2015 Wedding Planner Published by the Daily Journal
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FEATURES 10 16 24 28
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Flower Trends Austin and Hannah Smythe Finding the Perfect Gown Importance of Communication
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Contents 2015 Daily Journal Wedding Planner
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EVERYTHING ELSE 6 8 32 34
Ceremony Countdown and Planning Guide Roles of the Wedding Party Participants Ask Carley: Wedding Q&A Budget Worksheet
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January 25, 2015 Southside Wedding is published by the Daily Journal. EDITOR: Paul Hoffman WRITERS: Cheryl Fiscus Jenkins, Amy May, Greg Seiter DESIGN: Amanda Waltz ON THE COVER: Austin and Hannah Smythe For editorial content, contact Paul Hoffman in the Daily Journal special publications department at 317-736-2721 or by email at phoffman@dailyjournal.net. For advertising content, contact the Daily Journal advertising department at 317-736-2730. Southside Wedding, c/o Daily Journal, 2575 N. Morton St., Franklin, IN 46131 © 2015 by Home News Enterprises. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of stories, photographs and advertisements without permission is prohibited. Stock images provided by Thinkstock
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Countdown to the big day
To help you get a better understanding of how to plan a wedding and when you should be making certain decisions, here’s a time frame you can follow that should ensure that your wedding goes off as smoothly as possible.
10 to 12 Months Before
If you haven't done it already, this is a good time to announce your engagement and introduce your respective families. Since most reception halls and churches have busy wedding schedules, it is also important to book both as early as possible, preferably at least a year in advance of your wedding day. It's also a good idea to start putting together a guest list around this time and ask your parents whom they'd like to invite as well. Also, since your budget will determine just about every aspect of your wedding, sitting down and determining what you can spend and developing a savings plan should be first and foremost.
6 to 9 Months Before
This is the time when you want to start booking some services, such as a florist, caterer, a DJ/band and a photographer. However, some of the more experienced DJs and bands, as well as photographers, might have their schedules booked a year in advance, so this might be something you'll want to consider doing shortly after you get engaged and choose a date. Also, this is a good time to inform any guests who will be traveling significant distances of the date of your wedding. The earlier your guests can book a flight, the less expensive that flight will be. This is also a good time to order gowns for both the bride and brides-
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maids, as some manufacturers require a few months to ship to bridal shops. You might want to ask someone, such as your priest or rabbi, to be the officiant of your wedding. And much like out-of-town guests will save travel dollars the earlier they learn of your wedding date, you will likely save money, too, if you book your honeymoon around this time.
4 to 5 Months Before
This is a good time to decide on wedding invitations, of which there are many styles to choose from. Also, now is ideal to start hunting for a wedding cake by sampling a number of different bakeries’ cakes before ultimately making a decision. Just to be sure, confirm that all of the bridesmaids have ordered their gowns and start looking for a tuxedo for the groom as well as the groomsmen. If you haven't done so already, purchase your wedding rings and let any other people you'd like to participate in your wedding (ushers, readers during the ceremony, etc.) know of your intentions.
2 to 3 Months Before
Finalize your guest list and mail out your invitations. If your guest list includes a considerable amount of people who are spread out geographically, mail the invitations as close to 12 weeks in advance as possible. This is also a good time to finalize your menu choices for your guests, and find all
your wedding accessories such as the ring pillow, candles, etc. Also, since it is tradition to provide gifts for those in the wedding party as well as the parents of the bride and groom, this is a good time to decide on and purchase those gifts. Just to be safe, confirm that all groomsmen have ordered their tuxedos and finalize all transportation, both to and from the wedding and to the airport for your honeymoon.
1 to 2 Months Before
Schedule the first bridal-gown fitting. Also finalize the readings you'd prefer during the ceremony and mail them out to anyone who has agreed to do a reading. If your family prefers to host a small gathering for close family and friends after the wedding rehearsal, the night before the wedding, this is a good time to order any food or drinks you might want to serve that night, or make a restaurant reservation.
3 to 4 Weeks Before
Confirm your honeymoon arrangements and see if your wedding rings are ready. This is also when you should get your marriage license and check the guest list to see who has and hasn't RSVP'd. For those who have yet to RSVP, you might want to contact them so you can get a closer idea of what the head count will be. You should also prepare and order your wedding program around this time.
1 to 2 Weeks Before
Get a final attendance count and submit it to the caterer as soon as you know of it, while also providing a final seating chart. Pick up the wedding gown and tuxedo. Make sure the wedding party picks up their attire. Also, finalize your vows and confirm all wedding-day details such as transportation, photo schedules and addresses. And don't forget to pack for your honeymoon.
The Day Before
This is mainly when you rehearse for the ceremony and make any final confirmations you might have to make. Also, make sure to get some sleep so you'll look good in all of your wedding-day photos.
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Roles of
wedding party
Participants —Story by Metro Creative—
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A
Bridesmaids
wedding can be a wonderful and memorable experience for all of those involved. That’s why you ask friends or relatives to share in the event and serve in your wedding party. Your offer is a wonderful honor, one that carries with it varying degrees of responsibility depending on the role each person will be playing. To help you decide who to ask to be in your wedding party, here is a list of titles and responsibilities for each participant’s role.
