•
so , this is m y life .
•
so , this is m y life .
• an annotated bibliography a memoir a story
edited & compiled by Sarah Rocco
• “You know, we each create a story—a narrative, a picture, an allegory, a model—for what’s going on here, and then we fight, sometimes to the death, to make others, if not believe in that model, we fight to be able to keep believing in it ourselves. So we try to erase contradictory evidence to that model.” —douglas rushkoff
• in three parts volume ii
•
❧
table of contents part I c h a p t er i
19
engl 215 | mystery & detective fiction
c h a p t er ii
33
engl 215 | epic & romance
c h a p t er iii
43
outside r e ading | fall 2011
part II c h a p t er i
59
engl 209 | novels & tales
c h a p t er ii
73
engl 106 | intro to the english major engl 260 | creative writing
part III su m m er engl 399 | page & stage
epilogue
87
• to Dr. David Kaplin — for teaching me that college wasn’t as scary I thought it was, that books could be my home no matter where I lived.
14 / 15
part I RUNNING. FEAR. ARKWRIGHT. SUN. FAMILY DINNER. LEHIGH. SKIP-BO. BIRD.
change.
•
chapter i engl 215 | mystery & detective fiction chapter ii engl 215 | epic & romance chapter iii outside reading | fall 2011
•
ch a p t er i engl 215 | mystery & detective fiction 1st semester, fall 2011 mwf 1:00–1:50 pm
20 / 21
YOU HAVE A GRAND GIFT FOR SILENCE, WATSON. IT MAKES YOU QUITE INVALUABLE AS A COMPANION. sherlock holmes
|
sir a rt h u r con a n doy l e
22 / 23
“Well, I was a Brownie for almost a week,” I said sweetly. “We had to paint a rose on a hanky for Mother’s day and I thought it was dumb so I quit.”
a is for alibi
sue gr af ton
24  /  25
the murder
agatha christie
of roger ackroyd
“ t he
t ru t h ,
how e v er u g ly in i tself, is a lways cu rious a n d be au t if ul to t he seek er a f t er i t.�
26 / 27
with no one as witness “Of all of my children, you were always the
mistakes. There are only our wishes, our actions,
hardest on yourself. You were always looking
and the consequences that follow both. There
for the right way to behave, so concerned you are only events, how we cope with them, and might make a mistake. But, darling, there are no
what we learn from coping.” | elizabeth george
sherlock holmes | sir
a rt hur con a n doy l e , 20 –21
engl 215—This was the first book I read for Dr. Kaplin’s Mystery & Detective Fiction class; it was also my first English class at Fredonia. I remember the first day of class very distinctly. I had already had intro to a nt hropology and wor ld history ii, and I was incredibly homesick. I remember Dr. Kaplin walking exuberantly into our class, a huge smile on his face, over the moon that this particular English course fulfilled no ccc or English major requirement; it was purely elective credit, and that meant we were all there because we wanted to be. He was the first person to put a genuine smile on my face.
a is for alibi | sue
gr a f ton , 22–23
engl 215—This book I had actually read before starting college. After discovering one of Grafton’s later novels in high school and realizing this was a series, I devoured my local libraries collection of these mysteries. But, as my interests changed, this series became less of a priority on my reading list. I was incredibly excited, then, when I saw this on Dr. Kaplin’s reading list. It was one of the few moments I felt confident about school, studying English, and purely excited to start this new chapter of my life.
the murder of roger ackroyd | agatha christie , 24–25 engl 215—Each semester I tend pick a new favorite table in the library to study and read at. First semester I had two: one for the hour break between my a nthropology and wor ld history ii class, the second was the fourth table in the atrium by the staircase to the h a r ry pot ter tower lounge. However, when that area got too crowded with chatter, I would go up to the second floor and plop myself in between the stacks to read and write papers. It was a peaceful place to read, and I remember enjoying the solitude of reading a story being surrounded by a multitude of them.
with no one as witness | el iz a be t h
george , 26–27
engl 215—I was not prepared for what this book entailed when I opened its cover. I remember starting it, having the first 70 pages to read on our bus trip to r egionals for cross country and having a hard time getting into it. I remember the beginning being really confusing, and the ending being heartbreaking—unintelligible. I remember, as I fell deeper into the story, that her words were much more than a murder mystery; they are an exploration of the human mind and our innate struggle to love and be loved.
