QSaltLake Magazine - 284 - Oct. 2018

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INE Y MAGAz L L A D N ANS A XUAL , TR E IS B , N AY, LESBIA UTAH’S G

OCTOBER 2018 VOL. 15 • ISSUE 284 QSALTLAKE.COM

20 YEARS since the murder of

Maahew Shepard

30 years since the murder of Gordon Ray Church in Cedar City 40 years since the murder of Tony Adams in Salt Lake City

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Issue 284 | October 2018

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publisher/editor Michael Aaron

ASSISTANT editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred

TAYLOR MAC

sales Ken Stowe, 801-997-9763 x1 sales@qsaltlake.com

A 24-DECADE HISTORY OF POPULAR MUSIC (ABRIDGED) Back by popular demand, the luminous Taylor Mac returns to Salt Lake decked and bedazzled in gloriously irreverent regalia for a night that is “startlingly unique…a must-see for anyone who wants to see a kinder, gentler society.”

— Huffington Post

contributors Joshua Adamson Pickett, Diane Anderson-Minshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Paul Campbell, Laurie Bennett-Cook, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Ryan Haymore, Tony Hobday, Joshua Jones, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Bradley Jay Crookston,

RJ Graham publisher

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“Fabulousness can come in many forms, and Taylor Mac seems intent on assuming each and every one of them.”

— The New York Times

Nancy Peery Marriott

October 2018 |

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Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

from the publisher

Remember Matthew Shepard’s face

BY MICHAEL AARON

Matt

would have been 42 this year, his father, Dennis, said to a roomful of journalists. He paused.

I’m not sure if it was because of emotion or for effect, but you could just feel everyone in the room letting that soak in.

The event was the National LGBT Journalist Association’s annual convention, held this September in Palm Springs, Calif. Dennis and Matt’s mother, Judy, were part of a panel titled “Matthew Shepard: Twenty Years Later.”

Twenty years.

I’ve written in the past about how, after sitting in San Francisco in front of a computer screen for days, hoping to find more information about a Laramie, Wyoming boy clinging to life after an anti-gay attack, I decided I needed to return to Salt Lake City. I had to come back and resume “the fight.”

Matthew Shepard hoped to have people recognize his face as someone who changed the world for the better for LGBT people.

When Judy first saw Matt in the hospital after the attack, she couldn’t tell that the swollen, blood-covered, bandaged face was Matt’s. It was a knob on his ear and the blue of his one partially opened eye that convinced her it was.

But today, we all know Matthew’s face. He did, indeed, change the world for the better.

“I just wish it wasn’t in this way,” Dennis told the room.

Jason Marsden, the executive director of the Matthew

Shepard Foundation that Judy and Dennis launched after Matt’s death, said that he believes the reason this particular murder caught the world’s eye was because it had all the makings of a “good story.”

“The sometimes unfathomable rules by which news stories rise or fall in prominence cannot be unpacked here,” Marsden wrote. “Perhaps it would suffice to say that powerful stories, be they in the newspaper or in storybooks, share certain characteristics: compelling characters, exotic settings, dramatic changes of circumstance, cliffhanger endings. Especially to the outside observer unfamiliar with Wyoming, Shepard’s story shared them all.”

A conversation I had with a fellow publisher that weekend gave me pause.

Perhaps Matthew was destined to change the world, but because the universe knew Judy and Dennis would pick up the torch and run with it for at least 20 years.

And make change, they have, even though they are feeling defeated by the current political climate and the up-tick of anti-LGBT attacks and murders in the past two years.

The University of Wyoming in Laramie has a memorial bench with Matthew Shepard’s name on it. It reads: “Matthew Wayne Shepard Dec. 1, 1976 – Oct. 12, 1998.

Beloved son, brother, and friend. He continues to make a difference. Peace be with him and all who sit here.” Q

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news

Call Wharton O’Brien Law

The top national and world news you should know from last month

BY CRAIG OGAN

Blind pig finds truffle Mary Roland, a magistrate judge since 2012 is a surprising nomination to the U.S. District Court in Illinois.

She is a member of the Gay and Lesbian Bar Association, considered left of center, and is married to a woman. It’s speculated that she is part of a “package” with Senator Dick Durbin, D-Ill. He asked for her appointment during the Obama administration but was turned down. According to Lambda Legal, nearly onethird of Trump’s judicial nominees have an anti-LGBTQ record. LifeSiteNews, a Roman Catholic-oriented website, expressed concern that she couldn’t separate her “homosexuality to be a fair judge.”

Il Papa trips over his tongue

Wharton O’Brien, PLLC 165 S Main Street, Suite 200 Salt Lake City, Utah 84111 chriswhartonlaw.com

Reporters recently asked Pope Francis what he would say to parents who “observe homosexual traits” in their child. His answer: “I would say first of all to pray, not to condemn, to dialogue, to understand, to give space to the son or the daughter. The child has the right to a family, and the family not throwing him out.” He also suggested that “a lot can be done through psychiatry.” A Vatican spokesman quickly clarified the Pope wasn’t suggesting homosexuality is a psychological

Issue 284 | October 2018

problem, but therapy is a tool to help with acceptance and depression issues.

Grindr IPO Oh hell, turns out the ChiComs own Grinder and they want to take the world’s largest gay hook-up platform public. Don’t rush off to delete the app or hide your pic; they’re not outing you; rather they’re floating an initial public stock offering. Bloomberg reports: “Grindr — a wholly owned unit of the Chinese internet gaming firm, Kunlun, which bought a 61.5 percent stake in Grindr in 2016 for $155 million and bought the rest of the company in 2017.”

Mass. transgender woman loses a Congressional run Not this time for Alexandra Chandler, running for the Massachusetts 3rd Congressional District nomination.

She hoped to be the first transgender person elected to the U.S. Congress.

She did poll ALEXANDRA CHANmore votes PHOTO: DLER FOR CONGRESS than her demographic at 5.7 percent of the votes in the primary election.

Intersex baby surgery California’s legislature passed a resolution condemning surgery performed on infants to “correct” the child’s genitals.

The resolution was introduced by, no kidding, state Democrat Sen. Scott Wiener, and co-sponsored by social justice organizations interACT and Equality California.

The resolution urges MDs to delay genital surgeries but doesn’t ban the procedure.

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chief Eddie Edwards for the seat of retiring fellow Democrat, Rep. Carol Shea-Porter.

The Victory Fund and other gay PACs supported Pappas.

Queering Fashion Week

Boys wed as toys Two Chicago men who are massive Disney fans threw a Disney-themed wedding where they dressed as Buzz and Woody from the Toy Story series. “You’ve got a friend in me” was the first dance song. The grooms asked guests to dress as their favorite Disney character. And some did — several men as Tinker Bell and a lesbian couple as different iterations of Mary Poppins. The couple was engaged at, yes, Disneyland. The honeymoon: not Never Never Land, but Hawaii with a layover at Disneyland. See PHOTO: TIFFANY BRANDT wedding pics at goo.gl/p2J66G. Parents have the right to authorize the operation but advocates think the child should have a choice and therefore wait for the child’s informed consent.

SCOTUS rules against Philly Catholic adoption service The United States Supreme Court rejected Philadelphia Catholic Social Services and Bethany Christian Services’ legal appeal to continue to discriminate against gay and lesbian couples. Lower courts rejected the claim citing constitutional rights were violated by being forced to follow an anti-discrimination law. Bethany has agreed to comply with the law, but CSS of Philadelphia “will show them” and will shut down its adoption services.

Drag Race racing to an Emmy RuPaul’s Drag Race is in the running for an Emmy award.

An unnamed Hollywood producer and advocate hopes RuPaul wins: “Maybe I like being subversive, but I would love for RuPaul to win because I would love to see her accept an award on the main telecast.” The anonymous guest columnist (this is now acceptable opinion journalism) writes, “Everybody that is now able to do drag shows, or even for that matter to be transgender, walks in her footsteps — his footsteps.”

Gay Democrat wins in New Hampshire primary Chris Pappas earned the Democratic nomination for New Hampshire’s swing 1st Congressional District and will face Republican former police

A queer fashion show takes place during New York Fashion Week at the Brooklyn Museum, marking its sixth year. The show, “Dress Code”, is produced by Anita Dolce Vita and presented annually

by DapperQ. The show features 10 designers whose work is dedicated to the queering of fashion — particularly gender nonconformity, designers who aren’t typically among bighouse brands during NYFW. Alex Mugler from Viceland’s My House hosts the evening.

The producers hope to not only queer the opening day of Fashion Week but are queering the entire week, partnering with The Phluid Project to bring a full week of events.

Stormy weather at NLGJA conference An emcee at the National LGBT Journalists Association conference in Palm Springs, Calif., received criticism for welcoming “ladies and gentlemen, things, and its.” His comment caused immediate protest, tweets, and resignation from the NLGJA. Marshall McPeek is a meteorologist at ABC’s Columbus, Ohio affiliate. Blogger Monica Roberts immediately called him out, yelling, “Oh no he did not,” and “There are no ‘things’ or ‘its’ here.” He later apologized on stage, and NGLJA issued a statement that McPeek’s “inappropriate, unscripted remarks” don’t “reflect our values.”

Golfer, gay It was just a matter of time before one of those gym bunnies on the Professional Golf Association tour came out in

the conservative world of pro golf. Tadd Fujikawa is now the first professed gay male in the men’s PGA. At last count, there are almost 20 out golfers on the LPGA (no, it’s not the Lesbians Playing Golf Association). Fujikawa, a native of Hawaii, qualified for the U.S. Open at 15 years old and is the youngest player in 50 years to make the weekend event. Tadd Fujikawa INSTAGRAM Speaking of golf, Caitlyn Jenner tweeted a pic showing the plaque, “Caitlyn Jenner” on a locker in the private ladies locker room at the elite Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks, Calif. Jenner reportedly felt affirmed as a woman following the club rejecting her participation in the men’s tournament.

Nothing like a mother’s love An Ithaca College sophomore Mahad Olad visited family in Kenya who tried to subject him to conversion therapy. As a Muslim born in Somalia but raised in Kenya and Minnesota, he hid his homosexuality and his atheism from his family but, as families do, they figured it out. Reaching Kenya, mommy dearest detained Olad at a hotel where she asked him to withdraw from college and placed under the control of a group of sheiks. The goal: to reform his religious beliefs and pray away the gay (or, failing that, beat it away). Instead, Olad called the U.S. Embassy, which gave him refuge and got him out the country. Q

10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

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Issue 284 | October 2018

Gay SL County GOP leader says too many sex partners to blame for Utah’s LGBT suicide rate In an editorial board interview with The Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake County Republican Party Chair Scott Miller wanted to introduce the party’s new communications director and talk about all the positie changes and outreach they are making. That was to include the LGBT community, as he named openly gay Dave Robinson to the post.

Robinson, however, talked a bit offscript, going so far as to say the root cause of Utah’s LGBT teen suicide problem is promiscuous sex.

“You talk to some of these people that have had grundles of sex partners and the self-loathing and basically the unhappiness and the self-hatred level is tremendously high,” The Tribune quoted Robinson as saying. “The gay community really needs to start having some conversations within their community, saying how is our lifestyle affecting our mental health.”

Robinson said he’s talked to gay men who have had “over 2,000 sex partners” and opined that could be a root cause of “some of the self-loathing to the point of suicide” in the state.

The state’s suicide rate among children ages 10 to 17 more than doubled between the years of 2011 and 2015 according to the Utah Department of Health. Some say that LGBTQ youth make up a disproportionate number of those suicides.

Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams shot back at Robinson’s comments as “old, tired stereotypes and tropes,” noting that most of the suicide problem in the state is youth under 17, most of whom may not have ever even experienced sex.

“Condemning who and how we love is a strange way to build a bridge between the Republican Party and the LGBTQ community,” Williams told The Tribune.

“Mr. Robinson’s rhetoric is deeply irresponsible and unbecoming of a leader in a political party in the state of Utah.”

Robinson also claimed that the Salt Lake County Health Department was giving gay men “free medication,” perhaps meaning PrEP, and that “these men went on to have unprotected sex like bunny rabbits at monthly sex parties, unaware that the medication did not protect from STDs other than HIV.”

Salt Lake County Health Department’s STD and HIV epidemiology supervisor, Lynn Beltran, said Robinson’s claims were “wildly inaccurate,” that the County has never given out free pills — and that the county’s STD clinic isn’t even able to prescribe the medication.

Miller issued a statement saying the Tribune “mischaracterized” Robinson’s comments. That same day, however.

Robinson sent “proof” that his statements were true to the Tribune.

Miller removed Robinson’s title, but let

him keep his role in the party.

Robinson has not spoken publicly since the story broke. Q

UofU named second most LGBTQ-friendly university Affordable Colleges Online ranked the University of Utah as the second-friendliest higher education institute for LGBTQ students in the United States, behind the University of California–Riverside.

“With the goal of fostering acceptance and fair treatment to LGBTQ students, the University of Utah developed the LGBT Resource Center, which established an open and safe area for student interaction. In addition to developing closer bonds with their peers, students will also be able to use the center’s space for its academic support, which includes a communal study area and several public computers. Students who are still in the process of exploring their gender identity and sexuality may also be interested in the Mentor/Mentee Program, which pairs them with another member of the LGBTQ community who can provide their support and life experience,” ACO wrote in their announcement.

The following criteria determined the UofU’s ranking. However, the university fell short in the area of health care programs including mental health services.

