RALLYUp Mental Health Magazine Summer 2020

#RallyUp2SaveLives

Mental Health

Magazine

GUN VIOLENCE

& PTSD By: Patrick Bailey

Warrior Zone IX:

I AM

“Kelly Jé” Kelly

Jessica

WORTH

By: Talona Smith

Toy

Features:

JAMES HARRIS

Founder of Men to Heal

PATRICE N. DOUGLAS, LMFT TAMARA DOPWELL, LMSW

CEO of Designs by Tee

LIVING BEYOND THE PAIN! Summer 2020

$9.99

VANITY DAWSON, Founder of Take My Hand

Special Feature: QUEENAFI

Founder of (DVWMT)

SUMMER 2020

OUR FIGHT Taking it Back to the Beginning

Mental Health Still Matters When Two or More Are Gathered in His Name

2yrs & Counting!

RALLYUP & See What's INSIDE 06 Founder’s Letter 07 Meet the Contributers 09 Behind the Scenes 10 Fashion Section What's Beautiful to You? 14 Poetry Corner Torre White Denise A. Kelley Kena'i 16 YOUTH ZONE My Club Experience | By: Jada Sherffield Poetry Corner | Nina Hollingsworth RUM Mental Health Comics | Illustrated By: RJ Sterling Scripted By: Nina Hollingsworth You're Not Alone! | Overseer: Lex Morgan Destiny Mosely YOUTH ZONE FASHIONS 23 Cover Story Toy James | Living Beyond the Pain 27 Faith & Mental Health Strength When You Feel Alone | By: Andrae Hayden GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE CONFIDENCE | By: Denise M. Walker

23 37 I AM WORTH By: Talona Y. Smith 38 SPECIAL FEATURE QueenAfi 41 Focused Journaling for EMOTIONAL SUPPORT By: Marisa Jones 43 The Truth About Gun Violence and PTSD By: Patrick Bailey 44 LOVE AND MENTAL HEALTH Too Soon To Share? | By: TJ Woodard 46 Thoughtful Thougts By: Lex Morgan

29 Therapy Is Dope: Build Confidence and Put An End to Self-Sabotage |Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R

47 MHCA Mental Health Change Agents James Harris, LMHP Patrice Nicole Douglas MS, LMFT

30 THERAPIST HIGHLIGHT: Words Have Power |Interviewed By: Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R

50 MAKING A DIFFERENCE Vanity Dawson

32 WARRIOR ZONE IX Jessica "Kelly Je'" Kelly

52 HEALTH & WELLNESS Reflect & Reset |By: Tyi Flood Romain Lettuce & Depression Recipe By: Dani The Nutritionist

35 Life After the Coronavirus Pandemic Kendra Hathaway 36 BEAUTY

What’s your Flavor?

Get ready for Kandi Girl Cosmetics...a new, innovative, and trendy cosmetic brand for young ladies and women of all ages. It is a collection of products we like to call "MAKEUP WITH A MESSAGE". A place WHERE BEAUTY COMES IN EVERY FLAVOR! So...whatever your flavor, get ready because Kandi Girl Cosmetics has something for you!

COMING SOON! Follow us on : @KandiGirlCosmetics for updates

Vol. 3 Num. 3 Summer 2020 Founder & Editorial Director Nikita Powell-Cottman Managing Editor: TJ Woodard Asst. Managing Editor: Vanity Dawson Associate Editor: Paul Cottman Fashion Director: Kena'I Hollingworth Fashion Assistant: Tyshia Douglas Beauty Editor: Nekesa Smith Beauty Assistant: TJ Woodard Comic Illustrator: RJ Sterling Contributer Writers: Jada Carrington Vanity Dawson Andrae Hayden Denise A. Kelley Denise M. Walker Kendra Hathaway Marisa Jones Youth Contributing Writers: Lorelai Symmes Nina Hollingsworth Jada Sherffield Madison Radike Guest Writer: Patrick Bailey Destiny Mosely

Lex Morgan Talona Smith Tynesha "Tyi" Flood Amanda Fludd Torre "Tor" White Kena'i Hollingsworth

FOUNDER'S LETTER

"When troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." ~James 1:2-3

Like many of you, I've been dealing with A LOT of challenges; which I call storms behind the scene.

It's not easy to get through these storms with joy. In fact, most storms come with tests so naturally we become anxious about it. I personally have been on an emotional roller coaster ride, but I had to remember that when we pass through these storms...because we will make it!

We will be stronger than we were before it started roaring!

It's ironic that we had Toy James to grace the cover of our summer issue, speaking on Living Beyond the Pain. Firsthand, I had to truly figure out how to Live Beyond the Pain! After the death of my mom my wellness was challenged, mentally, emotionally and physically. I know she is with the Lord but her sudden death was definitely a blow to my stomach. There were times I wanted to curl up in a ball and stay there but God reminded me during my quiet time that I had a calling on my life and he never promised that this journey would be easy. It's beyond resilience, it's also endurance. Endurance is essential to stay true to your faith during hard and unspeakable times, rather than giving up when the storms come.

The Joy of the Lord Is My Strength, but with that strength, I had to muster up enough to begin Encouraging Myself! ...and if you are in a storm right now, I want you to do the same! This issue is full of encouragement but I need you to believe in yourself too! No self-sabotage is allowed! If self-esteem, self-confidence and/or self-love is an issue, please consider therapy because you will find it very difficult to encourage yourself through any storms if you do not like yourself. Be Encouraged! Your Victory is Already Won! Blessings & Love,

06 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

Meet The New CONTRIBUTORS Marisa Jones

Contributing Writer @myeverydaybeing www.myeverydaybeing.com A word people often use to describe me is: driven.

One thing I'll never change about myself is: integrity.

When I look into the mirror I see a beautiful soul.

I’m most my authentic self when: I'm acting true to my intuitions.

I maintain my mental strength by praying, meditating, making self-care and mental health a priority.

YOU'RE NEVER ALONE OR WITHOUT

HOPE! (Psalm 46)

Grief At some point in everyone’s life, there will be at least one encounter with grief. It may be from the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, the loss of a house or any other change that alters life as you know.

As we know, there are many life altering events people are grieving about simply by the weight of the world.

Loss is an inevitable part of life, and grief is a natural part of the healing process. The length of the grief process is different for everyone. There is no predictable schedule for grieving. It can be quite painful at times, but the grief process should not be rushed. It is important to be patient with yourself and supportive to others during the healing process.

There are Five Stages to Grief...

• Denial • Anger • Bargaining • Depression • Acceptance It is very helpful to familiarize yourself with the five stages of loss, although they do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving that peaceful acceptance of our loss.

Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor is there a “right” way to grieve. I know many of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to grieve. In the best way possible, take as much time as you need ♥

In remembrance of Dorothy Angela Powell June 16, 1945 - July 16, 2020 Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 09

What's Beautiful to You? ....

Photo by Cash Captures

I SET TRENDZ

RALLYUP FAVORITE LOOKS Don’t be the girl who fell.

Be the girl who got back up. ~Jenette Stanley

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RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE

RALLYUP FAVORITE LOOKS Embrace who you are.

Literally. Hug yourself.

Accept who you are. ~Ellen Degeneres

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ALL EYES ON ME

RALLYUP FAVORITE LOOKS The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence. ~Blake Lively

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POETRY CORNER Enough

By: Torre White Sometimes, the hardest challenge is knowing I am enough Not enough for you but enough for me Enough to know that I am worthy Enough to know that my pain is not permanent Enough to know that my loneliness is not forever Enough to know my dreams can be my reality Enough to take chances Enough to know happiness Enough to know success Enough to know acceptance Enough to love 14 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

8/46

By: Denise A. Kelley A fake $20 or not, Doesn’t warrant death.

I cried for my mother, when I knew what was next.

I cried for my mother, and you still was heart-less.

I was already on the ground, Cuffed, unarmed and detained, Couldn’t possibly pose a threat From the position I was in.

At least give me some dignity, And arrest me like a man, I asked and begged you several times, “Please let me stand!”

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe was my last plea, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, As life seeped out of my body.

The crowd became my voice, as I grew weak, They pleaded for my life, when I could no longer speak.

“Let him up.. Let him go” They demanded for my release.

But their cries too were ignored, As you were killing me….softly…slowly Lying on the ground, I had no weapon, Just your knee pinned on my neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds.

8/46 minutes ticked by it seemed like a lifeTIME 8/46 minutes then all went black, And that was the end of my lifeLINE. (RIP Mr.George Floyd-5/20)

Smile pretty girl By: Kenai Sunshine Smile pretty girl Pick up your crown With the weight of the world wearing on your shoulders Piece by piece You pick up your jagged edges layers Restitch yourself back together Needle point Pricks your skin Strength is a understatement Soldier suits you best Your rays of warmth Can be felt in the midst of storm You manage to smile And pull yourself through Strength is a understatement Warrior suits you best Sunshine Smile pretty girl Put on your crown Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 15

OUR VOICES MATTER Platform for 18 and under

THINGS PARENTS SAY THAT CAN BE

EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE

You’ve always been so difficult You’re just going through a phase ‘Are you sure you’d be qualified for that job That’s silly, you shouldn’t feel that way You need to act your age It’s like you don’t want to be happy Sometimes I wish I never had kids Don’t be so dramatic Children are meant to be seen, not heard If you don’t behave, no one will love you Check All That Apply...  Continuous feelings of sadness; hopelessness  Irritable or Anger  Vocal outbursts or crying  Social withdrawal  Difficulty concentrating; grades dropped  Increased sensitivity to rejection  Low Energy and do not want to participate in extra curriculum activities at school or home.  Change in appetite (increased or decreased)  Feelings of worthlessness or guilt  Thoughts of harming themselves  Anxious  Change in sleeping in patterns (insomnia or excessive sleeping)  Thoughts of death or suicide.

If your child is experiencing these symptoms, please seek help. Depression is Real! and It's Treatable! Make an appointment to rule out any underlying medical issues.(Resources & Numbers pg.50) If there are suicidal thoughts, seek medical attention immediately!

MY CLUB

EXPERIENCE

By: Jada Sherffield

2. Asking questions is essential to understanding 3. Work ethic can be improved with diligence 4. Staying committed is important.

In order to maintain the fundamentals of our way of life, everyone must bear their own individual torch and give back to society. How we do that is completely up to us. The life lessons I learned from my time in Torch Club were not only about improving character but also about commitment to my community. There have been times where I felt as though I was selfish for not being eager to speak when no one else would because I was insecure. I had no encouragement. The Youth Center made me realize that I should take advantage of every opportunity that allows me to express myself, and that has been true for me for a number of reasons.

Torch Club is a place where each kid is encouraged to take up their metaphorical torch and use their gifts, skills, and talents to make their environment better.

A

ttending the Youth Center has molded the way I define community service. I’ve been given opportunities to confide in and work with adults who have helped me view my life as a military child through an objective lens. The Youth Center is the first place where I was exposed to introspective people’s intent on getting to know me for more than just socializing; they strive to know who we really are to encourage us to be our best selves. They fostered in me the desire to be a part of something larger than myself.

Character, commitment and community, are the three things I’ve grasped by spending my time at the Youth Center.

Character, commitment and community, are the three things I’ve grasped by spending my time at the Youth Center.

It takes a sound-minded individual to protect the most dignified part of any human being; their character. My understanding of character was developed through my attendance and participation in Torch Club in 2018. Torch Club is a place where each kid is encouraged to take up their metaphorical torch and use their gifts, skills, and talents to make their environment better. It gave me a good sense of citizenship. I learned several things: 1. Patience is a necessity

18 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

The Youth Center has given me opportunities to share my ideas and to freely contribute. When asked, I would come up with ideas for events and daily activities to make the center more fun. Simple things like themes for dances and karaoke playlists made me feel like I was a part of the center. Though I wish I could have been involved more often, I am proud of what I have accomplished in my time here. I have become an integral part of this community because of their efforts to hear and understand my perspective. The Youth Center is the only place I have been given several creative opportunities to lead and be a part of something much larger than myself and that is meaningful to me.

