FHM Philippines Nov 2015 by Rinzon

NOVE NOVE M BM EB RE2015 R 2015 www.fhm.com.ph www.fhm.com.ph

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#fhmexperienceina #fhmexperienceina ISSN ISSN 0119-7681 0119-7681

ISSN ISSN 0119-7681 0119-7681

THE NO. 1 MAGAZINE IN THE THE NO.PHILIPPINES 1 MAGAZINE IN THE PHILIPPINES

notes on how n ottoe sr eovni vheo w a n taoi l ri ne gv i sv pe o r t an ailing sport

GG ee tt tt hh ee bb ee tt tt ee rr tt hh ii nn GG SS every man deserves e v e r ya nmuapng dr ae ds ee r v e s an upgrade

INA RAY M U N DO ii ss

ff oo rr ee vv ee rr

c o nt ents 1 1 / 1 5

46 P H O TO G R A P H Y : M A R K N I C D A O ; I L L U S T R AT I O N : LO U I S A R E Ñ A S

INA R AY M U NDO The Sabado Nights icon graces on our cover as a gift to herself. It’s a gift to us too.

74 BUSINESS CLASS YOUR...

86 NOVEMBER HOUSE ARREST

Date life, commute-life, party-throwing, and suitwearing game

Casual and crafty ways to fend off ’ber month blues

90 TIRSO RIPOLL 80 THE NEXT EFREN “BATA” REYES Is more than just one guy. Let’s get to know them...

Razorback turns 25! We ask bassist Tirso Ripoll if this makes him feel manlier

92 ‘HELLO, SENPAI!’ 84 HOW TO BE A PINOY OLYMPIAN Experts get finnicky on winning athlete qualities

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Three AV idols from Japan drop by to warm our set bedsheets

NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 3

STA RT E R 12 BABE

Lover-of-underwear-morethan-overwear Chanelle Kuhn stops by

28 THE EX-FILES All the erstwhile douche bros she’s dated, and how not to end up like them

Revisiting natural and overthe-counter aphrodisiacs for intimacy assistance

The guys from Philippine Wrestling Federation bring on the hurt

34 LADIES’ CONFESSIONS

22 IIYAk NA ’YAN...

Adventures in fetish, and titillating armpit trivia

24 LAUGHTER! Breezy jokes by men, dirty jokes by women

LO U NGE

AC C ES S

Mr. Robot fixes our politically charged, antihero pangs

STYLE

105 MAX COMFORT How to wear pambahay outdoors, stylishly

110 SHOES OUT LOUD

A couple-dozen tidbits on your favorite tux-wearing agents

The colored shoes and socks guide to doing it right

40 PINOY COMIC BOOkS Sate visual storytelling needs with these graphic reads

Divine Maitland-Smith discusses the finer points of stripping nekkid

42 ELECTRO-POP!

UPGRADE

118 MAN-SIZED HEALTHY GRUB Hold the salad. We'll have the mushroom sisig, please!

45 NEW SERIES ALERT!

38 BOND AT 24

26 RULES OF UNDRESSING

4 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

Cosplayers from AsiaPOP ComicCon answer our question

32 BEING POGI

18 SO FLASHY BUT IT HURTS

Painful episodes that make grown men cry

44 WHO WILL YOU BE 50 YEARS FROM NOW?

GIRLF RIE ND 114 kELLY HARRIS BERNAL

Is an undercover Filipino, and such a sweetheart

122 FATHER OF PHILIPINE E-SPORTS ...Sounds like a really big deal. Ronald Robins tells us how he got there

124 TSIkOT SHOPPING GUIDE The Hyundai Santa Fe fits the bill

126 INCH ADVANTAGE Tech upgrades according to real estate 128 TRUE STORY! A series of unfortunate events—really, really unfortunate

Artist BP Valenzuela flounders over the genre facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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P H O T O G R A P H Y : K U R T A LV A R E Z , J O N AT H A N B A L D O N A D O , D A I R Y D A R I L A G , M A R K J E S A LV A ; I L L U S T R AT I O N : LO U I S A R E Ñ A S

c ontents 11/ 15

T H E TEAM: WHAT FHM ers HAVE BEEN U P TO T HI S M ON T H Ina Raymundo is someone we’ve all been wishing to cover for a long time, that’s why we’re even using this extra space to cram more photos of her rather than our obligatory group shots. It’s going to be a good weekend!

Left: Our friends from the digital department, Pau and Jean, play pretend couple for us. This disclaimer is here so walang magselos. Right: After several days of binge listening to Pinoy rap, the FHM boys finally went full jej.

Left: EA Chise hangs out with the ring warriors of the Philippine Wrestling Revolution and thankfully keeps his shirt on. Right: Associate art director JL doing a good job, of sleeping on the job, yet again. COR R ECTI NG H UG E FLU BS!

Sorry for misspelling the name of Ma. Isabel “Mabel” Abigania, in “PROJECT: QUAKE.” Also to clarify, “There are two descriptors for the earthquake strength. Magnitude is the measure of the energy released by the earthquake, while intensity is the effect of the strength of the ground shaking.” Now you know.

6 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

We would also like to apologize for unintentionally exchanging the names of two members of the band Queso, namely, Otcho Toleran and Enzo Ruidera, and two members of the Blackwater Elite Basketball team, Frank Golla and Carlos Reyes, in our Upgrade feature entitled, “Boys just want to have fun,” published in our September issue.

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Proper credits for Aubrey Mile’s hairstylist in our feature story, “She’s the Boss,” published last month goes to MJ Rone for Cynos Inside Hair Care.

Lastly, sorry for using the photos of a completely different venue in our story, “Let’s head over to the South.” The Southside Collective event was held in Alabang Commercenter.

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I S B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y. . . Team Editor Allan A. Madrilejos Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez Art Director Paul C. Villariba Associate Art Director John Laurence O. Patulan Senior Features Editor Khyne L. Palumar Assistant Style Editor Mikey Ashlie L. Mahinay Editorial Assistants, Pong M. Castillo, Chise A. Alcantara Celebrity Coordinator Allan Altera A N D F U T U R E - P R O O F E D B Y. . . Managing Editor BA Borleo Associate Section Editor Gelo G. Gonzales Senior Staff Writer Ron Jay B. Eduvas Staff Writer Neps N. Firmalan, John Paulo Aguilera, Mary Rose A. Hogaza Video Production Specialist Engelheart V. Jarilla WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM... Words Ronjay Eduvas, Julius Fernandez, Paulo Aguilera, Abby Mendoza, Toni Antiporda Illustrations Mikke Gallardo, Louis Arenas, Gilbert Daroy Pictures Ejay Leung, Kurt Alvares, Rey Trajano, Heidi Aquende, Mark Jesalva, Mark Nicdao, Paul Mondok, Dairy Darilag, Jerico Montemayor, Kench Genato, Jay Tablante, Jonathan Baldonado Styling/Makeup/Hair Bela Vitug, Anne Castaño, Jessica Fang, Krystal Renee, Debra Bernales, Amanda Padilla, Emmanuel Hernandez II, Bea Constantino, Raymond Mateo, Marlon Suarez, Monika Ravanera, Antoneth Mangyao, Albeth Benipayo, Jonas Flores, Genie Ranada-Babista, Rhina Montemayor, Prin Cess, Badj Genato, Lei Ponce F H M I N T E R N AT I O N A L N E T W O R k International Director Simon Greves International Digital Director Gary Broughton International General Manager Mark Beard International Digital Manager Graham Kirk International Content Executive Ryan Chambers International Digital & Content Executive Erin Viljoen International Technical Administrator John Goodchild International Editors (Australia) Guy Mosel, (China) Jacky Jin, (Czech Republic) Dalibor Demel, (France) Laurent Giraud, (Germany) Hans Fuchs, (Holland) Sander Kersten, (India) Kabeer Sharma, (Indonesia) Richard Sam Bera, (Latvia) Sandris Metuzals, (Malaysia) Rajesh Taluar, (Norway) Martin Thronsen, (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos, (Romania) Paul Breazu, (Russia) Slava Rovner, (Singapore) David Fuhrmann Lim, (Slovenia) Uros Majcenovic, (South Africa) Hagen Engler, (Spain) Rafael Benitez, (Taiwan) Saffron Lee, (Thailand) Jakaphatchara Buranabutr, (Turkey) Berk Iybar, (UK) Joe Barnes SUMMIT MEDIA President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng Publisher Edna T. Belleza VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz Junior Associate Publisher Aeus Kevin Reyes Digital Publisher Adel De Jesus Deputy Group Digital Publisher Amina Rillo Web Business Operations Manager Dennison Ko Web Programmer Christopher Porto Production Director Elizabeth Rellis Assistant Production Manager Jane M. Puno Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo Production Graphic Artist Louis Arenas Administrative Services Manager Whilma M. Lopez Admin Assistants Michiel Lumabi, Marlyn Miguel ADVERTISING Group Advertising Director Florence Bienvenido Adv. Director-key Accounts Group Regie Uy Adv. Mangers Maiza G. Mueco key Account Specialists Joey Anciano, Junn de las Alas, Alex Revelar, Annie Santos, Suzette Tolentino Senior Account Manager (Print) Ginger Taduran, Bem Caharian, JJ Dinglasan Senior Account Manager (Digital) Lucas Reyes Junior Account Managers (Print) Melinda Kitane-San Diego, Junior Account Managers (Digital) Onnie Del Mundo, Dianne Suegay, Angela Lagahid, Adv. Executive Assistant Rita Barbacena key Accounts Assistants Maricel Adaniel, Ashley Balla, Chinggay M. Cabit Adv. Assistants Lorena Santiago Adv. Traffic Supervisors Eliziel del Rio, Myra Gorospe E V E N T S D E PA R T M E N T Assistant Marketing Manager: Leah H. Basco Jr. Marketing Associates: Sirius Langkay, Gladys Lapitan, Siena Mirano, Kieffer Albert Nonato, Abigail Pinili M E D I A R E L AT I O N S Media Relations Manager Grace Enriquez Media Relations Associate Nicole David TRADE MARkETING Trade Marketing Officer Candace Lobendino Sr. Trade Marketing Associates Caz Marino Trade Marketing Associate Kamille Guirnalda Trade Marketing Ass. Jamie Islo, Angelica Anne Casacop, Daryl Lincod Jr. Trade Marketing Project Coordinator Patric Malicdem C R E AT I V E S O L U T I O N S Team Art Director Jaykee Evangelista Copywriter Miguel Escobar Digital Art Director Rey Etable Associate Art Director Jerome de Dios Carlo Maala Senior Web Designer Teddy Garcia Producer Tara Llavore C I R C U L AT I O N Circulation Manager Alma M. Madelo Deputy National Circulation Manager Glenda Gil Circulation Manager-GMA Alaine Mae Lozada Provincial Sales Manager Alexis Martinez International Distribution Specialist Ulyssis Javier Distributors Group Head Caroline Herrera key Accounts Group Head Malou Rubinos Subscriptions Group Head Hanna Montecer Circulation Supervisor Mary Fatima Flores Systems Administrator - Interactive Editions Rico Cruz, Ron Silang key Accounts SpecialistVivian Manahan, Charlotte Barlis, Noreen Sescon-Peligro, Jinky Rose Calugtong, Jennifer Tolentino, Jenny Reparep, Lhon Bituin, Nathaniel Embiado, Felix Tong II Distributor SpecialistNorth Luzon Mark Elliot Villola Distributor Specialist-Central Luzon Gian Carlo Peralta Distributor Specialist-Central Visayas Robert Revilla Distributor Specialist-Western Visayas Ivan Dela Pena Distributor Specialist-Central Mindanao Eric Ferdinand Gasatan Newsstands Supervisor Joel Valdez Sales Representative-GMA John Lakhi Celso, Edward Caringal, Anjelyn Joy Carino Subscription Coordinator Jofet Abad-Legaspi, Joyce Ann Ramos, Raquel Lorenzo Distribution Account Analyst May Ann Ayuste Circulation Administrative Assistant Marjorie Abueme Circulation Administrative Assistant Elnie Marie Santos Export Sales Assistant Legui Brylle Gonzales Telemarketer Michelle Jayin, Ruby Rose Frias

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letterS 11/15

Get in touch!

FaCebook.Com/ Fhm.Ph

ins tagR am@ FhmPhiloFFiCial

tWitteR.Com/ FhmPhil

Fhm@summitmedia. Com.Ph

6F & 7F Robinsons CybeRgate CenteR toWeR 3 PioneeR ComPlex, PioneeR st., mandaluyong City 1550

WOW, THAT’S VERY DETAILED!

I finally got my new October FHM Special Issue No.183! #fhmsquadgoals #fhmbombsquad @FHMPhil jedaustria, via Twitter

BIRTHDAYS ALL AROUND!

Hello FHM! I just wanted to wish my boyfriend, Jay Ulibas, a happy birthday through your mag. He has been a collector and fan since he was in college, and I would really appreciate it if you can include my greetings for him in your magazine. This will make him really happy, thank you very much! Keep rockin’ FHM Philippines! Jose Ynaffmilk, via Facebook

BEST GIFT EVER

Hey FHM! It’s my dad’s birthday this October 30, and he’s a big fan of your magazine. He’s always the first guy to buy a copy of your magazine as soon as it’s up on the stands, so I wanted to surprise him by getting his picture published in his favorite magazine. Hope you can help me out with my meaningful and wonderful gift to him. Belated happy birthday, daddy! Chise Alcantara, via Facebook

WE HEAR YOU, BRO!

My 12-year collection—my way of saying “Thank you FHM. Keep up the good work.” Mark Anthony Gatchalian, via email

8 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

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FHM

NOW THAT’S A MOMBOD

p ic k !

SelFIe OF tHe

I’d like to greet my very hot wife and mother of two, a belated happy 6th anniversary. She’s 31 years old but she still has that “hot damn” body because she always watches her diet. I’m proud to be her hubby, and that’s why I hope you can publish this sexy picture of hers. Thank you so much guys, and more power to your mag! Niño Aise Barrientos, via Facebook

MAKE YOUR MAMA PROUD

Hey it's your Mr. Letter Of The Month of November from 2010, the seaman guy. I justed wanted to thank you for publishing my letter. Sobrang naging proud sa akin yung nanay ko that time dahil siya yung laging bumibili at nagpapadala sa akin ng FHM every time I was, out at sea. She passed away last June, and I just miss her so much. I want to make her proud one last time. I love you, Nay. I really miss you so much. Forever a mama’s boy.Christian Baldemor, via email

m o n t h

That killer fedora ‘stash combo! Charly M A Antony, via Facebook

tHIS MONtH’S o n E - LI n E R S

MAN ON FIRE

Greetings! My husband is an avid fan of FHM. He dreams of having his picture included in the pages of your magazine. I hope you can publish his photo in your next issue. Thanks and more power. Rosemarie Jeth MarcosDomingo, via Facebook

LUCKY THIRTEEN

An advance happy 13th year anniversary on November 17, 2015 to my wife Cindy. We love you! Urotshimaru, via email 10 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

SHE ALDUBS YOU BRO!

HAPPY HUBBY!

My husband will celebrate his birthday this coming October 30, so I hope you can put in this greeting as my gift for him. Happy birthday to my favorite guy. I love you! Thanks FHM! Great job on your magazine! God bless and more power to your team. Chatterly Badiongan, via Facebook

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My hubby, who’s always busy man— because he’s a chef and a business still finds time to watch his favorite kalyeserye. Please include this picture of him as an advance birthday gift to him on Nov. 26. Many thanks! Maimbag nga aldaw yu amin. Chiclet Alfonso, Tuguegarao City

STARTER Wi s d o m Yo u s h o u l d n’t l e ave h o m e Wit h o ut

Wh i stle R BaBY

Woot!

getting down on the floor with ChAnelle KUhn PHOTOGRAPHY:

eJAY leUng of midnight bonKers INTERVIEW: Ash mAhinAY

MAKEUP: RIA AQUINO HAIR: KIERLO VELASCO

Woot!

i have more bikinis and lingerie than normal clothes!’

That statement should tell you all about what model Chanelle Kuhn is prioritizing on her trip here: getting (half) naked and maxing out the warm tropical weather. In fact, she claims that she’d love to walk around in a bikini all day, but she doesn’t want people to stare. Well, Chanelle, if you really don't want people to stare at your figure, you should probably don a grizzly bear suit.