Maid of Honor
The maid of honor is a role typically filled by a sister or a very close friend. It is the equivalent of the groom’s best man. The maid of honor’s role, therefore, is typically very involved. Among her many responsibilities, the maid of honor accompanies the bride on shopping trips for her wedding dress while also planning the bridal shower, bachelorette party and coordinating the bridal party gift for the bride. Also, the maid of honor helps the bride get dressed on her wedding day, holds the groom’s wedding ring during the wedding and may also help in the writing of invitations. The maid of honor will also typically act as a witness to the wedding and dance with the best man at the reception. If the woman you’re asking is married, her title will be matron of honor.
Best Man
Perhaps the most well-known responsibilities of the best man are organizing the bachelor party and giving the toast at the reception. But the best man, who is typically a brother or best friend of the groom, also has a slew of other responsibilities. In addition to helping the groom choose his tuxedo and get dressed before the wedding, the best man coordinates the couple’s gift from the groomsmen and takes care of the newlyweds’ transportation to the airport after the reception or the next morning. The best man may also hold onto any payment that’s due to the reception site or the donation for the house of worship, and take care of any final financial details. He also holds the bride’s wedding ring during the ceremony.
Along with walking in the wedding procession, bridesmaids attend the shower and contribute to the bridal gifts. Bridesmaids, who are typically sisters or friends of the bride or groom, also dance with the groomsmen during the reception. To be further involved, each can be given specific roles, like reading a religious passage at the ceremony, providing assistance with choosing wedding vendors or helping to address wedding invitations.
Groomsmen
Groomsmen are the male equivalent of the bridesmaids, typically having nearly identical responsibilities. Sometimes, groomsmen can act as ushers for guests arriving at the ceremony. Groomsmen walk in the wedding processional and attend and help organize the bachelor party, as well.
Parents of the Bride
The bride’s parents may be responsible for hosting the wedding, if they will be completely financially responsible for the event. In some cases, the father of the bride escorts his daughter down the aisle alone, but in other instances or in religious ceremonies, both parents may accompany the bride. In all cases, it’s her preference. The mother of the bride may help fund or contribute to the planning of the bridal shower if the maid of honor needs assistance. These parents may also foot the cost of an engagement party or dinner to meet the groom’s family.
Flower Girl
If the bride has a sister who is especially young, that sister typically fills the role of flower girl. Since most flower girls are very young, their responsibilities are generally limited to carrying a basket of flowers during the processional and, depending on the bride’s preference, tossing flower petals on the ground to mark the bride’s entrance.
Ring Bearer
Like the flower girl, the ring bearer is a very young member of the family, only the ring bearer is a male. The ring bearer’s role is to carry a pillow with the rings sewn on it during the processional. Some couples choose to have the ring bearer and the flower girl walk next to one another during the processional.
Parents of the Groom
The groom’s parents should host a rehearsal dinner prior to the wedding. They may also choose to contribute to the wedding if they desire. In most cases, the groom’s parents have limited responsibilities, but can be involved as much as the wedding couple would like. Traditionally, the groom’s mother confers with the bride’s mother on what color gown she is wearing, so as not to go with the same shade. The groom’s parents may walk down the aisle in advance of the rest of the wedding processional and take their seats.
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| flower trends | —Story by Amy May—
The right flowers can add so much to a wedding celebration
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| flower trends |
Whatever time of year you have your wedding, fresh flowers make the event more joyful, bringing freshness, aroma and color to the festivities. “Flowers make such a difference,” said Eileen McCullough, a floral designer with J.P. Parker, which has shops in Franklin and Indianapolis. “It gives people something to talk about. They are fresh and pretty and (the bridal bouquet) is in the pictures. They only last a day, but in the pictures, it’s going to last forever.”
Bride’s bouquet
The first flowers the bride usually thinks about are the ones she will carry down the aisle. Her bouquet should reflect her personality and be complementary to the overall color scheme, florists say. “The Great Gatsby” wedding scene has ushered in a return to luxurious romantic flowers, McCullough said. “Purples and greens were hot for a while, but it’s gone back to that blush and ivory. They want soft and romantic with a little glimmer, and also vintage and classy,” she said. Gina Martin, of Pomp & Bloom in Columbus, agreed, saying brides want a soft and romantic look, but not necessarily wild flowers. “They are into organic and natural designs, not tight bouquets, but letting the blooms hang on their own.” White and blush peonies are hot, as are garden roses when they are in season, she added. She likes mixing protea, an exotic tropical flower, with garden roses.
Adding greenery
Green is still being used in bouquets but in the form of succulents, McCullough said. Echeveria is a green plant that looks like a rose. It can be mixed with the blush and ivory flowers to create a sculptured, visually interesting element. “It’s for women who want a really natural look,” she said. Rosemari Herbert, manager of Greenwood’s McNamara Florist, is also seeing lots of green and gray succulents added to bouquets, along with burlap and lace trimmings.
