QSaltLake March, 18, 2010

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Plan to Ship Gays from Utah Revealed as Hoax

DJ Bell/Dan Fair’s Attackers to Face Trial

West Valley City Considers LGBT Protections

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4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

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next i ue: Qu r Prom

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 5

first person

staff

High Drama

publisher/editor Michael Aaron assistant editor JoSelle Vanderhooft

by Michael Aaron

I

I’D GET A LITTLE TIME BY THE POOL. Last week I took my mother down to the Chateau de Mesa — our highfalutin name I dubbed the prefab home in the mobile home park in Mesa, Ariz., where she and my father spend a bit of winter each year.

Well, not each year, since they hadn’t been down there since 2007. In that time, a colony of termites decided to winter there in their absence. So, between arranging for a bug bomber, removing the skirting around the whole building and getting bids to replace it with vinyl, I had hoped there might be a day I could lounge by the pool with a margarita or nine.

It turns out our first day there was that day, and luckily we took it.

Rain set in and temperatures plummeted. It still beat the snow that was happening back here.

That Sunday night I checked my e-mails on the park’s super-fast-for-eeyore wi-fi connection and find a press release from a “Patriots for a Moral Utah.” They are going to introduce an initiative the next day at the state capitol. No more than that, just a “Fair Solution” to the “homosexual problem.”

I start my standard Sherlock Holmes-ing. What can I find from the e-mail address? Is there a person named Paul Jackson in Utah? Has he ever done anything worthy of being in the paper, on a blog, on MySpace, in an obituary, incarcerated?

Eeyore speed becomes no speed whatsoever as the connection goes down. This will have to wait ’til morning.

Nine a.m. comes and my phone is abuzz with texts. It seems the news release has reached the masses. I begin my research anew and arrange for someone to pay attention to the story from the office. JoSelle writes up a story about the fact a press conference is happening.

Tony gets ready to go up and record and photograph it.

I find very little to go on. The e-mail address used was at least active in 2008, as I found a mention on an Xbox forum. There are several Paul Jacksons in the valley, but none had ever said or done boo before. I could find no Nora Young whatsoever. The nothing that I find is intriguing me.

Then comes the PDF of the actual initiative. Wow! THOUGHT

arts & entertainment editor Tony

Gays forced from the state. I laugh at the naive America Foreverer who thought they’d try to get this going. Of course it would go nowhere, but what an interesting ride it will be.

One o’clock chimes and my cell phone blings. Another text message — this time a tweet from Jesse Fruhwirth of Salt Lake City Weekly. He recognizes an organizer as a liberal activist. I laugh out loud at the brass that it would take to pull such a stunt. I decide to read the “initiative” in detail and see the brilliance of the action.

I’m miffed I wasn’t there to see it ... until I remembered the earlier snow storm.

I start getting the “call to arms” texts and Facebook messages and do what I can to calm them down, while at the same time trying to figure out who I know pulled this off. Rumors fly, but no one fesses up. In fact, the people I can are insistent this is the real McCoy, not drag queen theater. It was too detailed, too well-planned.

That was true.

Then Tony calls, laughing that he’d passed the press conference organizers in his car and they were laughing and ... smoking. Smoking? Yup — a farce.

I decide to wait for the other shoe to drop. I’m thinking it will be some Capitol Steps-ish comedy troupe from the East Coast and they’ll announce their show the following weekend. But, no. Simply an acknowledgement in response to an angry Fruhwirth on his blog. I was disappointed.

But I got it. I got that I was beginning to buy hookline-and-sinker the notion that some South Valley wingnut was trying to set up a transportation system to rid the state of homosexuals. I could see them levying fines on families who “harbor” gays.

My hats off to those who spent all the time and effort putting the action together. I, personally, would like to see more of this kind of stuff. I do, however, want a bit more planning put toward the “then what” once it’s done. What’s a sucker punch without a good body blow to finish it up?

Now that my column is done and the paper is off to the press, I guess I can grab a margarita or nine and soak in the hot tub back home on the deck. After all, it’s warmer here than my time in Arizona. Q

!

5 1 l i r p A s e s o l c n oday. t o i g t n i i l l d a c e y 10 in this year’s issue b The 2r0 you get e u s e k a M 3 6 6 6 9 4 6 8016 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

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M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 7

national news

Quips & Quotes

Same-Sex Couples Marry in Washington, D.C. Same-sex marriages began taking place in Washington, D.C., March 9.

Gay couples had started applying for marriage licenses on March 3 but, like everyone else, had to wait three full business days before receiving their licenses.

Three of the first weddings took place inside the offices of the Human Rights Campaign.

The D.C. Council legalized same-sex marriage in an 11-2 vote, Dec. 15 and Mayor Adrian Fenty signed the bill, Dec. 18. The measure then moved to Congress for a review period of 30 “legislative” days. It did not encounter any opposition there.

Just before the law took effect, anti-gay activists tried to get the U.S. Supreme Court to issue a stay against it.

Chief Justice John Roberts rejected the petition, saying the Supreme Court defers to D.C. courts “on matters of exclusively local concern.” He also said Congress could have stopped the law’s coming into force “but Congress has chosen not to act.”

Same-sex marriage also is legal in Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Vermont; in Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain and Sweden; and in Mexico City and Argentina’s Tierra del Fuego province. It is expected to become legal shortly in Portugal. —RW

Sean Hayes Comes Out

Actor Sean Hayes, who played flamboyant and narcissistic Jack on the long-running TV series Will & Grace, officially came out as gay in the April edition of the Advocate.

And he claimed he’s always been out.

“I never have had a problem saying who I am,” he said. “I am who I am. I was never in, as they say.

Never.”

“I feel like I’ve contributed monumenActor Sean Hayes tally to the success of the gay movement in America,” Hayes added. “What more do you want me to do? Do you want me to stand on a float? And then what? It’s never enough.”

Hayes also said that sitcom work is “stifling.”

“Doing a sitcom, it’s a machine, it’s a factory,” he said. “There’s nothing creative about it for an actor. There’s nothing new I’m going to discover for a character in episode 185. It’s just a pure punch-in, punch-out factory day job — and it’s a wonderful factory day job — but creatively it’s stifling.” —RW

❝ ❝I’m not sure what ha-ha we were supposed to get from today’s action, but I think the point they must have been trying to make is that it is somewhat believable that Utah could foster such a movement of concerned citizens that would openly and publicly call for Nazi-like solutions to the ‘homosexual problem?’ Ha?” —City Weekly reporter Jesse Fruhwirth on the Patriots for a Moral Utah prank

❝ ❝This was not a joke. It was a serious mistake. …

Itawamba Agricultural High School student Constance McMillen, who wanted to take her girlfriend to her prom, causing school officials to cancel the event.

School Cancels Prom to Keep Lesbians from Attending

by Rex Wockner

The Itawamba County School District in northeast Mississippi has canceled the April 2 prom at Itawamba Agricultural High School to stop a lesbian couple from attending.

The board cited “distractions to the educational process caused by recent events” and urged citizens to organize a private prom that assumedly could legally ban gays.

Student Constance McMillen, 18, was told she couldn’t attend the prom with her girlfriend and couldn’t wear a tuxedo either. She fought back, enlisting help from the American Civil Liberties Union.

Gays and their lawyers usually win promban cases on federal constitutional grounds, so the district responded by just canceling the whole thing.

“Oh, my God,” McMillen said, when in-

formed of the development by USA Today.

“That’s really messed up because the message they are sending is that if they have to let gay people go to prom than they are not going to have one. A bunch of kids at school are really going to hate me for this.”

On March 11, McMillen and the ACLU sued the school district, demanding that the prom be un-canceled and that McMillen be allowed to attend, with her girlfriend, in a tux.

At press time, McMillen’s battle was shaping up as a possible Rosa Parks moment for the LGBT movement, eliciting support from everyone from Ellen DeGeneres to more than 243,000 Facebook fans. Hashtag #Constance was a “trending topic” on Twitter, which is a big deal, she was appearing on network newscasts and talk shows, and Google was reporting 176,000 unique hits on her name.

Senators Push Repeal of Ban on Gay Blood A group of U.S. senators, led by John Kerry, D-Mass., is pushing the Food and Drug Administration to lift the lifetime ban on blood donation by any man who has had sex with a man since 1977.

In a letter to FDA Commissioner Margaret Hamburg, the senators wrote: “[P]rospective donors who have engaged in heterosexual sexual activity with a person known to have HIV are deferred for one year.

At the same time, male donors who engaged in protected homosexual sexual activity with a monogamous partner 26 years ago are deferred for life.”

At the time the ban was initiated, there was no test to determine if one was infected with HIV. Once the first antibody test became available, some people could continue to test negative for up to several months after becoming infected — until their immune systems produced detectable antibodies. Today’s HIV tests, however, can detect infection almost as soon as it happens.

8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

“We live in a very different country than we did in 1983,” the senators wrote. “Today, the high-risk behaviors associated with HIV contraction are more fully understood and dramatic technological improvements have been made in HIV detection.” —RW

Gay Activist Web Site Launched Robin McGehee and Kip Williams, co-directors of the 2009 National Equality March, have launched an online lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer activist community, GetEQUAL.com. The goal of the site is to build a grassroots action network of gay and straight individuals in key cities across the country to lead and support strategic actions in their communities when needed.

“All over the country we are under attack,” said McGehee. “Nearly every day there is a new story, but the subject is always the same: we are being bullied. We are no longer willing to sit back and wait — we want change now.” —MA

What we want is respect for who we are and what we want. We won’t get there with stupid jokes! I am personally offended.”

—A comment to Fruhwirth’s blog on the prank using the name of philanthropist Bruce Bastian as author

❝ ❝Because of the intense anti-LGBT climate in Utah, and because our voices have been silenced by recent statements and deals made on the Hill, we felt a creative solution would be to highlight just how outlandish some of their claims are. It is amazing that Utah has reached a point where even something as crazy as the ‘Utah Fair Solution’ has legitimacy and is believable.”

—Patriots for a Moral Utah’s “real mission statement” on their site

❝ ❝“If you didn’t realize it before, it should be crystal clear that the Tea Party groups aren’t just nutty, possibly racist fiscal conservatives. There is also a significant portion that make up the worst of the religious bigots. They scream about fascism and ironically embrace the ideals of Hitler.”

—Daily Kos user “smellybeast” commenting on QSaltLake’s article before the group was definitively revealed as a hoax

❝ ❝[The press conference] actually comes across better on video. The spokeswoman “totally” nails the type. “We don’t hate homosexuals, we just don’t want them to cram their members down our throat. HAH.” —Popular gay blog Joe.My.God

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local news Activists Propose ‘Nazi-like’ Initiative in Political Theater Action

by Michael Aaron, JoSelle Vanderhooft and Tony Hobday

A local group calling itself Patriots for a Moral Utah held a press conference Monday, March 8, in the Utah State Capitol rotunda calling on Lt. Gov. Greg Bell to submit what it calls the “Fair Solution Initiative” to referendum vote this November.

As Monday progressed, however, it became clear to the media that the press conference was actually a hoax, or more correctly, political theater. A group of about 10 gay and non-gay activists had concocted the idea after last month’s town hall meetin in response to a compromise that effectively silenced any discussion of gay and transgender issues for the duration of the session.

The group officially revealed their ploy the next day on a Web site developed for the elaborate action.

At the press conference, local actress Tamara Johnson-Howell acted as “Nora Young,” a “professional homemaker living in Murray.” In her remarks, she blasted Rep. Christine Johnson, D-Salt Lake City, for being a surrogate mother to a gay male couple, and accused local gays of violent behavior.

“We come together in love to denounce lifestyle choices that are inconsistent with the spiritual values of this great state,” said Young. “When we look out the eyes of love we see very clearly that our freedoms are being forcibly taken from us. Our religious liberty is being threatened. Many in this state call ‘good’ ‘evil’ and ‘evil’ ‘good.’

Many would all ‘love’ ‘hate’ and ‘hate’ ‘love.’ But it is in love that we stand for freedom and the Constitution.”

Young gave a number of ambiguous statements to the media, many of which could be taken as farcical. For example, when Young was asked by one reporter about her thoughts on the Utah media’s coverage of gay issues, she said: “They seem to cover a lot of gay issues. We hear them talk about gay issues quite a lot. I don’t hate gays. I have a cousin who’s gay.

My hairdresser is gay. But I love this country more than I love my hairdresser.”

“We must not allow the federal government to tell us who we can love and can’t love. It is not the job of the federal government to mandate that we can’t love morality,” she also said. Later, she noted that Utah’s gay and lesbian population “[would] all be happier” in “homosexual havens” such as San Francisco and New York City.

Elaborate Farce

Organizers of the action went to great lengths to appear credible, including writing a five-page “bill” and creating a full Web site, Facebook group and profile for a fictitious “Paul Jackson” as co-organizer.

“The entire effort took about a month to put together,” said co-organizer Nate Bassett. “The initiative itself took between 25 and 30 hours between gathering examples

of current initiatives and copies of bills and pulling together language from existing statutes.”

He said it took additional time to write “Nora’s” speech, pull the actors together, and practice.

The speech was drawn from actual quotes from local conservative groups and leaders.

“You will notice listening to [Nora’s] speech that we lifted verbatim language from all those folks — Buttars, Oaks, et al.” said another organizer, activist Troy Williams. “We also wanted to satirize the endless message bills that our legislators have been pushing, particulary their anti-government ‘state’s rights’ bills. One of our big inspirations was the Patrick Henry Caucus video that Carl Whimmer and friends put together — it has all that over-the-top Bruckheimer-style jingoism at its best.”

What the ‘Initiative’ said

The initiative, drafted mostly by Bassett, sought to change state law to provide for “the involuntary redistribution and relocation of homosexuals to municipalities outside state boundaries or, to their rehabilitation in state-sanctioned facilities.”

To do this, the initiative would create an office of relocation and rehabilitation, a volunteer board of Utah residents to assist with the process, and public transportation options for homosexuals who will willingly leave the state. It also outlines guidelines to prosecute “delinquent homosexuals” or those who harbor them.

The statement of intent said that the initiative is necessary to “heal the divides in this state currently afflicted on us by the homosexual population and give them the compassionate choice to either leave the state or conform to the moral standards of society and uphold the values of family and traditional marriage.”

It justified itself by citing the passage of Amendment 3 in 2004 by a large majority of Utah voters. This amendment changed Utah’s constitution to illegalize same-sex marriage, a practice which state law already prohibited.

“Since that time, the homosexual community in Utah has continued to grow and exhibit offensive behavior while relentlessly bombarding our children with carefully placed messages in the media,” the initiative language continued. “This statute, if enacted, would offer a final solution to afford our children protection from the expanding influence of homosexuals and strengthen our cultural mores at a time when society’s moral anchors are being displaced with reckless abandon.”

It also cited efforts against California’s Proposition 8 in which it accused gay and lesbian Americans of seeking “to denigrate and disparage religious communities and others who support the natural family.”

“They have attacked our sacred institutions and any attempts to reconcile with the deviants are followed by thuggish and

10 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

Tamara Jackson-Howell (center in red) plays the part of ‘Patriots for a Moral Utah’ spokesperson ‘Nora Young’ at a mock presss conference proposing a ‘Fair Solution’ to the ‘homosexual problem’ in Utah. PHOTO: DAVID NEWKIRK brutish behavior including vandalism, defamation, trespassing and violence,” it read. “Even now, the homosexuals are mounting a federal lawsuit that attempts to override state’s [sic] rights regarding traditional marriage.”

The language defined rehabilitation programs as those that the board of Utah volunteers would deem qualified to “assist homosexuals in reasserting their moral heterosexual nature and transition out of a gay identity and lifestyle.” It also would have given members of the board the right to subpoena gays and lesbians, mandate that gays and lesbians disclose their sexual orientation to law enforcement officers, and force testimony from witnesses to an individual’s sexual practices if an individual invokes his or her Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination. Additionally, protests against the law would be made illegal.

“Any person, association, or corporation engaging in boycotts, picketing, protests, rallies, or other conduct, a purpose of which is to denounce or violate, or encourage others to denounce or violate any provision of this chapter, shall be guilty of illegal conduct contrary to public policy,” it read.

Local and National Exposure The release that went out announcing the press conference late the night before began to develop legs as reporters called for reactions from gay activists and leaders a few hours before it was to take place. Some began to “rally the troops” and about a dozen protesters turned up with signs.

Blogger Joe Jervis of Joe.My.God and Daily Kos writer “smellybeast” picked up on QSaltLake’s story announcing the press conference just an hour before it was to happen. Jervis caught the concern of the story’s writer, JoSelle Vanderhooft, that some were calling the initiative a hoax.

The Daily Kos writer did not.

But it was Salt Lake City Weekly writer Jesse Fruhwirth who was first to call the conference a ruse.

“I recognize two of the guys as local activists. One, @ash_anderson has trained

with The Yes Men,” he sent through his Twitter account as the press conference started. “Media about to interview the ‘sponsors.’ This is a fake! I’ll flay them in a moment,” he tweeted 10 minutes later.

QSaltLake updated their story after the press conference when we could find no organization filed with the state under the name, Patriots for a Moral Utah, nor could we verify the existence of Nora Young or Paul Jackson (though the e-mail address used by “Jackson” did show an xBox enthusiast profile set up in 2008). The Attorney General’s office also verified that no initiative had actually been filed there.

“We have not received any paperwork that’s anything like that, nor have we communicated with any groups like this,” said Mark Thomas, office administrator for the Lieutenant Governor’s office.

The clincher (though not definitive) for this newspaper, however, was when reporter Tony Hobday was driving back to the office and passed the vehicle of the press conference organizers, both of whom were laughing and smoking. Hardly traits to expect from conservative leaders.

As the story developed, the Daily Kos writer angrily retracted his story after his colleague, “Jbearlaw,” erroneously said the press conference would not happen because it wasn’t on the Utah State Legislature’s Web site and it would cost thousands of dollars to rent the rotunda.

But it was too late. Dozens of other blogs across the country carried the story.