Some other opportunities that are offered are extracurricular offerings like the Cooking Club, Anime Club, 4-H Club, and a variety of fun field trips. I have participated in a number of these and they all encourage good communication skills, teamwork, and time management. Each one influenced my development and I found enjoyment in each activity.

In conclusion, I enjoyed my club experience as it transformed me into the person I am today. I am the oldest of four children in my immediate family. The oldest sibling inherently has more responsibilities than the others. While it is important that I play my role in the family, “it takes a family to be a family,” according to my mom. The elevated role that I have at home caring for my siblings often takes me away from pursuing some of my passions. The Youth Center has been my haven. Whether I have a few hours or a few free minutes, it is one of the few places where I can get away and just be myself.

I was given amazing opportunities and stayed engaged, and as a young adult, that was one of my greatest desires. The staff at the Youth Center encouraged me to become an influential leader and are a constant reminder of the value found in an inclusive and productive community. I am so grateful for the what the Youth Center has done for me.

POETRY CORNER

Don’t

By: Nina Hollingsworth Your skin isn’t paper, Don’t Cut it Your face isn’t a mask, Don’t cover it Your life isn’t a phone call, Don’t end it Your body isn’t a book, Don’t judge it Your heart isn’t a door Don’t lock it

to help your child with Here are a few tips their mental health! y of factors that possibl Youths faces a variety ut reaching talking abo from m the ts ven pre and reaching care... their mental health se factors are? tho t wha w kno you Do

Aria: I know one...

Different cultural perceptions about mental illness, help-seeking behaviors and well-being.

Aaron: I know another one....

Racism and discrimination based on the color of their skin!

Here are a few tips to help your child with their BIPOC mental health!

Tip#1...Have honest conversations with your child about racism using language they understand!

Tip #2 Encourage them to express their emotions and listen in a way that makes it clear that it is okay for them to talk about racial stress with caregivers!

Tip #3 Do activities with your children that highlight positive aspects of their racial identity and that are enjoyable to facilitate mood change!

Remember, Were Stronger Together!

BIPOC - Black, Indonesians and People of Color. BIPOC replaced the term "minorities."

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 19

YOU'RE NOT ALONE! Overseer By: Lex Morgan

This is a place for young people to connect with one another using authenticity and courage. In a world where its easy to feel like you must figure things out alone and no one understands, we’re here to remind you that you matter, and You Are Not Alone! #BeScaredDoItAnyway

WE WELCOME         

All Races and Ethnicities All Religions All Countries of Origin All Gender Indentities All Sexual Orientations All Abilities and Disabilities All spoken languages All Ages Everyone.

WE STAND HERE WITH YOU YOU ARE SAFE HERE

20 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Destiny Mosley

In 18 years of living, I have faced adversities with mental health; largely caused by losing my mother. As a child, I would never have envisioned that I would have this much adversity in my life. I was 16 years old struggling with high school challenges of schoolwork and balancing the conflicts that were happening around me at home. My mother was an addict. Seeing her struggle with Opioid addiction affected my life.

Many nights, I would have nightmares about arguments we had the week before about pills. One bad dream I will never forget was seeing her die and being the first person to find her. I asked her to help me emotionally overcome what was going on around me. Was the dream a sign from God to help me see what was going to happen?

On September 21, 2017, my dream had come true. I lost my mother from an overdose. During that time, my mental health started to rattle me because my mother was best friend. I had to manage being without her and the memories surrounding her passing. During that time, I also had to balance my PTSD while going to school and preparing for college. I was overwhelmed trying to keep up my grades and trying to take care of myself at the same time.

Every night I prayed to God asking Him to give me strength because during that time I was emotionally distraught feeling helpless.

What motivated me to fight was feeling my mom's spirit by telling me to push forward.

During my crisis I missed a week of school and I was failing all my classes.

That moment I felt that things had to change. I did not want to let my adversity destroy who I was meant to become. College was important to me and I wanted my comeback to be a success. Every day I would attend SAT prep and go to the library to work hard to earn good grades.

I wanted to become an actress after mom passed because I wanted something to help me cope with PTSD. There were many challenges factored around what was going on around me, but nothing is more powerful than God. I prayed and maintained faith in God. My faith and my determination is how I earned the honor roll all four semesters of high school and was accepted into all of the colleges I applied to.

The experiences have helped shape me as a beautiful, proud young black lady who inspires others by sharing my story. I felt that sharing my story would be inspirational to youth and anyone with a similar story. I understand high school has challenges with grades, friends, etc., but it is always important to remember to love and value yourself.

I write this to inspire the youth by saying that you have the power to overcome any obstacles and mistakes you have made in your past by working harder and smarter on your journey and staying committed to your success.

Thank you for sharing my story.

Destiny Mosley

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 21

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Q & A with

Toy

LIVING BEYOND THE PAIN! For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

T

oy, a native of St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands, is a devoted mother to her sons, philanthropist, writer, product & fashion designer, and mental wellness advocate.

She’s the Founder of Inspirations Enterprises, LLC, home of Inspirations for Women Network, Inspirations Gifts and Baskets and Toy James & Co.. a lifestyle apparel brand, which all exist to equip, edify and empower people to be healed and live purposefully.

RUM: Who is Toy James?...what defines you?

Toy: What defines me is my inner power, my determination to keep fighting. I consider myself a fighter because I have had to fight through things and for things. This has been in every aspect of my life from being a mother to an entrepreneur to a community leader and as a Christian. I have fought my way to having peace, freedom, and finding balance in terms of my mental health. I am defined by things I have gone through and the things have overcome.

RUM: Your household growing up...your childhood and teenage years.

How was it?

Toy: For a short period of time, I lived in a two-parent household. My parents were married at a young age. My father eventually committed adultery and became abusive to my mom. It wasn’t something we saw consistently, but the few times I can recall was more than enough to shake my world. I don’t remember a lot of things that transpired in our home, but what I do remember was my dad being gone most weekends,

except for when he took us to the beach and roller skating. When I was around 8 years old, my father had an opportunity to join the military. He accepted and left for the military. He promised that he would send for us when he was settled, but never did. For years, I did not see nor hear from my father. He left completely; left his marriage, left his children. What he did leave behind was broken children who became broken adults.

We became homeless after my father left; going from one place to the next until my mother settled into her own home. Being a mother of 2 boys, I often thought about how my mother must have felt to finally have her own place. It was a 2 bedroom. She had 3 kids. She was in one room and we were in the next. For the first time in a long time it was peaceful because it was just my mom and us. I did not reconnect with my father until my teenage years. He visited whenever he thought he would go to war overseas. It’s interesting, he was prepared to fight another man’s war, but not the emotional wars he was responsible for.

RUM: Do you feel there's a connection with the trauma you experienced as a child and your mental health?

Toy: Definitely. There’s a connection between the things I experienced growing up and being an adult. I’m actually remembering things while we’re talking and I’m not happy about that, even in this

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 23

moment. You know how our memories work. We don’t remember everything, but there are things that will trigger a memory here and there and you’re either happy about it or you’re not. If you’re not, it definitely affects your mental health. With that being said, I remember as a child, I was always quiet. I spent a lot of time in my bedroom. I used to stay in my room and play with my dolls, read books, and in my teenage years I wrote a lot. Journaling was, not only my way of expression, but it was an escape from reality and the pain I didn’t know I carried.

able to fully give 100 percent of me to my husband in terms of intimacy. Although I am not where I used to be, periodically I have moments of feeling unqualified to be someone’s wife. In the past, I felt like the person I was in a relationship with could see the unworthiness I felt in my soul. I no longer feel that way, thank God, but I still worry that I will not be able to be completely free during intimacy with my husband.

This is part of the journey one endures as a result of sexual trauma.

As I think about my childhood, I can understand why I was quiet. We may not recall what we’ve endured consciously, but subconsciously we do. It’s like a trashcan, by the time it gets full, you don’t remember what was placed at the bottom. If there’s a stench in that trash can, you have to throw the whole thing out or dig through it to see what’s in there causing that stench. It wasn’t until I was around 18 or 19 years old that I realized why I was quiet. I had experienced trauma in several ways. From abandonment and rejection by my father to homeless after he left and sexual abuse, amongst other things. After he left, we bounced around from home to home. It was during those times; I was molested. I was molested around the age of 8, shortly after my father left. It was a memory I suppressed and did not remember until I was about 18 or 19 years old. In high school, I was quiet and did not have many school-aged friends. My friends were the custodian workers. I would go into their little rooms during lunch time. They would give me some of their delicious home cooked food and we’ll chat during my entire lunch break. I thought that was normal, but I know now that I was hiding. At home, I hid in my room. At school, I hid in the custodial workers room. I guess I felt safe and not pressured to meet people. I was always shy, but I didn’t know that part of that shyness was due to the unresolved issues I carried for years. Everyone thought I was quiet.

They didn’t know that Toy was in pain.

Toy: I must stop for a moment and connect the dots so that the readers can understand my journey. I mentioned when I was around 8 years old I was molested. At the age of 18, I became intimate with the father of my children. Our intimacy awakened dormant memories.

Once it did, they rushed to my subconscious mind like a tsunami of emotions. I was literally under attack by my own memories. The confusion, feelings, visions, and sounds caused me to spiral down quickly. I became extremely depressed and periodically walked the streets of Baltimore as I felt like I was losing my mind. I cried all the time and eventually planned to end my life. At that time, I preferred to end my life instead of saying who molested me.

RUM: How old were you when you experienced your first darkest moment? ...

Toy: I was about 18 years old when I realized I was experiencing a dark moment. It was at that time I knew I was not mentally well. We didn’t talk about suicide, depression, anxiety, and the various forms of mental illness in the islands, but I knew what I was feeling was not right. I just didn’t know what it was. When I began remembering the molestation and everything that transpired, that’s when it became an extremely dark time for me.

I learned what depression was and what it felt like to not want to live.

RUM: What is your greatest fear?

Toy: My greatest fear...well, I have two. One fear I have is that there’s a possibility that I will leave this earth and not execute the gifts and visions that God gave me. This is due to the mental battles that I deal with to this day. Additionally, I’m challenged with procrastination and ADHD, which I was recently diagnosed with. These mental challenges make it difficult for me to be the amazing person I know I am. I look at other people and I see how amazing they are. I admire how they just seem to be winning as they live their dreams. Knowing this causes me to beat myself up because I feel that I can be so much further along, but these mental battles are such a hindrance. Therefore, there is a fear of not completing the assignment on my life. On the other hand, I know God created me for such a time as this and blessed me with this massive vision. The only thing that can stop it from being fulfilled is me, which is that underlying fear. Fear that I might not finish, or it might be too late to execute all my dreams. I began having these visions around 28 years old. I’m now 45 and I’m still fighting to get these things accomplished.

There is also a fear of being in a relationship. I worry about not being

24 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

RUM: Intimacy after molestation...

I began blaming my father. I felt that if he was around, I would not have had to experience all that I went through. I blamed him because he did not protect me. He left for the military and did not return for us. As a result, I became a victim of sexual abuse.

It is important that people are not quick to judge others. You may not know why they are doing what they are doing, saying what they are saying or dressing the way they are dressing. There might be someone who’s fully clothed from head to toe. This might be their way of coping with the pain they have been subjected to. I’ve actually done that, so that no one would desire me. I could not wear yellow for years, not knowing why I didn’t want to wear yellow. As an adult, I remembered that it was the color of the short pants that was taken off me when I was molested.

