen to them.” One day, Dorman-Li approached Ferguson about starting a gay and lesbian swimming club and mentioned that she had already been speaking with Fadel about it. Fadel and Ferguson had met at the Utah AIDS Foundation, where
both were volunteering at the time. Fadel remembered that after he participated on the Washington. D.C. gay and lesbian swim club, he, Dorman-Li and Ferguson formed an informational meeting about creating Utah’s first gay and lesbian swim team. Here QUAC was formed.
From Humble Beginnings to Synchronized Swimming With a core of about nine swimmers, recruiting began at The Sun, with clipboards and personality. “There was a core group of eight to 10 folks and we sort of took over a lane or two at the Old
South High pool,” said Ferguson. “Doug initially did all the coaching, but eventually, more coaches were added.” Fadel said that the group quickly grew to about 100 participants in the first six months. “It was important to have diversity, and so we were trying to recruit from all over.” Dorman-Li became the treasurer, taking care of e-mail lists and getting the information out, while taking in voluntary dues. “We had a scholarship program if someone couldn’t afford the dues to get into the pool,” noted Fadel. QUAC became a part of the already established Utah Master’s Swimming
Februa r y 4 , 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 27
Sports
organization and with that affiliation, tablishing non-profit status for QUAC, there was some crossover in practice SLC Frontrunners and IGLA. Fadel and meets. “The first meet QUAC com- served as IGLA treasurer and then bepeted in was a Utah Master’s meet at the came IGLA’s president. University of Utah,” said Ferguson. “We Meanwhile, Ferguson, who was workhad bought swim caps with the QUAC ing for an insurance company, learned logo printed on them and the idea was that he was HIV positive in 1998 and left to wear the caps while competing. The his job to find himself. “I was hired at trouble was that it clearly marked us UAF to design HIV prevention and eduas the ‘gay team,’ so folks were a little cation programs for gay men in Utah,” sheepish.” An accomplished swim- he said. “I eventually became programmer and friend of Dorman-Li, Priscilla ming director and completed graduate Kawakami, who was a member of Utah school when I received my Masters of Masters, came over to the team during Social Work. I worked there for nine the meet and asked if she could wear years.” one of the caps. QUAC became a part of Dorman-Li, Fadel and Ferguson also Utah Masters and is the largest swim- created the first Aqua Aid in 1996, which ming group in the organization to this has now become one of QUAC’s annual day. fundraisers. “Aqua Aid came about as “Soon after that, Doug and I con- part of UAF’s Soiree series that invitvinced the team to go to Washington, ed individuals to host parties at their D.C. , to compete at an IGLA meet,” said homes and invite their friends,” said Ferguson. I don’t remember how many Ferguson. “QUAC had just competed swimmers joined us on the trip, but we in San Diego with its now legendary clearly made a splash as the-little-team- synchronized swimming routine perthat-could from Utah.” formed to Doris Day’s “Perhaps, PerIn 1997, QUAC entered the Pink Fla- haps, Perhaps.” QUAC was the entermingo competition at the International tainment at one of these soirees doing Gay and Lesbian Aquatics meet and its own version of water ballet.” won the song and dance competition. Held for the first 10 years at the home “We created a synchronized swimming of Joe Pitti and his partner Mark Chamroutine and that is what it has become bers, Aqua Aid also has been held in the to this day,” said Fadel. pool where Babylon is now located, and Dorman-Li, Fadel and Ferguson con- more recently at Quinn Richins and tinued developing QUAC but also were Cary Sanford’s home. accomplishing other goals and facing “Doug conceptualized Aqua Aid. We other challenges in their lives. Dorman- helped it grow,” said Pitti. “Mark and Li taught geography at Salt Lake Com- I performed with QUAC just for Aqua munity College from 1993 to 1996. Fadel Aid. In addition to the synchronized was busy establishing his law firm in swimming we had roaming performers, Bountiful and was instrumental in es- [a] raffle supported by the major arts 28 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
groups in SLC, and an auction featuring a Sundance Film Festival package.” Another QUAC event the trio founded was the annual QUAC Ski-n-Swim. “Initially it was my idea,” said Ferguson. “I was going to circuit parties around the country and I thought we should capitalize on having a party that focused on skiing and swimming in Utah. We rented the Gallivan Plaza skating rink and had it all to ourselves and we held snowshoeing up Emigration Canyon, near my home, that first year.” Ferguson remembers inviting many of the other swim clubs for the weekend, and said QUAC had about 100 visitors participate in the first Ski-n-Swim, which included a swim meet, a day of skiing at a local hill, and various parties and events like skating and snowshoeing. Eventually Dorman-Li’s cancer became serious enough that she needed to use a wheelchair. However, she could still swim and she still participated in QUAC meets. “When she had difficulty walking and she was undergoing radiation, they took care of her when she was sick,” said her sister, Forster. Ferguson actually took Dorman-Li into his home when she was recovering from hip surgery. “She died with dignity and self respect, surrounded by a beautifully odd and unlikely collection of people who loved her deeply,” he said. “wYllis’ death was and continues to be a powerfully moving experience for me because I got to witness the personal and far-reaching value of a life that is
lived consciously and with authenticity. The spell ‘wYllis, the witch’ cast on me is one of my life’s great blessings.” Ferguson moved to San Francisco to be with his partner in August of 2009, and Fadel is still a substitute coach for QUAC. Fadel also participated in the most recent fundraiser for QUAC held at Club JAM where he donned a wig, lip-synched and danced during the entertainment portion of the evening. Fadel also was honored with the ‘wYllis Dorman-Li Award’ for being the most inspirational and motivational member of QUAC since its existence, the first time the award has been given. As swimming is a sport that can be learned at any time in a person’s life and improved upon with practice and determination, QUAC is a gay and lesbian community group that supports current, returning and new swimmers. Over the years, Fadel estimates that over 5,000 people have swam, played water polo or participated in diving with QUAC. Anyone can join and there are always three coaches at any given practice to help people of all experience levels, and there is a lane for those just beginning. QUAC’s current swim practice schedule is every Tuesday and Thursday, 7–8 p.m. and Sundays, 11 a.m.–noon, at Fairmont Aquatic Center, 1044 E. Sugarmont Dr. QUAC Water Polo practice is held on Sundays after swim practice at the same place. Q
QUAC will host their annual fundraiser, Ski-nSwim fundraising event, Feb. 12–14. For more details, go to quacquac.org.
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Sports
Fabulous People Doug Fadel: QUAC Coach Extraordinaire by JoSelle Vanderhooft
T
Queer Utah Aquatic Club has seen close to 3,000 swimmers in its 15-year history who have participated in everything from beginning level classes to the group’s annual Ski-n-Swim, to the group’s water polo team, which took first place at the International Gay and Lesbian Aquatics Championship in 2008. Chances are, Doug Fadel has worked with all of them. In 1995 Utah’s largest gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender-affirming sports group was just nine people strong, including wYllis Dorman-Li as team manager, Dave Ferguson as team captain and Fadel as head coach. While the earliest meetings were mostly swimming workouts, Fadel and the other co-founders dreamed of creating “an adult competitive swimming team” that could compete at the IGLA Championship each year — a competition that Fadel had attended both solo and as a member of Washington, D.C.’s team before QUAC’s founding. While Fadel didn’t get into such competitive swimming until adulthood, the sport, he says, has been a part of his life ever since his kindergarten days in Bountiful, when his older siblings got him interested in aquatics. “It was sort of a family thing,” he explained. “Swimming is a great sport. You have a lot of opportunity to think when you’re swimming, to process your thoughts, sort of like, I guess, long distance running would be. It’s a great way to wind down from work and the chaos of your schedule ... a great way to exercise and a great way to push yourself.” Such was Fadel’s love for the sport that he became a swimming coach at just 18 years old. By the time he signed on with QUAC, he had years of experience to impart to the team, which grew to a roster of 50 within a year. Each season since, QUAC typically boasts 50–120 active members of sexual orientations, gender identities, skill levels and ages, from 18-year-old college students to senior citizens (QUAC, however, is open only to adults). In his 12 years in QUAC’s leadership, Fadel said he happily taught them all — seasoned swimmers and beginners alike. Indeed, Fadel said that teaching the sport has been one of his longtime passions, as has teaching in general; in years past, he also taught English when he wasn’t poolside. “I understand the mechanics of swimming well, and I think it’s rewarding to teach people things they haven’t tried before, and to have the excitement they have when they accomplish a new goal, and do something they couldn’t do before,” he said. Before stepping down from QUAC’s leadership council in 2006 due to work commitments at the law firm that now bears his name, Fadel also competed in a few IGLA Championships as part of the team. From 2004–2006 he was part of the group’s competitive water polo team, which took second place overall at Chicago’s Gay Games in 2006 and first in the IGLA Championship held in Paris the following year. Today, he only competes in open water swims, calling his interest in swimming these days “more of a participation than a competition thing.” “It’s hard to travel and train for swimming meets he
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when there are so many other things that are important that you need to do, like traveling for work and family,” he said. “Your schedule gets a bit busy to train and then to go for a long competition out of town is a little difficult.” While his family, law practice, and the estate planning courses he teaches at the University of Utah’s S.J. Quinney Law School keep Fadel plenty occupied these days, he is still happy to swim with QUAC and serve as a volunteer coach. “It’s a good opportunity to stay in the sport and stay active with QUAC without having to do all the
