QSaltLake Magazine - 286 - Oct. 18, 2018

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OCTOBER 18, 2018 VOL. 15 • ISSUE 286 QSALTLAKE.COM

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Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

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from the publisher

‘QSaltLake’ expanded back to biweekly, with a twist Fourteen

BY MICHAEL AARON

years and six months ago this magazine first hit the stands as a biweekly publication dedicated to serving Utah’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and ally community. In the hard economic times of 2012, we looked at our resources and realized we couldn’t sustain that model and became a monthly magazine with greater focus on our website delivering breaking news.

We are proud to announce that we returned to a biweekly model, with a twist.

Every other issue will be made available to readers online only at qsaltlake.com/ current-q. All of our issues have been made available online for many years now, but this is the first that will never see print.

Yes, we will still maintain a monthly print edition as we have for so many years. I love a physical, printed magazine. I love the feel of paper. I love that I tend to read the issue more thoroughly, catching stories that would otherwise fly by me or not even show on my computer screen.I find that when I read the online editions, I still catch those stories. I actually bought an Amazon Fire so I can read out on the deck with a cup of coffee in the morning. Me, a papyrophiliac, reading on a cold plastic machine.

What I tend to enjoy are the new advances that have come along on digital publications. If I see an advertisement or a story with a link to tickets, I can click right there and go to the advertiser’s or ticketing company’s page. I can zoom in on a story that I’m reading and sometimes find a longer version than available on the page.

And now there is video. In issue 285 you will find a story on Stan Penfold’s announcement that he will run for mayor of Salt Lake City. With one click you will be able to watch his announcement as if you were there. Rather than just reading a story on a video that’s gone viral, you can watch the video as you are reading the issue.

We thought long and hard about expanding back to biweekly. It seemed that, as a monthly publication, news waited to happen until after we hit the “send to press” button on the last page. Argh! We always felt more in rhythm with the flow of news on a 14-day cycle. We also felt limited in the number of voices we could bring to the

community because of space.

Cost, of course, was a major concern. It costs a lot to print the thousands of copies that are trucked 109 miles to Q Towers each month then we pay drivers both hourly and by the mile to haul them to hundreds of locations from Logan to Provo. Doubling our annual cost was out of the question.

The environment was also a major consideration. Each issue of QSaltLake uses about 14 trees and who knows how much gasoline.

We announced last month that we have joined with the National Forest Foundation to plant a tree for every one we use in our national forests to help replace those lost to fire and other issues. We also buy carbon offsets for the amount of gas- or coal-powered energy we use. But printing bi-weekly would double our impact on the Earth.

Lastly, while we believe we will always print our publications, we also know that many people prefer to read us online. My partner lives in a house where there are dozens of current issues laying around but still reads us on his MacBook. We also know that more than half of our online readers read us on their cellphone. Four thousand people, on average, read each issue in the first month it is published. In all, we have had over a million reads of our publications since we started offering them on the Issuu platform in July of 2012. In fact, 1,061,744 as I write this article.

Some LGBT-focused publications have gone fully digital in the past several years.

Two of our sister publications that are part of the National Equality Media Association, of which QSaltLake Magazine is a founding member and I am now vice president, including QVegas (now QLife) and PQ Portland, made the full transition in 2015 and 2018, respectively.

We have determined, after talking with many of our readers, that this dual option is what Utah’s LGBTQ community wants.

We are excited to be expanding again.

We’d love to be incredibly open to new voices, and hope you’ll consider adding yours to our Views pages. Please give our online editions a try, and continue to find the printed issues at coffee shops, restaurants and bars up and down the Wasatch Front and display them proudly on your coffee table.

Onward and upward. Q

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

staffbox

publisher/editor Michael Aaron

ASSISTANT editor Tony Hobday designer Christian Allred sales Ken Stowe, 801-997-9763 x1 sales@qsaltlake.com contributors Joshua Adamson Pickett, Diane Anderson-Minshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Paul Campbell, Laurie Bennett-Cook, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Ryan Haymore, Tony Hobday, Joshua Jones, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Mikey Rox, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski distribution Bradley Jay Crookston,

RJ Graham publisher

Q Media Group 222 S Main St, Ste 500 (by appt. only), Salt Lake City, Utah 84101 tel: 801-997-9763

CONTACT EMAILS: general: info@qsaltlake.com editorial: editor@qsaltlake.com ARTS: arts@qsaltlake.com sales: sales@qsaltlake.com

Check us out online at: QSALTLAKE.COM FACEBOOK.COM/QSALTLAKE TWITTER @QSALTLAKE

QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC., Q Media Group Copyright © 2018, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 8–12,000 copies are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the state. Free copies are limited to one per person.

For additional copies, call 801-997-9763. It is a crime to dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this magazine. Printed in the USA on recycled paper. Please recycle this copy when done.

October 18, 2018 |

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 7

18

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artists of ballet west | photo by beau pearson

Single Tickets on Sale Now! 801·869·6900 | balletwest . org

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news

Call Wharton O’Brien Law

The top national and world news you should know from last month

BY CRAIG OGAN

GA. Governor candidate cruises Grindr Georgia Republican Governor candidate, Brian Kemp’s campaign ads show up on Grindr.

The state Democrats claimed the banner showed Kemps hypocrisy since they consider him anti-gay. Kemp has expressed support for Georgia’s version of a Religious Freedom Restoration Act. Kemp’s campaign told the paper the ad could have turned up on Grindr because the user had visited Kemp’s website.

Tracking technology makes it possible for advertisers to target internet users as they go from one site to another.

Which explains friends saying they have friends who see banners for R C Willey and Mormon.org when they are looking for hiking or camping partners on Grindr.

X Marks the spot

Wharton O’Brien, PLLC 165 S Main Street, Suite 200 Salt Lake City, Utah 84111 chriswhartonlaw.com

New York City birth certificates may now show a third gender, signified by “X”, without needing a letter from a healthcare provider. Signing the law and joining California, Washington, New Jersey, and Oregon as jurisdictions with similar laws, Mayor de Blasio said, “New Yorkers should be free to tell their government who they are, not the other way around.”

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

Roman Catholic nutbag Rev. Paul Kalchik, a Roman Catholic priest in Chicago, hoped to solve the clergy-abuse scandal which some blame on a “homosexual mafia” with an “exorcism” featuring the burning of a rainbow flag that had once hung in the church. He defied orders from superiors in the diocese. Kalchik told NBC News he takes Leviticus 20:13 literally about putting gay men to death. No word on stoning mouthy teenagers, burying adulterous wives, or killing those with mismatched fabrics. Kalchik has been placed on leave by the diocese.

Batman revealed In “Batman: Damned #1”, the first in DC Comics’ mag for mature viewers, you now get to see something only Robin used to get to see — Batman’s penis. Unfortunately, the panels have been changed considerably due to complaints from stores carrying the new comic book. Here’s a peek at Batman’s junk — bit.ly/batpole — and nice abs and butt.

Grindr becomes intolerant of intolerance Grindr announced a “zero tolerance policy” toward racism, transphobia and other discrimination on the platform.

The ChiCom-owned company will ban users who use hateful language, perhaps removing options to filter potential hookups by age and race. “No fats, no femmes, no Asians’... that isn’t going to be tolerated anymore,” said Landen Zumwalt, Grindr’s head of communications. Other gay hookup sites like Adam4Adam said they encouraged users to report all types of discrimination and would ban users who failed to treat others with respect.

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Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

The suspect turned himself into police. The man allegedly punched a 34-year-old victim in the face and threw a 29-year-old victim against a tree, leaving both of them unconscious. No motive yet for the random attack where witnesses say he called them “f—–s” (we think it could be “faggots” or “fuckers” of “felines”, but can’t tell from the soft wire copy) before knocking them unconscious.

Romanians don’t care enough to vote Gay puppets Many like to think that Sesame Street denizens, Bert and Ernie are gay but the team behind Sesame Street says that “They are just puppets.”

Mark Saltzman, a former scriptwriter for Sesame Street, drawing on his own experience as a gay man, said that he always imagined Bert and Ernie as “loving partners.” Sesame Workshop stated how the characters “were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves.” Despite the duo’s human traits, “they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

Frank Oz, the puppeteer who created the Bert character wrote. “It’s nice that some people feel Bert and Ernie are gay,” he tweeted. “But it’s not true.” What’s next, Big Bird is not really avian but just a puppet?”

Brooklyn Hate Crime Police have arrested a 25-yearold man in connection with a brutal homophobic attack early Sunday morning on two New Jersey men at one of the last remaining gay bars in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

It was a victory of sorts for Marriage Equality. Romanian voters did not turn out to vote in a national referendum aimed at barring same-sex marriage in that East European country. A voter turnout of at least 30 percent was necessary for the result to stand, but election officials said only 20.41 of eligible voters participated. Both sides claimed victory in this display of apathy: Gay rights group, Accept, said it showed citizens “want a Romania based upon democratic values” and proponents, including the Romanian Orthodox Church said they were pleased to see there was a “Christian” voting block in the country.

Mandatory marriage The U.S. will start treating gay and lesbian partners of foreign diplomats or staffers of U.S.-based international organizations like the United Nations the same as opposite-sex unmarried partners.

The State Department will require unmarried same-sex partners to apply for a spousal visa, also known as the G-4 visa. It will be a problem for diplomats from all but the 25 countries who recognize marriage equality. Samantha Power, a former U.S. ambassador to the UN, predictably

called the new policy “needlessly cruel and bigoted,“ and a UN official said the policy would effectively “tear U.N. staff” from their partners. A U.S. spokesman said the policy is intended “to help ensure and promote equal treatment” between straight and gay couples.

Commitment ceremony was a marriage A Colorado court had ruled that a commitment ceremony in 2003, and more than a decade before the Obergefell v.

Hodges decision that legalized same-sex marriage, is a legally binding commitment. Though the pair married after the decision, a judge has used the 2003 commitment ceremony as the beginning of the “married relationship” and has ordered one of the partners to give up 70 percent of his assets, accumulated before legal marriage, to the other party. The house, cars, savings and pension accumulated before the marriage were never designated as joint property, but the judge said, “You Play, You Pay.”

Spies thought Hitler to be bisexual A declassified CIA profile of Adolf Hitler would probably be better to have remained unseen.

Written in 1942, it said that he was “both homosexual and heterosexual.” Much of the information in the profile was hearsay, with few sources.

One named source is Ernst

Franz Sedgwick Hanfstaengl, a personal friend of Hitler.

He told agents, after escaping to the USA in the 1930s, that Hitler often stayed at a hostel, Maennerheim Brigittenau, in Vienna. Dr. Sedgwick said the hostel had the reputation of being a place where senior men went in search of young men for sexual pleasures.

The report also discussed Hitler’s “mommy” issues, “narcissistic masturbatory” tendencies, and a fruitless search for the perfect woman.

The report claimed at the time that Hitler lacked “genuine disgust” for gay people, but records later revealed an estimated 100,000 gay men were arrested in Nazi Germany and between 5,000 and 15,000 homosexuals were sent to concentration camps.

Nothing’s infallible, including PrEP A San Francisco man was infected with partially resistant HIV despite consistent use of Truvada pre-exposure prophylaxis. It is the sixth known case of HIV seroconversion despite good adherence to PrEP, according to Stephanie Cohen and colleagues from the San Francisco Department of Public Health and the University of California at San Francisco. It may have been caused by the man having sex with an HIV-positive partner with the same resistance pattern suggesting transmission of resistant virus, rather than a newly emerging resistant virus in the recently infected man. “HIV infections during PrEP use are extremely rare,” PrEP researcher Robert Grant of UCSF said. “There are only a few cases reported worldwide after hundreds of thousands of people have used PrEP and tens of thousands of HIV infections have been prevented.” Q

10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

Stan Penfold announces run against Jackie Biskupski for Salt Lake City Mayor

BY MICHAEL AARON

Outside Ninth & Ninth restaurant Publik Kitchen, Utah AIDS Foundation executive director and former Salt Lake City Councilman Stan Penfold announced Thursday, Oct. 4, that he will run against Jackie Biskupski to become Salt Lake City Mayor.

“Everybody says this is early,” Penfold said. “But the big election — the primary — happens in June, so not so far away.”

He said he is running because he loves the city and its people.

“I love the people of Salt Lake City,” Penfold said. “And I love my neighbors.

I love the young couple who moved in with the new baby. And I love the older couple whose family moved here generations ago, and they are living out their final years in the same neighborhood they’ve lived in their entire lives, next to the young couple with the new kids.”

“I love the diversity of Salt Lake City,” he continued. “I love the new immigrants of the Liberty Wells neighborhood and the young people of East Downtown,

and the hipsters and the artists of Central Ninth. I love the people who are reviving the west-side neighborhoods like Glendale and Poplar Grove. They bring soccer and amazing food to share.

“I love the gayborhoods of the Marmalade and the University and Sugar House and Ninth & Ninth, and pretty much every neighborhood in Salt Lake is a gayborhood anymore. And that’s a good thing.

“I love that we live side-by-side and that we care about each other, and that we enjoy each other, and that we truly enjoy the uniqueness that makes Salt Lake City a wonderful place to live.”

He said he is different from the current administration because he listens.

“What we really need in Salt Lake City is leadership that listens and leadership that really cares,” Penfold said. “My campaign for mayor will look different because frankly, I am different. I know how to listen. I want to listen. I actually receive great joy from listening and sharing and creating things together. So that is why I am kicking off this campaign by

listening. I will be coming to a neighborhood near you soon, to listen. And I want to hear from you. I want to hear from the wonderful and diverse neighbors who live here in Salt Lake City. And then, I know how to make things happen.”

He went on to list some accomplishments he made while on the city council.

“I know how to work with others to get things done. I know how to do a free-fare transit day where everybody said it could not happen. I did it,” he said.

“I know how to plant trees and grow community gardens. I know how to help small businesses.

“I know how to partner, and I know how to help people come together to do impossible things like rename six miles of a street in Salt Lake City.”

Penfold is largely credited for being the person who got the city to rename part of Ninth South from Ninth West to Ninth East “Harvey Milk Boulevard,” after the San Francisco politician who made significant change in California and became a beacon to the gay community nationwide

October 18, 2018 |

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 11

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

2018 EQUALITY UTAH

ENDORSED CANDIDATES

EQUALITY UTAH PAC

Political Action Committee www.equalityutahpac.org

Equality Utah Political Action Committee (EUPAC) exists to elect pro-equality candidates in Utah.

EUPAC has vetted these candidates regarding their position on issues that impact the lives of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer Utahns:

said probably time. Only 34 before being killed by fellow San Francisco Supervisor Dan percent supported the current White. mayor, with 20 percent saying Penfold had endorsed maybe and 14 percent saying then-incumbent mayor Ralph they definitely would re-elect Becker in the election that BiBiskupski. Nine percent were skupski won. He left the coununsure. The poll by Dan Jones cil in January after eight years, & Associates surveyed 203 likeexpressing frustration with ly voters and had a 6.8 percent Biskupski’s leadership. Then he margin of error. was rumored to have formed Biskupski is the first openly an exploratory committee to gay mayor of Salt Lake City run for mayor back in April and was the first openly lesbiof 2017, only 16 months after an legislator in the state, first Biskupselected in ki took Should Salt Lake City Mayor Jackie 1998. office. He PenBiskupski be elected to another told The fold left 4-year term, or is it time to let Salt Lake the crowd someone new a chance to serve?

