Scars of Survival Magazine August Issue

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CONTENTS

39

44

38 Auntie Samantha J.

Elder Shameka S. Chapple

Robin Shockley

Minister April LaLand - Sentament

Dion Wingate

40

26

22

Jeff Smith

4

Miss CeeCee

11

Domestic Violence Personalized Safety Plan

15

Victim to Victor: Overcoming the Stigma Of Being Abused

18

The Beginning Of My Story

19

How Did I Survive & Overcome Domestic Violence

22 The Impact Of Witnessing Abuse As A Child Through a Child's Eye (Domestic Violence)

39

39

38 Laurie Benoit

Beverly J. Clay

Tessia Maddox

Lynn Demmons

41

Prophetess Venus Ford' Covington

39

41 Raushanah N. Butler

23

What Is Domestic Violence?

26

Overcoming Being An Abuser

28

Learning How to Forgive

30

July 16th 2020

32

Stop Asking Me Why I Stayed

33

Narcissistic Abuse – The Silent

36

Ask Lynn: Handling Verbal & Emotional Abuse From Your Partner

37

The Silentness Of Her Voice

READERS

Letter From The Editor To The

W

e go through pain, we heal, and we endure. One of many reasons why I chose to Launch Scars of Survival Magazine. A lot of us have experienced some form of domestic abuse or we’ve known a loved one who’s experienced it. During that time there seemed to have been no way out! Who could I tum too? Who wouldn’t judge me? Who would understand? Will I ever survive? Will I ever overcome? These are the questions many of us had or still have? What will it be like to experience being FREE?!

I’ve been wanting to launch Scars of Survival Magazine since 2016 when I founded Scars of Survival Inc. I wanted to create a magazine where individuals from all genre could learn what domestic violence truly is. Learn the causes, effects, how to survive, heal, and overcome. A magazine that’ll help oneself to regain love, hope, trust, faith, courage, and strength.

The goal of Scars of Survival Magazine is to help individuals to overcome domestic violence from children to adults. That you too are worthy! You too can overcome! You too can heal and walk in your God given purpose! I want you to know you’re not alone!

So please enjoy the journey with me and let me know your thoughts throughout the process. It’s time to take back your life! Feel free to email me about anything at any time!

Email: scarsofsurvivalmagazine@gmail.com Instagram: @scarsofsurvivalmagazine:

01 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Sathya Callender Author

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Sathya Callender

COVER PHOTOGRAPHER David Price - Priceless Photos Photography

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Sathya Callender

LAYOUT DESIGNER Hali Vanderburg

ALL RIGHTS All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or part without permission from the publisher. The views expressed in Scars of Survival Magazine, LLC. are the views of the contributors and not necessarily shared by the magazine and its staff. The magazine welcomes new contributors but can assume no responsibility for manuscripts, photographs, or illustrations.

Published six times a year.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 02

03 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

CeeCee Ms.

A

lthea with WOVE Inspirations recently had the honor of interviewing Miss Cece, who is a reality TV personality from Love & Hip Hop. In this interview we get to a delve little bit in to Miss Cece’s story, and her advice for anyone dealing with abuse.

So Ms. CeeCee thank you so much for wanting to share your story tonight.

Thank you for having me, really.

It is an honor and a blessing.

So Ms. CeeCee as you know, everybody has a story to tell and with any story there has to be a beginning. So tell me a little bit about what it was like for you growing up?

I grew up on the streets of Compton, so I knew what loyalty was before I could spell it. And because I came from where I came from, I have always lived kind of a hard life where I didn’t take no wooden nickels and wasn’t passing out none.

I love it, so as you were growing up, what were some of the experiences that you had?

Because you said that it was kind of a rough life for you, so what were some of the things that you were going through in your younger days?

By the time I was 13 I was a fullfledged gang member. I have done things I’m not really proud of. That’s real hard for me right now. I’ve done

things I’m not proud of, but I did things that I had to do for the crew.

I don’t know if you understand that or not?

Yes, Ma’am I do. So in your journey as a teenager having to do some things that you didn’t want to do, was there a father figure in your life?

My stepfather was amazing. I could drive a truck by the time I was 12, a diesel truck. We had Kenworth’s, I could drive the truck, couldn’t drive with the trailer on it, because I couldn’t push the trailer behind me, but I could drive a whole tractor.

Change tires, because we had a tire shop, I was a beautiful young girl, I was beautiful as a kid, beautifully built, all that, it didn’t mean nothing to me because of what I had gone through earlier. You know I’ve even had some of my mom’s boyfriends before my stepfather - who I loved, and came, to me he was like a rescuer - to fondle me.

Okay. And usually what happens with that, that’s where the, I want to say acting out, comes in to play, because what they did is they took something that wasn’t theirs and they manipulated it for their pleasure. And so now, you’re, as a young lady, trying to recapture that same thing the way that it’s supposed to be for you, but then you had to basically rediscover yourself through other, different, people.

So in making your decision, going in to a gang and any other things that you did, that’s basically the foundation that started it all.

Yeah, that’s why I fought back. I think that was my reason for wanting to fight back. I think I thought every man who ever did something to me I think that was my reason for fighting back.

And so as you got older let’s like around in your twenties or so, was there ever a relationship that was like okay yeah, I can see myself being with that person?

I had my son when I was 19. His father pursued me from the time I was maybe 14, he pursued me. By the time I was 19 and had my son, he was totally out of the picture. I was just a piece of ass to him, I didn’t understand that then because I had never been with nobody. So to him I was that amazing piece of ass that he wanted to get that everybody wants.

I had my son at 19 and I met a man, I can call him a whole bunch of things, but I met this guy, whose name was Robert Myers, and you can print his name. I married him and he beat me from Amazing Grace to a golden opportunity.

My God. Okay. And what age were you when you got married to Robert?

I married him when I was 20. My son was a baby. This guy made me

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think that I was the whole thing, all while he was talking to me he was in service, sending me home his allotment checks and I was just amazed that somebody would do this for me after what my son’s father did.

This man f#cked me up mentally.

And today I know that I wasn’t a bad looking young lady. Today I know that. Then I thought I was the ugliest bitch in the world because he’d say ain’t nobody going to want you but me. F#ck you bitch, you ain’t sh*t.

That’s how he’d talk to me.

So during your time in that relationship, or that marriage, was it something constant that he did or what was his reasoning behind doing all of that?

Yeah. He beat me like clockwork.

Sh*t, because he felt like it! Because it was morning. I told you he beat my ass from Amazing Grace to a golden opportunity. He just whooped me anytime he thought. He would take me out, he would dress me up real cute. I had everything I ever wanted, anything a black girl wanted I had. And he would dress me up real cute, take me out and I always looked down at the ground, I looked down because if I looked at somebody, they knew who I was and that was the worst time in my life. But he would beat me, this man beat me. When he got out of service and we moved in to a nice, beautiful home in California he brought devil locks. He bought that sh*t and he brought that sh*t from wherever the f#ck he was because I never seen that sh*t before. He would lock me in the house, me and my son. It wasn’t his son. It wasn’t his son and he said that I f#cked around on him and got pregnant. He never abused my son though, and I’m not going to say that.

He f#cked me up but he never abused

my son. But he would lock me in the house with the devil lock, you know the key in, key out and take the keys with him. What if the house caught on fire? He would take the phone a lot of times, because we had the phones that plugged in to the wall, and he could unplug them and take the phone’s with him and he would take the phones and wrap them up and lock them in a room. So I couldn’t use the phone.

He did me a whole bunch of injustices, whole bunch.

That’s madness! You see that’s what an insecure man looks like because if you have the audacity to terrorize a woman then you’re not a real man, you can’t call yourself a real man. Ms. CeeCee how long were you guys married?

I guess Junebug was a baby when I left him. When I divorced him Junebug was about 3, but when I left him, Junebug was just still a baby. Because I was arching my eyebrows sitting at a breakfast nook and I had arched my eyebrows and it was a razor blade and alcohol sitting on top of the breakfast nook. And he came home that night and I had fixed his dinner and put it in a pie can, because back then we didn’t have microwaves. So I had put it in a pie can, so I could put it in the oven and warm it up for him, because I had to have his dinner ready. So I put it in the pie can, I warmed it up, I put it on a plate and took it to him. That mother#cker took that plate and flung it up in the top of the bedroom ceiling and broke the light. That nigger beat me so bad, when I woke up I was laying in the kitchen in a pool of my own blood. That’s how bad he had beaten me. I got up and I went to the bathroom and I looked in the mirror and I was like “I can’t do this no more.”

My face, I was just like the f#cking

05 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

elephant man, he had beat me so bad.

He was drunk, so I eased the keys out of his pocket and took all the keys off the ring and stuck them in to the door on the outside. I took my son and put him in the car. I took his bank book and stuff and transferred the money to my account, because I had an account that he was putting like $40 in for when I walked to the goddamn store and he would stand in the f#cking, okay I’m getting mad, I’m sorry.

You’re fine, we’re going to keep it real tonight, okay?

He would stand in the window of the apartment and watch me go to the store and I took the keys and put them outside the doors, took my baby and put him in the car. I mean nowadays, I would go to jail for some sh*t like that, but I put my baby in the car, in the car seat and started up the car and put them keys in the doors, so I know if he came running for me, that I can lock the door. I took the razor blade that I had, arching my eyebrows, and the first time I cut him he just kind of clenched a little bit and then I cut him again and the more I cut him the easier it got.

And he got up and said “bitch, I’m going to kill you!” and all I saw was that alcohol that was sitting on that breakfast nook. All I was saw was that and I took that alcohol and dashed it on his back, because that’s where I had cut him. So that made him go the other way. So once he went the other way, I locked all the locks on him and left him in there. If it had not been for my mom, having pictures of what he had done to me in the past, I probably would still be in jail. But she had pictures of what he had done to me and there wasn’t no self-defense laws back then, there just wasn’t, not in ‘79, there wasn’t no self-defense

“

My story is don’t give up.

I don’t care who you are, don’t give up.