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“It’s very natural this year, not cascading and not the round pavé look, but with natural greenery and very full and lush.” She also sees requests for bright colors – lots of yellow, orange and blue with garden flowers – for outdoor weddings and hanging votives, hydrangeas and prisms with lots of candlelight for indoor events. Floral headpieces are also making a comeback, McCullough said. It’s a soft, romantic, vintage look that goes well with the “shabby chic” trend and the popular barn weddings. Brides are also asking florists to incorporate more personal items into their bouquets, such as an antique handkerchief or a sentimental piece of jewelry.
Bridesmaids’ bouquets
McCullough said most brides want their flowers to be distinct from the rest of the wedding party’s. One of her brides wanted gardenias in her bouquet, she said. The flowers are pricey, however, so she purchased them for her own bouquet and chose complementary flowers for
the rest of the party. The bridesmaids’ flowers could also reflect each maid’s individuality.
Setting the table
Herbert said she’s noticing more receptions using long tables that seat up to 30 people instead of round ones, again paying homage to the “Great Gatsby” wedding. A florist can create a long, low garland down the length of the table, with intermittent elevations and candles. Martin said brides who do choose round tables are rejecting identical tabletop displays. Instead, she may put tall elaborate arrangements on some tables and simpler displays on others. This gives the room more of a “wow factor” than if all the tables were the same, she said. Floral table arrangements can be low and wide, using a small candle and glittery or personalized accessories, or tall and thin, using long-stemmed flowers. The most important criterion is that guests be able to see each other across the table. Flowers can also be used in hanging pots and floral balls, Martin said. They are ideal over
“They are into organic and natural designs, not tight bouquets, but letting the blooms hang on their own.” —Gina Martin, Pomp & Bloom
the cake table, a spot where a vase or sitting arrangement would be in the way. She can also use flowers to create a hanging garland, which goes behind the bridal couple’s table to create a backdrop.
Venues matter
Wedding venue rules must be taken into account when choosing centerpieces and décor, Martin said. Some venues don’t want anything attached to the walls. Most have rules about open flames, requiring candles to be enclosed and/or in water. Martin said LED lights are a good substitute for candles. For outdoor tents, Herbert said hanging votives work nicely, as do crystal chandeliers, flower balls and garlands. Herbert said the biggest outdoor venue concern is the water source. The trendy barn wedding sites, she said, often have a nearby well. “But you can’t use well water in floral arrangements. It’s discolored and just looks really disgusting in the vases. So be sure to ask about the water supply,” she said. SouthsideWedding
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| flower trends |
Changing of the seasons
Mother Nature can affect the floral selection, as well. Florists can bring in flowers from all over the world, but importing them will make them more expensive. Flowers with stable prices include hydrangeas, orchids and, except for a slight shortage around Valentine’s Day, roses, McCullough said. Peonies are one of the most popular wedding flowers, but they are more expensive in the late summer and fall, when they aren’t available locally. Gardenias are more expensive all year. The calla, a lily-like flower that is the gold standard for an elegant wedding bouquet, costs about $8 a stem. Casablanca lilies, lily of the valley, tulips and lisianthus are also higher priced, according to the wedding planning site, The Knot.com. Carnations and gerbera daisies are inexpensive. Decorating with more greenery and leaves is a money-saving option.
Hiring your florist
It’s a good idea to secure your florist’s services as soon as possible, especially if you’re planning a June or October date. You might not be able to get the flowers you want or get them at a reasonable price, especially the popular blooms or non-local flowers that have to be shipped in, if the florist doesn’t have ample time to get them, McCullough said. At the first meeting with the florist, bring in pictures of bouquets and table settings you like. McCullough said many of the lavish displays on the Internet may be out of the price range of the typical bride, but the photos are helpful. “The photos give me a good idea of what she likes,” she said. Martin said she remains in contact with her clients as the wedding nears, allowing for changes in the budget, new ideas, etc. The deal is usually finalized two weeks before the wedding. “I go back and forth with the brides. They come in and don’t have any idea what they want to do. This is their first major floral purchase, so we do a lot of adjusting and fine tuning,” Martin said. Herbert said many brides are choosing to do much of the consulting via email. This is especially convenient if the bride is from outof-town, works long hours or is busy with other wedding planning. Herbert said approximately 50 percent use email for at least some of the consulting. On the wedding day, the florist delivers the flowers and sets them up. Herbert said she is usually at the wedding site two hours before the ceremony, but depending on the size of the floral displays, she may need to come as early as six hours prior and bring up to 20 people. She even pins corsages on, if desired. She also works with other vendors, such as the photographer, to ensure the flowers will complement the event and can help the bride make other color and style choices.
