QSaltLake May 13, 2010 by QSaltLake Magazine

Utah’s News & Entertainment Magazine for the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community | FREE

salt lake Issue 154 May 13, 2010

Summer Farmers Markets Rep. Christine Johnson is Leaving Utah

‘Ex-Gay’ Leader Does Europe with ‘Rentboy’

Wright Forces Matheson Into Primary

Gay Film Festival Lineup Announced

festival june 4, 5 and 6

washington square, downtown salt lake city June 4 June 5 June 6

Grand Marshal Reception at the Jewish Community Center, 7pm Pride Rally, Concert and Dance Party; Festival gates open 4pm Pride Parade 10am; Festival gates open 11am

join us at the grand marshal reception as we honor A Program of the Utah Pride Center

Sister Dottie S. Dixon and the esteemed recipients of our Dr. Kristen Ries Community Service and Pete Suazo Political Action awards. Enjoy a breathtaking view, hors dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;oeuvres, drinks and entertainment as we kick-off the 2010 Utah Pride Festival. Tickets are available online for $35.

featuring our 2010 grand marshal sister dottie s. dixon, saturday night headliner sandra bernhard, sunday entertainer martha wash, and special appearances by the dc cowboys

sandrabernhard.com

ÂŠ DC Cowboys/Edward Jackson

for more information, to purchase tickets or to volunteer, visit www.utahpridefestival.org Tickets are $10 each for Saturday and Sunday, and $35 for the Grand Marshal Reception Tickets are available for purchase online now! early bird ticket special: Be one of the first 500 people to purchase your admission ticket by Friday, May 21, 2010 and receive tickets for Saturday AND Sunday for only $15! (offer only available for tickets purchased online at www.utahpridefestival.org)

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SALT ★ LAKE

ISSUE 154 • may 13, 2010

su er outd r markets People’s Market . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Sugar House Market . . . . . . . . . . 26 Park Silly. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

news National . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Local . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

views Ruby Ridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 The Straight Line . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 Bullshattuck . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 Queer Gnosis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Snaps & Slaps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Lambda Lore . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 Lipstick Lesbian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Creep of the Week . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 Q Fitness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

arts & entertainment Gay Agenda . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 Ru Paul’s Drag Race. . . . . . . . . . . 33 Food & Wine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 Dining Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36 Crossword, Cryptogram . . . . . . . 42 Comics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Homoscopes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 Qdoku . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43

MEN’S ★ CHOIR SATURDAY, JUNE 12, 7:30PM LIBBY GARDNER HALL UofU TICKETS: SALTLAKEMENSCHOIR.ORG 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

Anagram . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 Qscene . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44 The Climacteric . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 Puzzle Answers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 The Back Page . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

next i ue: 2010 pride guide

staff

publisher/editor Michael Aaron assistant editor JoSelle Vanderhooft arts & entertainment editor Tony

Hobday graphic designer Christian Allred contributors Chris Azzopardi, Lynn

Beltran, Turner Bitton, Miles Broadhead, Dave Brousseau, Brad Di Iorio, , Chef Drew Ellswroth, Greg Fox, H. Rachelle Graham, Bob Henline, Tony Hobday, Christopher Katis, Keith Orr, Petunia Pap-Smear, Anthony Paull, Steven Petrow, Hunter Richardson, Ruby Ridge, Ryan Shattuck, A.E. Storm, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben Williams, Troy Williams, D’Anne Witkowski, Rex Wockner contributing photographers Benjamin Bamba, David Daniels, Brian Gordon, Ed Kosmicki, Laurie Kaufman, David Newkirk sales manager Brad Di Iorio office manager Tony Hobday distribution Brad Di Iorio, Ryan Benson, Gary Horenkamp, Nancy Burkhart publisher

Salt Lick Publishing, LLC 1055 East 2100 South, ste 206 Salt Lake City, Utah 84106 tel: 801-649-6663 toll-free: 1-800-806-7357 for general information:

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6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

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national news

Quips & Quotes

Christian Right Leader Went to Europe with ‘Rentboy’

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She’s Brigham Young’s great great granddaughter! And she left the Mormon Church. And she’s openly gay and living with her partner. And, better yet, she’s a brilliant woman with a solidly Democratic platform that shows Matheson is really nothing but a tarted-up Republican in a blue jersey!” —Huffington Post blogger Howie Klein, in an enthusiastic endorsement of Congressman Jim Matheson’s challenger, Claudia Wright.

by Rex Wockner

George Alan Rekers, who co-founded the anti-gay Family Research Council, was photographed at Miami International Airport on April 13 returning from a European vacation with a male escort who says the two met via rentboy.com, Miami New Times reported May 4. The escort, who has been called “Lucien,” “Geo” and “Jo-vanni” in news reports, also told various media outlets that he gave Rekers daily massages in the nude during the trip, which included genital touching. Lucien showed CNN a travel contract between the two men that mandated daily hourlong massages, and told the network that Rekers “basically got excited” during the massage sessions. Rekers, 61, has used his professorgeorge. com website and other online resources to fight back against the “slanderous” reports, saying he’s not gay and that nothing “illegal or sexual” took place during his trip with Lucien, 20. Rekers told multiple media outlets that he will acquire or has acquired a lawyer and may or will sue for “defamation.” “I have been advised to retain the services of a defamation attorney in this matter, because the fact is that I am not gay and never have been,” he told the Washington Post on May 6. On his website, Rekers wrote: “A recent article in an alternative newspaper cleverly gave false impressions of inappropriate behavior because of its misleading innuendo, incorrectly implying that Professor George Rekers used the Rentboy website to hire a prostitute to accompany him on a recent trip. Contrary to Internet stories based on this slanderous article, following medical advice Professor George Rekers requires an assistant to lift his luggage in his travels because of an ongoing condition following surgery. ... Dr. Rekers found his recent travel assistant by interviewing different people who might be able to help, and did not even find out about his travel assistant’s Internet advertisements offering prostitution activity until after the trip was in progress. There was nothing inappropriate with this relationship. Professor Rekers was not involved in any illegal or sexual behavior with his travel assistant.” As the story unfolded, Lucien learned of Rekers’ history of anti-gay activism and then decided to tell media outlets about the trip’s alleged sexual component. “It’s a situation where he’s going against homosexuality when he is a homosexual,” Lucien told New Times. Gay activist Wayne Besen, whose Truth Wins Out group battles the anti-gay movement, told New Times that Rekers’ “fingerprints are on almost every anti-gay effort to demean and dehumanize LGBT people.” “His work is ubiquitously cited by lobby groups that work to deny equality to LGBT Americans,” Besen said. “Rekers has caused

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a great deal of harm to gay and lesbian individuals.” Reports said Rekers also is a member of the board of the anti-gay National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality. He also recently was paid tens of thousands of dollars by the state of Florida to be an expert witness against gay adoption. Florida is the only state that bans gay people from adopting across the board. After Rekers testified in that case, MiamiDade County Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman wrote: “Dr. Rekers’ beliefs are motivated by his strong ideological and theological convictions that are not consistent with the science. Based on his testimony and demeanor at trial, the court cannot consider his testimony to be credible nor worthy of forming the basis of public policy.” Lucien told The Miami Herald he became an escort to pay for college, but that he might have to drop out now. He said Rekers paid him $75 per day during the trip, which is less than the $300-$500 he would have charged for sex. He told CNN there was no sexual contact other than the massages. In a message to the Joe.My.God. blog, Rek-

ers said no one should be surprised he was found in the company of a male escort. “Like Jesus Christ, I deliberately spend time with sinners with the loving goal to try to help them,” Rekers wrote. “Like John the Baptist and Jesus, I have a loving Christian ministry to homosexuals and prostitutes in which I share the Good News of Jesus Christ with them. ... If you talk with my travel assistant that the story called ‘Lucien,’ you will find I spent a great deal of time sharing scientific information on the desirability of abandoning homosexual intercourse, and I shared the Gospel of Jesus Christ with him in great detail.” Not everyone in the media bought that explanation. “Here’s the basic idea about cases like this,” MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow said May 7. “The miserable denial and lying in your own sex lives is your own miserable, in-denial, lying business — unless you make it the whole country’s business by crusading against the thing that is true about yourself that you hate so much. Being gay cannot be cured. Being a contemptible, pathetic hypocrite can be cured. ... Congratulations, you’ve made the news.”

Far-Right Groups Demand to Know Supreme Court Nominee’s Sexuality by Michael Aaron

President Barack Obama nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan for the Supreme Court on May 9. Kagan is a single woman who has not publicly commented on her sexuality and happens to support gay rights, causing ultra-conservative groups to publicly question whether she is a lesbian. In April, former Bush administration speechwriter Ben Domenech wrote an article for CBS News calling Kagan the “first openly gay justice.” The White House demanded that CBS remove the post saying Domenech was “applying old stereotypes to single women with successful careers.” Bryan Fischer, director of Issue Analysis for Government and Public Policy of the extreme right American Family Association, blogged on the group’s site that the media should pointedly ask Kagan if she is lesbian and, if she is,

8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

that she shouldn’t serve on the court: “It’s time we got over the myth that what a public servant does in his private life is of no consequence. We cannot afford to have another sexually abnormal individual in a position of important civic responsibility, especially when that individual could become one of nine votes in an out of control oligarchy that constantly usurps constitutional prerogatives to unethically and illegally legislate for 300 million Americans. “The stakes are too high. Social conservatives must rise up as one and say no lesbian is qualified to sit on the Supreme Court,” he wrote. Focus on the Family and Americans For Truth, groups “devoted exclusively to exposing and countering the homosexual activist agenda,” have both released statements that a lesbian should not sit on the Supreme Court.

I have been told by Wright’s supporters that she has a chance to win the 2nd Congressional District, but when I go over the numbers, they just don’t add up. When I talk to my conservative friends, neighbors and customers and ask them if they would support a more liberal Democrat in the 2nd CD, they emphatically answer ‘no.’ They like Jim because he doesn’t always follow a national agenda.” —Emily Bingham Hollingshead, Utah House Democratic Caucus Communications Coordinator, in a post to the blog The Utah Amicus

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Claudia Wright can win this district. Claudia Wright would’ve voted for cap-and-trade [carbon emission controls]. Claudia Wright would have voted for health care. You are saying we don’t need someone with a backbone.” —Democratic delegate John Weis to Matheson supporter House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer

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When we get worried about strategy, she says, ‘being honest is what’s important.’ When we get all up in our heads about it, she asks, ‘what’s honest?’” —Wright campaign volunteer Ashley Anderson in The Salt Lake Tribune

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This is a new, extreme step they’ve taken. I don’t know if they intend to scare us ... or really keep us from graduating.” —Rachel Hanson, outgoing editor in chief of The Utah Daily Chronicle, commenting to City Weekly about the graduation hold the University of Utah put on her and other columnists for running a scatological visual gag in the semester’s final issue of the paper.

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M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 9

local news

Wright Forces Matheson into Primary, Bennett Ousted by JoSelle Vanderhooft

Republican Bob Bennett won’t be running again for his Utah Senate seat, and Congressman Jim Matheson will have to fight for his spot in the House against an openly lesbian opponent whose grassroots campaign has been likened to that of President Barack Obama’s 2008 White House bid. These were just two of the upsets in a midterm year that many are predicting will be a vigorous battle for control of the Legislative Branch. This year, both conventions were held virtually next door to one another on May 8 at the Salt Palace.

Challenger Anthony Kaye, an attorney who has worked to secure representation for people who cannot afford lawyers, called the struggle for gay and transgender equality “the civil rights fight of our generation.” “I want to do my best to make sure Utah isn’t the last state to get onboard,” said Kaye. If elected, he promised to reintroduce Johnson’s Anti-discrimination Act

The caucus voted to endorse all candidates save for Jason Henley, who admittedly ran a low-profile campaign. After another round of speeches later in the day, District 25 delegates did not award any candidate the 60 percent of votes necessary to win a nomination. Briscoe and Kaye, the contenders with the biggest percentages of votes, will square off in a primary on June 22.

Granato, who had been participating in that morning’s Susan G. Komen Salt Lake City Race for the Cure, which benefits breast cancer research and awareness, appeared near the end of the caucus to give his remarks.

Matheson vs. Wright

The most publicized race of the day, however, was that between Congressman Jim Matheson and openly lesbian challenger Claudia Wright, both of whom appeared before the Stonewall Caucus to seek their nomination. In his remarks, Matheson acknowledged that his 2010 voting record had put him at odds with many Utah Democrats. He stressed, however, his support for the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, which prohibits gays and lesbians from serving

Stonewall Democrats Caucus As in last month’s county convention, the morning for the Democrats kicked off with individual caucus meetings, including one for the Utah Stonewall Democrats — the caucus of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and allied Democrats that is the largest group in the party. During the nearly two-hour meeting, candidates from contested and uncontested races alike addressed the crowd in hopes of receiving the caucus’ endorsement. These included Salt Lake City Sherriff Mike Winder, Salt Lake County Attorney General hopeful Sim Gill, openly lesbian Rep. Jackie Biskupski (who is now Utah’s only out gay legislator), and Representatives Rebecca Chavez-Houck and Jennifer Seelig, both of whom have run gay and transgenderrights bills in the Utah Legislature for a number of years.

Rep. Christine Johnson’s Replacement

One of the most hotly contested races at the convention was that for House District 25’s seat. Located in one of the most Democrat-friendly parts of Salt Lake City, the position will be vacated at the end of the year by Rep. Christine Johnson, who has just been hired as executive director of Equality South Carolina. The Stonewall Caucus heard from all four contenders for the seat, including Johnson’s endorsed candidate, business owner and environmentalist John Netto. “I can promise I will not just run your legislation. I have supported your past legislation,” said Netto, a volunteer for statewide gay and transgender rights group Equality Utah who also works with Utah’s homeless population. “I have been in your parades. I have helped finance your causes. I have worked to protect your interest and your rights. I love this community, and I am deeply moved by your suffering and the challenges you face. I believe these challenges are those of all our community — the people on the streets and you suffer from marginalization, discrimination and judgment. I will fight against this, and I will fight for hope.”

Congressional candidate Claudia Wright (center) shares a light moment at the Utah Democratic Jubilee Dinner with House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (right) and her PHOTO: CLAUDIA WRIGHT FOR UTAH campaign manager, Mike Picardi Amendments bill, which would extend statewide employment and housing protections to gay and transgender people, and Chavez-Houck’s bill that would reverse a decade-old ban on same-sex couples adopting children. He also promised to be the House sponsor of a bill that would allow same-sex partners to sue in cases of wrongful death, and to urge the Legislature to fund a homeless youth shelter that would also help youth “cast out of their homes because they are gay.” “If you will support me, I will come to the Stonewall Board and Equality Utah and do what you ask me to do,” said educator Joel Briscoe, who helped form a gay-straight alliance at Bountiful High School. “I will run the legislation you ask. This matters to me, and I know this matters to you. This is an issue of more than law, it’s an issue of treating people with dignity and respect.”

10 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

Sen. Bob Bennett’s Replacement

In the contested senatorial race, Sam Granato won the Stonewall Caucus’ nomination over former Army recruiter Christopher Stout, despite support for Stout from local gay philanthropist Bruce Bastian. “The state of Utah continues to get beat up on nationally because of the so-called message bills our Legislature passes,” said Granato’s cousin David Saddlefork who addressed the caucus in Granato’s stead. “In 2010 we have an excellent opportunity to send a message across this country that Utah voters are not tied into crazy Republican rhetoric.” Granato’s campaign, he added, wanted to get the vote of those disillusioned by Republican politics “to make a statement to this country that Utah is going to turn progressive, toward equal rights, to taking care of all our people.”

openly in the military. He also reminded the caucus that he is the only Utah Congressman to support several gay rights issues, and that Democrats are facing significant Republican challenges in the midterm election. “I’ve had a good dialogue with this caucus for many years,” he said. “I’m proud of the things we’ve been able to work on together.” “I think you all realize, of course, that I would work for the extension of rights to the community that should never have been denied them in the first place,” said Wright, a retired high school civics and women’s studies teacher. Addressing criticisms that she is not an electable candidate, Wright reminded the caucus that Utah had the lowest voter turnout in the nation in 2008. “This election belongs to whoever can

ever get voters out to vote, whether it’s a Democrat, a Republican or an independent, she said. Wright also noted that her campaign would put such issues as election reform, health care reform and “holdng Wallstreet accountable” front and center. The Stonewall Caucus voted overwhelmingly to endorse Wright. In doing so, many delegates expressed frustration at Matheson for not opposing the Defense of Marriage Act, which allows states not to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. After the caucus meetings, the senate and congressional candidates addressed the convention at large. While Granato won the nomination with 77.5 percent of delegates’ votes, Matheson and Wright divided the convention, winning 55 and 45 percent of votes, respectively. Upon the announcement that both would face off in a June 22 primary, Wright’s supporters erupted in cheers. Wright also received the endorsement of the African-American, Progressive and Environmental Caucuses. The Hispanic and Labor Caucus did not endorse either candidate.

earnest in finding common solutions for our goals despite some of our differences. Both Governor Herbert and Lt. Governor Bell understand that they represent all Utahns. That understanding has tempered them with a compassion and understanding that many extremists in both of our major parties seem to lack. Their example is one many would do well to learn from. As conservatives there is much more that unites us than divides us. Gary and Greg welcome this and do not have a litmus test to prove one’s conservative credentials and this, in itself, is refreshing given the

current political climate.” Additionally, Humphreys said that a large percentage of convention attendees have been supportive of LCR’s goals, which include gay and transgender rights, fiscal conservatism and an overall position that many have described as moderate Republican. “We have literally over 200 state delegates now who support our causes, and we’ve talked with a lot of people who completely agree with our philosophies now.” As evidence of this, Nimer mentioned that the delegates who approached the

LCR table either asked for information, expressed support for the caucus and for gay rights, or engaged in polite — if sometimes strident — debate. Such a climate, he noted, was a far cry from that in 2008, when one delegate approached LCR’s table and said he wished gay Republicans “would tie rocks around your necks and jump in a lake.” Both parties saw record-breaking participation by delegates this year, including many who had been elected as state, county or precinct delegates for the first time. Q

Uncontested Races

The Stonewall Caucus voted unanimously to endorse all uncontested elections, which included Winder’s campaign as well as Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon’s gubernatorial bid and the campaign of former Republican Karen Hyer, who is running for the Congressional District 3 seat. At the opposite end of the Salt Palace, the State Republican Convention was in full swing and another upset in the Congressional election was emerging. Fourterm Senator Bob Bennett was ousted by newcomers Mike Lee and Tim Bridgewater, who will also face off in a primary on June 22.

