March 2014

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march 2014 | savvy.mn

in this issue 03.14 4 editor’s note 7 local finds

in every issue fashion

6 embrace your radiance Wear radiant orchid, Pantone’s 2014 color of the year, in an inspired and stylish way.

8 big brands, small budget June in Uptown knows how to deliver quality brands at affordable prices.

cover story

10 the matchmaker april Davis founded cupid’s cronies, a matchmaking service. It’s now one of the top services in the state.

love & life

10

16 explore your intuition Jodi Livon, author, intuitive reader and resident psychic at Twin cities Live, answers reader questions about intuition.

relationships

20 getting ghosted Stephanie Kotelnicki looks at dudes who disappear in her latest dating column.

22 keep the fire burnin’ amanda mcKnight looks at how couples can keep the romance alive in their relationship.

savvy’s mission

8

22

Savvy Magazine aims to educate and inspire a community of Twin cities-area women who share personal stories and realworld information on how to feel, live and look the best they can. Through original reporting, local events and journalistic integrity, Savvy is the source for how to be healthy, happy, fashionable and connected.

corrections Savvy Magazine strives to publish accurate information in every edition. When necessary, we will correct and acknowledge errors.

Did you spot an error? contact Editor in chief Britt Johnsen at editor@savvy.mn or 952-345-6387.

20

feedback Do you have any story ideas? Did anything inspire or enrage you? contact us at editor@savvy.mn or 952-345-6387.

Connect with savvy Magazine @Savvymn

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savvy.mn | march 2014

3

Publisher Jennifer Sorenson Editor in Chief Britt Johnsen Graphic Designers Nicole Bullock | Lindsay Gergen Circulation Manager Ruby Winings Contributing Writers Scott Fagerstrom | Jennifer Grant Stephanie Kotelnicki | Jodi Livon Amanda McKnight | Kelcie McKenney Cover Photography Steve Lucas Photography Contributing Photographers Carrie Rood Web Adam Westland Savvy Editorial Board Britt Johnsen | Jennifer Sorenson Becky Poss | Kristen Brown Kari Davis | Ashley Fox Katie Kline | Maren Pfister Barbara Server | Leesa Shane Paula Wilhelm Savvy Magazine is published monthly by Southwest Newspapers. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior consent of Southwest Newspapers, 952-445-3333, P.O. Box 8, Shakopee, Minn. 55379.

CONTACTS: Content: Britt Johnsen, 952-345-6387 or editor@savvy.mn Advertising: 952-345-6477 or advertising@savvy.mn Subscription and address change: Ruby Winings, 952-345-6682 or circulation@swpub.com

PLEASE RECYCLE THIS MAGAZINE

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march 2014 | savvy.mn

T

FALL IN LOVE

he first time I met my yoga teacher, back in 2009, she grabbed my hand and walked me to the guest room where I would be staying during the first of eight monthly yoga teacher training weekends. Mary Beth Nehl of the Yoga Loft in Willmar, Minn., led a renowned teacher training program that I couldn’t wait to be part of. Their Central Minnesota house, surrounded by plants and flowers in place of sod, sitting on a lake, is a haven. Everyone that I told about this program squealed in excitement at the news that I would be studying under Mary Beth. She is the most amazing person and I would love her instantly, they all said.

When she grabbed my hand to welcome me, she looked me in the eye and grinned.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Mary Beth said.

I felt touched and thrilled and my heart swelled with joy. From that moment on, nothing would be the same.

I was lucky enough to experience new kinds of love after that, and lots of it. And when I say love, I don’t mean romantic love. I mean the love of beautiful, platonic friendships. I made friends with people who instantly cared about who I am, how I feel and what I think. I made connections with people who led with their hearts instead of their heads, and people who gave the warmest, tightest, most sincere hugs. I began to say “I love you” to more people than I ever had, which honestly felt scary at times. It was a rich time of vulnerability and growth, as love often is.

This is Savvy’s love issue. While most of this issue focuses on romantic love, love arrives in our lives in many forms, much like it did for me. For example, our cover model, April Davis, shares her love story (she’s a matchmaker married to a divorce lawyer) - and stories about how she’s helped others cultivate romantic connections (read her story on page 10). And on page 16, Jodi Livon says that intuition is love.

