SECONDARY TRAUMA HURTS!
By: Kendra Hathaway, FLE, LLMFT
the children can’t hear the details. Some may even ask them to leave the room, and this is also okay.
Photo Credit: Mosuno Media (Stocksy.com)
id you know? …Children can experience symptoms of trauma, not only from something happening to them, but they can also experience secondary trauma from witnessing or even hearing about an event. Secondary trauma, which is an indirect exposure to firsthand accounts or narrative, can be incurred from children or adults seeing or even hearing disturbing descriptions, inflictions of cruelty, discouraging beliefs, negative/ intrusive tones, and many other events that could traumatize them. This type of thing happens more frequently to adults who are first responders, physicians, mental health providers, children whose parents have experienced trauma, etc. If an adult can be exposed to secondary trauma, the chances of it happening to a child are more likely. Moreover, the things we as adults can listen to with minimal impact, are not always good for our children to hear. In fact, children should be protected from hearing these things. Children sometimes look at this type of thing as a parent being mean, but in reality, this is a safety precaution. It’s not being mean as a parent or grandparent when you freeze a conversation so that
For example, take into consideration a child hearing a story about someone being slaughtered and cut into pieces. Can you imagine how this could affect the child’s thoughts afterwards? Did you know that secondary trauma could have an effect on a child’s development, possibly affecting their sense of security? It could also force a child to distrust their parents and or not believe that they can protect them. If you heard a story similar to this, how would it effect you? As adults, we can become desensitized to hearing about death or events of someone being harmed, but it’s still very important to remember the emotional immaturity and sensitivity of our children. When a parent or authority figure shields the ears of a child, it is being a responsible and protective adult who understands the need to protect children from things that could potentially be harmful or damaging to them. This should also include gossip, slander and other meaningless conversations. These conversations could end up being more damaging to a child rather than them being more nourishing, which is a better comparison. If this information is somehow leaked to a child, it is very important to ensure that they are debriefed. One way to do this is to allow the child to express how they feel about what they were exposed to. As an adult, you should listen and then validate the child’s feelings. You will need to reassure the child that they are safe and will be protected. These are just a few things you could do, however, you should contact your local mental health providers so they can assist you further. Overall, I think parents should do like the old folks use to, and when grownups are talking, tell your kids, “BYE”!!!
Kendra Hathaway, MA, LLMT, FLE
Family Life Educator, a Limited Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Self-help Author from Michigan. Kendra contracts with several different agencies and different facilities to meet her clients needs. Kendra specializes in working with African American women and young adults who are looking to improve their lives. Kendra also works with individuals with depression, anxiety, bi- polar disorders, adjustment disorder, etc. Kendra can be reached directly at: (586) 551-2757, or Kendrahathaway8111@gmail.com