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The average price in 2013 for wedding flowers was $2,069, according to The Knot’s annual survey, “The Knot Real Weddings Study.” The price may be shocking to brides, but Herbert said a florist will work with you. “Give me a budget. I can do a lot more than you expect,” she said. Most brides, McCullough said, don’t know much about ordering flowers since providing floral accents for an event is not something the average person does. They have no idea of the cost of various flowers and decorative accents or the labor that goes into making arrangements, delivering them and having them ready for the ceremony. “They don’t know, and I don’t blame them. How would they?” McCullough said. “But if (the price) is too high, I want them to feel comfortable to call me. We can look at other options.” Other options may include using different flowers, cutting down on the number of centerpieces or making an elaborate bouquet for the bride only. “Some brides are very particular, others are not that interested. We address every bride as an individual,” McCullough said. “Be flexible and open to suggestions,” she advised. “We want to give you the look you love within the budget. We can always work with them.” You don’t have to keep up with the Kardashians to have a memorable wedding. Choose what you like and what reflects your personality, the florists advise. “You’re trying to capture an emotion. People use flowers for all the important events in their life,” McCullough said. Whatever the bride chooses, flowers will help make the event memorable, Herbert added. “People remember the fragrance and the touch of fresh flowers,” she said.
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Warmth and whimsy Greenwood couple combined fun, seriousness into their ceremony —Story by Cheryl Fiscus Jenkins— —Photos by Meg Miller Photography • www.megmillerphotography.com—
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ountry music and major sporting events have always brought Austin and Hannah Smythe together. They knew each other vaguely through athletics and circles of friends while attending separate local high schools but met officially at a Brad Paisley concert. Occasionally keeping in contact afterward, they saw each other again at the Indianapolis 500 and at a Brooks & Dunn concert while she was home from Purdue University and he from Indiana University. So it makes sense that the couple met at Dick’s Sporting Goods for their first date to buy athletic shoes, and that they chose Paisley’s song “Then” for their first dance as husband and wife
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at their Aug. 9 wedding. “We just had a bunch of weird coincidences,” Austin said. “He finally asked me out on a date,” Hannah said. The Smythes of Greenwood became engaged on Dec. 13, 2013, while vacationing in the Cayman Islands. He knelt against a backdrop of sunset, waves and rocks on the beach and sealed the four-year relationship with a marriage proposal. It was a serene setting that only somewhat calmed Austin’s nerves and his wish to make the day particularly special for his bride-to-be. “I could feel his heart beating in my back,” Hannah said. Eight months later, the Smythes stood in front of 200 guests at Valle Vista Golf Club and Conference Center in Greenwood, where they had an outdoor ceremony mixed with tradition, individu-
ality, whimsy and warmth. Despite the planning and details of the big event, the couple wanted to primarily focus on their new life together. “We did a lot of work as to what marriage means,” Austin said, referring to the helpful premarital guidance sessions. “For me, it was romantic, and she looked great, but I was trying to stay focused in the moment. We wanted to keep things short but also show we were basing this marriage on the foundation of God.” Instead of a unity candle, the Smythes symbolized a verse from Ecclesiastes 4:12 by having their mothers each bring them a cord. Another cord was given to them by the wedding official, and the couple braided the three, symbolizing that a strand of three cords (husband, wife and Christ) could not easily be broken. It was a serious moment in the wedding,
which started with a bit of humor as eight groomsmen and the groom made a grand entrance to Valle Vista’s veranda where guests were waiting. They pulled up in a golf cart limousine, and Austin stepped out to ZZ Top’s “Sharp Dressed Man.” Each groomsman had a job of shining his shoes, taking his sunglasses, spraying mouth freshener and putting on his jacket. “It was kind of a good ice breaker, so everything wasn’t so serious,” said Austin, who works as a sales representative for G&H Orthodontics and as a broker for Smythe & Co. Real Estate. The men dressed in black tuxedos, and the eight bridesmaids wore blush pink gowns. Hannah chose an ivory sweetheart mermaid dress that was strapless, fitted to about the knees with a flare at the bottom. Her veil was mid-length with some sparkle and a sheer material that
flowed down her back. The bride wanted something that wouldn’t overpower her petite frame yet would have a romantic feel. She continued the soft, natural, shabby chic style with a white hydrangea bouquet and pale pink roses and hydrangeas for the centerpieces. Planning the wedding was fairly easy and convenient, Hannah said, because Valle Vista is owned and operated by her family, so designing and creating special events is what they do best together. She used Pinterest for color and centerpiece inspiration, but overall, the 24-year-old had a vision of what she wanted her wedding and reception to look like with a mix of old and new. She thought briefly about incorporating the adage something borrowed and something blue, SouthsideWedding
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but the number of details to address became somewhat time consuming with her busy schedule of working three jobs as a real estate assistant, an aesthetician and as a model for an online boutique. The Smythes decided on the 7 p.m. August ceremony after ruling out other options in July and November. The weather was ideal for an outdoor event, and everything from the disc jockey’s playlist to the buffet fell into place at the reception. One detail Hannah couldn’t plan for was her nerves of being front and center for the event. As the bride said later, looking through the pictures from the day, she made it through without passing out. “What I was most stressed about was walking down the aisle and being the center of attention,” she said. “I was really nervous about being in front of everyone.” The wedding cake consisted of pink and white layers and had a mix of white, chocolate and strawberry flavors. Austin, 24, who usually eats healthfully thanks to his wife, decided to
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“We wanted to keep things short but also show we were basing this marriage on the foundation of God.” —Austin Smythe SouthsideWedding
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break tradition and eat the top layer one week after the wedding instead of at the traditional one year anniversary. “My justification was that I didn’t think it was going to be good in a year,” he said. “When cake came into the house, I got really excited.” The Smythes honeymooned at an allinclusive resort in Turks and Caicos, where they snorkeled in the blue waters, wind surfed and played competitive matches of beach volleyball.
