Communicating with Kids
As part of our Early Childhood Center (ECC) and Lower School (LS) Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) program, we share strategies to help you support your children at home as they navigate challenges.
— Lillian Amar, M.S. Ed., NCSP, LCSW Director of Guidance School Psychologist, ECC/LS
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR CHILDREN
Children are constantly asserting their independence. It is our job as adults to set limits, and also make room for experience and growth. How we listen and communicate are important parts of maintaining this balance.
Actively listen. Listening actively helps children feel heard and understood. By using gestures such as encouraging smiles and affirming nods, you can show you are engaged with what your child is saying. Get down to the same eye level as your child as they speak to you; this helps them feel safer and more connected to you.
Be reflective. A great way to show your child you are paying attention and care about what they have to say is by acting like a mirror. Repeat what they say to you using different words. This leaves room for your child to express their emotions without judgment.
Give specific directions. Clear, short, and easy to follow directions help children best understand what is expected of them. When giving directions, tell a child what to do, rather than what not to do. Also avoid asking, and instead, state directly what you want them to do. Children thrive when they know exactly what is expected of them.
Offer choices. Part of asserting their independence is seeking some sort of control when they do not have much in their lives. Providing small choices, by offering them within the realm of what you would want them to choose, gives a child a sense of autonomy.
Help explain feelings. Help your child learn to name their feelings. When expressing their feelings verbally, listen to what your child has to say with empathy and without judgment. Consider what life looks like through your child’s eyes. If your little one is expressing their feelings in a nonverbal way –through a temper tantrum or laughing and having fun doing an activity they enjoy – help them put words to how they feel, such as happy, sad, relaxed, hurt, scared, hungry, proud, sleepy, angry, helpless, irritated, embarrassed or joyful.
Notice your child “being good.” When your child behaves or responds appropriately, give lots of positive, specific praise. Name the exact behavior you want to continue to see. try being more specific with a ‘noticing statement’: “I noticed that you put all of your toys away after playtime. Nice work!” When you give a child attention, whether it is negative or positive, it reinforces to the child that they can get a reaction from you. If you ignore undesired behavior, it is less likely to occur, and if you acknowledge desired behavior, your child is more likely to repeat it.
Lead by example. Consider what example you are setting. Parents are children’s introduction to the world. What your child sees you do is as important as what they hear you say. Only make a promise to your child that you are sure you can keep. This helps build and maintain trust between you and your children.
Remember, leading with kindness and love is always the way to go when bonding and communicating with your child!
*** You can refer to the Child Mind Institute’s article on Tips for Communicating with Kids for more information.