Early Exposure as a Farce

A few hours after the press conference, Fruhwirth posted to his Salt Lake City Weekly staff blog saying that he recognized two members of Patriots for a Moral Utah as local activists Ashley Anderson and Dillon Hase, both of whom he said were members of Peaceful Uprising, a local nonviolent progressive group which is seeking to raise awareness about environmental damage and climate change. Jackson, said Fruhwirth, was actually Hase dressed in a suit with his hair slicked back.

Fruhwirth wrote that he felt “punk’d” and the media were played for fools. He

questioned the organizers’ motives in inviting him personally, in potentially angering a generally gay-friendly press corps, and conjuring “Nazi-like imagery.�

Shortly after the post went live, Hase commented on the blog, confirming that the press conference was a hoax. “This was satire. It was meant to be ironic. Anyone who was paying close attention would eventually get it,� Hase wrote. “It is a sad fact that we live in a state that something as blatantly prejudice and unconstitutional as this ‘initiative’ would, even for a moment, be considered as truth.�

But considered as truth it was. Several local activists and many reporters believed the initiative was a serious, though misguided and perhaps naive, effort by Utah’s ultra-conservatives. “The fact that so many people thought it was real was surprising,� said Williams. “That says something about the state of anti-gay politics in Utah. It also tells me that we should have stepped up the outrageousness of the spectacle. Many lessons were learned.�

Not Laughing

Some, like philanthropist Bruce Bastian, weren’t laughing at the “spectacle.� “This was not a joke. It was a serious mistake,� he wrote in response to Fruhwirth’s post. “There is activism and then there is stupidity. We pour millions of dollars and thousands of hours into trying to put truth out there, and then there is this. What we want is respect for who we are and what we want. We won’t get there with stupid jokes! I am personally offended.�

Rep. Christine Johnson posted that she did not “find amusement in intentional deceit of the LGBT community by the LGBT community.� “I felt bad that there were folks who got angry about it and took it to heart, initially,� said Jackson-Howell. “At first, I honestly thought it was too far-fetched for anyone to believe, that people would know immediately that it was a farce. I guess that’s the point, though. It’s appalling that the ‘initiative’ and Nora could say such outlandish, crazy and hateful things, yet there was enough reality in it that for about 24 hours, many people thought it was in earnest. The fact that there’s even a glimmer of possibility that such a thing could take place and could be viewed as legitimate, speaks volumes to the distance we still need to travel toward equality.� “For me, I’d give the performances an A+ and the overall execution a C–,� said Williams. “I didn’t anticipate the national blogs to run with the story before it happened. I naively thought they would pick it up after it was so obviously revealed to be a hoax.�

Some Saw the Irony

Others, however, saw some good in the hoax. “I have since learned that this was a hoax, and yes I was fooled for quite a while due to how elaborate it was and how, unfortunately, believable something like this is in Utah,� wrote activist Jacob Whipple. “I do hope, however, that it is a

good wake-up call for our legislators and Utahns in general.� “If this is political theater, awesome,� wrote activist Eric Ethington on his blog, PRIDE in Utah. “Utah has been rampant with ugly and pointless message bills this session and it’s about time someone stood up and made a farce of it.� “Once it was revealed as a piece of guerilla theatre or satire, I think most people have appreciated the effort. We have had tons of positive feedback,� Jackson-Howell said. “I hope all is forgiven, as this was never meant to hurt; only to creatively highlight a problem that we all need to come together to fix.�

What Was the Point?

In the aftermath of the event, the lack of mass media coverage and feelings of all kinds, many have wondered aloud what the point of the action was. “As a member of the LGBT community,�

Jackson-Howell said, “I felt that it was important. As a community, we hear a lot of outrageous rhetoric from some pretty hateful individuals. Sometimes it’s helpful to hold up a mirror to ugly behavior. It is my hope that those folks will see something in this that strikes a chord with them and makes them want to behave better.� “After the community forum, some of us were frustrated with the way things were going in the state and how the Legislature was handling our issues this session,� said Bassett. “We were trying to figure out a way to get people talking and raise visibility and decided this might be a way to get people talking about LGBT rights and allow for discussion.� “As the Mormon Church conspires with the Catholic Church to find new arguments and strategies to marginalize the LGBT community, we are going to have to find more creative, artful and colorful responses to their homophobia,� said Williams. “Comedy and satire are essential to our progress. I also think we have to be willing to take risks with our creativity.

Activists need to be willing to experiment and we need to be willing to fail. And hopefully we’ll get smarter and more creative as we go along.� “Early queer activism enjoyed fantastic camp created by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and the Cockettes and many more. Act Up and Queer Nation pushed the envelope with outrageous, inflammatory stunts. Patriots for a Moral Utah are pretty mild compared to those folks — but we can still aspire,� he continued.

More for Nora?

So, is there more work out there for “Nora�? “I really hope Nora will reappear in a different format,� said Jackson-Howell. “I hope that ‘Nora Young’ will reappear again soon in some capacity,� agreed Williams. “She is an amalgamation of all the right-wing crazies that push anti-gay politics in Utah. Tamara is an extremely gifted actress. I think we can find some new capacity for her to make commentary on the insanity in the future.� Q

The complete text of the bill is available at tinyurl. com/y8b4qpo.

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 11

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local news

Rep. Christine Johnson Won’t Seek Third Term

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

After four years of legislative service to the state and to Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, Rep. Christine Johnson is stepping aside.

The Salt Lake City Democrat announced earlier this month that she would not seek re-election this November. Her term of office officially ends Dec. 31, 2010. Currently, four candidates have registered to run for her House seat, located in the traditionally Democratic House District 25.

Johnson said that a number of things had lead to her decision to leave, with her daughter’s high school graduation and financial hardship being the main reasons. “In order to stay in office it depleted my savings,� said Johnson. “I used up what I had in retirement. It’s been financially beyond stressful.�

That financial stress is compounded by two things, said Johnson: The small salary she earns during the General Legislative Session and her inability to find a steady job that would allow her to take 45 days off each year to attend the session. While the financial stress was manageable when Johnson worked in real estate and could set her own hours, the crumbling of the nation’s housing market two years ago has made her situation more difficult.

Further, Utah’s legislators don’t make a lot of money for their efforts. Johnson estimated that she made roughly $14,000 during last year’s session, not nearly enough to provide for her and her teenage daughter. “That’s fine, except you have to think of how many days and how much time answering e-mails and going to meetings before sessions and working on producing bills [goes along with that],� she said. “It’s just nearly countless time, and I think it all amounts to pennies per hour. That’s all time away from family but also time away from income. As the only single parent in the legislature, I thought there were just times I couldn’t make it for one more month. I’ve had supportive family and friends. I’ve been lucky in that regard but I just can’t push my luck anymore. I want to help my daughter in college and it’s not fair to her to say I can’t help you with your tuition because I’m in the legislature.�

It’s a situation, said Johnson, in which many legislators have found themselves, especially given the slumping economy. She noted that more lawmakers are planning on resigning this year as well, and for the same reasons. “We’re losing more good people than we know this year, including a lot of moderate Republicans,� said Johnson, adding that these individuals had yet to make announcements. “Two Republicans are quitting because they’re employers said, ‘Do you want to have a job, or do you want to play legislator?’� Staying in office is difficult financially, she added, unless “you are self-employed or independently wealthy or a property owner

— we have so many developers [on the Hill] — or part of an industry where they see having you there as advantageous, like insurance companies.�

Johnson ran for and won the hotly contested District 25 seat in 2006, after its holder, Ross Romero, made a successful bid for a State Senate seat. Since then, she has been an outspoken advocate for gay and transgender rights on the House floor. In 2008 and 2009 she authored and ran a bill that sought to add sexual orientation and gender identity to statewide housing and employment nondiscrimination laws. In both years, the bills failed to make it to the House floor for debate.

Johnson withdrew the bill early in this year’s session along with a resolution calling for the repeal of the military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, which bans gays and lesbians from serving openly. She and other lawmakers withdrew all progay bills as part of a legislative “truce� in which House and Senate Republicans also agreed to withdraw bills that would have struck down Salt Lake City’s recently-passed fair housing and workplace ordinances which cover gay and transgender people. The controversial ceasefire earned Johnson criticism from several members of Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community who thought Johnson had moved without sufficient community input, and that the truce had derailed serious attempts to secure some statewide protections.

During her tenure, Johnson was also particularly proud of a number of other bills, including environmentally-friendly legislation which required Utah manufacturers to reduce the phosphorous content of detergents by 2010 and a bill that created a fund to retrofit older school bus engines to cut down on pollution. “I think that some people on the other side of the aisle, and certainly my opponent in the last election, wanted to frame me as a single-issue person, that issue being my sexual orientation,� Johnson told QSaltLake in an interview last year. “That’s not the case. I feel a great deal of responsibility to my LGBT community. But this session, only 20 percent of the bills I’m running have to do with LGBT issues.�

In a statement issued earlier this month, however, Johnson criticized the Utah Legislature for its treatment of Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender citizens.

12 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

Q uni “For the past four years, I have stood with my colleagues each morning of session, placed my hand over my heart and pledged ‘liberty and justice for all’ and yet, repeatedly witnessed blatant disregard of those so in need of equal protections in the name of ‘family values,’� she wrote. “Ironically, some of the most dedicated partners, parents and families within Utah fall under non-traditional definitions. There is no city nor county in which these families do not exist and it is reprehensible that we continue to ignore them.�

Still, Johnson said that many legislators on both sides of the aisle stood with her in her

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National LGBT Health Awareness Week

efforts to pass pro-gay and transgender bills.

Of these, she said she will particularly miss her seat mate Rep. Brian King, D-Salt Lake City, Rep. Tim Cosgrove, D-Murray, and Sen. Howard Stephenson, R-Draper, who became a friend shortly after Johnson became a surrogate mother for a gay male couple last year.

She also said she would miss former Senator and House Majority Leader Kevin Garn, who resigned March 13 after confessing to skinny dipping with a female teenager 25 years ago, and paying the woman to keep quiet about the incident in 2002. “It’s so easy for us to judge him, but he was on our side for LGBT equality,� said Johnson. “It was something he had to be more discreet about, but he was on our side. And I hate to see him go.�

With her daughter heading to college and her baby due in June, Johnson said that she no longer sees a reason to stay in Utah. Currently, she is applying only for jobs in other states. “I’ve made a legitimate attempt to make Utah my home and I just don’t feel like I’m at home here,� she said, noting that she missed the East Coast where she grew up.

No matter where her job search takes her, however, Johnson said that she will never stop fighting for gay rights. “My passion is with securing rights for LGBT people, and that’s not a fight I plan on giving up wherever I go,� she said. Q

The Utah Pride Center will sponsor a health fair in honor of National LGBT Health Awareness Week in April.

The event will include lectures and panels on men’s and women’s cancer concerns, transgender health, addiction and HIV. Participating organizations include the American Cancer Society, American Red Cross, the Utah Pride Center’s Alternative Women’s Wellness Program, Entre Nosotros, Fayme, the LGBT Affirming Therapist Guild of Utah, PFLAG, Planned Parenthood of Utah, Pride Counseling, the Rape Recovery Center, Queer Spirit, Simply Social, the University of Utah’s LGBT Resource Center and the Salt Lake Valley Health Department. Snacks will be provided by Whole Foods and refreshments by Club JAM. WHEN: April 3, 2–5 p.m.

WHERE: Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South COST: Free

GLBTQ Medicare Education Class Darren Hotton, senior health insurance program director with the state Department of Human Services, will teach a class for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer Utahns about accessing Medicare services for themselves and for loved ones, including those for whom they are primary caregivers. The class is open to people of all ages.

WHEN: April 21, 6:30–8 p.m.

WHERE: State of Utah Department of Human Services Building, Room 1020, 195 N. 1950 West (Enter on the northwest side ofPHOTOS: the building.)

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West Valley City Council

WVC: Gay Nondiscrimination Ordinances a Go

Councilman Steve Buhler. “I think people just shouldn’t discriminate.�

Councilman Corey Rushton agreed, and told the council about his own experience with religious discrimination while checking into a motel on an out-of-state vacation.

When the woman at the desk noticed his Utah driver’s license, Rushton said she asked him if he was “one of those Mormons.� “As this discussion went on she said we legally can’t discriminate against you for your religious beliefs,� said Rushton, who is LDS. “Never in my wildest dreams did I think that there were people who wanted to discriminate against me on the basis of my religion. ... [Issues like discrimination] aren’t something we look into very much, but equal protection is a constitutional issue, and as elected officials we’ve sworn to uphold the state and federal constitutions.

And since the state has deferred to municipalities [on the subject of protecting gay and transgender people from housing and employment discrimination] we have the opportunity to make our presence known with an ordinance.�

Other topics discussed surrounding the issue of anti-gay discrimination included a question from Councilwoman Carolynn Burt about whether the ordinances would extend health insurance benefits to the same-sex partners of city employees.

While Pyle told her that this would not be the case, he added that the city had talked to its insurers and found that doing so “is really not a huge financial cost, and it will be fairly easy to implement from a policy standpoint. So we could do that outside of any ordinance adoption.� “I’m proud of this council,� Winder said before moving to the next item on the agenda. “Rather than being pushed this way or that, we’ve seen a need and we’re moving forward on this need.�

Asked later how the council would next proceed, Winder said that the city’s staff and attorneys were now working on the ordinances and he expected the council to discuss a draft of them during a study session in April or May. Ultimately, he said he expected the ordinances to be similar to Salt Lake City’s. Q M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 13

West Valley City will soon be joining the growing number of Utah municipalities to enact ordinances protecting gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender residents from housing and employment discrimination.

The six-member city council, Mayor Mike Winder and City Manager Wayne Pyle discussed the ordinances during the council’s weekly study meeting, March 9.

Councilman Russ Brooks was absent for the meeting.

Pyle told the council and the mayor that he had looked over drafts of Salt Lake City’s ordinances (which passed last November) and had turned these over to the city’s attorneys and human resources staff so they could determine if the ordinances would have to be tweaked to better fit West Valley City’s government.

The council then discussed a number of possibilities for implementing nondiscriminaWest Valley City Mayor tion policies. They Mike Winder included passing a nonbinding resolution instead of an ordinance, and making the violation of an ordinance a prosecutable offense rather than a city-mandated fine. The council quickly agreed, however, that Salt Lake City-style ordinances, which imposes a fine on a business and landlords who discriminate against tenants, was the best choice. Other matters the council discussed included the Salt Lake ordinances’ exemptions for small businesses (which employ fewer than 15 people) and landlords with fewer than four units for rent, and exemptions for churches and religious-owned or affiliated organizations. “It is new territory for us, but the good news is we’ve had a year of good dialogue with Salt Lake City, so the learning curve should be quicker and easier for our staff.� “It’s unfortunate we have to keep spelling out nondiscrimination issues,� added

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local news

Q uni

Rep. Jared Polis to Keynote HRC Dinner, Silent Auction The sixth Utah Human Rights Campaign Gala Dinner & Silent Auction will take place Saturday, May 8 at the Grand America Hotel.

Gala co-chairs Michael Fifield and Valerie Larabee announced that openly-gay Colorado Congressman Jared Polis will be the event’s featured speaker.

Polis got into politics by running in 2000 for the Colorado State Board of Education, challenging a popular incumbent and winning by just 90 votes. He served through 2007 on the board and then ran for a vacant representative seat in 2008, becoming the first openly-gay person to be elected to an open seat in Congress. His sexuality was not a factor in the race.

Polis is a successful entrepreneur who made his wealth first by moving his family’s greeting card business online, then starting an online floral shop. He runs his own foundation for education and supports the Democratic Party.

Utah native Spencer Day will provide the evening’s entertainment. The vocalist-songwriter-pianist was born in Utah, raised in rural Arizona by his single mother and currently lives in Los Angeles. He has developed an artistic sensibility that borrows from jazz,

Singer/songwriter Spencer Day musical theater, cabaret, soul, folk, and traditional and contemporary pop. He is being compared to Michael BublĂŠ and Harry Connick Jr. His vocals are smooth and seductive, his arrangements are sophisticated and dreamy, as are his looks.

Tickets to the event are $150 for general seating and $200 for VIP. The group is seeking corporate sponsors, table captains and program advertisers.

Contact Michael Fifield at michael.hrc.utah@live. com or 801-864-6777 for more information on sponsorships or being a table captain. Tickets can be purchased online at hrc.org/utah or Box Office Tickets at 800-494-8497. For more information, visit HRC.org/Utah

E21 March Cancelled A march and rally for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights scheduled for the day before the Spring Equinox has been cancelled, according to organizer Jeff Key. The march was scheduled to take place March 20 and was to be a venue to allow people to express how antigay and anti-transgender discrimination had impacted their lives. At press time, no further details about the cancellation were available.

Sonic Boom at Vinto Pizza Salt Lake Sonic Boom, a dining group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Utahns and their allies, will dine out at Vinto Pizza on April 4, 4–6 p.m. Members should come wearing red to be able to recognize one another and to let the restaurant know who they are.

Members are encouraged to bring friends. Vinto Pizza is located at 418 E. 200 South.

Rep. Jared Polis, D-Colo., will be the featured speaker at this year’s HRC dinner.

GLBT Census Q&A Meeting to Be Held at the Utah Capitol The Census Bureau will for the first time publicly release the number of gay marriages reported in a decennial census, as it plans to release raw data about same-sex relationships in the 2010 headcount, according to new guidelines released last fall.

A “GLBT Census 2010 Q&A� meeting will be held for gay and lesbian Utahns on Tuesday, March 30 at the State Room in the Senate Office Building of the Utah State Capitol, beginning at 6:00 p.m. “We have invited a number of community leaders and elected officials to be there,� said organizer Kevin Nollenberg. “Representatives of the U.S. Census will also be onhand to answer questions and concerns.�

The decision to report gay marriages reverses a Bush-era policy that prohibited the release of the data. In a legal opinion published last week, Commerce Department lawyers concluded that the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act does not prohibit the Census Bureau from publicly releasing the data, contrary to the conclusions reached by Bush administration lawyers.

