QSaltLake April 1, 2010

Utah’s News & Entertainment Magazine for the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community | FREE

salt lake Issue 151 April 1, 2010

Queer Prom PHOTO: HEATHER FRANCK

More Cities Considering LGBT Protections

UofU Awareness Week

Legislative Session Wrapup

Gay, Lesbian Delegates Elected at Precinct Caucuses

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in this issue ISSUE 151 • april 1, 2010

arts & entertainment Gay Agenda . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28

Qu r Prom. . . . . . . . . 24

Ru Paul’s Drag Race. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

news

Dining Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

National . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Local . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

views First Person . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Guest Editorial . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

Food & Wine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 Crossword, Cryptogram . . . . . . . . . . . 38 Comics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 Homoscopes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 Qdoku . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 Anagram . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 Sports 40 Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear . . . . . . . . 43

Snaps & Slaps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

Puzzle Answers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43

Lambda Lore . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

The Back Page . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

Creep of the Week . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 The Straight Line . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

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A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 5

first person

staff

publisher/editor Michael Aaron assistant editor JoSelle Vanderhooft

In My Day

arts & entertainment editor Tony

Hobday graphic designer Christian Allred

by Michael Aaron

W

I WAS a little, developing fairy.

As I was growing up, I had it luckier than I think most others raised in Utah. I had a library which had several (maybe five) books that mentioned the term “homosexuality,” and most of them in a non-judgmental way. I spent many hours at the libraries in my area looking at the index pages of any remotely relevant book ... “homosexual,” “gay,” “sodomy,” just to get a sense of who I was. A reality check.

I remember one book, a very clinical one, which said that if a child had progressed to oral or anal sex in their typical childhood sex experimentation, that child was likely to remain gay for the rest of his life.

I remember thinking, “OK,” and moving on to whatever other topic I had gone to the library for. Probably a science fair project of some sort.

I knew a few guys who played around with other guys on a regular basis, and many who infrequently did. Yes, I was a child slut. But none of us considered ourselves gay. We were just playing around until we grew up and had real families.

But after realizing that I was likely gay, since the book told me, I looked around and saw few others I could point at as part of my new “community” of being gay.

There was my childhood friend who left my high school because he was being bullied. He was a cheerleader. There was a guy who people made fun of in my school who wore bandanas and femmie clothes. I didn’t relate too well to any of those guys.

There was the late-night show, Soap, that had a femmie gay character. And Paul Lynde. I didn’t really relate to any of those guys, either.

Then, in 1980, a guy on the east coast made the news E LIVE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD THAN WHEN

contributors Chris Azzopardi, Lynn

because he’d asked a guy to be his date to the prom.

Wow! I would never have dreamed of doing such a thing.

I mean, seriously, it never would have crossed my mind.

I never thought that was something that I would ever live — a date with a guy. I guess I just figured you just moved from one casual night of sex to the next.

Gay porn was another thing I never even considered would exist when I was in high school. I regularly read my dad’s Penthouse magazines he left on the toilet in his bathroom. Every once in a while there was a Penthouse Forum letter about a guy who wanted to have sex with another guy ... usually with or without his girlfriend/ wife. He also had Hustler magazines which actually showed ... gasp! ... guys.

But the first time I saw a gay porn magazine, I heard an audible POP in my brain. Wow again. Whodathunk?

As I left high school and went to college, I learned of a gay community with gay organizations and bars.

I would read the classified section of The Daily Utah Chronicle every day looking for the “Gay and Catholic?

Join Dignity” ad.

Today, there’s gay student organizations in high schools, queer proms, gay studies classes, a zillion gay characters on television, gay television channels, and more readily-available gay porn than you can shake a stick at (sorry ... had to).

How has all this changed what growing up gay is like today?

It is still hard to tell your family and friends that you’re gay. Kids still get harassed in school for crossgender behavior. I’ll bet there are kids who still think they are the only gay person they know.

Maybe the world hasn’t changed that much after all. Q

!

5 1 l i r p A s e s o l c n oday. t o i g t n i i l l d a c e y 10 in this year’s issue b The 2r0 you get e u s e k a M 3 6 6 6 9 4 6 8016 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

Beltran, Turner Bitton, Miles Broadhead, Dave Brousseau, Brad Di Iorio, Mike E. Ellis, Chef Drew Ellswroth, Greg Fox, Bob Henline, Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Keith Orr, Petunia Pap-Smear, Anthony Paull, Steven Petrow, Ruby Ridge, Ryan Shattuck, A.E. Storm, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben Williams, Troy Williams, D’Anne Witkowski, Rex Wockner contributing photographers Benjamin Bamba, David Daniels, Ed Kosmicki, Laurie Kaufman, David Newkirk sales manager Brad Di Iorio office manager Tony Hobday distribution Brad Di Iorio, Ryan Benson, Gary Horenkamp, Nancy Burkhart publisher

Salt Lick Publishing, LLC 1055 East 2100 South, ste 206 Salt Lake City, Utah 84106 tel: 801-649-6663 toll-free: 1-800-806-7357 for general information:

info@qsaltlake.com for editorial queries:

editor@qsaltlake.com QSaltLake is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2009, Salt Lick Publishing LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Copies of QSaltLake are distributed free of charge in 200 locations across Utah and in Idaho and Nevada. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons.

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national news ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ Watered Down

by rex wockner

how they are actually enforced. We know that past attempts to dress up a bad military policy have been like putting lipstick on a pig and have failed. Perception is reality, and if the higher bars to discharge are not actually used to reduce firings and create a sense of privacy for gay troops, these changes will be a charade. (W)hile the administration is to be commended for taking this step, its work is far from over. As the focus shifts to Congress, the president has a major role to play to end

the ban outright. If the president builds on this step by fighting successfully for legislative repeal, he will ensure his place in civil rights history ... as a fierce advocate of equal treatment.”

Since “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” took effect, about 13,500 people have been kicked out of the U.S. military for not managing to stay sufficiently closeted. Prior to that time, all gays were banned from the military, including closeted ones, however that worked.

U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates on March 25 announced a watering down of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban on open gays in the military.

The changes raise the level of the commander authorized to initiate inquiries and separation proceedings regarding homosexual conduct, revise what constitutes “credible information” and “reliable persons,” and specify certain categories of information that cannot be used for purposes of homosexual-conduct discharges.

Specifically, the changes will: • Raise the level of the officer who is authorized to initiate a fact-finding inquiry or separation proceeding regarding homosexual conduct to a general or flag officer in the service member’s chain of command.

• Raise the level of the person who conducts a fact-finding inquiry regarding homosexual conduct to the level of O-5 (lieutenant colonel or Navy commander) or above.

• Raise the level of the officer who is authorized to separate an enlisted service member for homosexual conduct to a general or flag officer in the service member’s chain of command.

• Revise what constitutes “credible information” to initiate an inquiry or separation proceeding by specifying that information provided by third parties should be given under oath, and by discouraging the use of overheard statements and hearsay.

Ricky Martin Comes Out “At this moment I’m feeling the same freedom I usually feel only on stage, • Revise what constitutes a “reliable per- without a doubt, I need to share,” Ricky Martin said in a blog posting on his site. “This was not supposed to happen son,” upon whose word an inquiry can be five or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment ... initiated, with special scrutiny on third-par- I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.” ties who may be motivated to harm a service member, such as an ex-lover.

• Specify certain categories of confidential information that will not be used for purposes of homosexual-conduct discharges: A Mississippi federal court ruled March 23 discriminating against me,” McMillen, 18, — Information given to lawyers, clergy that Itawamba Agricultural High School in said. and psychotherapists; Fulton, Miss., violated student Constance “All I ever wanted was for my school to — Information provided to a medical proMcMillen’s First Amendment rights when treat me and my girlfriend like any other fessional in a treatment context or a publicit canceled the prom rather than let her at- couple that wants to go to prom. Now we can health official during a public-health inquitend with her all get back to things like picking out our ry; girlfriend. prom night outfits and thinking about cor— Information provided when seeking T h e U . S . sages.” professional assistance for domestic or physDistrict Court In the ruling, Judge Glen Davidson wrote: ical abuse; in Aberdeen “The record shows Constance has been open— Information about sexual orientation or stopped short ly gay since eighth grade and she intended to conduct obtained during security-clearance of ordering communicate a message by wearing a tuxedo investigations. the school to and to express her identity through attendTo see the detailed revised procedures for put the prom ing prom with a same-sex date. The Court discharging enlisted personnel, visit tinyurl. back on the finds this expression and communication com/dod-enl. For officers, tinyurl.com/dodcalendar be- of her viewpoint is the type of speech that off. cause of as- falls squarely within the purview of the First Prof. Aaron Belkin of the Palm Center, a surances that Amendment. The Court is also of the opinion think tank at the University of California, an alterna- that the motive behind the School Board’s Santa Barbara, that opposes “Don’t Ask, tive prom be- cancellation of the prom, or withdrawal of Don’t Tell,” welcomed the development. ing planned their sponsorship, was Constance’s requests “The changes announced today are the by parents and the ACLU’s demand letter sent on her Constance McMillen first cracks in ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ since will be open behalf.” the policy was implemented 17 years ago,” to all students.

ACLU of Mississippi Legal Director Kristy Belkin said. “While the operational impact The American Civil Liberties Union had Bennett commented, “Public schools can’t of the Obama Rule may be limited, the posought an injunction stopping the school just stomp on students’ free-expression litical impact will be widely felt. These steps district from canceling the prom and from rights just because they don’t want to deal represent important forward movement. prohibiting McMillen from bringing her girl- with these students, and if schools do try to They send a signal to the military chain of friend as a date and wearing a tuxedo to the do that they’ll be dealing with us.” command and the public that repeal is on the event.

McMillen’s case attracted widespread nahorizon and that the military is prepared.”

“It feels really good that the court realized tional attention, and a Facebook group set The center’s Nathaniel Frank added: “The that the school was violating my rights and up to support her has amassed 418,348 fans. full impact of the changes will depend on 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

Federal Court: School District Violated Constance McMillen’s First Amendment Rights

Quips & Quotes ❝

Keep us in your thoughts and your prayers. We can only know true freedom once theirs is forfeit.”

—D.J. Bell in a blog post about a nightmare he recently had about the seven people accused of beating him and his partner, Dan Fair

❝

To protect the democratic process and the right of the people of the District of Columbia to define marriage.”

—Purpose of an unsuccessful amendment Utah Republican Sen. Bob Bennett attempted to tack on to the federal health care bill on March 24 to strike down the capitol’s recent legalization of same-sex marriage.

❝

Sen. Bob Bennett has filed an amendment to a bill of health care budget changes the Senate will take up tonight but it really doesn’t have anything to do with health care.

Can I suggest it may have something to do with boosting Bennett’s conservative cred.”

—Washington correspondent Thomas Burr blogging about the amendment on The Salt Lake Tribune’s Web site.

❝

I view all eight of these people as absolute HEROES. These are people willing to risk it all in belief that all people in this country should be equal, and the US Constitution does not only apply to some.

—Local activist Eric Ethington blogging about the arrest of eight gay rights activists, including Lt. Dan Choi, during protests and sit-ins in front of the White House and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s office

❝

But, wouldn’t you know it? The very next day, the phone started ringing.

One by one, the neighbors complained that, if they stood on tiptoe and peered through a gap in the fence, it offended their standards — the philistines.”

—City Weekly blogger Brandon Burt describing the “7-foot snow penis” he built in his backyard in the 90s (during what was a very slow two weeks for gay news in Utah)

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local news

Equality Utah Talks Nondiscrimination with Taylorsville The staff of statewide gay and transgender rights group Equality Utah met with citizens and elected officials of Taylorsville, March 29, to answer questions about gay and transgender-inclusive housing and employment nondiscrimination ordinances.

Shortly after Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County passed their landmark ordinances in 2009, Taylorsville Mayor Russ Wall announced that he was interested in learning more about these laws. Wall was present at the meeting along with Taylorsville City Councilman Jerry W. Rechtenbach, Chief of Police Del Craig and City Administrator John Inch Morgan. They were joined by nearly 20 Taylorsville citizens who also expressed support for such ordinances.

Brandie Balken, Equality Utah’s executive director, began the 60-minute meeting by explaining the history of Salt Lake City and County’s ordinances and what protecting gay and transgender people from job and housing discrimination entailed.

The ordinances passed by municipalities so far, she said, did not create “special protections” for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people and did not prevent employers and landlords from firing or evicting people for such things as not doing their jobs or failing to pay rent. Additionally, she stressed that such ordinances would protect all people, not just gay and transgender people.

Balken then discussed the mechanics of each ordinance, including the exceptions each allows for religious organizations, small businesses (of fewer than 15 employees) and landlords with four or fewer units for sale or rent. She noted, however, that each city or county should tailor ordinances to fit their needs. For example, she said that Park City would likely remove the small business exemption because the majority of its businesses have fewer than 15 employees.

“We don’t want to force anything down anyone’s throat, but we want to work with each city to see what would be best for that city,” she said.

Balken, Manager of Field Operations Lauren Littlefield and Manager of Programs and Administration then answered questions posed by city officials and residents. These included what would happen to the ordinances if the federal Employment Nondiscrimination Amendment passed the Senate; whether landlords or employers could be sued for breaking the ordinances; and how many cases of antigay and anti-transgender job and housing discrimination the state logged each

month.

“It’s actually on par with cases that are based on gender,” said Balken, noting that the number was anywhere from 3–5, according to a study conducted by Equality Utah. “Women are some half of the population and gay, and transgender people are maybe 7 percent, so it’s occurring in this population and it’s a problem.”

“By passing these kinds of ordinances, what Taylorsville is saying is that we’re a welcoming and diverse community and we value all of our residents, that we want you to come here and work and live and we respect the contributions you make,” she continued.

While Wall expressed some concerns that false claims could be made by employees or tenants “just looking to complain,” he said that he supported the idea of a gay and transgender-inclusive housing and employment ordinance.

“This is not as controversial as I thought it would be,” he told Balken before joking that the city would likely receive more complaints about an ordinance currently under consideration about keeping chickens in residential yards. He noted

that proposed employment and housing nondiscrimination ordinances had been brought before the city’s ordinance review committee, a group of citizens who examine and make recommendations on laws proposed by citizens before delivering them to the City Council for discussion in the council’s monthly work meeting.

City government, he continued, asked the review committee to put the ordinances aside at the request of the State Legislature, which intimated that it might pass statewide housing and employment protections inclusive of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Ultimately, however, Rep. Christine Johnson, D-Salt Lake City, dropped her bill seeking just that as part of a legislative compromise to protect Salt Lake City and County’s ordinances.

Wall said he had not heard anything about the ordinance proposals since that time.

Equality Utah’s staff encouraged all citizens present to urge the City Council to take up the matter again, not only to make Taylorsville a fairer city, but a more prosperous one.

“Businesses like eBay, Wells Fargo and Goldman Sachs have policies that protect people based on sexual orientation and gender identity, and when they want to relocate workforce they look for communities that have the same protections that they have,” said Balken.

“It’s good business policy, it’s good human policy and it’s good to lead out on issues of basic fairness,” she added.

One woman in the audience agreed. A Taylorsville resident, she said that the city’s lack of protections for gay and les-

Taylorsville Mayor Russ Wall

bian employees was causing her anxiety during her job search.

“It concerns me that my orientation would affect my status because I want to do well at my job and keep my job,” she said.

To contact Mayor Wall and the fivemember Taylorsville City Council, visit taylorsvilleut.gov.

More Utah Cities Interested in Fair Housing and Workplace Ordinances So far this year, a number of city and county governments are somewhere in the process of drafting workplace and housing nondiscrimination ordinances that include sexual orientation and gender identity.

As of March 29, Equality Utah has announced that seven more cities have expressed interest in drafting such ordinances, or at least learning more about them.

“We actually have citizens contacting us who have said, ‘We want to work for this in our community.’ So we’ve been able to start the conversation at a grassroots level,” said Brandie Balken, executive director for the statewide gay and transgender rights organization.

Currently, Equality Utah is having conversations with Cedar City, Logan, Murray, Midvale, Price and St. George, said Balken. Meanwhile, Moab held a public meeting about the ordinances during the week of March 21 and Holladay’s City Council held a work meeting about the subject on March 18.

“Of course, that doesn’t necessarily guarantee passage, but that is the process [of having these discussions],” she said.

10 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

An Ogden City Councilwoman attended a community forum last month at the Unitarian Universalist Association church where signatures were being gathered to present to the council demanding protections for the gay and transgender community.

She encouraged the audience to not “take no for an answer.”

“Something as important as this should be brought forward by someone who has a passion for it,” Ogden City Councilwoman Susan Van Hooser said. “You will be heard, so please bring it forward.”

Cities that have begun the process of drafting ordinances include West Valley City (which discussed a possible plan during a work meeting earlier this month) and Park City, which is currently drafting an ordinances and plans to hold a public meeting about them.

“I would imagine before the end of April they’ll be done,” said Balken.

Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County passed gay and transgender-inclusive workplace and housing ordinances last year. The county’s went into effect in January and Salt Lake City’s will be enforced

beginning April 2. To commemorate the occasion, Equality Utah will hold a press conference on the steps of the Salt Lake City and County building. Here, they will discuss what the ordinances will mean for landlords, residents and employers and “about what happens next.”

“Salt Lake City did a great job of creating a template for other cities and counties to follow and people are,” said Balken. “I think it does make a big difference, when we have West Valley City, Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County onboard with these ordinances. Think about the amount of the population represented those places represent.”

Equality Utah’s goals, she said, are now to continue the work that they and gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and allied Utahns have done in Northern Utah, to take these ordinances into the south of the state and into more rural areas.

“We’ve become a pretty powerful force in [Salt Lake City and County] and we need to recreate that in other areas of the state so as a voting population it matters,” she said. Q

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A few dozen people gathered Saturday, March 27, on the Utah State Capitol steps for a candlelight vigil to urge Congress to pass the national ENDA bill. In a statement released before the event, organizers said, “Every year, thousands of LGBT workers are fired from their jobs for no other reason than their sexual orientation. This must stop. Hirings and firings should be based on job jerformance and nothing else.” Bloggers nationwide participated in a “blogswarm” on March 18 calling on readers to contact Pelosi’s office. PHOTO: MARIO NATHAN MOTHE

Center to Hold LGBT Health Week

In honor of National LGBT Health Week, the Utah Pride Center and a number of social and health organizations from around the Salt Lake Valley will present a free health fair for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people at the Salt Lake Main Public Library, April 3, 2–5 p.m.

