QSaltLake February 16, 2012 Ski-n-Swim

Utah’s News & Entertainment Magazine for the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Community | FREE

salt lake

200

February 16, 2012

Issue

SKI & SWIM ‘Don’t Say Gay’ Bill Passes Committee

Murderer of Gay Man to be Executed

Sundance in Review

Madonna’s Latest Era

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4 NATIONAL NEWS

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

Prop. 8 ruled unconstitutional, stay on gay marriages remains

By Seth Bracken

The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has upheld a ruling by Judge Vaughn Walker declaring California’s ban on gay marriage unconstitutional.

Walker, 67, a Republican appointee, struck down Proposition 8 in August 2010 and said it violated the federal Constitution.

ProtectMarriage, the sponsor of Proposition 8, appealed the ruling to the 9th Circuit.

The Appeals Court upheld Walker’s ruling with a 2-1 vote and agreed with Walker, saying the ballot measure which defined marriage as a union between one man and one woman was in violation of the U.S. Constitution.

“Proposition 8 served no purpose, and had no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California,” the court said in its ruling.

“Although the Constitution permits communities to enact most laws they believe to be desirable, it requires that there be at least a legitimate reason for the passage of a law that treats classes of people differently. There was no such reason that Proposition 8 could have been enacted.”

Judges Stephen Reinhardt and Michael

Daly Hawkins ruled in favor of Walker’s opinion while Randy Smith pushed to uphold the gay marriage ban.

“Alternately, I am not convinced that Proposition 8 is not rationally related to a legitimate governmental interest,” Smith wrote. “I must therefore respectfully dissent.”

Smith was appointed by George H.W. Bush and is the former chair of the Idaho Republican Party. Smith, a Mormon, attended Brigham Young University, where he also later taught business classes.

ProtectMarriage has the option to appeal the decision to a larger panel of the 9th Circuit or go directly to the U.S. Supreme Court. The larger panel would likely continue to uphold the ban, while the high court is divided on the issue. Many legal scholars believe Justice Anthony Kennedy will be the deciding vote.

The court included in the ruling that gay marriage cannot resume in the state until the deadline passes for Proposition 8 sponsors to make an appeal. If the appeal is filed, gay marriage will remain on hold until it’s resolved or a ruling is issued from the high court. While the Supreme Court could hear the case as early as next year, it’s

LDS Church ‘regrets’ Prop. 8 ruling The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued the following statement regarding the decision on Proposition 8 by a federal appeals court in California: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regrets today’s decision. California voters have twice determined in a general election that marriage should be recognized as only between a man and a woman. We have always had that view. Courts should not alter that definition, especially when the people of California have spoken so clearly on the subject.

“Millions of voters in California sent a message that traditional marriage is crucial to society. They expressed their desire, through the democratic process, to keep traditional marriage as the bedrock of society, as it has been for generations.

“We recognize that this decision represents a continuation of what has been a vigorous public debate over the rights of the people to define and protect the fundamental institution of marriage. There is no doubt that today’s ruling will intensify the debate in this country. We urge people on all sides of this issue to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different opinion.”

Meanwhile, gay rights groups lauded the court’s decision and are hopeful for the future. The Human Rights Campaign issued the following statement: “Today’s decision affirms what we all know to be true – our Constitution protects the basic civil rights of all Americans, in-

cluding lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Proposition 8 does nothing to strengthen or protect any marriage.

Instead, it singles out thousands of loving California families for different treatment, simply because they are gay and lesbian couples. We applaud the Ninth Circuit for

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publisher Michael Aaron editor Seth Bracken arts & entertainment editor/ofc mgr Tony Hobday graphic designer Christian Allred sales Gus Garcia, Josh Jones contributors Chris Azzopardi, Lynn Beltran, Paul

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unlikely same-sex marriage will resume in California any time soon. Love Honor Cherish, a gay rights group based in Los Angeles, plans to start gathering signatures for a November ballot initiative asking voters to repeal Proposition 8.

Gay rights activists cheered the ruling from the court and said they are optimistic for the future.

“There are days in our nation’s history when genuine progress toward our goal of forming a more perfect union is realized.

Days when America’s founding promise, that all men and women are created equal, is once again fulfilled. Today is one of those days,” said Chad Griffin, Board president of the American Foundation for Equal Rights, in a press release.

The ballot initiative, which passed with 52 percent of the vote in 2008, banned samesex unions just five months after they became legal. The court’s ruling will not apply to other states with similar constitutional amendments banning gay marriage.

“Whether under the Constitution samesex couples may ever be denied the right to marry, a right that has long been enjoyed by opposite-sex couples, is an important and highly controversial question,” the court said. “We need not and do not answer the broader question in this case.”

This ruling came more than a year after the appeals court began hearing arguments in the case. Q recognizing that our Constitution cannot tolerate such egregious discrimination.”

Mayors for the Freedom to Marry, the bipartisan group of more than 130 mayors from across the nation who have pledged support for ending marriage discrimination against gay and lesbian couples, underscored the importance of today’s decision in a statement.

Contact emails: general: info@qsaltlake.com editorial: editor@qsaltlake.com sales: sales@qsaltlake.com

Quips & Quotes ❝❝Oh, Dear Lord! Hurting

so bad! My sister Whitney!

Newark, please pray. World, please pray!’

—Queen Latifah

❝❝

I’ve known Whitney since she was a little girl and I have always loved her. She was like family to me and I will miss her dearly.”

—Smokey Robinson

❝❝

My heart goes out to Cissy, her daughter Bobbi, Kris, her family and Bobby.”

—Aretha Franklin

❝❝

She had everything; beauty, a magnificent voice. How sad her gifts could not bring her the same happiness they brought us.”

—Barbra Streisand

❝❝

Please, please, someone tell me it’s not true.”

—Bette Midler

❝❝

RIP Whitney Houston.

Sending my love and deepest condolences to her family and friends. Fly, Whitney, fly.”

—Ricky Martin

❝❝

Heartbroken and in tears over the shocking death of my friend – the incomparable Ms. Whitney Houston.”

QSaltLake is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. Copyright © 2011, Salt Lick Publishing LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 10,000 copies of QSaltLake are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across Utah. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, contact us

—Mariah Carey

❝❝

She’s paved the way for every single singer in the music industry. Iconic, legendary, innovating, amazing, humble – the best singer in the world.”

at 801-649-6663. It is a crime to destroy or dispose

—Toni Braxton

of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this newsmagazine. Publication of the name or photograph of any individual or organization in articles or advertising in QSaltLake is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons. Printed in the U.S.A. on recycled paper.

Please recycle this copy when you are through with it.

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QSALTLAKE

ISSUE 200

❝❝

It’s a tragedy. Whitney Houston was the greatest singer I’ve ever heard and she will be truly missed.”

—Tony Bennett

❝❝It’s just tragic. There’s a hole

in the heart of music.”

—Hillary Scott of Country Album-winning trio Lady Antebellum

QSALTLAKE.COM

ISSUE 200

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

NEWS

5

Romney touts the past of anti-gay stances at CPAC In his speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference on Feb. 10, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney pledged to defend the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act and push for an amendment to the Constitution banning same-sex marriage.

He boasted his record as governor of Massachusetts and said he has always strongly opposed gay marriage.

“I fought to have a stay on that decision, then pushed for a marriage amendment to our Constitution.

We lost by only one vote in the legislature.

And I successfully prohibited out-of-state couples from coming to our state to get married and then going home,” Romney said. “On my watch, we fought hard and prevented Massachusetts from becoming the Las Vegas of gay marriage.”

He argued that conservative values are

under attack by liberals and secularists.

“Our conservative values also came under attack. Less than a year after I took office, the state’s Supreme Court inexplicably found a right to same-sex marriage in the constitution written by John Adams. I presume he’d be surprised” Romney said.

“When I am president, I will defend the Defense of Marriage Act. And I will fight for an amendment to our constitution that defines marriage as a relationship between a man and a woman.”

Romney was hardly alone in his anti-gay rhetoric and he took the stage just hours after fellow presidential candidate Rick Santorum, who promised to appoint only those who reaffirmed his Christian faith to important positions within the government.

Rights do not originate from government, but from “a higher authority,” Santorum said. Both Romney and Santorum have blasted the recent ruling striking down California’s ban on gay marriage by the 9th District Court of Appeals and called the decision judicial activism.

Student faces jail time, fines for glittering Romney A Colorado student faces up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine for flinging glitter toward Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney at a post-caucus rally in Denver. University of Colorado Boulder student Peter Smith, 20, faces misdemeanor charges for his involvement in tossing the glitter in Romney’s general direction.

The practice of “glitter bombing” has been championed by queer-rights activists to protest homophobic statements and positions.

Video of the event shows Romney shaking hands with people in an auditorium when glitter is thrown at him. Secret Service agents can be seen ushering him away from the crowd. Smith was later escorted out by local authorities.

Smith later told Reuters that he was pro-

testing not just Romney’s anti-gay stances, but his “general political” philosophy.

This is not the first time Romney has been “glitter bombed” and earlier this month in Florida, after a decisive primary victory, he was covered in glitter by protestors.

“Hey listen you guys, I’m delighted to be here with you, this is an exciting time, I’m happy for the celebration. This is confetti!

We just won Florida! Oh I’ve got glitter in my hair. That’s not all that’s in my hair, I’ll tell you that. I glue it on every morning, whether I need to or not,” Romney said after the incident.

Other presidential candidates, including Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum have all been targeted by “glitter bombs.”

LEGEND: FULL MARRIAGE PARTIAL MARRIAGE BANNED QSALTLAKE GRAPHIC SOURCE: MARRIAGEEQUALITY.ORG NED FLAHERTY

Despite inaction on the part of federal lawmakers, state legislators around the nation have been making stands on equality and now 42 percent of Americans live in states where gay relationships are legally, in some form, recognized. From civil unions to full marriage equality, nearly half of Americans have the option to register with the government and receive benefits from the state. However, because of the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act, there is still no federal recognition of gay relationships.

Washington passes gay marriage bill A bill to legalize same-sex marriage in Washington state cleared the Legislature on Feb. 8 and moves the state one step closer to becoming the seventh to recognize gay marriage.

Gov. Christine Gregoire, a Democrat, signed the bill, but opponents have vowed to repeal it at the polls in November.

The bill cleared the House with a 55–43 vote, just a week after it was passed by the Senate and a day after a federal appeals court ruled California’s voter-approved gay marriage ban unconstitutional. Democrats control both legislative bodies, but hold a much more commanding lead in the House.

In the House two Republicans joined 53 Democrats in voting for the bill and two Democrats sided with the 41 Republicans.

The Senate passed the bill on a 28–21 vote.

The debate over the bill became very personal for the sponsor, Rep. Jamie Pedersen, a gay father of four, who said the state’s domestic partnerships fall short.

“I would like our four children to understand that their daddy and their papa have made that lifelong commitment to each other,” he said. “Thousands of same-sex couples in our state deserve the respect and protection from our government that only marriage can convey.”

Rep. Jay Rodne, a Republican, said his Roman Catholic faith required him to oppose gay marriage. He said the measure was “progressive re-engineering in its most extreme and damaging form.”

“Marriage has been the union of a man and a woman,” Rodne said. “When that union is consummated there is potential for the creation of life. Marriage is about life.”

Six states recognize same-sex marriage — New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire and Iowa and the District of Columbia.

Bills legalizing same-sex marriage are being considered this legislative season in Maryland, New Jersey and Illinois.

Landis Salon is proud to recognize Alaina Edginton for 5 years of exceptional service. Alaina specializes in hair cutting, hair extensions and has many other talents. She has an infectious laugh and a beautiful 5 year old son.

Thank You Alaina.

Richard Surber CEO - Landis Salons, Inc.

AlAinA Edginton

6 LOCAL NEWS

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

ISSUE 200

QSALTLAKE

Abstinence-only/Don’t Say Gay education bill passes committee

By Seth Bracken

A bill supporting abstinence-only education and banning the advocacy of contraception and homosexuality passed the House Education Committee in a 8-7 vote.

The bill, sponsored by Rep. Bill Wright, RHolden, also allows schools to opt out of sex education and not offer courses.

The measure originally banned discussion of condoms and homosexuality in all courses. However, it was amended late in the hearing and strongly mirrors existing sex education laws. The “advocacy” of homosexuality was already banned as was the use of contraception.

Wright said the proposed measure was inspired after he saw a maturation program for elementary school students that cited information from Planned Parenthood. The bill was designed to stop any endorsement or advocacy of Planned Parenthood, Wright said.

“What we’re trying to do is draw a clear bright line,” Wright said. “Our public schools should not be a venue for private organizations and institutions. Planned Parenthood provides abortions. They have a $300 billion a year budget and throughout the United States nine out of 10 women

Qgiggles

who walk into Planned Parenthood come out with an abortion.”

Wright’s outrageous, and false, claims about how many women receive abortions were reflective of the impassioned testimonies of legislators, community leaders and parents.

During the hearing, Wright appeared confused about current sex-education laws which already require a parent’s consent to teach about reproductive health. Wright said he was not aware of this requirement and thought the process to remove children from sex-education classes was much more difficult.

Rep. LaVar Christensen, R-Draper, spoke in favor of barring sex education from schools and said there is no right for children and teens to learn about reproductive health.

“To suggest that there’s a right to publicly funded sex education, I disagree with that,” Christensen said. “Are we going to buy into the sexual revolution and the whole idea that there was one? I would respectfully submit that going back in time is exactly what we have to do.”

Liz Zentner, Utah PTA president-elect,

said she worried about the affects of allowing schools to opt out of sex-education courses. Special interests that do not reflect the overall attitude of most parents could lobby schools to remove it, which would deny an important part of education for many students.

While Wright argued students would be better off reading books instead of learning about sexual health, Cougar Hall, a BYU assistant professor who also trains health teachers, said health education is an important part of a balanced education.

“It’s immoral to withhold life-saving information from a segment of our population because it doesn’t fit our value sys-

tem,” Hall said.

Representatives from the conservative Utah Eagle Forum and Sutherland Institute voiced their support for an abstinenceonly education and encouraged lawmakers to ban teachers from even discussing condoms or other forms of contraception.

“Just say no to sex outside of marriage,” Gayle Ruzicka, head of the Utah Eagle Forum, said. “I think it’s a good message.”

After the meeting, Wright admitted that he didn’t know how the amendments to his bill would change its impact and while he supported abstinence-only education or no education at all, he said he would consider the new measure. Q

Anti-bias bill squashed in Utah Legislature After a 90-minute hearing in front of a standing-room-only audience, the latest attempt at a statewide nondiscrimination bill was squashed with a 4-2 vote in a legislative committee. The bill, SB51, which was sponsored by Sen. Ben McAdams, DSalt Lake City, mirrors legislation already passed in 14 Utah municipalities.

The measure would protect against bias based on sexual orientation and gender identity in the workplace and housing.

The bill is a reiteration of similar proposed measures that have run in the House and Senate since 2007, but it was the first time it received a committee hearing in front of the Senate Government Operations and Political Subdivisions Committee in the Senate.

The bill was bolstered by the testimony of Clifford Rosky, a law professor at the University of Utah and a board member of Equality Utah.

“What this bill doesn’t do is make gay and transgender people a protected class

Q bill tracker Bill No. Title

Sponsor Pro/Anti

HB274 HB64 HB363 SB51 SB126

Rep. Rebecca Chavez-Houck Rep. Brian Doughty Rep. Bill Wright Sen. Ben McAdams Sen. Ross Romero

Adoption Amendments Amend. to Public Employee Health Care Health Education Amendments Statewide Nondiscrim. Protection Amend.

Adoption by a Co-Parent

Rep. Bill Wright, R-Holden

Pro Pro Anti Pro Pro

Status

House Rules Comm House Business/Labor Com House Floor Tabled Senate Rules Committee

or give them rights other people don’t have,” Rosky said. “What it says is that you can’t discriminate based on sexual orientation or gender identity. You can’t fire someone because they’re gay or straight.”