Tribune with a back then ELECT SOMEONE NEW favorite that the DEFINITELY PROBABLY quote mayor from RE-ELECT JACKIE was often DEFINITELY PROBABLY Prior confronin Tony UNSURE tational Kushner’s and play, DAN JONES & ASSOCIATES FOR UTAHPOLICY.COM “quick 203 LIKELY VOTERS IN SALT LAKE CITY AUG 22–SEP 12 Angels in in equal MARGIN OF ERROR +/- 6.8% America: measure “He speaks at a time of to take credit but pass along darkness in the country and blame.” He also said her adminabsence of those who govern. istration lacks transparency.

He speaks in a time of severe A Utah Policy poll released neglect of leadership and last month found 56 percent responsibility. In a time of of likely Salt Lake City voters government ignorance and said it was either “definitely” incompetence. In a time of or “probably” time to elect much anger and anguish. Very a new mayor other than much like today.”

Biskupski. Asked, “Should Salt “We are not going away.

Lake City Mayor Jackie BiskThe world only spins forward. upski be elected to another We will be citizens. The time four-year term, or is it time to has come. We are fabulous give someone new a chance creatures, each and every one. to serve?”, 29 percent said it And I bless you more life. The was definitely time to elect great work begins.” Q someone new and 27 percent

PUBLIC ACCOMMODATIONS TRANSGENDER HEALTH CARE CONVERSION THERAPY LAW ENFORCEMENT HATE CRIMES We rely on our elected officials to pass inclusive policies that value every Utahn exactly as they are. A vote for these candidates is a vote for equality.

ELECTION DAY IS TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 6TH VOTE FOR EQUALITY UTAH STATE HOUSE JOSH BRUNDAGE - House 4 DEANA FROERER - House 8 KATHIE DARBY - House 9 ADAM ALBA - House 18 SANDRA HOLLINS - House 23 JEN DAILEY-PROVOST - House 24 JOEL BRISCOE - House 25 ANGELA ROMERO - House 26 BRIAN KING - House 28 MIKE WINDER - House 30 KAREN KWAN - House 34 MARK WHEATLEY - House 35 PATRICE ARENT - House 36 CAROL MOSS - House 37 STEPHANIE PITCHER - House 40 AMY L MARTZ - House 42 DIANE LEWIS - House 43 ANDREW STODDARD - House 44 MARIE POULSON - House 46 MICHELE WEEKS - House 51

UTAH STATE SENATE DEREK KITCHEN - Senate 2 GENE DAVIS - Senate 3 JANI IWAMOTO - Senate 4 KAREN MAYNE - Senate 5 KATHLEEN RIEBE - Senate 8 ALEXANDER CASTAGNO - Senate 9 DANIEL THATCHER - Senate 12 MARK CHAMBERS - Senate 28

SALT LAKE COUNTY COUNCIL ARLYN BRADSHAW - Council 1 LISA GEHRKE - Council 3 ANN GRANATO - Council 4 JIM BRADLEY - At-Large

STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION & DISTRICT ATTORNEY CRAIG K PITTS - Education 2 THOMAS E NEDREBERG - Education 3 SIM GILL - District Attorney facebook.com/equalityutah

@equalityutah

@equalityutah

12 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 286 |

October 18, 2018

Fairpark ‘hate crime’ may have been a roommate dispute between gay men What looked like a hate crime, complete with the word FAGS spray-painted on a bedroom door in the Fairpark neighborhood of Salt Lake City is now being investigated as an alleged dispute between roommates.

Michael Lentz posted on Facebook Friday, Sept. 20 that someone entered his home, stole thousands of dollars’ worth of his belongings and his dog, and spray-painted his door with the word “FAGS” and a paw print.

“So today I came home to find I was robbed again. They took everything of value from the house, [including] thousands of dollars worth of electronics, gear and leather. Then to make things worse they stole my dog. My sweet little pug Gil is missing. They were so kind as to make it a hate crime by spray painting my door. If you see my dog, please let me know,” Lentz wrote.

Luckily, his dog has been returned to him, having been found by a family at Liberty Park, without tags, miles from his home.

Three GoFundMe campaigns were set up, one by Lentz’ mother to help him replace his belongings and find a new, safer place to live, another by members of the pups and Handlers community to replace his leather and pup gear, and another purportedly by the mother of roommate Jimmy Daniels, who is also gay.

“I am raising money for my son, Mike Lentz. He has been robbed twice. This time it is an obvious Hate Crime, they even took his dog,” Julie Lentz wrote in the GoFundMe description.

That campaign has raised nearly $4,695.

“Two pup friends of mine house was just broken into and the person stole all of their gear and also their dog. Not only did the person [steal] their valuable and personal belongings, they also vandalized the place. A bunch of gear was stolen which included multiple leather and neoprene gear, specifically pup hoods. Pup meeko received his neoprene pup hood literally today and now it is gone. I am making this page to help them retrieve or possibly buy new gear so they can move past this horrible situation,” wrote bruiser.

That campaign has raised $705.

The campaign for Daniels is listed as being created by his mother, Betty Oakley, but emails and phone calls to her from QSaltLake for verification have gone unreturned.

“My Son, Jimmy Daniels house was burglarized and vandalized,” the campaign description reads. “All of their electronics, video games, over $1000 cash, leather clothing. ...

His friends already moved out over the weekend and I found my son alone and depressed sleeping in his bedroom with all the doors locked. He was recently hospitalized for his depression and has seizures, so it’s very dangerous for him to be left alone.”

The fundraiser for Daniels raised $1,335.

At the time Salt Lake City Police Department detectives confirmed they were investigating the alleged crimes as a hate crime. Since then, however, much of the stolen goods have been retrieved from the house of Daniels’ sister and police are looking into him as being the perpetrator.

QSaltLake Magazine received photos of leather gear and computer equipment at Daniels’ sister’s house that Lentz’ partner, Wyatt Maki, says was theirs and have been returned to them. Maki said that some of their belongings are still missing, and that Daniels may have been stealing packages

being delivered to the apartment since they all moved in together.

“Thankfully it wasn’t a hate crime.” Maki said. “Unfortunately it was someone we lived with who’s shown he’s untrustworthy. Michael and I have moved into another place and we are safe.” Q

Eight Utah cities given poor grades on LGBTQ rights If the Human Rights Campaign’s Municipal Equality Index scores were school grades, Salt Lake City would get a D and all other Utah cities graded would fail. Some by a large percentage.

Salt Lake City was given a score of 64 in the annual index. Ogden was next highest with 54. Provo was scored at 48, while Logan and West

Valley City scored 46. Park City was a dismal 35 and West Jordan 34. Orem scored the lowest at 20.

All of the cities were dinged for not having nondiscrimination ordinances that covered public accommodations at the city, county or state levels.

Transgender health benefits were also lacking. A full review is at qsaltlake.com. Q

October 18, 2018 |

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13

POTTERY SALE

Mia Love campaign fires vendor over anti-gay email U.S. Rep. Mia Love apologized last month to Equality Utah Executive Director Troy Williams and Salt Lake City Councilman Derek Kitchen, “and other dear friends of mine” after sending an email blasting opponent Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams for approving of the Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage. “‘Moderate McAdams’ who says he was ‘pleased’ with the Supreme Court legalizing same-sex marriage,” the Labor Day email stated.

Then, in the last week of September, another email went out once again blasting McAdams for his pro-LGBT stance.

The email highlighted some of Rep. Joe Kennedy’s positions, including support for abortion rights, the Affordable Care Act, same-sex marriage, and opposition to the recent GOP tax cuts, and claims McAdams holds those same positions.

“Kennedy III champions gay marriage — Just like Ben!” the email read. “He certainly embraces East Coast liberal values, like his buddy Joe Kennedy — but these are not Utah’s values.”

An hour later, the campaign sent a second message with an apology, saying the previous

email had been “sent in error.”

Love campaign spokeswoman Sasha Clark said the first email was sent in error by a vendor without campaign approval. Love later confirmed in a statement to The Salt Lake Tribune that the vendor responsible for the email was fired.

Equality Utah responded with a tweet, “Again, @RepMiaLove is using gay families to attack her political opponent @BenMcAdams. We thank Ben for his years of public support for the LGBTQ community.

We need politicians who will unite Americans, not divide us. Sadly, Love’s campaign has chosen their path.”

Love later publicly stated support of the LGBT community, writing, The rights of same-sex marriage families has [sic] been guaranteed by the Supreme Court, and we respect their constitutional privileges,” McAdams released a statement as well, saying, that Love wants to reignite an old controversy for political gain.

“I’m proud that Utah stands out as a place where families, churches and LGBTQ advocacy groups are able to discuss, share their differences and find common ground,” McAdams wrote. Q

14 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

Local activist takes over when health departments stall PrEP info

BY ASHLEE HOYLE

blackBOOTS, a Salt Lake organization headed by Michael Sanders, is all about kink and leather. And altruism. The band of leather-bound men has an initiative called blackBOARD — an educational program.

Their commitment Michael Sanders to opening space for Salt Lake kinksters to lead authentic lives has blossomed into a diligent effort to educate others on how they can do the same. In the words of their founder, in an interview with QSaltLake Magazine, “we saw too many people who weren’t being safe or using best consent practices here in Utah … those young people had very few tools that they need to keep themselves safe or to understand consent. So I started blackBOARD.” Lead by Sanders, blackBOARD began running classes to serve the gay community, and when they decided to tackle the issue of Pre-exposure prophylaxis, Sanders decided he needed some help. “I knew it was too big a topic to do in a private class not available to the masses,” said Sanders.

“I felt that this information was needed to be disseminated throughout the greater LGBTQ communities in Utah.”

PrEP is a regimen of medicine many people use to combat exposure to HIV. A tremendous savior to the gay community, PrEP boasts a 99+ percent effectiveness rate. A medical breakthrough like this has had an incalculable impact on the LGBTQ community and is mostly considered to be a life-saving and sexuality-affirming phenomenon.

Sanders’ first challenge came when he proposed a partnership with the Utah Department of Health, whose longstanding message to Utahns around sex education had been abstinence-only. Local health organizations and other local institutions dragged their feet on supporting PrEP edu-

cation. But Sanders refused to follow suit.

Over 3,800 Salt Lake citizens, along with Sanders himself, signed a petition to get momentum behind an HIV-prevention program with which they broke the silence.

“After the signatures,” said Sanders, “the [Salt Lake County] Health Department became more interested in listening to what I had to say.”

The PrEP Resource team was finally sponsored by the SLCHD and their partnership with blackBOOTS birthed classes and outreach that Sanders says “was the beginning of anyone in Salt Lake even hearing what PrEP was about.”

Even though Sanders was asked to join the Utah Department of Health HIV Planning Committee after the buzz around his program, the pace around further messaging was painfully slow. Sanders was interested more in stomping ahead.

Representatives of titanous organizations including the Utah AIDS Foundation, University of Utah’s 1A clinic, Intermountain Healthcare, and governmental health departments comprised the committee. And Sanders saw himself as an outsider.

“I am a community activist, an independent, a wild card. That allows me the freedom to occasionally say ‘okay this is moving a little too slow and I’d like to bust out on my own and do something,’” he said. “There is far too much bureaucracy, and too many opinions, and too much red tape to get started.”

After failed attempts at disseminating crucial information through the committee, Sanders paid out-of-pocket to print an informational pamphlet.

“I decided to put them in the bars

around town,” said Sanders, and after some community members stepped up to help, he circulated thousands of copies.

The pamphlet, with information about how to find PrEP, its benefits, and how to receive financial relief, is now in LGBTQ resource centers at every college from Logan to St. George and in shelters for homeless youth, with more locations pending.

“Hopefully, within a month or two, they’re in all the places from one end of the state to another that gay people are likely to be. That’s the goal,” he said.

Now, both youngsters in the community and old-timers alike, because of Sanders, all know more about PrEP and have easier access to it. It would not be an overstatement to say that gay Utahn lives have been saved in the process.

“I’ll be 56 in November,” Sanders said. “I lived through watching my friends dying around me — the most amazing vital young people … back then the thing that we talked about was ‘wouldn’t it be amazing if there was a pill you could take so you don’t get this disease.’ Now there is a pill that you can take! So we need to take advantage of that fact.”

Unable to watch as the pace and politics impeded this significant step in gay men’s health, Sanders wants to promote PrEP to work toward eradicating HIV infections and encouraging testing.

“Growing up through the AIDS epidemic and HIV crisis,” he says, “testing was always considered going into the darkness. Now if you’re getting tested, you’re walking into the light.” Q

October 18, 2018 |

NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

The PrEP Checklist To continue Sander’s efforts to get the word out about PrEP, we are reprinting the brochure in its entirety, with permision.

PrEP is a highly effective HIV prevention method in which people who do not have HIV infection take a daily pill to reduce their risk of becoming infected.

An outline of what you’ll need to know if you are interested in using PrEP as part of your personal HIV prevention strategy

Before a doctor can prescribe PrEP, you must: • Find a doctor that is trained to prescribe and maintain the proper protocol for PrEP. Not sure how to find a doctor? Ask a trusted friend that is on PrEP or at a HIV testing program.

• Have an office visit with the doctor where they evaluate your risk of HIV exposure based on your sexual activities.

Being honest and open with your doctor is very important.

• Be tested for HIV to confirm you’re currently negative.

• Be tested for Hepatitis B. • Be tested for healthy kidney functions.

• Confirm that you are not taking other HIV or Hepatitis B medications.

• Understand that while PrEP is generally considered safe for most people. Like any medication, there are known safety risks associated with PrEP. • For women: undergo a pregnancy test and decide if PrEP is still right for you.

Once you’re on PrEP, you must: • Take the medication as prescribed every day.

• Visit your doctor every 2-3 months for lab tests, including an HIV and kidney function.

• Monitor yourself for side effects and contact your doctor with any concerns.

• Remain honest and open with your doctor.

• Understand that PrEP is only one part of your personal strategy to reduce your risk of HIV. Additionally, when you’re on PrEP, it is highly recommended that you: • Be tested regularly for gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis.

• Strongly consider receiving a Hepatitis B vaccine.

• Continue practicing safer sex, however you choose to define that for yourself.