INSPIRING

ENGAGING

IGNITING

W W W. S U M M I T M E D I A .CO M . P H

i always get Kate Upton! i think she’s great. she’s very curvy and that makes her stand out’ How did we end up on your travel map? I met a friend from here who was visiting Canada for the first time, so I decided to head to Asia to check out her homeland. I’ve been here for five weeks. I've gone to Boracay, You’re real nice. Is it because the Canadian stereotype, about being nice, is true? I think, for the most part, we’re pretty polite, ha ha! What is the most impolite thing you’ve done lately? When did I last get wild? I guess while traveling, I just like to party. I like the beach or pool clubs rather than normal clubs. We don’t have a lot of pool clubs in Canada, but we do have a lot of water! Really? My town, Penticton, is surrounded by water, it’s a city by a lake. So I’m a water baby—I spend all my time there! 16 Fh m NOVEMBER 2015

What else do you have back home? I have a dog named Coco. She’s an Italian greyhound—that’s like a miniature greyhound! And what keeps you preoccupied? I’m just modeling right now, but I was a Canadian Football League cheerleader before I started traveling. It’s a lot of fun; I can do cartwheels and somersaults, ha ha! Can you do a somersault in bed? Sure? Actually, I don’t know what to say to that! I actually don’t know any dirty moves; I’m being Canadian right now am I not? Ha ha! A bit. Our makeup artist thinks you look like Barbie. Ever get that? I always get Kate Upton! I think she’s great. She’s very curvy and that makes her stand out. Curvy girls often get a bad rap, though. I think you can’t really be a fashion facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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model [if you’re curvy], we're more of the commercial kind. As we did this shoot by the large building windows on the 20th floor, we were afraid the window washer might dangle down or something. Did that bother you? No, I’ve shot a lot in public, so I’m pretty comfortable, ha ha! Like the beach and on a glacier with a bunch of people around. It was for a calendar, and we took a helicopter up to a glacier and shot up there–I was in a bikini, on ice! And whenever I shoot outside, a lot of people would stop and take pictures, but they usually move along. You don’t think they’re creepers? I don’t mind. I think it’s a compliment when people want to share photos. But if you’re doing implied nudes or something, I prefer they don’t take photos, ha ha! Fh m

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ALL-YOU-CAN-READ UNLIMITED access to your favorite magazines. Download the Ookbee Buffet app and start your FREE trial subscription now. Enjoy

WORDS:

starterskill

CHISE ALCANTARA

PHOTOGRAPHY:

KURT ALVAREZ

GRAPHicS:

LoUIS AREÑAS

SPEciAL THANKS TO: SAFEHOUSE , MMA AND FiTNESS GYM; AND PHiLiPPiNE WRESTLiNG

“cLASSicAL” BRYAN LEO

Here comes the

PA I N 18 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

E M A FR

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s move it g n i l t an s y wre u more th h s a l F yo nt! pone l hurt that’l ill your op w

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As a kid, we’ve all dreamt of jumping from the top rope of a turnbuckle and landing on our opponent’s body, pinning him down for the count as the crowd cheers wild. But then we were told it was all fake and that killed it. Well, here’s a kind of revenge for the killjoys: the wrestling dream is still real, and even better, because we have our own wresting scene. Presenting the entertainers from, the Philippine Wrestling Revolution (PWR). These Pinoy pro-wrestlers are just ordinary guys who never gave up on their dream to make it into the squared circle, in the middle of hundreds of screaming fans who just want to see awesome (but dangerous) moves that’ll make “real sports” look like child’s play. Take a look at what they can do and take in the hurt...

“RUTHLESS” MiGUEL ROSALES

CAStIGO bRUtAL How it hurts him: While this does hurt your opponent a lot, since you’re twirling him 360-degrees while mid-air, he does get to use his arms to soften his landing and you don’t. Hurt inflicted: 4/5 Why it hurts you more: You’re basically slamming the combined weight of your whiplashed bodies into the ground to make this look believable. You also have to take into consideration that you have to carry a fully-grown man on your shoulders.

REC T EIVE R U H D

PCW (PAINFUL CLASSIC WRECKAGE) How it hurts him: The back of your opponent suffers the brunt of the damage, but the area of contact is so spread out that it minimizes the pain felt by a huge margin. Hurt inflicted: 1.5/5 Why it hurts you more: It hurts your knees and most probably your face since you’re slamming (guiding) his body to the ground, adding both of your weight to the impact.

REC T EIVE R HU

2.55

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4.5 5

MARKADONG PANALO

MARK D. PANALO

How it hurts him: To make this move look realistic, your opponent’s head should whiplash on your shoulder, which could be difficult since it doesn’t make contact with your shoulder. Hurt inflicted: 1.5/5 Why it hurts you more: This move could easily injure your lower back area, your spine, your tailbone, and definitely your ass, if you keep doing it. To

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make it look realistic, the wrestler has to land solely on his ass to get the most airtime.

REC T EIVE R U H D

3.5 5

NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 19

starterberserker

PETER VERSOZA

“SOciAL MEDiA SiNiSTER” KEN WARREN

DROP KICK How it hurts him: A fake neck snap is all you need to make this move believable. That is, if he reacts in time. Two boots to the face will definitely hurt. Hurt inflicted: 1/5 Why it hurts you more: Dude, freefalling to the ground. You could injure your back, wrist, leg, and/

ELbOW DROP How it hurts him: This one really depends on how heavy you are compared to your opponent. If you’re 500 pounds and he’s five feet tall than you’re probably going to kill him. Hurt inflicted: 2- /5 Why it hurts you more: This move hurts you more because you’re not really landing on your opponent’s body because that would hurt. You’re actually landing on the mat on your side.

REC T EIVE R HU

2.55

20 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

or worse, your groin if you fail to land correctly.

REC T EIVE R HU

3.55

SONIC CRUSHER How it hurts him: You’re straggling and dragging opponent’s neck down with you as you fall, which causes him great discomfort and probably a stiff neck the next day. Hurt inflicted: 3/5 stiff necks included Why it hurts you more: The elevation needed for you to jump up takes a lot of effort but the falling part is the real problem. You can

fall in many different ways; you could injure your head, back, ass, shoulders, and spine if you go too hard on the fall.

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REC T EIVE R U H D

RALPH iMABAYASHi

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starterlist

Kid movies growing up

All of us have a soft spot for things we grew up with, so when good sequels for movies we love are made, reliving childhood feels is a thing we can’t avoid. Having a soft spot for Woody (the cowboy doll, guys) from Toy Story isn’t a thing to be embarrassed about. Or is it?

Finding out your wife or girlfriend is pregnant

This can either destroy or bring life back to a man’s world, depending on the circumstance he’s in. Either way, you’re bound to cry a river once your girl brings you the news. Just remember, when she asks you why you’re crying just answer, “Oh, I’m just so…so happy!”

When a badass cries

We’ve all heard that laughter is infectious, but have you ever attempted to hold back your tears when the macho-est man you know is balling? The thing about a badass crying is that whatever is causing him to break like that must be something so hurtful that it would incapacitate any normal man.

Inspiring speeches before you go into battle

B ri n g on t he wate r wor ks ! M om e nts t h at make yo u r m a n - t ears f lo w

The man-tear—the purest, rarest substance to ever come out of a male Homo sapiens’ eye. We have never really felt comfortable showing our feelings in front of other people, so it’s quite an event when we do. But how do we differentiate crybabies from real Viking warrior tears? Besides getting kicked in the balls, there has never actually been a consensus on when we should consider tears manly, that is, until now.

WORDS: CHISE ALCANTARA 22 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

When your favorite athlete retires

Your favorite player retiring is probably one of the saddest yet most fulfilling moments for any sports fan. You’re sad to see them go but at the same time, you want to thank them for all the years they’ve made the game worthwhile. The game will never be the same since you changed it for all of us, idol.

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You and your comrades stand side to side, shaking in your boots, in the face of an enemy force, a hundred times larger than yours. You guys were just about to shit in your pants as the enemy sounds their battle cry, when your general starts reminding you why you’re here in the first place–why you’re fighting. Your country, for freedom, for your love ones so they could have a life after this, your heart pounds as his words echo inside your heart, tears, and sweat run across your face as you ride into battle. Or was that just a scene from Heneral Luna?

When your bro migrates to another country

There are only a few bonds stronger than the one between “bros.” Your “bros” aren’t just your blood bros, but they are the guys who know your deepest, darkest tendencies yet are still willing to share a bed with you when you’re both drunk. And the day has finally come when you have to part ways, a montage of all your greatest moments will just flash right before your eyes, as that song starts playing in the background, “I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again...”

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Movie quotes that will soften your pusong bato “She loved me at my worst, you had me at my best, at binalewala mo lang ‘yun.” – Popoy, One More Chance “I could have got more out. I could have got more. I don’t know. If I’d just... I could have got more.” – Oscar Schindler, Schindler’s List “Hindi. Na. Kita. Mahal. Makakaalis. Ka. Na. Seven words. Yung 8 years namin, kinaya niyang tapusin in 7 words.” - Mace, That Thing Called Tadhana “People keep saying he’s not really gone, as long as we remember him. But it still hurts.” - Hiro, Big Hero 6 “Sometimes, I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from hereon out, I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.” – Theodore, Her

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FRESH LOOK

PREMIERE EARTHQUAKE Vibrating O-ring for earth-shattering experience.

#f i tfo rple asu r e

Brace yourselves for the aftershock.

starter

BAR R O O M JOKES Do y ou r ememb er l a ug h t er?

Identification

Allan dies in a fire and his body is badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Peter and Jimmy, to identify the body. Peter arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Peter says, “Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over.” The mortician rolls him over, and Peter says, “Nope, not Allan.” The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Jimmy in to identify the body. Jimmy takes a look at Allan’s face and says, “Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolls him over and Jimmy says, “No, it ain’t Allan.” The mortician asks, “How can you tell?” Jimmy said, “Well, Allan had two assholes.” “What? He had two assholes?!” exclaims the mortician. “Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Allan with them two assholes.’” Paulina, via Facebook 24 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

I LLU STR ATI O N: M I K K E GALL AR D O

“Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard?” “Kasi type kita.” Albert, via Facebook

Singing a different tune

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.” BokuNoPico, via Facebook

One more chance

After his annual checkup, John learns that he has a rare disease, and only 12 hours left to live. His wife tearfully says, “Honey, I’m going to give you a night you’ll never forget.” They make passionate love with an ardor they haven’t felt in years. When they’re done, Bob asks his wife, “Can we do it again?” This time it’s even more passionate. Later, as she is about to doze off, John gives her a nudge and says, “Honey, I know it’s getting late, but I think we can do it one more time.” “That’s easy for you to say,” she complains. “You don’t have to get up in the morning.” JohnLorde, via Facebook facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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Kokak

A grandson runs up to his grandfather and asks him if he can talk like a frog. “Of course not,” says the grandfather. A few minutes later, his granddaughter asks him the same question. “No, of course not. Why are you both asking me this?” The granddaughter replies, “Dad said that when grandad croaks, we can go to Disneyland.” TabloidWriter, via Facebook

“Ibibili na kita ng salbabida” “Kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko.” Benga, via Facebook “Magaling ka siguro bumuo ng mga puzzles” “Kasi nakita lang kita, nabuo na araw ko.” Bastusin, via Facebook “Minamalat na naman ang puso ko…” “Paano kasi, lagi na lang sinisigaw yung pangalan mo.” Tentacle Snap, via Facebook “Nagsusuka ka ba ng mga rainbows?” “Kasi may kulay ang buhay kapag lasing ka.” The Cheese, via Facebook

DIRTIEST JOKE

SHE K N OWS

Grave digger

An old couple hate each other, but remain married for years. The old man constantly warns his wife, “If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back to haunt you!” One day, the man finally dies. After the burial, the wife immediately goes out to party. Her friends ask if she isn’t worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, “Let the old fart dig. I had him buried upside down!” Kanye, via Facebook fhmphilofficial

Q: What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Nicole, 21, Graphic Artist www.fhm.com.ph

LOUNGE PHOTOGRAPHY: EJAY LEUNG OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS STYLING: BELA VITUG HAIR AND MAKEUP: ANNE CASTAÑO WINGWOMAN LOGO: AUGGIE FONTANILLA

THE RULES OF

U N D RESSING You think you know how to get ladies nekkid? Our wingwoman offers a fresher perspective…

PA RT 1

THE STUFF UNDER YOUR PANTS People tend to forget the importance of underwear. If she feels like a million dollars in her panties, she will feel sexier and more comfortable in her body. This isn’t just a lady thing; the same applies to you as well. Fussing over ratty boxers or bacon briefs is a waste of energy—energy that should instead be focused on being confident and leading in the sack. Here is a little cheat sheet to make things easier…

Do wear

DoN’t wear

BAS I C , SO lID -C O lO R ED UN D I ES Wearing polka dots or patterns is distracting, and doesn’t really highlight your ding-dong, if that’s what you’re aiming for, ha ha!

RATTY BOxERS OR BACON BRIEFS The moment they start fading, restock! It’s not just about the ladies— you don’t deserve to be in old undies.

UNDIES IN THE RIgHT SIzE This is probably one of those real times when size is important. Oversized and teeny tiny boxers and briefs are unflattering.

U N D I E S w I T H S I l lY D E S I g N S ON THEm (wITH ExCEPTIONS) I always say don’t wear what you’re not comfortable with just for style, but If you can carry it, feel free to do so.

26 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

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PA RT 2

TAKINg THINgS OFF U N D o I N G H e r B ra Removing a bra is quite easy, it just takes a bit of practice. Here are ways to go about it… Let your hands wander for a bit. Going straight for her bra can be a turn-on for some ladies, but most of the time, ladies love it when you go through the motions and heat things up first. Letting your hands wander to her tasty parts lets you test the waters. When the time is right, put your arms around her and fiddle with the straps. Reach for the clasp with one or both hands. The obvious route, and the quickest way to

get the thing off of her, is to use fingers on both hands. If your other hand is busy heating her up, use your dominant hand to sneak through her back (or front, depending on the bra type) and find the hook. Use your forefinger and thumb and do a quick snap motion around the hooks. Or peel off the bra pads like a petal. If the plastic hooks get a little tricky to undo, you can always lift up or pull down the bra cups, and let her take care of undoing it later. Or you can leave the bra on and squeeze your hands through the bra pads. A bit of clothing can be exciting.

P e e L I N G o F F H e r Pa N t I e S Okay, so this is a no-brainer because who really thinks about taking off their ladies’ panties? It just happens. It’s more a reflection of what you’ve done and/or could be doing instead— Clasp the waist garters on each side and peel it down quick or slow

Insert your hands in the crotch area and pull from the inside down

Use your toes and knees

CONVENTIONAL

C R E AT I V E Ask her to take it off for you

U D ID N ’T T H IN g S Y O B O U T A KNOw -

IT l A N D D IV IN E m A H S m IT

She’s been with a guy Yes, I have dated a guy when I was younger. I think I was 15 then. Our relationship

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lasted about six months, and then I realized I could only be really interested in women. I do have man-crushes from time to time; it’s easy for me to say that a man is attractive—but this isn’t the same as saying I’m sexually attracted to guys. I feel that this advice goes out for everyone: Don’t be afraid to be who you are. facebook.com/FHM.ph •

Use your teeth

D IV I N e ’ S r U L e S o F U N D r e SS I N G Or, how you can feel like Ryan Gosling while undressing without actually having his body… Don’t hide and slink off. Hiding and slouching off shows you aren’t comfortable and creates tension. Concentrate on her, and not on you. Ask before undoing. There are exceptions. You don’t ask if: 1) You’re both in sync, going at a quick pace, and know what’s coming next;

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2) She’s already taking off her own clothes, or unbuttoning your pants. But if you’re going slow and are unsure of your lady’s rhythm, it might kill the mood if you suddenly start unbuttoning your pants. Pack confidence and a sense of humor. The only real way out of uncomfortable and awkward situations is having the ability to just laugh about it. And the thing about confidence is, if you have it, she’ll have it, and there will be no more room for fumbling and awkwardness.

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LOUNGE

AN ILLUSTRATED GUIDE OF

UNBECOMING

BROS AKA all the exboyfriends she ever had, and how not to end up like them… WORDS: RON JAY EDUVAS ILLUSTRATIONS: LOUIS ARENAS

L O U N G E D AT E H A C K S

OUR

STATS SAY

REASON FOR BREAKUP

THE SELF-CENTERED, INSENSITIVE GUY Her problem: “One time I had a misunderstanding with my family and I felt really down. I needed him to comfort me, but instead, he went out with his friends. Galing no?” – Julia, 20, mass comm student Your move: Most women’s moods are cryptic. You don’t know if they’re just having one of those swings or having a legitimate bad day. To be sure: always ask if her day is doing okay. Good for the both of you if it is, and good on you the sensitive hero if it turns out that she’s going through a rough patch.

BIG ON LIP SERVICE

Too strict

Her problem: “I once had an ex who was a smooth talker, but didn’t really get anything done when it came to our relationship. What’s worse, he’s a total baby; his parents do everything for him.” - Darline, 24, model Your move: Grow a spine. Be a man of less talk, more action. Or more talk, but even bigger action— especially in the sack. Let’s see what she’ll have to say about that.

Always fighting Third party Fell out of love Found someone better

HOW SHE SEES YOUR STEEZE

Jeans-and-sneaks guy

MR. KNOW-IT-ALL

Her problem: “Lahat na lang alam niya. I can never win against him in an argument.” - Joana Marie, 22, fashion designer Your move: Exercise self-reflection. Is being right—or believing you’re right—all the time worth losing precious MOMOL? Will one-upping her in the game of wits give you the upper hand in the game of kinks? The answer is obviously, no. Now you know what to do.

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Hangs-out-at-theclub guy

THE PERSON WHO DOESN’T SHOW UP

Her problem: “He’s not really big on social gatherings, and he refuses to meet my friends. It’s as if he’s saying to my face that he won’t exert any effort to meet the people who are important to me. DoTA is a bigger priority. Well I said, good riddance.” - J-em, 22, stylist Your move: If you can’t be bothered to show, make sure it’s clear that the two of you are “just dating” or in a “complicated” place, and in no actual terms “in a relationship.” That way, you can get back to your shutin gaming without being labeled a douche.

