REBECCA RAY: SCARED BUT TENACIOUS

DOING IT THE MARIA FORLEO WAY

Author Rebecca’s message centres on the task of living bravely in the truth of our experiences as finders and seekers of meaning and connection.

A Clinical Psychologist for the best part of two decades, she is also the creator of digital courses including Overcoming Self-Sabotage: From Paralysis to Progress and Radical Courage: Transforming Fear into Freedom.

She is the author of The Art of SelfKindness, The Universe Listens to Brave and Be Happy: 35 Powerful Methods for Personal Growth and WellBeing and is a wealth of knowledge on the journey through fear.

Soulful Business chats with Rebecca about her latest book, The Art of SelfKindness, where she asks you to extend an invitation to yourself to be your own best friend.

“The basis of self kindness is teaching people that the relationship they have with themselves is the most important one of all. It affects every single other relationship we have in our lives,” says Rebecca.

“Self-love can sometimes feel unachievable and out of reach. To be able to come to place of self-kindness, to be able to relate to yourself in a way that is gentle, compassionate and allows you to move forward without judging, attacking or punishing yourself, is far more realistic,” she says.

Running your own business is something that can trigger a lot of fear. It’s easy to beat yourself up about feeling this way, but Rebecca knows there is a way through this by being kind to yourself. “The world needs the piece of you that you are bringing,” she tells herself.

“Humans often don’t allow ourselves to do its to trip up and make mistakes. If you are going to run a business yourself, manage a relationship and parent, you need to understand that there is a lot of risk there. You won’t be able to show up a hundred percent in every area, so you will need to be able to fail bravely.

This means giving yourself permission to get things wrong without giving yourself a hard time about it.”

“The basis of self kindness is teaching people that the relationship they have with themselves is the most important one of all. It affects every single other relationship we have in our lives.”

“When we run our own businesses, we run the gauntlet every single day. We do things every day that are scary, so if you can’t face fear gently, by being able to be kind to yourself and give yourself space to be imperfect, you can end up with a brick wall in front of you.”

She says its important to remember that it’s really okay “to not know, but to do things anyway,” to remember to say yes, to allow yourself to be human.

“Every time I say yes to something I haven’t done before, I feel the fear breathing down the back of my neck. I’ve been able to harness courage and be kind to my self and say, ‘you can do this your way, in your voice, the way you look right now. 12

“There’s courage behind that, because although you are vulnerable, you are still trying to do something meaningful and move forward,” she says.

Rebecca is just as human as the rest of us. Her struggle to maintain everything a busy woman juggles is as real as anyone’s and with a 20 month old baby at home, she is tested by her load daily.

“Some days, I just don’t know how to do life. I just don’t. But my process is focusing on the present moment. Speaking to myself in a way that’s respectful and kind, but not copping out.”

“I harness in the energy to get where I need to go and draw some lines, but I try to maintain a sense of consecutiveness that there is something bigger than me.

“I just do it. No matter how much fear gets in my way, I still do it. I’m tenacious. I’m scared, but tenacious.” Several years ago, Rebecca suffered burnout. She had been a psychologist for twenty years and had been giving to others every day. She realised that she was completely depleted. Wanting to continue her work without clinical visits continuing to empty her resources, she turned to social media in 2015.

“The fear I had in writing under my own name, was huge, but I realised that this is what its all about. Sitting in that. Getting my message out to the people who need it, showing up, being vulnerable, being real.”

She was surprised to find her purpose where she didn’t realise it would be. After resisting social media for a long time, Rebecca knew she had to finally strip it all back and say ‘this is me and this is what I have to share with you.’

“There’s power in that,” she says. “It goes beyond us. I’m not me without my people. They show up online. They’re there for me just as much as I am there for them.”

“There’s a line right now in the world of over sharing and under sharing. I try to walk a middle line. I share with hope and humour, that there is a way through and it’s going to be ok.”

Rebecca can be found online daily, interacting with her community about finding courage and living expansive lives while going gently on ourselves.