ANGER MISUNDERSTOOD By Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R
www.amandaudd.com | @therapyisdope Photo by Ola Dapo from Pexels
Anger is one of those emotions we are afraid to talk about or deal with, but, it’s like any other emotion that shows up to let us know that something may be wrong. All of us get angry at some point, maybe when something isn’t fair, someone has done us wrong, or something happens that is beyond our control like being stuck in traffic or missing a flight. The experience of the emotion can range from a little annoyed to straight name calling with ruthless digs, self-criticism (because some anger is expressed inwardly), or the worst-case scenario, physical aggression (the more familiar outward aggression). It’s a hot topic for most Americans with one in ten experiencing severe levels of anger, and most not even knowing their anger style. Huh, what is that? Let’s chat.
ANGER STYLES There are four basic ways in which people respond to anger: 1. AGGRESSIVE: If one is aggressive, there is no filter. It is where one has a tendency to lash out without thinking, becoming physically or verbally aggressive. This style guarantees emotional or physical harm to yourself or someone else. It can look like bullying, hurtful memes, fighting, shouting, criticism, accusations, sarcasm, intimidation and full-blown rage. This style usually represents a need to be in control and involves preserving your views and needs at the expense of others. 2. PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE: How you feel is under lock and key or is internalized. You may not always admit that you are angry or express it. It usually looks like withdrawing in an argument, using the silent treatment, sulking, acting as if you are okay or showing anger indirectly through procrastination or sabotage. This style doesn’t like confrontation and uses it as a form of control when a situation is perceived to be out of control. 3. ASSERTIVE: The healthiest way to deal with anger. These
28 | rallyupmagazine.com | Winter 2020