Just keep moving forward. laws for what men did to women.

Because there wasn’t no like spousal abuse, there wasn’t no laws against that. You know you take a walk and then you come back home, you know.

Because I called the police on this mother#cker many times, I called the police a million times, he beat me a million times.

And see one of the problems especially in our black community is that it wasn’t something that was uncommon.

It’s like oh so-and-so had a fight.

Even though they may be out all in the middle of the street fighting, clothes half way off and everything and they fighting, it’s a constant the theme. But it wasn’t uncommon.

But there’s a difference when you’re fighting and when you’re not fighting back. It’s a difference because I would not fight him back because he told me he was like “I’ll burn your momma’s house down, I know where your sister go to school at”, you know he was telling me all kinds of weird sh*t.

So after him what was it like for you going forward? Were you just like “I’m just done with men” or what was your next level?

No. It wasn’t like that because I met my daughter’s father, who was Bambi’s dad and he made me realize that all life wasn’t like that. That every man wasn’t like that. And I treated him bad for like the first year and he would always tell me “I’m not him. I’m not him.” I didn’t understand that for a long time. “I’m not him.” I did not understand. But he rescued me from that f#cking asshole.

And this was your husband?

Your new husband?

Yes, I married Bambi’s dad. I’d been married to him for 25 years, but we were together for 35.

Okay. It’s not uncommon when a woman has gone through domestic violence and they try to go forward in other relationships that that residue kind of stays with you and comes with you in a big old bag of stuff and if that person that you’re with isn’t able to understand that then it

”

makes the relationships a lot harder to deal with and even stay together. So for you guys to have stayed together for 35 years, that is amazing and he was there sticking with you through thick and thin.

But he understood what I had gone through and what I was going through right then because I could cuss that man out. I talked to that man so bad, if I was him I’d have left my ass! I would have left my own ass.

And so are you currently married at this time or?

No I’m not married, but I do have a friend, we’re going to get married next year, but I’ve known him 10 years, you know what I mean? But I’m just scared to open myself up and say this is what I want because you don’t know, niggers are just crazy.

And not only niggers is crazy, bitches are crazy too! But at this point in my life I’m not going through that sh*t no more. I’m not doing it no more, I’m not going through that no more, if you have issues then you take your issues somewhere else but don’t bring them to me.

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So Ms. CeeCee, how have you been able to go forward since all of that stuff has taken place in your life? What is some ways that you are able to say, you know what, I’ve been there, done that, I’m going forward in life and now being a TV personality, a reality TV personality, how were you able to?

Because I look can past the bullsh*t, I can see bullsh*t coming for real, I can see it coming. And I just look passed the bullsh*t. I’m not looking for you to come to me with no, and you know because you’re a TV personality, niggers come to you sideways. “Let me talk to you.” No boo! Because you got me mixed up with somebody else.

Because I’m just not doing that. I’m just not doing that. I’m good in the space that I’m in.

If you wasn’t famous what you would be doing right now?

The same thing I’m doing right now.

Making tacos, feeding people, making sure everybody is happy and enjoying life because that’s what I’m about.

Yes, and I heard about your tacos. I’m going to have to check them out, hopefully.

When you come here and check this I got you boo. My tacos is the B-OM-B, Boom! And I make amazing guacamole.

Ooh okay! Well I’m definitely looking forward to it. So Ms. CeeCee why is it so important that people hear your story?

I need my story heard because not only because of the abuse that I’ve gone through, the physical abuse I’ve been shot, stabbed, beat up and whooped and I’ve defeated cancer 3 times. So I mean I have a story. My

story is don’t give up. I don’t care who you are, don’t give up. Just keep moving forward. Because there’s more to life than when try to make it. You know we say “oh woe is me, I ain’t never going to find no nigger because of what I’ve been through.” No bitch, you ain’t going to find no nigger because you don’t want to. Sit your ass down somewhere and regroup.

Oh woe is me, I had cancer and don’t no nigger want me because one of my titties ain’t real. Bitch you don’t need no titties if you don’t have a baby.

Please sit down. Sit down. Wait for a real man to come your way. Because a real man don’t give a f#ck about none of that. Oh woe is me. I hate a woe is me bitch, I really do. “Oh well I just don’t have, and oh I have never been and oh I can’t do.” Okay. And you ain’t going to never. You ain’t never going to push forward because you so and going backwards. You ain’t never going to go forwards. Your ass is stuck right where you at and that’s where you’re going to be at. If you put a car in neutral, it ain’t going nowhere.

It ain’t going forward, it ain’t going backwards, it ain’t going sideways, it’s going to stay right there. It’s going to be right there in neutral. You can push the gas as long as the f#ck you want it ain’t going no damn where. It ain’t going no damn where. Ah bitch, let’s put it in park. Okay. At least you know you resting right now. Let’s put it in drive and let’s go forward.

Let’s put it in reverse, we going back up and see where the f#ck we been.

But don’t just keep pressing the gas in neutral you stupid mother f#cker, what the f#ck!

I love your personality, oh my God.

But I’m who I am because I don’t know how to be nobody else.

07 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Do you, for real, do you. I’m so serious, just do you.

But I’m really, really serious, when it comes to these younger women and not knowing about who they are, they don’t know who they are because their parents didn’t know who they were, you know and I just came through this sh*t with this breast cancer and of course in the beginning I felt like oh, and I was the woe is me bitch too. I was like, oh, cancer, oh. I went to bed one night and woke up I was like bitch what the f#ck is wrong with you? What the f#ck is wrong with you? I woke up the next morning, I went to my treatment and the people at the place was like Hi Miss Denton are you okay? I was like I’m fine, how the f#ck is y’all? Is y’all titties all right because if they not tell me to go put them in the goddamn machine because they told me I was f#cked up when I was going to radiation therapy, the nurses, the f#cking doctors, them mother#ckers waited for me to come, because they said I made their day. I talked so much sh*t up in that goddamn place and said to the people that were sitting in there and these people have probably been going longer than me. But I talked so much sh*t to these people, it would be like Ms. CeeCee, we’ll see you tomorrow, I’ll be like okay bitch I’ll be right back!

Yeah to keep it real and being honest about it for real.

I was there for their families because I understand, because I don’t know when I’m going to leave here. But when I do, I have made my mark.

So you all going to remember the fuss I made. That bitch was a crazy mother#cker and that’s what you all are going to say, that bitch was crazy but I love her.

Ms. CeeCee what is one message you would like to give to your fans?

I want them to know that I am who I am and that’s all that I am and I can’t give them nothing more than that, because I am who I am who I am. I don’t want to tell them oh I need you guys to do this, listen I need you to slow down, I don’t need to tell you that. I am who I am. If I’m not good enough or who you think I should be, then you all go and do what you all go and do because I’m a realist, number one, I’m a realist. I live in a senior citizen building, not that I have to, I live here because this is where I chose to be, because I can afford this mother#cker by myself and I ain’t got to worry about my son-in-law and my daughter paying my goddamn bills, I can pay this sh*t.

I’m not asking nobody for nothing, I do what I do because I choose to. I’m not doing nobody no wrong. I am who I am and I’m all that I am. And I’m who I need to be.

I just want my fans to make sure they check for breast cancer. I mean for real for real because this is sh*t is so serious and we always think oh it happens to other people and it doesn’t happen to us. It happens to us. We think as a rule it doesn’t happen to us, it doesn’t happen to our family. It happens to other people, because when they told me I had breast cancer I was like what the f#ck? And it was just a year previous to that I had taken a mammogram and if it hadn’t been for my grandson, when I picked him up it felt like I had strained a muscle up under my arm, that’s how I found out about breast cancer. And if you look at my daughter’s page or at my page, under his picture it all says my reason. He’s

“Never be ashamed, never.”

my reason. He’s the reason that I’m here. People don’t ask me why I say that, but he’s my reason. I just want them to get checked, stay healthy, this sh*t don’t care who it gets, it affects little kids, its even affecting men now. When I was going to have breast cancer radiation and stuff, it was even men in there. When I went to chemo therapy and the first man told me that he was there for breast cancer I rolled up the dam cord that was in my arm I was like what the f#ck? But it happens to everybody, there’s nobody that’s singled out, this just for women, this just for men, nobody’s singled out.

And not to be ashamed about telling somebody what happened, what you had to go through.

Never be ashamed, never.

Ms. CeeCee do you have any advice for those who are being abused?

The first instance that they’re afraid, they need to tell somebody. If it’s their mamma, their sister, their friend, they need to tell somebody, they need to say something right then, because if it goes too far it’s going to continue. And sometimes

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we’re so ashamed of what’s going on we don’t want to tell nobody.

Yeah, and telling somebody, now there are instances where somebody will tell their mom or any relative and they don’t believe them. Then what do you think they should do then?

Because that does happen unfortunately.

Yeah, it does happen, it does. That’s hard, because when I was getting abused when I was little, I mean I was too little to lead myself and when I told my momma that her boyfriend was messing with me, she told me it was my fault. But that’s a whole other story. She told me I was always starting stuff. You always starting sh*t. So in the instance of that happening to a child I don’t know what that child should do. Tell your teachers, and then you have to risk going home and your momma beating the hell out of you. I don’t know. I really don’t know. But if your husband is beating your ass, you need to tell somebody. When I was a kid I didn’t know what to do and who to tell because you don’t know who to trust.

Because now you see it as all adults, because you don’t know who going to do what to you.

I didn’t know if you wanted to add any more, because one of the things you said you had to fight back when you were a teenager.

All men, it didn’t matter, you had to fight.

And what’s crazy is right now it doesn’t matter because I’m always on the offence and I know I’m always defensive. Anybody that’s coming, it’s a reason to me. That you want to be close to me and a trust factor that never goes away. I don’t care who you

are and how many times you’ve had help and you think that everything that you’ve gone through it’s over. It’s never over, because those nightmares don’t go away. People say you need to get over that and move on. Okay. You need it to happen to you so you see how I feel. Because you don’t know how I feel unless you’ve walked in my shoes. Because if you’ve never walked in my shoes don’t tell me how I should feel. Everybody who don’t have cancer used to tell me you need to take turmeric and you need to do this, now you need to eat ginger and you need to do this. And it’ll help.