•
ch a p t er i i engl 211 | epic & romance 1st semester, fall 2011 tr 11:30 am–12:50 pm
“” 34 / 35
si ddh a rt h a hermann hesse
I suffer thirst, Govinda, and on this long Samana path my thirst has not grown less. I have always thirsted for knowledge, I have always been full of questions. Year after year I have questioned the Brahmins, year after year I have questioned the holy Vedas . . . I have spent a long time and have not yet finished, in order to learn this, Govinda: that one can learn nothing. There is, so I believe, in the essence of everything, something that we cannot call learning. There is, my friend, only a knowledge—that is everywhere, that is Atman, that is in me and you and in every creature, and I am beginning to believe that this knowledge has no worse enemy than the man of knowledge, than learning.
36 / 37
“lend me your hearts and ears, for words not
understood by the heart are lost completely.
the knight with the lion ( y vain)
�
chr ĂŠtien de troy es
siddhartah | her m a nn
he sse , 34–35
engl 211—The second English class I took my first semester was Epic & Romance. I had high hopes for this class starting the year, but the professor was an old, cranky man who spent part of almost every class telling me I needed to smile more. Nonetheless, this story, and many of its lyrical passages, have stuck with me. This was my only class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I remember arriving to class early to read a book—either for Dr. Kaplin’s M&D class or something on my own—and would spend the hour following this class, and my second practice of the day, reading more on the second floor the library.
the knight with the lion (y vain) | chré t ien
de t roy e s , 36–37
engl 211—I had always been intrigued by the Arthurian Romances. I had had various conversations in the past about King Arthur with my dad, but I had never taken the opportunity to read them before. One of our daily assignments while reading for Epic & Romance was to compile questions & comments. And, since I wasn’t too fond of taking handwritten notes or carrying around my computer all day, I would sit in front of a computer at the library and type while I read. I’ve always listened to music while I read; it started as a way to tune out the noise and chaos of home, but the habit has stayed with me. dust in o ’ h a llor a n is my favorite composer to listen to while I read, and I would sit in front of those computers listening to two of his songs on repeat while I traversed the pages of these knight errant adventures.
•
ch a p t er i i i 1st semester | fall 2011 outside r e a ding
44 / 45
A
ge is a terrible thief. Just when you’re getting
the hang of life, it knocks your legs out from
under you and stoops your back. It makes
you ache and muddies your head and silently spreads cancer
throughout your spouse.
water for elephants sara gruen
46 / 47
the perks of being a wallflower.
¶ So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still tr ying to figure out how that could be — s t e p h e n
chbosky
48 / 49
“ YOU
CA N
SPRE A D JELLY O N T HE PE A N U T BU T T ER BU T YOU CA N’ T SPRE A D PE A N U T BU T T ER O N T HE JELLY ”
my lucky life in and dick van dyke
out of show business
water for elephants | s a r a
gruen , 4 4–45
fall 2011— It was late at night, probably after eleven, and I had just finished t w ilight ( yeah, I know) on the bus ride back from r egiona l s in St. Lawrence, which I had started two days prior on the bus ride out. Kateri, one my teammates, had said she had a book for me when I finished t w ilight. Little did I know that this book would have such a profound impact on me. Kateri and I used to do a lot of our homework together. For me, that mostly meant reading, and for awhile after I sped read through my school reading, I would eagerly pull out this book and try to cram in a few more chapters before we left the library. It was the first book I had ever felt the desire to grab a highlighter while reading and to write about as I did for my English classes.
the perks of being a wallflower | stephen chbosk y, 46–47 fall 2011—Another gift from Kateri, I finished this book in day. I remember sitting at the hidden table in the stacks on the first floor, pretending to be editing my essay for Dr. Kaplin’s class while I was really finishing this book. For a while, I tried denying that it was my favorite book—partly because I felt like, in some ways, it was a copy of the c atcher in the ry e —but I can’t really ignore how deeply I connected to the characters or the story. I remember feeling the of end the book coming, as the pages in my right hand became thinner and thinner, and not knowing whether to speed up or slow down.
my lucky life in and out of show business | dick van dyke , 48–49 fall 2011—This was the other book I had the option of reading on the bus ride home from Regionals. I had wanted to read water for el eph a nts ever since I heard the movie was coming out, so I passed this book up for the time being. However, as the semester wound down, I remembered my friend Emily’s recommendation of this book and I borrowed it for break. I’ve always loved Dick van Dyke, the characters he plays, and the joy he emits. m a ry poppins still remains one of my favorite movies, and I am told that I watched it almost daily when I was a child. It was a fascinating read, to be inside the mind of such a talented entertainer, but what he expresses the most is how much your life can change just by your outlook.
part II STRESS. VANILLA CHAI LATTE. CHOCOALTE CHIP COOKIES. ART.
progress.
