Issue 16 (Spring/Summer 2014) by Sanctuary magazine

PAGE 4

PAGE 22

INTERVIEW

M.E:

Rachel Bruno talks frankly

A close-up and personal encounter

Inner space for women’s mental health & wellbeing

PAGE 26

WALKING THE LABYRINTH

It’s a one way thing

Issue 16 | Spring 2014

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

WELCOME TO ISSUE 16 OF SANCTUARY MAGAZINE The word ‘Crisis’ is one that I’m sure most people are aware of.

SANCTUARY MAGAZINE SUPPORTS TIME TO CHANGE, THE NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH ANTI-STIGMA CAMPAIGN AND THE LOCAL CAMPAIGN AND NETWORK, TIME TO CHANGE SURREY. The Surrey campaign is looking for women and men with lived experience of mental distress to become mental health ambassadors and help promote key messages about mental health to employers, education and communities across the county.

Photo: K. Gasperas

Louisa Daniels Editor of Sanctuary Magazine sanctuarymagazineuk@gmail.com 07854 612 970

We’ve all, at one time or another, felt the anguish of a crisis. What many people don’t know, however, is that while the word ‘crisis’ is commonly associated with a trauma or stress of some kind, it also has another meaning: a turning point, a change. The former US president John F. Kennedy once said: “The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger but recognise the opportunity.”

Change is a theme that is woven throughout this issue: everything from setting and achieving goals (see Hollie’s piece on page 12) to the ways that we can relax our minds and bodies with meditation is explored. Not taking away from the fact that a crisis is a serious challenge, and often at the time is an insurmountable task. But, and as we learn from Rachel Bruno - the daughter of British boxing legend Frank – (page 4), the pain doesn’t always last forever. As this issue comes to you when 2014 is well under way – and as we eagerly look toward a blooming and beautiful spring - I really hope that it proves to be a year abundant with opportunity for you all.

Nothing smashes through the dark like hope, and the opportunities that a crisis can open-up can be so wonderfully transformative, that it’s sometimes possible to view the horror as a blessing. Hence why I really love Ceilli McCormack’s story M.E. and Me on page 22.

If you think you have what it takes to tell people what it is like to suffer a mental illness, how they can help and what they can do to look after their own and friends/ family / colleagues’ mental wellbeing, Time To Change Surrey wants to hear from you. Contact Megan Aspel – megan.aspel@sky.com / 07824 364703 for more information and an application form. Louisa Daniels | Editor Megan Aspel | Managing Editor Tom Aspel | Designer

Please write to us at Sanctuary, c/o Let’s Link, PO Box 533, Betchworth RH4 9FL Printed by Progression Print

Cover image by: Mary Beth Shaw mbshaw.com

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

SANCTUARY INTERVIEW By Louisa Daniels

For those that don’t immediately recognise the surname, Rachel Bruno is the daughter of former British world heavyweight boxing champion Frank Bruno.

Photo: BBC/Hal Shinnie

aving made a documentary for BBC Three Rachel Bruno: My Dad and Me, where she investigates bipolar affective disorder - an illness that has affected not just her dad’s life for the last ten years, but her whole family’s, too - we were lucky to get the chance to speak to Rachel about her reasons for making the documentary: a great piece of television that beams a bright light on how it is to share a loved one with bipolar disorder. Frank, who has battled bipolar disorder for over 10 years (remember the horrendous newspaper headlines: ‘Bonkers Bruno’), has since become something of an ambassador for mental health awareness, through his willingness to discuss his journey. It was back in 1995, when Frank was defeated by Mike Tyson and forced to retire because of a serious eye injury, that the loss of his daily routine and a high-profile marriage breakdown triggered bipolar.

Aged only sixteen-yearsold when Frank was first sectioned, Rachel describes a “pretty rocky last ten years”. But, with plenty of love and understanding, the focus is now very much on the whole family’s recovery from mental illness.

Sanctuary: It’s great to talk to you Rachel. How are things with you, and how’s your dad? Rachel: Things are going great, thank you. Dad has had a really good year so far, and he is really well.

What made you decide to make the BBC Three documentary about your experiences of bipolar disorder? Rachel: Last year, my dad was really poorly: he was hospitalized three times. Dad was first sectioned ten years ago, and

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

every time he is sectioned it throws our family into turmoil. All the doctors gave us were leaflets, and it was like, “Here you go. Read that.” But I really wanted to meet people, to talk to them, and really understand bipolar. So, when the BBC approached me, I jumped at the chance.

What’s the response been like? Rachel: It has been really positive. I’ve had so many lovely emails from people saying that watching the programme has sparked off a conversation in their family. Sometimes, when someone is poorly, you don’t want to push the person away by asking questions such as: How are you feeling? But it’s worth it.

How do you think your dad’s bipolar is affected by his life in the public eye? Rachel: Well, obviously all the work he does for mental health is really positive. But when dad is ill, it is really difficult. Trying to keep it out of the press and having to have passwords so that we can speak to dad without his location getting out is a nightmare.

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

In your opinion, what are the biggest challenges for family and loved ones of somebody living with a mental illness? Rachel: Trying to work alongside the doctors is hard because you’re not there 24/7, and are often only dealing with it over the phone. Also, the relationship with the person in question is tested. It’s hard caring for family members because it’s so intense.

What do you think is the best way to support a loved one through a period of mental illness? Rachel: You have to be openminded and hopeful. As Dr. Mark Salter, the psychiatrist in the documentary, said: “You have to remind yourself that they can and will come round from this.” At the time, when they’re ill, it’s easy to think you’ll never get them back. But you have to remember that they can get better. For us, I remember thinking we’d never be able to get together and have a laugh like we used to, but we’re there again.

How do you stay mentally healthy? Rachel: Well, because my dad has suffered with mental illness, we are now really open as a family. When my family was going through the divorce, I had counseling, and we had family counseling, too, so I’m always trying to stay balanced.

