March 2020

March 2020 Adar / Nissan 5780

BESA Simchas Resource Guide Uncovering Jewish Links in Japan

Sunday, April 26, 2020

REGISTER TODAY! www.walkagainsthate.org/sandiego Let's Take A Step in the Right Direction!

2 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

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FEB. 19 – march 22 west coast premiere Directed by david ellenstein

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JEWISH FOOD FESTIVAL MAY 3, 2020 | 11AM - 4PM

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TUESDAY & WEDNESSDAY MARCH 10-11TH PARTICIPATE IN THE FOUR MITZVOT OF PURIM: 1) HEAR THE MEGILLA (STORY OF PURIM) TWICE 2) GIVE CHARITY TO TWO PEOPLE 3) SEND FOOD BASKETS (MASHALOCH MANOT) TO ONE FRIEND 4) PARTAKE IN A JOYOUS FEAST We have locations all over San Diego!

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Learning is Better Together

Nierman Preschool GlickmanuGalinson Early Childhood Complex

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CONTENTS Adar/Nissan 5780

March 2020

34 PURIM: Purim's Past Makes for a Spectacular Present in Tel Aviv

MONTHLY COLUMNS 12 From the Editor 22 Personal Development and Judaism 24 Israeli Lifestyle 26 Examined Life 28 Religion

Around Town 18 Our Town 20 The Scene 62 Entertainment

In Every Issue 16 What’s Up Online 59 Food 61 Diversions 64 News 66 Advice 8 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

43 FEATURE: Secular Rabbi Adam Chalom Talks What It Means to Be and 'Do' Jewish

IN THIS ISSUE 30 FEATURE: A Jewish Detective Story From Japan 36 SIMCHAS RESOURCE GUIDE 47 FEATURE: Honoring the Theatre with a Musical Flourish–North Coast Rep's Spotlight Gala 49 OP-ED: Tikkun Olam Part 1 51 FEATURE: Good Deeds Day 54 FEATURE: Israeli Women's Team Impressive Showing at the LEN European Water Polo Championship 57 OP-ED: Stealth Judaism

Join us for a fun, whimsical evening of community & philanthropy Saturday, April 25, 2020 6pm | Hyatt Regency La Jolla

Chairs: Scott Schindler, Marie G. Raftery & Dr. Robert Rubenstein Honorary Chairs: Evelyn & Ernest Rady

Celebrating the 2020 Mitzvah Honorees

Marcia Hazan

Danielle & Brian Miller

Mark Hetfield, CEO

Purchase tickets:

www.jfssd.org/gala Underwriting Opportunities: Dana Levin | (858) 637-3013 | danal@jfssd.org

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12531 High Bluff Dr, Suite 400

You totohave have toto make choices, Youare aregoing goingto haveto make some choices, San some Diego, CA 92130 You are going make some choices, 858-523-7913

have totomake make them alone. but butyou youdon’t don’thave haveto make them alone. www.LiberLincoln WMG.com but you don’t them alone.

12531 High Bluff Dr, Suite 400

You some choices, Youare aregoing goingtotohave havetotomake make some choices, San Diego, CA 92130 858-523-7913

but don’t them alone. butyou youwww.sdjewishjournal.com don’thave havetotomake make them alone. www.LiberLincoln WMG.com

jobs can bebe difficult wewe areare with youyou every step of the way.way.

Donwith Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® JeffreyChanging RChanging Liber, CFP® jobs can difficult but every step of the March 2020 •but Adar/Nissan 5780

jobs can bebe difficult butbut wewe areare with youyou every step of the way.way.

Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® JeffreyChanging RChanging Liber, CFP® jobs can difficult with every step of the Changing jobs can be difficult but we are with you every step of the way.