THE EXISTENCE OF AN LGBTQ RESOURCE CENTER ON CAMPUS The mission of the UofU’s LGBT Resource Center is to “[act] in accountability with the campus community by identifying the needs of people with a queer range of (a)gender and (a)sexual experiences and responding with university-wide services.”

The center hosts “Fabulous Fridays” to create a safe space for students. The weekly gathering includes free food,

board games and mingling with fellow students. The center also holds workshops, has mentorship programs and panels, and presents various other events throughout the year. The resource center also gives academic support complete with a study area and computers.

THE EXISTENCE OF LGBTQ CLUBS, ORGANIZATIONS AND EVENTS The UofU’s Queer and Trans Students of Color takes a focused approach. Providing space for intersecting racial and gender identities, the group works for social justice, community building, critical thinking, and self-expression.

The student group Interdependence focuses on the intersection of identities from disability to illness, and gender to sexuality.

GENDER-INCLUSIVE HOUSING UofU students have the option of living in a shared space, with a preferred roommate. They may also choose their own room and bathroom, or in a single room and a shared unisex bathroom. Another option is in the Alliance House Living Learning Community, in which the student may choose a space without any consideration of gender identity or sexual orientation.

Other criteria in the university’s favor were the presence of LGBTQ-specific scholarships, the presence of gender-neutral bathroom, and inclusivity training for students, faculty, and administrators that discusses the importance of pronounce, how to ask, and what to do if you make a mistake. Q The list of rankings is at affordablecollegesonline.org PHOTO VIA FACEBOOK, DAVE FOR COUNTY MAYOR

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Bitterly anti-LGBT former senator, Chris Buttars, dies at 76 Anti-LGBT former senator Chris Buttars died Monday at the age of 76, according to a social media post by his daughter, Angie Patterson. He has been reportedly in hospice care for the past few months, according to a report by UtahPolicy.com.

“Saying goodbye to this great hero is touch. I am happy for you dad, because you are free...

Love you!” Patterson wrote.

Buttars was co-author, alongside Utah Rep. LaVar Christensen, of Utah’s Amendment 3, which amended the state constitution to say marriage was solely between a man and a woman. The amendment was later declared unconstitutional by U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby.

Buttars did an interview with Reed Cowan ABC 4 News, where he compared gays to radical Muslims and said, “They’re probably the greatest threat to America going down I know of.” He further called the gay community “immoral,” “taken over by the radical side,” “diseased,” an “abomination” and “the meanest buggers [he’s] ever seen.”

In response, activist Jacob Whipple called for his resignation. Senate leaders sent Buttars home the day the interview was made public and held a press conference.

He was not ousted from the Senate, but he was stripped of his chairmanship of the Senate Judicial Committee.

Even the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released a statement, distancing the church from his comments, saying, “From the outset, the Church’s position has always been to engage in civil and respectful dialogue on this issue.

Senator Buttars does not speak for the Church.”

Buttars also sought to kill Salt Lake City’s domestic

partner registry in 2008, calling it an attempt to “get around Amendment 3.” The bill did not pass.

Former Utah senator Scott McCoy often butted heads with Buttars in his years on the hill. When one person was talking to Buttars about McCoy, Buttars clarified with, “The gay?” McCoy proceeded to replace his car license plate with “The Gay” and Salt Lake Acting Company branded Saturday’s Voyeur with it.

The senator also received criticism when he referred to a bill he didn’t like as this “baby is black, it is a dark and ugly thing,” Many critics saw his comments as racist and offensive, including the NAACP, which demanded his removal from office.

Buttars sponsored a bill that would allow instructors to teach Utah public school students “Intelligent Design,” an anti-Darwin, anti-evolution theory of creationism. He used the words “Divine Design,” but changed the title when that appeared too controversial. The bill actually passed the Utah Senate, but failed in the House.

Service organization Pride in Your Community, run by activist Eric Ethington, chose Buttars as the first monthly service event, bringing him and his neighbors pumpkin bread and shoveling their driveways.

Buttars surprised the group by inviting them in and talking with them for 45 minutes.

“Senator Buttars made it clear that, while he is by no mean pro same-sex marriage or many other gay rights, he is definitely opposed to those two kinds of discrimination,” Ethington said at the time.

At the end of the 2011 Legislative Session, Buttars announced he would retire from his seat. Q

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Painting the state rainbow

BY ASHLEY HOYLE

The Pride wave swelling from New York City in the late ’60s had a great distance to travel to crash over present-day Utah cities. Around the country, Pride celebrations have sprung up in major metropoles and tiny towns alike. Utah’s own Salt Lake City, Ogden, St. George, and Provo have celebrated to raucous response their Pride festivities.

The state, with a consistently Republican government and conservative culture, however, has experienced its fair share of resistance.

Just this summer, after the Salt Lake City Pride Parade, a group of homophobic individuals harassed Lucas Horns sports a rainbow necker- and chased after a gay chief given to volunteers man.

And so the need for the spirit of rebellion and advocacy, of community and solidarity at the root of Pride’s beginnings is alive and well here at home. Project Rainbow is one of many local organizations keeping the ferocious spirit of Pride present and poignant.

Begun as a clever way to encourage visibility while raising funds, Project

Rainbow has developed into an operation fiercely fueling the success of an authentic Utah Pride. They stake yards with rainbow flags during Pride week and collect funds which go to a local LGBT cause.

Lucas Horns, the founder of Project Rainbow, had serious intentions when he started the organization, as well as lighthearted creativity.

“I like to say that the Boy Scouts came up with the idea, I just made it more colorful,” he said in an interview with QSaltLake Magazine.

Last year, the Boy Scouts’ impressive, sprawling distribution of American Flags for Memorial Day delighted Lucas. So with Pride coming up the next week, he dreamed up Project Rainbow.

“I love the sense of community and camaraderie in the Boy Scouts when they put those flags out. I knew the same rallying could happen with the LGBT community,” said Horns.

What started at the Pride epicenter of Utah in Salt Lake City has now spread into a multi-city operation. Project Rainbow currently serves three other Utah Pride areas — St. George, Provo, and Ogden. A growing presence in less urban areas is vital to Horns’ mission.

“I’ve always thought that the areas outside of Salt Lake would have the most impact, so we were excited to expand there,” Lucas said. “One flag in Spanish Fork is more important than 200 in Sugar House.”

The people affected by the presence of the flags in their neighborhoods are essential to Lucas and his team. As he puts it, “It’s so important for kids in those

Issue 284 |

October 2018

communities to see those flags and know that they don’t have to move to be welcomed. There are allies everywhere.”

With a successful inaugural year, staking a total of 550 flags for Utah’s capital city Pride alone and receiving hundreds of phone calls for additional flags, Lucas has his sights set on further expansion.

Additionally, Project Rainbow hopes to hone its activism.

“There’s a lot of visibility for gay and lesbian people, but not for transgender folks. I’m excited to use the momentum we have to educate people about Trans Remembrance Day,” Horns said on their upcoming November campaign to stake transgender flags across Utah lawns.

The successes won by Project Rainbow have been hard fought. Instances of vandalism, including one this week in Provo where a flag was defaced, are an ongoing challenge. Instead of becoming discouraged, Lucas describes the incident saying, “It’s just an indication of why this work is so important. There are still people out there who feel we shouldn’t be prideful of who we are. It makes it more important that we keep standing up and speaking out.”

“For every sad story, there are 100 happy stories,” Lucas shared, highlighting the uplifting energy that keeps the project afloat. Among the happiest: receiving drawings from local children of their rainbow banners. “I didn’t have anything like this growing up,” said Horns. “I only saw a rainbow flag if I drove downtown past the Pride Center. To have kids leaving those drawings for us, it’s so cool to see the world they’re growing up in.”

The group’s efforts have raised over $10,000 for various organizations, including the Utah Pride Center, Ogden Pride, Provo Pride, and the LGBT Resource Center at Dixie State University.

When complimented on his impressive work, Lucas only had this to say, “Really it’s the community — this wouldn’t be anything if it weren’t for the 550 who signed.”

His parting message to QSaltLake readers is this, “I want people to know how proud of Utah I am. I had faith that people in Salt Lake would come out and show their colors, and they did. I think it speaks a lot of the inclusivity here in Utah.” Q

October 2018 |

Ermiya Fanaeian

Three students awarded Kathy Phelps Equality Fund scholarships The inaugural Kathy Phelps Equality Education Fund scholarships have been awarded to three Utah students.

A combined effort between Kathy Phelps, Equality Utah, Utah Pride Center, and Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, the scholarship is for LGBT students and straight, cisgender allies seeking higher education to advance LGBT causes.

The largest scholarship, for $3,000, was awarded to ANDREW RIVERA, who identifies as a transgender man.

He is a University of Utah student in the Pre-Health Promotion and Education

Andrew Rivera

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

program. He hopes to use his education to further his work doing LGBTQ-specific health research and education and to help educate local health care providers on how to treat the LGBTQ community.

He started the Health Care Provider Summit, an event focusing on educating providers and students on LGBTQ health topics. He has also assisted with the Genderevolution conference and has spoken internationally on Connor Healy his work in LGTBQ medical research.

Two $1,000 scholarships were awarded to ERMIYA FANAEIAN and CONNOR HEALY. Fanaeian is a transgender woman of color who will begin her studies at the University of Utah in the Business College as a pre-Law degree. She is the co-founder of March for Our Lives Salt Lake City, leading the march of 8,000 people demanding gun reform.

Her plan is to earn a law degree to begin a political ca-

PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE UTAH PRIDE CENTER

reer and work as a civil rights lawyer.

Healy is a cis gay man who came out just under six months ago. He is an executive officer of Out in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics, also known as oSTEM, which has created a tutoring program for Encircle.

He hopes to work for inclusion in STEM fields.

“Sexual minorities are marginalized in the STEM fields, feminine traits are highly devalued, and there is a severe lack of LGBTQIA+ role models in STEM,” he said.

He is pursuing a bioengineering Ph.D., studying bone marrow using art and science.

Phelps said that she got the idea for the scholarship earlier this year when she realized the stress students were under “trying to further their education, work, and pay for school.”

“I was a B and C student but fortunate enough to have resources to pay for my education,” she said. “With our current [presidential] administration, I think it’s more important than ever to fight for equality, whether that is by an LGBTQ student or as an ally.” Q

14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

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Issue 284 | October 2018

Utah Alzheimer’s organization using new study to better help LGB elders

BY JOSELLE VANDERHOOFT

Medical research often excludes or overlooks LGBT people, making their needs as a community and as individuals challenging to identify. As a result, LGBT people often don’t get the care they need.

But Utah’s chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association and SAGE Utah are looking to change that for LGBT people facing Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia.

Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive form of dementia that impacts memory and other cognitive functions.

Since 2014, SAGE — the Utah Pride Center’s support and advocacy group for aging LGBT adults — and the association have created education programs at the center on several aspects of dementia, according to Kate Nederostek, program

“We’re also seeing higher risks of vascular disease and vascular dementia in the LGB community.” director of Alzheimer’s Association, Utah Chapter. These included such subjects as the 10 warning signs of Alzheimer’s disease, debunking the mysteries of Alzheimer’s, how to go about getting checked for forms of dementia, and programming related to caregivers.

This July, a groundbreaking medical study bolstered their efforts. Announced at the Alzheimer’s Association International Conference, “Dementia Prevalence Among Sexual Minority Older Adults” looked at the rates of Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia among 3,718 self-described lesbian, gay, and bisexual adults from January 1, 2007, to July 31, 2016. It’s the first study to examine the rates among LGB adults who are HIV negative.

The study did not include transgender

people. Its abstract does not mention the reason.

Nederostek, who also serves on SAGE’s committee, welcomed the study.

“It gives us more information about how, and how much, the LGB population is affected by dementia, and how we can potentially better service them,” she said.

Common risk factors for all forms of dementia include depression, head injuries, and heart conditions, like cardiovascular disease and diabetes. Heredity and age also play a part, as does HIV/AIDS. And while the study noted that rates of dementia were roughly similar between LGB and heterosexual people, Nederostek indicated that LGB people face additional risks their straight counterparts often do not.

“They tend to have higher rates of obesity, depression [than straight people], and in the lesbian population, higher rates of tobacco use and higher rates of cardiovascular disease, as well as higher rates of HIV/AIDS for gay men,” she noted, citing other medical research. “We also see higher risks of vascular disease and vascular dementia in the LGB community.”

Nederostek said another surprise the study found is that LGB individuals acquired dementia at younger ages than their straight peers.

“Participants generally had higher education than the general population, which seems like that should be protective, so we don’t know how that plays a role,” she added.

Jeremy Cunningham, Public Policy Director for the Alzheimer’s Association, Utah Chapter, said that two risk factors LGB people face surprised him: poverty and social isolation.

“You generally think, ‘Oh, this person is gay, and they don’t have children, so they have more disposable income,’ but that is not the case,” said Cunningham, who is gay. He noted that homophobia, transphobia, and lack of opportunity could make saving for retirement difficult for LGBT people.

He also noted that LGBT people tend to access medical care less than their cisgender, straight counterparts.

“And when they do they’re not truthful with their doctors,” he said. “Forty-four percent don’t tell their doctors they’re a member of the community, and up to 30 percent can’t access good continual medical care. That is huge.”

He added that prejudice against LGBT people could also complicate such things as entering care facilities.

“LGBT adults want to have a safe environment to express themselves,” he said. “Heterosexuals can assimilate into care, but a lot of LGBT people don’t want to [stay in the closet to go to one], so they lose their sexual identity and personal identity,” he said.