Continuing current policy, the new guidelines state that software used by Census enumerators will recode answers given by same sex-partners who mark their relationship status as “husband or wife,� to “unmarried partner.� But then, in late 2011, Census officials will for the first time release the raw state-by-state data on same-sex couples that marked their relationship status as “husband or wife.�

The new policy marks a continued shift in how the Census handles declarations of same-sex partnerships. In 1990, enumera-

1 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

tors made a practice of changing the sex of a person described as the husband or wife of a head of household to reflect the opposite sex.

In 2000, the bureau instead edited the data to describe same-sex couples as “unmarried partners.�

The Census will first report same-sex marriage data later this year when it releases the 2008 American Community Survey. The results of the annual housing and population survey will include unedited responses regarding relationship status.

The policy change is considered a victory by gay rights groups frustrated by the Obama administration’s response to their concerns about various discriminatory policies.

Though President Obama extended some benefits to the gay partners of federal employees last June, gay rights leaders blasted the administration for filing a federal court brief in defense of DOMA last this year and are upset that Obama has yet to repeal the military “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell� policy.

Rep. Mike Quigley (D-Ill.), one of several lawmakers who pushed Obama to release the Census data, called the announcement, “a great step forward,� but added in a statement that “we have many more to go toward achieving full equality for the LGBT community and all Americans.�

The announcement adds to the historic nature of this year’s Census, which already promises to be the largest and most expensive in American history. It will cost at least $14 billion and require the hiring of about 1 million temporary workers.

Those interested in a position with the Census should also attend the meeting.

Join Team Try-Angles Once again, Club Try-Angles will sponsor a cycling team in this year’s Harmon’s MS Best Dam Bike Tour, an annual bike ride to benefit the Multiple Sclerosis Society of Utah (this year’s ride will be held June 26–27 in Logan). The team is open to cyclists of all sexual orientations, gender identities and experience levels, and participants may sign up to ride 40, 75 or 100 miles each day. The ride has several rest stops and supply wagons, making it ideal for beginning cyclists. To register to ride with the team visit tinyurl.com/ teamtryangles2010. Here, click on the Join a Team button and search for Try-Angles (with the hyphen).

To donate to the team, visit tinyurl. com/donate2tryangles. For more information contact teamtryangles@ gmail.com.

Temple Squares Fly In Temple Squares, Utah’s only gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender square dancing group, will hold its first “fly in� — a weekend square dancing event open to participants from around the country. The weekend will include several square dancing classes and challenges.

WHEN: April 2–4 WHERE: Columbus Community Center, 2530 S. 500 East, South Salt Lake City COST: $40 for full registration, $20 for members of the Gay Caller Association, $10 for individual sessions. T-shirts are available for $25.

INFO: slcsquaredancing.org

Court Appearance Set for Family in D.J. Bell, Dan Fair Beating Case Four individuals charged with assaulting D.J. Bell and his partner Dan Fair on July 4, 2008 have been scheduled for their first court appearance, the Salt Lake County District Attorney’s Office announced earlier this month. But police are still looking for three people facing criminal charges in the beatings.

The attacks happened during the early morning hours of a Fourth of July party, shortly after one of Bell and Fair’s neighbors, Tapululululu Latu (also known as Lulu Latu) discovered two children from the party at Bell’s house.

Bell has said the children, both toddlers, had followed him onto his property asking for Kool Aid. Upon recovering the children, Bell said that Latu slapped him and called him a pedophile and several anti-gay slurs before threatening to send her family over.

Shortly after her departure, police records state that several of Latu’s family and friends at the party rushed next door and began beating Bell and Fair.

At the time, police arrested the severely injured Bell on charges of burglary and attempted child kidnapping. He was cleared of all charges in September 2009, at which time his defense attorneys, Roger Kraft and Susanne Gustin announced that they would seek charges against the couple’s assailants.

On March 2, the DA’s office brought 16 charges against seven people including Latu, her boyfriend Ieti David Mageo, Angelina Janae Dibella, Ietitaia Tavita Nuusila, Marsha Rae Finau, Lisa Rita Aiono and Ricky Ian Peace. The charges include counts of third degree felony riot, class A misdemeanor assault, first degree felony aggravated assault and first degree felony aggravated burglary. Nuusila is also charged with a class A misdemeanor of giving false personal information to a peace officer for giving the name of a 71-year-old Murray woman at the crime scene.

Hate crime charges have not been brought against any of the seven, because Utah’s hate crime law only applies to class B and C misdemeanors.

During Bell’s trial, it was revealed that a number of the seven charged had past criminal records. In 2008, Latu told the Deseret News that she and her friends and family “regret beating them [Bell and Fair] up as badly as we did.”

“But we don’t feel bad, because what if it [had turned into] another case of murdered children?” she continued.

As of March 9, Latu, Mageo, Finau and Dibella had presented themselves to law enforcement officers and posted bond, said Mark Biljanic, director of communications for the District Attorney’s office.

As of that date, he said that Nuusila, Peace and Aiono still had not come forward.

“Where they are, whether they’re in the state of Utah or outside the state or, for

that matter, even outside the country we don’t know at this time,” he said. “We’re looking [for them] and when we make contact, we’ll take them into custody and they’ll go through the process like the rest.”

In a March 5 blogpost to the Web site Injustice801.com, a site set up by Bell and Fair’s friends in 2008 to raise aware-

ness of Bell’s situation, Bell said that the four’s bonding out had left him “a crying wreck.”

“I had to spend six weeks in a cold, friendless, and miserable place [jail], torn from everything I knew and everyone I loved before my family could get the money together to get me out,” he wrote.

“These evil people have had nearly two years to prepare for this, and prepared they were, obviously! They’ve already bonded out,” he continued. “This is why

I am so angry at the South Salt Lake police department and the DA’s office. They waited too long and now our would-be killers are out to do more damage to society before their trial, which will probably also be postponed as far out as possible.”

Latu, Mageo, Finau and Dibella are scheduled to appear for formal charges March 26 at 9 a.m. in Room S 31 at the Matheson Courthouse, 450 S. State St. At press time the remaining suspects were at large and a judge had not been named.

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views

le ers More Democratic Disappointments

Q on the Str t

Do you believe political theater has a place in Utah’s discussion of LGBT issues?

Brigg Angus It absolutely has a place, otherwise the LGBT civil rights movement risks becoming even more homogeneous, or worse, banal. We desperately need this type of creativity to lend dimension to a narrative that often lacks significant political depth.

David Newkirk Absolutely. Satire is one of the strongest forms of critiquing the powers that be.

Think poltical theater doesn’t belong? Then do away with The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

By using the same hateful language that conservatives use, we show their absurdity and visciousness.

Joel C. Everts

But they are forgetting the most important tenet of politics: Senators and members of Congress have one simple goal, and that is to get reelected. As we usher in the mid-term election season, most of Congress will be focused on maintaining their jobs and their hold on power.

One of the few shining moments in Congress is the Domestic Partnership Benefits & Obligations Act. It has been passed out of committee in the Senate, and is expected to see floor action early this year, that is, if the Obama administration will stop dragging its feet and come up with offsets — ways to pay for the estimated $63 million per year cost.

Last year, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said, “not now” to repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (Defense Secretary Robert Gates said it wasn’t a high priority). The White House sat idly by as marriage equality was repealed in Maine via ballot initiative and was defeated in the New York State Senate.

An immigration bill has been introduced in the House that doesn’t allow LGBT Americans to sponsor their foreign partners for residency.

And while New York Gov. David Patterson has aggressively pushed his state Senate to act favorably on marriage equality, Obama has said in no uncertain terms that he would prefer Patterson step aside so someone who has a better chance of retaining the governor’s mansion for Democrats can run.

Instead, Democrats spent their political

Editor, We are at the start of a new year. Democrats have controlled the halls of Congress for three years. Barack Obama has resided in the White House just days shy of a full year. What is there to show for the progress of the LGBT movement under Democratic control?

The president spoke at the annual Human Rights Campaign dinner, hate crimes legislation became law, and the Ryan White Care Act was reauthorized. But that last item had been reauthorized by a Republican Congress and a Republican president.

To be sure, the GOP track record on gay issues is abysmal, to say the least. However, it was the Democratic Party that asked for gay dollars and the gay vote, both in 2006 and again in 2008 to give them complete control of both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue.

To this end, what has our community seen in terms of real progress as opposed to mere lip service? As we begin the second session of the 111th Congress, we must ask ourselves if we’ve been had. Yes, my liberal brothers and sisters will argue that more has been done in the last year to lay the groundwork on major accomplishments in the coming years.

16 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

capital on a Cap & Trade bill in the House, and health care reform that does not address health benefits for our partners. Earlier this month, The Bilerico Project asked two questions: Are we not making our voices heard? Or are our voices being ignored?

I suspect that if these items don’t get moved through Congress and signed into law before the Memorial Day recess, we will not see any major legislation favorable to our community at all in 2010.

Robert Turner

Something you read make you gleeful?

Something piss you off?

QSaltLake welcomes letters from our readers.

Send your letter of under 300 words to:

letters@QSaltLake.com QSaltLake reserves the right to edit for length or libel or reject any letter.

Isn’t politic theater a redundant term? Politics is theater and nothing more. That is why we are in the condition we are in. If politicians actually practiced statesmanship rather than politics we would all be better off.

Heidi Shelton Gibson Hell yes. Political anything should be advertised, sponsored and blastered all over. I think the best political theater at the moment should be something with Layton’s Kevin Garn’s hot tubing moment on the stage! The LGBT community is viewed as sexual perversions — hell I’ve never been in a hot tub with a 15 year old! Politics are crude but amazing.

Jeff Lensman If the use of political theatre ires you, it is because you expect the truth to rule the stage.

We can’t turn on the TV or open a newspaper to absorb spoon fed facts anymore. We must be smarter and constantly pursue the facts for ourselves.

qu r gnosis Patriots for a Moral Utah

by Troy Williams

O

K, I’M COMING OUT. AS A PRANKSTER. I co-conspired with several upstanding straight and gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender folks on a little hoax at the capitol. The local queer blogosphere went bonkers when Patriots for a Moral Utah announced their “Fair Solutions” initiative. We thought it would be obvious satire, but some took it deadly seriously. The purpose was to make a serious point with a comic parody. I’ve always held the romantic notion that queers were to be social tricksters, challenging the social order and disrupting the establishment. Contemporary gay politics have become safe, suburban and boring. We’ve become inoffensive. Camp is marginalized, marriage is objectified and the structures of privilege coveted.

But it wasn’t always this way.

Queers once shared a truly creative and revolutionary imagination. And they shared that imagination with Freedom Riders, radical feminists, peace activists and environmentalists. The radicals that established our movement defied the social order that marginalized them. The Gay Liberation Front knew that true sexual and human rights would not be achieved until the old order was torn down and built anew. Patriarchy, militarism and class divisions are all threats to sexual freedom.

Early queers also knew how to have fun while defying the powers that be. We read celebrated stories of drag queens doing can-cans in front of police squads at Stonewall. And yet camp has lost its appeal in the contemporary movement.

I understand that nostalgia for the past (which often romanticizes history and elides realities) is not always the best way forward. But oh, how safe and calculated we have become. We are desperately careful not to make waves. It makes many of us long for the day of true riots, disruptions and Queer Nation/Act Up style antics. Gay politics today often feels like accommodation and delay. We are moaning and reveling in our own victimhood. Why are we so afraid to offend pious believers and their tyrant gods?

People give lip service to radicalism, while they establish a gay trajectory to-

ward cautious assimilation. We are not embracing a politics of social transformation that benefits all people, as much as we covet a politics of access into the world of straight (white) privilege.

In the era of careful legislative “ceasefires” it felt right to bring queer camp to the Legislature. A little disruption was needed to break the tedium of this year’s standdown. Enter Nora Young, portrayed by the fantastic Tamara Howell. She is a composite of all those who actively fight against the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. Her words were crafted together by the outrageous statements of Chris Buttars, Gayle Ruzika, The Sutherland Institute and, of course, the Mormon Church. In front of full press corps, she proclaimed, “Even Apostle Dallin Oaks said while speaking at Harvard University that the liberty of religious people are being marginalized all over the place! Can’t you see it? If this goes on like it is, then our prophets won’t even be allowed to speak at these prestigious colleges anymore!”

Yup. Dallin Oaks, the apostle who will have two wives waiting for him in heaven, has been making the argument that his “religious liberty” is being threatened by the queers. This is the new anti-gay rhetoric the LDS Church is concocting to excuse their xenophobia. The church leaders are spinning the story, claiming that they are now the victims of discrimination. And they have the Catholic Church coming to their defense and calling us “thuggish and brutish” (how the Catholics have time to defend Mormons when they are so busy defending their own priests from never ending child sex abuse scandals is beyond me).

The irony is rich! Oaks is speaking at Harvard University, talking about how Mormon rights are being taken away.

Man, it must be so hard to be Mormon these days. Your prophets speak at Ivy League schools, one of your converts has a highly-rated talk show on Fox News, and one of your wealthiest members is most likely going to be the GOP nominee for the presidency of the United States. Will the persecution ever stop?

I was conceived in the summer of the

Stonewall Riots. I was gestating in my mother’s womb when drag queens, queers of color and mad-as-hell dykes tore up the police at Greenwich Village. And though I don’t have the penchant for camp and radical genderfuck that Princess Kennedy enjoys, I admire it all. And I love to see folks stir up trouble. Kennedy gets the reality that so many of the politically earnest miss — it’s all a show. Gender is performance. Orientation is bent. Deviance is spectacle.

And that is the spirit in which we brought you Patriots for a Moral Utah.

And for those of you who thought it was in “bad taste” to invoke the Holocaust — do remember that it was more than just Jews on those trains. If you think queers are not in mortal danger today, just open your paper and read about Uganda and Malawi.

Crazy days require even crazier responses. Stir shit up, have a sense of humor, and raise the curtain. The show must go on. Let’s perform the revolution with panache! Q

Troy Williams is an activist, a screenplay writer, a producer at KRCL FM, and QSaltLake columnist.

He blogs at queergnosis.com.

A little disruption was needed to break the tedium of this year’s standdown.

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 17

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views the straight line Straights Behaving Badly

by Bob Henline

D

O YOU EVER READ OR WATCH THE NEWS

and think, “Wow, I’m glad that didn’t happen to me?” I know, I know, it’s not the nicest thought, but there are times when I do exactly that, and I’ll bet you do, too.

There have been a couple of stories in the national spotlight recently that have made me do a similar thing. Only this time I’ve thought, “Wow, at least Utah isn’t the only backward place.”

Let’s take a quick trip to Boulder, Colo.

The Sacred Heart of Jesus School has refused to readmit a preschooler on the grounds that his parents (a lesbian couple) openly live in violation of the Catholic Church’s precepts.

A preschooler is being denied admission to school because the church doesn’t agree with the lives his parents are leading.

Next, jump a quick flight to Mississippi, where a school decided to cancel their prom instead of allowing a lesbian couple to attend. The school in question, Itawamba Agricultural High School, issued a memorandum on Feb. 5 stating that students attending the

prom must bring dates of the opposite sex.

One student, Constance McMillen, and the ACLU tried informally to change the school’s stance. The school responded by canceling the prom.

And the stories keep rolling in. Let’s go to California next. Here Roy Ashburn, Republican state senator and champion of all things homophobic, is busted for driving while drunk after he left a gay bar in Sacramento with “an unidentified male” in his state-issued vehicle. Surprise of all surprises, Mr. Ashburn has just decided to come out of the closet and admit that he is, in fact, gay. Ashburn has also stated that he doesn’t regret the votes that he has cast against the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer community, because they are “what his constituents wanted.”

What I still don’t understand about all of this is what goes through these people’s heads? It’s certainly nothing related to clear thought. I understand being straight and finding nothing sexually or emotionally appealing about members of your own gender.

Cr p of the W k Ryan Sorba

by D’Anne Witkowski

Y

OU KNOW YOU’RE A CREEP WHEN YOU GET

booed off the stage at the Conservative Political Action Conference for being too anti-gay.

But that’s exactly what happened to Ryan Sorba, a member of California Young Americans for Freedom, when he got up during a panel discussion and, apropos to nothing, launched into an anti-gay tirade regarding the inclusion of GOPRIDE, a conservative gay group, as part of the conference. This made some people upset. Sorba is obviously one of those creeps.

“I’d like to condemn CPAC for bringing GOPRIDE to this event,” Sorba says.

Immediately the crowd begins to boo.

This only emboldens Sorba. “Bring it, bring it,” he says. “I love it.”

“Guess what?” He continues. “Civil rights are grounded in natural rights. Natural rights are grounded in human nature.

Human nature is a rational substance in relationship.” I don’t know what he’s talking about or what this has to do with gay Republicans. But hey, he’s got the mic.

“The intelligible end of the reproductive act is reproduction,” he says, clearly exasperated. “Do you understand that?”

Whoa, Sorba. Enough with the sexy talk.

The reproductive act, eh? Is that what you Young Americans for Freedom are calling it these days?

Undeterred by the continuous booing, Sorba begins to say, “Civil rights, when they conflict with natural rights are contrary...” but gets cut off by people shouting at him from the audience. “No, you sit down,” Sorba, the King of the Comeback, says. I totally expected him to say, “I know you are, but what am I?” But then he goes for the real burn: “The lesbians at Smith College protest better than you do.” And then he says it again for emphasis.

Sorba is referring to an event two years ago when the Smith College Republican Club brought him to campus to give a speech about his book, The Born Gay Hoax.

A group of largely lesbian activists literally stormed the podium and forced him to

1 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

I’m a straight male and, no offense intended, guys just don’t turn me on. What I don’t understand is how anyone (read: straight people) who expects to be allowed the freedom to live their own life can support an institution (or government) that will take that same freedom from their neighbor.

I’ve been asking this question for quite some time now, and maybe I’m naive in thinking that one day I’ll get an answer that makes sense, but here we go again. What impact does the relationship of any two people have on the relationship or situation of anyone outside that relationship? If a gay or lesbian couple wants to be together or even get married, what does that have to do with me? How is that couple in some way going to diminish the value of my relationship or marriage?