The first fair was held last year at the Huntsman Cancer Institute, assembled by then-employee Rick Leistiko. He said that he got the idea for the fair after attending a presentation on minority outreach at the institute.

“After the presentation I went to the speaker and asked why the LGBT community hadn’t been approached [for health care outreach] and he said he’d tried and been unsuccessful,” said Leistiko. “So I asked if I could help and was successful.”

Although Leistiko left the institute to pursue a graduate degree, he is now a volunteer at the Utah Pride Center where he is hoping to work on a number of health-related programs for Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. He organized this year’s fair with the assistance of Jennifer Nuttall, the Center’s adult programs director, and has scheduled “about 20–30” organizations to participate. These include the American Cancer Society, the American Red Cross, the Rape Recovery Center, the Utah AIDS Foundation, the Disability Law Center, Pride Counseling and the Salt Lake Valley Health Department.

Additionally, a number of Utah Pride Center groups will also have tables at the fair, including Entre Nosotros (Between Us), the Center’s group for Latino men who have sex with men; Outlet, it’s group for non-Latino men in their 20s; TransAction, its youth-lead transgender advocacy group; and the Alternative Women’s Wellness Program.

Other social organizations, like the Uni-

versity of Utah’s LGBT Resource Center and Simply Social, a social group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Utahns that meets regularly for informal outings, will also participate.

Along with the information tables typically found at health fairs, there will be 10to 20-minute presentations on such topics as cancer screenings for men and women, transgender health, substance abuse, and domestic violence in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. These presentations will take place in Urban Rooms B and C. Therapist Lee Beckstead will also conduct empowerment workshops, which are aimed at helping members of the community make positive choices in managing stress and dealing with sexuality. “[The empowerment workshops] start with identifying who you are and then moving into healthy relationships with spirituality, overcoming homophobia and other things that hold you back from being self-actualized,” said Nuttall, adding that a series of empowerment workshops is regularly taught at the Center.

The health fair is free to the public.

Attendees are asked to fill out an anonymous survey on gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender health in Utah. Those who participate will be entered into a raffle for gift certificates from such local merchants as Slow Train Records, Frosty Darling, Cahoots, Nobrow Coffee, Vasuvio’s Organic Restaurant and the Utah College of Massage Therapy. Free snacks and water will be provided throughout the day by Whole Foods and Club JAM. The library is located at 210 E. 400 South. For more information about National LGBT Health Week visit lgbthealth.net/awarenessweek10.

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 11

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Johnson Endorses Netto for Her Seat A progressive water conservationist is the person Rep. Christine Johnson would like to see replace her in 2011.

Earlier this month, the Salt Lake City Democrat announced that she would not be seeking a third term, citing the financial hardship she had faced while serving in the State Legislature. Of the six candidates who

filed to take her place, Johnson chose to endorse John Netto, co-founder of Salt Lake City-based water treatment company Water & Power Technologies. She made the announcement of her endorsement March 23, during the party’s caucus meetings. “District 25 demands progressive leadership and unwavering commitment to Utah’s

Q uni under-represented communities,� she said. “John is a man of action and a man of his word. From 9th and 9th [district] to Kimball Junction [areas covered in Johnson’s legislative district], John will persistently and passionately represent the districts’ priorities of forward-thinking environmental policy, education funding and social justice.�

In addition to his ongoing environmental activism, Netto is also a regular volunteer for the 4th Street Clinic, which provides free medical care to homeless individuals and families, and the St. Vincent DePaul Soup Kitchen. He is also a supporter of Equality Utah and the ACLU. According to Netto’s Web site, “His number one priority is to advocate for social justice, including but not limited to LGBT equality, women’s rights, minorities, the impoverished, the homeless, those with physical and mental disabilities.�

Netto has also stated that his priorities include improving Utah’s education system, encouraging sustainable economic growth and protecting the state’s environment. “Strong environmental policy is one of the best economic drivers in our tool kit,� he wrote on his Web site. “History has proven that strong and well planned environmental legislation has led to significant gains in technology and job creation. Our statewide policies must reflect forward-thinking growth and not reliance upon yesterday’s technologies.�

John Netto’s Web site is located at electnetto.com.

UofU Pete Suazo Award to Honor Queer Man, Lesbian The University of Utah’s College of Social Work will honor a number of Utahns and Utah organizations, April 9, with its Pete Suazo Social Justice Awards, named after the late State Senator and civil rights activist.

The recipients will include two members of Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community who are also university employees: LGBT Resource Center Director Cathy Martinez, and Corporate and Foundation Relations Executive Secretary Dhiraj V. Chand.

Cathy Martinez

A licensed clinical social worker, Martinez became the LGBT Resource Center’s director in June of 2007. Since then she has overseen a number of successful events, including the organization of the school’s annual LGBT Awareness Week and the center’s observance of the National Day of Silence. She also maintains a private practice that specializes in assisting gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer/questioning clients.

Martinez said that she was “surprised and delighted� to receive the Pete Suazo Individual and Community Empowerment Award, and is pleased that the committee is recognizing gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

Chand, a communications and Gender Studies student, will receive the Individual Leadership and Advocacy Award. Although just 24, Chand’s resume is extensive. In his six years at the university, he has served as the speakers chair of the Associated Students of the University of Utah’s Presenters Office; the Diversity, Community & Partnership coordinator of the Residence Hall Association; and the director of ASUU’s Diversity Board, where he helped create its Annual Conference on Social Awareness. He is currently co-chair of the school’s Queer Students of Color group and is helping to plan the Critical Race Studies in Education Association’s 4th annual conference at the university. Here he will give a presentation titled “When the ‘Safest’ Space Can Become the Most Oppressive: Why Conversations of

12 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

GLBTQ Medicare Education Class Darren Hotton, senior health insurance program director with the state Department of Human Services, will teach a class for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer Utahns about accessing Medicare services for themselves and for loved ones, including those for whom they are primary caregivers. The class is open to people of all ages.

WHEN: April 21, 6:30–8 p.m.

WHERE: State of Utah Department of Human Services Building, Room 1020, 195 N. 1950 West (Enter on the northwest side of the building.)

COST: Free

Cocktail Contest for People’s Health Clinic The Park City Area Restaurant Association will present its fifth annual Cocktail Contest, which is held to choose the city’s signature cocktail each year. The evening’s proceeds will benefit the People’s Health Clinic, a nonprofit medical provider that serves individuals and families in Park City who have no health insurance. In addition PCARA will match up to $500 in donations for the clinic. This event is for people age 21 and over.

WHEN: April 8, 6:30–9:30 p.m.

WHERE: Wahso Asian Grill, 577 Main St., Park City COST: A $10 requested donation at the door, which will cover appetizers buffet and a raffle ticket.

Live Green SLC! Festival Dhiraj V. Chand Race Fail!�

Chand was nominated for the award by Associate Dean of Students Lori McDonald, who has been his mentor for several years. “I didn’t know I was getting nominated so when I got the call it was kind of a surprise,� he said.

Of all his accomplishments, Chand said that he is particularly proud of his activism during this year’s General Legislative Session, when he lobbied for offering in-state tuition rates for undocumented immigrant students. “The in-state tuition is so critical for education and opportunities,� he said. “It’s so important that these students have access to higher education.�

The 9th Annual Pete Suazo Social Justice Awards Ceremony and Reception will be held April 9 in the school’s Goodwill Humanitarian Building’s Community Meeting Room, starting at 3 p.m.

The Downtown Alliance is pleased to announce a new partnership with ReDirect Guide to present the 7th annual Live Green SLC! Festival — the most recognized environmental fair in Utah. Organizers are currently accepting applications from vendors. Vendors in the following categories are desired: alternative transportation, sustainable and recycled products, green services, community advocacy organizations, green building materials and professionals, natural and organic food vendors, local plant vendors, healthy home goods, outdoor recreation companies, sustainable artists, and renewable energy solutions. To sponsor the event or become a vendor, download the application at www.livegreenslc.org.

WHEN: May 8, 10 a.m.–6 p.m.

WHERE: Library Square, 210 ED E. KOSMICKI 400 PHOTOS: South

Queer Spirit Invites You to Peru A spiritual group for gay and bisexual men is inviting people of all sexual orientations and gender identities on a summer journey to Peru, to work on their personal spiritual growth while experiencing the country’s culture and breathtaking landscapes.

“The focus of these trips is mostly that we sightsee and have incredible experiences with the culture and actual country we’re visiting, but we also work with shamans and teachers who help us deepen our own personal work and our relationship with spirit,” said Jerry Buie, Queer Spirit co-founder.

Buie said he first traveled to Peru five years ago as part of a group organized by his friend Charles Lawrence, a leader of a spiritual community of which Buie has been a part for years.

When Lawrence stopped taking the Rubén Orellana groups to the Andes due to his advancing age, Buie said he and co-founder John Cottrell organized a trip of their own. This will be the third year the two have taken a group to the South American nation.

The two-week excursion will be facilitated by Buie and lead by Rubén Orellana, a Peruvian shaman and archaeologist who worked at Machu Picchu for several years.

“In South America, many cultures have been developing for more than 20,000 years, and in the history records they have only started getting attention to the last stage of this development process calling themselves the Empire of Tawantinsuyo, or the Inka Empire,” Orellana wrote on the Queer Spirit Web site. “These civilizations were developed because they had a concept very different about Time and Space. For them the time was in cycles, and the space was solely sacred, seeing the reality in another state of conscience. They have left us much knowledge, mainly in the many spiritual ceremonial places that show the magic of their development. Today, through the oral tradition and the archaeological evidences, we can enjoy their knowledge.”

The tour will take participants to Machu Picchu and then into the rain forest where they will visit local communities and villages, and participate in ceremonies conducted

by local elders and shamans, some of whom will come down from the Andes Mountains to perform the rituals. In preparation for these rituals, Buie is asking participants to define intentions for going on the trip, including why they want to go and what they hope to get out of the experience. They are also asked to do some reading in advance, which includes Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements and The Voice of Knowledge.

Additionally, they must learn the protocols for rituals so they can work with the elders and shamans in a respectful way. This preparation is also necessary, said Buie, because it will help the shamans conduct the rituals needed to help participants achieve the things they want.

While the rituals vary depending on the intentions of the travel group, one ceremony that shamans often conduct is known as the Despacho Ceremony. Despacho means offering in Quechua, the most common language spoken among Andean indigenous populations, and the ceremony is an offering to the mountains. People on the Peruvian trip typically experience the Despacho at the start of their journey into the rain forest, said Buie.

“It’s basically saying [to the mountains], ‘Here are these people. I’m presenting them to you, please bless them on their journey,’” he said. “And they make despacho, wrap it up and burn it.”

While bringing gifts to the villages on the trip is not necessary, Buie said that the group has, in past years, brought such things as school supplies, knives and flashlights to the villages they visit. “They were thrilled to get these gifts and are often surprised when we bring them,” said Buie.

The cost for the trip is $2,700, which covers lodging, meals and water and land transportation while in Peru, as well as fees for venues the group will visit. Additional costs, however, will include domestic flights (for example, from Lima to Cusco) , which will average around $500, as well as the flight to and from Peru, which Buie estimates will cost between $700 and $1,000. Participants will also need to bring money for incidental expenses, including gratuities. A complete proposed itinerary for the trip can be found at queerspirit.org.

To express interest in going to Peru, email Jerry Buie using the Web site’s contact form at queerspirit. org. Payment for the full trip is due June 1. The trip is scheduled to take place Aug. 16–30.

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 13

ROOTED IN YOUR COMMUNITY, HARVESTED FOR YOUR TABLE Community Supported Agriculture connects local community members to locally-grown food.

Support local farmers and find out where your food comes from in Utah by becoming a shareholder in your local farm.

For more information go to: www.csautah.org SPONSORED BY THE GREAT SALT LAKE RC&D COUNCIL, INC.

Our annual Fabby Awards night and 6th Birhday party are coming!

Watch for details.

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Q uni

U of U to Hold LGBT Awareness Week The University of Utah’s LGBT Resource Center will hold Awareness Week, April 12–16. The week is observed annually to help raise the visibility of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students and other members of the school’s community, and to encourage straight students, staff and faculty to become allies to students of all sexual orientations and gender identities.

While Awareness Week has always been about making allies in the broader community, this year the event is also asking gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people to look inward when searching for allies, said Cathy Martinez, the resource center’s director. “This year’s theme is ‘Together We Can Break the Silence,’� she said. “Within the LGBT community, as a whole, when we speak of allies we’re usually talking about straight allies in the community who support and affirm who we are and that we should have equal rights. But within the LGBT community we can be allies to each other. [For example], gay men can be allies to lesbians, and to bisexual and transgender people.�

The week’s discussion panel, April 13, in the Olpin Student Union Building’s den, will emphasize how being an intercommunity ally can work, Martinez continued. This year, the discussion panel will feature staff from local gay and transgender-friendly groups who will discuss the broad definition of the word ally. “[Some of them] consider themselves to be straight allies, or allies to people within the community, like someone who identifies as cisgender [non-transgender] and is an ally of those who identify as transgender,� she said.

Martinez also said that the speakers will not be the directors of organizations like the Utah AIDS Foundation, the Utah Pride Center or Equality Utah, but rather other staff members who don’t often get much attention. “Often we hear from the directors or the executive directors who, I think, are very important, but we don’t always hear from

those who do the day-to-day program work,� she said. “Everybody has a story [about how they] got to where they’re at. And for students who want to potentially go into these fields, I think they need to know what it’s like to work for a grassroots organization or an LGBT organization so they can do this work.�

Awareness Week will also include a Safe Zone Training session. The resource center regularly offers these workshops to educate the university community about the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender staff and students and the discrimination they face. On April 13, the center will screen Out in the Silence, a documentary by filmmaker Joe Wilson about homophobia in his rural Pennsylvania hometown which premiered at the 2009 Sundance Film Festival. The Ally of the Year Award, which recognizes an individual, office or department that has demonstrated commitment to fair treatment of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender members of the university

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community, will be presented at the Allies Social, April 15. The week will close with a commemoration of the Day of Silence on the patio of the Olpin Student Union Building, April 16, 1–2 p.m. The Day of Silence is observed each year by junior high, high school and college students, when they do not speak all day to raise awareness about the violence and discrimination directed toward gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Q For more information about Awareness Week, contact the LGBT Resource Center at 801-587-7973.

Group Announces Essay Contest for Gay Mormon Experiences An organization dedicated to reconciliation between the LDS Church and gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people has announced an essay contest to foster what its Web site calls “greater empathy and understanding� between the two groups.

The Foundation for Reconciliation (also known as LDSapology.org) is seeking stories from current or former gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Latter-day Saints on a number of topics pertaining to their experiences in the church. “We would like to hear about your upbringing, your church involvement, your realization regarding your sexual orientation; how you adjusted or how you failed to adjust, how you were treated, particularly with regard to the Church; the struggles you went through and how you have reconciled your orientation with, or despite, Church teach-

1 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

ings,� the organization posted to its Web site.

The suggested word count for stories submitted to the Road to Reconciliation Writing Contest is 1,000–5,000 words, though stories over and below this count will also be considered, and may be submitted anonymously.

A three-member panel consisting of nonfoundation members will judge the pieces.

Overall, the foundation is looking for heartfelt and honest stories rather than flawless writing skills. “Unlike other writing contests, our contest winners will be selected by a panel of individuals, and winners will not be selected based on who is the most professional, or best story writer or who has the best writing or English skills, but instead more for how honest and sincere their experience and feelings are expressed in order to touch and reach others hearts,� wrote Foundation Director Cheryl Nunn. “I see this contest and the book that will be published with these stories as a great opportunity to support the LGBT community and spread the word to open and soften many hearts, particularly in the Mormon, Christian and right-wing political communities that may be greatly misinformed on LGBT issues,� she continued.

Cash prizes will be awarded to the top three essays: $1,000 for first place, $500 for second place and $250 for third. These essays and a selection of others will be published in a book titled Road to Reconciliation, which is expected to be available for purchase in late 2011 (all proceeds will go toward furthering the work of the foundation).

Submissions will be accepted until Sept. 1.

Winners will be announced at the Affirmation Conference, which will be held Oct. 8–10 in San Francisco. To submit, e-mail LDSapology@gmail.com. For more information visit LDSapology.org.

Once again, Club Try-Angles will sponsor a cycling team in this year’s Harmon’s MS Best Dam Bike Tour, an annual bike ride to benefit the Multiple Sclerosis Society of Utah (this year’s ride will be held June 26–27 in Logan). The team is open to cyclists of all sexual orientations, gender identities and experience levels, and participants may sign up to ride 40, 75 or 100 miles each day.

The ride has several rest stops and supply wagons, making it ideal for beginning cyclists.

REGISTER: tinyurl.com/teamtryangles2010. Click on the Join a Team button and search for Try-Angles (with the hyphen).

DONATE: tinyurl.com/donate2tryangles INFO: teamtryangles@gmail.com.

ACLU Needs Volunteers The American Civil Liberties Union of Utah needs volunteers to help put together its invitation mailing for the Annual Bill of Rights Celebration to be held May 1.

Volunteers are needed April 2, 5–8 p.m. and April 3, 12–6 p.m. at the ACLU’s office, 355 N. 300 West.

Pizza, snacks, beer and wine will be provided.

RSVP: Anna Brower at 801-5219862, ex. 100 or abrower@acluutah.org.

Sonic Boom at Vinto Pizza Salt Lake Sonic Boom, a dining group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Utahns and their allies, will dine out at Vinto Pizza on April 4, 4–6 p.m. Members should come wearing red to be able to recognize one another and to let the restaurant know who they are.

Members are encouraged to bring friends. Vinto Pizza is located at 418 E. 200 South.

Utah Arts Alliance Music Instruction Program The Utah Arts Alliance has announced a new Music Instruction Program for area music students and musicians. Group lessons are offered in classical guitar, acoustic and electric guitar, and bass guitar.

Group lessons will be for one hour, each week for 10 weeks.

WHEN: Beginning in April WHERE: Utah Arts Alliance, Midnight Records Recording Studio, 127 S. Main St. COST: $10 per week For more information, contact Kent Rigby at 801-870-2069.

E-mail kent@utaharts.org to sign up for classes.

