Issue 14 (Winter/Spring 2013) by Sanctuary magazine

INNER SPACE FOR WOMENâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING Issue

Winter 2013

Mother and baby doing fine?

The rare but frightening mental threat to motherhood Telling stories

Start blogging and release those inner feelings...

Hoarding

More than meets the eye

news flash CALLING PEOPLE WITH EXPERIENCE OF MENTAL ILL HEALTH IN REIGATE-BANSTEAD AREA OF SURREY

COULD

YOU

be a volunteer Mental Health Ambassador? WE ARE looking for people with experience of mental health problems to help us tackle the stigma and discrimination surrounding mental ill health. The Ambassador scheme is part of Time to Change – Surrey, an alliance which brings together Surrey County Council, Let’s Link, publishers of Sanctuary magazine and other partners. As an Ambassador you will help spread the word about Time to Change – Surrey and share your personal accounts/experience with others, as part of a pilot project in the wards of Merstham and Redhill (Reigate and Banstead Borough).

What can you do as a Mental Health Ambassador? UÊ iÊ«>ÀÌÊ vÊ>ÊÌi> ÊÌ >ÌÊ} iÃÊ ÕÌÊ to talk to the public at community events UÊ ÌÀ LÕÌiÊÞ ÕÀÊ«iÀÃ > Ê>VV Õ ÌÉ experience at mental health training courses UÊ i «Ê}>Ì iÀÊvii`L>V Ê Ê discrimination that will be compiled and forwarded to relevant organisations UÊ *>ÀÌ V «>ÌiÊ ÊÌ iÊº Õ > Ê LÀ>À iÃ»Ê project by sharing personal account/ experiences with members of the public who visit the library UÊ i «Ê yÕi ViÊ> `Ê« > Ê i Ì> Ê health services UÊ `Ê}i iÀ> ÞÊ«À ÌiÊÌ iÊ iÞÊ Time to Change Surrey anti-stigma messages

What’s in it for you? UÊ «À ÛiÊ«iÀÃ > ÊV w`i ViÊ> `ÊÃi vÊ esteem UÊ iÌÊ>Ê}Ài>ÌÊiÝ«iÀ i ViÊÌ Ê«ÕÌÊ Ê your CV UÊ * Ã Ì Ûi ÞÊ yÕi ViÊ«i « i½ÃÊ>ÌÌ ÌÕ`iÃÊ and understanding of mental health People who are interested need to be able to travel to and around the Redhill / Merstham areas. Travel and other out of pocket expenses will be paid. Please note, we are looking for around 6-8 people for the pilot event and will be holding recruiting days from end March. If you are Interested in finding out more, please contact: Megan Aspel at Let’s Link charity who will be hosting / training the Mental Health Ambassadors. Email: megan.aspel@sky.com or telephone 07824 364703

There is

an unintended theme running through this issue of Sanctuary: end results. For instance, research is showing that postpartum psychosis (page 4) may be the result of severe hormonal changes after a woman has given birth. This extreme illness, although affecting relatively few women, can come out the blue for the mother, who may have no previous experience of mental ill health. We highlight hoarding (page14). Now recognised as a specific type of obsessive compulsive disorder, hoarding is being acknowledged as the end result of a life event such as trauma or loss. No more shoving it behind closed doors, this is good news for those people and their families who want to seek help. We also feature an organisation that provides counselling for children – as young as 5 – and adults whose lives have been torn apart as a result of childhood abuse (page 20). The commonality between these quite

different end results, or unwelcome outcomes, is Cause: not only a cause that impacts on mental health and wellbeing but a cause that is beyond an individual’s control. Some outside influence has swooped upon them – the child abuser, the incident that precipitated hoarding, the chemical tsunami that triggered postpartum psychosis. As more people come forward to talk about their experiences, the more able we are to understand and respond. And with more understanding, we can better challenge the stigma around mental ill health (see opposite). Good result! Samuel Beckett wrote in Waiting for Godot, “We must collect our thoughts, for the unexpected is always upon us – in our rooms, in the street, at the door...” No-one wants to go through life looking over their shoulder for the unexpected. But as Louisa discovered (Serendipity page 22), there is a train of thought that supports those

of us who tend to do so. It’s called ‘defensive pessimism’. According to the psychologist quoted, as many as one in three of us thinks catastrophic worst case scenarios in order to stay calm. Theory is, if your doom and gloom ‘expected’, scenario does occur, it isn’t such a shock. But I think it can be more than that: because the ‘expected’ most likely didn’t happen (fingers crossed / all being well!!), you feel elated and chirpy as a result. And I confess, I rather like the idea that defensive pessimism gloriously cocks a snoop at all the goody two-shoes ‘gurus’ of health and wellbeing who say thinking positively is the only way to live life and be happy! Another result! Carry on catastrophising!

M egan

If you are affected by any of the subject matter in this magazine or would like to speak to someone, email or call: megan.aspel@sky.com – 07824 364703

Editorial comment TELL US YOUR NEWS AND VIEWS – WE’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU: Write to: Sanctuary magazine Let’s Link PO Box 533 Betchworth RH4 9FL Telephone: 07824 364703 Email: megan.aspel@sky.com Visit: www.letslinkmentalwellbeing.com

Sanctuary is free to everyone. Editor: Megan Aspel Assistant Editor: Louisa Daniels Sanctuary is commissioned by NHS Surrey Designed by Tom Aspel

tom.aspel@yahoo.com

Mother and baby doing fine? Postpartum psychosis (PP) is not that common. It affects one – two new mums in every thousand but even at that relatively low rate (as compared to women suffering post natal depression for instance) thousands suffer. We don’t know if it on the increase or whether more women coming forward to tell their stories has PP more of a profile. There is little doubt though that PP is one of most distressing, damaging and sometimes downright scary conditions a mother can experience...

I PLACED his sleeping body down on the bed beside me, and my brain simply snapped. It felt as though somebody had flicked a switch in my head, and I looked at him and was filled with an urge to kill him.” This was how one woman who appeared on BBC Newsnight in August 2012 described the first moment she experienced the devastating manifestation of postpartum psychosis. She was looking at her recently born, second son. She went on to describe how she put her hands around his tiny neck and began to squeeze. Something told her she mustn’t but it was a close call. She knew very well that something was dreadfully, terribly wrong. She had experienced nothing like this with her first born son. But she said nothing about it, fearing as so many mothers do, that her children would be taken away from her. Because she did not seek and therefore receive treatment her condition deteriorated. Suicidal thoughts and attempts eventually led to her being hospitalised. But from there, with medication, she thankfully recovered. The key message for anyone experiencing any kind of mental and emotional turmoil after giving birth is to seek help immediately. “Postpartum psychosis is a condition in which the person loses touch with reality,” says Dr. Ralph Wittenberg, who

runs a postpartum screening project in Washington, D.C. It is a sudden and powerful break with reality and when women describe how they feel it is evident that this is a million miles away from the baby blues, when we burst into tears and have mild mood swings for a few days. Postpartum psychosis is very different. Another sufferer, Naomi, blogs on the Time To Change website: “Three days after my baby daughter was born, I was rapturously happy. Surrounded by flowers, a swaddled bundle in my arms, I felt incredible. In fact, I was so happy and overwhelmed with love that I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop my mind and wrote endless notes about my gorgeous daughter and her special place in the world. Seven days later I would be admitted to a psychiatric ward, convinced that I had a mission from God to bring about the end of the world. “I was suffering from postpartum psychosis. Although 1-2 in 1000 women experience this condition after childbirth, I had never heard of it and neither had my husband or family. You won’t find it mentioned in antenatal classes, or in baby books, or even in leaflets about postnatal depression - save perhaps a scant sentence. But when my husband googled it to find out more, he came across horror stories of child murder and suicide.”