When the Salt Lake City Council passed the anti-bias measures it did so with the blessing of the Mormon Church. This year both the Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City and the Salt Lake Chamber, which represents businesses statewide, added their support to the bill.

“We urge you to pass this bill if for no other reason, it’s the right thing to do,” said Jean Hill, the diocese’s government liaison.

Gayle Ruzicka, president of the Utah Eagle Forum, was one of the anti-gay rights activists who spoke against the bill. She said exemptions from the bill need to extend to all religious people, not just religious organizations. And although the law currently exempts landowners with four or fewer units, she questioned the bill’s impact on landowners who have multiple units.

“What if I was renting to singles and wanted a certain standard. I couldn’t say, ‘You’re living a homosexual lifestyle. You can’t live here,’” Ruzicka said. “I think I should have the right to do so.”

McAdams countered, saying discrimination based on religion is already banned and the situation she was describing would already be in violation of state and

federal laws.

Sen. Luz Robles, D-Salt Lake City, tried to move the bill from the committee to a full vote on the Senate floor, but she was quickly countered by Sen. Scott Jenkins, who moved to table the legislation.

“I am absolutely opposed to discrimination and I do not think it should happen, I think we should all be loving and accept all of our neighbors, and with that, Mr. Chair, I’m going to make a substitute motion that we table this legislation,” he said.

McAdams made one last plea with theT committee to move the bill out of committee.e “I don’t believe we have to choose be-a tween protecting against discriminationa and the religious values many of us havew in our state. I believe that faith and respects can coexist, and this bill would accomplishT l that,” McAdams said.

Robles and Sen. Casey Anderson, R-Cedars City, voted against tabling the bill. Sens.b Jenkins, Margaret Dayton, R-Orem, Danielr Thatcher, R-West Valley City and Peter C. Knudson, R-Brigham City, voted to table it. t Recent polling data indicate the mea-l sure is supported by more than 70 percentd of Utahns. In addition to other influential groups who have voiced support, repre-d sentatives from several large corporationst in Utah, including Ancestry.com and eBay Inc., also voiced support of the bill at recent1 a public hearing. Q

QSALTLAKE.COM

ISSUE 200

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

Judge signs death warrant in 1988 murder of gay man

A judge signed the death warrant for Michael Anthony Archuleta on Feb. 8, setting the date for his execution by firing squad on April 5. The order, signed by 4th District Judge Donald Eyre, is the third of its kind in setting an execution date for Archuleta, 49, who was convicted for the 1988 slaying of Gordon e Ray Church, a gay Southern Utah University stus Michael Anthony Archuleta dent.

During the trial, Archuleta was named the primary per”petrator and received the death penalty, -while his partner to the crime, Lance Conway Wood, was sentenced to life in prison. t

, t

Church met Archuleta and Wood at a convenience store parking lot on Nov. 21, 1988. Wood, a blond 18-year-old at the time, approached Church, who was sitting in his white 1978 Ford Thunderbird, and asked if he wanted company. Church said yes.

The three men drove up Cedar Canyon where Archuleta put a knife to Church’s back and cut him. Church broke away and ran. Wood tackled him and broke his arm.

Archuleta cut him again on the neck and then forced him over the hood of his car and raped him.

Archuleta pulled tire chains from the trunk of the car. He bound Church with the chains, and the pair hooked the jumper cables to Church’s testicles and then to the car battery. Then they threw him into the trunk of his car, drove him to a remote location and began beating him with a tire iron. Church was raped anally with the tire iron and his

NEWS

leta, Wood went to his parole officer and confessed the entire crime. The details and guilt of the two participants were not under question in the trials. However, the two are disputing who played the more active role in the rape and murder.

During the original trial it took the coroner two and a half hours to share all the terrible details of the trauma done to Church’s brutally beaten body and how he died. The original court judge put a gag order on reporters because of how violent and terrible the details of the crime were. The Salt Lake Tribune-veteran reporter, Chris Jorgensen, called it the most appalling story he had ever covered and possibly the worst murder in Utah history.

In May, Archuleta asked that his case to be reopened, citing his former attorneys were ineffective. He and his lawyers said Gordon Ray Church in his high school yearbook photo he deserves a new trial in light of a 2009 liver was punctured. They dragged his half- statement from his co-defendant who took naked, dead body off the side of the road and primary responsibility for the murder. covered it with tree branches and dirt.

The conviction has been upheld by the The pair got back in Church’s car and Utah Supreme Court but is likely to be apdrove to Salt Lake City. Fearful of Archu- pealed to federal court.

not as I do

Sen. Lee attacks gay protections

eTea Party darling Utah Sen. Mike Lee said .employers should be allowed to fire gays -and lesbians for no other reason than disnapproval of their sexual orientation. Lee, ewho held a Q-and-A session at the Contservative Political Action Conference, told hThink Progress that he believes child labor laws and food safety programs are unconrstitutional, but firing gays and lesbians .based on their orientation alone should lremain legal. . “I think employers ought not to make their hiring decisions based on categories -like that, and I don’t think most of them tdo,” Lee said. l He went on to say that gays and lesbians -do not deserve the same protections as sthose of a different race. y “The 14th Amendment — in fact the t13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments — were adopted specifically around the race issue.

So, yeah, there is a difference,” Lee said.

Queer rights groups have recently ramped up pressure on the Obama administration to issue an executive order prohibiting the government from working with companies which do not have anti-discrimination policies. One report indicated that 16-million workers would receive expanded protections under such an order.

While recent state and national polling indicate widespread support for legal protections against bias based on sexual orientation and gender identity, leading Republican lawmakers oppose such measures.

Currently, 14 Utah municipalities offer protections for queers in the workplace and in housing. However, the Republicancontrolled Utah Legislature has squashed efforts to pass a statewide bill.

religious folk to vote based not on issues that might most affect them, but take the most homophobic stance possible.

riage concept.”

Santorum’s flaw

Republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum brandishes The ‘gay life form’ his conservative credentials In an altogether unsurprisWhile the Maryland Legislature and claims to be an advocate ing editorial published by the is in the middle of debates of state’s rights. But when it Deseret News, the editorial over a bill legalizing gay comes to states deciding they team calls for a realignment marriage, the language want to legalize gay marriage, of voter saliency against gay being used in discussions he draws the line. Shortly after marriage while calling itself a passing a marriage equality champion of gay rights. Taking illustrates the very need for bill, Santorum promised to exception to the striking down its passage. Republican Del. Pat McDonough told comoverturn all such legislation of Prop. 8 and the passing mittee members that he felt if he’s elected president and of a marriage equality bill in he even went to Washington Washington, the editorial asks gay people should be treated with respect, but that didn’t to protest the issue. Rather for its readers to vote based than focusing on the economy on “moral issues” rather than mean he had to support gay and other important issues, the economy and other factors. marriage. He went on to say, Even in a misconstrued sense “You don’t have to dislike gay Santorum is trying to form his campaign around homophobic of morality, the Mormon-owned people or dislike the gay life form to be opposed to the mar- and scare-tactic issues. and operated paper is asking

LDS Church touts gay-rights support

Sen. Mike Lee, R-Utah, speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference

7

8 NEWS

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

Cache Gay Families forming to provide support, education A group providing support to families and friends of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people has started meeting regularly in Cache Valley. While the paperwork is still being processed to become Utah’s fifth branch of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Cache Gay Families offers a social support group and educational outreach resource to Amy Bailey the community.

“Obviously we love the (queer) support groups on campus and in no way are we trying to replace them,” said Amy Bailey, vice president of the group. “But we could see a need for a group like this in the community. We want to provide everything from a social atmosphere for support to

bridge there,” Bailey said. “If you come to the meeting you’ll find people with similar backgrounds to yours, no matter what your history may be. We would especially like to encourage people who grew up in Cache Valley but still have family in the area to ask them to attend. It can be a good resource for parents and we need all the help we can find.”

Offering support and education is paramount for the group, said Patsy Marx, president of the group. Safe schools and helping foster an environment for young LGBT students and their parents is one of the biggest concerns for the area, she said.

“What I’m hoping for is to offer both education to the community and support for its members. Local parents or parents around here don’t have too many options to find that support. There was nowhere to turn for support,” Marx said. “We’re hoping to let everyone know that if they have anything to discuss they can come to us and we can work on it together. We’ll work on finding the answers together.”

helping provide educational resources to curb bullying in schools.”

Planning meetings have been held since October, but the first activity, a Valentine’s Day dance, attracted around 50 people of all ages and orientations from around the valley.

“It was such a terrific cross-section of Cache Valley. We had parents, college students, members of the community. Everyone was represented,” she said. “It was such a huge success, we’re really excited to see how big we can grow.”

Weekly meetings are held at the public library and while the group is still growing, there are people from all backgrounds and stages in acceptance that attend, Bailey said. People with religious backgrounds are encouraged to attend and everyone will be welcomed.

“We want to make it very friendly to Meetings are held Thursdays, 7 p.m., at the members of the LDS Church and I think Logan City Library, 255 N. Main St., Logan. For it’s really important that we keep that more info, email cachegayfamilies@gmail.com.

Utah Pride Festival calls for 600 volunteers

Center is seeking hundreds of volunteers.

With more leadership positions than ever before, there’s a way for everyone to get involved in the festival and make an impact in the community, he said.

“Not only will you be doing something sible grand marshals, entertainment and to help the festival, you’ll be around likethe development of goals and themes. This minded people, and it’s a perfect chance to year’s theme, Changing Hearts and Lives, meet new people and make new friends,” follows suit of the Pride Center’s theme for Westley said. “We need everyone’s unique 2012, Changing Hearts and Minds. talents and everyone is encouraged to get The Pride Festival officials and the Utah involved in some way.”

Open positions include beverage staPride Center programs are focusing on attracting and offering resources for mem- tions, servers, parade volunteers and genbers of the queer community and its allies eral-admission workers. Volunteer orientation is already underway and leadership from around the state.

“It’s Utah Pride, not Salt Lake City Pride,” positions will meet every other Wednesday beginning in March.

Westley said.

With more than 600 volunteer positions to fill, the Utah Pride Center is gearing up for a Pride Festival expansion. In addition to the Washington Square grounds, it will once again, as in a few previous festivals, trickle to parts of Library Square.

Also new to this year’s Pride, to be held June 1-3, is a friendlier drink-ticket system.

Festivalgoers may purchase, in one transaction, as many drink tickets as they wish for during the festival and simply redeem them throughout the weekend.

“We’re focusing on the expansion and In order to accomplish the expansion For more information or to register as a volunmaking our growth as comfortable as pos- goals and have a successful festival, the teer, go to utahpridefestival.org. sible,” said Michael Westley, a festival organizer. those who did. The change is that the Bible commanded The expansion of the grounds will allow not a matter of morality, but of them to hurt their children for more seating and shade as well as a economy. Polls indicate that and began citing verse in their most women say they will not own defense, with little to no place where families can feel comfortable Low-income marriage marry an unemployed man and remorse for their actions. with children all weekend, he said. The rates down women are more likely, in a Kids Zone will be expanding, as will the Sentenced to Red Lobster While the percentage of tough economy, to marry a man volunteer area, to accommodate the grow- Americans who are married A man accused of strangling who is financially stable. ing needs of the community, he said. his wife was ordered to take her is at an all-time low, different Also, a new entrance at the west side of areas of the population are get- Pastor arrested for to Red Lobster and bowling by the festival will open, which will relieve ting married at a much different starving, beating children a South Florida judge. Joseph Bray, 47, was also ordered to congestion at the gates as well as diversify rate. In 2010, only 51 percent of South Korean police have arthe foot traffic through the grounds, West- American adults were married. rested a Christian preacher and buy his wife a birthday card and flowers in an apology and In 1972, that number was more his wife in the deaths of their ley said. an attempt to patch up any than 70 percent. But a deeper three children. The parents “We’ve really got some exciting things are accused of starving and hard feelings from the fight afanalysis of these numbers indihappening this year and it’s going to be severely beating and whipter he forgot his wife’s birthday. cate that for the first time since even bigger than last year’s festival,” Westping their children because The judge said he made the rulrecording began, people who ley said. did not go to college are getting they said they were casting out ing because the wife was never Planning for the festival began in Octodemons. The couple told police in any serious physical danger. married at a slower rate than ber and included discussions about pos-

sanctity of marriage

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Qmmunity Battling HIV stigmas The Utah Pride Center will host a workshop to educate about safe sex and battling the stigmas associated with HIV. The workshop, presented by Joshua Bytendorp, is open to the public and free. Participants are invited to attend with an open mind.

WHEN: Saturday, Feb. 18, 3 p.m.

WHERE: Utah Pride Center, 355 N. 300 West INFO: utahpridecenter.org

Pride Softball League registration The Pride Softball League will hold four days of registration for the upcoming season that runs, tentatively, between April and August. Teams are allowed up to 20 players, and must consist of both sexes.

Team registration fees are $250 and $25 per player.

WHEN: March 7, 14, 21 and 28 at 6 p.m.

WHERE: Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South INFO: prideleague.com

WSU Black & White Ball Sponsored by the Weber State University LGBT Initiatives, this free event is open to anyone ages 18 and up. While it will be held on the university’s campus, community members and students from other schools are encouraged to attend. Dress in your best black and white attire and enjoy a fantastic evening.

WHEN: March 3, 9 p.m.

WHERE: Weber State University Student Union Ballroom, Ogden COST: Free

U f

Human Dignity Rally

T t In response to the Utah Legislature’s S inaction on queer-rights issues during this c legislative session, QSaltLake writer and w queer-friendly activist, Bob Henline, is F organizing a rally on Capitol Hill to demand a that the Legislature take LGBT, an other 3 rights, issues seriously. o WHEN: Feb. 29, 4 p.m. p WHERE: Utah State Capitol, 350 N. State St.

Burn Camp Fundraiser A fundraiser to take children who have suffered serious burns to a special camp in Moab, Utah is being hosted by the University of Utah Burn Camp.

Approximately 350 guests are expected to attend this evening of fine dining with both live and silent auctions.

WHEN: March 10, 6 p.m.

WHERE: Rice Eccles Stadium Tower Level 5 TICKETS: uofuburncamp@gmail.com or Brad at 801-581-2008

A p f a t t v t l i R D W q

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NEWS

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First Utah gay, lesbian business expo will be at Zions Bank The Utah Gay and Lesbian Business Expo will feature guest speakers, break-out sessions, business to nonprofit relations, networking and much more.

The expo, which is hosted by the Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (formerly known as the Q Business Alliance), kicks off with a social and ribboncutting ceremony on March 2, 5:30 p.m., on the 18th floor of the Zions Bank Building, 100 S. Main St., Salt Lake City. The opening social will be a chance for networking among business professionals and individuals. Members of other business associations, such as the Salt Lake Chamber of Commerce, and state lawmakers and other officials will also attend.

On Saturday, March 3, 10 a.m., the expo continues with a keynote speech from Babs De Lay, a veteran business professional in the Utah queer community.

“It’s our coming out party,” said Michael Aaron, president of the UGLCC. “We’re gaining some traction and I think, looking at other cities with strong gay communities, they almost always have strong gay business chambers. I think Salt Lake is long overdue for an organization like this.”

The business expo will feature four break-out sessions on various topics, including social-media marketing and advice on how to reach the queer community through advertising.

“We’re a different market. There are dif-

ferent strategies that businesses can use to help reach the gay demographic and we’ll have the sessions covering those topics,” Aaron said. “Whether you’re a business owner looking to do businesses with other businesses or you’re looking for a job, this event is perfect.”

There will also be a session on the relationship between small businesses and local nonprofit orgs.

Over 25 businesses will have booths open from noon to 4 p.m. where they can appeal to fellow business owners, entrepreneurs, and the lesbian and gay public, especially those who might be seeking employment at a gay-friendly business, but also those who want to do business with such companies and individuals.

It’s free to the public, but pre-registration is required at utahgaychamber.org.

The Utah Gay Chamber is growing steadily, and in addition to previous charity outreach programs, including volunteering for the Daybreak Arts Festival, the Utah Pride Center and the Utah AIDS Foundation, the group is planning on adopting a portion of the highway.