Johnson Speaks to GayFriendly LDS Families Openly lesbian legislator Christine Johnson addressed a volunteer service organization of pro-gay LDS families about the state of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights in Utah and the steps they can take in keeping these topics at the forefront of state politics throughout 2010 and 2011.

The Salt Lake City Democrat spoke before an audience of 50 members of LDS Family Fellowship on March 28 at the University of Utah’s Social Work Auditorium. In her 60-minute presentation she discussed a number of gay and transgender-inclusive bills and resolutions that she and other legislators have been attempting to pass for years. One piece of legislation, she said, is a bill by openly-gay former Sen. Scott McCoy which sought to allow individuals to designate a same-sex romantic partner as a designee in the event of a wrongful death suit.

To illustrate the need for such legislation, Johnson told the audience about a constituent who had left her a recent voicemail. When the man’s partner died shortly after an operation due to a surgeon’s negligence, Johnson said he was unable to sue for damages. “[His partner’s family] refused to allow him to be a complainant or plaintiff on a wrongful death suit against the physician,” she said. “That meant [the couple’s] home went into foreclosure. He lost their vehicles and retirement. He was still responsible for the medical bills because his partner had been on his insurance, but he essentially lost everything. This has been four years and he left a message crying as if he’d lost his partner yesterday. He can’t move past that grief and it’s pretty tragic.”

Johnson also discussed her three-year effort to pass a statewide law forbidding housing and employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. Her attempt this year came to an abrupt end early in the session, however, when she and other lawmakers brokered a compromise with House and Senate Republicans. In exchange for dropping all gay-related bills, Republicans agreed not to preempt gay and transgender-inclusive housing and employment ordinances in Salt Lake City and County.

The compromise angered many members of Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, who said that Johnson and her colleagues had not asked them for feedback before announcing the stand down to the media. “[The compromise] was not a decision made easily or lightly and not all members of community were on board, and I understand that,” she said.

Johnson explained that her decision to make the compromise was prompted not only by two anti-ordinance bills, but a bill that sought to let Utah opt out of the federal Matthew Shepard Act, which expanded the federal definition of hate crimes to include

sexual orientation and gender identity.

Likewise, she learned that McCoy’s bill (taken up this session by his replacement, Sen. Ben McAdams), would likely be held in the Senate Rules Committee all session long, meaning that it would once again fail to make it to the floor for debate.

While Johnson said she had hoped the LDS Church — which supported Salt Lake City’s ordinances last year — would support her efforts to get her housing and employment bill onto the House Floor, their support was not forthcoming, she said.

Ultimately, Johnson tabled her bill seeking statewide housing and employment protections for gay and transgender people in order to protect the city and county ordinances passed in 2009. Their preservation, she said, was part of a legislative strategy to give more city and county governments time to draft and pass similar laws. Since the compromised was announced, for example, Park City, Summit County, Ogden, West Valley City and Taylorsville have expressed interest in passing gay and transgender-inclusive housing and employment laws.

When the legislature meets again, said Johnson, there will be more cities with protections in place and “it will be over a year of having Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County’s ordinances, which will make it nearly impossible for the state to overturn those ordinances.

If an attempt to strike down the ordinances goes to a Utah court, Johnson added, the court will likely see the Legislature’s lack of action on the ordinances in 2010 as an intention to let them stand.

“And once we have five or six [cities and counties with such ordinances], are they going to risk a class action suit by local governments against the state for telling

them how to govern locally?” she said.

Johnson also encouraged members of LDS Family Fellowship to become active in next year’s General Legislative Session.

“Next year there will be a bill that will essentially cause the state not to have to subscribe to the Matthew Shepard Act,” she said. “You all need to get up to the Hill when that happens and oppose that. It does us no harm to participate in that [act] and does us a great deal of benefit in offering protections and recourse.” Utah’s own hate crimes law, she added, is inadequate because it only allows people to sue in cases of misdemeanors.

“That means if someone writes fag on your car you can consider that a hate crime and sue them, but [for] anything that’s felonious [like assault] we don’t have recourse to increase penalty beyond what the state has,” she explained.

Johnson also urged the audience to sign a petition being circulated by Utahns for Ethical Government, which seeks to create an independent, nonpartisan Ethics Committee to advise the legislature on matters of conflicts of interest and other ethics violations. Because the state Attorney General has issued an opinion stating that electronic petition signatures will not be counted as legal, Johnson said that the petition should be signed in person or that those who sign online should request a hard copy of it.

Additionally, she pointed them to the Utah Democratic Party’s Fair Boundaries Initiative petition, which seeks to end what the party calls the gerrymandering of Utah’s legislative districts to favor Republicans.

“We’re not going to see the majority regulate themselves in a way that is fair,” she said.

In the brief Q-and-A format that followed, members of LDS Family Fellowship asked Johnson about topics ranging from the best way to match the lobbying efforts of the ultra-conservative Utah Eagle Forum and her reasons for not seeking a third term in office. Q

Final 2 Bell-Fair Defendants Extradited All seven people charged in the July 4, 2008 beatings of partners David James “DJ” Bell and Dan Fair have been arrested. The last two, Lisa Aiono and Ricky Peace, had moved to Las Vegas, Nev. and were arrested by Federal Marshals on March 25.

The Salt Lake County District Attorney’s office filed a total of 16 charges, ranging from first degree felonies to class A misdemeanors, to the defendants on March 2.

According the the DA’s office, Lulu Latu (also known as Tapululululu Latu and Tlulu Latu) found her children at the Bell-Fair household at 6:00 a.m. after an allnight Fourth of July party and warned the couple to “lock the doors and windows” as she was going to tell the others at the party that they had kidnapped the children. The six defendents are charged with going to the Bell-Fair house, breaking windows and doors, beating Fair and Bell with their fists, pots and pans and a large-screen television as well as kicking them and cutting

them with glass. Fair was hospitalized and Bell was arrested and later acquitted for kidnapping.

Latu and common-law husband Ieti Mageo appeared in Third District Court May 26 and plead not guilty. A date for an arraignment hearing hadn’t been scheduled at press time.

Both Bell and Fair have said they live in fear since the incident and that the defendents have threatened their lives since Bell was tried for his charges.

“They are out on bail and since several are already being charged with 1st degree felonies and don’t have much to lose, I fear that they won’t think twice about ‘finishing what they started’ (especially given the fact that they have threatened to do so on more than one occasion),” wrote Bell on his blog, injustice801.com.

At his trial, Bell’s attorneys said the children followed him to his yard asking for juice, which he gave them.

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A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 15

2010 Utah Legislative Wrapup

While 13 bills which would have affected gay Utahns failed at the Utah Legislature adjournment deadline on March 11, six bills, which some say would help gay citizens, passed. The six bills are awaiting the signature of state Gov. Gary R. Herbert.

The measures which passed include a bill and two resolutions which oppose any federal health-insurance reform which might be adopted. Gay political leaders, including Washington-based GOProud Executive Director Jimmy LaSalvia, have said that the reform would especially harm citizens who are gay or lesbian by prohibiting under the federal Defense of Marriage Act the extension of domestic-partner healthinsurance benefits in the states, counties and cities that already offer such benefits.

The passed bills include also three resolutions which reaffirm the protections of the 10th Amendment to the Constitution.

While each state may enjoy the amendment provisions differently, Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley filed the pending federal lawsuit Massachusetts v. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, No. 1:2009cv11156 (D. Mass. July 8, 2009) which argues that the commonwealth’s authority to marry samesex couples is protected by the amendment and that the couples are therefore eligible to receive federal benefits despite the federal Defense of Marriage Act. One passed bill, H.B. 74 — Adoption and Child Custody Amendments, Rep. Sheryl Allen, R-Bountiful, had included provisions that a court may grant custody or visitation rights to an individual unrelated to a child under certain conditions. But Allen amended the bill on Feb. 8 to delete the provisions. Gov. Herbert has signed this bill into law.

One failed bill, H.B. 432 — Hate Crime Amendments, Rep. Stephen Sandstrom, R-Orem, would have provided that an offense committed on state public property may not be transferred to the federal government for prosecution under the federal hate-crime law that is known as the “Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act.” But, Sandstrom told QSaltLake, Feb. 26, that he was no longer pursuing the bill and that it was a states’ rights issue and “was in no way an attempt to eliminate hate crime statutes or to change them.”

Another failed bill, S.B. 155 — Enhanced Penalties for HIV Positive Offender Amendments, Sen. Jerry Stevenson, R-Layton, would have eased requirements to enhance penalties against certain sex offenders who are HIV-positive. It also provided that an individual who is under prosecution for a sex offense and tests positive for HIV infection shall be notified of the infection in person only by a worker or authorized representative of certain state or local govern-

ment agencies including law enforcement agencies, whereas the current law requires the notification to include a worker of the state or local health department. The bill would have also required the “signature of the HIV positive individual, indicating receipt of the notice” during the prosecution of related offenses which some said would violate the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution.

Other failed bills would have affected discrimination, health and insurance, marriage and family, and military service.

CRIME H.B. 432 — HATE CRIME AMENDMENTS Rep. Stephen Sandstrom, R-Orem FAILED This bill would have forbidden transferring the prosecution of hate crimes to the federal government if committed on state property.

DISCRIMINATION H.B. 128 — ANTIDISCRIMINATION STUDY RELATED TO EMPLOYMENT AND HOUSING Rep. Christine Johnson, D-Holladay, FAILED This bill would have created a legislative interim committee to study public policy related to discrimination in employment and housing, and publish a written report.

H.B. 305 — ANTIDISCRIMINATION AMENDMENTS Rep. Christine Johnson, R-Holladay FAILED This bill would have prohibited discrimination in employment and housing on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.

HEALTH AND INSURANCE H.B. 67 SUBSTITUTE — HEALTH SYSTEM AMENDMENTS Rep. Carl Wimmer, R-Herriman, PASSED/SIGNED This bill opts Utah out of federal health-care reform. The federal reform could harm gays and lesbians by prohibiting the extension of domestic-partner health insurance benefits in the counties and cities that already offer such benefits.

16 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

H.B. 127 SUBSTITUTE — REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH EDUCATION AMENDMENTS Rep. Lynn Hemingway, D-Salt Lake City, FAILED The bill on teaching contraception in schools would have taught students about preventing HIV/AIDS and other STDs. H.B. 177 — PUBLIC EMPLOYEES’ HEALTH CARE Rep. David Litvack, D-Salt Lake City, FAILED This bill would have allowed state-government employees to name an “adult designee” for health-insurance purposes.

S.B. 54 — HEALTH EDUCATION AMENDMENTS Sen. Stephen Urquhart, R-St. George, FAILED The bill on teaching contraception in schools would have helped students learn about preventing HIV/AIDS and other STDs. S.B. 155 — ENHANCED PENALTIES FOR HIV POSITIVE OFFENDER AMENDMENTS Sen. Jerry Stevenson, R-Layton, FAILED This bill would ease prosecution requirements to enhance penalties for certain sexual offenses if a person is HIV-positive. It also allowed for test results to be delivered by only a police officer, against federal HIV testing guidelines and forced a person with a positive test result to sign a form acknowledging the result, which would be kept by law enforcement officials who are not bound by federal confidentiality requirements.

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

H.B. 300 — ADOPTION REVISIONS Rep. Rebecca Chavez-Houck, D-SLC, FAILED Would have allowed cohabiting couples to adopt if one is the biological parent.

H.C.R. 2 SUBSTITUTE — CONCURRENT RESOLUTION ON STATES’ RIGHTS Rep. Julie Fisher, R-Fruit Heights, PASSED/SIGNED H.R. 2 — RESOLUTION ON THE TENTH AMENDMENT TO THE U.S. CONSTITUTION Rep. Jim Bird, R-West Jordan, FAILED S.C.R. 3 — STATE SOVEREIGNTY CONCURRENT RESOLUTION Sen. Stuart Adams, R-Layton, PASSED/SIGNED S.J.R. 4 — STATE SOVEREIGNTY JOINT RESOLUTION Sen. Scott Jenkins, R-Plain City, FAILED S.J.R. 6 — JOINT RESOLUTION — STATE SOVEREIGNTY AND TENTH AMENDMENT Sen. Howard Stephenson, R-Draper, PASSED These bills would assert the rights of a state to determine its public policy. In Massachusetts v.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the commonwealth argues its authority to marry same-sex couples is protected by the 10th Amendment and that the couples are therefore eligible to receive federal benefits despite the federal Defense of Marriage Act that defines marriage as “only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife.”

H.B. 74 — ADOPTION AND CHILD CUSTODY AMENDMENTS Rep. Sheryl Allen, R-Bountiful, PASSED/SIGNED The amendments of Feb. 8 to this bill deleted provisions that an individual unrelated to a child may qualify for a court grant of custody of or visitation with the child under certain conditions.

S.B. 146 — WRONGFUL DEATH AMENDMENTS Sen. Ben McAdams, D-Salt Lake City, FAILED This bill would have allowed an individual to may name a person to be his or her “wrongfuldeath designee” for inheritance purposes.

H.B. 296 SUBSTITUTE — CHOICE OF LAW IN UTAH COURTS Rep. Carl Wimmer, R-Herriman, FAILED Bill would have held Utah and federal law above any foreign law in Utah courts, specifically noting marriage in its text.

H.J.R. 4 — JOINT RESOLUTION URGING AN END TO THE DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL POLICY Rep. Christine Johnson, D-Holladay, FAILED This resolution would have declared that gay and lesbian Americans should be able to choose to serve as members of the U.S. military.

MILITARY SERVICE

Gay and Lesbian Delegates Elected at Precinct Caucuses The Utah Democratic and Republican Parties held their precinct caucuses, March 23, to elect precinct, county and state delegates as well as delegate chairs.

In this election year, the individuals who won those offices will play the important role of selecting each party’s candidates for seats in the Utah Legislature and in Congress.

A number of those newly elected delegates are also gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender. Some of them are seasoned political veterans who are returning to their posts, and some are newcomers. In this issue, QSaltLake interviewed a few of them.

Rusty James

State Delegate (Legislative District 30)

A moderate Republican, James decided to run for delegate this year out of frustration with the party’s politics, which often exclude gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

“I am tired of the ultraconservative Republicans running Utah and wanted to be involved in getting them ousted and getting more moderate Republicans in office that are GLBT-friendly,” he said. “I also ran to show that there are GLBT Republicans in Utah and in the United States that have a voice and want to be heard and respected.”

Like all delegate hopefuls, James, the partner of Utah Log Cabin Republicans President Mel Nimer, attended his local precinct meeting and told those present about his qualifications to hold office, as well as his stance on Republican candidates running in the district. At this time, he was also elected as his precinct’s secretary — an office that no other individual sought.

Although LCR has encouraged individuals to become Republican delegates for the purpose of getting more gay and transgender-friendly GOP candidates in office, many have balked at the idea of being an openly gay or transgender delegate in a party with several members who actively oppose such things as employment and housing protections that include sexual orientation and domestic partner rights. However, James said that he did not experience any anti-gay rhetoric.

“I don’t know if the people there know I’m gay. It wasn’t part of the discussion,” he said. “I did not try to hide it and I would have told them if asked. They did know that Mel and I lived together.”

James’ Legislative District is a traditionally Democratic one and is represented by Rep. Jackie Biskupski, who is Utah’s only openly lesbian legislator now that Rep. Christine Johnson, D-Salt Lake City, has announced that she will not seek re-election. James said that he would not oppose Biskupski, and that he would direct his efforts to voting for a gubernatorial candidate and a congressional candidate who pledges to support gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

“I don’t want to say for sure yet, but I’m looking into

[Jim] Bridgewater as a Republican to get in [as a can- that Republicans can inflict on LGBT [people] or any didate for Bob Bennett’s Senate seat],” he said. “From other person, then I will consider my efforts worth it.” what I understand he’s a little more LGBT friendly than the others.”

Michelle Turpin James said he had also received a communication Precinct Delegate (Legislative from Senate hopeful Mike Lee and has asked to talk to District 25) him about gay and transgender issues.

Another political new“I’m just pushing to learn as much as I can about comer is lawyer Michelle all of them so I can make an informative decision,” Turpin, who said that she he said. had wanted to run for the office in the past but had Kevin Packer always been called out of Precinct Chair and Delegate town during the caucus (Legislative District 30) meetings.

Although District 30 is “This year I made it a blue district that has a point to make myself had the same Democratic available,” she said. “I incumbent since the late wanted to be a delegate because I’ve had it with ’90s, it nonetheless has precincts (that is, areas [Democratic Congressman] Jim Matheson. I also feel as large as a few neighbor- strongly about getting candidates elected who are suphoods) that are heavily portive of LGBT issues.”

Republican. Democratic A resident of Salt Lake City’s traditionally liberal delegate Kevin Packer District 25 (which Johnson will represent until Dec. hails from precinct 2256, 31), Turpin faced three other precinct members who which is such an area. wanted the seat.

“It turned out I was the “In order to get elected, I was very overt,” she said. only [Democrat] from my precinct to show up,” said “I took charge of the meeting; I volunteered to be the Packer. “By default I was made the chairperson and a precinct chair; I wasn’t shy about my background and delegate from my precinct. I know of other Democrats involvement in the charities that support many Demoin my neighborhood and being the only one to show up cratic principles. I also got to know each of the people was disappointing, but all the more reason to be happy in my precinct.” that I did show up so that there is one person actively This year, Turpin and the district’s other delegates involved in getting our issues out there.” will be faced with an additional task. Since their Although Packer is new to the delegate system, he House incumbent is not seeking re-election, they will is no stranger to politics, having volunteered for a have to choose a challenger from among four Demonumber of political campaigns in the past. When he cratic hopefuls (two Republicans are also running): heard that the Utah Stonewall Democrats and Equal- Joel Briscoe, Dixon Hindley, Anthony Kaye and John ity Utah were encouraging gay, lesbian, bisexual and Netto, the latter of whom Johnson has endorsed. Curtransgender people to become delegates in this year’s rently, Turpin said that she is “most impressed” with midterm election, however, he said he showed up “to Netto. help ensure that the community was represented well “Chris has been a close personal friend and although within the Democratic Party.”

I really wanted to see a LGBT candidate take her place, “I wanted to get more involved because even though I am convinced that Netto will do a great job and will the Democrats are ‘our’ party they haven’t been as carry Chris’s torch on the LGBT issues,” she said. Q progressive as they’ve promised over the last couple of years,” he said. “Being a delegate would get me more time with candidates running and closer to the issues they are running on.”