I’m sort of glad I did that at a young age because now I know how to try and make sure that I don’t go off the rails. That’s not to say that in the future I won’t get ill. But I know that I’m lucky to have a family that will support me, and that they’ll get me the help that I need.

What are your hopes for the future? Rachel: I’d love to make more documentaries, and to learn new things in the process. I want to continue my charity work, too. I feel blessed to be able to do what I do, and I want to build on it. By offering a glimpse into their lives, the Bruno family has enabled many people to identify with the mixed emotions and difficult feelings that often arise when a loved one is ill. Furthermore, and perhaps more importantly, they have shown, in very real terms, how people who have had their lives publicly torn apart can still bounce back. And with a lot of patience, some open-communication and plenty of persistence, families do get to experience happiness again.

EATING UNTIL YOUR HEART’S CONTENT?

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

t used to be called ‘comfort eating’ which was a misnomer in my opinion because it never brings comfort to stuff yourself with unwanted (even if you temporarily think you do want it) food. ‘Emotional eating’ has a better ring about it. It is more easily understood and it is something many of us identify with. What we also identify with is the apparently impossible task of dragging ourselves off this particular battlefield of eating to suppress feelings and the follow on self-loathing as we castigate ourselves for having no willpower. There are many books, therapies and self-help online ‘remedies’ for emotional eating. Tips galore tell us how we can master this phenomenon. But if they only look at the symptom not the underlying problem, there is little hope of a ‘pull yourself together’ approach, or a new celebrity hailed sugar/ salt/starch or whatever de-tox

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

diet succeeding. Understanding what is going on deep in our mind and body is where to start. And Paul McKenna, hypnotist and author has written a book that might help that process. Freedom from Emotional Eating, book and cd/dvd (try amazon if it isn’t in your local bookshop) offers a perspective on eating to stop our emotions getting the better of us that provides sensible reasons and solutions. From anger to feeling too excited, to loneliness, disappointment and grief – many of us choose to use food to stuff down overwhelming emotions. Underlying why we do this are many reasons. Whatever emotions we are stuffing down with the chocolate or the chips are those we are fearful - for some reason - to deal with. What will happen if our anger erupts, if we feel consumed with grief? McKenna believes getting to know oneself better is key to change.

Ask yourself these five questions In the book, McKenna suggests 5 questions to help the process of shifting the habit and perceived need for emotional eating. They reflect what you might experience if you were having cognitive behavioural therapy, with the point being to adjust your thinking and therefore behaviour. 1

What is the trigger for this emotion? 2 What is the belief or judgment included in this emotion? 3 What is the need or care beneath this emotion? 4 What is the positive intention behind this emotion? 5 What is the first positive action I can take to fulfil the positive emotion? McKenna illustrates the questions with a scenario: ‘I am sitting writing in a café and a

bus stops outside. The engine is running for a long time, it’s loud and I feel annoyed.’ Q1; the trigger of the emotion is a response to the noise. Q2; I believe the noise is unpleasant. Q3; I need a certain level of quietness to concentrate on my writing; Q4; the positive intention of being annoyed is that I need to re-establish the level of quiet I desire, and Q5; what practical action can I take – well I can move to another café or ask the bus driver to turn off his engine until he is ready to leave. Emotions are messages. When we listen to them we can begin to unravel why they trigger certain behaviours, like eating, or drinking too much, living recklessly or never leaving the house. Here’s what happens to me. Something upsets me – let’s say I am busy writing this article. I am in the ‘zone’. The phone rings, my partner comes in and asks me something, an email pings

– I react with the internal and eternal cry, ‘Why is there always something distracting me?!’ I try to ignore it but somehow can’t – or won’t; it would be rude to tell my partner to clear off! And the phone call might be important, or the email. So I probably deal with it but inside there is a sense of panic: I’ve lost the thread of what I was writing, I must get this finished. A hot flush precedes a desperate need to eat something (never healthy of course) to quell the emotions. If I think of the five questions, the emotion was anger. Displays of anger from any member of the family were frowned upon in our household. For a child growing into a teenager, it’s pretty unrealistic not to have a tantrum or want to pick a row with a parent! If it cannot be expressed, it gets internalised but will manifest in any number of ways. I for instance would spend all my pocket money at once on sweets and stuff them down

behind the parental back! From then on, every time my wrath surfaced I knew how to deal with it! But it isn’t dealing with it – it’s just beating yourself up! So as I work through the 5 questions, I get to the positive intention behind the emotion. The article is late, I am letting down my Editor. The practical action I could have taken – and will in future?! - is to politely say to my partner ‘can I chat in a minute?’ and to ignore the phone or email. Whatever it is that has you reaching for the biscuit barrel (okay, it’s the barrel of a gun we’d like to reach for sometimes?!) - to calm yourself, or stick two fingers up at everyone - managing to take a step back and search for the inner reasons can help. Give the questions a go and try the exercise on the Serendipity page which is part of McKenna’s book. For more information on Freedom from Emotional Eating, visit paulmckenna.com

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

Meet Susan Bevis: a professional woman with a full-time job and the mother of two beautiful girls.

ne of Susan’s daughters is thriving at college. The other, unfortunately, is seriously ill as an in-patient on an NHS acute mental health ward. Susan’s ill daughter, who cannot be named for legal reasons, and is now in her mid-twenties, was first diagnosed with a mental illness at the tender age of 19. Casting her mind back to when she first starting noticing problems, marked by a change in her daughter’s appearance, closely followed by a huge shift to her usually outgoing nature (which Susan can now attribute to an incident inflicted on her daughter), Susan is sure that the drugs that were first prescribed, sadly led to her daughter’s health and happiness spiraling out of control, eventually resulting in a diagnosis of Treatment Resistant Schizophrenia meaning years of precious youth spent locked-in and druggedup on a psychiatric ward. Susan’s story is, understandably, very long and very detailed. But, in short, the cocktail of medication “given on a trial and error basis” resulted in dreadful side effects and led to a cycle of repeated hospitalisation that, in Susan’s opinion as a mother, only served to make her daughter more and more ill. Susan’s account of the care that her daughter received is peppered with horrifying incidents. Such as one when her stunning and vulnerable girl had to live on a ward alongside mostly male, forensic patients. This led to situations that, naturally, worsened her daughter’s wellbeing.