Managin g Director-Investments Managing Director-Investments Senior Vice President-Investments Senior Vice President-Investments • Retirement • Retirement

Retirement Plans Retirement Plans CA Insurance Lic #0C28496Plans CA Insurance Lic #0C28496Plans CA Insurance Lic #0821851 CA Insurance Lic #0821851 • Retirement Plans

don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com PUBLISHERS • Mark Edelstein and Dr. Mark Moss • Life/Disability Insurance • Life/Disability Insurance  Life/Disability Insurance  Life/Disability Insurance

• Life/Disability Insurance

• Investment Strategies

Investment Strategies Gina Grimmer •  Investment Strategies

Financial Consultant

CA Insurance Lic #O178195

gina.grimmer@wfadvisors.com

Zeebah Aleshi Senior Registered Client Associate CA Insurance Lic #0G75099 zeebah.aleshi@wfadvisors.com

Yesenia Gil Client Associate Fluent in Spanish yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com

858-532-7904 858-532-7904

12531 HHigh igh BBluff luff DDrive, rive, SSTE TE 4400 00 12531 12531 HighCBluff Bluff Drive, STE 400 San iego, A 2130 12531 High Drive, San DDiego, CA 992130

San Diego, CA 92130 92130 San Diego, CA 858-­‐ 23-­‐ 904 858-­‐ 5523-­‐ 77904 858-523-7904 858-523-7904 12531 High Bluff Drive, STE 400 www.liberlincolnwmg.com www.liberlincolnwmg.com San CDiego, Don Lincoln, CFP®, IMA® CA 92130

Jeffrey Jeffrey RR LLiber, iber, CCFP® FP® Managing D irector-­‐ IInvestments Managing DLiber, irector-­‐ nvestments

Jeffrey R CFP® Jeffrey RRLiber, CFP® CA IInsurance LLic ##0C28496 Jeffrey Liber, CFP® CA nsurance ic 0C28496 Managing DirectorInvestments Managing DirectorInvestments jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com Managing jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com Director-Investments CA Insurance LicCFP® #0C28496 Jeffrey R Liber,

Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® Senior VVice ice PPresident-­‐ resident-­‐ nvestments 858-523-7904 Senior IInvestments

DonLincoln, Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA®® ® CIMA® Don CFP®, CA IInsurance nsurance ic ##CFP 0821851 Don Lincoln, , CIMA CA LLic 0821851 SeniorVice Vice President-Investments Investments Senior Presidentdon.lincoln@wfadvisors.com 12531 HighPresident-Investments Bluff Dr, Suite 400 don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com Senior Vice CAInsurance Insurance Lic #0821851 Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® CA Lic San Diego, CA #0821851 92130 don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com CA Insurance Lic #0821851 Senior Vice PresidentInvestments don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com 858-523-7913 Gina rimmer CA Insurance Lic #0821851 Don.Lincoln@wfadvisors.com Gina GGrimmer www.LiberLincoln WMG.com

CA Insurance Lic #0C28496

CA Insurance Lic #0C28496 jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com Managing DirectorInvestments jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com CA Insurance Alissa W Jeffrey.Liber@wfadvisors.com Alissa Waddell addell Lic #0C28496

Registered lient AAssociate ssociate don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com Registered CClient

AVP -­‐-­‐ RRegistered jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com AVP egistered CClient lient A Associate ssociate CA insurance Lic #0I18483 Gina Grimmer

Emily Saffa CFP® CA insurance ic #0I18483 Gina Grimmer R Liber,LClient Jeffrey alissa.waddell@wfadvisors.com Registered Associate alissa.waddell@wfadvisors.com Financial Consultant Registered Client Associate Managin gGrimmer Director-Inves tments CA insurance Lic #O178195 Gina CA insuranceLicLic #O178195 CA Insurance License #0I70215 CA Insurance #0C28496 Registered Client Associate eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com CA insurance Lic #0178195

CA iinsurance nsurance ic 0178195 Yesenia Gil Patty Dutra CA LLGil ic ##0178195 Yesenia Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com Client Associate eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com Client Associate Senior Client Associate Senior Vice Fluent in President-Investments Spanish Yesenia Gil Fluent in Spanish 858-523-7904 CA Insurance Lic #0821851 Client Associate yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com Fluent in Spanish Emily.saffa@wfadvisors.com Patty.Dutra@wfadvisors.com Investment offered through through affiliates: affiliates: !NOT !NOT FDIC FDIC Insured Insured !NO !NOBank BankGuarantee Guarantee Investment and and Insurance Insurance Products Products offered

yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com

!MAY Lose eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com !MAY Lose Value Value

Michelle Hasten Zeebah Aleshi Gina Grimmer High BluffofofWells Dr., Suite 400 Wells is aa registered registered broker-dealer broker-dealer and and 12531 separate non-bank affiliate WellsFargo Fargo Company.