Log Cabin Republicans The Utah Log Cabin Republicans, a gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender-friendly caucus, did not endorse any candidates in the Senate race. “There was a fairly large division among our own caucus there,” said James Humphreys, ULCR’s vice president. He noted, however, that Bridgewater captured 50 percent of the membership’s vote in a straw poll conducted after an April 21 debate sponsored by the caucus, and at which six of the eight candidates, or their representatives, were present. “We chose, given how divisive this race was in the state, to withhold a formal nomination,” Humphreys explained. But, he added: “There are a couple candidates who are a lot more palpable for this particular time in history.” Earlier this month, LCR announced that it would endorse Gov. Gary Herbert’s campaign. “Our experience is that this administration has a warm open-door feeling and is willing to discuss a wide range of issues including those issues that affect our GLBT community,” said LCR President Mel Nimer in a statement. “They have been

M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 11

local news Christine Johnson Is Leaving Utah, Returning to South Carolina One of Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s openly gay politicians will be leaving the state this summer to take up another political job. Earlier this month, outgoing Rep. Christine Johnson, who announced that she will not seek reelection during this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s legislative session, announced that she has accepted the offer to serve as executive director of Equality South Carolina. Like Equality Utah, the group is a statewide gay and transgender rights group that is part of the Equality Federation, a network of groups in U.S. states and territories which include several smaller community groups as well as statewide organizations. After resigning due largely to the financial hardship caused by being a volunteer legislator, Johnson said that she applied for several jobs outside of Utah in hopes of returning to her original home on the East Coast. In keeping with her recent public service, the jobs on her list all had something to do with gay and transgender rights advocacy. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I sent out some resumes and received favorable responses and interviews from miscellaneous states, many that were within the Equality Federation,â&#x20AC;? said Johnson. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was really amazing that there were [Executive Director positions] that opened up in four states all of a sudden.â&#x20AC;? Johnson said that she received offers within a few days of applying and had to pick between jobs in states including Massachusetts and Texas. She was hopeful for the South Carolina job, however, because it is her home state. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve spent 25 percent of my life living in South Carolina and it felt comfortable and familiar in a way,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I flew out and met with the Board of Directors, and they seemed to be pretty consistent that I join them and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m delighted to do so.â&#x20AC;? Equality South Carolina, said Johnson, has the same nonprofit status as Equality Utah and is pursuing many of the same issues that its Utah equivalent has embraced â&#x20AC;&#x201D; including municipal ordinances that prohibit housing and employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Within cities like Columbia and Charleston theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been able to secure these,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It seems like a national trend to start working with local governments to show state governments that communities are only strengthened by enacting such ordinances.â&#x20AC;? For three years, Johnson sponsored a bill that sought to extend housing and employment protections for gay and transgender people statewide. Her bill did not make it to the floor for debate in 2008 and 2009. This year, her bill was put aside as part of a controversial â&#x20AC;&#x153;moratoriumâ&#x20AC;? on gay-related bills. This agreement between pro-gay politicians and Republican leadership was made to give municipal housing and employment ordinances, like those passed in Salt Lake City and County, time to take effect and a year for their impact on local governments to be observed.

Since then, Park City has passed similar ordinances. A number of cities including West Valley City, Taylorsville and Moab are also in the process of drafting or considering such protections. Overall, Johnson said that she looks forward to the â&#x20AC;&#x153;flexibility in crafting programs, outreach and advocacyâ&#x20AC;? that her now job will provide. As Equality South Carolinaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leader, she said that she would also â&#x20AC;&#x153;continue to foster the terrific relationship with LGBT leaders within Utahâ&#x20AC;? that she had worked to achieve during her term in office. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Equality South Carolina like Equality Utah has already faced and lost an amendment campaign [amending the state constitution to ban gay marriage], so now that that has put this glass ceiling on where LGBT rights are concerned,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But we have some great allies within the Legislature, and I look forward to sitting down with them and assessing where we can go so we

Q uni start out of offensive rather than defensive.â&#x20AC;? That is a lesson, she added, that Equality Utah had taught her. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Equality Utah has been a tremendous example of what happens when you have proactive legislation as opposed to legislation where we just react,â&#x20AC;? she explained. Additionally, Johnson said that her experience in reaching out to the LDS Church and Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s religious majority will aid her in her new job. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Instead of the LDS faith Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be dealing with other Christian-based religions like the Baptists,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m really looking forward to having dialogues with those community leaders and having really basic heart-to-heart conversations about human dignity and respect.â&#x20AC;? Johnson expressed her appreciation for Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community for giving her the opportunity to lead and to grow as a leader. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sure Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be back for visits,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Someone said, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going from the frying pan into the fire,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; but I think Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going from the fire into the frying pan because they have more fried food in South Carolina,â&#x20AC;? she joked.

Meet with the Mayor Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker will hold one-on-one meetings with city residents on May 19 to discuss issues and concerns pertaining to the city. Meetings will be held in 10 minute blocks and are scheduled on a first come, first served basis. Another series of meetings will also be held June 16 with registration for these beginning June 7. WHEN: May 19, 4â&#x20AC;&#x201C;6 p.m. WHERE: Mayorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Conference Room, City & County Bldg, 451 S. State St. INFO: 801-535-7704 or stop by the Mayorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Office to schedule.

HRC to Screen â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Ask Notâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; The Human Rights Campaign will be screening Ask Not, a PBS documentary on Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Ask Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Tell, followed by a panel of veterans who served under the law. WHEN: May 17, 6:30 pm WHERE: Union Theater, Olpin Union Building, UofU campus. COST: Free

Grand Marshal Reception The Utah Pride Festival will hold this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Grand Marshal Reception with Sister Dottie S. Dixon at the Jewish Community Center on June 4. The Utah Pride Center will also award the annual Dr. Kristen Reis Community Service Award ant the Pete Suazo Political Action Award at this event. Hors dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;oeuvres, wine and beer will be provided. WHEN: June 4, 7 p.m. WHERE: Jewish Community Center, 2 North Medical Drive. COST: $35 per ticket which can be purchased at the door or at utahpride2010.showclix.com.

ROTC-SLC Rocks Vegas Pride The Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corps of Salt Lake City have done it again. For the fourth year in a row theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve brought home awards from Las Vegas Pride. This year, it was the laurels for â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Best Noncommercial Marching Unit.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is our fourth year going down and our fourth time bringing back an award,â&#x20AC;? said co-founder Logan Brueck. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re four for four right now.â&#x20AC;? In 2007, the group took second place overall because, said Brueck, the marchers did not have lights on their batons, rifles or flags. The addition of lights made them a shoe-in for the top prize in 2008, and the award for best use of lights last year. This year, the gay-friendly Utah color guard â&#x20AC;&#x201D; which is open to members of all sexual orientations and gender identities â&#x20AC;&#x201D; took 32 marchers to Sin City, its biggest Vegas contingent so far. This included, said Brueck, five members from California, New

12 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

Mexico, Alabama and Florida. In the Friday night parade, they marched to the beat of a remix of the classic song â&#x20AC;&#x153;We Are Familyâ&#x20AC;? by ROTC-SLC sound designer, David Nielsen. The parade contained 63 other floats and marchers, which included several Vegas gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender groups. The color guard performed a stage version of the â&#x20AC;&#x153;We Are Familyâ&#x20AC;? routine Saturday on the festivalâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s main stage. The performance also included a baton duet to â&#x20AC;&#x153;Proud Maryâ&#x20AC;? and a routine set to â&#x20AC;&#x153;Shake Your Groove Thing.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was just a great time,â&#x20AC;? said Brueck. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Vegas Pride is small but very interesting. The night parade makes it really unique. The crowd was just ... it gets wild.â&#x20AC;? ROTC-SLC is a regular fixture in the Utah Pride Parade, where its members will again march this year. They are also scheduled to participate in Denverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pride Festival, which will be held June 19â&#x20AC;&#x201C;20.

Public Speakers Bureau The Utah Pride Center is starting a speakers bureau to train gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer people and their allies in speaking about their experiences to groups in the broader community. The first training session will be held May 15, 1â&#x20AC;&#x201C;4 p.m. at the Utah Pride Center, 355 N. 300 W.

U of U Lavender Graduation The University of Utahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s LGBT Resource Center will again hold its Lavender Graduation for spring semester graduates. The celebration will be held May 6 beginning 5:30 p.m. in the Olpin Student Union Theater. Coffee, tea and dessert will be served after, and friends, family and allies are invited to attend. All graduates will receive a certificate and a rainbow tassel. RSVP by April 30 to Katie Stiel at kstiel@sa.utah.edu.

So. Utah Schools Allow Gay-Straight Alliances This fall, gay-straight alliances will be coming to Washington County high schools for the first time, due to the efforts of the ACLU, Southern Utah activists and a group of gay and straight students. The process began in the fall of last year when openly gay Dixie High School student Logan Hunt and his friend Sal Tumanvao, a Desert Hills High student who came out the same time as he did, got the idea to organize a GSA at their schools. (The clubs provide a safe atmosphere for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and allied students.). “We wondered why don’t we just start one at every Logan Hunt school, because we figured there’d be power in numbers,” Hunt said. “It would be easier to get all of them off the ground rather than one or two.” Through contacts at Dixie State College’s own GSA, the two soon met up with students from Pine View and Snow Canyon High Schools who had the same goal. But the students soon ran into the same problems as they reached out to faculty and administrators: A set of complicated rules for non-curricular clubs. Hunt, for example, found that he had to collect 50 signatures from students in support of the club. He said he acquired the signatures easily, but then ran into some trouble from the administration. “Once the principal started hearing about [the GSA], they [the administration] wanted to put a stop to it,” he said. “They ended up calling in students and asking them if the club offended them. They were searching for people to say we [he and GSA supporters] had been harassing them.” In contrast, Hunt said that he was keeping the petition secret because he was “afraid of someone trying to stop it.” This pressure, along with being unable to find a faculty sponsor lead him to withdraw the petition. “I didn’t want to provoke it any further at that point,” he said. Through their connection with Dixie State College’s GSA, Hunt and the other students got in contact with Southern Utah’s gay and transgender community, who quickly became aware of their struggles with the administration. One adult who helped publicize the students’ struggle was Nicole Lee of Planned Parenthood — Association of Utah. Along with St. George’s Grace Episcopal Church, a handful of educators and other community members, Lee began a gay and transgender-affirmative group for Southern Utah youth in 2009 called Living into Equality, Acceptance, and Diversity. The

group offers a safe space for youth of all sexual orientations and gender identities to socialize and receive education on issues ranging from safer sex, anti-bullying efforts and community activism. “I watched the youth fight to carve out space for themselves, encountering horrendous levels of ignorance and overcoming seemingly endless barriers,” said Lee. “And it seemed to me that the community had an opportunity to create space for the youth, a space that would be open, welcoming, beneficial, enriching and enjoyable. Something the youth wouldn’t need to fight for.” Also around that time, Darcy Goddard, the legal director of the Utah American Civil Liberties Union, was scheduled to speak to the college club. When she came to St. George, she also met with the high school students. Goddard and the students then went over the individual schools’ policies for creating non-curricular clubs. The findings, said Goddard, were troubling and even unconstitutional. Along with the signature-gathering, for example, some schools required clubs to be approved by a council of students and a majority of faculty as well as the principal. Some also had requirements that clubs promote “moral” and “wholesome” activities — words which Goddard said she saw as being an excuse to shut out unpopular and minority views. “They had this completely subjective criteria in there with no guidelines for a superintendent or a principal to make decisions,” she said. “Like the decision in determining what [constitutes] the ‘moral well-being of students.’ What does that even mean? And without providing specific guidance, how is any superintendent or principal supposed to know what that means? There’s no way to make that decision without relying on [an individual] opinion [about morality].” “The other thing I found interesting was the idea that there could be formed a committee of faculty, parent and students to give a nonbinding recommendation [about a proposed non-curricular club] to the superintendent,” she continued. “There’s absolutely no basis for that in my opinion other than to gauge popular support and majority approval. That has been found to be completely unconstitutional.” Goddard then met with principals and the superintendent of the Washington County School District to explain the problems with the policies, and the fact that they infringed upon students’ First Amendment rights to free expression. Shortly thereafter, the district mandated that all schools abide by what Goddard describes as a “content neutral” policy. This policy does away with the need for signatures and committees and allows a principal to approve or deny a club. Further, the district policy has also clarified prohibitions on clubs that deal with “human sexu-

ality” — a broad term which, said Goddard, is often used to deny GSAs from forming. The term now encompasses discussions of contraceptives, sex outside marriage, or advocating sexuality, which is in line with the state’s definition. After the meeting, Hunt said that Snow Canyon High School got its club approved, and his club was OK’d the following day. A guidance counselor will sponsor Dixie High School’s GSA this fall when it will officially start up. “We’ve been holding events and they allow us to do that,” said Hunt who, as a graduating senior, will not be able to participate in the GSA he helped launch. “But it will start to pick up in the fall and we’ll start getting members. Right now it’s just the people who have fought for it who are participating.” Although St. George students can now

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have GSAs, Goddard said the ACLU has received complaints from parents and students that club policies in Davis, Carbon and Tooele County’s school districts have the same problems. At press time, Goddard had written to the Tooele County School District’s superintendent to inform her of this, and to request a meeting. “I think the difficulties we’re finding in each of these counties shows there is a need for the state to have a statewide content neutral policy so we don’t have to do this district by district,” she said. “I think it wastes a lot of time and money for districts to have to deal with this.” “I think people just assumed the problem [of having GSAs in schools] was solved, but in counties other than Salt Lake, the same problems continue,” she added. “But hopefully we can get it solved without litigation.” Q

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local news Sandy, Logan Discussing Discrimination Ordinances So far, three Utah municipal governments — Salt Lake City, Salt Lake County and Park City — have enacted ordinances that protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people from housing and employment discrimination. A bevy of other cities and counties are also in the process of considering such ordinances. And now, Equality Utah has taken its fight for gay and transgender-inclusive employment and housing laws to two more Utah cities: Sandy and Logan. On May 5, three employees of the statewide gay and transgender rights group held a meeting at the Sandy Library for residents of the highly conservative city,

eight of whom assembled in the library’s small conference room to discuss the basics of the ordinances and Equality Utah’s progress with the seven-member Sandy City Council. “We had a meeting with the mayor [Tom Dolan] and it went fairly well, I would say,” said Manager of Field Operations Lauren Littlefield. “But like most city councils, they need to hear that the constituents of Sandy want these policies.” “The messages we’re trying to use with council members are all positive,” she continued. “We just talk about what the ordinances do: They protect all Utahns because all Utahns should have right to keep a job

Where Are Rates Going? by Quinn Richins

Isn’t that the million dollar question! And experts are all over the place on this one. I’ve seen estimates ranging from 5.0 to 7.0 percent by the end of the year. Julie Brizee of Citywide Home Loans said, “I think it’s safe to say rates will be higher, let’s just go with the assumption they’re at 6.00 percent on the 30 year fixed by year end.” So the question is, what does that do for our buying power as gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people? Great question. I’m glad you asked it. I’ve borrowed this sliding interest rate chart here to show you exactly what happens to your buying power as rates increase. I’ve highlighted what happens to one’s buying power as interest rates slide from 5.00 percent (today’s rate) to 6.00 percent (at year end). This chart shows the principle and interest payment for a $400k loan amount at 5.00 percent equals $2148 per month. Follow the slide and notice as rates go up to 6.00 percent your buying power decreases. At 6.00 percent you would need to drop your loan amount to $360K in order to keep your payments at $2,158 per month.