Although Packer was the only Democrat from his precinct, he said that he saw many other gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender friends in the district mass meeting, which nearly 200 people attended.

“Several of the spokespersons included LGBT community issues in their speeches,” he said. “Hearing people speak up about issues helped me become more aware of what I didn’t know about, and would have to learn to be well versed and make an informed vote when the time comes.”

And that vote, he added, is something that he takes very seriously.

“I plan on learning everything I can about all candidates and issues that I will be asked to vote on. I also will be ‘papering’ and canvassing my neighborhood to get these issues and candidates’ names out to the neighbors and friends in my community. I will also try to get as many people to register to vote as possible. It will be intimidating knowing that most of the time the door will be shut or slammed in my face but I go with the notion that change happens one person at a time. ... If my actions make one person understand the harm

KEVIN GUZIK

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801.671.5473 1055 E 2100 S. STE 202

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BY APPOINTMENT ONLY

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 17

views

le ers Sex in the News

Q on the Str t

Who do you think will come out next and why?

Nick Teeter My pick is Oprah, she is going to finally tell the world she and Gayle are in love!

Vince Hernandez Chris Buttars! We all know the ones most set against the gays are resenting their own homosexuality.

Josh Curtis Obama ... He’s already black and pissing most people off, might as well make it a clean sweep!

Plus Michelle kinda looks dyke-ish and could be his pseudo-wife.

Mel Nimer many films offered, such as the wonderful Latter Days. There are several pages of such romance offerings. There are also, of course, films with a little sex in them, of various types and involving several ethnic groups, etc. And there are sex toys available. But it seems heterosexuals use them as much as homosexuals. And I imagine more heterosexuals use sex films than homosexuals.

One of the reasons the Homosexual Information Center has spoken out in favor of legalizing prostitution is that a famous therapist pointed out the obvious: some of us are not cute, sexy and find it hard to find sexual partners. Life is not fair. And yet we need sex as much as the pretty and cute people. And those who are handicapped, or old, don’t lose their sexual desires, and can get some satisfaction from books and films.

It is doubtful that books or films create a sexual desire, but in fact exist to satisfy that desire, and there have been examples of this throughout history.

So we make no apologizes to the true perverts, who use sex to gain money and power/control. The hope is that people who are happy will not be harming others, and the only sexual problems are preventing health risks and unwanted pregnancies. Those are what true religious people should be working to prevent.

Billy Glover Bell, Calif.

Editor, There has been a lot of “sex” in the news, especially about the Catholic Church, in several nations, including a prostitution ring in the Vatican. And Protestant bigots from the United States going to Africa to “teach” blacks about the evils of homosexuality-showing films of acts most of us never thought of. It is interesting how much these preachers know about homosexual sex. Some of us might say, well, if we are going to have the name, we might as well play the game. But most of our community/movement is talking about gaining our civil/equal rights, and holding meetings, writing e-mails, etc.

Several of the movement pioneers might want us to think about having some sex, or talking about it, reading about it or seeing it on videos, etc. After all that is the point of gaining our right to privacy. So I glanced at the latest catalog from one distributor of sex material. I have heard that there is a possibility that such print and film might disappear as most people now use the Internet for their sexual interests.

But I would tell the religious bigots that it seems that real homosexuals are interested in love as much as sex, judging by the 1 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

How about Anderson Cooper. He’s still single, handsome, rich, sexy, and .... available?

Something you read make you gleeful?

Lisa Bargar Chris Buttars ... because he cannot quit thinking about “pig sex” and he wants to find out what it is really like.

Something piss you off?

QSaltLake welcomes letters from our readers.

Send your letter of under 300 words to:

Ryan Rieger Jerry Lewis unwittingly caught on tape as he’s telling an old friend: “You remember Bart, your oldest son Jesse, the illiterate fag ... Well, we fucked!”

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letters@QSaltLake.com

Whitney Houston ... now that she is clean and praticing sobriety and such ... honesty is the

QSaltLake reserves the right to edit for length or libel or reject any letter. next step...!

guest editorial It’s Time for Transgender Protections

by The Southern Utah University Queer Straight Alliance

C

HARLES F. KETTERING WAS THE HEAD

of research at General Motors from 1920–1947, during the golden age of the now bankrupt company. Said Kettering: “Great steps in human progress are made by things that don’t work the way philosophy thought they should. If things always worked the way they should, you could write the history of the world from now on. But they don’t, and it is those deviations from the normal that make human progress.” Kettering recognized an important principle that once defined America, but has since been forgotten — the idea of progress.

Fast forward to today and you’ll notice that nothing is working the way it should. Our debt is massive with a large portion owed to our biggest competitor — China. Our car companies, once the beacon of industry, are now bankrupt. Our banking system is entirely broken. We even ban willing men and women from serving in our military, just because of their sexual orientation. America is faltering. No longer viewed as the big kid on campus, we are forced to take a step back and analyze ourselves.

One place in dire need of a new direction: the rights afforded to transgender individuals. Society has decided that the clothes you wear, the way you act, even the pitch of your voice must conform to a strict gender-based guideline.

Males are in one column and females in the other, and yet no one can present an adequate definition of those terms.

One could point to chromosomes: XY is male, and XX is female. Then where

do we place those born XXY? Perhaps you chose to define gender by reproductive organs. In that case, what gender are those born with both, or neither?

Do you consider physical appearance indicative of gender? What if you chose to dress or act the “opposite” of what you’re “naturally” supposed to? Does this mean your gender also changes?

It seems apparent that the current terms — male and female — are not inclusive. When a “male” dressed as a “female” (or vice versa) participates in day-to-day activities, “he” finds “himself” ridiculed, and often physically confronted.

For this reason, perhaps it is time that Southern Utah University adds equal protection for gender identity into the anti-discrimination policy.

There are already two universities in the state of Utah that include gender identity in their policies, with two others actively investigating them as well. Perhaps this is a sign that things aren’t as bleak as they seem, but those universities are, unfortunately, still in the minority.

It’s time for the rest of us to step up to the plate.

One day, perhaps, people will realize that a forward and progressive people don’t need to have simple things like gender identity protected. As long as there is a high level of prejudice towards those that don’t fit the norms however, equal protections must be legally mandated.

What if you chose to dress or act the ‘opposite’ of what you’re ‘naturally’ supposed to? Does this mean your gender also changes?

This is the collective opinion of the members of the SUU Queer Straight Alliance. They can be reached at suuqsa@gmail.com.

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views lambda lore Before the Revolution: Mary and Max

by Ben Williams

F

APRIL, THE SALT Lake Tribune ran an interview that reporter Clark Lobb conducted between a University of Utah student and a 45-year-old Salt Lake City vice squad officer. The topic: homosexuals. This article on homosexuality was daring and provocative for its time. It was the first in depth exposé on homosexuality printed in Utah’s media.

The university student’s identity is not known. She was called Mary X even though when asked if she was a homosexual she answered, “No, I am not.” She stated that as a student in San Francisco and in Salt Lake City she had completed research on the nature of homosexual men. It is indicative of the times that, even though she was not a lesbian, she felt that simply defending homosexuals required anonymity.

Mary X may have been a sociology student at the university because she stated that her research was exclusive to male homosexuals: “I know little or nothing on lesbians.” In her interview she used the 1948 Kinsey Report’s Sexual Behavior in the Human Male and believed that “nurture” instead of “nature” was the causation of homosexuality.

“It’s a learned patterned of behavior stemming from influences through life particularly during childhood,” she told Lobb.

“It’s a family situation. A family in which the mother is particularly close to a son, binds him to her, and the father is either detracted, or hostile toward the son very, very frequently results in a homosexual boy, according to studies done on the subject.” She also reported that homosexuals “are a product of their family environment through no choice of their own.”

Sergeant Max Yopse was a World War II veteran who, while stationed at Tooele, converted to Mormonism from Judaism. He joined the Salt Lake City police force and later was appointed chaplain in 1975. Two years later, he organized a chaplain corps at the Salt Lake police department at the suggestion of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His religious bias against gays was revealed toward the end of the piece, when he claimed homosexuals were “abnormal in that they are non productive and have no Godly satisfaction.”

Yopse comes across in the interview as a man empathic to the family men arrested for public homosexual conduct, but not to homosexuality in general. “Most men homosexuals are sympathetic — that is they respond to sympathetic approaches and sometimes are seeking help,” he said.

He told the news reporter that homosexual activity had been a problem for years in Salt Lake City and was growing because “many of the homosexuals from the coast ORTY YEARS AGO THIS

have moved in — the hippie movement as we call it for example.” He contrasted them to the homegrown variety of homosexuals saying, “We have a lot of bisexual men who are apparently happily married, are staunch pillars in their community, have families, have respectable positions, and are active in civic and church affairs.

Every couple of months they have this tremendous urge to get out and get involved in homosexual activity.”

As a law officer, Sgt. Yopse emphasized, “We are sworn to uphold the law and as far as the law is concerned, the law is the will of the people.”

“We do not break into people’s homes seeking homosexuals, but our problem is the law states any time a man has a sexual

He claimed homosexuals were ‘abnormal in that they are non productive and have no Godly satisfaction.’ relationship with a person of the same sex, that it’s against the law,” he continued.

“It’s called sodomy in its various degrees.”

Yopse explained that sodomy was a felony and that homosexuality was not a victimless crime.

His view was that homosexual men were primarily pedophiles. “They’re generally — and we find this to be the ever prevalent thing — that these men tire of their relationships with other males of their own peers and they seek out — we call it ‘cruise’ — and indoctrinate youthful victims to this type of thing. It’s not uncommon to have male homosexuals spend countless hours of seductive way to get young people recruited.”

Playing on this theme that homosexual men were pedophile predators, Sgt. Yopse argued, “Homosexuals have to be screened out on jobs such as scout masters, life guard[s] — male and female. You’d be surprised how many times overt homosexuality occurs among adult-youth groups generally respected and believed to be strictly

20 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

above board and beneficial to youth. ... I think it’s time we realize there may be something wrong with that nice young unmarried boy down the street who’s taken such an interest in my little boy and wants to take him on fishing trips and sleep with him in a pup tent. People would think it terrible to say, a 13-year-old girl go with a 20-year-old man under these circumstances, but they think nothing about it with a boy. By the time many of them find out how wrong they were, it’s too late.”

The disdain the vice officer felt for lesbians was also evident in the article. Overall, he found them to be menacing: “Women homosexuals are a horse of another color. A Lesbian is something else. She’ll challenge anyone who suggests she’s a Lesbian. She’ll fight to the bitter end that her relationships with other women are more meaningful and longer enduring then they are with the male.” He also saw lesbians as predatory. “[T]he majority of female homosexual cases brought to our attention involve Lesbians who have recruited — and I use the word deliberately — female companions who are married and may be disillusioned with married life, problems of finances, maybe with an indifferent husband and a brood of children who are rather confining to her.”

He also added that Salt Lake City’s lesbians “maintain their activities under a cloak,” which was the reason city residents didn’t hear too much about them. But he added, “we do maintain a file” on them because “they’ll go after women of younger and more tender years.”

While not contesting Sgt. Yopse’s views, Mary X did feel that laws against homosexuality “didn’t do much good” and were unfair.

She noted the fact that the law against assault was one to 10 years in prison, while the law against sodomy was three to 20 years.

She also suggested that laws against private, consenting sodomy should be eliminated as “doing no good and oppressing people.”

However, Sgt. Yopse mocked that idea saying, “That would be lovely wouldn’t it? To have it abolished — as it has been in England — to have a homosexual couple move in next door to you — perhaps a married woman with a family — and begun to make their amorous approaches on the patio, to have children look out of their windows and see this type of activity going continuously.”

He added that he was worried that children exposed to this conduct would, as they grew up, “think there is nothing wrong with it.”

Finally, Yopse belittled Mary’s opinions in pre-feminist fashion by saying, “You say you feel ... We’re not interested in your feelings, Mary; we are interested in facts, in documentation in statistics. You say you don’t feel the laws keep homosexuality from going on. Sure there are a lot of things that go on, but how much more prevalent they would be if we relaxed the laws. You talk about homosexuals who’ll be honest with you and he’ll soon tell you that he’ll go out to the public rest rooms, to the libraries, and to rest rooms in parks, and solicit activity with younger men and boys.”

And that’s the way it was on April 25, 1970. Q

snaps & slaps SNAP: LGBT Health Awareness Day Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people frequently have less access to health care than straight people, as well as unique health concerns that many in the medical field don’t understand or regularly and adequately address.

That’s why the Utah Pride Center’s LGBT Health Awareness Day is so important. It brings together health professionals and representatives from a variety of specialties into a nonjudgmental, non-threatening space where asking questions is encouraged and presentations are tailored specifically to some of the most pressing of our concerns: cancer, HIV, domestic violence, and drug addiction and recovery.

Everybody who can should visit the Salt Lake City Main Library on April 3 to take advantage of this resource.

SNAP: Queer Sex Ed The Center is really on a roll lately when it comes to health and wellness programs. Its Queer Sex Ed day, which will provide a wealth of sex-related information to lesbians, bisexual women and transgender people, is both long overdue and indispensable for our community, given how little information is out there about safer sex, sexual dysfunction and downright enjoyable sex for women who have sex with women, and for women-identified queer people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. Whether lesbian or bisexual, genderqueer or transgender, this day is something that many segments of the community will find not only useful, but entertaining—after all, there will be a sex toy demonstration.

SNAP: Queer Prom At QSaltLake we were saddened (and sadly, not really all that shocked) to read reports about Constance McMillen’s high school refusing to let her take her girlfriend to its prom. At the same time, we were glad to remember that Utah, unlike Mississippi, has a well-established prom for youth of all sexual orientations and gender identities, where they can be themselves without fear of repercussion or bigotry. The fact that Queer Prom has existed for years, and has been embraced by so many organizations, individuals and businesses, is a testament to the tolerance and fair-mindedness that make Salt Lake City a remarkable place to live.

The prom is expecting 700 youth between 14 and 20 this year. May its numbers only increase.

who’s your da y?

There’s No Place Like Home

I

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by Christopher Katis

U TAH : Saturday, Aug. 7, 1988. Kelly drove the U-Haul while I followed in my car.

When I saw the sign welcoming me to Nevada, I let out a shout of joy. I had done it! I had gotten out of Utah.

There wasn’t anything I liked about Utah except for my family and friends.

I hated the weather. I hated the politics.

And I really hated the institutionalized homophobia. So you can imagine having to admit that Salt Lake City was the best place to raise my kids was a pretty bitter pill to swallow. My friend Christina probably summed it up best: “Salt Lake City? Jeez, you must really love your kids.”

I’m not ashamed to tell you that returning felt had like failure. We had created a nice life in California. But circumstances beyond my control forced a change in plans, so I had swallowed my pride and returned to the land of my childhood.

But over the past 18 months, I’ve come to realize that it’s not exactly the same place I fled.

Sure, Salt Lake lacks the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles and the sophistication of San Francisco, the last two places we called home. But it definitely grew up in the 20 years we were gone. And that maturity has made it an immeasurably better place to live.

Nevertheless, one of my biggest concerns about moving back was how the boys would be treated. OK, let’s be honest.

I worried about how they’d be treated by their LDS neighbors, teachers and classmates. I feared that Gus and Niko would have similar experiences to those I had growing up — only they would face even greater discrimination because they have two dads.

Over and over again I played out the hypothetical scene. Gus would meet a kid in school; they’d become fast friends and he’d invite this new buddy over to our house to play. Everything would be set, but when the door opened, Gus would be standing there alone and dejected. This hypothetical kid’s parents would refuse to let their son visit a two-dad house and didn’t want him to be friends with Gus. My fears seem ridiculous, don’t they?

But they were based on what I experienced as a child. The parents of kids I counted REMEMBER THE DAY WE LEFT

as friends told their children to dump me because my family wasn’t LDS. You also have to remember, we arrived back in Utah just prior to the 2008 election.

The LDS Church’s very active participation in Prop 8 and the events that followed its passage were helping to fuel my fears.

So when Gus became inseparable from a new friend he’d made at school, I started to obsess about a possible play date. The boy’s family is devoutly LDS. In the group of playground moms with whom I became friends, his mother was the only one I hadn’t specifically told about my sexual orientation. Even as we planned a much-anticipated first play date, I still didn’t tell her.

When she came to our place to pick Gus up, I introduced her to Kelly.

Her reaction was pretty pedestrian, but I was convinced we’d never see that boy outside of class again.

The very opposite proved to be true. Our boys remained best friends throughout kindergarten and spent a lot of time together at each other’s houses. And even though they go to different schools this year, we still try to get the boys together every now and then.

As a matter of fact, the boy I was convinced I’d never see in my house again was here not too long ago. He and his little brother joined us for dinner and a “boys movie night” while their parents got some time alone with their newborn baby.

But for me it got even better. This family, about whom I made such erroneous unfounded judgments, invited our family to the blessing of their new son. Of course we attended. For the first time in my life I sat in an LDS ward house for a service that wasn’t a funeral. And while I admit I was a little uncomfortable, I was also very proud to be there and very proud to be there supporting the family.

As the baby’s father said a prayer over him, surrounded by the other men in his family, I sent my own message: “You will grow up in a family that chooses its friends by who they are, not what they are.”

Through two boys’ friendship, fostered by traditional and non-traditional parents, I learned that some fears are best left in the past and that change can be found in the people from whom you least expect it.

It’s good to finally be home. Q

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Jeez, you must really love your kids’

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 21

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views the straight line Repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

by Bob Henline

T

SENATE ARMED SERVICES Committee held a hearing March 18 to discuss the U.S. military’s “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy.

During the meeting, retired U.S. Marine Corps General John Sheehan claimed that Dutch military leaders had called their gay soldiers “part of the problem” in the Srebrenica massacre of July 1995, in which HE

Serb forces killed around 8,000 Muslim men in Srebrenica, a town in Bosnia. Sheehan used that claim as part of his opposition to gays serving openly in the U.S. military.

(The massacre, by the way, is considered to be one of the largest genocide in Europe since World War II.) This kind of ridiculous nonsense is exactly what is wrong with President Obama’s ap-

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ASSOCIATES 22 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

proach to DADT. Dinosaurs like Sheehan — although this particular one is retired — are far too prevalent in the U.S. military command structure. Obama is the commander in chief. It is by his authority that military policy is changed. So make the damn change already. Write up a new policy that prohibits harassment or discrimination against U.S. service personnel on the basis of sexual preference. Sign it as an executive order, and then use military tribunals to enforce it.