As well as this, Susan describes how her daughter’s privacy wasn’t respected: “No-one ever knocked on the door” and despite her best efforts, it was, and still is, a constant battle to try and make sure her daughter is safe. What’s more, Susan, who appears only to be a responsible and loving parent, tells of being labeled as ‘over-protective’, and thus banned from visiting her daughter, all because she questions the decisions being made by the hospital. It was at the point when Susan began to doubt the constantly evolving diagnoses, accompanying the endless cycle of going in and out of hospital, along with the huge variations in her daughter’s behavior, courtesy of the sideeffects of ‘mind-altering’ drugs, that she decided to investigate the world of psychiatry. Susan, who is hence now more aware of the drugs being prescribed and the controversies surrounding some of them, says that it was when she began voicing her concerns that she stopped being invited to her daughter’s review meetings. Visits were soon replaced by telephone calls, and even those weren’t always private. Susan, who is now understandably very well informed about the controversies of psychiatry, isn’t the only parent witnessing and experiencing such things. Through her blog, Psychiatric Abuse UK, Susan is able to connect with others to discuss their experiences of the

treatment and care of those within the British mental health system. In addition to pointing out the problems, Susan also makes valid suggestions for improving the care of ill people in the UK, emphasising the need for therapeutic communities, such as The Chy-Sawel Project, a holistic mental health charity based in Cornwall, UK. Chy-Sawal promote the use of “treatments involving natural nutrients, exercise and talking therapies” and their aim is to open a treatment centre for the “many people living with mental illness” who are, according to them, being “unsuccessfully treated by psychiatry”.

What are your thoughts on psychiatry and holistic treatments? We’d really love to hear from you. At the time of going to print, we understand that Susan’s daughter was due to be discharged, and we’d like to wish the Bevis family all the very best for the future. Discover psychiatricabuseuk.com chy-sawel-project.co.uk Follow @psychabuseuk

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

By Hollie Hines

SO LU TI

R E COV E RY

We tend to start each year with a new outlook: a plan. Have your new year resolutions, commitments and ‘how to’s’ kicked in for an idolised lifestyle?

or me, each new year is all about setting achievable goals, rather than a list of ideas I’d like to complete and never do. In 2013, I said to myself I was going to run a half marathon, but it didn’t happen. Why? Well, I work full time for one thing. Then I met my brilliant, supportive boyfriend, and I’ve made new friends, too. You got me - I’m guilty of going out and enjoying myself! I spent weeks beating myself up, arguing with my inner self, saying that I shouldn’t be enjoying this dinner and that I should be training right now. Time took its toll, and the constant inner battle soon made me realise that the goals I had set may have been right for me at the start of the year but as the year progressed, and changed, so did my goals. Some say if you really want something you’ll go for it no matter what. I came to realise that the projects I had set myself weren’t right for me or for my mental wellbeing. I’d suffered the consequences for too long and had burnt myself out; I felt like I was missing out on down time. The moments when I had to turn down my friends to train soon made me realise what was most important to me. Therefore, running a half marathon was not realistic. The Central North West London Recovery College (CNWLRC) provides courses for those who have been affected by mental ill health and who want to be ‘active in their own self-care and wellbeing’. These courses also provide a great foundation for people who want to understand mental health. Like many of us, the CNWLRC strives to remove the stigma attached to mental illness. This educational-based service focuses on the rebuilding process that mental ill health experiences may leave as a consequence. At the CNWLRC, treatment and therapy for patients become courses and training for students. The courses and workshops are designed to support individuals to explore and develop

their talents and resources; to become experts in their own self-care. Students learn alongside others with experience of living with mental health challenges, as well as family, friends and carers, and the staff who deliver services. All courses and workshops are facilitated by two trainers, one with the expertise of lived experience of using mental health and addiction services, and the other with professional experience. Past students report that this joint learning environment breaks down the usual ‘them & us’ experience; the commonality is that everyone’s a student, and crucially, all are respected as recovering human beings. The difference with the recovery approach is that you are considered a student or client, working in partnership with a coaching professional, catering to your own development plan and deciding what works best for you. With recovery-focussed treatment, you can set goals, make your own decisions and build upon your experience of mental health in a supportive environment. After some reflection, I know that at the start of 2013 I had really set myself the goal of trying to be happy. So, if that meant modifying my first objective, then so be it. I soon learnt that my wellbeing is far more important, so I will keep going with my instincts, remain in the present and maintain my happiness around that. I can’t say it will always be a smooth process. There were moments last year when I felt like I’d turned my back on myself. Though after making my own development plan, once the burnout began to ease, I realised I could pick up on projects and utilise them to suit my routine: Work, run home from work (saving some commute time!), socialise, write and sleep! Discover: www.cnwl.nhs.uk/recoverycollege Follow: Twitter @cnwlrc

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

DIRECTORY T

he Directory is in the process of being updated. We highlight Surrey organisations and national help lines. If you would like to be added to our directory, please contact Megan Aspel at megan.aspel@sky.com.