Last but not least, I urge you to check out our website for some excellent onlineonly stories. Amanda McKnight, Savvy staff writer, tells her complicated and difficult story about online dating safety.

And Liv Lane shares the story of her pal who started a random acts of kindness blog after the Boston Marathon bombing.

I want to hear your love story. Did you fall in platonic love, much like I did in Willmar? Do you have a dating story to share, complete with lessons you learned?

What do you want the world to know about love? Share your story with me, editor@savvy.mn or on our Facebook page.

Here’s to a month full of love,

Britt Johnsen Editor in Chief

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fashion | trends

1 2 3 you 8 4 7 6 5 radiant Wear radiant orchid, Pantone’s 2014 color of the year, in an inspired and stylish way.

By Kelcie McKenney

1. Skater Skirt. $14.95, H&M. This structured skirt is a fun and flirty addition to any outfit. 2. Get It, Got It, Go-See Heel in Lavender. $32.99, Modcloth. Take any outfit to the next level by adding a pop of brilliant color to your feet. 3. Urban Decay lipstick. $22, Sephora. Incorporate radiant orchid with a bright lip for a bold look that oozes confidence.

4. Skinny ankle pant. $89.50, Banana Republic. These slim fitted pants are a great way to incorporate a soft hue of orchid to your wardrobe. 5. Blouse with Draped Back. $49.90, Zara. Wear the color of the year in a bold, sexy way. 6. Deco Drop Earrings. $16, Von Maur. These statement earrings are a glamorous inclusion of radiant orchid. 7.

Zipper-pocket dress. $29.99, Target. The classic cut meshes with its bold color. Add a statement necklace and matching clutch to really up the ante. 8. Purple plaid scarf. $29.95, Gap. Accessorize your outfit with the color of the year. Pair it with a black blazer to create an edgier look.

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fashion | feature

BIGSmall BRANDS , Budget June in Uptown brings designer clothes to shoppers on a budget.

by KELCIE MCKENNEy

D

esigner and brand name items are something every shopaholic dreams of having in their closet, but shopping on a budget can make that dream seem almost impossible.

Here’s a reality check. June, an upscale resale store located on Lyndale Avenue and 34th Street in Minneapolis, can make that dream come true. With a wide variety of designer and brand name items at an affordable price, June can help you get a pair of Louboutins or a great Chanel dress in your wardrobe without breaking the bank.

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march 2014 | savvy.mn

AFFOrdAbLE ANd AdOrAbLE

Daune Stinson, the owner and curator of June, had been thrifting long before she opened her store five years ago, when she realized there was a place in Minneapolis for upscale resale.

“I would find amazing pieces and think, ‘Why is this at Goodwill for $5?,’” Stinson says. “I knew there was an audience out there that did not want to dig.”

With a large variety of sizes and styles first organized by piece type (i.e. clothing, accessories, and shoes) June has a wide selection.

“I am an avid shopper,” says Amelia Ahl,

who has been working at June on and off the past four years, “and I find that this space fills a void that not a lot of other places offer in terms of the variety and the uniqueness of the pieces that are here.”

While not every item in the store is Chanel or Gucci, there are a lot of highquality, originally expensive items that can easily fit into your wardrobe, Stinson says.

The purses and accessories tend to fly off the walls, and Stinson says everyone is always looking for dresses. With nearly half of all the items in June still having their tags on, most of the clothes have never been worn and are quality pieces.

fashion | feature designers that promise excellence. Expensive items can be expensive for a reason; they’re constructed in a way that makes them last, and with a large selection of basic pieces, items from June can live a long time in any wardrobe.

“Good-quality clothes last longer,” Stinson says. “But rather than buy a $1,300 Cavalli blazer brand new […] you can come in and spend a fraction of that.”

June also recently started an online shop that puts thrifting at your fingertips. Online since last July, juneresale.com allows shoppers to stay on top of the quick turnover rate of resale. It is always smart to grab something before it’s gone and with plans to expand the website, Stinson hopes more items will be online soon.

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Along with the high quality and affordable prices, June has a large selection of unique items. With clients that travel and shop around the world, according to Stinson, there are a lot of pieces in the store that you couldn’t find anywhere else in Minneapolis.

“They’re almost museum pieces,” Ahl says. “You come in and kind of be in awe of the construction, the quality, and just the beauty of those kind of items. We get those in pretty regularly.”