Stigma Any mental health problem attracts stigma and discrimination. As the Time to Change national and Time to Change Surrey campaigns (see page two, inside cover) are demonstrating, we have to encourage people to talk about mental health. For Naomi and others, postpartum psychosis has drawn stigma ranging from perplexed non-comprehension to downright discrimination to their door. Naomi explained on her blog: “Firstly, the reality of this illness is hidden from view in pregnancy. Midwives are taught very little about it and it just feels too terrible to mention to expectant mothers that they might become seriously ill. So we don’t talk about the early warning signs: sleeplessness, feeling very high and elated, or experiencing dramatic mood swings, talking or writing a lot, or developing unusual beliefs. And then the signs are missed and tragedies happen. “Secondly, women with postpartum psychosis are portrayed as monsters on the internet with stories focusing on every salacious detail of the tragic death of a mother and/or child. Even today, seven years from my episode of postpartum psychosis, it is difficult to find a media story focusing on the remarkable recovery that most women and families make. The reality is that many women, like me, go on to make a full recovery.”

Signs and symptoms The majority of women who have PP will have no family history of mental illness or experience of it themselves, experts say. PP is different from postnatal depression. It is a more severe illness. There are many different ways the illness can start. Women often have symptoms of depression or mania or a mixture of these. Sometimes there is a hereditary link or other mental health problems involved. Symptoms can change very quickly from hour to hour and from one day to the next. They may include:

UÊ vii }Ê¼ } ½]Ê¼ > V½Ê ÀÊ¼ ÊÌ «Ê vÊÌ iÊ world’ UÊ ÜÊ `Ê> `ÊÌi>ÀvÕ iÃÃ UÊ > Ý iÌÞÊ ÀÊ ÀÀ Ì>L ÌÞÊ UÊ À>« `ÊV > }iÃÊ Ê ` UÊ ÃiÛiÀiÊV vÕÃ UÊ Li }ÊÀiÃÌ iÃÃÊ> `Ê>} Ì>Ìi` UÊ À>V }ÊÌ Õ} ÌÃ UÊ Li >Û ÕÀÊÌ >ÌÊ ÃÊ ÕÌÊ vÊV >À>VÌiÀ UÊ Li }Ê ÀiÊÌ> >Ì Ûi]Ê>VÌ ÛiÊ> `Ê sociable than usual UÊ Li }ÊÛiÀÞÊÜ Ì `À>Ü Ê> `Ê ÌÊÌ> }Ê to people UÊ w ` }Ê ÌÊ >À`ÊÌ ÊÃ ii«]Ê ÀÊ ÌÊ wanting to sleep UÊ Ã }ÊÞ ÕÀÊ L Ì Ã UÊ vii }Ê«>À> `]ÊÃÕÃ« V ÕÃ]Êvi>ÀvÕ UÊ vii }Ê>ÃÊ vÊÞ Õ½ÀiÊ Ê>Ê`Ài> ÊÜ À ` UÊ `i ÕÃ Ã\ÊÌ iÃiÊ>ÀiÊ ``ÊÌ Õ} ÌÃÊ ÀÊ beliefs that are unlikely to be true. For example, you might believe you have won the lottery. You may think your baby is possessed by the devil. You might think people are out to get you. UÊ > ÕV >Ì Ã\ÊÌ ÃÊ i> ÃÊÞ ÕÊÃii]Ê hear, feel or smell things that aren’t really there. You may not be able to look after yourself as well as you would when you are well. Your symptoms may make it very difficult for you to look after your baby. If you have PP you may not realise you are ill. Your partner, family or friends may recognise that something is wrong and it is vital they ask for help. Looking more closely at a couple of

those possibly symptoms, the presence of visual and auditory hallucinations can be one of the most ‘common’. A mother experiencing PP is likely to see and hear things that aren’t there. These hallucinations may not be easily identifiable, as they may appear relatively normal to her and she may not realise that they are hallucinations. Hallucinations may also take the form of thoughts that she feels “belong to someone else.” More recognisable to others perhaps will be manic/depressive mood swings. Emotional ‘absence’ is another that may be identified by loved ones – where once their partner, daughter, sister, friend was a loving person at the heart of the family, they may now see someone they simply don’t recognise. Postpartum psychosis is gradually gaining the attention it needs. As more and more women come forward to describe their symptoms, and the agony of such an experience, psychiatrists and mother/baby services are acknowledging that more has to be done before, during and after childbirth.

When does it happen? Most commonly these episodes begin in the first two weeks after birth. Often symptoms begin in the first few days after having a baby. More rarely, the illness starts later – several weeks after the baby is born.

Why does it happen? Postpartum psychosis is not the mother’s fault. It is not caused by anything she or her partner have thought or done. Relationship problems, stress or the baby being unwanted do not cause PP. There are likely to be many factors that lead to an episode of PP. Whilst the majority of women who experience it have no previous history of mental illness, it is known that genetic factors are important, for instance if a close relative has had it. Changes in hormone levels and disrupted sleep patterns may also be a contributing factor.

Who is most likely to suffer postpartum psychosis? For many women with PP there may be no warning. For other women it is clear that they have a high risk. A diagnosis of bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder for instance raises the risk. Family history may contribute as well. The advice is clear. If a woman has any doubts, before childbirth due to her own or a family member’s mental health problems, or after childbirth if things feel strange and unreal and moods and feelings can’t be explained by a ‘baby blues’ moment, seeking help is paramount. It may be postnatal depression but it may also be PP. When the right help and support is in place, total recovery is absolutely possible and mother and baby can go on to enjoy that very special bond and love. Postpartum psychosis is being taken seriously at last and studies are linking it in some cases with the changes in hormones during and following childbirth. But more research is needed. Helping that research are women’s experiences, like those mentioned here. The woman who said she felt an urge to kill her newborn son has gone on to help the Royal College of Psychiatrists understand more about the illness and make recommendations for treatment and support. She is campaigning for better awareness and understanding so that doctors and midwives can offer the best treatment and care. Naomi, whose blog appears on the Time To Change website, has gone on to become a mental health educator. She gives talks to medical students and health professionals who will work with new mothers in the future. Her message is clear: “severe mental illness after childbirth should not be taboo – we need to talk about it...”. By listening to sufferers, talking about it and finding better ways to treat it, women need never be afraid of this mental threat and we can all say ‘Mother and baby are doing just fine’.

Mother and Baby doing fine?