Please note we will give details of name, contact numbers/ email and if space allows, a brief description of the service / facility you provide. Please include these details in your email. You can contact Santuary magazine c/o Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Link, PO Box 533, Betchworth, RH4 9FL. Tel. 07824 364703; email; megan.aspel@sky.com

Mental health NHS trusts across the south east ĂŽ 6XVVH[ 3DUWQHUVKLS 1+6 Foundation Trust. T: 01903 843000

Anger ĂŽ %ULWLVK $VVRFLDWLRQ RI $QJHU Management, 0845 1300 286 www.angermanage.co.uk

Anxiety

ĂŽ .HQW 0HGZD\ 1+6 6RFLDO Care Partnership Trust. T. 01732 520400

ĂŽ 1R 3DQLF www.nopanic.org.uk;

ĂŽ ,VOH 2I :LJKW +HDOWKFDUH 1+6 Trust. T. 01983 524081

ĂŽ 1DWLRQDO 3KRELFV 6RFLHW\ 0870 7700 456 www.phobics-society.org.uk;

ĂŽ +DPSVKLUH 3DUWQHUVKLS 1+6 Foundation Trust. T. 023 8087 4300 ĂŽ %HUNVKLUH +HDOWKFDUH NHS Foundation Trust. T. 01344 415 600 ĂŽ 2[IRUGVKLUH DQG Buckinghamshire Mental Health NHS Foundation Trust. T. 01865 778911 ĂŽ 0LOWRQ .H\QHV 3&7 T. 01908 243933 ĂŽ 6XUUH\ %RUGHUV 3DUWQHUVKLS NHS Foundation Trust. T. 01883 383838 ĂŽ $JH &RQFHUQ 6XUUH\ Ă¤ 458732 www.acsurrey.org.uk

Alcohol and drugs ĂŽ 'ULQNOLQH ĂŽ $O $QRQ VXSSRUW IRU IDPLO\ and friends of alcoholics, find a local group 020 7403 0888. ĂŽ $OFRKROLFV $QRQ\PRXV Ä&#x2026;QG D local group â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 0845 769 7555 ĂŽ 'UXJVFRSH IRU LQIRUPDWLRQ www.drugscope.org.uk ĂŽ )UDQN IRU \RXQJ SHRSOH DQG parents) www.talktofrank.com ĂŽ 6XUUH\ 'UXJ $OFRKRO $FWLRQ Team â&#x20AC;&#x201C; for local services, www.surreydat.org.uk

ĂŽ )LUVW 6WHSV WR )UHHGRP 120 2916 www.first-steps. org; www.anxietycare.org.uk (enquiries@anxietycare.org. uk to find out about accessing free advice and support)

Bereavement and loss ĂŽ &UXVH ZZZ crusebereavementcare.org.uk

ĂŽ 3DWKZD\V &RXQVHOOLQJ &HQWUH Epsom, 01372 743338. Professional counselling, normal rates apply ĂŽ 5HGKLOO &RXQVHOOLQJ &HQWUH 01737 772844. Negotiable rates ĂŽ 5(/$7( UHODWLRQVKLS counselling, 0845 4561310 www.relate.org.uk, for a local branch. A fee is charged for appointments. ĂŽ 5HODWHHQ (SVRP SDUW RI RELATE but for young people disturbed/worried about parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relationship problems) 01372 722976 ĂŽ 6HDVWRQH 3RVVLELOLWLHV 7UDXPD Resolution Treatment 01306 640073 / 01737 249364 email: seastone@talktalk.net

Debt counselling

Counselling

ĂŽ &KULVWLDQV $JDLQVW 3RYHUW\ freephone 0800 328 0006 www.capuk.org

(please note, waiting times can be long)

Depression

ĂŽ 2QH LQ )RXU 6XUUH\ IRU SHRSOH who have been sexually or violently abused â&#x20AC;&#x201C; from age 5 upwards 01932 400038 (24 hour confidential answer machine). Email: surrey@oneinfour.org.uk visit the website www.oneinfour.org.uk ĂŽ %ULWLVK $VVRFLDWLRQ RI Counselling & Psychotherapy, 0870 443 5252 www.bacp.co.uk (for details of local practitioners) ĂŽ +HDGV 7RJHWKHU \RXQJ SHRSOH 14-25) 01737 378481. No fees ĂŽ &UR\GRQ 3DVWRUDO )RXQGDWLRQ 020 8760 0665. Negotiable rates according to means ĂŽ 1RUWK 6XUUH\ &RPPXQLW\ Counselling Partnership, 01932 244070 www.nsccp.co.uk A sliding scale fee basis operates (up to ÂŁ40.00 per session)

ĂŽ 'HSUHVVLRQ $OOLDQFH 0845 123 2320 www.depressionalliance.org

Direct Payments This is money allocated directly to a patient/service user to enable them to have more choice and independence about the support/facilities they can access in the community. For more information contact: ĂŽ 6XUUH\ ,QGHSHQGHQW /LYLQJ Council (SILC), Astolat, Coniers Way, Burpham, Guildford GU4 7HL. T. 01483 458111

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

Domestic abuse ĂŽ 6XUUH\ 'RPHVWLF $EXVH +HOSOLQH (24hr) â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 01483 776822 ĂŽ (DVW 6XUUH\ 'RPHVWLF $EXVH Services (covering Reigate & Banstead, Mole Valley & Tandridge) - 01737 771350 Email: support@esdas.org.uk Website: www.esdas.org.uk 9am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 4pm, Monday to Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours. ĂŽ 1RUWK :HVW 6XUUH\ 2XWUHDFK Service (covering Woking, Runnymede & Surrey Heath) run by Surrey Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Aid - 01483 776822 (24hr) ĂŽ 1RUWK 6XUUH\ 2XWUHDFK 6HUYLFH (covering Epsom & Ewell, Elmbridge & Spelthorne) run by Walton & Hersham Citizenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Advice Bureau - 01932 260690 Email: nsdvoutreach. walton@cabnet.org.uk Website: www.waltonadvice. demon.co.uk 9.30 am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 4.30 pm Monday to Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours ĂŽ 6RXWK :HVW 6XUUH\ 2XWUHDFK Service (covering Guildford & Waverley) run by CAHA - 01483 577392 9.00 am - 3.00pm Monday â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

Survivors of childhood abuse ĂŽ & , 6 ĂŚWHUV IRU DGXOW ZRPHQ sexually abused as children Run by survivors for survivors â&#x20AC;&#x201C; helpline Saturdays 10am â&#x20AC;&#x201C; midday 023 80 338080

Eating disorders Anorexia, bulimia ĂŽ (DWLQJ 'LVRUGHUV $VVRFLDWLRQV 0845 634 1414 www.eduk.com ĂŽ % HDW FR XN Helpline: 0845 634 1414