Very formal Lost in K-pop

Walang style

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NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 29

L O U N G E D AT E H A C K S

HOW SHE LABELS YOU

Sakto lang

TOO SERIOUS

Her problem: “Maturity in relationships is good, yes. Pero siyempre, kailangan pa rin naman ng lambing. My ex was always too serious!” – Kathy, 24, freelance model Your move If you’re clueless as to what makes grown women giggle, use that seriousness and ask her outright: San ka ba kinikilig? Do exactly as she says, or tweak according to your talents. Dubsmashing “God Gave Me You” a la Alden Richards can’t be all that bad, in intimate settings at least.

WO M A N I Z E R / C H EAT E R / F L I RT

Mukhang emo

Her problem: “I had an ex who pretty much hit on every girl he made eye contact with. Over time, I got tired of all the extra-curriculars, especially when I found out he really had a side chick” – Darline, 28 Your move: Ano ba naman yan, bro? Noob move! If you’re bad at lying and can’t practice monogamy, don’t get caught in an “exclusive” relationship.

Artsy-fartsy

Chubby

Tall and skinny

Good looking

WILL SHE TAKE YOU BACK?

PUBLIC-DISPLAY-OF-AGGRESSION GUY

Her problem: “When he’s angry, patay na. Parang okay lang sa kanya mapahiya ako. We often fought in public.” - Jess, 26, graphic artist “One of my ex slapped me in public. It was a painful experience, physically and emotionally.” - Joyce, 26, events photographer Your move: Hey, the ladies aren’t the only one with a temper. But hurting her? Really?! No excuse is legitimate. You don’t deserve to be with a girl. Period.

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THE DISAPPEARING ACT

Yes

Her problem: “For months, we were okay. We went out, hung out with our friends, did usual “couple” things. Then all of a sudden he stopped replying to my texts. Neither was he returning my calls, I even went to his place. Yun pala may iba ng ka-date. He didn’t even have the balls to break up with me.” Shayne, 30, call center agent Your move Break up with her. Break up with her even if you’re just dating, and break up with her when you aren’t sure you’re even a “thing.” Para malinaw.

No Undecided

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LOUNGE SEX

Staying power

Backstory: Food historian Felice Prudente Sta. Maria says that the idea of oysters fueling the love drive can be traced back to ancient times. “Venus (the Roman goddess of love and beauty) is depicted to come from a shell, which can be interpreted as a giant oyster.” Also, the other Roman gods have tried snatching up her pearl every chance they got. Will it work? “All shellfish contain calcium, iron, iodine, phosphorous, vitamin B, and glyco-phosphates. Basically, all the essential pampagana and nutrients to give you stamina,” Sta. Maria says.

We enlist the help of food and science to give you the ability to make her swoon uncontrollably

WORDS: CHISE ALCANTARA

SPECIAL THANKS TO: FELICE PRUDENTE STA. MARIA, AUTHOR AND CULTURAL HERITAGE ADVOCATE

Backstory: Used as far back as 500 B.C. as an all-around remedy, from cuts and burns, to colds and sore throat. Greek physician Hippocrates prescribed the combo of milk and honey for “love and ecstasy.” Will it work? “There is a sudden high when the sweetness affects the bloodstream. It is also a quick source of energy,” Sta. Maria says. You know what that energy is for.

1 Nature always had a great supply of mojo going

2 Nip bald spots in the bud 32 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

products like Hairegen is packed with Vitamins D and E, iron and magnesium, plus all the “good-guy-acids”: alphalinolenic, linolenic, and essential fatty acids—to save your full head of mop from disappearing. facebook.com/hairgen

You may have panot genes that are dormant in your 20s, but later down the line you will have to make a choice between going full-on kalbo or using hair re-growing products. We say start early. Antithinning and anti-hairfall

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Backstory: Consumed by the early Aztec emperors to fuel sexual trysts. Sta. Maria adds it was “favored by the religious so they could stay awake during required evening and early morning prayers.” Will it work? It’s got two things going for it: tryptophan and phenylethylamine—chemicals in the brain that are related to sexual arousal and stimulations suggestive of “falling in love.”

3 Get an extra push If you’re still skeptical of aphrodisiacs, then FDA-approved dietary supplements are probably your best bet. What are calculated milligrams of ginseng extract and horny goat weed after all, if not to boost your mood and sustain erections on end? Take one or two tablets of Robust dietary supplement for men an hour or two before nookie and you’ll get that extra push. Available at major drugstores and supermarkets; facebook.com/ ATCrobust

MODEL: MelISSA PAUlO PhOtOgraPhy: ReY TRAJANO StyLINg: JeSSICA FANG MaKE UP aND haIr: KRYSTAl ReNee MODEL aPPEarS FOr ILLUStratION PUrPOSE ONLy

, LADIES CONFESSIONS

LOUNGE

Adventures in fetish

For the love of early emissions

I have a premature ejaculation fetish. I love making guys come even if they’re holding back, though, I do make it clear that they do have to take care of me afterwards. I first learned that I had this fetish when I made out with my first boyfriend I was grinding on top of him, with my butt cheeks rubbing against his cock. After a couple of minutes, I felt him go soft then 34 Fh M NOVEMBER 2015

I saw a wet patch growing on his pants—I had never felt so horny in my life. He let out a soft moan, and was breathing pretty heavily. He apologized, but I smiled at him and said it was okay, and that I really liked it that he came. I reached into his pants and started spreading his semen all over his pubic hair and crotch. He asked me why I was doing that, but back then; I really didn’t understand why it was so titillating for me. facebook.com/FHM.ph •

ALwAyS hErE tO LIStEN, LADIES! Keep sending your escapades to fhmladiesconfessions @gmail.com or Facebook.com/fhm.ph

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I just liked to watch him twitch as I massaged his sensitive soft dick while playing with strings of cum dripping from my hand. Now, I am slowly starting to understand what I like about premature ejaculation. I really like the fact that I can control men, and bend them to my will. It’s really empowering to have that power over them—deciding when they have their moment of unadulterated bliss. ButInReality, via Facebook www.fhm.com.ph

LOUNGE CONFESSIONS

“I started giving him a handjob when suddenly, he reaches for his socks and asks me if I could use it to stroke him.” you sock

I dated this guy who was kinda weird in bed. It was our first time to ever have sex so we were both pretty excited about it. We rented a motel room so we wouldn’t be bothered by anyone. We started making out and I unzipped his pants. I started giving him a handjob when suddenly, he reached for his socks and asked me if I could use them to stroke him. I thought he was joking at first but he was really insistent that I do so, so I reluctantly obliged. I started jacking him off with a sock on his dick and he was really enjoying it, a bit too much I would think since he came into the sock after a couple of minutes. That’s when I knew I had to ditch this weirdo because he wanted me to eat the cum that was in his sock like girls would do in some porn movies my current boyfriend would let me watch. I excused myself and never met up with him again. Velma, via Facebook

Burn baby burn

One hot summer night, the water company that supplied water to our 36 Fh M NOVEMBER 2015

baranggay decided it would be a wonderful idea to stop supplying water during this drought. We were really sticky and sweaty while laying on the bed when my hubby suddenly put his arm around me and started massaging my breast. I scolded him, “Ano ba? Ang init!” He retorted, “Eh ang boring eh. Sige na...” I couldn’t resist his puppy dog eyes. I told him that the only way he would convince me to have sex was to make himself smell fresher. He got our isopropyl alcohol and started rubbing some on his body. I guess he wasn’t thinking straight and accidently put some on his dick which I could tell, burned like hell. I started blowing on it to relieve some pain, and that’s when I noticed him start to get hard so I blew his dick in a different way. It was one of the funniest and sexiest experiences we’ve had so far as a couple. PyroIra, via Facebook

MEANwhILE, IN LADy PArtS I.Q.

It’s in the pits

the patch of skin beside her boobs and under her arms is another female erogenous zone (area sensitive to sexual stimulation). For this reason, fetishes like consensual axilisim (sticking it in her kilikili) should be as satisfying for her as it is for you.

Manwich

I’m a straight female, but I really like watching porn of gay guys pleasuring each other. Sometimes I wish I was facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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sandwiched in-between them as they would grind up against each other. I asked two of my hot bisexual guy friends to have a threesome with me and they miraculously said, yes. I was really, really, happy that they agreed so I really got in some goods hours at the gym, and prepped myself for our scheduled ménage à trois. The weekend finally came, and I thought I was ready for them, but I was in for quite the workout. One of them started going at me from behind, doggy style, while the other started mouth-fucking me. The one thrusting from behind flipped me over and squeezed my nipples which made me cum a little. All the while, I was almost choking from the other guy’s huge dick. They made me their play thing for a good two hours. We were all really exhausted after they both came inside of me. It felt like I ran two, very hard marathons that day, but I can’t wait for the next time where they are planning one more friend to come along. Threeon-one makes it even more exciting! FitBitch, via Facebook www.fhm.com.ph

ACCESS

NOVEMBER 2015 YO U R M O N T H LY VI P PASS

WORDS: JULIUS FERNANDEZ

Academy-award winning Bond Girls in the movie canon: Halle Berry and Kim Basinger. Also the number of times Timothy Dalton starred as 007.

Women undeniably killed by James Bond: Naomi in The Spy Who Loved Me, Xenia in Goldeneye, and Elektra in The World Is Not Enough.

Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig have four James Bond movies each to date.

F I LM

Bond by the numbers ThIs MonTh sees The 24Th InsTaLLMenT To The JaMes Bond FILM, whIch sTars Four-TIMe 007 danIeL craIg. here, a reFresher oF The oTher Tux-wearIng agenTs ThaT were…

The five actors who played Q: Peter Burton, Demond Llewelyn, Alec McCowen, Monty Python’s John Cleese, and Parfum’s Ben Whishaw.

George Lazenby only got one shot to play James Bond because he passed on a 7-year contract–he thought that the emerging counterculture of the era meant the movie franchise was passe. Well, obviously…

Sean Connery, first onscreen Bond of the Eon 007-era, had five consecutive movies plus one more in 1971 (Diamonds Are Forever). He would have had seven, but the movie Never Say Never Again does not belong to the Eonproduced James Bond films.

Number of Roger Moore films–the one with the most James Bond roles in Eon-produced James Bond movies.

US Billboard Peak ranking of these OSTs: Goldfinger (Shirley Bassey), Die Another Day (Madonna), and Skyfall (Adele).

02 F I LM

Asian countries visited by James Bond: Russia, Kazakhstan, Turkey, Lebanon, Azerbaijan, Afghanistan, India, Pakistan, China-PRC, Hong Kong-SAR, Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, and North Korea.

Number of women kissed by Roger Moore as James Bond, arguably the most elegant British gentleman, who perfected the comic and the action in the Bond franchise.

Most number of times one sole actor in the movie series said “Bond. James Bond.” It was by Roger Moore.

110 minutes was the running time of the first Eon-produced Bond film, Dr. No, which is three minutes longer than Quantum Solace (shortest with 107 minutes).

Number of average alcohol units intake for all 23 Bond movies. Highest was in Casino Royale with 26 units, and lowest is in License To Kill with four units.

Car brands used by James Bond: Sunbeam, Land Rover, Citroen, Toyota, AMC, GM, MP Lafer, Lotus, Renault, Bentley, BMW, Ford, and Aston Martin.

Number of American Bond Girls out of the 75 total: Tiffany Case, Plenty O’Toole, Bambi, Thumper, Rosie Carver, Anya Amasova, Holly Goodhead, Bibi Dahl, Stacey Sutton, Linda, Pam Bouvier, Lupe Lamora, Paris Carver, Dr. Christmas Jones, and Jinx.

Build your own settlement ala Minecraft crossed with SimCity

Product when you multiply the digits in the time signature (4/4) of the James Bond original soundtrack, which was composed by Monty Norman.

1.78 meters–Daniel Craig’s height. He happens to be the shortest among the James Bonds.

Total number of women kissed by Sean Connery as James Bond.

Vodka martinis imbibed in the whole duration of the Bond flicks. Specifically, vodka martinis—but he also knows his whiskey, Bollinger, Tattinger, Raki, Mint Julep, Mojito, Smirnoff, Suntory, Theotaki Aspro, and so many more!

The usa geTs BLown up (agaIn) In FaLLouT 4 If you’re the miserly type who only buys a game if it can guarantee 10 or more hours of playtime, Fallout 4 is the game for you: You can easily spend a hundred hours running around its postapocalyptic wasteland. What is there to do? Quite a lot, sir.

Doomsday games

Customize your suit of power armor ala modifying a car

21st of July 2005, “shaken, not stirred” ranked 90 on a list of best movie quotes by the American Film Institute. On the 21st of June 1962, the Bond theme song was recorded.

Caliber-.22 AR-7 with infrared telescope was among James Bond’s gadgets (From Russia With Love). And don’t we love his myriad of gadgets?

23rd Bond film–Skyfall–is the highest grossing Bond film of all time.

Spectre is the longest James Bond movie with a running time of two hours and 40 minutes.

Hot rod your guns with over 700 possible mods

Endlessly hunt for loot to craft objects because everything has a purpose (unlike all those spoons and forks you pick up in Skyrim) Unlock all 275 character perks because there is no maximum player level Recruit all of 12 possible companions. Have sex with some of them Make questionable moral decisions with the Mass Effectesque dialogue system Just mess around in general because the game simply goes on after you beat the main story!

WORDS: ASH MAHINAY

Total number of times Italy and France were featured as Bond’s destination, with Italy having four (For Your Eyes Only, Casino Royale, The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker) and France having five (Thunderball, Diamonds are Forever, Moonraker, A View to Kill, and Goldeneye).

NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 39

AC C ESS

Pinoy Komiks: An Anthology of Filipino Indie Comics

The Pretender

Noel Pascual The title may scream the Foo Fighters’ classic but the storyline, while outright directionless, had no trace of pretension. Uncannily illustrated and hilariously action-packed, what you see is what you get.

Various Artists Tunes in to historical satire, folklore, and reallife struggles. Basically a compact cultural collective from some of the best indie cartoonists in the Philippines.

03 c oM Ics

Pick up that komik! saTe your vIsuaL sToryTeLLIng needs wITh These LocaL graphIc reads

Tabi Po (1 & 2)

Mervin Malonzo Think of Tabi Po as a mythological Noli or El Fili. Some of the issues Rizal pointed out in those reads, harks back with increasing similarity here, right down to the character names—albeit in a more gory, lascivious fashion.

Strange Natives: The Boy With Capiz Eyes

Carlorozy Clemente What if instead of the ghostly, you’re able to perceive elemental beings and nature folk that are really there but aren’t? Strange Natives offers you a glimpse into that, then proves that unruly boys are better off with lola than in military school.

Gastronomical Visions WORDS: PAULO AGUILERA PHOTOGRAPHY: HEIDI AQUENDE

40 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

Tilde Acuña A peculiarly psychedelic tableau for you to interpret. Can either be nauseating or filling to some. facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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Rodski Patotski: Ang Dalagang Baby

Ang Alamat Ng Panget & Many Other

Gerry Alanguilan/Arnold Arre Rodski is a born Einstein with the EQ of a five-yearold. She’s recruited by the military who use her geniusgrade IQ to create weapons of mass destruction. Comic heavyweights Gerry Alanguilan and Arnold Arre bring the drama and the laughs in this odd, sci-fi coming-of-age.

Apol Sta. Maria Apol Sta. Maria’s comic strips may look like it was drawn by kids, but the story’s themes and source material definitely aren’t. Sta. Maria’s humor is dry and not for everybody.

Patay Kung Patay

Mike Alcazaren, Noel Pascual, AJ Bernardo Straight out of a ’90s action flick or political biopic, with a plot that thickens at every page turn, and a cameo by director and Internet renegade, Jun Sabayton.

Terminal Seas

Mythspace (Volume 1)

Miles Fabonan A fisherman sets off on one of the most bizarre sea voyages imaginable. Will he ever find the elusive Eden’s Flounder in this sea of mystifying sketches?

Koi Carreon, Paul Quiroga, Jules Gregorio, Mico Dimagiba, Cristina Chua, Borg Sinaban It’s obvious that Philippine mythology is a fanciful and integral part of our rich heritage—have that intersect with space above and beyond and what you end up with is this compelling compendium of multi-galactic sagas.

Rangirang

Apol Sta. Maria A caricature conundrum growing bewildering by the page. Could be mistaken for your younger brother’s coloring book.

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Lagimbal: Saving the Messiah

Patrick ‘RAWWRR’ Enrique Pairs biblical elements with a cuss-loving cowboy protagonist. Usual aswang suspects and western adversaries are sprinkled in for added flavor.

NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 41

AC C ESS

M US IC

Bedroom Producer

…IS not what the “B.P.” In B.P. ValenzUela StandS for, BUt It’S StIll rIght In a way!