One woman’s story of postpartum psychosis: THE FOLLOWING is how a woman in America described how she suffered horrendous hallucinations and delusions following the birth of her son, and how the help she needed was not there. Somehow she got through it:

“I did not tell my husband (about the delusions). I did not get help. There were more dark thoughts; there was crying, despair, and anxiety. I remember my husband rushing home from work early one day, after I had sent him the following text: ‘We’ve made a huge mistake. I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I want it to stop. Goodbye.’ “He burst through the bedroom door to find me asleep on the bed with our son asleep in my arms. I had not hurt the baby. I had not hurt myself. He was furious at me. He did not know that something was so broken in my thinking that I thought once I closed my eyes… I would just die… “I still did not get help. “I was ashamed. I was anxious. I was exhausted and wired at the same time… and the psychosis came in infrequent waves. It felt real and crazy at the same time. I didn’t want to admit that my world was

shredding everywhere I turned. It wasn’t until much later that I realised (or admitted) I was suffering from severe Postpartum Depression and Psychosis. The psychosis part I only came clean about a few weeks ago, almost four years after our first son’s birth. My husband and my family never knew. My doctor never asked any mental health questions. I never hurt my child or myself, but I should have gotten help immediately. I was very very lucky. “At this moment I am doing well, and so are both my children. Each day gets better and better, and I’m familiar with the sound of my own laughter. I think back on those first several months after my first baby and it feels like a strange, half watched movie. It was a smothering, dark time, that I couldn’t see through to ask for help. “I write about it now because I was too ashamed to then...”

(from an American website www.postpartumprogress.com ) If you have been affected by any of the content in this article, or would like to comment, please contact us – megan.aspel@sky.com

www.time-to-change.org.uk

Telling stories start blogging and release those inner feelings...

WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY 2012 was a great day for raising awareness. Not only were all the charities and their supporters out in full force, but, online, there was a sort of celebration, as many people from all over the world decided to ‘come-out’, if you like, about their mental health. Modern technology has never been so accessible, or indeed so personal, and the rise of the blog, or ‘web log’, as a means of communicating one’s ideas and feelings to a hungry digital world has become big news. It’s a difficult thing to calculate, but some reports estimate that in the last five years, the number of blogs has increased from 36 million to around 200 million! For some talented and lucky bloggers, it can be a lucrative move, as the more popular the blog is, the more likely advertisers will scramble for a space to feature their products. One such blog is The Huffington Post, the biggest blog in the world. It is estimated that its creator, Arianna Huffington, earns almost $30,000 a day from advertising. Another example is that of Brooke Magnati, more commonly known

as Belle du Jour, who saw her blogs about her life as a call girl evolve into two top-ten non-fiction bestsellers and a popular television programme starring Billie Piper. It seems the online world really is an oyster, offering more opportunity for our daily musings to be seen by those in powerful positions. For the few that manage to turn their opinions into careers, the blog is, by all means, a very wonderful thing. But what about the millions of other people who do not, currently at least, make any money - what do they benefit from it? And is it ever wise to be so open about one’s private life online? It seems that more and more of us choose to document our lives and share them with the world, and social networks are now considered such an ordinary part of life that an estimated 800 million people are users of Facebook. Though worryingly, however, the commonly heard view that those under the age of 25, who presumably possess the IT skills but do not have a Facebook account are, somehow, ‘weird’ and ‘not to be trusted’, only shows just how ingrained social networking has

become. Personally, I think it is a very sad day when people, who may not have the time, or indeed the desire, to upload every single atom of their lives online are prejudged and deemed as ‘odd’. It’s nothing short of a modernday witch-hunt against those who are ‘different’. But, hey ho! So, using Twitter (what else?) to research into blogs and the writers behind them, I connected with a girl called Hollie. Hollie’s blog, ‘That Cake Had Consequence’, struck a cord with me because of the references to mental health and wellbeing, and, when I delved deeper into her words, I was intrigued to find out more and arranged to meet up, and this is how it went: Hi Hollie. It’s great to meet you and thank you for agreeing to talk to Sanctuary Magazine about your blog. So, tell us about it and your reasons for starting? Well, my blog is called ‘That Cake Had Consequence’ with the tagline ‘Let the consequence be nice’. The idea came to me while I was on a bus journey, and I was thinking that I shouldn’t have had a piece of cake - I

felt guilt-ridden. I was mentally beating myself up about how ‘unhealthy’ it was, despite how happy it made me feel at the time. For months I had been delaying starting a mental health blog, which is exactly what Cake and Consequence is about. I’ve suffered with depression for a couple of years and I feel impassioned to create a place, not just for me, but for others to come for some light relief and clarity – in the hope that we aren’t alone and that depression is a manageable illness. I guess it was just time to share my story. Can you expand a little more on what made you decide to open-up about your experiences of mental health online? I believe that mental health shouldn’t be a taboo; I feel I’m a prime example that those with mental health problems cannot be underestimated. I manage my everyday: I work full-time and enjoy a varied social life. I’m physically fit; it’s not like I look unwell or anything. Yet mental health has this stigma attached to it, like we’re all ‘crazy’ and ‘can’t function’. I also feel that it’s really important to highlight that even though I may suffer from mental (ill) health,

I’m not trying to disguise it and I’m not trying to escape it; like I said, I’m managing it. What are your hopes for the future of your blog? I hope my blog leads to the development of a social network/ mental health website – a place where anyone can have a say and write a piece about their day. At the moment though, my blog balances between my lifestyle and my depression, and I like to highlight the moments that make me happy because it acts as a helpful log for me: something I can reflect on. It reminds me of the times when I was ‘up’, and that I can get myself out of the dangerous downward spiral when a bout of depression hits. To read Hollie’s blog, please visit: cakeandconsequence.blogspot.co.uk Hollie’s blog is indeed a great example of someone who manages depression: taking the highs and the lows in equal measure. But beyond that, Hollie offers others hope and confidence, as well as the knowledge that nobody is ever really alone these days; at just the click of a button, likeminded people can be found,

waiting to talk. It goes without saying that the internet has opened up many wonderful opportunities to connect with people outside of our usual circles, and it is for this reason that it should be embraced. Sure, keeping safe is a priority; it’s wise to only talk to others about stuff if you feel truly comfortable doing so. And it’s certainly never a good idea to give too much away or provide anyone with personal information, as unfortunately there are bad people that use the internet, too. But used in the correct way, it’s often worth taking the opportunity to talk to others and reflect on life experiences – it might just change your life!

Louisa

To find out more about starting a blog, please visit one of the three biggest free bloghosting websites: www.blogger.com www.wordpress.com www.tumblr.com

Li%e miracles 10

YOU’VE MADE IT - you’ve given birth to the baby that you’ve carried around for months and been eagerly awaiting to see and cuddle. The backache is gone, the swollen legs are a thing of the past and the family can’t wait to swoon over your bundle of joy. Sounds like a dream, right? Well, for most new parents the experience is, but for some, this is just the start of a truly terrifying nightmare: something far, far worse than many can ever imagine. When a child is born premature, or is unwell, the whole world may seem like a cruel and unjust place, and for the loved ones, especially the mother, it is often a heart-breaking and helpless time. According to Bliss, the baby charity, around 80,000 babies a year in the UK need specialist hospital care and, in England alone, 54,000 are born prematurely.

A premature baby is defined by how many weeks it arrives early, which is anything under 37 weeks, and being born under 29 weeks is deemed ‘extremely premature’. Apparently, a third of premature births have no obvious reason, and, according to Bliss, premature births are on the increase. Bliss attribute this to a number of reasons: UÊ / iÊ1 ÊL ÀÌ ÊÀ>ÌiÊ >ÃÊÀ Ãi ÊLÞÊ an incredible 18 percent in the period from 2001 to 2009 UÊ 7 i Ê>ÀiÊ} Û }ÊL ÀÌ Ê >ÌiÀÊ in life - there are increased complications with age UÊ } iÀÊ Õ LiÀÃÊ vÊÌÜ ÃÊ> `Ê triplets, known as multiple pregnancies, due to fertility treatments, come with higher risk The Bliss website is a fantastic resource of information and inspiring stories.