administrative things,” he said. “It’s a way I can help out without having to be responsible for the whole team.” “It’s a nice group of people and they remain very inclusive and have consistent practices that I think are always enjoyable for people,” he continued. “Something I’m amazed at is the sheer number of people that have gone thru the QUAC program because swimming is one of those sports where people go away and come back; they might be gone for a month or two or a couple years and they’ll return again.” Q
QUAC Ski–n–Swim 2010 Activities By Brad Di Iorio
W
hat’s a better way to spend
participation requires registration, exa winter weekend in Utah cept Saturday’s swim meet and water than in your Speedo ... or polo tournament, at Steiner Aquatic just looking at guys in Spee- Center, 645 S. Guardsman Way, near dos? Or girls in skin tight one-pieces? the University of Utah campus, with Utah’s largest gay and lesbian, non- warm-ups at 11 a.m. and the swimming profit sports club, QUAC, will be hosting meet starting at noon. The water polo their annual fundraiser, Ski–n-Swim, tournament will follow the swimming Valentine’s Weekend, Feb. 12-14. portion. This year there are a few changes. For To kick off the weekend, the Sheraton the first time, the Ski-n-Swim meet will Hotel will host Ski-n-Swim’s opening be sanctioned by United States Master’s Social, 8-10 p.m., where participants Swimming (USMS), the governing body may pick up registration packets, meet for adult swimming in the country, al- out-of-towners and QUAC members, lowing participants to pre-qualify for old and new. A cash bar and light hor International Gay and Lesbian Aquatic d’oeuvres will be available. (IGLA) swim meets and Master’s qualiAfter the swimming tournament at fying events. Secondly, the swim meet Steiner, join QUACers at JAM for deswill take place on Sunday, instead of serts and libations, starting at 9 p,m. Saturday, allowing skiers, snowboard- JAM has recently acquired a liquor ers and snowshoeing aficionados to en- license and now serves alcohol, beer, joy Snowbird on a day that usually is wine and champagne. Again, it is a cash less busy than a Saturday. bar but local sweets will be provided by QUAC celebrates their 15-year an- local gay-friendly establishments. JAM niversary, originally forming in Salt is located at 751 N. 300 West, in the MarLake City in 1995, when a few inspired malade district. swimmers created QUAC to compete Sunday is Valentine’s Day and Snowagainst other amateur swimmers, wa- bird will be the location of a day on the ter polo teams, divers and tri-athletes in hill. Snowbird is offering QUAC several local, national and international meets. options for participation, including a QUAC is an all-volunteer, non-profit Tram, chairlift and lunch buffet ticket sports and social organization. (See re- price, just the chair and buffet option, lated story, this and a lunch bufissue.) fet-only ticket. “Our group Snowshoeing has been highly starts at 10 a.m. The following events are available for regispraised for not and goes to noon, tered Ski-n-Swim participants only offering an and everyone is Opening Social alternative to the to meet at the Friday, February 12 , 8–10pm bar scene, but Cliff Lodge in the Sheraton Hotel offering many QUAC hospitalnewly ‘out’ LGBT ity suite to get Swim meet and Water polo people a safe and acquainted and tournament friendly place to head to the hill. Saturday, February 13, 11am–7pm explore our comThe snowshoeSteiner Aquatic Center at Salt Lake City munity,” said ing is designed Sports Complex Charlie Ward, for beginners, Dessert Party QUAC president. but it should be Saturday, February 13, 9–11pm “Although QUAC fun for all levels, Club Jam is primarily a especially with Ski Out and Snowshoeing Day gay organization, the new snow Sunday, February 14, 9am–6pm openly tolerthat has fallen in Snowbird ant and friendly the last couple of straight allies weeks. Closing social have also found The Cliff Spa Sunday, February 14, 7–9pm a home within is also offering 50 Club Sound our group, makpercent off all sering us one of the vices to anyone most diverse that signs up for and friendly athletic groups along the any QUAC package at Snowbird, includWasatch Front.” ing buffet-only tickets. QUAC will proThis year, you can still register for vide the Cliff Spa a list of everyone that participation for all swimming events, is participating with QUAC, for entrance socials and Valentine’s Day in the snow, at any time during the day that the Cliff online at QUAC’s Web site. Most event Spa is open, 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Reserva-
Ski-n-Swim 2010 Events
Februa r y 4 , 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 3 1
tions are preferred but all services will be offered if there is an opening. Anyone that would like to rent ski, snowboard, or snowshoeing equipment can get up to a 25 percent discount for gear at Utah Ski & Golf locations in Salt Lake City and Park City, by just mentioning Ski-n-Swim 2010. Equipment is also available for rental at the Snowbird activity center or other ski and snowboard businesses around the Wasatch Front. Sunday night concludes with a closing social at Club Sound, 7–9 pm. Again, a cash bar will be available for drinks and Club Sound is located at 579 W. 200 South. Funds raised will support QUAC
events throughout the year and benefit QUAC swimmers, divers and water polo team members that may need help getting to Gay Games VIII, in Cologne, Germany, July 31–Aug. 7. “QUAC will represent Utah at tournaments in the Pacific Northwest, Southern California, the southwest, and the Intermountain Rockies,” said Ward. “QUAC is committed to offering free aquatic coaching to anyone interested in aquatic sports including swimming, water polo, diving, synchronized swimming, and open water and multi-sports like triathlons.” For more information or to register for all events, visit www.quacquac.org or visit www.ski-n-swim.org. Q
Arts & Entertainment Studies of Gender in Art History See Feb. 5
Gay Agenda Spell Androgynous, Win a Date with Zac Efron by Tony Hobday
Forgive me if my headlines have been a bit dopey lately — I’ve been doing this for about four years and clever headlines are harder to come by these days. Anyhoo, I’m going to spell ‘androgynous.’ P-E-N-I-N-A. No, I think that’s a type of bread. V-A-G-I-N-I-S. No, that’s a type of cocktail I believe. Oh hell, I don’t know, I guess I don’t get that date with Sac Efron.
4
thursday — Whether dangling high above the stage or simultaneously spinning 100 plates on bamboo sticks, the Peking Acrobats know how to make the impossible appear effortless. This is why they fly into Salt Lake with only the use of propeller beanies just to perform fabulous shows for us each year. So don’t miss it! 7:30pm, through Friday, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU. Tickets $21.50–29.50, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com. QQ “The word is ‘pennies.’” “Pennies, P-E-N-I-S, pennies,” I respond, and the crowd roars in laughter. That’s how it went at my first and obviously last spelling bee. Anyhoo, Pinnacle Acting Company presents The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. This hilarious musical tale of overachievers’ angst chronicles the experience of
six adolescent outsiders vying for the spelling championship of a lifetime. 7:30pm, through Feb. 20, Midvale Performing Arts Center, 695 W. Center St. Tickets $13–15, 801-309-8934 or pinnacleactingcompany.org.
5
friday — In the 2009 perioddrama, Me and Orson Welles, tells of a teenager hired to perform in Orson Welles’ production of Julius Caesar, where he becomes attracted to a career-driven production assistant. The flick stars Zac Efron, Claire Danes and Christian McKay. If you’re not revolted at the thought of seeing another movie so soon after Sundance, then this is a film to see. 8pm tonight & Saturday, 6pm Sunday, Park City Library, 1255 Park Ave., Park City. Tickets $7, 435-615-8291 or parkcityfilmseries.com. QQ Established fine art photographer J.M. Post, who recently completed his Master’s of Fine Arts at Utah State University, is showing works from his collection Studies of Gender In Art History. He often begins by incorporating gender-specific art history references, then alters their metaphors, and sometimes even neutralizes their original gender specificity to produce androgynous pieces as visual commentary on the social evolution which has changed our view of gender, roles and sexuality. 6–9pm opening reception, regular gallery hours vary, through Feb. 27, Utah Arts Alliance, 127 S. Main St. Free, 801-651-3937 or utaharts.org. QQ Tonight, the iconic transsexual entertainer Amanda Lepore joins forces with openly gay rapper Cazwell on the Amanda Lepore/Cazwell Performing Live Tour. Get your groove on to wacky hits like “Champagne,” “Cotton Candy” and “I Seen Beyoncé at Burger King.” Time TBA, Gossip at Club Sound, 579 W. 200 South. Cover $10, call 801-671-1154 for VIP entrance.
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saturday — Earth Erotics is proud to be the first and only “green-certified” adult boutique in the United States. Get green at the first Earth Erotics Party in Utah where you will taste, touch, and feel delicious bedroom goodies that will
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rock your sex life! The non-toxic products are chosen based on health considerations, the environment and social equity and will light up your erotic senses. 4–5:30pm, Utah Pride Center, 351 N. 300 West. Free, but rsvp to 503.515.5359 or trei@ eartherotics.com. QQ The talented and highly popular local indie-rock group, The Debi Graham Band, takes the stage in Park City tonight for another explosive concert. Many, many lesbians love them, and you gay boys, don’t be frightened by songs like “Like Lucy’s Fur” — the bite is there, but you won’t bleed! 9:30pm, The Sidecar Bar, 333 Main St., Park City. For more info, visit parkcitylivemusic. com.
12
friday — It’s murder in the first degree, and 12 nameless jurors are given the grave responsibility of separating fact from fallacy. The powerful stage drama, Twelve Angry Men, examines the prejudices and personal struggles that lie between truth and justice. Local actors Tobin Atkinson and Paul Kiernan co-star. 7:30pm, through Feb. 27, Pioneer Theatre Company, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $22–40, 801-581-6961 or pioneertheatre.org.