•
chapter i engl 209 | novels & tales chapter ii engl 115 | intro to the English major
engl 260 | intro to creative writing
•
ch a p t er i engl 209 | novels & tales 2nd semester, spring 2012 mwf 9:00–9:50 am
60  /  61
m i g u e l d e c e r va n t e s
don quixote How is it possible that all the time you’ve been riding with me you haven’t realized that everything dealing with knights errant seems implausible, foolish, and bewildering, and that everything seems the opposite of what it is? And not because it really is that way, but because there is always a multitude of enchanters who accompany us and who change things any way they want to, whether to favor or destroy us.
62 / 63
MRS. DALLOWAY
“She belonged to a different age, but being so entire, so complete, would always stand up on the horizon, stone-white, eminent, like a lighthouse marking some past stage on this adventurous, long, long voyage, this interminable—this interminable life.”
VIRGINIA WOOLF
64 / 65
D
ifference in opinions has cost
many millions of lives: for in-
stance, whether f lesh be bread,
or bread be f lesh; whether the juice of a certain berry be blood or wine.
gulliver’s travles jonathan swif t
66 / 67
“don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do,
you start missing everybody.
the catcher in the rye j . d . sa l i nger
�
don quixote | miguel
de cer va n t e s , 60 – 61
engl 209—This book means so many different things to me. When I first started this book, I hated it. My professor wanted us to complete the 1000 page book within a month, so each class we had 100 pages of reading. I found this book dull, the main character beyond annoying, and the reading fighting for time among the four other English classes I was taking. I remember sitting in Starbucks with my teammate Emily, stressed to the max because of how much time the reading was taking. And I remember sitting in the atrium in the library, working on my 2D art projects while Lindsay and I took turns reading Quixote’s adventures out loud. But I came to realize that no matter how craz y and ridiculous his story seemed to me, it wasn’t about the insane quality of the stories, but the stories themselves and how they enriched the world in which he lived.
mrs. dalloway | v irgini a
wool f , 62– 63
engl 209—I still have mixed feelings about this book. Its stream of consciousness storytelling was new to me, but I liked how honest this made the book feel. I used to listen to this on audiobooks as I worked on other 2D art projects, finding myself pausing from painting or collaging a photo to listen to Clarissa’s thoughts and judgments, or her admiration of suicide as an effort to preserve the purity of happiness.
gulliver’s travels | jon at h a n
s wif t , 64– 65
engl 209—I ended up writing an essay about this book that I didn’t need to write. I remember sitting at my computer, eating a wildberry pop-art, and wondering when I might get a decent night of sleep again. As much as I enjoyed this book, I don’t think I really understood its meaning and purpose until I started writing the paper. At first, it was just four sections of stories depicting different lands, customs, and prejudices. But in reality, Swift had presented us with four lenses in which to examine our own culture and prejudices.
the catcher in the rye | j . d .
s a l inger , 66– 67
engl 209—I had always wanted to read this book. A lot of my friends had read it in college and many of my classmates before we read it in Novels & Tales. But the closest I had come was the per k s of being a wa llflow er. Ironically enough, my most potent memory of this novel is the ending as well. I had just finished my last drawing class for the semester and was walking towards the library to kill some time before dinner with Lindsay. I remember laying down on one of the couches on the second floor of the library—not as comfortable as you might think—and fighting to keep my eyes open, contemplating the end of the semester as Holden remembered his classmates whose stories he was sharing.