This lack of money and social networks, Cunningham said, places further stress on LGB people with dementia, which he says is already “extremely challenging” for both patients and their loved ones. To change that, he said the PHOTO COURTESY OF THE ALZHEIMER’S ASSOCIATION

October 2018 |

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

association and SAGE are calling for more culturally competent health care. As well as for people to “expand their definition of family” long before they reach their mid-60s — roughly the age people become vulnerable to dementia. It’s particularly important, he said, because LGBT seniors are more likely to live alone and not have children, both of which factor into traditional support networks for aging people.

“Often when people say the word ‘family,’ they mean the nuclear family — or biological and legal relatives,” he said.

“Many LGBT people either do not have a relationship with their family of origin, or they may have strained relationships.

Many do not have children or a partner.

LGBT people may have a chosen family, or family of choice, who provide them with care and support.”

With these challenges in mind, Cunningham and Nederostek said they and SAGE want to expand their outreach to LGBT people with dementia. It includes an LGBT-friendly support group for caregivers — for whom accessing support can be difficult regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Cunningham also emphasized the importance of helping people create social networks before they face dementia and other health challenges.

Cunningham said he also has high hopes for the Alzheimer’s Association’s new facility in St. George. He said he anticipates it can reach often-isolated rural Utahns with dementia, of all sexual orientations and gender identities.

“It is our goal is to increase access to care and support services for everyone and expand our reach,” Nederostek said, adding that she also hopes the landmark study will not be the only one of its kind.

“I’m hoping this is the launching pad for more stories because this one only tells us so much,” she said. “Research breeds more research, and I’m hoping additional studies will be more inclusive.” Q For more information about SAGE and the Alzheimer’s Association, visit utahpridecenter.org/programs/about-sageutah/ and alz.org. The study is at bit.ly/lgb-dementia

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Issue 284 | October 2018

quotes “When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.”

— Epitaph of Leonard P. Matlovich, 1988

“Does it really matter what these affectionate people do — so long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses?”

— Beatrice Stella Tanner, c.1910

“Isn’t it a violation of the Georgia sodomy law for the Supreme Court to have its head up its ass?”

— Letter to Playboy magazine, 1987

“No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don’t love anybody.”

— Rita Mae Brown, 1982

“If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality.”

— James Baldwin, 1969

“The degree and kind of a man’s sexuality reach up into the ultimate pinnacle of his spirit.”

— Friedrich Nietzsche,Beyond Good and Evil, 1886

“It’s hard enough to be taken seriously in the struggle for gay rights without having a bunch of straight girls running around kissing each other to get the attention of boys and video cameras.”

— M. Robin D’Antan, 2002

October 2018 |

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

guest editorial

Bathing Harry

BY CONNELL O’DONOVAN

Harry Hay

(1912-2002) is appropriately described as the father of Gay liberation, founding the first “gay rights” group in 1949 in Los Angeles, called the Mattachine Society. He was also one of the founders of the Radical Faeries in 1979, a movement exploring an essentially nature-based Gay male spirituality.

I first met Harry and his longtime partner John Burnside at the Wolf Creek Radical Faerie Sanctuary commune near Grants Pass, Oregon, and years later had the honor of being on his care team preparing him for death — I was his masseur.

I was then honored to be an usher at his memorial service in San Francisco. His nom du Fae was The Duchess. To find out more about this extraordinary person, read his biography, The Trouble with Harry Hay by Stuart Timmons, or watch the documentary, Hope Along the Wind: The Life of Harry Hay. On a languorous mid-July afternoon in 1994, after a morning of solitary prayer, meditation, and seeping myself into the sacred loam of Wolf Creek Sanctuary during my first journey there, some dozen Radical Faeries gathered to caravan down the road a ways, to Hooter’s Hole on the creek — a large swimming hole affectionately named for said Faerie. This was a magical and sacred place of wood, stone, water, and sunlight. We flung off clothes and rushed into the large, deep pool of water, naked and laughing, 10-year-old children again.

After a long while of splashing, swimming, and jumping off a high rock into the deep pool, I slowly spun off on my own, a solitary leaf on water, carried by a mild current away from the noise and bustle.

Mostly out of sight, I found an underwater boulder that I could easily perch on, just my head, shoulders, and chest above water, and sank into another meditation.

A few minutes passed in nature’s “silence” and then came a nearby splish-splash. I opened my eyes to see Harry Hay, the Duchess herself, happily dog-paddling toward me, his long white hair wild and dripping sparkles in the sunlight, his eyes bright with delight, an 82 year-old child, skinny-dipping for the first time, or so it seemed, his joy so palpable and contagious.

I only recall silence between us for a while, but I’m sure we exchanged a few words, as he came and clung to me on my submerged boulder. I remember gently flipping him onto his back to draw him across my lap, his arms clinging around my neck. I held him tenderly, quietly in my arms, a partially submerged Pietà of sorts. I felt at once a fierce maternal embrace in our closeness, as well as the gentle intimacy of old lovers.

With my right hand, I cupped a handful of creek water and poured it on the crown of his head, and then another.

Then I washed his cheek and neck. And cupped water onto his chest and bony knees — the rest of him being underwater. As I did so, I quietly uttered words of blessings and blissings into his ear. It was a delicious, spontaneous ritual, almost an Arcadian baptism of old. He just curled up against my chest, and huddled in the safety of my arms. Those briefly eternal seconds are now etched into my heart.

The purity and sanctity and depth of that moment I count as one of the greatest spiritual experiences of my life. There is now an existentially definitive “before I bathed Harry” and an after. Dry husks of seeds that had laid dormant within me now burst open into life and abundance.

I can never recall bathing Harry without breaking into tears of joy and gratitude.

I miss you Harry. I love you. Thank you. Q

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Issue 284 | October 2018

lambda lore 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights

BY BEN WILLIAMS

In October

1987, a handful of Utahns went to the National March on Washington for lesbian and gay rights.

The march was planned in response to the Supreme Court’s Bowers v. Hardwick decision.

The justices upheld the legality of state sodomy laws which criminalized homosexuality.

Additionally, people went to protest Ronald Reagan’s lack of response to the AIDS crisis.

Approximately 20 to 30 Utahns went to the March on Washington compared to 50,000 from California and 1,000 from neighboring Colorado. We were a minuscule part of the 650,000 gay and lesbians who marched and rallied in Washington, D.C., where a quilt the size of two football fields with 1,920 quilt panels laid representing people who had died of AIDS. I traveled by train with a former drag queen and ex-marine friend named Mark Lamar to the event. Upon arriving, we went down the ramp leading to the lobby and there beyond the crowd of strangers were at least 16 people from my Salt Lake City. They all cheered and clapped for Mark and me.

It almost made me cry. It was so beautiful and thrilling to step into a strange city and be greeted by people who care about you.

Everyone was on a high being in D.C., knowing why we were there, being with our little band from Utah. Singing and skipping, we felt like for at least that weekend; D.C. was our town. Everywhere gay and les-

bian people were converging on the city. There was a heightened sense of solidarity, real brother and sisterhood; of mission; of purpose; and while it seemed like a huge National Pride Day event, it was much more.

On Saturday, Oct. 10, mass gay weddings took place on Constitution Avenue and 10th Street in front of the IRS building. There was a platform stage that contained sound equipment along with a massive arch of helium-filled white, black, and silver balloons. The Loudspeakers blared songs from La Cage Aux Folles.

Perhaps 10,000 people or more massed in the streets, hanging in trees, on steps, holding hundreds of silver balloons. The couples getting married were in the middle of the crowd of thousands. Many were in tuxedos and wedding dresses, and beautiful people holding roses and celebrating their love. Speakers told the crowd ‘We are here to declare that love is what makes a family.”

Later in the day, I wrote of my impressions of the thousands gathered in front of the Lambda Rising Bookstore at Dupont Circle.

“Thousands of gay and lesbian people were strewn everywhere, holding hands with lavender flowers tucked behind ears. Hunky guys were sitting on concrete benches with their shirts off. There were slender New York lesbians in black leather outfits, wearing dark glasses and black berets over their long hair — with matching t-shirts. Older women sported short cropped

silver-gray hair.

“Of the gay men, almost all were dressed in young preppy East-Coast styles of pastel Izod shirts. There were a lot of stonewashed Levi jackets and leather flight jackets, as well as a small leather presence in the crowd of gorgeous gay men. Everyone had on at least one button, but most donned ‘March on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights’ to a pink triangle on a black background.

The overall feeling of the place was of love and support, commitment, pride, and a dedication to never going back into the closet.

“A camera crew filmed the crowd and asked people, ‘Where are you from?’ When a news reporter stuck the microphone in my face, she asked where I’m from. I said ‘Salt Lake City!’ as enthusiastically as I could. She perked up and motioned the cameraman over and said: ‘Could you repeat that?’ I smiled as brightly as I could and said ‘Salt Lake City’ — in my Brigham Young University sweatshirt. I don’t know if I made the local news, but I think I did.”

The march and rally were held on Sunday, Oct. 11. At first, the Utah group had no signage to identify with, tucked in between Arizona and New Mexico. However, I located a poster from the National Anti-Violence Task Force which had Utah printed on it.

And someone else had managed to pull together a rainbow flag. So from nothing, we put on a respectable showing.

Some encouraging soul yelled at us: “Utah, small but proud and brave.”

You would not believe the reactions because we were there.

We had no pretty flags, large signs or anything else, but many people took pictures of the Utah marchers. It was like no one could believe that anyone

would dare show up from Utah.

As we marched, our spirits lifted by the kind souls yelling, “Yay Utah! Glad you’re here.”

Michael Aaron led us in chanting, “We’re sorry about Hatch.” People laughed along the way saying, “We forgive you” and, “It’s not your fault” and, “We’re sorry too!” Encouraged by the response, we also chanted another one of Michael Aaron’s originals, “We’ll fight, we’ll scratch, to get rid of Orrin Hatch.”

It took two hours to reach the end of the march route at the Capitol. Before the Utah delegation broke up, we took a group picture, and then we absorbed into the massive crowd.

As I walked toward the Washington Monument almost by happenstance I came upon the Names Project; the AIDS Quilt.

When I first saw it, I thought “how colorful”, but upon looking at the first panel, I realized it was a grave. I saw a panel sewn with the name of Mike White and a teddy bear. I immediately burst into tears. It hit me like a ton of bricks that each panel represented some loved one who died of AIDS. I was almost in shock walking and seeing panel after panel of the quilt. People were grief-stricken.

Mark Lamar sobbed so hard I had to hold him. I tried to be stoic, covering my face with my hands to brush away the tears, but it was devastating. A young gay man witnessed my grief and touched my arm as if to say “I understand. We are all sharing the same pain.” No one spoke.

All were in reverent silence.

Mark asked me later if I had a funny feeling about leaving Washington, D.C., and I said, “No, I’m ready to go home. I have a lot of energy, ideas, and enthusiasm to take back.”

I felt somewhat like a gay missionary ready to bring civilization to the deepest, darkest Utah. Q

October 2018 |

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

who’s your daddy

Grundles of chicken

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

Recently,

two men claiming to be community leaders caused an uproar in the LGBTQ community. Ironically, they’re both gay men. The first is Troy Williams, executive director of Equality Utah; the second is Dave Robinson, an official with the Republican Party.

Williams attended the grand opening of a chicken franchise that has spent millions of dollars fighting fundamental rights for LGBTQ people. He argued that this specific franchisee welcomes everyone to eat at her restaurant. Big deal — no one’s got a beef with her.

The issue is that she sends money back to corporate every year. A lot of money. According to a 2018 Business Insider story, franchisees are required to pay an equipment fee equal to 15 percent of sales plus 50 percent of pretax profit. What does corporate do with all that money? Well, a lot of it is used to fight against equal rights for gay people.

According to Think Progress, citing the corporation’s tax records, nearly $1.5 million in donations went to anti-gay causes in 2016 alone.

Williams also contended that you shouldn’t deal only with allies if you want to see progress. He’s right. However, he’s dead wrong when he suggests that reaching out to corporations that fund anti-gay causes is how to meet and introduce our community to civic leaders in places like Riverton. If that’s the only way he and the other leaders of EU can engage leaders outside Salt Lake, maybe it’s time for EU’s board to take a hard look at their executive director and his tactics.

The logic displayed by local GOP leader Dave Robinson seems equally bizarre. In an editorial board meeting recently with a local newspaper, he and other Republican leaders pitched — among other issues — how their party is the best choice for gay voters. Apparently, they’re unfamiliar

with Vice President Pence’s views.

But it was his comments about the tragedy of teen suicide that led to the brouhaha. He suggested that the numbers of sexual partners gay men have, and the wild sex parties they attend, could be a contributing factor to young people taking their own lives. He also quantified the number of partners as “grundles,” which I assume is somewhere between a bazillion and a kajillion. His comments were so wacky that a fellow Republican eventually apologized on his behalf.

Here’s what pisses me off about these two guys: they claim to know the LGBTQ community. Now there’s no such monolithic group. We’re not just the men, women or nonbinary people living in the hip neighborhoods of Salt Lake. Some of us have had one partner for decades, and some of us have a different partner every night. No group is better than any other.

We all deserve respect and equality.

I submit that living out here in the burbs as another family is equally, if not more, effective in changing attitudes than holding some fundraiser or spending long hours at the legislature. We’re the neighbors, constituents, and friends of those suburban civic leaders. We don’t need to go to questionable groundbreakings to get their attention.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having “grundles” of partners — assuming you’re conscientious about your health and the health of your partners.