Employment For people who do or have suffered mental ill health: ĂŽ (PSOR\PHQW 6XSSRUW 5H training Agency (ESRA) for East Surrey area: 2nd Floor, Rawlinson House, 9 London Road, Redhill RH1 1LY. Tel/Fax: 01737 772115 Richmond Fellowship covering the whole of Surrey: ĂŽ 0LG 6XUUH\ DQG TXHULHV UH :HVW Surrey) RF, Manor House, 19 Church Street, Leatherhead KT22 8DN. T. 01372 363934 ĂŽ (DVW 6XUUH\ 5) 5DZOLQVRQ House, 9 London Road, Redhill RH1 1LY. T. 01737 771 282

Hearing Voices

Post natal depression pregnancy and birth issues ĂŽ $VVRFLDWLRQ IRU 3RVWQDWDO Illness, 0207 3860 868. ĂŽ ZZZ DSQL RUJ www.surrey.nhs.uk www.babycentre.co.uk www.netmums.com

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Other useful contacts Crisis numbers; ĂŽ 6DPDULWDQV www.samaritans.org.uk ĂŽ 6DQH /LQH QRRQ Ă¤ DP daily) 08457 678000. National out of hours helpline for anyone coping with mental illness â&#x20AC;&#x201C; sufferers, carers, relatives or friends. ĂŽ 6XUUH\ %RUGHUV 3DUWQHUVKLS NHS Trust, 0300 456 83 42; text for hard of hearing â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 07717 989024 (24hrs) ĂŽ &KLOGOLQH

ĂŽ 5HWKLQN www.rethink.org

ANXIETY 2014

nxiety 2014 is an exciting Londonwide arts festival, due to start later this year, and it aims to â&#x20AC;&#x153;explore the intricate spaces between the concepts of anxiety, and the ways they are experienced by artists, individuals and communities.â&#x20AC;? Anxiety is of particular interest to Sanctuary magazine because, according to The Mental Health Foundation, women are twice as likely to experience anxiety disorders than men. It is thought this is due to a number of social and cultural factors, such as: ĂŽ 0RUH ZRPHQ WKDQ PHQ DUH WKH PDLQ FDUHU for children and other dependent relatives â&#x20AC;&#x201C; intensive caring can affect emotional health, physical health, social activities and finances ĂŽ :RPHQ RIWHQ MXJJOH PXOWLSOH UROHV DV mothers, partners and carers, as well as doing paid work and running a household ĂŽ :RPHQ DUH RYHU UHSUHVHQWHG LQ ORZ income, low status jobs and are more likely to live in poverty than men ĂŽ :RUNLQJ PDLQO\ LQ WKH KRPH FDQ make women particularly isolated ĂŽ 3K\VLFDO DQG VH[XDO DEXVH RI JLUOV and women can have a long-term impact on mental health

The festival is set to run throughout June 2014, across a huge range of venues and spaces: everything from grass-roots community centres to Londonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leading cultural and academic organisations. We say, watch this space!

We are currently updating information on CMHRCs and psychotherapy services.

Stay up to date by visiting the website - itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sure to be an inspiring programme of events and we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait! Discover anxiety2014.org Follow @Anxiety2014

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

GAMES PEOPLE PLAY “Be not afraid of life: believe that life is worth living and your belief with help create the fact.” (William James)

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

escribed as a ‘systematic psychotherapy for personal growth’, Transactional Analysis (TA) has its roots in a theory developed by Eric Berne. Whilst his name may not be familiar, his book – and subsequent expression – ‘Games People Play’ may well be. Berne wrote the book as a psychoanalytic text book having no idea it would make the number one bestseller list in his native America. By the time you reach age 7, Berne postured, you have a ‘life script’ embedded in your mind. This underpins the TA theory. That life script is hard-wired into body and mind and throughout our lives will test our adaptability and ability to change and endure what life throws at us. Scripts are classified as a Winning script – the individual achieves what they set out to do; the Losing script where the individual constantly fails to achieve desired aims and the Non-winning script where someone wins and loses – not achieving too much but not losing too much either. So we might flourish and grow (with

Sanctuary / Issue 16 / Spring 2014

the Winning script) or flounder and shrivel (with a firmly entrenched Losing script) but many of us are probably caught in the Non-winning script; someone who feels that no matter how hard they try, they are never going to, or are only ever partially going to, achieve their goals and dreams. The philosophy over-arching TA theory, however, is that we can all change and that we all have a right to be in the world and accepted. How many of us are caught in a maelstrom of emotions, habits, default settings that make believing that very hard indeed? Much unpicking of the ‘life script’ is required for many of us before we can begin to believe we can change or have a right to be here. For those of you who have no such self-doubt, send us your answers on a postcard – please! When TA was first posed as a psychoanalytical theory in the ‘60s, it was thought too simple. But its elements resonated with people, hence Berne’s book becoming a best seller. The academics had a little wake-up call that said actually, keeping it simple is not so stupid!

Ego States Freud composed the make-up of our psyches into the Id, the Ego and the Super-Ego. Berne created ego states that correlated with those, but in simpler terms: the Child, the Adult and the Parent. These three elements of our conscious and unconscious minds form our day to day ‘modus operandi’ and inevitably we will vacillate to and fro and in between one ego state and the next, and sometimes all three can cascade through our minds together. So you pick up the piece of cake: you take a bite. The parent says ‘no’ to eating it at all, the child says ‘I want this cake – I’ll show ‘em’ and eat it all and be sick’ and the Adult says, ‘okay just one small piece; eat it slowly and enjoy each mouthful, and that will be a nice treat and no harm done.’ Which one wins? A battle ensues probably, and this leads to self-chastisement, anger or even despair. Whilst you are actually eating that

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cake - or whatever it is – by the way, are you aware of the emotions assailing you? Think about it. Isn’t it only when you stop eating that they surface once more? For a while you have effectively suppressed them, stuffed back down what it is that is eating at you from deep within. And hey, lo and behold, the destructive cycle will repeat itself. (See emotional eating article on page 7) The life scripts (think ‘Groundhog Day’) and Ego States complement our Life Positions. These are the values we put on ourselves. They emerge from and are embedded in our baby and young selves, from our relation to others. Through our somatic and sensory experiences of the world – how we are loved, held, nurtured, kept safe and nourished as a baby and toddler (or not) - we gain our early experiences of the world. The ‘tool’ by which we assess these experiences is, in TA, called ‘Strokes’.