What I sincerely hope as I see these ridiculous stories popping up all over the nation is that there are enough people paying attention to the issue of gay rights to justify media attention. People paying attention is the first big step toward real understanding. As the bigots continue to make complete asses out of themselves, we can hope (and again, maybe I’m naive) that the moderate majority will come to realize that this is nothing more than unfounded, poisonous bile, and accept that people of different sexual orientations or identifications have every bit as much right to exist and enjoy the full benefits of a free society as they do. Q Bob Henline blogs at nonpart.org, is the author of “Constitutional Inequality,” is a dedicated political activist and veteran of 20 years’ worth of political campaigns and various social interest group activities.

leave.

So Sorba is clearly used to less than warm receptions. But this is CPAC, man.

Not exactly a bastion of gay pride and acceptance.

The booing is clearly getting to Sorba and he’s losing his cool. “Yeah?” he says, again addressing the audience’s heckles and boos. “Bring it.” He then points to someone named Jeff in the audience and tells him, “You’ve just made an enemy out of me.”

Lucky Jeff. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that Sorba later beat him up in the parking lot.

Lee Doran of How the World Works spoke with Sorba after his tirade and put the interview up on YouTube. “I interviewed Sorba to listen to him talk for as long as possible. I’m happy GOPROUD was at CPAC, and think Ryan made a fool of himself,” Lee writes.

“I’m just trying to tell the truth,” Sorba tells Lee. “Homosexuality, first of all, is intrinsically immoral. It’s intrinsically evil.

It’s a deficiency of being.”

He also, of course, says, “I don’t hate anybody.” He just wants to condemn anyone who would even consider associating with homos, even conservative ones.

Hey, I’m just trying to tell the truth. Q D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister and teaches writing at the University of Michigan.

snaps & slaps SNAP: Christine Johnson Barely four months after Scott McCoy left the State Senate to devote his time to his law practice, one of Utah’s two remaining openly gay politicians has announced that she’s also leaving. For two terms, Rep. Christine Johnson has served District 25 and Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender population with integrity, courage and honesty. Though not all of her decisions have been popular— like dropping gay rights bills this Legislative Session to protect Salt Lake City’s gay and transgenderinclusive housing and employment ordinances — she has always been forthright in explaining them. Her years of service have been tireless and have come at great financial and emotional expense. QSaltLake would like to thank Johnson for her service, especially her tireless attempts to pass statewide housing and employment protections for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Utahns. Her successor has much to live up to.

SNAP: West Valley City While bigots in the State Legislature demand studies to prove that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people face job and housing discrimination (and then dismiss the need for those studies), many county and city governments are moving ahead to provide these protections.

Recently, Utah’s second largest city joined that effort when its six-member council and mayor unanimously voted to craft ordinances modeled after those Salt Lake City passed last November. The most remarkable thing, though? Mayor Mike Winder is a Republican, just like the Hill’s bigots who are currently ignoring the wishes of their constituents to make employment and housing nondiscrimination for gay and transgender people state law.

As many gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people know, it takes a lot of courage to stand up for your convictions, especially in a political climate that is often hostile toward disagreement. Kudos to Winder and West Valley City’s council for their wisdom and sense of justice. We look forward to seeing how their ordinances will progress.

SNAP: Our Wedding Vendors Amanda Brown and Jessica Engel’s March 13 wedding was a beautiful and touching event that could not have happened without the time, expertise and generosity of a number of companies, from florists and event planners to coffee shops and bartenders. We’re honored to have worked with all of them for our first wedding giveaway. And readers, please remember these generous people for your next party or event.

busha uck The Joke’s on All of Us

I

LOVE A GOOD JOKE.

by Ryan Shattuck

I LOVE JOKES ABOUT relationships, I love jokes about politics, I love jokes about sexual identity, I love jokes about social behavior and I love jokes about shipping homosexuals out of a state in a manner reminiscent of the Holocaust.

Speaking of really funny jokes, stop me if you’ve heard this one: “BREAKING: Download a proposed ballot initiative that seeks forced relocation — “final solution� — of homosexual Utahns�

Actually, this is not a joke. It’s a tweet from Jesse Fruhwirth, a reporter with Salt Lake City Weekly. I stumbled across this tweet while surfing the intertubes recently, and began following the drama that would unfold over the next 24 hours. On March 8, a group calling itself Patriots for a Moral Utah held a press conference about a petition it had sent to Lieutenant Governor Greg Bell, requesting that he pass a law titled the “Fair Solution Initiative,� which stated: “This bill enacts provisions in the Legislative Code pertaining to the involuntary redistribution and relocation of homosexuals to municipalities outside state boundaries or, to their rehabilitation in state sanctioned facilities.�

According to Patriots for a Moral Utah, this law was necessary because: “In the past five years it has become increasingly difficult and troublesome for the stead-fast [sic] and moral citizens of Utah to live their lives and their faith in peace, while the homosexuals continually force their choices and behaviors on us.�

Permanently ship the gays out of the state?! If they refuse, they will be forced into rehabilitation?! OMGWTFHOLOCAUST?!

Naturally, everyone lost their minds. The queer blogosphere, in the words of local activist (and fellow QSaltLake columnist) Troy Williams, “went bonkers.� A swarm of Utah media showed up at Patriots for a Moral Utah’s press conference at the Utah State Capitol. Emotions flared, insults were hurled, and action was demanded.

And it was all a big fat joke. Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

The press release, the proposed bill, the press conference, the protesters and even the group itself were all part of an elaborate hoax. As it turns out, Patriots for a Moral Utah was actually an activist group consisting of members of the Utah gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, who staged the political satire to highlight “the many groups, legislators, organizations and religions who speak against the LGBT community.� According to the group’s Web site: “We love our community, and hope that our political farce has helped in highlight-

ing what we feel is the ridiculousness and cruelty of some in our legislature and groups like The Eagle Forum, the Patrick Henry Caucus and America Forever.

Thank you to all those who caught the big picture of our attempt and who have supported the efforts of all those who made this a reality.�

There’s no question that this hoax was effective in getting people to ask questions about the ridiculousness and cruelty of some politicians and religious groups. Although the idea of shipping gay men and women out of the state may seem ludicrous, it’s quite possible that some extreme conservative political groups rubbed their hands together and thought, “Why didn’t we think of this first?�

Nevertheless, many have started to question whether this political satire helps or hurts the overall fight for equality. Do such political stunts bring us closer to our enemies for reconciliation, or do these stunts offend our enemies and drive them further away? If our ultimate goal is to build bridges with those who oppose gay rights, does it make any sense to participate in political hoaxes that mock the bridge builders?

Personally, I have very mixed feelings about this hoax. One the one hand, I believe that extreme political action — such as the one that took place on March 8 — is necessary to wake people up to the fact that hateful extremists really do exist. On the other hand, I also believe that the way to equality is not through tricks and deceiving people, but through genuine negotiation and open communication.

Am I wrong? Is the joke being played on me as well?

No one single person knows the pure and direct path to equality. Violence or nonviolence, honesty or manipulation, bridge building or bridge burning. There are those who believe that putting an arm around our political enemies and explaining to them kindly why equality in marriage, the workforce, the military and other aspects of life is fundamental to what America is; there are others who believe that such tactics are naive and ineffective. If we are to make any kind of progress in the battle for equality, we must ensure that our fight is not hijacked by extremists on either side.

I recognize that my opinion of the Patriots for a Moral Utah political satire is lukewarm at best. We still do not know what kind of consequences will come from this. But if we are to make any progress as a gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, it may do us good to remember that such political stunts, hoaxes and jokes come with both positive and negative side effects that cannot be predicted.

And that’s nothing to laugh at. Q

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M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 19

views lambda lore Pansy Power

by Ben Williams

A

I WAS SEARCHING THROUGH OLD newspapers, which one does when one has no social life, I was struck by this headline: “SLC PANSY.” Since I was perusing the police beat section of The Salt Lake Tribune and not the garden section, I was quite intrigued.

In an article about an arrest in Salt Lake City dated May 4, 1887, this was written: “James Marshall used so much nose paint yesterday attempting to beautify his complexion that he was quite carried away S

with his own beauty and seeing his reflection in a street window pane made violent love to it. When arrested for disturbing the feelings of the party who owned the window, James expressed his indignation in the Basque language which nearly wrecked all the neighboring awnings.

Fined $10.00.”

So funny I forgot to laugh. The Police Beat reporter was having a little fun at the expense of Mr. Marshall, and I am sure the 1887 readers also had a good laugh. Yes, the

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ASSOCIATES 20 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

code words were all there to let discerning readers know that the police were keeping the city streets safe from sexual deviants.

However, I am not sure what “expressed his indignation in the Basque language” could have possibly meant, except that it may have been akin to saying “swore like a sailor.” You know how those sheep herding Basques are.

Homosexual was not a term that would have been known to Salt Lake City readers in 1887. The first known appearance of the word homosexual was in an 1869 German pamphlet arguing against a Prussian anti-sodomy law. In 1886, Richard von Krafft-Ebing used the terms homosexual and heterosexual in his book Psychopathia Sexualis, a book which greatly influenced the medical community of its time. Soon the terms heterosexual and homosexual became the most widely accepted terms for sexual orientation in clinical studies, but

they did not enter into everyday jargon until the 1920s.

But, ah! Pansy. Now that’s a word everyone knew for centuries. The word pansy had been used to indicate an effeminate male ever since Elizabethan times, when Shakespeare had his fairy Puck use the juice of a pansy in A Midsummer Night’s Dream to make a love potion. Shakespeare also used the flower along with the honeyflower as symbols of forbidden love in the play Hamlet.

Interestingly, much like they did with the word queer, “avowedly” homosexual men took back the word pansy and adopted it as part of an artistic movement in the 1920s and 1930s. In theaters, cabarets and speakeasies of major metropolitan centers, there was a surge of acts that featured “Pansy Performers.” Some of these Pansy Performers crossed over into the silver screen, most noticeably in sophisticated romantic comedies featuring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Fred Astaire’s lack of strong masculine traits could be deflected when paired up with old maid pansies like Edward Everett Horton, Franklin Pangborn, Billy De Wolfe and Eric Blore, all whom had extensive careers playing effeminate roles of floorwalkers, bureaucrats, valets, designers and fussbudgets.

Well, the Great Depression brought an end to all of that. Light-hearted musical comedy came to a halt and World War II put the nail in the coffin of the Pansy movement when America needed all the red-blooded men it could muster. However, the Army still used drag performers to keep up morale — as long as they were redblooded American drag performers.

Today, I don’t think it would even occur to those who want to disparage gay men to call them pansies. We may be fags and queers, but we are not sissies and pansies anymore. More the pity.

Still, I wonder whether there’s a little bit of pansy in all of us gay men, no matter how much it may embarrass the assimilationist movement. I know that deep inside of me there is still that little boy who secretly stole some crêpe drapery lining from a neighbor’s garage so that I could nourish my gay spirit by wearing something pretty when no one was looking.

So, I know not what others may do, but as for me, I am going to the garden section of my favorite market and buying a whole tray of pansies to plant in my front yard this spring.

Sissy boys unite! Defy those who say your inborn traits to acknowledge and nurture grace and beauty are unnatural.

Plant the hardy pansies in your flower boxes, pots, and gardens. They come in a diversity of colors!

Now, if planting pansies is too much for you who don’t brook “fats or fems” in your life, you might consider this: The pansy was also the symbol of the American Secular Union, a social movement in the United States during the 1800s that was dedicated to the separation of church and state. Now that’s a flower we can all get behind in this state.

Down with the sego lily! Up with the pansy! Q

lipstick lesbian Communication

by H. Rachelle Graham

I

â&#x20AC;&#x2122;M A MAN WHEN IT COMES TO DATING women. No, that doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean I wear the tie, spike a mohawk or drive a truck the size of a small house. Let me explain.

My oldest sister Eve swore up and down after having three babies that gender qualities were fixed at birth; that weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all young â&#x20AC;&#x153;Adamsâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Evesâ&#x20AC;? right out of the womb.

Offended, I told her in detail about my gender studies classes up at the University of Utah. I spat out how environment is the only cause for gender variants, our cultureâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s obsession with placing men and women in specific gender roles from birth: pink blanket for girls, blue blanket for boys.

And our culture doing this while being blatantly oblivious to the one in 100 who are intersex and all of the trans people who were born in the wrong body. (I completely agreed with the trans people; they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need the hormones except to enhance certain physical characteristics.)

But then thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s me.

When I came along in the late â&#x20AC;&#x2122;70s, ultrasounds were heartbeats; the faster the beat the more likely to be Adam.

My mom said I learned how to run before I could walk, so it makes sense my heart rate was faster for my gender. I kicked in the womb excessively and gave her bubbly indigestion, so she wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t surprised to hear the doctors say sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d have her first little boy.

She was surprised at first when she saw me, but then she got to know me.

My dad and I are on the same communication wavelength. Take this exchange: I pointed to the TV and asked, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Remember him?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yah, that movie.â&#x20AC;? He glanced at the television before turning back to his double computer screens. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Good one,â&#x20AC;? I mumbled, before asking, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Did you get that done?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s online.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Please talk in English,â&#x20AC;? Mom said, throwing up her hands and thus dropping a few of her grading notebooks. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The two of you speak in riddles. It makes me insane.â&#x20AC;?

It was no secret, after all of this, why my mom spent a lot of time at my sisterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house a mile away. To comfort myself, I tended to look for women who hauntingly shared my motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s qualities. They were attractive, outgoing and leaders. But unfortunately, their need for control and constant dialogue made me run out the door, back my

car out at top speed and scream the Tom Petty song â&#x20AC;&#x153;Free Fallingâ&#x20AC;? at the top of my lungs. I looked exactly like Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire, only a little less gay.

It was not that I wanted to be a guy or felt I was one. Actually, I wanted to be Eve â&#x20AC;&#x201D; not the Bible character, but my sister. I envied her with a passion. She was the peppy cheerleader who had boys (and girls) stalking her. She dated the quarterback and waved her arms around. I thought her biggest and only fear was falling in love with a boy named Adam.

Eve performed fancy flips and screamed cheers in a packed stadium. When I spoke in high school, teachers had to almost lick my ear to understand what I was saying. And I jumped because I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want them or anybody touching me.

Even when I grew out of being painfully shy I still had trouble, especially in my dating life.

With men it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t so much an issue. I oddly picked men similar to my father and so the grunting and monosyllables I practiced with my dad came in handy.

I even took on the feminine role because I expressed my feelings once in a crescent moon.

But with women it was a whole other story.

I wanted to do the mature, assertive thing. I wished I felt comfortable sharing my emotions right up front, but a part of me lived back in elementary school, where I swallowed my thoughts to the point that I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even know what they were anymore.

I debated over and over about whether to say this thought or the next one. Then by the time I realized what I wanted to say, it was either too late or I blew up like I had a disease of the tongue.

Every time a woman I was dating said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;We need to talk,â&#x20AC;? I turned catatonic and felt painful pressure to open up. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t breathe and I slowly suffocated for days.

I shivered under my covers â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and all because she only wanted me to tell me I needed to start doing my own laundry.

Even though my therapist thinks Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m relatively normal now and ready for graduation, I have asked him to hook me up with speech classes. I figured I had to so I could one day have a relationship with a woman that lasted longer than six months. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not looking forward to a return of the gagging and spitting syllables thing, but at this point, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m willing to try anything. Q

When I spoke in high school, teachers had to almost lick my ear to understand what I was saying.

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 21

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same sex weddings

Our Wedding Winners Tie the Knot

Gay Marriage Issue

22 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

O

M ARCH 13, A MANDA B ROWN AND Jessica Engel celebrated a commitment ceremony at the University of Utah’s Post Chapel, becoming the first couple to be married in QSaltLake’s annual same-sex wedding giveaway.

The nondenominational chapel was filled with the couple’s family and friends and members of Salt Lake City’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community on the afternoon of the wedding. Escorted by their fathers and their youngest son who served as ring-bearer, the two women processed to the front of the chapel and stood in a square of sand for the ceremony, which was presided over by Trista Emmer, the South Valley Unitarian Universalist Society’s director of religious education.

A friend of both women, Emmer said that she was blessed to know the couple and to have watched their “miraculous love story” unfold.

“I became convinced they were always meant to be together,” she said.

In the 25-minute ceremony, Emmer read a number of poems including gay poet Walt Whitman’s To a Stranger, in which the poet speaks of longing for a stranger.

“I have no doubt that Amanda and Jess passed each other in the past and their souls cried out for each other,” said Emmer.

Hand-in-hand, the couple then exchanged vows written for the occasion. Speaking in alternating and repeating sentences, the pair promised to act with and assume good intentions, enjoy one another’s achievements, to be strong and gentle, to always be themselves and to always speak the truth quietly and clearly.

Emmer called upon those gathered to verbally acknowledge the couple and their commitment before asking them to exchange their rings.

The couple did so, promising to share “a life of respect, trust, growth and love through all the N

PHOTOS: BENJAMIN BAMBA

same sex weddings Tie the Knot Continued from page 22

best and worst of all that is to come.”

After the exchange, Emmer began the sand ceremony, in which both women and their children poured glass containers of sand — with one color representing each person — into a large vase. The mixing of the sand, the officiant said, symbolized “the blending of their lives, their future, their loves and their families,” a coming together of a family which, like the various colors of sand, could not be separated back into individual lives.

“This sand is all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be,” she said, calling upon both women and their children to accept and affirm this blending of their “lives, dreams and futures into one family community.”

Emmer closed the ceremony with a prayer in which she reminded the couple to remain steadfast in their love for one another in times of anger, fear and misunderstanding.

“Life contains more than [joy and love and hope],” she said. “You know this and you chose anyway to join your lives together, you choose every day to keep loving each other.” In times of trouble, she asked the couple to

Photos by Benjamin Bamba

26 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

remember that they “have each other, you have your children, you have your family, you have this community of people who love you and wish you joy.”

As the chapel bells rang out, the couple and their children proceeded outside to greet friends and family.