“We’ll be the first to have the words ‘gay and lesbian’ on a sign along a Utah highway,” Aaron said. “We’re really excited for all the upcoming events and excited to see how big we can grow and what kind of difference we can make in the community.”

More info at utahgaychamber.com

Utah Pride seeks nominations for annual community awards The Utah Pride Center is seeking nominations for the Dr. Kristen Ries Community Service Award and the Pete Suazo Political Action Award. The awards recipients will be recognized at the 2012 Utah Pride Festival, which is themed Changing Hearts and Lives. Nominations are due by March 3 and can be made at utahpridefestival.org or by sending an email to awards@utahpridefestival.org.

The Dr. Kristen Ries Community Service Award was established in 1987 and was presented to Ries for her humanitarian efforts in dealing with the AIDS crisis. The award recognizes outstanding service to the queer community in Utah and is given to people who demonstrate a legacy of service and like Ries, “exemplify everything that the award has stood for: compassion, leadership and courage.” The recipient is chosen by past winners of the award.

Recent winners include Stan Penfold, Doug Fadel, Rep. Jackie Biskupski, Doug Wortham, Luci Malin, Jane and Tami Marquardt , Walter Larrabee, Mark Swonson

Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy

and Michael Aaron.

The Pete Suazo Political Action Award was established in 2002 to honor Sen. Pet Suazo’s tireless attempts to pass hatecrimes legislation Utah. The award is presented to an elected official who has demonstrated an exceptional commitment to equal rights for the queer community. The recipient is chosen by a committee including leaders of Equality Utah, Stonewall Democrats, Log Cabin Republicans, Human Rights Campaign and the Utah Pride Center. Past recipients include Mayor Rocky Anderson, Rep. David Litvak, Sen. Karen Hale, Mark Shurtleff, Paula Julander, Rep. Carol Spackman-Moss, Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr., Rep. Christine Johnson and Mayor Ralph Becker.

Award recipients will be recognized during the Utah Pride Festival’s annual Grand Marshal Reception and Awards Celebration, which kicks off the 2012 Utah Pride Festival, on Friday, June 1. Recipients will also be honored at the annual Utah Pride Parade on Sunday, June 3.

Check out our website for information and a resource directory www.lgbtqtherapists.com

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snaps & slaps SNAP: Mayors push for equality The number of U.S. mayors who are now advocating for marriage equality has sky-rocketed to 141. With support from nearly every major metropolitan area in the nation, the sense of inevitability is nearly unavoidable. The gay-rights group backing the movement, Freedom to Marry, is also pushing to have marriage equality officially adopted as a party platform by the Democrats. With the national convention quickly approaching, Democrats may soon be facing a major shift in the official literature.

SLAP: Bills doomed in Australia In an effort that reached across party lines, the Labor and Green Parties of Australia introduced similar marriage equality bills that were immediately killed by the opposition.

from the editor New Jersey swings toward equality

T

By Seth Bracken

he New Jersey Senate has passed a bill legalizing marriage equality in the Garden State following a 24-16 vote. With enough support to likely clear the House, the bill could be on Republican Gov. Chris Christie’s desk before the end of the month. However, Christie has promised to veto the bill and with a 27-vote majority required to override a veto, it’s unlikely that gay couples will be saying “I do” in New Jersey any time soon.

While an exciting show of support and a disappointing veto makes for a great news story, there’s an even bigger and more important story to be told.

In 2010, Democratic leaders were lobbying for last-minute support to pass a marriage-equality bill before outgoing Democratic Gov. Jon Corzine, who supported the measure, left office. In a last-ditch effort, Democrats could only gather 14 votes, while Republicans pulled many Democrats to vote against the bill and gathered 20 Senators to voice their opposition. Even though the Democrats controlled the Sen-

ate, they could not gather enough support to make even a modest attempt and the embarrassing defeat left gay-rights activists reeling. Even Senate President Stephen Sweeney, a Democrat, voted against the bill.

Just two years after its miserable defeat, the marriage equality bill was resurrected.

With no significant changes in leadership or composition of the Senate, the bill somehow gathered bipartisan support and cruised to an easy passage. Just three votes shy of a veto-proof majority, the shift in opinion is stark and startling.

Practically overnight, gay-rights groups went from cursing the names of Democratic lawmakers to singing their praises.

“This week’s marriage-equality votes are like the World Series, the Super Bowl and a Barbra Streisand concert all wrapped up in one,” said Steven Goldstein, chairman of the gay-rights advocacy group Garden State Equality.

New Jersey’s first openly gay lawmaker, Assemblyman Reed Gusciora, recognized the significant shift in opinion and said, “I

don’t think there’s one civil-rights leader in the South who thought ending segregation would be a slam dunk on the first time out.”

Recent public opinion polls show increasing public support for gay marriage and with Christie on the short list of running mates for Mitt Romney, Republican lawmakers are willing to cross Christie, who will likely soon be leaving the state.

New Jersey is waking up to the reality that marriage equality is inevitable.

With New Jersey, Maryland, Illinois and Washington all considering marriage equality shortly after it passed in Washington, D.C. and New York, the resources of the anti-equality groups are quickly running thin. Coupled with a recent report indicating that a majority of the funding for the virulently anti-gay group National Organization for Marriage coming from two sole and anonymous donors, there’s no way for NOM to keep up.

More than 40 percent of Americans now live in states where their relationships are recognized in one form or another, and the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act is on its death bed in several court cases. There’s just no stopping us now. Q

QSaltLake welcomes your letters to the editor.

Please send your letter of 300 words or less to letters@qsaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.

Although party officials doubted their bills would make it through the arduous legislative process, they said making a stand for equality was an important message to send to their country, and the world. Just three months ago the Labor Party officially changed its position on marriage equality and is now leading the battle to legalize same-sex marriage nationally.

SNAP: J.C. Penny Co. ‘Buy-cott’ After actress and TV host Ellen DeGeneres joined forces with retailer J.C. Penny Co., conservative groups went hog wild, calling for a boycott of the store. In a rare move, DeGeneres spoke out against the leading group in calling for the protest, the American Family Association. Saying “my haters are my motivators,” her stance against the AFA and others led to Facebook groups and “buy-cotts” around the nation.

Thousands of gays and lesbians flooded J.C. Penny stores wearing pink and voicing their support for the pro-equality stance that J.C. Penney has taken while standing up for DeGeneres.

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the straight line Rally against discrimination at Capitol Hill

By Bob Henline

O

n Friday, Feb. 3, the Government Operations Committee of the Utah Senate caved to the mindless bigotry of Gayle Ruzicka, tabling SB51, Sen. Ben McAdams’ nondiscrimination bill. The bill, which had widespread support from both Utah’s citizenry and business community, sought to add sexual orientation and gender identity to Utah’s list of prohibited discriminators concerning employment and housing.

McAdams approached this bill in exactly the right way. He argued that Utah is a welcoming community, a place where we all respect our neighbors for who they are and for what they believe. For 73 percent of Utahns, this is exactly right. Unfortunately, the 27 percent that don’t respect anything but their own ignorance has a very loud and influential voice inside Utah’s Capitol.

So the bottom line is this: Utah’s LGBTQ community has played nice. Utah’s citizens have played nice. We’ve been respectful and attempted to work “within the system” to create change. What has been the result? Laughter in the halls of power.

Our Legislature has bullied Utah’s LGBTQ community far too long. Their refusal to act on this simple measure sends a clear and strong message to Utah’s ignorant: that it’s OK to bully that gay kid in your school, it’s OK to fire that lesbian woman and by all means evict that transgendered individual from your apartment complex.

Well folks, I have a better idea. Why don’t we do a bit of firing and evicting of our own?

These ass-hats are elected by you and me; they are our employee — fire them. Evict them from their Capitol Hill offices and send their ignorant asses back to the Dark

Ages and places from whence they come.

On Wednesday, Feb. 29, there will be a rally at the State Capitol. Starting at 4 p.m. we’re going to demand that the Legislature start to take this issue seriously. It is unacceptable that while other states are taking measures to create full equality, Utah remains locked in the bigoted mentality of Gayle Ruzicka and her Eagle Forum thug squads.

Over the course of the next few months, following the rally, the Human Dignity group will be publishing information about the supporters of Utah’s Eagle Forum and legislators that have taken their money.

We will publish information about LGBTQfriendly and unfriendly businesses, and candidates for office. We encourage everyone to take their business and support from these groups and people. The reality of the situation is this: only by dragging them into the light and kicking them square in the wallet will we really make a difference.

Idiots like Gayle Ruzicka thrive on publicity, positive or negative. Her followers, supporters and donors, however, might not appreciate negative attention and publicity. Let’s find out. Let’s expose them for the backward bigots that they are, and if we can’t drag them into the 21st century at least we’ll drag their asses into the light for all to see.

Bigotry and oppression thrive in the dark, grow in ignorance. It’s time to shine the light into the dark recesses of Utah’s hate machine and see where the roaches scurry. The light starts shining on Feb. 29 at the Utah State Capitol, but it won’t end there. These ignorant bastards have declared war on equality, it’s time to take the fight to them. Q

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thinking out loud Two lesbians abroad

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By Abby Dees

early 3500 years ago, the female pharaoh, Hatshepsut, ruled Egypt.

Once a powerful queen, she appears in temple carvings in a kind of ancient drag, with broad chest and false beard, and trappings more typical of a king. Historians claim she did this only as a necessary political tactic. In her tomb, she was found alongside two other female

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mummies. No one knows who they were or why they were there.

While looking down at her beef-jerky face in the mummy room of Cairo’s Egyptian Museum, my partner and I listened as our guide recited this accepted account of Hatshepsut. It didn’t ring true on us. Perhaps she was so butch because she liked it. If those reality-show lesbians can go all James Dean, why not a pharaoh? And maybe those other women were in fact her lovers. The alternative possibilities seem to have occurred to no one.

Such was our introduction to Egypt this past December.

We try to travel to new places as often as we can, eager to discover other cultures and get a different perspective on our lives at home. Whether we’re on a campy pilgrimage to Dollywood or off to where our phrase books offer no help for the correct pronunciation of “Hello,” at some point we always have to decide exactly how out we’re prepared to be on our journey. I don’t like doing it, but we’d be stupid not to. It is, first of all, a matter of safety in an unfamiliar culture. Second,

it’s important to know how alien you’re willing to be in the eyes of others.

If you think this is merely internalized homophobia, I wouldn’t automatically disagree with you. We traveled through Egypt, perpetually unclear about whether we were being respectful or just chicken by demoting ourselves to “roommates” — though sharing a king-sized bed. In most Muslim countries, homosexuality is forbidden. We were at an instant disadvantaged, not knowing what this meant on a practical, daily basis; though I felt certain, as I do in most conservative places, that being gracious and not deliberately freaking out the camels is always a good baseline of conduct. But every time, after we met kind, effusively welcoming Egyptians — whom you meet once you get away from the aggressive souvenir hawkers — and then said our goodbyes, we wondered if we had lost another opportunity to plant a seed of understanding in Egypt, just because we chose the closet.

While men walked freely arm-in-arm, talking passionately about everything, I knew from the guidebooks that this was never more than platonic. However accurate the guidebook is on this point, there were no signs of an LGBT community anywhere. (It is lovely, by the way, to see straight men warmly bonding like this, but that is a topic for another day.) Tradi-

lipstick lesbian Love equality

O Become a Q Vangelist!

Win prizes for being a QSaltLake cheerleader. facebook.com/qvangelists

By H. Rachelle Graham

n Feb. 7, the United States Court of Appeals of the 9th Circuit ruled Proposition 8 unconstitutional. It seems no matter how hard groups like the National Organization for Marriage try to distort the facts, they can’t fool the people in the robes who can see through the band.

For example, the 9th Circuit Court said, “Proposition 8 served no other purpose and had no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians.”

It upholds a lower court ruling, agreeing hate is behind Prop. 8, not love.

Valentine’s Day is normally a cursed day for me. I rarely am coupled up on the holiday and am often uncoupled right before. It should be called Break-up Day for me. But, I’m glad to be celebrating with the rest of

the same-sex marriage advocates as we honorably deserve to win another court ruling. We are on the right side of history, whether we’re coupled up or not.

The Federal District Court paved the way for the 9th Circuit Court, in ruling that Prop. 8 is not in line with the U.S. Constitution — the single most important document in our country. They struck down the four-year ban in California.

There are two couples who deserved to have a perfect Valentine’s Day. The plaintiffs in the case include Jeff and Paul, Kristin and Sandy. They deserve a thank-you note for all their efforts and for filing their cases to the courts.

So here we head down the road that leads to the Supreme Court. It’s obvious Valentine’s Day or the weeks surrounding it are not cursed for those of us who sup-

tional expectations run so deep that when we told people that we had no children, they almost burst into tears of despair. I couldn’t imagine adding, “Well, if the right sperm donor comes along. ...”

When I think about how people come to be enlightened on LGBT issues, I picture a staircase with manageable steps. I don’t expect anyone to skip from floor to floor, but instead, I try to meet them where they are and help them spot where to go next. I reserve my Lesbian Avenger wrath only for people who should know better by now (see my column on Joel Osteen, for example).

In Egypt, though, we couldn’t figure out where to find that next reachable step. The culture is deep and inscrutable to a couple of tourist newbies, and perhaps, I’ll concede, we were scared to look like freaks.

It didn’t seem, at the time, that we might have been that next step and that all we had to do was exactly what we do at home: proceed openly with our lives, apologize for nothing and be nice.

Meanwhile, LGBT Egyptians are still in danger, perpetuated by countless otherwise well-meaning people. Perhaps even some of the ones who were so welcoming to us. We didn’t plant any new seeds there. Maybe next time, we’ll suggest that Hatshepsut enjoyed ruling with a swagger.

Who knows where that conversation could go. Q

port marriage equality.

It’s possible the end of the road is a few weeks from now. This could be a good thing because the Supreme Court would need five votes in our favor and we may not get them. Not to be pessimistic, but it is possible.

If it’s the end, California would join the ranks of the marriage equal, and celebration is on its way. Both ways we could win this and justice will prevail. When the time comes, there is no way the journey is over completely, we still have many more states to come.

Although, the decisions in the courts for marriage equality will make it easier to win in the future. Maybe even our opponents can learn from the past and wake up to the reality that religion has no place in government, and equality eventually wins.

The pain of being treated differently years ago is lessening for both those in Utah, who feel the LDS Church had a huge role in California, and for California citizens, who had their rights stripped away firsthand.

I wish the future holds for even better Valentine’s Days — that no one of legal age will be denied the right to get married. Q

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commentary from cpac

The gravamen of her routine, however, was not Mort Sahlesque. It was how much she likes Mitt Romney and disdains Newt Gingrich. Instead of a black pencil skirt, she should have had on a Brigham Young University cheerleader outfit.

She said the big criticism against Romney is that he is “square.” Her simple applause line returned, “Well hip has bankrupted this country so let’s try square for a while.” picked up the soldier and carried him to Her Q-and-A session with the audience the helicopter, all while under fire. led to some good impromptu lines, inThe Marine returned to the field of fire cluding, “With the federal government in and someone (North says it was a Reuters News correspondent) called to the Marine, charge of health benefits, no plan will be “Why did you do that? Didn’t you notice approved unless it meets the approval of that that was a Republican Guard?” He the San Francisco City Council.”

She’s pretty, in a self-aware way, and meant it was one of the Iraq Elite Corps of she’s pretty funny. However, unlike Sahl, Soldiers. (maybe I mean Joan Rivers, I don’t know) The Marine’s reply, “Didn’t you notice that he was wounded? He needed help. she seems to want to make you laugh and agree, not laugh and think.

We’re Americans, that’s what we do.”

Noble lie? Most likely.

Skin in the Game Great story? Yes. Pundit and shock-jock journalist Andrew Breitbart is a complete conservative verAnn Coulter She spawned look-a-likes at CPAC: count- sion of a Hollywood hipster. His so-called less long-haired, leggy, 20-something solutions to problems are nothing more blondes in the black, sleeve-less Coco than a reach for attention.