So what’s the take away? Well, besides the fact that low interest is good and high interest is bad, this chart tells us that for every one percent rise in interest rates, our buying power decreases by 10 percent. When rates increase from five to six percent, you have to drop your loan amount from $400k to $360k ($40k or 10 percent of the purchase price) in order to keep payments in a similar range. Steve Simmons of Citywide Home Loans explains: “As a buyer that means, if property prices stay the same this year, you will actually be paying 10 percent more for your property because interest rates are rising.” Now, if you are paying cash, you’re obviously not paying 10 percent more, but if you are financing your next home you are basically paying 10 percent more for that property due to the increased interest rate and borrowing costs. Q

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and roof over their heads.” The ordinances passed by Salt Lake City, Salt Lake County and Park City are identical. Each exempts religious organizations, businesses of 15 or fewer employees and landlords with fewer than four units for rent. Fines are assessed for violators. So far, Littlefield said that two Sandy council members supported extending the protections to gay and transgender residents: Linda Martinez Saville and Scott Cowdell. Both council members also support allowing city employees to extend their health care benefits to a non-spousal adult with whom they live, including a parent or samesex partner. Last year, they asked the council to look into the costs of such a policy. Salt Lake City and County also offer this option to employees. Once the council members draft the ordinances, Littlefield said that supporters would be needed to “pack the council chambers” for the ordinances’ public hearing and to testify “even if you just go in to say, ‘Hi, I live in Sandy and I think this would be awesome.’” In the meantime, she encouraged those in attendance to write to the council, particularly if they live in districts overseen by Bryant Anderson (District 3), Chris McCandless (District 4) and Dennis Tenney (District 2). Steve Fairbanks and Stephen P. Smith are at-large members. This is particularly important, Littlefield added, because “more than likely there are people who will speak against it,” such as Paul Mero, president of The Sutherland Institute, a neo-conservative think tank that has opposed all recent gay and transgender rights bills and ordinances. (Mero, Littlefield noted, lives in Tenney’s district). Littlefield and Manager of Programs & Administration Keri Jones then fielded questions from the audience, which ranged from the number of U.S. cities and states with similar ordinances to whether Equality Utah had received any reports of anti-gay or anti-transgender discrimination in Sandy. “We have a lot of stories of folks who have been discriminated against, but we haven’t had someone in Sandy come forward yet,” said Littlefield. “There’s no way to track it because there’s nothing you can do,” Jones added. “We get calls all the time from people who feel they’ve been fired or kicked out [of a job or apartment] for being gay or perceived to be gay, but we’ll literally say call the Labor Commission or the ACLU if you think you have a case, but there’s nothing we can do.” Currently, Utah law does not include sexual orientation or gender identity in its Antidiscrimination Act, which covers housing and employment discrimination. Both women encouraged anyone with a story of discrimination in Sandy to fill out the survey on the group’s website, equalityutah.org. The anonymous form, they said, is the best way they have now to track cases of discrimination across the state. Meanwhile, a proposal for a Salt Lake City-style ordinance was on the schedule for Logan’s May 4 City Council meeting. However, the council voted 3-2 to table the bill, sponsored by councilman Herm Olsen and

backed by councilman Jay Monson, until August. The council also voted not to hold a public meeting about the ordinances. “Councilman [Dean] Quayle and others argued they did not feel this [anti-gay and anti-transgender housing and employment discrimination] was an issue and that they were not aware anyone had contacted them with concerns over these issues (despite my own personal contacts multiple times since last fall with each council member),” wrote Isaac Higham, who has spearheaded the push for Logan ordinances, on Equality Utah’s Facebook page. Higham urged supporters of the ordinances to contact Logan’s City council members to “give them public input” about the importance of gay and transgenderinclusive housing and employment protections. Members who voted to table the ordinances were Hollie Danes, Loraine Swenson and Dean Quayle. “Write about your own stories of discrimination,” Higham wrote. “Write about how wrong they are to assume the state legislature [sic] will handle this. Write about your support for equal protection in housing and employment if you are an ally.” “[Ordinance supporters in Logan] said there were about 25–30 people who all left upset because they wanted to speak to [the ordinances],” said Jones. “But that’s how it happens sometimes, and this gives this more time to get the votes.” She added that the council might also be waiting to get “more input from other cities who have enacted the ordinances.” Jones said that Equality Utah is “tentatively planning a community meeting” in Logan for June 15. At present, West Valley City and Summit County are expecting to pass gay and transgender-inclusive housing and employment ordinances this month. Meanwhile, Holladay, Taylorsville, Ogden, Moab and Summit County are in various stages of considering, drafting or passing ordinances similar to Salt Lake City’s. Equality Utah is also discussing the policies with Murray and Midvale’s city councils. Sandy City’s website does not list contact information for individual city council members. However, the contact number for the council itself is 801-568-7141, and messages can also be sent through the site at sandy.utah.gov (click the city council members link in the lefthand menu). Contact information for Logan’s city council members is as follows:

Holly Daines 435-752-2684 hdaines@comcast.net

Dean W. Quayle 435-753-6165 dquayle7@msn.com

Laraine Swenson 435-755-8183 laraine.swenson@comcast.net

Jay A. Monson 435-752-7256 monson.jay@gmail.com

Herm Olsen 435)-752-2610 herm@hao-law.com

Center Explores Female Sexuality The Sorenson Unity Center’s auditorium was packed April 17 with lesbian and bisexual women and transgender men and women of all sexual orientations for discussions about sexual satisfaction, the phenomenon known as “lesbian bed death,” and, of course, the proper care of sex toys. Held in conjunction with sWerve, a civic and social group for local lesbians, the first Queer Sex Ed began with a presentation by Jordan Rullo on sexual satisfaction — a concept that many in the audience found difficult to define when asked.

Sexual Satisfaction

“Sexual satisfaction is more than what you’re doing in the bedroom,” explained Rullo, a doctoral candidate in the University of Utah’s Clinical Psychology program who is specializing in sex research and therapy. “It’s things you do throughout the day. It’s the spiritual, the emotional.” “No one has the same definition of sexual satisfaction, so what floats Michelle Turpin’s boat is going to be different than what floats Jennifer Nuttall’s boat,” she said, drawing laughter from all, including the women mentioned. Rullo explained sexual satisfaction as the balance between sexual rewards and sexual costs, a concept researchers have dubbed “exchange theory.” Noting again that rewards differ with each individual, Rullo cited orgasms, gentleness and feeling safe and comfortable with a partner as rewards and feeling used or vulnerable during sex and having sex when not in the mood as costs. For people to be sexually satisfied, Rullo said they must meet four criteria: having more rewards than costs in their relationships; having rewards and costs that closely match those of their partners; having rewards and costs that match up with expectations; and having these three things remain consistent over time. “One of the best ways to give your partner sexual rewards is to learn their lovemap — your partner’s entire body and their mind, their likes and dislikes, the part that is off limits and on limits, the part that is rough or smooth or soft versus hard,” she said. Rullo encouraged partners to consider sex as emotional and spiritual and to talk to each other respectfully and empathetically about their needs, even if doing so made them feel vulnerable. She also stressed having realistic expectations about sex — for example, not seeing orgasms as the ultimate goal or thinking that sex had to be spontaneous to be good. “If you think sex should be a great performance every time, and if it’s not, you assume it’s a failure or your partner’s falling out of love with you, then you’ll be sexually dissatisfied,” she said.

Lesbian Bed Death

Lesbian bed death is the name given to the controversial idea that two women in a long-term relationship have sex infrequently or not at all. Lisa Diamond, researcher and associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the Universi-

ty of Utah, discussed the data and theories in support of and against the existence of this phenomenon. “It’s something I feel like the [gay and lesbian] community and research community has a lot of cross talk about,” she said. “I would love to try and bring some of your own concerns back to the sex researchers, because I feel if we don’t do research that is viewed as important and relative to the community, then what the hell are we doing?” Diamond described some of the problems in the concept of lesbian bed death, the fact that past studies which have been conducted by straight researchers. “But it still remains the case that even if you broaden the definition of sexual activity, you do in fact find same-sex female couples reporting a decline in the initiation of sexual activity compared to other groups,” said Diamond. Sex researchers have come up with two conflicting ideas to explain the decline, she continued. The first is that lesbian bed death is the result of applying male models of sexuality to female sexuality. “Some feminist sex therapists say if they’re happy with [not having sex], then who cares?” said Diamond. However, Diamond noted that some researchers have also said that lesbian bed death may be the result of cultural conditioning, which “has told women from an early age that we’re not as sexual as men and that we’re more cuddly and lovey.” “And culture still has internalized homophobia, so feminists say [researchers] may be upholding another male model by saying it’s OK because that’s what women do,” she continued. “Those are both, as far as I’m concerned, really plausible arguments.”

them. The audience laughed and cheered as Owens wrapped a diaper of saran wrap over Rodriguez’ jeans and as Rodriguez used her lips to slide a condom up Owens’ dildo. Along the way, the two gave additional tips such as checking the expiration date on dental dams and condoms, making sure barriers are not sticky or brittle, and always using condoms on sex toys — many of which are made of silicone and cannot be entirely cleaned. They also told participants not to reuse any barrier or leave female condoms in longer than eight hours. Dental dams, and male and female condoms are available at the Utah Pride Center. After the skit the three fielded a number of questions from the audience, includ-

ing alternatives to latex-based gloves, and whether flavored lubes break down saran wrap (Epstein said they don’t, but glycerinbased lubes can cause yeast infections if used internally). “One of the hardest things we hear is about having commitment” to using barriers, said Owens, noting that many women feel too embarrassed to ask or back down if their partner objects to a barrier. “It’s sticking to those commitments and being able to negotiate with your partner.” The day concluded with a sex toy demonstration by Trei Herd of environmentallyfriendly Earth Erotics. It was followed by sWerve’s annual Tie One On speed dating party. Q

Introducing Team Utah

Not Your Mother’s Sex

Next, Rose Ellen Epstein, Lilian Rodriguez and Bonnie Owens conducted a workshop about safer sex techniques they billed as “not your mother’s sex.” “It’s fun and sexy to have safer sex,” said Epstein, Transgender Youth Program coordinator at the Utah Pride Center. She explained that women can get sexually transmitted infections from having sex with other women, often because they or their partners may not have been tested because they have no visible symptoms. Another problem, she said, is that many doctors may tell women who have sex with women that they don’t need to be tested for STIs. Epstein then noted several barrier methods available to women who have sex with women and transgender people of both sexes. These included latex gloves, internal (or “female”) condoms, dental dams and nonmicrowavable saran wrap. She encouraged the audience to also use water-based lube rather than silicone-based lubes, which can damage sex toys — or household products like oil and Vaseline, which tend to break down latex. Rodriguez, the Center’s HIV Program coordinator, and Owens, a former Center employee and graduate student, then demonstrated the correct use of these barriers and how to talk to a partner about using

M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 15

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views

Q on the str t ❝ If you were going on

an extended vacation and rented a cherub of the same gender to come with you for daily naked body rubs, what would your excuse be to the media? Trevor Johnson Well the bible describes them with 3 animal faces and one human, so i`d probably claim that i couldnt bear to travel without some of my all american farm friends. Michael Andrus I couldn’t find a seraph on such short notice.

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OUNT YOUR MANY BLESSINGS, CHERUBS.

Yes, name them one by one. And leading your list of things to be infinitely grateful for should be this: Ruby’s back! No, not my actual hairy back, pumpkins, but “I am back.” Back from my hiatus renewed, refreshed and ready to cast down my humble, world-wise opinions to you, the great Wasatch unwashed. For those of you wondering where I have been, I am sad to inform you that my partner of 21 years, Mr. Ridge, passed away in February. Needless to say, kittens, I have not been feeling my usual effervescent self, or up to writing my column for a while. But now as I look around, I realize how drab, how dull, how directionless your tawdry little lives must have been without me. So, really, I have no choice but to write. Just think of it as therapy for me and manna from heaven for you! Unfortunately, while I was away on my extended suburban sabbatical, I missed the funniest thing on the internet since “kittens riding a Roomba.” I’m talking, of course, about the landmark case of Dixon v. McCoy. OMG! Talk about Clash of the Titans in 3-Diva! What on earth would provoke former Sen. Scott McCoy into a Facebook pissing

contest with Sister Dottie Dixon? And more importantly ... what did he think he would achieve? I was gobsmacked! I learned many years ago that serious politicians should never debate fictional characters because they can never win under that type of asymmetry. Sure, they may land a few hits here and

What on earth would provoke former Sen. Scott McCoy into a Facebook pissing contest with Sister Dottie Dixon? there, but no matter how reasoned or persuasive their argument, they still end up looking pompous and silly. My favorite example of the uneven playing field was the BBC debate between Monty Python and the Anglican Bishop of Southwark when Life of Brian was

16 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

released. The two sides involved may as well have been speaking two completely different languages. But, anyway ... I must admit, pumpkins, there was a period last year when I thought Sister Dottie was becoming overexposed and losing her cache (seriously, her face was in more places than Susan Powell posters!). But in hindsight, petals, I think a lot of that was pure envy on my part. Troy and Chuck have created a wildly popular yet disarming drag character that gently provokes and challenges. Plus, she resonates with all sorts of people from all walks of life, so what the hell. More power to Sister Dottie and her subversive ability to build bridges. Now that I am coming out of my self-imposed exile, I really do need to join her Facebook page and catch up on the dirt. And now that Sen. McCoy has retired, I plan to keep up in touch with Utah’s serious political players by following Carl Wimmer on Grinder. Ciao, poodles! I have to take this opportunity to thank everyone who contacted me with their support and prayers during a pretty rough time, especially the folks from First Baptist Church, the Matrons of Mayhem, The Cyber Sluts, and so many people involved with Camp Pinecliff. Your outpouring of love was truly appreciated. You can see Ruby Ridge and the Matrons of Mayhem in all of their polyester glory at Third Friday Bingo, May 21, 7 p.m., at First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East. Next month is our politically incorrect Cinco de Mayo celebration benefiting People Helping People. Come join us, we will have churros and Arizona ice tea (oh relax! The brewing company is from Brooklyn).

John Wilkes Well, I think the most problematic thing to explain would be the wings.

David Yancey I have circulation problems, he gets my blood flowing.

Jonathan Miconi He was a starving college student. I knew $300/hr would help him through his difficult times. Eric Ethington I was worried I might be accosted by homosexuals in the christ-less land of Europe. I brought the boy along to throw to them while I escaped.

views the straight line More Hypocrisy from Our Legislature by Bob Henline

tioned in interviews, he would be remiss in his responsibilities were he to push for an ordinance that could result in legislative repercussions not only for Park City, but also for other cities and municipalities considering similar ordinances. On the other hand, is it not time for someone to stand up to the self-righteous hypocrites of the Utah Legislature? It is the duty of the Legislature to serve the people and to protect the rights and liberties upon which this nation was (theoretically) founded. Utah’s Legislature serves no purpose but its own concerns, which are those of a group of bigots committed to the preservation of their own power. A group of self-righteous moralists that seems to have no problem with one of their members having a naked hot-tub party with an underage girl, but for some reason has an issue with the consensual sexual behavior of adults of the same sex. I’m not surprised that Park City decided to mirror Salt Lake City’s ordinances. I honestly can’t even say that I’m disappointed that they chose not to lead the fight against Waddoups and his cronies. They were put in a difficult situation, and they made what they felt to be the best decision, not only for themselves and for Park City, but also for other governments considering similar action. It is that unfortunate “political reality” again intruding upon what is right and just. Maybe, just maybe, some of Utah’s silent majority have paid attention to the actions of their elected leaders and have come to the same conclusions as I have: The times are changing, and our leaders need to change along with them. We need representatives in our Legislature who understand the value of diversity and who are committed to protecting the dignity and liberties of our entire society. Q

is it not time for someone to stand up to the selfrighteous hypocrites of the Utah Legislature?

We Tweet @QSaltLake M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 17

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APRIL PARK CITY BECAME the second Utah city to pass ordinances protecting members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer community from employment and housing discrimination. Unfortunately, Park City backed off from Mayor Dana Williams’ original goal and enacted ordinances similar to Salt Lake City’s with exemptions for religious organizations, employers with less than 15 employees, and renters with fewer than four rental units. While this is certainly a step in the right direction, a step for which both Park City and Salt Lake City should be applauded, the politics behind these actions demonstrate the level of hypocrisy and bigotry present at the Utah State Legislature. Senate President Michael Waddoups, R-Taylorsville, made it known in February that if city councils adopted ordinances that went beyond those passed in Salt Lake City that it could result in “legislative attention” to those ordinances during the next session. Yes folks, the president of Utah’s Senate, a legislative body that wasted much of the 2010 session passing ridiculous resolutions opposing big government, threatening city governments with “bigger government” involvement in their affairs if they chose to protect the civil liberties of their residents. I certainly understand why the Park City Council and Mayor Williams backed down from their original, more protective ordinances, but I am not sure that I agree with them. On the one hand, as Williams argued, the city has managed to enact some measure of protection from employment and housing discrimination. That is a good step forward. Also, as Williams menACK IN

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by Ryan Shattuck

’M TRYING TO GET CAUGHT UP ON OLD episodes of Lost, the television show about a group of plane crash survivors who become stranded on a deserted island. As time goes on throughout the show, unusual and paranormal events become more and more frequent, prompting fans of the show to ask many questions and posit countless theories over the years. Why is there a polar bear on an island? What is the smoke monster? How do the characters time travel? Does Lost take place in a parallel dimension? Is this an alternative universe? What the hell is going on? Fortunately, it is only television. It isn’t real. Regardless of how the show ends, we can be grateful that we live in the present, know the truth, and do not live in an alternative reality. Except, of course, for gay Republicans. As a full disclosure, I have been a Democrat for nearly as long as I’ve been gay. In fact, I registered to be gay on my 18th birthday, only weeks before I registered with the Democratic Party. However, as time has gone on I’ve joined the ranks of other disillusioned gay Americans who feel the Democratic Party is the lesser of many evils. As part of its lukewarm strategy to appeal to as many Americans as possible, the Democratic Party refuses to take strong stands on issues such as same-sex marriage, and gay men and women serving in the military. We’ve heard the excuses before: “Now is not the time for gay marriage ... we do not have enough political capital ... the poll numbers do not support it ... we must study Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” for a year before making a decision ... would you like to make a donation to my reelection campaign?” Gay men and women settling for the Democratic Party is akin to making an omelet and ignoring the broken egg shells — it’s not perfect, but it’s edible. So why do some gay men and women join the Republican Party, who actively spits and defecates in their omelet? Why do some gay men and women want so desperately to love a political party that does not love them in return? Do they live in an alternative reality? Or is there a method behind their madness? The Log Cabin Republicans is a federated gay and lesbian political organization, founded in 1977 in California. Members of the group support Republican issues and Republican candidates, and include such high-profile members as television producer Marc Cherry, Redondo Beach Mayor Mike Gin, former Rep. Michael Huffington (of California), former Arizona State Rep. Steve May, former Rep. Jim Kolbe (of Arizona), and former Rep. Steve Gunderson (of Wisconsin). In theory, the existence of such a group makes perfect sense. According to the Log Cabin Republicans’ website:

We believe in low taxes, limited government, strong defense, free markets, personal responsibility, and individual liberty. Log Cabin represents an important part of the American family — taxpaying, hard working people who proudly believe in this nation’s greatness. Low taxes, limited government, strong defense, free markets, personal responsibility. While these are basic tenets of the Republican Party, they are also beliefs with which most Americans — regardless of political party or sexual orientation — would agree. In fact, I had a conversation with a gay Republican several weeks ago who expressed frustration over President Obama’s health care bill, as he felt that that it interfered with personal responsibility and individual liberty. Personal responsibility and individual liberty — is that not what most gay men and women desire? Therefore, in theory the existence of LCR makes perfect sense. In theory, in idea, and in a utopia. Unfortunately, and inconveniently, the United States of Utopia does not exist. The Log Cabin Republicans have a long and thorny history with Republican candidates and politicians, who have long dismissed the LCR’s endorsements, rejected their requests, and even returned its members’ donations. In 1995, Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole returned the LCR’s $1,000 campaign contribution. Republican governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed a 2005 bill that would have made gay marriage legal in California — only to receive $10,000 from the LCR the following year for his reelection campaign. The Log Cabin Republicans endorsed John McCain and Sarah Palin in 2008, despite McCain’s wavering opinion on DADT. And this past February at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference, Ryan Sorba of Young Americans for Freedom said he “condemns CPAC” for inviting GOProud to the conference, a political group which represents gay conservatives. I may not always agree with the Democratic Party, but I’ll most likely never understand the Republican Party. In a political era in which gay men and women consistently feel as though they’re taking two step forwards (Iowa, Vermont) and one step back (California), they need political parties who will do more than simply take their money and their votes. At times I feel so frustrated, that I wish I could escape our political parties’ hypocrisy by running away to a deserted island. But only if the island doesn’t have polar bears. Q

