I am not The Rain

By Trinity Sterling

I went to therapy, but that wasn’t good enough for me. I talked to my parents, and even then, I still felt Wrong. I tried talking to close friends. All they could say is I’m here for you, and I’m sorry, and I hope you get better, but none of that is ever enough for me. I continued to change myself and try different mindsets to maybe make me feel whole again and help me live a better life. All those times, I still didn’t truly feel like myself.

I never really knew who I was or what I wanted in life. I had felt mentally abused by myself, but then one night, I suddenly felt a relief of happiness. It made me come to a lack of uncertainty because out of all the hours I had spent just wondering each day why I was still here and that I should stop trying. I used to think that if I wasn’t here anymore, I could finally feel at peace and not worry about others’ feedback on how I was constantly feeling. That night changed me for the better. It felt like God finally heard me and helped me handle myself because he knew that I couldn’t do it all by myself, and I’m so thankful for that. I finally felt better about living and just being here and making good memories of my life.

I am now a freshman in high school, and I feel like a better version of myself. I realized that I needed to stop worrying about the small things in life and how people might see me and love myself on how I present myself each day and too be patient and make it easy on myself because I know I have a hard time understanding and get overwhelmed by little things in life. I know that many feelings are going through my head at once all the time, so it’s important for me to give myself a moment to breathe to get back on track.

Some things that have helped me through my struggles are just taking myself on little personal dates such as self-care, going outside, hanging out with my friends and siblings when I have the chance, and just getting school work done so there is no procrastination and I feel as though I have something to stress about. I get angry at myself often and get uncomfortable in my body, so I like to surround myself with things that make me happy, such as music, dancing, selflove videos, and getting dressed up to feel good about myself and be around people that love me.

I feel as though when it comes to my anxiety, I just got over it along the way, but it wasn’t easy. Something that helped me when it came time to be in public is just reminding myself to stay true to who I really am and slowly getting out of that bubble I felt I was trapped in my whole life so I don’t miss out on any fun opportunities because I know that you only live once, so I couldn’t just waste it by letting my anxiety Constantly hold me down. There are those times when I need to be by myself, so I like to sit in my room and write in my journal to keep updates on how I’m feeling so I can look back at them and see what I have accomplished so far. of course I still have those moments where I still get upset out of nowhere. Still, now I know how to care for myself better to make it not happen as much.

I have a vision of where I want to see myself in life, and starting to make it come to reality makes me happy. God willing, I will get to that point in life and become the successful black woman I dream of being one day, with nothing but everlasting relief and happiness. I have become closer to God along the way of my mental health journey, realizing that he was the real medicine I was looking for and that I should live my life because all the things I go through I know will make sense in the future.

Trinity Skye Sterling, a Maryland native who currently resides in Millersville, Maryland with parents. She is the youngest of 2 adult sisters and one adult brother. Trinity is currently a freshman at Old Mill Senior High School. Her favorite subject is English because she enjoys creating stories. Trinity’s favorite food is pasta and baby pink is her favorite color. In her free time, she enjoys dancing, singing, and art. Trinity serves as an usher and youth choir member, as well as a praise dancer in her church. She loves animals. Trinity has a bird named Leo, a Yorkshire terrier named Biscuit, and her personal favorite, a bearded dragon named Kiwi. She enjoys making people smile with her fun and outgoing personality and wit.