Issue 12 (Spring 2012)

Inner space for women’s mental health & wellbeing Issue

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Spring 2012

Miscarriage

We need to talk

What it feels like to be me A personal view of BPD

Eat your tryptophan

A whole new meaning to cold turkey

I remember

No joking!

We’ve got a Comic Relief grant!

Let’s Link, publishers of Sanctuary have been awarded a three year grant from Comic Relief. This is no mean achievement when, as a small independent charity, we are competing with the big boys for this prestigious funding.

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What are we going to do with it?

With partners, Holistic Harmony (anyone who has been to our wellbeing days will recall the wonderful complementary therapies they provide, among other things) and other voluntary sector organisations we will be running wellbeing workshops for people who suffer mental distress or illness. These workshops will help people think about their aspirations for life, and how, with the personal development activities we will provide, they might achieve their goals and feel strong and confident enough to join in with their local community. You may want to go to the gym, start a business, become a volunteer, study for a qualification: whatever it is, we aim to help you on your pathway of personal discovery!

We are also creating a special anti-stigma campaign for Surrey. Patients/service users and carers will be very much involved in – and leading on in some areas – getting messages across to the media, local communities, schools, general public and so on that there is no health without mental health – it is as ‘normal’ as a physical health problem.

Performing Arts will be integral to this campaign and we will be devising a Pro-Am entertainment show to be performed next year in a local theatre. Proceeds will go to Comic Relief.

when Easter became a huge disappointment to me (I have grown to love it again): I must have been about 12 or 13. Every previous Easter brought great joy in the shape of a chocolate Easter egg and a little toy chick. That year I was given a pair of cotton lace gloves. Gloves?! What the …. where the…. ? It was a stark introduction to puberty I can tell you! Now it seemed, everything was about being a perfect little lady. Yuck! I wanted to stay the slightly tomboy, eating chocolate, mucking about with horses on a nearby farm and getting dirty and smelly, for as long a possible. It’s only when I became aware of boys that I even really looked in a mirror!

But today many girls seem to want – or are engineered into – adulthood at, to me, a ridiculously young age. I

was talking to a counsellor friend of mine about the subject. She feels that where once boundaries and discipline gave children a structure within which to grow and develop, now we believe children should be given a choice.

Welcome to tantrum city! To be able to make a choice presupposes a certain level of experience; I make this choice based on my knowledge/experience of this and that and bearing in mind financial constraints (well I try!). Where there simply isn’t that knowledge and experience, on what basis is choice then made? Little minds are bombarded with gratuitous images and messages that bewilder and influence in a way that subordinates childhood. Their ability to choose is based on not what is the right or best thing for them, but on what they see, hear about, know their friend has got, and so on. And having offered them

the choice, we are just as likely to whip it away from them – ‘don’t be silly, you can’t have that’!

I freely admit to being old-fashioned but I feel we are losing touch with the reality of childhood. We are our children’s protectors, there to guide and provide a safety net when things become overwhelming and scary. We are letting our little ones down if we don’t help them find their way through a slow-burn growing awareness about the realities of life.

It’ll be soon enough that sticky chocolate and the consequent tummyache and feeling sick will be usurped by a pair of cotton lace gloves…or perhaps I should say designer trainers or the latest must-have computer game. As we say on page 19, we should just let the children play…

Megan

Editorial comment

If you would like to know more or are interested in coming onto a workshop and maybe being a part of our mental health anti-stigma campaign, please let Megan know...

Email megan.aspel@sky.com or visit our website www.letslinkmentalwellbeing.com and go to ‘contact us’ or write to Megan Aspel, Let’s Link, PO Box 533, Betchworth RH4 9FL Tell us your news and views – we’d love to hear from you: Write to: Sanctuary magazine Let’s Link PO Box 533 Betchworth RH4 9FL Telephone: 07824 364703 Email: megan.aspel@sky.com Visit: www.letslinkmentalwellbeing.com

Sanctuary is free to everyone.

Editor: Megan Aspel Assistant Editor: Louisa Daniels Sanctuary is commissioned by NHS Surrey

Design by Aspects: studio@aspectsgd.com www.aspectsgd.com Printed by Progression Print: www.progressionprint.co.uk No part of this magazine may be reproduced without prior permission of the publishers. Copyright © Aspects 2012.

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Miscarriage...

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We need to talk

By Louisa Daniels

‘Every day

I think about the colour my child would have worn, and everywhere I turn there are reminders of my loss. My baby would have been born by now, and would have been the centre of my universe.’

Losing a child, and a future way of life, is understandably a devastating event, but unfortunately stories like this aren’t uncommon and, according to The Miscarriage Association, an estimated one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage. Despite this shocking figure, miscarriage is very rarely discussed and little attention is given by society to the psychological effects they can cause.

The overwhelming sense of loss caused by miscarriage is very particular and, of course, everyone will react in their own personal way, but generally, prospective parents grieve for both a lost person and a lost future, and it can be very hard for anyone who has not been through it themselves to understand.

It is accepted as a ‘norm’ for parents to delay informing family and friends about a pregnancy until the first three-month

scan, and, as a result, many do not tell anyone about a miscarriage during this stage. One reason for this is that people are very aware that many things can go wrong at this early time, and so they don’t want to get too excited. However, those who decide not to tell anyone are at risk of experiencing a great deal of pain in isolation.

Very often the grief is compounded by an agonising mystery about why the miscarriage occurred, and not having an answer can manifest into a sense of guilt regarding a ‘dysfunctional’ body, somehow ‘letting down’ the baby, or not being ‘good enough’.

