•
so , this is m y life .
•
so , this is m y life .
• an annotated bibliography a memoir a story
edited & compiled by Sarah Rocco
• “You know, we each create a story—a narrative, a picture, an allegory, a model—for what’s going on here, and then we fight, sometimes to the death, to make others, if not believe in that model, we fight to be able to keep believing in it ourselves. So we try to erase contradictory evidence to that model.” —douglas rushkoff
• in three parts volume i
•
❧
“the sto love li us fore
ries we ve in ver.” —J.K. Rowling
• that’s all this really is— a collection of stories.
• When I was a little girl, I hated to read. I remember sitting on my living room couch, huddled in a ball under the yellow lamp my dad always used to read, struggling to find meaning in the randomized figures on the lamenated book pages. . . The next memory I have of reading is hiding at a corner in the stairs, toes scrunched into the green carpet, scouring the pages of the lastest Magic Tree House book. . . Although I may have grown older, my love of books has certainly not diminished in the slightest. • Within these books, you will find a collection of quotes from my favorite books: a selection of my favorite moments from stories that have shaped who I am—for that’s exactly what this book is, a collection of stories, frozen within the pages they were written—forever a part of me. Interspersed in the collection are my reflections, what I remember most —my stories. These books tell my story; they have taught me about love, life, adventure, taking risks, to never be ashamed to apologize, that we are not always the best versions of ourselves, to live.
table of contents part I c h a p t er i
25
2nd & 3rd grade 2000 –2002
c h a p t er ii
37
4th grade—middle school 2002–2005
part II c h a p t er i
51
jr. high school 2005 –2007
c h a p t er ii
61
9th & 10th grade 2007–2009
c h a p t er iii
73
11th grade 2009–2010
c h a p t er iv 12th grade 2010 –2011
epilogue
83
• to my parents—for giving me the best gift I never had to ask for: the ability to be free.
20 / 21
part I PRE-SCHOOL. GOLDFISH. BLOODY NOSES. LOW SELF-ESTEEM.
growth.
•
chapter i 2nd & 3rd grade— chapter ii 4th grade—middle school
•
ch cha apptter er x i 2nddecscription & 3rd grade | xxxx–xxxx | 2000–2002
26 / 27
e sper zna r ising 1924 “Our land is alive, Esperanza. “This whole valley breathes and lives. “Did you know that when you lie down on the land, you can feel it breathe? That you can feel its heart beating?”
pam muñoz ryan
28 / 29
“Sometimes I’d read through the whole list of towns: Bybanks Dinwiddie, Swannanoa, Sweetwater, Euclid, Wabash, Antigo, Kingfisher, Calico, Rock, Roseberg, Odessa, Chico, and Abiquiu. When I’d say each town’s name, I’d get a flash of a picture in my head, a quick little image, one after the other, as if someone were rapidly flashing slide on a screen, and there I’d find little pieces of Domenica Santolina Doone.” — sharon
creech
b lo o m a b i l i t y
30 / 31
harry potter & the sorcerer’s stone j . k . rowling
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.�
esperanza rising | pa m
muñoz r ya n ,
26–27
2001—This book technically isn’t first, but I've always remembered it this way. It’s the first book that I ever reread and the only book I remember being read to me as a child; I have this distinct memory of lying in bed one night and picking this book for my dad to read to me as I fell asleep. I remember thinking back to this story, Esperanza’s story, and feeling a sense of warmth. I don’t have a lot of memories of being read to, but I remember how my dad’s hands held the book, how there was this one delicate crease down the entire spine that I would stare at until I drifted off to sleep.
bloomability | sh a ron
creech ,
28–29
2000—This book is also associated heavily with my dad. Between first and third grade, we would have these scholastic book fairs where you got to pick out a free book. I remember being disappointed we couldn’t take more than one. This fair in particular, I can still see the white bar shelves with books, going over them again and again—having to be absolutely certain that I made the right choice. And I remember my trusty companion, Dad, waiting patiently as I walked up and down the aisles until I was certain of my choice.
harry potter | j . k .
rowl ing ,
30–31
2002—My earliest memory of Harry Potter is my sister, Mary, bursting into the bathroom telling my mother and myself about a magical world where there is an evil wizard whose name no one was allowed to speak. I remember her excitement as she shared her discovery of a beloved story —I also remember her unwillingness to share or let me borrow any of the books. Alas, this was still the era of scholastic book catalogs, and in third grade there just so happened to be a box set of the first three Harry Potter books. Meanwhile, I had somehow convinced Mary (probably with parental incentive) to let me borrow the first book. I remember sprawling out in the middle of the carpet in my room, making it within twenty pages of the end before school, discovering in class with Mrs. Lambrix that the books had been delivered, and finishing it that day in the classroom, sprawled out in the middle of the carpet.
•
ch a p t er ixi 4th grade—middle decscription |school xxxx–xxxx | 2002–2005
38 / 39
S
“ ylvie had an amazing life, but she didn’t always
get to live it very often. What good were potions
and disguises if no one came along to scare you or save you or kiss you behind the waterfall?
