DON’T YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE TOXIC? Don’t allow yourself to become a victim, be strong, be brave and let others help
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here is no doubt that escaping a toxic relationship is healthier than staying.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a serious and dangerous issue. It is aggressive behaviour within the home, typically involving violent abuse. The frightening thing is far more common than you may think at first. Did you know that six out of 10 of us have experienced abusive behaviour but never realised it? Our subconscious believed that getting abused every day was normal. We expected it and it was everyday life for us. According to the Office for National Statistics, 3.1 million of us were victims of sexual abuse before the age of 16.
Megan’s Story
Megan (not her real name) is 16, from Eastbourne, and spoke to Tag. She and her family are victims of psychological and violent abuse. “My stepdad smashed my brother’s phone, and he was left isolated. I couldn’t contact him; no one could. I’ve never been more scared for my brother“ Similar events were no strangers to Megan. And like many in her position, this took a toll on her mental health. She began to struggle with everyday life but felt that she could reach out for help and had to keep a brave face for her siblings. “I was constantly feeling down. It got worse and worse, and I realised that I had to do something. I asked my friends and those I trusted for help. I even had to call helplines.” Megan called the Samaritans when she felt useless and helpless. Talking to someone about her problems was therapeutic and gave her the release she needed.
Like many of our readers, Megan is young yet already feels like she has the responsibilities of an adult. She wanted to be out living her teenage life! But Megan found that reaching out and talking helped her heal. Please speak to someone you trust if you, in any way, can relate to her story.
Red Flags
There are always red flags in toxic relationships. Think violence, harassment or abuse. Maybe they are constantly putting you down and making you feel sad, anxious or angry. They might undermine or cause you harm. But the longer you stay and ignore these signs, the more the assailant feels invincible, and the more they can continue to hurt you. Here are some examples of red flags: •
Criticising your friends and you when you hang out with them.
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Checking or taking control of your phone.
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Always asking you where you’re going.
Rebuilding Yourself
There is always a positive side. Once you notice the signs and leave toxic relationships behind you, you will feel free and you can evolve and heal. You will understand yourself better and become a kinder and more compassionate person, and you will be a much better person than before the bad relationship. Get out of them, no matter how hard it might be to do. As you grow, you learn whether someone is bad or good for you. You can learn to spot red flags too. It is possible to love yourself again and find yourself. When you leave, you can learn to be confident in yourself.
USEFUL INFORMATION If you are in these situations, you can find help here: Childline – 0800 1111 Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse (HAVOCA) offers online support to over 18s. @thesurvivorstrustuk on Instagram offers support for SA survivors. The National Male Survivor Helpline – 0808 800 5005. The Samaritans 116 723
“I’ve never been more scared” Rebecca Walters Design: Rebecca Walters Photography: Joe Grinstead
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