autumn/ winter ‘07
issue 03
Inner space for women’s mental well-being
Me & my shaπow
the legacy of childhood abuse
DIY self help get the creative juices flowing Walking away from lip service a mental health strategy for women
Walking away from lip service a women’s mental health strategy for Surrey
To be launched on Wednesday 23rd January 2008 at the Leatherhead Leisure Centre – 10.30am – 3.30pm A partnership of women has produced a strategy which aims to lay the foundations that put gender sensitivity at the heart of mental health service planning and delivery. Women who suffer mental ill health, women who work in mental health, from the statutory and voluntary sector, have all contributed. It is a strategy for women, by women. Everyone who is interested in seeing better services and support for women across all ages, cultures, backgrounds, are invited to the launch on 23rd January ‘08. 2
The morning’s sessions will outline the strategy and what should happen next (this is definitely not a document to be put on a shelf and gather dust!) and in the afternoon there will be the opportunity for a little pampering. Indian Head Massage and other complementary therapies will be available, primarily for women who are patients or carers. There will also be information stands on a wide range of subjects that are important to women patients/service users. To book a place, (numbers will be limited) please contact Megan on 07824 364703, write to Let’s Link, Langley House, Church Lane, Oxted RH8 9LH stating your name and contact details, or email megan@meganaspel.wanadoo.co.uk
Editorial comment Thank you
to all those readers who have sent their compliments and comments about Sanctuary. Please keep them coming – we need to find funding for next year’s issues and your enthusiasm and appreciation for the magazine will really help us to show how well we are doing and how much we need to continue. In this issue, we look at the treacherous legacy of childhood abuse and other acts of violence against what is a majority of women. Such a legacy is well documented for its impact on mental, emotional and physical health. In researching this area I have found a prolific list of publications and policies from virtually every government department you can think of. There is a huge amount of guidance around supporting people who have been abused, particularly as set out in the document, Victims of Violence and Abuse Prevention Programme*. So why is it so difficult – in the main - for mental health services to recognise, let alone respond to, issues of abuse and violence, when they are the number one underlying cause of women’s and some men’s mental anguish? Victims have to deal with the unfair phenomena of feeling guilt and shame, of experiencing unwelcome flashbacks that are so vivid, some can believe they are the same age as when the abuse happened. We don’t want to depress or shock, but if we don’t deal with the outcomes of these atrocities, how can we offer hope and recovery? The debate at the moment is ‘asking the question’: anyone assessing a patient in mental health services should be asking if there has been abuse and violence in that person’s life. Staff are ambivalent, as well they might be, if they feel a) it could tap into their own ‘stuff’ or b) how do they handle, and what do they do with, ‘yes’? It really is the 64,000 dollar question. But if we don’t start asking it and don’t follow it up with the right support and understanding, then we are failing those victims who have had their mental, emotional and sometimes physical health broken and utterly disregarded by the perpetrators. If they have been able to endure what they have, living with it day to day, and very importantly, feel they want to tell someone (if they don’t, people will just say ‘no’ to the question!) surely clinicians and whoever, are able to rise above their own anxieties and reach out to help them?
Megan
* www.csip.org.uk If you have been affected by anything in this magazine, wish to comment or would like to talk to someone, please call Megan in the first instance on 07824 364703.
Sanctuary is free to everyone. If you would like to subscribe, please write, email or telephone: Sanctuary, c/o Let’s Link, Langley House, Church Lane, Oxted, RH8 9LH. Email: megan@meganaspel.wanadoo.co.uk Phone: 01883 383919 / 07824 364703
Editorial team: Megan (managing editor), Diane, Elaine, Sally, Ashley, Louisa Design by ASPECTS: tom@aspectsgd.com www.aspectsgd.com Printed by Reliant Colour Solutions: www.reliantcolour.com No part of the magazine may be reproduced without prior permission of the publishers. ©ASPECTS 2007 / '08
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1 in 4 women
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are sexually abused during childhood although data shows only the tip of the iceberg. A staggering 50-70% of us end up in mental health services. Child sexual abuse (CSA) constitutes any act involving a child and an adult (16 and over) where the latter seeks sexual gratification. Each child’s experience of such trauma is unique; however commonalities exist within the long term effects abuse has on survivors. The more established and recognisable effects on women often fall within the criteria of a psychiatric diagnosis: • Eating disorders can stem from the belief that being physically attractive is openly inviting the abuser and so we reject our femininity by losing or gaining weight in order to feel sexually unattractive, thus creating the illusion of ‘safety’. • Self mutilation serves many functions for a survivor of CSA. Cutting, scratching and burning are a way of expressing and releasing emotional suffering as well as a way of punishing the body we feel betrayed us. Scarring makes the woman feel safe from any further abuse as in her eyes, she is now sexually unattractive. • Drug or alcohol addiction; the effect of these substances on the body act as a temporary escape from the emotional torment. It is estimated that 70-90% of females with addiction problems are as a result of CSA • Personality Disorders; the most prevalent amongst adult survivors is Borderline in type • Anxiety frequently arises where a survivor may encounter an unknown male, which may appear generalised but 95% of child sex offenders are male and as such, for victims, all men become likely abusers. The threat a survivor feels in these scenarios is very real. In around 90% of CSA cases the abuser is known to the child; making strangers an even greater danger • Depression; low feelings of self worth can lead to severe depression and suicide • Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); 50-80% of rape and abuse survivors experience PTSD compared for instance to 5-8% of war veterans • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD); strict routines are a way for the survivor to gain control over their lives – control that has been taken away from them during their abuse
Me anπ my S¬adow The legacy of childhood sexual abuse. A survivor reports...
