Who Knows: Inspiration for the Uninspired

I N S P IRAT IO N F O R T H E U N INS P I RED

brenda sandoval

IN S P IRAT IO N F O R T H E UNI NS P I RED INSPIRATION FOR THE UNINSPIRED

W RIT T E N , IL LU ST RAT E D, & DES I GNED

BY B RE N DA S A N D OVAL

DEDIC ATED TO THOSE THAT ALWAYS ENCOURAGED ME TO THINK FREELY AND CREATIVELY.

you inspired me.

table of contents 01

ACKNOWLEDGE

15

HEALING

03

BE A BOSS

17

IMMERSE YOURSELF

05

CONQUER

19

JOY

07

DEVELOP

21

KEY

09

EXPERIENCE

23

LEARN

11

FRESH EYES

25

MOTIVATE

13

GOAL

27

NURTURE

29

ORGANIZE

43

VALUE

31

PERSEVERE

45

WANT

33

QUALITY

47

X-FACTOR

35

RISK

49

YOU

37

SUPPORT

39

TRANSCEND

41

UNBURDEN

EVERYONE’S JOURNEY IS BEAUTIFUL, UNIQUE, AND INSPIRING.

preface

Self-healing, love, and discipline. I believed that because I had bad roots, I could only ever grow into a malnourished plant while everyone else was watered and cared for every day. My trauma very muched shaped who I was. I had watched my mother battle through this world, abused by every man she brought into our lives. My own father was far from a parental figure.

One day I chose to open that little door to my thoughts that I had marked off-limits. My life seemed to unravel at once. I didn’t have a car, was left broke by COVID, had no money for school, decided to break-up with my significant other, and move out.

I began to note every instance of self-doubt, self-loathing even, and traced it to the source. I realized that along the way, I stopped believing in happy endings. I‘d witnessed too many atrocities commited by the very members of my family.

The adults I was supposed to trust, and the abuse they put themselves and other people through. I led myself to believe that I was damaged too.

Here, I discover what it means to create from the heart. These pages reflect my thoughts and creative process (or lack of), and as such I want to be my full authentic self. I hope, in turn, the colorful pages of this book help reinvigorate a passion for creating, for the both of us. This is for any and every creator who has ever felt stuck.

HAVE YOU EVER FOOLED YOURSELF INTO THINKING YOU WERE HAPPY?

I realized I was settling for a pretense of happiness and constantly averting my eyes from the issues I

I remember closing my eyes and

felt tugging at my subconscious. I

mentally stepping out of my body,

didn’t want to undo the stitches of my

viewing my life as an outsider for the

life by confronting these unwanted

first time. It was as if the fog in my

revelations. Yet, what’s the point of

brain dissipated, and everything felt

living that way? You get one chance

as clear and crisp as the dewy air of

at life, so why be anything other than

an autumn morning. I woke up and

true to yourself? Time passes us by

thought: This can’t be it.

quicker than we realize. It’s easy to get

1

caught up in the routine of things and choose not to think too deeply about the way our life is unfolding. Doing so will only succeed in deepening the feeling of unfulfillment. I wasn’t focusing on what was important: my career, my aspirations, and goals. My mind was in the clouds.

That inborn talent to create is our superpower. With it, we create an outlet for our troubles where we can be seen and heard. The art we bring into reality can influence people across the globe. We have the power to make an impact.

It’s so necessary to acknowledge your short-comings and welcome change. Never let anyone or anything

what is holding you back?

stand in the way of your success.

ACKNOWLEDGE 2

*

F CKING

BE A BOSS

EMBRACE YOUR INDIVIDUALITY.

Remember, there is only one of you.

You have the power to give meaning to this bleak world. It doesn’t matter whether it’s channeled through a brush, a mouse, musical notes, or any other given medium. The second you transfer your mind, your emotions, onto the empty canvas: you hold the power.

To command respect, you must earn it. Prove yourself worthy of admiration by establishing your place in this world. Seize what you rightfully earned. It doesn’t matter how small or insignificant you may perceive your role to be: trust in the process. We work hard to earn the respect for what we can accomplish and contribute to this world. Our individualism is always inspiring others.

It’s time to take ownership of our innovative ideas and stand up for them. Never let anyone tell you that you are incapable of achieving what you set your heart and mind to.

BE A BOSS 4

FOR A LONG TIME, I WAS IN DENIAL.