Here is a current list of local PrEP providers: DRAPER Richard Bennett, MD. . . . . 801-572-0311 Stephen Coleman, MD . . . 385-900-4090 FARMINGTON Daniel Broadbent, MD. . . . 385-240-5697 Daniel Chappell, DO . . . . . 385-240-5697 Laurene Joseph, MD. . . . . . 801-213-3200 Matthew Chabot, MD. . . . 801-213-3200 LAYTON Patrick Kendell, MD. . . . . . 801-773-4840

Teddy Witbeck, MD. . . . . . 801-365-1032 An Dinh, MD. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-266-2777 Jennifer Norris, MD . . . . . . 801-262-1771 Joseph W. Nelson, DO. . . . 801-262-1771 Dr. Susana Keeshin. . . . . . 801-587-7447 Kencee Graves, MD . . . . . . 801-581-4888 Adam Spivak. . . . . . . . . . . . 801-585-2031 Dana Lombardi. . . . . . . . . . 801-585-2032 Dr. Rosado-Santos. . . . . . . 801-585-2033 Claudia Goulston, MD. . . . 801-585-2031 Christine Tang, PA-C. . . . . . 801-585-2031 Larry Reimer, MD . . . . . . . . 801-585-2031 Mary Mooers, MD. . . . . . . . 801-507-7781 Suzanne Martin, MD . . . . . 801-581-6546 (for U students, spouses, dependents) Jamie Hinderliter, PA-C . . . 801-364-0058 (for homeless patients) SANDY John Moore. . . . . . . . . . . . . 801-572-0443 William Schwarz, ANP. . . 801-566-5350 SOUTH JORDAN Michael Jones, MD . . . . . . . 801-433-2873 SYRACUSE David Farnsworth, MD . . . 801-773-4840 WEST JORDAN Maurine Cobabe, MD . . . . 801-256-6343 Todd Schauers, PA-C. . . . . . 801-569-1999 Free PrEP Clinic . . . . . . . . . 801-585-2512 (for the uninsured) at the University of Utah Clinic 1A at the Redwood Health Center

For more information: PETER BEST Salt Lake County Health Department STI Clinic / HIV Prevention Program 385-468-4166 UTAH AIDS FOUNDATION 801-487-2323 TRUVADA PREP INFORMATION: truvada.com/patients BLACKBOOTS PREP TALK! blackbootsslc.org/prep-talk-. html

Financial Assistance: INSURANCE CO-PAY ASSISTANCE: gileadadvancingaccess.com/ copay-coupon-card CO-PAY GAP ASSISTANCE: copays.org/ This brochure is brought to you by: blackBOOTS as a community service offering. www.blackbootsslc.org

LOGAN David Faux, MD. . . . . . . . . . 435-716-1806 MAGNA Steven Robbins, DO. . . . . . 801-250-9638 OGDEN Richard Gregoire, MD . . . . 801-393-5355 Kurt E. Rifleman, MD. . . . . 801-393-5355 Petronella Adornako, MD. 801-387-7900 PROVIDENCE Jeremy Broadhurst. . . . . . . 435-755-3300 Jesse C. Rashburn, DO. . . . 435-755-3300 Stephanie Thomas, MD. . . 435-755-3300 SALT LAKE CITY Nicholas G. Hanson, MD . 801-328-1260 Amy De La Garza, MD. . . . 801-262-0358 Megan Engelen, DO. . . . . . 801-525-5299 Matthew Bryan, MD. . . . . . 801-408-7500 Robert Corson, MD . . . . . . 385-449-0688 William Daines, MD. . . . . . 801-464-7500 Brian Hendrickson, MD. . . 801-581-2000 Malea Satterwhite, PA-C. . 801-581-2000 Joanne Rolls, PA. . . . . . . . . . 801-587-3355 Nathan Allred, MD. . . . . . . 801-507-3310 Jackie Rohrer, MD. . . . . . . . 801-486-3021 Alex Clark, DO. . . . . . . . . . . 801-486-3021 Jessica Arbogast, FNP. . . . . 801-428-3500 Rachel Caspar, MD. . . . . . . 801-581-6546 Tek Kilgore, APRN. . . . . . . . 801-581-6431 Richard Backman, MD. . . . 801-587-2525 Leigh Elrod, PA-C. . . . . . . . . 801-587-2525 Christopher Gamble, MD. 801-277-2682 Kristen Romo, MD . . . . . . . 801-277-2682 Rixt A. Luikenaar, MD . . . . 801-272-3909 Wagma Mohmand, PA-C. . 801-213-9900

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Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

quotes National Coming Out Day “One day late but happy 1st national coming out day to me! what a crazy thing! all i gotta say is follow your gut and don’t feel like you owe any sort of explanation to anyone. your sexuality is yours only so build with it at a pace that works for you. i’m proud to be a bisexual member of the LGBTQ community with a girl i love who makes me feel more like me every day.”

— singer Daya wrote on her Instagram

“It’s very important for me to be going to homecoming with Alexander because I’m setting an example for not only my school, but also my community … I was definitely excited to be asked to homecoming because I knew how important this was for my friend and seeing the support from the staff and students was amazing.”

—straight Valley High School football team captain Erick Pineda told Instinct Magazine of his gay friend, Alexander Duarte, asking him to the Homecoming Dance. He accepted.

October 18, 2018 |

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 17

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

who’s your daddy

Vote early!

Vote often!

I’m a big

BY CHRISTOPHER KATIS

believer in the democratic process, which is why every federal election year I ask congressional candidates questions important to LGBTQ parents and share them in this column. This year I contacted all 15 candidates seeking to represent you in Washington. Rep. Mia Love didn’t respond to multiple requests to participate but recently began using my email address to beg me for a donation.

Candidates from every party were contacted twice and had a month to respond to the questions. Below are the answers from those who care enough about the LGBTQ community to respond: Would you support a federal law barring discrimination in the workplace based on sexual orientation and gender identity?

U.S. SENATE:

Craig Bowden (Libertarian) — No response.

Jenny Wilson (Democrat) — Absolutely.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 1

Eric Eliason (Utah United) — Yes. CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 2

Shireen Ghorbani (D) — Yes, absolutely.

Jeffrey Whipple (L) — Absolutely.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 3

Tim Zeidner (UU) — Absolutely, unequivocally.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 4

Ben McAdams (D) — Yes.

Would you support a federal law barring discrimination in areas such as housing, education, public accommodation, etc?

U.S. SENATE:

Bowden (L) — No response.

Wilson (D) — Of course.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 1

Eliason (UU) — Yes. CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 2

Ghorbani (D) — Yes, absolutely.

Whipple (L) — I would.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 3

Zeidner (UU) — Absolutely.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 4

McAdams (D) — No one should be denied housing or government services because of who they are.

Do you support a national hate crimes bill that includes protection based on sexual orientation and gender identity?

U.S. SENATE:

Bowden (L) — No. Wilson (D) — Without a doubt.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 1

Eliason (UU) — Yes. CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 2

Ghorbani (D) — Yes. Whipple (L) — In principle, yes.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 3

Zeidner (UU) — I would be quite open to such a bill.

CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT 4

McAdams (D) — Yes.

Why should the LGBTQ community vote for you?

BOWDEN : “I deplore bigotry on all grounds and have been on the front lines with individuals as an ally to the LGBTQ community, including work with the Human Rights Campaign and the Utah AIDS Foundation, and will always fight for the rights that exist because you are a human being.”

wallet, your business, and your bedroom.

I’m a firm believer that nobody can run your life better than you. ” ZEIDNER : “I understand that minority groups,

including the LGBTQ community, have often been mistreated or forgotten in legislative decision-making. I promise to ensure that their needs and voices are heard equal to that of all others.”

MCADAMS: “I have long supported laws

and policies that respect the rights of all groups to receive equal treatment under the law and to be treated with dignity and respect. The Human Rights Campaign endorsed me in this congressional race.”

Vote early and vote often for candidates who stand with you. Q

WILSON : “My years as an elected official

and community leader have put me in the fight alongside the LGBTQ community and taught me the importance of standing up as an ally. On the council, I fought for partner benefits for county employees nearly a decade before marriage equality was reached nationwide.”

Everything from Angels to Zen

ELIASON : “If we keep doing what we’ve al-

ways done, we’ll keep getting what we’ve always gotten. The LGBTQ community should give me their vote because I am the only candidate in this race who is serious about taking on the obstacles that are preventing good government.”

GHORBANI : “I have always been a supporter

of the LGBTQ community. I learned early on how to be a friend and an ally for those who needed it most.”

WHIPPLE: “The same reason that I believe ev-

eryone else should: I’m the candidate who wants to keep government out of your

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18 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

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Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

lambda lore

The Utah AIDS Memorial Quilt Project Norma Matheson, former 1st Lady of Utah, to be a spokesperson for the Quilt.

I even suggested also that we get an entry form for the Days of 47 Parade for the AIDS Quilt. I thought even if they turn us down it would still be great publicity.

We discussed having the quilt tour throughout the state and about having it displayed at Gay Pride Day, The Arts Festival, and at Liberty Park’s Neighborhood Fair It was our intent to have the quilt finished for display at Gay Pride Day. We

of the soothing 95-degree water and the two new Wolf tanning beds that were available”. The fundraiser raised about $250 and along with previous donations of $100 from bar patrons our seed money for the Quilt Project was the huge sum of $350.

In March we held an AIDS Quilt Open House which was a flop. Only one person showed up outside of our own members.

I told Bruce Harmon that if the project would buy the materials I would make a panel. I wrote in my journal “I think people need something visual to catch the vision of this project. It’s been almost 6 months since I went to the March of Washington and I should have done one

had ambitious aims but limited funds.

As that we had no money for our grand schemes, a fundraiser for the project was planned at the Newgate Waterslide in Ogden. Terry Thompson-Ferrio, Bruce Harmon, Chuck Whyte and myself organized and promoted the event that was held on 12 February 1988. It was promoted as an “all Gay” private party fund-raiser held for the Utah AIDS Quilt. About 80 people attended and “took advantage

long before now.”

Harmon agreed and gave me some money to go buy some material. I had decided to do one for Michael Spense aka “Tracy Ross” whom I had never met but John Bennett said he had wanted one done for him. Since John had left Utah, I decided to do it for him. I worked all day on it, hand stitching the lettering and border designs as that I had no sewing machine. Rev. Bruce Barton who did have

BY BEN WILLIAMS

At the

end of 1987, Ben Barr and I had created an organization called Utah’s AIDS Memorial Quilt Project similar to the San Francisco Names Project. However, as Barr was involved with the Salt Lake AIDS Foundation and I was busy with Unconditional Support we wanted to turn the project over to others within our committee to really do it justice. Bruce Harmon, husband of Rev. Bruce Barton and member of the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire, agreed to facilitate the project and by February the Utah AIDS Commemorative Quilt Project was incorporated as a non-profit organization.

We elected Harmon as chair, Connell O’Donovan as clerk, and Dennis McCafferty as treasurer. Other members included Barbara Stockton, John Bennett, Ben Barr, Chuck Whyte, Ralph Place, Mark LaMar, Terrie Thompson-Ferrio, Eric Christensen, Garth Snyder, Bruce Barton, and myself.

We were ambitious in our outreach.

We discussed a proposal for some grant money from the Utah Folk Art Foundation and the Utah Arts Festival. Bruce Harmon approached David Sharpton and the LDS Social Services about involving the LDS Relief Society in this project, and perhaps even Mormon celebrity Carol Lynn Pearson. O’Donovan said he had approached his ward’s Relief Society about making a quilt and they said they would and would be willing to teach Affirmation people how to quilt.

We envisioned at least that some of the quilt panels would be made by such groups and even involving an elementary school as a project for a baby that had just recently died of AIDS. It was hoped that the AIDS Quilt would perhaps be a bridge between the Gay and non-Gay worlds.

Ralph Place, who had founded Utah’s first Gay Liberation group in 1969, talked about using his connections for getting

October 18, 2018 |

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 19

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

a sewing machine did hem it for me. All I knew about Tracy Ross was that he was a drag queen in the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire, so I made it glitzy and sparkly. For the background for the panel I bought six feet of black velvet material and cut out the letters and numbers from red satin. Little did I know at the time that it would be the only panel specifically made for our project. On 14 March 1988, there was a candlelight vigil in front of the Governor’s Mansion on South Temple. There David Sharpton and I held up the panel for Michael Spense.

Nearly six months after the Utah AIDS Memorial Quilt was initiated, by April there was less and less enthusiasm for the project. Everyone was so involved in other ventures and organizations. The last hurrah came when we decided to host a workshop in May for people to work on their quilt panels but no one attended.

The Utah AIDS Quilt Project, which had filed for nonprofit status with the IRS and had incorporated with the state of Utah, while it did not officially dissolve, it basically faded away as that most of the community’s resources were focused on people living and dying from AIDS rather than commemorate those who had died.

At the July 1988 Gay and Lesbian Pride Day celebration held in Sunnyside Park, I displayed for the last time the Utah AIDS Quilt panel I had created.

I wrote in my journal “I displayed the panel from the Utah AIDS Quilt I made for Tracy Ross. I hope to stimulate some more interest in the project. Everyone

else has given up on it.”

On the first anniversary of the March on Washington and the first National Coming Out Day in October I wrote, “The AIDS Quilt is on display in the capital and ACT UP AIDS activists have shut down the FDA for dragging its feet approving drugs for people with AIDS. President Reagan was burned in effigy and the police wore latex gloves to arrest the protesters. Sadly this protest has made more news here in Utah than the National March did last year. The oppressor only responds to something dramatic. Either a show of force or passive resistance.”

During the October AIDS Awareness week, Ben Barr called me to give me some names of people who wanted to do some AIDS quilt panels for the Utah AIDS Memorial Quilt Project. I wrote in my journal “There is a renewed interest in the project now that the Names Project will be bringing portions of the quilt to Utah next year as part of a national tour.

I talked to Chuck Whyte the other day about meeting with Bruce Harmon for an accounting of the money we raised last Spring. Its about $300 and is just sitting somewhere. We have not had a formal meeting of the AIDS Quilt Project since last April.”

Nothing came about after this last entry, and the money was given to the Royal Courts AIDS fund. In March 1989 when the AIDS Quilt was displayed in the Salt Palace I gave the panel I made for Michael Spense to David Sharpton of the People With AIDS Coalition. I have no idea what happened to it after that. Q

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20 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

creep of the month

The 50 senators who voted to confirm Brett Kavanaugh

BY D’ANNE WITOWSKI

If you’ve

ever wanted to commit sexual assault, now is your chance. I mean, has there ever been a better time, especially for men assaulting women? We are in the midst of the Kavanaugh Window where no accusation of sexual assault, no matter how credible, will be believed.

After all, any woman accusing any man, especially any powerful man, will just be accused of jumping on the #MeToo bandwagon.

So go get your ‘sault on.

And, honestly, the weirder the better. Sexual assault is shame-inducing and demoralizing all on its own, but if you can make the experience extra embarrassing then that makes it even less likely to be reported at all! Not that

you have to worry, because people won’t believe her even if she does report. You could do something really crazy like ask her, “Who has put pubic hair on my Coke [can]?” Or tell her that you want to rub her [expletive] with a falafel.

