My Walk With Raven

© Mike Yip

My Walk With Raven I am standing on a trail, high in a canyon – The thunderous sound of the rushing water cascading in a quest to the sea far below. A light breeze comes through the trees, a gentle reminder of the reality that is surrounding me. The Red Ball that ever present and constant reminder too, of just how thin that reality is, rests comfortably, warm to the touch, yet, hard to the feel, in my left hand. – Raven, the one observer of all of this soars carelessly against the light of the slate grey sky.

With a slight motion of wings, the Red Ball springs from my hand and as consciousness leaves, I crash through a tear in the boundary between the reality and the abyss beyond. . .

Awakening, I discover I have not died, not that it would be beyond all realms of possibility given the circumstances of my life. – Rising to my feet, I discover the usually dark abyss, changed. Before me lays my shadow, turning, I discover the source of the light which has created it. High and off in an always imperceptible, yet apparent distance is the light, strong enough to cast the shadow yet not at all a hard light to look at and light the way. – Taking a step towards this new presence, I am stopped by eight rings now settled about my feet. Each ring containing fragments of all the ideas, knowledge and concepts of reality I have gathered over my life’s experience, valued all, I see, yet now holding my way back. . .

I resolve then to pick up the rings and with four placed upon my left shoulder and four placed upon my right, I take the first step towards this new place in the abyss. – With each footfall, the surface, which has always presented as fluid, yet hard, flashes with iridescent phosphorescence from my soles. – With each step, too, my confidence grows, my pace increases with the light growing closer. – Making my way for some distance, the surface beneath my feet begins to soften, slightly at first, then looser and deeper until my progress stands still with my legs held solid at my knees. – The Red ball appears, just beyond my reach, the rings upon my shoulder now heavier than when I first picked them up. – I wonder at the cause of this and moreover how to resolve it when I see the flash of a shadow of wings and one of the rings falls from my right shoulder – Before I can grab it, the ring falls, a flaming tail erupts and with gaining momentum creates a vortex pulling hard upon my mind. It arcs away to the seemingly outer reaches of the abyss, passing through the boundary layer revealing for the briefest of time, the reality beyond. – This while I lapse again from consciousness. . .

Awakening, I discover I have not died. The apparent surface of the abyss is once again hard and I am lying, the Red Ball drifting above me, the rings scattered about and the now ever present light away in the distance. – As I stand, the rings, seven now, each ring, with its fragments of all the ideas, knowledge and concepts of reality, come to my feet. – once again I pick up the rings placing three upon my left shoulder and four upon my right and with the effort engendered by purpose, make way towards the light. . .

The way is quicker now, the load seemingly less heavy. Progress becomes easier, a bit of levity, unknown in the abyss, has appeared in the air. – Yet, with this new feeling, this new progress, the trial again returns and I am left, hip deep tis time, stopped in making my way with the weight of the rings threefold heavier than before. – taking from m y prior experience, I slip a second ring from my right shoulder containing its fragments of all the ideas, knowledge and concepts of reality and, toss it away. – The ring erupts and with a thunderous clap, sears a course across the abyss, pulling ever harder on my mind until it breaches the boundary tearing a gaping void to reveal the reality beyond. – Once again, all too familiar now, I recede from consciousness. . .

Three more times I awaken to discover I have not died. Three more times I make way. Three more times I am slowed then stopped by the ever deeper morass, the surface becomes. – Three more times, too, I toss away a ring, each with its fragments of all the ideas, knowledge and concepts of reality – and – three more times the trajectory takes it away with ever increasing force pulling hard upon my mind, to rip a gaping hole in the boundary layer revealing the reality beyond. – Lessons taught are lessons learned, until now I am left with three rings, rings most valued for their fragments of all the ideas, knowledge and concepts of reality, gained over my life’s experience –

I am standing, having discovered once again I have not died, not on a flat surface, hard, yet with no apparent substance, surrounded by the shimmering walls of a deep hole. The light, now right above me, has the effect of the sun, showering the walls of this new interpretation on my abyss and warming the air about me. – The boundary shows high and around the light, an orbital ring marked by the transition points where the rings and it seems, by the number, my voyages from this place where I have spent to much time. – I look at the rings, the three remaining rings, each ring, with its fragments of all the ideas, knowledge and concepts of reality, the ones I have retained as the most important. – The way has been hard, the lessons learned harder, yet now I see that the way to the light, is for the last three rings to go. – I take the rings, two from my left shoulder, and one from my right and in one swift motion, set them off. The rings erupt on a flaming course outward as they start their journey to the boundary between the abyss and reality, a boundary, gauze thin, it has become apparent, but a boundary more that strong enough to contain all that has become here.- As they race towards the edge, my mind becoming a void as dark as the abyss, an edge seeming to expand as they near, yet finally breaching it in a huge flash which tears away the boundary layer revealing, as I lapse once again from conscious, the whole of reality beyond. . .

Awakening again, I discover I have not died. I am lying on a shimmering dark plane, the abyss dark as it has always been, save for the light. – The light, the object of this quest, turns out to be, not one light, but seven embedded in a iridescent black sphere. – Composing myself I rise, shaken expect to see my rings return, but not, expecting another crash, again, not. – No, as I look at the light, the seven sources, vanish. – One point, where there had been a light opens as a portal as the sphere increases in size to accommodate it. – Inside, I see the reality, as it has always appeared to me, the reality, also apparently, the source of the light. – I step inside. . .

Inside, I see the reality. The reality as I have known it, too often for brief periods of time, causing me to wonder at times whether this represent my destiny or the abyss I had grown, perhaps, too comfortable with.- I look about, the eight rings are there, each ring, with its fragments of all the ideas, knowledge and concepts of reality, this time, however, they are joined together at single points of reference. – Off in the distance, I see the raven soaring effortlessly against what is now a blue dominated sky. – The Red Ball now appears, floating just with my circle of influence.

With one motion I grab it with my right hand but the heat of core won’t let me hold on. – It turns again closer, this time on my left. I reach out and hold onto in with my left hand and it settles comfortably within. – The rings begin to turn slowly, on the axis they have created and with each turn two, three, fivefold faster. A vortex forms, growing stronger and stronger, the force increases, ripping the reality around me from its roots, revealing the now cold dark light-less abyss, beyond. The tail of this now immense vortex, now rises high above my head and crashes me to the ground, taking with it all the energy I have left. . .

I awaken to discover I have not died. – I am standing on a trail, high in a canyon – The thunderous sound of the rushing water cascading in a quest to the sea from sight. A light breeze comes through the trees, a gentle reminder of the reality that is surrounding me. The Red Ball that ever present and constant reminder too, of just how thin that reality is rests comfortably, warm to the touch, yet, hard to the feel, in my left hand. – Raven, the one observer of all of this soars carelessly against the light of the slate grey sky. With a slight motion of wings, the Red Ball springs from my hand and, grabbing it back, I walk on. . .

©Martin G. Smith – 1997