One such story is that of Eva, who was born prematurely at 34-weeks, weighing only 4lbs 14ozs. Eva’s mother, Jane, understandably is said to have found the experience ‘extremely stressful’ and, in particular, not being able to hold her baby was just awful. In addition, because there were not enough cots in the hospital where Jane gave birth, Eva had to be transferred, and this meant that Jane was distanced from her support network. As Jane says, ‘The main problem was being away from my partner and family when I needed them. ‘I have another daughter who at the time was seven-years-old and it was hard leaving her, and the hospital hours made it difficult for my daughter and sister to visit which really upset me.’ The Bliss website also explains how, for Jane, it was felt that there was, at times, a lack of communication from

some unit staff, particularly when Eva was being transferred to a local hospital. But Jane will find it hard to forget one special nurse who was not only incredibly supportive but also worked tirelessly to find a space for Eva at a hospital unit closer to home, ‘which’, Jane comments, ‘made life a lot easier as I didn’t want to leave Eva, but my other daughter needed me.’ Baby Eva is reportedly doing great and Jane has, with support from Bliss, started her own support group for mothers of premature babies. As well as supporting mothers, Bliss offers help to the whole family, and even the friends of those who have a baby in neonatal care. Aside from the website, there is also a helpline (0500 618140) open Monday to Friday between 9 am and 9 pm. Free from all landlines, qualified

advisors can provide support and refer callers to other organisations that may be able to offer help. The really good news is that more premature babies are surviving than ever before. This is mostly because of the improvements in medicine and technology, which means earlier detection of problems as part of the antenatal process, and, as baby Eva’s story demonstrates, there is now every chance that a premature baby can survive and continue to grow just as any ‘normal’ full-term baby would, and that if you’re a mother or someone who knows a baby in neonatal care, there is support out there to try and help you through.

To find out more about Bliss, please see their website www.bliss.org.uk

Louisa

SANCTUARY MAGAZINE started in Surrey, commissioned by Surrey PCT. With extra help from Care Services Improvement Partnership in the south east, the magazine has a small circulation across Kent, Sussex, Hampshire, Isle of Wight, Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire and Milton Keynes, as well as Surrey. We will continue to list organisations and help lines in Surrey in this directory but we’ve added each mental health trust in the south east and will include other important contact details as we can and space permitting.

Mental health NHS trusts across the south east...............................................

UÊ-ÕÃÃiÝÊ*>ÀÌ iÀÃ «Ê -Ê Õ `>Ì Ê/ÀÕÃÌ°Ê T: 01903 843000 UÊ i ÌÊEÊ i`Ü>ÞÊ -Ê- V > Ê >ÀiÊ*>ÀÌ iÀÃ «Ê/ÀÕÃÌ°Ê T. 01732 520400 UÊ Ã iÊ"vÊ7 } ÌÊ i> Ì V>ÀiÊ -Ê/ÀÕÃÌ°Ê/°ÊÊä£ nÎÊxÓ{än£ UÊ > «Ã ÀiÊ*>ÀÌ iÀÃ «Ê -Ê Õ `>Ì Ê/ÀÕÃÌ°Ê T. 023 8087 4300 UÊ iÀ Ã ÀiÊ i> Ì V>ÀiÊ -Ê Õ `>Ì Ê/ÀÕÃÌ°Ê/°Êä£Î{{Ê{£xÊ 600 UÊ"Ýv À`Ã ÀiÊ> `Ê ÕV } > Ã ÀiÊ i Ì> Ê i> Ì Ê -Ê Foundation Trust. T. 01865 778911 UÊ Ì Ê iÞ iÃÊ* /°Ê/°Êä£ änÊÓ{Î ÎÎ UÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊEÊ À`iÀÃÊ*>ÀÌ iÀÃ «Ê -Ê Õ `>Ì Ê/ÀÕÃÌ°Ê T. 01883 383838 UÊ }iÊ ViÀ Ê-ÕÀÀiÞÊqÊä£{nÎÊ{xnÇÎÓÊÊÜÜÜ°>VÃÕÀÀiÞ° À}°Õ

Alcohol and drugs ....................................... UÊ À i]ÊänääÊ £ÇÊnÓnÓ UÊ ]ÊÃÕ«« ÀÌÊv ÀÊv> ÞÊ> `ÊvÀ i `ÃÊ vÊ> V VÃ]Êw `Ê>Ê local group 020 7403 0888. UÊ V VÃÊ Þ ÕÃ]Êw `Ê>Ê V> Ê}À Õ«ÊqÊän{xÊÇÈ ÊÇxxx UÊ ÀÕ}ÃV «i]Êv ÀÊ v À >Ì ]ÊÜÜÜ°`ÀÕ}ÃV «i° À}°Õ UÊ À> Êv ÀÊÞ Õ }Ê«i « iÊ> `Ê«>Ài ÌÃ®ÊÜÜÜ°Ì> Ì vÀ> °V UÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ ÀÕ}ÊEÊ V Ê VÌ Ê/i> ÊqÊv ÀÊ V> ÊÃiÀÛ ViÃ]Ê www.surreydat.org.uk

Anger ................................................................ UÊ À Ì Ã Ê ÃÃ V >Ì Ê vÊ }iÀÊ > >}i i Ì]Êän{xÊ£ÎääÊÓnÈÊ www.angermanage.co.uk

Anxiety ............................................................ UÊ Ê*> V]ÊänänÊnänÊäx{x°ÊÜÜÜ° «> V° À}°Õ ÆÊ UÊ >Ì > Ê* L VÃÊ- V iÌÞ]ÊänÇäÊÇÇääÊ{xÈÊ www.phobics-society.org.uk; UÊ ÀÃÌÊ-Ìi«ÃÊÌ Ê Àii` ]Êän{xÊ£ÓäÊÓ £ÈÊÜÜÜ°wÀÃÌ ÃÌi«Ã° À}ÆÊ www.anxietycare.org.uk (enquiries@anxietycare.org.uk to find out about accessing free advice and support)

We are building on this directory all the time. If you have anything to add that you think will benefit women’s mental health and wellbeing in Surrey, please let us know. You can contact Santuary magazine c/o Let's Link, PO Box 533, Betchworth, RH4 9FL. Tel. 07824 364703; email; megan.aspel@sky.com

Bereavement and loss ................................

Direct Payments ...........................................

Employment ....................................................

UÊ ÀÕÃiÊänÇä£ÈÇ£ÈÇÇÊÜÜÜ°VÀÕÃiLiÀi>Ûi i ÌV>Ài° À}°Õ

This is money allocated directly to a patient/service user to enable them to have more choice and independence about the support/facilities they can access in the community. For more information contact: UÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ `i«i `i ÌÊ Û }Ê Õ V Ê- ®]Ê ÃÌ >Ì]Ê iÀÃÊ Way, Burpham, Guildford GU4 7HL. T. 01483 458111

For people who do or have suffered mental ill health:

Counselling ................................................... (PLEASE NOTE, WAITING TIMES CAN BE LONG) UÊ" iÊ Ê ÕÀÊ-ÕÀÀiÞ\Êv ÀÊ«i « iÊÜ Ê >ÛiÊLii ÊÃiÝÕ> ÞÊ ÀÊ violently abused – from age 5 upwards 01932 400038 (24 hour confidential answer machine). Email surrey@oneinfour.org.uk visit the website www.oneinfour.org.uk UÊ À Ì Ã Ê ÃÃ V >Ì Ê vÊ Õ Ãi }ÊEÊ*ÃÞV Ì iÀ>«Þ]Ê 0870 443 5252 www.bacp.co.uk (for details of local practitioners) UÊ i>`ÃÊ/ }iÌ iÀÊÞ Õ }Ê«i « iÊ£{ Óx®Êä£ÇÎÇÊÎÇn{n£°Ê Ê fees UÊ À Þ` Ê*>ÃÌ À> Ê Õ `>Ì ]ÊäÓäÊnÇÈäÊäÈÈx°Ê i} Ì >L iÊ rates according to means UÊ ÀÌ Ê-ÕÀÀiÞÊ Õ ÌÞÊ Õ Ãi }Ê*>ÀÌ iÀÃ «]Êä£ ÎÓÊ 244070 www.nsccp.co.uk A sliding scale fee basis operates (up to £40.00 per session) UÊ*>Ì Ü>ÞÃÊ Õ Ãi }Ê i ÌÀi]Ê «Ã ]Êä£ÎÇÓÊÇ{ÎÎÎn°Ê Professional counselling, normal rates apply UÊ,i` Ê Õ Ãi }Ê i ÌÀi]Êä£ÇÎÇÊÇÇÓn{{°Ê i} Ì >L iÊÀ>ÌiÃÊ UÊ, / ]ÊÀi >Ì Ã «ÊV Õ Ãi }]Êän{xÊ{xÈ£Î£äÊ www.relate.org.uk, for a local branch. A fee is charged for appointments. UÊ,i >Ìii ]Ê «Ã Ê«>ÀÌÊ vÊ, / ÊLÕÌÊv ÀÊÞ Õ }Ê«i « iÊ disturbed/worried about parent’s relationship problems) 01372 722976 UÊ-i>ÃÌ iÊ* ÃÃ L Ì iÃ]Ê/À>Õ >Ê,iÃ ÕÌ Ê/Ài>Ì i Ì 01306 640073 / 01737 249364 email: seastone@talktalk.net

Domestic abuse .............................................. UÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ iÃÌ VÊ LÕÃiÊ i « iÊÓ{ À®ÊqÊä£{nÎÊÇÇÈnÓÓ UÊ >ÃÌÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ iÃÌ VÊ LÕÃiÊ-iÀÛ ViÃÊV ÛiÀ }Ê,i }>ÌiÊEÊ > ÃÌi>`]Ê iÊ6> iÞÊEÊ/> `À `}i®Ê ÊÊä£ÇÎÇÊÇÇ£Îxä Email: support@esdas.org.uk Website: www.esdas.org.uk 9am – 4pm, Monday to Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours. UÊ ÀÌ Ê7iÃÌÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ"ÕÌÀi>V Ê-iÀÛ ViÊV ÛiÀ }Ê7 }]Ê ,Õ Þ i`iÊEÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ i>Ì ®ÊÀÕ ÊLÞÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ7 i ½ÃÊ `Ê Ê 01483 776822 (24hr) UÊ ÀÌ Ê-ÕÀÀiÞÊ"ÕÌÀi>V Ê-iÀÛ ViÊV ÛiÀ }Ê «Ã ÊEÊ Üi ]Ê LÀ `}iÊEÊ-«i Ì À i®ÊÀÕ ÊLÞÊ7> Ì ÊEÊ iÀÃ > Ê Ì âi ½ÃÊ Advice Bureau - 01932 260690 Email: nsdvoutreach.walton@cabnet.org.uk Website: www.waltonadvice.demon.co.uk 9.30 am – 4.30 pm Monday to Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours UÊ- ÕÌ Ê7iÃÌÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ"ÕÌÀi>V Ê-iÀÛ ViÊV ÛiÀ }Ê Õ `v À`ÊEÊ Waverley) run by CAHA - 01483 577392 9.00 am - 3.00pm Monday – Friday, confidential answer phone out of hours

Survivors of childhood abuse .................

Debt counselling..........................................

UÊ ° °-°¼ÌiÀÃÊv ÀÊ>`Õ ÌÊÜ i ÊÃiÝÕ> ÞÊ>LÕÃi`Ê>ÃÊV `Ài Run by survivors for survivors – helpline Saturdays 10am – midday 023 80 338080

UÊ À ÃÌ > ÃÊ }> ÃÌÊ* ÛiÀÌÞÆÊvÀii« iÊänääÊÎÓnÊäääÈÊÊ www.capuk.org

Eating disorders ..........................................

Depression...................................................... UÊ i«ÀiÃÃ Ê > Vi]Êän{xÊ£ÓÎÊÓÎÓäÊ www.depressionalliance.org

ANOREXIA, BULIMIA UÊ >Ì }Ê Ã À`iÀÃÊ ÃÃ V >Ì Ã]Êän{xÊÈÎ{Ê£{£{Ê www.eduk.com

UÊ « Þ i Ì]Ê-Õ«« ÀÌ]Ê,i ÌÀ> }Ê }i VÞÊ -, ®Êv ÀÊ >ÃÌÊ Surrey area: 2nd Floor, Rawlinson House, 9 London Road, Redhill RH1 1LY. Tel/Fax: 01737 772115 Richmond Fellowship covering the whole of Surrey: UÊ `Ê-ÕÀÀiÞÊ> `ÊµÕiÀ iÃÊÀiÊ7iÃÌÊ-ÕÀÀiÞ®Ê, ]Ê > ÀÊ ÕÃi]Ê 19 Church Street, Leatherhead KT22 8DN. T. 01372 363934 UÊ >ÃÌÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊ, ]Ê,>Ü Ã Ê ÕÃi]Ê Ê ` Ê, >`]Ê,i` Ê RH1 1LY. T. 01737 771 282

Hearing Voices .............................................. UÊ,iÌ ]ÊäÓäÊn Ç{ÊÈn£{ÊÜÜÜ°ÀiÌ ° À}

Post natal depression pregnancy and birth issues ..................... UÊ ÃÃ V >Ì Êv ÀÊ* ÃÌ >Ì> Ê iÃÃ]ÊäÓäÇÊÎnÈäÊnÈn°Ê www.apni.org; www.surrey.nhs.uk; www.babycentre.co.uk; www.netmums.com

Self harm ........................................................ UÊÜÜÜ°Ãi v >À ° À}°Õ ÆÊÜÜÜ° viÃ } Ã° À}°Õ ÆÊ UÊÜÜÜ°ÀV«ÃÞV °>V°Õ ÉVÀÕÉ>Õ` ÌÃi v >À UÊ À ÃÌ Ê À Ã ÃÊ-iÀÛ ViÊv ÀÊÜ i Ê >Ì > Ê i « i®ÆÊ 0117 925 1119. Friday/Saturday evenings 9pm – 12.30am. Sunday 6-9pm

Other useful contacts ............................... CRISIS NUMBERS; UÊ-> >À Ì> Ã]Êän{xÇÊ ä ä äÊÜÜÜ°Ã> >À Ì> Ã° À}°Õ UÊ-> iÊ iÊ£Ó ÊqÊÓ> Ê`> Þ®Êän{xÇÊÈÇnäää°Ê >Ì > Ê ÕÌÊ of hours helpline for anyone coping with mental illness – sufferers, carers, relatives or friends. UÊ-ÕÀÀiÞÊEÊ À`iÀÃÊ*>ÀÌ iÀÃ «Ê -Ê/ÀÕÃÌ]ÊäÎääÊ{xÈÊnÎÊ{ÓÆÊ text for hard of hearing – 07717 989024 (24hrs) UÊ ` iÆÊänääÊ££££ WE ARE CURRENTLY UPDATING INFORMATION ON CMHRCS AND PSYCHOTHERAPY SERVICES.