Chanel-like, little black dress. Perched on His lack of skin in the game gave him the impossibly high stiletto heels, they ran the ability to rouse the CPACers with his mix vendors booths, ordered coffee and posed of bravado, gratuitous assertion, invective, in the lobby.

The role model showed up with long hair and dressed in black, but not the traditional little black dress — rather, in kneehigh suede boots, mini-skirt and a black “bolero” top.

Is she Mort Sahl redux? Those who remember his Playboy columns and his stand-up on Ed Sullivan will have seen his delivery in Coulter’s 20-minute bit.

She set up the joke the same way — she started with a topical narrative, got some rolling laughter in the exposition, then she zinged the punch line by either playing off the direction she was setting up with an outrageous allusion or going in the opposite direction.

The CPAC audience cheered, hollered and laughed as she took the stage — they 432 5 know her shtick. Her bon mot on the dif6 ference between Republicans and Demo987 IST G E L 2011 crats — “Republican candidates all try to N E V A INC Q .M B E R S convince the voters that they are the next ME Reagan. No Democrat ever campaigns to be the next Carter.”

She did a riff on Obama, naturally, getting laughs about what he promised and what’s he’s delivered.

She did a Pelosi joke, big laugh. But it led to an especially uncomfortable riff about the physical differences between conservative women (who she said were all “babes”) and liberal women she condemned to a life of dowdiness because they had to date “liberal men” (raised eyebrow, we all know what that means). She claimed all women are “right-wingers” because they don’t want to pick up the check for dinner.

A gay CPAC experience

By Craig Ogan

he Conservative Political Action Conference is the winter festival of conservative bloviating (used in the fondest meaning possible), held in Washington, D.C. each year. r The very idea of sending a reporter from QSaltLake to the enemy camp is both delicious and horrifying. Luckily, I’m a longtime conservative and, according to most egay politicos, self-loathing.

The three-day trip to D.C. for the 2012 .conference was to hobnob with the likes of Mitt, Newt, the Ricks, Michele, Speaker John, my dear Sarah and Ann C. Even Utah’s own freshman senator, Mike Lee, had a chance to pontificate. However you react to their politics, they are having an effect on U.S. politics.

t ,

-Oliver North The clean-cut, medal-wearing Marine -colonel testified before a Senate commitstee while he served in the Reagan admintistration. He was involved in something not technically illegal, but very improper. dThe lawmakers were loaded for bear, they wanted him to be contrite and apologize for the policy indiscretions he had made.

He went in as a decorated Marine and didn’t back down, and didn’t apologize.

He made a strong, if fact-light and emotion-heavy, case for his actions. w The committee backed off. g That was North and how he operated. He dhas gotten under the craw of a lot of folks tever since.

- North presented the American Heroes Award at CPAC and his voice was gravely estill as he spoke with military self-confi-dence. His presentation was reminiscent nof an NFL highlight reel. The music was edramatic and the film of war footage was rmore sensational than any clash of fullsbacks and defensive lineman.

He gave a tour d’ horizon of the recent revents in Afghanistan and Iraq. He profiled nmembers of the military, average age 21 sand with 13 years of education, young but enot dumb. The privations and hardships -the individual members of the military face in those places are daunting. y North’s talent as a military raconteur, nhowever, was most evident in his explanation of a photo he shot of a Marine e medic carrying a wounded man to safety.

The photo shows the Marine carrying the y wounded soldier on his shoulders, out of a fire fight in Iraq to a helicopter ambulance. r As North told it, the Marine went on to ethe field of battle, dressed the wounds and

13

mannered vulgarity and enthusiasm. They jumped to their feet when he claimed: • Bill and Bernadette Dorn-Ayers have plotted since 1995 to elect Barack Obama.

• Obama is a Manchurian candidate positioned by radicals to destroy capitalism and the Catholic Church.

• Obama and liberals look down their noses at the country and conservatives.

• The United States Constitution is shredded daily by the White House.

• College professors are “totalitarian freaks.”

• Occupy is a well-funded and organized extension of the anti-war and anti-capitalist movement pushed by billionaire capitalist George Soros.

• There are two paths: the conservative, which furthers American Exceptionalism and the other leading to destruction.

The crowd cheered when he called for all conservatives to unite behind whomever the GOP nominates.

“Anyone who stands with me in the fight against the left — black, white, Latino, Asian, gay or straight — is my ally,” Breitbart said.

That roused a standing ovation from a group who just expelled GOProud, a conservative gay group from their midst. The irony of the moment was stifling. Q

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We respectfully asked the legislature to listen to a majority of Utahns and protect the LGBTQ community from being

FIRED from our jobs EVICTED from our homes All becausewe are LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, or TRANSGENDER. AND THEY IGNORED US

Join us for a RALLY to tell the Utah Legislature ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Bring your family and friends.

FEBRUARY 29th 4-6 PM Utah State Capitol Find us on Facebook Human Dignity Utah Follow us on Twitter @HumanDignityUT Email us HumanDignityUT@gmail.com

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creep of the week One Million Moms

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By D’Anne Witkowski

est there be any confusion, this week’s creep is not just a million random ladies with kids. One Million Moms is an affiliate of the American Family Association. So you can imagine how much these moms love homos.

OMM loves homos so much that they won’t stop calling J.C. Penney Co. to talk about them. Or, specifically, “her,” as in one particular homo: Ellen DeGeneres.

I know what you’re thinking: J.C. Penney still exists? And really, there are people who are freaked that Ellen’s gay? I thought both of those things became non-issues in 1997.

Well, not so much.

In any case, DeGeneres recently signed on to be J.C. Penney’s celebrity spokesperson and anti-gay folks are fuming because the outfit is obviously trying to recruit young ladies onto Team Lesbo by selling Hush Puppies, tailored suit jackets, and softball jerseys in the junior miss section. Also Ellen will most likely be giving live, in-store lesbian sex demonstrations.

Otherwise, what’s there to fuss over?

Plenty, if you read the poorly written alerts on the OMM website.

“Funny that J.C. Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families,” OMM muses.

“DeGeneres is not a true representation of the type of families that shop at their store. The majority of J.C. Penney shoppers will be offended and choose to no longer shop there. The small percentage of customers they are attempting to satisfy will not offset their loss in sales.”

I’m not sure if OMM has noticed, but Ellen DeGeneres has a wildly popular TV show and millions of people love her. So it seems a bit of a stretch to say the “majority” of J.C. Penney shoppers are going to go

buy their $8 knit fashion tops and $4 bath towels somewhere that’s less gay friendly.

Well, I’ll give them one thing: DeGeneres really isn’t a true representation of J.C. Penney’s customer base. But it’s not because she’s a lesbian. It’s because she’s rich.

OMM is determined to bring the retailer to its gay-loving knees, and they’ve been working the phones demanding that Ellen be fired.

“Ask J.C. Penney to replace Ellen DeGeneres as their new spokesperson immediately and remain neutral in the culture war,” the OMM website reads.

And, of course, to groups like OMM and its parent group, the AFA, being “neutral” means pretending that LGBT people don’t exist. And having a prominent lesbian representing a company where “ traditional” families shop makes that fiction ever harder to live by.

Apparently the OMM call-in campaign isn’t working as J.C. Penney has announced it has no intention of dumping Ellen. And OMM is complaining on their website that the company’s corporate headquarters keeps hanging up on them. Their solution?

Call the managers of local stores and harass them instead.

Rather than bother folks with actual work to do, why not fight fire with fabulous and go shopping? Plopping some of your hardearned dollars down on a J.C. Penney counter is the best way to thank them for not caving to anti-gay bigotry.

And I wasn’t kidding when I said they had $4 bath towels. They even have them in totally gay colors like Purple Opulence, Garnet and Exotic Pink. Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping! Q

Anti-gay folks are fuming because the outfit is obviously trying to recruit young ladies onto Team Lesbo by selling Hush Puppies

The Pages that Get Used — Not Tossed Utah’s Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual,

Transgender and Ally Business Directory is Going to Press Soon!

Be sure you are in by calling

801-649-6663 ext. 1

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VIEWS

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

15

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16 FEATURE

Gay ski week grows in 2nd year

By Seth Bracken

I

n its second year, the Elevation Utah gay ski week, Feb. 23-25, will attract hundreds of gay men and women from around the country. Much like its sister event, Elevation Mammoth, a ski week in Mammoth Lakes, Calif., that attracts more than 5,000 people, the Utah rendition will have all the traditional skiing events as well as private parties in Park City and Salt Lake City.

The event was launched last February and attracted more than 300 people, and about twice as many people are expected this year, said Tom Whitman, event organizer and president of Tom Whitman Presents.

“Our 2011 debut year for Elevation Utah totally reminded me of our first year of Elevation Mammoth — we had a great group of about 300 to 350 guys, all of whom had an amazing time and couldn’t stop talking about how they wanted to come back and build the event each year,” Whitman said. “That’s what I wanted for our first year in Utah. With an event like this, we don’t make money the first few years, it’s all about delivering a great event, attracting a core group to the event from out of town, and introducing the event to the locals.”

After visiting the local ski resorts several times and meeting locals, Whitman said Utah was his obvious second choice after starting Elevation Mammoth. Terrific local bars, an excited population and a need for an event like Elevation Utah helped him decide to launch the program.

“I think the local gay population is hungry to have an event like this,” Whitman said. “I want this event to feel like it’s not only an event for people traveling to Salt Lake, but an event for the local guys as well. And as it grows, I want it to be a part of the community, and that includes it benefiting local organizations.”

In addition to all the events, fundraisers for local queer charities are held and the activities provide an opportunity to lend a hand in the community while having a great time.

For parties and events, local and Californiabased disc jockeys will be spinning at bars in Park City and Salt Lake City. Performers include California DJs Brynn Taylor and DJ Josh Peace, and Salt Lake City DJs Harry Cross Jr. and Chris B. Plus, male dancers from California will add to the club scene of Park City.

“I want to grow Elevation Utah to be an even bigger event than Elevation Mammoth. The potential for Utah is huge, partially because it is so easy for East Coast, Midwest and international

Elevation Utah schedule Thursday, Feb. 23 Welcome Après-ski with DJ Chris B 4 to 7 pm (Location to be determined) Welcome to Park City! This is the kick-off event to Elevation Park City 2012. For those who make it on the mountain, head straight (or not) off the slopes and join the group for a cocktail.

Thursday Night with DJ Brynn Taylor 9 pm–2 am, Downstairs, 625 Main St., Park City It’s the kick-off night event at one of the best clubs in Park City. A great sound system, cool vibe and cheap cocktails; what more could you ask for?

Friday, Feb. 24 Friday Après-ski with DJ Lishus 4–7 pm, The Sidecar, 333 Main St., Park City Skiers, studs, one-night stands and ski bunnies. Après-ski events are the snowboarder equivalent of a very happy hour. For many

guys to get to Salt Lake City,” Whitman said. “But just like Mammoth, I want the Utah event to feel intimate and friendly. One thing I’m most proud of with Mammoth is that the event still feels like a group of extended friends getting together to have fun. Everyone is super friendly, in a good mood and no one has an attitude. That’s what I’m going for. It just happens to be an extended group of 3,000 friends.”

The first Elevation event was held in Mammoth in 2002, and has grown to, well, mammoth proportions. The week has separate groups for lesbians, enormous dance parties and other events as the gays take over the town.

As the city streets are lined with pride flags and boarders and skiers, this is the best part of a gay ski week. It’s a traditional après-ski with a bit more alcohol, much better music and way hotter guys. This is the welcome event, so get there early and start making friends.

Friday Night with DJ Brynn Taylor — Opening set by DJ Harry Cross Jr. 9 pm–2 am. at JAM, 751 N. 300 West, SLC It’s Friday night and the skiers and boarders will be heading to Salt Lake City to the premier gay club in Utah.

Saturday, Feb. 25 Ski & Ride Hookups 9:30 a.m. at Payday Lift, Park City Mtn Resort Let the local ski club introduce you to the mountain! Meet up with the guys and gals from Elevation and SkiOut Utah for a morning of skiing and boarding. Intermediate and advanced skill levels, no charge.

Après-ski with DJ Chris B 4 to 7 p.m., Downstairs, 625 Main St., Park City

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QSALTLAKE

local businesses advertize their excitement and acceptance for the gay week, it’s almost a winter pride festival in Northern California.

To preview the week, the Queer Utah Aquatic Club will be hosting Ski-n-Swim the weekend before, Feb. 17-19. The swim meet will be held on Feb. 18, 10 a.m., at Fairmont Aquatic Center and the skiing event will be held Feb. 19 at The Canyons resort.

The QUAC Skin-n-Swim is an official United States Master Swim Meet event, and last year it attracted swimmers from around the state. The weekend also includes a group dinner on Feb. 17, 7 p.m. at Frida Bistro, 545 W. 700 South, and ice skating and dinner at the Gallivan Center, 239 S. Main St., on Feb. 18, 5:30 p.m. Q

Tickets to the Elevation Utah weekend lineup starts at $120 for general admission and $160 for VIP at UtahGaySki.com. For info on QUAC Ski-N-Swim, go to quacquac.org.

Malibu rum is bringing you special cocktails for one of the most popular events of the weekend.

Come straight (or not) off the mountain, and into the bar. No changing, no showering.

Cherry Pop Park City with DJ Josh Peace 9 pm–2 am, The Sidecar, 333 Main St., Park City The Utah version of the famous Cherry Pop party in Los Angeles will keep guests dancing and bouncing all night. Because venues are small, the weekend passes will sell out.

Purchase tickets beforehand.

Sunday, Feb. 26 Après-ski with DJ Josh Peace 4–7 pm, Downstairs, 625 Main St., Park City Celebrate with one last hurrah before heading back to reality with the fabulous party benefiting the Utah Pride Center. Tanned and windburnt boys, pitchers of beer, stories about the weekend, new friends from around the country and old friends from wherever will be mixing and mingling.

QSALTLAKE.COM

ISSUE 200

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

FEATURE

17

Make a Seamless First Impression

QUAC Skin-Swim schedule Friday, Feb. 17 Opening Social Dinner 7 p.m., Frida Bistro 545 W. 700 South Get the weekend started off right with dinner at the fabulous Frida Bistro. Just $20 per person, participants will also receive a wristband for free VIP entrance to the after-party at JAM.

After Party 10 p.m., JAM, 751 N. 300 West Great atmosphere and a sexy crowd make this the place to be for the after-party; Ski-N-Swim participants receive free VIP entrance.

Ice skating at the outdoor Gallivan Center ice rink starts at 5:30 p.m. and dinner will be served at 7. Tickets for ice skating can be purchased in advance for $8 or at the door for $10. Dinner is $20.

Saturday, Feb. 18

Sunday, Feb. 19

Swim Meet 7:30 a.m., Fairmont Aquatic Center, 1044 Sugarmont Dr. On deck registration from 7:30-8 a.m., warmups at 9 and competition at 10. Novice to advanced swimmers are welcome to participate and everyone is welcome to cheer.

Evening Skate 5:30 p.m., Gallivan Center, 239 S. Main St.

Ski, Snowboard & Lunch The Canyons Resort, Park City For $100 per person, QUAC participants can have an all-day pass to the resort, lunch and access to the spa at the Grand Summit Hotel for a soak in the hot tub and visit to the sauna.

For more information, go to quacquac.org.

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Ski-N-Swim

Friday Saturday Sunday

[opening social] [swim meet] [dinner party] [Ski & Snowboarding] [hot tub and spa]

February 17, 18 & 19, 2012 www.ski-n-swim.org

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

18 FEATURE

ISSUE 200

QSALTLAKE

You are holding QSaltLake’s 200th issue

By Seth Bracken

W

hile working with a small staff for a biweekly newspaper, it’s easy to get sucked into the pressure of the moment. As soon as one issue is finished, another needs to get started.

It’s rare to take a moment and stop for a short breath to consider just how far QSaltLake has really come.

