PROCRASTINATION September 2022 SEL @
To help support your children’s mental health as part of our Middle School’s Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) program, throughout the school year I will share with you the psychological issues our students commonly face and offer strategies to help them navigate these challenges.
— Atara J. Berliner, Ph.D. Director of Guidance and Learning CenterPROCRASTINATION
Do these scenarios sound familiar?
Scenario 1:
“I know my history paper is due on Tuesday. It’s under control. Don’t worry!”
“The last time you started a paper two days before it was due, you were up all night, and your brother was looking up sources on the Internet.”
“Did you finish your paper?” “Of course, relax. It’s done.” And it is done; your child gets an A. Your child seems to thrive on the pressure of doing things at the last minute. The pressure actually motivates and focuses him so, in effect, procrastination becomes self-reinforcing, and also provides a convenient rationalization if the child doesn’t receive a good grade, saying, “I bet I would have gotten an A if I had spent more time.”
Scenario 2:
Your child continually puts off studying for tests, but unlike the child in the first scenario, seems anxious and uncomfortable and yet pressure does not fire up your child to get going. Afraid of poor performance, your child avoids studying until there is insufficient time to study, and ends up working for only several minutes of every hour and “rewarding him or herself with 45 minutes of Internet surfing time and online group chat breaks. The child feels inefficient and very frustrated, comforting him or herself with the thought that if more was spent time studying, the outcome would have been better.
Scenario 3:
Your child procrastinates studying for tests and writing papers because, “It won’t be really good.” The definition of “really good” actually means “perfect.” Never satisfied with the work product, your child delays doing anything until it’s too late. At that point, because something must be handed in, your child finally can accept doing something good enough because there is n no choice. Procrastination and perfectionism often go hand-in-hand. Perfectionists tend to procrastinate because they expect so much of themselves and doubt that they can meet those high standards.
It is particularly stressful for parents to witness their child postpone doing what is necessary to meet fast approaching deadlines and cram for tests at the last minute. Procrastination causes a lot of tension at home. As parents, you struggle not to “nag,” however, you also tend to absorb much of the anxiety the procrastinator generates.
Is Your Child a Procrastinator?
It’s easy to tell whether your child is a procrastinator. Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago, explains that children who procrastinate tend to rationalize in the following ways:
• Overestimating the time remaining to perform tasks.
• Underestimating the time it takes to complete tasks.
• Overestimating how motivated they will feel the next day, the next week, the next month—to the time they are putting things off.
• Mistakenly thinking that succeeding at a task requires that they feel like doing it.
• Mistakenly believing that working when not in the mood is sub-optimal.
Procrastinators also actively look for distractions, especially ones that don’t require heavy-duty commitment. Creating TikTok videos and social media are tailor-made for this purpose. But the truth is that procrastinators often distract themselves as a way of regulating their own emotions, such as fear of failure.
You may hear your child saying things like:
“I didn’t know I was supposed to do that.”
“I don’t know how to do it.”
“I really don’t want to do this.”
“It really doesn’t make any difference if I put this off.”
“I need to be in the mood. I’m not in the mood now.”
“I’ve always done it this way and it’s hard to change.”
“I work better under pressure.”
“I just can’t seem to get started.”
If you observe some of these signs of procrastination in your child, begin by sitting down and discussing potential ways of getting around the problem. Ask your child to describe the challenges of getting started. Often a few minor changes can make a big difference. If your child develops good habits in Middle School, then high school and college will be a much better and less anxiety-provoking experience for all of you. Below are some specific strategies that may be helpful:
Help Your Child Avoid Procrastination
• Revamp the to-do list.
Encourage your child to break down a complex task such as a paper into tasks that can be done in less than an hour. The more specific the goal, the more likely the child will attain it. It’s easier to set the goal of writing the thesis statement than completing the entire paper.
• Utilize the two-minute rule.
In his New York Times bestseller about building good habits, “Atomic Habits,” Author James Clear suggests only completing the beginning of any new habit the first time. For example, if you want to read a book a month, read a page a day. If you want to play the piano, sit on the bench and open your songbook. This means you reward your child afterward. This will increase your child’s confidence that s/he really can follow through on what s/he said, which many procrastinators often lose.
• Just get started.
Remind your child that simply starting the paper can lead to greater happiness and a sense of control, which is self-reinforcing, and, in turn, to further progress.
• Increase environmental structure.
Increasing structure in the environment or in an activity can help with initiation difficulties. Building routines for everyday activities reduces the need for independent initiation. For example, break your child’s morning routine into a sequence of steps, writing them down on index cards or a simple list. In addition, having your child physically write or draw the lists may increase working memory for these tasks. Your child may then be able to follow the list of steps each day with supervision as needed until the routine becomes automatic.
• Reframe the problem.
Many adolescents with initiation difficulties are viewed as unmotivated. It is important to reframe the problem as an initiation difficulty rather than lack of motivation.
• Provide structure and examples.
Difficulties with initiating are often a problem of your child not knowing where to start. Demonstrating where to begin and what steps to follow may help your child overcome initiation difficulties. Guidance through the first problem of a set for desk work or homework will often support greater initiation.
• Support independence.
Be mindful of your natural tendency as a parent to do things for your child. Support their attempts to perform tasks independently. This helps minimize the risk of learned helplessness. This requires a balance, however, because constant or repeated prompting may feel like nagging.
Finally, examining the concept of procrastination through a Jewish lens, particularly during the Aseret Yimei Teshuva, is also helpful and relevant. We are consistently exhorted to step up our efforts to act with “zerizut,” or alacrity, when performing mitzvot or tasks in general.
There are many examples in the Tanach of our foremothers and forefathers exemplifying this trait. We read on Rosh Hashanah about how after hearing Hashem’s command to bind his son Yitzchak, Avraham arose early in the morning. Rivka hastened to empty her pitcher to provide water to Eliezer and his camels. The Gemara (Pesachim 4a) tells us that “zerizim makdimim l’mitzvot” - loosely translated, people who act with alacrity perform mitzvot at the first opportunity.
Arguably, procrastination is the flip side of “zerizut,” and at this time of year, we are blessed that Hashem grants us a fresh start. May each of us overcome our challenges and move forward with alacrity and zeal.
References
Burka, J. B., Yuen, L. (1983). Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It. (Addison-Wesley Publishing Company).
Clear J. (2018). Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones (Avery, New York New York).
Gioia, G.A., Isquith, P.K., and Kenworthy, L. (2015) Behavior Rating of Executive Function (Riverside Publishing Company).
Knaus, W. J. (2002). The Procrastination Workbook. (New Harbinger Publications).
Kotler, S. (2009, September 12). Escape Artists. Psychology Today.
Nam Choi, J. (2005). Rethinking Procrastination: Positive Effects of “Active Procrastination” Behavior on Attitudes and Performance. The Journal of Social Psychology (Vol. 145, No. 3).
Pychyl, T. (2009, March 3). Procrastination and Self-Regulatory Failure. Psychology Today. Surowiecki, J. (2010, October 11). What Does Procrastination Tell Us About Ourselves? The New Yorker. Vogue, Dominic J. (Spring, 2007). Classroom Resources for Addressing Procrastination , Research and Teaching in Developmental Education Vol. 23, No. 2. pp. 88-96