You started young in the industry. Were you a music geek growing up? In high school, I was a session guitarist. I went to a high school that allowed students to enjoy the arts. We would form little bands and they would always get me to play the guitar. How would you call your music? Electronic? Electronic pop. A lot of people are, like, “Talaga? Electronic pop?” because my music is moodier. People think e-pop is bouncier, although my music still retains some element of that. Do you think genres are getting outdated in the modern music age? Like electronic instantly means Zedd or something. Yeah! People think there’s just EDM. My music also has electronic elements, with a twist of pop to it. Usually people feel defined by a genre, but others can feel confined instead. Let’s describe The Neon Hour as music to listen to when _____. People tell me it’s the perfect drive or commute music, and it’s a huge compliment because I wrote most of it while in transit. I’d record voice memos when I think about something and that kind of feel was an inspiration–that idea of constantly moving. What music do you play in the car? It depends on my mood–from ’90s rock to trap [a raw amalgamation of hip-hop and electronic] when I drive talaga that’s when I soak in all the inspiration. It takes two hours to get anywhere right now so it’s a good time to listen to a lot of music! Finally, is B.P. a secret handle? It’s my given name, but I never really spell it out, ha ha! it’s shorthand for a really long name! Growing up, people would think I was a dude. I don’t know if it’s a gender thing to have initials, but people would think I was a boy, ha ha! FH M

‘a lot of PeoPle are lIke, “ talaga ? eleCtronIC PoP?” BeCaUSe My MUSIC IS MoodIer. PeoPle thInk e-PoP IS BoUnCIer.’

PHOTOGRAPHY: EjAY LEunG Of MidniGHT BOnkERs; inTERviEw: AsH MAHinAY sTYLinG: dEBRA BERnALEs; MAkEuP: AMAndA PAdiLLA; HAiR: EMMAnuEL HERnAndEz ii

Unlike many electronic artists who adopt a larger-than-life persona, B.P. Valenzuela arrived at our studio with a very laidback and chill demeanor. Her first album, The Neon Hour, is pretty much the kind of sound you’d expect from an album title that invokes visions of city lights, the nighttime, staying out late, and driving around.

AC C ESS

05 EVE NT

What would the world be like 50 years from now? ThE AsiAPOP COmiCON mANilA 2015 COsPlAyErs TAkE ThE fuTurE iN ThEir hANds INTERVIEW: PAULO AGUILERA PHOTOGRAPHY: MARK JESALVA

MK Morreaux, 25, writer We'll probably have more skyscrapers in the future, so high we won’t see the ground! Plus, Ultron might have a chance of taking over. 44 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

Edrich Oblepias,

24, graphic artist Either we’ll go green, or sobrang dumi ng Earth na kailangan natin mag-colonize ng ibang planets. Ha ha! Feel ko magiging ganun!

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Xidge Evangelista,

25, business owner I think the world will be more into technology—hoverboards, floating cars...outdated pirates maybe? Pirates in space!

Elliot Miranda, 24, actor I think vintage is coming back, and people are going to care more about locally created stuff. We will have a strong sense of national identity and pride, which I hope won't translate into something bad, like spark another Cold War. Let's not get back into that.

Pauline Basa,

24, virtual assistant Highly advanced na ’yung technology—more infrastructure, human communities. We'll focus more on human civilization.

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Momo Santos,

22, student Pretty much the same, but with we’d be able to go to the new Earth already by then, or to a new planet they find!

Jennelyn Rafael,

26, model Masyado na siyang makabago. Magiging maganda siya kung magiging creative tayo as a people. www.fhm.com.ph

Eru Calub, 20, student More populated and even worse pollution. More buildings will be constructed and we'll have less trees.

CatCh th e Com plete fi r st s eason of m r. roBot on i flix

Angel Mendoza aka Angel Kitsuneko, Tim G. Villazor aka Timzter, 31, writer

I guess we'll survive as long as people have faith among themselves, do good, don’t overdo things, and don’t overpopulate.

19, student I guess more technological advancement...and pollution!

Disruptive Behavior

Rio Tanchuling,

21, student I think the world would be like how it would be in Back To The Future, ha ha! With floating skateboards and time travel, mga ganyan.

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Rami Malek (Short Term 12, Need for Speed ) portrays anti-social computer geek Elliot Anderson, who has serious skills for hacking into the world’s most dangerous prisons, bank accounts, and the world’s richest and biggest conglomerates. Sitting through a couple of episodes, you can see how Mr. Robot is a pretty good assessment of where society is now—the show’s underlying sentiments touching on corporate greed, government policies, and the evils of technology. Its appeal is a cross between Breaking Bad’s brilliant but deviant protagonist, Walter White, and Fight Club’s mind-boggling narration. Psychological thriller, hacker drama, socio-political commentary—whatever else you call it, Mr. Robot engages and enrages.

Anicka Lyka Yu,

21, model Mas malalang traffic, hindi lang sa Edsa, pati sa probinsya! Lahat ng tao maglalakad na lang by then. Cosplayers will invade the world! facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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WORDS: ABBY MENDOZA

COuNT ON hACkEr-VigilANTE ElliOT ANdErsON TO sAVE ThE wOrld frOm ThE EVil EmPirE As TV’s NEwEsT ANTihErO iN mr. rObOT

NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 45

ph o togra phy

MARK NICDAO

int e rvie w

ALLAN P. HERNANDEZ

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WhIte loose tank top, stylIst’s oWn

THIs Is INA RAyMuNDO’s gIfT TO HERsELf As sHE TuRNs 40 NExT MONTH. yOu HAvE TO sTOP AND CONsIDER THE sHEER PHysICAL IMPOssIbILITy Of THIs gIfT. How is it that five children were born out of this body, practically one after another, yet its form has been preserved, as though she were made not out of bone and flesh but of some gelatinous substance? Even more fascinating, this process of childbirth occurred naturally. No doctor ever axed her open and pulled out all those little tykes then sewed her back shut. The laws of nature shouldn’t have allowed. Something in her should have collapsed or shriveled up. And yet here she is, looking at 40 like she did at 20. We are not making this up. If you care to dig up that classic beer TV commercial of 20 years ago on YouTube, you’d know what we mean. Watch her strut her stuff there and you’d think some sort of rock and roll voodoo was at work. Ina could still pass for the Sabado Nights girl every Pinoy guy fantasized about in 1995. Ina was a bona fide pop culture

phenomenon then. No one knew who she was when that TV commercial came out, and immediately right after the first airing every guy was asking, “Who is that girl?” This was preInternet, pre-cellphone—the buzz was purely word-of-mouth. Overnight, she became the national crush. So it was already set in stone that when FHM Philippines debuted in 2000, Ina Raymundo would be one of the pioneer cover girls. The story of why it didn’t happen is right here. This officially makes the November 2015 issue the longest we’ve ever had to wait for a cover. If you were born in 1995, you’re staring at a fantasy. If you were the guy asking who she was back in 1995, you’re staring at a fantasy that took 20 years to come true. Ina has bridged the years and put you under her spell. Consider the sheer impossibility of that…

styl i n g b EA C O Ns T AN T IN O s t y l e a s s oc i a t e M O N IKA RA vA NERA a ssiste d by A NTONETH MANg y A O a nd AL bETH b ENIPA y O m a ke up M AR LON suAR E Z

ha ir R AyM OND M AT EO a ssiste d by JONAs fLOR Es

s p e c i a l t ha nks t o P AuLA PuNL A & OgI E R ODR I gu EZ of NAI LAHOLI Cs

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I n a R ay m u n d o

leatheRette BodysuIt By Body paRty By donna VIllasanta (@BodypaRtyph)

I n a R ay m u n d o

The back story of this cover is that this should have happened 15 years ago. Can you tell us how that came to be? Okay we’ll have to go back to 2000, I had short hair then, and I had just finished…that movie [she asked that we not talk about it because she did not want her kids to do some “research”]. I remember shooting ko na the following the day and then biglang nagkahika ako—asthmatic ako, yun ang problema. So hindi natuloy; I was very, very sick. Hindi na siya naulit because shortly after that I got pregnant. Ang feeling ko it was not meant to happen then. You said in our pre-production meeting that you wanted this cover as a gift to yourself on your 40th birthday. Yes, I’m turning 40 on December 9th. In my mid-30s I knew that I wanted to do something big on my 40th birthday; ang original plan ko was to do a shoot with Mark Nicdao for my personal portfolio lang. And then suddenly your offer came up—thank you very much! I’m very flattered, but I feel bad at the same time because for the past several years I had always declined your offer. I finally decided that if Mark was going to be the photographer, I’d do it. Why did you always say no? Eh kasi naman lagi akong buntis! Ha ha! I have five kids! So every, what, two years pregnant ako, from 2001 hanggang 2013. So walang chance di ba? I mean after giving birth I would spend about a year breastfeeding— wow, ang sexy ng topic natin ha ha! So there was no chance. And also during that time I felt that I was so motherly na kalokohan na’ng mag-pose for a men’s magazine. Ngayon ko lang siguro nakuha ulit yung confidence that I can still do it. It’s strange that you’re having the confidence of a woman in her 20s now that you’re 40. You know, bata pa lang ako I had always kept to heart what they say that life begins at 40. For the last 14 years I had dedicated myself to my kids, so now I’m doing this for myself. So do you feel younger now? Yes, I do. I think this is what you call a mid-life crisis! Others go through their mid-life crisis down and depressed, but here you are very excited. Ganon ba yon? Basta ako ang feeling ko lang I want to do something different. Di ba FHM means For Him Magazine, pero I think yung cover

na to means For Her Magazine, kasi I want to encourage women to be fit and healthy after having kids, or even without having kids. Which brings us to the big question we’ve always wanted to ask, seeing how you aced this shoot: How were five children born out of that body? Parang wala namang nangyari! Ha ha! You know, lahat ng anak ko malalaki—they weighed, like, eight pounds when I gave birth to them, the youngest weighed in at almost nine pounds. At lahat sila through natural childbirth. That’s exactly what we mean! As far as we know, the rules say that shouldn’t happen. Sabi ng OB-Gyne ko, it’s amazing that my hips somehow open up when I give birth. So it’s really a gift, buti na lang. Did you plan to have five kids or were you and the hubby just so into each other that you ditched family planning? The plan was to have three kids, so yung dalawa bonus na lang. Pero hanggang lima na lang—promise! Sure na sure! Final answer! But you have not been, you know, ligated? No. Which leaves a 50 percent chance that you will break your word. We have to tell you that FHM has a history of women who posed for us getting pregnant shortly after. Oo nga, you mentioned that nung preproduction meeting natin. Sinu-sino yung mga ‘yon? No names, but they’re a handful. I’m scared! Siguro after this, I will wear really conservative clothes, ha ha! Do your kids have any idea who you are? Actually, yes. Kasi ang daming nagpapa-selfie with me. They say, “Everyone knows you, mommy.” We mean being a sexy celebrity? Wala pa. But I think my eldest already has an idea. She’s 13 and she thinks that I’m not cool. She doesn’t like it if I like their songs. When I sing one of their songs they go, “Why are you singing that song?!” so parang wala akong karapatang kantahin yon kasi kanta niya yon, ha ha! Years later she’ll bloom into a young woman—and FHM being FHM we’re always looking for beautiful women to be on the cover. When the time comes, would you allow your daughter to do the same? Ask the dad, not me. She used to be

interested in the celebrity life, I would take her to some shoots and she would watch these soap operas. But now she’s very different, she’s at that stage of being a typical teenager. What are the things you like about this generation? I like the music. Yung twerking, grabe pwede ko yang pagkakitaan! Kasi nung isang araw may ginawa akong fitness video na I was twerking, and a company paid me for it! Nung party ng anak ko lang nagkatuwaan lang kami nung brother-in-law ko na magtwerk, biglang, wow, ang daming may gustong mag-twerk ako. Okay, we’ll leave motherhood problems because we’re beginning to sound like Good Housekeeping. Stalking your social media accounts, we find that you seem like a workout addict—you get into all sorts of programs! We’re not complaining, though, you look good doing it. I just like to try new things. I’m interested to try any workout that takes less than an hour to do, kasi gusto ko yung mabilis lang pero intense, effective, yung tipong pawisan. I love Zumba, I recently started doing electric cycling. I do TRX [suspension training], boxing, weights. Hindi naman ako mabilis ma-bore— yung TRX and Zumba I’ve been doing them for three years and hindi pa rin ako nagsasawa. So you’re all for intensity and doing it fast? Right now, I’m all for intensity and doing it fast. But someday, it’ll be “nice and slow.” I’m talking about my workout, okay?! Ha ha! Since your kids shouldn’t be reading this because they’re underage, we’ll leave it at that to protect them. How do you divide your time being a wife, a mother, a celebrity, a workout addict, and now a FHM babe? As a wife I make sure that I give time for my husband. Like earlier we had breakfast together kahit na sobrang busy ko. I’m super malambing. And then with the kids, like yesterday I accompanied them to their voice lessons. I have to do it myself and I have to keep to the a routine or else things will turn out chaotic. Time management is really very important that’s why you need to keep fit para di ka nauubusan ng energy. But then you’re asthmatic. I know! Pag hinika ako ibig sabihin sobrang busy ko and sobrang pagod and kulang na sa tulog.

Gold BodysuIt By Body paRty By donna VIllasanta (@BodypaRtyph)

I n a R ay m u n d o

And then there’s Sabado Nights, the beer commercial that made you every guy’s fantasy overnight. That was 20 years ago—looking back at it now, how do you feel about that bit of Pinoy pop culture phenomenon? I know…it was fun. I just remember I was very cool about it when I became the Sabado Nights girl. I just enjoyed every minute of it, that wherever I go people would notice me, lahat sila nagpapa-autograph—yun pa yung uso no’n, wala pang pa-selfie. Tsaka syempre, I was a nobody and then overnight, I became famous. Ang daming nagkaka-crush sa akin, ha ha! And to think second choice lang ako no’n. I was told they had already chosen a girl, and the first day ng shoot, they realized they had gotten the wrong girl, kulang daw sa “landi,” yun yung term nila. So ako yung pinili nila…anong ibig sabihin no’n?! Ha ha! I remember that night I was out sa gimikan, and then suddenly my manager called to tell me I should go home na because I had a shoot that morning at 7 a.m. Nagklamo pa ko non kasi late notice. But I went to the shoot anyway. And the rest is history. So the Sabado Nights girl image was really you. Oo, ginagawa ko na yun kasi I was already 19 at the time, I was starting to have fun. Twenty years later you can watch the commercial on YouTube and it’s still cool—your image, the song, they’re both classics. Ang ganda talaga kasi nung song! One of my most favorite OPM songs, “Sabado Nights” by Rizal Underground. Do you recall any of the wild tours you went to as the Sabado Nights girl? I went everywhere—Cebu, Bacolod, Iloilo, Bicol, lahat yun pinuntahan ko— then we’d go to clubs to promote, grabe ang daming tao and nagsisigawan sila pag nakikita nila ko. And the guys were… Going wild! They would chant, “Ina! Ina! Ina!” ako naman sasayaw. It was a party mood, woo! Sobrang sarap talaga, ang saya nung time na yon. Hay, memories… Now you’re active again. Do you consider this a comeback? I would say so, yes. A lot of people thought I had lived abroad for time. They would ask me, ‘O, gaano ka katagal sa States?’ Bakit feeling nila nasa States ako the whole time? I never left. Nandito lang ako. Low-profile and…pregnant, walang katapusang pag-ire ng baby, ha ha!

Did you have a hard time reacquainting yourself with the business? Napansin ko lang ngayon mas maaga na ang call time, 7 a.m. Dati 9 a.m. Ngayon may tent na, may portalet, ha ha! May sequence breakdown so you know what you’ll be doing for the day, mas may system definitely. I miss doing movies, though. We don’t mean to sound patronizing, but looking at you, and at the younger stars you sometimes take selfies with, it doesn’t look like the age difference is apparent, but you’re more than a decade older than them! Magaling yung makeup artist ko, ha ha! Thanks! Maybe it’s my genes. My dad is 68 and he looks good for his age. My mom is 61 and it’s the same for her, she looks young. I hope I could be the same just by being healthy, by working out five days a week. I recently saw on Instagram a picture of a 59-year-old French model, she was so sexy and beautiful and alam mong wala siyang pinagawa sa face niya. When I saw that I said to myself, “There’s hope,” na you don’t have to go under the knife. I used to think that I would probably need [cosmetic surgery] when I turned 50 despite the fact na ayokong gawin, but when I saw that French model—and she looks great!—I want to be like her. Let’s do an advice section now to close this special cover: What golden bit of wisdom would you give young couples. There’s a couple fever right now gripping the country. So I’ve been married for almost 13 years and we’ve been together 15 years, I guess I’m qualified to dish out advice: Be friends with your partner. You have to respect, admire, and be comfortable with each other. Lust and physical attraction are just not enough. Di ba may mga couples na grabe nila asarin ang isa’t isa? Na parang friends lang kayo, kung i-humiliate niyo ang isa’t isa ganon na lang—you shouldn’t be that way. And young, single girls? Hay, girls…really? Love yourself. I have four girls, right? So I’m really going to tell them this pag malalaki na sila: There are so many jerks out there, so you have to be very careful. You have to love yourself more. That hurts. No, seriously. Girls, you are worth more than you think. You don’t have to be conceited or mean, you have to be nice to people, but you have to think highly of yourself. And guys, our young readers, who may or may not be jerks. We’re sure they’re all gentlemen out there. I’m not saying everyone’s a jerk, but there are so many jerks out there, and it’s the truth, di ba? Pero I have a son, and I’m teaching him to be a gentleman, to never break a girl’s heart, to respect women because, come on, he has four sisters and an awesome mom! FHM

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I n a R ay m u n d o

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I n a R ay m u n d o

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WOrDS: ANDY JONES, FHM PHILIPPINES

or most of us, discounted airfares are normal and business class—and wow, first class—is something that happens to other people. But what’s so wrong with a little splurge? Because

our inner cheapskates know better—so we’ve compiled a number of schemes to make you feel like an A-lister and in business class not just in transit, but in all aspects of your life. Want to know more? Step this way, sir…

illuStratiOnS: LOUIS ARENAS

TRAVEL

Get an uPGraDe On YOur FliGht 01 Get the beSt Seat FOr YOur bucK Okay, you’re stuck in cattle class, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with a terrible seat. Website SeatGuru (seatguru.com) has hundreds of seat maps that highlight the best and worst seats available on every aircraft, check in early, secure the best position—and print your boarding pass so you’ve got that space locked in.