The trip was a fun escape after closing on their first house a week before the wedding and spending those few days renovating the kitchen, tearing down wallpaper and painting. It also gave them perspective on having their ceremony come together so perfectly and spending it with all of the special people in their lives. “It was a surreal moment,” Austin said. “You have your best friends there and closest family members. You will never have that again.”
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searching for
Perfection —Story by Cheryl Fiscus Jenkins—
B
eading, lace, sleeves and straps top wedding dress trends for 2015’s fashion-forward brides. It is a classic look with a hint of sophistication and romance after spanning a long period of strapless dresses. Bridal shop owners agree an A-line style that is fitted toward the hip and flowing downward also will be popular this year, which is different from the mermaid dress that flares from the knees. Styles these days are just as beautiful from the back as they are from the front, with embellishment and detail throughout that give every part of the dress a unique look. Terry Kutsko, owner of That Special Touch in downtown Columbus, encourages women to have an open mind when shopping for the perfect dress. With so many options to choose from, brides-to-be can always find the most flattering fit for their shape and size. “There are so many different styles that girls can really find their own look and what works for them — what fits their body and makes them feel good,” she said. “When a girl finds the dress she likes, she kind of owns it and radiates that confidence.” Brooke Dale of Greenwood visited That Special Touch about a month after getting engaged to now-husband, Kevin Dale. She felt like royalty for the day there, trying on eight dresses for her mother, sister and a bridesmaid. Her second selection, an A-line with plenty of beading and a princess neckline, stole her heart instantly, and she could tell it was a good choice from everyone’s reaction. The ivory dress with a long traditional train fit perfectly for the couple’s October ceremony at St. Bartholomew Catholic Church. Dale relied on Pinterest, friends and bridal shows for inspiration on dresses, but she kept an open mind on various styles from the start. “It was the second one I tried, and I didn’t want to take it off,” said Dale, a second-grade teacher at St. Bartholomew Catholic School. “I tried it on again, and nothing compared to it. When you know, you know.” Jessica Limeberry, owner of Sophia’s Bridal Tux and Prom on the south side of Indianapolis, said television shows such as TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress” can give brides an idea of what dress shopping will be like, but reality TV can also overwhelm them by promoting grandiose expectations of how friends and family will react to dress choices.
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| Dress trends |
She recommends brides bring a couple of people with them to shop, so not to confuse the issue with too many opinions. She also said it’s OK to have a quiet reflection on the overall look of the dress. “Some people do cry and have a reaction, and some people just think, ‘This is the one,’ ” she said. Limeberry said ivory is definitely the top color choice over traditional white gowns. She also sells some peachy pink, pale pink blush, champagne and gold dresses plus an oyster color, which has a grayish tone. Popular now are dresses that blend one of those hues with an ivory overlay of embellishment that makes both colors pop. “It kind of gives the dimension of having all of those fabrics underneath, but it is very rich,” she said.
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Wedding shop owners have also seen changes in tuxedo trends with the guys opting away from the traditional jacket and going more casual with a tie, vest and suspenders. Gray, tan and navy blue tuxedos have gained in popularity over traditional black. Bow ties, Limeberry said, are also in style for the men with some sporting unique plaid, polka dot and striped patterns. Grooms can show individuality with bright socks or sock patterns of argyles, stripes and geometric shapes. Bridesmaids are opting for a more mismatched look with slight variations of color or dress style. Hemlines sometimes run shorter, above the knee, with chiffon a more popular and flattering fabric than satin, said Buffy Smith, manager of Prestigious Affairs in Seymour. Wedding attire trends change subtly from
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year to year with high waists, long gloves and veiled hats being styles of the past and scoop backs, single layer veils and even cowboy boots as the present look. Smith said Western and hunting influence has been popular with brides in the Midwest lately as they choose cowboy boots, plus burlap and camouflage embellishment in sashes and flowers for today’s weddings. She has seen individuality this year with several brides wearing champagne or pale pink dresses, and two recent brides each wearing red and purple. Smith agrees the ivory vintage A-line look is still most popular among brides today, but she said the halter style and higher necklines, as seen in bridal magazines, will eventually make their way to the area. “In our area, we are about a year away from what
we see in the bridal magazines,” she said, adding that not too many brides have asked for the look yet. She said brides are choosing long dresses for the ceremony with part of the ensemble detaching for the reception, and many women like the keyhole back with a slight opening. Kutsko said she can fit most brides’ budgets from $99 and up, sometimes ordering elegant bridesmaid dresses in white or ivory to save on cost. Recent bride Dale advises other brides-tobe to relish the dress shopping experience, even though it can be overwhelming, and to rely on shop stylists to find the best look. “I really didn’t know what would look good on my body,” she said, adding that Kutsko helped her find the perfect dress. “They made me feel like a princess.”