Okay, then I need you to do that because I already got this sh*t, I need you to do that so you don’t get it. It’s not that I’m being funny about you telling me what it does to help me, but help yourself and do these things. If you know that that’s going to help you with the cancer, then you do those things. Don’t be telling me what I need to do if I‘ve already, I’m already in the disease. I’m in the disease, I’m in treatment for the disease and you telling me what I should do. No, boo. You go do that, so that you don’t have to go through what I’m going through.

Now are you still in treatment Ms. CeeCee?

I just finished up my treatment, I’m still a cancer patient, I’ll forever be a cancer patient, I have to take medicine for the rest of my life.

For the breast cancer. I’m still on treatment either way because I have to take Azerol for the rest of my life I’ll be in treatment. But as far as me having to take chemo again or radiation, not at this point in my life. Not at this point. I’m not going to say never because never is a lie.

Never is a real lie. So I’m not going to say that but as today, I didn’t have

09 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

to take it. Today I didn’t have to have no treatment done to me today. But do you know through all of that I pressed through it, through all of that I just kept moving. I never stopped moving because I was always scared if I stopped moving this sh*t’ll catch up with me, if I keep running, it can’t catch me. I never stopped moving, no matter how tired I was. I went to the doctor every day for 46 days I had 46 treatments in a row, I was off for 2 days, like Saturday and Sunday. But I went for 46 treatments in a row, when they would bring me home from the doctor, the cancer society would pick me up in front of my door and they’d drop me off. I would have them drop me off in the shopping center so I could walk home because this sh*t is not going to beat me. You ain’t going to beat me, you ain’t going to catch up with me. Because I’m not going to have it. There’s a few more things that I need to do. Sometimes I was halfway home and have to sit down at the bus stop and just sit there for a few minutes but I know I ain’t got no car and I ain’t got nobody to call that I can say well come here right now and take me home, so that mean I got to rest for a minute and I’m going to get up and keep on walking. And that’s what I did.

One more question that I wanted to ask you, have you ever sought counseling after everything that you’ve been through, because, listening again to the audio that we did previously, you have been through some stuff. Was there ever any time that you wanted to maybe seek counseling or something to help you get through like the nightmares and stuff, because I know there’s PTSD involved in there too.

But my counseling was talking to other people who have gone through or who I knew was going through, because you know I can pick you out in the streets and I know that you being abused. I can pick you out in the store, in church, in the school house, and know. My counseling and what got me through is talking to somebody else about what I had gone through and telling them and that made me stronger. Every time I tell my story to somebody who was going through what I went through and to see them be able to ease out from under that is what helped me.

I never sought counseling because I was embarrassed in the beginning.

I was embarrassed, I didn’t want to embarrass my family, I didn’t want to embarrass my children. Until you have gone through something

like that, you don’t know what you feel and how you feel about doing different things. So I used other people I used to tell them to give them advice that same advice I wouldn’t have taken. That I knew was right, but I could tell you what you need to do.

Use your voice. That’s the whole thing, is using your voice and when more women like you come stand up and that’s a way of freedom for not only yourself but it also shows it front of other women that okay if she went through all of that, and she’s able to share her story then I can do it too.

only two things can happen, and that’s them killing their man, or their man killing them.

Ms. CeeCee you going to be who you are, and ain’t nobody going to change you. I love your personality, you going to keep it real and I am so thankful and grateful to be able to have met you this evening.

Well thank you sweetie.

And I’m looking forward to them taco’s too.

You got it!

Right. And there’s some people out there that need to really, really share their story, they need to really talk to somebody because it’s

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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PERSONALIZED SAFETY PLAN Name: _____________________________________________ Date: ______________________________ The following steps represent my plan for increasing my safety and preparing in advance for the possibility for further violence. Although I do not have control over my partner’s violence, I do have a choice about how to respond to him/her and how to best get myself and my children to safety.

STEP 1: Safety during a violent incident. Women cannot always avoid violent incidents. In order to increase safety, battered women may use a variety of strategies. I can use some of the following strategies.

A. If I decide to leave, I will __________________ _______________________________.

(Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevators, stairwells, or fire escapes would you use?)

B. I can keep my purse and car keys ready and put them (location) ___________________ in order to leave quickly.

C. I can tell_________________________ about the violence and request that she or he call the police if she or he hears suspicious noises coming from my house.

D. I can teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police, the fire department, and 911.

E. I will use ___________________________ as my code with my children or my friends so they can call for help.

F. If I have to leave my home, I will go to _______ ______________________________.

(Decide this even if you don’t think there will be a next time.)

G. I can also teach some of these strategies to

11 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

some or all of my children.

H. When I expect we’re going to have an argument, I’ll try to move to a place that is low risk, such as _____________________.

(Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons, or in rooms without access to an outside door.)

I. I will use my judgment and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he/she wants to calm him/ her down. I have to protect myself until I/ we___________________.

STEP 2: Safety when preparing to leave. Battered women frequently leave the residence they share with the battering partner. Leaving must be done with a careful plan in order to increase safety. Batterers often strike back when they believe that a battered woman is leaving a relationship.

I can use some or all of the following strategies: A. I will leave money and an extra set of keys with _________________________ so I can leave quickly.

B. I will keep copies of important documents or keys at _____________________________.

C. I will open a savings account by __________, to increase my independence.

D. Other things I can do to increase my independence include: ___________________ _____________________________________ ______________________________________ ______.

E. I can keep change for phone calls on me at all times. I understand that if I use my telephone

take care of my children which people have permission to pick up my children and that my partner is not permitted to do so. The people I will inform about pick-up permission include

credit card,the following month’s phone bill will show my batterer those numbers I called after I left. To keep my phone communications confidential, I must either use coins, or I might ask to use a friend’s phone card for a limited time when I first leave.

______________________________ (name of school)

F. I will check with ______________________ and _________________________ to see who would be able to let me stay with them or lend me some money.

______________________________ (name of babysitter) ______________________________ (name of teacher)

G. I can leave extra clothes or money with __________________________.

______________________________ (name of Sunday-school teacher)

H. I will sit down and review my safety plan every _______________ in order to plan the safest way to leave the residence. ________________________ (domestic violence advocate or friend’s name) has agreed to help me review this plan.

______________________________ (name[s] of others) I. I can inform _____________________ (neighbor) and ________________________ (friend) that my partner no longer resides with me and that they should call the police if he is observed near my residence.

I. I will rehearse my escape plan and, as appropriate, practice it with my children.

STEP 3: Safety in my own residence. There are many things that a woman can do to increase her safety in her own residence. It may be impossible to do everything at once, but safety measures can be added step by step.

Safety measures I can use: A. I can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.

B. I can replace wooden doors with steel/metal doors.

C. I can install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, an electronic system, etc.

D. I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.

E. I can install smoke detectors and fire extinguishers for each floor of my house/ apartment.

F. I can install an outside lighting system that activates when a person is close to the house.

G. I will teach my children how to make a collect call to me and to _________________ (name of friend, etc.) in the event that my partner takes the children. H. I will tell the people who

STEP 4: Safety with an Order of Protection. Many batterers obey protection orders, but one can never be sure which violent partner will obey and which will violate protective orders. I recognize that I may need to ask the police and the courts to enforce my protective order.

The following are some steps I can take to help the enforcement of my protection order: A. I will keep my protection order _________________________ (location).

Always keep it on or near your person. If you change purses, that’s the first thing that should go in the new purse.

B. I will give my protection order to police departments in the community where I work, in those communities where I visit friends or family, and in the community where I live.

C. There should be county and state registries of protection orders that all police departments can call to confirm a protection order. I can check to make sure that my order is on the registry. The telephone numbers for the county and state registries of protection orders are: _______________________ (county) and _____________________ (state).

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 12

D. I will inform my employer; my minister, rabbi, etc.; my closest friend; and __________________ that I have a protection order in effect.

E. If my partner destroys my protection order, I can get another copy from the clerk’s office.

F. If the police do not help, I can contact an advocate or an attorney and file a complaint with the chief of the police department or the sheriff.

G. If my partner violates the protection order, I can call the police and report the violation, contact _________________.

STEP 5: Safety on the job and in public. Each battered woman must decide if and when she will tell others that her partner has battered her and that she may be at continued risk. Friends, family, and co-workers can help to protect women. Each woman should carefully consider which people to invite to help secure her safety, I might do any or all of the following: A. I can inform my boss, the security supervisor, and ________________at work.

B. I can ask ______________________________ ______ to help me screen my telephone calls at work.

C. When leaving work, I can _________________ _______________________________.

D. If I have a problem while driving home, I can _______________________________.

E. If I use public transit, I can _______________ _____________________________________ ____.

F. I will go to different grocery stores and shopping malls to conduct my business and shop at hours that are different from those I kept when residing with my battering partner.

G. I can use a different bank and go at hours that are different from those kept when residing with my battering partner.

STEP 6: Safety and drug or alcohol use. Most people in this culture use alcohol. Many use mood-altering drugs. Much of this is legal, although some is not. The

13 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

legal outcomes of using illegal drugs can be very hard on battered women, may hurt her relationship with her children, and can put her at a disadvantage in other legal actions with her battering partner. Therefore, women should carefully consider the potential cost of the use of illegal drugs. Beyond this, the use of alcohol or other drugs can reduce a woman’s awareness and ability to act quickly to protect herself from her battering partner. Furthermore, the use of alcohol or other drugs by the batterer may give him an excuse to use violence. Specific safety plans must be made concerning drugs or alcohol use.

If drug or alcohol use has occurred in my relationship with my battering partner, I can enhance my safety by some or all of the following: A. If I am going to use, I can do so in a safe place and with people who understand the risk of violence and are committed to my safety.

B. If my partner is using, I can _______________ ________________________________ and/or ______________________________________ _______.