Before, these pieces were left in closets if they were unworn, but because of June’s resale format instead of consignment, it is easier for people to get rid of their designer items without dumping them at any thrift store.

June buys clothes outright, which means they own everything that is being sold in the store.

“Because we do own all of our items there is a lot more thought that goes into what we purchase,” Ahl says. “And we take a lot of pride in all the items that we own. We won’t just consign anything.”

This combination of meticulous curating and clients looking to get rid of unique pieces gives shoppers the chance to find pieces they will love.

“If you haven’t been here it is definitely worth more than one visit,” Ahl says. “You’ve got to keep coming back to find all the good stuff. That’s the tricky thing, but that is also the fun part about resale is that it’s always a little bit of a surprise.”

“I don’t buy anything that is dated,” she says. “That’s part of what my philosophy of opening this store was. I’m not taking everything. I’m very picky, and it’s highly curated and edited.”

With a long list of requirements for the garments June buys, everything in the store is held to a high standard. Not only do the garments or accessories have to be in excellent condition, but they can’t have anything wrong with them, including no stains, no missing buttons, and no broken zippers. Everything is freshly cleaned and ready to sell.

But besides the easy shopping experience that cuts the digging out of thrifting, Kelcie McKenney is Savvy’s fashion writer. every item at June comes from brands and Send feedback to editor@savvy.mn.

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march 2014 | savvy.mn

The Matchmaker April Davis founded Cupid’s Cronies, a matchmaking service that cuts through the shallowness of online dating. It’s now one of the top such businesses in the state.

by sCOtt FAGErstrOM

S

omeday, probably, April Davis will set out to achieve a difficult goal, and she’ll fail. But it hasn’t happened yet.

Graduating from college while still a teenager? Done. Master’s degree in finance by age 20? Check. Winning national honors as a snowmobile racer and building a professional modeling portfolio while training for a private pilot’s license? Yes, yes, and yes.

Most impressive of all, perhaps, is the success Davis currently enjoys as founder and owner of Cupid’s Cronies, which has become one of the state’s top matchmaking services, with a database of several thousand single Minnesotans.

“As far back as I can remember, I’ve been saying, ‘you should meet so-and-so,’ not just

for relationships, but friendships, too,” says Davis, who grew up in the hamlet of Emily, Minn., about halfway between Duluth and Fargo. “I’ve always been interested in psychology and in stabling relationships,” even for people who might be described, in polite company, as a “difficult match.”

Consider one client of Cupid’s Cronies—an 82-year-old, disabled Korean War veteran living in a downtown condominium, who wanted a companion in his dotage.

“He doesn’t drive because he can’t see very well. His grandson had come over to help with his Match.com profile,” but that hadn’t produced satisfactory results.

“I met with him,” Davis recalls with a smile, “and told him, ‘It’s going to be some work. I don’t have anyone for you right now.’ At first, I didn’t know what to do. I

finally decided to make a bunch of flyers— in big font—and drop them off at different apartments around downtown. I talked to the concierges,” asking about single women in their buildings.

“And eventually, some ladies called him.

He met with them, and … he’s now dating.”

It might seem surprising that there’s a niche left to occupy in the crowded dating industry. From websites such as eHarmony and Plenty of Fish to activity-based groups such as Events and Adventures to high-end, millionaire match firms, there are myriad choices for anyone seeking companionship.

Davis has succeeded by staking out a position in the middle.

At the bottom end, Davis says, are the popular online dating sites, which have savvy.mn | march 2014

11

all sorts of pitfalls: “You don’t know how recent” that profile photo is. You don’t know how much potential dates have “embellished their accomplishments or smoothed over their troubled pasts.

“There’s no replacement for thoughtful human interaction,” Davis says. At Cupid’s Cronies, each client undergoes a thorough background check and a long interview designed to “cut through superficialities,” focusing on what’s really important—the beliefs and habits that tend to be most critical in creating a successful long-term relationship.

As for the elite dating services, Davis says, there are firms charging a five-figure entry fee, then “only matching clients with other clients,” which drastically reduces the odds of a successful pairing: “There are so many horror stories out there; read any of the reviews … they’re terrible.”