“
THE GREAT GOOD THING roderick townle y
40 / 41
the phantom toll booth
“ have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn?” she inquired. “or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends ? or perhaps you know the silence when you haven’t the answer to a question at night, or the expectant pause in a roomful of people when someone is just about to speak , or , most beautiful of all , the moment after the door closes and you’re all alone in the whole house ? each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful , if you know how to listen carefully.
“
nort on j ust e r
the great good thing | roderick
townl e y ,
38–39
2003—I think this is the only book I ever won. My fourth grade science teacher, Mr. Seeley, gave us this electrical conductor assignment; we had to make a list of as many things in our homes that had electrical conductors. The person with the most won a book. I remember running around the house the morning of, asking my dad whether or not the toaster had electrical conductors. Needless to say, I won the contest—well I tied with another student for 10 items—and chose this book.
the phantom toll booth | norton
jus t er ,
40–41
2003/2005—This book stumps me; I can’t seem to place when I first read it. I have a general idea, and know what books came after it, but I only remember being i n the book as I read Milo’s many adventures. I vaguely remember Rhyme and Reason’s story and possibly a rescue mission for a princess? And something about a staircase to infinity. But I chose this quote because I feel it describes the quiet that results of finishing any good book—how after the last page turns, there’s no more than a few blank pages to soak up everything you don’t know how to say out loud.
part II AWKWARD. CONFUSION. ANXIETY. EXCITEMENT. FEAR. QUESTIONS. BRAVERY. INDEPENDENCE.
thoughts.
❧
•
chapter i 7th & 8th grade— chapter ii 9th & 10th grade— chapter iii 11th grade— chapter iv 12th grade
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ch cha apptter er x i decscription | xxxx–xxxx 7th & 8th grade | 2005–2007
52 / 53
a g r e at an d t er r ib l e b e au t y libba bray
“How I’d love to get away from
here and be someone else for a while
in a place where no one knows or
expects certain things from me.”
54 / 55
a n o r t h e r n l ig h t “Right now I want a word that describes the feeling you get—a cold, sick feeling deep down inside—when you know something is happening that will change you, and you don’t want it to, but you can’t stop it. And you know, for the first time, for the very first time, that there will not be a before and an after, a was and a will be .
And that you will never again quite be the same
person you were.” j e n n i f e r don n e l ly
a great and terrible beauty | libba
br ay ,
52–53
2005—The summer between sixth and seventh grade we were given a booklet of lists of summer reading books. We had to pick a certain number of books from each list and read them. At the back of the packet, there was a place to read additional books. Of course, I filled up the back, and then some—as in three or four extra pieces of paper some. This book was on that additional list and became a staple in my love of historical and Victorian English literature. I read a lot of books that summer; they were my escape from the boredom of living in a new place when all of my old friends were separated by the awkwardness of getting older, moving on; a way to bond with my mother in the sea of adolescence. Gemma was my friend that summer, and her story took me on the greatest adventure.
a northern light | jennif er
donnel ly ,
54–55
2007—Another book from my historical fiction phase, I remember talking to my seventh grade English teacher, Mrs. Ford, quite extensively about this author and her other books. I remember getting to class early each day just so I would have a few moments to talk about Fiona Finnegan’s heroic trek to America, or Mattie Gokey’s latest discovery into a woman’s murder. These women gave me so much courage and inspiration in a time when everything was changing, and I had no idea what to hold on to. Their lives turned upside down as I felt mine losing its hold, but their bravery and their strength gave me a endless resevoir of resilience.
image image
•
ch a ap pt t er er ixi ch decscription | xxxx–xxxx 9th & 10th grade | 2007–2009
62 / 63
toki llam ocki ngbi rd
“Atticus he was real nice . . .”
His hands were under my chin,
pulling up the cover, tucking it
around me.
“Most people are, Scout, when
you finally see them.”
—
harper lee
64 / 65
“People are people. Don’t be afraid of them.”
the human comedy
willia m saroyan
66 / 67
cry, the beloved country alan paton
“for
who
can stop the he art from breaking?�
to kill a mockingbird | h a rper
l ee ,
62–63
2009—This story was the first time I saw a movie version before reading the book. I grew up watching this movie, sitting with my dad on the couch, watching whatever was left anytime we happened to stumble across it on tv. We read this book in March of my freshman year of high, which is probably one my favorite English classes I have ever taken. My teacher, Ms. Royer, gave us so many beautiful gifts with the stories she shared with us; she taught us how to look—how to see words for more than they appeared to be. She taught us how to see Boo Radley for ourselves.
the human comedy | wil l i a m
s a roya n ,
64–65
2010—I only have one vague memory of reading this book, of searching for it really. I can’t remember why I decided I needed it when I did, maybe we were starting it the next day in class, and for some reason I found it in my sister’s things. I remember curling up with it in my bed, with only my small night light to read with, holding the pages under its weak light until their were no more pages to turn.
cry, the beloved country | a l a n
paton ,
66–67
2010—It was really hard for me to pick a favorite moment from this book. The main thing I remember from reading it is that there were no quotation marks, anywhere. And that I was the only person who actually liked this story from my tenth grade English class. The movie was a highlight in our class because of James Earl Jones, but what I remember most is the vivid description of ineqaulity and destruction, and wondering how something so ugly could be described so beautifully.