Unfortunately the legacy of CSA doesn’t end there. It can leave survivors using less overt but equally destructive sub conscious coping mechanisms in an effort to deal with the trauma. Sexual abuse can cause a deep rooted sense of powerlessness, prompting avoidance of situations which evoke feelings of isolation and vulnerability. Suspicion of any love and affection is prevalent amongst many survivors who had an established relationship with their abuser (e.g. family member), giving us the belief that others see us predominantly as a body to be used for sexual gratification and not as the person we are. This can result in women reacting in extreme ways; either seeing sex as something to be hated and avoided or using sex as a way of trying to ‘exorcise’ what they endured as children. So why, when there are so many CSA survivors, whose lives continue to be affected in such profound ways, do we feel unable to speak openly and honestly about our experiences? The subject remains taboo, leaving survivors feeling they are a part of Society’s ‘sordid little secret’, thus prolonging the suffering of all CSA victims. Unreported cases are estimated to be around 90-95% because survivors fear they will be disbelieved, judged or blamed for what happened. How can a two or four year old be blamed? The child is NEVER to blame. An abuser relies on a child’s fear and silence. Society’s reluctance to openly discuss and accept
the existence of CSA reinforces these tactics. Yet hearing a survivor can help them to recover. The hardest step towards recovery is acceptance. I used to think that if I accepted my past, then I was somehow approving of what happened to me. I was wrong. Acceptance does not equal approval. But owning your past allows you to take a hold on your future. Talking to a therapist or counsellor can support a survivor in coming to terms with the trauma of CSA but it isn’t a ‘quick fix’. Sadly we cannot erase our past but we can recognise just how strong we are in living with the legacy. Without meaning to sound cliché, recovery is a long, slow, painful process, but it is worth the effort. I define recovery as overcoming the ‘dysfunctional’ coping mechanisms and employing more functional ones; learning to live with the horrors of my childhood rather than fighting against them. The suffering caused by such trauma rarely heals. Living with a history of child sexual abuse is like having a constant shadow at your heels; it creeps up on you just as the sun begins to shine. If I can see the sun light, I know the shadow is cast behind me. If my shadow is cast before me, I see only darkness, and I know that this time, I have lost my way.
If you have been affected by anything in this magazine and would like to speak to someone, please call Megan, in the first instance on 07824 364703.
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W¬a∆’s on your plate?
P
aws for thought
Those furry creatures can be much more than just a best friend…
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Diets…
everywhere you look there are diets staring you in the face, be they splashed over magazines, blaring out of so called ‘health’ programmes on the television or circulating endlessly in the air around groups of friends as they exchange ways to ‘banish the bulge’. Our minds are always focused on diets as the industry, worth billions a year, hypnotises us to cut out and banish whole food groups, claiming that the latest ‘quick fix’ really is the way to do it.
There is no set figure, but across the board it is estimated that between 90 – 95% of dieters find that any weight that may have been lost is soon back and worse, it has a few extra pounds for company. This is because the human body responds by saving fat in preparation for the next time that nutrition is restricted, cue the yo-yo dieter. I had been a yo-yo dieter for most of my life…and I am also a recovering bulimic. Dieting really is a downward spiral! Years of only eating this and not eating that contributed to fears of certain foods, and I had to retrain my whole outlook. I am not a doctor or a nutritionist and I hold no qualifications apart from having been there. It can be difficult coming to the conclusion that one’s body shape is entirely unique. Following The Set Point theory, as we all vary in personality, facial characteristics, height etc… we also all have a weight range that our bodies strive to maintain. Hence why some people are naturally slim, as others are curvy. When I say that this diet works the definition that I am using is one based on improved physical health, optimum nutrition and a positive mood change, and not on weight loss. So… saying that one accepts the set point theory, what does one eat to be as one is supposed to be? The only other time that I saw it (the diet) before I was asked to follow the plan during therapy was when I was at primary school.