A three-hour wedding reception was held that evening at the Utah Museum of Fine Arts. Here, friends and family dined on food and beverages provided by local vendors and enjoyed socializing and dancing. Utah AIDS Foundation volunteers were also on hand to accept donations, which the couple asked for in lieu of gifts.

“I thought it was a great way to give back,” said Colby D. Su of C3 Design, who created the couple’s wedding invitations. “They said right away that they were interested in doing this because everyone in the community pulled together and gave to them, and they wanted to give back to the community that had given them so much. It’s celebrating life, which is what a ceremony is about, and to do that again, to give back to a foundation that keeps people in a life-giving place is wonderful.” Q

It Takes a Village to Make a Wedding

O

MARCH 13, AMANDA BROWN AND Jessica Engel, the winners of QSaltLake’s first wedding giveaway, took their vows before friends, family and members of the local gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community at the University of Utah’s Post Chapel. The ceremony and the reception that followed were the culmination of hundreds of hours of work on behalf of several local wedding service providers, who generously donated their time, resources and talent to making the couple’s “big day” a joyous occasion.

QSaltLake would like to thank all of these vendors, many of whom are profiled here.

N

Bacchus Event Services The friendly bartenders at the reception’s café bar and open bar were provided by Bacchus Event Services, which provides bar services and rentals of bar-related furnishings including tables, tents, chairs, stemware and silverware for events held throughout Northern Utah.

The company was founded in 2005 by Michael Roussin and Bryan Johnson, and quickly grew from offering the services of bartending staff into rentals and sommelier (wine steward) services, said Roussin, who is himself a professional sommelier. A wine steward, he explained, handles such things as selecting and pairing wine choices with menus, conducting wine tastings and wine classes, and picking up wines and beers at cost on behalf of clients (Utah alcohol laws prohibit sommeliers and bartending services like Bacchus from selling their own alcohol or making profit off of wines they purchase on their clients’ behalves).

Roussin said that Bacchus has staffed events of all sizes, from parties at the Sundance Film Festival with thousands of attendees to the smallest party in the

group’s history — a gathering of eight friends.

“I paired a wine with each of their meals and provided table service,” he said, noting that most gatherings at which the company serves are roughly the size of Brown and Engel’s reception, or 100– 300 guests.

Roussin estimates that Bacchus has done bar services for “at least two or three”

same-sex weddings, including one memorable function in 2008.

“We were not informed by the caterer ahead of time that it was going to be a same-sex wedding, and it just so happened that the bartender we sent was gay so he was very pleasantly surprised,” he said.

When asked why he and his business partner decided to be a part of QSaltLake’s wedding giveaway, Roussin said that he heard about the wedding through Le Croissant Catering and was moved by the paper’s story about Brown and Engel.

“I was angered to hear that [Engel] lost her job after her employer found out she was participating in something pro-gay,” he said, referring to Engel’s termination in late 2009 after she and Brown were featured in an article in The Salt Lake Tribune about World AIDS Day (Brown is living with HIV). “It was asinine to me.”

“It just seemed like the right thing to do,” he continued. “It’s not our first [samesex wedding reception] and hopefully not our last.”

Visit Bacchus Event Services at bacchuseventservices.com.

Bart Russon Jewelers

C3 Design

One of the most important parts of the wedding and the following reception was one that few but Brown, Engel and their youngest son noticed: the pair’s rings.

The two tungsten bands were provided

by Bart Russon of Bart Russon Jewelers, a family-owned jewelry store specializing in gold, silver and equally beautiful metals like titanium and tungsten. Russon

Brown and Engel’s wedding invitations were created by C3 Design, a full design company with expertise in an eclectic mix of fields including stationary and site décor for any occasion.

“The whole idea is that your event should be all tied together [design-wise],” said coowner Colby D. Su. But clients, she added, can pick any service they want for their events, from a full interior design consultation, to event planning, to place settings, to unique cards and invitations.

Su began the business with her husband after she became tired of putting together business evaluation courses and training materials for certified public accountants, and wanted to put her background in Web development and graphic design to a more artistic use.

“I really am passionate about packaging events,” she explained, noting that making an event “cohesive in look and feel” isn’t something that most people think about when putting together a party or even a wedding.

“Naturally, this turned into event planning,” she added.

While Jacqueline Riehl of Riehl Events handled the planning for Brown and Engel’s wedding and reception, Su created the day’s simple but elegant invitations, which s h o w - cased photos of the couple taken

by David Newkirk. And when a miscommunication resulted in the couple needing nearly 100 more invitations than Su had planned on printing, she happily obliged, donating her labor and only charging the pair for additional envelopes and postage.

Unlike many of the vendors who came together to make this wedding possible, Su got involved when another merchant, her friend Leslie Fiet of Mini’s Retro Café, told Su about the bridal shower she was throwing at her restaurant for a lesbian couple.

“This sounds like a great cause and I’d love to be a part of it,” Sue told Fiet. The next day, she said, she called QSaltLake and offered the paper “all the free time you need.”

Although this is the first same-sex union Su has helped put together, she said that she would “love to do more” — no matter the size of the couple’s budget. Like many vendors who helped make Brown and Engel’s wedding possible, she will work with any budget to make any event special.

“I enjoy doing it too much to turn anyone away, so let’s just make it work,” she said.

offered Brown and Engel a substantial gift certificate for bands, which the two took advantage of a week before their wedding.

“Jess and I are pretty plain,” Brown wrote on the couple’s blog, lesbianmomma.wordpres. com. “We don’t need a lot of diamonds and bling to show our commitment to one another.”

Upon entering Russon’s shop, B r o w n said they were greeted with “a warm smile and a welcoming hands h a k e ” before the jeweler sized their fingers and demonstrated the various metals available for rings. In the end, the pair said they went with the tungsten because of its durability.

“It was neat to see him vigorously rub the tungsten ring across the metal edged case without a care in the world,” Brown wrote. “Although it’s a little heavier, it doesn’t scratch and that’s what I was looking for. Jess’ ring is a little more rounded than mine. It was nice to get rings similar in style yet different enough to allow for personality.”

Visit Bart Russon Jewelers at bartrussonjewelers.com.

Visit C3 Design at c-3design.com.

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 27

same sex weddings

A small portion of the spread catered by Le Croissant.

Le Croissant Catering Many guests at Brown and Engel’s wedding reception raved about the tasty appetizers: spinach and cheese Rangoon, pesto meatballs, jalapeno popper cheese dip and a variety of fresh fruits, desserts and nonalcoholic beverages, including blood or-

Co-owner Kelly Lake, who runs the business with her husband John and sister-inlaw Pat Slade, said that she offered to provide refreshments (including a popular candy bar) to the wedding guests not only because she is interested in catering samesex weddings, but out of frustration over discrimination against gays and lesbians.

“I got very frustrated with the amount of prejudice and lack of education [last year] surrounding the issues that I thought were just kind of going unchecked, like people disseminating this scary stuff about gay marriage,” said Lake, noting that she has several friends who have faced discrimination for being gay or lesbian “though not necessarily on the housing or marriage front.”

“You can only hear so many stories [about discrimination] that people you have cared about face without feeling concerned yourself,” she added.

Although this is the first same-sex wedding Le Croissant has catered, Lake said

that she and her company have provided food for events in the local gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender for years, including the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire’s Empress Tea Party and the nowdefunct Utah Gay Rodeo. And while the company offers some décor and floral services, Lake said that they specialize mostly in “just playing with food” of all kinds.

Le Croissant, she said, primarily bakes its own breads, like the hearty white and whole wheat slices that accompanied the jalapeno dip, and makes its own desserts.

Le Croissant offers full catering, bar and sommelier services to locations in Salt Lake City, Provo, Ogden and Park City and all points in between these cities. Full menus for all events are available on the company’s Web site, lecroissantcatering. com. Le Croissant will also work with clients who wish to design their own menus.

Visit Le Croissant’s Web site at lecroissantcatering.com

PHOTO: LAURIE KAUFMAN

ange spritzers and a variety of ice water flavored with strawberries and limes.

The delicious spread was the work of the owner and employees of Le Croissant Catering, which offers breakfast, lunch and dinner menus for holidays, picnics and corporate functions, and a special menu for weddings.

Bridal shower at Mini’s Retro Cafe.

Mini’s Retro Café Weeks before Brown and Engel’s wedding, the couple had a bridal shower provided

by Mini’s Retro Café, a restaurant whose TV trays and vintage décor make it live up to its name.

“I feel like sometimes I was born in the wrong generation because I love everything from the early ’50s,” said owner Leslie Fiet, who began the café as a cupcake shop two years ago (the restaurant, she said, is named for the miniature cupcakes she still serves).

Along with its trademark cupcakes and furnishings of yesteryear, Mini’s (which now boasts two restaurants to its name) also specializes in what is commonly called comfort food, such as pigs-in-a-blanket and hearty macaroni and cheese, which is the restaurant’s signature dish.

“I wanted to recreate your grandparents’ kitchen and dining room area [where] we ate on TV trays and watched old cartoons,” said Fiet. “It seems to me that we’re starting to move away from the power lunch, and our lives are so crazy at work sometimes that you need a mental escape from it [all].”

PHOTO: DAVID DANIELS

Along with taking her customers out of their hectic daily schedules, Fiet also hopes to take them away from greasy fast food made by faceless international corporations. She buys all ingredients from local vendors and readily answers all customers’ questions about the food’s origin and contents.

“It’s always been a priority of ours to buy products from local small businesses,” she said. “Me being a small business owner, of course I want people to support me and I think I’d be a huge hypocrite if I spent my money outside of the state. And it is harder to shop local but it’s worth it to me, because people don’t understand the impact when they don’t buy and support local to our economy. [This way] the money stays local.”

Fiet’s philosophy of shopping local also includes making “as many donations as we can fit in” to local projects, such as QSaltLake’s wedding giveaway.

“It sounded like something that would fit into what we do, and to give someone an opportunity like that who usually doesn’t get these opportunities was amazing,” she said.

Visit Mini’s Retro Café at minisretrocafe.com.

28 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

plesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; budgets. In fact, he is one of the few florists in the city who has no minimum price for any flower order â&#x20AC;&#x201D; including wedding orders. He will always do his best, he added, to work within a coupleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s budget to make sure their wedding has the most beautiful flowers he can provide. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I have people who have come in and want a wedding and only have $200,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;That doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean that they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t deserve a beautiful wedding.â&#x20AC;?

Visit Twigs Flower Co. at 1100 E. 1616 South or online at twigsflowerco.com.

Continued on next page

Twigs Flower Company

Raymond King is no stranger to same-sex weddings or commitment ceremonies. In the 21 years since he began his own flower business he estimates that he has created floral arrangements for at least 30 gay and lesbian couples. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just because we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t legally get married, that doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t diminish the importance of two peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s commitment to each other,â&#x20AC;? said King, who is openly gay. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why I think [flower arrangements] should be perfect that day.â&#x20AC;?

Perfection is certainly something that King knows. In the last decade his craftsmanship has won him a number of awards, including QSaltLakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fabby Awards for flowers and roses since the Fabbiesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; founding, Salt Lake Magazineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s award for best Utah florist, and a number of Salt Lake City Weekly Best of Utah nods.

He has also made it onto the prestigious preferred list of the Memorial House, a historic reception center in Memory Grove. To get on this list, said King, a wedding vendor must have a long history of excellence. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What that means is I have to have done at least 50 weddings and not received a single complaint,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m proud of that.â&#x20AC;?

King was also proud, he said, to help Brown and Engel plan their dream wedding. â&#x20AC;&#x153;[When QSaltLake asked if Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d participate] I said â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;yes, of course, I want to be involved! Of course I want to give back to the community!â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so important to make a point of giving back to the community.â&#x20AC;?

To help, King offered the couple a $500 gift certificate, which they used for corsages, bouquets and table arrangements of large Gerber (or Gerbera) Daisies in bright pink, orange, green and cream, colors which complemented the wedding cake and favored, as Brownâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s admitted taste in Alice in Wonderland-style colors.

While the gift certificate was half of the minimum many Salt Lake City florists charge for wedding arrangements, King stressed that he will work within all couPHOTO: LAURIE KAUFMAN

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The Utah Museum of Fine Arts While many in Salt Lake City know the Utah Museum of Fine Arts as a place to find a wide-ranging collection of art from around the globe and a number of outstanding traveling exhibits, fewer likely know that it is also an excellent venue for receptions, such as the one held after Brown and Engelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wedding ceremony.

The museumâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s G.W. Anderson great hall in the Marcia and John Price Museum Building, said UMFA Public Relations and Marketing Associate Shelbey Peterson, boasts award-winning architecture, a five-story hall with a view of the city, a sweeping staircase perfect for wedding pictures, and a number of rotating exhibits throughout the year. At Brown and Engelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reception, the exhibit on display was â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Continuing Allure: Painters of Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Red Rock,â&#x20AC;? which features paintings of Southern Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s landscape by a number of international painters, including Depressionera landscape master Maynard Dixon and contemporary artist Mark Knudsen. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one of the rooms the brides just love,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a breathtaking venue and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re so happy to have it.â&#x20AC;?

The museum leases the room, Peterson continued, as part of its ongoing mission

to make â&#x20AC;&#x153;meaningful connections through artwork and cultureâ&#x20AC;? in the local community. And while the main hall houses most large receptions, other spaces are available for such things as business retreats or smaller parties, including the museumâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s spacious cafĂŠ, its patio and auditorium.

Prices vary, but the great hall costs $2,500 to rent, which includes the use of tables, chairs, audio equipment, guest orientation services, coat check, and full staff support, which includes set up and breakdown for each event.

While Peterson could not say how many receptions the museum has held for samesex couples, she stressed that any and all rooms are available for rent to individuals and couples of all sexual orientations and gender identities. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The museum is here to serve everyone in the community and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re always happy to accommodate anyone who meets the requirements who is looking for private rental,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re always happy to be part of all of our bridesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; special days.â&#x20AC;?

For more information about rentals contact Anne Bastien, visitors service manager, at anne.bastien@umfa.utah.edu or 801-581-3123. Visit the museum online at umfa.utah.edu.

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PHOTOS: BENJAMIN BAMBA

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Reception guests enjoyed Alzania Blanco, distributed in Utah by Bon Vivant Imports. The Spanish white Moscatel-Chardonnay is known for its sexy floral and spice notes. All we know is that none was left at the end of the party. Below is the group we blame.

PHOTOS: LAURIE KAUFMAN

Le Croissant also provided a Candy Bar with all the PHOTO: LAURIE KAUFMAN favorites.

The girls got a bit punchy by the end of the evening before they made their way to the University Marriott PHOTO: BENJAMIN BAMBA for their honeymoon.

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2010 fabby awards ballot Please complete at least 10 award categories to validate your ballot

restaurants Best to Get Your Money’s Worth  The Other Place  Off Trax  Other _________________

Best After Hours  Off Trax  Other  Other _________________

Best South of the Border  Red Iguana  Rio Grande  Other _________________

Best New Restaurant     

Sapa Rice The Wild Grape Omar’s Rawtopia Other _________________

Best New Americana  Meditrina  Metropolitan  Other _________________

f d & drink Best Cupcakes/Pastries      

Diva’s Mini’s Normandie Schmidt’s Les Madeleines Other _________________

Best Breakfast Selection    

Off Trax The Other Place Blue Plate Diner Other _________________

Best “Hangover” Brunch     

Salt Lake Pizza & Pasta Ruth’s Diner Squatters The Dodo Other _________________

Best Sandwiches  Toasters  Robin’s Nest  Other _________________

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SLP&P Settebello Stoneground Other _________________

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Cuisine Unlimited Le Croissant Good Day Catering Other _________________

nightlife Best Cheap Drinks  Club Try-Angles  Club Edge  Other _________________

Best Place to Get Your Groove On  Babylon  Püre  Other _________________

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JAM Tavernacle Trapp Paper Moon Other _________________

Best New Bar/Club  Club Edge  JAM  Püre  Other _________________

Best Place to be Friday Nights  Gossip  Club Edge  Club Try-Angles  Jam  Püre  Trapp  Paper Moon  Other _________________

Best Place to be Saturday Nights  Babylon  Club Try-Angles  Club Edge  JAM  Trapp  Paper Moon  Other _________________

Best Afternoon Crowd  Club Try-Angles  JAM  Paper Moon  Trapp  Other _________________

Best Gay-Friendly Bar  Area 51  Piper Down  Tavernacle  W Lounge  Other _________________

Best Place for Drag Queen Sightings  Gossip  Third Friday Bingo  Cyber Slut Bingo  Paper Moon  Other _________________

32 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

arts & culture Best Local Theatre Company  Plan-B  SLAC  Pygmalion  Grand Theatre  Pioneer Theatre  Other _________________

Best New Arts Organization  Sugar Space  Meat & Potato  Dark Horse Theatre Co  Other _________________

Best Dance Company  Ballet West  Ririe-Woodbury  Odyssey  Repertory Dance  SB Dance  Other _________________

Best Play/Musical of 2009  SLAC-Dark Play or Stories for Boys  Broadway-Wicked  SLAC-Saturday’s Voyeur  PTC-A Chorus Line  Plan-B-Di Esperienza  Other _________________

Best Special Engagement Show in 2009  Plan-B-Radio Hour: Alice  The Passion of Sister Dottie S. Dixon  Plan-B-And the Banned Slammed On  SLMC-Mountain Jubilee Chorus He Sang, She Sang  Grand-Always…Patsy Cline!  Other _________________

Best Dance Program in 2009  Odyssey-Thriller  Odyssey-Shut Up & Dance  Repertory-Joyride 2  Ririe-Equilibrium  Other _________________

Best Art Gallery/Museum  UMFA  Phillips Gallery  A Gallery  Salt Lake Art Center  Other _________________

Best Adult Toy Store  Mischievious  Cahoots  Blue Boutique  Other _________________

Best “Elephant” Gift Store  Cabin Fever  Cahoots  Mischievious  Our Store  Other _________________

Best Home Décor Store  Retrospect  Cabin Fever  Cahoots  Other _________________

Best Flower Shop  Twigs  Flower Patch  Celestial Floral Salon  Other _________________