Wells Fargo Fargo Advisors, Advisors, LLC, LLC, Member Member SIPC, SIPC, is aa separate non-bank affiliate &&Company. ©2009 Wells Fargo Advisors, All reserved. 88580 88580 –v1 –v1 -0312-2590 -0312-2590 (e7460) (e7460) Senior Registered Client Associate ©2009 WellsRegistered Fargo Advisors, LLC. LLC. All rights rights reserved.

Financial Consultant Senior Client Associate San Diego, CA92130

CA Insurance Lic #0G75099 CA Insurance Lic Lic #O178195 CA Insurance #0183194 offered through affiliates: 858-523-7904 Investment and Insurance NOT FDIC Insured MAY NO Bank Investment InsuranceProducts Products: NOT FDIC Insured NO Bank Guarantee LoseGuarantee Value zeebah.aleshi@wfadvisors.com gina.grimmer@wfadvisors.com MAY Lose Value Michelle.Hasten@wfadvisors.com

Investment and Insurance Products: NOT FDIC Insured NO Bank Guarantee MAY Lose Value Wells Fargo Advisors is a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC Wells Fargo Advisors is tradename nameused used byAll Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC (c) 2016 Wells FargoisClearing Services, LLC Rights reserved 1016-02995 Wells Fargo Advisors aa trade by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC Yesenia Gil (c) 2016 Wells Fargo Clearing Services,LLC LLCAll AllRights Rights reserved reserved 1016-02995 (c) 2016 Wells Fargo Clearing Services, 1016-02995

www.LiberLincolnWMG.COM

Client Associate Fluent in Spanish

Insurance products are offered through nonbank insurance agency affiliates of yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com Wells Fargo & Company and are underwritten by unaffiliated insurance companies.

Wells Fargo Advisors is a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member SIPC.

Larry M. Katz Certified Public Accountant

• Income Tax Preparation • IRS and State Audit Representation • Litigation Support Services • Forensic Accounting Services • Business Consulting Services

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF • Jacqueline Bull • Investment Strategies

 Investment Strategies Zeebah Aleshi Gina Grimmer Wehrung Senior Registered Client Associate Financial Consultant ASSISTANT EDITOR • Alex

CA Insurance #0G75099 CA Insurance Lic #O178195

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR • EileenLicSondak zeebah.aleshi@wfadvisors.com gina.grimmer@wfadvisors.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR • Derek Berghaus

Yesenia Gil OFFICE MANAGER • Jonathan Ableson Client Associate SENIOR CONSULTANT • Ronnie Weisberg Fluent in Spanish yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com 858-532-7904 858-532-7904 858-532-7904

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS 12531 High Bluff Drive, STE 400 Emily Bartell, Linda Bennett, Leorah Gavidor, 12531 HighCBluff Bluff Drive, STE 400 San Diego, A 92130 12531 High Drive, San Diego, CA 92130 92130 Emily Gould, Judith Fein (Senior Travel Correspondent), San Diego, CA 858-­‐ 523-­‐ 7904

858-523-7904 858-523-7904 Paul Ross (Senior Travel Photographer), Patricia Goldblatt, 12531 High Bluff Drive, STE 400 www.liberlincolnwmg.com www.liberlincolnwmg.com

San CDiego, Jeffrey Pat R Liber, CFP® Lincoln, CSimantov, FP®, IMA® CA 92130 Launer, Sharon Rosen Leib,Don Andrea Managing Director-­‐ Investments Senior Vice President-­‐ Investments 858-523-7904

Jeffrey R Liber, CFP® Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA®® Marnie Macauley, Rabbi Jacob Rupp, Saul Levine, ® ® CIMA® Jeffrey RRLiber, Don Lincoln, CFP®, CA Insurance Lic CFP® #0C28496 CA Insurance Lic CFP #0821851 Jeffrey Liber, CFP Don Lincoln, , CIMA Managing DirectorInvestments SeniorVice VicePresidentPresident-Investments Investments Managing DirectorInvestments Senior jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com Rachael Eden, Sybil Kaplan.