Nestled on over 50 acres of apple orchard, our wedding and reception area is perfect for the couple who want their ceremony surrounded by nature. As guests enter the enchanting woodland garden, the gazebo is framed by trees and water. The gurgling of the waterfall sets a peaceful tone. The Bride and Groom cross the bridge to exchange their vows in the center of the pond. The guests overlook from the nearby shore. The reception is held in the 32’x48’ cathedral-like shelter, which is discreetly lighted and provides electricity for your caterer and DJ. For further information, log on to our website at www.apple-works.com or call Sandra Pavey at 317-358-6775.
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DAILYDialogue Honest conversations are integral part of all marriage planning —Story by Greg Seiter—
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ewly engaged couples have many decisions to make prior to getting married. But industry experts say there’s much more involved in planning a wedding beyond determining a location, selecting colors and decorations, picking out a dress and mailing invitations. “When planning a wedding, you’re planning for your hopes, vision and dreams,” said Elizabeth Mellencamp Johnson, clinical director and owner of Stillpoint Consultants in Greenwood. “A couple must determine what they want to experience and what they want their family to experience, and the challenge in
pulling that off is in answering the ‘how’ questions. Those answers aren’t typically available in a standard wedding plan.” According to Johnson, communication is a key element throughout the planning process, but both the bride- and groom-to-be must also be open to seeing things from the other’s perspective. “When you’re in a long-term standing relationship like marriage, you’re in a longterm conversation,” she said. “You’re challenged every time you speak to have a different perspective, and it’s very important to take the other person’s views into consideration. It’s really a challenge for each person not to take a position, but that’s exactly what they must do. The real challenge is in figuring out how to stay in these conversations.” To do so, both parties must be involved in the planning process. “When I first meet with a couple, I usually ask that the groom come to at least two of the sessions,” said Marie Frey, owner of FCCI Weddings in Indianapolis. “After all, it’s his wedding too, and there are really a lot of things he can help with. When I see a couple working on everything together, from the beginning, it indicates to me that they have a good chance of making it and that they’ll have a good marriage.” Johnson agrees. “I think guys are getting more involved because they understand this is about their home and family too,” she said. “They’re realizing their opinions count. Men are now valuing the process of the ceremony. They care about whether or not their family’s heritage will be represented.” Of course, even before the planning begins, budget should be a primary conversation point. “Sometimes, they just don’t understand how expensive things are,” Frey said. “They need to speak with a planner so they’re not shocked to find out how much a photographer and DJ is going to cost.” Johnson is also quick to point out that financial discussions are about much more than just dollars and cents. “Money in our culture also represents power, lack of power, control and lack of control,” she said. “You need to talk about how much you’re going to spend and what you’re going to spend it on. It’s a collaborative effort.” Johnson also said that unfortunately, disputes can arise when parents become monetarily involved in organizing a ceremony and reception. “When parents contribute financially to a wedding, oftentimes they feel like they have a
This is where Happily Ever After Begins... A beautiful 1871 Chapel built in historic Morgantown here to serve you. Wedding ceremonies, receptions, or entire events in one elegant venue. We are a unique venue providing you with a Chapel that is connected directly to the reception hall. Your guests will never have to leave the building during the event. Come tour the Chapel, preparation kitchen, bridal parlor, and groomsman cave. Our helpful staff and excellent local professionals look forward to serving you!
140 E. Washington St., Morgantown, IN 46160 (812) 597-0045 www.chapelatmorgantown.com www.facebook.com/chapelatmorgantown Email: patricia@chapelatmorgantown.com
wedding flowers Bud and Bloom Florist offers a wide selection of bridal bouquets, wedding ceremony flowers, floral cake decorations & centerpieces to fit any budget.
florist and gifts
www.budandbloomflorist.com 355 N. Morton St., Franklin, IN 46131 • 317-738-3330
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Preparing for the unexpected Planning for a wedding can be stressful and time-consuming, but couples should also actively engage in conversations about their future together while considering specific marriage-related ceremonial details. “During the wedding planning process, you also have to talk about your hopes and dreams and how you plan to stay committed to one another, even when your expectations aren’t met,” said Elizabeth Mellencamp Johnson, clinical director and owner of Stillpoint Consultants in Greenwood. “How will we support one another and how will we each work to change our perspective?” According to Johnson, frequent and open conversation about the future is very important during the engagement stage. “You should talk about family planning and what will happen if an unexpected child comes along,” she said. “You also need to be prepared for tragedy and things like the loss of a job or the loss of a child.” Self-inventory must also be taken. “Are you prepared to be divorced? Because if you’re not prepared to be divorced, you’re not prepared to be married,” Johnson said. Money also should be a topic of discussion. “You should also determine who the spender is and who the saver is and then determine what financial security will look like in your marriage,” Johnson said. “If you don’t discuss money before you get married, you’re stupid. You have to talk about debt and savings and determine who is comfortable doing what. What will the signals be that things are OK and what will signal that they aren’t? “The bottom line is that you have to stay engaged in very courageous conversations and remember the conversation you’re having at any given moment isn’t always exactly about what’s being discussed. No matter the subject, you must have commitment, strength and perseverance to turn around and not just take the position of being right or wrong.”