Ryan Shattuck is an author, freelance writer, syndicated columnist, and revolutionary based in Salt Lake City. His book, “Revolutions for Fun and Profit,” can be found at revolutionsforfunandprofit.com

1 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

qu r gnosis Another World Is Possible

Low Cost, High Quality Medical Care       

by Troy Williams

MOM

PASSED

AWAY

LAST

December after a long battle with breast cancer. Part of me is still in disbelief. Everywhere spring is emerging. Life is everywhere. And yet, this past Mother’s Day I couldn’t call home to talk. She’s gone. There is a bitter ache of finality. And I feel that awful weakness. Nothing I do can change anything. It’s last October and I’m in rehearsals for The Passion of Sister Dottie S. Dixon. The call comes from Oregon. My mom has at best two months to live. I stand in the empty hallway of the Rose Wagner barely able to speak. I try to sit in the theater and watch Charles Frost rehearse, his talent so brilliantly embodying the Mormon mom every gay boy wishes he had. The mom I wish I had. Pain hammers my chest. I leave the theater into the autumn cold. I can’t help but compare the mom of my birth with the mother of my pen. Mom was certainly no champion for gay rights, but she was spirited and strong. Through life she carried the pain of childhood sexual abuse. It shadowed her constantly. It’s so common an occurrence. So ordinary in this world. I think ultimately that is why I became a feminist. My mother and so many other women I know have endured humiliating abuse at the hands of men, mighty patriarchs who see women as commodities. Anger sparks within my soul. I insist that the world be different. For my mom. For everyone. In 1978, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints excommunicated Sonia Johnson. A mother demonized by the church for her unyielding support of the Equal Rights Amendment. In a used bookstore I find her memoir, From Housewife to Heretic. I flip through the pages and wonder, “Who is this woman?” I’d heard stories as a kid, but only fragments. Cautionary tales of an apostate who chained herself to the gates of the temple. Legend later had it that she became a lesbian separatist. How can I resist? I thumb through the pages. Sonia muses, “I can’t seem to remember how I used to think when I wasn’t thinking.” I’m sold. I spend the next few weeks engrossed in her writing. Every page delights and infuriates. I see Sonia as a brave conduit channeling a new consciousness into the world. A prophet despised for truth. A herald for that other world. I realize that much of my contribution to writing Dottie was inspired by Sonia: an upstart mom at odds with her church. By play’s end, Dottie’s “passion” has reversed global warming, established world peace and insured equality for all. In her final apotheosis she becomes Mother Dottie and exits the stage to create her own planets. Better ones. The theater goes dark. I close the book. Mom passed away two weeks shy of her 50th wedding anniversary. It’s such a breathtaking experience to say goodbye. I’m holding her hand. I feel warmth through her skin. Please let me stay suspended in this final moment. I look into her eyes, realizing that I will never see her again. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” I can’t say the words enough. I

grab my luggage and walk out the door. I can barely breathe. Later, back in Utah the call comes. “She’s gone.” And that’s it. She is gone. In the quiet dark of winter, long forgotten memories effortlessly surface. Slivers tweezed from scraped hands. Praise lavished over mediocre accomplishments. Hugs and Mickey Mouse-shaped pancakes. I re-enter the doors of my parents’ chapel. The bland decor and sterile halls feel so much smaller now. The Relief Society is preparing food. I am a stranger here. Atheist. Feminist. Queer. As I shake the bishop’s hand, time stops. Emotions surge. I am acutely aware that his church is dedicated to my legal and social extinction. In my mind I scream, “Who the fuck do you think you are!?” But other words meekly escape my mouth, “Thanks for everything.” I look around and every member of the Relief Society looks like Dottie. They are working hard. Doing their duty. And I resent and love them all at the same time. During the funeral I find myself wishing mom would have been a lesbian. Dumb thought, I know. Being gay saved me, why couldn’t it also save her? And maybe we’d have more in common. In my fantasy Sonia sweeps in and whisks my mom away to some enchanted lesbian commune in Santa Fe, far away from the world and church that believes women should be submissive obedient helpmeets. Fantasy elides reality. But isn’t that why I’m an activist today? To create another world? Maybe. I’m far too impatient and hopelessly earnest. In her final chapter Sonia writes: For the sake of the preservation of the human race, women must establish equality on this planet. Surely we understand that to win human rights for women, upon whose oppression the entire economy of the world rests, will require far greater immoderation, far greater sacrifice than has ever been necessary before in human history. We also know that immoderation — radicalism, if you will — is in the mainstream of the most hallowed American tradition. Or as Dottie would say, “We all need ta stand up fer the marginalized and miniaturized people of the earth.” Their words vindicate my radical zeal. In my soul are a thousand revolutions. In my mind a million new worlds to be born. Perhaps that is the greatest gift given to me by my Mormon mothers: the belief that I really can create my own planet. A world free from patriarchy, sex abuse and inequality. I do believe that another world is possible. And I want to create it here. To Sonia Johnson and Dottie Dixon: Thank you for inspiring me with fire and passion. To my mom, Frances Jeanette McGary Williams, thank you for creating my life with your blood and sacrifice. I will always love you. Happy Mother’s Day. Q

Troy Williams blogs at queergnosis.com.Troy Williams blogs at queergnosis.com

M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 19

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‘T

by Ben Williams

HUS THE FUNDAMENTAL BULWARK OR

central focus of sexual and gay oppression is the monogamous, heterosexual family.” — Class Society and Gay Oppression, Stuart Russell 1977. Well comrades, how did you spend your May Day? Were you marching for the rights of the proletariats or dancing around the May Pole? Before your read on I should make a disclaimer that I am not a communist nor have I ever been a member of the Communist Party. However, my great grandparents were socialists — well, actually members of the Farm Grange Movement. In the mid 19th century while Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels were putting their communist stamp on socialism, an important labor organizer named Jean Baptista von Schweitzer was charged with attempting to solicit a teenage boy in 1862. Social Democrat leader Ferdinand Lassalle defended Schweitzer on the grounds that while he personally found homosexuality to be dirty, the labor movement needed the leadership of Schweitzer too much to abandon him, and that a person’s sexual tastes had “absolutely nothing to do with a man’s political character.” Schweitzer would go on to become president of the German Labor Union, and the first Social Democrat elected to a parliament in Europe. Oscar Wilde’s 1891 essay The Soul of Man Under Socialism advocated for an egalitarian society where “Pleasure is Nature’s test, her sign of approval. When man is happy, he is in harmony with himself and his environment.” He later remarked, “I think I am rather more than a Socialist. I am something of an Anarchist, I believe.” He was referring to the late 19th century anarchist movement which, among other things, opposed regulation of sexuality by governments. The most famous 19th century defender of gay rights was anarchist Emma Goldman, an early proponent of women’s rights, social justice and free love. She remarked in her autobiography that “the men and women who used to come to see me after my lectures on homosexuality, and who confided to me their anguish and their isolation, were often of finer grain than those who had cast them out.” Once she was asked how did she “dare come out in public for Oscar Wilde in puritan America?” She replied, “No daring is required to protest against a great injustice.” Goldman was the first and only woman, “indeed the first and only American, to take up the defense of homosexual love before the general public.” Oscar Wilde’s left libertarian politics were shared by other late 19th century figures who actively campaigned for homosexual emancipation, including Edward Carpenter and Magnus Hirschfeld. Hirschfeld, also a socialist and supporter of the Women’s Movement, formed the Scientific-Humanitarian Committee that campaigned against the German law known as “Paragraph 175, “which outlawed male-male sex. In 1898, Hirschfeld’s organiza-

tion went to the Social Democratic Party of Germany to get a bill in the Reichstag, repealing Paragraph 175. The bill was opposed by the rest of the parliament and failed to pass. The socialist movement in America was centered in New York’s Greenwich Village. “Bohemians,” feminists and socialists campaigned against World War I and for other anarchist and socialist causes. Openly bisexual radical Edna St. Vincent Millay and the lesbian anarchist Margaret Anderson were prominent among them. The Villagers took much of their inspiration from Edward Carpenters’ “New Life Socialism.” Carpenter was involved in the rise of mass industrial trade unions, working class political representation and the struggle for women’s equality. He also pioneered gay rights, utopian communes and the early environmental movement. In 1920 the American Civil Liberties Union was created by socialists opposed to conscription during World War I and the deportation of socialist aliens. Emma Goldman was among those stripped of their citizenship and deported to Russia. Roger Baldwin along with Crystal Eastman founded the ALCU, whose stated mission is “to defend and preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to every person in this country by the Constitution and laws of the United States.” Baldwin had been greatly influenced by the radical social movement of Goldman. Crystal Eastman later joined Alice Paul, Lucy Burns and others in founding the militant Congressional Union, which later became the National Woman’s Party. After women won the vote, Eastman and three others wrote the Equal Rights Amendment introduced in 1923. One of the few socialists to endorse the ERA, Eastman claimed that one could assess the importance of the ERA by the intensity of the opposition to it. Harry Hay, the father of the modern gay rights movement in the United States, was a card-carrying communist. Originally a trade union activist, in 1934 he organized an important 83-day-long workers’ strike of the port of San Francisco with his lover, actor Will Geer (Grandpa on the TV show The Waltons). Hay was an active member of the Communist Party. Hay and his group, the Mattachine Society, were among the first to argue that gay people were not just individuals but in fact represented a “cultural minority.” Hay’s concept of the cultural minority came directly from his Marxist studies, and the rhetoric that he and his colleague Charles Rowland employed often reflected the militant communist tradition. I know, I know. It’s shocking, and many would rather not think about the fact that the modern gay liberation movement in America was started by some California communists, but it was. During the emergence of the New Left social movements of the 1960s and 1970s, a number of events such as the anti-Vietnam War

20 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

movement, the Civil Rights struggle and the Stonewall riots of 1969, caused militant gay liberation organizations to sprout. The British and American Gay Liberation Front, the Italian Fuori!, the French Front Homosexuel d’Action, the German Rotzschwule and the Dutch Red Faggots as well as a number of gay collectives and communes were all based on socialist and anarchist principles. As the gay liberation movement began to gain ground, Socialist organizations’ policies evolved. The Socialist Workers Party originally stated that gay oppression had less “social weight” than black and women’s struggles. Eventually, the Socialist Party USA became the first American political party to nominate an openly gay man for president, running David McReynolds in 1980. In Utah, after the murder of activist and socialist Tony Adams in 1978, national representatives of the SWP called for his death to be investigated as an assassination. Utah has never been fertile soil for socialism even though early Mormon pioneers toyed with a non-Marxist form of communism. In 1913 a young Canadian named Alfred Matthew Cokell came to Utah trying to find work. He was arrested and was charged with “the Infamous Crime Against Nature.” Cokell said the employment office shipped him to Tucker, Utah but “when I got off train, two men came up and asked me where I was going. I told them. They told me that there was trouble there. But if I would pay $1.00 that they would give me a card, and that I could go to work. … I paid them. That card has been hard luck to me ever since.” “On the 15th [September] I met two men in Salt Lake. They were going to show me the city. We took a few drinks. But after 10 or 11 o’clock a.m. I mind no more till I woke up about 6 p.m. I asked Jailer what time I was brought there. He told me about 4 p.m. What for? Drunk. Is my money in office? You’ll have to wait till morning he said. In morning I was told that I had only $13.90 in office. I told them I should have about $80.00. But they accused me of being an I.W.W. [The Industrial Workers of the World was founded in 1905 at a convention of two hundred socialists and anarchists.] I tried to explain to them how I had just quit work, and the card they had found was the card I had paid $1.00 for in order to go to work. “At my first preliminary hearing the witness told how while under the influence of liquor I had been enticed to room by Ross one of the men I had met. Also how they heard Ross persuade me to commit the crime. But after preliminary hearing I was led to believe that if I took a plea of Guilty that I would not get more than 10 months. But if I made the state spend money and should be found guilty I might get 5 or 10 years. I took their advice. But was given four years. Ross was ordered out of town. I did not know that I could change plea. Nor did I not know nature of crime until after I was in prison.” Cockell was sent to the state prison in Sugar House for four years of hard labor for the act of sodomy. The following year in 1914, Utah executed Joe Hill by firing squad there. Hill, who had helped organize the Industrial Workers of the World, and penned radical songs to aid the labor movement, was convicted on a charge of robbery and murder. His death made Utah anathema to the international socialist movement. “I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night alive as you or me.” Q

snaps n slaps SNAP: Claudia Wright Whether or not you’re a supporter of Congressman Jim Matheson, it takes real courage, intelligence and dedication — and, some would say, optimism — to challenge a Democratic incumbent, particularly with so many Tea Partiers chomping at the bit and promising the biggest U.S. revolution since a bunch of patriots steeped Boston Harbor in Earl Grey. But school teacher Claudia Wright has all of these qualities and, as a civics teacher, the real working knowledge of the U.S. government that so many, including our representatives, seem to lack. Whether she outs Matheson in June or becomes a note in the history of Utah’s grassroots politics, we give her intelligent responses, honesty and commitment all the snaps that our fingers can give.

SLAP: University of Utah How stupid is this? On the last day of spring semester, senior student columnists at the U of U’s newspaper, The Daily Utah Chronicle, engaged in a time-honored prank of hiding scatological and rude words in their last paper before graduation. Past choices have included such shockers as “balls,” “cum,” “boner” and the crowning insult in 2000: “HateU.” This year’s selection? The word “cunt” and the much tamer “penis.” (Hmm. There appears to be a trend.) An immature prank to be sure, but not one that should have resulted in a hold on anyone’s graduation. Yet that’s exactly what the U did, saying that the columnists had violated university rules which forbid “intentional disruption or obstruction of teaching, research, administration, disciplinary proceedings or university activities.” Granted, U officials have said that the hold is temporary while they “investigate” the issue (huh?). But this is still press censorship and, we think, borderline harassment. As fellow journalists, we have only one thing to say about this: U officials, get some testicular fortitude, take the sticks out of your asses and release the Nads 9 from graduation limbo before you make yourselves look like even bigger boners. That’s what we have BYU for, after all.

lipstick lesbian

Car Hell by H. Rachelle Graham

I WORKED IN AN OFFICE ON THE other side of the valley, I had a near-death experience on my way home from work. I thought that day would be like any other day spent in office hell. But who could be that lucky? I woke up 20 minutes before I had to be at work. That would have been OK, except work was located as far east as the freeway goes while I lived as far west. After a five-second shower, I collected my Book of Mormon and my brown paper sack containing a Hostess ding dong, Doritos and a ham sandwich. I grabbed a twinkie for breakfast. (Oh, the good ol’ days when pastries, chips and nachos were my essential food groups and I still stayed 110 pounds.) With half the twinkie hanging out of my mouth, I started to put my sandals on. “You don’t have to go in today,” my mom said. As a school teacher she was on break for the summer. “Huh?” I dropped a sandal and lost my balance at the same time. I finished the shoe job. “I just hate you traveling so far to work.” “Huh?” I asked again. Mornings were not my academic high point. She raised one eyebrow. “It’d be OK if you didn’t show up today. I hate you driving when you’re in a hurry.” When was I not in a hurry? “I’ll be OK.” Sure, I’ve had more accidents in my short driving record than the rest of my family combined, but this was the first time she’d said anything in the three weeks I’ve been going to work. I ran out the door before she could say anything else. I needed the money for another Jack Weyland book and Hansen concert tickets. A dented peach Toyota Tercel waited on the curb for me. I turned the ignition and started driving, forgetting to close the door. My purse fell out on the driveway. I put the car in park and picked it up. This time I closed the door before driving. Heading east, I put down the visor to get the blinding rays out of my eyes. A picture of a smiling Charisma Carpenter in a cheerleading uniform from Buffy the Vampire Slayer stared back at me. (It’s quite a shocker that the lesbian epiphany didn’t reach me until two years later.) I made it all the way across the valley in less than 10 minutes, going 80 in a car that only went to 85. After four hours of monotonous filing and as long a lunch as possible, I headed back to my car. Moving between the cars at the same speed to get back, I figured if I was going with the other cars, I wasn’t breaking the law. My Tercel and a fancy sports car maintained the same speed as I sung along to a Spice Girls song. Suddenly, the engine made a grumbling noise that frightened me. I pushed on my break but it was too late. The car moved without me, spinning like a tea cup at Disneyworld. My front bumper barely missed the red Mustang as it swerved around me. Before I could blink, a giant semi-truck headed straight toward me. The driver wasn’t stopping. I closed my eyes because there wasn’t anything else I could do. My brakes and steering wheel were not working. Half the car fell off and abruptly stopped on the gravel. I reached behind me and kissed my Book of Mormon. This symbol of faith, I thought, must have been why I was saved today. Three cars pulled over in sync. I climbed out of my car and sat on the gravel, trying not to hyperventilate. One woman in a station wagon came out and approached me carefully. “Are you alive?” No, I’m dead, I thought. Wait, maybe I was. “I think so,” I said taking a few steps toward her. EVERAL YEARS AGO WHEN

She looked at me as if I just walked on water, not gravel. “You can walk?” She cushioned my back with her arms. A bearded man stepped out of his pick up truck and came our way. “I’ve never seen this before and I’m a mechanic.” “It’s not possible,” the 50-something-year-old in a blue Pontiac agreed. “I think I saw a cop a while back. Hopefully, he’ll stop.” “Oh, he’ll stop all right,” the bearded guy finally picked his jaw up off the floor and then continued. “Hell, if this axel thing hadn’t completely fallen off, you’d be dead right now.” A vision of being trapped underneath a coffin with my worst enemies throwing dirt and black roses on top of me flew through my brain. I wasn’t ready to die. I hadn’t even had sex yet. Not that I ever thought about it or anything. It was wrong to think about things like that.