I didn’t want to look in the mirror and see my mom staring back at me. I wonder if most people, at least once in their lives, wish to be nothing like their parents. We are all, in a way, a product of our environment, but we can choose not to let our trauma define us.

Being a first-generation college student of two (divorced) immigrant parents meant I never had a steady home life, or anyone to walk me through what I was supposed to do. I grew up subjected to the repercussions of my mother’s poor choice in men; witnessing these toxic behaviors in my household crippled me. At a young age, I made a promise to myself: I would be better than the circumstances I grew up in. My own children would never suffer from the physical, mental, and emotional abuse I underwent. I couldn’t let myself down. I owed it to my gutsy fourteen-year-old self, who took a slap in the face from her drunken stepfather.

5

It is my responsibility to push every new obstacle out of my way, or I would never reach where I needed to be if allowed myself to be crushed.

CONQUER ER name something that makes you strong.

CONQUER 6

develop WE ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING AND EVOLVING INTO A BETTER VERSION OF OURSELVES.

I’m not the same person I was a year ago, two years ago, certainly not five.

COVID-19 changed a lot for me as well, forcing me to look within myself and polish off areas which needed improvement. This entire book was a way of further developing my skills and taking note of what really brought out the best in me.

You should always be seeking new ways of developing your skills. It’s crucial to find your niche. As artists, we need to explore these different areas of focus because art exposes a realm of endless possibilities. We can’t 7

what is a skill you wish to develop? settle for comfort over our ability to work hard and rightfully earn what we deserve. Success is not just handed to you, and you don’t achieve it by being lazy. Set your own standards and challenge yourself.

You may never feel satisfied with who you are, or where you are, in life.

Why should you be? You can keep striving for the next best thing. Funnily enough, you can rebrand yourself as many times as you want.

DEVELOP 8

DO WE HAVE A PURPOSE?

How are we supposed to make use of our time to be able to have successful lives? I don’t even feel like there are enough hours in the day to do everything I want!

The goals you set for yourself don’t have to be extreme. It can be a mission to simply get out of bed in the morning. Everyone experiences life differently. Set goals as small as waking up a little bit earlier each day or going to bed at a more reasonable hour. Do things that might seem silly at first, like creating a vision board.

Write down your goals for the next year, or five. Place it in a spot you will look at every day as a way of reminding yourself of what you should be working towards. Work hard to manifest your dreams because it is your responsibility to do so.

13

The goals I set this past year focused on the growth I wished to see in myself. I decided that I would pursue a long-term dream of mine: to be a book cover designer. I mapped out what the major milestones would be in the upcoming years and thought seriously about what I needed to work on to showcase my versatility and talent. I chose to make this a priority, even if that meant other areas of my life would suffer.

To be able to achieve my goals, I had to let go of someone I believed to be my soulmate. I was too preoccupied with temporary insecurities stemming from being with someone who was never committed to me. I was allowing the relationship to hold me back. It was time to grow on my own and discover what the world had in store for me. I wrote on my vision board “Make difficult decisions,” already knowing what those decisions had to be.

GOAL 14

Years ago, I had allowed myself

THE STORM WILL ALWAYS PASS.

to believe my family and I could be happy. My mother had found someone with the capability of dealing with the irrational parts of her. He seemed like a genuinely good person, and

Deep down, I didn’t believe happiness

I considered myself a great judge

was achievable. Anytime I felt an

of character. I awoke to the sounds

inkling of it, I grew suspicious, waiting

of armed policemen busting down

for the moment someone would come

our door, my two-year old brother

seize it. Someone always did.

wailing, and my mother’s shaking

15

voice, begging to understand what

we need to take on ourselves. There

was happening. We were living with

were many factors that brought

a murderer, you see. The lesson here?

me to my breaking point: financial

Always google search your mother’s

instability, an emotionally cold mother,

new boyfriend.

a deadbeat father, a partner who

He was wanted for the

didn’t value me; and always, this

disappearance of not only his ex-

overwhelming feeling of not being

girlfriend, but also his ex-wife. His

good enough. The decision to be on

name was Jose, and he later gave

my own was heavily based on the fact

up the location of the remains. I

that I was scared to do so. Scared of

remember the feeling of complete

who I was without anyone to rely on.

disconnect, and the almost maniacal

Now I realize that for my life to

laughter that escaped my lips. We truly

come together as it should, it had

were cursed.

to fall apart. My healing process

The fatal flaw I share with my mother

consists of flushing out negativity and

is that we both look for happiness

allowing myself to have hope. Hope

in other people, rather than turning

for happiness, success, and a future

inwards and addressing the healing

worth living to see.

