Ramaz MS Bar/Bat Mitzvah Guide

The Rabbi Haskel Lookstein Middle School of Ramaz

Dear Ramaz Families,

Mazal tov as you and your family begin the exciting journey toward your child(ren) becoming a bar/bat mitzvah.

The purpose of sharing this guide with you is two-fold: to help you navigate the practical aspects of preparing your child to become a bar/bat mitzvah and planning your simcha, and to explain the ways in which Ramaz can help ensure you and your child have a meaningful experience as your family begins this exciting lifelong expedition. A special note of thanks to Kehilath Jeshurun and the KJ Sisterhood for graciously allowing us to use and adapt their bar/bat mitzvah guide.

As you know, reaching the age of bar or bat mitzvah is a milestone in the life of every Jew. This milestone is an acknowledgment of your child(ren)’s hard work and dedication as they enter Jewish adulthood, and a gateway to lifelong learning, involvement and leadership within the larger Jewish community.

The power of becoming a Jewish adult means that your child takes his or her place in the community, sharing in the obligation to keep the mitzvot in the Torah. It is, in the truest sense, a celebration of graduating from the “training stage to the performing stage.”

Becoming a bar/bat mitzvah is only a beginning. It represents a commitment to Jewish living and learning, and a dedication to the welfare of the Jewish community. We hope your children will strive to explore and learn what it takes to be a ben/bat Torah. In essence, the day of their bar or bat mitzvah marks a new journey that will last the rest of their lives.

Our leadership team and faculty are eager to partner with you not only in the process of planning your simcha, making the process as smooth as possible, but more importantly, helping you make it special and meaningful for your entire family.

Tizku L’Mitzvot,

Ms. Jennifer Bernstein

Rabbi Chaim Hagler Head of Middle School Assistant Head of Middle School

A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO PLANNING YOUR SIMCHA

• The first step in deciding on a date for your celebration is to make sure you have the correct Hebrew date of your child’s birthday. Check the Hebrew Date Converter and input your child’s Gregorian calendar birthday. It will convert that into the proper Hebrew date. You can then look up when that date falls on the calendar and plan accordingly.

• The Ramaz Office of Institutional Advancement will reach out to families to coordinate your child(ren)’s bar/bat mitzvah date. This helps prevent overlap as much as possible. Selecting a date is usually done two years in advance of your child’s celebration. For girls this will be during 4th grade and for boys this will be during 5th grade. Please note that if you are a member of Kehilath Jeshurun, the receipt of a date from Ramaz does not mean that space is being held at KJ for your service and/or celebration. Please contact Riva Alper directly at 212-774-5670 to reserve your date at the shul.

• Schedule a planning meeting with your community rabbi two years prior to your daughter’s 12th birthday or two years prior to your son’s 13th birthday.

• Three months before your child’s ceremony, make time to meet with your community rabbi and/or synagogue administrator to discuss the logistics of the day, including the timing of services, family participation, your child’s inclusion in the synagogue bulletin, as well as to check in regarding the parasha learning process and the preparation of a d’var torah (if applicable).

• Prepare a list of family members or others you would like to honor with aliyot and other honors during the service. These may include aliyot, ark opening/closing, hagbah and gelilah. KJ, as well as many other synagogues, routinely request a list of those being honored two weeks prior to the date of your simcha. The list should include the Hebrew names of all guests being honored by an aliyah, together with their parents’ Hebrew names.

• Torah reading rehearsals: If you would like to schedule a final rehearsal in the room where you are holding the service/ceremony, we recommend this take place the week before the ceremony. At KJ, contact Cantor Berson, cantor@ckj.org, to arrange a convenient time. Please note that many bar/bat mitzvah tutors will also arrange for practice sessions in the room where the ceremony is taking place.