How emotion ally deep does hoarding go? 14

OUR PREJUDICES and intolerances of others’ behaviour were sublimely highlighted last year in a TV Channel 4 production, ‘Obsessive Compulsive Hoarder’. It was saddening to watch how neighbours and residents in the Surrey village demonstrated only disgust and anger towards the subject of the documentary, Richard, a hoarder. In theory who could blame them? Richard’s hoarding extended from house to garden. It was the latter neighbours saw; a garden overflowing with what most would describe as junk. But the programme opened up people’s minds to the fact that whilst his hoarding went to breathtaking heights (literally as witnessed when the cameras were rolling as Richard climbed through a tiny gap between the top of the door frame into his kitchen and the papers stacked up in the doorway and throughout his living room) it also went very deep into his psyche. Thanks to documentaries such as this, hoarding is being recognised

as a specific type of obsessive compulsive disorder. A television presenter was one of the first people to cast more light on a subject that has for so long been kept behind closed doors. In 2011, TV presenter Jasmine Harman presented her own emotional journey by showing her mother Vasoulla’s hoarding. The BBC programme followed Jasmine’s attempts to help her mother clear over 30 years of what would be disingenuous to term rubbish. The programme charts the ‘shameful secret’ of Vasoulla. Living alone in a large house, she had managed to fill every room from floor to ceiling with things she couldn’t bear to throw away. Clothes, toys, broken kitchen appliances were all hoarded. Vasoulla’s bedroom had become so crammed, she couldn’t use it and created a tiny space on the floor in one of the other five bedrooms to sleep. For those of us who are inclined to store things ‘just in case’ there is

usually a break point: the ensuing furore of ‘spring cleaning’, decluttering or whatever we call it can be a whirl of activity. And satisfying; there’s a real sense of achievement to chucking out. To a hoarder it can be catastrophic to contemplate throwing out even a single item. In ‘Obsesseve Compulsive Hoarder’, made by film and documentary maker Christian Trumble, we see the enormous task of trying to help someone make a start on the process of throwing things away. Richard’s neighbour, Andy Honey is that someone. Andy felt compassion and rather than complain as others, he wondered if he could help. We see in the programme Andy’s struggle to do so. Richard let him in so we glimpse a willingness – a tiny flicker – to accept help. Andy is seen holding some kind of toy rabbit and a black bin liner. The effort on the part of both men is palpable: Andy trying calmly to talk Richard into binning the bunny

and the anguish on Richard’s face as he appeared to psyche himself up to eventually take the toy from Andy and throw it in the bag. There, in that moment, one saw all the heartache of the man. Andy recalls the scene: “Richard didn’t want to let go of anything,” said Andy “we began with the old toy rabbit, but it was a long time and a lot of persuasion before he angrily threw the toy into the black bin liner I was holding.” Dr David Mataix-Cols Ph.D writes on Jasmine’s website ( www. helpforhoarders.co.uk ) that he believes the label of OCD is outdated and that the term used by many should be officially adopted; Hoarding Disorder. Whilst many of us are no fans of labels, it does mean that hoarding will be given greater clinical ‘status’, hopefully leading to greater understanding by doctors, clinicians and the wider public. Many hoarders are likely to reject the idea that there is a mental health

problem attached to their behaviour. But many others might find solace knowing there is a pathway of help available if they wish to make that first move. Helping people to come to terms with the idea of a ‘mental health problem’ and those who want to seek help will be a long battle. But one which people like Jasmine, Andy and others are prepared to take on. When Andy spoke to Sanctuary’s editor he described how passionate he has become to help hoarders. His concerns however were that the lack of knowledge around the mental health issues that might be accompanying the hoarding, could compromise his attempts to help. “I am learning fast,” he said “but I am very aware that what I might be suggesting someone considers throwing away – jut to make a start could trigger all kinds of reactions and emotions.” To help him overcome this gap in knowledge, experience, Andy is linking with the local NHS mental

health services and other mental health organisations. By so doing, a ‘dialogue’ is created that brings together the practical support (Andy) and the emotional support (counsellors / clinicians). To really help someone, both need to work in tandem. Perhaps then, all involved can begin to get to the bottom of the situation. That might be under 7 or 8 foot piles of various papers and objects. Equally it may be deep within the hoarder’s emotional core. Richard’s expression said it all: between when he tried to argue that there was no reason to throw away the rabbit, and the gradual dawning on him that this was the moment (all eyes and cameras turned on him!): there was every reason to throw away the rabbit. He looked distraught, bereft, tears welled in his eyes, but as he angrily threw the rabbit in Andy’s proffered black bin liner, something else dawned on his face: it was clear he had stepped over a mark. This could just be the beginning of his liberation. See clips from ‘Obsessive Compulsive Disorder’ at www.channel4.com If you are someone or know someone who hoards and are interested in any further research programmes / documentaries, please contact Megan in the first instance – megan.aspel@sky.com

Behind closed doors characteristics of Hoarding Dr Becky Beaton from the Anxiety & Stress Management Institute writes on the website www.stressmgt.net:

People with Hoarding Disorder (HD) have strong beliefs about, as well as emotional attachments to, possessions that prove to be problematic to their long-term wellbeing. These beliefs are generally related to the following: a. Value: The person feels that he or she needs to hang onto the item because of its personal or financial value. He or she may also have intentions to sell it or give it to someone, but the intentions rarely seem to come to fruition. b. Waste and responsibility: Often the person is concerned about never having used an item and wants to be sure that it goes to good use somehow. Or, he or she may want to be sure items are recycled and not just discarded into a landfill. c. Future Need or Concerns of Regret: The item may come in handy in the future. d. Perfectionism: The person needs to make the perfect decision. e. All or Nothing thinking: “If I can’t possibly clean up everything, there is no point in starting.” The irony here is that cleaning up everything at once is generally too overwhelming for the person anyway. f. Sentimental Attachment: Objects represent attachment to another person, time period, or experience.

g. Identity: The person may feel that his or her identity is supported by what he or she possesses (just as some people find their identity in what they do). h. Feelings of Safety, Security, Protection, and Control: Having clutter around may make the person feel like he or she is safe in a cocoon. Another option is that having possessions that may come in handy in the future could make the person feel more in control. i. Filling a Void: Shopping or collecting may fill up time or provide distraction from experiencing a sense of loss or any other form of emotional discomfort. People with HD tend to get reinforcement for both acquiring and avoiding a. Reinforcement to acquiring: Many people experience a “high” while looking for and finding a new possession or looking at one previously acquired. b. Reinforcement for avoidance: Discarding a possession leads to anxiety, fear, grief or loss or maybe anger if pressured by another person. Therefore, it’s less stressful to avoid letting go of personal possessions. c. Clutter becomes an external means of mood control: It maximizes the good feelings and minimizes the bad feelings for the individual. Not so ironically, it has the opposite effect on individuals with whom the person has an interpersonal relationship.