I needed to share a bit more of my past because I didn’t just go from a child to an adult not feeling capable of being intimate with my husband. I’ve come a long way, but I still have moments of worrying as to whether or not I’ll be able to bless my future husband with the love he and our relationship deserves.

RUM: Healing is a process. What are some steps you had to take or still taking on your healing journey?

Toy: It has been an interesting process that began about 6 years ago.

Counseling is one part of the healing process. Reading and understanding God’s Word is another part of the process. The major thing that helped me heal was knowing God for myself and understanding what the word is saying so that I am truly clear on scriptures like Jeremiah 29:11 and Psalms 139: 13-16. God knows the plans He has for us and they are not to destroy us. When I began meditating on those scriptures, I realized that healing was not only possible, but it is definitely a process.

God is using all that I’ve endured to equip me for the calling on my life. This calling involves helping others through their dark moments.

As the founder of Inspirations Enterprises, I’m able to use my products (www.shopigb.com) and services to heal and inspire people to live purposefully despite what they’ve endured. I enjoy creating things that inspire people. Creating has been part of my healing process as well. I have friends who pray with and for me. I also pray a lot. I speak the Word of God over my life and recite affirmations often. For instance, I remind myself that I’m not a victim. I am victorious. I am a Child of God. It’s imperative I speak positively about who God says I am.

RUM: You Battled Depression While Parenting your sons, let's talk about that…

Toy: I thank God I survived my attempted of suicide. I really didn’t want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop as with many who battle suicidal thoughts and depression. We don’t want to die. We just want the pain to stop. Since God did not allow me to die, I bargained with Him. I told Him to give me a child so that I would not hurt myself. And, He blessed me with 2 sons. Having them saved my life. When I became a mother, my life changed. I did what I needed to do as a mother. I felt like since they saved my life, it was my turn to return the favor. Therefore, I didn’t have time to be depressed, especially while they were in my presence. I allowed myself to feel when they were asleep. I would cry at night. I had to get it all out because when that alarm rang, it was time to get up and get them ready for school and do what I needed to do as a mother.

It was not easy; in fact, I struggled. We were also homeless and bounced around from place to place. As kids, they didn’t know what was going on. They were always happy. I couldn’t let my sons see the war I fought internally. It was important that they experienced a normal childhood. So, while I smiled on the outside for their sake, I was dying on the inside. This was my everyday life. I was on autopilot.

Motherhood meant sacrifice and I was not going to sacrifice their joy because of my pain. They were innocent children who needed to feel love, joy and peace. And, I was determined to not destroy their peace.

I downplayed my pain for years. This includes the pain I carried as a result of being molested. My self-talks consisted of me trying to convince myself that the sexual trauma I experienced was not as serious as what others endured. I would tell myself that I was not actually raped, just molested. I made myself believe that if rape

victims could heal and live a good life, I could do the same. After all, their experience was worse than mine, so why was I complaining. I downplayed what I went through to be the mother I needed to be.

RUM: Was it that valley experience with your sons that birthed Live Beyond The Pain mentorship program?

Toy: Live Beyond the Pain was established around 2011. It was actually just called LIVE – Life Is Victorious Everyday which is the mental health component under my nonprofit, Inspiration for Women, Inc. Live Beyond the Pain came into play about 6 years ago when I had to live beyond the pain of what I was enduring.

Unfortunately, I endured another battle with depression and suicidal ideation as a result of taking medication. For approximately 2 ½ years, I experienced quite a bit of health scares, from what seemed like a heart attack and stroke to digestive issues, headaches and more. My body began shutting down. I wasn’t able to walk and drive as vertigo was also an issue. We thought it was something serious, only to find out that it was all mental health issues which derived from stress and medication.

While I battled with my health, I was unable to function in the world of business. I dealt with a lot of guilt and shame during that time because I began a book collaboration project right before my body began shutting down and could not continue the project. This led to never ending backlash from some of the contributors. This made my healing process difficult and forced me to go into hiding. By the fourth year, I realized I could no longer hide. A month or two before returning to business in 2019, God dropped in my spirit, Live Beyond the Pain. I had to face those mental demons, face the critics, face whoever didn’t understand that I was really not well and do what God called me to do.

I was afraid but decided I could no longer be in bondage. Live Beyond the Pain became the words I stood on in 2019. I didn’t know that those words would actually become a mentoring program, LIVE! Beyond the Pain Mentoring and weekly show called LIVE! Beyond the Pain.

The way I see it, until we leave this earthly realm, we’re going to experience painful situations. Nevertheless, we must be determined to win.

I learned that I have to keep moving in spite of it all. If a bill can’t be paid, I’m going to live. If I can’t write the book, I’m going to keep pushing. If my car is repossessed, I’m going to live beyond the pain. I must survive it all. As long as I have breath in me, I will fight for my life, my sons, dreams and purpose.

RUM: Knowing how to "bounce back" from adversity and life challenges is something that we are all capable of doing because we can do All Things Through Christ who strengthens us but many just don't know how to just "bounce back." You created a great program...PJs and Purpose and network, Inspiration for Women. Tell us more about your program and network, how you use them to help others through adversity and life challenges as it pertains to mental health.

Toy: Mental health is basically the foundation for everything that I do because I clearly understand that there is pain and then there is purpose. My job is to be a bridge between the two. I help others move from painful situations, feeling stuck, or feeling like they don’t have a purpose to the beautiful life God created for them. I encourage people

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 25

to acknowledge their pain, heal and move on. It’s imperative that we understand we are here for a reason! I want women to understand that there is more to life than where they are and what they see. Once they tap into their purpose, they can move boldly into whatever God has called them to do. This is basically what Inspirations for Women Network and our event, Pj’s & Purpose is about. In a creative way, we work on what’s holding us back and move conďŹ dently in our purpose with a network of like-minded women who are determined to win.

RUM: There may be a reader who has thoughts of giving up or having thoughts of harming themselves; what encouraging words do you have for them?

Toy: You're reading an article by someone who once did not want to live, but now looks back over her life and sees how unfortunate this world would have been without a LaToya “Toyâ€? James. I am in a season in my life where I realize how beneďŹ cial I am to my family, and to the community. I didn’t see that back then. For someone going through dark moments right now, the pain will not allow you to see how beautiful your life is and how beautiful it will become. Your pain is not allowing you to see that you have purpose. It is not allowing you to see that God loves you and that He purposefully created you because only you can do what He created you to do. Pain places a veil over our eyes.

Pain is the darkness that hovers over you and blocks you from seeing the amazing human being that you are. It may not feel like it, but I assure you that healing is possible. I plea with you now, to hold on to life. Don’t give up. It sounds like a clichÊ but take it from someone who has been there. I didn’t see a way out, but God showed me a way out.

Talk to Him. Spend time with Him. He created you and knows why you are here. I know you’re hurting. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain, but don’t lose hope. Please hold on. You will see how beautiful your life will turn out to be. The world needs you. There are many people who will need your gifts, talents, expertise, hugs, love, wisdom and more. We need you to leave a legacy that will bless many for years to come. You could be the next person that opens a coee shop, write a book, save a child that needs you, become a teacher or an inventor. Please do not rob this world of you. You are absolutely needed!

We pray this interview blesses you the way it blessed us! That it will encourage you to Keep Fighting! Hold On! Don't Loose Hope! Don't Ever Give Up! We Need You in this World ♼

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26 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

STRENGTH WHEN YOU FEEL ALONE Scripture:

We should not be afraid of anything. We must stand firm and put our trust in God. His word says, “he will strengthen us and help us.” Instead of being fearful, we must be confident and have faith, because his righteous right hand will never leave our side.

Daily Affirmation

Photo by Andrew Wolff on Unsplash

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)

Lord, I will trust in you to strengthen me, even when I don’t feel your presence. I will not be stressed or depressed. I know that you are here with me. I will seek your face even more, for I know where my help comes from. I will be patient and keep my mind on you, as I await your voice. You have not forgotten me. You will strengthen me because you have promised it in your word. I praise you in advance.

Taken from “Devotionals for the Mind” by Andrae Hayden Available on Amazon.com Devotionals for a Queen is a devotional book that travels with you through many different stages in life. Life can bring about many changes as well as challenges. During their own journeys through young adulthood, authors Andrae Hayden and TJ Woodard experienced their share of hardships, as well as good times.

Through the strength of Jesus Christ, the lessons they learned along the way led them on a path to spiritual maturity. They teamed up to create this powerful devotional unlike any other. Specifically crafting each devotional to encourage, and motivate its readers through various stages of Life. Devotionals for a Queen comes straight from their hearts to yours. It is transparent, heartfelt, and highlights some of the greatest scriptures and motivational quotes.

Designed to empower you to be the royal Queen that God designed you to be. Andrae and Tamika pray that readers are inspired to go deeper into the person their savior desires them to be as believers.

His love, strength, and peace will guide, and transform you into the Queen that he created you to be.

GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE CONFIDENCE

Faith & Mental Health

by Denise M. Walker

Then Moses said to the Lord, “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say.” (Exodus 4:10-12 NASB) From the foundation of the earth, God chose us to fulfill the purpose he placed inside of us. Throughout scripture, God never selected a perfect, well put together individual. He chose those such as Moses, who had flaws and used them for his glory.

In the scripture above, we recognize that Moses is fearful to follow God’s instructions because of his speech impediment. However, notice the Lord’s response. He informs Moses that his flaws didn’t matter. God would display his power and authority through him as Moses moved in obedience. Furthermore, he helped Moses understand that he made him and wanted to use him for his glory. God wanted him to know that he would do the work but use him as a vessel.

No matter our struggle, disability or condition, God does not toss us aside. He calls us to himself and instructs us that we are to allow ourselves to be used by him. Most often, we attempt to flee that calling out of fear and we question why God chose us.

Just as Moses struggled to speak and didn’t feel worthy to stand before the king of Egypt, God used him mightily. We must also know that our creator can build our self-confidence and use us to do great works. We must trust in his power and believe that nothing will stop his plan and purpose for our lives.

Therefore, each day don’t just pass the mirror., Take a look at yourself and repeat, “I am amazing just the way I am. God will give me the confidence to fulfill my purpose. He designed me just the way I am for his glory!”

THE FIGHT OF MY LIFE Go with Lady M on her personal journey as she takes you through testaments of her life. In this inspiring tale of abuse, family, love, loss, faith, healing, ministry, challenges, overcoming, and more. Lady M presents her story in a way that will impact, change, and cause a closer look at your own personal relationship with God. The Fight of My Life will show you just how real God is and that no matter what you’re fighting, God is with you and you too shall overcome Book available on

LATRICIA M. JACOBS "LADY M" Latricia M. Jacobs was born in Washington, DC. She is a devoted wife, mother, and minister. Known to many as “Missy”, Latricia is an awesome woman of God. She is a devoted servant of the Lord; gifted with dreams and visions to evangelize, reach the lost, and win souls for the kingdom. Her character exemplifies integrity, coupled with a tenacity that captures the hearts of all who yearn to be delivered.

Missy was born, raised, and educated in the Washington, D.C. Metropolitan area; it is here, that the foundation was set. In 1981, Missy’s parents joined Free Gospel Deliverance Temple, under the leadership of the late Apostle Ralph E. Green and Pastor Shirley M. Green. At the tender age of 9, Missy gave her life to Christ, and immediately she was filled with the Holy Ghost and the language of the Rhema. as she matured in Christ and the spirit of God began to pull on Missy and led her to “Victory Christian Church Int’l” under Pastor Dwayne Brewington in Gaithersburg, MD. She was taught how to meditate on the word of God, and understand the manifestation of healing power. “Healing…. the Children’s Bread” under Ministers’ Jonathan and LeCora Taylor. In 2012, she was led and successfully completed a 2-year discipleship course which catapulted her into ministry. Many are called, but few are chosen (Matthew 22:14). “God’s Chosen Child” was given a license to spread the Gospel as an Ordained Minister in 2013 by Pastor’ s Wayne & Michelle Green “Armor of Light Christian Worship Center.”