HEALING 16

IMMERSE YOURSELF What makes a good book?

A good book, to me, awakens the urge to dive headfirst into the story, see the world through the eyes of the character, and experience the adventure with their heart and mind. I’ve always been an empathetic person, vulnerable to the emotions of others.

Their stories inspired me and electrified me with the desire to create, my passion never faltering.

Similarly, you need to find work that consumes you. Immerse yourself so deeply that the hours feel like minutes. Not everyone has the luxury of loving what they do for a living. I design with the purpose of telling a story. I want my brain splattered across the canvas; my heart laid out to see. Find work that you can dive into and chase that feeling.

17

why do you create? who is it for?

IMMERSE YOURSELF 18

create something that brings you joy.

19

LET YOUR PASSION SHINE THROUGH YOUR WORK

Maintain the connection with your childlike wonder and imagination. Don’t let adulthood rob you of your creativity. It’s important to make art that is for you. Do it to heal or for no other reason that it brings you joy. Create spontaneously with no plan in mind.

Although I had a vision of what I wished for this book to be, I honestly had no idea what would become of it. All I knew was that I was being crushed under the sadness of what had become of my life. I felt lost and couldn’t remember why I was doing any of this in the first place. I was simply going through the motions. These pages became my lifeline during a messy and chaotic period in my life. I let my love for art guide me, and with it came the joy of self-discovery.

JOY 20

KEY

21

OPEN YO UR MIND TO NEW POSSIBILITIES. You hold the keys to every opportunity that will present itself to you in time.

When it’s finally time to unlock that door, you’ll be ready to face whatever obstacles lay beyond it.

KEY 22

LEARN AREN’T WE ALL LEARNING AS WE GO?

23

You can learn so much in a year. I went from barely knowing how to create a curve in Adobe Illustrator to using it as the basis for most of my projects. Sixty percent of this book was created in Illustrator, twenty percent in Photoshop, and then I sewed it all together in InDesign. It wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for the skills that I acquired during my early design days in addition to my schooling. I discovered so many neat tricks, shortcuts, and tools. Going the easy route can lessen your workload, of course, but do you learn anything that way?

As this project progressed, the more I wrote, the more I discovered about myself. There were many issues I was neglecting. I realized that you become so caught up in life that you don’t take the necessary time to listen to that little voice in your head which is begging to be heard. When I finally paused to listen, I had to completely reevaluate the choices I had made up to that point. Not all the choices I made were the best, but I had to learn from my mistakes and continue forward.

LEARN 24

Motivate

WHY IS IT IMPOSSIBLE TO B E PRODUCTIVE WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT?

25

Maybe I’m being dramatic, but sadness can feel so crippling. No one talks about those moments. What was draining my energy?

Being unable to reach the sweet spot between inspiration and productivity is agonizing. Envisioning an idea but not knowing where to begin. I deal with it more often that I’d care to admit.

An itch. An impulse, really, to create: but what? Anything! Then without ever realizing, somewhere along the way, I got stuck in the cycle of creating for others, and never for myself.

The need to change motivated me to do something about it. I came to terms with the fact that I had to put myself through hell for the next couple of months.

You have to be willing to do everything it takes to achieve your goals.

MOTIVATE 26

MY PASSION EMERGED IN THE FORM OF WHAT SOME MIGHT C ALL AN…OBSESSION.

I loved Harry Potter. I’m not afraid to admit that I fell in love with the movies before I read the books. Up to that point I detested reading. I could never sit still long enough to read through something. Harry Potter changed that for me.

I was always artistically inclined. I loved to draw, paint, sculpt, write; but what really brought my love and inspiration was creating graphics about characters and storylines I loved.

It didn’t matter to me that it was deemed “nerdy,” I did it to express my love for the subject. I began messing around in GIMP (knockoff Photoshop) and creating graphics when I was fifteen

27

make something fun!

years old. Being the nerd that I am, I created an entire blog dedicated to Harry Potter. To this day, I still create little graphics based off the shows and movies I love just for the kick of it.

It’s so important to not starve yourself from the joys that made you fall in love with your artistry, as dorky as it may be.

In graphic design, there is a heavy push towards corporate branding and marketing because that is where “the money is at.” Unless that’s truly your only purpose for pursuing something, to hell with it.

Nurture the inner child in you.

