Photo Credit: Dan Meyers on Unsplash
By: Lex Morgan Photo Credit: Amer Mughawish on Unsplash
As a mother of sons, it’s important to express that emotional trauma caused by bullying is more common than we may realize. Society conditions us to believe that boys and men always need to be tough, if not, they’re somehow “less than a man.” False. That conditioning and warped sense of belief sometimes drives many young men to extreme measures when the pressure, pain and trauma are too much to bear. My oldest son, Kionne, had always been very photo-genic, and he loved to smile as a young child. He was so free-spirited and had a HUGE sense of humor! He’d make the silliest faces and his laugh was infectious. Slowly, his personality began to change, though I wasn’t sure why. It took some time, but the answer was revealed. I noticed a change when he was in first grade. It was the first time he didn’t smile in a school picture. At the time, I didn’t think too much of it. I thought he was growing up and maybe he wanted to be cool. When the same was true in second, third and fourth grade, I became concerned. I worried that he’d become self-conscious about his teeth and hoped that my promise to have his teeth corrected would somehow hold him over until he could receive orthodontic treatment. I was wrong. You see, my concern was rooted in the fact that I, too, had experienced bullying as a child, and I wanted to protect him from it. Among common bullying attacks, I was teased about having a large forehead. I often wished I could change it or that I could be someone else entirely. From that place, I wanted to connect with Kionne, to re-assure him that he was enough, that he was so much more than his teeth. One day, while driving him to school, I asked, “Why do you hide your teeth?” He said, “People tease me.” I said, “I know what you mean, I was teased about my forehead all the time.” His response shocked me and broke my heart because…well…he was right. He said, “Mom, at least you have hair to cover your forehead; I don’t have anything to cover my teeth.” You see, Kionne had a severe overbite and bucked teeth. The conditions weren’t visible until his permanent teeth began to grow in, which explained the shift in self-confidence; he’d also
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become withdrawn. He stopped wanting to smile completely. It was as if his inner light had been snuffed out. In that moment, it was clear that he’d stopped smiling because of other people’s cruel questions, comments, and treatment. What was more surprising was that educators joined in on the bullying! My child was incorrectly labeled as having “special needs” and “needing a smaller class size” because he needed orthodontic treatment. When I learned of this, I promptly met with administrative staff to address my concerns and to ensure that all responsible parties were held accountable. Although the bullying slowed down, irreversible damage was done. If you or your child(ren) have experienced bullying and/or poor self-confidence, then you know that restoration, and in some cases, building self-confidence for the first time is a one experience at a time journey. I would love to share that Kionne’s orthodontic treatment repaired the bruises to his self-confidence, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. Though it brings me great joy to share that he did receive treatment and his confidence has improved, he strives to know and love himself every day. He is committed to seeing himself through his own eyes and not the opinions of others. Taking time to tap back into his relationship with God and himself are powerful tools for him. Exploring what he really wants for himself, what and who he values most are other tools. One human-being to another, I want you to know that you matter. We matter. You belong here.