C. To safeguard my children I might ___________ ________________________________.

STEP 7: Safety and my emotional health. The experience of being battered and verbally degraded by partners is usually exhausting and emotionally draining. The process of building a new life takes much courage and incredible energy.

To conserve my emotional energy and resources and to avoid hard emotional times, I can do some of the following: A. If I feel down and am returning to a potentially abusive situation, I can ___________________ _____________________________________ ______.

B. When I have to communicate with my partner in person or by telephone, I can ____________ ______________________________________ _______.

C. I will try to use “I can ... ” statements with myself and be assertive with others.

D. I can tell myself, “________________________ _____________________________” whenever I feel others are trying to control or abuse me.

E. I can read ___________________________ _______________________ to help me feel stronger.

F. I can call ____________________________ and ____________________________ for support.

G. I can attend workshops and support groups at the domestic violence program or __________ ________________________________ to gain support and strengthen relationships.

• Passport(s), divorce papers • Medical records for all family members • Lease/rental agreement, house deed, mortgage payment book Bank books, insurance papers • Address book • Pictures, jewelry • Children’s favorite toys and/or blankets • Items of special sentimental value

STEP 8: Items to take when leaving. When women leave partners, it is important to take certain items.

Beyond this, women sometimes give an extra copy of papers and an extra set of clothing to a friend just in case they have to leave quickly.

• Telephone numbers I need to know:

Money: Even if I never worked, I can take money from jointly held savings and checking accounts. If I do not take this money, he can legally take the money and close the accounts.

______________________________ Police/sheriff ’s department (school)

Items on the following lists with asterisks(*) by them are the most important to take with you. If there is time, the other items might be taken, or stored outside the home. These items might best be placed in one location, so that if we have to leave in a hurry, I can grab them quickly. When I leave, I should take: • Identification for myself* • My birth certificate* • School and vaccination records* • Checkbook, ATM card* • Key house, car, office* • Medications* • Welfare identification, work permits, green cards* • Children’s birth certificate* • Social Security cards*

• Police/sheriff ’s department (local) 911 or ______________________________ Police/sheriff ’s department (work)

______________________________ Prosecutor’s office ______________________________ Battered women’s program (local) National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) 800-787-3224 (TTY) www.ndvh.org ______________________________ County registry of protection orders ______________________________ State registry of protection orders ______________________________ Work number ______________________________ Supervisor’s home number I will keep this document in a safe place and out of the reach of my potential attacker.

Review date: _________________________

• Money* • Credit cards* • Driver’s license and registration* • Copy of protection order*

Produced and distributed by: Scars of Survival Magazine LLC

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 14

VICTIM TO VICTOR: Overcoming The Stigma Of Being Abused By: Samantha J.

C

oming forward as a victim of domestic violence is not an easy task. Men especially, pause when talking about being the victim of domestic violence. A typical dialogue on the topic shows that men prefer to point out what abuse is ‘other than physical’. They do so to quickly shun the idea that they may have been overcome by a physical attack from their partners. If you take away the masculine catwalk and showboating of virility, we can get to the core truth that men get abused too. Being a male victim of abuse does not demean the fact that a man is a man, it does uphold the fact that there are women that are abusers too.

Samantha Jackson is a Life Coach, Author, and successful entrepreneur

with experience that matches her enthusiasm as a go-getter professional. Samantha gives advice to women and men that need advice, information, and support to know how to shift gears and pivot towards a better life.

A victim of marital emotional trauma and physical abuse in some of her previous relationships, Samantha shares real and raw information to help others free themselves from toxic situations. Her latest publication, ‘RAW & REAL: How to Live Your Best Life’ released in late 2019 is a good read for men, as well as women.

In this book, Samantha encourages, entertains, and even kicks a little butt to convince and give you the confidence to become the authentic

15 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

man or woman that you are designed to be. Samantha shares that,, “There are so many people living with trauma and negative side effects from divorce, domestic violence, and other life issues. So many of our young adults are dealing with forgiveness, and unfortunately suicide continues to be a major issue in our world.”

Speaking out about your experiences can help you transition from victim to victor. If you continue to hide the pain, or refrain from speaking the words that can help you lighten your mental burden, then you are doing yourself an injustice towards healing.

If a part of your story still hurts you too much to talk about, then you need to work on discovering how to heal from that part of your story. It could

“Be your own success story and leave behind the misconceptions that ‘once a victim, always a victim’”

be that you are feeling ashamed of being the victim when everyone else looks at you as the leader or strong person.

It is okay to seek therapy and share how you feel so that others may be able to help you see the strengths in your situation, even when you don’t.

Coaches are not judgmental. They help you see your situation from a different view, one that is intended to help you heal. A few ways to heal from the victim mindset is to look at what you have abandoned. You left negativity behind and took a new leash on your existence. You still have life, you still have the desire to live happy again, and you still desire to be loved and to give love.

The victor mindset teaches you to

celebrate milestones such as moving away from the abusive situation, removing obstacles that impede your emotional growth, and eliminate toxic relationship patterns by taking the warning signs seriously.

Success comes in many forms. Be your own success story and leave behind the misconceptions that ‘once a victim, always a victim.’ You can overcome and become victorious in every avenue of your life. Claim your growth and deny the stigma.

you on track to live your absolute best life, regardless of where your past had taken you.

Contact information Email: authorsamanthaj@gmail. com Twitter: www.twitter.com/jynrsam Instagram: www.instagram.com/ jynrsam Facebook: Author Samantha J

Samantha would love to connect with the readers that need to talk through their shame, stigma related depression and feelings of doubt about a positive future. Let go of the hurt and let Coach Samantha gets

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 16

a y h t a S er d n e l l Ca

Sathya Callender is the mother of five beautiful children, Domestic Violence Advocate, Overcomer of Domestic Abuse, motivational speaker, and multi stream entrepreneur. She is the owner of Kutie Patooties Gift Boutique “Making Gift Giving Creative, Fun, & Diverse”which opened October 2014. Director/Founder of Scars of Survival, founded October 2016. Sathya’s motto is “We Can Do All Things through Christ Because He Gives Us Strength”.

“Love All Serve All, Service to Humanity Is Service to God”

17 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

THE BEGINNING OF MY

STORY

By: Raushanah N. Butler

F

rom the time I was in my mother’s womb, I was in an environment that was violent.

Let me explain. My mother and I (and later, my brother) lived with my grandparents. And as far back as I could remember, there was always a lot of yelling, screaming, cussing, fussing, and fighting going on. Oddly enough, Sundays seemed to have been the designated day for all of these to happen, although it occurred more frequently than that. This isn’t to talk ill of my late grandparents, or to even make anyone feel sorry for me, but to give some context and a foundation to my story. So, the last incident I remember was being called to their home (we had moved out by then) due to a fight that went too far.

And then, right before my 6th-grade

year in school, they finally got a divorce. I was embarrassed, relieved, and sad, all at once.

Fast forward to my Junior, in undergrad, I was frantically trying to dial my grandmother’s number.

Why? Because I had just experienced my first violent situation with someone that I was intimate with.

Prior to that, I was never yelled at, cussed at, or had any hands laid on me. However, that night, it changed.

I wasn’t cussed or yelled at, but the way he jumped on me with the look of possession in his eyes scared the hell out of me. He started choking me, and for a split second, I thought I was going to die. In between his laughs and taunts, I somehow managed to grab my keys and hit him. I can’t even remember if I had

on shoes, but I ran to the nearest gas station, used a payphone (cell phones weren’t as accessible then), and paged the only number I knew at the time.

I stayed away for a few days until everything died down and eventually called the only person that would understand, my grandmother. That really shouldn’t have been the case, but it was.

Throughout my adult years, I found abusive situations sprinkled in all my relationships,overall. The last one was my ex-fiancé about ten years ago.

Yes, it took me that long, because to some degree, I was numb to abuse.

But I thank God that I snapped out of it, literally, and have been free ever since.

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How Did I

SURVIVE & OVERCOME Domestic Violence By: Prophetess Covington

I

am a Sixty-five-year-old mother of two, grandmother of ten, and great grandmother of three. I’m so grateful to God that He has kept me and that I don’t look like what I have been through. I was a child born into rejection, one who has been abused, in some way, by every man that has been in her life. If it wasn’t for the Lord by my side, I really don’t know where I would have been. Being rejected as a child and not having the love that I needed caused me to look for love in all the wrong places and to feel less than I am. I had low self-esteem and was extremely shy or timid.

My need to be loved made me allow myself to be mistreated and abused by men. I met my ex-husband at a sports bar when I was backsliding.

I’ve always loved the Lord and grew up in the church, but because of my issues of rejection, I wanted a man who would love me. Little did I know

I was in for a rude awakening. Shortly after we met, we moved in together.

Things were okay but not great. He acted as if he cared for me, but deep down inside, I knew he didn’t.

I started going back to church. I joined and was very active in the Ministry. I went to school to become a minister, and graduated to become a certified Evangelism Trainer. I was living a double life because only one person who was my friend in the church knew I was living in sin. I felt unclean and convicted every day, but I didn’t stop.

This man was cheating, and I knew it.

Even when I found out, he laughed.

I accepted his fake apology and dealt with it. This went on for about a year.

I started getting depressed and always worrying about what he was doing, when he wasn’t at home.

One evening, sitting at home, I heard a voice say “Leave him.” I started

19 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

feeling a stirring in my spirit, and I knew that it was God because I heard Him say it again, “Leave this man.” I started looking for a place and told him I couldn’t live in sin anymore, that I was leaving. He called me from work one night, crying, said he was sorry and asked if I would marry him on June 19th. I was so excited he asked me to marry him that I forgot what the Lord had told me.

I was definitely deceived because I was a Christian, and he wasn’t. We were unequally yoked, but that didn’t matter. I was so excited to hear a man say that he loved me that I got off focus on everything else. I married this man, even though my girls were upset.

The day I walked down the aisle, I looked at him and saw a demon. His face was disfigured, his eyes were a deep red like a demon’s, and he had this sort of crazy looking smirk on his face. My legs started wobbling, and I

“I had to forgive him, not for him, but for me. As long as I held stuff in, I became sick in my body, and this man had me in bondage.