Best Bookstore  Sam Weller’s  King’s English  Other _________________

Q fabulous Best QSaltLake Columnist (nominees from recent Reader’s survey)  JoSelle Vanderhooft  Ruby Ridge  Christopher Katis  Ben Williams  Other _________________

Best Story of 2009  8: The Mormon Prop/Reed Cowan  Homeless Youth Pride Walk  Kiss Heard Round the World  Other _________________

Best QSaltLake Event in 2009  Big Gay Fun Bus  Annual Fabby Awards Ceremony  Annual Beach Party  Annual Q Lagoon Day  Other _________________

Favorite Local or State Elected Politician    

Rep. Christine Johnson Rep. Jackie Biskupski Stan Penfold Other _________________

Favorite Ally     

Sen. Ben McAdams Mayor Ralph Becker Mayor Peter Corroon Jenny Wilson Other _________________

groups Best Social Group      

sWerve Utah Bear Alliance Queer Spirit Qvinum Utah Male Naturists Other _________________

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Best Religious Organization  Affirmation  Reconciliation  Other _________________

Best Sports Organization  QUAC  Pride Ccommunity Softball League  Mountain West Flag Football League  GoodTimes Bowling  Lambda Hiking Club  Front Runners  Other _________________

   

Pride Massage Kevin Guzik Massage Bodywork Other _________________

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David Daniels Brian Gordon Laurie Kaufman David Newkirk Other _________________

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Aaron Butler Tony Fantis Babs DeLay Julie Silveous Scott Alexander Other _________________

Best Tattoo/Piercing Parlor    

Koi Iris Piercing Susie M’s Other _________________

Best Attorney  Doug Fadel  Lauren Barros  Other _________________

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Camp Bow Wow Dog Show Doggy Daycare Dogs R Us Other _________________

Best Counseling Services      

Pride Counseling Don Austin Associated Counseling Terri Busch Jim Struve Other _________________

Best Insurance Agent Steven Fisher Alexius Gallegos Janet Silotti Dan Rodriquez Jon Jepsen Other _________________

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people

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Best Full Service Salon/ Spa

 Jay Perry  Alexis Baigue  Jesse Pepe  Sister Dottie S. Dixon  Other _________________

Best Massage

 A New Day Spa  A Kura Door  Other _________________

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KRCL KCPW X96 Other _________________

Best Local News Station    

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Please count my ballot and enter me into the drawing for a $50 Visa gift card!

sho ing

Favorite Bartender/ Barback/Server

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 Shane-Club Try-Angles  Ben—Tavernacle  Other _________________

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Mail by April 1 to: QSaltLake, 1055 E 2100 S Ste 206, SLC UT 84106

Amerigo

by Eric Samuelsen World Premiere April 8-18, 2010 Who truly discovered America?

Is it home to religious visionaries?

A salesman’s paradise? Sexualized commerce?

Nature commodified?

Christopher Columbus and Amerigo Vespucci engage in a free-ranging debate—moderated

by Niccolo Machiavelli, (the father of political science) with Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz (Mexican playwright/poet/lesbian nun) as judge—over who we are as Americans and who we can become.

Surprisingly, irreverently funny.

And the Banned Slammed On May 1, 2010

Utah’s only fundraiser featuring five 10-minute plays created in 24 hours based on incidents of censorship in Utah over the past year.

Hosted by Bill Allred & Doug Fabrizio with special guests Mayor Ralph Becker and “Main Street Plaza Kissing Criminals” Derek Jones & Matt Aune.

Food by Cali’s Natural Foods. Cash Bar. JOIN US FOR THE REST OF THE 2009-10 SEASON FOR ONLY $52.50 TOTAL SINGLE TICKETS: AMERIGO $20 AND THE BANNED SLAMMED ON $40 PLANBTHEATRE.ORG

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arts & entertainment gay agenda All About Me Myself and I

LADY DAY See Mar. 25

by Tony Hobday

I’ve had it up to my monkey-like earlobes with people who don’t say ‘thank you’ when I hold or open a door for them, who don’t hug me when I walk into a room, who don’t squeal with glee when I phone them, who don’t break into The Chiffons’ “He’s So Fine” when they see me strolling down the street and who don’t offer me money just because I’m pretty. Because it’s all about me and if you disagree, I’ll cry ... just so you know!

19

FRIDAY — I didn’t have a chance to include any of the fabulous shows that the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire put on during their annual ‘AIDS Week’ fundraiser that happened earlier this month, so I want to suggest you go out to the SISTERS OF THE GAGA SISTERHOOD show hosted by Czarina 34 Korynne — she wants your ugly, she wants your disease, she wants your everything as long as it’s free.

9:30pm, Paper Moon, 3737 S. State St. Cover $5 to benefit the RCGSE AIDS Fund, 801-713-0678.

20

SATURDAY — I haven’t been to one of sWerve’s parties before, but I’ve heard these ladies know how to throw ’em. These sprite women have kissed the Blarney Stone so many times they could flatter the skirt right off Gayle Ruzicka. So I can only imagine what kind of trouble they will get into at their post-ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARTY. There will be dancing, raffles and just a wee bit ‘o drinking ... yeah, right!

7–10pm, The Speakeasy, 63 W. 100 South. Cover $10, 801-521-7000.

22

MONDAY — For me, if there were the same opportunities as So You Think You Can Dance when I was a young lad, I might have become a world-renowned dancer, and had been in A Chorus Line. But noooo! Anyhoo, in the documentary film EVERY LITTLE STEP the camera follows the dancers’ plight as they struggle through auditions (not me though!) for the Broadway revival of A Chorus Line, and investigates the history of the show, and the creative minds behind the original and current incarnations.

7pm, City Library, 210 E. 400 South. Free, 801746-7000 or slcfilmcenter.org.

23

TUESDAY — The Tonynominated Broadway hit, LEGALLY BLONDE THE MUSICAL, is on tour and hits Salt Lake City tonight for a limited run. Sorority star Elle Woods doesn’t take “no” for an answer.

So when her boyfriend dumps her for someone more “serious,” Elle trashes the credit card, hits the books, and sets out to go where no Delta Nu has gone before: Harvard Law. Along the way, Elle proves that being true to yourself never goes out of style.

7:30pm, through March 28, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $35–62.50, 801355-ARTS or arttix.org.

25

THURSDAY — Pygmalion Productions Theatre Company presents, in conjunction with The Edward Lewis Black Theatre Festival, LADY DAY AT EMERSON’S BAR & GRILL, a cabaret-style (I adore cabaret ... shut up!) show about the incomparable Billie Holiday’s final jazz gig, that tells her life through stories and songs.

7:30pm, through April 10, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

3 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

PHOTO: MCKALLE SANDERSON

Q Repertory Dance Theatre presents MYSTIQUE (East meets West). Legendary choreographer Michio Ito created a synthesis of Japanese Noh and Kabuki, characteristic gestures drawn from Eastern and Western cultures that left a footprint in American Modern Dance. Andrea Miller’s A New Work adds contrast with movement that erupts from physicality and the subconscious. Norwegian choreographer, Jo Stromgren, is influenced by French existentialism, dark winters and lonely fjords, but his work, Kraak, offers a certain lightness and absurdity along with explosive dynamic energy.

8pm, through Saturday, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway.

Tickets $30, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

27

SATURDAY — After a great turnout a few months ago, Club Try-Angles brings back UNIFORM NIGHT. Dress up as your sexiest uniformed character, like a naughty nurse or a skanky cheerleader or a fireman with a gigantic hose. I’d get into my football gear but I can’t get the hard cup on all by myself.

9pm, Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South. For more info call 801-364-3203.

Q Weber State University Department of Performing Arts AAT (Associated Actors and Technicians) invite performers to participate in CABARET NIGHTS: SONGS OF THE CINEMA. All are invited to attend as an audience member but are also invited to present their work of movie-inspired music, dance, poetry, etc. Have a song you have to

sing; a dance you “gotta dance?” This is your chance, MY chance!

9pm, Wildcat Theater, Sheperd Union Bldg., 3848 Harrison Blvd., WSU, Ogden.

Free, 801-694-7994.

Q Holi is the FESTIVAL OF COLORS, a traditional Indian holiday announcing the arrival of spring. The color, noise and entertainment that accompanies the celebration of Holi bears witness to a feeling of oneness and sense of brotherhood. The festival brings home the lesson of spiritual and social harmony as revelers flood the temple and grounds for a day of brightly colored powder, mantra, music and a bit of “holi” mayhem.

Noon–4pm, Sri Sri Radha Krishna Temple, 8628 S. State St., Spanish Fork. Free; bags of safe, Indian scented powders $2 each or 3 bags for $5, 801-798-3559 or utahkrishnas.org.

28

SUNDAY — Did you know I started the ‘Bend-andSnap’ move when I was diddling this beatnik from Seattle? It’s true. Anyhoo, if you want to go really blonde, join the Salt Lake City Film Center at their LEGALLY BLONDE BRUNCH. You’ll get the chance to have mimosas with Elle Woods, see a matinee of the musical and a post-show discussion.

11:30am, The Olive Bistro, 57 W. 200 South. Tickets $250 (limited sales), contact Kelsie Jepsen 801-746-7000 or kjepsen@slcfilmcenter.org.

30

TUESDAY — John Ondrasik, or FIVE FOR FIGHTING, is a mean pianist, a great songwriter and a fantastic entertainer.

I’ve seen him in concert before, and it was a blast! I’m quite certain, he’ll play his biggest hits including “Superman,”

“Chances,” “100 Years” and “The Riddle.” Don’t miss it! Matt Wertz opens.

8pm, The Depot, 400 W. South Temple Tickets $18/adv–$22/day of show, 801-467-8499 or smithtix.com.

31

WEDNESDAY — Well what can I say about MICHAEL BUBLÉ ... except for that I’m hurt by his recent marriage. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for him to come and sweep me off my feet? I truly believed the song “Haven’t Met You Yet” was all about me. Ohhh, the pain I’m suffering. Anyhoo, the bitch is in concert tonight, check it out — I just don’t have the strength.

8pm, The Depot, 400 W. South Temple. Tickets $18/adv–$22/day of show, 801-467-8499 or smithtix.com.

UPCOMING EVENTS APR. 5 APR. 25 MAY 7 JUN 10

Muse, E Center Ani DiFranco, Kingsbury Hall Sugarland, E Center Sting, USANA

save the date

March 20 sWerve’s St. Patty’s Day Party swerveutah.com

June 24–27 Utah Arts Festival uaf.org August 6–7 Women’s Redrock Music Festival, Torrey redrockwomensfest. com

March 31–April 4 August 7–8 Dinah Shore Week in Park City Arts Festival Palm Springs dinahshoreweekend.com kimballartcenter.org April 9-12 Palm Springs White August 8 Party Q Lagoon Day jeffreysanker.com qsaltlake.com April 10 August 22 Queer Prom utahpridecenter.org Utah Pride Center April 16 Day of Silence dayofsilence.org

Golf Classic

May 8 HRC Utah Gala utah.hrc.org

September 18

June 4–6 Utah Pride utahpride.org June 13 Salt Lake Men’s Choir “Americana” Concert, saltlakemenschoir. org June 10–13 Damn These Heels FIlm Festival slcfilmcenter.org

utahpridecenter.org

sWerve’s Oktoberfest swerveutah.com September 28 Equality Utah Allies Dinner equalityutah.org October 9 National Coming Out Day utahpridecenter.org

‘Legally Blonde The Musical’ is Pure Escapism

by Tony Hobday

T

HE SEVEN-TIME

TONY-NOMINATED musical based on Amanda Brown’s novel and the 2001 film is taking to the Capitol Theatre stage. The Legally Blonde The Musical professional touring company presents a limited six-day, eight-show run, March 23–28.

“It’s strange,” said Michael Rupert who reprises his 2007 Broadway role as Professor Callahan. “It’s been 12 years since my last tour, which was for Ragtime.

We only did five cities in a year’s time. We’d sit in each city for about two months, now it’s only a week.”

Or as with Seattle, a threeweek stint, and where QSaltLake caught up with Rupert. He was still feeling a little croggy from sleep; he’d had gotten up at 5 a.m. to see his partner off to catch a flight back to their home in New York City. Even with a clouded head Rupert generously spoke about his background and the musical production with whimsy and candor.

Rupert was born in Denver in 1951, and grew up in Los Angeles, so it was only natural, said Rupert, as a kid to tryout acting. “I did a play when I was about 11 years old Michael Rupert and my parents were cool with it, you know, but they didn’t really expect me to go on and make a career out of it.

They thought it would be something fun to do as a kid and then go on to become a dentist or something.”

As luck would have, Rupert became an instant child star. “An agent saw me doing the play and asked my parents if she could represent me and set me up for

jobs,” said Rupert. “And she did. I started doing mostly television and film work in Los Angeles for about four years. Then when I was 15 I was cast (from Los Angeles) in a Broadway show, called The Happy Time.”

Rupert whisked off to New York and

But before the bleached-blonde could be washed out, the show went on a national tour. It received three 2009 Touring Broadway Awards for Best New Musical, Best Choreography of a Touring Production and Best Production Design.

did the show for about year, at which time he knew what he wanted to do as a career, to be a stage actor. His first run on Broadway was a huge success for Rupert; at the young age of 15, he garnered a Tony nomination for his role in The Happy Time. “I didn’t take it seriously,” admiitted Rupert of his nomination. “I just thought ‘Oh, this is fun.’ You know, I was a typical teenager.” But, Rupert contined, “It was great going to the awards [show] and hanging out with all those stars.”

It would be nearly 20 years later, and two more Tony nods, before Rupert would finally receive the prestigous award. His role as Oscar, Charity’s boyfriend, in Sweet Charity, the ’80s revival with Debbie Allen, secured him a Tony for Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Musical. He went on to do three more Broadway musicals: Mail (for which he also wrote the music), City of Angels and Falsettos (Tony nomination) before originating the role of Professor Callahan in the 2007-08 run of Legally Blonde The Musical.

Rupert said of the show’s success, “I think Legally Blonde [The Musical] is incredibly entertaining theater. Any age seems to have a really great time. It’s a very funny show and an endearing story. It’s a story that has a lot of heart and it’s very smartly written and the musical lyrics are terrific.”

“I mean if you’re going to look for deep, meaningful theater, forget it,” he continued. “It’s pure escapism, but with heart and a lot of passion behind it.”

“We’ll get the whole audience up to do the ‘bend-and-snap’ at the end of the show,” Rupert joked.

After the remaining 23-week tour, Rupert will set off for Ohio to direct a local production of Breaking the Code, a play by Hugh Whitemore about Alan Turing, a homosexual mathematician, who played a key role in breaking the German Enigma code during World War II. Q The show runs March 23–28 at the Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $35–62.50, 801355-ARTS or arttix.org.

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 35

A DIVISION OF DREW ELLSWORTH CULINARY CONCEPTS

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With small groups of no more than 8 students, Ecole Dijon gives you the opportunity to watch and interact with a professional chef preparing foods in an exciting and expeditious way.

The atmosphere is very casual and warm and students can freely move around to see what the chef is doing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hands onâ&#x20AC;? training is available when possible.

theater review Mad About â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Reefer Madnessâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

by Tony Hobday

L

N OVEMBER I REVIEWED D ARK Horse Company Theatreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s A New Brain, and though I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t completely enamored with the production I did write, â&#x20AC;&#x153;hell yeah, you go girls!â&#x20AC;? in reference to their unbridled passion for producing socially delicate (especially here in Utah) shows. Now, let me first say that the four founding members of Dark Horse are not all women (just to be clear) and second, their current musical production, Reefer Madness, is such blazing great theatre that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always 4:20 on any given day, in my opinion (thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good thing by the way).

Based on the 1936 film, Reefer Madness, in a nutshell, is like a sensational Public Service Announcement (PSA) â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a lurid scare tactic to warn parents of the deadly and immoral effects of the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mary Jane.â&#x20AC;? Though it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t meant to be sensationalist, as the film was originally financed by a church group (the LDS Church, perhaps?) and made under the title Tell Your Children, the musical version, adapted by Kevin Murphy and Dan Studney in 1998, is satire at its finest.

Opening with the tirades of an antimarijuana activist (Justin Olsen), a hilarious, but ultimately tragic story unfolds. A wholesome teenage couple, Jimmy Harper (Bryan Matthew Hague) and Mary Lane (Ashley Larue Grant â&#x20AC;&#x201D; whose uncanny AST

Sunday, March 21, 6pm

Treat yourself or a loved one to cooking classes with Chef Drew Ellsworth, 34-year chef, wine manager of the Third West Wine Store, QSaltLakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Restaurant reviewer.

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VALUE WINES, COMMON AND UNCOMMON + GREAT FOOD Taste and learn about great prices in French Winesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Chards, Rhones, So. French, Loire Cured-Ham Rillettes with Chef-baked French Bread , Salmon Cakes Topped w/Shrimp and an Easy French Seafood Sauce, Salad of French Bib Lettuce, Duck Breast with Pan Juices and Grand Marnier, Dessert

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Monday March 22

â&#x20AC;&#x153;HOPING FOR SPRINGâ&#x20AC;? PARTY WITH ALL NEW CA RECIPES

Avocado â&#x20AC;&#x153;Clubâ&#x20AC;? Spring Rolls with Thai Chili Sauce, Chopped Salad over Field Greens, Chicken w/Port Mushroom Sauce, White Chocolate/Berry Cheesecake

Classes are only $45 or 3 for $115.

Wine classes have a $15 wine fee.

Chef Drew will even hold classes at your home for as little as $40 per person.