• Arrange for photography: Should you wish to gain access to the KJ or another synagogue sanctuary for photographs, please contact the synagogue office (for KJ, please contact Riva Alper at 212-774-5670) well in advance to make arrangements during the week preceding your Shabbat celebration. At most shuls, these arrangements are made by appointment only. Please bear in mind that it is highly likely that the Torah may not be removed from the ark for the purpose of taking photographs without permission from your synagogue.

BAR/BAT MITZVAH SERVICE OPTIONS AND OTHER COMPONENTS

Synagogue Service

Typical b’nei mitzvah service options include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Shabbat morning Monday and Thursday morning Torah services

• Women’s Tefillah

• Mincha/Maariv

• Havdalah at the conclusion of Shabbat

• Friday night services

• Siyum

• Rosh Chodesh

• Holiday services, for example:

• Reading of the Megillah on Purim (Esther) or Shavuot (Ruth)

• Candle lighting on Chanukah

D’var Torah

In addition, many children prepare a d’var torah to deliver at the conclusion of their service/ ceremony. These remarks may reflect on the importance of the weekly parasha, a chesed project, or other topics of relevance to the bar/bat mitzvah.

Siyum

You and your family may want to consider embarking upon a meaningful learning project to undertake together with your child, with the goal of making a siyum as a part of your celebration, or, perhaps in lieu of a party.

EDUCATIONAL PREPARATION

Each bar/bat mitzvah is unique and the manner in which you and your family choose to mark this milestone may be adapted to best suit your child. Below is a list of the aspects of the ceremony that students may opt to learn:

1. Tefillot (prayers)

2. Torah Trope

3. Torah Reading

4. Haftarah Reading

5. D’var Torah

Private Tutoring Options

Students who opt to read from the Torah often elect to work with a private tutor to prepare for their ceremony. Others have a family member or family friend who prepares with the student. Frequency and length of this preparation period can vary depending on the child but it is common to begin this process 12 months before the event.

Below are KJ clergy members who have experience working with Ramaz students.

Ashkenazi Tutors

Cantor Berson (KJ) cantor@ckj.org

Sephardi Tutors

Rabbi Meyer Laniado (KJ Sephardic) – rml@ckj.org

RESPECT FOR SHABBAT AND CHAGIM

We ask that you please remind your invited guests that the synagogue is a makom kadosh, a sacred space and the use of all electronic devices, including cell phones and cameras, are prohibited on Shabbat and Yom Tov. We also encourage families to share with their guests that wearing kippot for men and boys is a sign of respect for the service and the sanctity of the day. All married male guests are encouraged to wear a tallit. Married women are asked to wear a headcovering. It is common, although not required, for the bar/bat mitzvah family to provide kippot for men and head coverings for women.

TIMING OF SERVICES

On Shabbat morning, services begin promptly on time. Please urge all of your guests to arrive on time and remain throughout the service.

ISRAEL

Central to our Ramaz mission is our commitment to love and support the State of Israel. Marking your child’s milestone with a trip to Israel can be a meaningful way to celebrate, either in lieu of, or in addition to, a celebration closer to home.

LEARNING AND PREPARATION OPPORTUNITIES AT RAMAZ

Parent-Child Learning

Ramaz-KJ Father-Son Bar Mitzvah Program

• Fathers and sons (6th grade boys) have an opportunity to participate in experiential programs to explore what it means to come of age in Judaism.

• Topics to be explored are: tefillin, chesed, Shabbat, Torah learning and prayer.

• Please contact Rabbi Meyer Laniado at rml@ckj.org for more information.

MaTaN Mother-Daughter Bat Mitzvah Program

• Mothers and daughters (5th grade girls) have an opportunity to come together to meaningfully engage with Jewish learning and experiences in preparation for b’not mitzvah.

• Topics of study include: Torah study, women throughout Jewish history, chesed, Shabbat, and prayer.

• Please contact Rachel Kraus at rachel@ckj.org for more information.

CHESED OPPORTUNITIES

Engaging in a chesed project as your child works toward becoming a bar/ bat mitzvah is a tangible, meaningful way to celebrate one’s growth into adulthood and the taking on of mitzvot. Many organizations support our local or international Jewish communities, and others offer a broader range of contact by working with the wider world. These opportunities support our efforts to expand our students’ worldview, one of the four pillars of a Ramaz education.