QQ Ballet West’s classic tradition, Swan Lake, is back. It tells the story of Odette, a princess turned into a swan by an evil sorcerer’s curse, which is based on Russian folklore. In conjunction with our performances, Ballet West offers Warm-Ups. These informative discussions are free to ticket holders and begin one hour prior to each evening and matinee performance. 7:30pm, through Feb. 20, Capitol Theatre, 50 W, 200 South. Tickets $17–71, 801-355ARTS or arttix.org.
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saturday — After the last trip to Wendover when I forgot to get back on the bus and had to hitch hike home, I’m a bit nervous about going again. But since the theme of this Big Gay Fun Bus to Wendover is Mardi Gras, I have to go to check out all the boys’ junk. I just hope none of their junk is bedazzled ... been there, done that! 11am–8pm, pick-up at Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South. Tickets $21, includes free buffet, 800-838-3006 or biggayfunbus. com. QQ In their search for Utah’s Iron Man Choreographer, Repertory Dance Theatre’s Charette runs amuck with bribery, witty improvisational chore-
ography and mingling with celebrity judges. This dance competition is fast, fun and a fabulous fundraising event. 7pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $50, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
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sunday — Young, fiery alternative pop singer Reni Lane hits the stage in Salt Lake City. Known for her eccentricity, one of which is impersonating David Bowie.Her first single “Place For Us” an up-tempo, memorable track emphasizes a universal theme of acceptance. Also, The L Word featured the song on the 2009 season premiere. 8pm, Kilby Court, 741 S. Kilby Ct. Tickets $6, 801-320-9887 or kilbycourt.com.
UPCOMING Events FEB. 23
MAR. 13
MAR. 31 APR. 5 APR. 25
Sarah Bettens, The State Room Brothers & Sister, SL Men’s Choir and Sister Dottie Dixon Michael Bublé, E Center Muse, E Center Ani DiFranco, Kingsbury Hall
Save the Date
June 4–6 Utah Pride
utahpride.org February 4–7 Super SkiOut Utah August 7–8 Friends Weekend Park City Arts skioututah.com February 12–14 Festival QUAC Ski-N-Swim kimballartcenter.org quacquac.org August 22 March 7 UAF’s Oscar Night America utahaids.org
Utah Pride Center
March 13 Salt Lake Men’s Choir and Sister Dottie S. Dixon saltlakemenschoir.org
utahpridecenter.
March 20 sWerve’s St. Patty’s Day Party swerveutah.com April 10 Queer Prom utahpridecenter. org April 16 Day of Silence dayofsilence.org May 8 HRC Utah Gala utah.hrc.org
Golf Classic org September 18 sWerve’s Oktoberfest swerveutah.com September 28 Equality Utah Allies Dinner equalityutah.org October 9 National Coming Out Day utahpridecenter.org
Cinematic Rebels Storm Sundance by Tony Hobday
S
undance 2010, though attendance
felt lighter than in years past, maintained (if not exceeded) their vision of rebellious filmmaking. The four days Michael Aaron and I spent at the festival, and the 216 miles traveled, was certainly worth the time. It renewed my love for the independent cinematic arts, and has helped me grow in the appreciation of a new generation of artistic expression. In between the queer events — the annual Queer Brunch, Queer Lounge’s Homos Away from Home Party and the HRC/Queer Lounge 8: The Mormon Proposition Party — and the CineGlaad discussion panels, Michael and I attended a Nao Bustamante performance piece called Silver and Gold, as well as screenings of several films, both queer-themed and not, and most unprecedented and unique. Following is a brief synopsis and review of each of the films we were lucky and, in some, not-so-unlucky to attend.
8: The Mormon Proposition This film has had a lot of buzz circling it since its inception last year when writer/director Reed Cowan first interviewed Sen. Chris Buttars, an irritating thorn in the side of Salt Lake City’s gay community. Backed by local philanthropist Bruce Bastian and narrated by Dustin Lance Black (Oscar winner for Milk), the 80minute documentary shines a light on the true depth of the Mormon Church’s involvement in the passage of California’s Proposition 8 that banned samesex marriage in the state last year. As depicted in the film, Mormon president Thomas S. Monson and the 12 Apostles issued a call-to-action to millions of its faithful flock all over the world via distressed ’80s-style video footage; a low gnarr reverberating like a demon. 8:TMP features one gay couple, Tyler Barrick and Spencer Jones — both from Mormon backgrounds — who were married in California before Prop 8. Though their story is definitely emotional and touching, unfortunately most of their footage and the interview segments with Linda Stay, Tyler’s mother, are idolized. In agreement with Cowan, who said the most gut-wrenching stories in the film are “the stories that can’t be told by those who are dead,” I found the segment on Stuart Matis’ suicide particularly disturbing, infuriating and saddening. “While interviewing people about the epidemic of gay Mormon suicide, I would sometimes catch myself wondering if the spirits of the dead
were watching, maybe even cheering us on ... for giving them a voice,” Cowan continued. If you’re a Utahn and haven’t been living under a rock, there will be little in 8:TMP that you don’t already know, but it’s still worth the look as it pays heavyweight, in-your-face homage to the underhandedness, the head-spinning lack of compassion and sensibilities of the LDS Church, and to the heated debate over separation of church and state.
Howl James Franco portrays Allen Ginsberg, a homosexual American poet whose poem, Howl — an extensive piece written in parataxis form (new to the 1950s) — was considered obscene by many, and subsequently launched a trial in 1957 to have it removed from publication. who bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with delight in policecars for committing no crime but their own wild cooking pederasty and intoxication, who howled on their knees in the subway and were dragged off the roof waving genitals and manuscripts, who let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly motorcyclists, and screamed with joy, who blew and were blown by those human seraphim, the sailors, caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean love, who balled in the morning in the evenings in rosegardens and the grass of public parks and cemeteries scattering their semen freely to whomever come who may, ... Co-directors/screenwriters Rob Epstein (The Times of Harvey Milk) and Jeffrey Friedman beautifully and creatively weave three aspects to the film: how Ginsberg’s life experiences led to the writing of Howl, an animated telling of the poem while being read by Ginsberg in a smoked-filled room to other counterculture beatniks, and the courtroom testimonies. Franco gives a stoic performance, embodies the profound intellect of Ginsberg and movingly becomes the poem in his recitation. February 4,
The Kids Are All Right
Nic and Jules (Annette Bening, Julianne Moore) are a lesbian couple who, over the past 18 years, have been raising their two children, Joni and Laser. Shortly after Joni’s 18th birthday, she seeks out her and her brother’s spermdonor father, Paul (Mark Ruffalo). He’s an offbeat, middle-aged man who owns a hip California restaurant and organic foods co-op, but has no real direction in his personal life. As Paul begins to edge his way into Nic’s perfect little family structure, it begins to crumple around her, and her evolving insecurity pushes free-spirited Jules farther away. Co-written and directed by Lisa Cholodenko (High Art), the movie is witty and funny and moving. The simplicity of the storyline, the commonality of the American family unit is brilliant — whether mainstream or alternative, it develops the same way. However, I was expecting something more (because of the title) with the kids — more development I suppose. But what was there, was dead-on. The performances were superb all around, but hats off to Annette Bening, who was simply spectacular. The Kids Are All Right was one of the few Sundance films purchased this year at the festival.
Contracorriente (Undertow)
Javier Fuentes-León’s first foreign feature film is a cinematic triumph. Contracorriente takes place in Peru, where Miguel and his pregnant wife seem to be the pillars of respect in their small fishing village and in their church. But Miguel’s been harboring a secret — one that could destroy his life as he knows it. He’s been having an affair with the village outcast, Santiago — an openly gay painter. Miguel struggles with his inner homophobia, his responsibility as a husband and father, and reconciling the beliefs of his church in this emotionally-charged story. It’s brilliantly backdropped with sweeping images of the Peruvian coastline and intuitive filmography — as the camera pans in on Miguel’s elation at the birth of his child is probably the most stunning moments in the fiim. Contracorriente won the Audience Award for World Dramatic Cinema.
Continued on next page 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 33
Ladies, Start Your Engines! By Bebe Zahara Benet
T
he reigning drag queen from last season ’ s
RuPaul’s Drag Race follows the new season each week with a conversation with the latest eliminated contestant. Have you missed me? I’ve missed you! It’s been nearly a year since I won the first season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” on Logo, and I’ve been one busy drag queen. It’s been overwhelming in a good way. “Drag Race” opened a door for me. Besides traveling all over, I’ve released a single, “I’m the Shit,” and I’m also in the process of creating a one-woman show. Best of all I’m writing this column every week! I can’t wait to interview the girls about the second season of “Drag Race,” their experiences on the show and what really happened behind the scenes. First up is Shangela Laquifa Wadley, who had been doing drag for only five months before scoring a spot on the show. In my interview with her I asked Shangela to describe herself in three words. She answered, “entertaining, comical and most definitely open.” One word for Shangela – nice! From the start, Shangela knew she was up against 11 other contestants with a lot more experience, but that didn’t stop her. “I’m not the kind of person who backs down from competition,” she told me. “I was there battling for my life until the very end.” Shangela’s first challenge was the “Gone with the Wind”-themed photo shoot, where she endured the mother of all wardrobe malfunctions. Shangela used an adhesive to attach her “jelly looking boobies,” but her strapless dress was
PHOTO: LOGO/MATHU ANDERsEN
A&E
3 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
losing the battle against a very big wind machine. “Those cutlets weren’t going anywhere but the dress, it was going down south,” Shangela admitted to me. Don’t worry, honey! It’s just another experience to go in your little diary. Shangela said she was ecstatic to see her old college friend Sahara Davenport was on the show with her, but devastated when the two of them ended up in the bottom two. “It made no sense to me,” Shangela argued, telling me she thought Mystique Summers Madison (whose gown RuPaul described as “raggedy”) deserved to be at the bottom. “But it made for one dramatic lip sync for your life,” she said. “Both Sahara’s and mine strongest strength is performance.” It sure is! There was a cornucopia of splits, kicks and shimmies, but in the end Shangela was the one to go. Since then, the show life has been good for Shangela. Besides winning drag competitions and hosting events, Shangela’s male alter ego DJ is doing stand-up comedy. “It’s been a really great ride and I’m looking forward to the climb,” she said. The sense I get from Shangela is she’s very comfortable in her own skin. I love her honesty. I love her positive outlook and also her message that you can do this. There is no age limit. If you have a passion, then go ahead and do it! If Shangela and the first week of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” was this inspiring and so much fun, I can’t wait to see what the second week brings. Until then, kisses and new beginnings! Don’t forget, catch RuPaul’s Drag race every Monday night at 9 p.m. on LOGO and visit LOGOonline.com to find out about viewing parties in your area!