Strokes Strokes are a fundamental unit of recognition. We are not talking literally about someone stroking you like you stroke a dog or cat (although it is included – someone stroking your hair, your back for instance), TA is looking at those ‘transactions’ we have with others. Whether in passing or within an intimate relationship, strokes demonstrate our awareness of another’s existence. A handshake, a ‘good morning how are you’ are simple social strokes. ‘I love you’, ‘you’re the best thing since sliced bread’, ‘wow you look great’ are more intimate strokes. When we feel that unconditional love for a child, it is the best stroke in the world that that child can have. If those strokes of love and attention were non-existent, or compromised in some way, in our early lives, we may find it difficult to respond to others as we grow. At an extreme we may become withdrawn. Strokes are given and received through the senses: the things we say to others; the visual things that tell us about each other, facial expressions, body language

PARENT EGO STATE Behaviours, thoughts and feelings from parents or parent figures

ADULT EGO STATE Behaviours, thoughts and feelings which are direct responses to the here and now

CHILD EGO STATE Behaviours, thoughts and feelings replayed from childhood

for instance; how we touch, smells that are attractive or comforting, and taste. And when we feel bereft of strokes, what is one of the easiest ways we can attempt to self-stroke? Think of the cake analogy!

Change the record TA theory believes however that we can change the record – or script. The goal of TA is to help people become winners through raising awareness of the psychological games, self-limiting beliefs and ways of understanding one’s self and others. The foundation for our life scripts come from what TA terms ‘Injunctions’ and ‘Attributes’. Injunctions are the messages we receive, interpret and accept as a child e.g. ‘don’t be

(don’t exist)’, ‘don’t be you’, don’t grow up’, ‘don’t be well’, ‘don’t be important’, ‘don’t do anything (might be wrong or dangerous)’ and so on. Attributes are similar but define, through what we hear, how we ought to be in someone’s opinion. E.g. being told we’re stupid or if we’re lucky, cleverer than anyone else, or we’re arrogant, shy etc. Only when we can address these often crippling beliefs hard-wired into us as children can we move towards a state of being that TA terms ‘Permissions’; this is the antidote for Injunctions and Attributes, and leads us to growth and development as we see it, not as others have tried to define it for us. For more information about Transactional Analysis visit www.ericberne.com

M. 22

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AND ME

by Ceilii McCormack

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Eight years ago, my life changed dramatically. It was when my partner and I split up and moved out of our flat that I began to notice things weren’t quite right. I went through a period of stress and depression and, even though we got back together, this led to a gradual physical decline. First I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid, and for many years I believed this was the case. Even when I began to experience muscle stiffness and spasms, and fatigue had got to the point where I could barely function, I still didn’t clock that there was something wrong. By this time I had lost most of my friends outside of work because I simply didn’t have the energy to see them. So, I had no social life, my house was a mess, and I spent my weekends and evenings preparing for work, and sleeping. I went from being really organised, to living in a complete muddle. I was in trouble at work for repeated absences, even though I literally put all my energy and more into my profession - my mum had drummed it into me how important my job was, and she convinced me to adopt the attitude: ‘mind over matter’ (she was trying to help), so I just kept pushing on. Although I’d spent many evenings limping home from work, I actually began to believe it was all in my head and that I was ‘going crazy!’ I remember

lying on the sofa one day, feeling completely broken and exhausted, when I got pains shooting up and down my legs. I tried to make them go away with my mind because I truly believed I was imagining them! When people doubt you for a long period of time you begin to doubt yourself. Eventually I agreed for my GP to refer me to a Chronic Fatigue Clinic. He had tried to persuade me to go down this route for years, but I was in denial. I didn’t want an incurable illness. What I wanted was a cure! Finally, I received a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (also known as M.E.). I was very lucky to have the doctor I had, as I know many people spend years trying to convince their doctors they’re sick. In my case, it was the doctor who had to convince me! It was a relief to finally know what was wrong. However, as this was something I would have to live with, I became very depressed and I feared that I wouldn’t regain all I had lost: my friends, my identity, my life! I could no longer do the things I wanted, like meeting friends or dancing. Little things that seemed like no effort to others were so difficult for me because they took up so much energy. Even making a cup of tea was hard. On top of this, I had to deal with the stigma attached to this debilitating disease. Friends and family didn’t understand and I became ashamed of my illness, keeping it a secret. When I finally ‘came out’ I found some people understood a little, but others treated me like I was just an attention-seeker. Even friends

who meant well did not realise the extent of what I was going through. I would often be told: “you look well” or “it can’t be that bad” and even “I get tired a lot too, maybe I’ve got M.E.”. Some believed it was depression making me sick, not knowing it was the illness that was making me depressed. I now know that it is very common for those diagnosed with chronic conditions to suffer from depression. The most stressful part of it all came when I finally asked for help at work. Going to the HR manager was hard but as I worked in the special needs department of a secondary school, where adjustments are routinely made for pupils and disabilities are supposedly understood, I believed I would have no problems. I couldn’t have been more wrong! When I explained what was wrong with me I was laughed at and told “not to look too much up online”! I asked for adjustments such as the allowance of rest breaks and exemption from lunch duty, but despite hospital letters requesting the same, none of it was granted to me. I had worked so hard for the school yet none of it was appreciated, and it broke my heart. This was when my light began to go out. I spent so much energy fighting, which left me drained. The anger and frustration made my condition much worse and I became even sicker. The school had broken my spirit. The lack of support from what felt like all directions was disheartening and if it hadn’t have been for my partner I

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by Joanna Lazaris don’t think I’d have made it through. I wanted to give up so many times but he stuck by me and kept me going. He and my father are the only people I can honestly say never doubted that I was genuinely ill. For those of us with M.E. belief is the one thing we really crave! It is such a poorly understood condition that evokes much prejudice, and more awareness is desperately needed. It was when I joined the Lifestyle Management group at the clinic that I finally found others who really understood. We were all going through the same things and I felt better knowing I was not the only one.