These intense feelings of fear, anger and guilt are to be expected when it is commonplace for hospitals to only conduct investigations when the woman has had three or more miscarriages (this is because most women go on to have a successful pregnancy) but even then the investigations mostly always fail to offer an answer.

The more that we try to understand pregnancy and miscarriage, the more likely people will be better equipped to

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deal with such events. Thankfully there are charities out there, such as The Miscarriage Association, who are trying to encourage us to talk more about miscarriage, so that there is less ignorance, more research and more understanding.

One important thing to remember is that women who have one or two miscarriages, more often than not, go on to have a healthy baby by the third time, and that miscarriage rarely has anything to do with something that the prospective parents did or didn’t do.

However, if miscarriage does occur, the hope of a future healthy baby won’t always undo the hurt, and unlike other life traumas, the effects of miscarriage have the potential to be repeated, especially when having a family is the ultimate goal. Each time the woman falls pregnant, the anxieties of past miscarriages are still present, and can go on to echo throughout her life.

Opening up about a miscarriage can be a daunting and painful prospect, which one woman who we spoke to about miscarriage for this article described as, ‘feeling like a failure in the spotlight.’ Her decision not to talk about it was because ‘everyone would be pointing fingers at me and all I want to do is slide under a dark blanket. I am in agony, I want everyone’s arms wrapped around me – but I don’t want them to know.’

For some, the perceived ‘failure’ at motherhood can be exasperated by

cultural expectations and family history.

Also as women choose to have children at later stages in life, the chance of miscarriage increases, and so lifestyle decisions are brought into question. So for some it is simply easier not to talk about what happened.

However, another couple who had a similar experience felt very differently, and they shared their sad news with everyone they knew. They seemed to be able to cope better with the news being ‘out’, and, as they described, they ‘made a conscious effort to be looking to the future’. Through discussion and education, and knowing where to find help, they managed to maintain an optimistic outlook, and despite suffering a total of four miscarriages, they are now five months pregnant, and things are looking very good!

As with anything in life, the ups and downs affect everyone differently and there is no correct way of ‘dealing’ with it. The key is that if you are struggling to ‘get over’ the loss, and it is severely impacting on your ability to do cope with everyday life, then it is probably a very good idea to talk to your GP. For help and support with the effects of miscarriage, or for further information, please visit: www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk www.tommys.org

A Woman’s wor√ A woman’s work is never done; so goes the saying. For the last thirty years, Dr Gerda Lerner has been working in a field of history that did not exist: women’s history!

It took her eighteen years to research and piece together two books that perhaps every woman should read (you know, along with the chick lit!), ‘The Creation of Patriarchy’ and ‘The Creation of Feminist Consciousness’.

In these she explores how our patriarchal system and the oppression of women evolved from conflict in the Middle East as far back as the Bronze Age and the struggles women have had in history – and still today – to try and redress the injustice meted out over centuries.

Dr Gerda Lerner, now in her early 90s, began her quest to unravel the routes and reasons of the oppression of women when, as a student she wanted to look at the history of women and found it was an unrecognised area of study because, according to over two thousand years of ‘man-made’ religious doctrine, societal rules and traditions, women had no real influence in the world.

Lerner asked the question, which she believes most women ask themselves at some point in their lives, ‘How come we did not even know that we were subordinated for such a long time?’! She went on to consider that those that have been similarly subordinated in history – slaves, peasants, colonials, ethnic minorities and others - ‘all of those groups knew very quickly that they had been subordinated, and they developed theories about their liberation, about their rights as human beings, about what kind of struggle to conduct in order to

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emancipate themselves. But women did not!’ That was the question she wished to explore, and thirty years later, Lerner has her answer.

Lerner wanted to research the notion of patriarchy as it is historically accepted, as a ‘natural, almost ‘God given condition’ and patriarchy as a human invention that came out of a specific historic period. In her first book, the Creation of Patriarchy, Lerner believes she has demonstrated without a doubt (to the discomfort of some and a lot of blustering denial by others) that patriarchy was indeed, a human invention. But created not just by men as we might like to assume; women too played their part with absolutely no concept of the centuries long consequences.

Patriarchy, and therefore the subordination of women, has its origins in the Bronze Age in the Middle East, 4th Millenium BC. Prior to that Dr Lerner states, women were equal to men with some ancient people, notably the Sumerian women having more rights than British or American women in the 19th Century.

The Patriarchal system that dominated the near East and which, arguably, spread across the world through a kind of osmosis, evolved from a society torn by constant war and destruction (dejas vu?). Stability was the most desired goal (as it remains today). Therefore it was advantageous for women to align themselves to men who could offer protection (Arguably that is most certainly still happening worldwide).

So they effectively gave themselves over to a different way of life; where once they had sexual freedom and autonomy, now they went for security. No-one can blame them for that but in so doing they unwittingly underpinned the foundations for a patriarchal system to be built and discrimination against our gender to flourish.

From that point we begin to see women’s lives becoming regulated by others. Wanting stability came at a price; their sexual conduct firstly (they had to be monogamous while their husbands established harems – the greater the number of wives the greater the level of power and wealth!) and then other aspects of their lives were governed by the men they had chosen as their protectors. Lerner describes the pivotal moment that marked women as oppressed beings and almost relegating them to pre-history: she says ‘And then came (after the initial suppression of women’s rights) what was perhaps the most decisive last step – the relationship to the gods and goddesses changed, and that transition was very, very significant for establishing patriarchy as the only ruling system.’