This is the ONLY DIET supported by the Food Standards Agency. It is the Eat Well Plate Model. Remember the plate divided up into 5 sections? (www.eatwell.gov.uk) Take the plate as a full 100%. 33% should be bread, cereals and potatoes, 33% fruit and vegetables, 15% milk and diary, 12% meat, fish and alternatives and 7 % fat and sugar. Keep this in mind at every meal, for this is the fuel that your body (and brain) needs in order to function properly. Eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full, keep salt levels low, exercise moderately and drink plenty of fluids. If it sounds simple that’s because it is. Getting used to it can be the tough bit. I know that I almost fainted as I heard the word ‘Carbohydrate’, let alone having to consider it as one of the two main food groups that I was to consume. (Thanks protein diet!) Slowly I have allowed myself the time to see changes and to feel better. I am not scared of any foods and I enjoy eating a lot more. Now how many diets can you say do that? Please consult your doctor before changing your diet.
When
you think of a pet (past or present) what is the first thing that comes to mind? For most people, and I hope for you, the thought triggers a smile. The furred, feathered or finned creatures that we share our lives with are treasured friends and family members, and in addition to this companionship they often perform the role of therapist, by doing so much for our well-being than we are often aware of, after all it is us who look after them and foot the vet’s bills. The benefits of owning a pet are endless. Studies have shown that pet owners are less likely to develop heart problems and high blood pressure, to suffer from sky-high stress levels or to have rock-bottom self esteem. It has also been suggested that the presence of an animal in our lives can give us a better boost than either friends or a partner, and as much as a third of owners feel closer to their ‘furry therapists’ than to any human. It is not hard to understand why.
Pets lend a non-judgemental ear to listen to our hearts and minds. They direct no strange looks and they make no conditions on us. Animals remind us to stay in the moment by somehow diluting our distress and evoking a sense of calm. Pets are able to reach out to us when human relationships are thorny. They do not care about how we look and so we can feel very comfortable in the unreserved affection that they give us. Furthermore a pet demands of an owner to be responsible and to stick to a routine, dragging us out of bed in the morning if only to feed them. It is through such actions that life calls us, via them, to move on and keep up, and it is in our exchanges with them, such as viewing their antics that make us laugh, that our lives are touched with happiness and vitality. Visit www.petsastherapy to find out more.
Ya Boo Sucks to Santa!
A
If you are dreaming of a white…knuckle… Christmas, here’s our irreverent twist on a survival guide to the ‘festive’ season
1 2 On the first day of Christmas
Do it your way! The guide suggests you can always do it differently – no relatives or fairy lights. Well, that’s perfect; it gives you have permission to climb into bed, set the alarm for January and pull the duvet over your head! But uh oh, there’s more…
Day Two
Make a plan; you are supposed to do things like prepare some food and freeze it. Our plan; trawl the supermarkets for ‘bogof’s (buy one get one free), or reduced all in one dinners, shove them in the freezer if you have one or eat them all at once if you haven’t (that way you can stick to the plan of day one and disappear under the duvet for the entire ‘festive’ season)
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Day Three
Avoid the crowds; guide says use internet shopping for presents. If you’d had presents to buy you would’ve done the shopping back in August so you’d avoid any Christmas spirit that might rub off onto you. Otherwise, Scrooge is alive and well and under the duvet with you!
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Day Four
Call a friend. Er which one would that be then – oh that nice lady at the helpline – what’s it called – aah Samaritans, that’s it.
Day Five
Avoid a cash crisis. That’s easy; stash any money you have under the mattress, under the duvet.
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6 7 8 Day Six
Make time for you. Okay, I’ll put a sign up to make it official. ‘Leave me alone. I hate Christmas. It is full of horrors and miseries’. Will that do?
Learn to relax. What have you been trying to do all this time, stuck under the duvet?
Day Seven
Don’t be lonely. Why do you think I’m under this damn duvet? But I’m not alone. There’s teddy, rabbit with the bitten ear, Jack Daniels possibly, good bedfellow that he is; well the list goes on. By the time you emerge, you might be able to challenge Tracey Emmin’s ‘installation’ at the Tate Modern, what with all the empty bogof cartons as well!