DADT, which is federal law, does require an act of Congress to officially change. However, as commander in chief, the president has the authority to make policy changes within the military. As he can in other areas of government, he can, by executive order, prohibit discrimination within the armed services. While there are a number in Congress who have openly expressed a desire to repeal DADT, it is painfully obvious that none are willing to expend the po-

litical capital to make this happen. It is time for President Obama to stand up as a leader and deliver on his campaign promises — create a new policy, set it as an executive order, and use that as a catalyst to make the official policy change.

Many will argue that the military is an institution rife with tradition, and that making changes of this caliber require time and delicacy. The bottom line, however, is this: You can talk about it all you want and study it even further, but at the end of the day change will come from an order being issued and then enforced. Will there be a morale issue in the military as a result? More than likely, yes. Will there be some ignorant bigots who might be forced to retire or be discharged from the service? More than likely, yes. Is this last thing in the best interest of

Dinosaurs like Sheehan — although this particular one is retired — are far too prevalent in the U.S. military command structure

the United States? Absolutely yes.

We are, ostensibly, a nation that respects the rights and liberties of people. Our nation was founded upon principles of freedom and self-determination, of the rights to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” How is it that we can legally and morally justify taking those same rights away from such a large segment of our population?

There is absolutely no doubt that gays have served, and served honorably, in the various branches of the U.S. military throughout history. Why must they do so while hiding their identities? There is no requirement that heterosexuals hide their orientation while serving. In fact, a quick look at the history of military sex scandals reveals a much higher prevalence of problems involving hetero behavior than gay behavior (Tailhook Scandal comes to mind).

Perhaps this is one of those social issues upon which the military can actually take the lead. President Obama has expressed his commitment to providing equality within the military, now it’s time for him to put up or shut up. He has the authority to make this change, and to do it now. Regardless of when this change occurs, there will be backlash, so we may as well face it head on, and face it now.

In the immortal words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., “a right delayed is a right denied.” Q

Bob Henline blogs at The Nonpartican, nonpart.org

Cr p of the W k John Sheehan

by D’Anne Witkowski

A

QUICK HISTORY LESSON :

I N 1995, during the Bosnian War, thousands of people were murdered in the town of Srebrenica. It was — and still is — horrific. But it turns out the entire thing could have been prevented.

And it’s all Holland’s fault. Or, more specifically, Holland’s gay soldiers.

Looks like Fred Phelps needs to get himself, his signs and his family to Holland, stat.

You see, Holland lets openly gay men and women serve in its armed forces. It has since 1995. But as every God-fearing patriot knows, gays aren’t fit for duty, unless that duty involves a sailor hat, a G-string and a Pride parade float blasting Madonna’s Confessions on a Dance Floor remixes.

In other words, you don’t put queers in charge if you want to stop a genocide.

Or so says retired U.S. General John Sheehan, who testified before the Senate Armed Services Committee about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, insisting that it needs to be kept in place. Unless, of course, we want thousands of people to die.

In 1995, Bosnian Serb forces trounced the Dutch soldiers, enabling them to kill nearly 8,000 Muslim men and boys, because the Dutch solders were all a bunch of limp-wristed fags. I mean, for one thing, they were there for peace-keeping — not fighting — so they didn’t even have “the big guns” so to speak. And, as everyone knows, peace is totally a faggy thing.

To understand where Sheehan was coming from (besides out of his own ass), the following exchange happened during his testimony. “[Allowing openly gay Dutch soldiers to serve] led to a force that was ill-equipped to go to war. The case in point that I’m referring to is when the Dutch were required to defend Srebrenica against the Serbs.

The battalion was under-strength, poorly led and the Serbs came into town, hand-

cuffed the soldiers to the telephone poles, marched the Muslims off and executed them.”

“Did the Dutch leaders tell you it was because there were gay soldiers there?” asked Sen. Carl Levin (D-Michigan), chairman of the U.S. Senate’s Armed Services Committee.

“Yes, they did. They included that as part of the problem,” Sheehan said. “That the combination was the liberalization of the military, a net effect was basically social engineering.”

Levin wasn’t buying it. “I think that any effort to connect that failure on the part of the Dutch to the fact that they have homosexuals, or did allow homosexuals, I think is totally offtarget,” he said.

In other words, “Sheehan, you’re crazy.”

The Dutch are all, “WTF?” and “Um, no.”

“It is astonishing that a man of his stature can utter such complete nonsense,” said Dutch defense ministry spokesman Roger van de Wetering.

Oh, honey, not in our country. Hearing talk like Sheehan’s is totally a “same shit, different day” kind of thing.

“The Srebrenica massacre and the involvement of U.N. soldiers were extensively investigated by the Netherlands, international organizations and the United Nations,” van de Wetering continued.

“Never was there in any way concluded that the sexual orientation of soldiers played a role.”

Well, of course they didn’t. Everyone knows the United Nations is a fag-front operation. Thankfully we’ve got guys like Sheehan to tell their own bat-shit crazy versions of the truth. Q

Allowing openly gay Dutch soldiers to serve ‘led to a force that was ill-equipped to go to war’

D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister and teaches writing at the University of Michigan.

We Tweet @qsaltlake A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 23

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QUEER PROM 2010 I’m Coming Out!

2 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

L

IKE MANY PARTS OF AMERICAN ADOLESCENCE, PROM IS

often a fraught experience for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender teenagers. Take, for example, the recent story of Constance McMillen, the Mississippi lesbian teenager who wanted to wear a tuxedo to her prom at Itawamba Agricultural High School and dance with her girlfriend. The school not only refused to let her attend but canceled the prom altogether when the ACLU threatened to sue on McMillen’s behalf. While many across the country, including talk show host and lesbian comedian Ellen DeGeneres who awarded McMillen a $30,000 scholarship, have called the 18-year-old a hero, McMillen said she feels ostracized from her community and from other students, some of whom are blaming her for the loss of their dance.

“I’ve been very nervous about all of this,” she told CNN, March 26. “I don’t like being somewhere where everyone hates me.”

Although today’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender teens live in a time where their sexual orientations and gender identities are more accepted than ever, stories like McMillen’s are still common — common enough that many of them never even attempt to attend a school dance with a same-sex date on their arm.

But happily, for Utah’s queer youth, there is an alternative. For the past several years, the Utah Pride Center has hosted Queer Prom, which welcomes youth age 14–20 of all sexual orientations and gender identities, including straight allies.

“This is their prom where they’re comfortable and not in the minority,” said Jude McNeil, the Center’s Youth Program director. “They can express themselves in any way they want and that’s celebrated rather than something that’s rejected.”

Along with a number of youth volunteers and adult chaperons, McNeil has overseen the prom for the last four years (Queer Prom, however, was held before she came to work at the Center). In that time, she says that it has changed a great deal while attracting more and more youth each year.

Originally held in a space donated by Gastronomy, Inc., Queer Prom moved to the Salt Palace in 2006 where it ran into exactly the kind of trouble that makes holding a prom specifically for queer youth necessary.

“Other proms were going on at the same time [at the Salt Palace], so we had youth marking up our posters

with words like ‘faggot,’” she explained. “I was really proud of our youth, though, because they were taunted and they didn’t react. Even though they were angry, they handled themselves really well.”

In 2007, the prom moved to its current home at the Salt Lake City Main Public Library, where such homophobic incidents are a thing of the past.

“It’s a really pretty place,” said McNeil. “The library’s been extremely respectful and culturally sensitive, so it’s been a pleasure working with them.”

Apparently, the youth like it, too. Since 2006, when the prom attracted some 640 teenagers, attendance has grown by “10 or 20 each year,” said McNeil, who is expecting some 700 students to walk through the doors this year.

As with any school prom, they come to party, hang out with friends and dance — in this case to tunes spun by DJ Portia Early, formerly of X96’s Live and Local program.

“She says it’s her favorite prom and the kids are always so nice and respectful,” said McNeil.

Unlike most school dances, however, Queer Prom never fails to keep in mind that its youth have questions and needs that the broader community is often not answering or meeting. Last year, for example, the Center began offering HIV testing at the prom and tested over 60 youth. There are also pamphlets and a number of resources available on tables.

“There’s one kid who tells the story of how he had identified as a lesbian [until] he found a pamphlet on transgender identities at prom and realized that identity more closely fit,” said McNeil. “So he was able to access resources and his quality of life has gone up quiet a bit.”

Because many queer youth come to Queer Prom who don’t know about or don’t visit the Utah Pride Center, the Center has distributed a survey at the prom for years to find out what the attending youth need and what resources they have access to. Past surveys, for example, have focused on youths’ lives at home and their use of tobacco, alcohol and illegal substances. This year’s topic, said McNeil, will be a school climate survey, much like the one that the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network conducts.

“We’re wanting to know what it’s like for kids in school now,” she said. “Hopefully we can share the results with anyone who wants them and with Utah schools so they can hopefully understand why some schools need to do more work to make school safer for all students.”

In order to make the prom safe and fun for all youth, a number of adults from Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and allied community volunteer their time each year. Adults over 21 — including several PFLAG parents, community leaders and volunteers from the Center’s Youth Activity Center — serve as chaperons, and members of the GLBT Safety Liaison Committee, a group composed of police and community members, provide security for the event. Locals often donate prizes and services to the prom. For example, photographers Heather and Chris Gibbs provide prom pictures at print cost. Likewise, SLUG magazine has sponsored an art contest for the past three years asking youth to make art pieces based on the prom’s theme (this year’s theme is “I’m Coming Out,” after the famous Diana Ross song and gay anthem). The three winning entries, which the youth vote on, receive prom packages that include prom tickets and a number of services, including: a haircut and style by Princess Kennedy; prom clothes from Blue Boutique; dinner for two at Meditrina and coffee for two at Nobrow Tea & Coffee.

“It’s definitely something the community comes together for to make all this happen and make it as fun and safe as possible,” said McNeil.

But the youth who attend the prom don’t just sit idly back and let the adults do all the work. Rather, the leadership of Queers in Action, the Center’s volunteer outreach group for queer and allied youth, plan the prom down to the last detail, from choosing the theme and decorations to electing prom royalty, which happens right before Queer Prom at the Big Big Event talent show.

“If they win as monarch they get prizes and get to emcee at next year’s prom, and do other things throughout the year,” said McNeil.

This year’s Big Big Event will be held in the Center’s Multi-Purpose Room, April 3, 6–9 p.m. Food will be provided and youth ages 14–20 are invited to participate.

From start to finish, Queer Prom is a night of fun for youth, volunteers, chaperons and all involved.

“We always get tons of positive feedback from the chaperons, parents and youth,” said McNeil. “The youth often talk about how it’s the best prom of the year and they really enjoyed it. Even straight youth will prefer the prom. It has a different feel to most proms.”

Queer Prom 2010 “I’m Coming Out” will be held April 10, 8 p.m.– Midnight, at the Salt Lake City Main Public Library, 210 E. 400 South. Tickets will be on sale soon.

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 25

health A Better Butt, a Healthy Butt

by Steve Walker

M

OST OF US WOULD LIKE A BUTT THAT

is pleasing to the eye, but do we think about how important it is to have a healthy butt? What I’m talking about here is having a gluteus maximus that works properly with the kinetic chain.

The butt is made up of the gluteus group consisting of three muscles: the gluteus maximus, the gluteus medius and the gluteus minimus. The gluteus maximus is an accelerator muscle consisting of 80 percent fast twitch muscles and 20 percent slow twitch muscles. Fast twitch muscles are the ones that give you quick bursts of energy while slow twitch muscles have better endurance. The gluteus maximus is highly active in such situations as sprinting, rising from the bottom of a deadlift or deep squat or a deadlift or in hiking a steep trail or taking multiple stairs at one time.

The gluteus and the hamstrings are the

prime muscles that work when a weightlifter does a lift that requires more than 45 degrees of trunk flexion, such as a deadlift.

Due to the way the gluteus maximus inserts into the tensor fascia latae of the leg, if the knee is not partially bent to approximately 20 degrees, the gluteus maximus will not become active during the lift. In cases like this, the hamstrings lift the load.

This can lead to faulty motor patterning, which means that the athlete might injure him or herself.

By not paying attention to body positioning when you are performing exercises such as deadlifts, squats, lunges and high box jumps, you may be creating muscle dysfunction or not even activating the gluteus maximus. Basically, the body adapts to improper movement. And over time the fast twitch muscle of the gluteus maximus will atrophy if used incorrectly, which will cause misshaping of the butt and kinetic

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chain malfunction.

The body really makes no distinction between the butt and the back; the muscles are all interrelated. Many of us forget that the body works as a functional unit and that any movement affects the rest of the body. For example, there is a working relationship between the gluteus maximus in the butt and the opposite latissimus dorsi (a muscle on the side of the back) both of which are connected by the thoracolumbar fascia, a membrane that covers the lower back muscles. This also links to our stabilizing system, known as our core. The core consists of the external oblique muscles, the internal oblique muscles, and erector spine muscles. These systems of the core act as a spring, storing and releasing energy and initiating movement.

The good news is that the exercises that help the butt and back function better are also excellent in improving the body’s aesthetics. But first, let’s blow away some of the myths about butt exercises. Walking and steady-state running on treadmills are not great butt exercises. The gluteal muscles are designed to accelerate the body, so sprints and sprint intervals do develop the butt muscles well. Just compare the physique of an Olympic 100-meter runner and a marathon runner to see which type of exercise works the butt best.

Step machines also don’t work the butt muscles effectively, unless you use a stepmill and are taking double steps while keeping your trunk upright. You must lift your thigh to parallel or above during a step-up exercise in order to see activation of the gluteus maximus.

I’ve selected some butt exercises that will improve the function of you gluteus maximus. Include in your workouts: highbox jumps or step-ups with reverse kick, bent knee dead lifts, free-weight squats (where the thigh reaches at least parallel to the ground or below), lunges in all planes of motion, Swiss ball supine hip extensions with knee flexion, and good mornings.

hips and arms. Make sure you do not throw your trunk forward or backwards.

High-box step-up with kick

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Set the box high enough so that the thigh is at least parallel to the floor when you step up. Step up on the box and accelerate the other leg into a rear kick, using the butt,

High-box jumps

Set the box high enough so that the thigh is at least parallel to the floor. From a standing position, squat in front of the box so that the thigh is at least parallel to the floor or below. Starting with your arms behind you, accelerate upwards throwing your arms forward and land with a soft foot and knee on top of the box. Return to the starting position with a reverse jump, landing with a soft foot and knee.

Swiss ball supine hip extension with knee flexion Lie supine on the floor, feet and calves on the ball, palms facing the ceiling. Lift the hips up, and then bend the knees, pulling the ball towards your body. The hips stay lifted so the shoulders, hips and knees stay in one straight line. Return to starting position by straightening your legs and lowering your butt back to the floor.

Deadlifts

As I mentioned earlier, to properly activate your gluteus maximus your knees must be bent to at least 20 degrees. I also recommend sumo-style deadlifts with a wide stance, rather than the traditional deadlifts with a narrow stance. Sumo deadlifts help stabilize and prevent strain in the sacroiliac joint.

For those of you who are not experienced weightlifters I would be glad to demonstrate proper execution of this exercises.

Please remember for serious training, slow the movements down. The faster the exercise is performed, the less time the butt muscles are activated. Slow tempos force the muscles to work longer, and more work equates to faster development.

The opposite of this is if you are training specifically for power where speed is an essential component.

Please contact me for more information regarding these exercise, your fitness goals, weight loss and nutrition. Q

26 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

Center to Hold Queer Sex Ed Day for Women While a number of local organizations and support groups regularly discuss the sexuality and sexual needs of gay and bisexual men — from practicing safer sex to achieving sexual satisfaction — comparatively little discussion occurs around the needs of lesbian and bisexual cisgender (nontransgender) women, and transgender people of all sexual orientations.

Enter sWerve and the Utah Pride Center to change that.

On April 17, the Center and the lesbianfocused civic and social group will team up to present Queer Sex Ed, a day of four presentations on topics relating to transgender and queer female sexuality.

“It sprung out of a lot of anecdotal evidence of women who have questions about their sex life, and a lot of people asking, ‘How do lesbians have safer sex, and what am I supposed to be doing if I’m wanting to have sex with more than one person?’” said Jennifer Nuttall, the Center’s adult programs director. “We wanted to have a conversation with the community to talk about women and sex and how that plays out as single people, and in our couples and our long-term relationships. Are we getting what we need and what we want?”

The day’s first panel will address that question. Presented by Jordan Rullo, a candidate in the University of Utah’s Clinical Psychology doctoral program, “Sexual Satisfaction: What is it? How do we get it?” will cover the different ways in which women can achieve that nebulous thing known as sexual satisfaction. “[The presentation] is going to be a combination of the research on sexual satisfaction and clinical applications on how to increase your satisfaction — what it is, why it’s important that we have it, and how we get it,” said Rullo, who specializes in sex research and sex therapy. A large part of the presentation, she added, will cover what researchers call an exchange model theory of sexual satisfaction, “which basically says to be sexually satisfied, you need to have more rewards than costs” in your sex life.

“If you like to be touched a certain way and your partner does that for you, that’s a reward,” she explained. “When you’re not in the mood and your partner doesn’t care and wants to have sex anyway, that’s a cost.”

The presentation, which Rullo hopes will be in Q-and-A format, will also focus on breaking down myths about sex — for example, that it needs to be spontaneous to be good — and having realistic expectations about sexuality.

“Sex isn’t going to be great every time we do it. Sometimes it will be silly and sloppy and that’s OK,” she said.

The second presentation will cover something that Nuttall said many women in relationships with women experience, but are often ashamed to talk about: ‘lesbian bed death,’ or the idea that long-term female couples often stop having sex to-

gether.

“I’ve had a lot of couples tell me confidentially, ‘We’re not having sex and it’s horrible, what’s going on?’” said Nuttall.

“They’re needing some support that way but they don’t know how to talk about that within the context of a relationship or anything else.”

“Lesbian Bed Death: Myth or Reality?” will be lead by Lisa Diamond, an associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah whose work has focused on the sexuality of queer women.

“I think the important thing to clarify is I’m not a clinical psychologist or therapist so I’m going to be approach [this topic] from a sex research perspective, in terms of what do we know about this mythical phenomenon,” said Diamond.