What happened over the years was arguably a gradual and subliminal erosion of women’s status and equality. One of the most devastating ways this happened (in a world now dominated by the belief in one God/ Allah) was that it became ‘accepted’ that God did not ‘speak’ to women and if women wanted to ‘speak’ to God it had to be through the mediation of men. It became a man’s world in every respect. Women were allowed to read only the Bible (if they

could read). But not only that, they were told that it was written in the Bible that they were supposed to be subordinate to men! And they were supposed to be confined to the domestic circle also because of what the Bible said.

Some, possibly many, women challenged such oppressive doctrine but to no avail. Century after century, generation after generation, women would not be heard.

Lerner believes the most devastating blow for women lies in how, systematically over two thousand years, they became educationally disadvantaged. Over the last 700 years women have fought hard for access to education and have won that right only in recent history and still not worldwide. The legacy of such an oppressive state is, Lerner believes catastrophic in terms of the ‘feminist consciousness’.

With relatively little mention of women in history (Lerner says ok, Joan of Arc and look what happened to her!) compared to men’s magnitude on the world stage, we have little sense of reality about the women in our past and therefore ‘flounder’ in time because, Lerner argues, ‘our ideas about what is possible for the future are formed out of our knowledge of what was possible in the past. And if we have no past, if a group is deprived of its past, it cannot imagine a future for itself. It can only imagine a future for the people that it thinks have done the historic work in the past; and that’s men’.

This is a truly existential dilemma.

Where are we located in time and space? Is it any wonder that women suffer more depression, anxiety and other mental health problems than men (ok the argument is men don’t seek help but it is a moot point)?

Are we constantly fighting to be recognised in our own world, let alone The World? Women juggle as many things as they can in their quest to be all things to all people – because? Is it our inherent make-up or is it because in our

deep sisterhood conscious we continue our labour to prove ourselves in a man’s world?

Lerner says, the “emphasis on the ‘great man’ in history omits women (and) minorities, many of (whom are) the actual agents of social change. (This) gives a partial and erroneous picture of how social change was actually achieved in the past and thereby fosters apathy and confusion about how social change can be made in the present.”

However Lerner believes that now, in the 21st Century we are truly ‘rediscovering what it is like to think like a woman’.

It is difficult to share her belief sometimes though when, although we know there are certainly more positive signs of women standing up to oppression and marginalisation around the world, we are also seeing an increase in the trafficking of women and girls for prostitution, the sexualisation of young girls and children (see page 19) and the sad determination of some of our young girls to be sexually ‘liberated’ at an early age. With men – and women make no mistake – criminals and our own societies still apparently determined to sabotage the rights of women, it is easy to think we are in some horrible loop of destiny from which we can’t escape.

Whatever we believe, we certainly owe a lot to Dr Lerner and the wealth of other women and men who have unearthed women’s history and travails. Lerner has done her work, travelling back in time and telling the world about women in history.

Now it’s our turn. We owe it to our gender to learn from her and carry on the good work to, as she says, ‘emancipate women in the present and the future’.

So when you are doing the dishes, the washing, the shopping, the cooking, the day job, being a mother, friend, carer, lover and/or whatever other duties you carry out, just remember your true value but also the other work that still needs to be done – for womankind worldwide.

One day, who knows, that particular bit of women’s work will be done even if the dishes stay dirty in the sink!

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“You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

(To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee).

Walk a mile in my shoes

By Louisa Daniels

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It’s fair

to say that all eyes were on the Gypsy and Traveller community last year – controversial documentaries and news coverage of enforced council evictions either added to, amended or deleted most people’s opinions of a hugely misunderstood and privately guarded community.

As with anything considered by our society to be ‘unknown’, there is a great deal of ignorance and misconception about the Gypsy and Traveller community, and there was a lot of, shall we say, ‘excitement’, and many heated debates that took place about the rights and wrongs of what was ‘going on’, as well as discussions about the responsibilities of the media when offering so called ‘insights’ into other people’s lives.

At the same time as this, council and community workers all over the country were desperately attending meetings and reporting about how negatively the media attention was impacting on Gypsy and Traveller people and that, alarmingly, many were seriously struggling, and more numbers than ever were taking their own lives. Coming from the grass roots: Gypsy and Traveller health and wellbeing is in crisis!

Research is sketchy, but studies suggest that people from Gypsy and Traveller communities could be three times more likely to commit suicide than the average population, and in England the life expectancy gap between a traveller man and a ‘settled’ man may be as high as 25 years, with an average life expectancy of about 50 years for men from the gypsy and traveller community. As well as this, in 2004, a report by Sheffield University titled The Health Status of Gypsies and Travellers in England, detailed that infant mortality among Gypsy and Traveller communities is three times higher than the national average, and that a Gypsy or Traveller mother is nearly 20 times more likely to lose her child before their eighteenth birthday.

Surely statistics like this are more important than knowing about how much a typical wedding dress weighs?

Questions that should be asked are why is this happening?

And why isn’t more being done about this?

It does not take a genius to work out that (surprise) it’s mostly down to prejudice. The prejudice against Gypsies and Travellers is so entrenched that many do not realise nor appreciate that society is discriminating against these communities.

The issues surrounding this are very vast and very deep, and far too lengthy to give full justice to in this article. However, there are some key reasons as to why this situation is upon us; the Gypsy and Traveller community have experienced centuries of discrimination, and many are scared and suspicious of anything perceived to be ‘authority’, and this is so powerful that some people from this community would simply rather endure physical pain and emotional distress than seek help from services; the community suffers overwhelming stress as a result of being constantly moved from pillar to post; and evictions and illiteracy mean that it is very common for appointments to be missed, let alone it being very rare for appointments to be made in the first place.

Just looking at these brief snippets, it isn’t hard to understand that by having experienced so much discrimination, Gypsies and Travellers are more likely to anticipate further discrimination, and therefore health related matters are not addressed until the very last minute.