Sundance Wrap-Up Continued from previous page
Others The other films Michael and I watched were Diego Luna’s (Milk, Y Tu Mama Tambien) directorial debut Abel, about a young boy who takes on the role of father figure to his family. The film is good, the child actors are so adorable you instantly fall in love with them, but the story development felt stunted. In The Taqwacores, a young Muslim college student in Brooklyn moves into a house with an unusual group of “misfits” — skaters, homos and skinheads, who
share in a Muslim punk-rock scene called Taqwacores. It’s a coming-of-age story as well as a story of spiritual growth. It’s crude, it’s angry, it’s impartial and it’s smart. Buried, Frozen and The Man Next Door were our least favorite films though admittedly they each had an interesting approach to filmmaking, which is what Sundance is really about, less the stargazing. The strangest part of our experience this year was seeing a live performance of Nao Bustamante’s Silver & Gold. It’s a mixed-medium show, using film and live performance. From a tribute to a bedazzled dildo to suicidal tendancies to selling jewelry out of the back of a van, it is a 40minute menagerie of WTF. This was my fourth visit to the Sundance Film Festival, and one my best. The festival has gone back to its roots, but has also opened itself to unique new art forms — the combination is a “rebellion” that works.
Like a Gay Man with Amnesia — We Come Out Every Two Weeks
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n News and Lesbia
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See our yellow pages at TheQPages.com
azine nment Mag
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Feb. 19-21, 25-28 mar. 4-7 Babcock Theatre Tickets: $13 general admission, $10 Faculty and staff, $7 Students 7:30 pm Thursday‐Sunday, and 2:00 pm matinee Saturday the 27th and 6th Babcock performances are held downstairs under Simmons Pioneer Memorial Theatre, 300 South 1400 East�
Richard O’Brien’s
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Book, Music & Lyrics by Richard mature themes and content
Tickets may be purchased through the Kingsbury Ticket Office, 801‐581‐7100, www.Kingtix.com, or at the door of the Babcock on the evening of the performance.
O’Brien
Directed by sarah shippobotham sponsored in part by fine arts fees | www.theatre.utah.edu
Food & Wine
Restaurant Review
The Metropolitan by Chef Drew Ellsworth
O
Saturday, Jan. 23, I had the most spectacular dinner at the Metropolitan. My dining partner was my cousin and dear friend, Patti Ellis. We had only made reservations to dine that day, so I consider this an impromptu visit, and due to the Outdoor Retailers Convention and Sundance, Metropolitanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s staff was extremely busy. I had been working all day at the wine store so I grabbed, at the last minute, a half-bottle of â&#x20AC;&#x2122;05 Meursault â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a buttery White Burgundy â&#x20AC;&#x201D; to take along. When we arrived at the restaurant, we were greeted by the owner Karen Olson, who although so busy that she was even waiting tables herself, took the time to pamper us. She brought out a tiny amuse-bouche served on a porcelain spoon. This homemade, lightlycurried veggie tapenade with a chip of toasted flat bread made our wine even more delicious. When we were first seated, the couple behind us was devouring something that looked like a huge chunk of filet mignon. I could tell by the gentlemanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s facial expressions that he was really enjoying his meal. Although Patti and I had decided to let Karen show us her finest stuff, we absolutely had to have the dish our neighbors were having. Soon after we made that decision, Brittany our beautiful and articulate waitress arrived. Meticulously groomed yet sweet and looking comfortable, she explained the menu in a smart, casual way. (I hate places where the waiters are stuffy and pedantic and go on and on about this ingredient and that preparation.) Along with the Meursault I had also brought along a new wine to the State of Utah, David and Michael Phillipsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Petite/Petit. This wine is a blend n
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of Petite Sirah and Petit Verdot â&#x20AC;&#x201D; two grapes that make particularly â&#x20AC;&#x153;bigâ&#x20AC;? wines, rich in character and deep in flavor. Our savvy waitress opened the red so it could breathe and placed it in the windowsill without my asking. She later decanted the wine. I was impressed because sometimes, placing a wine in the windowsill chills it just enough to create the perfect situation for drinking any red wine. In the past, I think the Metropolitan had the reputation of serving delicious food that so closely followed the concept of Nouvelle Cuisine, that many Salt Lakers had to stop at Maverick on the way home for a dog! This is obviously no longer the case. Patti and I both commented on how hearty our food was, and yet how it was still beautifully presented. Karen has explained to me how carefully she chooses her products â&#x20AC;&#x201D; only the best local meats and produce and only the best available in its season. In fact, all over the world, that trend toward tiny portions a la Nouvelle Cuisine has given way to heartier, regional dishes and new stylizations of comfort foods. Remembering the swooning guy behind us, we asked our server what he was eating. It turns out that the filet had a large chop-bone on it, which the guy had now picked up to gnaw on! We were told that this dish was a local veal chop â&#x20AC;&#x201D; tender, juicy and marbled and cooked to perfection. We ordered one before they were all gone. Patti is a personal trainer and fitness guru, so she got the swordfish. Karen appeared from the kitchen carrying two plates. She was beaming with pride, so I could tell her chefs had done their best work. We were served two of the most fascinating appetizers I think Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ever had in Utah: the famous Metro Mushrooms and the equally famous steak tartar with stained glass window chips. These potato chips are made with two very thin slices of potato with a parsley leaf placed in between, then slowly roasted in the oven. True to their name, they truly glow and look like tiny colored windows. At the same time, another server ap-
peared with a basket of freshly baked me so much of the mostarda â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it is a breads and rolls. The yeasty perfume very similar preparation.) The chop, coming from the basket was mouth- however, was truly, for me and Patti, watering. Being a baker myself, I was the delight of the evening: Juicy, meltjust blown away to get some bread for in-your-mouth, beautifully cooked and a change. Nowadays, almost no place seasoned and drizzled with pan juices. serves bread. I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a mistake, but Like the fatted calf, this dish was Bibwho am I? Anyway, we were served lical! And again, with the wine it was, citrusy herb rolls, fluffy brioche and indeed, divine. A side note: Recently, I went to the crusty/chewy pretzel rolls with a gob of whipped Provencal butter. All my Mor- Metro for lunch as well. Then I had a mon genes were quivering â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it was so velvety beet soup which I loved, and a copper pot full of steamed mussels great to have bread again. The rolls went perfectly with our ap- and clams that were so fresh I thought petizers. The mushrooms are served in I was in a seaside city. I have also had a tall, crusty potato cylinder with truf- Karenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s buffalo sliders from her bistro fle-oiled potatoes in the bottom. Shitake menu, and I would love to see those on and oyster mushrooms are sautĂŠed and her lunch menu as well. Please go to the placed on top at the last minute. The Metro for lunch if you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t done so mushrooms are excellently seasoned â&#x20AC;&#x201D; recently â&#x20AC;&#x201D; youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be happy you did. For dessert, Patti helped me stumble just the way I would do them. When you cut down through the cylinder to eat the into the bistro where the cute, vivasoft potatoes, the crunchy shell and the cious Mike was bartending. Instead of fragrant mushrooms together on a torn ordering more food, Mike poured us a piece of brioche ... well, French angels vertical of three dessert wines which sing the Hallelujah Chorus! The tartar we shared. This was fun! We compared was served with a tiny, poached quail a Chalk Hill Botrytis/Semillon, Califoregg on top and with the window potato nia with an Elderton Botrytis/Semilchips, an equally heavenly experience. lon, Australia, and Patti had the VeuvePatti told me that the Metro Mushrooms Clicquot Demi-Sec Champagne. As I sat on a stool that had been ocis a signature dish that has cupied by Sissy Spacek the been served at the restaunight before, we enjoyed, rant for 14 years. This is a savored and commented practice that should never Metropolitan on the three wines, which, be changed. 173 West Broadway weirdly, all had a similar By this time, our wine Salt Lake City level of sweetness. The had mellowed into a dark, 801-364-3472 Chalk Hill was awesome, ruby-red mass of elegance. themetropolitan.com and I have to try to get Lately, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been so imDREWâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S RATING: some special ordered into pressed by Petite Sirah 95 Utah. The Elderton paled wines, and this one was in comparison, though, really good. The nose was and the Demi-Sec seemed a scented with sandalwood, leather, vanilla and baking spices, the bit watered down next to the thick descentral palate was round and full of sert wines. But they were still lovely. The Metropolitan is such a charmblueberries with a bit of strawberry, and the finish was long and slow and ingly designed place â&#x20AC;&#x201D; intimate yet luscious. Please try this wine. It went airy, contemporary yet comfortable, and just kind of cool! If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know, great with our appetizers. By the time our main course arrived, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s located on Broadway across from Patti and I were already feeling full, the Rose Wagner Center. The appetizbut we were still eager to experience ers range from $6 to $12 (half portions the ecstasy of the lamb chop. It came are available), and the swordfish and very simply garnished with pan juices, the lamb chop were in the $25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;33 range. a savory bread pudding and a spoonful For this experience at the Metropoliof apricot mostarda. (I make a South Af- tan, I give Karen and her staff a 95 ratrican dried fruit chutney that reminded ing.â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Q
3 6â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; QSa lt L a k eâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; issue 1 47â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; Februa r y 4 , 2010
Dining Guide
The New Yorker The â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;grand patriarch of Downtown SLC restaurantsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; - Zagat 60 Market St, SLC 801-363-0166
J. Wongâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Asian Bistro Authentic Chinese & Thai cuisine 163 W 200 S, SLC
ACME Burger
801-350-0888
Salt Lakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most
Meditrina Small
imaginary burger joint,
Plates & Wine Bar
Sun. brunch.
