Healthy Coping Skills
As part of our Early Childhood Center (ECC) and Lower School (LS) Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) program, we share strategies to help you support your children at home as they navigate challenges.
— Lillian Amar, M.S. Ed., NCSP, LCSW Director of Guidance School Psychologist, ECC/LS
HEALTHY COPING SKILLS & EMOTIONAL REGULATION
Sometimes, children experience “big feelings “when they are sad, scared, or frustrated. Feelings don’t just go away. Both parents and educators can help children better understand that all feelings are valid and don’t “just go away.” We can help them learn healthy ways to express their feelings, called coping skills. Coping skills help reduce the intensity, frequency, and duration of big feelings. They also provide a soft landing for children to maintain some control of their behavior, while their impulse control continues to develop.
“Healthy coping skills take many forms, including mindfulness, exercise, deep breathing, and positive self-talk. They help us manage our most intense emotions, and they’re also linked to lower levels of impulsivity.”
-The Child Mind Institute
Modeling. Modeling for our children the way we manage our own feelings when faced with a challenge is a both powerful – and practical – tool for learning to regulate their emotions. Start by narrating your reaction to an event, then name your feelings, followed by sharing your strategy to manage the feeling. For example, “I left the rice on too long and now it burnt! That is really frustrating. I can’t believe I have to start over now. Maybe I’ll take a five-minute break from cooking and try again.”
Scaffolding. Scaffolding means breaking a task into smaller, more manageable steps. This strategy helps tasks feel more attainable to a child, with the support of their parents coaching them through it. For example, if a child is learning how to tie their shoe and continues to become frustrated, try setting a goal of just crossing the laces together. Once a child has mastered this step, they will feel confident to move on to learning the next step. Make sure to praise your child for meeting this goal, even if they do not accomplish the whole task (yet!).
Mindfulness and relaxation exercises. Mindfulness is a coping skill that helps a child learn to pay attention to the present moment. One way children can do this is by tuning in to their five senses. Teach your child to think about five things they can see, four things they can touch, three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste. Mindfulness leads to self-awareness, which helps children make positive choices to move forward. Relaxation exercises, such as square breathing (trace each side of a square, counting to three while breathing in and out), are coping skills that need to be taught and practiced.
***You can refer to the Child Mind Institute’s article on self-regulation for more information.