It is, after all, with whom we are physically intimate, that separates us from our straight neighbors. But clear, ignorant statements lacking the barest modicum of factual proof are dangerous.

Both men need to leave their comfort zones and start interacting with the people for whom they claim to speak. So, who knows — in the process, they may even discover grundles of gay-friendly chicken! Q

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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

creep of the month

Janet Boynes

BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

I am tired

this morning as I write this column.

You see, I stayed up way too late talking to my motherin-law who is visiting from Florida. We talked about all kinds of things: my son, her only grandson; cancer, I’ve had it twice; grief, my wife’s father died over the summer after suffering through ALS; politics, we both continuously worry about the horror show that is Donald Trump; and also chicken, I’m a vegan and my miniature poodle is sick, so she cooked him chick-

en to spare me.

All in all, it was a good talk, and by the time I went to bed it was midnight.

I haven’t always had a great relationship with my mother-in-law, but when my son was born nine years ago, we bonded over our shared love for him. And when I was going through breast cancer treatment, she flew up here to help.

So I’m glad she didn’t read “How to Set Boundaries With Your Gay Family Members,” an Aug. 31 column by “ex-lesbian” Janet Boynes for

of

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Charisma News. According to Boynes, my mother-in-law shouldn’t have done any of those things. She should never have met me at all, let alone said a single word to me.

“Parents have a tendency to take a course of action out of guilt or to please others,” Boynes said. “This type of compromise will eventually cause more pain than if we would have just refused to meet with the partner.”

For some context: my wife and I just celebrated our 21st anniversary. We’ve been together since I was 19 and she was 22.

So, according to Boynes, my mother-in-law, who adores her grandson — and he adores her — is suffering “more pain” by having a relationship with us over if she’d cut her daughter out of her life and never met her grandson.

“I believe that actions speak louder than words,” Boynes said. “If we spend time with our loved one’s lover, we are sending the wrong message.

Our mouth says, ‘I don’t support your lifestyle,’ but our actions compromise our beliefs by going to dinner out of guilt. We hear this all the time: ‘My wife and I went, but they know we don’t support their relationship.’ Your action has spoken above any words you spoke.”

First of all, let’s agree to banish the term “loved one’s lover” for all eternity. Secondly, I’m going to have to agree with Boynes here, to a point.

If you want to condemn your gay child, then you should cut ties with them and never acknowledge their partners.

However, if you’re going to be a parent, not to mention a decent human being, you don’t do that.

Issue 284 | October 2018

Of course, Boynes has an answer to why someone like my mother-in-law would feel like she loves my family and me.

“Satan has cleverly manipulated you by demonstrating that your belief is not strong enough to go against this hidden agenda,” she said. “Is it better to please your children above God?” I’m going to go with yes. It is better to please your children if by “please” we mean “love and accept without going full-blown you’re-possessed-by-Satan on them.”

Boynes writes, “I believe when you give in to the homosexual person, their sin will cause them to stay out in the world longer than if you made a loving, yet resolute stand.”

In other words, if you don’t acknowledge something, it simply goes away. So if you pretend that your child isn’t gay, then they will sooner rather than later give up on the whole gay thing and live heterosexually ever after.

I should point out that my mother-in-law doesn’t believe that homosexuality is a sin, nor is she a right-wing Christian. But plenty of parents with LGBTQ children do and are. And Boynes’ “advice” to them is sick and dangerous.

Condemning your child for who they love isn’t “loving.” It is the exact opposite. I mean, you can make your life on earth into a living hell in the hopes that’ll ensure you some kind of magical afterlife after you die. Or, you could just love your kid and accept them.

Then again, that could be the devil in me talking. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer, and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

October 2018 |

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

mr. manners

Where is the compassion?

As we

BY BROCK KANNAN

take time to focus on LGBTQIA history, I think it’s only fitting that we take a look not only at where we were but also where we are currently. My thoughts at the moment focus on a video I saw where RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant Alaska, addresses drug use, steroid use, depression, and suicide; all opinions provided broken-heartedly and judgment-free. She then goes on to question the reasons for these heightened stats within our community. It’s during the address that she makes the pointed declaration, “Where is the compassion?”

Alaska makes it clear quickly that the members of our community may not be the root of our problems, but that the issue extends to a lot of us not doing much to counteract the issues. Rather than supporting one another to create a strong community, a lot of us are (even unintentionally) tearing it, and one another, apart. It’s an issue that has become so widespread that it’s daunting.

So this month, I want to focus on how we can make this part of our history and not so much part of our current state.

Sadly, this is something of which we are all guilty. How many times have we been less

than kind to others within our community? While not a requirement to make friends with everyone you meet, there is a level of human decency that can occasionally be absent in interactions with each other.

There are so many rude and destructive things online, even in the dating apps we use, which are extremely problematic in helping to foster the self-worth of our community.

While there are multiple items to discuss, suffice it to say, we as human beings have a responsibility to reach out when someone is struggling.

Compassion should inspire kindness. When is the last time you genuinely had a conversation which was superseded by “LOL” and emoji? Let’s start the change by talking to others, and then listening.

Regardless of what others are struggling with, there is power in having someone listen and

care. What a difference it would make in our community, in our friendships, and in our relationships if we started the change by lifting those who are down. The change would be remarkable.

I have work to do. I know that I can be better at how I treat others within our community and seek opportunities to be better. When I hear the question, “Where is the compassion?”, I have flashbacks to all of the struggles in my past and think how grateful I am to have survived. So many of us have been through enough discrimination by others to last a lifetime, why does it have to continue amongst ourselves?

Our past is rich with stories of triumph and making changes.

We are already positioned to build a great future, what will be your contribution and will you have compassion? Q

22 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MATTHEW SHEPARD

Matthew Shepard: Twenty Years Later

BY TREY STRANGE

As the

20th anniversary of their son’s murder approaches, Judy and Dennis Shepard have one thing to say about the progress of anti-violence activism.

“We’re not done yet,” Judy said.

On Oct. 7, 1998, Matthew Shepard, an openly gay university student, was found beaten and strung to a fence outside of Laramie, Wyo. Americans reeled at the image of a 21-year-old man crucified by a pair of men turned criminal by their anti-gay hatred.

The 2018 National Convention of NLGJA: The Association of LGBTQ Journalists hosted the Shepard family in a panel titled “Matthew Shepard: Twenty Years Later” that addressed the role of their son’s story in helping to foster political and social change in the past two decades — and highlighted the progress left to be made on anti-LGBTQ violence.

“If you’re not a straight white Christian man right now, I’m worried about you,” Judy said.

Judy and Dennis spoke to a packed room of journalists and conference attendees alongside Beverly Tillery, the executive director of the New York Anti-Violence Project, on a panel moderated

by LGBTQ media activist Cathy Renna.

The Shepards discussed the difficulty of changing anti-gay attitudes and the stilted progress of states and cities to pass anti-hate crime legislation and protections for LGBTQ workers, including in their home state of Wyoming, one of five states that does not criminalize bias-motivated violence.

The panelists also criticized the rhetoric of President Donald Trump.

“We thought after 20 years, we wouldn’t have to do this work,” Judy said on the panel. “I really thought, before the 2016 elections, we were well on our way to that goal. We’re not.”

While FBI data indicate that anti-LGBTQ hate crimes decreased by about 7 percent between 1998 and 2016, activists note that hate crimes are still underreported by both victims and police, making data unreliable.

In 2017, the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs released a special midyear report called “The Crisis of Hate” to address 52 anti-LGBTQ homicides, the

highest number recorded in the organization’s 20-year history.

Of the murder victims, 22 were trans women of color. Many killers targeted victims through dating apps, and 53 percent used a gun.

In 2009, President Barack Obama signed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crime Prevention Act to mandate increased reporting of anti-LGBTQ hate crimes and encourage state and federal investigation of violence.

Matthew is often remembered in the crucifix pose with his arms outstretched.

While early reports said that he was found this way, later accounts contradicted that. People have been unwilling to give this image up, the Shepards said.

“There was just something about a boy strung up to that fence,” said Ron Willison, a longtime Palm Springs resident who met Judy Shepard a few years after Matthew’s death. “I think we all just imagined ourselves strapped to that fence.”

Judy’s presence and the memory of Matthew were important for Willison, who grew up in an Ohio town where being gay meant a life of bullying and an inability to go to police for help.

When Judy visited Palm Springs to speak at a queer film festival, Willison was working at a hotel and persuaded its owners to donate a suite for her stay and to pay for her airfare.

Like many members of LGBTQ communities across the United States, Willison experienced Matthew’s death not as a horror story from afar but as the real possibility for the end of his story, too.

It didn’t surprise the Shepards that people felt connected to their son.

“Matt had the perfect image. He was small of stature, good looking, well-traveled,” Dennis said in an interview. “People could pull something out about him that they could feel and understand and wanted to try to keep for themselves.”

In 2010, Judy published a memoir called The Meaning of Matthew with the aim of reclaiming him from the messianic image that some people had developed.

She wanted him to be remembered as more human, she said.

Matthew’s childhood friend, Michele Josue, made a film called Matt Shepard is a Friend of Mine, which also hoped to reveal some of Matthew’s life instead of

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 284 | October 2018

focusing on his death.

But they were not the only ones interested in revising the story. In 2013, gay journalist Stephen Jimenez wrote The Book of Matt, recounting the tragedy but alleging that, instead of a hate crime, it was a drug deal gone wrong.

Although Jimenez said it was not an attempt to excuse the murder, right-wing media claimed the book as evidence of the left’s gay-rights agenda.

The belief that Matthew Shepard’s death was not a hate crime nestles tightly into the alt-right ideology of the supporters of Trump, whom the Shepards said was “pulling back the equal opportunity to succeed.”

“He is the anti-social issue president,” Dennis said.

Not every narrative of Matthew’s life has been as controversial. The Laramie Project, a play written by Moises Kaufman in 2000 about the events surrounding Matthew’s death and the people who mourned him, has received international acclaim. In the past two years, it has been performed more than 300 times in the United States and abroad.

“They did it at Matt’s old high school in Casper several years ago. Three kids came out during the production,” Judy said, beaming.

For Judy and Dennis, that is the hope of telling Matthew’s story: that it can be used to create atmospheres of acceptance and equality. And they hope it is stories like his that will ultimately convince people to care for all members of the LGBTQ community, not just the men who are killed.

“I would actually like to move away from the idea that we need an icon,” Judy said. “Let’s just celebrate the movement for what it is — and the people who do the everyday work.” Q

October 2018 |

HISTORY | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

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24 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | UTAH MURDERS

Utah LGBT Murders 1864–1998 FREDERICK JONES 1864, UNSOLVED Originally tried on sodomy charges in 1864 his case was dismissed because no formal laws were on the books. However, the Camp Douglas solider was shot by unknown assailants the same day his case was dismissed.

GEORGE ROY MORIARTY 1965, Solved Sentence: 10 years Moriarty was slain Jan.1, 1965,

by Gary Lynn Horning and Leon Dyer. The three were partying and drinking when they went for a drive up Ogden Canyon. Dyer and Horning beat Moriarty and threw him down an embankment. Later, they ran him down in a car. After claiming gay-panic defense, they were convicted of

Qsaltlake.com |

manslaughter and sentenced up to 10 years in prison. Horning died in a car accident in 2007, Dyer is living in Evanston, Wyo.

SPENCE MENDENHALL 1966, UNSOLVED The 54-year-old bachelor who lived alone in Salt Lake City was found dead in his apartment on Oct. 23, 1966. He was shot three times in the head. His table was set with two plates, two knives, two forks and three glasses on the day he died.

TONY ADAMS 1978, UNSOLVED Tony Adams, 25, was the campaign manager for the Socialist Party in Utah and a gay-rights activist when he was murdered.

Matthew Shepard’s Timeline DECEMBER 1, 1976 Matthew Wayne Shepard is born in Casper, Wyoming.

MAY 1995 Matt graduates from the American School in Switzerland, mere months after surviving a violent assault and rape during a school trip to Morocco.

SUMMER 1998 Matt moves to Laramie and enrolls at the University of Wyoming after brief stints at Catawba College in North Carolina and Casper College in Wyoming.

He chooses to study political science and foreign relations.

OCTOBER 7, 1998 Matt is brutally beaten

by Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, who leave him tied to a fence just after midnight. Matt isn’t discovered until 6 p.m.; he is admitted into a hospital sometime after 9 p.m., approximately 21 hours after his assailants had left him.

“As an [FBI] agent that worked these violations, I knew we had no jurisdiction to help them, and that was quite crushing.” — Cynthia Deitle OCTOBER 12, 1998 Matt succumbs to his injuries, dying just after midnight. The University of Wyoming’s long-planned Gay Awareness Week begins.

His body was discovered three days after the crime, on Nov. 6, 1978, in his apartment with multiple stab wounds and his throat slit. The coroner later determined cause of death was three stab wounds to his chest, his throat was slit postmortem.

There was no evidence of a robbery.

DOUG RAY COLEMAN 1978, UNSOLVED The artist was an Ogden native who was last seen leaving the Sun Tavern in Salt Lake City and climbing into a box car at the Union Pacific Railroad on Dec. 1, 1978. He was shot in the head and witnesses saw two men fleeing the area. Robbery did not appear to be the motive.

DENNIS PIERNICK 1982, Solved 30 years later Sentence: None On May 16, 1982, Dennis Piernick was found dead in his Salt Lake City apartment. He had

OCTOBER 14, 1998 A vigil in Matt’s honor is held on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. It draws thousands of people, including celebrities and lawmakers. Among the speakers is an emotional Ellen DeGeneres, whose TV show had been canceled that April, less than a year after she came out.