The cop car did, indeed, stop. Since it was the days before cell phones, he called in a tow truck on his radio. “Are you invincible?” “Huh?” “Don’t worry about it. The ambulance is coming.” But I didn’t need an ambulance. As I watched the tow driver scrape my car off the gravel, I realized I had forgotten to retrieve my scriptures. Either the guardian angels watched out for me that day or my car was a preview for the 2010 Toyota recall. I’ll never know. I could say I learned a valuable lesson from my neardeath experience, but then I’d just be making shit up. In fact, it wasn’t even the last time I drove 80 on a freeway. But, it was the last time I had to work all summer. No more office hell. I was lucky!

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views cr p of the w k Peter LaBarbera By D’Anne Witkowski

‘A

(OR

WERE ) YOU A PRACTICING

HOMOSEXUAL?”

That’s the question on the tip of Peter LaBarbera’s salivating tongue and he’s posing it to Elena Kagan, whose name has been mentioned as a possible Obama Supreme Court nominee, David Dreier and Patrick McHenry, both Republican Representatives, and Florida Gov. Charlie Crist. “We appeal to Kagan, McHenry, Dreier, Crist, and all potential ‘hiding-in-the-closet’ politicians or appointees to answer the question: ‘Are (or were) you a practicing homosexual or do you consider yourself homosexual (gay)?’” LaBarbera, founder of Republicans For Family Values, said. LaBarbera wants to know if these folks are on the down-low because “each (has been) the subject of wide speculation that they practice(d) homosexuality.” The big question I have is what does it mean to “practice” homosexuality? You can practice the piano. You can be a practicing Catholic. You can practice your jump shot. But homosexuality isn’t like a musical instrument, a religion, or a sport

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(no, not even figure skating or softball). And what does LaBarbera mean by “were”? What past deeds, exactly, does he want Kagan, Dreier, McHenry, and Crist to confess to? Does he want to know about that one time at Girl Scout camp? Or the time a certain seventh grader got a boner in the boys’ locker room? Is he looking for juicy slumber party details? And how is LaBarbera’s question to be answered? Via text? Slam poetry? Through a bullhorn out the back of a police wagon? Or maybe before the House Committee on Un-Heterosexual Activities? Is homosexuality America’s new communism? Hardly. Not for most folks, anyway. But LaBarbera is certainly trying to make it

so. Whether or not the politicians LaBarbera’s named are gay, he’s sure as hell going to do his best to cement the idea in as many minds as possible hoping the specter or homosexuality will be enough to bring these politicians to ruin. Not only does LaBarbera think gay people are bad and icky, he also thinks they can’t be trusted. “Homosexuals’ privacy interests simply do not outweigh the public’s right to know about potential conflicts of interest in the lives of their representatives and judges,” LaBarbera said. After all, gays always stand by each other, which is why the gay community and gay rights movement, unlike any other community or movement, is completely free

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of political infighting, personality clashes, petty bickering and differences of opinion. LaBarbera does make a good point, though. If you’re active in political life and in the closet you aren’t doing yourself any favors. If you come out, assholes like LaBarbera can’t use your closet door against you. And you have the opportunity to come out with dignity instead of, say, by sending graphic instant messages to young teens, or tap dancing in an airport terminal toilet. “In an era of ubiquitous pro-gay messages and pop culture celebration of homosexuality, it’s ridiculous that constituents should be left guessing as to whether a judicial nominee or politician has a special, personal interest in homosexuality,” LaBarbera said. Ah yes, “a special, personal interest in homosexuality.” Well, Mr. LaBarbera, {ITAL someone} certainly does.

D’Anne Witkowski has been gay for pay since 2003. She’s a freelance writer and poet (believe it!). When she’s not taking on the creeps of the world she reviews rock and roll shows in Detroit with her twin sister.

Utah Male Naturists A social group for gay, bisexual and gay-friendly straight men that holds a variety of nonsexual naked social and recreational events, including pool/hottub parties, cocktail parties, potlucks, movie nights, overnight campouts and cabin retreats throughout the year. Most events are held at private homes and typically range in size from 10 to 40 members. Guests of members are welcome at most events.

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summer markets

Power to the People’s Market

2005, THE P EOPLE ’ S M ARKET has offered a diverse, welcoming venue for artisans, craftspeople, restauranteurs and farmers from professionals to neighborhood herb-growers. And it all started with a community yard sale. “The idea was to get people from the neighborhood together to build community and make a little money and clean out the clutter,” said Kyle LaMalfa, president of the People’s Market’s Board of Directors. “When it was over, we looked at each other and said, ‘That was great, but we should make it bigger and better, and grow it somehow.’” The market has truly taken root in the Rose Park and Glendale neighborhoods, and each year it has flowered more spectacularly. Today, it boasts not only the yard sale which made such a splash in 2004 (and which now opens the market), but also a local authors’ day, a number of garden swaps and a roster of musicians. It even has its own catchy theme song. “It’s been like triple-digit growth since we started,” said LaMalfa. “The first year there was one vendor who basically had about a card table worth of herbs, and by the end of [2006’s market] there was about an average of five vendors a week, and then 15 a week the next year. The next year’s average was 40 a week, and last year we grew by 50 percent — about 62 vendors a week last year on average.” Some of these vendors come only once and some stay for the entire season — from June through October. Most are from Utah, with a majority hailing from the Salt Lake Valley’s west side and a handful from the area bounded by Logan, Tooele, Park City and Utah County. However, a few have come from as far away as Montana and The South. “We had a lapidary guy [an artist who works with stone] come from Louisiana for four weeks,” said LaMalfa. “That was pretty cool.” “It’s a really dynamic and involving place,” he continued. “Some of the vendors are just getting off the ground. Also personality-wise, the folks at the People’s Market are a little more eccentric and love to talk to people, and not just about their products. They’ve not yet learned the hard sell.” It is also a diverse crowd. True to its name, said LaMalfa, the People’s Market is a welcoming place to vendors and customers of all races, ethnicities, ages, sexual orientations and gender identities, and many of them are members of Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer community. “It’s not a topic of conversation, but when someone brings a partner to a booth and are not shy about it, it’s pretty obvious,” he said. “People of diverse communities are comfortable to be themselves here.” The idea of welcoming and helping diverse communities also played a large role in the creation of this market. Like the pivotal yard sale, for example, the People’s Market grew out of an impulse to help the west side residents (many of whom come from low income households) earn some extra money. INCE

But the idea goes further than making money and buying and selling and into helping the community at large, said LaMalfa. Since 2007, the People’s Market has allowed Utahns to use their Horizon Cards — food stamps which work like a debit card — to purchase fresh produce. Users swipe their card upon entering the market and receive tokens, which vendors accept as cash. At the end of the day, vendors are able to redeem the tokens for money. Thanks to a signature event grant from Salt Lake City, the market is also able to give Horizon Card users some extra help in these cash-strapped times. “This year when you come and swipe your card, you’d normally get one token, but we’re going to give you two,” he said. “We will match food stamp benefits dollarfor-dollar until the money runs out.” This year’s market will also launch several events to help local growers. In January, farmers and gardeners met to exchange seeds in preparation for the planting season. On May 15, growers are invited to share and swap the results in the People’s Market’s first annual Seedling Swap & Sale. From 10 a.m. to 1 p.m.,

growers are invited to trade and sell their growing plants in front of Jordan Park’s greenhouses, 1000 S. 900 West. “You can open your trunk, put them [the plants] on your hood or in your truck beds,” said LaMalfa. “We’re hoping that you can meet some people with similar interests and that you can sell your more valuable seedlings for money.” In autumn, growers will share the (literal) fruits of their labor in the market’s Crop Swap, the end result of its drive to encourage Utahns to eat local. “Now we just need a compost swap,” LaMalfa laughed. In recent years, Rose Park and Glendale have been known as dangerous and crime-ridden neighborhoods. Although LaMalfa does not know whether that reputation is chang-

ing, he added, that he hoped the market was making a contribution to the area similar to the one Salt Lake City’s Farmer’s Market has for Pioneer Park. “That’s definitely happened with the Downtown Farmer’s Market. Pioneer Park used to be a very sketchy place,” he said. “Part of the hope for People’s Market is the perception of that neighborhood as being unsafe has diminished.” Q

For more information about the People’s Market and to see a vendor application visit slcpeoplesmarket.org.

Sugar House to Open Sweet New Summer Market

ENERALLY CONSIDERED ONE OF THE

most active neighborhood pockets in Salt Lake City, Sugar House boasts an active outreach campaign by Westminster College’s staff and faculty, a diverse Sugar House Merchant’s Association and Community Council, and a separate group of merchants and community leaders that all desire to promote Sugar House as a great place to live. And this summer, a conglomerate of these various economically concerned citizens will present Sugar House Farmers Market at Monument Plaza, 1100 East 2100 S., each Friday, 3 p.m. through dusk, July 9–Oct. 15. “The Farmers Market idea has been tossed around for several years — there was even a small one before,” said Lydia Martinez, chairwoman of the Sugar House Farmers Market Board. “The idea this time was a result of the Sugar House Summit hosted by Westminster last fall. We started as a group of five and have grown to a committee of around 35–40 and a board of nine.” Martinez is employed by Whole Foods Market and has a background in event planning and management. She volunteered to head up the committee and board in putting this summer’s market together. The rest of the board members and committee are all volunteers and concerned citizens. The Sugar House Farmers Market is independent of the Sugar House Merchants Association, but the committee and board have partnered with the association this year on a number of tasks: promoting the market, gathering information about the area and working with the various city departments to establish the market. They’re

26 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

also working together to get input from the diverse group that has participated in making the Sugar House community and district what it is today. “The Sugar House Farmers Market is an independent business entity, and registered with the state as a Utah charitable organization with long-term plans to apply for federal non-profit status,” said Martinez. “Some local businesses that have been involved directly are Whole Foods Market, Fairmont Aquatic, Traces, and the Utah Fruit & Vegetable Association. We’ve received a lot of friendly advice from the Downtown Farmers Market, the People’s Market and others.” The groups’ outreach letter reads: “The mission of the Sugar House Farmers Market is to create a family-friendly neighborhood farmers & craftsperson’s market, to provide fresh produce, delicious food and unique Utah products with a local Sugar House flair. The organizers hope to bring the Sugar House community together through food and fun, and to provide a new opportunity in Salt Lake City for local growers and food and craft artisans to sell directly to the public.” Martinez says there will only be about 25 booths this year as space is very limited. Though no parking space is designated, parking can usually be found in the area around local business plazas — which are usually open after employees go home for the day early in the evening. “There is a cost for vendor participation, however, it is very moderate and in-line with the other farmers markets in Utah,” added Martinez. “The city, county, Board of Health, and Department of Agriculture are all involved in the permitting for the market.”

Sponsors and volunteers are also needed to pull off the weekly market and a website is currently being put together. Sponsors who do not sign up immediately will be considered throughout the run of the market and next year if the market is successful. “We are still looking for sponsors for this summer’s market and will work with anyone interested in showing their public support of the market. We are also open to in-kind donations,” said Martinez. The market hopes to attract urban farmers, small entrepreneurs who specialize in homemade crafts, and food businesses. The goal is to have at least 50 percent of vendors to be growers, a category which includes farmers, beekeepers, ranchers and plant sellers. The Sugar House Farmers Market will also feature a booth for children with activities, and live music. Local non-profit organizations will also be allowed to present their causes and fundraisers and educate the public. Vendor applications have been turned in and the market will present a schedule in the next couple of weeks. As the community is generally all-inclusive with many gay and lesbian business owners in the area, expect a diverse and accepting attitude at the bend in the road next to the fenced, open field that has recently been planted and landscaped.

For more information about Sugar House Farmers Market, visit sugarhousefarmersmarket.com. Though under construction, it is scheduled to be completed in a few weeks. If interested in being a sponsor, performing at the market, or presenting a non-profit group, contact the market at sugarhousefarmersmarket@gmail.com.

gay summer

OW IN ITS FOURTH SEASON, PARK SILLY

Sunday Market begins June 14 and continues through Sept. 27, except during the Park City Arts Festival weekend of Aug. 6. Billed as an eco-friendly, open air market and street festival, the idea of Park Silly is to have fun and enjoy the community in Park City, while sustaining an environmentally-aware festival gathering in a dense population center. Featuring arts and crafts, musicians, performance artists, chefs and local fresh vegetables, fruits and other foods from local farms — and silly-themed weekends — the market has something for everyone including activities for children. It is also wheelchair accessible and allows dogs on leashes. The market is located on lower Main Street behind the Kimball Art Center. Parking is available on upper Main Street, along Park Avenue and in public parking areas. Free buses will run and can carry bikes. Taxi vans are available to pick up bikes and any heavier loads purchased at the market, if a ride in a vehicle is needed. The Park Silly Sunday Market is a nonprofit organization that was originally funded in 2007 by Park City Municipal with an Economic Development Grant. Attendance in the first year was estimated at

30,000 throughout the summer Sundays. Intended and originally proposed as a green event by directors Kimberly Kuehn and Jewels Harrison at Utah’s Non-profit Association Annual Conference, Park Silly Sunday Market’s main goal is to be a ‘zero waste’ project. The first year the market recycled 70 percent of all waste and was voted Best Recycler by Recycle Utah. With increased attendance in the past three years, the organization is proud to have decreased actual landfill; it only sent two bags of non-recyclable garbage to the landfill last year while entertaining 90,000 visitors. Because of the increase in attendance is evident, Park City Municipal rewarded the event with a $30,000 Economic Impact Study for consideration of extending the market’s contract. Other eco-friendly actions by the market include a Solar Saucer which collects solar power and then converts the energy into electricity for bands that perform at the market. It has also received a grant from Rocky Mountain Power that provides wind power for electrical purposes, and offers free booth space to local or national environmental sustainability groups so that they may educate and inspire the community each week. Park Silly also offers other non-profit groups free booth space each Sunday to

28 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

promote their mission, fundraisers and initiatives. New this year is the featured Chef Program. Each Sunday a local chef will present samples of his or her work and recipes, offer menus and coupons for the restaurants they represent, and have an opportunity to give cooking demonstrations on the main stage which will be broadcast on the market’s PA system. The program begins at 11:15 a.m. and lasts until noon.

at i o Registr

Sponsors this year will also get to present a specific theme for the Sundays event. They are encouraged to present their themes as a fun, all-inclusive Park Silly activity. QSaltLake is coming on board as a sponsor this summer and is planning to feature a Park Silly Gay Parade and host a hottest singles contest. In the Chef Program, QSaltLake’s restaurant reviewer, Drew Ellsworth, will present some tasty Bunsen burner appetizers. Q’s Park Silly debut is planned for Aug. 15 and more details about the Park Silly Gay Parade and activities will be announced soon. As the weather in Park City is usually about five to ten degrees cooler than it is in Salt Lake City, spending a Sunday afternoon at Park Silly Sunday Market can be a refreshing getaway from the heat and hustle of the capital during the summer months. The community at large is also known to be more accepting of alternative lifestyles and more liberal ideals than most places in Utah. Outdoor enthusiasts can enjoy hiking, cycling, mountain bike trail riding and rock climbing, and then visit Park Silly for a bite to eat, great music, and visit Park City’s retailers, artisans, local farmers and restaurants. Park Silly Sunday Market will be held from 10 a.m.–5 p.m. starting June 14 and is still accepting sponsorship applications. For more information, visit parksillysundaymarket.com, or call 435-655-0994.

n Dead

Getting Silly at Park Silly Market

l in e

010 2 y a M 31

Plenty to see at the Cologne Gay Games

Gay Games viii Cologne 2010 The big sports and cultural event in Cologne, Germany 31 July – 7 August 2010 To register now visit www.games-cologne.com

Be part of it! National Partner

Hardwood Heads to Cologne by Brad di Iorio Team Hardwood, Salt Lake City’s gay men’s basketball team, will represent Utah at Gay Games VIII in Cologne, Germany, July 31–Aug. 7. Players representing the team at the games are Clark Cutler, Stewart Ralphs, Greg Perkins, Jeffrey Sanchez, Ralph Ingersoll and Tracy Taggart. Although the economic downturn has made it hard for local athletes to commit to paying the registration fees, booking the travel to Cologne and paying for lodging during the games, the experience is one that is memorable — especially if the team brings home a medal. “We are still looking for players to represent Team Hardwood in the 35+ division. We picked up two players for the ’06 Games from Canada and Wisconsin and managed OK,” said Ralphs. “Accordingly, we have picked up Sam Foster, from Long Beach, California, who played with us in Chicago at the Coady Classic.” The team also is working with the National Gay Basketball Association to find other available players that might want to attend the games but are not part of a team. “Playing in Germany and being part of an international gay event is exciting. I’ve never been to the Gay Games before,” said Cutler, who has been a member of Team Hardwood for three years, and also plays flag football each summer. He is also a Utah-based management consultant and community advocate, and has recently helped form Team Utah, a local gay and lesbian non-profit sports group that is presenting fundraisers through the summer to raise additional funding to get Utah athletes to Cologne. At the last Gay Games held in Chicago, Team Hardwood won the bronze medal in tournament play. The team would like to bring a medal home from Cologne, hopefully a gold this time. “It was such an amazing experience and we played teams from everywhere. We played two games a day and after four days, they seated us in the medal round and we took the bronze,” said Sanchez, who along with Perkins and Ralphs, represented Team Hardwood at Gay Games VII. “For the closing ceremonies it was cool to see 12,000 athletes and then see a very small amount with our jewelry.” Team Hardwood members are no stranger to traveling for tournament play. The team travels to other U.S. cities throughout the year to play in gay basketball tournaments. All six athletes heading to Cologne are familiar with traveling to another city, having practice in a limited time, then playing all day if the team makes it through the brackets — and celebrating afterward at a local bar with the other tournament teams. ‘The thing I like the most about our team is the camaraderie and the bond of shared competition ... the chance to play a perceived ‘straight’ sport and excel at it as a team,” said Perkins, who is a family and cosmetic dentist in the Fort Union area and has a husband and three children. “We are so excited for this Gay Games, but my family can’t go and this leads to a lot of bargaining and honey-do lists before I go.” Team Hardwood just got back from the XX Coady Classic, a popular gay basketball

tournament that the team makes a point of attending every April. The team took second place in the C Division. Ingersoll is no stranger to participating at the Gay Games. He played volleyball for a team from Chicago at the New York Gay Games IV in 1994 and went to Amsterdam for Gay Games V in 1998. He skipped the Sydney Games VI, but played football at the Chicago Gay Games VII. “I think I like the opening ceremonies and it is overwhelming to have all those people there,” he said. “It is fun meeting people from all over the world.” Taggart tore ligaments playing flag football last year and has been slowly repairing his right knee and practicing basketball and football this spring. “My lateral movement is getting better and my knee is feeling stronger,” he said. While the team doesn’t have an official coach, all of the team pointed out Ralphs as the coach at a recent practice, as well as one of better players on the team. “I’m the den mother. They fired me as coach because I’m such a rag,” said Ralphs. “I’m the nice guy they know in public who turns into the Wicked Witch of the West.” Practice is low key with players forming teams and playing against each other, regardless of their skill levels. Twelve basketball players showed up at practice this past Saturday. “I began playing pick-up basketball with the team in the fall of 2005. Our first ‘outing’ was the Chicago Games in ’06,” said Ralphs, who grew up in Ferron, Utah and is executive director of the Legal Aid Society of Salt Lake, a non-profit that provides free representation to victims of domestic violence and low-cost representation to individuals in family law cases in Salt Lake County. “We hosted the Fall NGBA tournament in October 2006 and have attended several tournaments in other cities including L.A., San Diego, Memphis [and three times in] Chicago.” Ralphs’ goal is to organize a Salt Lake gay and lesbian league to play throughout both summer and winter months. “The thing I like most about playing with Team Hardwood is the fun we have together and the friendships I have made,” said Ralphs. “Although I have a tendency to be intense about basketball, we have a lot of fun and it is for players of all levels of ability.” Team Hardwood will stay in a hostel in Cologne with other Utah athletes, who will mostly be members of the Queer Utah Aquatic Club team. “The Gay Games provides an incredible forum for gay individuals to associate with athletes from all over the world in a competitive, yet supportive atmosphere,” said Ralphs. “I look forward to experiencing all that on an even more international stage in Cologne and we will have the opportunity to play again more teams from outside the United States. I also look forward to celebrate with over 15,000 athletes from around the world in one of the most beautiful cities in Europe — there will a lot to see and do.”