Useful websites www.childrenofhoarders.com www.compulsive-hoarding.org www.hoardinguk.org www.compulsivehoarding.co.uk

Feeding frenzy? SOMEWHERE BETWEEN the amounts of unused or unsold food we throw away, the increase in obesity alongside the rising need for food banks, there is a disturbing sense of something having gone very, very wrong. Profits in the big supermarkets continue to rise despite economical downturn, unemployment and ‘austerity’ measures; EU rules are threatening a return of ‘butter mountains’, the UK has one of the highest obesity rates in the world yet record numbers of people in the UK are having to access food parcels. And let’s not even get started on the horse meat debacle! What on earth is going on? In 2011-12 food banks fed 128,687 people nationwide, in 2012-13 it is anticipated this number will rise to over 230,000 (Trussel Trust). At the other extreme, in Surrey alone, we throw away

huge quantities of food, for example, enough bread every day to fill a double decker bus. There are all sorts of food marketing and enticements to blame for our throw away attitudes. Much worse than the bogoff phenomenon is the buy one get 2nd or 3rd half price, or three for a fiver or something. Have you ever stood in front of these items – you may have picked up ONE because that’s what you wanted to buy then spotted the ‘deal’ – and had an inner debate, argument, slanging match with yourself? Me: Oh that’s too good a deal to miss Me: But you only need one – when will you use the others? Me: I’ll use them in a recipe – I know I’ve got a recipe somewhere…. Me: No you haven’t – just buy what you need – and, by the way, do you

actually need that one? Is it on your list? Me: My list is in the car – it’s always in the car, or left at home. By now this defending ‘side’ of ‘me’ is feeling petulant and miserable and might cry! But which side wins? Take a look in the cupboard, freezer or that thing rotting away nicely at the back of the ‘fridge and you’ll have some idea! Weak will or blind faith that it’s a bargain, we are still being manipulated by marketing. We may believe the food industry has a lot to answer for. But what about us? Are we not merely like sheep, being ‘herded’ along the aisles, building up the trolley and getting home and wondering where to put it all, let alone eat it all? As far as food waste is concerned should we not be taking some responsibility too? Some critics would argue that those

Supermarket psychology

Use your loaf! WALK DOWN the aisle of any supermarket and unbeknown to you, there are ways and guiles to attract you to products, some of which simply were never on your shopping list. This is called supermarket psychology. Did you ever notice that smell of baking bread when you enter? The pricier items installed at eye level on the shelves? The fact that common food items are placed in separate corners so you have to go through the entire store to pick up a few items? You may have just gone in for 2 items. Instead, you leave with 20. What happened? Nothing is accidental. Supermarkets do a tremendous amount of research to analyze their customers’ shopping habits and encourage them to buy more.

The Techniques

people claiming food handouts who yet continue lifestyle choices such as smoking and drinking or drugs are taking the proverbial. The Women’s Institute recently pointed out that people do not know how to cook. This, they claim, is down to home economics or if you are older, domestic science, being axed from school curricula over the last decades. Whilst we have sex education with graphic images for 10 years olds, business studies, IT studies, citizenship, personal and social education, basic ‘life’ subjects such as cooking and budgeting which could provide children with an armoury of self-resilience as they grow up, are absent from children’s learning. Michael Gove, Education Secretary is planning to re-introduce home economics. Meanwhile we have two or more generations of people who never learned how to boil an egg or make pastry. And really does it matter? Everything anyone ever wanted is on the shelves of our supermarkets; ready meals, tinned meals, the hot cooked chicken and ribs counters, and all the take-away options you could ever

want. Why do we need to know how to cook beyond slamming something in the microwave, piling on a ready sauce over meat or pasta, or being able to read a take out menu? Well, actually it does matter, for a range of reasons. It would appear we have created a society that jumps up and down when it doesn’t get what it wants. The principles of ‘cutting the cloth’, ‘make do and mend’, or ‘waste not want not’ are redundant in a throw away culture. And this ‘instant gratification’ drive extends to our food consumption of course. With supermarkets and food manufacturers bombarding us with avalanches of instant food ideas; with foods being not what you think they are (horse meat burgers!); with much of the fall-out of our demand for cheap food being on the farmers and farming practices such as factory farming; with all the ‘clamour’ to make us buy more, yet to be healthy and have our five a day, isn’t it time to take a step back? Here’s a revolutionary idea for anyone whose idea of fine dining is putting the take-away on a plate, not eating straight from the polystyrene pack:

Ditch the bogoffs (if you only need one), reject the take-aways (except occasionally), buy less but better quality meat and invest in a basic cookbook in order to learn to cook and eat simply, seasonally and nutrionally? Is that a ‘shock, horror’ idea or a ‘wow, what a great thing to do’ idea? Perhaps, in the spirit of the adage ‘give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; show him how to catch fish, and you feed him for a lifetime’, by showing people how to cook basic and filling food, some on the bread-line need never suffer the indignity of asking for food handouts. Perhaps budgets will stretch further, particularly for people whose benefits have been cut. Perhaps we might put the control around what we buy and when firmly back in our own hands, rather than the manipulative hands of food marketers, advertisers and supermarkets. And perhaps we might discover what an absolute joy it is to create our own menus of yummy, delicious, home cooked from start to finish food – not to mention the pleasure gained from feeding the family.

UÊ `Ê Ìi ÃÊ>ÀiÊ« Ã Ì i`Êv ÀÊÃ«iV wVÊÀi>Ã Ã\ UÊ ÃÌÊV Þ ÕÃi`Ê Ìi ÃÊ>ÀiÊ« >Vi`Ê ÊÌ iÊ `` iÊ vÊ> Ê aisle so people have to go down aisles for specific items. Exposure to all the other foods may lead you to buy more. UÊ `ÃÊÌ >ÌÊ} ÊÌ }iÌ iÀÊ ÊÀiV «iÃÊ> `Ê i> ÃÊ>ÀiÊ vÌi Ê« >Vi`Ê together so you’ll buy all of them. UÊ } «À wÌÊv `ÃÊ>ÀiÊ« >Vi`Ê>ÌÊiÞiÊ iÛi ÆÊÌ iÊL }}iÀÊv `Ê corporations pay for the best exposure for their food. Visual cues may encourage you to buy. UÊ / iÊV iV ÕÌÊV Õ ÌiÀÊ >ÃÊV> `ÞÊ> `Ê >}>â iÃ]ÊÌi «Ì }Ê you to buy them as you wait. UÊ >ÀÀ ÜÊ> Ã iÃÊ> `Ê` Ã« >ÞÃÊÜ ÊÃ ÜÊ` Ü ÊÞ ÕÀÊÃ «« }Ê time; the goal is to keep you in the store longer, in hopes that you’ll buy more. UÊ - «« }ÊÜ iÊ Õ }ÀÞÊV> Ê i>`ÊÞ ÕÊÌ ÊLÕÞÊ ÀiÊ Ìi ÃÊÌ > Ê planned. UÊ `Ài Ê>ÀiÊÌ>À}iÌi`Ê>ÃÊÜi °Ê `Ã½Êv `Ê Ìi ÃÊ>ÀiÊ« >Vi`Ê>ÌÊ their eye level, especially ready-to-eat and snack foods.