But once I let go, I was set free.”

was shaking My brother, who walked me down the aisle, asked what was wrong, and I said nothing. I married this man and lived eight years in misery, torment, scare, depression and stress. My disobedience also caused me to get ill and become hospitalized more than two times. I developed Fibromyalgia along with some other illnesses that the doctor said had come from my being so overly stressed and depressed.

My husband and I bought a house together, which he and the broker lied and said I couldn’t put my name on. He had us get life insurance policies. One day, shortly after, I felt uneasy in my spirit,and I called and changed the beneficiary to my daughters. A few days later, when I came home from work, he met me in the driveway, pulled me by my hair, and drug me in the house, cursing and calling me names, saying why did I change the beneficiary, that the

money was his. He was looking for the insurance policy because I had hidden it. And to find it, you had to really go through a lot of stuff. It was at that moment I realized that he was going to try to kill me. I should have expected something because I would always see him under my car doing something. When I asked, he would say he was checking the brakes. He fought me, causing me to go to jail one day because he lied to me. He had me put out of the house.

I was homeless, but I made it. No one at first would let me stay with them, but I made it. The Lord told me not to worry about that house that he would give me much better. He told me to forgive him. It was hard for me, but I let the house go. I went to my husband, and I told him that I forgave him for what he did. Once I was obedient to God, and let it go, I felt like a load was lifted off me. I felt free. I had to forgive him, not for him

but for me. As long as I held stuff in, I became sick in my body, and this man had me in bondage. But once I let go, I was set free.

I have someone who loves me unconditionally with all my flaws, He loves me for me. He doesn’t abuse me; He is very intimate with me. He takes his time to explain things to me; we have a wonderful relationship, and he lets me know every second, every minute, every hour, and every day that I am the apple of His eye, and that’s Jesus Christ. I am better and not bitter.

What I have gone through has made me a stronger woman.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 20

Dr. Rod J. Turner is a Board Certified physician providing a full range of healthcare services to women through all stages of their lives - from puberty to child-bearing ages, and through menopause and beyond.

Dr. Turner states “My office prides itself on providing high quality care in a personalized and comfortable environment.”

Rod J. Turner MD, PA Education Tulane University School of Medicine M.D. Xavier University of Louisiana - B.S. Post Doctoral Training Baylor College of Medicine Research Fellowships Baylor College of Medicine Licensure and Board Certification Texas State Board of Medical Examiners Board Verified by American Board of Obstetrics & Gynecology Academic and Administrative Appointments Clinical Instructor for Baylor College of Medicine, Dept of OB/GYN Hospital Appointments Clear Lake Regional Hospital Bay Area Surgicare Center

21 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

THE IMPACT OF WITNESSING ABUSE AS A CHILD Through a Child’s Eye (Domestic Violence) By: Mr. Smith

A

s I sit here thinking back on my childhood, I recall the things I went through. My father was a alcoholic,womanizer and cheated on my mother. My mother was a huge influence on my life. No matter what I did she was always my biggest supporter.

She worked as a cloth technician for Milliken for years.

Growing up in a small cotton mill town had it perks, everyone knew everyone and everyone was family.

Never knowing what domestic violence was at an early age. I never understood the meaning til one night. My mother and I were staying at my grandparents house.

My father came to talk to my mother on the front porch. After a while I could hear them screaming and talking loud. After a while my grandmother checked on my mother and found heron the porch floor.

She had been beaten really bad from my father’s hands.

Seeing my mother for the first time in this condition

really made me feel differently about my father. I never imagined he could do such a horrible thing, he was supposed to be the protector of the family.

This happened more than once growing up. I know my mother and family wanted to shield me from it. But I still saw the damage he did to her. Growing up I always thought I was a huge mistake because I was around, though it was my fault that my father hit my mother.

But she always ensured me I wasn’t. My mother was a strong woman and worked 2 jobs to support her family.

Remembering this at a young age sticks with you through your life. Seeing this generation today makes me sad and angry because it affects your kids life,their childhood, adulthood and family. I hope more adults come out that grew up in this situation. It’s a huge burden lifted from your life. You feel a sense of peace.

God Bless everyone reading this!

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 22

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? By: Ms. Shockley

I

remember the first time as a child I heard of someone who had been abused in domestic violence. I witnessed my mom helping a woman who had black eyes from her husband.

I didn’t understand because growing up, I didn’t see this type of behavior.

I had a happy childhood. It was when I became engaged at 18 years old that I was exposed personally to domestic violence.

Domestic violence does not discriminate against age, race, or sex.

It finds you when you are vulnerable and surprises you. The first time I experienced the invitation to the abuse was when I didn’t agree on a matter. My arm was pulled. Of course, I spoke up and said, “Don’t ever touch

me like that again.” A few months went by, then it snuck in again. An argument arose. I threatened to remove my engagement ring, and he threatened to bust my lip wide open.

I welcomed the challenge and didn’t believe him, but it happened and I married him, anyway. The wedding was planned,and my parents spent money they didn’t have. So,guilt set in. Little did I know that that openeddoor to violent behavior would create a trend for twenty-eight more years.

Violence in the home is covered up in secrecy amid manipulations by an intimate partner. It surrounds you with the person you trust, and at the same time, who you fear the most. Domestic violence stays around

23 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

as long as you allow it. It includes physical and sexual abuse with trends of narcissistic behaviors, intimidating you that it’s your fault when the violence occurs.

In the beginning of relationships, it comes across as lovely and peaceful.

And just like a snake that slithers across the grass in silence, it slowly says you can’t do anything right, shows displays of jealousy but gives reasons to justify actions, keeps you from money and controls who you see, as well as what you can and cannot do. You are more likely not to recognize the signs. Then, the manipulator raises its fangs and takes a bite out of you with harmful touches that leave you physically and

“Domestic violence does not discriminate against age, race, or sex. It finds you when you are vulnerable and surprises you.”

emotionally in bondage, trapped in the field of regret and repeat. You feel stuck and wounded, and you can’t seem to see life outside of this field called relationship.

How does one escape this horror of an abuser in one’s life? From my experience, I allowed it to go on so long, and I was afraid of what people would think of me. After all, I had adult kids and family,I didn’t want them to know my secret. But when you finally wake up from this miserable dream that has become your reality of life, you have to determine that future generations are going to depend on your decisions today. Choose to settle no more for the pushes here and there, the

violent outbreaks and know you can get out. As I discovered, there are more people who can relate to your story than you realize. Contact the Domestic Violence Hotline and get your courage to take a stand for your life and the generations after you.

Help show them, that violence in the home stops with you.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) 800-787-3224 (TTY) www.ndvh.org

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 24

25 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

OVERCOMING BEING AN

ABUSER By: Mr. Wingate

A

s a youth, an AfricanAmerican male growing up in a poverty-stricken community, I was taught that what goes on in your household stays in your household. It was common to see disagreements amongst adults in relationships quickly turn into physical altercations. The authorities were rarely called when these altercations would take place because the community I lived in was conditioned to look the other way and mind their business. I can remember at times seeing one of my friend’s dad beating his wife to a pulp while the neighborhood watched.

To no surprise of mine, no one attempted to help or deescalate the situation. According to a Healthline article Dec. 21st, 2017 (Medically Reviewed by Melanie Santos- Juli Farga), when it comes to child development, it’s said that the most crucial milestones in a kid’s life occur by the age of seven. As you can imagine by age seven, I was immune to witnessing verbal and physical confirmations. I’m not sharing my upbringing to justify my behavior as an adult, but it did play a part in how

I would handle relationships in the future.

Most of my adult relationships would always start out well. I like to call it the honeymoon stage because I know how to be the perfect gentleman. It was second nature for me to attract women with low self-esteem or products of broken relationships unknowingly. Like clockwork,within three to four months in a relationship after the honeymoon stage, subconsciously, it would not feel complete until there were some type of physical confrontation. As I look back, I damaged a lot of amazing women mentally and physically because of my distorted picture of how relationships should be. The women’s greatest mistake while dealing with me was thinking that they could fix me, but in actuality, they were just enablers that fed my belief that abuse was part of relationships.

One young lady that accepted the views I instilled in her that “love sometimes hurts,” almost lost her life at my hands, trying to change this broken person. This incident

changed my life. The moment I saw her on the floor, barely breathing,all that was going through my mind was, “This time, I’ve messed up her life and mine.” My heart had dropped to the pit of my stomach.

This incident was the first time in my life when I truly felt remorse for my acts of abuse. By the grace of the Higher Power, the young lady gained consciousness and began breathing regularly. I had pushed her to the limit because she did something that she had never done before. She called the police without me knowing. The authorities arrived and took me into custody. I wasn’t upset with her for calling the police, rather I was thankful that the young lady was alive.

After the incident, I sat in jail for three months,until my court date.

I took that time to self-evaluate my behavior. I made a promise to the Most High and myself that if I make it out of this situation that the only time I will raise my hand to women will be to embrace them.

When I was released, I reached out to the young lady I assaulted and granted to her a sincere apology. To my surprise, she accepted. She and I maturely decided not to continue our relationship. I took a year off from serious relationships to retrain my auto-suggestion. Fast-forward to two years later, I was to have and be in a six-year healthy relationship.

I feel that it is my obligation to advocate for Domestic Violence (DV) victims, being that I was once an abuser.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 26

nda rcie a m A ieume D

You can contact Amanda-Dreams at (321) 210-2772 or Facebook:Amanda_dreams07

On the surface, Amanda Dieumercie is your average pre-teen but she is so much more. Amanda is a leading student in her classes at changing lives academy Where she participates in many on campus activities such as volleyball At home

she helps around that house as she works on her business.

Amanda always ensured her peers with a positive attitude and a willingly attitude to help.

She’s so efficient at creating positive memories for her friends that she built a job for herself. Her friends have loved her “Dream Bags” filled with fun goodies for girls of all ages.