See the Web site for details.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CLASSES CATERING AND CULINARY PARTIES: www.EcoleDijonCookingSchool.com chefdrewe@aol.com 801-278-1039

resemblance to a young Marie Osmond is an oxymoron to her brilliant performance), have a promising future. That is, until Jimmy falls under the demonic spell of Jack (Danny Tarasevich), a violent cannibis pusher who lures young, unsuspecting children into his â&#x20AC;&#x153;Reefer Den,â&#x20AC;? and turns them into paranoid, sleep-deprived, sex fiends. What ensues is a number of events enveloped in the absurd essence of classic, B-horror flicks like The Blob, Rosemaryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Baby, and Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Eventually, however, Jimmy realizes he loves Mary Lane more than he loves Mary Jane, but an unfortunate accident sends Jimmy fleeing, literally (... I think, it gets a little hazy) to the ends of the earth. A distraught Mary, while searching for her true love, comes across the Reefer Den, where sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also quickly bewitched by â&#x20AC;&#x153;the stuff.â&#x20AC;?

Then a chaotic, tragic encounter, one that will make you gasp, involving a number of key players, lands Jimmy in jail.

Finally, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s up to Jesus and President Franklin Roosevelt to free Jimmy from the prison bars and the clutches of the demon reefer.

Christopher Gladeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s astounding direction is sharp and inquisitively paced. The choreography, by JC, and the sheer talent of the entire ensemble cast, with each number, revels in Broadway brilliance.

Forgoing the two beers I consumed that were available during the performance for a nominal fee, Dark Horseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Reefer Madness is, in itself, a tension-relieving, mindnumbing (in the good way) and absolutely giggle-inducing hallucinogen. And itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s much more affordable ... not that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d ever know the price of pot, seriously!

A violent cannibis pusher lures young, unsuspecting children into his â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Reefer Denâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Reefer Madness burns through March 28 at the Egyptian Theatre, 328 S. Main St., Park City. Tickets $15, 435-649-9371 or parkcityshows.com.

4BUVSEBZ .BSDI

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(SFFO #FFST +BNFTPO BOE GPPE TQFDJBMT 3 6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

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Week Four and So Much More on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’

by BeBe Zahara Benet

Welcome back to my column! It’s week four of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and once again the competition has been taken up a notch. I recently got a chance to chat with Sonique, the no-nonsense Atlanta darling who flipped her way through the fiercest lip-sync of the season.

Catch RuPaul’s Drag Race, 9 p.m. (ET/PT) every Monday night on Logo (DISH Network channel 373) and visit LOGOonline.com to find out about viewing parties in your area.

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If you were like me, then you were floored by the performances Sonique and fellow bottom-two drag queen Morgan McMichaels rolled out for the LipSync of Your Life. Sonique may have gone home, but I told her she definitely pulled out all the stops!

“That morning when I woke up, I had a different energy going through my body than I had ever had,” Sonique told me of her last day on the show. “Something wasn’t clicking with me. I just knew something dramatic was going to happen.”

A trained gymnast, Sonique cartwheeled and flipped her way through an amazing lip-sync, which meant coming out of her tiger-print dress. “I kept going back and forth; should I lip-sync only or just perform?” she said. “You never know what the judges are going to look for. But I can’t go back and change anything.”

Sonique also told me that RuPaul was clearly moved by the intense lip-sync performances. Although it wasn’t shown in the episode, RuPaul had to walk away and take time to decide who went home that week. Although she sashayed away, Sonique enjoyed her experience on the show and her relationship with Lip-Sync rival Morgan McMichaels.

“Morgan comes across as feisty, like, don’t cross her path, but she reminds me of myself in different ways,” Sonique revealed.

One of the things Sonique takes away from the show is a better understanding of her own performing. “I put so much pressure on myself,” she told me, noting that she learned she needed to enjoy the competitions. By choosing Lady Gaga to impersonate in the Snatch Game, she went with a difficult persona to parody. “I took the role a little too serious,” Sonique said. “I could have had more fun with it.”

Because Sonique is a military school dropout, I wanted to know what her conservative mother thinks of her full-time career as a drag performer.

“Several times she told me, ‘You need to stop it,’” Sonique explained. “But I was just determined.

You have to accept who you are and what you love about yourself no matter what. It took a couple years, but two years ago she saw me perform, and now she’s my biggest fan.”

Sonique may have seemed tough on the show, but talking to her showed me her sensitive, vulnerable side. It was so refreshing to discover the person behind the drag mask, which proves this artistry allows performers to embrace totally different alter egos.

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If service is terminated before the end of commitment, a cancellation fee of $17.50/month remaining will apply. Programming credits will apply during the first 12 months. All equipment is leased and must be returned to DISH Network upon cancellation or unreturned equipment fees apply. Limit 6 leased tuners per account; lease upgrade fees will apply for select receivers; monthly fees may apply based on type and number of receivers. HD programming requires HD television. All prices, packages and programming subject to change without notice. Local channels only available in certain areas. Offer is subject to the terms of applicable Promotional and Residential Customer Agreements. Additional restrictions and fees may apply. First-time DISH Network customers only. Offer ends 5/31/10. HBO/Showtime: Programming credits will apply during the first 3 months. Customer must downgrade or then-current price will apply. HBO® and related channels and service marks are the property of Home Box Office, Inc. SHOWTIME and related marks are trademarks of Showtime Networks Inc., a CBS company. All new customers are subject to a one time S&H fee. Platinum HD is free with qualifying HD add-on packages until 5/31/2010. Breakdown of $400 sign up bonus as follows: 3 Months of movie channels including HBO and Showtime: $86.94 + $15 credit per month for 12 months: $180 (requires qualifying programming, credit amount varies based on selections) + Free DHA-24 Activation $99.00 + 6 months of Digital Home Protection Plan $36 = $401.94

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 3 7

food & wine Three Utah Wine Dudes

by Chef Drew Ellsworth

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issue, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m starting a series on the Utah wine brokerages and the people who bring wines into the state. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll start with three smaller companies, but in time Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll showcase all the companies that serve Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wine stores. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m beginning this series with Bottleneck Wines, P. R. Grisley Wines and Wild West Wines.

Scott Cunningham is the owner and creator of BOTTLENECK WINES. Scott, still a young man, started as an entrepreneur right out of high school. He opened a coffee shop in Boise, Idaho, and in just a few years his business acumen had brought him a measure of success rarely awarded to guys at such a young age. After he sold his coffee business, he decided to wait tables in nice restaurants just for fun, with the goal in mind of learning about the service of wine. Soon, Scott learned that as a waiter he could raise his tip considerably by suggesting wines to go with specific menu items. Inadvertently, he developed a discerning palate of his own and eventually acquired a pretty snazzy education as a certified sommelier.

Scott is tall, friendly and VGL â&#x20AC;&#x201D; really â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and in no time garnered a position for a wine brokerage company as its Utah sales manager. Of course, being very successful at his job, Scott had schmoozed his way into the hearts and minds of both his clients and the California wineries he was representing. He also knew he had picked up more knowledge and connections than he was being paid for, so, after multiple attempts to get a raise from his employers, he started his own business and brought some wineries along with him.

Scottâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wine portfolio is always expanding and I have a hard time keeping up will all the wine he brings into Utah. He sells A TO Z WINEWORKS from Oregon, CARTLIDGE & BROWNE from California, MITOLO from Australia, and many more.

Here are three Bottleneck wines you should try: â&#x20AC;˘ A TO Z PINOT NOIR â&#x20AC;&#x2122;08: This wine is just delicious and is made in a beautiful Burgundy style â&#x20AC;&#x201D; light yet full of flavor and silky. I think this wine has plenty of acidity which makes it all the better to pair with foods like roasted pork and chicken. It is also classy enough to be served as an opener at a cocktail party. It costs around $18. â&#x20AC;˘ Lâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;OUSTAL BLANC-NAICK ROUGE: Bottleneck also brings in this obscure little carignane from the South of France. This red wine is the product of a â&#x20AC;&#x153;ghostâ&#x20AC;? vineyard which fell into the hands of an unsuspecting couple who lived in Paris. They inherited the beleaguered property from a relative and left their urban lives to become winemakers.

Naick is soft and creamy and quite light.

You may think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not very interesting at first, but as it lingers and opens youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll discover the smooth elegance of a finely made Carignane. It costs around $23. â&#x20AC;˘ BERGEVIN LANE, COLUMBIA VALLEY CABERNET: This comes from a winery in the great Northwest which is owned by a mar-

ried lesbian couple. The two make exceptional wines and their cabernet sauvignon is one of the supple, easy-drinking, lighter wines that Washington is famous for. If you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t had a Washington State cabernet, you need to support these members of our community and try this wine, which costs around $25.

Peter, or Pierre, Grisley is a Millcreek prince from an old Salt Lake family. Semiretired from the family machine tooling business on 300 West, Peter wanted to get into wine because he loves it, and because he wanted to form a new business that would be viable and exciting for his whole family, some of whom are involved, like Peterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s son Michael, who serves as his sales representative. Peter is one of Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s few wine importers, which means that he can bring in products directly from wineries in other countries. He has also recently started bottling wines in Spain under the label of GRISLEY-RODRIGUEZ. Although Peterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s forte is Spanish wines, he also has new contacts in Bordeaux and Burgundy and in Portugal â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in fact, a fine feather in his cap is that he now represents LUSTAU SHERRIES. Three Grisley wines you should know about are: â&#x20AC;˘ A new Portuguese VINHO VERDE by Quinta Gomariz which is a frizzante â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a wine that is full of sparkle, lime zest and luscious melon tones. This is an exceptional bargain at $10 and better than the two Vinho Verdes which have been carried by the state in the past. â&#x20AC;˘ Under the same label, he has a gorgeous PORTUGUESE ROSE, similar to the orangeish Muga Rioja rose. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crisp, clean, balanced and perfect for spring and summer. â&#x20AC;˘ Peter also brings in a very nice and drinkable Bordeaux from the Cotes de Castillon.

CHAT. MONBADON is a great introduction to an affordable Bordeaux at around $14.

Ron Shelby is a member of our community and the current representative of WILD WEST WINES. In past years, Ron worked for the Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control at the downtown Metro Wine Store. He too has a great palate and shares my ability to pair food with wine. He has been a featured speaker at the wine tasting club qVinum and is also an excellent cook.

Here are three of the wines that Ron represents. â&#x20AC;˘ NEW AGE is a popular but special order wine from Argentina. It is a sparkling cocktail wine which is best served over ice and with a squeeze of lime. This type of wine is all the rage in Buenos Aires and is on the sweet side. Many have said it also has aphrodisiac qualities! â&#x20AC;˘ LOS VASCOS CABERNET is a consistent bargain and perennial favorite from Chile. Many people who love Cabs buy it by the case. At around $11, its value is often hidden. â&#x20AC;˘ SIMONSIEG is a winery from South Africa which exports many wines to the United States, but one that is very interesting to me is a sparkling rose which is a blend of Pinotage and Pinot Noir. If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know, Pinotage is a hybrid grape only grown in South Africa. Generally, it is not meant to make rose or sparkling wine, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still very nice. Its cost is around $20.

In the next issue, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll introduce you to three more wine reps in Utah. Q

dining guide ACME Burger Salt Lakeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most imaginary burger joint, Sun. brunch.

275 S 200 West, Salt Lake City 801-257-5700 Elevation Caffe Taking coffee and weenies to new heights 1337 S Main St Meditrina Small Plates & Wine Bar Encouraging gastronimic exploring in tapas tradition 1394 S West Temple, Salt Lake City 801-485-2055 Mestizo Coffeehouse Coffee, art, jam sessions, free gallery West Side 631 W North Temple Suite 700, SLC 801-596-0500 Off Trax Internet CafĂŠ Coffee, Wifi and Pool 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307 Omarâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Rawtopia Restaurant Organic Live Food 2148 Highland Dr 801-486-0332 Red Iguana Best home-made moles and chile verdes in town 736 W North Temple, SLC 801-322-1489 Rice Fusion Cuisine and Sushi Bar 1158 S State St, Salt Lake City 801-328-3888 Sageâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cafe The freshest and healthiest cuisine possible 473 E 300 South, Salt Lake City 801-322-3790

Open Mon-Sat 11:30amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;2pm 5:30 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 9:30pm Fri & Sat til 10:30pm 1394 South West Temple

801.485.2055

www.MeditrinaSLC.com

For people of all ages to hang out, play pool, get on the internet, play music

The Metropolitan Handcrafted new American cuisine 173 W Broadway, Salt Lake City 801-364-3472 Tin Angel Cafe Mediterranean bistro style 365 W 400 South Salt Lake City 801-328-4155 Vertical Diner Vegetarian restaurant open 7 days a week 10amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;9pm 2280 S West Temple, Salt Lake City 801-484-8378 Vinto Pizzeria Best pizza on earth 418 E 200 S, SLC 801-539-9999 The Wild Grape Bistro Eat where the locals eat 481 E South Temple 801-746-5565

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Next to Club Try-Angles, Half Block from TRAX in the NEW Gayborhood!

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Happy Hangover New menu item: French Dip

Sunday Brunch 11amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;3pm Q PON

Free Soda or Coffee M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 39

WE E K LY BA R E V E NTS

SUNDAYS

CLUB TRY-ANGLES

MONDAYS

$1 Drafts Beer-Soaked Weenies

251 W. 900 South • D M N 801-364-3203 • clubtry-angles.com

Beer-soaked weenies

JAM

751 N. 300 W • D M N 801-891-1162 • jamslc.com

PAPER MOON

Free pool all day $1 Drafts

3737 S State St • D K L 801-713-0678 • thepapermoon.info

Texas Hold Em $4 Paper Moon Steins

T UE SDAYS

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201 E. 300 South • K X 801-519-8800 • tavernacle.com

Dance, Dance, Dance!

Pool Tournaments

Poker Night

$1 drafts American Idol All Request Night

Superstar Karaoke w/Brian G Fresh Sushi

Music Videos $1 Drafts Fresh Food

Friday Fix DJ Mike Babbitt Fresh Sushi

Saturday Thump DJ Tidy Indie, Top 40

Karaoke 8pm $3 Red Stripe $3 Coronas

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Free pool $2 Wells $3 Cans

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Poles, Cages, Sexy Women Best Female DJs

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Porch Pounders w/Bad Brad Wheeler/krcl

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The Divine Secrets of the Gaga Sisterhood Hosted by Czarina 34 Korynne C. Kidman To benefit the RCGSE PWA Fund Friday, March 26

Candy Cabaret

Nothing like you’ve ever seen in Utah!

Starts at 10 – Don’t miss the show!

Friday, April 2

Spring Awakening

Closet Ball Queen Jason’s first drag performance!

Benefits the RCGSE Cancer Fund 4 0 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

Sunday:3pm-8pm (Extended Hours for Special Events) Monday: 6pm-1am Tuesday –Friday: 3pm-1am Saturday: 6pm-1am

NEW LINEUP 7 SUNDAYS 7

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l WEDNESDAYS l 80’s Rocks! Free Pool. $2 Wells & $3 Big Bud Cans

7 THURSDAYS 7 Sassy Kitty’s Karaoke @ 9pm $1 Drafts

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fun & games

Hot Flash Across 1 Joe of JFK 6 Harmony, informally 10 Drag queen on the make 14 Swear words 15 Game played astride the well-hung 16 Bangkok continent 17 One goes from here back into the closet 18 Field of study 19 Angels in America writer Kushner 20 Movie of 51-Across, with The 23 Caboose’s spot 24 Muscle problem 25 Julia costar Maximilian 28 Gets touched by a rubber 33 One-woman show of 51-Across, with 43-Across 35 Seminal computer 36 Rimbaud’s king 37 Frasier pup 39 Code-breaking org.

40 Senatorial staffers 43 See 33-Across 46 Future queen 48 Makes invalid

49 McCullers’ Ballad of the ___ Cafe 50 Jermaine’s brother 51 Hot Flash performer 57 Catch at Cape Cod 58 Show Boat bundle 59 Place for a G-string 61 Lysol target 62 Green fruit 63 Of noble bearing 64 Obey a court order 65 Boy with a bow 66 Make noise in bed Down 1 Place to take a pea 2 Lawman Wyatt 3 Direction from Susan Feniger 4 Rooted in the stands 5 One from the land of the circumcised 6 Jane of the cloth 7 Time of Camelot 8 NY Met, for example 9 Bikes without pedaling 10 Area around St. Peters 11 Starting from 12 Fielder’s call, to Bean 13 Take care of the bill 21 Have a cow

22 Like three men that visited Mary 25 Subway hanger 26 Church singers 27 Swiss miss 28 Thigh-length skirts 29 Early AIDS play 30 Big name in cutters 31 Stand next to O’Keeffe 32 Loads 34 Computes the bottom line 38 AOL offering 41 Rope in 42 Give the once-over 44 Visibly moved 45 Figures who get coldcocked?

47 Safe to swallow 50 Family diagrams 51 Dench of Notes on a Scandal 52 Grandson of Eve 53 Exhibition event 54 Sailor’s patron 55 Otello villain 56 It comes before 69 57 Hard top 60 Suffix with project ANSWERS ON P. 47

Cryptogram

A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another.

For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.

This week’s hint: B = M Theme: Quote by Calif. Senator Roy Ashburn after coming out of the closet.

S UEZW BH APWH, KJA S XWSZZ UEEZ WGSX OKH, SX WI CEVCEXEJW BH FIJXWSWPEJWX. _ ____ __ ____, ___ _

_____ ____ ____ ___, __ __

_________ __ ____________.

42 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

homoscopes

signs of the times

Stay at Home, Sagittarius!

By Jack Fertig

Zipping through Aries, Mercury is keeping tongues and wits sharp, and maybe dangerously ahead of good sense and manners. This week he aspects Jupiter, expanding wit and wisdom and also a bit of sensitivity. Try not to offend accidentally or to take offense where none is meant.

e

ARIES (March 20 – April 19) Striving to do your best is important, but competing with others easily becomes a trap, leading to doubt and ill will.

Being charitable and helpful can open up opportunities. Self-promotion doesn’t. Let your good deeds speak for themselves.

Q Zeak Qdoku

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Level: Medium

1

4 3 9 5

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7 9 2 3 7 5 5 8

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3 6 3 2 9 8 9 4 7

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SCORPIO (October 23 – Nov. 21) Competitive team sports can help you develop your skills at other kinds of collaboration. You’re hopped up to win, but focus on improving your own game, and see where else to apply those lessons.