Encouraging
275 S 200 West
gastronimic exploring in
Salt Lake City
tapas tradition
801-257-5700
1394 S West Temple
Elevation Caffe
Salt Lake City
Taking coffee and
801-485-2055
weenies to new heights
Mestizo Coffeehouse
1337 S Main St
Coffee, art, jam
Franckâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s
sessions, free gallery
American food with a
West Side
French twist
631 W North Temple
6263 S Holladay Blvd
Suite 700, SLC
801-274-6264
801-596-0500
Off Trax Internet CafĂŠ Coffee, Wifi and Pool 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307 Omarâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Rawtopia Restaurant Organic Live Food 2148 Highland Dr 801-486-0332 Red Iguana Best home-made moles and chile verdes in town 736 W North Temple, SLC 801-322-1489 Continued on next page
â&#x20AC;&#x153;ANY THING BUT COMMONâ&#x20AC;?
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CHEESEBURGER SPRING ROLLS, SKEWERED DUCK WITH O R A NG E PLU M SAUCE, H O U S E - C U T B AC O N & B L U E C H I P S
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NEW WINTER MENU 1394 South West Temple
801.485.2055
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275 SOUTH 200 WEST
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FOR ADULTS ONLY! Luscious ice cream made with fine wines www.therealwineicecream.com t 801.759.5428 West Coast Inquiries: Washington Von Sauerbronn at 801.347.3053 or americastrade@yahoo.com
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Februa r y 4 , 2010â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; issue 1 47â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; QSa lt L a k eâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; 3 7
Dining Guide Continued
t -6/$) 41&$*"46/ 8&% 1. 8*/(4 *DINE IN ONLY* t 8*/(4 '-"7034 t &95&/%&% 065%003 1"5*0 %&$, /08 01&/ t '3&& 1"3,*/( "5 530--&: 426"3&
Rice Fusion Cuisine and Sushi Bar 1158 S State St Salt Lake City 801-328-3888
801-538-0745 COUPON
GRAND OPENING Happy Happy Hour Hour Sushi Sushi 2 for 1 Mon â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Wed 4pm â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 10pm
Takashi Contemporary Japanese dining 18 W Market St Salt Lake City 801-519-9595
Sapa Sushi Bar & Asian Grill A gateway to Asiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dining crossroads 722 S State St Salt Lake City 801-363-7272
OPEN DAILY AT 10AM
The Metropolitan Handcrafted new American cuisine 173 W Broadway Salt Lake City 801-364-3472 Tin Angel Cafe Mediterranean bistro style 365 W 400 South Salt Lake City 801-328-4155
Fusion cuisine & sushi bar
BEER, WINE, SAKE
1158 South State, SLC
801.328.3888
www.riceutah.com
Squatterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pub Brewery Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s favorite microbrewery, great pub menu 147 W 300 S Salt Lake City 801-363-2739
A
DIVISION
OF
DREW
ELLSWORTH
Toasters Deli Eat like you mean it 30 E 300 South Salt Lake City 801-746-4444 Trolley Wing Company Wings and beer Trolley Square 801-538-0745 Vinto Pizzeria Best pizza on earth 418 E 200 S, SLC 801-539-9999 The Wild Grape Bistro Eat where the locals eat 481 E South Temple 801-746-5565
To get listed in this section, please call 801-649â&#x20AC;&#x2018;6663 and ask for brad or email brad@qsaltlake.com
CULINARY
CONCEPTS
Ecole DijonCooking School
COOKING CLASSES SUNDAY NIGHT FOOD & WINE PAIRINGS
Learn about great wines and great food Wine taught by Wasatch Academy of Wineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sheral Schowe, and staff Food taught by Chef Drew Ellsworth, Certified Executive Chef Sunday, February 21, 6pm
ITALIAN WINES, COMMON AND UNCOMMON + GREAT FOOD
Treat yourself or a loved one to cooking classes with Chef Drew Ellsworth, 34-year chef, wine manager of the Third West Wine Store, QSaltLakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Restaurant reviewer. With small groups of no more than 8 students, Ecole Dijon gives you the opportunity to watch and interact with a professional chef preparing foods in an exciting and expeditious way. The atmosphere is very casual and warm and students can freely move around to see what the chef is doing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hands onâ&#x20AC;? training is available when possible.
Learn about and taste Fiano, Greco do Tufo, Montepulciano dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Abruzzo, and Primitivo and moreâ&#x20AC;Ś Garlicky/Cheesy Foccacia and Anti-pasti Salad Italian Beef with Pasta â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Gelato with Italian Cookies
MONDAY NIGHT COMFORT FOODS & FRENCH PASTRIES
Learn how to make fresh bread and pastries in every class! Monday February 15
PRESIDENTâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DAY PARTY WITH EARLY AMERICAN FOODS
Poached Whole Chicken with New Potatoes and Peas in Cream Sauce â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Carrot Slaw â&#x20AC;&#x201D; White Milk Bread Apple Pie with Home-made Ice Cream
Classes are only $45 or 3 for $115. Wine classes have a $15 wine fee. Chef Drew will even hold classes at your home for as little as $40 per person. See the Web site for details.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CLASSES CATERING AND CULINARY PARTIES: www.EcoleDijonCookingSchool.com chefdrewe@aol.com 801-278-1039
The Dating Diet Bad Romance by Anthony Paull
P
atrick has always been one of
my special friends. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s afraid of escalators. He refuses to drive 10 miles away from his house, and lately, he enjoys texting me that heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to kill himself on a weekly basis. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, sorry, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the only way to get a response,â&#x20AC;? he argues. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Not that you care, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re sooo busy with your rock-star life, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even think my death wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make your Facebook page.â&#x20AC;? The sad part is heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right. You see, lately, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m trying to ignore him, refusing to feed his addiction of weekly drama, particularly around February, when he has a tendency to go completely out of whack. But hey, the anticipation of Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day can get to the best of us, right? â&#x20AC;&#x153;No! This year, I have it under control,â&#x20AC;? Patrick assures me. An advertising guru, he arrives to our downtown lunch in a black Hugo Boss slim-fit suit and red skinny tie. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I plan to send myself flowers to the office. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not 19 anymore. I know what I like. I know what sells.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dear God, am I going to require a drink for the rest of this conversation?â&#x20AC;? I moan, as a waitress with an asymmetrical hairdo hands us paper menus. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m serious,â&#x20AC;? he attests, surrounded by sushi scenesters under red lighting in a hip Asian bistro. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Listen, men want what they canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have. You know that. You taught me the concept.â&#x20AC;? Gloating, he marks his sushi order with a pencil, his blue eyes sparkling with delight. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And this year, I want my co-worker Tim. Hence, the flowers. Twelve red roses. Perfect to make him jealous.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tim?â&#x20AC;? I question, patiently. Though, please know the grinding of my teeth is quite audible. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ugh. Are we doing this again?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all good,â&#x20AC;? he says. The perfect pitch-man, he attempts selling me his
confidence with a grin. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your problem with Tim?â&#x20AC;? Well for starters, Tim has a girlfriend, though that hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stopped Patrick or Tim from flirting since they started meeting out for happy-hour drinks about a year ago. Still, not too big of a deal except for the small fact that Tim, the office intern, isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t of legal drinking age. You see, Timâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 19. Patrickâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 32. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mature for his age,â&#x20AC;? Patrick says, defending the situation. Yes, so mature that, last month, Tim â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;accidentallyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; sent Patrick a picture of his penis on his cell phone, a risky act which may have been deemed a legitimate accident if the accident hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t occurred, hmm, 16 times. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sorry bro! That was meant for my girlfriend,â&#x20AC;? Tim would usually remark as a follow-up. Then add, â&#x20AC;&#x153;So what do ya think?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think ... itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a challenge,â&#x20AC;? Patrick declares, as we wrap up lunch. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So today, I took him up on it.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;You didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I sent him an underwear shot. Not a big deal. You really have to strain to make out my hard-on. See?â&#x20AC;? he says. Displaying the photo on his cell, he lights up with excitement, sharing the image of his milky body in black briefs, spread out on his bed, where he utilizes a red teddy bear as a pillow. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh God, I hope he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m trying to cover up something. You know, like a small dick.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Well, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be more concerned about looking like a pedophile with the wittle, teddy wetty bear,â&#x20AC;? I cringe. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Are you insane? I mean, really. You donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t shit where you eat. Do you know whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to happen if this gets out to your boss?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all good,â&#x20AC;? he conContinued on page 40
Dear God, am I going to require a drink for the rest of this conversation?