02 be charminG TripAdvisor Flights tips that with more people booking online, there are fewer people asking the question, “Is the flight full? If you’re looking to upgrade someone then I’m available.” (Tip: Best pulled off in international flights). Other factors: a broken seat, faulty entertainment system, or sitting next to a screaming baby can potentially get you moved up on a flight.

03 Get in the club Join a frequent flyer club and start earning points or miles. When airlines are oversold, they naturally choose loyalty first. This may not apply on single-class local flights, but for international travel at least, Skyscanner found that 42 percent of upgrades came from British Airways. Too huge a leap? Some airlines email you the day of your departure offering an upgrade, so make sure you check.

DATING

Plan aheaD, be cOOl anD SuaVe

uPDate YOur DatinG Game Take note of these pearls of wisdom from FHM’s female readers 01 “Check out the resto before our actual date, surprise me with flowers, and wag na wag mo ko papauwiin mag-isa!” Bela, stylist 02 “Don’t glance at your phone too often. I hate that.” Lyka, TV programming coordinator 03 “Dinner and drinks is better than coffee and sweets.” Lia, legal assistant 04 “I wish guys would stop second-guessing themselves. A date is supposed to be fun, and if a guy is too conscious of every little thing he does, how is he going to enjoy himself? It’s also very nice when they tell us we look nice.” Jen, editor

05 “It’s okay to splurge and bring us to a fancy restaurant—but only if you know what’s good to eat there, hindi yung pupunta lang tayo dahil mahal dun. That’s stupid.” Mary Ann, blogger

06 “Focusing on world cuisines is a good idea, too—instead of price. Like, kung Japanese, where’s the best kushi katsu place? Or the best place to get Indian food? And so on.” Desi, research assistant

thrOW the ultimate eVeninG SOiree aKa hOuSe PartY Here’s how you get the in-crowd inside your pad… 01 extenD PrintS nOt e-ViteS A backwards approach? Not necessarily. People get added to Facebook group invites all the time they barely read them. A physical invite feels more personal and encourages more people to come. 02 Get bubblY Because we’re already on the subject of upgrades: mojitos and sparkling wine for kicks—over beer or gin—is a better choice, and should impress most ladies.

ENTERTAINmENT DO YOur DrinKinG riGht HAVE HAPPY HOUR AT THESE GASTROPUBS Drinking and eating upscale pulutan comes at a price, but not when you swing by these places, at these hours 01 TiPSY PiG GASTROPUB Happy hour: 4 p.m. – 8 p.m. Sunday – Thursday

76 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

Beer at: 2 for 1 for local beers 02 THE PERfEcT PinT Happy hour: 4 p.m. – 8 p.m. daily Beer at: 10 percent off on all craft beers 03 BiG BAd WOlf Happy hour: 3 p.m. – 7 p.m. daily

Beer at: P35/bottle, P25/wing, buy 1 take 1 on all classic cocktails 04 dRAfT GASTROPUB Happy hour: 11 a.m. – 7 p.m.; 3 p.m. – 7 p.m. Beer at: Buy 2 or a pint on tap, get 1 glass (Stella Artois); 2 for 1 cocktails

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03 maKe a PrO bar Stock up on lemons, lime, and other garnish in small bowls and glasses. Crush the ice and you’ve got a mojito bar. 04 Get the DetailS DOWn Use candles to light up boring tables. Actual glassware makes any drink look more…drinkable. Plastic and paper cups aren’t an upgrade.

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TEch Get aPP-Y

BESPOKE YOUR SMARTPHONE Tap into the latest apps on Google Play or iTunes 01 MOMONDO A flights app with a tracker that shows you the cheapest time to fly. 02 FLIO Automatically logs you into most airport and train WiFi networks. 03 CITYMAPPER A must for anyone new to a city, this award-winning app shows you the secret ways to get around, with walking, driving, and transit directions all in there. 04 POCKET Save articles for offline reading with this app, and read at your leisure. 05 GOOGLE MAPS + STREET VIEW The new Maps’ traffic integration means you get real-time traffic updates, with minute-by-minute info on how much longer your journey will take, and clever diversions to get you there on time. How is this better than Waze? Street view now lets you see satellite photos of that same kalye.

PluS theSe aDD OnS Pimp your phone with these genius extras

streaming of foreign-made “art” films. You know what we’re talking about.

01 mOPhie Juice PacK Make your phone last beyond 4 p.m. with a robust power pack that will funnel calls back to HQ, SMS messages, Internet use and the

02 OllOcliP So insecure you have to constantly document your life on Instagram? Make your photos look amazing with this snap-on lens that delivers

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both wide and telephoto options. 03 SanDiSK ixPanD The 128 GB version has twice the storage of an iPhone in a neat and pocketable device, and costs a fraction of the cost of upgrading your phone.

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NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 77

maKe an OlD Suit lOOK beSPOKe Cues from A Suit That Fits (asuitthatfits.com) 01 A handmade buttonhole is an instantly recognizable feature that a jacket is bespoke. This can easily be done by a tailor, but the buttonhole should be open and usable, not still stitched up.

sTyLE

hacK FOrmal Wear

02 Alterations will depend on whether the suit’s too big or too small, but always try to get the jacket to fit on the shoulders and taper in at the waist for that perfect V-shape. 03 Changing the very last buttonhole on the cuff to a contrast colour is another way of making a subtle change that can give the appearance of going bespoke.

Suit-buYinG anD beSPOKe tiPS Whether it’s department store-bought or patahi, keep these maxims in mind… 01 necK A slouchy neck is a giveaway of a badly-fitted suit, but any good tailor can easily alter that. 02 ShOulDerS Most people are “down right” i.e. slightly lower on one side, as you mostly pick up things with the same hand. You can alter the padding to suit this. 03 cOlOr If you only buy one suit, it should be blue—but you can add a little to it with a slight design on the cloth. 04 armS An off-the-peg suit will have huge armholes as the maker is catering for the largest arms. A bespoke suit will be made to fit yours only. It’s fiddly, but armholes can be altered. 05 cuFFS You want to show around 3/8 of cuff—that should be about 1 cm of cuff to beneath your jacket with a relaxed arm. When you raise your arm, that should be about 5/8 of the cuff. 06 lenGth The jacket should ideally reach the cup of the hand or the tip of the thumb when you stand.

FOrmal Wear DOS anD DOn’tS Look your best and get the most out of your old faithful 01 If you’re wearing a check-suit, you need a calm shirt. A loud shirt needs a plain jacket and a plain tie.

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The plainer the fabric, the wilder your shirt can be and vice versa.

pulls on one side of your body, the sleeves and pants will look wrong.

02 Don’t cram everything into one pocket. Spread your wallet, phone, and keys around your jacket and pants. It helps the suit hang—if it

03 Always do a button up when you’re being photographed—if it’s a two-button suit, just do the top one. Got a three-button suit? Do the middle one.

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07 leGS The back of the jacket should just hit the welt (where the heel is). Any lower and it’s called “puddling.” Avoid this.

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R OLL I LL

H E B T P E

A dEcAdE OR sO BAcK, BILLIARds usEd TO BE A HOT PINOy sPORT ANd A yOuTH OBsEssION. EfREN “BATA” REyEs wAs KING. NOw HE’s OLd ANd HIs EyEsIGHT Is fAILING. THE POOL HALLs AREN’T As cOOL TO HANG OuT IN. wE’RE sTILL LOOKING fOR THE NEw cuE KING. wHAT HAPPENEd? WORDS

PAULO AGUILERA PHOTOGRAPHY

PAUL MONDOK

hree B’s have always lorded it over the local sports scene. Save the cult favorites sabong and horseracing for the old manongs—It’s the Big Three of basketball, boxing, and billiards. These three taken together amount to every street nook and cranny of this country turning into a sporting venue. Basketball is basketball. It is our national pride. What we lack in height, we make up for with puso, and now we’re knocking on the doors of hoops glory once again if our current lineup in the National Team makes it to the 2016 Olympics. Boxing is boxing because, well, we have Manny Pacquiao. His days as the best fighter of this generation will soon be over—and the ending is not as sweet as we would like it to be—but he will leave the arena assured of his place in the pantheon of boxing champions. Pinoy boxing will not die with him because somewhere right now, another kid is wearing his training gloves, dreaming to fight his way out of poverty, just like Manny. Billiards is…whatever the hell happened to billiards? Efren “Bata” Reyes used to be a sports/pop star. His international victories a decade or so back spawned countless pool halls across the country, sparking a new trend in weekend youth nights out. Now billiards has sort of lost its pop appeal, trudging back to its hustling roots. Efren Reyes’s days as king may now be over as he ages and his eyesight slowly fades. Now we’re left looking for a new star. The Filipino talent pool (pun intended) isn’t the problem. In fact, through the years, it has been nothing short of brimming. These days, kids as young as seven are taught how to wield cue sticks even as they learn the school basics. But at the end of the day, a lot of questions remain. How would these talented young guns break into the pro scene without the much-needed mileage? Will we ever see the heir to Efren? FHM delves into the current state of the billiards scene, from the varied perspectives of a sports pundit and an actual pool superstar, while examining how hard it is for the obscure but better local billiard players—let’s call them “lost souls”—to attain the level of success of their predecessors.

No spoNsors

“It’s not as vibrant as before, kasi we don’t have the big tournaments that we used to have,” admits sports journalist TJ Manotoc, Michael Baonan, 24, surveys the table intently before he takes his shot.

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No opponent is lesser or greater to the man known as “Mokong” when it comes to the sport. Michael takes every match seriously.

who once covered the billiards beat. “There was a time almost every year nasa atin ’yung World Pool Championships. Then I hear there were some tournaments na kahit papa’no wellsponsored naman, but even a year later, hindi pa nababayaran ’yung mga winners! These are international names who were just patient enough to try and wait it out. It’s embarrassing. It’s a chicken and egg scenario now—if there’s no tournament, there’s no sponsor, and vice versa.” 2007 WPA World Nine-ball Championship runner-up Roberto “Superman” Gomez, whom we also had a chance to chat with before he left the country for this year’s WPA World Nine-ball Championship in Doha, Qatar seconds TJ’s claim. “Sumusugal sila (sponsors) ’pag may makikita silang maganda. Siguro nakikita nila na hindi ganun ka-boom kung i-isponsor-an nila ’yung sa bilyar kaysa sa ibang sports tulad ng basketball o boxing,” Gomez says. For what we call lost souls, on the other hand, “sponsors” refer to individuals who essentially place bets on these players and bankroll their competitions and tours. Take for example Michael Baoanan, fondly known as “Mokong” in the billiard circle, a 24-year-old little-known bilyarista from San Pedro, Laguna, who once defeated former Nine-ball (2006) and Eight-ball (2007) World Champion Ronnie Alcano in his first match against a pro. Michael was supposed to compete in a recent tournament organized by Pacquiao in General Santos City when his sponsor backed out three days before he was scheduled to fly out. “Tulad namin na wala naman pang-pocket money sa sarili, lilipad papuntang GenSan, siyempre kailangan may magpaluwal ng pera. Kung wala ka namang sponsor, pa’no mo mapapasikat ’yung sarili mo kung (in the first place) hindi ka makakasali? Kung mga a week before niya ko sinabihan, nakakuha sana ako ng ibang sponsor.” Goes to show that sponsors are the

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lifeblood of the sport. “Wala tayong magawa. Hangga’t hindi tayo hahawakan ng sponsor, patay ’yung (bilyar), Sponsor ang bubuhay sa bilyar, hindi ang players,” Gomez asserts.

MokoNg’s story

Like most youngsters new to the sport, Michael “Mokong” Baoanan, 24, started out at eight years old with the Pinoy version of billiards, colloquially known as “pul,” which involved plastic puck-like disks—an oversized one for the cue puck—and a ton of cornstarch to make the table smooth for the pucks. He transitioned to regular tables when he turned 12, devoting all his adolescent years to billiard halls in the vicinity. While most students cut classes to play, “ako hindi na talaga napasok para magbilyar, ha ha!” Michael shares. He wasn’t able to finish high school but still managed to graduate from TESDA with a certificate in welding. In billiards though, Michael didn’t need any schooling as he was purely self-taught. He admitted that he once shunned someone who was trying to lecture him on the game’s rudiments. “Parang ayoko naman ng tinuturuan ako, parang medyo ma-pride kasi ako.” Still, he was still able to hone his skills with incessant playing, making a name for himself… at least in the amateurs. Able to get acquainted and eventually hook up with managers (in billiards, one could have many), it was only then that Michael fully embraced billiards as his livelihood—a life of regular matches and out-oftown engagements. While the thought of getting acquainted with other pool aces from all over the country and earning more moolah could easily strike the fancy of someone who wishes to establish a reputation in the scene and have billiards as his bread and butter, out-of-town trips aren’t always the thing. Michael recalls one particular billiards tour in Mindanao a couple of years ago that

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put him on edge. “Para kang ano eh… Maiisip mo na ’pag nanalo ka kung pwede ka pa bang makauwi? Ha ha! Lalo ’pag ’di mo kabisado ’yung lugar!” The other side of the coin, though, is getting the chance to go up against the best, like that one time in 2013 when he finished as one of the Top 16—among 40 participants, which consisted of both big- and no-name billiard players—at a Philippine Open type of tournament held in Cebu. Although that wasn’t the closest Michael came face-to-face with the sports’ big boys…

It’s ALL ABoUt tHE MoNEy (gAME)

22-11. Those were Michael and Ronnie’s scores, respectively, when they squared off against each other in a money game in the former’s hometown of Laguna a few years back. Ronnie is international cue ace Ronnie “The Volcano” Alcano. Michael recalls his first match against a World Champion: “’Yung laban namin, ayos lang, siyempre baluarte ko, kabisado ko ’yung ’mesa, ha ha!” Perhaps having gotten used to being pitted against all sorts of pool players, playing against “The Volcano” didn’t come off as any different from all his previous games. “May mararamdaman kang ganun [starstruck], lalo’t first time mong makalaban, (tapos) professional ’di ba? Parang maninibago ka. Pero sa una lang. ’Pag pangalawang laban mo na, normal na lang,” Michael recalls. “Pero may makikita ka talaga sa kanya na galing na hindi mo pa nalalaman.” Their money game ran like a normal 10-ball game, with the player to take 22 rounds winning. Matchups are usually based on skill level, with seasoned pros usually given a handicap against unproven players. What made Michael’s victory over Ronnie more remarkable was that no handicaps were given during the game, except maybe home-court advantage. As the name suggests, money games involve considerable amounts of cash, with a player’s draw depending on his arrangement with his manager—most of the time a 70/30 manager/player split. Michael took home P6,000–side bets not included–from the game’s P22,000 pot. You may wonder: Why do billiard hotshots the caliber of Ronnie and even Efren–as seen in the YouTube channel 69billiard–still go out of their way to swing by far-flung corners for something that has essentially no bearing for them, if they could just prepare for bigger competitions that entail bigger bucks? Other than of course the easy money, Michael believes, “Hilig nila eh. Tulad ko, hilig ko ’yung bilyar, kahit saan p’wedeng pumunta (’pag may laban).” Manotoc found out a rather interesting rationale for this very much welcomed practice in his past interviews with other cue players. “They were saying, ‘How can you train a player and put pressure on him without a money game?’ Parang, sige train ka nang train nang train for a big tournament, for example a World

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Championship, but how can you simulate the pressure that’s going to really put you to the test and see how good your nerves can be?” Manotoc says. Manotoc feels that the money games represent the irony of billiards as a legitimate sport. Entrenched in the world of vices, most pool players can’t even be considered athletes, he opines. “When the bright lights are on, it’s the prestige of these big-name tournaments, and yet, the big elephant in the room, everyone knows that after the official games are over, it’s back to money games.” He even goes as far as referring to legit tournaments as only the “sideline” in this competitive circle, with money games ending up as the real center of attraction. Some pool vets, though, see the money game as an up-and-comer’s gateway to prominence. A money game player himself, Gomez lays out this simple logic on why the popular match type is ideal for rising stars: “Habang nananalo ako, mas madali akong makakahanap ng laban dahil ’yung sponsor nananalo sa’kin, pupustahan at pupustahan ako. Hanggang natatalo ako, nawawalan ako ng sponsor. So ang gagawin ko, magpa-practice ako nang magpa-practice.” Gomez knows that every bilyarista aspires to become a World Champion one day. Yet he feels that lost souls nowadays like Mokong would rather focus on earning and bettering their lives first, instead of straightaway chasing that World Champion dream, given the current local billiard landscape. “Gaya nilang walang experience sa mga nangyari sa amin, kuntento na sila sa mga money games, kuntento silang kumita sa mga maliliit na tournaments, na P40,000 ang premyo ng champion—masaya na sila. (Parang) ’yun na ang peak nila,” Gomez says, describing players nowadays as more “practical,” with fame at the

least of their worries. With billiards success and recognition in the country either laggard—meaning it would take a long while before it comes—or elusive, the next step to financial prosperity, according to Gomez, would most likely be to hustle outside the country, which almost all of our ’90s pool legends have already resorted to. Echoing OFWs, Gomez insists, “hindi na kami rito (Philippines) umaasa.”