Day Eight
Attend to family matters. ‘Oh fxxx – forgotten to send a card to auntie Ethel again. Forget it. She’s probably under her own duvet anyway.
10 11 12 Day Ten
Day Eleven
Watch those tipples. Great! Can’t I have any fun?
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Day Nine
Get moving. What, is it January already?! Blimey, doesn’t time fly when you cancel Christmas? Duvet could do with a wash!
Day Twelve
Be easy on yourself. Got that one cracked – just roll over and snuggle into the pillow and sleep. Doesn’t get any easier than that!
So, altogether now! Nuts to Christmas!
We wish all our readers a very ‘appropriate’ Christmas. But don’t try calling us – we’re all under our duvets!
Seriously though… If you need help over Christmas, Surrey residents can call the Crisis service on 01737 778142 in the first instance. Samaritan’s 08457 90 90 90. SANEline 0845 767 8000. NHS Direct 0845 4647
‘It
leap of faith
(sexual contact between a child and a trusted individual) scars virtually all facets of the victim’s life.’ This quote from www. coolnurse.com on child sexual abuse encapsulates what survivors have to endure throughout their lives. New policy on violence and abuse is being implemented in nine pilot NHS mental health trusts across England to train staff to ‘raise issues of violence and abuse routinely and consistently in assessments, and work jointly with survivors through CPA’ (Care Programme Approach/ care plans). The question to be asked is “Have you experienced physical, sexual or emotional abuse at any time in your life?” The recognition that the experience of violence and abuse is a significant causal factor of mental ill health is to be welcomed. It is what women and women’s organisations have been saying for some time. Approximately 75% of disclosures of abuse are validated. Guidelines on how to respond have been produced and staff training is underway. We’d like to hear your views. What do you think of the question? How should women – and men – who disclose be supported? What should happen after being asked the question and answering ‘yes’? And how should we begin to lift the veil of secrecy and talk more openly about how to support and ‘re-build’ broken lives? We will feed your comments and experiences if you feel you are able to share them with us (anonymously) into the pilot taking place at Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust.
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You can write to Sanctuary, c/o Let’s Link, Langley House, Church Lane, Oxted, Surrey RH8 9LH; telephone 01883 383919 or email megan@meganaspel.wanadoo.co.uk Opposite are helplines and organisations to help victims. To find out more about the pilot project visit www.csip.co.uk and search for Implementing DH policy on violence and abuse.
Directory We are building on this directory all the time. If you have anything to add that you think will benefit women’s mental health and wellbeing in Surrey, please let us know. You can contact Santuary magazine c/o Let’s Link, Langley House, Church Lane, Oxted, Surrey RH8 9LH. T. 01883 383919; M. 07824 364703; email; megan@meganaspel.wanadoo.co.uk
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Alcohol and drugs
Counselling
Drinkline, 0800 917 8282 Local; Al-Anon, support for family and friends of alcoholics, find a local group 020 7403 0888. Alcoholics Anonymous, find a local group – 0207 352 3001 Drugscope, for information, www.drugscope.org.uk Frank (for young people and parents) www.talktofrank.com Surrey Drug & Alcohol Action Team – for local services, www. surreydat.org.uk
(but please note, waiting times can be long) British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy, 0870 443 5252 www.bacp.co.uk (for details of local practitioners) Heads Together (young people 14-25) 01737 378481. No fees Croydon Pastoral Foundation, 020 8760 0665. Negotiable rates according to means North Surrey Community Counselling Partnership, 01932 244070 www.nsccp.co.uk A sliding scale fee basis operates (up to £40.00 per session) Pathways Counselling Centre, Epsom, 01372 743338. Professional counselling, normal rates apply Redhill Counselling Centre, 01737 772844. Negotiable rates RELATE, relationship counselling, 0845 4561310 www.relate.org.uk, for a local branch. A fee is charged for appointments. Relateen, Epsom (part of RELATE but for young people disturbed/worried about parent’s relationship problems) 01372 722976
Anger British Association of Anger Management, 0845 1300 286 www.angermanage.co.uk
Anxiety No Panic, 0808 808 0545. www.nopanic.org.uk; National Phobics Society, 0870 7700 456 www.phobics-society.org.uk; First Steps to Freedom, 0845 120 2916 www.first-steps.org; www.anxietycare.org.uk (enquiries@anxietycare.org.uk to find out about accessing free advice and support)