Shout out to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and celebrity “news” host Bill O’Reilly who were accused of those very things respectively.

And terrible things happened to them like (checks list) getting confirmed to the Supreme Court and continuing to be paid outlandish sums for pretending to be a journalist.

Harsh!

Or maybe you committed a smidge or two of sexual assault in your past, say, as a young child of 17 who couldn’t have possibly known that trying to make sex with a

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girl who didn’t want to make sex with you was in any way wrong. Well, you’re in luck, too, because attempted rape doesn’t count if you were in high school. (It’s also super helpful to be white and rich.)

Now, if you’re a man and you want to sexually assault other males, well, that is not recommended, but who knows? Maybe sexual assault tide raises all sexual assault boats. Then again, some men tend to take that sort of thing marginally more seriously, or at least are a lot less concerned about punishing a homo than, you know, a “normal” guy who rapes.

If I seem angry, then sorry, but not sorry BECAUSE I AM ANGRY AND YES I AM YELLING. With Brett Kavanaugh confirmed to the Supreme Court, where he and Clarence Thomas can drink all the Cokes they want as they vote to take away a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body, by a president who has himself been accused of sexual assault and harassment many times over and who was caught on tape bragging about grabbing women “by the pussy,” we are saying to women and men who have been sexually assaulted, “You do not matter. We do not see you, we do not hear you, we do not care.” #HimToo is trending on Twitter. The idea is that men are the real victims here.

Men have to live in constant fear that they will be falsely accused. In reality, men are much more likely to be sexually assaulted themselves than falsely accused. The idea that women make this stuff up for attention is insane. But it’s a lot easier to believe that than

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

to actually address America’s systemic rape culture problem.

Thankfully if you search for #HimToo on Twitter you find mostly Tweets that begin “This is my son” with pictures of people who are, in fact, not the users’ sons, in order to mock a post purportedly by a mother who Tweeted a picture of her son in a sailor suit and claimed that “he won’t go on solo dates due to the current climate of false sexual accusations by radical feminists with an axe to grind.

I VOTE.” The responses are truly hilarious.

And, man, I need to laugh because I feel like breaking something. But I can’t come up with anything worth breaking compared to democracy. America is broken. And as far as I can tell, this break isn’t going to ever fully heal.

I’m not saying America will never walk again. But if we ever get back on our feet, we will always have a noticeable limp.

We will always have a reminder of what happened when we were careless. When we were cruel. When we didn’t #BelieveWomen. When we didn’t #BelieveSurvivors.

When we went home with the drunkest guy at the party — the guy who’d spent the night boasting about sexual assault, making fun of disabled people, praising Nazis, and gambling with other people’s money — handed him the keys and said, “I’ll sleep while you drive.”

Wake. Up. And. Vote. Everything and everyone depends on it. Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

October 18, 2018 |

VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 21

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

mr. manners

Make it better

It’s

BY ROCK MAGEN

embarrassing that we still work in environments where people have to disguise their sexuality.

Having worked in consulting, I can confidently say one of the best things about the job is the people; my colleagues are kind, considerate, supportive and a lot of fun. My sexuality has never been hidden — a brief look at my wardrobe and messenger bag is often all anyone needs on that front — but neither is it something I have explicitly brought to the table. This is partly because sexuality has never been a regular discussion point among the team. Having said that, I have never felt remotely concerned about the way my colleagues would react if I chose to announce my sexuality during a meeting. In this, I am lucky, because

the troubling reality is that many LGBT people are actively hiding or disguising their sexuality in the workplace.

According to Britain’s largest LGBT charity, Stonewall, more than 35 percent of LGBT people hide or disguise their sexuality because they are afraid of discrimination or negative reaction from their colleagues. Despite the troubling work culture these figures point to, many LGBT people who endure negative experiences feel unable to call them out, with one in eight lesbian, gay and bi people, and 21 percent of trans people, saying they would not feel confident reporting bullying to their employer. Statistics like these should have no place in the workplace of 2018. This is also not something employers can passively hope will improve with time; the highest proportion of LGBT people who hid their sexuality in the last year were aged 18–24, which means many organizations are failing their future LGBT workforce as much as their existing one.

However, all hope is not lost. A current

topic for many employers is using their business platforms to enact social change.

As we band together, we will notice that we have a platform and a privilege — one we can claim only when we are being a role model and an ally to those who are like us, and those who are not. The most powerful advocate for equality is the one who speaks for others. We can all be better LGBT allies at work. This means educating yourself on LGBT issues, creating opening and inclusive environments, and calling out intolerance and discrimination if you ever see it in your organization.

For the LGBT people who feel able — as so many don’t — it means all of the above, and being open about your own sexuality in an effort to normalize LGBT experiences at work. Because, as so many of those who have made significant differences have said, “If one part of the LGBT community gets left behind, we all get left behind.” So, now is the time to make changes and make the future the place we want it to be. How will you make it better? Q

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2018 FABBY AWARDS

Qsaltlake.com |

Allies of the Year: Dan Reynolds and Imagine Dragons

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

navigate their way through the issues of queerness and Mormonism, ultimately creating LoveLoud, a music and spoken-word festival designed to start a dialogue between the Mormon Church and the LGBT community.

Reynolds has also taken to Twitter to urge fans to support transgender students, writing, “Our LGBTQ youth need you. They need us to adopt policies that protect their well being and health.

We must step up.”

“Our LGBTQ youth need you. They need us to adopt policies that protect their well being and health.

We must step up.”

Imagine Dragons

lead singer Dan Reynolds began waving Pride flags at his band’s concerts during the Lollapalooza Brazil Festival at São Paulo’s Interlagos Racetrack. That is one small gesture among many that range up to dedicating blood, sweat, and tears to create a concert and a foundation aimed at eliminating LGBT teen suicide.

So how did this 30-year-old Mormon rock star become one of the music industry’s loudest LGBT allies? And how about the Provo-based band members that perform at every concert with him?

Raised in a Mormon family in Las Vegas, Reynolds says he’s a Mormon and supports the orthodox community, “but I believe we all can be educated on the matter to create positive change.”

As a young adult Reynolds

served the church for two years as a missionary in Omaha, Neb. where he “knocked [on] thousands of doors” and told people that being gay was a sin.

“The doctrine is, if you are gay and acting upon it, that is sinful,” he said.

At the June 19, 2017 TrevorLIVE benefit, a fundraiser for The Trevor Project, an LGBTQ suicide prevention organization, Reynolds confessed, “I wish I could re-

knock [on] all those doors and tell them that I was wrong.”

“To be gay is beautiful and right and perfect. To tell someone they need to change their inner-most being is setting up someone for an unhealthy life and unhealthy foundation,” he said when accepting Project’s 2017 Hero Award.

“I know a lot of Mormon youth who are gay and hide it because they feel as though God hates them or God is judging them,” he said. “In Utah, the number one reason for death among teenagers is suicide.”

In the documentary, Believer, Reynolds and Neon Trees lead singer Tyler Glenn, openly gay and former Mormon,

He even used his acceptance speech at the 2017 American Music Awards to help empower LGBTQ youth.

“This is the country I know, which is of powerful women, talking about our women, talking about empowering our LGBTQ youth,” he said.

“May we continue to progress as a nation as one of love and equality. No divide. There’s been way too much of that this last year.”

For this and more, Imagine Dragons and Dan Reynolds are QSaltLake Magazine’s Allies of the Year. Reynolds will be at the Equality Utah Allies Dinner Nov. 3 at the Salt Palace Convention Center.

Tickets at equalityutah.org. Q

October 18, 2018 |

FABBY AWARDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 23

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

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BEST BREAKFAST

BEST CONTEMPORARY

“Even Stevens not only takes the Fabby for its scrumptious sandwiches, such as the Sprang Chicken and the Do Gouda, but also for all the gouda they do giving back to the communities of SLC. When the first shop opened in 2014 it donated 30,000 sandwiches to nonprofits, and it continues to do so. Fabulous!

Eric Schoenbaum screams “Fabby” about Pig & a Jelly Jar. “Chicken and waffles ... absolutely the best. This cute little place is a local favorite.

And the best part is that they serve adult beverages, too.” This prize-winning gem is located in Salt Lake, Ogden, and Holladay.

Like an Adonis with a svelte stomach and smart smile, Avenues Proper & Publick House is hard not to fall in love with immediately.

QSaltLake restaurant reviewer extraordinaire loves the concept of a modern, beautiful neighborhood pub and Q readers appear to agree.

Even Stevens

BEST AFTER-HOURS

Off Trax

“When you’ve had two beers or mixed drinks per hour on a weekend night, who wants to do more than walk 10 feet for bit of food, after the bar? That’s one reason Off Trax is a Fabby. Right next door to Club Try-Angles on Central Harvey Milk Boulevard

Pig & A Jelly Jar

BEST VEGAN/VEGETARIAN

Tie: Zest/Vertical Diner

ZEST is an open-aired, stylish Vegan restaurant and handcrafted cocktail bar with all the elements of a Fabby winner.

Gluten free, organic greens, avocado toast and chocolate smoothie with a splash of bourbon, anyone’s heart would be a-flutter. VERTICAL DINER is an institution, starting as a

Avenues Proper

BEST PARK CITY

High West Distillery

While appropriately garnered with the prestigious Fabby for Most Fabulous Park City Restaurant, High West thankfully has two additional locations in SLC — one being at the airport. We should all air travel more often.

BEST OGDEN

Roosters

No surprise Roosters is a Fabby.

After all, its original location is in a 119 year old building with exposed brick, cool lighting and with good food, beer and wine. The clientele is diverse as you would expect on Ogden’s Historic 25th Street, just a Ride UTA Frontrunner trip to the foot of 25th Street. Use your GPS to drive to the Layton location, near the Davis County Convention Center.

BEST ASIAN

Takashi

“This Japanese staple of the city continually rates one of the highest by QSaltLake readers.

We apparently love the location, the great service, of course the fabulous rolls, but most importantly, the decor. Duh!

Absolutely Fabulous!

LUNCH DINNER COCKTAILS

18 WEST MARKET ST 801-519-9595

VOTED BEST SUSHI

BY QSALTLAKE READERS IN THE 2008–2018 FABBY AWARDS

Winning more awards than any other sushi restaurant in Salt Lake City. Fabby winner!

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accessorized with both traditional (bacon, of course!) and nontraditional toppings (peanut butter on a hamburger?

Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!)

BEST SANDWICHES

Grove Market

Well, it’s been confirmed that gays are size queens. Grove’s sandwiches are humongous and yummy.

BEST PIZZA

The Pie BEST MEXICAN

BEST COFFEE HOUSE

Who is going to stand in line for a Mexican Restaurant? Hundreds of people--tourists, locals, foodies; all ages, sexes, genders, orientations and political stripes-every day wait for lunch or dinner at the two Red Iguana locations (which just happen to anchor the reviving NoTe neighborhood,

Now 25 years of brewing!

It’s national coming out day everyday at the Coffee Garden.

With a cup of CG coffee in you, you can face anything. Two locations: 9th and 9th, where you can dress like a student and glower at the Republicans getting QSaltLake magazines, Downtown, 245 S Main, you get to stand next to the Masters of the Universe from Goldman Sachs or the ever exciting Dan Rascone from KUTV.

Red Iguana

BEST GREEK

The Med

Formerly known as Café Med, the long-running Mediterranean restaurant is extremely gayfriendly and the prices are right.

The casual atmosphere and amiable staff make it a perfect first-date restaurant.

BEST ITALIAN

Caffé Molise

A bite of true Italian cuisine has restored and moved to the Eagle Building on 4th South and West Temple. Visit the LGBTQfriendly restaurant before a night out at the opera or symphony. The butternut squash ravioli is to die for!

BEST STEAK HOUSE

New Yorker

Here at Q Towers, we repeatedly tell each to eat more red meat!

And we agree, a New Yorker is great meat.

Coffee Garden

Well, The Pie takes home yet another Fabby award for its outstanding pizzas swimming in cheese. It’s comfort food at its finest and a crowd pleaser to college students and the young at heart.

BEST BAKERY

Gourmandise

If you appreciate pastries, you’ll definitely appreciate Gourmandise, whose very name means “indulging in good eating.”

The mouth-watering sweet and savory creations are as much fun to look at as they are to eat.

Don’t drool on the glass.

BEST WINE SELECTION

BEST BARBECUE

BTG (aka By The Glass) has moved! They are now in the historic Eagle Building on 4th South and West Temple. They serve over 75 bottles of wine by the glass. Wow! Though probably not to just one person, right? If that were the case, Michael Aaron would be on a stool at least four days a week.

However, BTG has to be, and remains, stellar to keep winning over Michael’s House for the Most Fabulous Wine Selection.

R&R Barbecue is a funky counter-serve shack dishing BBQ meats by the plate or pound — duh! always by the pound!

— plus burgers, sides & beers.

Appears that QSaltLake readers find it finger-to-lip-licking good.

No surprise there.

BTG

BEST BURGER JOINT

Lucky 13

Quarter-pounders are for amateurs. The burgers at Lucky 13 start with 7-oz of chopped chuck, grilled to perfection.

Choose from a variety of signature burgers, each carefully

R&R BBQ

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

BEST SOUPS

Soup Kitchen

Don’t let this restaurant’s traditional soup selections fool you, instead let them fill you!

Their cream of tomato and clam chowder are especially hearty and faaabulous — not to mention just the kind of warming, generous meal perfect for a slow spring.

BEST BRUNCH

Ruth’s Diner

Located in Emigration Canyon, Ruth’s Diner has been drawing in the masses for years. It typically requires wait time for a table, particularly for brunch, but it’s well worth the wait. It’s likely been a constant Fabby winner/nominee because of the fabulous patio and tasty mimosas, just sayin!

BEST BREW PUB

Squatter’s

Great beer, great food, great brunch with $1.99 mimosas or bloody marys … Squatter’s has it all! Choose from a full menu of craft brews to complement your meal, and take home a growler of your favorite!

BEST NEW RESTAURANT

Purgatory

Purgatory offers “solid foods” such as Tomato Toast and Cheese Corn, as well as brunch items like the Baby Arm Burrito; “Happy Foods” include Buffs Balls — well, duh! There’s the Fabby!!

BEST SEAFOOD

BEST FOOD TRUCK

In the back wall of the walkin cooler in the kitchen of Market Street Grill is a portal, which leads to a wharf on an undisclosed island where fishermen dock with their daily catches. Or at least I assume how the seafood is so fresh in a restaurant 700 miles from the nearest ocean.

Cruising through the streets (not at 1 am) of Salt Lake City is the Cupbop truck, and it’s serving up some pretty delicious Korean BBQ in a cup! They take crazy tasty sweet potato noodles or rice and then top it all off with traditional meats, veggies, and sauces!

Market Street Grill

Cup Bop

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FABBY AWARDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 25

WASATCH Metropolitan Community Church

TRANSFORMING OURSELVES AS WE TRANSFORM THE WORLD

MOST FABULOUS BARS BEST ALL-GAY ALL-DAY EVERY DAY BAR

Club Try-Angles

A faithful crowd of people of all walks of life call this Harvey Milk Boulevard bar their second home.