That’s the greater victory!

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Professional astrologer Jack Fertig is available for consultations at 415-864-8302, starjack.com and QScopes@qsaltlake.com

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20) Cultivate friendships with folks who are in charge, or the best at what they do. If things are good with your parents, call them. If not, chatting with a friend will give you insight to those problems.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22) Look beyond your immediate circle and peer group for ways to improve your position and to broaden your outlook.

Hobnob with nabobs, or just hang out with new and different friends. What you learn will prove extremely helpful.

LEO (July 23 – August 22) Arguments can get you into trouble, but some of that trouble could be quite delicious. While still in debate mode, do your best to be open to learning the other person’s positions. You may learn enough to change your own.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22) Sex isn’t normally a competitive sport, but you and your partner could

1

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LIBRA (September 23 – October 22) Discussions with colleagues or employees can get contentious.

Don’t react or argue, but rather offer gentle suggestions, ask questions and pay close attention to their answers. Exercise with your partner can warm up your relationship.

Single? Opportunity is where you work out!

r

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Your inner dialogue can easily become a vicious cycle of guilt and recrimination. Discuss any doubts with a good friend and unload that garbage! We all have room for improvement; work on that without the guilt and baggage.

be]_YWbbo m_j^ekj ]k[ii_d]$ ;dj[h Z_]_ji ' j^hek]^ / _dje j^[ Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically withoutXbWda ifWY[i$ ;l[ho hem ckij YedjW_d ed[ e\ [WY^ Z_]_j" Wi ckij guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain [WY^ Yebkcd WdZ [WY^ )n) igkWh[$ GZeak _i WYjkWbbo \_l[ one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is actuallyi[fWhWj[" Xkj Yedd[Yj[Z" IkZeak fkppb[i$ five seperate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

make quite a game of who can take or give the most. You could discover new pleasures and invigorate your relationship.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 20) You can argue about art or you can demonstrate your best efforts. Stay at home or look to your roots or your community for inspiration. Even if you don’t feel particularly artistic, just puttering around the house can yield amazing results.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 21 – January 19) Siblings, roommates and neighbors can all be sources of great news.

Looking just a little bit outside your home, not too far, can provide keys to alleviating tensions within. Giving in to others may be too easy. Be yourself!

AQUARIUS (January 20 – Feb. 18) A little sibling rivalry, even if you’re just acting that out with friends, can help you spot lucrative opportunities. Be careful, though: If you get into playful arguments, keep them entirely playful!

PISCES (February 19 – March 19) Keeping an eye to the future while focusing on present opportunities has been a challenge lately, but now you have a chance to get a better balance. A rude economic surprise could well be a blessing in disguise.

anagram

3 6

An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made

8 5

7 1 9

1 9 5 1 8 9 6 2 7 3

9

using the letters from another word or phrase.

Rearrange the letters below to answer:

This gay actor will be reprising his role in Legally Blonde The Musical at Capitol Theatre this month.

5 4 1 3 ULTRAHIP CREME 2 2 4 _______ 8 ______ PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON PAGE 47

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 43

health fitne Cardiovascular Training (Part Two)

by Laimis

S

OME INDIVIDUALS WITH A WELL-DEFINED

interest in exercise — for example, bodybuilders — view the need for and the benefits of aerobic training with a heightened sense of skepticism. To a degree, their misgivings about whether to get seriously involved in aerobic training are rooted in the wealth of misinformation that exists concerning aerobic fitness.

There seem to be almost as many myths and misconceptions about the “hows” and “whys” of training your heart-lung complex as there are individuals willing to give an opinion on the subject. Realistically, before most individuals will be able to make a firm personal commitment to engage in a sound aerobic training program, they must be able to separate fact from fiction about aerobic fitness. The following 12 beliefs relating to aerobic fitness appear to be among the most common myths.

hydrates and fats to produce energy. If you are concerned about your health, particularly the risk of heart disease, you need to accept the fact that aerobic training can have a critical effect on the quantity and quality of your life.

All time spent exercising aerobically would be better used in the weight room.

NOT TRUE. Aerobic fitness is among the most preventative medicines available.

How strong you are, how well-sculpted your body and how good you feel about yourself will not be sufficient consolation if you become seriously ill. While muscular fitness is certainly important, aerobic fitness is also essential. No logical justification exists about why you should compromise your health. Make time for both components of fitness.

Aerobic training improves only the heart-lung complex, not your muscles.

NOT TRUE. Everyone needs to be able to efAerobic fitness is not important for everyone.

ficiently take oxygen into their lungs and blood, and pump it to their working muscles where it is utilized to oxidize carbo-

NOT TRUE. In fact, your muscles are the primary target organ of aerobic training.

Aerobic training increases the muscles’

ability to use fat as a source of energy. It also increases the size and number of the cellular units (mitochondria) that produce energy aerobically. It also increases the levels of specific enzymes in your muscles that are required for the aerobic transformation of “fuels” into energy. When you consider how aerobic training improves the condition and efficiency of your breathing muscles and your heart (undoubtedly the most important muscle in your body), it is little wonder that relative to aerobic fitness, “muscles do matter.”

More is better when it comes to aerobic training.

NOT TRUE. Research shows that an aerobic exercise program that exceeds more than four 45-minute sessions per week has a limited effect on improving your aerobic capacity. You burn up more calories if you aerobically exercise more, but you won’t necessarily wind up with a heightened level of aerobic fitness. In addition, exercising aerobically more than 1½ hours per week may be counterproductive, if your goal is to maximize your level of muscle mass.

The best aerobic exercise is running.

NOT TRUE. The best aerobic exercise for you is one that you enjoy, one that is safe for you and one that you will perform on a regular basis. One person’s trash is another’s treasure. Pick an aerobic activity that you personally enjoy, like stair climbing, using a treadmill, swimming, etc., and make it a regular part of your workout regimen.

Aerobic exercise is expensive.

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NOT TRUE. Your body, except for your feet, has little concern about what you wear when you train aerobically. If you’re into running, you do need good shoes, which usually range in cost from $50 to $100. Except for shoes, however, your financial outlay for aerobic training can be a relatively bare-bones payout. Many aerobic activities (walking, running, etc.) require little or no equipment. You may, however, have to become a member of a fitness club that has a pool or independent stair climbing machines if non-impact aerobic exercise is your preferred mode of training.

Aerobic training is extremely timeconsuming.

NOT TRUE. Compared to the time that you might usually spend lifting in the weight room, for example, aerobic training is a virtual walk in the park. Most exercise scientists recommend exercising aerobically 20 to 30 minutes per workout. Some individuals exercise for longer periods of time, but such a time commitment does not appear to be necessary.

Aerobic fitness is achieved by raising your heart rate.

rate is only a byproduct of the process.

Engaging in sports is a good way to develop aerobic fitness.

NOT TRUE. Playing sports (like basketball, racquetball, etc.) does not provide the sustained level of metabolism that you need to elicit the physiological responses in your body to develop aerobic fitness. For the most part, you should already be sufficiently aerobically fit before you participate in sports.

The harder you exercise, the faster your level of aerobic fitness will improve.

NOT TRUE. Exercise scientists suggest that the best way to approach your goal of conditioning yourself aerobically is “to make haste slowly.” Trying to do too much, too soon will usually result in you either being injured or discouraged. Keep in mind that it takes time to elicit the stream of physiological adaptations from your body that are both necessary and desirable. I do recommend that you exercise aerobically at an intensity level ranging from 55 to 85 pecent of your maximum heart rate, with a suggestion that unless you are a serious athlete in tip-top aerobic condition, you train at the lower end of the intensity range.

You have to sacrifice your joints for your heart.

NOT TRUE. Not all aerobic activities involve orthopedic trauma. Three of the most currently popular aerobic activities are nonimpact in nature: exercise cycling, rowing, and independent stair climbing. Compared to cycling and rowing, independent stair climbing offers a critical advantage (beyond the fact that it controls and eliminates the stress on your skeletal joints) in that it is a weight-bearing activity. Exercise scientists have found that your bones respond in several positive ways (for example, they become stronger) to weight-bearing exercise.

It may be too late for you to begin an aerobic training program.

NOT TRUE. The benefits of aerobic fitness remain in effect regardless of how sedentary a lifestyle you have previously led. While your initial level of fitness will influence your rate of aerobic improvement (not surprisingly, the less active and fit you are, the faster you will improve aerobically), the health justification for aerobic training is valid regardless of your exercise habits.

In fact, for example, even a 70-year-old individual can expect a substantial (10 percent) improvement in aerobic fitness from regular exercise. In short, it is never too late.

And remember, “Without good health, nothing else matters.” Q

NOT TRUE. Aerobic fitness is attained when If you need more help with nutrition or any help you elevate the metabolic rate and oxygen with your fitness goals, you can find me at King consumption of your muscles and you sus- Studio, 1400 Foothill Dr. (above Stein Mart), Salt tain the elevation sufficiently long enough Lake City. I can also be reached at 801-815-7725 to overload your aerobic enzyme systems. or at laimis@laimisenergy.com. Buy a gift certifiHeart rate is only an external indication cate for yourself, your family or your friends this of oxygen consumption. Sustained metabo- month and save $300 on your personal training lism is the cause of aerobic fitness; heart sessions.

4 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 150 | M a rch 18 , 2010

Qu ries

By Steven Petrow

When a Straight Guy Asks a Lesbian Out?

Q

: I could use some help in understanding proper etiquette when a heterosexual fellow asks me out thinking that I’m a straight woman. What can I say?

A

: If you missed the wonderful cartoon on this subject in the New Yorker recently, let me repeat the caption, since it’s brilliant. Straight guy asks lesbian out, and she replies: “Thanks, but I’m in the middle of a lesbian phase that started the day I was born.” If you’re prepared to be out, a dollop of humor will take you far. A line of that kind delivered with warmth (as opposed to snottiness) definitely counts as “proper.”

Are Older Gay Men “Mougars” or “Daddies?”

Q

: I’m in my mid-40s and have started dating a guy who is about 20 years younger than me. While it’s practically trendy these days for cougars (older women) to be pursuing younger straight men, I’m getting a lot of flack from my friends that my boyfriend’s not “ageappropriate” for me. What is most insulting is how my friends dismiss him in social situations as a “kid” (even though he’s a Fulbright Scholar) and me as a “daddy,” which he doesn’t need or want and which is a role I would never play.

They also just assume that I’ve pursued him and that I’m “robbing the cradle.”

That’s actually not the case. He came after me. I’m frustrated and need to know how to handle all these raised eyebrows and sharp words.

A

4VOEBZT you being a “daddy” have worn themselves thin. Good friends will follow your lead. Bad friends can be asked to make for the door.

Of course, “daddy/boy” relationships have a long and not necessarily sordid history in gay culture, but whether or not there is that dynamic, it’s nobody’s business to make a judgment. Honestly, it’s hard enough to find a compatible boyfriend or girlfriend, so congratulations to you both. And don’t forget Julie Andrews’ memorable lyrics from the Sound of Music: “Love is where you find it.”

Can Kids Grow Up “Normal” in a Gay Home?

Q

: My sister is a born-again Christian and the mother of five. She constantly tells me that my partner and I are going to have really messed up kids because we’re lesbians. We definitely do want children. And last week my sister said to us: “How could a child grow up to be normal in a gay household?” What in the world do I say to her?

A

: Well, it depends how available your sister is to having her mind changed.

You could explain to her that all the research shows that children of lesbians and gays turn out just as well as other kids and that there’s no evidence to suggest that lesbians and gay men are unfit to be parents.

It’s also true that one’s sexuality does not make for a good or bad parent; what matters most is your ability to create a loving and caring environment.

But the truth is that you may not actually resolve this issue until you have a chance to show her by example. I’m going to guess that the day your sister sees that your kids are pretty much like any other C kids is the day she’ll understand. Knowing gay people — and in cases such as this one, M knowing the children of gays and lesbians Y — seems to be the number one factor when folks who started out homophobic decide CM to finally accept LGBT folks.

MY Still, it sounds like your kids are still some way off, and not available for such a CY “demonstration.” So, if she won’t do some CMY reading on her own or listen to your protestations, tell her politely that the topic is K off bounds. It’s called setting boundaries.

Then, once you’ve decided to get pregnant or adopt, let her know the good news in person and suggest she attend a meeting with PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays: check out their site at pflag.org). And don’t forget to make sure she’s invited to your baby shower! Q

: Did you know that the general rule of thumb for so-called age-appropriate relationships is half your age plus seven?

So, given what you’ve told me, you’re very close to a mathematically correct relationship. But, really, so what? The most important thing is that you’ve found someone you care for and that those feelings are reciprocated.

As for your friends mouthing off about your age difference, I can only guess that it’s some combination of envy (“he’s got a young, hot one”), caring (“as soon as he grows up, he’ll leave you with a broken heart”) or the slimy cultural residue from Donald Trump’s numerous age-inappropriate marriages. But don’t forget the many happy “age inappropriate” gay couples: writer Christopher Isherwood and painter Don Bachardy (30 years between them) and playwright Terrence McNally and lawyer Tom Kirdahy (25 years). In any case, it Steven Petrow writes for The Huffington Post and sounds like you need to speak up, though Daily Beast. If you have a LGBT manners question, not in front of your boyfriend. Be clear with send it to him at queeries@live.com. And check your friends that you expect them to treat him out on the web at gayandlesbianmanners. him with respect and that their jokes about com.

M a rch 18 , 2010 | issue 150 | QSa lt L a k e | 45

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q tales

The Climacteric Luck ’O the Irish

By A.E. Storm

I

’M OF ENGLISH AND IRISH DESCENT; MY surname, Wylie, is a bastardized form of Willey, which goes back as far as the early 1300s. My father comes from a long line of esteemed Irish horticulturists, the Gallagher family, a cofounding member of the Royal Horticultural Society of Ireland. However, not only was the family esteemed in the area of botany, but also in whiskey binges.

Ergo, my inherent disposition for whiskey-swilling on St. Patrick’s Day. My friends Geoff and Gregory are the consummate party-throwers, their shindigs are always like the making of a Rachel Ray/Bree Van de Kamp soiree — exquisite food made to perfection and served on an elegantly set table — but with a stocked Rotating Bar Butler as the centerpiece. And there recent St. Patty’s party had been no different.

Of course, they had taken it upon themselves to also make it sort of a surprise blind date, inviting a coworker of Geoff’s to meet me and hoping we’d hit it off.

Ah, my impetuous winged and quivered friends.

“Tommy, this is Vance,” Geoff had offered introductions. “Vance, Tommy.”

We shook hands. He had a flirtatious crook in his smile and his sapphire-blue eyes washed over me, as if I was swimming in them. Ah, my thoughtful, sweet, winged and quivered friends.

Vance and I had started out in somewhat awkward small talk, I had noticed we share the annoying trait of shyness.

But once the cornucopia of green spirits had started flowing: Mojito and apple martinis, margaritas (odd!), green-dyed McSorley’s Ale and Melon Balls, our in-

pu le solutions

hibitions had dissipated and I had started to get touchy-feely with Vance.

Leah, a lesbian friend of mine, once informed me that I was being a little too handsy for her comfort. I jokingly told her that my hands were the only heterosexual parts of my body. She was not amused.

Luckily I was forced to stop stroking Vance’s back like he was a cat, as Gregory had announced dinner was being served. Serving bowls of steaming Irish stew, corned beef and cabbage, and coddle were placed with Bree-cision on the

It was so cliche that I had waited with bated breath for his sweaty foot to snake up my pant leg table as well as baskets of freshly baked wheaten soda bread and towers of Boxty (potato pancakes).

According to the placards, Vance and I had been seated across from each other — it was so cliche that I had waited with bated breath for his sweaty foot to snake up my pant leg.

Halfway through the meal Geoff had stood to give a toast and he suddenly

Cryptogram: I felt my duty, and I still feel this way, is to represent my constituents.

Anagram: Michael Rupert

broke into hiccups. He abruptly stuck a finger down his throat, turned and bent over. When he rose, a few seconds later, the hiccups were gone. Those few seconds, I thought, were definitely more Rachel Ray than Bree Van de Kamp.

For dessert, teacakes and burnt oranges had been served. However, I had opted for an Irish cream instead ... that damn disposition of mine. Once my head had started feeling like heavy warmed molasses, a lascivious courage overtook my judgment and I had wound up taking Vance home with me. It would be no surprise if Geoff and George had high-fived after we got in the cab and tore off.

“So how old are you, anyway?” I had asked with a slurred tongue.

“Thirty-four,” he replied.

Six years my junior. He looks younger, the paleness of his skin had indicated to me little to no sun exposure and therefore less aged. I suddenly planted my lips on his with just enough force to let him know I was drunk and horny, as if it hadn’t been already painfully obvious. For some reason, Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now” had popped into my head.

When we had arrived at my loft, I handed the cabbie the fare plus a two-dollar tip — much less then I normally would tip, but his disdained expression in the rearview mirror after we kissed had simply pissed me off. We giggled as we had gone through the door, our hands and lips fervently exploring. We had quickly shed our clothes — he had been wearing green 2xist boxer briefs, which had tickled me while at the same time it had made me feel old, as I stood there in my baggy scrubs-blue Hanes boxers. We hurried up the stairs and landed, embraced, on the bed with a swoosh.

It had then become apparent that we had different ideas of sexual pleasure as our bodies had stumbled around each other — we were like a couple of newborn baby chicks. So then I had quickly taken control of the situation, laying him flat on his back, spread-eagle. I began kissing his smooth, pale chest and then his youthful, flat stomach and continued downward.

Unfortunately, though it had boosted my ego, he had succumbed to ecstasy with deep moaning in about three minutes.

Then the bastard rolled onto his side and went to sleep.

Needless to say, the following morning I had hinted to him the Trax station was six blocks up the road. He then slipped me his phone number, “Call me,” he had said with that flirtatious crooked smile of his and then left.

I had stood there by the door for at least a minute just staring at the phone number, then shook my head in disbelief and bounded upstairs to strip my bed. Q

M a rch 4 , 2010 | issue 1 49 | QSa lt L a k e | 47

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