However, despite the sad stories, there has been some amazing work over recent years and shining examples of change that have taken place which everyone, from cabinet to healthcare professionals, the media consuming public right through to the Gypsy Traveller communities, should be made aware of. Projects such as those run by organisations

like Friends, Families and Travellers (FFT), who are based in Brighton, Sussex, have made amazing progress in trying to improve the health situation for this community.

In particular, FFT ran a project in partnership with the Sussex local authority in 2010 (which reportedly took over nine years to establish) and managed to successfully build ‘the confidence of Gypsy and Traveller communities to engage with local services...by empowering the women to identify and advocate for the needs of their families and communities.’ (www.idea.gov.uk) FFT did this by engaging ‘Traveller women in discussions about food and recipes’ which led to a publication of a recipe book. The book launch was attended by church leaders and council members (invited by the women) and the local radio station covered the story.

It is reported that the focus on food helped the women attending the project to ‘feel comfortable’, and as a result of this the women ‘opened up’ about the many issues affecting their lives, including domestic abuse, substance misuse and mental health problems.

The ‘focus on food’ is an interesting one, given that it is advised by many gypsy and traveller organisations to avoid the use of the term ‘mental health problem’, because, apparently, the word ‘mental’ is associated with ‘madness’, and this word carries a lot of stigma. It should be pointed out here that many people, not just those from the Gypsy and Traveller community, would agree with this.

Another project, one conducted by Bristol Mind in 2008, found that the participants reported not wanting to be referred to mental health services, because of having to repeat personal stories to people without a sense of trust.

Again, who would disagree with this?

Bristol Mind’s report also produced some useful guidelines for anyone looking to reach out to this community: • Be open to self referrals and peer referrals so that people can come in themselves and be helped by friends and family • Be available directly via the GP • Take time to build mutual trust and respect • Be accessible and close to sites which are outside of GP boundaries • Offer drop-in services as opposed to appointment times • Consider the needs of the person’s family • Be culturally sensitive about how people describe needs and wants in different ways, and know that animation is not aggression Does any of this sound unreasonable? I think not.

At a time when community development budgets are being cut, it is up to surviving services to try to become more meaningful, as well as accessible. They must try to remember to be patient. In the end, improving services for the Gypsy and Traveller community is about actually becoming ‘socially inclusive’, and for this to be worth anything, society needs to back this up by waking up, and realising the need to understand and not ridicule, and when the second round of TV shows start this year, viewers need to ask, what are we learning from this? Are we really seeing the whole picture?

For further information please visit: www.idea.gov.uk www.bristolmind.org.uk www.gypsy-traveller.org

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Sanctuary magazine started in Surrey, commissioned by Surrey PCT. With extra help from Care Services Improvement Partnership in the south east, the magazine has a small circulation across Kent, Sussex, Hampshire, Isle of Wight, Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire and Milton Keynes, as well as Surrey. We will continue to list organisations and help lines in Surrey in this directory but we’ve added each mental health trust in the south east and will include other important contact details as we can and space permitting.

Mental health NHS trusts across the south east................................................

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• Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust.

T: 01903 843000 • Kent & Medway NHS Social Care Partnership Trust.

T. 01732 520400 • Isle Of Wight Healthcare NHS Trust. T. 01983 524081 • Hampshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust.

T. 023 8087 4300 • Berkshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust. T. 01344 415 600 • Oxfordshire and Buckinghamshire Mental Health NHS Foundation Trust. T. 01865 778911 • Milton Keynes PCT. T. 01908 243933 • Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Foundation Trust.

T. 01883 383838 • Age Concern Surrey – 01483 458732 www.acsurrey.org.uk

Alcohol and drugs........................................

• Drinkline, 0800 917 8282 • Al-Anon, support for family and friends of alcoholics, find a local group 020 7403 0888.

• Alcoholics Anonymous, find a local group – 0845 769 7555 • Drugscope, for information, www.drugscope.org.uk • Frank (for young people and parents) www.talktofrank.com • Surrey Drug & Alcohol Action Team – for local services, www. surreydat.org.uk

We are building on this directory all the time. If you have anything to add that you think will benefit women’s mental health and wellbeing in Surrey, please let us know.

You can contact Santuary magazine c/o Let's Link, PO Box 533, Betchworth, RH4 9FL. Tel. 07824 364703; email; megan.aspel@sky.com

Bereavement and loss...................................

• Cruse 08701671677 www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

Counselling..................................................... (please note, waiting times can be long) • British Association of Counselling & Psychotherapy, 0870 443 5252 www.bacp.co.uk (for details of local practitioners) • Heads Together (young people 14-25) 01737 378481. No fees • Croydon Pastoral Foundation, 020 8760 0665. Negotiable rates according to means • North Surrey Community Counselling Partnership, 01932 244070 www.nsccp.co.uk A sliding scale fee basis operates (up to £40.00 per session) • Pathways Counselling Centre, Epsom, 01372 743338.

Professional counselling, normal rates apply • Redhill Counselling Centre, 01737 772844. Negotiable rates • RELATE, relationship counselling, 0845 4561310 www.relate.org.uk, for a local branch. A fee is charged for appointments.

• Relateen, Epsom (part of RELATE but for young people disturbed/worried about parent’s relationship problems) 01372 722976 • Seastone Possibilities, Trauma Resolution Treatment 01306 640073 / 01737 249364 email: seastone@talktalk.net

Debt counselling...........................................

Domestic abuse...............................................

Other useful contacts.................................