Owners Gene and Jesse are wellknown for giving their regulars a bunch of crap, as well as giving back to the community. With the lowest prices in town, the coldest beer and the most friendly vibe, it’s now wonder why they win this award so often.

BEST IRISH PUB / BEST BAR TO FIND LESBIANS

Piper Down

Live music, trivia night, karaoke, $1 mimosas brunch and kilts, as traditionally worn make Piper Down a true Fabby winner. Plus, it’s the most fabulous place to find lesbians, woohoo!

BEST COLLEGE BAR

Bourbon House

This cocktail emporium does not condone hazing. Fabulous!

BEST NIGHTCLUB

Karamba

Ay Chihuahua!

BEST SPORTS BAR

Fiddler’s Elbow

They have more TV screens than the Oval Office, and the helmets actually are real.

BEST LOUNGE

The Red Door

Reclaim your faith with MCC—the world’s oldest and largest LGBTQ+ church!

Cheers to You

Join us at our new location at Crone’s Hollow, 3834 S Main St, SLC Gathering every Sunday (except the 2nd Sunday) 11:15am–12:15pm

BEST BAR FOR THE BUCK

wasatchmcc.org

We here at QSaltLake congratulate Red Door on this award but we believe it all has to do with the signature martinis because after only one, things getting super blurry.

BEST DIVE BAR

By far, one of the best drop-in joints during Pride weekend.

Club Try-Angles

Only true if bartender Koti doesn’t put you in a leg choke for not tipping.

BEST BEER BAR

Beer Bar

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

When you flock together this holiday season, we’ll bring the FLOWERS.

Buddied up to Bar X, the iconic named Beer Bar obviously takes home this Fabby award.

That’s just too much beer and shenanigans on one block. See you all there!

BEST BAR FOR WINE

BTG

BTG stands for Better Than (Michael) Green’s wine selection.

Just sayin’! Now in a new location — the former Bay on 4th South and West Temple

BEST COCKTAILS

Bar X

Wildly-popular Bar-X, and its new sister Beer Bar, are also popular with Salt Lake’s LGBT community for providing a welcoming environment in the heart of downtown. Best place to be for the Utah Pride Parade.

WE DELIVER! 801-364-4606

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BEST ART GALLERY/ART MUSEUM

The Leonardo

BEST BAR FOR AN AFTERNOON CROWD

Sun-Trapp

Afternoon drinking is a chill affair, so where better to do it than Sun Trapp, where the bartenders and patrons alike greet you with a smile and a friendly hello?

BEST BAR THAT GIVES BACK TO THE COMMUNITY

Club Try-Angles

Well duh, Gene is a staunch Republican. He’s going to kill us.

MOST FABULOUS ARTS BEST DANCE COMPANY

Ballet West

Nationally renowned talent and staging for well-proportioned, nearly nude female and male dancers. They do daring and traditional ballet and are very famous for cracking nuts.

Always Fabby.

BEST MONTHLY BAR EVENT

BEST THEATER COMPANY

They frown on Relco, just sayin’!

This night has grown from a few dozen during Furry convention into a monthly fluff-aganza.

Some of the friendliest animals you’ll ever meet.

For over 45 years, Salt Lake Acting Company has produced seasons of provocative and thoughtful theater for an open-minded and adventurous audience. Perhaps best known for its annual production of Saturday’s Voyeur, SLAC is dedicated to supporting the community through theater.

Fluff Party at Club Try-Angles

BEST BAR FOR KARAOKE

Tavernacle

If you like to sing, or like to listen to others sing, or like to drink to make others’ singing tolerable, head to Tavernacle on Sunday, Monday or Tuesday night.

BEST PARK CITY BAR

High West

Top-notch, soul- warming, high-grade whiskey. Worth every penny. A go-to for every moon howling!

BEST OGDEN BAR

Lighthouse Lounge

Offering a Brunch and Bloody Mary Bar each Sunday, a poet flow, $1 PBR nights, live music, and more makes Lighthouse a beacon in Ogden.

Salt Lake Acting Company

BEST LOCAL THEATER PRODUCTION

Saturday’s Voyeur

This annual lampoon of local life, religion, politics, and culture has become a fixture in Salt Lake City theater. Sometimes poignant, often raucous, and always hilarious, Saturday’s Voyeur provides a welcome opportunity for Utah liberals to laugh at the frequent absurdity of life here.

BEST MUSIC EVENT

LoveLoud

Thank you Dan Reynolds and Imagine Dragons for setting a fire under suicide prevention with such a great show!

The best “re-purposing” of an iconic building, the old Salt Lake City Main Library building on 2nd East 5th South has been the fabulous Leonardo for several years now — a contemporary museum exploring unexpected ways that science, technology, art, and creativity connect.

BEST LOCAL MUSICIAN/BAND

Bronwen Beecher

Beecher’s violin playing, powerful lyrics and soulful voice have captivated audiences across the West for years. She is also a popular local performer, appearing regularly at the Utah Pride Festival and several locations across the state.

BEST LOCAL VISUAL ARTIST

Trent Call

Born and raised in Salt Lake City and a University of Utah alumnus, Call is currently working on many diverse projects within the city. His work incorporates graffiti, comics, popular culture, and academic painting. He is a welldeserved multiple Fabby winner.

BEST ACTOR

Stephan Sherman‑Mills

Stephen Sherman-Mills should be “in the heights” of ecstasy over winning a Fabby

BEST PARK CITY ARTS

Park Silly

For nearly a decade, Park Silly Sunday Market is an ecofriendly, open-air market and street festival. Featuring arts and crafts, musicians, performance artists, chefs and local fresh vegetables, fruits and other foods from local farms — and silly theme weekends.

BEST OGDEN ARTS

Ziegfeld Theater

The Ziegfeld Theater’s guiding principle of improvisation: “Yes...

And!” The “Yes” means that they

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

accept theatrical, musical, and visual arts that are furthering the community’s knowledge and cultural experience. The “And” describes their dedication to enhancing the idea and furthering its impact. Fabulous!

MOST FABULOUS SHOPPING BEST CONSIGNMENT/ GENTLY USED CLOTHING

Iconoclad

Love fashion? Hate spending money? Check out iconoCLAD, where you can get fashionforward “previously rocked” clothes at a fraction of retail and locally created art and accessories.

BEST PLACE TO CLOTHES SHOP ON A BUDGET

Uptown Cheapskate

Buy or sell your favorite jeans, shirts and jackets at this discount fashion mecca. With two locations, one in Salt Lake and one in Bountiful, you can’t go wrong with the trends you find on the rack here. Whether you’re looking to refurbish your wardrobe and want some cash for your old stuff or you’re looking to fill your closet with discount fashion, this is the place!

BEST PLACE TO CLOTHES SHOP TO BREAK THE BUDGET

Buckle

But Q forgot to ask what’s the budget? Congrats Buckle on your Fabby Award.

BEST ADULT TOY STORE

Cahoots

Cahoots has been at the game for 30 years mostly on East Harvey Milk Blvd and they never go stale. They keep up the trends and stay topical. Especially thrilling is the “sommelier” of lube and condoms. He seems to have used and has an opinion, usually right on, about the products he recommends.

October 18, 2018 |

BEST LOCAL SHOP FOR CLOTHING, BEST UNDERWEAR, BEST SHOES

Spark

Shop sustainably and locally at this gay-owned boutique. From underwear to cuff links, Spark has everything you need to dress to impress! Club-wear and board-room chic, there’s nothing quite as fabulous in Salt Lake as this fashion-forward and queerfriendly shop.

BEST PLACE TO BUY HALLOWEEN OR OTHER COSTUMES

Pib’s Exchange

Sometimes you will find a 20-dollar bill in a pair of used pants. Bam!

BEST FURNITURE

Urban Flea Market

Since 2011 the Urban Flea Market has been a fabulous addition to downtown. And Q readers love the furniture!

BEST ANTIQUES

Capital City Antique Mall

FABBY AWARDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27

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Capital City Antique Mall is your first and last source for antiques, vintage collectibles, jewelry, vintage clothing and more!

BEST FLORIST

Native Flower Company

Q readers agree that Native Flower Company is the premier source for the best flowers in Salt Lake City — with the finest in uniquely-designed, custom flower arrangements delivered to your door.

BEST JEWELER

9th & 9th Jewelers

9th & 9th Jewelers offer free overnight digital CAD renderings, price quotes, and any changes you want to your design within 24 hours. Now that deserves a Fabby!

2 0 1 8 • 1 9

S E A S

O N

(801) 957-3322

1575 S State St, Salt Lake City, UT 84115

grandtheatrecompany.com

BEST LOCAL BOOK STORE

King’s English

Tucked away in the charming 15th & 15th shopping district is a FABBY little store … a warren of shelves and rooms stacked with books on any and every subject: romance novels, philosophical tracts, histories, cookbooks… if you can’t find it here, you don’t need it. The staff is friendly and knowledgeable, and they clearly love books at least as much as you do.

First Wednesdays at 7pm at the Utah Pride Center 1380 S Main St Info at bit.ly/UGHS_Lecture Read ‘This Day in Gay Utah History’ at benwilliamsblogger.blogspot.com

28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FABBY AWARDS

MOST FABULOUS SERVICES BEST BARBER

Kylee Howell at Friar Tucks

“It’s no surprise that Kylee Howell leads Friar Tuck to a Fabby, ‘cause Kylee is very fabby.

The shop gives back to the community through service and fundraise for VOA and other LGBT non-profits. If Fabby needs a punctuation mark, search Youtube with the words, Kylee and Dove. You’ll find a real exclamation point.

BEST HAIR STYLIST

Matthew Landis

As one of the “Capitol 13”, Matthew Landis doth protests bad hair, wethinks!

BEST LANDSCAPE DESIGNER

Dean Anesi at Urban Garden Company

BEST VETERINARIAN

Animal Care Center

Because the doctors and staff at Animal Care Center love your pets almost as much as you do, our community entrusts them with their fur babies. Salt Lake and Bountiful.

BEST KENNEL/PET BOARDING

Utah Dog Park

One of the great community supporters gets a Fabby for a nice facilities and great staff.

Two locations (Woods Cross and N Temple) offer daycare and overnight kenneling with a dog wash and they offer a pet shuttle.

BEST CAR DEALERSHIP

Mark Miller Subaru

“Kelly and John Lake founded Le Croissant Catering in their kitchen and turned it into the most LGBT supporting and fanciest caterers in SLC. They transitioned to LUX in 2017 to emphasize they are the complete package for events--planning, design, flowers as well as food.

Kelly will even sing at a funeral if asked.

“Jepsen is one of those guys who gives back to the community, which is probably why he is chosen each year as best insurance agent by Q readers.

BEST PLACE TO GET PIERCED

Koi

Pierce my fin says Ellen but save my Dory, KOI?

Now you can see Dr. Nugget at the newly opened The Infinite Alignment in Draper!

BEST PHOTOGRAPHER

David Daniels

We might as well name this award after him. David (or Dav.d) is at many, many gay functions with a camera glued to his eye.

BEST FINANCIAL PLANNER

Tracey Dean Financial BEST CHURCH

BEST INSURANCE AGENT

For a 2nd consecutive year Matt Miskol takes home a Fabby award for his body art.

Nguyet Nguyen

As one of the “Capitol 13”, Steven Germann goes for the gusto in Utah politics, and can sell a house to a cave man.

Steven Germann

BEST CATERER

Matt Miskol at Yellow Rose

BEST CHIROPRACTOR

Tracey Dean wins 2 Fabby Awards this year. Yep, she knows numbers!

Q readers give a big green thumbs up to Dean Anesi’s fabulous landscaping skills.

BEST TATTOOS

laugh at the Utah G&L Chamber of Commerce meetings.

BEST REAL ESTATE AGENT

On the hatchback of a Love Promise award earlier this year, the gays of Utah promise to return the sentiment to Mark Miller Subaru.

Lux Catering

Qsaltlake.com |

Jon Jepsen

First Baptist

Everyone is welcome here.

Probably the most Christian church in the valley, in the way they treat everyone. What would Jesus do? Go to First Baptist.

BEST WEDDING DJ

DJ Pauly

“DJ Pauly to Q: “We work with clients to provide an atmosphere that’s fun, elegant and comfortable for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation.

We don’t tell cheesy jokes or make people wear silly hats and do the YMCA.

BEST WEDDING PLANNER

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

MOST FABULOUS GROUPS BEST SPORTS GROUP

QUAC

If it swims like a duck… it probably swims with the Queer Utah Aquatic Club. Meeting three times a week at the Fairmont Aquatic Center, QUAC offers lanes for everyone from beginners to mermen (and maids).

Their speedo-clad swimmers are always one of the highlights of the annual Utah Pride Parade.

BEST POLITICAL GROUP

Equality Utah

Talk about upping their game and on a roll, Equality Utah has become a powerhouse in Utah politics. Taken seriously in government counsels and putting on Utah’s biggest annual political event, the Allies Dinner, EU has built a great structure on the fine foundation laid by brave LGBT leaders and donors 16 years ago

BEST GROUP TO DONATE MONEY TO

Utah Pride Center

Fabulousness = Donating, and the Utah Pride Center is the epicenter. UPC’s many outreach and educational programs, and uplifting social events make it a Fabby award-winner once again.

BEST ANNUAL LGBT EVENT

Angela Cordova – Utah Pride Festival Tie – Chris Wharton / Diverse Diva A hundred thousand revelers can’t be wrong. Utah Pride Bright, bubbly, fun and creative, Kyler O’Brien continues to grow and get more BEST ATTORNEY

This duo shares the Fabby Award and shares an office. Wellknown for representing Utah’s LGBT community.

Angela will put together a Fabby wedding to be remembered as the best party most people will go to in their whole life.

BEST MORTGAGE BROKER

BEST WEDDING OFFICIANT

Christine Cardamon with Graystone Mortgage has been helping us with mortgage and, sometimes, insurance service for along time. Listen for a delightful, smoky voice and

The Rev C S at Universal Heart Ministry has performed over 1000 marriage and commitment ceremonies. Not just weddings, Christopher does services covering every major life event or rite of passage.

Christine Cardamon

Christopher Scuderi

fabulous, while being more focused on local talent and people. This annual fundraiser for the Center has gotten meaner, leaner and better along the way.

BEST HEALTH/HIV GROUP

Utah AIDS Foundation

Over 35 years of offering testing, advocacy, prevention, support and education around HIV and Aids issues. Some of us got our first condom from UAF and many our first STI test.

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FABBY AWARDS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 29

action. If something is going on he’s there to support (or oppose if necessary), comment, found, finance and speechify. It seems being Utah State Senator from the Second District and political type has been his full time job, but he’s an entrepreneur and heavily involved in the visual arts biz for decades. If he reprises his one-man show, run, don’t walk, to get tickets.