Februa r y 4 , 2010â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; issue 1 47â&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; QSa lt L a k eâ&#x20AC;&#x201A; |â&#x20AC;&#x201A; 39
Now Taking Reservations for
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Next to Club Try-Angles, Half Block from TRAX in the NEW Gayborhood!
Sunday Brunch 11amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;3pm
Purgatory Breakfast â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 2 eggs poached in a mild red sauce served over toast with Cajun potatoes
Strawberry French Toast â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Served with bacon or sausage and hash browns
BLT on toast â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Served with Fries, rings or biscuits & gravy
Eggs Benedict â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 2 eggs poached over English muffins with Canadian bacon and hollandaise sauce
Happy Hangover â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 3 eggs any style served with bacon or sausage, hash browns or biscuits & gravy
Old Fashioned Burger â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Served with your choice of cheese, fries or rings
Plus much more...
Q PON
Free Soda or Coffee
Dating Diet Continued from page 39
3737 South State Street
Salt Lake City myspace.com/thepapermoon Become a Facebook fan of The Paper Moon
801-713-0678 Now Open 7 Days a Week! Sunday:3pm-8pm (Extended Hours for Special Events) Monday: 6pm-1am Tuesday –Friday: 3pm-1am Saturday: 6pm-1am
men’s o W mierYe ears e r P ’s Lakoer Over 15 t l a S lub f C
NEW LINEUP
Friday Feb 5th
7 SUNDAYS 7
Free Pool, $1 Drafts, No Cover All Night
Fundraiser For Mom!
a MONDAYS `
Special Guest Preformers...DJs... Raffle Hosted By Friends, Fam, & Paper Moon Staff! Starts at 9pm
Texas Hold Em! $4 PM Steins
6 TUESDAYS 6
Karaoke with Mr. Scott @ 8pm Largest Selection in Town $3 Coronas & Red Stripe
l WEDNESDAYS l
Sunday Feb 7th
80’s Rocks! Free Pool. $2 Wells & $3 Big Bud Cans
SUPER BOWL PARTY!
7 THURSDAYS 7
Open at 2pm ... PotLuck ... Giveaways ... Good Times
Sassy Kitty’s Karaoke @ 9pm $1 Drafts
a FRIDAYS a
Sunday Feb 14th
Poles..Cages..Sexy Women, Best D@%# DJs Spinning All Night
Valentines Day
6 SATURDAYS 6
"Lets Have A Group Hug!"
Women Women Women Hot DJs Making You Sweat! No Cover til 9pm
Coming Feb 26th
16th Anniversary Party! W E E K LY B A R E V E N T S
SU N DAYS
MO N DAYS
T U E SDAYS
W E D N E SDAYS
T H U R SDAYS
F R IDAYS
$1 Drafts $1 drafts, CLUB TRY-ANGLES 251 W. 900 South • D M N Beer-Soaked Beer-soaked $1 drafts Pool Poker DJ D / DJ BoyToy 801-364-3203 • clubtry-angles.com Weenies weenies Tournaments Night GOSSIP @ SOUND 579 W. 200 South • D M T X Dance! 801-328-0255 • myspace.com/gossipslc $1 drafts Superstar Acoustic Fix at Jam JAM 751 N. 300 W • D M N & Dogs Karaoke Live DJ:K 801-891-1162 • jamslc.com Live@Jam with Brian G DJ Mike BabbitT Free pool Texas Hold Em Karaoke 8pm 80s Rocks! Sassy Kitty’s Poles, Cages, PAPER MOON 3737 S State St • D K L all day $4 Paper $3 Red Stripe Free pool Karaoke 9pm Sexy Women 801-713-0678 • thepapermoon.info $1 Drafts Moon Steins $3 Coronas $2 Wells $3 Cans $1 Drafts Best Female DJs The PÜRE 235 N 500 W • D M T X Evolution of 801-703-8469 • myspace.com/puresaltlake Gay Fridays Blues Blues Jam Texas Porch Pounders Live Tango Speakeasy 63 W 100 South • M & Jazz Hold-em w/Bad Brad Music Practice 801-521-7000 Jam Wheeler/krcl 7–9p $1 drafts $1 drafts $1 drafts Dueling Dueling TAVERNACLE 201 E. 300 South • K X Karaoke Oldies Karaoke Dueling pianos pianos pianos 801-519-8800 • tavernacle.com 9p Night 9p 9p 9p 9p Karaoke Hot new THE TRAPP 102 S 600 West • B N D K M w/Kenneth DJ Wayne 801-531-8727 9pm Outdoor patio
SAT U R DAYS
Dance, Dance, Dance!
Thump at Jam DJ Tidy Indie, Top 40 Women, Women, Women!
Live Music Dueling pianos 9p Hot new DJ Wayne Outdoor patio
B = Bear/Leather | D = Dance Floor | F = Food | K = Karaoke Nights | L = Mostly Lesbian | M = Mostly Gay Men | N = Neghborhood Bar | T = 18+ Area | X = Mixed Gay/Straight Or Gay Certain Nights
4 0 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
vinces himself. That is, until later that night when I receive two texts stating: 1) he hates himself and 2) he’s the ugliest monster in the whole world, all because Tim blocked his number. “Well, actually his girlfriend blocked it,” Patrick admits when I call back. “She found my photo in his phone, and now she thinks I’m a weirdo. I want to die. I mean, seriously. Why should I live?” A tad dramatic, yes, but don’t we all question our existence at one point or another? The trouble with Patrick is he’s basing his life’s worth on a non-existent romance with some idiot straight guy who’s playing mind games with him at the office. But isn’t this common? We’re all so quick, so ready to jump into disastrous relationships around Valentine’s Day just so we can get a card, then we’re ready for suicide when the writing hits the wall. Yes, then we’re willing to end it all over someone who knows little more about us than what our genitalia looks like when it pops up on his cell phone. I’m confused. What happened to the building of a relationship, to butterflies in your stomach at the beginning of liking someone, to the rush of a brief hello and the possibility of meeting for dinner? Lately, it seems that with all our iPhones, iPods, iPads and iPenises, we no longer know how to say “I like you” or “I would like to get to know you.” We haven’t the patience. Everything has to be now, now, now! Even our friendships have been reduced to the speed of life, where we gladly accept a friend request on Facebook without the consideration of what a friend is. Last I checked, a friend is more than a number, and a lover is more than a name attached to a text. Sadly, it seems Patrick learned this all too late. “You know, I have 500 friends on Facebook,” he states, moments before hanging up. “But only three that returned my text tonight. You know what, if I died this Valentine’s, I bet not one of them would show up.” “Yeah, you’re probably right,” I interrupt, in agreement. “But hey, at least, you know you’d be getting flowers.” Q
Anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer: Name the current president of QUAC.
rawhide carl ____ __________ PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON PAGE 47
CLUB E TO MEMBERS E R F S E G E IL HAS ITS PRIV MEMBERSHIP
SUNDAY FEB 7
Y T R A P L W O B raffle & R d o E o F P U S
D A E D P DRO
r u o y s a d e s s e r d y come r prop from a D â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s e in t n e l a V This er o t c a r a h c e . s it u r o o e v a g f r o G d a e Drop D e film at 9pm Screening of th Plus, prizes!
s t h g i n r e k o p y Thursda uahua & Mark with Chih
After the bar, ues in t n o c y t r a p e th OFYU EPPS BU
Fun & Prizes
X T t PGGUSBYTMD DPN
1 DRAFTS $ S Y A D S E U T S WEENIES U YS POKER NIGHT Y A D N O M U SDA CE ALL NIGHT RAFTS R N D U A 1 H $ -D E T S C U Y N A A S T D -D N E N E SU OOL TOURNAM RAFTS U SATURDAYS DANC P S arly! e Y A e D iv S r E r N A . D ll 1 WED u $ f , en we are h J BOY TOY/DJ D w D s t S h Y ig A n ID y R a d OPEN DAILY AT 2PM F r U atu S & y a id r F n o 251 W 900 S 801-364-3203 lines E BAR Avoid the long OUR SCREENS THROUGHOUT TH 1/2 BLOCK FROM 9th S TRAX STATION ON WWW.CLUBTRY-ANGLES.COM A PRIVATE CLUB FOR MEMBERS A PRIVATE CLUB FOR MEMBERS AND GUESTS WWW.CLUBTRY-ANGLES.COM SHY? TEXT HIM U
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Q Puzzle
Wilde Medical Drama Across 1 Fashion designer Oldham 5 Biggest of a bear trio 9 Gay nightlife district of London 13 Jeffrey won one 14 Defender Dershowitz 15 Mine, in Montréal 16 Long for 17 Peter on the piano 18 Have sex, with “around” 19 Start of the title of an Oscar Wilde medical drama? 22 Mythical bird 23 Biathlete’s slats 24 Todd Oldham’s field 28 Abacus collection 32 Directional ending 33 Patricia Nell Warren work 36 McKellen’s Magneto movie 37 Used chairs 38 More of the title 40 Arafat’s org. 41 Take it from me 43 Loy of The Thin Man 44 Feline sign 45 Bone of John the Baptist, e.g. 47 Most like a nervous Nellie
49 What the humbled eat 52 Mardi Gras mo., often 53 End of the title 58 Mother deer 59 Spit it out, with confidence 60 Where the congregation sits 62 First mate’s pair 63 Computer nerd 64 Tops a cupcake 65 Circle of angels 66 Screws up 67 It’s for Rimbaud Down 1 Hulce of Amadeus 2 Memorial column 3 Gossip from Ted Casablanca, e.g. 4 Where Priscilla is queen 5 2002 Jodie Foster film 6 Michael Thomas Ford’s ___ Baldwin Doesn’t Love Me 7 Hair lines 8 Aimée of Pret a Porter 9 Making love on a strongbox? 10 Melville tale 11 Stallion’s foot 12 Lubricant 20 Currency in Auden’s land
21 Poke fun at 24 Joker portrayer Romero 25 Get on the soapbox 26 Up to the time that 27 “Climb ___ Mountain” 29 Like bounteous breasts 30 Takes out of the text 31 You might stick it where it doesn’t belong 34 Land of Emma Donoghue 35 Stonewall Inn and the Cathedral of Hope 39 Bother persistently 42 Gertrude Stein portraitist 46 Have a bawl 48 Queer, in a way 50 Kind of orange 51 Run hot and cold 53 Big name at the Prado 54 Rod attachment 55 Not even once, to Dickinson 56 What a knight takes to go clubbing? 57 Part of YSL 58 “Well, lah-di-___!” 61 Superlative’s ending answers on p. 47
Cryptogram
A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.
