By: Talona Smith aving a child diagnosed with a mental health disorder was an eye-opening experience. For years, my now ex-husband and I could not figure out how to communicate with one of our daughters. Being a military family, we often had to relocate. Each move required having to adapt to a different environment. In our children’s case…starting all over again…new schools, new friends. It was tough and they would be unhappy for a while but often adapted soon after, except one child. She would act out on the very first day of school each and every time we had to move. Regardless of how much we knew what was going to happen, it got to the point of us being tired of the same behavior. We tried different methods of discipline to get her to behave but she just did not want to cooperate. We even had her arrested on her 15th birthday as part of a local sheriff’s department youth detention intervention program where she was booked, in-processed and spent the night in jail. Parents had to attend an educational briefing on how to work with their troubled teens and measures to prevent inadvertently contributing to any adverse behavior. It didn’t help. She used that experience to brag to her friends on how tough she was. She is very intelligent…honor roll student. So, it was not like she was struggling with a learning behavior. We weren’t rich but lived well. So, it was not like she was being exposed to bad living conditions. We attended church, Sunday School, Bible Study, had quality family time playing cards games and indoor/outdoor activities, she had friends, we took trips, visited relatives…you name it…we did it. So, it was not like she was in isolation. There are times she was placed in detention for being disrespectful to teachers and staff members. Suspended from school for fighting. Put off the school bus for punching a kid who was picking on her brother. Honestly, that punishment was a bit lenient, we just showed her an alternate reaction for that kind of situation. Her misconduct increased to the point of being expelled from school due to excessive suspensions. I was defeated at that point…clueless as to how to keep going without neglecting the needs of my other three children. On the verge of being divorced. Now part of a society of parents who are stigmatized for having a child in alternative school. What was I supposed to do? Who could I lean on that would not put her business out on blast? Counseling and medication were the only option left. I kept her sessions and medication quiet except from the principal, guidance counselor, and teachers at the alternative school she was sent to. Her disruptive behavior had decreased but was still there. God really shined His light on our family. After she completed her term at alternative school and no longer taking medication, her principal requested a meeting regarding her time at the alternative school. He watched her progression and saw her potential and asked if we would allow her to stay for the next school year so he and his staff could make sure she was socially
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ready to return to high school. He would make sure she took courses that were part of her high school requirements for graduation. He did not want the bad choice she made to get there, to be the reason she was not able to succeed in life. That is what she did…she succeeded. I’m not saying everyday was roses and rainbows when she returned to high school, but it was better than when she began. It was three years later before she was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder. Now things made sense to us. To add more to her battle, she was recently diagnosed with remitting and recurring multiple sclerosis. I wanted to take every part of my being and love it all away from her. She often tells me to stop being so melodramatic and let her go through this. Labor pains do not stop at childbirth…they occur every time your child is faced with any kind of struggle. I attend appointments with her to learn about her condition, treatments, and how to be supportive of her. I subscribe to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society to receive newsletters about research, training, educational videos, programs, and events, etc. I attend grief counseling for myself to make sure I am emotionally stable to be a support for all my children. I am no good to them if I don’t take care of myself first. My daughter and I still have our moments of disagreements from time to time. I get in my feelings when she won’t let me coddle her, but I know she is a fighter. I learn strength from watching her handle her disabilities…let me change that…her different way of living like a boss. Mental health is a different way of living, thinking, showing emotions, and coping with situations. Every disruptive behavior has a story. We all must become educated on how to find out what that story is and become advocates for those who are in this fight with mental health issues. Most act out when they don’t know how to let it out. Others act out to get attention. Either way, they deserve our help without judgment.