“I’m so pissed off. I can’t stop crying. ... This is what I was trying to stop. This is exactly why I did what I did.” —Ellen DeGeneres OCTOBER 16, 1998 Matt’s funeral is held in Casper, Wyoming.

DECEMBER 1, 1998 The Matthew Shepard Foundation is incorporated on what would have been Matt’s 22nd birthday.

APRIL 6, 1999 Russell Henderson pleads guilty to the murder and kidnapping of Matthew Shepard and is sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison.

NOVEMBER 5, 1999 A day after Dennis Shepard delivers an emotional statement, Aaron McKinney is sentenced to two consecutive life sentences.

FEBRUARY 26, 2000 The Laramie Project—a play by Moisés Kaufman and members of the Tectonic Theater Project—premieres in Denver, Colorado. Based on interviews conducted in Laramie after Matt’s murder, the play has since been performed for more than 30 million people.

Issue 284 | October 2018

been stabbed multiple times in the head and neck. Piernick was gay, as were many key witnesses in the case who were afraid to come forward in the investigation. Leads dried up and no arrest was made. When the cold case was reviewed in 2011, a detective learned that Piernick’s former neighbor Rodney VanKomen confessed to a friend in 1983 that he had murdered Piernick. VanKomen died in an automobile accident in 2005.

MARTY SHOOK 1982, UNSOLVED On June 12, 1982, Marty James Shook, a 22-yearold hitchhiker from Sparks, Nev., was killed execution-style in a

“The Laramie Project was transformative to so many people who participated, either in the production or even as an audience member.”

—Judy Shepard MARCH 30, 2000 Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack announces the Matthew Shepard Scholarship Program, annual full scholarships for LGBTQ high school seniors who’ll be attending Iowa state schools. (Scholarships across the country—from Baruch College in New York City to Los Medanos College in Contra Pittsburg, California—now bear Matt’s name.)

MARCH 27, 2001 The first attempt at hate crime legislation that specifies sexual orientation is sponsored by Massachusetts Senator Edward (Ted) Kennedy and fails in the U.S. Senate.

JANUARY 10, 2002 The film version of The Laramie Project premieres at the Sundance Film Festival. Later featured on HBO, it receives four Emmy nominations.

JUNE 26, 2003 In Lawrence v. Texas, the Supreme Court rules that sodomy laws—used to criminalize sexual encounters between same-sex couples—are unconstitutional.

“I don’t think [recent gay rights advances] would have happened in the way and in the pace that they did without Matt’s story galvanizing so many hearts.” —Jason Marsden

October 2018 |

UTAH MURDERS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

canyon near Price, Utah. Shook was shot in the back of the head and his genitals were removed.

His nude body was found by a fisherman. The crime is thought to be linked to a serial killer who was responsible for more than a dozen deaths that often left his victims mutilated and abandoned. The killer was never apprehended.

DOUGLAS KOEHLER 1982, Solved Sentence: Five years After Koehler was gunned down, execution-style, by David Thacker in Park City on Aug.20, 1982, Thacker was sentenced to serve six years under a guilty manslaughter plea. The light sentence by Judge David S. Young, a descendant of Brigham Young, was protested by gayrights activists and he later lost a reelection bid, the first judge in Utah history to do so.

Thacker now lives on a ranch OCTOBER 12, 2009 On the 11th anniversary of Matt’s death, the script of The Laramie Project: Ten Years Later premieres, with more than 100 readings taking place across the United States and in 14 different countries.

OCTOBER 22, 2009 Congress passes the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act, an expansion of existing U.S. hate crime law.

Among other things, the law redefines hate crimes to include those motivated by a victim’s sexual orientation, gender identity or disability.

OCTOBER 28, 2009 President Barack Obama signs the Shepard-Byrd Act into law.

“Right away, we had greater jurisdiction to investigate hate crimes against a protected class we had otherwise denied for decades. ... It’s never lost on me how powerful Matt’s case was to so many people and how one set of parents could change the law in such a dramatic way.” — Cynthia Deitle

in a rural community of Utah.

He served only five years for shooting Koehler in the face with a rifle.

GORDON CHURCH 1988, Solved Sentence: Death, life in prison During the Thanksgiving holiday in 1988, Gordon Church was brutally tortured and slain for being gay. Lance Conway Wood and Michael Archuletta carved an ‘X’ into Church’s neck before raping him.

Then, they attached the car battery to his genitals using jumper cables, and tied him in chains. They stuffed him into the trunk of his own car and drove north on I-15 from Cedar MAY 6, 2013 Jason Collins comes out as gay in a Sports Illustrated story, becoming the first active, openly gay NBA player— and the first active player from any of the “big four” leagues (NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL)—to come out publicly. He chooses the jersey number 98 in honor of Matt. The Brooklyn Nets #98 jersey, at one point, becomes the top-selling jersey on the NBA’s online store.

OCTOBER 4, 2013 Matt’s childhood friend Michele Josue debuts her documentary Matt Shepard Is a Friend of Mine. It goes on to receive wide critical acclaim and a 2016 Daytime Emmy Award.

MAY 13, 2015 The city council of Laramie, Wyoming, passes an ordinance that prohibits employment, housing and public-facility discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity.

From Teaching Tolerance, A project of the Southern Poverty Law Center

City. After driving up a remote canyon, they removed Church from the trunk and raped him with a tire iron, puncturing his liver. They tried killing him by breaking his neck. When that didn’t work, Archuletta beat him to death with the tire iron and buried him in a shallow grave. Wood eventually told police about the crime hoping for leniency. Wood is serving a life sentence and Archuletta is on death row, awaiting his fifth appeal.

GORDON LEE WINSLOW 1988, Solved Sentence: 15 years The 46-year-old gay man was shot in the chest, July 11, 1988, in Jordan Park, a popular place for men to meet for sex. Mario Linn Fraga and Jacob Timothy Martinez were later arrested.

Fraga was sentenced one to 15 years for second degree murder, and Martinez, one to 15 years for involuntary man slaughter.

Both were released early and Fraga was arrested again and convicted of child sexual abuse.

DARRELL WEBBER 1989, Solved Sentence: Acquitted A 38-year-old gay father of two was stabbed repeatedly and killed, April 6, 1989, by Marty Ray Withers, who claimed Webber was trying to sexually assault him. Withers was acquitted of all charges after an all-male jury agreed he was acting with reasonable force.

KERRY ARBON 1991, UNSOLVED The body of the 40-yearold closeted gay man was found by a bicyclist in City Creek Canyon on Sept. 14, 1991. The body was hidden above Memory Grove where men often frequented to find sexual partners.

JERRY CAMPBELL 1990, UNSOLVED The 46-year taxi driver was a fixture at the Sun Tavern where he loved to play pool. He was found dead with one bullet hole in his head on Nov. 13, 1990, in his Salt Lake City apartment. No charges were ever filed and no arrests were made.

CHET O’NEIL HARRIS 1993, Solved, sentenced up to 30 years and acquitted The Ogden resident was shot and killed in a Salt Lake City alley on Aug. 21, 1993. Two Vietnamese immigrants, Tam Nguyen, 16, and Taun In Ly, 18, admitted to stealing a gun and robbing Harris because he was gay. Nguyen shot him in the neck. After stealing his car, the pair returned to find Harris struggling to move. Ly then shot him in the head. Nguyen was sentenced to two consecutive terms of one to 15 years in prison. Ly was never charged because Nguyen refused to testify against his friend. Later, in 2007, Nguyen escaped from the Garfield County Jail in an empty school bus and was found near Zions National Park after he stole a car.

CHARLES BAXTER 1998, Solved Sentence: Committed suicide The 25-year-old man was shot in Salt Lake City on Exchange Place (355 South between State and Main Streets) on Jan. 29, 1998, by Jay Lynn Peterson, 32, after Baxter made derogatory statements and used gay slurs about Peterson’s sexual orientation. The shooter went home and killed himself.

MELISSA KOOLMO 1998, Solved Sentence: Life Melissa Koolmo was shot March 18, 1998, by her husband, Todd Koolmo, after he accused her of having a lesbian love affair. He turned himself in and is still in prison.

26 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Issue 284 | October 2018

ANNUAL EVENTS

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS

Take a quick trip to the village of Lava Hot Springs, Idaho, for a family-friendly Oktoberfest weekend stuffed full of food, activities, and entertainment. You’ll thankfully find a beer garden featuring seasonal food such as brats and hot dogs, baked pretzels, European cupcakes, Harvest beers — as well as non-alcoholic beverages. Included in the two-day event is an Oktoberfest-dressed contest, a Punkin Chunkin’ event, a duck river race, a costumed one-mile, 5k and 10k Fun Run/ Walk/Bike, live music, kids carnival, bingo, and more!

The Capitol Steps, a Washington DC-based comedy troupe that began as a group of Senate Staffers, will present a show based on songs from their current album Make America Grin Again. The Capitol Steps began in 1981 as a group of Senate staffers who set out to satirize their employers and haven’t let up since. If you’ve been keeping with the news, you know there’s no shortage of material.

Live at the Eccles gleefully presents Lea Michele and Darren Criss in an exorbitantly expensive event. Yet, it may be worth the dough! Following Glee, Michele went on to star in Ryan Murphy’s Scream Queens, and Criss recently wrapped the latest iteration of Murphy’s American Crime Story anthology series: “The Assassination of Gianni Versace”.

Michele got her start as a replacement for Young Cosette in the original Les Misérables. She went on to originate the role of Little Girl in Ragtime, played Sphrintze in the 2004 revival of Fiddler on the Roof, and created the role of Wendla in Broadway’s Spring Awakening.

Criss broke out on Glee and later moved to Broadway, replacing Daniel Radcliffe in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. He subsequently starred in the title role of Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Tony’s 5 Gay CONCERTS Agenda

FRIDAY — LAVA HOT SPRINGS 9TH ANNUAL OKTOBERFEST

Venues vary, Lava Hot Springs, Idaho, 4 p.m. through Sat., Oct. 6 to 9 p.m. Event prices vary, oktoberfest.lavahotsprings.org

BY TONY HOBDAY

Qsaltlake.com |

Since forming in 2005, Mayday Parade has amassed one of the most loyal, rabid fan bases around thanks to energizing concerts and four studio albums full of heart-on-sleeve lyrics.

With the release of their arresting fifth record, Black Lines, the members of the Florida pop-rock quintet are taking a giant leap forward as musicians and songwriters.

23

TUESDAY — MAYDAY PARADE The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 7 p.m. Tickets $26, thecomplexslc.com

DANCE Repertory Dance Theatre’s Spirit includes the historical masterpiece “Rainbow Round My Shoulder” by the late Donald McKayle, as well as the work of Japanese national Michio Ito. Alongside these historical dances are two groundbreaking commissions by Tiffany Rea-Fisher, artistic director of Elisa Monte Dance, and Utah’s Natosha Washington, artistic director of The Penguin Lady.

4

THURSDAY — SPIRIT

Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 7:30 p.m., through Saturday.

Tickets $30, artsaltlake.org

DRAG SHOWS Miz Cracker from the 10th season of RuPaul’s Drag Race comes to Salt Lake City. While eliminated from the competition in what some may call a harrowing upset, she continues to entertain en masse. Let’s just hope she doesn’t fuck up another lip sync to “Nasty Girl”. Just saying! The event is hosted by Kay Bye, Ann Wilde, Lisa Dank, Eva Chanel Stephens, Xaina, Mercury Adams, DJ Shutter, and DJ Justin Hollister.

6

SATURDAY — MIZ CRACKER

The Loading Dock, 445 S. 400 West, 9 p.m. Tickets $20, 24tix.com

23 27

TUESDAY — THE CAPITOL STEPS The Commonwealth Room, 195 W. 2100 South, 9 p.m. Tickets $67, ticketf.ly/2NbPya5

SATURDAY — LEA MICHELE AND DARREN CRISS

Delta Performance Hall, Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main St., 8 p.m. Tickets $35–95 (Amex only)/VIP Passes $299-459, artssaltlake.org

THEATRE When a newly engaged couple, Brad and Janet, innocently set out to visit an old professor, a thunderstorm and a flat-tire lead them to seek help at the castle of the alien, transvestite scientist, Dr. Frank ‘N’ Furter. As Brad and Janet are swept up into Frank ‘N’ Furter’s latest experiment, the night’s misadventures cause them to question everything they’ve known about themselves, each other, love and lust. This humorous tribute to the classic “B” sci-fi films and horror genre, with an irresistible rock’n’roll score, is a wild ride that no audience will soon forget.

4

THURSDAY — THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW

Grand Theatre, SLCC, 1575 S. State St., times vary, through Oct. 27. Tickets $9-23, grandtheatrecompany.com

PHOTO COURTESY VH1

October 2018 |

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

Ballet West’s 55th season brims with energy, magic, and drama Ballet West promises a dramatic and breathtaking season for its 55th anniversary, restaging Utah favorites and introducing new grand-scale works.

The season opens with George Balanchine’s JEWELS, Nov. 2–10. From the elegant, French court mystery of Emeralds, and delicate music of Fauré, to the highflying, flapper-style Rubies, set to the jazzy strains of Stravinsky, and finally the grandeur of Imperial Russia with Diamonds, and the majesty of Tchaikovsky — Jewels is an iconic modern masterpiece.

“While Jewels has no formal plot, it is full of multilayered stories. Each of the three sections evokes a mood, a place, and an era,” said artistic director Adam Sklute.