How to gEt BAck IN BUsINEss

Manotoc believes a renaissance is possible. And the only way is to start these future billiard heroes young, under a solid National Sports Association grassroots program. “These young guys strive and work hard, starting as the setter, the ball boy, alam mo ’yun, and then they work their way up. I wish that these kids realize that it’s a legit sport, they can play in the SEA Games, they can go to other countries to compete and represent the Philippines. So why not develop them? I think we need new billiards heroes to rise again, from the days of sila Efren, Django, and Alcano. I think we need new guys out there.” Michael still plays in his hometown, on the same pool tables he grew up with, from time to time. “Lalo ’pag may magandang laban, naiimbitahan pa rin kami sa exhibition game, ganun.” With hopes of making it and being identified with the sport’s big leaguers, Mokong knows the fastest way to penetrate that illustrious posse is to consistently come out on top of tournaments, which he has yet to achieve. As cliché as it may sound, that means back to the daily grind for him. “Laban lang nang laban.” We ask Michael where he thinks his career stands right now. “Parating pa lang.” FHM

Despite having competed in bigger venues out-of-town, Mokong still comes back at the nearby billiard halls in his hometown, like this one at Brgy. Calendola Laguna

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W O R D S : A S H M A H I N AY

ACHIEVE OLYMP The athletic greats train for their medal quest, like all others. Why can’t you do what they do? Here we plan out an

a t y uo p 2 kg SPEEd

M E N TA L

2016 O LY M P I C 10 0 M Q uA L I f Y I N G T I M E : 10.16 seconds AV E RAG E P E R S O N’S S P R I NT T I M E: around 15 seconds P H I L I P P I N E 10 0 M R E C O R d : Eric Shaun Cray’s 10.25

Now, you probably don’t have your 100m sprint time lying around, so how about something you may have tried? Like a 10km run, which is a popular weekend warrior activity. According to Jeff Lo, owner of Pinoy Fitness, sixty percent of the field makes it under the hour mark in their SUB1 10k Challenge, but the average speed ends up at one hour. The single fastest runner did it in 35. Olympic qualifying time? 28. Luh! How do you get to Flash-level speed?

THE BASIC BRO’S WORKOUT “All training programs follow a periodization. There are two types: linear and undulating,” explains Jose Gemora, certified strength and conditioning specialist by the National Strength and Conditioning Association, and associate head coach of 360 Fitness Club. “Those who are new to workouts will likely respond to a linear type of periodization where you peak after 12-14 weeks...an average joe will most likely respond to a linear type of training because they can recover easily and it’s not that taxing on the body.” H E R E ’ S A SA M P L E O f A L I N E A R w O R KO u T

Endurance Strength training (week 1-4) 1 week rest Strength Hypertrophy training (week 5-9) 1 week rest Power training (week 11-14)

LO N G E S T EV E R O LY M P I C M ATC H - 2012 M E N’ S T E N N I S S I N G L E S f I NAL: 4 hours and 26 minutes

How can we possibly stay focused for that long? Marcus Jarwin Manalo, sport psychology specialist of the Association of Boxing Alliances in the Philippines (responsible for our national boxing team) and assistant professor at the College of Human Kinetics, University of the Philippines Diliman, says that the secret to coming out of the gates at 100 percent is identifying your optimal activation or arousal level. “This is highly individualized, and dependent on the sport and individual. A good way to identify your optimal level is by going back to your psychological state during your best performance”

PREPARING YOUR MIND FOR GAMES According to sports psychologist Marcus Manalo “If there is a certain routine that has been working well for you, then it is wise to stick with it. Nonetheless, here is a general pre-game routine that our national boxers do and that I can also suggest to other athletes...” 01 E N GAG E I N R O u T I N E

“Upon arrival at the venue, you may engage in your preferred routine. You could listen to music, read books, watch videos, chat with teammates, etc. The key here is it should be in line with achieving your optimal psychological state. For example, the type of music you listen to depends on whether you want a high level (upbeat music) or low level of activation (relaxing music).” 02 TAK E d E E P B R E AT H S

In comparison, athletes compress it into a compressed time and peak faster: Week 1-2 (a day’s rest in between training days) Day 1-Endurance, Day 2- Power, Day 3-Strength Week 3-4 Day 1- Endurance, 2- Strength, 3- Rest, 4- Endurance Hypertrophy 5-Strength, 6- Rest

ROAD TO RIO?

“Taking deep, slow, and rhythmic breaths will help you achieve a relaxed and focused state. By focusing solely on your inhalation and exhalation, you will be able to stay in the present and clear your thoughts of distractions.” 03 C R E AT E I M AG E RY

“After getting into a relaxed state, it is now best to do imagery of the skills you will execute and the strategies you will use in competition. It’s like playing movies in your head. It is important to imagine the potential challenges that you will face and see yourself being able to handle those challenges well.”

S O H Ow G O O d A R E f I L I P I N O S AT B E I N G fAS T ?

According to Gemora, “There is always one dominant muscle fiber type for each person. People with Type IIx fibers will have the ability to run faster. Training can help you, even though you’re Type I dominant, but Type II’s will respond more, even if they undergo the same training protocol.” How does that affect our Pinoy sprinters? “Filipinos are fast, but, we look slower than foreign athletes because of height limitations. When you sprint there are two keys to running faster: stride rate and stride length. We have no problem with stride rate but because they are taller than us, their stride length is longer. Sometimes a stride rate ratio of 2:1 where we need two steps to reach the length of their first step is observed when competing at a higher level,” says Gemora.

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ROAD TO RIO? dOES TH E PI NOY u N dE R dOG M E NTALITY G IVE AN E dG E?

We asked Manalo whether relying on #puso mentality is a good thing: “When Filipino athletes are considered ‘underdogs,’ the potential advantage is that they compete with less pressure. In addition, the focus is put more on the process [execution of strategies and game plans, playing with all-out effort] rather than the outcome/winning. This type of focus is actually ideal since you focus on the things under your control. The disadvantage? “It might be easier to get intimidated, distracted and to succumb to negative thoughts.”

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IC GREATNESS! 3 r mx jC b5 A-level physical regimen—if you work your body down to ground long enough, maybe our future in gold is with you!

S TA M I N A

STR E NGTH BAS I C P OwE R d I ET : 50-60% carbohydrates; 20-25% fat;

3 -4 T I M E S A dAY, 6 dAYS A wE E K w E E K LY L OAd : S w I M : 25km; R u N : 100km; B I K E: 400km

15% protein

You’re supposed to be proud of your 10km finisher medal, but it’s hard when you’re quietly dying at your office desk the next day. It’s not enough to be able to run fast if you want to be the best: you need to be able to run for a long, long time–and there are few bigger stamina beasts than triathletes. If the above training goals of George Vilog, high performance coach of the Triathlon Association of the Philippines, already give you cramps; here’s what you need to do to stiffen up

Strength is the most glamorous aspect of athletics because you can brag about being able to deadlift a million pounds and compare pricy supplements with extreme names. We consulted with Jim Saret, training director of the Philippine Olympic Committee/Philippine Sports Commission High Performance Training Center–and who you may have seen on The Biggest Loser Philippines–for what you really need to eat for the #gains, and how to make that food work for you.

THE BASIC BRO’S WORKOUT

“A good basic workout to build endurance is to perform aerobic exercises like swimming, cycling or running, or perform circuit training in the gym, wherein you perform exercises one after another like a series connection of an electrical circuit. Another way to build stamina that is currently catching a lot of attention is high intensity interval training or HIIT. Tabata is one of the first and well-known interval training protocols out there,” Saul Sibayan, faculty member of the Sports Science Department of the College of Rehabilitation Sciences, University of Santo Tomas and a Certified Tactical Strength and Conditioning Facilitator of the National Strength and Conditioning Association, says. Here’s how it goes: Perform an activity for 10 seconds at all-out intensity, for example, the burpee begin in a standing position drop into a squat with hands pressed on the ground kick out into a push-up position, do not touch the ground or move your hands immediately return to squat position jump up into standing position and repeat Rest for 20 seconds Repeat steps 1 and 2 for a total of four minutes Try not to throw up “The well-known benefits of HIIT is improved endurance, decreased body fat and at the same time increasing muscle mass compared with steady-state cardio.

ROAD TO RIO? CAN wE OuTLAST TH E LEG E N dAR I LY HAR dY AfR ICANS?

“Certainly, genetics play a huge role. Other factors include the environment where they live and train–low vs. high altitude–as well as the local culture and food that they take in. I personally believe that Filipinos can compete if they are given the appropriate funding to join qualifying events, as well as holistic support from family and coaches, equipment, nutrition, biomechanics, strength and conditioning, and physical therapy. We have produced world class athletes–from Elma Muros-Posadas (track and field) to Victor Espiritu (cycling).

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“To develop raw strength, you need to go back to the basics and create a solid foundation. Most people focus on equipment—wrong. Everyone needs to start with their own body first. You might be surprised at how difficult it can be to do bodyweight exercises. Once you have built up enough strength, then you can start adding the use of equipment to supplement or add more challenge to your body,” Saret says. Here’s his “simple” bodyweight workout that he makes our national athletes sweat through: 4-minute MetaFIT workout (Metabolic Fitness) 01 10 Jumping Jacks 02 10 Squats 03 10 Push ups 04 10 lunges per leg Repeat the sequence from the start and perform for 4 minutes. Stop at 4 minutes sharp. Rest for up to 10 seconds max anytime you need to during the workout but never for more than 10 seconds.

ROAD TO RIO? IS TH E R E A TRAI N I NG GAP? OR dO wE N E E d TO fI N d G I fTE d ATH LETES?

Here’s Saret’s take: “At the Olympic level, sports super power countries have already experimented in creating the strongest athletes with all the science, nutrition, and other performance enhancement training possible. However, every now and then a regular athlete that wasn’t trained as hard and not given as much support will suddenly pop up and beat the most scientifically enhanced athlete. A genetically gifted athlete with minimal training and support can beat a not-so genetically gifted athlete with all the support in the world–it will be hard as the other one is well trained, but it can happen…with regards to Filipinos, we are also genetically gifted, however, our genetics could be focused more on skill rather than strength. If you notice we excel in ‘skill’- related sports such as billiards, bowling and boxing…boxing isn’t just about strength but also speed, stamina, and skill. Filipinos might not be gifted with strength unlike other nationalities, but we do have talent in skills, which is equally important.

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WAYS To bAnISH ‘bER MonTH GLooM!

‘Tis supposed to be time for outdoor merry, but you’d rather hole up in your cave, cold and miserable. And what about that terrible, crushing boredom that comes with being trapped within four walls, you ask? Well, we’ve taken care of that… PHOTOGRAPHY: DAIRY DARILAG WORDS: TOM WARD, FHM PHILIPPINES GROOMING/MAKEUP: ANNE CASTAÑO ILLUSTRATIONS: AEUS KEVIN REYES PRODUCTION DESIGN: GENIE RANADA-BABISTA

MASTER boARd And

When tumbang preso outdoors isn’t an option, consider these old school indoor interactive fun

GET FLIRTY ON TWISTER

Functions as a group game, but two on the floor could be better. Expect the two of you to look like this. Having WiFi is still the best, but there will be touching.

BRUSH UP ON REAL ESTATE MATH WITH MONOPOLY Also called living vicariously through tiny box houses, fake money, and a singlespectacled, moustached banker man.

LEAVE YOUR FATE ON THE DICE WITH SNAKES AND LADDER

One minute you’re climbing up ladders and winning, next minute you’ve snaked yourself several blocks far down. It’s just a roll of the dice.

Once upon a time, a single slot cartridge, two chocolate-bar controllers, and catching falling bombs on your screen, were all it took to keep you happy. Now you need a bank balance the size of a small country to catch up with the latest Call of Duty. Relive simpler times by dedicating your evening to some of the best moments in video gaming history, or just geek-talk about them.

Fight the T-Rex in Tomb Raider

Not necessary to progress through the game, but still very simple.

Choose your first Pokémon on Pokémon Red and Blue All the emotions.

Storm Omaha Beach on Medal of Honor: Allied Assault

WORDS: CHIARA CUI

Makes Saving Private Ryan look like a picnic.

Treat your ears (and brain) to these free channels…

Radiolab Features weekly 15-minute to hour-long episodes that approach science and philosophy with a contemporary edge, Integrating interview sound bites, music, and narration. It will make you feel smarter for just having listened. Must listen eps: Falling, Words, Sleep, Emergence

Star Talk with Neil Degrasse Tyson It’s a space, pop culture, and science program all rolled into one tightly produced podcast hosted by everyone’s favorite astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson. Must listen ep: Part one and two of Evolution with Richard Dawkins

Hardcore History Forget the snoozefest that was your high school history class. Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History takes a theatrical approach to the past you’ll want to pay attention to. Disclaimer: the “hardcore” part: some episodes run more than three-hours long Must listen ep: The Wrath of Khans

The Joe Rogan Experience Listen to the UFC commentator/former Fear Factor host shoot the shit with a slew of interesting personalities from stand-up comics and MMA fighters to scientists. Rogan’s insights are worth a listen. Must listen ep: Any ep with Vice honcho, Shane Smith

AcHIEvE InnER pEAcE THRouGH

While we could all do with a bit of zen-like calm in our lives, getting up at 6 a.m. to put your head between your legs after a booze night sounds far from the most comfortable awakening. To help you out, we’ve put together three easy yoga poses even your lola can do—maybe.

The tree

Great for improving coordination and balance, the tree pose also strengthens the thighs, groins, torso, and shoulders. Stand on your left foot then hold your right ankle, bringing it up into your inner left thigh. Raise your hands above your head and do your best not to fall over. Once you’ve found your balance, repeat on the other side.

The downward-facing dog

A good all-around stretch—which can apparently relieve headaches and fatigue—the downward-facing dog is yoga 101. It’s best to get into this pose from a starting position on your hands and knees, walking your hands forward as you slowly lift your bum to create an ‘A’ shape. Push against the floor with your hands and feet while exhaling 100 times, then slowly lower yourself back down.

The mountain

An easy one to finish—stand up straight and exhale as you stretch your hands over your head with your palms facing inwards. Simple. Note: FHM is not liable for any strained muscles and/or embarrassment you may experience during this exercise.

Max Brooks himself, author of The Zombie Survival Guide, is here to help you through

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Think! “Panic is going to get a lot more people killed than zombies. When the dead rise, stay calm and use that impossible miracle called the human brain.”

Plan long-term! “A lot of people think guns are the key to surviving the apocalypse, but by week three, all those Mad Max wannabes will be on their knees giving hand jobs for raw potatoes.”

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Keep the dog! “Your girlfriend’s noisy mutt might be giving you away, but if you kill it to save yourself, you’re obviously a cat person and will not be on my team.”

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Get fit! “It’s never too soon to start getting fit. Even if zombies don’t take over the world, who wants to be killed by high cholesterol?”

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If you live with your other half, these gabing malamig can turn the bedroom from a sex palace into that place you marathon TV series in while eating your bodyweight in junk food. To reclaim your boudoir, banish all tablets, phones, and laptops from the room, leave the angry work-related rants at the office, and stock up on candles and massage oil. You’ll both be raring to go before you know it. If all else fails, drink alcohol.

It might be more miserable than Rick Grimes outside, but a whole slew of top-quality TV shows are returning to our screens to make up for it. Just time to get up to speed with these classics

The Walking Dead

The sixth season starts this month, so if you still think this is a show about dudes on extreme diets mumbling “braaaaains,” you need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror.

The Knick

Clive Owen gives his best ever performance as a cocaine-addicted New York surgeon in this turn-of-the-century drama. Eve Hewson—aka Bono’s daughter—is another reason to catch up on season two.

Homeland

Forget about the season 3 misfire. After the return to form of season 4, season 5 moves the action to Berlin. Make sure you know your “dead drops” from your “doublespeak.”

ExTRA-LonG booKS

These paper “devices” have been entertaining readers for centuries. With the rain hammering down outside, now’s your chance to get in on the act

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EAT LIKE A cHAMpIon

Takeaways are well and good, but grocery-hoarded whole foods that need little to no prep time in the kitchen are even better. Take these items for size…

Tablea

Yes, coffee is good, but is easily a more warming ‘ber beverage. Divide cacao tablets into chunks, plop in boiling water, mix until smooth, and chug.