At Cupid’s Cronies, the full-meal deal costs $3,500. For that, single men and women get up to six months of matchmaking services, which includes the in-depth interview, image and wardrobe consulting, “date coaching” and professional photography. Most important, Davis and her fellow matchmakers go to work brainstorming a perfect partner from their ever-growing database, built up over years of networking.

“I keep a notepad next to my bed, and I’m always sitting up in the middle of the night saying, ‘Oh, of course! He’d be perfect for her!’” says Kary Kruger, one of Davis’ fellow matchmakers. “It’s annoying to my husband … but he appreciates that it’s part of who I am and how I work. We really have a heart for our clients. Once they’re part of our firm, we want them to be in a happy, healthy relationship.”

Clients can also pay for a variety of services on an a la carte basis. Need a “wingman” to accompany you at a networking event? Need help polishing up your online profile? Davis and her fellow matchmakers are happy to help.

And if you’re only interested in being part of the potential-match database, there’s no fee at all; Cupid’s Cronies simply asks for some basic background information, a recent photograph and a link to your Facebook profile.

“There’s a huge network of people” in the database, Kruger says. “April and I have worked here in the Twin Cities for years, and … we’re both connectors.” And

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march 2014 | savvy.mn

“

We’re not magicians,” Kruger says. “We’re matchmakers. People need to do their part in putting their best foot forward, embrace feedback, be willing to change and work with us.

”

with the recent growth of social media, she adds, the number of potential matches has grown exponentially.

Thanks in large part to social media, Cupid’s Cronies is now expanding outside the Twin Cities, as well. Contracting with other matchmakers, Davis has begun to offer her services in Miami, Denver and Chicago, and will soon expand to Phoenix. There’s also a new database of men in the Dakotas, where the energy boom has created a mini-boom of lonely oil millionaires.

“Sometimes, people fly into town to meet with us, or we’ll work with people via Skype,” Kruger says. “We’ll do a lot of advertising on Facebook. When we get a rancher who’s in his 60s, for example, we’ll target our advertising to that demographic.”

“It’s important to have great technology working for you,” says Kruger, who came to Cupid’s Cronies after working at one of the elite professional matchmaking services. “April has the perfect combination of skills—she’s got the MBA, she’s really down-to-earth, and she understands the technology.”

Davis’ movie-star attractiveness—she bears a more-than-passing resemblance to Sarah Michelle Gellar—doesn’t hurt, either. To build the database of eligible males, Davis admits to occasionally using herself as “bait,” as in “thank you … I’m not available—but I have lots of friends who are.”

embrace feedback, be willing to change and work with us.”

Davis adds that her biggest surprise since starting the business is realizing “how difficult some people could be”— especially about physical attributes; “’Does he have blue eyes? I want someone with hair!’” It even happens with clients who aren’t exactly perfect physical specimens themselves.

One client, “a 300-pound woman with an ‘80s hairdo,” kept rejecting potential partners because “they weren’t good looking enough for her,” Davis recalled. “Eventually, she started coming around,” but by then, those men had moved on.

People need to realize that “love at first sight” isn’t always realistic, she says.

For evidence, Davis points to her own marriage—ironically, to a divorce attorney.

“He’s of Iranian descent,” Davis said of her husband, Franz. “I’m from hillbilly descent. Iranians and hillbillies don’t normally go together.” The two became friends after a chance meeting in 2008, “but it took me awhile” to realize he could be marriage material.

“On paper, we had nothing in common.

He was a city boy; I’m a country girl. But our personalities and goals were very much in line,” and after a five-year friendship, the two were finally married last May.

Call it ‘Zen dating.’

The primary reason first dates are often uncomfortable, Davis says, is because they’re too much like job interviews. A man and woman go out to dinner and spend two hours “interviewing” each other, asking questions not-so-subtly designed to flush out deal-breaker habits or beliefs, and offering up answers designed to sound witty—while trying not to talk with a mouthful of food.

Awkward.

Instead, Davis suggests that her clients meet over a walk in the park, a round of golf or a visit to the museum—anything to take the sole focus off of each other. When you’re not exclusively trying to answer the “is he right for me?” question, “it doesn’t feel Cupid’s Cronies has never failed to like you run out of conversation.” find dates for its clientele—but the comAmong Davis’ other suggestions for that pany makes no promise that every client all-important initial meeting: will come away satisfied.