We learnt how to manage our symptoms and our feelings about our condition. I finally began to accept my limitations. I learnt how to pace my activities and take rest properly. I realised that I couldn’t make everyone understand and that it was down to me to help myself get

better. I began to spend my energy doing things that helped, like taking gentle walks and stretching instead of wasting it on anger and frustration. As I gradually began to accept my illness, I realised it had changed me for the better. I am now a stronger person and I have learned the true meaning of compassion, empathy, understanding, perseverance, patience and self-discipline. It takes time to achieve goals, but I will get better one day, and when I do, I know I will make the most of my life, no matter what my age. I still get nostalgic sometimes and knowing that I missed most of my twenties is hard, but I’m learning to make the most of each day and to treasure moments instead of thinking about the things I can’t do. Most of all, I am grateful to M.E. for it has made me who I am today. Strange as it sounds, I wouldn’t go back and change it. M.E. is my personal journey and because of it I have learnt, and am still learning, so much about myself.

LIFE IS BETTER WHEN YOU’RE LAUGHING…. (Hahahaha, hohohohoho, heeheehee)

first heard about Laughter Yoga back in 2008 while I was travelling in Australia. At first it seemed a strange concept, but at the same time it made perfect sense – bringing more laughter into your life can help both physical and mental wellbeing. Laughter Yoga is a simple set of breathing, movement and play exercises designed to improve physical, mental and emotional health. It’s easy, fun and accessible for everyone. I tend to think of myself as a positive and happy person. But in everyone’s life there are mixtures of ups and downs, and I recall a time when a number of stresses caused me to go through a prolonged period of depression and anxiety (at least 6 months) and it was incredibly hard for me to function. Just getting through the day was overwhelming. Emptiness and despair took over my life,

but gradually I got better. On reflection, I think it was one of the best things I could ever have gone through - depression taught me that health is the most important thing in the world. It taught me to be more empathetic to others and, more importantly, to make sure that I look after myself. One of the greatest things about laughter yoga is the positive energy it generates. I find it makes things easier to cope with and it’s a great preventative measure for depression. In much the the same way that watching a funny film or going to a comedy club can lift your mood, group laughter sessions can be very therapeutic. Laughter is a great medicine for reducing stress, because when we laugh endorphins (happy hormones) levels increase, and cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases, leaving us feeling happier and more relaxed.

After going to various classes around London, I decided I really wanted to learn how to lead laughter yoga sessions, so I decided to go on a leader training programme run by Unitedmind, and now my friend and I regularly teach a class in Hackbridge, Surrey. It has been such a positive experience for me, and, as well as feeling less stressed, I really love hearing other people talk about the positive effect it has on their lives. Sharing laughter is to share joy, and stress disappears amongst the howls and giggles. Try it. It may just change your life. Discover: unitedmind.co.uk Follow: @unitedmind

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WALKING THE LABYRINTH For thousands of years, and across far-flung locations as diverse as Norway and South America, Labyrinths have been present in human civilisation.

hat is a Labyrinth? Similar to the maze, but distinguishable by having only one path (unicursal) leading to the center, the labyrinth allows the walker to follow the way easily, taking as long or as little time they want. A maze, on the other hand, is much more complex: it’s like a puzzle that needs to be solved and it has many possible paths that can be followed (multicursal), not all of them leading the right way. Judging by the references made

to labyrinths throughout history, it appears they have fascinated mankind for centuries (the oldest known labyrinth on the planet can be found in Mogor in Spain, and it dates back to around 2000 BC). Currently they are experiencing a resurge of interest. The reason for this is said to be that as our human lives grow increasingly busy, we are actively seeking out ways to slow down and reconnect with the world around us. The relevance of labyrinths to

modern life was picked up on by Mark Wallinger, the artist behind the 2013 art installation on the London Underground. As part of the celebrations for the transport networks’ 150th anniversary, Mark was commissioned to create an artwork to span across the entire system - making it one of the largest art commissions in history. Each station on the London Underground now owns a unique labyrinth pattern somewhere on it’s walls, to reflect the journeys made on the tube by the millions of Londoners every day. Many have likened the journey of the labyrinth to being like a spiritual quest of some sort, arguably evidenced by the fact that the Chartes Cathedral in France has a labyrinth inside it. This, it is said, is so that followers who are unable to afford a costly pilgrimage can do something similar within the church itself. As well as the Catholic faith, labyrinths are cherished by many other religions throughout the world. Buddhists, for instance, regard labyrinths as a sacred form of geometry, and examples of labyrinths can be found in Hinduism, too. As well as the structured religions, labyrinths are also associated with paganism and spiritualism (they are regarded as traps for malevolent sprits or to be used as paths for spiritual dancing), and they are also equally respected as forms of the non-religious practices of mindfulness and contemplation. By their ability to transcend the boundaries of both time and culture, labyrinths are often found at the heart of vibrant communities, made up of diverse groups of people, such as: artists, historians and

healthcare professionals. The idea is that the labyrinth contains whatever is brought to it by the walker, be it the desire for peaceful solitude, the need for strength or a place to play. As mentioned earlier, labyrinths are used in many different settings, including mental health environments. Reverend Catherine Joy Moon, an Anglican chaplain at Mersey Care NHS Mental Health Trust, describes labyrinths as “a visual, physical, experiential and beautiful metaphor for the journey towards recovery and mental stability.” Writing for the book ‘Working With The Labyrinth’ (Wild Goose Publications 2012) Catherine describes how an outdoor labyrinth has been used to great success at Ashworth Hospital (a secure unit for men) and that “the simplicity of its design and the clarity of its pathways provide a welcome contrast to the complexities that many service-users face