The cozy night in: Tree of Smoke, Denis Johnson (National Bookstore) Length: 624 pages Johnson specializes in tough, masculine writing, covering everything from drifters to spies, secrets and safe houses. His trippy 2007 novel exploring CIA involvement in the Vietnam war might just be the pinnacle.

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Cheese

Upgrades and livens up any bread (cheese toasts!) and cracker (fancy hors d’ouvres). Who cares if it’s basically coagulated cow discharge? Yum.

The long weekend: Underworld, Don DeLillo (National Bookstore) Length: 832 pages Heavyweights of American fiction don’t get much heavier than Don DeLillo’s greatest novel. It explores US history via the journey of a famous baseball game and greater men than us have tried—and failed—to reach the final full stop.

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Ice cream

No one cares if it’s cold out. It’s ice cream. Add melted cacao over it and no ‘ber month will ever be considered cold.

Chocolates

Endorphins-laced so it should make you and your lady feel good. Extra sweet for her, extra dark for you.

The week off work: The My Struggle series by Karl Ove Knausgaard (National Bookstore) Length: 3,600 pages It takes major cojones to assume your life story is worth stretching over six volumes. Writing with brutal honesty about family and relationships, that’s exactly what Norwegian author Knausgard does.

NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 89

The FHM man test This month’s challenger...

TI RS O

RI PO LL

Man

Not man

If you could blow up one thing, what would it be? The outside world. Man

Not man

Would you ever carry your girlfriend’s purse at the mall if she asked you to? Fuck no…but all things are negotiable! Man

Not man

If the world were to end tomorrow, what would your last meal be? Steak! Man

Not man

Which romantic comedy makes you feel giddy inside? Californication. Man

Man

Not man

Man

Not man

Have you ever farted openly in public? Yes, unnoticed. I’m a ninja like that! Man

Not man

Can you name one highranking FHM woman you’ve had an unforgettable experience with? Jinri Park. She guested on Tropical Banter, my podcast with Wolfgang’s Basti Artadi.

Not man

Have you ever taken secret selfies? [grins and cracks a laugh] Man

Man

Not man

Have you ever had blood in your hands that was not yours? Yes. Sometimes terrifying, other times just awkward… but certainly more times than I care to remember. Man

He was Freckles and Curls as a youngin, but grew up to be every bit the ultimate man’s man and rock ‘n’ roller. THE MAN TEST LEADERBOARD

Not man

What fictional villain scares you the most? Does Kuya Germs count? I mean seriously, doesn’t he scare the shit out of you? Man

13/15

Se f Ca d a y o na Wally Bayola Dan Villegas Tirso Ripoll Boy2 Quizon Jose Manalo Ranidel de Ocampo Ch i t o M i r a n da A l d e n R i c h a rds RA Rivera Gloc-9 Loonie M e d w i n M a r fil B r a n d o n V e ra

1 5 /1 5 1 4 /1 5 1 4 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 3 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 2 /1 5 1 1 /1 5

Not man

What’s the worst thing you were teased about as a kid? I was called Freckles and Curls. Man

Not man

What’s the longest you’ve gone without wearing deodorant? A week and change…at the beach. Man

90 FH M NOVeMBeR 2015

Not man

Have you ever worn your briefs on top of your pants and pretended to be a superhero? Pretended? Bitch please, I am a superhero!

Man What’s the title of the weirdest porno you’ve watched? Caligula. It’s a classic! Honorable mentions: Little Orphan Dusty… and the Batman and Robin Porn Parody produced by Ron Jeremy. Hilarious!

What’s the name of the coolest pet you’ve ever had? Sam. He was my handsome black Labrador; a loyal and dear friend. I was crushed when he passed.

Not man

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ILLUSTRATION: LOUIS AReNAS

Have you ever sniffed used underwear? Yes, but not in a creepy stalker kind of way. More like a hot, sensual stalker kind of way. Some women are more underwear sniffworthy than others.

INTeRVIeW: PONg CASTILLO

Will the Razorback bassist swift through our machismo test like a true FHM rockstar?

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NOVeMBeR 2015 FH M 91

FHM

JAV

HE AT

TOKYO SPECIES

Jerico Montemayor

Chise Alcantara

Styling: J-em Sta. Maria Make up: Rhina Montemayor Hair: Georm Imperial

FHM

JAV

HE AT

You may have quite the encyclopedic knowledge– and collection–of your favorite Japanese Adult Video (JAV) idols’ videography, but do you really know them past their body of work? It’s tough to get the inside track on them when everything is Japanese, and the best Google can do is feed

you a bare translation that seems to change every time you feed it back into the machine. So when the opportunity arose to shoot not one but three of these ladies, we made sure to get to know them before succumbing to their doe-eyed stares…

Shelby Wakatsuki is another delightful intersection of Portugal and Japan Has anyone told you that you don’t look Japanese? I get that all the time. In Japan, some people have even spoken to me in English first. I have to tell them that I’m Japanese, too! We bet you’re really popular with the guys, being so foreign-looking and all. Well, growing up, I wasn’t really as “pretty” as most people say I am now. Many people thought I was weird-looking, but my parents always said that they were just jealous, and that I was beautiful. Your parents seem really nice. How did they handle the news of you getting into the AV industry? They were hesitant at first, but they eventually gave in once I told them that I really wanted a venue to express myself. Do you have trouble expressing yourself? I’ve always wanted to explore myself, finding new things that could make my life more exciting and happier.

Are you happy with your life right now? because, well, from what we’ve watched you seem to cry a lot in your videos. I feel like I have a fetish for being treated “roughly” by my partners. But I can tell you right now—I enjoy every minute of it, ha ha! We’re really glad to hear that! Do you think men enjoy watching women get roughed up in bed? I think there’s a little part of us that want to or be treated that way. It gives us a chance to explore each other in ways we don’t usually get to do in other activities. What do you think separates you from other AV idols? I think it’s my open-mindedness to try out different things with a smile on my face.

S O M E R E S E A R C H M AT E R I A L L e s s o n o n e - o n - o n e ! B e a u t y E n g l i s h Te a c h e r • Pr e t t y M a i d S h e l b y i s Yo u r S l a v e • G l o b a l B e a u t i f u l G i r l – Pr o v o c a t i v e G l a m o r o u s – B e a u t i f u l A s s

Styling: Badj Genato Make up: Rhina Montemayor Hair: Prin Cess Johnson Pionan

FHM

JAV

HE AT

THEY’RE THE HUNTERS Jerico Montemayor

Chise Alcantara

FHM

JAV

HE AT

Rin Azuma’s veteran moves will leave you wanting

You’ve been in the industry for quite some time now. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned in the business? I learned that being an idol, as the name implies, is all about portraying yourself as someone to be idolized. You have to be someone to be adored because once people see that you’re not worth watching, you’ll be forgotten in no time. What does it take to consistently bring that personality? It requires a lot of thick skin. A lot of people in the business will treat you bad if you let them, so you have to know when to put your foot down.

You seem to have a lot of confidence as an AV idol now, but did you have it before? No, sometimes you just have to experience certain things in order to learn from them. I don’t regret my decisions in the past because I learned from them. Do you think you’ve become a better “idol” because of these experiences? Most definitely. I think I am more of an entertainer now. I think I can make my fans a lot happier. In what way, if we may poke further? Well, I think I’m a lot better in bed than when I was a teenager, ha ha! Do you ever feel dirty when you do those things on camera? I think feeling dirty is part of the sensuality of sex. It makes you feel naughty, and that way you learn more about what excites you. FH M

S O M E R E S E A R C H M AT E R I A L A Pe t Fe m a l e Te a ch e r J u s t Fo r M e • Th e Tr u t h I s I Ke e p G e t t i n g R a p e d By My Husband’s Boss… • Sweltering Night

FHM

JAV

HE AT

Styling: Badj Genato Make up: Rhina Montemayor Hair: Prin Cess Johnson Pionan

FHM

JAV

HE AT

AND

WE’RE THE

PREY

Jerico Montemayor

Chise Alcantara

FHM

JAV

HE AT

Newcomer Ayu is very eager to please

How did you get into the adult video scene? I was taking a course in beauty school at the time and was invited by my friends to try out for an interview, and after that I got interested in the culture. Weeks later, I was invited by a company to have a shoot with them. It was fun! What do you think makes you different from other idols? I have big eyes, and G-cup breasts, which are very uncommon in Japanese women. My hips are also very curvy. How was your first shoot? I was really nervous but I knew what to expect so I was very excited. Why were you excited? Because a lot of people were going to be watching me, ha ha! Do you have a voyeur fetish? Yes, I like it a lot when other people watch.

How did your friends and family handle it? Their general response was: ‘If it is the profession you have chosen, then go for it!’ Have you ever had a partner in your AV videos that you didn’t like sexually? No, thankfully, they have all been very nice and gentle so far. What’s your favorite part about having sex on camera? It makes me feel more confident. I like to serve my man, and make him happy. I like being the aggressor while still being soft and gentle. We call that being malambing in the Philippines. Have you ever been with a Filipino guy? I haven’t done it with a Filipino before; it actually makes me very curious! Are you looking for any volunteers? Ha ha! Ha ha! If the right prince arrives, of course I will consider. FH M

S OM E R E S EAR CH MATE R IAL 4 Real Fucks - Very Submissive Beauty’s First Experiences • Ayu’s Fountain - Copious Squirting Ecstasy • E-Body Exclusive Debut - Super Submissive G- Cup Young Beauty

W H AT TO BU Y AND HOW TO WEAR IT

The cozy boy movement In pursuit of maximum comfort

GUIDE

WORDS ASH MAHINAY P H OTO G R A P HY KENCH GENATO ST YL I ST MAJ VELOSO

hat’s one of the tags for this trend. Or Athleisure. Streetwear. Whatever you call the stereotypical joggers-andtrainers look, you can’t deny that it looks way comfy and super clean. If you’re searching for a (lazy?) daily outfit, this could be your look. Here’s what you should assemble...

THE KNITS

No granny-made crochet here, these knits are space-age tech melded with comfort of, yes, one of lola’s handmade specialties. These will be the centerpiece of your outfit, but there’s no need to get them in the uso neon colorways–their silhouttes and design have enough going on to look interesting in plain black and white. Ultra Boost Core Black, P8,295, adidas Flyknit Racer, P7,995, Nike Bushido Pleated Long Tee, P900, Royalty

THE LAYERS

A department store three-pack of tees may work, but only if you have the body of a Greek god to show for it. Streetwear people spend on their plain shirts because fit is king when there are no fancy graphics to focus on. White, black, gray, heather gray, navy–this is your color wheel from now on. Basic Grey T-Shirt, P600, Uniqlo Premium Mesh Tee, P1,500, Royalty Heather Gray Thumbhole Tee L/S, P750, MN | LA

style

THE BASICS

Some streetwear may be too pricey it scares you right off—like the trainers. But you can splurge on that and save on other elements in your outfit. The not-so-secret source for below-budget needs are the fast fashion brands (fast, in the sense of fast-food. But fashion in the sense of, well, good fashion). Don’t be a millionaire, be a chillionaire. White Sweatpants, P1,600, H&M Black Bomber Jacket, P2,500, Bershka Supima Long Sleeves, P490, Uniqlo

THE HATS

When was the last time you wore a white hat? Though tough to keep clean, it’s the most crisp headwear option out there. It’s sort of like bleach for a clouded mind, if you know what we’re saying. Its friend, the bucket (seen here), is also for those days when you just want to hide your hair and relax like an off-duty fisherman. White Logo Bucket Hat, P1,800, Stüssy Black Bucket Hat, P6,000, Y-3 Cap, P800, adidas

F H ME

W O R D S A N D ST YL I N G ASH MAHINAY P H OTO G R A P HY DAIRY DARILAG

STY L

wow!

that’s Here’s how not to wear clown boots

loud

style

Roshe One, P4,295, Nike; Crook socks, P595, Richer or Poorer

NO MORE TU B E SOCKS

There are nice and colorful socks everywhere these days, so there is no more excuse to wear white tubes outside of sport.

Grid 9000, P4,995, Saucony; Outlaw socks, P595, Richer or Poorer

G O TO N AL

What is a tonal colorway? It is simply the classy and fashion-forward way of referring to a shoe that is all-red or all-blue, or all-what have you. Don’t get fancy and start calling all-white or all-black shoes tonal schemes though, just call them black or white–don’t reach young blood.

Prio, P3,795, Creative Recreation; Badlands socks, P595, Richer or Poorer

style

TH E BAS ICS

Red is the most intense color, according to that experiment you did in kindergarten where you looked at red and closed your eyes, then, wow, the afterimage stays for a long time! What we’re saying is red socks can stun people, so try to get pairs that are not solid rosso tones.

Feed the Cat, P2,995, Pony

Shadow Original, P3,995, Saucony; Walk On socks, P595, Richer or Poorer

C O LO R S O F R E FIN E M E NT Dark green socks are the less appreciated brethren of dark blue socks. Dark green gives the same level of refinement and gentlemanliness without being played out.

All items available at Complex Lifestyle Store, 5F Shangri-la East Wing

Tokuten, P5,000, Onitsuka Tiger; Patriarch socks, P595, Richer or Poorer

F H M N O V E MB E R

Kelly Harris Bernal If you meet her at a club, think of more creative ways to get through her because, well, she knows your moves!

JAY TABLANTE CHISE ALCANTARA STYLING: JET BABAS MAKEUP: HANNAH KIM SPECIAL THANKS TO: PHOTTIX PHILIPPINES

ou see this foreign-looking hottie at the bar. You gather up all your English so you can deliver your icebreaker fluently—and with an accent! But when you get close to her, you hear her speak, and it’s like she could just be your really, really hot kapitbahay. Meet Kelly Harris Bernal, a mix of Australian-Spanish sexiness with a heart that’s all Pinay. She tells us that we shouldn’t be shy to approach her if we see her in a club or elsewhere. We’d be more than happy to follow her advice... Harris-Bernal sounds weirdly Filipino… I’m using my dad’s middle name and surname. He’s half-Australian and Spanish-Filipino, that’s why it sounds like that.

GIRLFRIEND That’s an interesting mix. What culture would you say reflects your personality most? Well, I was born and raised here in the Philippines, so I would say Pinay na Pinay talaga ako. But I do look like a foreigner kaya akala nila minsan di ako nagta-Tagalog, ha ha! Do you think you intimidate people because of how you look? Yeah, which is so unfair. Like, dude, yeah I look like a snob but when we start talking you’ll realize that I’m the nicest person you’ll ever meet! So, what kind of guys approach you? Foreigner din usually, ha ha! But what do you prefer: Foreign men or Pinoys? Pinoys, of course! Filipino men are sweet, funny, and caring. And as a half-and-half, how would you describe Filipino women? Well, most of my friends are Pinays and I can say that my Pinay friends are nicer than my Aussie or foreign friends because Pinays are very caring, sweet, and they always take care of me whenever I get drunk! You get drunk often? Yup! Syempre, kapag gumimik kailangan malasing, ha ha! How often do you go out? Once a week usually but it really depends with my friends. If they want to go out then I’ll join them! Do you like meeting guys during your nights out? Not really. I mean, I’m open to make guy friends, but most of the guys I have met in clubs, they usually just want talk you into going home with them or just make out with you, ‘di ba? Like, I know how you guys think! Ha ha! Are you friendlier when drunk? Sadly no, mas snob ako kapag lasing! Do you think that clubs are still an ideal place to go and meet women? Masyado na yatang obvious yung gusto nilang mangyari kung sa club dahil even yung ibang girls, gusto lang maka-meet ng good looking guys, ha ha! Where would you recommend, then? Through common friends? Is that how you met your boyfriend? Nope, we met at a club! Sorry, ha ha! But hey, we lasted three years! FH M

Kelly’s life this month Feeling like a greek goddess today! 116 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

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WIN AT LIFE

FIT AND HEAVY EATS Eating healthy doesn’t mean feeding off raw pechay. These ‘wholesome food restaurants’ care as much about your taste buds as they do your nutrition—even sisig is on the menu! Lentils Provençal,

PHOTOGRAPHY: JONATHAN BALDONADO WORDS: KHYNE PALUMAR

SUSI

Forbestown Road, Burgos Circle, BGC, Taguig

SUPERFOODS AND NUTRITIOUS CONDIMENTS ACCORDING TO SUSI HEAD CHEF KYRA DE VERA

Advocates sustainable, cruelty-free, non-heart-attack-inducing ways of getting food on your plate. The key, they say, lies in fist-sized burgers, shepherd’s pies, chimichurris, and decadent dark chocolate cakes—all vegan and gluten-free, of course. Susi’s owner, Bianca Mabanta, has celiac, an autoimmune disease that prevents her from eating anything that has wheat. But being vegan is her advocacy. Says head chef Kyra De Vera: “Everything, from the ingredients to the condiments, is plant-based. And then we make our own gluten-free bread, which is a mixture of potato starch and cassava starch.” Burger cheers!

“Kale is one of the most nutritious vegetables. It’s rich in flavonoids. It looks a bit like lettuce, but with darker and more curled leaves. There are now kale growers in Tagaytay and Batangas—that’s where our kale comes from.”

“Beets are rich in phytonutrients, but they have an earthy flavor, so we cook it with a bit of sugar when we put it in our salad. We use candied beets; it goes well with the mushroom ‘bacon’ and lentils.”

Dark chocolate!