The Lord allowed her visions to come to pass and a beautiful Children’s Ministry has launched “Children of Destined Beginnings Learning Center” located in Clinton Maryland. Nicknamed, Destined Beginnings, this Christian-based educational center, is a home away from home for the children that attend. Missy welcomes and loves each child at her center; focusing on core biblical principles, based upon: “The Fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23). God continued to pour into Minister Missy and after a series of life events, she stepped out on faith and established an Outreach Ministry, “Royalty.” Royalty’ s mission stems from 1Peter 2:9 - A royal priesthood (Kings & Queens) speaking into the lives of a chosen generation: teaching the good news, comforting the broken-hearted and setting the captives free. Committed to the call, this loving woman of God is an amazing wife, mother, grandmother, mentor, counselor, motivational speaker, evangelist, teacher, and preacher; with an Apostolic call on her life. In light of all the recognition she has received, her primary purpose is to serve.

BUILD CONFIDENCE AND PUT AN END TO SELF-SABOTAGE AMANDA FLUDD, LCSW-R

f your heart flutters before a presentation, or your stomach sinks at the thought of speaking your truth, you are not alone. As bad as that head wrap might be, brilliant the idea, expensive the sneakers, or straight the tie, it doesn’t always silence the personal doubts and rising fears that can trap you in a state of inaction.

“Can I really do this?”, “I’ll never be good enough”, “I’m not as good as ___”, “I’m not ready yet”, “I feel like a fake and they are about to find out I don’t know what I’m talking about” any of those sound familiar? These thinking traps set you up to feel nervous, irritable, defeated, or unmotivated, and make it easier to engage in behaviors that sabotage your progress, like procrastination or avoidance, instead of pushing towards your success.

At the heart of this are the stories we’ve been told, “like women can’t be successful” or the images of family who couldn’t communicate, which replays itself in present day, and the many other hurtful narratives we tell ourselves. Over time parts of those stories get stuck in the DVR of our minds as ‘truths’, but in reality, thoughts aren’t facts and our beliefs don’t always capture the real truth of who we are.

It’s good practice to break down your thoughts, feelings, and actions to find the traitors in your mind and toss them off the ship. The more you spend time paying attention to your thoughts and your process, the easier it is to pop the unhelpful bubbles. We often do that work in therapy through an approach called Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

Ultimately, you don’t want your mind to influence you in a way that prevents you from reaching your goals. Here are three tips from the therapist toolbox to help you skillfully squash self-sabotage and build your self-confidence.

1.Challenge Your Thoughts If you aren’t feeling good going into a situation, ask yourself what you are thinking and then ask yourself is that really true? Highlight one fact that counteracts that belief. Also, remember to be kind and less critical to yourself. Ask yourself, what would a friend say or what would you say to a friend? That answer is your more helpful belief.

2. Find a Role Model Let’s face it, we all haven’t had auntie Oprah’s in our lives, and that’s ok. Do your research and find people who can speak support into your life. Maybe that person has an autobiography, podcast or IG handle you can link up with to catch their gems and grow your inner wealth.

3. Take Action We can learn about self-confidence, self-esteem, and spend hours on classes and courses developing our craft, but the only thing that beats fear is constantly facing it. You have to do what you are most scared of, over and over again.

Self-sabotage is a pretty common behavior and fear is a common feeling, but you can absolutely change the script. I would love to hear which strategies you decided to go with and more about the thoughts that get in your way or additional questions you may have. Email us here at Rallyup Magazine rallyupmagazine@gmail.com.

Amanda Fludd is the Licensed Therapist behind Therapy is Dope™ who aims to end stigma around seeking help for emotional struggles in the minority community. Your mental health is your wealth, invest in it and her too by following @Therapyisdope on Instagram and FB. If you are in the NY, NJ, or PA area she is also currently available for virtual therapy sessions: www.amandafludd.com.

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 29

THERAPIST HIGHLIGHT MEET TAMARA DOPEWELL, LMSW

WORDS HAVE POWER

INTERVIEWED BY: AMANDA FLUDD, LCSW-R

W

hat we say to ourselves often dictates the direction of our lives, and the act of making or becoming something different is the very definition of change. Ms. Tamara Dopwell, LMSW, adds that change is to go “from one stage or level and elevate functioning to another level, preferably a higher one”. This Social Worker and budding therapist recognized significant deficits in access to mental health services for homeless children and families and decided to do something about it. The words of her designs created through Designs

by Tee, now create a new reality of hope and change. Let’s dive in deeper.

When you embarked on your T-shirt business did you think it would be something that contributed to change?

“Most definitely! As a community social worker for the past 15 years I have worked in different settings and have noticed that mental health treatment is affecting homeless children and families at an alarming rate. Individuals do not have access to basic needs and this can negatively impact their mental health. I had to do something, though my approach is different, I am able to provide concrete goods and services through my business. I was purposeful in creating this business and very strategic in partnerships and organizations that I work with”.

On a single night in 2019, 35,038 unaccompanied youth were counted as homeless.

Of those, 89 percent were between the ages of 18 to 24. ~The National Alliance To End Homelessness Through her partnerships, Designs by Tee actually reinvests profits to support essential areas for this unique population which separates her from the crowd.

What is the mission or purpose of your business and how does it intersect with Mental Health?

“Designs by Tee is a positive and motivating T-shirt Line that provides assistance and access to resources through strengthening community linkages and strategic partnerships”. I am able to provide essential toiletries through different revenue streams within my business.

Through directors and case managers I can either assist subsidizing

DEAR AMANDA

their copays, I can provide essential toiletries like detergent and soap, provide referrals and clothing (specifically T-shirts through my line)”.

“Families that have their mental needs met have positive outcomes”.

“Families that have proper hygiene have a positive self-image. Families that have access to high quality mental health treatment consistently have a reduced length of stay in the shelter system and in turn can obtain permanent housing sooner. It’s a chain effect and I am proud to be part of this positive change”.

How has this work changed your life?

“I believe this work is my life. Each day that I wake, I pray for new methods of helping. I stay connected with my contacts to stay linked and updated on the emerging needs of this volatile population. This work has opened doors for me to consult and take my expertise to other agencies and actually provide direct services to this population”.

If you had to share a piece of wisdom for our community on mental health, what would that be?

“It's ok to get help. There is no shame in walking into a clinic plopping down on that chair and Talking About It! Trauma is burdensome and it is okay to release this burden. The sooner you receive treatment the better your life will be. Do not delay, find yourself a dope culturally competent therapist who can help you navigate your situation. Your future self will thank you”!

Tamara Dopwell is a Licensed Master Social Worker in NYC. We extend our thanks to you for your time and exceptional contributions to those navigating their mental health without a place to call home. We encourage everyone to engage in an act of change, purchase a t-shirt at: www.designsbytee3.com and to connect with her personally: Designsbytee3@gmail.com.

What's the best way to process death so it doesn't totally disrupt your life? ~Liz, Washington D.C. With the relentless force of Covid-19, this is a very timely question and Liz, death will disrupt your life. It’s hard for it not to. Someone you had a connection with is no longer a part of your daily experience, and the pain or sadness is in response to that loss and the love you had for that person. How it shows up, and how much it disrupts your life varies from person to person. The process involves different emotions, actions and expressions, all of which help a person reconcile the physical absence of a connection in this life. A few tips to help you through the process: 1. Don’t keep your feelings in, talk about it with loved ones or journal daily 2. Join a grief group where you can share without judgment and can learn from others in a similar experience 3. Engage in mini acts of self-care. Get to bed at a good time, sip some tea while reading an inspiring book on loss or change, dance to your favorite song, commit to walking daily or doing a hobby you enjoy.

Photo by Stanley Morales from Pexels

Everything you need to know about

Mental Health

“We need to grieve the ones we've lost — not to sustain our connection to suffering, but to sustain our connection to love.”

– Jennifer Williamson Grief Resources: SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) https://www.griefresourcenetwork.com/

Thank you for your courage with this question. You’ve helped so many people and I wish you the best on your journey to great mental health.

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R www.amandafludd.com RallyUp Magazine

LIES OF SUICIDE

YOU’RE...

Unlovable.

WOrthLESS. USELESS. Impossible.

Hopeless.

www.wefightfoundation.org

Nikita Powell-Cottman Anxiety & Seasonal Depression

Vanity Dawson Bipolar Disorder & Depression

Kenai Hollingsworth Suicide Survivor, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD, depression

Neta Vaught Suicide Survivor, Depression, Anixety, PTSD

Lorelai Symmes Anorexia, depression, anxiety, PTSD

Mental Health Warrior Zone IX Fighting Back Against the

Tai Campbell Depression & Anxiety

Tamika Woodard Anxiety & Depression

Cymone Jones Suicide Survivor, Bipolar Disorder & Depression

Dasia Wood Suicide Survivor, Anxiety, Bipolar, PTSD & Depression

the Battlefields of Our Mind

Real People, Real Stories...Overcomers!

Kayla Sampson Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Bipolar

www.rallyupmagazine.com Jada Carrington Anxiety & Depression Jessica “Kelly Jé” Kelly Bipolar Type 1 & 2 Severe Depression, Psychosis, and Schizophrenia

Lawrence Durden Depression

Tanzania Fair Depression & Suicidal Ideation

Craig Cooper Depression & Suicidal Ideation

Tyshia Douglas Depression

Elyse Lancaster Suicide Survivor

A

t the age of five, I learned what death was all about when my best-friend was murdered due to gun violence. Shortly after that, the only home I’d ever known was broken and life, as I know it, was over. When I was 15-years-old, my mom and I sat in front of a doctor who diagnosed me with Bipolar Depression. My mom and I laughed because we already knew it. However, we didn’t take that doctor's diagnosis seriously. In 2012-2013, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 1 & 2 Severe Depression, Psychosis, and Schizophrenia.

By 2016, my diagnosis had not changed, but I also had anxiety, PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Often, I felt like I was sleeping my life away. I didn’t know who I was anymore and I didn’t have any friends left. Eventually, I took my life back and dedicated it to showing others how they could do the same. I rebrand myself from within. Learning to love myself more and discovering more about myself. I knew I wasn’t alone in this and wanted to show others how I overcame it.

God gives his toughest battles, to his strongest soldiers

Jessica “Kelly Jé” Kelly

Founder of ‘F.I.G.H.T’ (Focusing In Growth & Holding Together)

I created Focusing In Growth & Holding Together (F.I.G.H.T) Mental Health Support Organization. Our mission is to educate, bring awareness, and break the stigma of mental illness within the Black/African American Community. We know that we can’t help everyone; however, if we can touch one, we know we can touch millions.

RUM: How are you maintaining your mental health?

I am maintaining my mental health by always talking to my family and friends when I feel my roller coaster is going down. I make sure everyday I wake up with a positive attitude and always look for the good even during bad times.

Email: Info@letsfight.org Phone: (682) 333-8379 www.letsfight.org

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 33

OUR READER’S CORNER Born Overcomers BY: NIKITA POWELL

Negative Thinking, Rape, Lust, Sickness, Ungratefulness, Tragedy, Worthlessness, Domestic Violence, Death. Do any of these words resonate with you? The powerful testimonies of Lakesha and four Featured Overcomers are designed to instill hope and inspire you to begin experiencing the overwhelming freedom that can be found in overcomingjust as they did! #overcomersguide

bit.ly/notdiscouraged

www.nekesanaturalradiance.com

Overcoming Indentity Crisis Are you dating, considering dating or have dated and tired of making the same mistakes? Have you given up on finding love altogether? TJ Woodard and Alton L. Fitch shows you that following God's instructions as it pertains to dating will change the course of your relationship. They encourage you to recognize you are royalty and should be treated as the Queens that you are. God has someone He designed especially for you, and if we stay on course He will give you the desires of your heart.