• Surrey Domestic Abuse Helpline (24hr) – 01483 776822 • East Surrey Domestic Abuse Services (covering Reigate & Banstead, Mole Valley & Tandridge) - 01737 771350 Email: support@esdas.org.uk Website: www.esdas.org.uk 9am – 4pm, Monday to Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours.

• North West Surrey Outreach Service (covering Woking, Runnymede & Surrey Heath) run by Surrey Women’s Aid 01483 776822 (24hr) • North Surrey Outreach Service (covering Epsom & Ewell, Elmbridge & Spelthorne) run by Walton & Hersham Citizen’s Advice Bureau - 01932 260690 Email: nsdvoutreach.walton@cabnet.org.uk Website: www.waltonadvice.demon.co.uk 9.30 am – 4.30 pm Monday to Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours • South West Surrey Outreach Service (covering Guildford & Waverley) run by CAHA - 01483 577392 9.00 am - 3.00pm Monday – Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours

Crisis numbers; • Samaritans, 08457 909090 www.samaritans.org.uk • Sane Line (12noon – 2am daily) 08457 678000. National out of hours helpline for anyone coping with mental illness – sufferers, carers, relatives or friends.

• Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust, 0300 456 83 42; text for hard of hearing – 07717 989024 (24hrs) • Childline; 0800 1111

Survivors of childhood abuse...................

• C.I.S.‘ters for adult women sexually abused as children Run by survivors for survivors – helpline Saturdays 10am – midday 023 80 338080

Eating disorders........................................... anorexia, bulimia • Eating Disorders Associations, 0845 634 1414 www.eduk.com

Employment......................................................

For people who do or have suffered mental ill health: • Employment, Support, Re-training Agency (ESRA) for East Surrey area: 2nd Floor, Rawlinson House, 9 London Road, Redhill RH1 1LY. Tel/Fax: 01737 772115 Richmond Fellowship covering the whole of Surrey: • Mid Surrey (and queries re West Surrey) RF, Manor House, 19 Church Street, Leatherhead KT22 8DN. T. 01372 363934 • East Surrey RF, Rawlinson House, 9 London Road, Redhill RH1 1LY. T. 01737 771 282

Hearing Voices................................................

Primary Care Mental Health Teams (PCMHTs) • for long term and complex mental health needs and for referral to specialist services such as Crisis Assessment & Treatment Team, Eating Disorders service, Continuing Needs services. Open Monday – Friday 9am – 5pm • East Elmbridge PCMHT – 020 8873 4300 • Epsom, Ewell & Banstead PCMHT – 01372 204000 • Mole Valley PCMHT – 01306 502400 • Redhill PCMHT – 01737 272301 • Tandridge PCMHT – 01883 385481

• Rethink, 020 8974 6814 www.rethink.org

Anger.................................................................

• Christians Against Poverty; freephone 0800 328 0006 www.capuk.org

• British Association of Anger Management, 0845 1300 286 www.angermanage.co.uk

Depression.......................................................

Anxiety.............................................................

• Depression Alliance, 0845 123 2320 www.depressionalliance.org

• Association for Postnatal Illness, 0207 3860 868. www.apni.org; www.surrey.nhs.uk; www.babycentre.co.uk; www.netmums.com

Direct Payments.............................................

Self harm.........................................................

This is money allocated directly to a patient/service user to enable them to have more choice and independence about the support/facilities they can access in the community.

For more information contact: • Surrey Independent Living Council (SILC), Astolat, Coniers Way, Burpham, Guildford GU4 7HL. T. 01483 458111

• www.selfharm.org.uk; www.lifesigns.org.uk; • www.rcpsych.ac.uk/cru/auditselfharm • Bristol Crisis Service for women (national helpline); 0117 925 1119. Friday/Saturday evenings 9pm – 12.30am.

Sunday 6-9pm

• No Panic, 0808 808 0545. www.nopanic.org.uk; • National Phobics Society, 0870 7700 456 www.phobics-society.org.uk; • First Steps to Freedom, 0845 120 2916 www.first-steps.org; www.anxietycare.org.uk (enquiries@anxietycare.org.uk to find out about accessing free advice and support)

Community Mental Health Teams (CMHTs) • Spelthorne CMHT 01784 440204 • West Elmbridge CMHT 01932 266900 • Runneymede CMHT 01932 723392 • Woking CMHT 01483 756318 • Hollies CMHT 01252 312788 (8.30-5.30 Mon -Fri) • Surrey Heath CMHT 01276 671102 • Guildford CMHT 01483 443551 • Waverley CMHT 01483 517200 • Godalming CMHT 01483 415155 • Haslemere CMHT 01483 783090 • Farnham CMHT 01483 782095 • Conifers CMHT – cove, Fleet & Yateley area, 01483 783555 • Early Intervention in Psychosis, 01372 206262. For 14 – 35 year olds who have had a first episode of psychosis within recent years.

• MIND, national organisation for mental health with local branches – www.mind.org.uk Infoline 0845 766 0163. Mind produce booklets on various mental health issues and campaign for better services • Mental Health Foundation, national organisation for information, campaigns, news, interaction, including information on the relation between diet and mental health; www.mentalhealth.org.uk

Post natal depression pregnancy and birth issues.......................

• Psychotherapy Service (Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust).

• Referral only but you can access an information leaflet; contact the Psychotherapy Service at Shaw’s Corner, Blackborough Road, Reigate RH2 7DG. T. 01737 277706 • Samaritans; 08457 909090 • Surrey & Borders Partnership NHS Trust, for mental health and learning disabilities services - 01883 383838 • Surrey Police; 0845 125 2222

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What it feels like to be me a personal view of BPD

14 My life feels like a puzzle. Only there is no picture to refer to and some pieces have disappeared.

Everyday is like a game of hide and seek, where I duck and dive to ensure I remain hidden. I can hide in plain view or I can hide behind a mask while I struggle to engage with the world around me, to relate to people, to feel part of the world.

