Incomplete Woman

AUTHOR & ENTREPRENEUR KYIA MOBLEY,

I grew up as an only child in the 70s in Bronx, NY to a two-parent household was fun as my parents spoiled me with love and material things. Life was far from perfect so I always kept a vivid imagination of what my adult life would be like. I was going to graduate college, get a high paying job, travel the world, marry the man of my dreams, have 2 kids (boy & girl) and have a cat and a dog while living in a fabulous house in New Ro-

chelle, NY. Well, so much for a vivid imagination because my reality went all the way to the left and down a bumpy road.

Growing up as a kid in the 70s was great because I enjoyed freedom that unfortunately, most kids won’t know today. When my father wasn’t on drugs both of my parents worked normal hours during the week and had the weekends off. I played outside at the park with my friends unsupervised if I answered when my mom yelled my name from our 19th -floor balcony. Weekends were spent cleaning the apartment and hanging with my parents although mostly my mom. We would go shopping, to the movies and out to eat. During the warm months, we spent every other weekend in City Island eating seafood which is our favorite past time.

Life was carefree and simpler, and we could do things that kids can’t do today. We rode our bikes with no helmets, rode in the back of pickup trucks, rode in cars with no seat belts and no car seats and was able to

trick or treat without adult supervision. Life was good but I had to grow up.

A few bits and pieces of my imagination came to pass as I graduated from college, traveled the world, got 2 cats minus the dog unless you want to count my Husband as the dog….Ha. So, I married a man, but he wasn’t the one from my dreams so thank God we are now divorced. I’ve always had a family history of fibroids as my mom had a fibroid the size of a large grapefruit which caused her to menstruate for almost a whole month until her body got exhausted and made her have a stoke. When she recovered from the stroke, she received a full hysterectomy at the age of 50. After I graduated from Bennett College at the age of 22, I began having mild cramping and was told that I had 4 fibroids the size of a pea. The doctor said I had nothing

to worry about but to make sure I get an annual check-

up to monitor their growth or non-growth. My fibroids were manageable until I hit the age of 35 and the poop hit the fan. My abdomen increased outward and my

pain quadrupled to the point that I started taking 8 Advil tablet per day. Although I wasn’t married, I was des-

night, I’m laying in my bed in tears after taking the 12th

Advil tablet for that day thinking that I need to call 911.

Somehow, I feel asleep and woke up with the thought that I’m 41 years old with a lying cheating Trinidadian boyfriend who I truly don’t want to be my baby daddy, so I’ll just give up. That Monday morning, I called the doctor to schedule a consultation. After the full exam, the doctor quickly recommended a partial hysterectomy so I can keep my ovaries and cervix and I said sign me up with tears in my eyes. Wednesday, November 15, 2017, was the 4-hour hysterectomy surgery that left me feeling like I was run over twice by a Mack truck. Oh, but the joy of that sweet liquid hospital grade Morphine. Sweet baby Jesus, that’s some good stuff. During the surgery, the doctor discovered that I also had endometriosis along with the 32 fibroids and one so big that it pushed my organs back up against my rectum. My family provided me such loving support while in the hospital for 2 nights. My Auntie Peggy flew up from NY and took care of me for 2 weeks after I was released on the 17th . Lawd, that woman deliciously cooked for me 3 times a day, took care of me, did all the house chores and took care of my 2 cats. I thank God for her loving kindness every day. I didn’t want her to leave but she had to go back home to her family, and I had to put on my big girl draws and take care of myself again. Tuesday, November 28 after my Aunt left to go back home, I fell into a pitiful depression because I now had time to realize that I can never carry a child and I was mad at God again. What in Jesus name have I done to daily basis? I experienced prolonged feelings of regret, sadness, anger, bitterness, hopelessness, fatigue and battled thoughts of suicide. I was simply useless since

both of my parents had previously passed from cancer,

I was unmarried, dating a cheat, suffering from alopecia areata, overweight and now can’t have kids. I was convinced God hated me and was cursing me for some-

thing that I had no idea about. On top of that, I read a Facebook post that said, “You are not a woman unless you had a baby” and that almost sent me to my grave. I cursed out the idiot who posted such a cruel post and

then deleted them. Now 2019, I’m fully recovered from the surgery but not fully recovered emotionally and I’ve accepted that a part of me will always feel like an incomplete woman. Recently a lady told me

“Everything is always in God’s perfect will and timing, with proper healing of what caused you to view as misfortunate, you can and will create beauty and love in this world. Unceasing love and blessings to you, Goddess” After this statement, who knows maybe I’m not

an incomplete woman after all.