Next, Willam Christensen’s THE NUTCRACKER returns Dec. 14–29. Last PHOTO BY LUKE ISLEY

year, Ballet West unveiled new sets and costumes to phenomenal success in both critical reviews and record-breaking ticket sales. Created in 1944 for the San Francisco Ballet, Christensen’s The Nutcracker has run unbroken in Utah for 63 years. It’s considered America’s first Nutcracker and is the longest running in the United States, and remains a favorite holiday tradition. This season, Ballet West takes the production back to The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington D.C., featuring the new sets and costumes.

In February, Ballet West returns with Sklute’s critically acclaimed production of SWAN LAKE, Feb. 8–23. Glorious, heart-melting music by Tchaikovsky and a timeless story make this one of

the most beloved ballets in the world.

Ballet West’s Swan Lake broke attendance records when the company produced it in 2014. And the Deseret News exclaimed, “the execution of artistry is some of the best in the ballet world.”

A major Utah premiere will highlight the spring production, with the staging of John Cranko’s internationally renowned telling of the great Russian poet, Alexander Pushkin’s ONEGIN, April 5–13.

“For many years I have dreamed of bringing Onegin to Utah,” said Sklute.

“I consider this one of the great ballets of the 20th century. Cranko’s genius of storytelling, and his brilliant pas de deux work shine in his deft handling of Pushkin’s heartbreaking verse-novel Eugene Onegin. This piece of dance-theater will have you on the edge of your seat.”

Onegin first premiered at the Stuttgart Ballet in 1965. The choreography includes a wide range of styles, including folk, modern, and ballroom. Due to construction at the Capitol Theatre, Onegin stages at the Eccles Theater downtown.

The annual CHOREOGRAPHIC FESTIVAL, May 9–11 closes the season, with exciting creations by Ballet West artists and a world premiere from noted choreographer and artistic director of Ballet Met, Edwaard Liang. Liang’s work is sought-after worldwide and this will be his first for Ballet West.

“When I arrived in Salt Lake City 10 years ago I was honored to become part of a company already known for a broad repertoire,” said Sklute. “My vision was to weave the great and storied history of Ballet West with a new, dynamic, and 21st-century outlook.”

Sklute’s dream of molding Ballet West into one of the world’s most versatile ballet companies is on full display in the range of productions he will bring to the stage in the upcoming season.

In addition to the regular season, Ballet West II dancers and students from the Ballet West Academy will bring back to the stage BEAUTY AND THE BEAST — full of comedy, romance, and adventure. As part of the Family Series, Beauty and the Beast guides the narration and a truncates the presentation, perfect for young balletomanes. Q Single tickets start at $24; season subscriptions are still available. Contact Ballet West at 801-869-6900 or visit balletwest.org.

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Anguish and Agony

gay writes

it’s anguish and irrational a rash null ration(ed) reason(ed) (no detail—) the anguish is crash I respond I move on

BY PHOENIX in Anguish in spades it has to be with/ generate the crazy style create creative created feel some(thing) (ir) pain and relevant — or anguish thought I am angular give staccato not quite felt sharp-antoo much gled word(s) parted too hard and feel just spent (out) an high from pure pennies an American wealth anguish pennies and momentum feel I don’t actually say pinned pained though adult is dead kid dead I say it’s something dealt don’t under like Jack cards stand back backlash(ed) felt by nothing death or he’ll hurt hell sharp [and shard] the hurt himself too peaceful shades and and shall though spade of jack is it’s anguish like this willed sharp card and shard will I cried on the sidewalk last long night soliloquy or sorrow did it matter(ed) and shape(d) or was I just biology sorry for an sorry for (an) anguish/replenish but heavy metal anguish heavy metal an an an an anguish anguished and wished felt dealt it’s not First Wednesdays at 7pm at the real Utah Pride Center just let(ted) 1380 S Main St go the pain is radical I am a fool where the blood red Phoenix Arizona t-shirt if it makes you feel any better if it makes you happy and sad the poem is bigger then the page of your tears and ideas I don’t believe know if I can survive crazy, crazy style for a pack of cards or wolves a pack of wolfed give yourself the space and rhythm of time hardwired like your friend he went incognito what shall it be logic breaks down into poetry I am depressed and want to kill myself balance a balance struck anguish is my card or penny my writing Jacked nothing in this I hand hurts so let me anguish smash my hand hurt from write

Info at bit.ly/UGHS_Lecture

Read ‘This Day in Gay Utah History’ at benwilliamsblogger.blogspot.com

Qsaltlake.com |

Agony I create within I worry and we’re eh and agony my thoughts are that sharp blade corrected in blood red stuck and hellbound stayed I don’t see myself in some stupid religion of massacre masochism my thoughtful hurt and the blade sharp blade and cut moment in my mind alert so sharp and I’m sadistic by it the mental torment tormented too tormented and the dark is the agonthe agony I’m on my bent knees confessed prayer of my pain I create something like agony refrain to be afraid is to derail all non-paranoia I just feel the words and it its intuit strong feelings of paranoid narration standard deviation no tunnel vision creation I stab my heart for non-theatrics though my thoughts are terminal terminally sincere since dramaturgical and not quite felt pain what is the nature of good and evil what will we do what can we do when the knife is agony when blade surgery I reject the confusion in my skepticism I have often said

Issue 284 | October 2018

have half said it is it is my mind that hurts but no one believes me or knows what to express and empathize I don’t like myself so I agonI create in agonin agony anguish I dismiss and release I’m slanted by slant can’t words intentions negative like created bent thoughts don’t though you’ll tell me and I fault though fall agony of motivation I get it out of my system with ink something yet within will think I’m just always just just though injust unjust will sway and the way will fallen yet I remember remind fixation on my fiction of fractured fractioned some imaginary crucifixion is just an emotional story to tell a little bit of agagony and it’s my poetry I am always happy to show you another poem I wrote even if it is my ink agony Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Writing Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of each month, 6:30–8 p.m., 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8.

October 2018 |

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

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Issue 284 | October 2018

restaurant review

Go first to Avenues Bistro on Third Like some

BY JOSHUA JONES AND STEVEN FINAU

immigrants or refugees, Avenues Bistro on Third has had a tumultuous past. Avenuians could not wrap their head around a true neighborhood café and bar, which led to legal complications with said neighbors, and then the city and state governments got involved. But, hey, like many refugees, we don’t want to dwell on the past… now, under new ownership, the future is so much brighter!

The mildly remodeled space is both urban and homey. Books on the window sills and kitschy wallpaper are juxtaposed with steel countertops and a vibrant open kitchen. It is warm and comfortable, and it made us want to linger longer.

Chef Steven Garner, who we have followed around through the Utah foodscape, was helming the kitchen each of the three times we went in the PHOTO BY JOSHUA JONES

last month. How he does it, we have no idea. More importantly, why he does it, is even more baffling. In a place with such abundance, our community has very little respect for what these chefs are doing.

This restaurant is not only sourcing local (someone really needs to start a rating system on these catchphrases, bandied readily like politicians promises), but it’s also incredibly seasonal. As in, so seasonal that within those three visits the menu changed each time. So, use this review as a guide, don’t expect the beef marrow to be there tomorrow.

Speaking of beef marrow, it’s one of those dishes that has unfortunately gone out of style. The last time we saw it on a menu was at Copper Common, probably six years ago. It’s like kidney and liver pates that our grandfather ate: lots of nutrients, but flavors that are a bit funky.

Cooked properly, as at Avenues Bistro,

bone marrow becomes buttery and nutty.

Poke it through the bone, spread it on bread, and you are in the old world, feeling like a king.

Want something a little more familiar?

Order the Bistro Burger. Perfectly cooked Akaushi (American) Wagyu is served medium with a caramelized crust and salt and pepper. It’s topped with a bounty of sweet caramelized onions, gooey Beehive Cheddar, lettuce, and tomato. On the side, a basket of (OMG) homemade fries with aioli. Yes, it’s $19, and worth every penny: this is one of the best burgers we’ve ever had.

I always chastise Steve for ordering Mac and Cheese when we are out. His Mac and Cheese is the best bar none.

When we order it out, this overtly uncomplicated dish seems to exasperate talented chefs. “And yet, he persisted.” I think part of it is his own competitiveness — wanting to make sure his M&C is the best. Well, Avenues Bistro gives Steve’s recipe a run for its money. It’s certainly the best attempt outside our home.

Elbow macaroni meets Beehive Cheddar, garano padano, and garlic cream — simple. Mac and Cheese should be luscious and fill your spirits — this rendering does just that.

We (unfortunately) did not try the frog legs (how often do you see that on a Utah menu). Luckily, a friend ordered the

October 2018 |

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

Olympia Provisions Frankfurter Corn Dog. Um, out of place, strange, and intriguing?

Yes, yes, yes. Order as a starter, or even dessert, but definitely order this strange homemade corn dog served over a bit of arugula (merely for color) and served with a honey grain

mustard dipping sauce. A crunchy corn breading coats a local wiener. (There has to be a joke in there). It was wonderful, it was familiar, it tasted like childhood. Only better.

We’ve been reviewing restaurants for a few years now, and this is one of the

FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

best offerings we have written about. Please visit them this fall, enjoy the patio embraced with tall sunflowers, or inside with the glow and smells of the kitchen at your back. Relax refugee, you are home. Q

Avenues Bistro on Third 564 E 3rd Ave 801-831-5409 thirdavenuebistro.com Tuesday–Friday 10am–3pm 5pm–close Saturday & Sunday 9 am–3pm 5pm–close Closed Monday

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32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

6

Qsaltlake.com |

reasons eating alone at a restaurant is the best meal you’ll ever have 1 2

BY MIKEY ROX

Being alone and being lonely are two different things. While I don’t prefer the latter, I embrace the former. I do a lot of things by myself, in fact. Go to the movies, sit on the beach, pop into a happy hour, enjoy bikes rides, even go on vacation. I also treat myself to lunches and dinners out where I can sit in solitude and think, work, or catch up on odds and ends on my to-do list. For those reasons and six more, here’s why eating alone at a restaurant is the best meal you’ll ever have.

You can order what you want without any guilt

When I’m trying to stick to a strict diet, I like to have a food buddy who supports my endeavors when I go out to eat. But, sometimes, I want to dive face first into a massive pasta dish with a bottle of wine, a basket of bread, and finish off with dessert. And do you know what I don’t need while I’m doing that? Judgment. I judge myself hard enough, you know, and I don’t need some hoity-toity fit so-and-so chastising me for licking the bowl in public. So what if I make vaguely oink-like noises while I do it. Does that embarrass you? Good; table for one, please.

Issue 284 | October 2018

You don’t have to engage in idle chit-chat

I don’t know if you do this, but I put my friends into certain categories. Like, I have specific friends with whom I enjoy going to the movies or inviting over for game nights or going away with for the weekend. I rarely, however, invite anyone to eat out or accept invitations for a meal out, especially if I’m without my boyfriend.

The reason? I don’t want to feel trapped in a situation where I feel like I have to talk.

I find small talk annoying, and to have to keep it up for an hour or more gives me anxiety. Text me If you want to catch up.

I’ll be at one restaurant eating alone, and you’ll be at another, and we can establish a lovely back-and-forth banter without

October 2018 |

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

having to ever look at each other’s faces, which is precisely how I like it.

You don’t have to 3up someone worry about picking else’s tab I’m the higher earner in my relationship, so I often pick up the tab for meals out — which I don’t mind most of the time, but sometimes it gets old (though he does pay half when he can and takes me out from time to time). I do the same for friends and family out of guilt or kindness or reparation, like if somebody put me up in their house for a night or two while traveling. Whatever the reason, it’s nice to go out by myself and know exactly how much I’ll be spending. Even more so when I’m taking advantage of a deal, like Chili’s recent “3 for $10” promotion. This is not a paid endorsement but an endorsement nonetheless because where else can you get a drink, salad, and substantial meal for a Hamilton? If you’re reading this, Chili’s, I will be your spokesperson.

time is absolutely 4 ‘Me’ necessary

I do eat alone at restaurants spur of the moment, but most of the time it’s a conscious, advance decision, and I plan for it. I like to gather and take my unread magazines with me. Then I sit at the bar for hours, eating, drinking, and thumbing through the pages of the pile, and it’s truly my happy place. Totally relaxing; try it sometime.

5

You’ll get faster service at the bar

When I’m eating out with four or more, it’s usually best to get

FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

a table, but I prefer to sit at the bar on most other occasions.

My boyfriend and I strictly sit at the bar whenever we dine out, except for special romantic occasions (we like to get mushy on anniversaries and holidays — sex is better afterward).

I opt for the bar because I know I’ll get prompt service because I stare the bartenders down until they submit to my if-you-don’t-pay-attentionto-me-I’m-not-tipping gaze.

That’s not true, of course — I’m a generous tipper, I think — but they don’t need to know that when I’m parched for another margie.

will eat 6 Nobody off your plate

If you’ve ever seen that Friends episode where “Joey doesn’t share food” — well, that’s me. When my ex-husband and I would go out to dinner, he’d order something small like an appetizer and a salad because he was watching his weight or he didn’t want to feel like he was overeating, but then he’d grab at my fries until I barely had any left. All the time. Eventually, I started encouraging him to order a more substantial meal so he’d stop taking my food.

I’m not anti-sharing, but I am pro-cleaning my plate. I want to eat what I ordered, thank you, and I’d love it if you ordered your own junk so we can get fat together. Isn’t that what love is all about? Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox.