During my life people have seemed to like me. All sorts of people. But for some reason, it always worries me, unsettles me when they seem to like me. Why on earth would they?

Also, I guess I always knew that it was a deception, that there is no “me” to like, let alone fall in love with. That person they liked was a creation I made to attract them, to appeal to them.

It worked, every time. It worked so well. Too well.

"So what do you want?" my therapist asked. *Sigh.* "To help people?"

I shrug slightly.

"And?"

I turned my head to the window and stared at the brick wall outside, across the street: the red weathered brick wall; the red weathered brick wall that I had stared at every week for the past two years, through the window of my therapist’s office. The illuminated sign that hung on the wall had always been broken, the jagged edges and the corroded edges betraying the obsolete business within.

“To belong. I want to belong. Like to a family."

“Was this something that your family didn’t provide for you?”

I twisted my fingers, trying to knot them, trying to focus on that movement rather than the words that hung in the air.

I folded the edge of my coat. I re-folded my coat. I breathed in. I breathed out.

"No. No, they didn't.”

Mostly I refuse to let myself admit the truth of what I am thinking and feeling. And nobody ever pushes me to talk about it. And I like it that way. It feels safer.

Tight rope walker Like a tight rope walker She balances on the fine line along which she lives her life.

All is fine When she is on her line.

But when the wind blows she wobbles The shakes and bumps of life threaten to knock her down or break the fine line.

And if she falls But sometimes I wish someone would ask me. Actually ask or hits the wall me what I am thinking or feeling. then it’s not fine Tears brim in my eyes. They threaten to tumble and roll down Not fine at all my cheeks. I blink to try to keep them inside my eyelids.

I try to just admit it to myself, admit what I couldn’t admit to All is fine anyone. but only when she is balanced That I just want someone to love me: on Love me... when I decide who that person is. the I want to love myself. But the more I ask who I am, the more line.

I am repulsed. I feel such intense self-hatred it makes me feel One moment physically sick. There is such deep conflict inside and I don't at a time know which side to take. Who is speaking right now? The me that is desperate to control everything for my own good or the balanced me wanting to destroy myself, to harm myself, to die? Which is on me? How can they both be me? the My eyes burn and sting; I think I’m allergic to my own tears. fine If you would like help and information on borderline personality disorder, line. visit www.bpdworld.org

(written by Colette)

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Battling it out…

Our Armed Forces’ men and women experience unimaginable horrors on the front line. Lives are changed forever and many of those returning to ‘civvie’ street, no longer required or able to go into combat, are faced with a new danger: post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). With suicide rates in the Armed Forces on the rise, it is vital our young men and women, fighting for our country, are given every chance of survival.

One thing that is helping their fight with PTSD is art therapy.

Armed Forces’ veterans’ charity Combat Stress has a pioneering programme of art therapy within its treatment, care and support of veterans experiencing the mental distress caused by PTSD. With headquarters and a residential unit in Surrey, and ‘outposts’ across the UK, it is now the biggest non NHS provider of support to the Armed Forces.

PTSD occurs when a trauma is not processed. In the case of Armed Forces’ personnel, whatever the magnitude of the situation, they will generally deal with it calmly and efficiently.; that’s what they trained for. But whilst their professionalism and heroism may not be called into question, how some of the events they live through affect their minds is an unknown quanitity. For some, an unseen but festering wound is lodged within; a ticking time bomb.

Once away from the camaraderie, the discipline and the purpose of battle, the wound can surface and PTSD can dominate a soldier’s civilian life. Not all veterans experience PTSD. Many who suffer may be pre-disposed due to other life events. For all of those who experience PTSD, their day to day lives back home are charged with a mixture of emotions and responses. Some get to

a tipping point and cannot go on.

Such a veteran was young Welsh Guardsman, Lance Sergeant Dan Collins. He was so overwhelmed by guilt, when two of his friends took a hit and died, yet he took a hit and lived due to his body armour saving him.

He eventually took his own life this last New Year’s Day. Whilst he had worked hard to adjust after returning home to Wales, he simply couldn’t get over and past his sense of guilt about his friends dying while he survived. The trauma he experienced haunted him time and time again. One of the ways it manifested was through, as other veterans have reported experiencing, instant and devastating flashbacks. For instance, when in a supermarket with his girlfriend, his mind interpreted the sound of the big storage cages being dragged around as that of gunfire.

Immediately he hit the floor and shouted ‘Man down’, so vivid was the flashback and so all encompassing the memory of the response he would have made in combat.

The official statistics (www.data.gov.uk) for suicides by Armed Forces’ veterans in the UK from 1984 – 2010 is 744; 725 male and 19 female. Of those males most were aged 20-24 or under 20.

PTSD is the most likely underlying cause that led them to take their own lives.

Those numbers and research from the Samaritan’s that young Army men are more likely to commit suicide than young men in the general population, shouts out the importance of helping veterans – and anyone suffering trauma – as early as possible. Yet so many feel they must carry on – that it is a weakness. Consequently they do not access help. Many turn to drugs and alcohol, relationships break down, they are likely to become homeless. Guilt is, wrongly, widely felt; veterans can’t come to terms with why they lived and their mates died. Combat Stress states that the average time it takes for someone to access help is 13 years.