BEST QSALTLAKE COLUMNIST

Petunia Pap Smear

MOST FABULOUS PEOPLE BEST TELEVISION NEWS REPORTER AND BEST NEWS BLOGGER/TWEETER

Ben Winslow

Ben Winslow is a multi-platform journalist, experimenting with new technologies and ways of sharing news across multiple platforms. We love that his profile on fox13now.com credits QSaltLake in part for his popularity. He has covered some of Utah’s biggest stories over a nearly 20-year career in news, working in newspaper, radio, digital, and television. We watch 13 just to see what fancy socks he’ll be wearing that day.

BEST TELEVISION NEWS ANCHOR/PERSONALITY

Hope Woodside

Hope Woodside wins yet again… And we will miss her wholeheartedly. Good luck to you in your future endeavors, sweetie!

BEST POLITICIAN FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY

Jim Dabakis

“Jim Dabakis” is a brand name for LGBT and left-of-center political

Shrinking violet Petunia Pap Smear … oh who am I kidding.

Brash and bawdy and, well, just not right. She can write about anything from irritable bowel syndrome to priesthood meeting in a way that will make you blush.

BEST BARTENDER AT A GAY BAR

Riley Richter at Sun Trapp

Not only can Riley make a mean cocktail, he also volunteers for the Human Rights Campaign, How fabulous is that? Oh, you can also find him at Murphy’s on his not-too-often down time.

BEST DJ AT A GAY BAR

DJ Naomi at Sun Trapp Local DJ Harry Cross Jr. said of DJ Naomi in a QSaltLake interview a few years back, “I learned so much from some great talent, and being the lighting director got me interested in being a DJ and helped me learn some of the skills needed. DJ Naomi Watts was one of the biggest influences on me and she is such an awesome DJ.”

Gay Mormon Dad

BEST LEADER OF AN LGBT GROUP

Tracey Dean of Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce Last year, financial planner Tracey Dean was elected the organization’s board president.

And she’s already honored with a prestigious Fabby Award.

Bam! Q

A MEMOIR CH AD ANDER SON

Available Now on Kindle or in Paperback at Amazon.com

Chad Anderson grew up gay in a large Mormon family. After years of trying to conform to religious standards, which promised a cure for homosexuality, he married and had children before finally coming out of the closet. Gay Mormon Dad is his story of finally learning to love himself in a complicated world. Chad currently resides with his two sons in Salt Lake City, where he works as a social worker and a writer.

Order now at bit.ly/GayMormonDad

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CONCERTS At only 33 years of age, LILY ALLEN’s lead a whirlwind life.

The London-born singer-songwriter, author, blogger, and bisexual high-school dropout speaks her mind and takes absolutely no shit from anyone. So my guess is her live performances are nothing less than a tawdry —how fabulous! Allen’s melodies are influenced by the jazz improvisation techniques of American singers Blossom Dearie and Ella Fitzgerald.

Renowned tenor ANDREA BOCELLI will give a public performance for the first time in Salt Lake City. The Grammy nominee and Golden Globe winner, who became blind in his youth, is known for recording dozens of pop and classical albums and has sold more than 90 million records worldwide. Plus, he makes beautiful babies: See his son Matteo if you need a visual — highly recommended.

Tony’s Gay Agenda 4

BY TONY HOBDAY

SUNDAY — LILY ALLEN The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 8 p.m. Tickets $34.50-39, thecomplexslc.com

29

SATURDAY — ANDREA BOCELLI Vivint Smart Home Arena, 536 W. 100 South, 7:30 p.m. Tickets $129-880, ticketmaster.com

DANCE

BALLET WEST’s Jewels (tehehe!) showcases George Balanchine’s masterful choreography in a radiant triple bill.

Known as the first abstract full-length work, this beautiful ballet is presented in three acts — each one creating a different mood. “Emeralds”, set to the lush music of Gabriel Faure, evokes the hushed intrigue and romance of the French courts. “Rubies” — a high-velocity romp to Igor Stravinsky’s fast-paced, jazz-infused score, mirrors the carefree spontaneity of 1920’s New York. “Diamonds” is Balanchine’s dazzling tribute to the Imperial Russian Ballet and work of Marius Petipa with the music of Peter Tchaikovsky.

Performed by SALT CONTEMPORARY DANCE, a Utah-based company of classically trained, artistically versatile dancers, the chilling tale of The Bridge unfolds through stunning choreography by Brendan Duggan, 2017 winner of the WMU National Choreography Competition.

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

DOYEN intertwines Expressionistic and Gaga-influenced dance, percussive voice and musical composition. “Doyen” is a French-rooted word that refers to a highly-skilled and respected veteran in a particular field. In this work, they explore the psychological and physical inner-workings of individuals of vast knowledge, experience, and power, both independently and as a group. Energetically displayed in handmade face masks and elaborate costume, voice, live music, and physical movement, DOYEN displays the oscillation of emotional control, psychological impulse, internal compulsion, and outward expression of each chief’s deep-rooted experiences.

Utah is home to a rich and diverse culture that can trace its origins to almost every country on earth. REPERTORY DANCE THEATRE celebrates diversity in movement inspired by rituals, work and warrior dances, and steps performed at gatherings for centuries. Mosaic features RDT along with guest artist performing traditional work from Utah’s ethnic communities.

2 8 9 15

FRIDAY — JEWELS

Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, times vary, through Nov. 10. Tickets $30-87, artsaltlake.org

THURSDAY — THE BRIDGE

Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidential Cir., UofU, 7:30 p.m., through Saturday. Tickets $20-25, kingsburyhall. utah.edu

FRIDAY — DOYEN

Regent Street Black Box, Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main St., 7:30 p.m., through Saturday. Tickets $15, artsaltlake.org

THURSDAY — MOSAIC Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 7:30 p.m., through Saturday. Tickets $30, artsaltlake.org

MOVIES In Boy Erased, the son of a Baptist preacher is forced to participate in a church-supported gay conversion program after being forcibly outed to his parents.

16

FRIDAY — BOY ERASED Broadway Centre Cinemas, 445 S. 400 West, times vary. Tickets $6.75-9.25, saltlakefilmsociety.com

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS With sardonic wit and incisive social critiques, DAVID SEDARIS has become one of America’s pre-eminent humor writers. He is the master of satire and one of today’s most observant writers addressing the human condition. Beloved for his personal essays and short stories, Sedaris is the author of Barrel Fever, Holidays on Ice, Naked, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, When You Are Engulfed in Flames, Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls, and Theft

By Finding: Diaries (1977-2002).

18

SUNDAY — AN EVENING WITH DAVID SEDARIS

Delta Performance Hall, Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main St., 7 p.m. Tickets $25-52.50, artssaltlake.org

October 18, 2018 |

A&E | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 31

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

A play about gay intimacy is coming to Utah direct from Off-Broadway The first regional production of S. Asher Gelman’s Afterglow since it closed its off-Broadway run August 12 will be here in Salt Lake City, produced by the Utah Repertory Theater Company Afterglow is a raw, one-act play exploring the emotional, intellectual, and physical connections between three men and the broader implications within their relationships in a way that Pride called “necessary in the modern era.”

“After seeing the show in New York, I knew this was a show I wanted to keep my eye on it, and see if I could bring it to Utah,” says Johnny Hebda, founder and director of development for Utah Rep. “[Utah State] Sen. Jim Dabakis recommended that our company stage the play, so I reached out to the production company and the playwright and they were excited to bring their

work to Salt Lake City.”

“It addresses a giant elephant in the room of young gay people’s lives in the early 21st century. Without judgment or preachiness, Afterglow is a frank glimpse into the Grindr/ Tinder social media, hook-up world,” Dabakis said.

“The heart of this play envelops themes that apply to everyone: relationships, love, trust, vulnerability, communication, hope, dating and domesticity in the digital age, and risk.

It is beautiful, and it is tragic,” says director Josh Patterson. “I wouldn’t say elements of this play apply to any one group or another because that would distract from the fact that the whole play applies to who we all are on a very basic human level.”

Afterglow will feature Johnny Hebda in the role of Josh, A.J. Neuschwander as Alex, and Sterling Allen as Darius. The play is directed by Patterson

with assistant direction by JayC Stoddard.

Afterglow playwright, S. Asher Gelman will be in attendance opening weekend and will present a master class Saturday, Nov. 17, from 2–5 p.m. that is free and open to those interested in playwriting

‘Afterglow’ playwright: show’s nudity not a gimmick

BY S. ASHER GELMAN

Five years

ago, I fell in love; it nearly destroyed my marriage. Last year, that experience, which caused me and my husband a great deal of pain, inspired me to write my first play, Afterglow, which opened off-Broadway at the beginning of summer, 2017 and ran for 14 months before closing this past August.

If you’ve heard anything about Afterglow, it’s most likely that the play features a lot of nudity. This is not simply a gimmick. As the director and playwright, I felt that to tell a story that is so much about sex and sexuality while simultaneously being ashamed of showing sex and sexuality felt completely disingenuous to the play. It is intended to be a sex-positive piece, highlighting the

value of communication within all types of relationships. The show is an exploration of a lot of the issues queer men are facing in our quest for true connection.

The play opens moments after a threesome. Josh and Alex, a married couple in an open relationship, have invited Darius into their bed one night. When a new intimate connection begins to form, all three men must come to terms with their individual definitions of love, loyalty and trust as futures are questioned, relationships are shaken and commitments are challenged.

Though it does explore the issue, the play does not take a stance on monogamy versus non-monogamy. The conversation needs to be about whether or not monogamy is important to the individual members of a relationship, even if it takes them to an uncomfortable place. Personally, I am a huge supporter of non-monogamy: My husband and I have been together for almost nine years, open for the past four, and our marriage is the strongest it’s ever been. Ultimately, as long as people are being honest and aren’t hurting each other, they

and how to bring your play from the page to the stage.

Afterglow contains explicit sexual content, foul language, and full nudity and is only for mature audiences. Q Runs Nov. 16–Dec. 2 at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center Studio Theater.

Tickets are $20/person, available through arttix.org org .

should be able to design their relationships however they see fit.

The piece is, innately, queer, but not exclusively. You won’t find any of the traditionally gay tropes in Afterglow; there is no mention of HIV/AIDS, coming out, discrimination or even sexual identity (the characters are, obviously, men who have sex with men, but no one ever mentions being gay or bi or queer or whatever – they just exist). While these stories are such an important part of our queer collective history, we should be able to tell other stories as well.

Afterglow is intended to be a universally accessible piece told through a queer experience. There is no “inside joke” here that straight audiences won’t get; the experience discussed here is, simply, a human one, designed to encourage discussion.

So, I encourage you to find a friend, a lover, a spouse, a family member, whoever, and come share an hour and a half with Josh, Alex, and Darius, and, when it’s over, go sit somewhere and have a talk.

In closing: Come for the dick; stay for the drama. Q

M

M

Y

Y

32 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Qsaltlake.com |

‘Good Standing’ is a story of a man facing excommunication a week after marrying the man of his dreams Plan-B Theatre Company will debut playwright Matthew Greene’s Good Standing, a story of a gay Mormon man facing excommunication from the Mormon Church a week after marrying the man of his dreams.

The show is directed by the company’s artistic director, Jerry Rapier and runs Oct. 18–28 at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center Studio Theatre.

It presents a single actor, Austin Archer,

playing multiple roles within the church disciplinary council.

“It’s too cold when I walk in. It always is when men in suits are setting the temperature,” the character says in the opening scene.

Greene was raised LDS in California and was attending BYU when he wrote a play, Adam & Steve and the Empty Sea, that almost got him kicked out of the school.

It explored what the gay marriage debate

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

did to two friends, one openly gay and the other openly Mormon. It received its world premiere at Plan-B Theatre in 2013 and played to sold-out audiences.

Greene now lives in Brooklyn.

“Life didn’t magically become easier when I finally admitted that I, like Curtis in this play, dreamed of finding a husband, not a wife,” Greene wrote for QSaltLake in August. “What’s different, I guess, is an enhanced ability to feel joy and to claim it as my own. But the search continues for meaning and purpose and for the light I know is out there. Good Standing is another step in that ongoing journey, a love letter to uncertainty and complicated, problematic faith.”

“There’s no way to untangle the threads of identity that have made me who I am, and I have Mormonism practically woven into my DNA. I treasure the new life I’ve crafted for myself, but I

October 18, 2018 |

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

FOOD & DRINK | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 33

DINING GUIDE Most Fabby in Park City

mourn the loss of innocence I knew within comfy church walls and regret the pain I’ve caused to those who love me,” he wrote.

Archer said that coming up with 16 characters, most of whom were familiar, was a challenge, but that the script was a great guide.

“Matthew Greene wrote a hell of a personal, human, confronting, and beautiful play about a man forced to choose between who he is fundamentally and the faith of his childhood [and early adulthood]. It’s a crisis of faith and family in a single setting,” Archer said.

“It’s brought up a lot of things for me and sparked many good discussions in the rehearsal

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And who knows, maybe you’ll see a horrific trapeze accident, too.”

Greene admits that Good Standing is semi-autobiographical. It’s also a play with which many Mormon and former Mormon LGBT people will relate. Q “Good Standing”, Plan-B Theatre Company, Rose Wagner, Salt Lake City, Oct. 18–28, tickets, planbtheatre.org/goodstanding and 801-355-ARTS.

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34 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

October 18, 2018 |

PUZZLES | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 35

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

Puppet Love ACROSS

Q doku

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku

Level: EASY

6 8 4

8 9

9

2 1 5 8 7 4 7 2 6 8 4 3

3

8

5

7 6 5 2

1 9 2 8 4 7 9 2 3 6 4 9 9 6 8 5 6 2 7 1 3 8 3 7 2 9 5 2 9 7 6 3 8 5 7 4 3 6 4 5 7 6 4 4 1 8 6 5 3 7 7 5 6 4 2 9 8 8 6 9 7 5 8 6 9 9 3 1 8 2 1 4 2 6

4 9 1

4

6 7

4 1 5 3 2 9 4 6 3 9 7 6

2

8

8 7 6 2 5 7

1

6 7 9 7 5 1

9

9

3 1 8

1 Small quantities of lube, e.g.

5 Delany of Desperate Housewives 9 “A Boy Named Sue” singer Johnny 13 Fortune-teller’s opening 14 Famous cookie maker 15 Atop 16 Pronto, in the OR 17 Fly catcher 18 Coldcock 19 Gay puppet pair 22 Passion that rhymes with “harder” 23 Jack of Flower Drum Song 24 Minnelli’s pair, on Lesbos 27 TLC specialists 28 Sci-fi role for Rene Auberjonois 31 “Puppy Love” singer Osmond 33 Mauresmo of the courts 36 Kitchen foray 37 Kids’ TV show that features 19-Across 40 Emulated Greg Louganis 41 Homes near polar bears, perhaps 42 Planning meeting input

44 Bambi character that wasn’t horny?

45 Pro ___ (acting) 48 Billy Budd, for one 49 Bring to bear 52 Close call 54 Writer who modeled 19-Across after his relationship with Arnold Glassman 58 Worked up 60 Arthur of the AIDS Quilt 61 Magi origin 62 Former New York leather bar 63 Woolen caps 64 1963 movie role for Liz 65 Encouraging words 66 Bette Davis feature of song 67 Cabaret’s “Mein ___”

9 ___ fan tutte 10 Fruit fly feelers 11 Apt name for a cook 12 Title for T. Baldwin 20 Emanation from Feniger’s kitchen 21 Show agreement 25 Body of soldiers 26 Site of Gay Games VI (abbr.)