Her bags include a choice of lip glosses such as: Pineapple, Cotton Candy, and Coconut to name a few. These beautiful

bags also include Colorful hair ties and Slim amongst other goodies that change throughout the year.

Amanda has mastered producing high volumes of products

that can fit any need. Her specialty made long-lasting formula has provided a high-level of clients. She caters to major

personal, professional, and groups therefore these bags can

be personalized for parties and events. Amanda’s friends now considers her the “Lip Gloss Princess”

27 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

LEARNING HOW TO FORGIVE

By: Ms Chapple

L

et’s define forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Psychologists define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance held toward a person or group who have harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness or not.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses, but it is a matter of letting go so you can move on, so you won’t continue to be bitter and angry and the person who has wronged you won’t have power over you. I read a book some years ago by R.T. Kendall titled Total Forgiveness. This book teaches that forgiveness is a day to day process until it no longer bothers or affects you. Now, I know you are wondering how I am able to relate this to the topic. I was incarcerated for over twenty-seven (27) years ago,

and my only guilt was association.

Have I forgiven my ex-boyfriend and his friends who were the cause of my being incarcerated for ten years of my life, from my children, and family life? Yes, I have, and yes, I said I forgive you to him. Have I forgiven myself because if I had listened to my mom when she told me he was not right for me, I could have saved myself the heartache and devastation that came afterwards? Yes, I have.

In my first article, I mentioned how I was gang-raped in high school. I was talking to a well-liked football player, cut class one day to go to his house, and didn’t know the trouble that waited for me ahead. He had some of his friends hid in a closet, and after we had finished having sex, he let them out, and each took turns holding me pinned down and forced me to have sex with them. I saw him years later in 2003. It was sad when we discussed the matter. His words to me was that he thought that was what

I wanted. How does a person want to be raped?

Have I forgiven all of them? Yes, I am no longer a victim. I have survived to tell the story; I have healed to tell the story; and I have forgiven to tell the story. I have forgiven my own mother for verbally and physically abusing me as a child. That took years for me to do, but I did it. Hurting people hurt you too. For every broken relationship, I forgive you my brothers . Not forgiving causes health issues because the anger and pain eat you up inside. It causes sleepless nights; it causes you to develop other unhealthy relationships, and if you have children, think about what your actions do to them without you knowing. I have always asked God to let me love and forgive just as He loved and forgave us even in our mess. Who am I to ask Him to forgive me when I can’t forgive someone else?

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“You see, you wouldn’t ask why the Rose that grew from concrete had damaged petals. On the contrary, we would celebrate its tenacity.” -Tupac Born March 14th, 1979 in Washington, DC, Johnnetta Bennett was your typical little girl until the age of 6 years old. You see, at six years old is when the sexual abuse started with a 14 year old son of our mother’s best friend. The abuse continued for several years and it was never spoken of. Johnnetta’s teenage years were full of promiscuity, rebellion, and a filling of emptiness she could never fill. This emptiness continued into her adulthood, which led to numerous of failed relationships and bad decisions that nearly took her life. Things started to look promising for johnnetta in 2002, which is when she started dating a young man who promised her the world and even backed up some of his promises.

They went to church and prayed together.

Being raised in the church, Johnnetta thought he was the one because of his faith. Two years into their relationship, they found out they were expecting a child. This is also when she found out he was cheating. Confronting him about his cheating turned into physical abuse. Johnnetta was kicked in the stomach and thrown through a wall while pregnant, but she didn’t leave. Instead, she stayed for four more years and suffered three miscarriages due to the physical abuse. After finding out she was pregnant for a fourth time, Johnnetta had enough and was determined to keep this life growing inside her. She started going back to church and gave her life back to Christ. On April 27th, 2006, she gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl and begin t o pick up the pieces of her life and start to live again. Allow me to reintroduce myself. I am Johnnetta Bennett, owner of Imaracosmeticz. I’m not perfect, but I’m perfecting my imperfections and hoping to help others along the way.

tta e n n h Jo ennett B

Facebook: Imaracosmeticz & Johnnetta Bennett

29 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Instagram: Imaracosmeticz

JULY 16 2020

TH

A

s I opened my eyes, trying to gain a sense of awareness, I quickly realized my vision was blurred and degraded. I recognized the feeling of concrete under my body but it was so quiet I wasn’t quite sure where I was. I heard the sound of footsteps running in the distance and cars far away driving by.

I began to question what happened.

Was I hit by a car? Was I dreaming?

Was I in a nightmare? Deafening fear began to take over my existence as my mind began to regain a sense of reality and I could hear a sound echoing in the back of my mind that seemed familiar but definitely out of place. A chill took over my body, shook me to the bones, leaving a wave of pain to flood every nook and cranny of my skull. Horrific pain

By: Ms LaLand

unlike anything I had ever felt before, and then I remembered!

My father took me to a baseball game, and I remember the crack the bat made when the player hit the ball but I knew that I was not at a baseball game because I was laying face down on the ground with my life slipping away before me. You see, I had previously left my abuser hoping and praying that he would never find me but he did. As I walked to work, I walked in silence, enjoying the quietness, yet, caught up in my thoughts trying to figure out what excuses I could give for the cuts and the bruises on my face. Fear overtaking my thoughts as I was so afraid that he would make good on his promises to kill me that I did not

feel my “Spidey senses” going off on that imminent danger ahead and then craaaaaaack…

There was that sound, the crack of an aluminum baseball bat upon my face that sent me straight to the pavement, like a ton of bricks, busting my face open, creating a gaping hole with blood streaming from my face with the most horrendous pain ever. My abuser was waiting for me that day to kill me but by the Grace of God, I survived, and God blessed me with a determination to help others survive domestic violence or abuse and grow forward with a purpose just like me…

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 30

a Althedson ar Rich WOVE Inspiration interviews women, and the men who love them, who “use their voice” to share their stories of overcoming issues such as mental illness, abuse, and many other obstacles in life.

Everyone has a story; some good, some not so good. The common factor for guests on WOVE Inspiration are their victorious endings. The “Monday Motivation” and “Midweek Motivation” segments focus on promoting individuals who have overcome obstacles in their life and who, as a result, are able to display what it means to live victoriously by becoming authors, established business owners, gospel music artists or advocates for hurting men and women through ministry. WOVE Inspiration also helps promote independent gospel artists by showcasing not only their music but also the story behind their music

If you are interested in being interviewed on WOVE Inspiration, send your bio and picture. For Indie Gospel artist, also send one song – ­­ mp3 format! Email: woveinspiration@gmail.com Contact: 346-298-3119

WOVE Inspiration major platforms: https://linktr.ee/woveinspiration

31 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

STOP STAYED ASKING ME WHY I

(continued)

By: Mrs Benoit

D

elving into the depths of my thoughts, when I honestly think about all the reasons why I stayed, there were many. Above all and admittedly though, I believed and hoped he would change. Frankly speaking, I was young and so naive to believe I could change him or that he would change for me, when nothing was further from the truth.

The simple fact is this: we can only change ourselves.

For me though, there were much more to it than just that. I was genuinely terrified and ignorant about how to survive beyond the years I had already endured.

Growing into adulthood was a new and frightening experience for me, a young and angry child who was forced into being self-reliant at the

early age of nine. A child who had endured abuse at almost every turn in life, since then.

I suppose looking back, I could have left him and went back to the streets, but there were two reasons why it was no longer an option for me. I had broken free from its grasp, secondly, I knew if I had gone back, I probably wouldn’t have survived round two, I barely survived round one.

I also had no self-esteem, not even a low one; I literally had none. Years of abuse tend to condition a person into believing they are unworthy of everything or anything, even of life itself. The abuse I endured at the hands of my spouse confirmed this. I truly believed this at that time in my life.

I did not feel that I really had the support I needed. Yes, I had a few close friends willing to help, but I had been isolated from them and everyone I knew for so long that I felt uncomfortable reaching out, and when I did, I didn’t feel heard.

What I shared was minimal, but the worst feeling ever was when my sibling came and just watched as I was beaten. So, when the opportunity presented itself, I went back.

On the day I finally broke free, I left my own home, abandoned and terrified. While numbing my pain in a bar, I ran into an old acquaintance that helped me by offering a safe place to go. No questions, just a room in which to sleep in, with my freedom.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 32

Narcissistic Abuse The Silent

By: Ms. Clay

I

refer to this as “unspoken abuse” because it’s often done behind closed doors where no one sees it, hears about it or believes it because the abuser is very good at hiding it when in front of people and would twist and gaslight it to make the victim appear as the crazy one in public or to friends and family.

Narcissistic abuse is one of the most damaging abuses any person can ever experience in life! The effects of this type of abuse would leave you feeling like you were on the worst rollercoaster ride of your life. You would most definitely develop some type of mental illness while with a narcissistic individual.

Another reason this abuse is rarely spoken about is because most people equate abuse to physical and with

visible bruises. Narcissistic abuse is an incredibly destabilizing and very confusing form of abuse. Victims who endure this type of trauma are left with feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, self-doubt, and confusion, as well as depression and anxiety, which could develop into complex PTSD. Victims would further experience what is called “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome” as a result of domestic violence.

In the beginning, a relationship with a narcissist feels like a dream come true, almost like a fairy tale. They are very charming and charismatic, but by the end of the relationship, their mask would have fallen off and their true devious self, revealed. By then, they would have caused you so much trauma, grief, and great pain

33 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

that would leave you with extremely crippling mental effects as well as with potentially crippling long-term effects. The narcissists are masters at what they do and can disguise very well.

Narcissistic abuse can come in another form - thought control. They would employ specific use of language that is designed to purposely and emotionally manipulate their victim to subconsciously hand over to them their mind, thoughts and desires, possessions, money, life, and their entire well-being, all for selfish gain.

What’s even more traumatizing than the relationship itself is the realization that they had never ever loved you nor could they love you as you love them because they are totally void

and incapable of love. They don’t feel empathy. You were only their possession to use until they grew bored with you, and they discard you like yesterday’s trash and move on to the next victim that they already had lined up to replace you. They are extreme serial cheaters that would often have many sexual partners behind your back, otherwise referred to as their narcissistic supply.