Gay Mormon Dad

A MEMOIR CH AD ANDER SON

Available Now on Kindle or in Paperback at Amazon.com

Chad Anderson grew up gay in a large Mormon family. After years of trying to conform to religious standards, which promised a cure for homosexuality, he married and had children before finally coming out of the closet. Gay Mormon Dad is his story of finally learning to love himself in a complicated world. Chad currently resides with his two sons in Salt Lake City, where he works as a social worker and a writer.

Order now at bit.ly/GayMormonDad

34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 284 | October 2018

October 2018 |

PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

Respect

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku

Q doku Level: Medium

7 4 6

2 4

1

1 7 5 8 3 2

3 4

1

5 9 2 2

5 6

7

1

7 8 1 3 4

4

3

7 2 8 9

2 8 6

4 3

4

1

7

3 5

9 1 8

9 6 6 8 4 3

5 2 1 6 4 1 7 4 7 8 9 3 4 5 6 5 9 7 7 4 8 4 3 1 6

4 7

9

7 5 1 4 2

3

2

4 9

6

8 6 8 2 1 7 5 1

2 3 9

8

3 6 9 5 7

1 5 6 5 7 2 7

2 5

4 2 6

46 Places for sweaty embraces, perhaps 47 Leaves quietly, with “out” 49 Saloon seat 52 Aretha song that won a Grammy Hall of Fame Award 58 Albee’s Three ___ Women 61 Stallion’s sound 62 Stonewall memory 63 Baby Doll director Kazan 64 Rita Mae Brown output 65 Cinder suffix in a fairy tale 66 “It ___ Necessarily So” 67 Place atop 68 One of Cary’s exes

22 Lesbian character in She’s Gotta Have It 25 No zip ACROSS 26 Fruit in a slot 1 Homeland of the machine Singing Nun (abbr.)

27 Tried to hit a pitch 5 Cockeyed 28 Election fixer 10 Madonna’s “___ for the HomoDon’t Preach” phobe-in-Chief 14 A strong one found 29 Trojan hero in the gym 30 Active partner 15 Lauren Wright 31 Michelangelo’s Douglas’ ___ Life David, e.g.

16 Apple that isn’t a 33 San Francisco event fruit of 1906 17 Super’s apartment, 34 By word of mouth maybe 35 Mommie Dearest star 18 Look at someone Dunaway using hate speech 36 Risk with careless sex 19 A pound of Rupert 40 Got on one’s knees Everett and begged 20 Aretha song fea42 Sprint at the Gay tured in the movie Games Goodfellas 43 Dating from DOWN 23 Crawled out of bed 48 Dazzling success 24 Laughter at a Marga- 1 Tube opening?

49 Some stick it where 2 Barry Humphries’ ret Cho routine it doesn’t belong Dame 28 Avis adjective 50 Trunk of Charles 3 Leopold’s partner 30 Hereditary chain Atlas photos 4 The South, in Gone 32 Orange Is the ___ 51 “I have ___ walked with the Wind?

Black down the street 5 Like the Jets, in West 33 “Title” for Aretha before...”

Side Story Franklin 53 Venom sources 6 Missile housing 37 Bird from down 54 With respect to 7 Thief of the tarts under 55 Ready to be rubbed of the Queen of 38 Annapolis sch. the right way Hearts 39 Judged Dancing with 56 Damn Yankees girl 8 To be, in Brest the Stars, e.g.

57 Trey does his voice 9 Milk component 40 “It’s showtime!” on South Park 10 Prick 41 NASDAQ rival 58 Drink with jam and 11 The Simpsons store42 Aretha song from bread keeper the “Young, Gifted 59 Hillary’s Wellesley 12 Polynesian paste classmate MacGraw and Black” album 13 Word on a dipstick 60 Memorial designer 44 Hyundai rival Maya 45 Pub offering 21 Caspian Sea land

36 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MARKETPLACE

AC C O M M O DAT I O N S

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WEDDINGS & CATERING accounting services

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We tailor everything to fit your event from a beautiful venue to delectable food

Proudly gender affirming and supporting

advancedawarenesscounseling.com 9140 S State St Ste 202

Issue 284 | October 2018

H O U S E PA I N T I N G

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saltlakefuneralhome.com HAIR SALON

LENDERS

Red Rock F I N A N C I A L

Lynn and Richard Huber 801-449-1882 UtahBeautyTeam.com

Embracing the health & resilience of our community

hair

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at Image Studios Draper 177 W 12300 S

801-688-3118

AUTO PURCHASE LOANS PERSONAL LOANS VACATION/HOLIDAY LOANS RECREATIONAL LOANS CONSOLIDATION LOANS MURRAY: 4842 S State St

801-255-8101

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AVOID HIGH INTEREST AND PAYDAY LOANS. WE REPORT YOUR MONTHLY PAYMENT TO CREDIT BUREAU TO IMPROVE YOUR CREDIT RATING.

October 2018 |

MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

M A S S AG E

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吀爀漀礀 䠀甀渀琀攀爀Ⰰ 䰀䴀吀

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LOCAL MOVERS HOME, OFFICE, STORAGE

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801.595.0666 Office 801.557.9203 Cell 1174 E Graystone Way, Suite 20-E JerryBuie@mac.com WWW.PRIDECOUNSELING.TV

38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Mon. 7p Gay Men’s Stag (Big Book Study), UPC, 255 E 400 S 8p G/Q Women’s Mtg, Disability Law Center (rear), 205 N 400 W Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, UPC, 255 E 400 S Wed. 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Crystal Meth Anon  crystalmeth.org Sun. 1:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud LGBTQIA+Straight USARA, 180 E 2100 S Thurs. 1p Unity In Sobriety, 175 S 700 E LifeRing Secular Recovery 801-608-8146  liferingutah.org Sun. 10am Univ. Neuropsychiatric Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Wed. noon, 2319 Foothill Dr, #120 Weds. 6:30 pm, Univ Neuropsych Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Thurs. 7pm, USARA, 180 E 2100 S, #100

Fri. 7pm, UPC, 1380 S. Main 2nd Flr. Sat. 11am, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E

Qsaltlake.com |

Weber-Morgan Health Mon., Weds 1-4:30p 477 23rd St, Ogden Appt 801-399-7250

BUSINESS

HOMELESS SVCS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com

Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s

Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce  utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com Vest Pocket Business Coalition  vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/ saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242 Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323

801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545 LEGAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic 2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm UofU Law School, 383 S University St POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  bit.ly/logcabinutah 801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org RELIGIOUS

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921

BUT WITH A CAPE

Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays

Queer Friends  queerfriends.org

Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays except the 2nd Sunday, 11:15a at Crone’s Hollow, 3834 S. Main

Sage Utah, Seniors  fb.me/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203

SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  fb.me/1to5ClubUtah The Bonnie and Clyde’s Social Group  bit.ly/BonnieClydeSG Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.  blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8 Get Outside Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah Men Who Move  menwhomove.org OUTreach Utah Ogden  outreachutah.org OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)  bit.ly/owlsutah

qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com  fb.me /QVinum/

Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  fb.me/utahbears  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple

Issue 284 | October 2018

Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah  fb.me/stonewall. sportsofutah Venture Out Utah  facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE

Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Center  encircletogether.org fb.me/encircletogether 91 W 200 S, Provo, Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org

Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org

Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/

Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  info@utahpridecenter.org 1380 S Main St 801-539-8800

University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973

SPORTS

Pride Community Softball League  fb.me/utahpride. softballleague  pcsl@prideleague.com Q Kickball League  fb.me/qsaltlake. kickball Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org

USGA at BYU  fb.me/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  usu.edu/ accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271

Embracing the health & resilience of our community Utah’s Inclusive Aquatic Club since 1995 BEGINNERS WELCOME EVERYONE’S INVITED

umen.org

October 2018 |

QMMUNITY | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

Qmmunity Briefs Local LGBTQ square dancing class starts Sept. 27

When you think of square dancing, you probably think of hillbillies stomping around in a smelly barn shouting “Dosi-do,” blue-haired ladies in silly dresses, and horrible times spent in gym classes you hated in grammar or high school, listening to fiddle music while a bored gym teacher read out of a book.

Temple Squares, an LGBTQ square dancing experience is nothing like that!

They don’t dance in a barn, or wear silly clothes, and they dance to contemporary music. And the nonprofit organization is offering a weekly Square Dance Mainstream Class, starting Thursday, Sept. 27.

For 18 weeks, from 7–9 p.m., the class offers a fun, low-impact aerobic activity in a healthy (no smoking or drinking) environment. And once you’ve learned to square dance with them, you may travel and dance with other clubs all over the world, as well as participate in the annual International Association of Gay Square Dance Clubs Convention, held in a different North American city every year, with over 1,000 dancers in attendance.

The IAGSDC is the umbrella organization supporting gay and lesbian Modern Western Square Dance clubs in the United States, Canada, and Japan. The IAGSDC was formed in 1983 when straight callers decided they would not permit gay or lesbian couples to participate in square dancing. The Gay Callers Association taught gays and lesbians how to call square dancing so that gay clubs would have a person who knew and taught the standard dances to the community.

“Gay square dancing is high-energy dancing,” said Ross Crawshaw-Lopton, caller for the Temple Squares. “We welcome anyone interested in Modern Western Square Dance to give it a try.

And another great thing about our group is that it’s not necessary to bring a dance partner.”

The cost of the class is $5 per night or $60 in advance. Classes take place at the Windsor Estates Club House, 2800 S. 3200 West, West Valley City. To learn more go to bit.ly/TempleSquares or email slcsquaredancing@gmail.com.

Community Writing Center’s Gay Writes meets twice monthly Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series writing group, a program of Salt Lake Community College’s Community Writing Center.

The group meets the second and fourth

Monday of each month from 6:30–8:30 p.m. at the Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Ste B on Library Square.

Each month, one writer’s work is featured in QSaltLake Magazine.

For more info call 801-957-2192 to speak with the DiverseCity Writing Series Coordinator.

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 284 | October 2018

Pet Month of the

Cliquot

9-year-old buff tabby

October 13 | Noon – 4 p.m. | Liberty Park Register today at strutyourmutt.org

q scopes OCTOBER

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

A stranger will be a great help during an emotional crisis, and a new friendship will be forged. An intimate encounter is a good way to start, as it will clear tension before it can build. Be suspicious of those who gossip, as they are likely looking for things to use against you. Instead, place trust in those with fresh perspectives.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20

A temporary phase could mean doing things out of the ordinary. A relationship could be altered as a result, leading to some frisky times. There is a secret going around about you that is eventually revealed, which could be surprising, as it is about the way someone feels toward you. What you do with this info your choice.

GEMINI May 21–June 20

No clear path for you can be laid by anyone else. The problem is that no path seems correct.

Goals may have to be adapted to conditions. This doesn’t entail sacrifice,

but modification. A long time dream is likely to come true, but prepare for the bad that comes with the good. If something seems too good, it could be a trap.

CANCER June 21–July 22

The ability to feel deeply does not always make for good times. But considering what is felt during this time, enjoyment is bound to occur. The dynamic between pain and pleasure can lead to interesting combinations, like mixing sweet and salty. Try to enjoy work and loath your friends, just to keep things interesting.

LEO July 23–August 22

The longer an important career task is put off, the harder it will be getting what you really want. A serious sense of despair is holding you down, but will pass by taking charge.

Take the initiative. Help will come in the form of a family member who hasn’t always been reliable. Things will be different this time, so take the aid.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22

A dwindling desire to hang out with a good friend stems from a sense of boredom. This would be a nice time for diversity and trying something new. Apply for a different job or meet an online friend for the first time. Life

“Like a fine wine, she’s chill and classy! Cliquot (pronounced CLEEco) loves to sit on human laps while being petted - it’s basically her favorite thing. She doesn’t like being carried around though. She “might” be considered an “older” kitty, but she’s young at heart and likes to play with toys. She never scratches the furniture but she loves her scratching posts! She came to Best Friends after being diagnosed with diabetes and her family could no longer care for her. Cilquot is a loyal friend who needs a special person to love her forever. Could that person be you?”

For more information, go to Best Friends Animal Society–Utah, 2005 S 1100 East, or call 801-574-2454 or go to bestfriendsutah.org

is pretty good right now, but there’s always room for change and improvement. Go out and play!

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22

Coming in second place at work could be upsetting, but don’t give up. The grass isn’t as green on the other side as it appears. Keep up with the here-and-now and the real opportunity will present itself. Feeling neutral is boring, but there is much to be said about growing with what you have. Work on making now the best.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21

Summer gatherings have left you worn out but social activities are far from over. Up the game when associating with friends and loved ones with high expectations. Keep the food and drinks coming and terrific conversations will lead to some of the best times of the year. The holiday season isn’t as far off as it seems.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22–December 20.

A gift may not seem too wonderful now, but considering the current situation, it’s a vast improvement.

Accept with gratitude, and better gifts are likely to come. Slide deep into a happy state and the troubles will be easier to deal with. This isn’t a great time in life, but that doesn’t mean you

have to settle for misery.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

You may feel as though you’ve been forgotten by someone close to you. It may simply be that you’ve been laying low these days.

Don’t be offended, but try to enjoy the break. Too much of this person may have gotten on your nerves more than you know. Enjoy going solo for a bit and discover the benefits of solitude.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18

A dry spell in creativity is discouraging, but this is simply the calm before the storm. An explosive period of artistic expression is around the corner, so lay low and prepare for the insane pace. Friends and family will likely be awed by your productions, so don’t let a disapproving voice deter you from continuing.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19

Decide on a course of action regarding a career goal and take the first steps. Starting out is hard but the rest come fast.