29 Moore of Striptease 30 Jackie’s designer 32 Rock group?

33 On an Olivia cruise 34 Lesbos, for one 35 Thames college 37 Ingredient in highballs 38 From here to eternity 39 Friar’s affair 40 Short one 43 Kerouac’s Big ___ 45 Some like it hot DOWN 46 Rubber for your 1 Bounce from the mistakes Eagle?

47 Wise counselor 2 To the rear, when 50 Imitate Dick Button cruising 51 James Baldwin 3 Women who date piece, e.g. men who date men 53 Navratilova, by birth 4 Brief brawl 55 Many a moon 5 Shocking word, 56 Quaint sigh at the time, from 57 More, to a minimalGWTW ist 6 Surrounded by 58 Home st. of Harper 7 Bernstein’s staff Lee members 8 Elroy Jetson stroked 59 Pearce of Priscilla fame him

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MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 37

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

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38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY

Qmmunity Groups ALCOHOL & DRUG

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  utahaa.org LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Mon. 7p Gay Men’s Stag (Big Book Study), UPC, 255 E 400 S 8p G/Q Women’s Mtg, Disability Law Center (rear), 205 N 400 W Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, UPC, 255 E 400 S Wed. 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, UPC, 255 E 400 S Crystal Meth Anon  crystalmeth.org Sun. 1:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud LGBTQIA+Straight USARA, 180 E 2100 S Thurs. 1p Unity In Sobriety, 175 S 700 E LifeRing Secular Recovery 801-608-8146  liferingutah.org Sun. 10am Univ. Neuropsychiatric Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Wed. noon, 2319 Foothill Dr, #120 Weds. 6:30 pm, Univ Neuropsych Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Thurs. 7pm, USARA, 180 E 2100 S, #100

Fri. 7pm, UPC, 1380 S. Main 2nd Flr. Sat. 11am, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E

Qsaltlake.com |

Weber-Morgan Health Mon., Weds 1-4:30p 477 23rd St, Ogden Appt 801-399-7250

BUSINESS

HOMELESS SVCS

LGBTQ-Affirmative Psycho-therapists Guild of Utah  lgbtqtherapists.com * jim@lgbtqtherapists.com

Volunteers of America Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15–21 880 S 400 W 801-364-0744 Transition Homes: Young Men’s

Utah Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce  utahgaychamber.com * info@utahgaychamber.com Vest Pocket Business Coalition  vestpocket.org 801-596-8977 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 YWCA of Salt Lake  ywca.org/ saltlakecity 322 E 300 S 801-537-8600 HEALTH & HIV

Peer Support for Mental Illness — PSMI Thurs 7pm, Utah Pride Ctr Planned Parenthood 654 S 900 E 800-230-PLAN Salt Lake County Health Dept HIV/STD Clinic 660 S 200 E, 4th Floor Walk-ins M–F 10a–4p Appts 385-468-4242 Utah AIDS Foundation  utahaids.org * mail@utahaids.org 1408 S 1100 E 801-487-2323

801-433-1713 Young Women’s 801-359-5545 LEGAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic 2nd Thurs 6:30–7:30pm UofU Law School, 383 S University St POLITICAL

Equality Utah  equalityutah.org * info@equalityutah.org 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  bit.ly/logcabinutah 801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats  utahstonewalldemocrats.org RELIGIOUS

First Baptist Church  firstbaptist-slc.org * office@firstbaptistslc.org 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921

BUT WITH A CAPE

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

Sacred Light of Christ  slcchurch.org 823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays

Queer Friends  queerfriends.org

Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  wasatchmcc.org 801-889-8764 Sundays except the 2nd Sunday, 11:15a at Crone’s Hollow, 3834 S. Main

Sage Utah, Seniors  fb.me/sageutah  sageutah@ utahpridecenter.org 801-557-9203

SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)  fb.me/1to5ClubUtah The Bonnie and Clyde’s Social Group  bit.ly/BonnieClydeSG Alternative Garden Club  bit.ly/altgarden * altgardenclub@gmail.com blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackbootsslc.org blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.  blackbootsslc.org Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8 Get Outside Utah  bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah Men Who Move  menwhomove.org OUTreach Utah Ogden  outreachutah.org OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)  bit.ly/owlsutah

qVinum Wine Tasting  qvinum.com  fb.me /QVinum/

Temple Squares Square Dance Club  templesquares.org 801-449-1293 Utah Bears  utahbears.com  fb.me/utahbears  info@utahbears.com Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple

Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League  bit.ly/slgoodtime Stonewall Shooting Sports of Utah  fb.me/stonewall. sportsofutah Venture Out Utah  facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah YOUTH/COLLEGE

Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Center  encircletogether.org fb.me/encircletogether 91 W 200 S, Provo, Gay-Straight Alliance Network  gsanetwork.org

Utah Male Naturists  umen.org  info@umen.org

Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 slcc.edu/lgbtq/

Utah Pride Center  utahpridecenter.org  info@utahpridecenter.org 1380 S Main St 801-539-8800

University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 lgbt.utah.edu 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973

SPORTS

Pride Community Softball League  fb.me/utahpride. softballleague  pcsl@prideleague.com Q Kickball League  fb.me/qsaltlake. kickball Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club  quacquac.org  questions@ quacquac.org

USGA at BYU  fb.me/UsgaAtByu Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  usu.edu/ accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  facebook.com/ groups/uvuspectrum Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271

Embracing the health & resilience of our community Utah’s Inclusive Aquatic Club since 1995 BEGINNERS WELCOME EVERYONE’S INVITED

umen.org

October 18, 2018 |

QMMUNITY | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

Qmmunity Genderevolution conference November 10 will mark the 10th annual genderevolution conference with the theme, “A Decade of Love.” Genderevolution 2018 will feature lectures, workshops, and panels offered by local community members and professionals.

Attendees are invited to educate themselves on a variety of topics including healthy self-image development, gender fluidity, the interplay of gender identity & sexual orientation, meditation techniques, legal aid, mental and physical health, transgender history, and more.

You can register to attend at ­ bit.ly/gender18and sign up to volunteer at bit.ly/gender18volunteer

Community Writing Center’s Gay Writes meets twice monthly Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Series writing group, a program of Salt Lake Community

Letter: Suicide is a public health crisis Editor: Utah’s suicide rate has climbed 46.5 percent since 1999, and it is the leading cause of death among youth age 10 to 17. Gov. Gary Herbert has established the Teen Suicide Prevention Task Force and other preventative measures — like the creation of the SafeUT app — have been taken, but more needs to be done. This is truly a public health crisis and should be treated as such.

It takes a community, united and resolute, to reach solutions for a societal problem like suicide. On an issue as emotion-filled as this, it’s natural to want to assign blame. However, this serves no meaningful purpose and only results in division and takes away from the issue at hand.

We must engage with faith communities, make it easier to form gay-straight alliances, improve access to mental health care, and remove the stigma surrounding suicide from the conversation. I know it’s a heavy lift, but young Utahns are in crisis and it’s absolutely vital that we step up to help solve this problem.

BECKY MOSS Chair, Utah Stonewall Democrats

College’s Community Writing Center.

The group meets the second and fourth Monday of each month from 6:30–8:30 p.m. at the Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Ste B on Library Square.

Each month, one writer’s work is featured in QSaltLake Magazine. to speak with the DiverseCity Writing Series Coordinator call 801-957-2192.

Big Gay Fun Bus October through April Big Gay Fun Bus season is back with six trips to West Wendover, Nevada complete with Matrons of Mayhem drag queen bingo, buffet, $7 in slot play, free drinks, lucky bucks, and more.

BigGayFunBus.com for tickets and info.

40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | PETS

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

Pet Month of the

NKUT Super AdoptiOn

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November 2–3

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q scopes NOVEMBER

BY SAM KELLEY-MILLS

ARIES March 20–April 19

While the fate of the universe does not fall within your hands, it does appear that great dependence falls on you. Many people consider pushing you around, but recognize that it is not their place to do so. Decide once and for all what you want and go for it. While success is never guaranteed, satisfaction is always available.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20

A past associate appears and with them comes a renewed interest in faith. There are many questions you can ask, but don’t be surprised if certain answers are missing. This person can only point out the directions, but decisions require gut instinct. Push fear aside and whatever feelings remain is what you should listen to.

GEMINI May 21–June 20

No one does anything without reason. Even an act of curiosity is an experimental one. Recognize that someone toying with your emotions could simply be curious, but this type of game isn’t what you need right now.

Put a stop to it, and move away from

this behavior at all costs. It is not always easy, but learn how to walk away.

CANCER June 21–July 22

No one enjoys a liar, especially you Cancer! Even so, an exaggeration in storytelling is always enjoyable, and a tall-tale may draw you in more than you realize. Enjoy the escapism but recognize that even other people don’t realize when the truth has been stretched a bit too much. Don’t judge too harshly, but don’t be a sucker either.

LEO July 23–August 22

Pain has a way of creating a desire for revenge. Consider the source of your plight before taking actions that could end up hurting you more than help. One of your most trusted friends has a pleasant gift for you. Accept it graciously and realize that it comes from the heart. It will ease your pain more than vengeance ever could.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22

A personal situation at home could lead to more changes than you realize. There is a danger is biting off too much. Obligations and personal relationships could be suffocating. Lay off someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself all the time.

No matter how much you may care for

them, it isn’t worth losing peace over.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22

No matter how much is accomplished, life is becoming a never-ending stream of obligations.

Start eliminating things holding you back, and focus on what bring you the happiest endings. A relationship has become muddled, with almost as much bad as there is good. The real struggle is in determining what can be overlooked.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21

It is not hard to provide gratitude for yourself, because you know what gets you going. Even so, don’t fear searching for a fast learning companion. By demonstrating your own desires to this person, you may find a personification of your fantasies. The real risk is boredom, so don’t be afraid to try some new things as well.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov. 22–December 20.

A restless period could be due to work related stress. It may seem as though anxiety is a defining factor in life, but that can change. It is a good time to find a new job or recreate your circle of friends. Change is the real key to happiness. Even though it may seem scary, the risks are lower than you think. Go after what you really want.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

Despite the general opinion, being caught in the middle of an embarrassing situation could be amusing.

The attention is vastly more rewarding than the shame, so have a good time while playing the fool. Don’t let others make the mistake of thinking they can hurt you though. Just because you play the part doesn’t mean it defines you.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18

Break free of an oppressive relationship but don’t burn a bridge. You might simply need space, but the value is still there. Nothing is more rewarding than figuring out a problem on your own, so put your hands on the wheel and glide into a good place. A career or financial matter is really weighing you down, so learn to let go.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19

A distinct trait you share with other Pisces is the uncanny ability to connect with one another. Get involved with those who are like-minded, and self discover could be the result. A revelation could lead to a vastly different career path than you’ve been on for quite some time. It may simply be the time for self-reinvention. Q

October 18, 2018 |

SEX | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

sex and salt lake city

Give thanks to masturbation

BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

while something most people participate in on some level, is something very few feel comfortable talking about. Something even less discussed is the health benefits one can enjoy when indulging themselves in a bit of self-pleasure.

in front of a mirror.

Sometimes getting a full view of how your body looks in its erotic glory when it’s feeling pleasure can add to the arousal and appreciation of how sexy you are.

THANKS FOR STRESS REDUCTION

THANKS FOR HELP WITH SEXUAL CONCERNS It’s not uncommon for partners to have different climax cycles. Generally, one will reach climax quicker or longer than the other. It only becomes problematic when the time between can feel too long for the parties involved. By masturbating you can teach yourself to last longer or climax quicker. For someone who is ultra sensitive, edging would be a good practice. To do this you would masturbate to the point you feel orgasm approaching and then stop for 10 (or so) seconds. When you feel the urge subside, but are still aroused, begin again. Repeat this a few times before actually allowing yourself to come. In time, you will find yourself able to last a bit longer. Delayed ejaculation is a bit trickier. So many will train themselves to last a long time that it can be hard to finally release. One way to help with this is to lighten the touch and vigor of masturbation. It takes time, but you can teach your body to be sensitive to touch again.

THANKS FOR STRENGTHENING PELVIC AND ANAL FLOOR

Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist and can be reached at DrLaurieBennettCook@gmail.com

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When we orgasm the muscles around our pelvic and anal floors contract.

Thankfully, this gives them a nice workout. Having those muscles strengthened not only help increase the intensity of an orgasm but also aid in better blad-

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THANKS FOR BETTER SELF BODY IMAGE Most of us have at least some hangups around various aspects of our bodies. The beautiful thing about masturbation is that we can touch ourselves in our own way and just enjoy, not only how our body feels being touched, but how our hands feel when they touch our bodies.

It can also be a bit exciting masturbating

Use lube. So many times I hear people say they believe lube to only be for those who need it. Here’s the thing, lube is magic.

It has an ability to make everything glide about in such a way that pleasure can be greatly magnified.

Take advantage of the shower. Soaps, shampoos, and body washes can be incredibly stimulating for those with penises to stroke with. Those with vulvas, not so much as the various soaps can be irritating.

A good shower head, however, is something every pussy owner should try.

Take your time. Too often we masturbate because we’re in a hurry. It usually starts in puberty when kids masturbate quickly for fear of getting caught. Unfortunately, that can lead to delayed or premature orgasmic experiences as we age.

Appreciate your body. Your body is completely different from any other, in not only its appearance but in its ability to experience pleasure. Learn what you enjoy on your own, and you will be much better equipped to show a lover how to please you —- making your shared sexual experiences even more exciting! Q

3 9 2 6 5 4 1 8 7

THANKS FOR IMPROVED SLEEP Let’s face it, many of us go to bed at the end of the day feeling exhausted and maybe even a bit stressed. It could be from the events of the day just experienced, or the events of the day that lay ahead.

Going to bed with high cortisol levels gets in the way of relaxation and ability to quickly fall asleep. The two quickest ways to lower those levels are exercise and orgasm. So if you’re in bed, wanting to sleep, masturbation to orgasm might be the best choice you make all day.

THANKS FOR TIPS THAT MAKE MASTURBATION BETTER

6 5 8 1 7 3 2 4 9

Masturbation can be incredibly releasing, not only physiologically, but mentally as well. When we masturbate and are feeling physically good, the hormone Dopamine (also known as the “feel good hormone”) is released into the body causing one to feel better mentally, as well as physically. Additionally, when we are holding stress in our bodies, our cortisol (the main stress hormone) levels can run high. Masturbation greatly reduces cortisol levels and can create a feeling of all over peace. This is one reason that so many are in the habit of masturbating just before they fall asleep which leads me to the next reason that touching yourself is a good idea.

der and bowel control as we age.