By: Nikki Pinkney

Are you willing to discover who God created you to authentically be? Get ready to embark on a journey of discovery! Discovering what part of your identity is authentic and what part is counterfeit. Every person's experience will be different as the Holy Spirit begins to reveal identities you are living from.

Trauma and life experiences shapes personalities and identities we live from every day. Many of these identities are counterfeit, they are not who we are! I wrote this book to share how God led me out of an identity crisis into wholeness, and as a tool for the Holy Spirit to unlock your true identity.

Respect the Shoulder Tap

The Feel Good Movement!

In the book “Respect the Shoulder Tap” a young woman who was tormented by her experiences as a child, later finds that she does not have enough self-confidence to do the things necessary to move forward in her life.

The Feel Good Movement is a story about unbelievable strength, grace and determination.

She learnt through struggle how to use her negative life experiences to push and encourage herself. In doing this, she was able to move past her negative thoughts of self, and into a woman of enormous strength. Later, she turnes that strength into motivation and was able to accomplish her goals, as well as understand how strong, smart and beautiful she was, but first she had to soothe the musing of her own mind.

The author shares how to go from being broken to brave, beautiful and then blesses. The reader will get a dynamic story along with some tips and hardcore advice for the readers.

By: Kendra Hathaway

This book will inspire any person looking to learn how to motivate themselves and move forward in their lives. If you need some encouragement to press forward, this book is for you.

Dear Fear Volume 3 by: Tiana Patrice booklaunch.io/tjwoodard

Dear Fear Volume 3 is a book by visionary author Tiana Patrice that consists of powerful stories by women who have had to look fear in the face and push through adversities. “Activating your Fearless” is what Coach T calls it. TJ Woodard is one of those women who tells her story in this book compilation where she shares having to grow up with the secret of being molested and hiding it for years.

This secret crippled her most of her life silencing her in so many ways. In this book she finds that her voice has power in her chapter titled, “Dear Fear…You Can’t Have My Voice!”

34 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

By: Kendra Hathaway

This book is powerful! it will motivate anyone who wants to feel good by showing them exactly how to make that happen.

the Lotus Tattoo By: Marisa Jones

In her memoir, the Lotus Tattoo: One Woman’s Grit from Bully to Redemption, Marisa takes us on her unconventional journey of perseverance when all odds seem to be against her. Her memoir highlights the impact of mental health and the healing that can come when you reach out for help.

For Survivors of trauma or those impacted by mental health, this is an inspirational story that can help you through your healing process.

For therapists, counselors and mental health professionals, the Lotus Tattoo is a great case study on the impacts toward mental and physical health after abuse and trauma.

You can purchase the Lotus Tattoo here on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/057856694X/

LIFE AFTER THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC

By Kendra Hathaway

N

o one, and I mean No one will have gotten through this pandemic without directly being affected by the Coronavirus aka Covid-19. The year 2020 is going down in history as one of the most historical crises ever. From city to city, state to state and countries all over the world, individuals and families have been forever changed by the Coronavirus. With the very untimely and unanticipated mass deaths of so many people, the world has had to take another look at life and the way we have done things to date. According to an Instagram post, some of the things that come to many people’s mind when they think of the Coronavirus is hurt, pain, fear, grief, despair, death, sorrow, heartbreak, depression, and loss. For myself and many other clinical professionals, all of the above simply spell - TRAUMA! While individuals will experience different degrees of trauma, we will all collectively have had some direct exposure to the statistics, the heartbreaking stories, and or the people we know personally who were affected in some ways by this disease. Therefore, we all will need to implore some new techniques in order to come out of this situation mentally healthy. Recognizing trauma can be difficult at times, but studies show that trauma can show up in our lives in many different forms. Some ways are through fear, resistance, procrastination, scattered thoughts, on-going anxiety, over analyzing, trouble focusing, trouble seeking help when needed, unorganized tasks, overly stressed, poor mood, sadness, overly worried, and many more.

“We all will need to implore some new techniques in order to come out of this situation mentally healthy.”

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, (DSM-5) In some cases the symptoms of psychological distress can be well understood. In other cases, traumatic and stressful events can take on a phenotype in which the most prominent clinical characters can be more aggressive such as, externalizing anger, externalizing aggression, or having dissociative symptoms. Due to this, it is not uncommon for clinical distress to show up in many ways, including but not limited to anxiety and or fear-based symptoms.

Studies show that what happens after a trauma significantly influences the chance of developing PTSD, and other traumatic

disorders. Therefore, in preparation for healing, we will need to begin helping each other by validating each other’s experiences.

“In preparation for healing, we will need to begin helping each other by validating each other’s experiences.”

Validating someone emotionally can be done by listening intensely to others when they tell their stories. While listening, let it be known that the person is being heard by acknowledging their feelings - this can be done with a head nod, eye contact, or by simply turning your body towards them while they are talking.

Along with that, it will be important to allow each other the opportunity to be expressive and honest about their feelings, even if it is different than what you felt. Recognize that their feelings are theirs and don’t necessarily convey that you agree or disagree, but just that you’ve heard them. This can be done by asking them to describe and identify their emotions. When this is done, emotions are witnessed by the onlooker, and it allows the person speaking to feel safe while processing their experience. When people feel safe, they are shown to have less challenges in life than someone who does not.

After this is all over, it is more likely than not that there will be many people who will need guidance and support. Hopefully, they will seek the support of a professional who can help them learn to regulate their feelings, process their feelings and learn to cope with the new normal!

ARE YOU DEPRESSED???  Changes in sleeping pattern  Lack of energy  Dark Mood  Changes in appetite   Heavy "dark" Mood  Guilt and/or Anxiety  Hard to Focus 

The outbreak of coronavirus disease (COVID-19) has been stressful for many people. Fear and anxiety about a disease can be very overwhelming and cause strong emotions in adults and children. Everyone reacts differently to stressful situations. If you are feeling over-whelmed and need someone to chat to, you can start by texting TALK to 741741.

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SKIN: NNR’s All Purpose oil was used for a healthy glow.

: www.nekesasnaturals.com : @nekesa_natural_radiance) 36 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

by Talona Y. Smith

I AM WORTH ave you ever looked at yourself in a dirty mirror and tried to figure out if something was wrong with you? But you can’t see a clear image because of the film stuck to the mirror. There is no way for you to really see how you look. You can’t see whether or not you have any flaws. Your reflection is imperfect. The wet paper towel you used to clean the mirror only left smears and smudges that distort your image even more. You got frustrated, agitated, and cried. You even got worked up over the fact that you truly can’t see yourself. Then why would you judge yourself from the opinion of a negative person? How they see you but not know you?

A negative person may not like you just because you are happy…or found happiness. That kind of person wants you to be miserable so they can encourage you while someone else is looking on. Some may not like your honesty or generosity, because you have been blessed to give; and when you do give, you give from the heart.

Others may not like how bright your spirit shines despite of your brokenness from past hurt, because you are a fighter…more than a conqueror. They want to feel strong and mighty when you are broken and brittle.

That type of person loves to encourage you when you are at your lowest point, because in their mind you are

inferior to them. Wanting you to be so low in misery to feel better about themselves. Either way, a pessimistic person will pick and prod until they find the slightest blemish to use against you to break you down. Are those the kind of people whose opinion you should value?

Work on not letting criticism, depression, or self-doubt take over your uniqueness. Try not to carry in your heart the wrong people have done to you. Don’t focus on their hate.

They are merely confused about what they don’t know about you. Don’t waste tears on people who need prayer. The love that is within you agitates the hate or hurt that is within them.

Continue to be pure in who you are.

Keep in mind, there may be some validity in another person’s opinion of you when it is given as constructive criticism or out of concern…not insult. Listen to what is being said with good intentions. Do not get offensive or take it personal. Someone who genuinely cares about you and want you to succeed may point out your flaws but will also show you how to improve yourself. To see your beauty. Your worth.

You may never get an apology from someone who has hurt you. You may never hear anything nice from someone who talks bad about you. But they see your worth. They see the love that sustains you daily. They see how your blessings are customized by your obedience. They just won’t admit it, especially to you. Your purpose is not to convict a person of their faults but to help heal their minds and hearts. Their living does that on its own. Your purpose is to live in abundance, love in pureness, and laugh hysterically. There are people who love you. You won’t be able to see them if your focus is always on the negativity you encounter in life. Instead, take the high road. Be the one who apologizes even if you do not get an apology in return. When you do apologize, make sure you do it with style and grace.

I am sorry if my background does not fit into your lifestyle.

I am sorry if my education is not parallel to your thinking.

I am sorry if my finances do not compare to your portfolio.

I am sorry if the way I talk is a tad bit off than yours.

I am sorry if I do not look the way you strive to.

I am sorry if your mirror does not reflect how you feel.

I am sorry if you bury yourself in other people’s glory.

I am sorry if you cannot see you for who you are.

But most importantly…

I am sorry you lost out on the best friendship I could offer you,

Because I would not change me to be who you are not.

Improve. Reinvent. Strengthen.

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 37

QueenAfi

Founder of Domestic Violence Wears Many Tags (DVWMT) Mental Health Consultant and Host for “The Abuser’s Side Education,” CC (AH'PHEE) was born in Washington, DC, to Henry and Altoria Gaston. She is the proud mother of three children, Juelz Gaston, James Stephens III, and (05.09.16). She is a graduate of the McKinley High School in Washington, DC, Class of ‘93. QueenAfi currently works for Domestic Violence Wears Many Tags (DVWMT), an educational resource for the prevention of domestic violence, nicknamed the school for domestic violence. Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice from American Intercontinental University, Hoffman Illinois, Master’s Degree in Mental Health Counseling, Capella University, Minneapolis Minnesota, and she is currently pursuing her PhD, Advanced Studies in Human Behavior, Capella University, Minneapolis, Minnesota.

QUEENAFI is also a mental health consultant, domestic violence expert/consultant, and talk show host for “The Abuser’s Side Education,” which educates on the warning signs of abusive personality from a female and male perspective. She is also an accomplished moderator for community events, a renowned blogger and a motivational speaker on issues of domestic violence and mental health.

Given her passion to help and heal, she offers private in-person and phone sessions for individuals, groups, training staff, geared toward domestic violence education and recovery.

Domestic Violence Wears Many Tags (DVWMT) is based in Southeast Washington, DC: Nick name “The School for Domestic Violence” In 2008, she founded the Domestic Violence Wears Many Tags (DVWMT) organization. DVWMT is a local non-profit serving as an educational and resource center for victims and abusers of domestic violence, in the mission of breaking the cycle and teaching pro-active methods of prevention. DVWMT is dedicated to restoring and preserving a stable family environment through educational services. QueenAfi spends her time introducing a new approach against domestic violence, not only to victims but also to abusers, and is inclusive of men, women, and teens.

QueenAfi used her passion to sober the anger and frustration concerning her domestic violence trials and tribulations. DVWMT classroom offers community classroom sessions free and held monthly to bring fresh perspective and prevention strategies for ending domestic violence.

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RallyUp Magazine (RUM) was able to have a very heartfelt conversation with QueenAfi, a women of great strength. We apprecialte her willing to share...

RUM: What effect did domestic violence have on your mental health, as both the victim and the abuser?