There’s a sense of pride and accomplishment that comes with the printing of the 200th issue, QSaltLake owner and publisher, Michael Aaron, said.

“We get caught up in the moment so often. It’s hard to realize how much ground we’ve made,” Aaron said. “I can still remember our first issue. We had been working on it for about four months and the first time that ink actually hit paper, it was such a huge deal to us.”

QSaltLake has always pushed forward, covering stories that other news publications couldn’t or wouldn’t cover, and that’s been one of the trademarks, Aaron said. From stories about meth addiction within the queer community to exposing the dangers of party-and-play sex parties, the queer publication strives to stay on the cutting-edge of journalism.

One issue uncovering police tactics to cut down cruising at the Jordan River Parkway that included officers taking down license plates and sending post cards irked not just the more straight-laced Utahns, but also many gays.

THE

Striking a balance between truth and sensationalism while bringing to light problems in the community, knowing it could end up being fodder for the likes of Gayle Ruzicka, has been one of the toughest challenges as a publisher and editor, Aaron said.

“It’s hard when covering a topic like drugs and how

celebrities, arts and musical festival guides help to keep Utahns updated on some of the best arts and entertainment offerings in the state. The Gay Agenda is a regular offering of queer entertainment that helps readers stay in the know.

The first wedding giveaway was also a landmark moment, illustrating how far QSaltLake had come, Aaron said.

“We had this light that just sort of turned on when we realized we could do it. We could organize and give away a gay wedding,” Aaron said. “It was a perfect match for our publication in doing something for our community that no other publication really would do.”

Publishing a niche publication that caters to a very specific group is both a blessing and a challenge, Aaron said.

And while unsure of what format it may be in, some form of QSaltLake, digital, application or print will be around for many years to come, he said.

“I think communities need their voice. A voice that cares heavy it is in this community. It’s hard to know where to about them and understands them,” Aaron said. “I see draw the line,” Aaron said. “But I’d rather have people deal niche publications doing much better than daily publicawith the problems that are in this community than worry tions.” about what conservatives might think if they happen to No matter the form of publication, QSaltLake will be read it.” around for years to come. So here’s to another 200 issues, It’s not all hard-hitting news at QSaltLake; features such and 200 more.

Thanks for reading. Q as the underwear issue, interviews with local and national

200

Department of Theatre

PRESENTS

THE WORLD PREMIERE OF BRIGHDE MULLINS’S

It’s that TIME again...

THE 2012

SALT LAKE RINDGecker STAulR l i m o re

An n e C

THE DIRECTORY THAT GETS USED – NOT TOSSED GOES TO PRESS SOON.

BABCOCK THEATRE, March 9–18

A special event to raise funds for student scholarships. www.KingsburyHall.org | 801-581-7100 | www.theatre.utah.edu

YOU KNOW THE PINQ PAGES GETS USED BECAUSE UTAH’S GAY AND LESBIAN COMMUNITY WANTS TO SUPPORT THOSE WHO SUPPORT THEM. CALL 801-649-6663 EXT.1 TODAY WWW.PINQPAGES.COM

QSALTLAKE.COM

ISSUE 200

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

VIEWS

MORE POTENT THAN LOVE POTION NO. 9 THE ELIXIR OF LOVE March 10 –18, 2012 | capitol theatre A “magic” love potion leads to some hilarious action in Donizetti’s delightful comic confection.

FOR TICKETS, CALL 801-355-ARTS (2787) OR VISIT UTAHOPERA.ORG

19

ABOVE AND COVER PHOTOS: MATHU ANDERSEN

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

22 GAY FEATURE WEDDINGS

‘QSaltLake’ Wedding Giveaway sponsors

W

ith both QSaltLake Wedding Giveaways fast approaching, the response from the community is overwhelming. Here’s a few of the businesses and individuals helping plan and participate in the weddings.

Just Girl Stuff Specializing in prom and wedding dresses, Just Girl Stuff, has more than 600 dresses in stock and available for fitting. From bridesmaids to flower girls, this beautiful and queer-friendly store in Riverdale, Utah, is a must-visit for anyone, gay or straight, planning a wedding or any other special event.

Just Girl Stuff is donating two wedding dresses for the QSaltLake Wedding Giveaway. For more information, go to justgirlstuff.com.

“Here at Just Girl Stuff we make your special occasion our number one priority.”

The Ritz Tuxedos With more than 20 tuxedo styles and more than 50 vest colors and patterns, The Ritz Tuxedos is perfect for weddings and other formal events.

With same-day service and pick-up the evening before the event, the service is unbeatable.

No tuxedo is more than $46. The Ritz Tuxedos donated the tuxedos to the QSaltLake Wedding Giveaway. For more information, go to theritztuxedos.com.

Cherry Bomb Salon The Cherry Bomb Salon is led by Nickole Hogan.

Along with fabulous cuts, styling and colors, she is an educator with Pravana Natureceuticals and is experienced in current advanced hair coloring, hair cutting and straightening techniques for all hair types. Hogan also specializes in MAC makeup and is a certified MAC Pro Makeup artist. Her creative passions include beauty transformations, weddings, photo shoots and special events.

Hogan will be doing the hair and styling for the QSaltLake wedding. For more information, go to cherrybombsalon.com

Ganached By Jake Ganached By Jake specializes in wedding cakes, cupcakes, pastries and much more. Owned and operated by Jake Blaine, Ganached is a shining testimony of creativity and skill. Blaine has always had a passion for baking and he decided to turn his love into a career. He graduated from Scottsdale Culinary Institute and began dazzling wedding guests, birthday party-goers and event planners with his fantastic and whimsical cakes and pastries.

“Everything is made from scratch and

Inspired.

801.288.ARTS beau.broadviewuniversity.edu

designed to fit the personality and desires of the customer,” Blaine said. “You can count on quality and customization.” Blaine is donating the wedding cakes for the QSaltLake weddings.

For more info, go to GanachedByJake.com.

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Pumps & Pants Sasha Polak of Pumps & Pants makes a fun, unique photo shoot in a comfortable and safe environment for the LGBTQ community. She took Russell and Owen’s engagement photos (below) and the boys couldn’t be more thrilled. She gives our community the respect and equal opportunity and appreciates couples from all walks of life.

QSALTLAKE.COM

ISSUE 200

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

23

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FaLL in LoVE With thEatRE! “Hysterically funny...And along the way to its sweet finale you can fall in love with theatre all over again.”

—Sarasota Herald-Tribune (FL)

MARCH 23 – APRIL 7, 2012

Laughing stock WRITTEN BY

“I cried, I choked, I fell into a coughing fit, I cried some more...can’t help but love this play.” —Nashua Telegraph (NH)

CHARLES MOREY PTC Artistic Director Charles Morey’s hilarious and affectionate look at the world of theatre has had close to a hundred productions around the country since its PTC premiere over a decade ago. When The Playhouse, a rustic New England summer theatre, schedules a repertory season of Dracula, Hamlet and Charley’s Aunt, comic mayhem ensues.

TIckETs NoW oN salE:

801.581.6961 Pioneertheatre.org

Students grades K-12 are half-price on Mondays and Tuesdays.

Sponsored by:

THE LAWRENCE T. AND JANET T. DEE FOUNDATION THE BIRELEY FOUNDATION

Exploring the breadth of human experience.

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

24 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

ISSUE 200

QSALTLAKE

THE RAMBLER See Feb. 25

gay agenda Dependent arising

By Tony Hobday

By the time you read this, Valentine’s Day will have passed.

By the time I wrote it, because of my deadline, Valentine’s Day had not yet arrived. But let me say, after the fact, that I’d been preparing for this annual day for lovers by exercising my prostate daily, bleaching my ear hair, and I finally dug out the ball of belly lint — which eerily resembled Lamb Chop — from my navel. I was ready and willing to say “fuck that” to abstinence-only education and find me a teaching man, like Sue Sylvester, on Valentine’s Day. So, un- your favorite watering hole like Club Try-

Angles, which is hosting a Mardi Gras less you heard a shrilly voice on V-day screeching “Abort, Party, and the “Big Easy” herself, Wilma abort!”, it stands to reason that I had a reproductive night. Holehurt, will be serving up jambalaya — it’ll make anybody’s hole hurt, just warnin’. thursday — Test your news knowledge at 7pm, Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South. For more a live taping of Wait, Wait... Don’t Tell Me!, info, call 801-364-3203.

NPR’s weekly quiz program. Take a fast-paced, irreverent look at the news of the world — and the thursday — Pygmalion weird. For instance, should it be considered prostiTheatre Company presents tution to pay someone to spit in your face for sexual gratification?

Seven, the true accounts of If so, then I would be called the Madam Dalai Llama. Anyhoo, the seven women from around show mines news stories for quick-thinking questions that keep the globe — Russia, Pakiyou guessing what’s real and what’s not. Join award-winning host stan, Nigeria, Northern Ireland, AfghaniPeter Sagal and a lineup of witty panelists for an entertaining stan, Guatemala and Cambodia — who are look at current events. overcoming injustice in their countries, 8pm, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $50–60, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org. often at great risk to themselves. “What’s frightening is that the seven women repfriDAY — In the afterglow of V-Day, Pioneer resent the fates of so many others around Theatre Company presents the romantic comedy, the world. Yet the hopeful aspect is that the Emma. Adapted from the novel by the beloved women are strong, courageous, driven and Jane Austen, the show follows young, headstrong Emma Woodhouse who believes she has a special irrepressibly stubborn. The documentary talent for matchmaking; but where the affections of others and play hits you in the guts time and again, her own heart are concerned, she is exasperatingly but charmengendering a kind of strength that both ingly clueless. Love in the 18th century — the same era that I was grows inwardly and expands outwardly.” last struck by Cupid’s quivering arrow — is brought vividly to life 7:30pm, through Mar. 11, Leona Wagner Theatre, in this enchanting story.

16 UPCOMING EVENTS Mar. 20 Kelly Clarkson Maverik Ctr

Mar. 31 Amy Ray The State Room

Apr. 19 Ingrid Michaelson In The Venue

Jun. 22 kd lang Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover

Jul. 5 Foster The People Saltair

Aug. 4-5 “8” The Play (a reading) Rose Wagner Center

23

17

7:30pm, through Mar. 3, Pioneer Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU. Tickets $25–44, 801-581-6961 or pioneertheatre.org.

QQ Utah Symphony presents an evening of Rachmaninoff & Beethoven — no, it’s not a cocktail party featuring the new beet-flavored vodka! But ... yuummm, right? Anyhoo, conductor Thierry Fischer and pianist André Watts pair up for Stravinsky’s “Scherzo à la Russe,” Rachmaninoff’s “Piano Concerto No. 2” and Beethoven’s “Symphony No. 4.” Trust me, you will be moved to lightheadedness without the purple tongue.

8pm, through Saturday, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $20–70, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

21

tuesdaY — It’s Fat Tuesday, so look out for Josh Jones (QSaltLake’s newest edition to its sales team) barreling through the streets in tight, gold lamé swim trunks and Mardi Gras beads ... that’s freakin’ hot! Celebrate the last day of Carnival at

Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

24

friday — Utah Sympho-

ny presents an evening with Steve Lippia, a prominent, in-demand vocalist and “one of the finest interpreters of the great American classic standards and adult contemporary pop music in the nation,” as he does Simply Sinatra. At the helm will be the lovely Jerry Steichen.

This weekend, reminisce through the music of Ol’ Blues Eyes.

8pm, through Saturday, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $27–85, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

25

saturday — FYI, this

is the season’s final Big Gay Fun Bus to West ­Wendover and the theme is Tardi Mardi Gras. So clad yourself in purple, gold and green and join headmattress Ruby Ridge for fabulous travel gaming. But be forewarned, she’ll be giving out anal beads — I mean mardi gras beads — like sacrament bread when you call out “Bingo!”

11:45am–9pm, pick up at Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South. Tickets $25, 801-649-6663 or biggayfunbus.com.

QQ The Joe Goode Performance Group has created a genre of dance theater — combining text, gestures, humor and deeply physical, high velocity dancing with an emphasis on understanding, compassion and tolerance among people. Performing The Rambler, a full-length piece that is part Clint Eastwood and part Siddhartha — Oh Buddha, the offspring! — the performance will not just entertain but will also provoke and inspire.

7:30pm, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, UofU. Tickets $19.50–29.50, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com.

26

sunday — The Utah AIDS

Foundation once again rolls out the red carpet for its annual Oscar Night ­America Gala fundraiser. Favored one of the hippest parties of the year, all of Utah’s fresh and fabulous will be in attendance: Me and my 334 Facebook Friends ... I used to have 799, but many were not pleased with the distraught sheep on my wall. KMN! Anyhoo, Voodoo Productions will provide entertainment, and scrumptious food will be provided by Le Croissant Catering and Gastronomy.

5pm, The Rail Event Center, 235 N. 500 West. Tickets $120, 801-487-2323 or utahaids.org.

QSALTLAKE.COM

ISSUE 200

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

save the date

February 26

February 17–19

June 9

August 5

Queer Prom

HRC Gala Dinner

QSaltLake Lagoon Day

utahpridecenter.org

hrc.org

qsaltlake.com

gaydaysanaheim.com

WSU Black & White Ball

May 2

June 21–24

August 5

November 11

March 8–9

Bill of Rights Celebration

Utah Arts Festival

SAGE Garden Party

acluutah.org

uaf.org

utahpridecenter.org

utahaids.org March 3

quacquac.org

LGBTQ Youth Summit

Gay Days Anaheim

Natl Coming Out Day utahpridecenter.org November 12

Feb. 22, 29 & March 7, 14, 21

utahpridecenter.org

May 19

July 20–23

August 26

Pride Softball Signups

April 7

Gay Day at Hogle Zoo

Pionude Day Campout

tinyurl.com/gayzooutah

umen.org

Pride Center Golf Classic

June 1–3

July 13–15

utahpridecenter.org

Utah Pride Festival

September 22

utahpridecenter.org

utahpridefestival.org

Damn These Heels Film Festival

Pink Dot Utah

December 7–9

June 9

damntheseheels.org

pinkdotut.org

May 1–9

Salt Lake Men’s Choir Summer Concert

August 3–5

September 26

Journey to Magical Peru

Park City Arts Festival

EU Allies Dinner

QueerSpirit.org

saltlakemenschoir.org

kimballartcenter.org

equalityutah.org

UVU Spectrum Masquerade Prom

prideleague.com February 23–26

tinyurl.com/spectrumball

Elevation Park City Gay Ski Week

April 20

Day of Silence

utahgayski.com

dayofsilence.org

February 25

Big Gay Fun Bus to Wendover biggayfunbus.com

TransAction Gender Conference utahpridecenter.org December 1

World AIDS Day

Salt Lake Men’s Choir Christmas Concert saltlakemenschoir.org Email arts@qsaltlake.com

JAnE AusTEn’s “EMMA”

The story of a beautiful matchmaker who finally meets her match.

February 17 – march 3, 2012

EMMA

l

aDaptED by

jon jory from thE novEl by

jane austen

Young, headstrong Emma Woodhouse believes she has a special talent for matchmaking, but where the affections of others and her own heart are concerned she is exasperatingly but charmingly clueless. Jane Austen’s beloved romantic comedy of small village English life in the 18th century comes vividly to life in this enchanting stage adaptation.

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Exploring the breadth of human experience.

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

26 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

ISSUE 200

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Madonna expresses herself

Gay icon relates herself to ‘strong women’ in new film, talks being an outsider and the latest era of her career

By Chris Azzopardi

W

ith all of Madonna’s metamorphoses throughout her balls-out career, slipping in and out of cultural zeitgeists (and accents), the queen chameleon is still the master of reinvention. Just don’t tell her that.

“Please don’t throw those tired, old cliches at me,” Madonna playfully insists, nodding her head at me in half-kidding agitation. (Hey, at least it wasn’t hydrangeas.)

Her annoyance is marked with cheekiness — and a smile — that only the First Lady of Pop can pull off, and has for three decades. This is a new chapter in the indelible diva’s run, as she drops her hyped 12th album, MDNA, in March via a three-disc deal with Interscope; plans to launch an extensive world tour; does, perhaps, the gayest Super Bowl halftime ever; and releases her feature-length directorial debut W.E., a pet project that recently won her a Golden Globe for Best Original Song.