Gay Games VIII will be July 31–Aug. 7. Team Hardwood practices every Saturday, 10 a.m. at the First Baptist Church, 777 South 1300 East). Info on Team Hardwood can be found by emailing sralphs@lasslc.org.

GRASSROOTS BROADCASTING LIVES ONLINE

INVITES YOU AND A GUEST TO A SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING

ON TUESDAY, MAY 25 AT 7:00 PM PLEASE VISIT WWW.GOFOBO.COM/RSVP AND ENTER THE CODE QSALT2L4Z TO DOWNLOAD YOUR COMPLIMENTARY PASS! MAKE SURE TO PRINT OUT YOUR PASS AND PRESENT THEM AT THE SCREENING. ONE PASS PER PERSON, WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. MUST BE 17 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER TO DOWNLOAD A PASS AND ATTEND SCREENING. THIS FILM HAS BEEN RATED R (RESTRICTED) FOR SOME STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT AND LANGUAGE. UNDER 17 REQUIRES ACCOMPANYING PARENT OR ADULT GUARDIAN. Please Note: Passes are limited and will be distributed on a first come, first served basis while supplies last. No phone calls, please. Limit one pass per person. Each pass admits one. Seating is not guaranteed. Arrive early. Theater is not responsible for overbooking. This screening will be monitored for unauthorized recording. By attending, you agree not to bring any audio or video recording device into the THEATER (audio recording devices for credentialed press excepted) and consent to a physical search of your belongings and person. Any attempted use of recording devices will result in immediate removal from the theater, forfeiture, and may subject you to criminal and civil liability. Please allow additional time for heightened security. You can assist us by leaving all nonessential bags at home or in your vehicle.

IN THEATERS THURSDAY, MAY 27TH WWW.SEXANDTHECITYMOVIE.COM

M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 29

arts & entertainment gay agenda

ALEGRÍA See May 19

Sounds Like by Tony Hobday

This year’s Fabby Awards show had a good turnout, scrumptous food from six restaurants and many, many bottles of wine. Everyone seemed to handle all that wine in stride except for Shane Dexter, a Fabby recipient for Best Bartender. During a lovely conversation between Shane, Kenneth and I about Hope Woodside, things turned ugly when Shane fumbled his glass of red wine, spilling on my $500 sports jacket (I may have put too many zeroes). Luckily Hope Woodside was nearby and tackled Shane to the floor, wrenching his arms behind his back. It was so amazing to watch that Kenneth even fainted. I can’t wait for next year’s show!

THURSDAY — Presented by Pygmalion Theatre Company and directed by the prestigious Fran Pruyn, the play SORDID LIVES is a tragically hilarious story of love, loss, cross-dressing and white-trash etiquette ... sounds like pig-slop fun! Full of colorful characters, this show is sure to please (I saw Pyg’s 2008 production, it was superb!). The only thing better would be if Olivia Newton-John (or Sue Sylvester) and Delta Burke were reprising their roles in this production. 7:30pm, through May 29, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 355-ARTS or arttix.org. Q This 30-year-old gay musician based in Canada uses looped violin so “Lewis Takes His Shirt Off.” I wish I could do that! Anyhoo, OWEN PALLETT is a Baroque popster whose music is on a grand scale, unsual, unlike anything heard before. The songs are like theatrical scores that resonate your soul. 7pm, Kilby Court, 741 S. Kilby Court (330 West). Tickets $12, 801467-8499 or smithstix.com. Q The Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 2010 Fabby-award winner, inaugurates Salt, a series of semiannual exhibitions showcasing innovative contemporary world art. Salt aims to reflect the international impact of contemporary art today. The first exhibition, SALT 1: ADRIANA LARA, features the work of the Mexico City-based artist who works in a range of formats and mediums, creating playful, concept-driven installations. Lara’s art explores the relationship between art-making and more commonplace forms of production, questioning the boundaries that separate “high art” from everyday objects. Gallery hours, through Sept. 26, Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Dr., UofU. Free, 801-581-7332 or umfa.utah.edu.

30 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

SATURDAY — Utah Opera presents SUOR ANGELICA AND GIANNI SCHICCHI, the second and third of Giacomo Puccini’s trio of one-act operas known as Il trittico. Suor takes you through a heart-wrenching tale of piety, passion and penance; Gianni is a satirical farce packed with comedic elements such as money-grubbing relatives, fake deaths and a frantic family ... sounds like my drama-queen life. 7:30pm, through May 21, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $15–72, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org. Q In celebration of 40 fabulous years, the Salt Lake Acting Company is throwing a party ... those little rascals! The 40-YEAR FUNDRAISER will include entertainment by the current cast of Saturday’s Voyeur, music by The Disgusting Brothers, and dancing. Partygoers are encouraged to dress in their best costumes from the ’70s, ’80s, ’90s and today. Food and refreshing beverages will be served. 6pm, Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North. Tickets $100, 2-for-1 rate for age 30 and under, 801-363-7522 or saltlakeactingcompany.org.

WEDNESDAY — Alegría is a Spanish word that means happiness, joy and jubilation ... sounds like an allergy aid ... hmm! But Cirque du Soliel’s ALEGRÍA is more than “gay” in its theme and its exotic, colorful characters like the Old Birds and Clowns, it’s also intense and high-energy with trapeze, tumbling and trampoline acts, just to name a few. 7:30pm, through May 23, E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Drive. Tickets $31–93, 801-988-8888 or theecenter.com. Q Rue Morgue Burlesque, a gothic troupe performs a Hell-themed show called DEVIOUS DAMNSELS. The “damnsels” are: Morella, an uneasy spirit; Lilith, the first seductress; Meavie, a drunken pixie; Eris, the Goddess of Chaos; Domino, a weapons specialist; and Suspiria, a nun who turned to the dark side ... sounds like The Golden Girls. 9pm, Area 51, 451 S. 400 West. Cost $5 at the door, 801-5340819 or area51slc.com.

THURSDAY — Sugar Space presents a new series, IN & OUT, which engages a local and out-of-town artist as an important opportunity to expand our artistic community both inside and outside the city limits. Local choreographer Ashley Anderson will join forces with freelance dancer Regina Rocke from New York for an unbelievable evening of

performance art. Rocke has been described as “... like an art terrorist. Committing performance jihad against everything staid and complacent.” 8pm, through May 22, Sugar Space, 616 E. Wilmington Ave. Tickets $10/adv–$12/at the door, 1-888-300-7898 or thesugarspace.com.

FRIDAY — The 2010 Fabby award-winning dance company Ballet West brings cutting edge works in INNOVATIONS. See the world premiere piece by choreographer Helen Pickett that is “at once edgy and romantic,” and original works created by Ballet West artists: Michael Bearden, Aidan DeYoung and Megan Furse. 7:30pm, through May 29, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $45, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

MONDAY — Writer-director Bob Christie examines, backdropped with Vancouver’s Gay Pride Parade, the relevance of Pride celebrations internationally. In BEYOND GAY: THE POLITICS OF PRIDE, Christie travels to places where Pride is steeped in protest to experience the powerful oppression that still exists. Pride is more than a parade, it’s a giant step on the road to equality. 7pm, City Library, 210 E. 400 South. Free, saltlakefilmcenter.org.

TUESDAY — Utah Symphony presents an ALL-STAR EVENING with conductor David Cho and pianist Caitlin Carmack. The duo will take on Brahms’ Tragic Overture in D Minor, op. 8 and Hungarian Dance No. 7; Liszt’s Concerto No. 2 in A Major for Piano and Orchestra; and Strauss’ Tod und Verklärung, op. 24.

7pm, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $18, 801-355ARTS or arttix.org.

WEDNESDAY — What do you think of when you say, “Hey, it’s Humpday!”? Well, I think of CYNDI LAUPER ... at least I do today because her Peppermill Concert Hall tickets go on sale. Why she picked Wendover to do a concert, I’ll never understand but it sounds like Trump and his trashy, singed hair-piece have rubbed off on her. To purchase tickets go to wendoverfun.com.

UPCOMING EVENTS JUN 12

Lisa Lampanelli, Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover

JUN 12

Olivia Newton-John & Colbie Caillat, ESA

JUL 4

One Republic, Deer Valley Resort

JUL 16

Paula Poundstone, Rose Wagner

AUG 20

Cyndi Lauper, Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover

save the date

May 28–31 RCGSE Coronation XXXV rcgse.org June 4–6 Utah Pride utahpride.org

June 10–13 Damn These Heels FIlm Festival slcfilmcenter.org June 12 Salt Lake Men’s Choir “This Land is My Land,” saltlakemenschoir.org June 24–27 Utah Arts Festival uaf.org July 12 Lilith Fair usana-amp.com August 1 Mary Chapin Carpenter redbuttegarden.org

Damn These Heels Film Festival Announces Lineup Picking up a number of films screened earlier this year at the prestigous Sundance Film Festival, the Damn These Heels festival is now walking in Jimmy Choo’s. In its seventh year, the festival is featuring 16 feature-length films from around the world and a few shorts. From the beautifully filmed Howl to Casper Andreas’ newest film Violet Tendencies to the ghostly love story in Undertow, this should be a “Damn” good festival. The festival runs June 10– 13, tickets will be available beginning May 17 at www.damntheseheels.org and at the Tower Theatre, 876 E. 900 South. An examination of the relationship between the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the promotion and passage of California’s Proposition 8 denying marriage rights for gay and lesbian couples.

Born in ’68 (Nés en 68) / FRA A group of revolutionary students experiences rebellion, enlightenment and change while establishing a commune devoted to free love, anarchy, and nudism; then pay witness to their children’s similarly styled rebellion 20 years later.

September 28 Equality Utah Allies Dinner equalityutah.org October 9 National Coming Out Day Breakfast utahpridecenter.org

An experimental thriller about four aging lesbians who accidentally kill a younger one and try to get away with it.

Undertow (Contracorriente) / PER An unusual ghost story set on the Peruvian seaside; a married fisherman struggles to reconcile his devotion to his male lover within his town’s rigid traditions.

Violet Tendencies / USA A woman tries to distance herself from her gay friends in an effort to land a straight boyfriend.

We Have To Stop Now / USA Patrik 1.5 / SWE A gay couple has been cleared for adoption and have a possibility to adopt a young Swedish orphan named Patrik. But when Patrik arrives he turns out to be a 15-year-old homophobic with a criminal past.

A hilarious web-series featuring two lesbian therapists struggling to keep up the pretense of staying together when a documentary film crew invades their home.

William Burroughs: A Man Within / USA A tender portrait of the Beat author and American icon, whose works at once savaged conservative ideals, spawned vibrant countercultural movements and reconfigured 20th century culture.

Word Is Out / USA

Aaron is a father of four and kosher butcher who’s observant world is turned upside down with the arrival of a young Yeshiva student, Ezri.

A 1977 documentary featuring 26 gays and lesbians who reveal aspects of gay life that shatter widespread stereotypes.

The Four-Faced Liar / USA When a small town couple, Molly and Greg, meets best friends Trip and Bridget, unexpected sparks fly. As friendship slides into passion, Molly must choose between a guy she takes for granted, and the girl she can’t resist.

Plan B / ARG When Bruno is dumped by his girlfriend his mind plans a cold, sweet vengeance, but along the way something else happens.

Zombies of Mass Destruction / USA Life in a small, conservative town is complicated enough for a young Iranian-American woman and a not-completely-out gay couple, but now they must also deal with zombie hordes in this splatter-filled comedy.

August 8 Q Lagoon Day qsaltlake.com

September 18 sWerve’s Oktoberfest swerveutah.com

The Owls / USA

Eyes Wide Open (Einaym Phuhot) /ISR

August 7–8 Park City Arts Festival kimballartcenter.org

August 22 Utah Pride Center Golf Classic utahpridecenter.org

A documentary that follows the transvestite Claudia Wonder, and what happened in the city of Sao Paulo from the 1970s to the 2000s.

8: The Mormon Proposition / USA

August 6–7 Women’s Redrock Music Festival, Torrey redrockwomensfest.com

August 20 Cyndi Lauper, Wendover, Nev. wendoverfun.com

My Buddy Claudia (Meu Amigo Claudia) / BRA

Howl / USA A nonfiction drama about the young Allen Ginsberg finding his voice, the creation of his groundbreaking poem HOWL, and the landmark obscenity trial that followed.

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work / USA A rare, brutally honest glimpse into the comedic process and private dramas of legendary comedian and pop icon Joan Rivers as she fights tooth and nail to keep her American dream alive.

Watch for our 7th Annual

Pride Guide in 2 weeks!

M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 3 1

a&e hear me out By Chris Azzopardi

Hunter Valentine Lessons From the Late Night Hunter Valentine play tough, but underneath the rowdy rock spasms of the all-lesbian band’s music lies heartbreak and relationship woes. The Toronto threesome’s third album — the follow-up to their first full-length released in 2007 — is impressive, embracing the quality-over-quantity adage at just seven songs totaling a measly, but mighty, 23 minutes. Each one baits with irresistible hooks and Kiyomi McCloskey’s rousing temper tantrums, shredding the angsty lyrics like a lawn mower plowing through a field. If radio would embrace real lez love, and not just in the cheap doing-it-drunk way, Hunter Valentine could have a shot at seizing a wider audience of punk-rock peeps that dig hardcore queer bands like The Cliks. They thrash through the first five songs with aggressive control, singing of broken promises and trust on the defiant “Treadmills of Love” and the in-your-face “Revenge.” There’s a frenzied sprint to “Barbara Jean” and a sing-along refrain to the grunge-rock of “The Stalker,” but these girls clean up nicely, too: “A Youthful Existence” is a quieter tale of belonging, emoting with lines like, “There is some place left for you.” Hunter Valentine might not fit in, but they sure do stand out. Grade: B+

Toni Braxton, Pulse What a bitch it’s been for past-theirprime pop divas like Mariah, Whitney and Toni Braxton. To stay cool, they’ve had to take cues from the “kids,” indulge in Auto-Tune and hang with rappers. But if Whitney can take a crack at it (excuse the pun) and muster something that’s decent enough to endure, Braxton can pull it off with flying rainbow colors even if she’s swinging outside her R&B roots. She can still sing, for one — though almost everything she’s released in the last decade has been meager compared to her ’90s output. So what’s a diva to do? Go gayer. “Make My Heart,” the second single, is a supersonic disco-dance song with the clubs

in mind. It’s not bad, but it isn’t a showpiece for her voice’s multi-toned dexterity. For that, the album is brimming with ballads, and though there’s nothing as epic as the career-catapulting “Un-Break My Heart,” that doesn’t mean she can’t cut a solid slowie nearly 15 years later. “Yesterday” meddles in the omnipresent modern-day mold. If not remarkably original, it’s still a damn good diva moment. Better are the goosebumpsgiving vocals on “Woman” (dramatic pause included!) and “If I Have to Wait,” making it clear that Braxton’s still best when she’s breaking hearts. Grade: B

Also Out Kaki King, Junior Even with more singing, the masterful guitarist’s wistful fifth album is an inescapable Bermuda Triangle of dreamy and hypnotic sounds. King’s a better guitar player than vocalist, as she’s proved with early instrumental-only projects, but still a genius capable of creating crescendos that suck you deep into their epicenter. No surprise, then, that the best cut on the album is one of the few that are vocal-less: “My Nerves that Committed Suicide.” So moving that it speaks to you even without a voice.

Kate Nash, My Best Friend is You As “I’ve Got a Secret” fizzes out and this British alt-rocker intones “homophobic pricks” in this coming-out cut, how can you not like her? The sophomore CD from the MySpace-launched wonder is almost as likable, exploring relationship facets with a hard-edged bite and a lot of bad language. Sometimes going R-rated over radio-friendly works, like on retro-ed “Do-Wah-Doo,” but when she pushes too hard with the sexual spoken-word riff “Mansion Song” she risks alienation with indignation.

Natalie Merchant, Leave Your Sleep This isn’t how Natalie Merchant left us before going on a seven-year hiatus. Whereas 2003 found the former 10,000 Maniacs frontwoman doing straight-up folk, this sprawling literary double-disc undertaking shifts into fairytale whimsy and Celtic-sounding songs — all complimented with an elaborate storybook that’s definitely something to marvel over. As for the 26 songs, they’re all non-mainstream, ambitious and off in their own world. One that brings sleep more than leaves it.