7 4 1 8 2 9 6 3 5

Masturbation,

42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FRIVOLIST

7Summer-bod

the frivolist

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

pieces of luxury fitness equipment to satisfy your inner bougie while working out

BY MIKEY ROX

goals crash and burn by the middle of June? Join the club. But perhaps the best thing about fall (besides guys in gray sweatpants!) is that there’s ample time to concentrate more on exercise since you won’t be scouting dudes on the beach, getting shitfaced at pool parties, and stuffing your face at backyard BBQs as much.

Feel like a million bucks when you snap back into a workout regimen with this self-starter luxury exercise equipment.

for the Works Package; onepeloton.com

3 SomaSole Fitness Bundle

Ideal for homebodies, road trippers and outdoor enthusiasts, SomaSole from Finesse Fitness includes everything you need for an anywhere, anytime workout — including Link resistance bands, FitStrap bodyweight trainers, FreeWheel instability sliders, and a Stem dynamic workout bar, available in a backpack or duffel bundle — so you can keep your routine consistent and results on track when you’re away from a gym. $169-$299, indiegogo.com

1 NordicTrack Fusion CST 4 NordicTrack X22i Incline Trainer

Strength and cardio converge in the NordicTrack Fusion CST, a revolutionary combination of cabled resistance and a flywheel with Silent Magnetic Resistance that allows for muscle building and HIITstyle movements. Enhanced with iFit Coach LiveCast streaming technology, a 10-inch tablet console is included for well-rounded in-home personal training without the per-session price tag. $1,999, nordictrack.com

2

Peloton Bike

Other fitness equipment manufacturers began upgrading their outdated static bikes when the standard-setting Peloton hit the market a few years ago, but the innovative at-home cycling experience continues to edge out the competition with its ability to stream daily live classes from its NYC studio with 24-hour access. $2,474

Whether you’re streaming high-energy workouts or joining trainer-led cardio seshes (incline-matching tech intuitively syncs with the ups and downs of the excursions hosted in breathtaking locations around the world), you’ll reach new heights and burn five times the calories with a 40-percent incline compared to walking at -6-percent incline at 2 miles per hour for 20 minutes. It feels super high-end as soon as you step onto it too, which makes the experience all the more satisfying. $2,999 (includes membership); nordictrack. com

Blue Goji 5 Infinity Treadmill

Health and wellness gamification

is upon us in Blue Goji’s Infinity treadmill, which allows for a high-intensity workout that features natural torso movement and tracking, bio-feedback, and interaction with compatible virtual-reality games for other-world-

ly cardio training. $15,000; bluegoji.com (available early 2019)

Hock Design 6Dumbbells DISKUS

Your local gym equipment will look like clearance surplus after you pick up Hock Design’s set of 10 20kg DISKUS Dumbbells (with rack), constructed of turned, polished and oiled walnut flanked by grade 303 non-reactive stainless steel end caps. Are they worth the head-shakingly hefty price tag? Only if you’ve got serious money to burn and something ultra-narcissistic to prove. $14,700, shophock.com

7 Tonal

An electromagnetic resistance engine controlled by an algorithm powers the digital weights in Tonal; there are no metal plates anywhere on the sleek, wall-mounted system that’s about the size of a large flat-screen TV. It also replaces an entire gym’s worth of equipment for a smooth, precise workout that will help you lose weight and increase your athletic performance through on-demand personalized coaching with a monthly subscription. $2,995, tonal.com

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox.

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44 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Late

BY DOUG WOODALL

One day

when I was in the third grade, I told my mom I wanted to have lunch at home.

She said OK. (I know most people who are younger than me won’t believe this, but it’s absolutely true. When I went to school, we could go home for lunch.) At the start of the lunch period, I told my teacher I was going home. She said OK. And I went home.

When I headed back to school, I took my usual route. I walked to the end of the street, stepped onto the grounds of a church, and went to the back of the building where the church and my school shared a gate. When I got to the gate, I found two boys — one was my age, and the other one was one or two years younger — standing on the church’s side watching the kids playing in the schoolyard. I stopped to talk to them.

They told me they were moving from Colorado to Oregon; their parents stopped to visit relatives who lived at a house close by (from my experience, I’ll bet money the parents said to the older boy, “Go for a walk and take your brother.”); and they wanted to go on the school grounds to play, but they knew they couldn’t. In a flash, I realized the three of us could play at the church — we could go sliding. All we had to do was take ten steps from where we stood to a concrete ramp the church custodian used to drive the lawnmowers into a storage area under the church.

When my new friends and I started playing, the schoolyard was full of kids, and the air was filled with their voices. The next time I looked toward the school, the schoolyard was empty, and the air was filled with the sound of a breeze. The sight and the stillness scared me. I knew if I walked into my classroom late, everyone would stare at me, and my teacher would quiz me.

I couldn’t face that, so I went home.

When I walked through the front door, I told my mom I got sick and threw up.

(This is one of the greatest deceptions in the human experience. Moms cannot prove or disprove stomachaches, and they will not go outside to look for a kid’s vomit.) My mom called the school; she had a short conversation, and when

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

gay writes finished, she told me I had to go back to school. When I walked into my classroom, everything I imagined would happen did happen. Then my teacher made matters worse by telling me I had to go to the principal’s office.

“What’d you do when you came back to school?” my principal asked.

“I met some boys at the church, and we slid down the ramp,” I said.

“So, why were you late?”

“I didn’t mean to. It’s just when we started, everyone was outside playing, and when I looked up again, they were gone. I got scared.”

“Were you playing with some boys at the church, or were you playing with them in the boys’ restroom?”

“I was at the church.”

“Did you see any boys go into the restroom?”

“No.” “Did you see any boys come out?”

“No. I was at the church.”

I had no idea why my principal wanted to know if I was in or near the thirdgrade boys’ restroom, but the next week, I got a phenomenal surprise. Three times a week, I was excused from my class to meet with a woman who smelled good and who was interested in everything I had to say. The woman asked me 500 questions and wrote down all my answers; she gave me simple tests; she played games with me; she gave me comic strip panels and had me put them in the right order — so they told a story; she took me for walks. Ninety days later, my sessions with the sweet-smelling, attentive woman ended, and once again I had to spend every school hour contending with annoying classmates and a cantankerous teacher.

What did I do? I started breaking the rules. I started breaking the rules so I could get out of class to spend time with that woman. But all I got was a trip to the principal’s office, and another trip to his office, and another trip to his office.

I didn’t find out why I couldn’t see the woman, again, until yearbook day in seventh grade.

I handed my yearbook to Stewart.

When Stewart finished writing his message, he handed me my yearbook and promptly walked away. I looked down at the page and read, “I still think you started the fire in the third-grade bathroom.”

Instantly, I knew the day he was referring to. I became enraged, and I chased after Stewart.

“What do you mean?” I demanded.

“Oh, come on!” Stewart said, “Don’t play dumb.”

“I wasn’t even there.”

“You were, too, and I know it was you,” Stewart said and walked away.

The first emotion I felt was astonishment. Up to that day, no one told me everyone thought I started a fire. My principal didn’t, my teacher didn’t, my classmates didn’t, my psychologist didn’t (it took me a long time, but I finally figured out what the woman was), my parents didn’t, my siblings didn’t, my friends didn’t, and my neighbors didn’t.

The second emotion I felt was shame.

How could anyone think I started a fire at school? So, I went searching for an eraser. Even though Stewart wrote his message in ink, I worked at rubbing out his words so no one could read them.

And then I had three thoughts: All I had to do was drop a match into the garbage canister in the restroom?

No way! I couldn’t do that.

Whoever did it, … thank you … thank you … thank you. Q Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Writing Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Mondays of each month, 6:30–8 p.m., 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8.

October 18, 2018 |

BOOKS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 45

Issue 286 | Qsaltlake.com

the bookworm sez

REVIEW BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

THE TRANS GENERATION: HOW TRANS KIDS (AND THEIR PARENTS) ARE CREATING A GENDER REVOLUTION”

BY ANN TRAVERS C.2018, NEW YORK UNIVERSITY PRESS $25 / 261 PAGES

Boy or girl?

That’s a common enough question, if you’re an expectant parent. You might’ve even wondered it yourself: will you need pink things or blue, and what name will you choose? For generations, it’s been an exciting decision for prospective parents, but Ann Travers asks in The Trans Generation if it’s a prudent one. Maybe letting the child decide would be a better choice.

Fifty-six years ago, when Travers was born, their mother’s doctor unwittingly caused a lifetime of hurt: “It’s a girl,” he said, and Travers spent years trying to “untangle” what it meant. That, they said, is part of what drives this book. The other part is the desire to improve the lives of trans kids through understanding.

Getting to that point is harrowing: Ninety-five percent of transgender kids on one study felt unsafe in their schools.

Many report that physicians misunderstand kids who are gender-nonconforming. Trans kids attempt suicide and / or self-harm at very high rates and, says Travers, “… many grow up hating their bodies…” Most employ several kinds of coping mechanisms to live their lives.

In writing this book, Travers says, they interviewed a wide variety of trans kids from the U.S. and Canada — nineteen in all, ages 4 to 20, plus twenty-three parents. The children mostly came from middle-class

families, which allowed them privileges such as better access to medical care and chances to change schools if they needed to do so. Other children Travers interviewed lived in poverty, their stories illustrating how being a trans kid can be socially and medically isolating, and how lack of access to needed resources can affect their well-being.

Parents, of course, can affect that well-being, too, but it takes a “phenomenal amount of care, advocacy, and activism… to push back against cisgendered environments,” schools, sports, binary-only bathrooms, social activities, medical facilities, and politics. It takes a willingness to learn, listen, and lean in.

Not just for parents, but for teachers, advocates, and loved ones, The Trans Generation is one heavy-duty book.

Writing with a bit of a scholar’s voice and occasional, relatively advanced, science and law studies, author Ann Travers also offers readers plenty of eye-opening chats with trans kids, which turn out to be the most helpful, useful, and even entertaining parts of this book.

From the mouths of babes, as they say, those interviews give insights that adults will find to be wise and thoughtful, even monumental. They’re also heartbreaking but considering the kids readers are introduced to, and the singular interview with a 16-year-old who made her own hormone treatments in her high school’s laboratory, they’re a good indication of hope for the future.

While you could be forgiven for skipping to those case studies, you’d be missing out.

The thicker parts of The Trans Generation are worth reading and reflection and are deeply instructive on pronouns, on gender fluidity, and on being trans in a cisgender-based society. They are also serious and weighty but that kind of rock-solid information could make this book the right choice. Q

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46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD

Qsaltlake.com |

Issue 286 | October 18, 2018

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of a Missionary Man

BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to Provo is fraught with danger and

excitement.

The Matrons of Mayhem are a prideful bunch, so we decided to attend Provo Pride. Before going, we met up at Chateau Pap Smear. Of course, every time the ladies meet at my place the natives are frightened and I catch glimpses of them peeking meekly through their curtains at us. One time a few years ago, on a day after we had met at my place, I was out watering the lawn, and a neighbor sheepishly approached me and said, “I noticed a bunch of fancy ladies here the other day.

What was going on?” Thus, came a tender homo-teaching moment to the nature of drag queens.

We carpooled in QueerTanic, my trusty land yacht. No mortal earthly vehicle can contain all that is Petunia. Consequently, it is with great dismay that I find it necessary to remove my stunning beehive hair and place it safely in a six-gallon bucket to fit into a car. And I must recline the driver seat so far that I’m practically looking directly at the dome light to be able to accommodate my breasticles. Oh, the indignity!

We arrived in Provo and were thrilled to realize that the Pride festival was being held directly across the street from the Provo City Center Temple of the organization formerly known as the “Mormon Church” (Puh-Leeezzz!) Inspiration

7pm, Oct. 19, Nov. 16, Jan. 21 First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E fb.me/matronsofmayhem

immediately aroused us to perform a pioneer reenactment. Then we posed as four of Brother Brigham’s favorite and most stylish wives for magnificent faith-inspiring portraits in front of the temple.

The Provo Pride celebration was indeed fantastic. After we had many faith-promoting encounters with “The Saints” in Provo, we became as fatigued as if we had indeed pulled a handcart across the plains like the real pioneers, except in high heels. Then we decided to take some respite in a restaurant located across the street from the festival.

Our waiter — let’s call him Todd — was a most adorable return-missionary, fresh off the boat from Central America.

I could tell this lunch was going to be eventful, when “Missionary Man” led us to a booth. I usually hate to sit in booths, as they don’t accommodate queen-sized queens. The other Matrons slid effortlessly into the booth, slicker than snot on a doorknob.

Then it came to be my turn. I failed horribly on my first attempt to squeeze my voluptuous blubber naught into the tiny space between the table and the bench. I couldn’t let Elder Wonderful see my generously proportioned bodus rotundus blocking the aisle, so I took a run at it. With a tremendously loud wood splitting and the shaking of the building registering a 6.5 on the Richter scale, I made it into the seat. I was wedged tighter than a twink between two bears.

When Todd came to our table, my jaw dropped right on top of my breasticles and I suddenly couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t tell if it was because of his incredible beauty or that the table like a vice grip held my boobs. He was blond with piercing blue eyes and wearing a pair of well-packed jeans and sporting a body-hugging fitted T-shirt. Even though we were in full wigs and makeup he didn’t even bat an eye. I started to lose consciousness. But I suddenly regained full awareness at the mention of nachos.

Of course, we all were flirting mercilessly with Todd. Since I sat on the end closest to him, I sorely tempted to perform a “laying on of hands.” After we each threw a turn at him, he brought our food which turned out to be as delicious as he. Gratefully, he withstood all our teasing cheerfully and dished a little back.

The place was not busy, so we were his only table. He gave us a lot of personal attention. Two other waiters were serving the tables near us, and they also were incredibly delectable. Surely the hiring manager must have a beauty quotient to fill.

My gaydar has such a difficult time being accurate in Utah County, because there is nothing that turns me on more than a clean-cut college boy, and I can’t seem to even turn around without poking one in the eye with my breasticles.

After gorging on scrumptious Mexican food, it came time to leave. The rest of the Matrons continued to flirt with Todd while I had to call the fire department to cut me out of the booth with the jaws of life.

This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Do you think our photos in front of the temple will end up in the Church History Museum?

2. If we had posed with a handcart, would it help build strong testimonies among the faithful?

3. Since we posed as sister wives, could we possibly be the new models for Polygamy Ale? 4. If I had performed a “laying on of hands” to the waiter, would it be considered gross indecency or assault?

5. Was the waiter friendly because he wanted a bigger tip, or he wanted us to give him a makeover?

6. If I were to blind a returned missionary with my breasticles, could I take him home until he healed?

These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q

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