This week’s hint: J = F Theme: Quote by Alexander Nicholson of Servicemembers United on President Obama’s address on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
Veqnsayn fotxj, ntg evuyavyx rvg kevtu, ntg zxggvyx rvg lexvo, vub qnx saqetux sj ntg gqovqxyi rvg gzvoq.
________ _____, ___ ________ ___ _____, ___ _______ ___ _____ ___ ___ _______ __ ___ ________ ___ _____. 42 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
Q Homoscopes The radiant Sun steps into Aqueerius now. Look around you. Personal goals take on a new hue and push in a strong direction from an unshakable force. Carry your dreams to the next level but also know when to stop and smell the flowers and enjoy your gotten gains.
e
ARIES (Mar 21–Apr 20)
Get ready for a wilde social fest this week. Gay Rams seek the company of friends and acquaintances who can reinforce their goals and direction in life. But don’t let the group think lead you down a primrose path where you feel out of place. Hold firm to your ideas and opinions and be who you are, warts and all. Real friends love you for your entire package, not just the ribbons.
r
TAURUS (Apr 21–May 21)
Don’t despair of not being properly recognized for your professional achievements. You can still bring home the bacon in a big way in your career. Gay Bulls should use this week to their advantage by courting power and presenting their best ideas to those with the ability to help launch them. Examine your life’s direction and see if you are on the right track. If not, change trains.
t
GEMINI (May 22–Jum 21)
Pink Twins are energized to explore and experience foreign places and folks. Pack those bags and explore parts unknown. It’s an excellent time to feast upon the spicy and learn by doing. The knowledge that you acquire now may be of especially good use down the road. Even lawsuits take a turn for the better, but only if you’ve done your homework and remain focused.
y
o
LIBRA (Sep 24–Oct 23)
p
SCORPIO (Oct 24–Nov 22)
[
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23–Dec 22)
Speak Out, gay Archer. You will upend the landscape and boost your public persona. Chalk up this fortuitous turn of events to good timing. Gather up your thoughts; It’s time to fire off a compelling letter to the editor or a representative or five. Your words pack a punch. Make them loud, proud and uncompromising. Remember, every year is an election year for someone.
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LEO (Jul 24–Aug 23)
Relationships are accentuated. Even independent proud Lions can get the warm and fuzzies with partners through out the month. This is a good time to share future plans and mutual feelings. If you are still trawling for your dreamboat, send out a few search parties this week. You never know who will cruise by and rescue you. Ahoy sailor!
i
VIRGO (Aug 24–Sep 23)
Even rats on a treadmill get a coffee break every so often. And now even hardworking queer Virgins smell the java. Sip and relax; you have struggled too long and hard without much reward. Day-to-day jobs ease up a bit or, at very least, you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Ah but could it be the lights of an oncoming train? Stay tuned...
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Aqueerians can let loose and just enjoy themselves this week. You are too good to be true with overdoses of charm and charisma. (If you could only bottle and store it for a rainy day!) Display your merchandise and see who buys. Launch new projects and meet many new folks. If you can view life from a different angle, the sky is the limit. Pack a protractor and get going.
w
PISCES (Feb 20–Mar 20)
Is life feeling dull and meaningless? Revitalize by graciously offering your time and energy to a worthwhile charitable cause. This week highlights volunteerism and spiritual redemption which means that you should give now to reap impressive rewards later. Bonus time; Expect great things when the planets empty out your closet. Talk about a breath of fresh air! Whew!
;WY^ IkZeak fkppb[ ^Wi W kd_gk[ iebkj_ed m^_Y^ YWd X[ h[WY^[Z Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached be]_YWbbo m_j^ekj ]k[ii_d]$ ;dj[h Z_]_ji ' j^hek]^ / _dje j^[ logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank XbWda ifWY[i$ ;l[ho hem ckij YedjW_d ed[ e\ [WY^ Z_]_j" Wi ckij spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each [WY^ Yebkcd WdZ [WY^ )n) igkWh[$ GZeak _i WYjkWbbo \_l[ column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actually five seperate, i[fWhWj[" Xkj Yedd[Yj[Z" IkZeak fkppb[i$ but connected, Sudoku puzzles.
B[l[b0 C[Z_kc Level: Medium
Gay Crabs are inspired and can become perspired. Sexual intimacy is stirred and you are shaken. Your hot tub goes from cool to full boil. Enjoy every steaming minute. For those higher minded types, introspection or meditation on certain issues could result in great psychological breakthroughs. Clear the mental clutter to make room for the physical shudder.
What do pink Caps value most aside from their own good taste and breeding? Financial issues move from the back chorus to the center stage as money becomes the driving concern of the moment. If you need it, you find new and ingenious ways to earn it. You are as you spend ... or so it seems right now. Big bucks can make a big splash in your current social pool. Everybody dive in!
AQUEERIUS (Jan 21–Feb 19)
Gay Scorps plant their feet firmly on home plate. Explore your roots to see if they are strong, enduring and provide you with the firm support you seek. One of your greatest attributes is your sense of justice. Use it to right a wrong and strengthen a weakness. Is there a political cause that needs some attention? Pick up the flag. You won’t be carrying it alone.
CANCER (JUN 22–JUL 23)
]
CAPRICORN (Dec 23–Jan 20)
Proud Libras must admit that life is much nicer through the week. Opportunities to enjoy creative pastimes increase your energy and frame of mind. As the month progresses, your party train gets ready to roll and takes you to new social events. Anything (or anyone) you try will get you one step closer to where you eventually want to be. So where do you really want to be?
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Support the Businesses that Support You These businesses brought you this issue of QSaltLake. Make sure to thank them with your patronage. A New Day Spa. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-272-3900 ACME Burger Co.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-257-5700 American Family Insurance. . . . . . . . 801-878-6288 The Beer Nut . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-531-8182 Cahoots. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-538-0606 Cedars of Lebanon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-364-4096 Club Try-Angles. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-364-3203 The Dog Show . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-466-6100 Dog’s R Us. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-485-7387 Don Austin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-485-9225 Downtown Alliance. . . . . . . . . . . . downtownslc.org Gossip!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-328-0255 Infinity Electrolysis. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-671-6684 Jam. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . jamslc.com Katt’s Paw. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-448-6369 Kingsbury Hall. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . kingsburyhall.org Kings Studio. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-815-7725 Klub Karamba. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-696-0639 KRCL-FM. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-363-1818 Le Croissant. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-466-2537 MegaPhone, code 4621. . . . . . . . . . . . 801-595-0005 Mestizo Coffeehouse. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-596-0500 Meditrina . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-485-2055 Now Playing Utah . . . . . . . . . . nowplayingutah.com Off Trax. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-364-4307 Omar’s Rawtopia. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-486-0332 Paper Moon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-713-0678 Planned Parenthood. . . . . . . . . . . . . 800-230-PLAN Platinum Bodywork. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-528-6734 Pride Counseling. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-595-0666 Pride Massage. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-486-5500 Rice Restaurant. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-328-3888 Red Iguana. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-322-1489 Ron’s Rub. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-532-4263 Rufskin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . rufskin.com Salt Lake Acting Co.. . . . saltlakeactingcompany.org Sam Weller’s Books. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-328-2586 Scott Alexander. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-654-2179 Julie Silveous Realtor. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-502-4507 Skinworks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-530-0001 Speakeasy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-521-7000 Squarepeg Concerts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . squarepegconcerts.com Sugarhouse Gallery. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-486-4893 Takashi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-519-9595 Tammy Radice. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-277-0533 The Tavernacle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-519-8900 The Trapp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-531-8727 Tin Angel Cafe. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-328-4155 Trolley Wing Co. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-538-0745 Ultraperform . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-577-3006 Utah Pride Center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-539-8800 Utah Symphony/Opera. . . . . . . . utahsymphony.org Village Christmas Shoppe. . . . . . . . . . 801-569-0320 Steve Walker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-688-1918 Jeff Williams Taxi. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-971-6287 Dr. Douglas Woseth. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-266-8841
Februa r y 4 , 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 43
Q Fitness
Drink Water for Your Health by Steve Walker
I
would
like
to
address
some
questions I get about water and its importance in health and weight loss.
