COVID-19 and children. Carolyn Seri

Carolyn Seri Psychologist

COVID-19 and children

COVID-19 has been a time of disruption and mixed emotions for many families. Household relationships have been put to the test far and wide with home schooling and having to spend an unusual amount of time together. As restrictions lift, children may struggle with adjusting to the new way of doing things. Some possible issues to be mindful of are that children may be frustrated that some things are returning to normal while others are not. There may be anxiety around the ‘what ifs’ - what if we go back to lockdown or if there is a second wave and people get sick? Other children may ‘act out’ as they just want things back to normal right now! There is also a new way of connecting with people, the 1.5 metre rule is confusing and restrictive and can cause some unease in children who need physical contact, such as younger children at kindy or prep.

Time for reflection This is a time where parents can reflect on the relationship they have with their child and think about the one they want. Moving forward in this new world things are different, we are different. Looking back over the past two months, how would you describe your approach to parenting and supporting your Gen-Z child through COVID-19? In an already trying time to parent, with a heavy reliance on electronics, high financial needs of keeping up in society and the super-sized expectations the western world has to offer, it’s hard…parenting is hard.

So how can you raise a caring, kind, resilient human? How can you stay kind and calm and be the parent you dreamed of being? How do you build relationships with your children where they feel valued and supported in dealing with the new COVID-19 world?

There is currently limited literature based specifically on supporting children through COVID-19. The full extent of the impacts are not yet fully understood. As parents we need to develop a framework for not only now, but well into the future. Some helpful tips to get you started on being a supportive parent, and even enjoying COVID-19 are:

Be more playful Being a playful parent builds connection and trust. The chemicals the brain releases when a child and parent play, sets them up to succeed. Play should happen often and daily. There should be planned play and consequential play. Play without electronics. Role play. Game play. Sensory play. There are so many ways to play, the list is extensive.

How can you use play to help your child cope with COVID-19?

Create puppet shows to explain to children about important things they need to learn and understand about your family situation.

Write your own family story book, the good and the bad.

Engage in imagination play about the virus and how it has impacted your society. For younger children, setting up their favourite park and put closed signs up, then have characters that want to go to the park but can’t because of the virus. This helps younger children to have a framework to help them understand why they can’t do the things they want to do.

Use slime and minute toys to demonstrate the spread of COVID-19.

Be accepting When a child talks about feeling worried, it is important not to dismiss their feelings and do not always say everything will be ok, because sometimes it is not. Being untruthful can be unsettling for a child when they can clearly see things are not ok. If a child does have a valid worry, try saying, “I see you are worried, that must be scary for you, it’s ok to worry, I am here for you.” You can also say, “It’s normal to feel worried, I also feel worried, but we are here together and we are going to be strong as a family.” These are just some examples you can build on. Be curious When a child is scared or not coping, the thinking and problemsolving parts of their brain are on snooze mode. The limbic system (survival brain) is in full swing. By being a curious parent, you can disarm the unhelpful thinking and behaviour with some simple actions just by being curious. An example you might use when a child tells you they are angry or scared about the virus and its impacts are, “tell me the thing that is most scary about the virus,” “what parts of being in lockdown have made you feel angry,” “tell me what you wish would happen to the virus.” By asking questions you help a child access their executive functions where they can be rational and apply their problem solving. It is important to use strengths-based language and be non-judgemental.

Be empathetic From our own experience being human and parents, we all know that empathy goes a long way. Sometimes you don’t need to solve the problem. By simply saying, “it’s ok to feel scared, it’s ok to have emotions,” “I feel sad when you are worried, can I do anything to support you? Would you like a hug or maybe a glass of water,” “Can I sit with you while you have these emotions so I can support you.”

These are just a few examples (adapted from the PACE model) of how to use these rich connection building strategies which will leave a child feeling supported and loved. Taking steps to being a supportive parent during COVID-19 is in your hands.