“We’re not magicians,” Kruger says.

Be time flexible. Choose an activity “We’re matchmakers. People need to do that allows the opportunity to duck out their part in putting their best foot forward, politely after 20 minutes if things are

not going well. On the other hand, if the chemistry is flowing, you’ll have the option of extending the date to its natural conclusion. By allowing for flexibility, you’re letting yourself relax with the knowledge that you won’t be trapped into a dinner and movie scenario when you really just want to make an escape.

Allow for proximity. Plan a date that allows for casual physical intimacy (say, a round of mini-golf or a few spins around the ice skating rink). If you must go to dinner, try sitting side by side to allow for

physical interaction and observation of your a phone call. Sometimes sending a simple surroundings. text that reads, “You looked beautiful last night,” is the best way to follow up.

Follow up with a simple text. It’s more effective than a phone call, which can put If you’re a man who likes to hunt, don’t pressure on both parties to draw out the post a photo of yourself with a dead animal. Davis, conversation. Texting also allows you to a small-town Minnesota girl who has done her choose your words carefully. own share of hunting, has nothing against the sport, but many women, she says, will rule out If you’re a woman, don’t be afraid to a potential date on that basis alone. make the first move: There is nothing desperate or shameful in being confident about what makes you a great catch. Try following Scott Fagerstrom is a Twin Cities-based freeup a first date with a simple text in lieu of lance writer. Send feedback to editor@savvy.mn.

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love & life | intuition

Explore

Your intuition with Jodi Livon

J

odi Livon, author of The Happy Medium, intuitive coach and resident psychic at Twin Cities Live, says everyone is intuitive.

Each month readers ask Livon their questions around intuition and all things supernatural. In this month’s edition, readers ask about soul connection, a negative coworker and serving others with intuition.

Jodi, I have been told I am trying too hard at being grounded and strengthening my connection with my soul and the universe. Do I just go with it? What should I do to make sure I am going in the right direction?

From my perspective, we can never be too grounded or connected with our higher power. To work toward this is beautiful. To live it is astounding. Living that connection means essentially actively participating in life, being a vibrant part of the community by loving family and f riends, giving charitably and making every effort to act from a place of love instead of fear. So when someone on the road flips you off, see their fear instead of feeling your own rage. When you can do this, at least most of the time, you are moving in the right direction. Any direction that points toward the heart is the right direction.

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march 2014 | savvy.mn

I never thought I would be asking any question of a psychic. But I watch you on TV and you make what you do look kind of normal. Six months ago the company I work for hired three new guys. One of them has a cubicle near me and it’s a problem. Don’t get me wrong, he’s real nice, but he’s a doomsayer. Is that contagious? My own mood isn’t as good at work anymore and I don’t know what to do.

Yes, moods can be contagious. That you’re aware of how you feel around him is a good start toward shielding yourself from his emotional dust. Before you walk into work, imagine a giant, friendly flashlight shining a bright white light from above your head. The light encircles and protects you from anything negative. Placing a small plant and a photo of someone you love, on the side of your desk that is closest to him will also help protect you. Remember to maintain compassion. It must be so difficult to not see things from a lighter perspective.

Remember, staying light keeps you protected from feeling other people’s heavy.

Should everyone who has an intuitive gift use it to serve others in some capacity? How do you discern when to serve others and when to simply use it in your own life?

Your sweet question shows the depth of

your insight. Love and intuition are closely related. The simple beauty of intuition is that, if you love, you are already using it to help others. This is true because the foundation of intuition is love. And as far as how to serve others, remember, our insights are always filtered through our personality. The color of these filters is related to how well we interact with the world at large. So we must regularly check our filters. When our desire is to help serve the highest good of all, we are on the right track. But unless we are asked to share our intuitive abilities, it is rather poor form to do so.

Send your questions for Jodi Livon to Savvy Editor in Chief Britt Johnsen and your question may appear in an upcoming edition of the magazine. Livon can’t answer every question but she’s grateful to receive all of them. Johnsen is at editor@savvy.mn or (952) 345-6387.

Jodi Livon is an author, resident psychic at Twin Cities Live, and she’s an intuitive coach for the business sector. She also offers readings for individuals. Her website is TheIntuitiveCoach.com.