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certain degree of control over the planning process, and that should not be the case,” she said. Interestingly enough, according to Johnson, guest seating is also a very important thing to consider when planning for things like a rehearsal or wedding dinner. “It sounds like you’re trying to create a seating chart, but it’s much bigger than that,” she said. “You’re really talking about how you will sit people so feelings won’t be hurt and how you’re going to position old, unresolved family issues that haven’t been discussed or resolved. Basically, you’re managing feelings.” Johnson and Frey believe the feelings of all those involved in the wedding planning process can best be managed through open and honest dialogue with selfless intent.
“My daughters were married four months apart from one another, and even though they both had very nice weddings, it was hard because I couldn’t be mom and the planner all in one,” Frey said. “I always tell mothers they can’t be their daughter’s planner. It’s not going to work because they’re way too close to what’s going on. You’re going to have disagreements and hurt feelings if you try to run the show.” Johnson encountered a similar learning process when her daughter was married this past October. “I saw firsthand that it’s not just a production,” she said. “The planning process takes a tremendous commitment from the kids and their family members, and ultimately, everyone must be willing to stay in conversation throughout.
“You need to talk about how much you’re going to spend and what you’re going to spend it on. It’s a collaborative effort.” —Elizabeth Mellencamp Johnson Stillpoint Consultants
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“You may think you’re talking about the cake, but you’re really not, so you must be willing to listen in order to determine what’s really important. A lot of spiders will be crawling through your process. I had to stay present to my daughter, and I had to remember that it was her wedding.” Frey also emphasized how important it is for an engaged couple to allow for downtime as they plan for their wedding. “You need to plan for date nights and to think about what you’re going to do, as a couple, for Valentine’s Day leading up to your wedding,” she said. “Make sure you’re still spending time together, not just focusing on the wedding. You have to continue to do things as a couple.”
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QUESTION Is the bride expected to pay for the flower girl and ring bearer's attire? ANSWER Just as for the adult members of your wedding party, agreeing to be in the wedding generally also means agreeing to buy an outfit. Usually, child attendants' parents pay for their clothes, but you might choose to purchase a flower girl's dress or ring bearer's suit as a gift. Decide how you're going to handle it, then go ahead and bring this up at the same time you ask the parents' permission for the tykes to be in the wedding. That way, there's no chance of a misunderstanding. QUESTION My boyfriend and I just got engaged. We haven’t set a date yet and it may be over a year before the actual event. Do we need to apply for a marriage license now or hold off? ANSWER Don't bother with getting the license until you've set the date. Most states have both a waiting period after you apply for the license (usually just a few days) as well as an expiration policy that dictates the length of time a license is valid. This can range anywhere from a few weeks to six months, but if you’re not getting married for another year, why waste time hauling yourselves to city hall, the town clerk’s office, or the local marriage license bureau to apply if there’s a chance it might expire before the ceremony? Forget about it! Once you've set a date, then give your local marriage license bureau a buzz to confirm their guidelines and make your plan for a license to wed. QUESTION If invited guests do not respond to a formal wedding invitation, even though a response card was supplied, should we call them to find out if they will come? Or can we assume that they're not coming? ANSWER As far as final head count goes, you should never assume. Call to see if they're coming. You never know — maybe they think they sent the response card but it may be hiding under a pile of mail. If calling is a problem, assume that they are coming, and make sure there’s food and seats for them. It's better to have extra grub and room than to have neglected guests wondering where to sit! QUESTION My parents want to invite the whole world to our wedding. They’re willing to pay for the extra guests, but we’d rather keep things small and intimate. How can I rein them in? ANSWER Parents and their children often have very different ideas regarding the fundamentals of weddings, and disagreements are part of the planning
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process. Sit down with your fiancé and your parents, and, as politely as you can, explain your desire to have a smaller affair. Give a specific example as to how an increased guest list will alter the wedding’s vibe (say, your dream reception site only seats 100). If your parents are paying for everything, then technically they are the hosts, which means they have more bargaining power. However, if you and your fiancé are contributing to the bill, politely tell them you appreciate the offer to cover a portion of the headcount, but that you get final say on the guest list. Regardless of who is paying, try to compromise by agreeing to put a cap on the number of extra invitees, and leave it at that. QUESTION How far in advance should you send wedding invitations? ANSWER Ideally, invitations should go out eight weeks before the wedding — this gives guests plenty of time to clear their schedules for the day and make travel arrangements if they are out-of-towners. Timely invitations also let you make the RSVP date earlier — about three weeks before the wedding — so you can get a final head count and start making a seating chart (if you’ll have one) before the week-before-the-wedding crunch begins. At the very latest, guests should receive invitations six weeks in advance, and you should receive responses two weeks before the big day. QUESTION At a bachelor party, the best man typically charges per head for drinks and entertainment. Is it proper etiquette to charge per head at a bachelorette party, or should the maid of honor foot the bill? ANSWER Unlike a shower, where the hostess pays for the party (that may mean the maid of honor or the maid of honor and all the bridesmaids), for a bachelorette bash, it’s completely cool to ask everyone who comes to chip in. Make it clear before the festivities begin though. Tell all the guests what the plan is and the suggested contribution. No one should have a problem with it — they’ll all want to feel like they’re taking the bride out to paint the town red!