•
ch a p t er i i engl 115 | intro to the English major 2nd semester, spring 2012 mwf 1:00–1:50 pm engl 260 | intro to creative writing 2nd semester, spring 2012 mwf 3:00–3:50 pm
74 / 75
I’ve dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas: they’ve gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.
wuthering heights
e m i ly b r o n t ĂŤ
76 / 77
S
hukumar stood up and stacked his plate on top of
hers. He carried the plates to the sink, but instead of running the tap he looked out the window.
Outside the evening was still warm, and the Bradfords were walking arm in arm. As he watched the couple the room went dark, and he spun around. Shoba had turned the lights off. She came back to the table and sat down, and after a moment, Shukumar joined her.
They wept together, for the things they now knew.
a temporary matter jhumpa lahiri
78  /  79
the universe in miniature in miniature.
¶
It’s ama zing to me. You think these memories are inside of you and it doesn’t mat ter. When you lose the things, you realize it’s not all inside of you — p a t r i c k
somerville
wuthering heights | e mily
bron t ë , 74–75
engl 106—The first time I read this book was the summer before senior year of high school for my AP English class. I remember laying down on my bed, texting Nicole about each plot twist, and hoping the beginning flashback’s story was carried out through the rest of the book. I don’t remember much of the discussion surrounding this book, either in high school or college, but I remember pulling parallels between this generational story and that of e ast of eden. It always interested me how similarly history could repeat itself, yet still have new things to teach us.
a temporary matter | jhumpa
l a hiri , 76–7 7
engl 260—A book for my intro to creative writing class, I remember reading this story in the Student Athlete Lounge at school during a particularly stressful week. My spring semester was incredibly full with four English classes and two art studios, plus a sport, and I had been working nonstop for weeks. And this story just hit me hard. I remember my friend Laura popping her head in right after I had finished, finding me still staring at the last page of the story, asking me if I was okay.
the universe in miniature in miniature pat rick somer v il l e , 78–79 engl 260—I had less than a clue of what I was getting into when I started this book. A creative fiction piece by one of the visiting writers during that semester, we read this book towards the second half of the semester. I remember sitting at my spot in the atrium, needing to switch sides of the table because the sun was just too bright to read against it. I remember having to hide my highlighter because I couldn’t make it more than a page without wanting to desperately highlight another passage. I remember blazing through the chapters and various short stories, seemingly racing the sunset to see how much I could read before having to adjust to the artificial lights of the library and being continuously struck by how much his words touched my heart.
part III HIGHLAND PARK. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.
friendship.
• summer , 2012 engl 399 | page & stage new yor k cit y
88 / 89
death of a salesman
“The jungle is dark but full of diamonds, Willy.” | arthur miller
90 / 91
Doctor I’ve wrestled with reality for 40 years and I’m happy to say that I’ve f inally won out over it.
h a rv e y mary chase
death of a salesman | a rt hur
mil l er , 88–89
engl 399—Reading and watching this play on Broadway was an incredible experience. I remember sitting on my couch at home, trying to cram in three plays in two days before I headed back to school for this class. Initially, I found the story difficult to read and digest, but it wasn’t until I saw it on stage that the true heartbreak of the story came through. I’m not sure if this is a play I would read or watch again, but I can say the experience was unforgettable.
harvey | m a r y
ch a se , 90 –91
engl 399—I saw this movie before I read the play, similar to to k il l a mock ingbir d. In fact, I didn’t even know it was a play until awhile after I had seen the movie adaptation with Jimmy Stewart. I was pleasantly surprised with the play, reminded of the humor and joy watching the movie brought me. It was even more incredible to see the play on Broadway with jim pa r sons. Both of these plays were part of a mini study abroad trip to n yc I went on with my friend Angela. We read, watched, and discussed these plays in n yc, and it was as wonderful and whimsical and the play itself.
•
epilogue
The “true” story is not the one that exists in my mind; it is c e rta i n ly not the written words on the bound paper that you hold in your hands. The story in my mind is nothing but a hope; the text of the story is the tool I created in order to try to make that hope a reality. The story itself, the true story, is the one that the audience members create in their minds, guided and shaped by my text, but then transformed, elucidated, expanded, edited, and clarified by their own experience, their own desires, their own hopes and fears. —orson scott card
• Designed by Sarah Rocco. Compiled, edited, and typeset in Fredonia, New York. Type set in Garamond, designed by Claude Garamond & Meta, by Erik Spiekermann. First edition: March 2015.
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