12531 HighPresident-Investments Bluff Dr, Suite 400 Managing Director-Investments Senior Vice CA Insurance Lic #0C28496 CA Insurance Lic #0821851 R Liber, CFP® CA Jeffrey Insurance Lic #0C28496

CAjeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com Insurance Lic #0C28496 jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com Managing DirectorInvestments CA Insurance #0C28496 Alissa Waddell LicADVERTISING Jeffrey.Liber@wfadvisors.com AVP -­‐ Registered Client Associate jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com

Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® CA Insurance Lic #0821851

San Diego, CA 92130 don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com CA Insurance Lic #0821851 Senior Vice PresidentInvestments don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com 858-523-7913 Gina Grimmer CA Insurance Lic #0821851 Don.Lincoln@wfadvisors.com REPRESENTATIVES www.LiberLincoln WMG.com Registered Client Associate don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com CA insurance YeseniaLic Gil#0178195

CA insurance Lic #0I18483 Gina Grimmer Jonathan Ableson – Senior Account Executive Emily Saffa Patty Dutra Yesenia GilCFP®, CIMA® Gina R Grimmer Don Lincoln, Liber, CFP® eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com Jeffrey alissa.waddell@wfadvisors.com Client Associate Registered Client Associate Financial Consultant Client Associate Senior Client Associate Registered Client Associate Alan Moss – Palm Springs Managin g Director-Inves tments Senior Vice Fluent in President-Investments Spanish Yesenia Gil CA insurance Gina GrimmerLic #O178195 Fluent in Spanish insurance #O178195 CACA Insurance License #0I70215 858-523-7904 CA Insurance LicLic #0C28496 CAClient Insurance Lic #0821851 Associate yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com Registered Client Associate eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com Fluent in Spanish

CA insurance Lic #0178195 Emily.saffa@wfadvisors.com Investment and Insurance Products offered through affiliates: Patty.Dutra@wfadvisors.com !NOT FDIC Insured !NO Bank Guarantee

SAN DIEGO JEWISH JOURNAL yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com

!MAYeugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com Lose Value

Michelle Hasten Zeebah Aleshi Gina Grimmer (858) 638-9818 • fax: (858) 638-9801 High BluffofDr., Suite 400 Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC, Member SIPC, is a registered broker-dealer and12531 a separate non-bank affiliate Wells Fargo & Company. ©2009 Wells Consultant Fargo Advisors, LLC. All rights reserved. 88580 –v1 -0312-2590 (e7460) Senior Registered Client Associate Financial Senior Registered Client Associate San Diego, CA92130 7734 Herschel Avenue, Suite H, La Jolla, CA 92037

CA Insurance Lic #0G75099 CA Insurance Lic Lic #O178195 CAInvestment Insurance #0183194 offered through affiliates: 858-523-7904 NOT FDIC Insured MAY NO Bank Investment and Insurance InsuranceProducts Products: NOT FDIC Insured NO Bank Guarantee LoseGuarantee Value zeebah.aleshi@wfadvisors.com gina.grimmer@wfadvisors.com MAY Lose Value Michelle.Hasten@wfadvisors.com

Investment and Insurance Products: NOT FDIC Insured NO Bank Guarantee MAY Lose Value Wells Fargo Advisors is a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC Wells Fargo Advisors is tradename nameused used byAll Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC (c) 2016 Wells FargoisClearing Services, LLC Rights reserved 1016-02995 Wells Fargo Advisors aa trade by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC Yesenia Gil (c) 2016 Wells Fargo Clearing Services,LLC LLCAll AllRights Rights reserved reserved 1016-02995 (c) 2016 Wells Fargo Clearing Services, 1016-02995

www.LiberLincolnWMG.COM EDITORIAL: editor@sdjewishjournal.com Client Associate ADVERTISING: marke@sdjewishjournal.com Fluent in Spanish CIRCULATION & SUBSCRIPTIONS: jableson@sdjewishjournal.com yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com ART DEPARTMENT: art@sdjewishjournal.com Wells Fargo Advisors is a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member SIPC. LISTINGS & CALENDAR: assistant@sdjewishjournal.com