QueenAfi: I was approaching everything and everyone with emotionally unhealthy with no sense of remorse, as both, I thought, it’s my life to live and no one can stop or tell me anything pertaining to the abusive relationships that I found myself in. Mentally, I was drained trying to keep up as both and I was so unhealthy mentally, I decided I would kill, and I became homicidal along with postpartum depression because in one relationship I’d just had my oldest son. But today I am reminded by, “don't approach the problem being the problem, approach the problem being the solution.” ~QueenAfi RUM: During your personal fight to bring awareness to domestic violence in communities, you shared that you lost your daughter, Anaiona "Smiley-Nana" Gaston who was murdered due to the strongholds of domestic violence. Can you share what those strongholds were?

QueenAfi: The strongholds are the tags of domestic violence, verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, and physical abuse. I found my daughter caught up between verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. I personally witness my daughter suffering in wanting her ex to communicate healthy but instead he silenced her, I watch my daughter emotionally crumbling inside because the affection and emotional connection was now humiliation and name calling. Financially she had to supply her vehicle in order to

be in a relationship with him, she had to use her credit in order for him to benefit, and when my daughter got pregnant, he gave nothing in support of his own child to be safely delivered, May 9, 2016. Physically, the classic, using force to cause bodily harm, and the destruction of property started to appear, approximately, 30 days before he actually killed her on 07.30.2019.

DVWMT: CHANGING THE DYNAMICS OF THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EXIT PLAN TO INCLUDE THE ABUSERS M/F THINKING

RUM: Smiley left behind her beautiful daughter, Blake Gaston, how are you coping and maintaining your mental health as it pertains to your daughter's death, to ensure you able to care for her daughter?

QueenAfi: First,

QueenAfi: I’ve been resilient since the day of my daughter’s

murder, 07. 30. 2016; I had a domestic violence event to do within six hours of my daughter being murdered and I was confused about going to my event or cancelling it altogether. I thought about it, and the decision would be based on the return of Blake, my daughter’s than 2 month old daughter. I decided, if I get Blake back from CPS with in four hours of my daughter being murdered and the event start time, I will not cancel my event. I didn’t cancel, I got Blake back home safe and sound and I proceeded with my event to educate the community on men hurt too: the other side of domestic violence. Most people had no clue my daughter was murdered but I shared that with them at the event. I share this for you to understand, I will not stop talking about domestic violence wears many tags and giving dinner tables across the world a voice to discuss this topic, and that’s what’s been helping me cope and of course Blake is a big of that because without her I couldn’t go on, and she hasn’t left my side, even though, I relive the murder of my daughter every day. Blake is the reason why I press my way to continue to celebrate the life love and legacy of Smiley.

RUM Any regrets? In my personal journey, as victim and abuser, I regret, it was not a QueenAfi to talk to my younger self about domestic violence. As far as my journey with my daughter, I regret two thing’s (a) not taking my daughter’s car, I believe, if I would have taken that car on the night before the murder, she may just still be here. Wild thing is, I had every intention of taking the keys to her car, but, when I woke up and saw my daughter on the news 6:30 am, I knew my plan was over (b) my daughter not using the tools that she encouraged me to talk about with her peers, in schools, community events, faith-based community, etc., and that was domestic violence wears many tags.

RUM: Last, what advice would give someone who is currently in an abusive relationship and want to get out?

victims m/f (male and female) must devise their exit plan with their abuser m/f in mind ~QueenAfi

A. STAY! Victims m/f and cooperate; become the person you were when you first encountered the abuse. Make everything appear and feel the same to the abuser, and try not to switch up.

Victims need time and a little peace to plan their exit. Appearing trustworthy and caring is in the victim's best interest to plan effectively.

B. STOP ALL VICTIM THREATS! The abuser m/f doesn’t appre-

ciate it when the victim makes threats to leave the relationship or make threats about taking the children and never coming back.

Keep in mind, most victims that abruptly leave abruptly die; approximately 75% of women who are killed by their batterers are murdered when they attempt to leave or after they have left an abusive relationship (Prepared by Anne L. Ganley, Ph.D. for the Family Violence Prevention Fund).

C. SECRET! Victims m/f must devise their exit plan in secret. The

abuser m/f can have "no clue" of your exit plan. We are talking about a permanent exit and not a "just leave" for the moment exit. Victims follow steps a and b and continue to be strategic, planning in secret. Do not make calls, or text apps from your cell phone, because abusers are technology savvy; victims do all your research in secret.

D. SAFETY! Let’s get one thing straight, victims m/f are safe

staying in the relationship versus leaving the relationship. Second, the aftermath of domestic violence is dangerous, just because victims exit; it doesn't mean they are safe. Keep in mind 20% of bystanders are killed trying to help victims exit. Victims find a professional outside your circle of family/friends to help encourage you to trust your exit plan.

E. SEEK HELP! Victims m/f shouldn’t wait to seek help after an

exit from an abusive relationship. Victims should seek immediate mental health for themselves and their children. Victims are welcome to call in secret the national hotline for domestic violence to get current resources in their state 1-800-799-SAFE. In Remembrance of Queen's daughter Anaiona "Smiley/Nana" Gaston November 2, 1996-July 30, 2016 #Smile4SmileyLoveMovement #TurnTragedyIntoLove 1 Million People Need to Know Smiley's Story

Follow Us Serious Inquiries Only DVWMTS@gmail.com FB@DVWMT96

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 39

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FOCUSED JOURNALING FOR

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT By: Marisa Jones

ave you ever experienced a stressful situation in your life but were too afraid to talk about it with someone? Did the fear of judgment and shame of your own thoughts keep you from seeking support?

tion, never wrote in a journal, but she always gave me this advice:

Writing your thoughts can be a powerful tool to help you through these hard times.

In her words she was guiding me to write a pros and cons list, and it always worked. Seeing a page in front of me where one side had a list of 10 items while the other had 15 made my decision-making easier as the right choice was staring back at me.

Journaling has helped through the years in my toughest times. It helps me clear my thoughts. I found when I put my thoughts on paper; I was honest with myself and my emotions. Focused journaling is something I came up with to help me work through my emotions.

HOW TO FOCUS JOURNAL Journal for a specific event and think about it in relation to your Mind-Body-Emotions.

MIND What thoughts are going through your mind regarding your situation?

BODY When writing about the situation, how does it make you feel physically?

EMOTIONS What emotions come to mind when you think about the situation?

When focused on journaling, it’s important to write a gratitude list when you are done related to the issue. It reminds you of the joy you do have regarding the situation.

Here are some ways that you can use focused journaling for emotional support. For each one of these, write in relation to your Mind, Body and Emotions.

RESOLVING FEARS The first time I started journaling was when I was in high school. I experienced nightmares as a child. My dreams were so horrific I could never talk about them with anyone else. I started writing down the dreams to understand them. Reading through my dreams created a distance between myself and the events that occurred in them. I became an observer which allowed me to be less fearful as I tried to analyze what they meant.

DECISION-MAKING Making big decisions in life can be stressful. Whether it’s accepting a new job, buying a house, choosing a school for your child, or staying in a relationship, the thoughts running through your head can bring on anxiety and stress. We dwell on making a decision, ask our friends for advice and lose sleep as our minds race trying to make the right choice.

“Take a piece of paper and on one side, write a list of all the things that are good about the decision and on the other side write a list of all the things that are bad.”

GRIEF Grief comes in many forms. Losing a loved one can spiral you into depression thinking of the ‘what ifs’, or ‘why’. Perhaps there was more you wanted to say before their passing. Or maybe you just want to continue sharing life’s moments with them, yet they are no longer around. There’s an ache in your heart of missing that person and you feel hopeless, longing to have them in your company.

When I was going through infertility, I had lost several pregnancies. I met with counselors as my grief and depression was too much to bear. No one understood my grief and while the counselors were helping me, I found that journaling to the children I lost gave me the outlet I needed to grieve appropriately.

STRESS Work, raising children, taking care of elderly parents, relationships and finances are just a few of the many stresses that can have a huge impact on our wellbeing. In our busy schedules, it’s easy to put aside time for self-care. If we talk with friends or family about our stresses, sometimes their judgments get in the way of making us feel better.

Writing in a journal about your stress provides an outlet to talk about the situation without those judgments.

HEALING GROWTH I keep a separate journal just for healing growth. In my healing journals, I write about my experiences of going to therapy, sobriety, friendships and accomplishments.

I write about my kids and the times we are in harmony. This is my time to reflect on the good things happening in my life. Reading my journals every few months, I can reflect on my growth in areas I had been working on.

Journaling is a great way to release your thoughts without judgment or criticism from anyone. The key to journaling is to be honest about your feelings, and you’ll soon find the benefits of journaling for emotional support.

My mother, who is a Sicilian immigrant with an 8th grade educa-

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 41

NOT ALL WOUNDS ARE VISIBLE

THE TRUTH ABOUT

GUN VIOLENCE AND PTSD By: Patrick Bailey

• Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event • Difficulty maintaining close relationships • Feeling detached from family and friends • Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed • Difficulty experiencing positive emotions

Gun violence is an emphasized issue in countries such as the United States, which particularly upholds the right to bear arms. Although the Second Amendment is intentionally created for each citizen’s self-protection, gun violence became associated with various mental health issues. We will explore further how some mental health problems are caused by unlawful use of guns.

• Feeling emotionally numb

An article in BBC showed in charts how America’s gun culture resulted in casualties such as mass shootings, homicides, suicides, and murders. Most of these incidents involved civilian gun use, which brings many individuals to debate whether the right to bear arms should be further controlled by the government.

Aside from battling the stigma and streamlining hotlines for PTSD, each state should ramp up its government-backed services to help underserved communities. Counseling sessions, support groups, psychotherapies, and other treatment options for PTSD should be available even to those who have minimal to no funds.

Aside from the devastating loss of life, there are also several negative consequences of gun violence, particularly among survivors. One such is the trauma that these violent incidents bring, which plague survivors long-term. Many sufferers experience frequent flashbacks, hallucinations, anxiety, and depressive symptoms related to the negative event.

Untreated mental health issues are more common in low-income households as they have limited access to care. This, along with the lack of awareness worsens the problem of PTSD in communities where gun violence is rampant. Having a pillar of support from both federal and national government that is responsive is essential in battling PTSD.

UNDERSTANDING GUN VIOLENCE TRAUMA

AGGREGATING RESOURCES

The 2018 Parkland Shooting at the Stoneman Douglas Highschool resulted in 2 suicides a couple of years after the deadly incident. Suicide is an expression of internal suffering, which sometimes cannot be seen with the untrained eye. Thus, it is expected that gun violence survivors may experience some form of trauma whether they are a victim or a bystander.

The good thing is, we have technology by our side at this time where mental health issues are ever-increasing. Another solution is to aggregate various PTSD resources already available for people to choose from.

TRAUMA IN THE COMMUNITY Even more common are the sufferings of people in the communities where gun violence is high. A study published in Research Gate indicated that children who regularly experience gun violence and high crimes in their daily lives have more instances of anger, depression, withdrawal, and stress.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) resulting from gun violence is common both in urban and rural communities and is often the influencer of violent behaviors in children and adolescents. When there is a lack of support, the vicious cycle continues. Those who experience gun violence may incite the same harm to others, or they may engage in self-harm.

WHAT SHOULD BE THE PUBLIC’S RESPONSE? It takes a community to tackle mental health problems caused by gun violence. Raising awareness, providing systems of support, and partnering with the local communities are keys to lifting people from the rubble of gun violence trauma.

People can cope with PTSD negatively with drugs or alcohol. When this happens, asking for help to end the addiction as well as focusing on the causes of PTSD is needed. This is typically called a co-occuring disorder.