NURTURE 28

organize You’re not always going to be able

every year, use it for a couple of days

to take things at your own pace,

and leave the rest unwritten. I hyper

especially when it involves pleasing

fixate on the aesthetic of the to-do list,

clients. I’m guilty of taking too long

wasting the time I could have used

on a project because I fall into a

to complete said tasks. I realized that

pit of overthinking. This book was a

in everything I do, I focus too much

huge lesson on organization for me. I

on an individual aspect of a project

wanted to do something different and

rather than looking at it as a whole. I

creative, but man was it a challenge.

spend too much time perfecting the

I’m the type of person that will make

little details rather than coming back

sure the design of my white-board

to them once I’ve created a skeleton

calendar is absolutely *chefs kiss*

of the structure. This was a hurdle I

perfect, then never update it for the

was determined to get past, and I

next three months. I buy an agenda

succeeded in doing so.

29

MAKE THE MOST OUT OF THE TIME YOU’VE BEEN GIVEN.

With so much on our minds, so many things stacked up onto each other, we need to take a couple minutes every day to brain vomit all over a page while paying no mind to the aesthetic.

From there, we can have a better view of what needs to get done.

ORGANIZE 30

- persevere PUT YOUR NEEDS FIRST.

It’s understandable to want to

yourself? While you need time to think,

help and be there for others but is

don’t spend too much time cooped up

necessary to help yourself first. You

in your head.

can’t let the issues of others diverge

Everyone travels through life at a

you from your path. Surround yourself

different pace. Don’t let the supposed

with individuals that help bring out

success of others discourage you from

the best in you and encourage you to

continuing down your path. Social

keep moving forward. A toxic home

media is a lie. People can create

life is so draining. How can you inspire

whatever life they choose to share

others when you can’t even inspire

with the world.

31

Stay focused on yourself and your own goals. Don’t doubt your capabilities. You are deserving of everything you work hard to achieve.

PERSEVERE 32

I can never shake the urge to nitpick my work. It never felt good enough for me, I had this constant need for it to be better. You would think this is a good quality to have, but it’s quite infuriating when you need to get things done under a time limit. The value of your work increases the more effort you put into its creation.

By producing consistently good-quality work, you’ll be able to attract clients who are confident in investing in you.

33

Being a perfectionist and overachiever is necessary, within limits, of course. You also must be mindful of not taking on too much. You can’t produce quality if you don’t have the

what makes quality art?

proper amount of time to dedicate to each task.

While you shouldn’t be afraid to own your talents, you need to remain humble. There will always be room for improvement and it’s arrogant to assume you know everything. What appeals to one person will not appeal to another. Hence why all the pages of this book vary slightly. Everyone has a different definition of what quality is.

QUALITY 34

I’m sure you’ve heard countless times how difficult and competitive it is to make it as an artist.

Did you let that stop you? Of course not! There will always be reasons not to do something.

35

YOU C AN ACCOMPLISH PHENOMENAL THINGS WHEN YOU TAKE A RISK. I was always passionate about

many options, even though they didn’t

graphic design, but when it came time

always agree with my choices. To

to decide on my field of study, I let the

be fair, they couldn’t have guessed

words of others discourage me. They

how society would progress to value

told me it was “too competitive” and

graphic design. My parents simply

to “play it safe.” What does that even

wish for me to secure a government

mean? To give up before I even tried.

job with benefits. I wanted to be more

This is where I’m grateful my parents gave me the opportunity to have

than that.

I took a risk.

what advice would you give the next generation of artists?

RISK 36

support your fellow creators You have to give support to receive it.

We all progress at different rates. Don’t let envy of someone else’s level of expertise discourage you from getting to the same level, or even surpassing them. There is so much we can learn from one another. That isn’t only true regarding our skillset, but also our journey. We all go through different hardships in life and sometimes we only need to hear that someone is proud of us and our growth.

37

I never heard the words “I’m proud of you” from the mouths of my parents. It was said to me by a friend during the process of moving out of a toxic living environment. If it wasn’t for that ounce of support that was given to me during such a turbulent moment, I don’t think I could have kept going.

Be empathetic and understanding of the situations of others.

We are all part of the same team, simply trying to make it.

Show the world you’re ready to get serious with it.

SUPPORT 38

UNBURDEN I shed away the façade to reveal glowing new, tough, skin.

Not everyone gets to experience an epic love; I was lucky to have, even though it was the right person at the wrong time. For all the mistakes as we made, we were kind-hearted people. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Living with that burden caused me to fall into episodes of depression and anxiety.