Bereavement and loss Cruse 08701671677 www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Depression Depression Alliance, 0845 123 2320 www.depressionalliance.org
Direct Payments this is money allocated directly to a patient/service user to enable them to have more choice and independence about the support/facilities they can access in the community. For more information contact Surrey Independent Living Council (SILC), Astolat, Coniers Way, Burpham, Guildford GU4 7HL. T. 01483 458111
One of the most important
aspects of support, for anyone suffering mental distress, is advice and information. First Steps is an NHS led service that can help you choose services, organisations and resources, find the right self help materials including their own booklets, self help clinics and Emotion Gyms or they can direct you to a Citizen’s Advice Bureau for help with things like debt problems and benefits advice. They can also tell you about online CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which is becoming more widely available as a way of providing support to people who would benefit from ‘talking’ therapies but, because of long waiting lists, may not be able to access a therapist face to face for some time. Contact First Steps on 0808 801 0325, Tuesday and Wednesdays between 12-4pm and Thursdays between 2-6pm. Or go to www.firststeps-surrrey.nhs.uk
Domestic abuse
outreach service – National 24hr helpline 0808 2000 247; Surrey wide helpline 01483 776822; East Surrey 01737 771350 (Reigate & Banstead, Mole Valley and Tandridge); North West Surrey 01483 776822 (Woking, Runnymede and Surrey Heath); North Surrey 01932 260690 (Epsom & Ewell, Elmbridge and Spelthorne); Guildford 01483 577392 or 01483 268661 (Guildford area); Waverley 01483 523205 or 01252 573421 (Waverley area)
Eating disorders
anorexia, bulimia – Eating Disorders Associations, 0845 634 1414 www.eduk.com
Hearing Voices Rethink, 020 8974 6814 www.rethink.org
Post natal depression, pregnancy and birth issues
Association for Postnatal Illness, 0207 3860 868. www.apni.org; www.surrey.nhs.uk; www.babycentre.co.uk; www.netmums.com
Self harm www.selfharm.org.uk; www.lifesigns.org.uk; www.rcpsych.ac.uk/cru/auditselfharm
Other useful contacts: Crisis numbers; Samaritans, 08457 909090 www.samaritans.org.uk Sane Line (12noon – 2am daily) 08457 678000. National out of hours helpline for anyone coping with mental illness – sufferers, carers, relatives or friends. Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust, 01737 778142 (24hrs) Childline; 0800 1111
Community Mental Health Teams (CMHTs) Spelthorne CMHT 01784 440204 West Elmbridge CMHT 01932 876601 Runneymede CMHT 01932 723392 Woking CMHT 01483 756318 Hollies CMHT 01252 312788 (8.30-5.30 Mon -Fri)
Surrey Heath CMHT 01276 671102 Guildford CMHT 01483 443551 Waverley CMHT 01483 517200 Godalming CMHT 01483 415155 Haslemere CMHT 01483 783090 Farnham CMHT 01483 782095 Conifers CMHT - Cove, Fleet & Yateley Area Briarwood, Sorrell Close, Broadhurst, Cove, Farnborough Hampshire GU15 9XW (9.00-5.00 Mon-Fri) Early Intervention in Psychosis, 01372 206262. For 14 – 35 year olds who have had a first episode of psychosis within recent years. MIND, national organisation for mental health with local branches – www.mind.org.uk Infoline 0845 766 0163. Mind produce booklets on various mental health issues and campaign for better services Mental Health Foundation, national organisation for information, campaigns, news, interaction, including information on the relation between diet and mental health; www.mentalhealth.org.uk
Primary Care Mental Health Teams (PCMHTs) for long term and complex mental health needs and for referral to specialist services such as Crisis Assessment & Treatment Team, Eating Disorders service, Continuing Needs services. Open Monday – Friday 9am – 5pm East Elmbridge PCMHT – 020 8873 4300 Epsom, Ewell & Banstead PCMHT – 01372 204000 Mole Valley PCMHT – 01306 502400 Redhill PCMHT – 01737 272301 Tandridge PCMHT – 01883 385481
Psychotherapy Service (Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust) Referral only but you can access an information leaflet; contact the Psychotherapy Service at Shaw’s Corner, Blackborough Road, Reigate RH2 7DG. T. 01737 277706 Samaritans; 08457 909090 Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust, for mental health and learning disabilities services - 01883 383838 Surrey Police; 0845 125 2222
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There are many strategies we find to help us cope with our mental suffering. Art, writing, crafts can all bring solace and respite; and you may even discover a gift or skill you never knew you had. Here’s some ideas...
DIY A bit of Poetry is...