Among researchers, the topic of ‘lesbian bed death’ is as controversial as it is among individual lesbians and bisexual women, Diamond added. Some researchers, she said, contend that the phenomenon arises out of applying a male model to female sexuality and then expecting “women to have sex as often as male researchers expect us to.” Other issues that complicate the matter are forms of sex that don’t involve genital contact, and feminist contentions that the idea of ‘lesbian bed death’ reinforces stereotypes that women as a group don’t enjoy sex.

“It’s raised among researchers some of the same debates as in the [lesbian, bisexual and transgender] community,” she said.

While the presentation will involve an update on research about this phenomenon, Diamond also hopes that attendees will have questions.

“I think it’s much more fun if it can be back and forth,” she said. “I want to try to get folks talking about what they’d like to see sex researchers looking at. I’m totally excited if I can go to sex research meetings and say, ‘these are topics that people in the community would like you to look at,’ rather than having them in the ivory tower deciding how to discuss this phenomenon.”

Another important component of queer female and transgender sexuality is safer sex. Although limited research has suggested that HIV transmission rates are the lowest among women who have sex with women, there are still a number of sexually transmitted diseases that lesbians and bisexual women in relationships with women can acquire.

“Just because the lesbian and [female] bisexual community is at the lowest [risk for getting HIV], that doesn’t mean we’re at zero risk,” said Lillian Rodriguez, the Utah Pride Center’s HIV prevention coordinator. Along with Transgender Youth Program Coordinator Rose Ellen Epstein she will present “Uncensored: This Ain’t Your Mama’s Sex!”, a no-holds-barred look at safer sex for lesbians, bisexual women and transgender people. This workshop

will cover the four bodily fluids that can be encountered during sex and the basics of STDs that affect queer women the most, like chlamydia and the human papillomavirus. They will also discuss a reality that can be difficult to broach: the fact that many queer women, even lesbians, have sex with men or will have sex with men at some point in their lives.

“We want to emphasize how important it is to get your checkups,” said Rodriguez.

“You may be a gold star lesbian, but by no means are you free from any transmission.”

Also covered will be the basics of safer sex devices, such as dental dams, external and insertive (or female) condoms, and the importance of using these on sex toys, many of which cannot be cleaned easily or at all.

The two will also go over some alternative barriers that many women don’t know about.

“Using non-microwavable Saran wrap [in oral sex] is actually really great because you have so much to work with,” said Rodriguez. “It’s also super thin and it’s transparent, unlike a dental dam, so you can actually see the person, which can be a deterrent to using dental dams.”

Like the other workshops, Rodriguez

stressed that her presentation will be interactive and that questions are encouraged.

“We want people to have fun,” she said.

“We’re talking about sex which I understand can be uncomfortable at times, but the whole point is for women to come and hopefully learn something they didn’t know.”

The day will conclude with an explicit workshop about sexual play and sex toys conducted by Trei Herd of the environmentally-friendly adult boutique Earth Erotics. The conference will be followed by the popular sWerve social event Tie One On, where attendees are encouraged to wear ties. The evening will include dancing, a tie contest, speed dating for women of all ages including those 50 and over, and a performance by burlesque troupe The Slippery Kittens.

Tie One On will be held at Zanzibar, 679 S. 200 West, April 17, 6:30–11 p.m., and the entry fee is $10. Queer Sex Ed will be held 1–5 p.m. at the Sorenson Unity Center auditorium, 1383 S. 900 West. The fee is $20, though fee waivers are available and students can get in free with a valid student ID. Preregistration is required through Jennifer Nuttall at Jennifer@utahpridecenter.org.

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 27

arts & entertainment gay agenda I Got Nothin’

OWL CITY See April 12

by Tony Hobday

Spring is in the air and I have this incredible itch — that not even my gigantic tube of RID can cure — to do absolutely nothing but sit by my blow-up kiddie pool in a leather G-string, sipping Deer Valley St. Germain Elderflower Cocktails,

listening to Muse on my Coby Electronics Portable MP3 CD Player (I’m so old-school, it’s disgusting), internally debating who really discovered America and wondering if I would be a gentleman around Adam Young or just a slut!

3

SATURDAY — Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company honors the “foolishness” in everyone at the annual CABARET OF FOOLS fundraiser. In the spirit of April Fool’s Day guests will experience something delightful, something delicious, and perhaps something even a little dangerous. In the spirit of the company’s words: “We’re fools whether we dance or not ... so we might as well dance,” join them for a wonderful evening of entertainment.

6:30pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $75, 801-2974236 or ririewoodbury.com.

5

MONDAY — The single “Uprising,” off their fifth album The Resistance, has become a gay-club phenomenon. Tonight, the English alternative rock band MUSE hits the Salt Lake City stage. These rather burgeoning boys are certainly becoming a source of inspiration.

7:30pm, E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Dr. Tickets $30–39, 800-745-3000 or theecenter.com.

6

TUESDAY — Once a year, thousands of participants gather in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert to create Black Rock City, dedicated to community, art, self-expression and selfreliance. They depart one week later, having left no trace whatsoever. The impact of the BURNING MAN experience has been so profound that a “seminar” has been formed to see what it takes to

call yourself a “burner.”

7pm, City Library, 210 E. 400 South.

Free, burningman. com.

Q On tour promoting their sixth studio album, Sainthood, are identical twin sisters TEGAN AND SARA. Both are lesbians, but that fact is neither reflected in their music (a mix of indie pop/rock and New Wave) nor necessarily intrinsic to who they are as individuals. The album addresses secular themes of devotion, delusion and exemplary behavior in the pursuit of love and relationships. Opening are Steel Train and Holly Miranda.

8pm, In The Venue at Club Sound, 579 W. 200 South. Tickets $30, 801-467-8499 or smithtix. com.

8

THURSDAY — Inspired by the the idiocrasy that is Glenn Beck, Plan-B Theatre Company’s AMERIGO is an afterlife dark comedy, of sorts.

As Amerigo Vespucci and Christopher Columbus squabble — which feels like an eternity — in Purgatory over which one of them actually discovered The Americas, the famed political theorist Niccolo Machiavelli calls upon Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz, a lesbian nun and poet/playwright, to act as judge.

8pm, through April 18, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

Q The Park City Area Restaurant Association presents the fifth annual COCKTAIL CONTEST, a hip, happening competition at which competing bartenders will prepare his or her specialty cocktail for a panel of distinguished local judges and the winning concoction will be declared the official Park City Signature Cocktail for 2010. FYI, the 2009 winner was the

28 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

Deer Valley St. Germain Elderflower Cocktail.

6:30–9:30pm, Wahso Asian Grill, 577 Main St., Park City. Donation $10 at the door (includes apps and one raffle ticket), parkcityrestaurants. com.

9

FRIDAY — Monsieur Jourdain, a middle-class tradesman, aspires to be something he is not — a member of the aristocracy. Everyone but him recognizes his ridiculous, bumbling stupidity. A unique blend of realism, fantasy, music and comedy, Moliére’s THE WOULD-BE GENTLEMAN depicts the chaos caused by Monsieur Jourdain’s aspirations.

7:30pm, through April 18, Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $7–13, 801-5817100 or kingtix.com.

Q Sponsored by the Utah Rebellion comes the first annual MR. AND MS. ROCKY MOUNTAIN OLYMPUS LEATHER CONTEST. Its purpose is to promote a positive image of the Leather lifestyle as well as to make all those who wish to be a part of the Leather community feel welcome in doing so. Anyone wishing to compete for the title should contact Andrew Love at andrew@slckink.com.

7–9pm, Meet-n-Greet tonight, 7–10pm Contest Saturday, Club Edge, 615 N. 400 West. Free, rockymountainolympus.com.

Q George Balanchine, a Russian pioneer in ballet, choreographed many well-known ballets like Don Quixote

and The Prodigal Son. Ballet West pays tribute to the esteemed “balletmaster” with BALANCHINE’S AMERICA. The company will perform Stars and Stripes, Agon and Serenade.

7:30pm, through April 17, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $17–71, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

10

SATURDAY — The UTAH BLITZ, an all-female, fullcontact football team kick off their first game against the Las Vegas Showgirlz. This is a wily bunch of gals, so the game should be a hoot — particularly watch the unique talents of the Center, Donna “Sue.” She can beat the crap out of a constipated elephant with her bare hands!

6pm, Granger High School, 3690 S. 3600 West.

Tickets $5 at the gate, utblitz.com.

11

SUNDAY — After football on Saturday, join the PRIDE COMMUNITY SOFTBALL LEAGUE as it starts the new season today. Luckily for Team QSaltLake this is a low impact sport — we don’t like to get our pink uniforms dirty. Other sponsored teams include Club Try-Angles, Paper Moon, The Trapp and the reigning champs Bonwood Bowl — those little twerps are going to get their big old balls guttered by Q this year, dammit!

Times TBA, Jordan Park, 1060 S. 900 West. Free, visit prideleague.com.

12

MONDAY — Adam Young is the hip and handsome electro/ synth-pop artist known as OWL CITY. Young started out making music in his parents’ basement as a result of insomnia ... lord, I know what I’d do to help him sleep at night! Anyhoo, the single “Fireflies,” though lyrically a bit cheesy, is catchy and fun. Plus, Young already has a large following (something like ten thousand lightning bugs ... tehehe!) — nearly all of his upcoming shows are ‘sold out.’

6pm, Saltair, 12408 W. Salt Air Dr. Tickets $20, 801-467-8499 or smithtix.com.

UPCOMING EVENTS

APR 25 Ani DiFranco, Kingsbury Hall MAY 7 Sugarland, E Center JUN 10 Sting, USANA JUN 12 Lisa Lampanelli, Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover JUN 12 Olivia Newton-John & Colbie Caillat, ESA JUL 16 Paula Poundstone, Rose Wagner

save the date

April 9-12 Palm Springs White Party jeffreysanker.com April 10 Queer Prom utahpridecenter.org April 16 Day of Silence dayofsilence.org May 8 HRC Utah Gala utah.hrc.org June 4–6 Utah Pride utahpride.org June 13 Salt Lake Men’s Choir “Americana” Concert, saltlakemenschoir. org June 10–13 Damn These Heels FIlm Festival slcfilmcenter.org

June 24–27 Utah Arts Festival uaf.org August 6–7 Women’s Redrock Music Festival, Torrey redrockwomensfest. com August 7–8 Park City Arts Festival kimballartcenter.org August 8 Q Lagoon Day qsaltlake.com August 20 Cyndi Lauper, Wendover, Nev. wendoverfun.com August 22 Utah Pride Center Golf Classic utahpridecenter.org September 18 sWerve’s Oktoberfest swerveutah.com September 28 Equality Utah Allies Dinner equalityutah.org October 9 National Coming Out Day utahpridecenter.org

review Local Visionaries Rock the House

by Tony Hobday

T

S T . PATRICK ’ S D AY , after a heaping portion of corned beef and cabbage at Club TryAngles, I jetted off with my lesbian friends, known as my “Lez Fest,” to Liquid Joe’s to check out the newly formed local band, with a history, called The Vision Revised. The quintet is made up of Secily Saunders (ex-member of The Debi Graham Band), Chandra Marie or “China Mae” (formerly of 3 Reasonz), Rob Alvord (once with the Eric Openshaw Band), Trevor Dimon (ex-member of Riverbed Jed) and Joel Dyer (aslo formerly of 3 Reasonz).

According to Saunders, 28 (who is also a music director/ teacher at the School of Rock), the members of The Vision Revised have had history together: “I used to see Chandra at karaoke around town and pestered her many times to jam with me. Frustrated, I asked her one last time and she ran out to my car as I was leaving to exchange numbers. From there we started the duo The Dialectic Collective. Soon thereafter I moved to Los Angeles [and joined the band Ladysugar] for a couple of years.”

“As I was doin’ my thang she [Chandra] was actively pursuing many different musical outlets,” Saunders continued. “We knew one day we’d play again together but never thought it would be this soon. I moved back [to Salt Lake] sort of on a whim and we started jamming ... with the drummer [Dyer] from one of her former projects [3 Reasonz], a bassist [Alvord] from yet another project [Ediphonic] and a fabulously talented keyboardist [Dimon].

Within about a week we booked a Sundance gig and played to a crowd stoked on what we had to offer.”

The crowd at Liquid Joe’s on that St. Patty’s Day night was also stoked by what the band had to offer. Their sound, a sort of alternative Americana (a little folky with a strong rock beat and soulful rhythm), really got the young crowd either moving to the groove or completely entranced — of course that may have been because Alvord was in nothing more than a pair of shamrock boxer shorts; his smooth, well-defined body and Edward Cullen-pale skin, less HIS YEAR ON

the glitter, is intoxicating (at least for the straight girls and gay boys).

China Mae, 28, lead vocalist, said their music, or the “Vision” of the band, is “a collective of personal and universal history, chords, rhythm and voices to speak to and for the masses ... of travels before us and yet to come ... a movement of unity.”

to say that moves you with sound, that’s what we do.”

We have friends who have walked the country to make people aware of LGBT homeless youth and yet there are still so many lost and alone and afraid. We hope in what we do ... in all our fun, exuberance, musicality, lyrics, and passion ...

CRYSTAL KEATING

Alvord, 24, bassist, elaborated by saying: “To me ‘The Vision’ is an ideal that we try to portray through music and lyrics. That ideal being a positive, free, groovin’ world for all.” And Dyer, 29, drums, added with some humor: “Bring your masses and we’ll move their asses. Really though if you like a band with something

that perhaps we can foment a positive change that will awaken the mind’s eye in all of us,” said Saunders.

Their next gig is April 30 at The Murray Theater, 4959 S. State St. Check it out, this is a good, lively band with an invigorating vision. To learn more about the band visit myspace.com/thevisionrevised. Q

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 29

save the date!

2Q10

a&e DVD Reviews

By Tony Hobday

Q DAY AT LAGOON S U N D AY,

AUGUST

8

N O T S P O N S O R E D O R A U T H O R I Z E D B Y T H E L A G O O N CO R P O R AT I O N A DIVISION OF DREW ELLSWORTH CULINARY CONCEPTS

Ecole DijonCooking School

COOKING CLASSES SUNDAY NIGHT FOOD & WINE PAIRINGS

Learn about great wines and great food Wine taught by Wasatch Academy of Wine’s Sheral Schowe, and staff Food taught by Chef Drew Ellsworth, Certified Executive Chef Sunday, April 18, 6pm

Treat yourself or a loved one to cooking classes with Chef Drew Ellsworth, 34-year chef, wine manager of the Third West Wine Store, QSaltLake’s Restaurant reviewer.

With small groups of no more than 8 students, Ecole Dijon gives you the opportunity to watch and interact with a professional chef preparing foods in an exciting and expeditious way.

The atmosphere is very casual and warm and students can freely move around to see what the chef is doing. “Hands on” training is available when possible.

ALL NEW VALUE WINES WITH GREAT AMERICAN FOOD Old Fashioned Milk Bread, Pantry-inspired Cheese Spread, Salad of Spring Greens with Drew’s Ranch, Bacon-wrapped Meatloaf with Gravy, Scalloped Potatoes, Bumbleberry Pie a la mode

MONDAY NIGHT COMFORT FOODS & FRENCH PASTRIES

Learn how to make fresh bread and pastries in every class!

Monday, April 26

“PICNIC BASKET” PARTY WITH ALL NEW RECIPES

Individual Meat Pies, A new twist on the “Veggie Tray”, Pimperknuckle Rolls, Oven-made Smoked Trout, Chocolate Cake, (Yes we’ll pack everything into a picnic basket!)

Classes are only $45 or 3 for $115.

Wine classes have a $15 wine fee.

Chef Drew will even hold classes at your home for as little as $40 per person.

See the Web site for details.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CLASSES CATERING AND CULINARY PARTIES: www.EcoleDijonCookingSchool.com chefdrewe@aol.com 801-278-1039

The Big Gay Musical If you’re a fan of Casper Andreas films (A Four Letter Word, Between Love & Goodbye) then you may be slightly ... only slightly ... disappointed in The Big Gay Musical. All of the clever, unique Andreas-isms are there except for in the script ... and that’s because he didn’t write it. First-timer Fred M. Caruso’s (also co-director of the film) script is filled to the helm with cliches and shameless, shallow analogies that if Andreas was not behind the camera, this film would sink.

“It’s just sex. It doesn’t have to be special. It’s just like working out, but with someone else.” I actually cringed. And occasionally the writing is so dry and mechanical that certain scenes feel like health awareness ads.

Now on to the positives of The Big Gay Musical. Andreas and Caruso brought in mostly unknowns in the film industry, instead, Broadway stage actors, which of course makes sense. The leads, Daniel Robinson and Joey Dudding, have good chemistry on screen — this is a huge positive because it carries the film. Most of the supporting roles do actually help build substance to the film: Jeff Metzler, who plays David, is not spot-on in his performance, but he’s so adorable it’s hard not to care about the character. The Drunks at the bar (one of who happens to played by Caruso) are truly comical. The casting of pornstar Brent Corrigan as a hustler is smart irony to the genuineness of his only scene.

The film is a dramedy, built around a fictitious musical. It’s about the crossroads the two lead actors, Paul and Eddie, face while preparing for the opening night of their Off-Broadway musical Adam & Steve, Just the Way God Made ’Em, which “has been rated ‘Flaming’ by the Christian Coalition.”

Paul is happy and complacent with his new boyfriend; he thinks he’s finally found the right guy, that is until his boyfriend ends up rejecting him on a rumor.

Paul takes the advice of his slutty cast members and gives up on his dream of “a husband, 2.5 kids, a house in The Hamptons and a dog.” He delves into an unnatural world of internet hookups, hustlers and steam room sex.

Eddie heralds from a tight-knit religious family, his sexuality still in the closet and his virginity in tact. He suddenly faces opening that closet door when his parents insist on seeing his show on opening night. Plus, Eddie takes the advice of his slutty cast members and gives up, with alcohol-induced ease, his virginity to the first bar whore he meets and is left with doubts and fears.

Paul and Eddie find comfort in leaning on each other’s shoulders throughout their changes, and as any Casper Andreas fan would expect, the outcome of the film is not what is suspected.

The Big Gay Musical is a sweet, feelgood movie, and as is with any musical, it makes smiles.

Release Date: April 6, $24.99, breakingglasspictures.com

Focus/Refocus: When Porn Kills

This was my first gay erotica film with a plot and in which the actors grunted more than two-syllable lines. Albeit, the acting is mostly oafish and the plot futile.