It was a relief when it came time to take apart my life and open the next chapter. As sad as change makes us, it’s inevitable. It’s important to understand when it’s time to cut people off that don’t have your best interest in mind. No one should have the power to hold you back from achieving your dreams. If it becomes difficult to focus on what is important, you need to take a step back and ask yourself whether the relationship with said person is beneficial for your health. Sometimes it’s necessary to cut away what’s rotten to grow.

41

With this aptitude for creativity comes loneliness, despair, and at times the feeling of complete inadequacy. It’s terrifying to admit you can hold so much darkness within yourself. Yet, it’s easier to wallow in self-pity than to come to accept your way of thinking may be flawed. You can choose to remain in the cycle for however long you wish, but I made the choice to break it.

UNBURDEN 42

e u

v

a l

YOUR TIME IS VALUABLE AND IRREPLACEABLE.

Don’t lowball yourself when you know how time-consuming creating can be.

I’ve made this mistake countless of times and people take full advantage of it. Have faith in your skill and remember that as much as you love creating for a living, it’s a job. One that you deserve to be paid for.

43

Why should anyone value your work, pay for your services, if it’s clear you don’t even value it? Don’t hesitate to charge what you are worth.

set reasonable starting prices for your servixes

VALUE 44

X-FACTOR I have a knack for putting stuff together, but I didn’t know how to apply my style of creating in a professional way. I loved going to bookstores and browsing, running my fingers across the spine, or tracing the embossed letters of the cover. I always paid attention to design.

I entertained many dreams: being a vet, a teacher, a writer, even (can you imagine) an accountant.. I believed I wasn’t talented enough to pursue design as a career. Then, I started to notice that when given the right project, I flourished.

47

The wrong job can suffocate your creativity. When it comes to art, there so many directions you can choose to go in. We all have our limitations, but for every one of them we have a different area of strength. Perfect those qualities.

what’s your missing piece?

X-FACTOR 48

You what next?

49

YOU ARE THE MAIN CHARACTER OF YOUR STORY.

Being a creator means having the guts

I needed this. I didn’t even know

to step into the unknown and trust we

what this was going to be. All I knew

know the direction to go in.

was that I felt my life falling apart and

It’s time to step into a successful

I was allowing myself to lose sight of

and empowering stage of life. It won’t

what was truly important. I chose to

be easy, but I feel better after getting

do this because I had to stop myself

acquainted with this spunky creator

from falling victim to my thoughts and

that lives inside this brain. From now

insecurities. We all tend to do this

on, I have a physical reminder to look

one way or another but we have to

back on whilst I embark the sequel of

remember we aren’t alone.

my creative journey.

While I absolutely did not expect

Thank you for being a part of my growth. You helped simply by

this book to develop the way it did,

validating me during a time when

I’m so proud of what it matured into. I

uncertainty clouded my thoughts.

genuinely feel as if I’ll look back on this

Remember to be proud of yourself,

work and be so astounded and proud

be unapologetically honest, and

of the growth I underwent my twenty-

continue being fucking awesome.

fifth year of existence.

YOU 50

P RIN T E D BY P RIN T IV IT Y

The creative process resources & credits

F O N TS IN ORD ER O F A P P EA RA NCE: Acknowledge: Cloudy Aurora Serif

Unburden: August Stories

Boss: Obviously Compressed Bold

Value: Integral CF

Conquer: Pure Hear t Regular

Want: Naive Gothic Condensed

Develop: ClickClack

X-Factor: Dir ty Brush

Ex perience: Brioche

You: Luminaire Script Regular

Fresh Eyes: Better Together & Loverine Goal: Greycliff CF

I M AG E R ES O U RC ES :

Healing: Poppins Immerse: Palmer Lake Joy: Quirky Sprin g Key: Bulgari Learn: Bee Four Motivate: Wonder fall Script Nur ture: Heritage Organize: Bobby Jones Soft Persevere: Ched dar Gothic Rough Quality: Mikela Risk: Quipley Regular

M A I N F O N T P AL E T T E :

Suppor t: Nor thernSoul Caps

Cherry Pie (Regular, Script)

Transcend: Calcio

Urbane (Light, Demi Bold)

delve into a mind ...filled with the musings of a sporadic creator with a determination to inspire through her craft. It holds a journey of overcoming a cycle which buried obstructive self-doubt.

Within these pages lies the unearthing of a brilliant mind.