Creative writing
Get together with some friends and try the following to get the creative juices flowing: 12
Out of the bag! The contents of your handbag, pocket, rucksack, say a lot about you. So what’s in your bag? Go on, don’t be afraid, someone make the first move and tip the whole lot out (or you can select something to avoid showing the entire mysteries of a woman’s handbag!). Select an item – photograph, key ring, a note from someone; think about it, talk about it if you can and get everyone else to do the same. When you’ve chatted, begin to write about the item you selected. Give yourselves about 15 minutes. You will be amazed at what thoughts and feelings emerge. If you feel you can, read out what you have written, or let people read it themselves. Of course, if you have found that you have written something you then realise you would rather not show, then that is fine. There are some ground rules; respect, honesty, confidentiality. Don’t go anywhere emotionally where you don’t feel safe. Don’t get too serious, even though what you choose to write about may have all sorts of emotions attached to it. Go carefully, look after one another, and yourself. And enjoy, have fun! And don’t forget you will need paper and pens!
Fabuƒous felt neckƒace
...the flower of any kind of experience, rooted in truth, and issuing forth in beauty” (The Story of Rimini, Leigh Hunt 17841859, English poet and essayist) Using poetry to release your feelings can be liberating and rewarding. Here is a selection of poems from two young women
'Therapy'
Will I live to regret yesterday? It feels as though it’s going that way. It’s happening… it’s all happening. Wasting, wasting away. Hating, hating the way, that it feels. It hurts yet I smile at what I’ve become. Fears vibrate like a pulsating drum, emotion floods in fusing with the numb.
'Mother'
You will need:
'My States'
Solid, the body; A barren wasteland, A stagnant well, A rotting carcass.
A title of comfort, A sense of safety,
'Outlook'
Your ill sharing, Your lack of caring, A pain relieved, A loss grieved. Mother of acceptance Find me. Mother of love Embrace me.
String (amount depending on the length that you would like) A bowl of hot soapy water
How to make it:
1. Divide the fleece into bundles, mixing the colours, and roll each bundle into a tight ball. 2. Dip each ball into the water and roll until it feels solid. Rinse under a hot tap, then under a cold tap and leave to dry. 3. Thread the needle with the string and tie a triple knot at the loose end, two inches in. 4. Push the needle through each bead and leave a two inch clearing of string after the final triple knot to establish the tie fastening.
Gas, the mind; A passionate dream A rainbow’s end. Pandora’s box. You see not who I am, Merely the spoiled remains; A child, lost.
A family belonging, A nurturing nature,
A large needle
Liquid, emotion; A raging fire, A frenzied gale, A trickling stream.
Your world of suffocation, Your underground location,
Your image is daunting, Your intentions haunting,
Carded fleece in assorted colours (amount depending on the size and number of beads that you would like)
It’s cold, but I’m not freezing. It’s dark, but I’m not blind. It’s quiet, but I’m not lonely; I have the warm light of my mind.
Design tips – instead of string, use ribbon; embellish the dried felt with embroidery of beading and why not make a matching bracelet?
Crafty work
The word ‘Jewel’ is derived from a Latin word meaning ‘plaything’. There aren’t many excuses for playtime in our modern lives but jewellery making is an activity that can bring a lot of pleasure and help ease anxieties. And it can be relatively cheap. You can compose jewellery out of absolutely anything; think about recycling old beads and bits and pieces - very eco-glam! Here is an easy to make, soft and sumptuous necklace for you to try. >>
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National Helplines for victims of abuse and violence:
The Survivor’s Trust
Umbrella agency for specialist voluntary sector services working with survivors of rape, sexual violence and childhood sexual abuse; www.thesurvivorstrust.org
084530 30 900; www.victimsupport.org.uk
Victim Support
Rape Crisis
Advice, support and counselling; www.rapecrisis.org T. 0115 934 8474
Run in partnership with Women’s Aid and Refuge. They will put you in touch with local services; 0808 2000 247
Freephone 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline
Samaritans
National self harm network www.nshn.co.uk
Bristol crisis service for women
For women in emotional distress, particularly those who self injure. Serves UK; 0117 925 1119.
Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre (RASASC)
Nationwide, referring women to local services if appropriate; Croydon based 0845 122 1331, email: info@rasasc.org.uk, www.rasasc.org.uk
Woman’s Trust
Free 1-1 counselling and weekly support groups BUT it is in Kensington; 020 7795 6999/6444
Safeline
Information; www.safelinewarwick.co.uk
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08457 90 90 90
Abused Empowered Survive Thrive www.aest.org.uk
HAVOCA
Help for adult victims of child abuse. www.havoc.org
MIND
Fact sheets for survivors of abuse; www.mind.org.uk
Survivors UK
Helpline for men; www.survivorsuk.org
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Support line; 0800 085 3330, www.napac.org.uk
Breaking Free
Address only available; Suite 21-25 Marshall House, 124 Middleton Road, Morden, Surrey SM4 6RW
Address only available; Suite 5, Claremont House, 22-24 Claremont Road, Surbiton KT6 4QU
Association of Child Abuse Lawyers
You can trust again A young woman who suffered a violent relationship lets the healing begin…
The ground felt cold and heartless as I lay on it, a stone monochrome reflection of the person who put me there. My head ached, bursting with confusion, I felt scared and unsure. Had I contributed to this? Is it the end of us? Does he not love me? How can I ever trust again? All of these questions pulsed through my mind and I fled home to my family. Away from him did not equate to out of mind and the insecurities intensified as my friends slowly peeled away from me. If it wasn’t for a close family I would have had no-one to confide in during my final year at university. The world around me mirrored the hard merciless paving slab that I was slammed on to and life as I had known it cart-wheeled on without me. I got used to the empty feeling and it began to feel quite normal. I became good at spotting ‘bad’ men and steered a very wide course. I had little time for new friends in fear of being deceived and my faith in humans diminished. But I was ok, I could get over this (I told myself constantly) and I ploughed on with life, smiling through any need to cry and getting more and more accustomed to the aching scars. Relationships became so difficult because my trust had been smashed into tiny pieces and the self prescribed cure for me was to stop trusting others altogether, that way they could not let me down. It felt safe for a while but then it just caged me in within myself. The problem with not trusting is that life becomes near enough impossible. Trust is the foundation for everything, having it fills us with warmth and a life without it is very bleak and toneless. Over time and with lots of support I came to realise that trust was still there and that it was always in me to trust. Although I felt it had gone it hadn’t. I had to trust myself in order to carry on. If I may call it another name, faith, we all have faith in ourselves, to some degree, that we are decent people. We have faith that we can make the right decisions for ourselves (even when we may not be). I had to see this trust, find it, pull it out and hang it up again. Just because the wind had blown it down it didn’t mean that it had blown it away. Putting this belief back into others is hard and there are no promises that they won’t hurt you, but it does not increase your vulnerability if you are already vulnerable in the first place. With hard work, determination, time and understanding I rarely feel as though I am lying on that merciless rock, and that black and white existence that consumed me has slowly been revived to full colour, it just has a few extra shades.
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T h e m e l o d y o f 16
l i f e
An Asian project in Epsom strikes the right note for mental health and spirituality
Surae
means ‘melodies’ in many Asian cultures and Narinder Ranger from Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust’s pastoral services, describes the Surae project he runs as somewhere to support and educate Hindus, Sikhs and Islamists about mental health issues. This is done through culturally sensitive activities such as meditation and relaxation, Asian arts and crafts, discussions and seeking spiritual strength. The project is open to people with severe and enduring mental ill health and their carers. “We practice yog (not yoga, which is the Western interpretation of the spelling) which is the path linking God with mental peace”. Alongside the spiritual is the practical; socialising, raising awareness of mental health issues, looking at nutrition, providing help to engage with services such as welfare rights, housing and interpreting. The project can also help professionals learn more about and be sensitive to cultural issues. In an environment that is empowering and welcoming, Asians can come together to understand more about their mental illness and find ways to relieve their suffering. Referrals can be made directly to Surae by health and social care services, GPs, community groups, families and self referrals. Call Narinder on 01737 789824 or 01372 202528.
l e t' s h a v e a b i t o f k a r m
Karm
is an original spelling of what we know as Karma, which literally means ‘deed’ or ‘act’. It is a complex phenomenon with varying meanings in different Asian religions or beliefs. In most it is a cause and effect concept whereby beneficial or harmful effects are derived from past beneficial or harmful actions, creating a system of actions and reactions throughout a person’s reincarnated life. In Indic cultures, the belief is that we all have a free will that creates our own destinies. Karma is something almost organic – it has been described as ‘floating dust that sticks to the soul’, it is everywhere in the universe. There are three types of Karma in Hinduism; sanchita karma – the sum total of past karmas yet to be resolved; prarabdha karma – that portion of sanchita karma that is to be experienced in this life (a hangover from the last if you like) and kriyamana karma, the karma that humans are currently creating, which will bear fruit in future. It is suggested that the Karma theory is ‘the scorecard of life and your actions’. Your soul, it is said, can only achieve liberation by getting rid of all the Karma attached to it. What ‘translates’ across cultures and beliefs though, is that at its heart, Karma is ‘a logical and understandable way of making sense of good and evil’. When it is impossible to believe the evil of some people’s actions, perhaps the Karma philosophy can really help some of us try and make sense of it. So just think, ‘reap what you sow’, ‘do unto others’; it’s good to have a little Karm(a) in your life.