PROVIDING AFFORDABLE AND NO-COST GOVERNMENT-FUNDED SERVICES

Some of the well-known PTSD resources include the following: • PTSD: National Center for PTSD - a website specifically for veterans, active duty, and reserve members of the armed forces looking for resources and services for PTSD. • SAMHSA National Helpline - a resource dedicated to people suffering from substance use and mental health disorders. People can directly call their hotline and receive local referrals, counseling, and other services.

• National Institute on Mental Health - a scientific website discussing in detail what PTSD is, how it affects people, and what treatment options are available There are also available apps, communities, and non-government resources that can support you and your family as you seek treatment: • PTSD Coach - an app that helps people tackle everyday issues resulting from long-term or short-term PTSD • Post-traumatic stress disorder (video) - an educational resource from Khan Academy elaborating on the condition, the signs and symptoms, and how to get help.

Here are some specific steps to improve our response to people suffering from PTSD:

• Out of the Storm - an English-speaking public forum where people gather support from each other as PTSD and Complex PTSD survivors.

RECOGNIZING THE SIGNS OF PTSD

GUN VIOLENCE AND PTSD: CUTTING THE BRANCHES OF A PERILOUS TREE

There should be more public awareness campaigns set in place to help individuals notice signs of PTSD in themselves and towards their loved ones. Often, people who suffer from this condition have clouded judgment, or in denial about what they’re going through.

By knowing the signs of PTSD, individuals and their families can seek immediate professional help.

• Negative thoughts about yourself, other people or the world • Hopelessness about the future

Exposure to gun violence breeds mental health issues, and mental health disorders can lead to more violence. With the strategic steps and resources mentioned above, people can win from PTSD and gun violence as a solid community.

Author BioPatrick is a writer in the fields of mental health and addiction. Patrick attempts to write about these issues to help find solutions and raise awareness. You can find more of Patrick’s writing on his website: (http://patrickbaileys.com).

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 43

TOO SOON TO SHARE? Discussing Your Mental Health By: TJ Woodard

H

ow soon is too soon to share details about your mental health/mental illness with a person?

This is a question to consider when entering into new relationships, whether friendships, professional or personal relationships. Of course, the broad answer is that it will depend on who the person is that you’re considering sharing your personal information with. Your mental health/mental illness is important and should be discussed with anyone who is going to be in your life in any capacity, but it is also wise to consider the following before laying it all on the line.

44 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

Yes, you want to disclose certain details because you want the people around you to understand you and your mental health/mental illness, however what you disclose and how much to disclose is important.

1. CONSIDER THE LENGTH OF TIME YOU HAVE KNOWN THIS PERSON. For someone you have known for only a few days or weeks or someone who may not be around for long, you may want to think about how much you are willing to share in such a short period of time.

2. CONSIDER THE PERSON WHO YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE THIS INFORMATION WITH.

ready to handle the conversation and the result of it.

How will they receive the information that you will share? Will they show compassion? Will they understand? Will they provide support? Do you feel comfortable enough to share with them? Take time to get to know

This is not to discourage you or prevent you from providing someone insight to you and your mental health/mental illness but is more to incite you prepare for the conversation and have a plan.

the person and ensure you “feel right” about sharing.

3. CONSIDER YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN MENTAL HEALTH/MENTAL ILLNESS. You definitely want to consider your own mental health/mental illness when you are contemplating sharing information about your mental health/mental illness. How a person respond can affect you emotionally if the response isn’t what you might expect. Make sure you are strong enough and

· Come up with a designated time to have the conversation.

Timing is everything. Ensure you are in a good place, strong enough for the discussion, and prepared for the talk.

· Be honest. Don’t feel like you need to protect the other person but let them know you are trusting them and opening up about things you think they should know. · Share only what you are comfortable with sharing.

This might not be the easiest conversation you will have but it is an important one.

Share when you are ready to share and only what you are comfortable with sharing.

Finally, there is no real timeline as to when you should tell someone about your mental health/mental illness/mental illness. Don’t feel pressured and remember only when you’re ready. You do want the people close to you to know more about your mental health/mental illness/mental illness because they can provide additional support, encouragement, and they will know how to help you. Take your time, think things through and you can’t go wrong.

Let’s be the ones who Talk About Mental Health so Much that our Next Generation Never Feels the Stigma ♥

We Fight Foundation Inc. 240-34-FIGHT (240-343-4448)

THOUGHTFUL THOUGHTS|

Thinking about what we think about is invaluable. Pausing to acknowledge who we are and WHO’S we are, how far we have come, the seemingly insurmountable obstacles we have overcome and how absolutely, positively, undeniably PHENOMENAL we are can serve as a guiding light as we navigate life’s valleys.

What if you cannot find anything to acknowledge yourself for?

What if you try repeatedly and come up with no answers?

Beautiful questions! A perfect opportunity to think again.

Look at you. You have not given up on yourself. Up until this exact moment, you have beaten every odd that was stacked against you. Your triumph did not need to be perfect or pretty…but you did it! You are doing it! Maybe doing it means that you wake up and get out of bed. Maybe not. Maybe it means you give yourself permission to laugh. Or cry. Maybe it means that you ask for help when you typically would not.

Maybe none of these examples apply to you, and that is ok.

The point is you keep showing up. Everyday. In some way, you keep going. What have you done for yourself that you have not acknowledged? Which of your successes have you minimized some version of, “that’s no big deal!”? This is a perfect opportunity to pause and reflect. Yep, right now before reading further.

Welcome back! So, what did you come up with? How well are you doing with acknowledging yourself? Where can you improve? Many times, we neglect the act of thinking about what we are thinking about causing our thoughts go unchecked. Unchecked thoughts can be perilous, especially

46 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Photo by John Towner on Unsplash

By Lex Morgan because we are the only thinker in our mind. Here is a note to remember, just because we think a thought (especially, a negative one) does not make it true! I will repeat that…just because we think a thought does not make it true! Our inner thoughts can certainly sound true. We can even come up with some powerful justifications for why those thoughts are true. It is critical to have a counterargument for those thoughts as they come up.

Unchecked thoughts must be challenged.

“Just because we think a thought (especially, a negative one) does not make it true!”

Here is a test to “truth-check” self-defeating and limiting thoughts/beliefs; Reach out to 5 people you trust and ask them to share 5 things that they admire, appreciate, honor, like, love, and value about you. Receiving the responses from people you trust makes it easier to believe what they share with you. Think about it, 25 truthful responses about how incredible you are…that is a gift that keeps on giving! The responses serve as support for you as you continue your journey of designing and, in some cases, re-designing your self-care practices. You also own the freedom to initiate the exercise whenever you need a fresh reminder about your greatness and/or powerful and truthful counterarguments for those pesky thoughts/beliefs when they come up. It is reassuring to know that you have the proper tool(s) for the challenge(s).

Thank you for pressing into and embracing the beautiful creation that is YOU! You are honored and celebrated for your ferocious tenacity and perseverance! Take the next step. Take time to think.

JAMES HARRIS, LMHP Founder of Men to Heal James Harris, resides in Chesterfield VA. He has a daughter named Peyton.

James is a military veteran, who has served eight years in the U.S Army and two deployments one each to Iraq and Afghanistan. James is currently an employee for the Government. Alongside from working for the Government, James is an entrepreneur and investor in Richmond and surrounding area.

He personally owns multiple properties, that are currently being rented.

Three of his most noticeable investments in Richmond are Roney and Son Towing company, Braidz Express and the Brewers Café which is located in the Manchester district of southside Richmond. He has approximately 17 other investments and he is the owner of Royalty Carpet Care LLC, Royalty Elite Trans (party bus), Battle Ball Extreme (inflatable bubble suites), has a consultant company and is co-owner of Brewers Waffles and The Well art gallery.

James is a LMHP (License Mental Health Professional) after completing graduate school and obtaining a Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. James has experience serving children, adolescents, adults, families and has worked in group settings such as juvenile and men groups.

He has massive insight in the areas of mood disorders, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, co-occurring disorders, trauma, non-suicidal self-harm, grief, anger management and stress management. Today, James uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Reality Therapy and psychoeducation with his clients. An eclectic approach is utilized by exploring their thoughts and actions that they are facing now. He also ensures to educate clients environmental factors impact thoughts and behaviors.

James has founded a movement called “Men to Heal”, which focuses on men overall wellness. This movement initiative encourages men to pay more attention to their mental and physical health, communicate effectively and increase their knowledge of self. With his Men to Heal movement, James conducts quarterly sessions on varies topics for men with assisting in ending the stigma. These sessions are roughly two hours long and has approximately 65 attendees since its start and the awareness is growing. James also conducts sessions via skype for other states and countries (UK (Manchester Eng) Spain, Germany, Amsterdam and Afghanistan). There are thousands of supporters who have purchased shirts in their efforts to bring awareness and

attention to the movement. Celebrities and athletes are in agreeance of this movement and have expressed their interest with also purchasing shirts or displaying support on their social media. James currently does community-based services as well as sees clients in a private practice setting. In 2019, James founded a place in the heart of the city called The HEALing Hub. In this place, there is yoga, mindfulness, business classes, outpatient therapy, credit seminars and drives for the less fortunate. His plans are to continue a strong path in entrepreneurship.

James volunteers often in church, community, hospitals, veteran homes and schools.

James has a strong since of leadership and effective ways and plans to make the community a better place. With deep roots in the community and business, he is essential to ensuring the needs are met for this organization. James has met with the Mayor, Governor, civil rights leaders such as Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and other local leaders to name a few. James enjoys panel discussions and speaking engagements and has increased both since his movement has gained attention. James is a member of Chi Sigma Iota (honor society), Virginia Counselors Association VCA and a board member of NAMI-CVA. James is the author of “Man Just Express Yourself ”. This piece of literature is an interactive journal for boys/men who are challenged with expressing themselves in healthy ways and to gain accountability in areas of life. The book can be purchased at most book hosting places and sold.

RUM: What propelled you to your passion for mental health?

James Harris: I was propelled to mental health because being a ward of the state in group homes and foster care, therapy was mandatory weekly. It wasn’t a good experience and I was not able to obtain all the benefits of therapy due to the culture barriers of the therapist at that time.

Then as a veteran the same thing occurred after two deployments, one to Iraq and one Afghanistan. I figured it was up to me to change the narrative and provide a quality service to these lacking demographics. The demographic of inner city youth, men, veterans etc with a level of empathy and competence.

Coping is a process, to heal is the outcome CONTACT INFORMATION: : @men_to_heal : www.mentoheal.com

Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 47

PATRICE NICOLE

DOUGLAS MS, LMFT

MHCA

Mental Health Change Agents

Since I was a child, I knew that my purpose in life was to help others in various ways. I was always a person even as a child that people would come and talk to me and just vent because they felt it was safe to do so; I was over a ministry as a child that sent out cards on behalf of children whose loved ones were sick. I always had a passion to work with the criminal justice population by assisting them in understanding their emotions to help give them a second chance at society. I grew up as a Black girl realizing that my community had a lot of issues and healing that needed to happen and so I was determined to become a therapist.

I have always been a part of world change such as freeing slaves in Sudan when I was in the 6th grade, to joining various organizations on learning as much as I could about trauma and the Black community in high school and beyond. It is important for me to not only be an advocate for my community and decreasing stigmas surrounding mental health, but love and support those who didn't have that growing up. When it comes to helping people heal, I am determined to be the best I can be for myself and my community. Today, I am a licensed psychotherapist in multiple states, I will be a doctor of psychology in August of 2020 and continuing to expand my services targeting the Black community especially Black men for my private practice Empire Counseling & Consultation.

I am a Black Woman with a huge heart and passion to help those who need that support.