Other instances of narcissistic abuse include when the abuser would have the victim constantly questioning their sanity. They would constantly isolate you from your family and instill in you the inability to think and make decisions on your own.

They would expect continued praise and attention but would never give you credit for anything that

you have done for them. They are extremely jealous individuals who are secretly jealous of you and your accomplishments. They are undercover cowards who don’t even love themselves. The mind would be left spinning with complete confusion from all the gaslighting, lies, and manipulation that would have completely distorted the victim’s reality resulting in the onset of many symptoms of post-traumatic stress syndrome, such as severe detachment or isolation from friends, family, and the outside world. Others include difficult sleeping patterns and troubled concentration. You would have intrusive thoughts and memory loss along with negative thoughts, and would continuously question yourself and your well-being, and

would constantly have self-blame and denial as well as exhibit hypervigilance and irritability.

But the good news is that once you have a complete understanding of what narcissistic abuse is, and you finally make the decision to leave and begin on your journey of the healing process and regain your confidence back, as well as with proper treatment for your mental health, you would be on your road to healing and would learn the necessary skills and mindset to go on to live a prosperous life, to regain and know your self-worth, and to seek out healthy relationships in the future like me.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 34

Facebook: dsynsbydraya

Instagram: dsynsbydraya

35 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

w w w.shop dsynsbydraya.com

Lynn

ASK

Handling Verbal And Emotional Abuse From Your Partner With: Lynn Demmon

Question: Something is going on in my life right now that I never expected to happen—I’ve married a person who says mean and insulting comments to me. When he is upset about something, he seems to direct all his negative feelings at me. I can’t figure out why he’s behaving like this.

He calls me ugly names. He makes the most hurtful comments. I just don’t know what to do! I used to think I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. But now, I’m trying to be perfect so he won’t have any reason to get mad. That doesn’t work because even if someone else annoys him, he explodes at me.

I don’t want a divorce, but this is becoming more difficult to handle. What should I do? Answer: The situation you’re in is quite complex,and admittedly, not easy to manage. Whether he realizes it or not, his tirades toward you should be considered as verbal and emotional abuse. It’s recommended you make a decision to take steps to protect yourself emotionally from the verbal

abuse. If you do, you would have been on your way to managing the difficult set of events.

Question: So, I have to decide for myself how I’m going to react whenever he starts his verbal abuse, right?

Answer: That’s correct. If you have a plan for what you’ll do when he behaves this way, you’ll at least regain some control over your life.

An effective first step you could take is to inform him right away when you’re feeling uncomfortable with his comments. Simply saying something as non-threatening as “I don’t like it when you say that to me” can inform him of your feelings of discomfort about his verbalizations.

When you make this statement, keep your voice tone calm. Speak softly and make eye contact with him as you say it. If he responds with an apology, thank him and say you’re glad he understands. However, if he escalates his verbal abuse when you state your feelings, it’s time to take another path.

If appropriately stated feelings on your part trigger him to react negatively, it’s time to disengage from the conversation. This means,leave the room to remove yourself from the unhealthy exchange. Doing so sends the clear message that you’re unwilling to remain present for inappropriate behavior toward you.

"Simply saying something as non-threatening as “I don’t like it when you say that to me” can inform him of your feelings of discomfort about his verbalizations."

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 36

37 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

S

he couldn’t speak because she was scared of what he might do to her. The risen fear due to the power of his voice controls every fiber of her being, and the strength of his hands silences every challenge. The destructive words he spoke brought her self-esteem down making her not feel the person she once was. He would force himself on her when he wants to have sex, but she is too scared to say no. Her physical resistance, aggressiveness and body kicks that would have been aimed to stop him, culminated in body shaking and numbness, filled with fear of the pressure of his body, not trying to stop.

Tears fall wiggly as her wanting him to stop produces a scream, yet so muffled inside the silentness of her voice – wanting it all to end, lying still and terrified. The pressure of his body begins to rise, amid the feeling of disgusted balls. Up facing the wall, feeling the low silentness of her mind’s voice, racing and wanting to escape but can’t speak or get away.

He just won’t leave your side, but you can’t endure the breath of the smother of his presencenor can you get away. You are only hoping that someone notices the difference in the silentness of your voice. Can anyone hear you or see the pain,or the fear within you that shows across your face as you pray to God to save your life, not knowing how this may end? The control was deep, taking you away from the ones you love.

You're embarrassed how people would judge. The silentness is scary, no one would believe; the voice inside speaks out loud hoping one day someone hears the tears. You cry with mouth sealed, can’t speak, yet, not wanting the monster to escape.

The silentness of your voice can’t explain what’s inside him that

The

Silentness Of Her Voice By: Ms. Maddox

treats you right at first until the truth appears. Firstly, it’s a smack, secondly, an apology. Thirdly, it won’t happen again. Fourthly,you made me do it. Fifthly, you think it may get better. Sixthly, it happens again with a closed fist. Seventhly, again he says sorry that he didn’t mean it. Eighthly, you forgive again. Ninthly, he says he is the only one who wants you, and tenthly, you believed him. He makes it to be your fault through the words he speaks and you believe it was true because the mind you once had control over has been taken by the man you thought loved you.

In the silentness of your voice, you fail to know the man in him was still a boy trying to escape the body as he wasn’t ready to fight the demons that were within him, that were stored before you even came along. It’s something you can’t fix. That’s what you tried to do but things got worse.

The beatings got more intense as you are trying to fight back because the monster was stronger than you are. You can’t speak because the silentness of your voice was stuck staring at the marks he left,scars that cannot be erased.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 38

Barren Womb

A Women's Christian Fiction Novel by Author Denise M. Walker Description: Hannah Monroe Jefferson desires to have a child of her own more than anything. She is blessed to get pregnant but soon miscarries. To make matters worse, she receives awful news that sends her world spinning out of control.

This news sends Hannah on a downward spiral. She struggles to overcome her current situation and the added burden of the resurfacing of her past. In addition, the broken relationship in her life adds to her anguish.

She is soon offered an alternative solution to her physical problem. Is this all Hannah needs? Will she continue seeking temporary peace and happiness and be left searching for more, or will she accept the only answer and hope of rich fulfillment?

Author Bio:

.

M e s i Den alker W

Denise M. Walker is the best-selling author of the Middle Grades novella, Hannah's Hope. In addition to her authorship, she is a minister, educator, speaker, mentor, workshop host, editor and writing coach. Barren Womb will be Denise's sixth published work.In addition to her debut women's fiction novel, Denise also writes YA/Middle grades Christian Fiction and creates Bible strategy journals with an English twist.

Denise M. Walker Hope-in-Christ Ministries "My True Identity is in Christ" Author, Speaker, Mentor, Coach, Educator www.denisemwalker.com/

Hannah's Hope - My New Book

"It is a short read that addresses the truth

of child abuse, how our youth respond to it, and how to they can begin to heal."

Podcasts: https://www.spreaker.com/show/buildingliteracy & https://www.spreaker.com/show/hopeinchrist

39 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Beverly J. Clay

R

obin Shockley with Focus Forward with Robin is about helping build others while building herself. She is a multi-purpose Entrepreneur, Servant-Leader Coach, Blogger & Magazine Columnist, “Professional Maximizer” Author, Actress, Motivational Public Speaker, Domestic Violence Advocate, Focus Forward with Robin Talk Show Host & Media Publicist for RSGN, Red Carpet Corespondent & Host for events in the community. Robin is passionate about helping others find their self worth and her platform is centered around “sowing where you want to GROW”. She believes there is freedom to move forward in life to think believe and achieve a thing. Robin enjoys her downtime on road trips traveling and socializing with friends & family experiencing the adventures of living life to the fullest!

Robin Shockley

Contact Robin for future bookings to speak or host at: R.Shockley18@gmail. com Social Media under the Focus Forward with Robin’s Facebook page: focusforwardwithrobin

FEATURED AUTHORS

B

everly J, Clay, mother of six is the CEO/Founder of S.O.L. (Speak Out Loud) “Your Mental Health Matter Too!” Foundation. Owner of SOL Bee-Shirts & Apparels. Mental Health Advocate and Consultant. Certified Mental Health First Aider and Author of Conquering your Fears, Adventures into Parts Unknown.

Relationship and Mindset Coach who helps woman overcome toxic relationships and help reclaim their thoughts to go on to have healthy relationships in the future.

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 40

FEATURED AUTHORS

S

amantha J. is 53 years old and author of 5 published books, 2 anthropologies, and magazine contributor. She is also a Business and Career Life Coach and National public speaker. Samantha is currently living in Tucson Arizona originally from South Carolina , With her husband. Her passion for life goes into her writing. She believes you should” live life and love it”. Her recent publication “Raw & Real How to live your best life” teaches you how to do just that.

Samantha J.

M

y name Tessia Maddox 43 of Charlotte NC, hometown Syracuse New York. I’m a mother of 3, a survivor of domestic violence, mental, physical, verbal, and sexual abuse. A moment I’ll never forget being in hell for 3 years didn’t think I’d survive, but I did. Been a survivor for 14 years was the first and last time. I have learned educated myself, I know my purpose now. It took some time. It’s time to release. I’m ready. I give you all of what I been through and hope that it helps those who are walking in the shoes I once wore. I give you me and hope that you learn from what we all been through.