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Bling it on! This season’s
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accessories are as over the top as can be; so if you can’t run to a new dress or outfit, just bring on the bling for instant style! Create the look – bold and sparkly – by being a clever little ‘serendipity’ shopper. Charity shops, high street chains or supermarkets; the message is power dressing with . Charity shops could be gold mines. At the counter there is usually a display of jewellery under the glass top. It will be a little more expensive, but here you might find the throw-outs that have today’s fashion seal of approval all over them. Large, glittery, chunky, sphere not square, and if there is a bizarre animal or creature on an item, so much the better. Think exotic animals – tigers, snakes; think sparkle – crystals or even real stones if you’re lucky; think necklaces that have rows of beads or crystals that twinkle; think mixtures of textures and colours; think BIG – bangles, brooches, necklaces. Next step – bags. Whether it’s day, evening or something to go anywhere, anytime, class is the key. Wherever you go, high street ready-to-wear mimics catwalk couture within a hair’s breadth of litigation! The trick is to check out the trends in the glossies and then spend a day just wandering about the shops, charity shops, antiques and bric-a-brac shops, and wherever else takes your fancy. Sooner or later you will have found the golden key to easy on your purse style. You could create ‘The Look’ by as much as under a fiver. That’s (smug) serendipity!
Z
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f
Food: the relationship women (primarily) have with food has been researched and debated at length. The undercurrents of an eating disorder or an unhealthy relationship with food are often around bad life experiences, particularly in childhood. Professor Susie Orbach wrote in ‘Fed Up & Hungry’ about the mother/ daughter phenomenon that can lead to a variety of eating habits and problems. Recognising what it may have been in your life that has sent you on a food aversion/obsession route may be one thing; correcting the learned pattern is quite another.
Freud: love him or hate him, Sigmund Freud was as important to matters of the mind, as Darwin was to matters of evolution. However, in all of Freud’s extensive writing, from theories on libido, id, ego and super ego and of course the Oedipus complex, to the interpretations of dreams, one thing alluded him. He said, “The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’”! Let’s hear it for the girls!
If we were to try and list everything in the alphabet to do with the mind and mental health, we’d be here some time, so here’s the pick of F – H.
of mind matters
g Gender: There are new rules that apply to statutory sector organisations, including the NHS of course, that place a duty on them to act fairly in all matters of gender and equality. So that means equal pay, no sex, religion, disability or race discrimination etc. The Equality & Human Rights Commission (www.equalityhumanrights.com) is a new body bringing other commissions (e.g. race/ disability discrimination commissions) under one banner and every public body has to create a gender equality scheme (GES). You can find Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust’s on their website, www.sabp.nhs.uk Goddess: you may think, what has goddess to do with mind matters? Actually, quite a lot: the goddess played an important role in mythology and its consequent influence on the way people lived. Masculine and feminine had equal importance. With the rise of religion (particularly Western) there came an erosion of this equality. In debasing and devaluing the goddess and feminine ‘principle’, the balance, a ‘vision of life as a sacred whole’ (The Myth of the Goddess by Anne Baring and Jules Cashford; Penguin Arkania) was lost. The suppression of the feminine – the physical, spontaneous, feeling, instinctive and intuitive – all those thousands of years ago and arguably perpetuated today, might be considered to influence women’s mental and emotional vulnerabilities. If those vulnerabilities are heightened because our ancestral images were eradicated from our ‘unity of life’, perhaps we’d better start a new feminism – the return of the goddess; and not the ‘goddess’ of men’s imaginations! Wisdom (who was the goddess Sophia) rules!
h
Hepatitis: this disease is generally sexually transmitted, although in the case of Hep A, the least serious of the strains, just a tiny amount of faeces can transmit from one to another person. Washing your hands after being to the toilet is paramount to stopping all kinds of infections. Hep B and the most serious, Hep C are transmitted though bodily fluids. People who use drugs and inject are particularly vulnerable to hepatitis if they share needles. Having unprotected sex is a recipe for disaster. If you would like more information contact www.avert.org Hormones: what can you say? We could probably single out hormones as the ‘bete-noire’ of every woman! And rightly so. Hormones and their ups and downs have been connected to depression, weight gain, general mood and fatigue. Researchers are saying that hormone treatment can also offer a more natural approach to mental health. Upcoming hormone therapies are showing promise to target a variety of problems including anxiety, depression, post natal depression, post traumatic stress disorder and panic disorders. To find out more about this fascinating subject, visit www.medicinenet.com and search for hormones and mental health.
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