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relationships | dating

getting by stEPhANIE KOtELNICKI

ghost·ing - ‘gostiNG/ verb: ghosting a term used to define the act of leaving.

To duck out or bail from any given situation. cutting ties with a girl without any warning.

“How many years has it been since we’ve seen each other?” he asked.

“Eight,” I replied.

I could trace my quiet adoration for him back to the age of 20 when we were coworkers. Eight years wiser, nine-inches taller, and by all appearances a soft-spoken man with sparkling blue eyes who could always be found holding the door open for any lady he saw approaching. He was so full of charm that every woman he encountered – client, coworker, stranger – didn’t feel any different than me: Captivated, strangely inspired, sexually provoked, unconditionally loving, and surprisingly jealous and possessive.

The fact that he was modest only made it worse.

Now, at 28, I sat with him in a small Caribou Coffee shop timidly pulling at the string of my tea bag hoping he’d see that, despite my nervous blabbering, I was far from the young lady he’d once met.

We had reconnected through the magic of Facebook, which I found amusing because we weren’t even “friends.” At best we had shared a few dead-end exchanges over the years through social media, so I was surprised that this time things seemed to be playing out differently. Our inbox messaging turned into texting, texting turned

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march 2014 | savvy.mn

into calling, calling turned into an all night chat, and before I knew it we were actually face-to-face.

There was only one problem. He was a ghoster; a guy who came back around as casually as he left. After that first get together he began doing just that. Only he didn’t entirely disappear; he took a more Casper-like approach. You know, a friendly lingering.

Our dance would go something like this: Casper would send a flirtatious text. I would text back. A week later he would

send a response. I would reply. Three days later he’d reply to my reply. I would follow up with another response. At some point he’d give me a ring. Then a couple weeks would go by and he’d send random flirtatious message. I would play nice while politely commenting on his disappearing act. He would deflect. We’d exchange a few more texts and call it a day. At some point he’d send me a personal message on Facebook. Maybe another phone call. Then some extremely flirtatious text messages.

Push repeat and continue.

This went on for too long with a bar-

relationships | dating rage of excuses, deflections, and grandeur hangout illusions littering every message.

“Hey, that’s a cool snowshoeing picture you’ve got posted,” he’d say. “Maybe we could go together sometime.”

Like how we were supposed to play tennis or go hiking two months ago? I thought.

There are a lot of things you keep talking about that we never do.

“Love your new profile pic, your hair looks amazing.”

Cool. Thanks for stalking my Facebook profile again and not bothering to send me a friend request. This isn’t getting awkward at all.

“Woops, I accidentally pocket messaged you. How have you been?”

Sigh.

“I still bet you couldn’t beat me in a good-old fashioned game of cards.”

I don’t think I could either, because that card game will. Never. Actually. Happen.

“He’s a dirty diaper, Steph,” my friend Arika said to me one evening. “Fold him up and toss him out!”

“You know what gets me?” I laughed.

“I agree with you. I mean the quality of character I thought he had has completely

diminished. Turns out he isn’t so gentlemanly after all. But you know what? Shame on me, too, for letting it go on this long.

That’s my own fault.”

And it was true. I had no excuse for putting up with his behavior other than the fact that this messy carousel ride had been entertaining. I wanted better for myself, and it was time to act on those intentions.

I sent him a farewell letting him know that I was stepping off the ride and he wrote a lengthy explanation for his behavior. His commentary was still as sweet as ever, but all I could think was, “Dear boy, a wolf in sheep’s clothing is still a wolf…”

Did he come back around again? Yes. Of course he did. Ghosters always do. Was I going to put up with someone who “just wasn’t that into me” again? No. Did I ever say all the things I wanted to say to him?

No. Because I realized there was no point.

Expressing disappointment, frustration, and sadness wouldn’t change the fact that he needed to sort through his own baggage and commit to taking a proactive approach to communication. Until then, he’d keep disappearing whenever he felt like it.

So before you find yourself stuck in a

similar pattern, ask: Is it worth settling for a friendly ghost when there are real men out there to be had? The answer is no.