Trying something new is a great way to motive. While much could go wrong on the path to a new you, the competition is incredibly light. Keep going and a knock out performance is guaranteed.Q

October 2018 |

SEX | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

sex and salt lake city

Coming out

BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist and Director of Sex Positive Los Angeles. Find out more at about.me/ kinkucation or email JustLBC@yahoo.com or Dr.LaurieBennettCook@gmail.com

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When coming out, keep in mind that while you’ve been struggling with this for quite some time, it may come as utterly unknown news to

8 3 5 9 4 6 7 2 1 5 4 6 8 3 9 7 4 2 5 1 6

4. Expect others to be shocked

Should you find yourself being receiving such news from a loved one, consider that coming out is complicated. Younger people may find themselves most concerned with how parents and peers will react. Not only may their social base be at risk, but the fear of how parents, of whom they may still be dependent on, will take the news can be especially frightening.

Adults may have difficulty coming out to a spouse and/or 7 9 8 5 6 3 1 4 2

It would be so nice to say that safety shouldn’t be a concern, but unfortunately, bigots and intolerant people like nothing more than to see those of us who are not heteronormative be punished or harmed. If you think there is a good chance you may be hurt or lose your livelihood, take care of yourself and wait until you are in a place with support and security.

5. Supporting others

2 1 6 4 9 7 8 3 5

3. Be concerned with your safety

children who’ve known them a certain way for many years.

Regardless of how well you know the person or how surprised or not you may be, remember: a person trusting to share such a vulnerable part of themselves is sacred ground.

Respect, validate, support, and honor that trust.

Lastly, as hard as it may seem sometimes, know that you are not alone. Others have gone before you and others will come after. If you’re not ready to come out but want to share anonymously you may write me at DrLaurieBennettCook@ gmail.com. Your message will remain private, and if you like, I’m happy to message you back or share a phone call to provide the support and kindness you deserve.

Happy National Coming Out Day. You’re a beautiful soul, just as you are. Q

someone else. Some people may be shocked which may make coming out more of a process than a one-time event.

However, recognize that any surprise others may experience is their struggle, not yours. As there are resources for the person coming out, there are also resources for those learning the news. You don’t have to be responsible for making others feel better about you.

3 4 5 2 1 8 6 9 7

It’s important to note that nobody must come out if they don’t want to it. Granted, there are those who are unfortunately outed by others whether intentionally or not, but as long as it’s in your control, it’s your decision what you choose to disclose.

It’s perfectly okay to decide not to come out at all. If or when you decide to come out don’t do it only for yourself.

As much as possible, build a support network of people you trust to be there as you share the news. We can’t always control or predict how others will react. To have a trusted ally makes all the difference. Some find that sharing the news in degrees by writing a letter and following up with a phone call or visit is helpful. Whatever way you choose, the most important thing is that you feel safe and comfortable in the process.

If you are in need of support, please look into the Utah Pride Center. The staff can assist in talking through the coming out process, whether for sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

4 7 1 9 2 5 3 6 8

1. You don’t have to come out

2. Get support

6 8 3 1 7 4 2 5 9

the 30th National Coming Out Day upon us, many of us can share a coming-out story of some sort, and most of us realize pretty quickly it’s not a one-and-done process. Instead, it’s always ongoing. The method of disclosing one’s gender identity, relationship configuration, or sexual orientation can be one of the terrifying things, especially the first time. Some people are met with hate, some with acceptance, some with anticlimactic indifference, and others with celebration.

As well as one may think they know their intended audience, the reactions are either healing or traumatizing. For many, the thought of keeping such a crucial part of oneself in the closet is even more excruciatingly painful than not disclosing.

For National Coming Out Day I’d like to share a couple tips to help with the process.

9 5 2 3 8 6 4 7 1

With

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5

Issue 284 | October 2018

Reasons to resist tossing out your ex-relationships’ mementos

relationship ends, tensions run high — and the first thing many of us do to satisfy our anger and sadness is to toss or burn the photos, letters and other mementos our partners have given us. This act of aggression won’t solve anything, and, in fact, will only serve to hurt you more later. Quell the temptation to pitch your ex-relationships’ physical reminders with these five reasons to hold onto them.

mitted to the relationship and making it work. Everybody argues, and sometimes it’s easy call it quits to hurt your partner’s feelings when that’s not what you really mean. You might even “break up” a few times along the way — something most us have experienced with at least one relationship — but if you know deep down that there’s a chance of reconciliation, concentrate on that (and the work you’ll both need to put in to make a go of it again) instead of being destructive.

the mementos out 1 Throwing won’t get back at them

4 You’ll regret it if they die

BY MIKEY ROX

When a

If you think tossing out the tangible remnants of your relationship is somehow “getting back” at your ex for whatever he or she did, you’re wrong. If you’re angry enough to go to those lengths, it’s safe to assume that you’re the one scorned while you partner may be eager to move on. If that’s the case, it’s doubtful that they care what you do with those possessions. So, in fact, you’re not affecting them but rather hurting yourself in the long run by destroying the evidence. Before you do what can’t be undone, stop, think about this decision and find something more productive to do.

If you need the mementos out of your sight stat, find a box, tape it up and put it away until you’re ready to reminisce.

2

The negative feelings you have right now won’t last forever

Breakups suck. They hurt; leave us depressed, lonely and insecure; and maybe even feeling like damaged goods. But like other painful situations in life, this too will pass — eventually — and once the skies clear again for you, you may reflect fondly on the relationship. When you do, you’ll be glad you have the reminders that once upon a time you had a good thing, and though it didn’t work out, you were able to successfully move on and make peace with the fact that everything happens for a reason.

3 You may reconcile one day

Real talk: It’s hard to find someone to whom you’re attracted who will put up with your bullshit — for me it is, at least — so when I find that person, I’m com-

My first relationship with a guy didn’t last long — about six months when I was a sophomore in college — but it was the first time I fell in love and experienced gay love in return. We dated long-distance for the entirety of the relationship, and to keep in touch in a world where email was just becoming commonplace, we sent letters and cards to each other regularly. When we broke up, I was crushed — mostly because it was my fault — but that didn’t stop me from throwing out everything he ever sent or gave me.

He’s dead now, and there are few things I wouldn’t give to have those letters.

relationship is part of 5 That your story — embrace it

I see my relationships as sort of like getting a tattoo: While there’s no physical representation of that experience on my body, the relationship still leaves an indelible mark. I have many tattoos, and I haven’t always been happy with the end result. I held onto that state of mind for a long time, particularly in my 20s, but as I’ve gotten older I realize that I just have to accept the things I can’t change — despite that I’m an absolute control freak.

I recognize now that these “mistakes” on my body and, similarly, in my personal life are all part of my story, my learning experience, and all of it informs the future decisions I make so I (hopefully) don’t make the same mistakes again. Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Instagram @mikeyrox.

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Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 284 | October 2018

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October 2018 |

BOOKS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

Issue 284 | Qsaltlake.com

the bookworm sez

REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

Whiskey When We’re Dry

BY JOHN LARISON C.2018, VIKING $28, 400 PP

It was right here a minute ago.

You saw it, but now it’s gone and you have to find it.

Beneath a newspaper, atop a shelf, under a blanket, wherever it is, it was just right here — and as in the new book Whiskey When We’re Dry by John Larison, you’d search years to have it back.

Jessilyn Harney never knew her mother.

She died in childbirth, leaving Jessilyn’s father to raise Jessilyn and her brother, Noah, who was five years older. Noah took care of Jessilyn when their father drank too much syrup. He was a good brother, making sure she was warm, dressed, and protected — until the year she turned thirteen and, as young men are wont to do, Noah had a fight with his father and he rode away.

For a few years, Jessilyn did what she could to help her father run things, but he’d gotten addled in that fight, and was never the same.

Sensing the truth, perhaps, he schooled her on sharp-shooting for protection, and he talked of marrying her off. Six days after he left on a solitary ride, Jessilyn found his bones scattered. Not knowing what to do, she asked if the nearby Mormon family might take her in, and she was denied.

That was when Jessilyn went into the old wooden box that Noah left behind. She found some of his outgrown

clothes — things that fit her fine — and she became Jesse.

Women on the frontier stuck out, he learned, but a baby-faced man was mostly ignored. Still, he was soft and that cost him; he was unwise to the world, and that cost more, though guns would ultimately protect Jesse and they’d generate money in wagers with fools who thought a lad wasn’t good with a Colt.

But Jesse didn’t want money; he only wanted one thing.

Noah had taken up with some outlaws, and there was a bounty on his head, dead or alive. Sharp-shooting was fun, but Jesse only wanted to find Noah before the law did …

Reading Whiskey When We’re Dry is like opening dozens of little gifts at Christmas: each time a surprise occurs, it’s a delight — the last, no less than the first. Author John Larison does that over and over again, gifting readers with a great opening, exceptional characters, and plenty to unwrap.

Set in the years following the Civil War, in an unnamed state, this book offers a lot to fans of many genres: for sure, this is an oater, complete with hosses and outlaws.

With stunningly-described scenery, it’s a book for adventurers. There’s a gauzily-told romance with another woman here, and small crushes on gun-slinging men. It’s un-PC, so beware! There’s heroism in this novel, but not where you might anticipate it.

Take this book on that last-minute vacation you’ve got. Take it to bed, and don’t expect to sleep. Take Whiskey When We’re Dry, take, it, take it wherever you go. If you’re in need of a sweeping epic that offers plenty of minishocks throughout, it’s right here. Q

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 284 | October 2018

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of the chicken of the sea The road

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

to a pain-free back is fraught with danger

and excitement.

Those of you who know me, have probably noticed that these last few years I haven’t been walking well due to a bad back. I went to my doctor for the pain, and he dared to tell me that the vertebrae in my lumbar region were strained to the breaking point from the immense pressure exerted from supporting my heroically proportioned “Tuba Luba” tummy.

Oh, the indignity! I guess I should have had a clue that I’m no “Slenderella” because the last time I went shopping for clothing, the clerk sent me to the tent and awning department to find something to fit. How humiliating!

Then the doctor told me that my spinal cord is pinched in at least three places by the density of my sumo-like butterball belly. Oh the mortification! He barely escaped from his life snuffed out by my mammoth matronly mound smothering him when he told me I might need to lose a few pounds.

After dodging my pudgy, portly potbelly, he meekly suggested that I might try water-walking in a swimming pool as a less painful exercise.

So, I went to the closest swimming pool and bought a monthly pass from a frightened (the shadow of my colossally corpulent fallen chest cast over her desk, blotted out the sun) attendant. With much trepidation, I entered the locker room re-

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membering horrific days of freshman high school P.E. where the jocks would terrorize all the “regular kids” with snapping towels or worse.

To my great relief, the locker room was empty. I hurriedly put on my swimsuit and crept quickly to the pool. To my dismay, I realized that I wasn’t alone. At first glance, I thought there were a bunch of mermaids in the pool. Upon closer observation, I realized that circling the pool like sharks in a feeding frenzy was a school of sea cows or more politely, manatees of the mountains.”

I really don’t have room to talk as I am no “chicken of the sea” either.

In my haste, I nearly slipped and fell into the pool. I might’ve been an unmitigated disaster, as there wasn’t a heavy-lifting gantry crane anywhere to rescue a hapless beached whale. I rushed into the water creating a tidal wave rivaling the surge that took out the nuclear reactor at Fukushima.

Entering the water, I immediately felt relief as my gravitationally gifted Juggalo became buoyant in the marine environment. I discreetly joined in the procession of water walkers traveling in a circle around the island in the pool. All of the bobbing of us various buxom buffet queens circling the pool created a perfect vortex of voluptuous blubber-naughts resulting in a whirlpool of death. I thought we all were acting out a human version of plate tectonics.

It wasn’t until my third trip around the pool that I noticed the lifeguard perched and peering at the swimmers like a vulture stalking its dinner. On my fourth revolution, I observed that said lifeguard was handsome, about 25-ish with spiky blonde hair. On the fifth pass, I saw him parading his rippling thigh muscles, extending from his square-cut Speedo (a glorious garment).

I realized I was unconsciously attempting to suck in my “walking cheese wheel.”

During the sixth lap, I tried to further discreetly scrutinize the lifeguard. I happily noticed that his snugly fitting tank-top revealed some washboards worthy of a

Chinese laundry. His perfectly tanned and toned arms were perfect for rescuing a floundering chub scout. I nearly passed out from holding my breath as I passed him to lessen the expansive circumference of my rotundity. I seriously felt tempted to pretend to drown so he would save me with those bulging biceps. Then lay me ever-so-gently on the deck and perform mouthto-mouth. But I realized he might catch on that it wasn’t an emergency since I was in three feet of water. With each pass, I felt rewarded with another vision of loveliness as I passed the lifeguard tower. I finally lost count of how many laps I traveled around the island.

Finally, it was time to leave. As I exited the water, it was like a tenfold force of gravity swallowed my blubbery breadbasket. I hurried out so that the dreamboat lifeguard would not behold the full extent of my immensitude. In my haste, I nearly slipped and fell on the wet deck, thus almost instigating my rescue fantasy for real.

I shall return!

This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Should the doctor give a discount on the copayment when he delivers bad news?

2. Might my back problems be quickly solved by wearing a titanium reinforced girdle?

3. Should I engineer some breasticles that float?

4. If I demonstrated the floating capacity of my breasticles, might the lifeguard ask me to stand in as a dummy in water-rescue training?

5. If I wore a large caftan cover up to the pool, could I avoid frightening the children?

These and other eternal questions answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

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