What to Do UÊ / iÀiÊ>ÀiÊÃ iÊÜ>ÞÃÊÌ ÊV L>ÌÊÌ iÃiÊ«À L i Ã°Ê iÀiÊ>ÀiÊ>Ê few: UÊ * > }Ê ÃÊ iÞ°Ê > iÊ>Ê ÃÌÊ> i>`Ê vÊÌ iÊ> `ÊÃÌ V ÊÜ Ì Ê Ì°Ê Impulse shopping will add up in dollars, and pounds, if you eat more. UÊ - «Ê / ,Ê>Ê i> °Ê Ì½ÃÊ ÕV Êi>Ã iÀÊÌ ÊÃÌ V ÊÌ Ê>Ê ÃÌÊÜ i Ê you’re not starving. UÊ ½ÌÊLÕÞÊÃ iÌ }Ê ÞÊLiV>ÕÃiÊ Ì½ÃÊ ÊÃ> i°Ê7 iÊ everyone likes a bargain, purchase foods you normally eat and like. Stay with your list and find sales for those food items. UÊ /ÀÞÊ ÌÊÌ ÊÃ «ÊÜ Ì ÊV `Ài ]ÊÌ iÊÕ Ì >ÌiÊ «Õ ÃiÊÃ ««iÀÃ]Ê if possible. UÊ iV Êv ÀÊÃÌ ÀiÊLÀ> `ÃÊÜ V ÊÌi `ÊÌ ÊLiÊV i>«iÀÊÌ > Ê > iÊ brands and sales on produce. UÊ ,i i LiÀÊÌ >ÌÊ >À}iÀ Ã âi`ÊV Ì> iÀÃÊ vÊv `ÃÊ>Ài ½ÌÊ> Ü>ÞÃÊ better bargains, and the visual cues of more food may lead you to eat more. UÊ - «Ê i°Ê9 ÕÊÜ ½ÌÊLiÊÌi «Ìi`ÊLÞÊÃ i Ê ÀÊÃ } Ì

Hea ling the unh eala ble

WHEN SOMEONE has suffered abuse of a sexual and violent nature, or been affected by trauma currently or historically - it might seem an impossible task to help and support that person towards their healing. Yet One in Four, a charity, is undaunted in that task. It is a charity run by people who have experience of working with abuse and trauma. One in Four gives a voice to the experiences of people who have been sexually abused and provides a space which by its very existence challenges feelings of shame and self blame. The charity was set up in London in 1999. There is also a Surrey branch, run by an inspiring team of counsellors and support workers. One in Four provides a unique service to individuals, both directly and indirectly. Directly, through individual low cost therapy and helpline support and indirectly through campaigning, policy making, inhouse research, training, and consultancy work with statutory and non statutory agencies. The warm and welcoming effect is instantly felt at

One in Four Surrey. It is run by Paula from her own home and an immediate sense of understanding and care is prevalent. In this healing and nurturing environment, counselling, psychotherapy and support is offered to individuals affected by abuse, from the age of five years onwards. There is no short term ‘fix’ for the long term impact abuse has on someone. Healing takes time. One in Four counsellors receive a range of training regarding childhood sexual abuse, self harm, domestic abuse, depression, anger, drugs and alcohol use, dissociation and other systems and strategies that may develop that an individual may use to manage her or his experiences. All the counsellors at One in Four are members of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). If seeking help face to face is further along someone’s journey towards healing, One in Four publishes a range of self help literature. But it is strongly advisable to speak to someone first. The publication ‘The Warrior

Within’ was written by founding member, Christiane Sanderson. It is a book that celebrates the inner ‘warrior’ who has survived childhood sexual abuse yet acknowledges there are many more things to put in place to restore self worth and a clear perspective on reality. ‘The Warrior Within’ comes with a strong safety warning. It uses a warning symbol so that readers can check how they are feeling about a particular section or exercise and either skip that part or take a step back to ensure they don’t trigger a memory or worse, a flashback. Flashbacks are possibly the most frightening way that abuse recall is manifested. This isn’t just a memory you can look at with any kind of objectivity, as though you are looking into a photo album in your mind. Anyone who has suffered flashbacks will confirm that you are not merely recalling an event, you are ‘in’ that event once more, experiencing it as if it was reality. For some, dissociation is the only method of surviving.

“I’m letti ng g thou o of ghts the t h a mak t do e me not stron g.”

‘The Warrior Within’ describes dissociation as ‘an adaptive part of your emotional immune system to protect you from traumatic experiences’. As with the section on flashbacks, ways and methods are offered to help you to ‘ground yourself’. And part of doing so is also to acknowledge that to have survived thus far and you have a number of valuable resources within. Now it is about believing that things can change and you, not the memories/ flashbacks/anger/self-hate, will be in control of your life and will heal what you might once have thought un-healable. One in Four Surrey accepts self referrals and referrals from agencies. The warmth and wisdom is waiting with Paula and her team. One in Four Surrey 01932 400038 - 24 hour confidential answer machine, and they aim to return any missed calls within 24 hours. Or you can e-mail: surrey@oneinfour.org.uk To access more information and order copies of One in Four publications, visit www.oneinfour.org.uk

Free workshops funded by Comic Relief What’s the Story? Join Sanctuary and publishers Let’s Link and get writing for fun or creativity! For people with experience of mental ill health, the workshops offer a great opportunity for self expression and discovery. Venues across East Surrey including the Harlequin Theatre in Redhill. For details of forthcoming workshops, contact Megan – megan.aspel@sky.com T. 07824 364703 or write to Sanctuary magazine, Let’s Link, PO Box 533, Betchworth RH4 9FL.

Risk

And then the day came, When the risk To remain tight In a bud Was more painful Than the risk It took “Do not To blossom overrate what you Anais Nin have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.”

Quotes to get the creative juices flowing...

And on peace of mind...

Glass half empty? SO HERE WE ARE in 2013, and as is with every first few months of a new year, we’ve had the calls to ‘reinvent’ ourselves. By doing so, we’re told, by the ‘gurus’ in media, television, books, it will ‘change our lives’ – for the better of course! It all certainly sounds very nice, and while it is no doubt optimistic (which is generally a good thing), sometimes, it’s just a right pain in the backside! Don’t you sometimes wish they’d just go away! For many people, the same old still applies, and, for most people anyway, life’s problems don’t just miraculously disappear along with the end of one year and the beginning of the next. And nor just because we’ve had a haircut. I used to think that holding too much hope for the future was a little unhealthy. After all, it is possible to get totally carried away and then be completely let down when it doesn’t happen. So I am over-themoon to discover that there exists some research that supports my theory that being a little bit of a pessimist can actually be good for you. Psychologist Julie Norem has demonstrated that approximately one in three people use what she describes as ‘defensive pessimism’ as a way to

stay cool and collected. By doing this, anxiety is said to be dispelled because the worst-case scenario cannot be a nightmare when it is somewhat expected. It works along the same lines as the notion that it is only when we stop trying to be happy, that we actually become happy. So, while I warmly welcome the opportunity to get a new coat and set a few goals - things to look forward to and aim for – I must say I also quite like this idea of not getting ahead of myself. What’s the word I’m looking for? Balance. In fact, I like it so much, it’s going to be my new year’s resolution: to be balanced about my hopes for the future, to dream but to do so with balance along with developing more patience. Well, after all, it is a virtue, and I also like the sound of that, too. To find out more about defensive pessimism, try typing it into Google.

Louisa

Julie Norem has also written a book on the subject, called The Positive Power of Negative Thinking, published by Basic Books (2008).

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Buddha

On Luck... “When you’ve seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there.”

“Luck is preparation meeting opportunity!” (author unknown)

George Harrison

And if you are contemplating joining a Sanctuary creative writing workshop...

“Begin at the beginning,” the King said, very gravely,“and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

And for deep philosophical meaning!

(Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland)

“What comes from the heart, goes to the heart.” (S T Coleridge)

“No wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.” (Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland)

ÂŠ Let's Link 2013 / Tom Aspel

Printed by Progression Print: www.progressionprint.co.uk