The charity knows that people can be helped. Residential care and a range of therapies provide a safe and welcoming environment for emotional wounds and scars to heal. The art therapy programme alone has achieved remarkable results. After initial sessions in which veterans explore putting images down on paper, they are encouraged to develop their work. This might be painting, sculpture or another creative medium. Skills and talent emerge but the pivotal gain for the

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Let the children

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veterans turned artists is a release from the crippling effects of PTSD. Alongside the after care is a move towards bringing the therapeutic values of art straight to the battlefield. The Army Arts Society set up by war artist Linda Kitson, sends operational arts packs to troops. The aim is to give people an alternative – to watching endless films etc – in their downtime.

It also provides a focus for those soldiers invalided out. They can join the Society and, as one soldier described it, painting for 50 hours a week or so is far better than “sitting on the steps and questioning everything”.

Arguably, art therapy in the battle zone may help identify early signs of PTSD and certainly help people express their emotions. If service men and women,

returning from theatre are more open to the idea they may develop PTSD, then they may also be open to seeking help before the months turn into years.

The fact that Combat Stress and other organisations like Help for Heroes and the charities that treat physical injuries as well as emotional, are gaining support throughout civilian life, is testament to how, thankfully, we are recognising, not only the immense value of those people who protect us, but also of how vulnerable they are to suffering physical and mental after shocks.

There is still much work to be done and not everyone is saved – on or off the battlefield. We would like to dedicate this feature to a woman who we wrote about back in 2008. It had taken her 20 years to seek help after being a

soldier who saw action in Ireland and elsewhere. Coming out of deployment she suffered a huge crisis and hit rock bottom. She was helped eventually and when we spoke to her she was fighting back and getting her life together again.

What happened after that we don’t know, but sadly, three years later, last year, Amanda (not her real name which we are protecting for her families’ sake) took her own life.

We hope and pray there will be fewer Amandas and fewer Dans as our Armed Forces veterans recognise that PTSD is not a weakness and that they can turn to Combat Stress and others in the field of healing, not war, to seek solace and support, and thus give a whole new meaning to battling it out for victory.

With explicit sex education videos for five year olds, courses for young girls to stop them feeling guilty or ashamed about having periods (excuse me – is this the 21st Century?!) to the sexualisation of children in the media, fashion and music worlds our youngsters are exposed to a heady mix of not just sexual messages, but also an assumption that they know their own minds at a young age. Sanctuary asks ‘Shouldn’t we be making every effort to, as Santana sings, ‘Let the children play’?’ And we are not alone…

From Dame Joan Bakewell, the French government, Mumsnet (the website for parents by parents) to the Mother’s Union, and plenty of others, there is an increasing groundswell of concern about how, as Chantal Jouanno, the author of the French government report ‘Against Hyper-Sexualisation: A New Fight For Equality’ told Le Figaro newspaper. "… children are building their identities amid a regression of sexual equality and on the return of stereotypes contained

in music clips, games, and reality television programmes.”

A Mumsnet report concluded that we are ‘encouraging a culture in which children are viewed as sexually available.’

There has been some success in banning or reducing advertising featuring mature looking ten year olds. But it is skimming the surface of what is arguably a billion dollar media powerhouse driven by competition that cares little for cause and effect, only for healthy profit margins. Children are big money.

Mother’s Union Chief Executive, Reg Bailey led an independent review in 2011 to garner parents’ opinions. The review’s recommendations included providing parents with one single website to make it easier to complain about any programme, advert, product or service; putting age restrictions on music videos to prevent children buying sexually explicit videos and guide broadcasters over when to show

them; covering up sexualised images on the front pages of magazines and newspapers so they are not in easy sight of children; making it easier for parents to block adult and age-restricted material from the internet by giving every customer a choice at the point of purchase over whether they want adult content on their home internet, laptops or smart phones; retailers offering age-appropriate clothes for children – the retail industry should sign up to the British Retail Consortium’s new guidelines which checks and challenges the design, buying, display and marketing of clothes, products and services for children.

The devil is in the detail of course – or perhaps the persuasion of common sense and dignity over anything goes consumerism. It’s a battle that’s likely to rage indefinitely unless legislation is created. Meanwhile, all we can do is protect our children as much as possible and get them out in the sunshine doing what they do best – playing…

Eat your tryptophan...

A whole new meaning to cold turkey We at Sanctuary are always keen to trial different foods to discover if they can really improve mood. It’s a tough job but someone has to do it! Now it is the turn of tryptophan. This essential amino-acid is key to making serotonin, the feel good factor chemical in the brain. Claims abound that by eating tryptophan rich foods you will increase serotonin levels and therefore reduce mild to moderate depression. And there’s another thing the Editor is keen to test. Apparently if you follow a serotonin diet, you can lose weight too..!

Foods

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high in tryptophan, it is claimed, can help regulate your appetite, help you sleep better and elevate your mood. Some of the areas of our lives and wellbeing that indicate the need for higher intake of tryptophan foods include if we suffer with depression, anxiety, irritability, impatience; if we are impulsive (to the detriment of our bank balance or others’ feelings for instance), unable to concentrate or if we gain weight easily or alternatively have unexplained weight loss (it is extremely advisable that you see your GP if you can not identify why you’ve had a sudden weight loss – e.g. you’ve been eating normally). Other indications of low tryptophan levels are carbohydrate cravings, poor dream recall and insomnia.

Reader reviews of the book, The Serotonin Power Diet, written by two American women, include one from a woman who experienced weight gain induced by her anti-depressant medication. She had tried everything she said from Atkins to Slim-fast, to no avail. Expecting it to be just the same she thought she would try it anyway, and found the serotonin boosting diet the one for her. What she gained after losing some weight, was the energy she thought she’d never have again, and this led her to enhance what she was doing eating wise by being able to exercise more.