Reach Chris Azzopardi at chris@pridesource.com.

32 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

Ceiling lamps, clocks & home decor

‘Drag Race’ Crowns a New Queen

AN YOU BELIEVE WE’RE AT THE END OF

RuPaul’s Drag Race? It certainly was a memorable season, and the finale certainly was memorable in its own right. With that combination of finalists, we also got to see quite a variety of drag artistry. I like that Jujubee came to drag from her place as an actor in college. “The stage has always been a place I’ve wanted in my life,” Jujubee told me. “It’s my place of comfort and freedom. Drag was a faster paced idea than plays. I got to get my quick fix and fell in love!” In contrast, Raven comes to drag from dance. “I was a go-go dancer back when I was 20,” she revealed to me. “I was the one out of the bunch that always had conceptual costumes — a cop, Indian, cowboy! Basically, I would dress like The Village People!” Raven then got asked to take part in a drag contest. “It was only supposed to be that one time,” Raven explained. “Well, I ended up winning and became a regular cast member. The rest, as they say, ‘is history.’” Tyra Sanchez told me her entry into drag came about because of her appreciation for one diva in particular. Can you guess which one? “It’s kind of crazy,” Tyra told me. “One word — Beyoncé. I wanted to imitate her, to sing her songs and to do my hair like her.” When I asked Raven if she thought she was going to make it to the final three, she wanted to let the world know she’s different from her on-camera persona. “I am not arrogant at all and realize I can sometimes seem as I am,” Raven admitted. “Those who truly know me are aware of my reverence and humility. I did see myself in the top three! I saw myself winning the entire competition. Everyone should see themselves as winners and should never doubt nor question themselves. Every night before I went to bed after each challenge I told myself, ‘You are the next drag superstar.’” Jujubee also used the power of positive thinking to help drive her to the finale. “I had my mind set on the competition,” she said. “With hard work, anything is possible. I wasn’t competing with anyone else but myself.” Not surprisingly, Tyra said she also had her eyes on the Drag Race prize. “When I started, the final three was my main focus,” Tyra explained. “Sometimes I would be like, ‘Oh, I’m not going to make it,’ or ‘I’m going to be in the bottom two,’ especially in the wedding challenge!” Of course, Tyra had the distinction of being the only finalist who never had to lip sync for her life in the competition. She saw that as one of her big strengths. Jujubee felt her biggest strength came from inside. “I don’t put on a role,” she said.

“I just give you me. My weakness will always be my height. Ha! Could my strength also be my weakness?” Raven thought her strength was definitely her weakness. “I had come out of the bottom two twice with flying colors,” she said. “I proved to RuPaul I deserved to be there and am worthy of the title. At the same time, I also felt that having been in the bottom two twice before was also my weakness. Here I was in the top three and failed miserably within the first three challenges. It was definitely an iffy feeling.” Despite all this talent in the finale, there could only be one winner. “I was just in a state of shock,” Tyra said of hearing her named called by RuPaul. “I didn’t know what to think. I just wanted to cry. I didn’t want to do anything but cry and thank God.” Obviously both Jujubee and Raven were sad not to win, but they gave the winner her props. “Not too many people know this, but Tyra came to the competition with one suitcase,” Raven revealed. “She utilized the resources in the workroom and turned out some amazing shit! We all had loads of drag we brought with us and she ended up taking it to the top!” Jujubee gave it up for Tyra as well. “She deserves it. Yes, I was disappointed I didn’t win, but now that I think back, she’s the one.” So what’s next for the newest Drag Queen superstar? Tyra said she would love to work as a film actor and TV producer like Tyler Perry, and hopes to make it onto a screen near you both as Tyra and her alter ego, James. In the meantime, Tyra is settling into her title and what will be a very exciting summer on Logo’s Drag Tour featuring ABSOLUT drinks. You did a great job, my fellow Drag Race winner! Until next season, kisses and congratulations! Q

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by BeBe Zahara Benet

M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 33

Salt Lake Cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s finest restaurants are offering exclusive menus for your dining enjoyment.

Cannella's Citris Grill Fresco Italian Cafe Frida Bistro

3 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

Log Haven Meditrina Moxi Wine Bistro Pago

Sageâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cafe Sego Lily Cafe Tiburon Trio Downtown

Trio Conttonwood Vertical Diner Wild Grape Bistro Yamasaki

food & wine

BIG Chimichangas!

Fabby Wine and Food Pairings by Chef Drew Ellsworth

SALTLAKE HELD ITS ANNUAL Fabby Awards May 5, at the Mountain Land Design center located at 2345 S. Main Street. Brad di Iorio and I had set up a small food and wine tasting with several of the restaurants that work with Q. The food and wine pairing part of the event was fantastic, considering it was the first time we had combined a wine tasting with the Fabbys. Many attendees said it was better than the wine festivals held in Park City. Let me tell you about it. If you haven’t been into Mountain Land Design, you need to go there. Those who are at all interested in having a beautiful kitchen someday, you won’t believe the great stoves, ovens, fridges and cabinetry offered there. I personally love the Thermador ranges with full, commercial-sized ovens that can hold bakery sheet pans. They also have innovative cobalt-coated ovens by Wolf. While we were there, one of our judges, Barlow Bradford is a kitchen designer and he was hearing the angels sing. The cooks prepared their fare at several staged kitchen areas throughout the center, and the food was gorgeous. We need to thank many wine brokers who donated wine to the event: Jeff Carter of Southern Wine (who provided wine for two stations), Joe Sargetakis of Parallel Winery, and Chris O’Hearn of Young’s Market who provided helpful promotional materials from Fetzer Winery. Other wines were provided by Patti Ellis, who provided Bottleneck Wines for Moxi Wine Bistro. Thanks also go to Tiffany of Mountain Land who provided New Age white for Caffé Molise. QSaltLake provided the Pacific Rim Framboise dessert wine, a Young’s Market product, for Diva’s Cupcakes.

I thought the star of the night was Ian from Sage’s Cafe who used a chiffonade of red tulips to garnish his vegan bruschetta and served it with a Parallel Cabernet Sauvignon, ’07 ($50). This was a very generous gift from the owners of Parallel. The bruschetta was a beautifully made crouton spread with a vegan mushroom duxelles and topped with figs in a delicious wine reduction. Also, the tulip topping looked like silken, metallic ribbons. The whole shebang was fragrant and very tasty — I was blown away! Ian Brandt is the handsome, young chef/owner of Sage’s Café, which specializes in vegetarian and organic cuisine. From my standpoint there were two

runners-up in the fine cuisine presenters. The new Moxi Wine Bistro in Bountiful was serving a golden duck breast prepared by the enormously talented Chef Rick Bruno. In front of our guests he flamed caramelized onion and shallots in brandy. The sauce was laced with molasses and the flavor of this treatment on rare duckling was just orgasmic! I’ve had this dish at Moxi, but I thought it was even better at our event. The duck was paired with a Bottleneck Wine — A to Z Night and Day which is an Oregon table wine blend and a true bargain at around $16. The Wild Grape Bistro, also, did not disappoint. Owner Troy Greenhawt showed up with a darling, blond server and they dished up squares of roasted pork bellies in a sweet and luscious wine-reduction. On the side, as garnish, the chef had prepared a colorful spring salad of peas and asparagus which made the dish look beautiful. The pork melted in your mouth and was pleasantly paired with the highly rated Rosenblum Rockpile Zinfandel ($42) — such a treat to taste at a free event. The Wild Grape was awesome! Caffé Molise and Sego Lily Café rounded out our group with tasty hors d’oeuvres. They were serving a skewered date, stuffed with almonds and wrapped in bacon. These were á la nage in a nicely made wine-reduction, garnished with blue cheese and green onion, and paired with a Tarazas Malbec from Argentina ($13). Sego Lily made the beautiful seafood stuffed cucumber disks which were paired with New Age White, Argentine Sparkling cocktail wine — a Wild West Wines product brokered in Utah by Ron Shelby ($10). Finally, we were treated to the most lovely, fresh raspberry-topped cupcakes! Diva’s Cupcakes, owned by Gordon Wilkins, outdid themselves by preparing mini-Devil’s Food Cuppies, piped with smooth and rich butter cream. These stunning desserts were paired with a dessert wine, made in Washington State by Pacific Rim — just called Framboise ($13). This pairing was perhaps the best, true food/wine combination of the night, a perfect match — but as one judge put it, “you need an insulin shot after eating two or three!” Every participating restaurant did a

great job and we were so happy that they would donate their time and expense to our event. Speaking for Michael Aaron and all at QSaltLake, we were honored. All guests at the Fabby Awards were given M&M candies to use as a coloredcoded voting method at each station. The results of these votes placed Caffé Molise as number one. We also had a panel of professional wine judges who overwhelmingly voted for Moxi Wine Bar as the best food and wine pairing of the night with Diva’s Cupcakes as a close second. I was honored to have my old friend, John Engen as the head judge. John is one of the founding fathers of wine throughout the West. He was one of the first wine brokers in Utah and founded Vinelore, which he later sold. He also founded and represented the Wasatch Academy of Wine, now owned by Sheral Schowe. Dan Fondrich of QVinum, the local gay and lesbian wine tasting club, was there to help and to judge. My friends, who are the two hugest wine geeks I know, Michael Chipman and Barlow Bradford were on hand to give their votes, too. My thanks to all of them. Ernest Hemingway said, “Food and wine, together, represent the most civilized things on earth.” If you’re not into food and wine or beer and food, you need to add it to you hobby list. It makes life more fun and interesting than you’ll ever know!” Q

WEEKLY SPECIALS Sunday • Fajitas $11.99 Monday • 1/2 Off Select Apps Pitchers of Bud Light $8.00 Taco Tuesday • Tacos $2.00 Tecate Beer $2.50 Wednesday • Beef Barbacoa $14.99 Thursday • Chipotle BBQ Ribs $11.99 Bucket of 5 “Coronitas” $10 Food Specials Start at 4 pm till items run out.

Park City at Kimball Junction I-80 & Hwy. 224 (Behind Wells Fargo Bank)

435-645-7000 Weekly Specials are available for Dine In only and may not be used with any other offers. Offer expires June 30th, 2010.

WE’RE BACK! MON– FREE POOL TUES– $5 WINGS WED– FREE SHUFFLE BOARD THURS– $6 PITCHERS OF BUD UPSTAIRS IN OLD TROLLEY SQUARE FACING 6TH SOUTH OPEN AT 12 NOON

801-538-0745 FACEBOOK.COM/ TROLLEYWINGCOMPANY

M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 35

food & wine

Open Mon-Sat 12-7PM

dining guide

Natural Foods

Loco Lizard Cantina Serious Mexican Food since 1999 at Kimball Junction. 1612 Ute Blvd., Park City 435-645-7000

“Your Direct Source”

The Metropolitan Handcrafted new American cuisine 173 W Broadway 801-364-3472

Omar’s Rawtopia Restaurant Organic Live Food 2148 Highland Dr 801-486-0332

Red Iguana Best home-made moles and chile verdes in town 736 W North Temple and Meditrina Small 866 W South Temple Plates & Wine Bar City Creek Center Food Encouraging gastronimic exploring in Ct 801-322-1489 tapas tradition

If you’ve ever wanted easy access to the highest-quality natural foods and ingredients, Cali’s is your independent direct-source natural foods warehouse. • Year-Round Local Organics • Speciality Products • High Quality Pantry Goods • Bulk Organics • Socially Responsible

1394 S West Temple 801-485-2055 Metropolitan Handcrafted new American cooking 173 W Broadway 801-364-3472

1700 SOUTH 389 WEST, SLC 801-483-2254 CalisNaturalFoods.com

Off Trax Internet Café Coffee, Wifi and Pool 259 W 900 S 801-364-4307

Rice Fusion Cuisine and Sushi Bar 1158 S State Sty 801-328-3888 Sage’s Cafe The freshest and healthiest cuisine possible 473 E 300 South 801-322-3790

Tin Angel Cafe Local food, music, art. Serving lunch, dinner and Saturday brunch 365 W 400 S 801-328-4155 Vertical Diner Vegetarian restaurant open 7 days a week 10am–9pm 2280 S West Temple 801-484-8378 The Wild Grape Bistro Eat where the locals eat 481 E South Temple 801-746-5565 To get listed in this section, please call 801-649-6663 and ask for brad or email brad@qsaltlake.com

Q bar guide WEEKLY BAR EVENTS

CLUB TRY-ANGLES 251 W. 900 South • D M N 801-364-3203 • clubtry-angles.com

SUNDAYS

MONDAYS

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS

THURSDAYS

$1 Drafts Beer-Soaked Weenies

Beer-soaked weenies

$1 drafts

Pool Tournaments

Poker Night

$1 drafts Jam U College Night

Superstar Fabby Award Winning Karaoke w/Brian G White Trash Bingo 9pm by Wee & Toni

JAM 751 N. 300 W • D M N 801-891-1162 • jamslc.com

PAPER MOON 3737 S State St • D K L 801-713-0678 • thepapermoon.info

Free pool $1 Drafts $1 mimosas

Free Texas Hold Em $4 Paper Moon Steins

Karaoke 8pm $3 Red Stripe $3 Coronas

$1 drafts Karaoke 9p

$1 drafts Oldies Night

Karaoke 9p

FRIDAYS

SATURDAYS

$1 drafts, DJ D / DJ BoyToy

Dance, Dance, Dance!

Black Out Deep House w/DJ Mike Babbitt

Friday Fix DJ Tidy

Boom Boom Room with DJ Mike Babbitt

Country Line Dance Lessons 7– 9pm Wild Wee Karaoke

Poles, Cages, Sexy Women Best Female DJs

Women, Women, Women!

Dueling pianos 9p

STUDIO 27 615 W 100 South • D M 801-363-2200 • Studio27slc.com

TAVERNACLE 201 E. 300 South • K X 801-519-8800 • tavernacle.com

TEMPLE

Superstar DJ Dega & Paul Sanchez DJ Pancho & Naomi

214 S 600 West • D M T X 801-879-9037 • Facebook.com/thetempleslc

THE TRAPP 102 S 600 West • B N D K M 801-531-8727

Karaoke w/Kenneth and Jamie 9pm

Hot new DJ Wayne Outdoor patio

3 6 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

Hot new DJ Wayne Outdoor patio

BIG Chimichanga!

Open Mon-Sat 11:30am–2pm 5:30 – 9:30pm Fri & Sat til 10:30pm 1394 South West Temple

WEEKLY SPECIALS

www.MeditrinaSLC.com

Sunday • Fajitas $11.99

801.485.2055

DIVISION

DREW

ELLSWORTH

CULINARY

CONCEPTS

Ecole DijonCooking School

COOKING CLASSES SUNDAY NIGHT FOOD & WINE PAIRINGS

Learn about great wines and great food Wine taught by Wasatch Academy of Wine’s Sheral Schowe, and staff Food taught by Chef Drew Ellsworth, Certified Executive Chef

Monday • 1/2 Off Select Apps Pitchers of Bud Light $8.00 Taco Tuesday • Tacos $2.00 Tecate Beer $2.50 Wednesday • Beef Barbacoa $14.99 Thursday • Chipotle BBQ Ribs $11.99 Bucket of 5 “Coronitas” $10 Food Specials Start at 4 pm till items run out.

Sunday, May 2

Treat yourself or a loved one to cooking classes with Chef Drew Ellsworth, 34-year chef, wine manager of the Third West Wine Store, QSaltLake’s Restaurant reviewer. With small groups of no more than 8 students, Ecole Dijon gives you the opportunity to watch and interact with a professional chef preparing foods in an exciting and expeditious way. The atmosphere is very casual and warm and students can freely move around to see what the chef is doing. “Hands on” training is available when possible.

BREAD CAMP WITH NEW EXCITING WINES Breads and Spreads, BBQ and Salads, Fresh Fruit Pizzas for Dessert, At the home of Laura and Dave Robson

MONDAY NIGHT COMFORT FOODS & FRENCH PASTRIES

Learn how to make fresh bread and pastries in every class! Monday, May 17

JULIA CHILD PARTY, RECIPES FROM VOL. I

French Country Loaf, Shrimp Croquettes with Seafood Sauce, Hamburger Steaks in Red Wine a la Lyonnaise, Salade simple aux Fines Herbs Crème Plombieres

Park City at Kimball Junction I-80 & Hwy. 224 (Behind Wells Fargo Bank)

435-645-7000 Weekly Specials are available for Dine In only and may not be used with any other offers. Offer expires June 30th, 2010.

Classes are only $45 or 3 for $115. Wine classes have a $15 wine fee. Chef Drew will even hold classes at your home for as little as $40 per person. See the Web site for details.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CLASSES CATERING AND CULINARY PARTIES: www.EcoleDijonCookingSchool.com chefdrewe@aol.com 801-278-1039 M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 3 7

fitness Is Your Child Overweight?

Monday, May 31

by Laimis

RCGSE Victory Brunch Noon

Sunday, June 6

Pride Day steak fry 4pm

Sundays BBQ, 4pm

Mondays Karaoke

9pm–Midnight

Fridays

Dart Tournament 7pm

102 south 600 west 801–531–8727

Thank you to the restaurants & entertainment companies that participated at

QSaltLake’s 2010 Fabby Awards!

Parallel Wines Bottleneck Wines Young’s Market of Utah Southern Wine Spirits West

HE PERCENTAGE OF OVERWEIGHT

children in the United States is growing at an alarming rate, with one out of three kids now considered overweight or obese. Many kids are spending less time exercising and more time in front of the TV, computer or video game console. And today’s busy families have fewer free moments to prepare nutritious, home-cooked meals. From fast food to electronics, quick and easy is the reality for many people in the new millennium. Preventing kids from becoming overweight means adapting the way your family eats and exercises, and how you spend time together. Helping kids lead healthy lifestyles begins with parents who lead by example.

Is Your Child Overweight?