Over the years, Ramaz Middle School students have participated in many wonderful chesed projects. Below is a sample of the meaningful projects that students from previous years have already undertaken. We hope these resources will inspire you and your family:

Back on my feet

https://www backonmyfeet.org/

• They help homeless people get up again and help them find a job

• Students collected and donated sneakers and gloves for the homeless.

Belev Echad

https://belevechad.nyc/

• Provides emotional and social support for wounded IDF soldiers. They come on a trip to NY 4 times a year.

• Hosted Belev Echad soldiers to a Shabbat lunch and in Israel donated emotional support groups to help them heal.

• Participated in the fundraising bike ride “Bike 4 Belev Echad” by riding in a 25 mile bike race.

Beit Issie Shapiro

http://afobis.org

• Helps children with disabilities.

• Raised money so kids can learn to speak using eye gaze technology.

Beit Ruth

https://www.beitruth.com/

• Students raised money to build a professional space dedicated to music learning and therapy at Beit Ruth. Beit Ruth is a home in Afula, Israel, for 45 at-risk girls, ages 1318, who have been removed from their family homes due to neglect and abuse.

• At Beit Ruth, girls from all different backgrounds and religions heal from past hardships, get a great education, and grow into healthy and empowered young adults. With a new space just for music education and therapy, the girls can discover hidden talents and practice skills they would otherwise never have the chance to uncover.

Bet Elazraki

http://www.elazraki.org/

• Children’s home for children who cannot live with their parents.

• Students raised money to redesign and refurbish of one of the recreation rooms for kids.

• Students ran a 12K to raise money to build a new sports center for Beit Elezraki children.

• Students went to Beit Elazraki and spent a few hours building a bond with the girls through jewelry making, singing, and more.

Friendship Circle

http://friendshipcirclenyc.org/

• Friendship Circle helps kids with special needs.

• Students created a Foul Shot Competition- for every shot that went in, $25 was donated to the friendship circle.

Haverut

http://www.haverut.org.il/

• Haverut works to promote a more healthy society in Israel by focusing on meeting the emotional and spiritual needs of those facing medical challenges.

• Haverut’s programming provides art, music and emotional support in hospitals throughout Israel as well as other populations in need.

• Students can raise money for art and music workshops in major hospitals throughout Israel.

• Students could come visit the art, therapy and music programs in Israel and work hands on at the hospitals or programs.

Innovation Africa

https://www.innoafrica.org/

• We’re a nonprofit on a mission to bring innovative Israeli solar and water technologies to remote African villages.

• Money can be raised to bring running water, electricity, solar power and more to villages in Africa. One student went to Africa to watch the installation of a water source.

Met Council

https://www.metcouncil.org/

• Packed camp backpacks for kids who were getting scholarships to go to sleepaway camp.

MSAWI

http://MSAWI.org

• This organization makes care packages for Jewish American soldiers.

• Students organized that their grade packed 70 Shabbat/ Chanukah boxes for Jewish soldiers abroad.

Mt. Sinai Kravis Children’s Hospital

https://giving.mountsinai.org/site/TR?fr_ id=1091&pg=entry#start-fundraising

• This organization provides relief for children during long hospitalization.

• This program helps young patients cope with their fears by offering fun activities that meet their needs during long or stressful hospital stays. Some of the activities offered are play, art, school, and socializing with peers. For example, they have a Teen Art & Literary magazine that allows the teenagers in the Mount Sinai Kravis Children’s Hospital to have their original creative writing and artwork published.

Save a Child’s Heart

https://www.saveachildsheart.org

• It’s an Israeli organization that takes children from less privileged countries that can’t afford or don’t have the resources for heart surgery, regardless of race, gender, or religion, brings them to Israel, and performs life saving surgeries on them. They also get doctors to go to other countries and train people there to do heart surgery and give them resources for it.