And she — sexpot, spiritualist, Material Girl — really only has one word to define herself at the moment: “Busy.”

Always unpredictable, she’s not interested in breaking down the details of what’s to come.

All she cares to talk about is the film, a semibiopic on Wallis Simpson (played by Andrea Riseborough) and King Edward VIII dovetailed with a modern-day love story centered on fictionalized damsel-in-distress Wally Winthrop (Abbie Cornish).

Seated with Madonna at a Waldorf-Astoria suite in New York City on a December afternoon, one writer tells her he has a question to kick off the interview. “I’m sure you do,” she quips all-knowingly, as if to acknowledge the fact that she’s aware how much gay men go gaga over her. This is, after all, the room reserved for a small group of gay press, her first stop after a tardy arrival.

“It’s all too much. That’s why I’m late! I’m late for everything now.”

Her longtime publicist, Liz Rosenberg, insists this will put her in a good mood for the rest of the day. Madonna agrees, sighing: “Let’s start with levity.”

Madonna’s in her groove around us. She knows we get her even when she’s wielding snarky cracks. Ask her if she knows how to do the twist like the characters in her film and she responds: “Yes.” Hard pause. “Pretty simple.”

Reminisce on when you last interviewed Madonna and she won’t care. “All right, let’s get down to business,” she insists, done with small-talk.

And so we do. Looking stunningly flawless, not at all her 53 years, in a deep blue dress with her now-infamous black gloves and a bracelet of four crosses to represent each one of her

children, she gives us exactly what we want: Madonna. No pretense. No filter. No warmand-fuzzy. In the interview, she talks about the challenges of being a strong woman in a man’s world, teaching her children to be unique and how outsiders can relate to her new film.

What similarities do you see between Wallis and Evita? What they have in common is what many people have in common who are public figures, who become iconic and who have some kind of historical impact, especially women — strong women. People have a tendency to feel intimidated by the strength of these women, and in order to accept ... actually, the word “accept” is wrong, because I don’t think they’re actually accepted. I think in order to deal with them, a lot of people who write history books, and humanity in general, have a tendency to diminish women or undermine their accomplishments or try to portray them as heretical or as someone with an evil possession of some kind of sorcery, or undermine their strength or intelligence, so I think they have those things in common. Now I’m not saying that Eva Peron is without flaws or that Wallis Simpson was this perfect holy human being, but I do think they were both dealt with in a very unfair way in the history books.

Have you felt that way? (Laughs, expecting the question) Well, yeah, sure. I mean, I don’t think it’s just me. It’s strong women in general.

Why? Why? Because ... (hesitates) You’re a threat? No. It’s just the nature of the universe. It’s the nature of the world that we live in. We live in a patriarchal society and strong women have to ...

Challenge that? No. They’re held under a microscope and judged and measured in a different way. That’s just the law of the universe right now.

The film is driven by a contemporary woman’s view of this historical figure. Do you see anything in your story that may, or that you hope one day may, do the same for someone else? The Duchess is really Wally’s spiritual guide, so to speak, and even though she (the Duchess) came from a different era when women didn’t have the same kind of choices and opportunities; we as women are all still raised on this fairytale idea that no matter how many opportunities we have education-wise or job-wise, our knight-in-shining-armor is going to arrive on his white stallion and sweep us off our feet and take us off into the twilight, and we’re going to live happily ever after.

This is something that we all have to deal with when we grow up. But one person isn’t going to be all of those things for us; ultimately, we have to make our own happiness, and when we can own that and take responsibility for our

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FEBRUARY 16, 2012

own happiness, then we can find a mate for ourselves, or companion or significant other or whatever you want to call it. That’s certainly what the Duchess imparts to Wally, and I hope that I ,can inspire other women to think that way with my own life and behavior.

What’s the thing that surprised you most about Wallis Simpson while doing your research? The discoveries that Wally makes in her journey and her investigations were essentially mine. When I heard about the story — what a magnanimous, generous romantic gesture Edward VIII made toward Wallis Simpson — I thought the same thing that Wally says when she’s looking in the mirror trying on the necklace: “What must it feel to be loved that much?”

As I started to unravel the story and read the letters and go on the journey that I went on to write the script, I realized that, in fact, it wasn’t this fairytale romance as I had imagined it would be. I found that Wallis Simpson tried to avoid the actual marriage from taking place and how she saw the writing on the wall and how she tried her best to get Edward to see the writing on the wall.

She was very astute in her observations, but obviously she couldn’t talk him into her point of view.

He was just cunt-struck, as they say in England.

(Laughs at her choice of words) Sorry!

Did you ever think of making the movie without the contrasting modern-day story of someone reflecting on a historical figure? No. I wasn’t interested in making a straightforward biopic. I don’t think it’s possible to tell the story of one person from beginning to end in two hours. I think that’s actually an unfair challenge to give oneself. And also, truth is so subjective; each of us could read the same five books about the Duke and Duchess of Windsor and we would walk away with a different interpretation.

It would impact us in a different way, and so it was important for me to establish that. As much research as I did, and as close as I tried to stay to the truth and as authentic as I wanted to be, it was important that I be clear that it is a point of view. I never intended to just tell the story of Wallis Simpson.

What’s the importance of telling this story from your point of view? Most of the perspective on the story is, “Look what he gave up for her,” and it’s told from the male point of view.

I think that when Wally starts to make all these discoveries about the Duchess, she appeals to Mohamed Al Fayed (keeper of the Duke and Duchess’ letters) as an outsider, because he lives as a foreigner and as an outsider in England, not really accepted by society.

Really, in my movie, each character is an outsider. Wally is living in alienation on the Upper East Side, where she doesn’t fit in; Evgeni (Wally’s love interest) is a Ukrainian immigrant working as a security guard, but he’s really an intellectual and an artist and he doesn’t fit in; the Duchess doesn’t really fit into this aristocratic world that she’s found herself in, and Edward doesn’t really fit into the Victorian world that he was raised in. So it’s how all these people who feel like outsiders try to come to terms and find their way in the world.

Is that something you draw from your own experience? Yeah, but I think a lot of people can relate to it. A lot of us feel like we don’t fit into the conventional norm or what society expects from us. More and more, people are redefining what makes a family, what makes a couple, what makes love, what romance is, what a union is, what soul mates are — all of these things we’re reinventing, because family is what you make it. It’s funny how things turn out that way. Sometimes your parents aren’t really the people who nurture you. You have other role models in your life that become your mother and your father. It’s unusual when the family you’re born into is actually the people that feel like your family.

Growing up, you rebelled against your upbringing and convention, becoming a major trailblazer. How is it different being a mother with kids who will not have to fight the same battles you fought? Not that this has anything to do with my film, but it’s an interesting question. I don’t think that I’m a conventional parent.

I realize, to a certain extent, that my children are raised with privilege; they have housekeepers; I didn’t. There are a lot of differences. On the other hand, my parents raised me in a very conventional way and I rebelled against it, and now my children come to me and they often want to do things because everybody else does them, and I say to them, “That’s just the worst reason I’ve ever heard for doing something.”

I encourage them to question things.

Question their behavior, take responsibility for their behavior, think outside the box. And they will have a different set of challenges. They will be compared to me. I will be some kind of a benchmark that they have to live with and deal with, and they are going to have to find their way in the world. We are all born with, and into, our challenges, so I don’t think for a second that life is going to be so simple and easy for them.

Do you feel like all your years of research on Wallis Simpson is over with, or are you still invested in her? I’m done with my deep research, but I still feel a strong connection to her.

She’s always going to be a part of me. I am still uncovering little gems about her. People come to me and say, “Oh, look at this little note that we found in this handbag that was auctioned off 20 years ago.” People are still bringing me bits and bobs and memorabilia, so I’m still discovering things about her, and I’m sure I will for the rest of my life.

I was actually going through my papers in my files the other day and found an astrological reading that someone had done for me 30 years ago. I was reading it, and the woman was talking about some aspect of my personality and she quoted Wallis Simpson: “All for love and the world well lost.” I thought, “How weird, she was already a part of my life.” That was a little foreshadowing. That happened 30 years ago, so who knows what’s going to happen 30 years from now. Q

Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.

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27

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Looking again at Sundance Film Festival ’12 T

ISSUE 200

QSALTLAKE

By Tony Hobday

he Sundance Film Festival once again drew in big-name movie moguls such as Sigourney Weaver, Spike Lee, Kirsten Dunst, Bradley Cooper and Bruce Willis. QSaltLake’s topnotch paparazzi duo, Michael Aaron and I, eyed Elijah Wood, Eric Roberts and former Salt Lake City Mayor Deedee Corradini; and, I had the distinct pleasure (seriously, it was really, really pleasurable) of meeting David Duchovny — the chance encounter enabled me to finally give up my many years of sleeping with an Agent Fox Mulder Barbie® doll.

Thank you David!

In between screenings of, what felt like, a rather tame selection of films than is typically earmarked for the SFF, we enjoyed the hospitality of several participating sponsors including Bing, Bertolli, Grey Goose and T-Mobile, all of which were most accommodating. To be clear, we did not have an opportunity to see a majority of films: Because of the daily commute to and from Salt Lake City (albeit Michael drives like his bladder is the size of a BB and the nearest rest stop is a 100 miles away); the hobnobbing with director Ira Sachs (Keep the Lights On), video blogger Chris Crocker (Me at the ZOO) and color-coordinated Mike C. Manning of The Real World: Las Vegas and The A-List: New York; covering the cineGLAAD panels featuring Bishop Gene Robinson (Love Free or Die) and Zachary Booth (Keep the Lights On); and, unfortunately, suffering the shuttle service of ill repute to the press screenings, we were limited to only a handful of films over our allotted five days of coverage.

Of course our focus was on LGBT films, but we did catch a few of the more “mainstream” films. Here are brief critiques on some of the films screened at this year’s festival:

The Invisible War (Audience Award recipient) A documentary by acclaimed filmmaker Kirby Dick, The Invisible War documents sexual abuse within the confines of the American

military. As is customary in American culture, hush-hush is, for lack of a better term, the unspoken policy. Compiled through — approved — government studies and interviews with nearly 100 female survivors, as well as high-ranking military officials and members of Congress, blocks of the film follow the internal repercussions of rape within the military structure and the aftershock on the victim’s personal and familial lives.

Though there is an astonishing percentage of servicemen who are also sexually assaulted, there’s little acknowledgment, to no fault of the filmmakers I’m surmising, of such abuse.

At times, the film tries too hard to pull at heartstrings; the truth of the matter is horrifying, (for example, rape at gunpoint by military police, victims charged with adultery after the fact) but certain sequences feel superficial and planted for unnecessary affect.

Overall, The Invisible War is quite compelling, and the segment on the military’s “prevention” of internal sex crimes is wholly preposterous — notably, the former Department of Defense’s director of Sexual Assault Prevention and Response, Kaye Whitley, would make the perfect poster child for education reform.

Excision This feature-length directorial debut by Richard Bates Jr. could easily become an American cult classic. Excision takes some stock in classic horror films, and is set present day in suburbia U.S.A. Annalynne McCord, as the disturbed and delusional teenage antagonist Pauline, is remarkably creepy — a far cry from her role on TV’s 90210. Her overprotective mother Phyllis is played perfectly by two-dimensional by B-movie icon Traci Lords. There appears to be a hint of diabolical brilliance in Bates’ casting of the supporting roles: Ray Wise, Malcolm McDowell, Marlee Matlin, Matthew Gray Gubler, Roger Bart, Ariel Winter, Jeremy Sumpter and the legendary John Waters.

That same brilliance is also modestly noted in other aspects of the film: for instance,

look for a copy of Sybil strategically placed in the high school principal’s office — ha!

Pauline has an unusual obsession with human organs and plans a career in surgical medicine. Fearing an inevitable loss of her younger sister to cystic fibrosis, and conspiring a quick loss of her virginity, Pauline sets in motion a chain of events that will leave you shocked and dismayed in your seat, and, in finality, chuckling a bit with a weird sense of satisfaction.

The Surrogate (Audience Award recipient) One of my favorites of the festival, The Surrogate, is nothing more and nothing less than an honestly sweet and funny film. I can’t possibly describe completely how gratifying this film is, but the writing is divine, the characters likable and it leaves a feeling as warm as a loving mother’s arms. I strongly encourage seeing this movie when it comes to theaters (it was picked up by Fox Searchlight Pictures). It’s based on the autobiographical writings of journalist and poet Mike O’Brien, who at the age of 38, decided to change his sexless existence confined to an iron lung.

Trust me when I say it’s not at all as dry as it sounds. Plus, you’ll enjoy the fantastic performances by Helen Hunt, William H. Macy and the amazing John Hawkes, who portrays O’Brien with great dignity and beauty.

My Brother the Devil (World Cinema Cinematography Award recipient) Out of the United Kingdom, this straightforward, no-bells-and-whistles drama about two British Arab siblings living in “gangland” territory is a stirring account, by writer/ director Sally El Hosaini, of the sometimesbulldozing bond between brothers. Fourteenyear-old Mo is a sensitive boy (and he wears a lot of pink) who idolizes his older brother Rash, a tough and respected drug-dealing gang member. After a tragic event on the dark streets of London, Rash reevaluates the path he’s taken. When Rash’s newfound friendship with an artist escalates, and Mo steps into his brother’s abandoned gang-banging shoes, truths are brought to light and tough decisions are forced to be made.

The story isn’t necessarily groundbreaking, but the performances by the lead actors are heartfelt and beautiful. How an older brother wants more, and better, for his younger brother, resonates nicely in the film.

Garnering a cinematography award is definitely well-deserved; David Raedeker, beautifully captures the fragility of the harder sides of life and love and, more importantly, the dynamics of brotherhood.

Love Free or Die (U.S. Documentary Special Jury Prize for an Agent of Change) For the irreligious, like myself, it’s quite possible to become somewhat invested, like myself, in this documentary that stems metaphysically farther than the strife of homosexuality within the Anglican faith. However, the film’s core study is how the Episcopalian Church and Gene Robinson underwent much heated scrutiny, in 2003, when he was elected the church’s first openly gay bishop; and director, Macky Alston, a filmtheologist (yes, writers have their own vernacular), exudes passion unlike any I have seen in a recent documentary. And kudos to Bishop Barbara Harris, who, as an interviewee, provides for great comic relief.

Love Free or Die is angelic and will give you faith and hope, if nowhere else, in yourself.

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FEBRUARY 16, 2012

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

relationships. At times, it’s unsettling, and at others, it’s sobering. Plus, the music of Arthur Russell helps propel the weathered nuances of the film.

“

what should we do this weekend?

Keep the Lights On Openly-gay Ira Sachs co-writes and directs a bittersweet love-to-hate-to-love story in Keep the Lights On. Based loosely on his own experiences, Sachs recounts a decadelong, but bound-to-fail, relationship between two gay men in New York City. Erik (Thure Lindhardt, in a sensational performance) is a documentary filmmaker longing for a real connection to another man, and using phone sex as an outlet; that is, until he meets Paul (Zachary Booth), a closeted homosexual and drug addict. (Sidebar: I get that drug use runs rampant within the homosexual-male lifestyle, but the constant documentation of it in films as an ice-breaker to gay sex is becoming offensive.)

Other than my momentary rant about drugs being synonymous with gay sex, Keep the Lights On, is a low-key drama that seeps quietly into the many gray areas of gay

Me at the ZOO It’s hard to say whether this documentary film will bring a celebratory resurgence of the once beloved, gender-bending video blogger, Chris Crocker. But the correlation between his and, ironically, Britney Spears’ rise and fall in the eyes of the American public is an enlightening portrayal of the American Dream: Stardom.

Every action one person takes, every word one person says, every thought one person shares to and for the world are and always will be scrutinized — whether it be by an individual or a congregation. You’ll recognize it in yourself when you see this film: You will scrutinize, make assumptions, admire or dislike Chris Crocker — “Bitch, please” that’s the point. Q

Molier’s

adapted by Roger McGough directed by Jennifer A. Kokai

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i dunno. where should we look?