•
chaapptter er ix ch ii decscription | xxxx–xxxx 11th grade | 2009–2010
74 / 75
A
“ nd this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the
individual human is the most valuable thing in the
world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual. This is what I am and what I am about. I can understand why a system built on a pattern must try to destroy the free mind, for that is one thing which can by inspection destroy such a system.
“
Surely I can understand this, and I hate it and I will fight against it to preserve the one thing that separates us from the uncreative beasts.
If the glory can be killed, we are lost.�
EAST OF EDEN j o h n s t e i n b ec k
76 / 77
walden
“ be awake is to be alive .”
h e n ry dav i d t hor e au
“
“ to
east of eden | john
s t einbeck ,
74–75
2009—I read this book as part of my summer project for AP English 11. At its conclusion, we were to write an essay on the Cold War themes apparent in the novel. I don’t remember anything of that essay except being completely stumped, but I do remember sifting through the vast pages after each morning’s run, getting lost in the ripped edges until daylight ran out it was time to go running again. I remember falling into Steinbeck’s ability to make a foreign terrain feel real, to make even the most evil feel human.
walden | henr y
dav id t hore au ,
76–77
2010—If you ask my dad, this book is a crock. Thoreau simply got credit for ideas that were permeating the country—that and living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere for a couple of years. But I can’t discount how much this book taught me about simply contemplating life, the importance of questioning.
•
ch a p t er i v 12th grade | 2010–2011
84 / 85
WINESBURG, OHIO
“You must try to forget all that you’ve
learned,” said the old man. “You
must begin to dream. From this
time on you must shut your ears to
the roaring of the voices.”
SHERWOOD ANDERSON
86 / 87
men wit hout women erne s t hemingway
“After a while he heard his father blow out the lamp and go into his own room. He heard a wind come up in the trees outside and felt it come in cool through the screen. He lay for a long time with his face in the pillow, and after a while he forgot to think about Prudence and finally he went to sleep. When he awoke in the night he heard the wind in the hemlock trees outside the cottage and the waves of the lake coming in on the shore, and he went back to sleep. In the morning there was a big wind blowing and the waves were running high up on the beach and he was awake a long time before e remembered that his heart was broken.�
88 / 89
for whom the bell tolls “How little we know of what there is to know. I
man and to really know. I wonder if you keep
wish that I were going to live a long time instead
on learning or if there is only a certain amount
of going to die today because I have learned each man can understand. I thought I knew much about life in these four days; more, I think,
about so many things that I know nothing of. I
than in all the other time. I’d like to be an old
wish there was more time.� | ernest hemingway
winesburg, ohio | sherwood
a nder son ,
84–85
2010—Another summer project book, I remember loving this book from the first page. Presented as a collection of short stories, it tells the life story of one individual and how he affects a town full of people. I don’t remember a lot from when I read this book, but I do remember my 12th grade English teacher handing me back my essay a few weeks into the school year, holding it back slightly, and telling me he thought I had to a lot to say, to speak up, to be brave.
men without women | erne s t
he mingway ,
86–87
2011—My 12th grade calculus teacher, Mr. Muzdakis, lent me a copy of this book when he learned that I was doing my senior author project on Ernest Hemingway. I remember him saying Hemingway’s novels were good, but his short stories were why he’s remembered. I remember reading each story and being blown away by how quickly Hemingway could capture a feeling, a moment, how quickly I would grow fond of characters only the find the rest of the stories lost in the mix of pages.
for whom the bell tolls | erne s t
he mingway ,
88–89
2011—Another book from my senior author project on Hemingway, my best friend from high school, Teigan, lent me this book. I was finishing this book at the end of my senior year of high school—my whole world was changing in front of my eyes whether I liked it or not. And I just remember following Robert Jordan’s journey to his final place under the pine trees—contemplating the meaning of his death, and his life, and wishing I could slow everything down. Wishing there was more time.
image image image image image image image
•
epilogue
I think most of us, anyway, read these stories that we know are not “true” because we’re hungry for another kind of truth: The mythic truth about human nature in general, the particular truth about those life-communities that define our identity, and the most specific truth of all: our own self-story. Fiction, because it is not about somebody who actually lived in the real world, always has the possibility of being about ourself. —orson scott card
100 / 101
• Designed by Sarah Rocco. Compiled, edited, typeset, and printed in Fredonia, New York; perfect bound by hand. Type set in Garamond, designed by Claude Garamond & Meta, by Erik Spiekermann. First edition: December 2014. Second edition: Spring 2015.
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