And of course there’s more sex in the film then there is character development.

Starring a long list of porn stars, tagged: Hairy, Tattoo, Thugs, Orgy — Focus/Refocus: When Porn Kills is a dull murder mystery set in San Francisco. Joe (Cole Streets) is an unemployed 25-yearold with an unhealthy addiction to porn and a desire to film sexual encounters; even his new boyfriend Eddie (David Taylor) quickly becomes disenchanted by his obsessions. When Joe receives a clandestine online video of his favorite porn star, Dario Stefano (Steve Cruz), in a three-way, Joe comes to realize that Stefano’s two co-stars had been recently murdered by an unknown assailant. Joe believes Dario is the next victim, and he sets out to find the killer before it’s too late, with the help of his friend Barton (Ryan Raz) and a mysterious ex-cop.

Fans of Raging Stallion Studios graphic flicks may like this film — it’s been nominated for several Grabby Awards including Best Screenplay, Best Supporting Actor (Steve Cruz) and Best Solo (Cole Streets). But as film awards go, it’s rather obvious the bar’s not set too high, as with anything pornography.

Release Date: March 30, $24.99, breakingglasspictures.com

30 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

Your Life is an Open Book on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’

by BeBe Zahara Benet

As I travel all around the country to promote my new single, so many people have told me that this season’s Jessica Wild reminds them of me. I told my “mija” this during our interview this week, and she was as excited by the comparison as I was. “That makes me feel like a queen,” Jessica told me, exhibiting her charm and positive attitude, which were two of the many things I loved about watching her on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Jessica explained that she got her first name by borrowing it from a girl she was close to in school.

Wild came from the character’s personality. “I am a shy guy and I am wild on stage,” she said. “I love to dance, I love to perform, I love the makeup, so I put together everything in just one thing, and that thing is Jessica.”

When she watched it last season, Jessica realized Drag Race could be a huge opportunity for her. She applied to this season’s online casting contest and ended up winning by a landslide. “I never thought that was going to be the path to the show,” she admitted. “I was like, oh my God, I’m here!”

Unlike a lot of the other girls, Jessica stayed out of the catfights. “It’s my reality to be polite,” Jessica explained. “I don’t like catfights in my life, so I don’t like it on the show, too. I think the girls had a lot of problems that to me were stupid things. Some think Tatianna is too girly, but it’s her character. Maybe Raven is too strong, but that’s her character.”

Even though performing in English was a challenge for Jessica, I respected how much she would not let any language barrier get in her way. “Maybe with my language, people would think I’m not ready to be a drag performer,” she said. “But I learned I didn’t need to be afraid. I’m so proud of myself!”

Native speaker or not, Jessica wasn’t the only girl who had trouble saying “Absolut Berri Açaí” (pronounced ah-sah-eee) during the video interview competition.

Jessica admitted she wrote the vodka’s name on her hand so she wouldn’t forget. “In the workroom, all the girls and I were practicing; we were saying, ‘açaí, açaí, acai!’” But Jessica said the most difficult speaking for her was when she dressed up as a chicken for the TV commercial competition. “It’s more hard to say ‘cockle-doodle-doo’ than açaí,” she revealed.

So what’s next for Jessica? She is going to perform live shows with a rock band, and she hopes to travel so she can meet her fans. “I’ve been given a gift and I’m making the best out of it,” Jessica said. “I’m so happy to meet all these new people in my life.”

Over $400 New Customer Bonus!

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Catch RuPaul’s Drag Race, 9 p.m. (ET/PT) every Monday night on Logo (DISH Network channel 373) and visit LOGOonline.com to find out about viewing parties in your area.

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Drag queens get ready to work, sew, glue gun, plot, style, smash and grab to win the title and prove once and for all you are the next fierce high heel wearing competitor. Pack those pumps and tease your wigs, because it’s time to strut, kick and stomp your way through the competition.

RuPaul’s Drag Race is seeking “fabulous, talented and gorgeous drag queens from across the Nation” who are at least 21 years old to compete for the crown of America’s Next Drag Superstar.

Apply at RuPaulsDragRaceCasting.com You better work!

PHOTO: LOGO/MATHU ANDERSEN

‘Rupaul’s Drag Race’ Now Casting Season 3

Digital Home Advantage offer requires 24-month commitment and credit qualification.

If service is terminated before the end of commitment, a cancellation fee of $17.50/month remaining will apply. Programming credits will apply during the first 12 months. All equipment is leased and must be returned to DISH Network upon cancellation or unreturned equipment fees apply. Limit 6 leased tuners per account; lease upgrade fees will apply for select receivers; monthly fees may apply based on type and number of receivers. HD programming requires HD television. All prices, packages and programming subject to change without notice. Local channels only available in certain areas. Offer is subject to the terms of applicable Promotional and Residential Customer Agreements. Additional restrictions and fees may apply. First-time DISH Network customers only. Offer ends 5/31/10. HBO/Showtime: Programming credits will apply during the first 3 months. Customer must downgrade or then-current price will apply. HBO® and related channels and service marks are the property of Home Box Office, Inc. SHOWTIME and related marks are trademarks of Showtime Networks Inc., a CBS company. All new customers are subject to a one time S&H fee. Platinum HD is free with qualifying HD add-on packages until 5/31/2010. Breakdown of $400 sign up bonus as follows: 3 Months of movie channels including HBO and Showtime: $86.94 + $15 credit per month for 12 months: $180 (requires qualifying programming, credit amount varies based on selections) + Free DHA-24 Activation $99.00 + 6 months of Digital Home Protection Plan $36 = $401.94

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 3 1

food & wine restaurant review Rodizio Grill

by Chef Drew Ellsworth

T

HIRTY-FIVE YEARS AGO

I WENT TO Brazil, on a lark, to teach English as a second language. I stayed 10 months, before going to France to do my chef apprenticeship.

While in Brazil, I found the cuisine to be, well, minimal. There were, however, a few bright spots. In that country, usually on the outskirts of towns, there are restaurants called churrascarias.

These places mainly serve the foundation cuisine of Brazil which is rice, black beans, and a sautéed, floury grain called farofa, along with sliced oranges

rodizio, these items were accompanied by many kinds of roasted meats served on a sword. Servers would come around and slice off small tastes. I loved it when I went to churrascarias in Brazil, and I felt the same way when I went to the Rodizio Grill in Trolley Square.

The whole trip to the Rodizio was a nostalgic blast because I went with Rhonda Hunt del Beni, a very old friend from BYU days who is now a real-estate magnate in Laguna, Calif. We’ve sort of been in love for years and it was so fun to take her to a churrascaria.

The Rodizio is a booming business: The restaurant was packed on the Tuesday night we went and the parking lot was packed, too. We were greeted by the young manager on duty, Takeo, who, like many Brazilians is of Asian descent and spoke remarkable English. Rhonda and I were seated near an upstairs window on the east side of Trolley Square.

It was one of those almost-spring days where I forgot how awful Utah can be during the Legislative Session! We were not up to schlepping through the salad bar, so Takeo and his hostess did the schlepping for us. I brought an Argentine Malbec, Decero, which is $20. Although it came highly recommended, we thought it was too tightly wound and lacked a smooth finish. I’ll take a different one next time.

We were served two small appetizers: breaded and fried bananas and Italian polenta cut into little “french fries.” The bananas seemed too sweet for an appe— which are all served under the name tizer, but knowing the South American feijoada. The dessert was nearly always palate, I was not surprised. Rhonda and a very thick South American version of I loved the polenta, which was sprinkled flan. Once in a while, they also served with Parmesan cheese, and we asked for the very unusual “green corn or avo- more. Takeo chose for us separate salad cado” ice cream. In a churrascaria or plates, and we were delighted. Rhonda COUPON

GRAND OPENING Happy Happy Hour Hour Sushi Sushi 2 for 1 Mon – Wed 4pm – 10pm

Fusion cuisine & sushi bar

BEER, WINE, SAKE

32 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

1158 South State, SLC

801.328.3888

www.riceutah.com

has crisp greens topped with strawber- meats, and then a nice fish interlude ries and coconut in a light and delicious of mahi mahi. Later, we were served dressing — a salad I have already tried Asian chicken, pork tenderloin, which to copy — and I had hearts of palm, is called lombo de porco and then my marinated mozzarella balls, and a soy favorite, chicken hearts. The servers and corn salad which was very different also frequently brought us roasted pineand nice. He also brought us a platter apple, which I found to be a great palate with small servings of the traditional cleanser and a welcome accompaniment feijoada items which were nicely made. to the roasted meats. All the meats, with I have to tell you about farofa. It has the exception of the ham, were juicy and a past steeped in poverty and comes just what you’d want — not overly salted from a time when the first Portuguese as I find so many franchise-style places colonists in Brazil didn’t have a lot to are doing nowadays. Although, there eat. Farofa is mainly wheat flour that was one thing I missed, which I’m sure is is fried in a pan until it browns a little. unavailable in the United States: cupin, Sometimes there is some butter, onion the roasted hump of a Brahma bull. It’s or garlic involved but, to me, it has al- sweet, rich, stringy and pork-like, maybe ways been a little bit like eating sand. I one of the most unusual meats I’ve ever mentioned to Rhonda that the powdery had. I would have been blown away to stuff would be like this and Takeo said find that in Salt Lake City, but, alas, you that would not be the case. can’t have everything.

But when it arrived I asked All the servers were BraRhonda what she thought zilian and very charming, Rodizio Grill and she agreed with me: “It handsome, and expertly Trolley Square tastes like sand!” trained. Rhonda and I were 801-220-0500 At each table there is a pleased and so excited to enrodiziogrill.com small glass indicator that joy conversation and getting DREW’S RATING: tells the servers you are caught up. I will certainly 89 ready to begin receiving the go to Rodizio again. This is roasted meats. The indicaa particularly good place to tor is red on one side meantake Utahns who are meat ing “stop” and green on the and potato people — the other meaning “go.” We placed the in- food is different, hearty and delicious. dicator in an upward position and the And there is a Brazilian twist that has not sold out its authenticity. I rate the beef came.

We started with top sirloin which was Rodizio Grill 89 points.

The menu is online at rodiziogrill. very tasty and BBQ-like — not heavily spiced but nicely seasoned and smoky. com, and the full Rodizio dinner with We just took small slices of it. Next came all-you-can-eat salad bar and meat ham, which was not juicy like the other choices is $24.99. Q

dining guide ACME Burger Salt Lake’s most imaginary burger joint, Sun. brunch.

275 S 200 West, Salt Lake City 801-257-5700 Elevation Caffe Taking coffee and weenies to new heights 1337 S Main St Meditrina Small Plates & Wine Bar Encouraging gastronimic exploring in tapas tradition 1394 S West Temple, Salt Lake City 801-485-2055 Mestizo Coffeehouse Coffee, art, jam sessions, free gallery West Side 631 W North Temple Suite 700, SLC 801-596-0500 Off Trax Internet Café Coffee, Wifi and Pool 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307 Omar’s Rawtopia Restaurant Organic Live Food 2148 Highland Dr 801-486-0332 Red Iguana Best home-made moles and chile verdes in town 736 W North Temple, SLC 801-322-1489 Rice Fusion Cuisine and Sushi Bar 1158 S State St, Salt Lake City 801-328-3888 Sage’s Cafe The freshest and healthiest cuisine possible 473 E 300 South, Salt Lake City 801-322-3790

Open Mon-Sat 11:30am–2pm 5:30 – 9:30pm Fri & Sat til 10:30pm 1394 South West Temple

801.485.2055

www.MeditrinaSLC.com

For people of all ages to hang out, play pool, get on the internet, play music

The Metropolitan Handcrafted new American cuisine 173 W Broadway, Salt Lake City 801-364-3472 Tin Angel Cafe Mediterranean bistro style 365 W 400 South Salt Lake City 801-328-4155 Vertical Diner Vegetarian restaurant open 7 days a week 10am–9pm 2280 S West Temple, Salt Lake City 801-484-8378 Vinto Pizzeria Best pizza on earth 418 E 200 S, SLC 801-539-9999 The Wild Grape Bistro Eat where the locals eat 481 E South Temple 801-746-5565

“ANY THING BUT COMMON”

Sampler Platter

CHEESEBURGER SPRING ROLLS, SKEWERED DUCK WITH O R A N G E P L U M S AU C E , H O U S E - C U T B AC O N & B L U E C H I P S

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NEW WINTER MENU

275 SOUTH 200 WEST

Downtown Salt Lake City • 801.257.5700 www.acmeburgercompany.com

COFFEE BURGERS SANDWICHES SOUPS SALADS APPETIZERS BREAKFAST BRUNCH POOL TABLE VIDEO GAMES JUKE BOX FREE WIFI OPEN Mon-Thur 7a–7p Friday 7a-3p AND After Bar Closing Fridays and Saturdays

259 W 900 S 801 364-4307

www.offtraxslc.com

Next to Club Try-Angles, Half Block from TRAX in the NEW Gayborhood!

Home of the

Happy Hangover New menu item: French Dip

Sunday Brunch 11am–3pm Q PON

Free Soda or Coffee

a s ’ e r e h T g n i r e h t a G m Stor t I f o t r a P Be

n a i b s e L d n ya a G s ’ h a t ty i U n n u i m t e m g o o C t he t r o f y t i n Ad deadline u m m o C e h t y b s e g a P w o l Yel ! t u O s s i M t ’ n o D .

5 1 l i r p is A 3 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

3 6 6 6 9 801-h6eq4pages.com info@t

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$1 Drafts Beer-Soaked Weenies

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JAM

751 N. 300 W • D M N 801-891-1162 • jamslc.com

PAPER MOON

Free pool all day $1 Drafts

3737 S State St • D K L 801-713-0678 • thepapermoon.info

Texas Hold Em $4 Paper Moon Steins

T UE SDAYS

WE DNE SDAYS

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TAVERNACLE

201 E. 300 South • K X 801-519-8800 • tavernacle.com

Dance, Dance, Dance!

Pool Tournaments

Poker Night

$1 drafts American Idol All Request Night

Superstar Karaoke w/Brian G Fresh Sushi

Music Videos $1 Drafts Fresh Food

Friday Fix DJ Mike Babbitt Fresh Sushi

Saturday Thump DJ Tidy Indie, Top 40

Karaoke 8pm $3 Red Stripe $3 Coronas

80s Rocks!

Free pool $2 Wells $3 Cans

Sassy Kitty’s Karaoke 9pm $1 Drafts

Poles, Cages, Sexy Women Best Female DJs

Women, Women, Women!

PÜRE

Speakeasy

SAT URDAYS

$1 drafts

The Evolution of Gay Fridays

235 N 500 W • D M T X 801-703-8469 • myspace.com/puresaltlake 63 W 100 South • M 801-521-7000

FRIDAYS

$1 drafts, DJ D / DJ BoyToy

Blues & Jazz Jam

Blues Jam

Texas Hold-em

$1 drafts Karaoke 9p

$1 drafts Oldies Night

Karaoke 9p

THE TRAPP

Porch Pounders w/Bad Brad Wheeler/krcl

Live Music

Tango Practice 7–9p

Live Music

$1 drafts Dueling pianos 9p

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Hot new DJ Wayne Outdoor patio

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Karaoke w/Kenneth and Jamie 9pm

102 S 600 West • B N D K M 801-531-8727

B = BEAR/LEATHER | D = DANCE FLOOR | F = FOOD | K = KARAOKE NIGHTS | L = MOSTLY LESBIAN | M = MOSTLY GAY MEN | N = NEGHBORHOOD BAR | T = 18+ AREA | X = MIXED GAY/STRAIGHT OR GAY CERTAIN NIGHTS

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men’s o W mierYe ears e r P ake’sOver 16 L t l Sa lub for C

Karaoke Contest Every Tuesday thru April 6 $800 in Cash Prizes Friday, April 2

Spring Awakening

Closet Ball Queen Jason’s first drag performance!

Benefits the RCGSE Cancer Fund Friday, April 30

16th Annual Dykes In Drag Contest

Are you a butch girl?

Then we want you to be our next lipstick lesbo!

Contestants should be there at 8:30 PM for sign up!

3 6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

Sunday:3pm-8pm (Extended Hours for Special Events) Monday: 6pm-1am Tuesday –Friday: 3pm-1am Saturday: 6pm-1am

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fun & games

Compact Across 1 Lord of the Rings singer 5 Atlas Shrugged author 9 Wet spots on a blanket of sand 14 Scuttlebutt 15 Ending with switch 16 Sitcom family name 17 Otello villain 18 Like a tight opening 19 Lott of Mississippi 20 Spicy Susan Feniger dish 23 Benjamin Hoff’s The ___ of Pooh 24 Tigers of the NCAA 25 Black eye 27 Frilly greens 31 Left, to Rimbaud 34 Return to homophobia, e.g.

35 Solemn vow 38 Put an end to 39 Calendar abbr.

40 Summer tops 43 Dick Button’s milieu 44 Sgt. Snorkel’s pooch 46 Type of sci, in college 47 Prefix with type 49 Award for Ursula LeGuin 51 Phil Collins’ old band 53 Writer Reinaldo 56 Canadian map abbr.

57 Regret not spitting 59 Where Maupin grew up 64 First indications of orientation 66 Music synthesizer 67 Genie portrayer Barbara 68 Prop for “I have a headache tonight” 69 Spread it and lick it 70 Boston cager, briefly 71 Social customs 72 Silence for Copland 73 Fairy story

Down 1 Spartacus or Ben-Hur 2 He took on a pair of bears 3 Boo-Boo’s buddy 4 NASA used to shoot them off 5 Save from going down at sea, e.g.

6 Pisa’s river 7 Sentence subjects, often 8 Small carriage 9 Mexican food brand 10 Earhart’s medium 11 Homophobic allegations, e.g.

12 Harvey’s Hairspray role 13 “And ___ bed” 21 Land in the sea 22 When most people retire 26 “M-m-m!” to Sappho

27 Eulogizer of Diana in song 28 Cook in a wok, maybe 29 Gone with the Wind bad guy 30 Gay nightlife district of London 32 ___ Minh City, Vietnam 33 They make points by touching the body 36 Feel out of sorts 37 Math subject 41 Joe of NCIS 42 Holy, to Manuel Puig 45 Holly Near’s “Singing for ___ Lives” 48 Word on a Barney Frank poster 50 Some Mapplethorpe equipment 52 Snail on the table 54 Joan of Arc’s “hardwear” 55 What squirrels do with their nuts 57 One of the Marianas 58 He sang of Alice 60 Tools for cultivating pansies 61 Head output 62 Title role for Jodie 63 Initial stake 65 Plumb of The Brady Bunch PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 43

Cryptogram

A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another.

