Dear Amanda,

Q: How can I handle my teen’s negative behaviors without causing them to shut down and shut me out?

Anonymous

Reston, VA

Hey there! First, I want to say, EXHALE! Raising humans is not easy. What most of our teen clients say about how their parents communicate with them is they want to be heard and not be lectured all the time. With that in mind, ask yourself how do I sound to my child? Am I using nonjudgmental language and focusing on the behavior, not the person? Am I leaving room to hear and acknowledge their side (even if you don’t agree), and am I giving them space to calm down and even a little grace to gather their thoughts?

For example, if you notice they didn’t do their chores, you can say, “I noticed that you did not do your laundry this weekend,” instead of, “you are so lazy and irresponsible and grounded for three weeks.”

Think about what calls out the behavior, gives them space, and still maintains expectations.

Another tactic in teen parenting- find a mentor for your teen who can touch base with them regularly and provide guidance. Adolescents is a period of natural shifting away from parents as teens prepare to launch out in the world as young adults, and they tend to hold more value in the people around them- so surround them with good people!

All the best, Amanda Fludd, LCSWR,CCTP for Rallyup Magazine

You can find me at www.intagram. com/therapyisdope

Reference

https://adaa.org/find-help/bydemographics/black-african-americancommunities www.therapyforblackmen.org https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/ www.cliniciansofcolor.org

Amanda Fludd, LCSW-R,CCTP is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Mental Health Consultant, Speaker, and Mindset Coach to High Achieving Entrepreneurs.

Find her on Instagram

@amanda.fludd, @therapyisdope, or www.amandafludd.com.

Reference: Five Actionable Steps to Overcome Fear and Anxiety by Amanda Fludd: https://amandafludd. com/2022/04/21/steps-to-overcome-fearand-anxiety/

Which of the following is a priority and the most challenging to work on, physical health, mental health, spiritual health, or personal relationships?

I recently came across a post on social media in a Facebook group where a member asked the question. I don’t know why this post struck me, but it did. It made me think about how many of us believe we have to choose when it comes to taking care of ourselves. So many of us feel we must choose one area over the other, but in reality, they are all priorities. They all pose a challenge at times, but they all require continuous work and progress for us to grow. Below is a snippet of my response to the post:

They all can pose a challenge, depending on where you are. They all require you to go through a continual process that will grow, mature, and elevate you. Like your physical training (the person was into his physique), they will strengthen and develop you over time. It might be painful at times, and you may even want to quit, but from what I can see, you endure what is necessary for maximum results, and with God, nothing is too hard, and nothing is impossible. Like in weight training, He will never put more on you than you can bear. He is your spotter.