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QUESTION I’m worried about wedding guests walking in late to our wedding and distracting attention from our wedding ceremony. What can I do to prevent this? ANSWER There are a few ways you can keep those inevitable stragglers from turning heads during your vows. Don’t be too rigid about starting the ceremony at the precise minute you listed on the invitation; if guests are still filtering in at that moment, give them a few extra minutes to get settled. If it’s getting really late, don’t feel trapped waiting for people who may never show. (Very late guests may give up trying to get to the ceremony and catch up with you at the reception.) After the ceremony starts, station someone outside to direct guests in at an appropriate moment. In the end, don’t be too concerned with latecomers. Once the ceremony begins, the only person who will have your attention will be your beloved, and all eyes will be on you two — not on the back door. QUESTION I have a wedding budget that allows for about 150 guests, but my fiance and I have so many friends that our current list already exceeds 250! I keep looking at it and just can’t cut any names without feeling terrible. How can we trim our wedding guest list without the guilt? ANSWER Rest assured that a bulging-at-the-seams guest list is a common wedding planning occurrence, and can be remedied somewhat painlessly. You are probably feeling so excited about sharing this joyous occasion with everyone you know that you just can’t bear to leave anyone off the list. But, truth be told, most of us can’t afford to invite everyone we know to our weddings, so start trimming! First, go over your list with your fiance and put each guest into category A or B. The As are the absolute must-invites, and likely include your family and closest friends. The B list is for all of those remaining. Now weed out your B list by asking yourself some questions: How close are you with this person? When was the last time you saw or spoke to this person? Would having him or her there on your wedding day really make or break your enjoyment? Based on your answers, you should be able to significantly reduce your overall list. Other ways to consider cutting back: Leave off old high school or college friends whom you’re pretty sure you’ll never see again; second and third cousins whose names you can barely remember; and your parents’ extras (unless, of course, your parents are footing the bill). Make your wedding adults-only (skip anyone under 18); invite single people sans guests (and seat them together so they’ll mix and mingle); and don’t feel obligated to invite co-workers or business associates. Lastly, don’t feel pressured to invite people just because you were invited to their weddings. You may still feel bad about cutting people, but the reality is, it’s one of the surest ways to save lots of money and have the wedding of your dreams.
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Indy’s Southside Magazine
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>> By CARLEY RONEY Carley Roney is co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, www.theknot.com. SouthsideWedding
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Wedding Budget Worksheet Ceremony
Flowers
Location fee Officiant fee Marriage license Rings Pillow Total Ceremony
Ceremony Bride’s bouquet Bridesmaids’ bouquets Corsages & boutonnieres Reception centerpieces Flower girl basket Bathroom arrangements Total flowers
Reception Reception site Food Drinks Rentals Cake Favors Total Reception
Attire Gown Headpiece/veil Undergarments/hosiery Shoes Accessories Jewelry Makeup Hair Tuxedo Shoes Cuff links Men’s grooming Total attire
Music Ceremony musicians Band/DJ Extra musicians Total music
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Total Wedding Budget
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Photography Photographer’s fees Videographer’s fees Total photography
Transportation Limousines Buses/transport for guests Total transportation
Stationery Invitations Calligraphy Postage Thank-you cards Total stationery
Gifts Wedding party Parents Other Total gifts
Honeymoon Accommodations Food Total honeymoon
CONTACT OUR EXPERIENCED STAFF FOR YOUR PERSONAL CONSULTATION TO LEARN ABOUT OUR BEAUTIFUL BANQUET FACILITY, DELICIOUS FOOD, LUXURIOUS ACCOMMODATIONS & SUPERIOR SERVICE.
COLUMBUS/EDINBURGH 12210 N. Executive Drive Edinburgh, IN 46124
812.526.8600 INDIANAPOLIS SOUTH GREENWOOD 5255 Noggle Way Indianapolis, IN 46237
317.888.4814
Your One Stop Shop For All Your Wedding Needs! Let us help you get the most unforgettable and affordable wedding you always wanted! • Tents • Candelabras • Aisle Runners • Champagne & Chocolate Fountains • Lighting for Tents • Brass or Lattice Arches • Greek Columns & Supplies • Tables • DJ in a Box • Chairs & Chair Covers • Linens • China Dishware • Dance Floors • Kneeling Benches and Much More!
Photo by Mandy Leonards Photography
Greenwood - 171 Melody Ave • (317) 881-0565 Franklin - 110 Commerce Park Dr. • (317) 859-5926
www.centralindianarentals.com