each day. It provides a still point in their turning world and perhaps a moment of healing.” Everyone, it seems, could benefit from walking a labyrinth now and again, and one of the main reasons people visit them is to help control stress – something we all feel at times. To those that use them regularly, the labyrinth offers an opportunity to be lifted out of any habitually negative thought patterns, providing the walker with an inner sense of calm, away from the hustle and bustle of modern day life. There are many places one can experience the labyrinth in the UK, most notably in Essex and Winchester in the south, and Wakefield in the north. If after this you fancy trying out a labyrinth, we’d love to know how you get on, so please do email us sanctuarymagazineuk@gmail.com Discover facebook.com/BritishLabyrinths labyrinthuk.org

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Discover: sacredtreeessences.com Follow: @mimibuttacavoli

PUTTING DOWN ROOTS

What makes a young woman pack in her hardearned career as a nurse and leave the UK, with a one-way ticket to the Amazon jungle?

or Mimi Spender, it was an inexplicable and inescapable calling; a strong instinct that a life changing experience was waiting to be fulfilled. Whilst originally using her skills and experience as a volunteer nurse in Peru, Mimi soon learnt about the indigenous use of plants to aid healing, and an interest in the healing energies of the Amazonian trees began. What soon followed was years (7 in total) spent in the jungle alongside shamans training as an apprentice. This led to what is now a life dedicated to helping others experience the wonder of the Amazon’s ancient trees. Describing it as a quest that only she could face: “I had to face my inner demons and face the fear of leaving familiarity, and all that I knew behind: to step into the unknown…”, Mimi’s life has since changed for the better. Always inspired by stories of transformation, we caught up with Mimi to find out about her incredible journey, and her new British-based business venture, Sacred Tree Essences.

What was it like coming back to the UK? It was a difficult transition, having lived in the jungle for so long and spending all of my time apprenticing and actively assisting the shamans in all of their healing work. As part of my shamanic training, I had to live a very disciplined lifestyle. I had to purify my body and mind in order for the trees to teach me, and prepare my energetic body

for my future work as a shaman. However, it has been wonderful to be able to share the gift of the jungle with people, and I am now holding retreats in Peru, where I am reunited with my beloved jungle for part of the year.

How have you changed as a person? I have changed tremendously. The trees took me on an introspective journey of my life, to see my old habits and ways of thinking which did not serve me anymore; helping to release me from these old patterns and open up to new ways of thinking. I’ve learnt to follow my heart and to not make decisions based on fear: to see past this illusion. It was an amazing, but extremely challenging, time; I literally came undone as my old ways of seeing the world came apart. I have learnt to trust my intuition and to trust life.

How do your tree essence products improve wellbeing? The essences work on purifying energy and releasing negative emotions such as fear, doubt, and past traumas. They can help one to move through obstacles and find answers. The sprays are a synergy of the tree essences combined with essential oils, positively altering the vibrations around aura and space. If you fancy giving Mimi’s Sacred Tree Essences a try, then why not make use of a 10% discount especially for Sanctuary readers by quoting “Sanctuary” at the check out.

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READER’S VIEWS

FED UP AND STRESSED? Try this technique developed by Dr Ronald Ruden to relieve sadness, stress, trauma and compulsion. It is based on using patterns of repeated touch to the body. Use the exercise anytime to reduce feelings of anxiety, stress or the desire to over-eat.

Notice any uncomfortable feelings you have right now. Rate it on a scale from 1-10 (highest)

Clear your mind – or think about something nice

Cross your arms, place your hands on the tops of your shoulders and close your eyes

Stroke your hands down the sides of your arms from shoulders to elbows, down and up, again and again

As you carry on stroking the sides of your arms, imagine you are walking on a beautiful beach. With each step count out loud from 1 – 20

Keep stroking and open your eyes, keeping your head still

While stroking, now move your eyes laterally to the left and then to the right

Close your eyes and stroke your arms and imagine walking down a flight of stairs. Count out loud 1-20 with each step

Open your eyes and check on your scale from 1-10 how you are feeling now

If you have succeeded in reducing the number and therefore the level of the emotion you are feeling, well done. You may need to repeat the exercise. This technique has not been tried and tested and is not specifically recommended by Sanctuary magazine. But, like any ‘diversion therapy’, it may well have benefits. And it certainly won’t harm us to try!

We had an incredible response to Issue 15, and enjoyed reading all of the letters and tweets that we received. Congratulations to Beth Rivett-Carnac, the rightful recipient of a beautiful beaded WISH bracelet. Beth sent us a great letter, as well as an incredible poem about crisis, change and opportunity – just go to our Facebook page to read it.

Star Letter I

came across your magazine and I love everything thing from the variety and feel of the articles to fact it makes mental health issues seem a lot more ‘normal’ than I think they tend to be portrayed. What I also absolutely LOVE is that you’ve made mental health pretty - I think the visuals and graphics are beautiful! And let’s face it: everyone needs a bit of pretty in their lives, especially when they’re feeling blue! Beth Rivett-Carnac @BethR_Carnac

Your views on Twitter: @ArtMattersfaf Well done on the new issue of Sanctuary magazine. Loving the new size. Some great articles inside @RinHamburgh Have just discovered Sanctuary mag - where have you been all my life?! @ginger_guru It’s nice to see such an intelligently turned out magazine. @ILoveOwlsMe Your magazine is the future of women’s media

To see your letter published on this page and to be in with a chance of winning a lovely gift bag from Nikki’s Organic Balms, please get in touch using the following methods: Email: sanctuarymagazineuk@gmail.com Social Media: Facebook.com/SanctuaryMag Twitter - @sanctuary_mag To download all of our incredible back issuesfor free, please visit: Issuu.com/sanctuarymagazine

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