Le n ti l s P ro ve nç a l , P375 M r. P h o e n i x , P445 E at Yo u r Fe e l i ng s , P245 O s c ar th e G ro u ch , P195

“Most chocolate now is just cow’s milk, which is high in fat— mixed with very little cacao. Our cacao beans are locally grown. We get our handpicked beans from a cacao farm in Davao. It doesn’t go through a machine.” “Nutritional yeast is a replacement for a lot of nonvegan seasonings. We can’t use fish oil, for one. It’s deactivated yeast that has a sharp cheesy taste. It has riboflavin, niacin, and B12, among others.”

PIPINO 39 Malingap St., Teacher’s Village, QC

Part of the Pino Group of restaurants (Pino serves Pinoy fusion dishes; Pi dishes pies), Pipino is the vegan joint that rounds off the cleverly named trio. Owner Alessa Lanot says: “We followed suit on what Pino is, which is creative Filipino. And because Pipino is plant-based— no dairy, no animal products or byproducts, not even honey—we have to be more creative with the ingredients.” This creativity is seen in noodles made of kalabasa, pesto made of kale and malunggay, cheese made of tofu, and a dessert list you wouldn’t think had eggs or dairy in them. The easiest ways to gorge on gulay.

V E G E TA B L E - E AT I N G R U L E S O F T H U M B ACCORDING TO PIPINO OWNER ALESSA LANOT “Filipino food is mostly brown, so to balance it off we have to eat greens, yellows, purples—because each color is rich in its own set of nutrients. We play nutrition by color.” “We still have a lot fried stuff, because a lot of Filipino comfort food is fried. Ours is the healthier alternative because we don’t

have the animal-based cholesterol and fats. They are good fats from seeds, nuts, avocados, and healthy oils.”

“If you’re looking for the chewiness of meat, mushrooms will give that. But I wouldn’t suggest mock meat. Mock meat is gluten, so it’s really a cop out. It doesn’t taste very good as well.”

Bl a ck b e an b u rg e r, P225 Po t a to ch i l aq u i l e s , P285 K a l a b as a A rrab i a t a , P165 S p ri n g ro l l tri o , P275

3 RUNNER’S K ITC H E N Creekside Square, 74 Tomas Morato, Q.C. Dreamed up by the founders of Run 365 PH (a running club that counts Bianca King and Glaiza De Castro as members). “After a run, we usually ate at a fastfood or tapsihan. We run to be healthy, but end up at an unhealthy place after, kaya parang wala rin—so we decided to open a healthy restaurant we could run to,” says co-owner (and FHM lensman) Xander Angeles. Food on the menu is heavy on complex carbs, fresh-pressed juices, with a surprise appearance of wild boar for heft, and very little white-colored food. “White kasi is usually food that’s too processed. We want to keep our ingredients as raw as possible,” Xander says. “So we have black rice; the pasta is whole wheat or made of quinoa; and we have coco sugar instead of white sugar— because your gut takes so much beating from processed food.”

E AT L I KE A N ATH L E TE A C C O R D I N G TO R U N N E R’S KITCHEN’S XANDER ANGELES

“Once you run kasi, you damage a little bit of your muscles— napupunit. So you need to eat protein within two hours to speed up the healing process. We have specials designed as recovery meal for runners..”

“Mataas yung requirement ko for carbs because as a runner, I train every day. My diet is mostly protein and complex carbohydrates—ito yung slow burning. It makes me more energetic; I don’t crave for sugar.”

E D GY VEG GY

Ground Level, Brixton Street, Kapitolyo, Pasig

Has all your world cuisine hunger pangs covered (Korean, Japanese, Morrocan, and Indian) in tasty, hefty servings. But Pinoy comfort-food dine-ins and takeouts from bottled vegan bagoong to frozen sisig and longganiza, take the popular vote: “Our longganizas are made with mushroom, but people are really impressed by much how it tastes like meat. The sisig is made of oyster mushrooms and crunchy tofu,” owner Denise Celdran says. “I find that as long as people find the food malasa, it doesn’t matter to them what the base is. I prefer that people include more vegetables in their diet, but I’m not a militant vegetarian.” Denise adds, “Make the food good and people will eat it.”

M u s h ro om sisig with g a r l i c brown rice, P270 B a n h M i Vietnamese p a n i n o , P275 P a d Th ai Salad, P230

S p i c y Tu na Q u i no a R o l l , P280 A rti ch o k es & Tea s m o ke d q u es o ng p u ti o n w h o l e w h ea t c ro s ti n i , P230 R u n n e r’ s B rea k f a s t , P300 P raw n s a nd Q u i no a w i th s u n - d r i ed to m ato s a u c e, P375

P L A N T P R OT E I N A N D N UT R IT I O N A C C O R D I N G T O E D G Y V E G G Y' S DENISE CELDRAN

“A lot of vegetables, beans, and grains have protein—but we don’t actually need that much. An average person who weighs about 120-130lbs only needs 40 grams of protein. That’s already a piece of tofu and a cup of beans. Fact is, if you get too much protein from meat sources, you’re a candidate for gout.” “Leafy greens are rich in calcium. The darker the leaves, the higher in alkaloids and phytonutrients. Salads don’t have to be boring. If you have the right combination of crunch and dressing, sweetness, saltiness, or umami—then salad is never boring.”

P ICK!

UPGRADE We started our own gaming events because some organizers were cheating us off our winnings. A lot of players were already complaining, pero at the time they really had no one to complain to. Kami rin naman, walang choice, sumusunod lang kami sa kung ano’ng meron, up until dumating ‘yung point na sinabi ko, “Hindi na pwede ‘to.” With Mineski, I was just trying to fix what was broken. Slowly, the players started appreciating my efforts. So when we started, it wasn’t really for business, but more for the community—there was something in it for everybody.

CV RONALD “RHOM”/“RORO” ROBINS, 29

Currently: • President and CEO, Mineski Franchise Corp. Formerly: • Team Leader, Mineski Education: • De La Salle University, Finance Management

It’s difficult if you’re not on a level playing field. The organizers respect me because they know that I’m always looking for the real champions—pantayin niyo lahat para walang dayaan at para yung pinakamagaling na players ang manalo.

Marami akong natutunan sa paglalaro ng DotA—even my leadership philosophy, especially now that I’m running this business, galing ‘yan sa paglalaro ko ng DotA. I was never a student leader. But when we started playing the game as a team, ako na ang naging leader, and I started to think differently—iba kasi kapag the group moves together as opposed to mag-isa ka lang.

HOW I DID IT From DotA boy to ‘Father of Philippine e-sports’ We started playing DotA back in college and eventually formed a team composed of players from different colleges in La Salle—so merong from business, computer science, political science, etc. Then, we started joining tournaments. Back then, maliliit lang yung events, so it’s more to engage with teams from other universities. Back then, pagtatawanan ka ‘pag sinabi mong gusto mong maging cyberathlete. Wala pang sponsors nun, so kapag player ka at hindi ka nanalo, wala kang kita. Or kung team kayo, share na lang talaga kayo sa kung ano’ng meron. 122 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

I learned how to analyze people. Minsan may personal issues talaga ang mga players, and you’d know when they have problems because it reflects in the way they play. So I learned how to motivate other players.

Before a tournament, lahat kami nagpapakalbo. We did that back in the day to tell ourselves that dapat linisin mo muna ang ulo mo before going into a tournament. It also signified that everyone was prepared and dedicated to win, and that how they looked didn’t matter.

Kung magaling ka, chicks na ‘yung lumalapit sa’yo. Like before, yung mga naging kakampi ko, hindi naman kapogian, hindi naman macho, pero makikita mo that the girls have…an appreciation for what they’re doing.

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I can’t compete anymore. Alam kong kung maglalaro ako, dudurugin lang nila ako. Alam mo ‘yung kasabihan: “Quit while you’re ahead.” Other people think e-sports isn’t really a sport—I’m determined to prove them wrong. And if I can’t, then my life’s work is a joke. I want to have players tell their parents that they never wasted their time playing a game. I want an all-Filipino team to win the world championship. So now my focus is mentoring new players to reach that goal. By training and supporting them, I feel like I’m still playing. FH M

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P H OTO G R AP H Y: H E I D I PAS C UA L- AQ U E N D E ; I N T E RV I EW : TO N I ANT I PO R DA

The “Father of Philippine e-sports” title came later, along with the community that gave me that title. Kapag may mga problems kasi sila, sa akin sila tumatakbo. Kapag dinadaya sila ng ibang organizers at sinumbong sa akin, yari talaga yung mga organizers na yun sa akin—tutumba talaga sila hanggang sa hindi na sila makakagawa ng event ulit.

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UPGRADE

O M OT

Premium Spec

How could the Hyundai Grand Santa Fe get any better? They threw captain’s seats out back— on an SUV! WORDS: PONG CASTILLO

THE BIG QUESTIONS

How is it a “grand” version of its predecessor, the standard Hyundai Santa Fe? Version 2.0s are usually simply “bigger, faster, stronger,” and the Grand Santa Fe is just about that. Being the long-wheelbase version of its predecessor, the Grand is almost 300mm longer overall. It can sit up to seven passengers, and get this: the front passenger and the two second row seats are captain’s chairs—so yes, it is essentially “bigger” and could haul your brood in. Is it any faster or stronger? Well, it’s powered by the same 2.2-liter eVGT CRDi turbodiesel engine as in the standard Santa Fe, but runs on a six-speed automatic transmission. So while it won’t be faster, it could just get you from point A to point B on a smoother 4WD ride. Is it more a high-end family SUV? Sure, but it could also be your weekend companion to the great outdoors. Impress the ladies with the Grand Santa Fe’s panoramic sunroof, whether on a

sunny drive to the beach or a star-lit night down to some intimate—er, romantic spot. Also, this elegant ride won’t mind going off-road. The downhill brake control (DBC) and the Hill-start assist control (HAC) are your wingmen when the road gets rough. And to make things more interesting, the Grand’s glove compartment can double as a mini-fridge with the built-in cooling system. A can of soda for you Mr. Driver, a can of beer for your lady passenger, everybody wins! How would a Grand Santa Fe fare in fuel economy, given the daily “carmageddon” in Metro Manila? The Grand has a 71-liter fuel capacity and, if you drive smart, can go 100 kilometers on just 7.6 liters of gas. Plus, diesel is still significantly cheaper than gasoline. But we’re pretty sure the price is nowhere “cheap.” P2,498,000. Yes, it’s a bagful of money, but worth all the spend. Also, the car goes with a five-year warranty (or 100,000 km, whichever goes first).

What we drove Hyundai Grand Santa Fe 2.2 6AT 4WD Premium

Hyundai Grand Santa Fe

Engine: 2.2-liter eVGT CRDi turbodiesel Maximum power: 197ps @ 3800rpm Maximum torque: 44.5 kg-m@18002500rpm Price: P2,498,000

What else is in the package? Integrated memory seat (IMS)—customizable seat settings for the driver and his wingman Rain sensor Seat ventilation Lane Departure Warning System—a camera on the top area of your windshield working as sensors for more accurate lane recognition 7-airbag system

Hyundai Santa Fe

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NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 125

UPGRADE

Screen Capture 7”

T HO A ET L M

6” 5” 4” 3” 2” 1”

Smartphone spec sheets are so crammed full of numbers it can be overwhelming: 13-megapixels; 15 percent faster; 4 RAMs of GB; Octa-core...what is all this noise? Let us simplify your phonechoosing pain by homing in on the one spec that you literally feel in your palm: screen size.

126 FH M NOVEM BER 2015

LEN OVO VIBE H E I G HT: 5”

The five-inch category is the main battleground for smartphones. Manufacturers often push their phones' camera capabilities to highlight their screens. Lenovo one ups the competition by physically laying out the VIBE’s controls like a real point-and-shoot camera. So instead of fumbling around with a fake “shutter button,” you can concentrate on catching that perfect portrait instead. Score for: P9,000

ASUS ZENFONE 2

AEGI S IPHO NE 6 PLUS GLAS S CASE

H E I G HT: 5.5”

The ZenFone 2 stands out because it has a 5.5” screen in a made-for-a-five-inch-screen body size. Its bezels have been trimmed to give the ZenFone 2 a 72-percent screen-to-body ratio. More viewing real estate for less pocket bulge! It’s also a mere 3.9mm at its thinnest point. Score for: P15,000

Here’s a tasty case for your iPhone 6+. The AEGIS’ innovation is “real 3D curved glass.” Basically, their R&D gang found a way to bend glass to follow the sexy curves of your iPhone 6+. That means zero room for dust and nastiness to accumulate, which can often happen with a flat-screen protector, leading to much consternation among neat freaks. Score for: P1,950, Case Studio

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We size up your smartphone options right in the face

words:

Ash Mahinay photography:

Mark Jesalva

326°

surveillance! If you’ve been holding out on getting a dash camera, this might convince you at last. The Zumi Duo Dash gets its name from its two-camera setup: a 1080-pixel front camera and a VGA little brother pulling up the rear. Both run at 30 frames per second—that means legible footage and not some sort of constantly buffering YouTube video experience. Camera angles are 170 degrees in front and 158 degrees at the rear. Pretty much the only thing that can escape your watch are ninjas. Score for: P5,000, zumi.ph

LEN OVO PHA B PLU S H E I G HT: 6.8”

The big daddy of the lineup blurs the line between phone and tablet, and therefore sits in the phablet category. If you are hassled by the space constraints of having a tablet and a smartphone (first-world problems), the PHAB Plus lets you have your portability and giant media consumption at the same time. It’s even got dual-sim capability so you can potentially carry around three devices for the price of one. Score for: P15,999

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NOVEMBER 2015 FH M 127

TRUE STORIES

asks if it was raining. It just so happened that I was listening to, “It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls so I suddenly just blurted out “Hallelujah!” to him. He just walked out of my cubicle, and now he just always gives me an awkward smile every time he enters my cubicle. Chillian, via Facebook

Humiliation is key

TRUE

STORY

I LLU ST R ATI O N: G I LB E RT DAR OY

Kelly Harris Bernal

Broments

I was in the locker room, minding my own business, when I overheard two really buff, scary-looking guys. They were having a conversation about their workout routine so I decided to listen in to get some tips to increase my gains. After a while, one of them was just about to leave. Then I saw the other buff guy chase after him and call out, “Bro!” The guy who was about to leave stopped and replied, “Uy, bro, ano yun?” “Um, bro.” “Yes?” “Brief ko yata yung nadala mo.” I could barely contain my laughter so I went inside a shower cubicle and let it out there. One of the best “bro conversations” I’ve ever heard! Broooooo, via Facebook

Reverse surprise!

My friends and I were going to surprise a guy from our barkada for his birthday. We planned to hangout and chill over 128 FH M NOVEMBER 2015

ice cream and AlDub replays. We arrived at his doorstep and rang the doorbell. He opened the door, and we noticed he was topless and sweaty

but he was always like that so we didn’t think much of it. He said to us, “Uy, ano’ng ginagawa niyo rito!?” We greeted him a happy birthday and stormed in. He tried to stop us but it was too late. There on his couch was a half-naked girl. We just decided to leave him the ice cream, and left him to deal with his business. WalangMakakaalam, via Facebook

It feels like magic

A friend of mine is a collector of Magic cards. We were eating lunch one time and we were having burgers. He finished eating before me and was just watching me eat. I could tell he was feeling giddy about a land card he just bought for P400. He took it out of his bag and showed me. It actually looked cool even though I didn’t really facebook.com/FHM.ph •

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understand what it does so I asked him if I could take a better look at it. He handed it to me and we forgot that I hadn’t washed my hands yet, so I had a blotch of ketchup on my fingers that got stuck to the card. His face turned white as his Mountain Swamp card turned red. JL Pogi, via Facebook

My boyfriend and I stay at a condominium near his parents’ house. One day, his mom texted him that they were going to visit us with his sister and niece so my boyfriend told me to prepare some dinner. We went to the supermarket and bought some stuff for dinner but when we got home, his mom texted that his sister had some emergency from her work so my boyfriend and I ended up eating dinner alone, we even had some wine. I felt kinda tipsy and naughty so we started to fool around. But as things were starting to heat up, his family just walks in on us I was in shock and couldn’t move. His sister broke the silence and said, “We were planning to surprise you, we didn’t expect na kami pala ang ma-su-surprise!” Moral of the story: Always check if your front door is locked!

Signal numbah five

I was writing an article for work and I had the YouTube videos on random to classic pop hits which I was singing enthusiastically to, of course only inside my head. No one usually witnesses my Dubsmash talents because I sit at the far end of the office beside the windows. So I was in the procrastinating-feel-nafeel-yung-kanta zone when my boss suddenly fhmphilofficial

FHM Philippines Nov 2015

Articles inside

TIRSO RIPOLL

INCH ADVANTAGE

FATHER OF PHILIPINE E-SPORTS

TSIkOT SHOPPING GUIDE

MAN-SIZED HEALTHY GRUB

kELLY HARRIS BERNAL

NOVEMBER HOUSE ARREST

HOW TO BE A PINOY OLYMPIAN

THE EX-FILES

THE NEXT EFREN “BATA” REYES

ELECTRO-POP

IIYAk NA ’YAN

PINOY COMIC BOOkS

WHO WILL YOU BE

YEARS FROM NOW?

LAUGHTER