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Cut Stone Across 1 Spencer-Devlin’s sport 5 Peter and more 9 Bone below the waist 14 Think tank output 15 Matinee figure 16 Erect 17 Elite Navy diver 18 Pro ___ 19 Bear 20 Oklahoma!, for one 23 Having a cool head 26 Couch potato’s gadget 27 Using the mouth a lot 28 Used a number on 30 Così fan ___ 31 Take the mound 32 Mayor killed with Harvey Milk 38 Roth offerings 39 LuPone Broadway role 41 Saint who delivers gifts in stockings 46 What the nose knows 47 Readily available 48 Pink-flowered shrubs 49 Boston, after gay marriage was legalized

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57 Stone “cut” in three answers of this puzzle PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON PAGE 32

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she culture Dueling on Main Street and much more

NIGHTLIFE

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By Annalisa Millo

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ave you ever thought to yourself, “I wonder what Keys On Main is like compared to The Tavernacle?” I can’t tell you the answer to that because it’s classified information and then I’d have to kill you. That, and I haven’t visited The Tavernacle, yet. I am, however, about to tell you about my experiences at Keys On Main.

To my knowledge, Keys is the only dueling piano bar other than The Tavernacle. The location doesn’t get much better; it’s on Main Street, in the heart of downtown, rubbing elbows with the City Weekly offices, Barbacoa, Bambara, Gallivan Plaza and the Gallivan Plaza TRAX stop.

Upon entering, the interior is very spacious, with two long, accessible bars, a lounge area near the large street side windows and plenty of tables surrounding the stage. The décor is lovely; they’ve nailed exactly the type of design they’re going for.

Visiting Keys during the week usually stays fairly mellow — a significant contrast to the standing room-only kind of situation that occurs on the weekends, particularly when a convention is in town.

The food menu is decent and my life has improved immensely since discovering their nacho platter. Food and drink pricing is fair, especially considering the exceptional atmosphere and service that accompanies it.

Their signature cocktails and shots deserve some credit with names like the “It’s Britney Bitch,” the “French Tickler,” and the “Friends In Low Places.” The latter, by the way, comes with a disclaimer that any given person is limited to only one per night, which doesn’t at all surprise me — Jagermeister, Goldschläger and Rumple Minze sounds like a potent and bold combination.

I’ve had a mediocre experience at Keys only once. A friend of a friend was in town, whom we had never met before and it was a weeknight, thus very few other people were in the bar. We made the mistake of sitting on the couches instead of breaking the ice with the help of the bartender, which made for a bit less of a “show visitors the nightlife that our city has to offer” type of night. The upside to the mellower

weeknights though, is that a song request for the piano player is much more likely to come to fruition. It’s more of an intimate interaction with the musicians and staff.

Occasionally, they have live music that strays from dueling pianos. I’ve been lucky enough to watch local band Spirit Master play at Keys, just weeks before Spirit Master played the opening set for The Flaming Lips when they were in town.

Aside from the onstage entertainment, what sets this bar apart from many others in the city is the staff. Rarely have I been to a bar so many times and had such outstanding interaction with the bartenders upon virtually every visit.

The bartenders not only shake up a very decent drink, but they themselves are part of the entertainment.

A couple notable favorites are Benny Raskin and Becky Bradford, who come armed with an artillery of stories and quips that make for an evening of humor even on the most mellow of nights. I will warn you, though, if you decide to sit at the bar, the quick wit of the bartenders will almost certainly ensure sore abs in the morning.

On a more serious note, the bartenders at Keys are the type of bartenders who will remember your face and probably your name, even if you only visit a couple times a year. It’s quite pleasant to walk into a bar to see a grinning bartender, genuinely excited to exchange stories and get to know you.

One of the first times I met Benny at Keys, he had brought out my nacho platter and asked to snag a couple chips from me. I drank, we both munched on some food, had some amusing conversation and then he proceeded to throw in a some cash from his own pocket to help pay for the nachos out of gratitude for the three chips that he ate. It was like a casual evening that could parallel that of Anthony Bourdain’s.

On the comfort level aspect, it’s experiences like that, and their inclusiveness toward the queer community that make it a home away from home kind of place.

Keys On Main does karaoke nights on Mondays and Tuesdays, offers bookings for private and corporate events and hosts dueling pianos the rest of the week. Q

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801-486-0332 An anagram is a word or phrase that For These example:businesses E C brought O L V G N C Y Xyou W Y Cthis R E Q issue YIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! can be made using the letters from Hasof the QSaltLake. solution: C R Y P sure T O G R Ato M Sthank A R E C H them A L L E N G I N Planned G A N D F UParenthood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ppau.org N! Make another word or phrase. Rearrange In the above example e’s are all replaced by c’s. The puzzle is solved by recognizing the letters below to answer: with your patronage. letter patterns in a word or words and successively substituting letters until the Pride Counseling. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-595-0666 Who’s turning five? solution is reached. This week’s hint: D=I Theme: Gene’s saying

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FEBRUARY 16, 2012

32 FOOD & DRINK

ISSUE 200

QSALTLAKE

cocktail chatter The Rob Roy: A wee tale

Qgiggles

A‘

puzzle solutions

Cryptogram: JC Penney stuck by their decision to make me their spokesperson. Which is great news for me because I also need some new crew socks.

Anagram: janet mcteer

By Ed Sikov

Rob Roy,” Chipper announced much too loudly. He looked around the table at our stunned expressions and seemed quite pleased with himself.

As we stared — Chipper is a devout martini drinker — the server asked in a bright tone of voice, “How would you like that, sir?”

“Perfect, please,” Chipper said. He leaned back in his chair and asked, “And what will you all be having?”

“Rob Roy!” Craig cried.

“Same!” said Dan. “Make mine a Rob Roy!” Paolo decided, pretending to think about it for a moment.

“Who am I to break this chain of fools?” I inquired. “Rob Roys all around.”

“Perfect!” Chipper said.

“What’s so perfect about it?” Craig asked.

“It’s a different kind of perfect—” I started but was immediately cut off by Chipper.

“A perfect Rob Roy is made of scotch mixed with equal parts sweet and dry vermouth,” he explained. Everybody turned to me for verification.

“Och! The laddie’s right. Even the wee bairn o’ Scotland know it.” Having once played Harry Beaton in a community theater production of Brigadoon, I’m prone to launching into a Broadway brogue at the weakest excuse.

Dan groaned. “There he goes,” he said wearily. “He’ll be Harry Beaton for the rest of the evening.”

“I’m leavin’ Brigadoon!” I blared and got up to use the men’s room. When I returned, there were five Rob Roys on the table.

“We waited for you,” Paolo said.

“To make an appropriate toast,” Craig added.

Dan harrumphed.

“Och!” I sang out. “I cannae believe how kind ye are! To the Rob Roy, to wee Chipper, and to Sean Connery’s kilt and the bonnie peenie that lies beneath!”

Craig rather spoiled the festivities by spitting out a mouthful of Rob Roy onto the tablecloth.

“Blechhhhh!” he said redundantly. “That’s the worst drink I’ve ever had!”

Chipper was appalled; the rest of us couldn’t help but giggle.

“Now then—”I began, only to feel Dan’s hand squeeze my thigh.

“Put Harry Beaton to bed, hon.”

“Och!” I cried — Dan was not going to have the last word on this — “OK. I think it’s the ‘perfect’ that makes it imperfect.”

“How so?” asked Chipper.

“It’s the wee ... I’m sorry, this is hard for me ... the small amount of sweet vermouth that clashes with the smoky scotch. If anyone cares for a second one, I suggest ordering it dry. And by the way, Chipper, what’s with the Rob Roy to begin with?”

“My aunt Kate started doing genealogical research and she just told me that she’s sure that we’re related to Rob Roy McGregor, for whom the drink is named. He was the Robin Hood of Scotland.”

“Bullshit,” Craig snapped. “You’re more likely to be related to Farmer McGregor.”

Chipper and I were the only ones to go for a second Rob Roy, and we both ordered them dry.

“Och!” I said much to Dan’s consternation. “I’m nae Harry Beaton noew. I’m Grrrroundskeeperrrr Willie, an’ I say it’s a fine a’drrrrrrrinkie!”

“I live with this,” Dan said to his plate. He received no answer.

The Rob Roy, dry 4 parts scotch (it was originally made with Dewar’s, but use any brand you like) 1 part dry vermouth Mix both liquors in a shaker filled with ice; shake; serve in a martini glass. Q

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ISSUE 200

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

restaurant review Nothing shallow about Shallow Shaft

By Chef Drew Ellsworth

O

n a cold January evening my sister and I drove up Little Cottonwood Canyon for dinner at the legendary Shallow Shaft restaurant. We were seated in a tufted booth looking at the last moment of the alpine glow — it’s truly spectacular.

The Shallow Shaft is located near the road, across from the Alta Lodge, and we were able to park right across the street. Built for skiers, we ascended a long, rather steep, wooden stairway and entered a rustic, cabin-like atmosphere. We were warmly welcomed and began what was to be a very memorable dining experience — let me tell you about it.

Our waiter was Jason Horn, who I know through restaurant circles; and although the menu was inviting and exciting, we opted to have Jason order for us and bring out the Shaft’s coolest offerings. I had brought a Bodega Norton Torrontes from Chile — if you haven’t had this wine yet you’re missing out on a treat. Torrontes can be very floral and fruity but with a dry finish and a lot of complexity for an inexpensive wine.

It went great with our appetizers. While we were waiting a server brought us onion rolls with butter that was also flavored with green onion or chive.

Jason carried out a long plate with huge grilled prawns spiced with garam masala, which is an Indian rub akin to curry. The shrimp were perfectly cooked and the whole platter was ablaze with flavors and colors: Spicy peppers, bits of pumpkin, julienned green apple and grilled, house-made flat bread. I was glad my sister was along to help me eat it because I knew I was looking at an evening where we were going to see a lot of food.

Next came the signature trout cakes. Moist, succulent and topped with very nice tartar sauce and caviar. (Julia Child teaches that trout, when

cooked in a certain way, can imitate crab — the Shallow Shaft team has taken that thought and proven the hypothesis.) We gobbled them up in seconds and washed them down with a lovely Ballentine Chenin Blanc — lighter than the Torrontes — if suffered a bit, but was a great pairing with the trout cakes. Shortly after, we were served a braised ox tail on a bed of polenta. We grew up with ox tail soup so it conjured up the past — very unusual dining indeed. The ox tail was served with a side of wilted kale sprinkled with goat cheese and wild-boar bacon, hmmm!

My sister, Lottie Ann, and I love lamb and Jason must have seen our glazed looks when he mentioned the lamb T-bones they were serving that night. They were everything we had hoped for. They were cooked to a true medium rare and laced with a demi-glaze and spiked with a bit of red wine and brown sugar. He also said there was a second sauce, chimichuri. But my chimichuri had melted into the demi-glaze and was certainly not very prominent in the flavor profile. The plate was beautifully constructed with roasted potatoes, some were those deep purple heirlooms, and large chunks of carrot.

With the lamb we had a wine I was so happy to try for the first time, a Vietti Barbera d’Asti, tre vigne, ’08. It had more body than other Barberas I have had and more tannins — it was delicious with the lamb. (Just a note about chimichuri; in South America they make it a lot and I’ve had it served very similar to a Mexican-style salsa and I’ve also had it served as a slick, herbal dressing, nearly always made with cilantro, garlic and lime juice. To me this was not chimichuri, but this is in no way a criticism.) With the ox tail and the lamb we also enjoyed several swallows of an Andezon Côtes du Rhône — a very nice and affordable wine you can get at the new Wine Store on 300 West.

FOOD & DRINK

By this time we were feeling really full, two old people not used to eating a lot at night and we were getting overwhelmed, but it was a job that had to be done! Jason presented us with a gorgeous miso-sake black cod. It was perfectly baked in the oven and very moist and flavorful — light and delicate like sea bass. The treatments were once again very memorable. Bits of pear chutney, a light sauce à la teriyaki, and a slice of pickled eel. We sort of went backwards here and had a very nice white wine, Atrea the Choir, which is a white blend by one of the Fetzer Brothers in California. Even though we vowed we couldn’t possibly eat that much food, by the time our servers came back the plate was clean.

My sister, whom I call Lod, with great fondness, swore she couldn’t swallow another bite of anything so we tried to beg off having dessert but it was too late.

House-made, gooey pineapple upside-down cake served with cardemom sorbet and vanilla ice cream, flanked on the side by warm bread pudding drizzled with a High West bourbon and caramel sauce. And, again, even after much protesting, Lod was nearly licking the plate at the end. As a very nice touch, the dessert came with two digestives, an apricot-esque demi-sec Vouvray and a thimble full of the High West bourbon — wonderfully paired together and out of this world!

33

I want to thank my good friend Peri, the sommelier, for arranging this great meal. Kurtis Krause is the executive chef, and I want to acknowledge him and his staff, especially Jason who so warmly and intelligently presented this rustic cuisine to us. The Shallow Shaft, as many awards will attest, has the best record for pairing wine with food of any restaurant I know and I’m proud to rate the Shallow Shaft a well-deserved 93 points. Q

Give yourself the Gift of Health Transform your body the Warrior way

Steve

801-688-1918

evolutionstevew@gmail.com www.evolutionfitness.us

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

34 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Cruising on the high seas

By Seth Bracken

W

ith more than 4,000 other gay men comfortably situated aboard the largest cruise ship in the world, the skyline of Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. slowly faded into the distance. The company Atlantis had chartered a cruise on Royal Caribbean’s Allure of the Seas and it was the second iteration of the largest gay cruise in history.

I went in with expectations and assumptions; I’d heard some pretty crazy things about gay cruises. I was assuming that the all-night parties would attract circuit-queen twinks and ravers that never let the party die. I was expecting to be the old codger of the ship at the ripe age of 24 and without adhering to a diet of tic tacs and diet Coke for the last year, I thought I would be the chubbiest boy on board.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

This was a paradise for muscle boys, hairy daddies, professional gentlemen and normallooking people. The median age looked to be late 30s or early 40s.

The first night started with a bang at the opening party on the ship’s main promenade.

More than $200 million worth of sound equipment turned this floating shopping mall into a veritable sea of practically naked men. Walking the 100 yards across this area of the ship was a 30-minute ordeal and the journey revealed men in jockstraps and leather, thongs, see-through swimsuits and intricate costumes.

Simple packing tip – don’t forget earplugs; this will help you survive this, and many other parties.

After each party there was an all-night afterparty held on the covered ice rink in the basement of the ship. Unless you’re there to shake your ass all night and willing to miss out on all the games, shows and fabulous dining, pace yourself and consider skipping these parties that sometimes go until noon the next day. There’s so much to do on the ship, you’ll exhaust yourself if you try to make it to everything.

My favorite T-dance (afternoon dance) brought out all the camo and butch men I could handle.

The Dog Tag T-Dance included complimentary dog tags and stickers. Cover it with green stickers if you’re ready to go, yellow stickers if you might need a drink or two to prime your pump or a red sticker to put on the breaks.

Every party was an excuse to make elaborate costumes and the ’70s T-dance and the Over the Rainbow parties brought out the best of the creative gays including ‘Tin Men’ clad only in a gray Speedos and gray body paint, sexy Scarecrows with a bit of hay sticking out of a skin-tight thong and more funky disco-wear and afro wigs than a

ISSUE 200

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Diana Ross look-alike contest. The day dances provided a unique opportunity to see who you were dancing with in the daylight.

Simple packing tip – Every party is an underwear party. Find cute, themed underwear and tight swimsuits that go with the party and save luggage space and money. And for those without perfect bodies, don’t worry every body type and age were represented.

Let loose and have a good time!

After the T-dances and whatever other mischief might come up the cruise-goers shuffle into the main dining room for dinner. Unlike many traditional cruises, there are no dining times and dress codes. Show up as you are and meet new people each night or be seated for a romantic dinner for two.