For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.

This week’s hint: P = G Theme: Quote by Rachel Tiven, executive director of Immigration Equality, on immigration reform.

KTWTCM EKTGX WOZZOY ZBUK JPWZ FULNJNOX BTG WUCJM GO KOOC NLLNPYUZNTK YOFTYL NK ZBNX RTQKZYM. ______ _____ ______ ____ ____ ________ ___ _____ __ ____ ___________ ______ __ ____ _______.

3 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

homoscopes i Go Back to the Basics, Gemini

By Jack Fertig

Saturn backing into Virgo reminds us to clean up old business before starting new relationships. Aspecting Uranus and Neptune, she’ll dig up complications that must be dealt with to make progress. Go slowly and carefully. You have until late July to get it right.

e

ARIES (March 20–April 19) Recalculate the equation of any partnership that’s troubling you.

Can or should it be saved? Strong instincts and inspiration could lead you astray, but probably contain a kernel of truth. Friends can help you reconcile those with reality.

r

TAURUS (April 20–May 20) Feeling stuck at work can push you back to re-examine your goals.

Where do you feel most creative, and what do you really have to offer? If professional goals feel nebulous, frame the question in terms of your social ideals.

t

GEMINI (May 21–June 20) While your goals and ideals seem to be in flux, go back to basics. The most relevant questions about reaching out to the world around you are taught early in life. Be nice, share and try to learn. Community service can also help clear your head.

y

CANCER (June 21–July 22) Discuss longstanding family issues with siblings, or community problems with neighbors. Things probably aren’t as dark and complicated as they feel. New perspectives will help if you’re willing to be very open-minded.

u

LEO (July 23–August 22) New ideas and skills can help get you out of financial trouble, but first understand how and why you got into that trouble. You won’t get that on your own. Your partner or an advisor can help you figure it out.

anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase.

Rearrange the letters below to answer:

Name the local lesbian-led band that played Liquid Joe’s on St. Patrick’s Day.

HEDONISTS VIVE IRE ___ ______ _______

VIRGO (August 23–September 22) Taking the weight of the world on your shoulders is bad for your health.

Discussing problems with your partner, or a trusted friend or counselor, is necessary even if it’s aggravating. A _mild_ exercise program (swimming?) and meditation help.

Q les

o

LIBRA (September 23–October 22) It seems you can’t catch a break, so make one for yourself. Take time off to meditate and play. Settle your nerves and charge up your batteries. You need this. In the long run it’s the responsible thing to do!

p

SCORPIO (October 23–Nov.21) Take a hard look at your future and get ready to clear out the clutter in your life. Mending fences could mean quitting some friendships and groups, but offers you a chance to make it clean and amicable.

[

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22–Dec. 20) Clean up any loose ends and nasty rumors affecting your reputation.

Helpful inspiration comes from your home and family. Advice from siblings and neighbors can seem confusing, but don’t take it too literally and it could prove valuable.

]

CAPRICORN (Dec. 21–Jan. 19) Coming toward a peak of your professional reputation, now is the time to get the word out about your achievements and services. Typos and snafus lie in wait.

Be very attentive to those details!

q

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20–Feb. 18) You’re coming into a phase of your life where your ideas and your mind will be much challenged. Review what you believe and why. Confusion about who you are and what’s important can be a healthy stage of growth.

w

PISCES (Feb. 19–March 19) Feeling unsure about sex and relationships can be a good step toward greater awareness. OK, it’s uncomfortable now. Meditation and other quiet secluded retreats — some with your love, some without — will ease the exploration. Q

Professional astrologer Jack Fertig is available for consultations at 415-864-8302, starjack.com and QScopes@qsaltlake.com

Q doku

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the Each Sudoku hasEvery a unique which can beof reached logically blankpuzzle spaces. rowsolution must contain one each digit, as must without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must each column and each 3x3 square.

Qdoku is actually five contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku is butbut connected, actuallyseparate, five seperate, connected,Sudoku Sudokupuzzles. puzzles.

Q doku

Level: Hard

Level: Medium

3 6 7 4 5 3 8 7 1 5 6 2 7 4 1 4 2 8 1 6 6 1 9 2 5 3 1 6 5 5 5

3 7 7 2

3 7 5 4 3 8 5 4 6 2 5 9 4 8 7 5 1 9 6 2 3 5 4

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6 8 9 1 7 4 2 1 5 3 2 7 5 9 6

4

9 8

7 1 5

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Cryptogram Anagram All the World Needs a Friend.

Please Be Ours facebook.com/qsaltlake

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON PAGE 43

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 39

sports

BY BRAD DI IORIO

Team Utah Prepares for Cologne As Gay Games VIII approaches (July 31– Aug. 7, Cologne, Germany) local sports enthusiasts have formed Team Utah to help Utah athletes represent at the largest international gay and lesbian sporting event.

Supported by the Salt Lake City Gay Athletic Association, Team Utah announced its opening fundraiser. It will be held April 9 at Club JAM, 751 N. 300 West. At the fundraiser, the team will introduce Tshirts with their logo, which was designed and donated by Delaney Peterson, a member of the Queer Utah Aquatic Club and leader of Delaney Hiking Club.

The fundraiser will start at 9 p.m.

“We had over 150 athletes go to the Chicago Gay Games four years ago,”

said Mark McGowan, a local realtor and a consistent Gay Games participant. “I plan to go again this year and participate in golf, and any help in getting all Utah athletes to the games from the community is truly appreciated.”

Athletes participating at the Gay Games are required to register and pay a general entrance fee. Each sport also has a separate entry fee for participation. Airfare to Germany currently averages over $1,200 per person, plus other expenses include lodging, equipment shipment, food and transportation to the event locations, which are scattered throughout the city.

“We plan on providing Team Utah pins in the shape of the Team Utah logo, T-shirts, hats and possibly duffel bags to each participant that attends,” said Lisa Le Duc, QUAC vice president, as well as a swimmer and Team Utah’s point person. “The pins are traded as mementos

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with athletes from other cities and countries to commemorate the camaraderie and friendships gained at the games. They are really popular for trading and they represent your city or state team.”

Team Utah is planning fundraisers at bars, restaurants and at house parties in the months to come. These will include pool parties, car washes and other services to the community at large. The team is also planning on holding a fundraiser during the Utah Pride Festival.

“Team Hardwood will have a very competitive team participating at this year’s Gay Games,” said Clark Cutler, a member of the Salt Lake gay men’s basketball team, and who is planning to attend his first Gay Games. “Team Utah is looking for sponsors and we will promote said sponsors to an international gay and lesbian demographic

at this huge event.”

Team Utah meets at Au Naturale, 880 E. 2100 South, on Monday nights. At the meetings they will plan promotions and logistics for getting 20 swimmers and water polo team members, eight basketball players, a couple of bowlers, a past Gay Games cycling medalist and tri-athletes to this year’s games. Anyone is welcome to come to meetings and volunteers are needed to help organize and sign up sponsors and promote fundraisers.

Contact Lisa Le Duc at lisaleduclmt@ comcast.net and check out the Team Utah’s Facebook page where you can find out more about the athletes that will be representing Utah at Gay Games VIII and ask questions about Team Utah. For more information on the Federation of Gay Games, go to gaygames.com.

Cycle Out Gears Up For Rides

also provides participants with breakfast, lunch and dinner, and event staff, or ‘roadies,’ will pick up lagging riders and drive them to that evening’s destination, if they need it. Cyclists wake early and ride until 7 p.m. and are allowed to go at their own pace during the seven-day ride through the interior and along the coast of California.

This year, University of Utah Police Detective Clayton Binks, former Salt Lake resident and Utah AIDS Foundation staffer David Ferguson and Woods have signed up to raise funds for AIDS/LifeCycle 9. They will be supporting each other in training and raising $3,000 each to participate in the ride.

“I’ve always wanted to see the coast from a bicycle and this seemed like a great opportunity to do that and do it for a good cause,” said Binks. “I’ve been riding consistently for only three years. I bought it [the bike] when I quit smoking as a way to keep busy and it has worked out great.”

Woods is billing the AIDS/LifeCycle team as ‘The Three Manmanteers’ and planning various events to help his team reach a larger donor base and raise their combined $9,000. An upcoming fundraiser includes dinner with Mr. Cub Utah 2010 and chef Kyle Burns at Park City’s Windy Ridge Café, April 3, 7 p.m. RSVPs are required by April and a suggested donation

Cycle Out, Utah ’s gay and lesbian cycling club, has begun training rides and planning attendance at premier event rides this year. These include AIDS/LifeCycle 9 (June 6–12) and the annual Harmons Best Dam Bike Ride (June 26–27) in which they ride as Team Try-Angles. Anyone is welcome to attend training rides and join the event rides with the support of the experienced cyclists in the group.

“Each year I focus fundraising efforts toward a new and different cause or organization, and this year I selected AIDS/LifeCycle 9,” said Jeffrey Woods, Cycle Out’s most enthusiastic training ride leader.

“The idea of riding 545 miles seems impossible, but it starts with one pedal stroke after another.”

AIDS/LifeCycle 9, formerly called California AIDS Ride, is a fully supported bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles. It is held to raise funds for the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center. Fully supported means that the ride has organized camping grounds and a set number of miles each day that riders bike. A fully supported ride

4 0 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 151 | A pril 1 , 2010

of $30 is requested.

“I did the very first AIDS Ride in 1994. It was an amazing, life changing experience for me,” said Ferguson, who rode with Cycle Out two years ago in the MS 150. “I chose SFAF because when I first moved to San Francisco, I was in danger of going without my HIV meds since I wasn’t working and could not afford the co-pay even with COBRA. SFAF set me up within one day and I had access to my meds. I know that I am one of many thousands they have helped.”

Although Ferguson moved to San Fran-

cisco he still has many ties to Salt Lake City, and was one of the original founders and organizers of QUAC. Upcoming Cycle Out rides will be held every other Saturday. Beginning April 3, the Salt Lake City Bike Collective will provide an ‘open shop’ for enthusiasts to get their bikes tuned up for spring riding. The shop and rides will be held from 1–5 p.m. at 2312 S. West Temple. For more information about training rides and other bike-related training or repair, go to cycleout.org or email info@cycleout.org to get placed on an email list.

Introducing Team Utah Send local athletes to the

Gay Games in

Cologne, Germany

‘Athletic Supporter Benefit’ at

Friday, April 9 9pm – Close Team Utah is a non-profit 501(c)3 organization to provide financial assistance to promote and expand opportunities to compete internationally.

Temple Squares in Full Swing The local gay and lesbian square dancing club, Temple Squares, will host their first ‘Fly-in’ April 2–4 at the Columbus Community Center of South Salt Lake, 3495 S. West Temple. Officially named Pioneer Promenade I, this is a weekend event where invited square dancers from across the country will travel to Salt Lake City to participate.

The weekend will feature square dancing and square dancing workshops, meeting new friends and the graduation of the local beginner’s class that started last fall.

The featured guest is Anne Uebelacker, an internationally known dancer who hales from Vancouver, British Columbia’s program, Squares Across the Border.

“We are really excited to have Anne here to call for us, and it is a great opportunity for people in Salt Lake City to experience a caller of Anne’s caliber,” said Ross Crawshaw-Lopton, president of Temple Squares.

Uebelacker started calling in 1977 for a children’s group and has progressed to call for all levels, from basic to C4. She is in great demand and regularly calls at events in Vancouver, Boston, San Francisco and locations in Europe and Japan.

She is known for her relaxed style and easy listening voice, and has won many fans at official international conventions.

A warm up called ‘Trail-In’ begins on Friday night with check-in at 6:30 p.m., and marks “the end of the dusty trail” or dancers last chance to brush up on what they have learned.

On Saturday morning, the new Main-

stream graduates will have a chance to improve their skills with a workshop, 9:30–10:30 a.m., and those interested in learning Plus can take the Intro to Plus workshop, 10:30–11:30 a.m. If you haven’t participated in a while, these workshops are a great way to refresh your feet on the steps and rhythm of the square dance. A two-hour Plus level Challenge dance runs from 1:30 to 3:30 p.m., and a two-hour Advanced dance begins at 3:30 p.m. A potluck banquet and the Mainstream Graduation Ceremony will be held Saturday night at 6 p.m. Everyone is welcome to watch the weekend’s events and beginners can learn basic steps on Saturday night after graduC ation, when square dancing begins at 7:30 p.m. Sunday will feature square dancing at M all levels, 12:30–2:30 p.m. The location for Y this event to be announced.

This year, members of Temple Squares CM will also be attending the International Association of Gay Square Dance Clubs, MY the 27th Annual Convention of gay and CY lesbian square dancers, which is officially called ‘Chi-Town Shakedown 2010.’ It CMY will be held in Chicago, July 1–4. Also expect to K see the Temple Squares at the Utah Pride Festival in June, recruiting new dancers to learn the art of Modern Western Square Dance. Mainstream classes are held each Thursday or Friday, 7–9 p.m. at the Sacred Light of Christ Metropolitan Community Church, 823 S. 600 East. Plus classes begin mid-April. This is a dance program available to square dancers who have mastered Basic and Mainstream programs. Q For more information about the Temple Squares and the fly-in’s events, check out templesquares. org or e-mail slcsquaredancing@gmail.com.

A pril 1 , 2010 | issue 151 | QSa lt L a k e | 4 1

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q tales the perils of petunia pap-smear The Tale of The Burning Ring Of Fire

by Petunia Pap-Smear

T

HE ROAD TO FINDING THE PERFECT

cock ring is fraught with danger and excitement.

Many, many eons ago, at about the same time that the Indian subcontinent “mounted” Asia, thus thrusting up the 29,000-foot planetary boner of all boners, Mount Everest, (this exquisite imagery is enough to make any size queen faint with giddiness and envy, and don’t you just love being able to call it “an erection of galactic proportions?”) I was a 32-yearold, respectable, Word of Wisdom-observing, returned missionary virgin, fresh from the potato fields in Idaho, slowly poking his head out of the repressive closet door. And voilà, Petunia was born.

At first I was very timid and shy, and inched out of the door at a glacial pace.

I was a brand new princess in training, hadn’t even received my first pair of high heels, and experiencing my gay adolescence while tentatively exploring the dark aisles in the closed and deserted “candy store” of the forbidden magical mysteries of gay sex. After the very first taste, all things sexual were new and exciting and the doors on the proverbial closet were blown off of the hinges. The “candy store” was open and having a 90 percent off sale.

Emotionally, I was suddenly 16 years old again, and I was hell-bent on experiencing everything that I thought I may have missed during my “straight adolescence.”

As a new inductee into the princess training program, I felt it my deep personal responsibility to explore the world of gay sex with gusto; to use all my time and talents to honorably earn the Slut Merit Badge; to give the word “whore” a more prominent and regal position in the

pu le solutions

English language; to plunge deep into dark places where no man has gone before; and to personally displace Aphrodite as the Goddess of Love. The whole world became awash in sex. Inside every bathroom stall door was either Sen. Larry Craig, or the potential love of a lifetime (or at least the next 30 minutes). Behind every bush and tree stalked the prey “that dare not speak its name,” or George Michael.

It was during these giddy times of exploration and discovery that I first encountered the “You must be 18 years of age to enter” section of the Mischievous Pleasures gift shop. The first thing to catch my eye was the cock ring display. During my pursuit of the Slut Merit Badge, I had encountered several strapping young men wearing this intriguing jewelry, and I had become, shall we say, intensely curious. Of course, there is no size chart to help a novice princess in making such a major purchasing decision, and I was too embarrassed to actually ask a question of the sales clerk. So I just chose a middlesize, stainless steel ring, threw the money quickly on the counter and departed before having to engage anyone in conversation. I rushed home clutching the little black plastic bag, lest I lose my first purchase of Royal Jewelry. I had a date that night with a really hot stud, and was so excited to wear my new ring.

Let me just share that I was frustrated because the ring didn’t come with instructions as to how to put it on. After several excruciating experiments of trying to mash the “boys” through after the shaft, I discovered that one must gently massage the “boys” through the ring first, then pull the flaccid shaft through, like threading a

Cryptogram: Nobody knows better than LGBT families how badly we need immigration reform in this country.

Anagram: The Vision Revised

needle. I ask you, would it be too much for the manufacturers to provide such basic information? Then it was off to my date.

As per my nefarious plan, we ended up back at my place in bed and I was excited to see how the ring would affect the whole lovemaking experience. The “hunka hunka manly love” began to pay attention to my “royal jewels,” and nature’s God-given “personal inflatable toy” rose to the occasion. But pain and horror quickly overcame my excitement, as it became evident that the cock ring was too small to accommodate the erection. Since it was made of unrelenting steel, there was no possibility for stretching it out. Never before had I experienced such pain; even the slightest touch was excruciating. “My boys” were slowly being castrated.

Meanwhile, Mr. Hunk was intent on giving “my boys” his undivided attention.

Normally, this attention is what a queen prays for. I tried to redirect his attentions to kissing, to alleviate the immediate pain and possibly give the erection time to dissipate. But his groping hands kept finding their mark. Finally about to pass out, in desperation I took charge and savagely attacked his jewels with all the effort I could muster in order to distract him. Thankfully, he became putty in my hands and I was able to give my jewels much needed time to deflate.

I emerged from this experience a sadder but wiser princess, having learned that the moral of this story is to buy an adjustable cock ring until you know what you are doing.

Like always, these events leave us with many eternal questions: 1. Will Jeff Stryker start calling his ample appendage “an erection of galactic proportions?”

2. Could Petunia Pap-Smear as the Goddess of Sex tempt Jason and the Argonauts?

3. Do you think the cock ring was the One Ring of Power from Lord of the Rings?

4. Would it be possible to let you try on the cock ring in the store?

5. If I had been castrated, would I be able to sing soprano?

6. Was it just my imagination, or did I hear Johnny Cash singing “The Burning Ring of Fire”?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap-Smear. Q

M a rch 4 , 2010 | issue 1 49 | QSa lt L a k e | 43

6 4 7 2 1 8 9 5 3

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Q

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