Stephanie Kotelnicki is truly terrified that someday she will be “that old lady with cats.” Not because she is afraid of being old, or lonely, but simply because she does not really care for cats. She thought it made sense to write this column because she is one of many single women traversing the complicated terrain that is dating, love, sex and life. In the short amount of time she’s spent on this planet she’s learned the following: It isn’t fun to date boys who don’t like it when you win at card games. Friends are your best resource for support and fun but they can also drive you a little crazy. People will always ask, “Why?” after you ask them, “What is your astrological sign?” And finally, no matter how tenderhearted Stephanie may be, her foot almost always ends up in her mouth.

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21

relationships | romance

Experts and readers share their top tips for keeping romance burning in any committed relationship.

by AMANdA MCKNIGht sounds cliché, but it’s a fact: Relationships can take a lot of work.

When you’ve been with someone a long time, especially if you’ve lived with them for many years, it can be easy to fall into a routine – a routine that lacks the initial spark of the relationship.

But psychotherapist Stacey Allen, M.S., CCLS, says there are a few things couples can do to keep the romance alive and stay connected with one another as the relationship evolves.

It

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march 2014 | savvy.mn

relationships | romance 1. IMPLEMENt A 5-hOur ruLE

Make it a goal to spend at least five hours of quality time with your spouse each week.

“If they really spend uninterrupted time together for at least five hours a week … that connection seems to really help people,” Allen says. “An important part about spending that time together is really asking questions of each other to try and keep current on the other person’s information and understanding the current world of your partner.”

People’s lives get so busy with careers, kids and other commitments that it doesn’t take much to lose touch with your spouse, Allen says. Making sure communication thrives is a key to understanding each other.

2. LIstEN WIthOut FIXING

rEAdErs WEIGh IN

“For our seven-year anniversary, I gave my husband seven envelopes for him to open for the next seven months.

Each envelope contained a date card with either a date just for us or a date for the whole family.”

—courtney Grant martinez “Grab him and dance in the kitchen!

Leave each other notes on the steering wheel.”

—Paula Wilhelm “Everybody wants to be excited in a relationship, whether that be in the bedroom or having an adventurous date at a restaurant that isn’t normally what they would want. The first thing is establishing a relationship where both partners feel safe enough to express their wants and needs to one another.”

—Brandon Smith

Sometimes your spouse wants some empathy without being told how to fix their situation. Allen says this is important to give each other. “People will tell their 4. tALK AbOut sEX spouse something, and their spouse will say, Talking about sex can be awkward, even ‘Well you should do this,’ and that person with your spouse. But open communication just really wanted to talk about it and not will likely lead to more satisfaction for both problem solve,” Allen says. of you.

“Sex is a big thing for folks, and it’s hard 3. POsItIVE rEINFOrCEMENt to talk about it but once they get going they Don’t spend all your time nagging at really appreciate the opportunity to talk each other. about this stuff,” Allen says.

“When you are talking to your spouse, be One thing she finds helps most of her sure that you are giving the recipe for success clients is really being in the moment when and not stating over and over again what it comes to sex. “Thoughts about the past your partner does wrong,” Allen explains. and the future and expectations about what “Instead tell them what you like and the sex is supposed to be like really get in the things you really respond to. If you tell them way,” Allen explains. “Just really be in that over and over what they do wrong, they shut moment together and enjoy that experience. you out and quit listening.”

And tell your partner what you like.”

The next time your partner does something you really like, make sure you tell them.

If your husband cleans up the kitchen after Amanda McKnight is a staff writer for Savvy dinner, make sure he knows you appreci- and Southwest Newspapers. Send feedback to amcknight@swpub.com. ate it.

Jodi Livon, Intuitive Coach, Author & Resident Psychic on TWIN CITIES LIVE says…

Intuition, In Its Most Highly Developed Form, is Nothing Less Than

The Voice of The Soul Within!

Register for Jodi’s next event or schedule a private small group reading for you and your friends and discover how to naturally tap into your own intuition!

Janis Amatuzio MD, Forensic Pathologist & Author of Forever Ours and Beyond Knowing says Jodi’s.. “Lyrical words ring with the wisdom of a master.”

And Elizabeth Ries, co-host of Channel 5-KSTP’s Twin Cities Live, says, “There’s not a single regular guest on the show who receives a bigger response from viewers than Jodi Livon.”

For more infoinfo go to, and clickand on Events For more gowww.TheIntuitiveCoach.com to, www.TheIntuitiveCoach.com click or onServices!

Events! savvy.mn | march 2014

23

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