1. Why do I need water?
Water is a part of every body cell, tissue and body process, and is important in these body functions: Regulating body temperature; removing wastes from the body; carrying nutrients, oxygen and glucose to the cells to create energy;
providing natural moisture to skin and other tissues; cushioning joints and helping strengthen muscles.
2. Am I getting enough water?
When you wait until you are thirsty, you are already dehydrated and may have lost one half to one full quart of water. It is important to drink before you become thirsty!
3. How many ounces should I drink?
For adults or children over 100 pounds: Divide your weight (in pounds) in half. Children weighing less than 100 pounds have special fluid needs and this formula may not be appropriate.
4. What are the signs of dehydration?
You are more likely to become dehydrated during cold or hot weather, in summer or in winter, during physical
activity, and even when traveling on an airplane. Since the brain is 75 percent water, it is understandable that early symptoms of dehydration include decreased energy or fatigue, headaches, and dizziness. Other symptoms of inadequate water intake are: dry lips, mouth, and skin; nausea; dark-colored urine or infrequent urination; constipation; increased body temperature or labored breathing.
Does drinking water help me lose weight?
Water is an essential nutrient. All chemical reactions in the body depend upon it. If you’re trying to lose weight, this can’t be ignored. You won’t be able to lose weight without water to flush out the byproducts of fat breakdown. When there isn’t enough water to dilute the body’s waste products, kidney stones may form. When the kidneys aren’t working to their full potential, the liver must step in and help. Once this happens the liver can’t optimally perform its other important functions. As a result, burning fat has to wait. Remember, “By not drinking water, burning fat has to wait!”
Can drinking water reduce hunger pangs and avoid over eating?
Drinking water can reduce hunger. Experts say that hunger pangs are often misinterpreted cravings for water. Try drinking water before your regular meals and see it helps you cut down on the amount of food you eat. It really works as an effective appetite suppressant. Avoid counting tea, coffee, sodas and juices in your fluid intake. Coffee and tea contain caffeine which has a diuretic effect and makes you lose water. Sodas and juices are too sweet. Because the body has to dilute juices and sodas they cause more dehydration. There are many myths out there regarding water and our health. I’m going to list several myths and the actual facts regarding those myths.
Myth: Thirst is the best indicator of dehydration.
Fact: Your thirst mechanism does not kick in until you are mildly dehydrated. Monitoring the color of your urine may be the best indicator of hydration. Clear to pale yellow urine denotes adequate hydration, while dark yellow to gold urine indicates a need to drink more water. However, taking a multivitamin may tint the color of your urine. Another method for monitoring hydration is to keep track of how often you visit the bathroom. Urinating at least every two hours is also a good sign that you are drinking enough water.
Myth: It is unhealthy to drink too much water.
Fact: With the exception of certain health conditions, your body will only use the water it needs and eliminate the rest. Under normal conditions, there is no risk associated with drinking too
much water. However, it is recommended that water be sipped slowly instead of gulped down, which can cause gastric distress.
Myth: Drinking a lot of water is taxing to your kidneys.
Fact: Water is required for good kidney function. When water intake is insufficient, the kidneys must compensate by excreting more concentrated urine, which may lead to the formation of kidney stones.
Myth: If you have a problem with water retention, drink less water.
Fact: In fact the opposite is true! When your body is deprived of water, it perceives this as a threat to survival and compensates by conserving water. Drinking an adequate amount of water (one half ounce per body weight minimum) will help your body maintain proper fluid balance and also flush out excess sodium, which can contribute to fluid retention. If you take a diuretic, be sure to drink plenty of water.
Myth: Sports drinks are better than water during exercise.
Fact: If exercise lasting less than 60 minutes, water is the preferred beverage. Electrolyte replacement (which sports drinks are made for) is not necessary during short term exercise and the sugar in sports drinks provides empty calories. Your must replenish fluid losses during exercise or you will prematurely fatigue and your performance will be diminished. You can weigh yourself before and after exercise but be sure to drink at least 1 pint (16 oz) of water for every pound lost.
Myth: You need more water in the summer than in the winter.
Fact: Dehydration may appear only to apply to hot summer months, but keeping your body well hydrated in the winter is just as important. During winter sports activities, you won’t appear to be sweating as much. However, your body is still losing fluids and drinking water is a must or athletic performance will be affected. I would like to thank my business partners, Chris Kenny and Leslie Hofheins for their assistance with this article. Our company is based on the belief that our customers’ needs are of the utmost importance. Our entire team is committed to meeting those needs. As a result, a high percentage of our business is from repeat customers and referrals. We would welcome the opportunity to earn your trust and deliver you the best personal training and nutrition service in the industry. If you have any questions in regards to training or nutrition please contact us at anytime.
For more information please contact; Steven Walker, N.A.S.M. certified trainer at 801-6881918 or evolutionstevew@gmail.com.
4 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 1 47 | Februa r y 4 , 2010
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Q Tales
The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear A Tale of the 18-Hour Porn Scene by Petunia Pap-Smear
T
he road to a gay film festival
is fraught with danger and excitement. Many facelifts and a gallon of Botox ago, I used to assist my friend Tim in organizing a gay and lesbian film festival at Utah State University in Logan, which we called Pride Fest. We would bring in about 20 new LGBTthemed movies from the festival circuit for a week of revelry with our community as we took over the University Student Center Theater and made it our homo away from home. In the meantime, the clerks in the financial aid office opposite the theater were most assuredly attending extra sessions in the Temple so as to Pray the Gay Away! As often as possible, Tim and I would pre-view the movies at my house on a regular television, so as to assure that we not offend the natives or frighten the horses. We had this one delightful movie called Issues 101 which was a cute coming-of-age story about a frat boy coming out of the closet in his college fraternity. We previewed this movie and thought that it was very cute, and would be perfect for the festival. As part of the storyline, there was the obligatory hazing scene, where the pledge was forced to give the frat brother a blow job while being paddled. But it was very short in duration, hardly even any screen time at all — you know how time flies when you’re having fun — and the important parts were all tastefully obscured from vision. It was incredibly tame by our standards, even quaint. Nothing that our LGBT audience would consider objectionable, so we booked
Puzzle Solutions
the movie into the festival. However, we had not taken into account that we had recently watched Power Fist which, in retrospect, probably shifted our sensibility ever so slightly to the left. Well, on the day of the showing of Issues 101, it just so happened that a mother and father brought their gay teenage son to see the movie. They looked as innocent as if they had just driven in from Walton’s Mountain. After we sold them tickets and popcorn, Tim and I quickly reviewed the movie in our minds and again found it suitable for “civilian” consumption. We nervously sat in the back row of the theater and kept a close eye on the family. As the movie progressed, it came to the hazing scene. We were both a little bit panicky. Then the scene began and, like my Playtex 18-hour girdle, it kept going and going and going for at least 10 excruciating un-ending minutes. It showed the guy’s penis. Full frontal, at full attention! And on the big screen, it looked six-feet long! My God it was sixfeet long! And let’s not even mention the sound. That sloppy, slurpy, slushy hungry sucking sound just oozing from the large speakers which made you feel like you needed an immediate shower. And then came the moans intermixed with the occasional slap of the paddle. Ohhhhh Craaaaaap! They are moaning in pleasure! Making matters worse, the audience was as silent as a stone, thus making the movie soundtrack all that more unnerving. In panic, Tim and I looked at each other. What should we or could we do? I desperately began to pray for a sudden
massive outbreak of Diphtheria or that Project Runway would be canceled, or any other plausible reason to force the immediate evacuation of the theater. I actually began to sweat glitter. I could imagine that these parents might storm out of the theater demanding to the administration that they shut us down. I might have to turn in my tiara, my ruby slippers and my pink feather boa. Oh (please) God, not my pink feather boa. The entire gay audience was aware of the presence of the family. All eyes were fixed upon them. But the family did not move. To their credit, they did not scream in horror. Rather, they sat stoically with eyes glued to the screen. Finally, after what seemed like the entire lifetime of a fruit fly, the sex scene was over and the rest of the movie progressed without further distress. But alas, it was too late, my stomach had already generated enough acid to dissolve the Hoover Dam, or at least that pesky lock on my husband’s diary. Just when we thought it was safe to look at the screen again, larger than life and bold as brass, was the forgotten scene of frat boys fucking on the pool table. Oh God, here we go again. After the movie let out, Tim and I were greeting people in the foyer and preparing to do some major damage control when the family emerged meek-
Cryptogram: Although brief, his language was plain, his message was clear and the outline of his strategy was smart.
Anagram: Charlie Ward
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Februa r y 4 , 2010 | issue 1 47 | QSa lt L a k e | 47
SERIES
ly from the auditorium. We quickly approached them and began to apologize for the scenes. The mother was quick to cut us off with a “talk to the hand” type gesture. I thought, “Oh man, we are in deep shit”! And then she said the most unexpected thing. “Well if you were going to show porn, at the very least it could have been good porn.” And she giggled. Of course her son looked mortified as they gaily departed looking every bit like the Walton’s. Goodnight Mary Ellen, goodnight John Boy.
Like always these events leave us with many eternal questions: 1. Do you think the gay son was forever emotionally damaged because he saw his first blowjob with his mom? 2. If we turned up the volume of the movie so that the financial aid clerks could hear the sucking and moaning, would they stop praying and become moist? 3. Which lasts longer, the lifespan of a fruit fly or the 18-hour girdle? 4. Would a drag queen spitting stomach acid be considered a weapon of mass destruction? These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear. Q
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Q
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