Body mass index uses height and weight measurements to estimate a person’s body fat. To calculate BMI, divide weight in kilograms by height in meters squared; for pounds and inches, divide weight by height squared and multiply the result by the conversion factor 703. An easier way to measure BMI is to use a BMI calculator. Once you know your child’s BMI, it can be plotted on a standard BMI chart. Kids fall into one of four categories: 1. UNDERWEIGHT: BMI below the 5th percentile 2. NORMAL WEIGHT: BMI at the 5th and less than the 85th percentile 3. OVERWEIGHT: BMI at the 85th and below 95th percentiles 4. OBESE: BMI at or above 95th percentile BMI is not a perfect measure of body fat and can be misleading in some situations. For example, a muscular person may have a high BMI without being overweight (because extra muscle adds to body weight — but not fatness). In addition, BMI may be difficult to interpret during puberty when kids are experiencing periods of rapid growth. It’s important to remember that BMI is usually a good indicator — but is not a direct measurement — of body fat. If you’re worried that your child or teen may be overweight, make an appointment

with me or your doctor, who can assess eating and activity habits and make suggestions on how to make positive changes. The doctor may also decide to screen for some of the medical conditions that can be associated with obesity.

Causes of Being Overweight

A number of factors contribute to becoming overweight. Genetics, lifestyle habits or a combination of both may be involved. In some instances, endocrine problems, genetic syndromes and medications can be associated with excessive weight gain. Much of what we eat is quick and easy — from fat-laden fast food to microwaveable and prepackaged meals. Daily schedules are so jam-packed that there’s little time to prepare healthier meals or to squeeze in some exercise. Portion sizes, in the home and out, have grown greatly. Plus, now more than ever life is sedentary. Kids spend more time playing with electronic devices, from computers to handheld video game systems, than actively playing outside. Television is also major culprit. Kids younger than 6 years old spend an average of two hours a day in front of a screen, mostly watching TV, DVDs or videos. Older kids and teens spend almost four hours a day doing this. When computer use and video games are included, time spent in front of a screen increases to over five and a half hours a day! Kids who watch more than four hours a day are more likely to be overweight compared with kids who watch two hours or less. Not surprisingly, TV in the bedroom is also linked to increased likelihood of being overweight. In other words, for many kids, once they get home from school, virtually all of their free time is spent in front of one screen or another. The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends limiting the time kids over 2 years of age spend in front of a screen to no more than one to two hours. The AAP also discourages any screen time for children younger than 2 years old.

3 8 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

—Continued on page 40

ART: KATE AIMEE CONRICK

You are invited to the Grand Opening of

Celebrate with us Friday, May 28, 2010 615 WEST 100 SOUTH | SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH | 801.363.2200 STUDIO 27 FEATURES A HIGH-TECH SOUND SYSTEM, PRIVATE VIP BOOTHS TOWER DJ BOOTH, SPACIOUS DANCE FLOOR, HIGH-END DECOR & MORE

Studio 27 is proud to be the host of these Coronation 2010 events May 28th

DJ BRENT VINCENT

May 29th

May 3oth

May 31st

AUNTIE DE ANNUAL EMPRESS TEA PARTY 6 PM to 8 PM No charge

CORONATION AFTEPARTY

ALASKA WATER PARTY 3 PM no charge*

9 PM to close $5 door cover

SEATTLE VICTORY SHOW 7 PM no charge*

OUT OF TOWN SHOW starts at 8 PM $15.00 cover D.J. Tony Marionos Martini Ice luges

*both of these events are fundraisers for the Emperor and Empress travel fund

The Management staff of Studio 27 would like to congratulate Paris and Austyn for a great year of service www.studio27slc.com

Check site for summer line-up and entertainment updates

fitness Is Your Child Overweight? Continued from page 38

Many kids don’t get enough physical activity. Although physical education in schools can help kids get up and moving, more and more schools are eliminating PE programs or cutting down the time spent on fitness-building activities. One study showed that gym classes offered third-graders just 25 minutes of vigorous activity each week.

Current guidelines recommend that kids over 2 years of age get at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous physical activity on most, preferably all, days of the week. Genetics also play a role. Genes help determine body type and how your body stores and burns fat just like they help determine other traits. Genes alone, however, cannot explain the current obesity crisis. Because both genes and habits can be passed down from one generation to the next, multiple members of a family

may struggle with weight. People in the same family tend to have similar eating patterns, maintain the same levels of physical activity, and adopt the same attitudes toward being overweight. Studies have shown that a child’s risk of obesity greatly increases if one or more parent is overweight or obese.

PREVENTING OVERWEIGHT AND OBESITY The key to keeping kids of all ages at a healthy weight is taking a whole family approach. It’s the “practice what you preach” mentality. Make healthy eating

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and exercise a family affair. Get your kids involved by letting them help you plan and prepare healthy meals, and take them along when you go grocery shopping so they can learn how to make good food choices. And avoid falling into these common food and eating behavior traps: * Don’t reward kids for good behavior or try to stop bad behavior with sweets or treats. Come up with other solutions to modify their behavior. * Don’t maintain a clean plate policy. Be aware of kids’ hunger cues. Even babies who turn away from the bottle or breast send signals that they’re full. If kids are satisfied, don’t force them to continue eating. Reinforce the idea that they should only eat when they’re hungry. * Don’t talk about “bad foods” or completely eliminate all sweets and favorite snacks from kids’ diets. Kids may rebel and overeat these forbidden foods outside the home or sneak them in on their own. If you eat well, exercise regularly and incorporate healthy habits into your family’s daily life, you’re modeling a healthy lifestyle for your kids that will last. Talk to them about the importance of eating well and being active, but make it a family affair that will become second nature for everyone. Most of all, let your kids know you love them — no matter what their weight — and that you want to help them be happy and healthy.

PROGRAM “ENERGY PLAY” I have put together a program for training overweight children that I call “Energy Play.” My program is not only sport training or traditional physical education. Energy Play is based on lifetime activities and movements that are fun, while being productive for building healthy young bodies, and making new habits. Energy Play is a one-hour training session at my studio. Each session starts with a “mini nutrition session” and all sessions are taught from a philosophy of lifetime wellness. Children will learn how to eat better while experiencing the success of their bodies in actual movement. They will enjoy carefully constructed activities. Children will be safely taught how to train strength, cardiovascular endurance, balance, agility, posture and flexibility in order to improve their lives through a lifetime of healthy movement. Programs start May 24 until Aug. 13. They’re 36 sessions, each one hour long, held times per week every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Individual sessions are also available. Call Laimis at 801-815-7725 for more information about the Energy Play program. Gift certificates are available. And remember, “Without good health, nothing else matters.” Q

If you need more help on Nutrition or any help with your fitness goals, you can find me at laimisenergy.com or King Studio, 1400 Foothill Dr. (above Stein Mart). Buy a gift certificate for yourself, your family or friends in May and save $300 on your personal training sessions!

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50 51 52 54 56 60 64 65 67 68 69 70 71 72 73

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Baseball number Snake-infested garden Director Bergman Greek poet who didn’t look at pornography Minute amounts Cowboys, informally Red state? Nero’s land Polynesian woman Barber’s Antony and Cleopatra, e.g. Bottom-of-the-barrel www.gay.com, and others Family subdivisions, in biology Moo juice source Photographer Abbot One of Mary’s visitors Virgin’s complaint? Baldwin and Frank Hawaiian skirt material Muscle Mary’s pride Gay Talese’s ___ the Sons Ticklish muppet Oxen collar Serious sign California state senator Mark Stag party? Rock guitarist Barrett

PUZZLE ANSWERS ON PAGE 47

Cryptogram

A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached. This week’s hint: V = I Theme: Quote by recently out Country music artist Chely Wright.

YDNCVYJ VY SA BVOT CEI RTTY SDLT SEJVHEB NCEY NCT SDSTYN V ZTHVZTZ ND HDST DGN. _______ __ __ ____ ___ ____ ____ _______ ____ ___ ______ _ _______ __ ____ ___. 42 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

Q scopes Relax, Virgo! by Jack Fertig

The Sun’s entering Gemini, Venus Cancer, and both are aspecting Jupiter, Uranus, Saturn and Neptune! Seek ways to build communities and networks to survive the major political storms. Tribalist defenses and polarizing into camps is too tempting. Work instead to build communications, especially where they seem counter-intuitive.

ARIES (March 20–April 19) For the sake of personal and domestic security, be careful with your secrets. Passion (or mere convenience) may suggest sharing a house key, but think very carefully about that! Advice from friends is well-intentioned, but ill-considered.

TAURUS (April 20–May 20) If you can’t resist impulse shopping, at least save the tags and receipts. Friends won’t guard you against temptation. More economical ways to indulge your playful streak can inspire resourcefulness that will support your ambitions.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20) The spotlight can feel uncomfortable, but what you’re most afraid of people seeing can become your greatest strength. A little vulnerability and sensitivity to others will prove to your advantage in ways you couldn’t imagine.

CANCER (June 21- July 22) Remembering the Golden Rule can determine whether you come off as incredibly shrewd or just plain bitchy. If you can ruthlessly mind your own Ps and Qs and be generous in dealing with the faults of others, you will gain huge respect.

LEO (July 23–August 22) Being incredibly sexy is too easy. Your real challenge is in daring great risks for others. That’s even sexier, but keep your mind and heart focused on the higher ideals and the lower ones will also be well met.

VIRGO (August 23–September 22) Much as you’d like to crack the whip on all those other screw-ups, you really need to discipline yourself and find opportunities in gently helping them. Remember: flies, honey, vinegar. Relax, meditate and it will all be easier.

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LIBRA (September 23–October 22) It’s only brown-nosing if you don’t mean it. Malicious gossip reflects more on the tellers than the subject. If you can keep your motives and actions truly sincere, you’ll glide ahead without any mud touching you.

SCORPIO (October 23–Nov. 21) Let your friends set you up on a blind date. It won’t work out the way they intend, but instead of true love you could make a very good new friend, perhaps with benefits.

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SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22–Dec. 20) Unanticipated changes at home will prove to your benefit. Give up control and let it play out. If you can’t trust your partner, who can you trust? Logic may obstruct real communication. You might say it better with a cookie or a kiss.

]

CAPRICORN (December 21–Jan. 19) Your mind needs a challenge, not in coercing agreement, but in the ability to understand other perspectives. With some focus and creativity you can draw out your opponents. Find common ground by looking deeper into your own core values.

AQUARIUS (January 20–Feb. 18) Whether erotic inspiration can open your creative energies or sublimation better harnesses them depends largely on the values of your upbringing. Whether adhering to those or rebelling against them serves you better is not a logical question, but answered best in mediation.

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PISCES (February 19–March 19) You are exaggerating real problems in your relationship. Talk with a sibling or a very close friend to get some perspective. A parent may be helpful, but looking at your parents and checking for repeating patterns is probably better. Q

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FIND US ONLINE! Cryptogram Anagram qsaltlake.com | theqpages.com

A Cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: Ecolvgncyxw ycr eqyiirznbzn yzu psz! Has the solution: Cryptograms are challenging and fun!

An anagram is a word or phrase that can be

using the letters from another word or facebook.com/qsaltlake | made twitter @qsaltlake phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer: myspace.com/qsaltlake Birth of Pride M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 43

nightlife Qscene Picking the Perfect Night by Hunter Richardson

HERE ARE SEVEN DAYS IN A WEEK, AND

five of them are fairly grueling. So what do you do if you get the urge to go out on one of those five days? What should happen if on a Tuesday night the urge to sing comes upon you? Or if it’s Thursday and you don’t have work, school or any pressing plans for Friday? Well, there are a few establishments that have opened their doors to our community and are welcoming us to their party all week long. If you work 8 a.m to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday, you might think that going out on a “school night” is not in the cards. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, the urge for a vodka soda lime tied and a social outing can hit on any day of the week. Usually for me it seems to hit on a Thursday — and I am not alone. Bars and clubs are recognizing this need to start the weekend early and are holding events to draw us in. This differs greatly from times past when gay establishments would actually hold a “straight night” to draw in the straight crowd looking for a night out. The most obvious example of the opposite trend currently is Püre Salt Lake and its dominant hold over Friday nights. Püre, however, is not a club or a bar — it’s an event held weekly at the Rail Event Center. This trend of a “Gay Night” is becoming more common than in previous years, and is an indication of a growing acceptance of our community within the Salt Lake Valley. Even our gay bars are having specific gay nights such as JAM’s “JAM U Gay College Night.” I like this trend and I like participating in it. But I digress. Let’s get back to venturing out during the week. A specific new night that comes to mind is at the Circle Lounge. This particular bar is attached to a great little sushi restaurant and an amazing patio area and is becoming the “place to be” on Thursday nights. The environment is

inviting and comfortable with a hint of sophistication and a dash of hipster chic. A Sunday night party is held at Karamba, located in the heart of Sugar House. From the rhythmic beats of the music to sensual style of the cultural dancing, it is an environment worth venturing to if you’re not ready to end your weekend just yet. On the other side of town, there’s The Tavernacle, which also holds a great end of the weekend party. This comfortable bar on Broadway’s east side has dueling pianos on some nights. Here you might see a slew of attendees (including Michael Aaron himself) enjoying performances of beautiful, lyrical art most commonly known as karaoke — I hope you noted the sarcasm there. Fortunately, we do not lack in nightlife options. We have our known places to venture where things are kept edgy and entertaining, and now our options are expanding. Who knows? Maybe one day nightlife will even reach Provo. But regardless of your “scene” places are coming out of the woodwork to capture our community’s interest, and I honestly think it is a good thing. If it takes the almighty dollar to open opportunities otherwise not acceptingly open, I say I’ll have two shots of Patron and a Jägerbomb for my friend, and I’ll see you next week! Q

the urge for a vodka soda lime tied and a social outing can hit on any day of the week

Check out the Bar Guide at TheQPages.com 4 4 | QSa lt L a k e | issue 15 4 | M ay 13 , 2010

M ay 13 , 2010 | issue 15 4 | QSa lt L a k e | 45

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The Climacteric I Like Him, I Like Him Not

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By A.E. Storm

I HAVE BEEN ON THREE dates since our initial hook-up last St. Patrick’s Day. The dates have been mildly interesting ... OK, he’s been only mildly interesting. He seems to have a see-saw topic range, bobbing back and forth between his pot-smoking mom and an unusual preoccupation with his penis — bringing it up in casual conversation like it’s his best friend. “It gets hard every time the sunlight directly hits it,” he once unnecessarily told me over a rack of lamb. Then I unnecessarily imagined how he manages to go outdoors during the daylight hours without looking like a human sundial. I know Vance isn’t my “soul mate,” but I’ve given up on the concept, and instead have decided to be thankful for those who simply enjoy my company. Plus, sex with Vance is pleasantly memorable once I get passed the initial urge to give his penis a handshake backed with “How you doin’?” (always with a Joey Tribbiani inflection) before each encounter. So having had given in to Vance’s sexual oddities, I decided several days ago to take our relationship one step further and invite him on vacation with me, and Jill and Leah — really, who wants to be a third wheel. We were going north to visit Leah’s sister Linda in Idaho Falls for the weekend. “Cool, guys in tight Wrangler’s are hot,” Vance had said with too much enthusiasm. On the morning of our departure, Vance I and showered together, during which, after much prodding, he’d convinced me to manscape him, saying “it” didn’t like looking like a hippo Chia Pet. I think “it” gives itself more credit than it deserves. Thirty minutes later Jill rang me up ANCE AND

pu le solutions

indicating that she and Leah had arrived at my building. We scooped up our luggage and went out the door. After about ninety minutes on the road, and a grueling game of “Animal, Mineral or Vegetable?” (by the way, sheep do not have nipples!), Jill swung her Lexus off the highway into Malad, Idaho, 13 miles from the Utah/Idaho border. We all hit the Chevron public restrooms, each grabbed a different beverage from the row of coolers that line the back wall of the convenience store and each bought a handful of $2 Cheers-themed lottery tickets — it was important that we

It gets hard every time the sunlight directly hits it all purchased Cheers tickets because Jill had recently been in the actual Cheers bar in Boston, and of course the correlation meant good luck. What a waste of 40 bucks! We uncheerily got back in the Lexus and moved on with a “Mineral.” As we entered the Fort Hall Indian reservation, a mere twenty minutes after Jill easily talked her way out of a speeding ticket from a male cop (even with a boy’s haircut and little breasts!), we decided to stop at the Trading Post for tax-free beer.

Cryptogram: Nothing in my life has been more magical than the moment I decided to come out.

Anagram: Park Silly Sunday Market

“This is a dry reservation, Tommy,” Leah pointed out to me as if I had just bitchslapped Sacagawea. So instead we bought tax-free cigarettes — it suddenly felt like Sacagawea was smiling upon us. We then momentarily considered the casino but thought better of it. High gusts of wind snaked us the last few miles into Idaho Falls, and as we pulled up to Leah’s sister’s house I noticed several bales of hay stacked in the front yard, a hand-written cardboard ‘For Sale’ sign perched on one. “Haayyy!” I exclaimed flamboyantly. “That’s where you and Vance will be sleeping,” Leah joked. “Oooo, we’ll have a real roll-in-the-hay tonight,” I smiled at Vance. The direct sunlight through the car window was warming his erect chia pet. He slapped it down like it had just jumped up on the couch and swung himself out of the car. Linda welcomed us at the front door, introduced us to her husband and 18-yearold son (wearing Wrangler jeans that made me a little on edge), and showed us to our rooms where we dropped our luggage. “What do you want to do first, shopping or cocktails?” She gave us a choice. Cocktails unanimously won out. The following afternoon, after a long night of playing Perudo and the Seinfeld Trivia Game, and having a much-toolate dinner of taco soup, we finally went shopping, each of us feeling the pangs of a hangover. At a locally-owned Western wear store, I tried on a pair of slim, bootcut Wrangler jeans and Tony Lama distressed cowboy boots. When I exited the dressing room, Vance said I looked like Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain. I was starting to really like this guy. But Jill rolled her eyes. I purchased them anyway. Later, we barbecued under a clear, crisp night in Linda’s backyard. We sat around a small fire pitted two feet into the ground. We drank, we laughed, and Vance and I held hands nearly the entire night ... until Vance’s awkward comment about his mother’s chronic constipation. I felt my face flush hot red. Seriously ... have some couth! I was still feeling embarrassed and angry over the comment when we went to bed. I was about to say something as we crawled into bed when his warm hands started kneading my shoulders. I melted and laid there in a puddle for what seemed like an hour. When he pulled his hands away, I turned to him, kissed him and asked, “Can your best friend come out to play?” Q

A pril 29, 2010 | issue 153 | QSa lt L a k e | 47

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