Simple packing tip – Bring business cards with your photo and room number to hand out. With no cell service it’s tough to meet up with someone again.

The food on the ship was outstanding and included gourmet options such as lobster tails, shrimp, prime rib, steaks, escargot and other delicacies. Order whatever you want and as much as you’d like, because everything is included in the price.

Packed with 25 restaurants and more bars than even Lindsay Lohan could crash in a week, there’s never a reason to go to the mediocre buffet. Cafés, small restaurants, hot dog stands and pizzerias line the walkways and you can completely avoid the traditional cruise experience of cold food on a hot plate. There’s also specialty martini, wine and champagne bars with exclusive menus and offerings.

Simple packing tip – Bring a whiteboard with a dry-erase marker to hang on your cabin door. This way people can leave notes and messages when you’re out.

After dinner each night Broadway- and Vegasstyle entertainment took over the ship. From a dazzling performance of Chicago that will keep you singing all week to a Cirque du Soleilinspired dive show with 60-foot platform dives, trampolines and acrobats, there’s something for everyone. Stand-up comics included Bruce Villanch, Alec Mapa and Erin Foley. And don’t miss the ice show featuring fantastic acrobatics.

Other activities were scheduled throughout the day including pool games, the Not So Newly Wed Game and the Bear Belly Flop Contest.

Book your shows online in advance. Some of the bigger shows were completely booked. It’s fast, free and simple.

Drag shows and voice impersonators kept me laughing all week, but it was the Friday performance of Idina Menzel that brought the house down. Menzel, who played Maureen in Rent and Elphaba in Wicked, has appeared on Glee, and in other Broadway and Hollywood productions.

But on a cruise in front of 4,000 of her adoring

fans, she really let her hair down.

There’s no doubt that the parties are epic and the loud, thumping music of DJ Abel and Wayne G were probably causing seismic activity around the Caribbean. But even if you’re only looking for world-class entertainment with five-star service and comfortable amenities while being surrounded by low-drama gay men, this cruise was a perfect haven. The cruise ports of Labadee, Haiti, Costa Maya, Mexico and Cozumel, Mexico, offered chances for snorkeling, scuba diving, jeep tours, ruin excursions and much more.

And if you are looking for top-notch dancing with men from around the world, look no further than the Atlantis night parties. Kicking off around midnight, the Mardi Glo, Into the Deep and white parties were enormous productions with gigantic decorations and hundreds of lights and lasers.

Free-flowing liquor allowed for a quick and cheap buzz at this or any other party. To give an idea, I paid about $6 for a shot of Patron; and a shot on the ship usually filled half the cup. For a Bacardi and cranberry juice I paid $5. The drinks are the same price around the ship, so you don’t have to worry about premium prices at any of the locations.

Perhaps the most interesting and compelling moments of the cruise came from meeting people from around the world. From Japan to Puerto Rico and Ireland, the cruise was an international cluster of nationalities. One of the most interesting people I got to know through the week was Kenny Gemmell.

I met the 30-year-old Irish flight attendant who was living in Dubai after I inadvertently spilled his drink and had to buy him another.

The playful and flirty Gemmell booked the cruise on a whim to celebrate his birthday and told me he was looking forward to the next one. I bumped into him around the ship all week, always with a smile and a different guy on his arm.

I saw him just a few short hours before he fell overboard.

He was happy and playful that night as I stumbled up to my stateroom. He appeared to have two guys chasing him and he couldn’t be more pleased about the prospect.

After the ship was stopped and alerted of a man overboard, I was interviewed, asking about his disposition before the incident. Royal Caribbean’s official statement was that he went overboard intentionally.

Without knowing the specifics of anyone’s mental state, I have to say, even though I only knew him for a brief week, he will be missed and remembered as someone with a beautiful smile and a zest for life.

He was never found.

The terrible and tragic incident was unbearably sad and marked an otherwise delightful and otherworldly experience.

The best description for the Atlantis Allure vacation is a Disneyland-like experience. Not in its themes or rides, but in the sheer over-the-top production of everything from food to service and parties to performances. The 225,000-ton ship with more than 8,000 people on board was a floating oasis unlike any other experience.

And much like any gay bar or party, you can find whatever you’re looking for. Q

For more info or to book a cruise, go to AtlantisEvents.com.

KINGSBURY HALL PRESENTS

“[Goode’s work] do es everythin g good ar t is supposed to do – to uch viewers’s ouls and minds – and make them wa nt more.”

—San F rancisco E xaminer

e d o o eG

This performance contains mature content and themes; it may not be appropriate for all audiences.

Photo by RJ Muna

JoPerformance Group

Sorenson Legacy Foundation

February 25 | 7:30 pm Tickets: 801-581-7100 | www.kingtix.com Tickets starting at $19.50 | U of U Discounts Available

Upcoming shows: Circus Oz - March 20 & 21 | Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros - March 23 TM

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

36 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

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ebruary is well known as the month that Saint Valentine strikes the hearts of many, but did you know that it is also Heart Health Month? It has been kind of difficult to miss lately, what with all of the messages about being red, wearing red, etc. I think it is fair to say that it’s no coincidence that February was named Heart Health Month; after all, Valentine’s Day is all about our hearts.

So, what makes heart health so important that it needs its own month? Probably because poor heart health is the leading cause of death in the United States. Or rather, not taking care of your heart is likely to lead to cardiovascular disease, and data clearly shows that CVD is the leading cause of death in the United States.

What we know is that much of what leads to CVD is related to our behavior. Yes, one more bad thing that we are doing to ourselves. There are a lot of things that we do that can lead us down the path toward poor heart health. Among the many behaviors, smoking tops the list of behaviors associated with CVD. Others include a sedentary lifestyle and then there is the diet issue. The short of it is that engaging in behaviors that lead you down a path toward cardiovascular disease can translate to a lot of negative things including premature death. But for most, it really translates to an impaired quality of life sometimes as early as our 30s or 40s, and these consequences can even affect our love lives because it can lead to things like erectile dysfunction and impotence.

I think that the biggest message here is that we can all make some changes to our lifestyles that can help us avoid this disease and even take steps to ensure sexual well being. CVD is a vascular problem; it is the consequence of behaviors that translate to our bodies working in overdrive. This cannot be maintained for extended periods and thus, things stop flowing the way they need to in order to function at optimal levels. If we look at smoking, the issue is simple: smoking leaves plaque on our arteries and other vessels. Remember, arteries are the vessels that carry blood to and from the heart. When they have a plaque build-up and become constricted, it requires more pressure to move blood through the arteries.

Similar things happen to our vascular system when we are inactive, when we are overweight or when we have a diet that is high in fat. Our arteries become constricted and more pressure is required to move blood through our system.

This pressure is referred to as blood pressure.

More plaque equals higher blood pressure, and high blood pressure can mean CVD, erectile dysfunction, impotence and many other related problems.

So, my hope is that you are asking yourself at this point, am I doing something to myself that is

By Lynn Beltran

affecting my ability to be sexually healthy? Also, am I doing something now that may affect my ability to be sexually healthy in the future?

Q scopes Speak up, Pisces!

By Jack Fertig

Mercury in Pisces now semi-sextile to Venus in Aries suggests one of those old screwball comedies where mad impulses and misunderstandings lead to love and happiness. Charm and humor will conquer all!

e

ARIES (March 20–April 19) Don’t let arguments become about making you look good or right. That will only backfire. Better to use any disagreement as a test of your diplomatic skills. The voices in your head are offering advice, not orders. Think before acting.

r

TAURUS (April 20–May 20) Make any social commitments as tentative as you reasonably can. Your friends want your company and you’d find social occasions advantageous, but you might be even better off quietly with a few wellchosen pals.

t

GEMINI (May 21- June 20) Don’t let social temptations distract you from your career, but use them to network and to get ahead. Be very attentive to moves behind the scenes and disappointments that could prove to be blessings in disguise.

y

CANCER (June 21- July 22) Engage confusing new ideas. Clarity will come soon. Intellectual and aesthetic challenges will bring lots of opportunities to advance professionally and socially.

When you feel overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to ask friends or experts to help.

u

LEO (July 23–August 22) Your sexual allure can open erotic treasures and/or Pandora’s box.

Sublimation can help your career, but needn’t be an all-or-nothing proposition. Dangers lurk at extremes of abstinence or indulgence. Use foresight and look for opportunities not necessarily in the bedroom.

i

VIRGO (August 23–September 22) You are entering a long phase in your life where relationships are becoming even more icomplicated. Erotic impulses can open up hidden depths and new ways to com-

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I see quite a few men in the clinic who are showing signs of some level of erectile dysfunction. Medical research across the board does indicate the rates of erectile dysfunction are increasing, but many wonder if this is happening because we are talking about it more. What most people don’t realize is that, oftentimes, the root cause is behavior, and it is something we can change.

This takes us back to the question at hand, are you doing everything you can to be red, happy and healthy? Q municate with the one you love. Some mixed signals are just part of the learning process.

o

LIBRA (September 23–October 22) Even if you really do know better (and I’m sure you do!) your efforts to help are easily seen as aggressive meddling. Ask first if your suggestions would be welcome. Attending to your own tasks is usually the better way to set an example.

p

SCORPIO (October 23–November 21) There’s more to “creative differences” than the idea that you’re creative and they’re different. As strong as your feelings are steel yourself to welcome constructive criticism as an opportunity to improve. Real friends are not flatterers, but tell the truth.

[

SAGITTARIUS (November 22–December 20) Uncovering family treasures (House cleaning? Talking with older relatives?) can help you realize how much you have to offer in your work. Talking with family elders? Pay special attention to the family’s health history.

]

CAPRICORN (December 21–January 19) Whether you are arguing with or citing the authorities you can all too easily get it wrong. Check and double-check your facts very carefully. Right or wrong, you are also likely to anger people in charge. Take it slow and easy; be diplomatic!

q

AQUARIUS (January 20–February 18) Don’t be afraid of arguments. (But are you ever?) New angles of discussion will open your mind as well as others’ to intriguing new ideas. A little shock adds extra value. As usual, the trick is to accept challenges more than you offer them.

w

PISCES (February 19–March 19) Being outgoing, even garrulous, will open a lot of doors. Some you may want to shut again in a hurry. Still the good outweighs the bad. Listen more than you talk, but speak up and you’ll hear something important.

Jack Fertig, a professional astrologer since 1977, is available for personal and business consultations at 415-864-8302, starjack. com, or QScopes@qsaltlake.com

Coldest, Cheapest and Biggest Drafts

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SATURDAY, FEB 18

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MARDI GRAS PARTY

Jambalaya will be served

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OSCAR NIGHT PARTY Come watch it on the big screen

MONDAYS:

Come watch RuPaul’s Drag Race, 7pm

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Big Gay Fun Bus Feb 25 trip to West Wendover tickets sold here!

WEDNESDAYS: Thigh-High Sci-Fi Theater Feb 22: Spaceballs Feb 29: Mars Attacks!

Fri & Sat:

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SUNDAYS KARAOKE ▼ MONDAYS WEENIES ▼ WEDNESDAYS POOL TOURNAMENT ▼ THURSDAYS KARAOKE ▼ FRIDAYS DJ BOY TOY ▼ SATURDAYS DANCE-DANCE-DANCE ALL NIGHT SHY? TEXT HIM ON OUR SCREENS THROUGHOUT THE BAR

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

38 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

D

the dating diet The gay with the bowie knife

By Anthony Paull

PINK PIG

id I mention I write in a park now?

It’s organic and therapeutic until the old people and middle-school kids start fighting over which homeless person smells the worst. Personally, I like the homeless people. There’s only one that pisses me off and that’s because he serenades me with a saxophone, taking a seat beside me each time I attempt to think. Who knew poor people could be so talented?

Wait. I’m poor. Oops. Let me restate that. Who knew the disadvantaged could be so amazing?

Does that sound better? Good. I want to get in heaven and I already have the gay thing weighing me down. That’s why I try to see the best in people. Like in my friend Carey, who would have guessed him to be so crafty with a bowie knife?

I would never have known if he hadn’t started a love affair with a beefcake bartender. I know, you’d think he’d know better. He is in the same field. I’m a bartender dating a bartender. The tale could never end well. But it would make for a good story.

So let’s flash back! Carey gets a dream job, slinging beer at a flashy downtown bar. Then

he’s dating two, three, no four regulars at the same time. They each have a story, yet none of them is particularly tangible. There’s always some sort of scribble, a backstory that’s never clear. One has cold balls. Another is an alcoholic. Another is a drug dealer. There’s always a glitch. But it’s attention that Carey craves, so he has his allowances. Besides, attention makes Jack, the beefy bartender, jealous. The problem is Jack shouldn’t be getting jealous. Why? Because Jack has a boyfriend. It’s just a little fact he forgets when he drinks.

“It’s no big deal,” Carey insists.

He doesn’t really like Jack anyway. Well, unless they’re shitfaced, hooking up. Then he’s in lurrrve.

“It’s electric,” Carey explains, meeting me for sushi. Outside, the city is painted by jazz music, stringing lights. “It’s like he gets me. Like we have this connection.” Waiting on a table Carey romanticizes the situation. His eyes shine with insomnia. He picks at his bandaged hand.

“What’s that? Did you get cut?” I ask.

He blushes, laughing it off. “Yeah…I um… pulled a skinning knife on Jack in the parking lot

last night.” He looks off. “It’s funny, really.”

My limbs go still. “Are you serious?”

A host escorts us to a table while Carey explains it was a misunderstanding. He was filing a nail. It’s not his fault an argument broke out during a manicure in the front seat of his car. Besides, apparently it was cute. Jack sucked the blood from his wound. “Doesn’t that sound romantic?” Carey gushes.

“No. It sounds like a biohazard.”

“Why? I’m not diseased, you pervert!”

“It’s still gross.”

“Well some guys get off on that stuff.”

“Yeah. Maybe if you’re dating Edward Cullen.”

Behind a frown, Carey states he’s calling it quits anyway.

He doesn’t want to be in a love triangle with Jack and his boyfriend. If only he could cling to that thought. You see, in no time, the two are back to their shenanigans except now Jack is flirting with other guys at the bar as well.

Angry, Carey shoots me a text. “Can you believe the nerve?”

“Oh give me a break. You’re jealous that someone else’s boyfriend is checking out someone else?”

“Kind of.”

“Think about that.”

ISSUE 200

QSALTLAKE

To which he replies, “I know. It’s bad. But you have someone. You don’t know what it’s like to be lonely, to hug yourself to sleep.”

I flash back, recalling the isolated confusion of being single — the long nights of writing my heart out, wondering if I’d ever love again.

I wasn’t like Carey.

Somehow I didn’t need four lovers to fill the void of one. In fact I hid, refusing to hook up with a single soul. Instead, I’d have play dates with fast friends, hosting emotional affairs. Who knows? Perhaps I didn’t do ‘single’ well either. Who does? Therefore I bite my tongue, trying to understand why Carey engages in such behavior. What is he getting from it? Would he still be interested if Jack were available?

To this day, Carey pleasures Jack when the opportunity arises. Then he shoots me a text, sensing it’s wrong. Perhaps it is. Perhaps it isn’t. Who am I to judge? As a friend, I’m just supposed to steer Carey down the path of being single even if that means admitting there might be more than one visible route. Q

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Feb. 16 –

Gamma Rays

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Son of Ian

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Zach Parrish

Feb. 19 –

Sunday Funday, $10 Breakfast Buffet, $2 Bloody Mary's & Mimosas

Feb. 20 –

Open Blues Jam

Feb. 21 –

Texas Hold'Em Poker @ 7 PM

Feb. 22 –

Trivia Factory @ 7 PM, DJ Street Jesus @ 9 PM

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Gamma Rays

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TBA

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Open Blues Jam

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Texas Hold'Em Poker @ 7 PM

Feb. 29 –

Trivia Factory @ 7 PM, DJ Street Jesus @ 9 PM

Mar. 01 – TBA

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ISSUE 200

FEBRUARY 16, 2012

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