Patrice Nicole Douglas MS, LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Southern California. She specializes in many subsets of psychology, including anxiety, addiction, relationship health, and multicultural issues. Her world view and understanding of Black and brown issues has stationed Patrice as a leading expert whose words and work is referenced by such publications as Cosmopolitan, Allure, VICE, Oprah Magazine, HelloGiggles, and many others. She was featured in Cosmopolitan as one of the Black Relationship Experts to follow on Instagram.

It's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay that way 48 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

Contact: : www.empirecounseling.net : www.patricendouglas.com Social Media: : ThePatriceNicole | : patricendouglas

DEAR FELLOW BLACK KINGS AND QUEENS, I know that we're living in a time where we can't aord to be silent and that we have to take stand but with everything going on we must not forget about self care.

Our mind is a precious gem that needs to be protected. Please remember that it's okay not to be okay, it's okay to talk about your problems and it's okay to reach out for help. And no, none of those things makes you weak, it makes you human. We can't be loud on the frontlines while silently dying mentally and emotionally. Sure we're no stranger to troubles and we've been struggling in silence since the beginning but this is a new day and we need to start using the appropriate resources we need to get better. Fighting for social justice while neglecting your mental health just doesn't work, in fact it makes things much harder. Pain is real, trauma is real, problems are real, mental illness is real and we are not exempt from any of it.

We need to break the silence and stigma around mental health.

Take care of yourself. Black mental health matters!!~Jada Carrington

VANITY DAWSON

Wherever I go, my Father is right there with me holding my hand.

This scripture is my constant reminder that we are never alone. As I close my eyes and envision a little girl holding her daddy's hand, that's how I see my Father and me. I'm not walking life alone. I have no reason to fear. I have someone to pour my heart out to and cherish the beautiful and intimate relationship that can never be broken. My heart smiles hard knowing God is leading my way.

"For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, Fear not, I will help you' ~ Isaiah 41:13

Vanity Dawson is an Air Force Veteran on a lifelong mission to help clients heal from trauma and empower them to tap into their infinite God-given potential. As a D-SAACP level II Victim Advocate and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, she has supported survivors of sexual trauma in the U.S. Air Force and on the civilian side with 5 years of experience. She is an active member of the Prince George’s County Sexual Assault Response Team (SART). She enjoys providing sexual assault/suicide prevention and bystander intervention training on throughout the community.

"After enduring a treacherous cycle of sexual and physical abuse, I finally had enough! God had other plans for my life, and it was time to break free. Our traumatic experiences aren’t for us to harbor but to share hope and faith with the people around us that they too can make it through. With God, you will make it through any storm, trauma, or bad experience. Just hold onto faith in Him and trust His process".

Through obedience and following God's process, Take My Hand LLC was established to help sexual abuse survivors work through traumatic experiences by proving trauma recovery coaching, conduct educational trainings on sexual assault prevention and bystander intervention/ speaking engagements, and provide resources. Sexual abuse untreated can take a toll on mental health and TMH is dedicated to

50 | rallyupmagazine.com | Summer 2020

assisting with the transition from mental pain to mental peace.

Vanity truly understands what it’s like to feel helpless and even hopeless. However, through her faith in God and unwavering perseverance, she overcame the darkness and stepped into His light and has been empowered to share His light with you. She is a devout believer of Christ whose resilience, compassion, and dedication have all earned her the reputation as a service-centered leader. Through God's grace, Vanity is a step closer to completing her master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling.

"It's a blessing to have vision for my life and part of that is helping the people around me live with healthy mental conditions and behaviors". Even after traumatic experiences, there is healing and hope waiting to embrace us” -Vanity

Contact: Visit and subscribe to our website at: : www.vanitydawson.com : Info@vanitydawson.com : 240-722-8816 Social Media : vanityd_tmh / Take My Hand LLC : Vanity Dawson/ Take My Hand

MENTAL HEALTH MAGAZINE

SUBSCRIBE TO

Black & Mental Wellness...

1 YEAR FOR $12.

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REFLECT & RESET By: Tyi Flood

restaurant I do miss the days amidst the busyness of being able to take time out just for me.

Thinking about this, I almost felt myself drifting into a depressive episode, until I remembered how I used to take care of myself without these necessities.

Neglecting myself has been an on-going cycle to break in my household. Now as we deal with COVID-19, one of the deadliest viruses to hit our world in years, living a quarantined life has left room to further neglect my self-care routine that I’ve fought hard to sustain.

Although I’m grateful to be employed and able to care for my family during this time of uncertainty and unemployment for some, I’ve noticed that I’m working harder with longer hours, not allowing myself to take time to breathe. I didn’t realize how much I could use a one-hour massage or facial treatment.

Even though I’m not escaping the house for a manicure/pedicure or going out to enjoy the luxury of dating myself at a local

I’ve always been a self-made woman. I learned to do my own hair at the age of 10, I began giving myself manicures and pedicures in my bedroom by the age of 12, and I stayed active by dancing and practicing routines in my living room at 13. Why can’t I have this joy now? Well once that clicked for me, I went back to the basics. I dedicated my #selfcaresaturday to being all about ME. I set a hair, nail, and spa appointment with myself. I even ordered takeout, picked up a bottle of wine, and enjoyed a movie on my couch until I fell fast asleep. These are the little things that helped dig me out of a mood that could’ve taken hold over me. I know, oh too well, how I can allow a moment of exhaustion to turn into days of depression.

This is something that I’ve learned about myself, even before this quarantine.

Understanding how I need to take better care of myself, along with learning my triggers has been the best self-care tip I could’ve ever given myself. Of course, it’s not easy, and I’m not saying that it is going to be the same for everyone. What I will say is that YOU are worthy of all things happy, so never neglect the person YOU are destined to become. You’ve got this!

POSITIVE STEPS FOR MENTAL HEALTH          

Accept who you are Learn to love yourself Trust Yourself Watch your thoughts Deal with your fears Talk About It Keep Going; Stay Active Ask for Help Find time to Relax Keep in touch with your friends; avoid isolation  Get Involve/ Share your story  Use your creativity to cope

   

Journaling Exercise Eat nutritional meals and snacks Take some time and read self help books  Pray/Meditate  Take your medication  See your therapist regularly  Stay Away from Triggers!

www.wefightfoundation.org

HEALTH & WELLNESS

ROMAIN LETTUCE & DEPRESSION Recipe By: Dani The Nutritionist, Creative Nutrition Co.

Did You Know Romain Lettuce is a Great Food For Depression?

Everyday Health shared some foods that help fight depression, "happy foods" that are available year-round and romain lettuce was one of those foods. The body and brain need more than nutrients and a million phytonutrients to function properly. Romain lettuce is an excellent source of folate and Vitamin B. Low levels of folate is known to be linked to depression and mood problems. The link between folate and these conditions may be due to folate’s role in developing neurotransmitters. It is the message-carrying molecules of the nervous system.

So go take advantage of what nature's serving!

Go Green with Lettuce... Grilled Romain Lettuce!

Top it with the Quick & Easy Pickled Onion Recipe Below!....It can Spice Up Any Dish!

Grilled organic romaine & lettuce dressed with lemon juice, sea salt, black pepper and a drizzle of @primalkitchenfoods dairy-free Caesar salad dressing... Goes great with oven baked organic chicken thighs topped with pickled red onions.

Reference: https://www.everydayhealth.com/

PICKLED ONION RECIPE

INGREDIENTS: • 1 medium red onion, thinly sliced • 1/2 cup hot, filtered water • 1/3 cup distilled white vinegar • 1/3 cup ACV • 1 1/2 tbsp @lakanto monk fruit sweetener or any natural sweetener of choice - raw honey, stevia, maple syrup, coconut sugar, etc.

• 1 1/2 tsp Himalayan pink salt.

INSTRUCTIONS: • Placed thinly sliced onions into a glass mason jar • Combine water, distilled vinegar, ACV, sweetener and salt and pour mixture into the jar over onions • Be sure to press the onions down into the vinegar • Let the pickled onions sit overnight at room temperature • After opening, cover and refrigerate - should last up to two weeks.

ENJOY! #creativenutritionco

Take Note from...

DANI THE NUTRITIONIST CREATIVE NUTRITION CO. In 2016, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and PTSD. My brain functions best when it's fueled with high-quality foods that contain a variety of healing vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. Consuming a diet high in refined sugars just isn't healthy for me or my overall mood. Refined sugars can easily worsen depressive symptoms, spike blood sugar levels, promote inflammation, and scream two major things: STRESS and IMBALANCE! Our bodies are SO powerful; our digestive system doesn't just help digest food, but it also helps in guiding our emotions. This is where ‘good food, good mood’ comes into play. Good gut bacteria = health and happiness. #creativenutritionco

@danithenutritionist Summer 2020| rallyupmagazine.com | 53

If you need help now or feeling suicidal call 911.

1800-SUICIDE (1800-784-2433) 1800-273- TALK (1800-273-8255) CRISIS TEXT LINE Text "FIGHT" to 741741 NAMI Helpline M-F, 10 am - 6pm ET 1800-950-NAMI We Fight Foundation, Inc. 240-34-FIGHT (240-343-4448) www.wefightfoundation.org available crisis chat line.

TEEN LINE 1800-852-8336 www.teenlineoonline.org Military Veterans Suicide Hotline: 1800-273-TALK (1800-273-8255 PRESS 1) LGBTQ+ Youth Suicide Hotline: 1866-4-U-TREVOR NAMI National http://www.nami.org/ Suicide Hotline in Spanish: 1800-273- TALK (1800-273-8255 PRESS 2) Family Crisis Center, Inc. Phone:(301)731-1203(Hotline) www.familycrisisresourcecenter.org/ Family Crisis Center for Domestic Violence Phone (410)828-6390(410)285-7496(Emergency Safe Shelter) Korean Suicide Hotline Phone:(855) 775-6732 www.koreansuicidehotline.com/ National Hopeline Network Phone:(800)442-4673 www.hopeline.com National Sexual Assault Hotline,RAINN Phone:(800)656-4673 www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-hotline

The Green Pages www.therapyforblackgirls.com Residential Crisis Services, Mosiac Community Service Phone:(410)938-5030 www.mosiacinc.org/programsservices/residential-crisis-program Hours of Operation:24/7 Spanish Suicide Hotline Phone:(800)784-2432 or (888)628-9454 Hours of Operation:24/7 The Trevor Suicide HelpLine Phone:(866)488-7386 www.thetrevorproject.org Hours of Operation:24/7 Veterans Crisis Hotline Phone:(877)838-2838 www.veteranscall.us/ Hours of Operation:24/7 Mental Health America http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/ American Psychiatric Association http://www.psych.org/ American Psychological Association http://www.apa.org Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA) http://www.adaa.org/ National Institute of Mental Health http://www.nimh.nih.gov/ Obsessive Compulsive Foundation http://www.ocfoundation.org/ Mental Health.gov https://www.mentalhealth.gov/ Apps The Safe Place notOK App

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#RallyUp2SaveLives

RallyUp Mental Health Magazine is a product of We Fight Foundation Inc. is a community and school based nonprofit organization founded in 2016 that provides support and services to youth, young adults (8-24 yrs), as well as educate and support their parents (caregivers) to help navigate them through their mental challenges; including those associated with mental illnesses.

Proceeds will assist families of underserved communities with therapy sessions and programs on their mental wellness journey. Our hope is someone reads our magazine and decides NOT to Give Up. If you choose to donate, become a sponsor and/or an ambassador for our magazine, inquire at:

www.wefightfoundation.org

For business inquiries or to submit an entry for a future publication, email us at rallyupmagazine@gmail.com

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YOU

ARE

ENOUGH. 2 CORINTHIANS 12:9

#faithandmentalhealth www.wefightfoundation.org