• Student had a charity baseball game. People paid to play and at the game, they also sold Save a Child’s Heart merchandise and other fun things to help raise money for the organization. Later, the student had the privilege of meeting these kids (who were brought to Israel and had heart surgery performed on them) which was a really touching experience that they’ll never forget.

Shaare Zedek Medical Center

http://www.acsz.org

• Students baked challah weekly for 6 months. In honor of their baking, people made donations to the hospital. Challah was given to donors and also to the ill.

Shavei Israel

http://www.Shavei.org

• This organization works with descendants of the Jewish people around the world (India, China, Southern Russia, the lost children of the Holocaust) helping them feel connected to the Jewish community and in many cases, to make aliyah.

• This student raised money for the Bnei Menashe community of India - believed to have descended from the lost tribe of Menashe. Some 4,000 have formally converted and moved to Israel and 7,000 more remain in India and hope to make aliyah.

The Special Children’s Center

http://www.thecenternj.org/

• An organization that helps and supports families who have children with mental delays such as Down Syndrome. They have an after school program, camp, and they take the kids on trips throughout the year.

• Student made a carnival for the children and invited them to the carnival with the rest of her grade.

Sruli4minim

sruli4minim@gmail.com

https://shir-hadash.networkforgood.com/projects/133101-arba-minim-for-idfsoldiers

• In coordination with the IDF this organization has designed a program which will supply the almost 5,000 active and reserve soldiers, men and women, interested in receiving an arba minim set, with one for Sukoth.

Team Chai Lifeline

https://www.teamlifeline.org/

• Students raised money to run a 5k, 10k, half or full marathon and the money raised goes to a charity to send children with cancer to summer camp.

Thusanani

https://www.thusanani.org.za

• Thusanani supports underprivileged children living in children’s homes in South Africa. It helps young children receive therapy and other medical needs.

• Students raised money for Thusanani by baking Chocolate Espresso Cupcakes with Caramel Buttercream, Parve Vanilla Cupcakes, and Peanut butter Chickpea Blondies (Healthy option). People could buy real or virtual cupcakes. Students baked them and if the customer wanted delivery and they lived near the student then they would deliver.

UJA Federation - Do a Mitzvah, Give a Mitzvah Program

http://www.ujafedny.org

• Students went monthly to an agency of UJA Federation and did an art project with about a dozen kids.

• Second largest social network provider in Israel after the Israeli Government. Provides day care centers, youth villages and schools, programs for the elderly and battered women’s shelters located all over Israel.

• Students provided sports equipment/facilities for the kids in one of the youth villages.

IN-SCHOOL LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES

Leining Club

Our Middle School is excited to offer a leining club for fifth and sixth grade girls and boys. If your child is interested in joining, please contact Ms. Ruth Schwarz at schwarzr@ramaz.org for more information.

Writing & Presenting Divrei Torah

Some students may seek guidance to help prepare a d’var torah. Our Middle School leaders, Rabbi Chaim Hagler or Ms. Jennifer Bernstein, are available to discuss the assigned Torah portion with your child. Of course, you may opt to meet with your local rabbi or secure the help of a private tutor.

Students often need guidance in this process; however it is most rewarding if your child takes the opportunity to write his or her own bar/bat mitzvah speech, as their own words tend to be genuine and from the heart.

Tefillah

Students are invited to lead morning davening at school the week before or after their simcha. Women’s tefillah usually meets on Rosh Chodesh but can be arranged around a particular parasha if we have enough notice. Please contact Ms. Bernstein to arrange a date for your daughter and Rabbi Hagler for your son.

Kiddush

If you wish to sponsor kiddush for your child’s grade, arrangements can be made for muffins or cookies to be served in their honor. Please contact Rabbi Hagler for details.

The Rabbi Haskel Lookstein Middle School of Ramaz in the Benjamin & Esther Gottesman Education Center 114 East 85th Street, New York, NY 10028