The bottom line is that it may not work for everyone, but it is a sensible regime of breakfast with protein and carbs (egg and toast), lunch with protein and veg (chef’s salad – see

below for recipe) and dinner with carbs and veg (baked potato or pasta or rice with salad or raw/cooked veg), with carbohydrate snacks in between.

There’s plenty of simple nutrition in the diet which makes it worth a try.

NH

How does it work?

Without tryptophan serotonin will not be made. Our bodies do not make serotonin so we need to get enough tryptophan to enable its production. Thus tryptohphan is known as an ‘essential’ amino acid. There are conflicting arguments (as ever when it comes to food and diet) around whether eating carbohydrates (the good ones as in the list below) along with protein can increase – by some clever body function that involves other amino acids

H OH

H2N O

in food being diverted to other areas – the amount of tryptohphan entering the brain and hey presto, producing serotonin which can promote calm and wellbeing. The flip side is that some researchers suggest that protein can counteract the carbohydrate and therefore tryptophan effect. The only sure fire way, they say, of increasing the necessary amount of tryptophan to the brain is with dietary supplements.

The main tryptophan supplement is in the form of a pill called 5-HTP. You can buy these online and in good health shops. However, if you are inclined to believe what the nutritionists say, then the serotonin diet is worth a try. The list below gives you an idea of foods rich in tryptophan and the diet book is called ‘The Serotonin Power Diet’ by By Judith J. Wurtman, PhD, and Nina T. Frusztajer, MD, available in good book shops or from Amazon.

If you have been following the diet or have other tips for raising serotonin levels, please let us know.

Email Megan at megan.aspel@sky.com

Food sources of

tryptophan Turkey; cod; tuna; chicken; halibut; salmon; liver; spinach; venison; tofu; lamb; asparagus; soybeans; sardines – all of these are excellent sources.

Cheese; turnip greens; eggs; broccoli; pumpkin seeds; kidney beans; cauliflower; lentils; goat’s milk; wheat; green beans; beef – all of these are very good sources of tryptophan.

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Serendipity

Stay in the

here and now 22

Now that the dark early months of 2012 have been and gone, it seems timely to mention something that could help to make this coming year as healthy and happy as possible.

Don’t worry, this isn’t a piece about letting go of the past or looking to the future, this is just a reminder of how we can make the most of the present.

After all, being anchored to the past is good for nobody, and wasting energy on worrying about the future is, well, futile.

Staying rooted in the here and now, as encouraged by the Positive Psychology movement (and Buddhism) can be difficult, but practice makes perfect, and by doing so we can get a lot of reward for our efforts: ultimately we learn to no longer waste precious energy on that we cannot change nor predict.

by Louisa Daniels

Here are five simple tips to focusing on the present moment:

1. Focus on what is happening right now

Where are you? What is happening around you? Really look.

What colours can you see? What noises do you hear?

2. Focus on your body

Listen to your heart beating, and feel your lungs inhaling and exhaling. Hold your chest and breathe deeply. Allow yourself to be calm.

3. Accept your emotions

There is no use in pushing things aside. If you feel like crying, then cry, if you want to laugh then do so. Do not label yourself because of it, and remember that as with everything in life, thoughts and feelings will pass.

4. Try to feel gratitude

Write a list of the positive things in your life.

Whether you have one good thing or one hundred things, remember and cherish them always.

5. Do somethin new every day

For more ideas visit www.howtodothings.com

It could be anything. Maybe try walking to the shop along a different road or buying a new food for dinner. Mixing things up can help us to engage in the present moment.

Go on – make your day!

As we head into summer (hopefully without stand pipes because of drought!) it is a good time to think about doing something different!

If you have experience (current or recent) of mental ill health, it can be difficult a) to feel motivated to go out and do something and b) find a suitable place or environment where you feel safe, in your comfort zone yet able to explore and discover new skills, re-discover activities/hobbies you loved which can all lead to you feeling confident and more fulfilled.

Possibly the most important thing for anyone feeling vulnerable and unsure after or with a mental health problem is to know you are in ‘safe hands’: stepping into mainstream community activities can be daunting – going back to the gym, leisure centre, college, adult education, back to work etc or contemplating something new – may feel a step too far. But in the heart of Merstham, a few miles from Redhill in Surrey, is a place that offers a relaxed environment and a welcome you can trust. No 28 Portland Drive and

Merstham Community Facility Trust, a few doors down, offer a range of confidence and skills building activities and a great social network.

No 28 is developing as a hub of activities and information run by Holistic Harmony, a complementary therapies and community theatre not for profit organisation. You can access a range of short taster workshops and groups, try a new hobby, develop new skills and polish up some of those you’d love to start doing again.

Anyone who would like to share or showcase something they are good at can speak to someone to see if it would fit in with the programme of activities.

These include: • Knitting • Cross Stitch • Patchwork Quilting • Art • Cookery • Storytelling • Chill out sessions • Complementary Therapies at affordable prices

All sessions are very cost effective – in the range of £3-£4 per session mostly so if you would like more information please contact Shirley on 07958 663041 or email her at shirley@lucisgroup.com.

There are regular weekly sessions but every week has something different as well.

By emailing Shirley you can be put on a mailing list which goes out each week.

Also running at 28 Portland Drive and other locations in Surrey, will be self development workshops for people suffering mental ill health. Here you can discover new or dormant creative and practical skills through creative writing, drama workshops, self awareness groups etc. Everyone attending will receive a ‘life strategy’ plan to help them work through the issues that can face someone when a mental illness strikes. Please contact Megan for more details. You can self refer or be referred by mental health and allied services.

07824 364703 megan.aspel@sky.com

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Š ASPECTS 2012

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