Bless, Love, We in this together

41 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Tessia Maddox

Minister April Laland - Sentamant

A

talented Author and dynamic Professional Inspirational Speaker with platforms at venues such as The Georgia Coalition against Domestic Violence, PADV, The Georgia State Capitol, The Georgia Justice Project and The Clayton County Association Against Domestic Violence including her radio show, “Motivational Moments w/The Spiritual Soulga” on Stellar Award winning Radio Station WIGO. Her compassionate yet empowering workshops, staff trainings, and seminars on freedom from abuse, addiction and pain in conjunction with the Mentoring she has provided to addicts and victims of abuse; especially women, have given her an incomparable foundation in making a positive impact in her community. This dedicated Community Advocate, Radio Host on 2 major radio shows, Business Owner, 2015 Trinity Awards Outstanding Visionary & Volunteer nominee, 2016 NAACP Image Award Nominee and the 2016 Stewart Foundation, Mauve Affair Honoree and Woman of God shares her story of overcoming addiction, abuse and rape to those still lost in them and women incarcerated. April shares the pain of her past combined with the

FEATURED AUTHORS

progress of her life through her strong belief in God. Her 20 year battle with addiction became the stepping stone to a life of service in The Kingdom of God. She now shares her inspirational and empowering story of Hope, Health and Healing through her book, “Memoir from a Glass Rose” the sequel, “Life after the Glass Rose” (coming soon) and her story: “Road to Recovery” in the book; “When God Makes Lemonade”. Her business, In My Own Words Inc., was created to serve as a sounding board to reach those still lost in addiction and abuse with her own words; giving them a voice to tell their own stories of victory in Living Spiritually Sober(LSS), her group for Christian recovering addicts.

April has been the guest of talk shows, radio shows, featured in magazines, held book signings supported by The Mayor of Morrow, GA; hosted women’s empowerment conferences supported by the Mayor of Riverdale, Ga and traveled around the country educating communities afflicted by addiction, domestic violence, abuse and homelessness. She empowers the willing, inspires those still lost and activates the purpose in others to rise above life’s challenges. Her love of God, unique voice, empowering words of truth to stir your soul, and spiritually inspiring books; empower people to seek change through Christ.

Her divine vision is to turn pain into progress…

She is the Founder/CEO of Woman-2-Woman & Associates (W2WA): a 501(c)3, faith-based, nonprofit organization created for the advancement of all women, especially those in crisis and transition from domestic violence, homelessness and substance abuse. W2WA: the 2014 H.O.D Outstanding Volunteer/Small Nonprofit Award recipient, provides an infinite source of support for women on their paths to emotional wellness, spiritual enrichment, and self-sufficiency. W2WA exceeds the needs of women in crisis in South Metro Atlanta, North Carolina and beyond while empowering, educating, inspiring and motivating them to grow forward with a purpose…

April lives by the principles of Isaiah 61:1 “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and a release from darkness for the prisoners…”

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 42

FEATURED AUTHORS

A

s a self confessed overachiever, Lynn knows firsthand what’s it’s like to want it all – family, career, and an active social life. She has always wanted to live a gratifying life but learned the hard way that it doesn’t come easy, but it is certainly possible.

Started as a K12 Educator…

For more than 20 years Lynn meticulously crafted every move of her professional career, building her resume to include education, corporate America and key leadership roles.

My Journey Continued As… Lynn’s role as America’s #1 Financial Rebound Strategist allows her to educate and empower professional women and business owners one investing strategies and techniques to help each other discover the purpose, priorities, and motivation to achieve generational wealth.

Lynn Demmons Managing Member Demmons Enterprise,LLC Demmonsenterprise.com Ph) 470.236.8282

43 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

The simple yet practical, effective systems empower clients to grow and focus on outcomes not incomes. As a result, clients achieve their best financial life for their purposes. Lynn’s philosophy is “Be generous with what you have – no matter how big or small; results will follow.”

One single force can change anything in your life and that is the power of choice.

As America’s #1 Financial Rebound Couch, Lynn’s mission is to empower small business owner in making the choice to take control of their finances and live life on their terms.

Laurie Benoit

L

aurie Benoit is a woman that has faced and overcome a great deal of adversity.

When she began her own healing process six years ago, she Founded her page Once Awakened, where she began reaching out to share insight and bring awareness about the signs and affects of abuse and any other real life issues one might face. Once Awakened for her has a deep meaning in itself, because it wasn't until she became awakened that her life began to change with great stride. It is Laurie's belief that life is not just about pain and suffering, but also about love and beauty, which is where her photography comes in. She believes that life is about balance.

Laurie always held a deep love for writing, but at a young age was always discouraged from doing so. However since she broke free of the voices that silenced her, her writing career was born.

In fact she has become a best selling Author with her own book The Transformative Powerof “The Word” and taken part in a number of best selling anthologies such as God Says I Am Battle Scar Free ~ Testimonies of Abuse Survivors Parts 4,5 & 6 and in God's Love and Joy Fruit ~ Walking Through the Fields of Grace and Mercy in Bloom. As a parent and grandmother it was her desire, to not only become a better person for her family, but to help inspire change in others as well. All while writing, she began mentoring other victims of abuse, that have yet to find their way through their healing journey. It is her hope that they too will find the freedom, she has found through writing.

You can connect with Laurie on: Facebook: onceawakened Twitter: https://twitter.com/onceawakened

FEATURED AUTHORS

Author, Mentor, Freelance Writer, and Photographer

SCARS OF SURVIVAL MAGAZINE | 44

FEATURED AUTHORS

Prophetess Venus Ford’ Covington

P

rophetess Venus Ford’ Covington is the founder of New Beginnings Outreach Ministries 1. Through teaching

and preaching with divine revelation with miracles,signs,and wonders, Prophetess Venus has been equipped and enabled to carry out the mandate with God-ordained authority. She is surrounded with those that exemplify holiness with apostolic overlay. She is the proud mother of two anointed daughters, Sathya, and Kesa . The Lord blessed Prophetess Venus in 2007 to open up her first House for Abused and Battered Woman and Children named The House of Jabez. This house is used to help all woman and children from all walks of life who have been through mental, emotional and physical abuse to build up there self esteem, get the proper training, and spiritual counseling they may need. Prophetess Venus Ford’ Covington is also a Faith In Action Partner for displaced families in the community, teaching and training youth and adults in various facets of development to include leadership training, life-skills development, problem solving, mentoring, program development, diversity management and personnel management.

Prophetess Venus is used by God in other ministry arenas. Prophetess Venus Ford ‘ Covington is a woman of God who has been most definitely destined for greatness, and it shows in every aspect of her life.

R

aushanah N. Butler is a preacher, a teacher, and an author that has been heavily involved in prison ministry and domestic violence/sexual assault advocacy spanning 18+ years. Originally from Jacksonville, FL, she matriculated to the metro Atlanta, GA area in 2000. Being a domestic violence survivor herself, as well as losing her childhood best friend to it, has fueled the desire for Raushanah to be a bridge to the faith community as well as a voice for the unheard. Apart from that, Raushanah is the proud mother of 1 daughter, and spends her spare time mentoring teens and empowering young adults.

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Raushanah N. Butler

FEATURED AUTHORS

dedication as usher, armor barrier, praise team member, public relations committee member and Elder and former Pastor of Southern Outreach Ministries Atlanta.

In 2006 Prophet Dana R. Johnson seeing the call upon Shameka’s life licensed her “Minister” of the gospel. Through everything she has gone through the will of God, her love for God and the Kingdom and sheer determination she has grown in leaps and bound. In 2012 she was licensed as Evangelist and Ordained in 2013 as Elder under the leadership of Bishop Michael D. Wilson. Also she served as Elder of Southern Outreach Ministry in Bay Saint Louis Mississippi under her spiritual parents Bishop Earl and Apostle Pamela Terry.

E

Elder Shameka S. Chapple

lder Shameka S. Chapple is the daughter of George Chapple and Barbra Hughley of Atlanta Georgia. As a child Shameka attended “Mount Sinai Baptist Church” under the leadership of her cousin the late Pastor Rev. Homer Smith where she began to learn about Christ. At the young age of 13 she was shifted into a new season in her life. Now under the leadership of the Late Pastor Rev. Edward Harris of “Move Of God Church” in Atlanta Georgia she accepted the Lord Jesus Christ and began to walk the walk of faith.

As things in her life changed so did she. She strayed from the path God had set for her and was incarcerated. During her incarceration she rededicated her life completely to Christ and was filled with the Holy Spirit. Shameka is currently a faithful member of “The Worship And Deliverance Center” in Atlanta Georgia under the Leadership of Apostle Anika Sparks. The passion she has for service is displayed through her

Elder Shameka Chapple is the owner of NoMiss Cleaning Service LLC. Also she former member of New Order National Human Rights Organization founded by Gerald Rose.

Served as Vice President of UAWA Teen Outreach Organization. Certified in Custodial Maintenance, diploma in Medical Insurance Billing and Coding from Everest Institute, Basic Computer keyboard from Atlanta Technical school New Connections to work program, Associates in Computer Network System ITT Technical College and is now enrolled at Strayer University where she will receive her bachelor’s in Business Administration.

Elder Chapple favorite scripture is Joshua 24:15 “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD”

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47 | PAIN. HEALING. ENDURANCE.

Signs and Symptoms of Domestic Violence *

** * Petechiae = small (1–2 mm) red or purple spots on the skin ** Stridor = abnormal, high-pitched breathing sound

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The mission of Scars of Survival is to assist in changing the lives of those individuals affected by Domestic Violence & Sexual Abuse one story at a time. Inspiring, and empowering self-development through life skill workshops. To cultivate communities free from violence as we provide transitional services, bridge support services, and community outreach services. Continuing efforts in raising awareness of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, through events, fundraisers, and community support.

Scars of Survival is committed to Domestic Violence prevention, teaching victims, and survivors the importance of love, trust, faith, how to rebuild hope again, not only to survive but to overcome.

Scars of Survival’s Pledge to End DV & SA 1. We will never commit an act of domestic violence of any form against anyone.

2. We will promote domestic violence awareness through social media channels, conversations, and events.

5. We will support domestic violence victims by providing continuous transitional services through the organization.

6. We will never judge anyone no matter what the situation is.

3. We will speak out against domestic violence and break the silence at every opportunity.

7. We will treat people with dignity and respect.

4. We will support domestic violence victims by providing continuous transitional services through the organization.

8. We will do everything with the love of God.

Web site: w w w. s c ars of sur v iv a l.org E mai l: s c ars of sur v iva l@g mai l.com

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