SDJJ is published monthly by San Diego Jewish Journal, LLC. Subscription rate is $24 for one year (12 issues). Send subscription requests to SDJJ, 7742 Herschel Ave., Suite H, La Jolla, CA 92037. The San Diego Jewish Journal is a free and open forum for the expression of opinions. The opinions expressed herein are solely the opinion of the author and in no way reflect the opinions of the publishers, staff or advertisers. The San Diego Jewish Journal is not responsible for the accuracy of any and all information within advertisements. The San Diego Jewish Journal reserves the right to edit all submitted materials, including press releases, letters to the editor, articles and calendar listings for brevity and clarity. The Journal is not legally responsible for the accuracy of calendar or directory listings, nor is it responsible for possible postponements, cancellations or changes in venue. Manuscripts, letters, documents and photographs sent to the Journal become the physical property of the publication, which is not responsible for the return or loss of such material. All contents ©2020 by San Diego Jewish Journal.

The San Diego Jewish Journal is a member of the American Jewish Press Association and the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

Since 1983

3070 Racetrack View Drive Del Mar, CA 92014 858.461.0115 lkatz@lkatzcpa.com www.lkatzcpa.com

10 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

#SDJewishJournal

SanDiegoJewishJournal

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 11

Simchas Season

A

s I write this, the weather in So Cal has tipped tantalizingly close to beach weather, the days are getting longer, the streets of downtown seem to be waking up, the trees in Balboa Park are blooming with fluffy white blossoms and Purim is around the corner. Fittingly, this issue also has our Simchas resource guide to tie into the party atmosphere of Purim.

Spring is also gala season with Seacrest’s gala being imminent as I write this, North Coast Rep’s, and JFS’s following.

Suffice to say, fêtes are on the mind. I really could wax poetic about a good party.

A good party can cement a new friendship, serve as goal posts for different periods of life, bring a romantic relationship to an inevitable start or an inevitable end. Humans as ceremonial creatures love a party for marriage, graduation, life, death, and of course numerous homages to religious and cultural tradition. As an aside, I would like to defend some of the frequently ridiculed parties: weddings. Regardless of my relationship status, I’ve always enjoyed wed-

dings (and Valentine’s Day for that matter).

Why can’t we just be sincerely happy for people?

Decorating for a party will always give me a thrill. I enjoy making my own decorations (tasteful, and perhaps not Martha Stewart perfect, but I wouldn’t say shabby either) and being creative with the resources available to me.

I’ve been reading Joan Didion’s “The White Album” which is a book of essays about, among other things, California (generally Los Angeles) in the 60’s. And she was in the curious position of hosting all manner of interesting people at her home-Janis Joplin being a guest at one point.

California in the 60s has of course been painted with a romantic brush; my curiosity revolves around wondering what those parties were like.

I’m also curious as to what an anthropologist might glean from studying our ceremonies and parties. Looking at the graduation parties of my old high school, you might walk away with the assessment that pulled-pork sandwiches and decorated

From The Editor 12 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

poster boards were most revered. Or perhaps you might mistake these parties for a funeral with the prevalence of shrines of the graduate made of school portraits in chronological order. Or even that they were meant like signing parties for athletes to proudly display which university colors they will wear in the future.

On a macro level, I think how we celebrate is a cross-section of culture and you could probably distinguish communities between what their celebrations look like. The trappings are not just trappings; they are artifacts of our taste and what we value. A

Jacqueline Bull

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YOU’RE INVITED TO ATTEND JEWISH NATIONAL FUND’S

LOVE OF ISRAEL BRUNCH In conjunction with JNF’s Major Donor Weekend FEATURING GUEST SPEAKER

Titi Aynaw

Miss Israel 2013, Model, and TV Personality

Interviewed by Stella Inger Escobedo, CBS 8 San Diego Morning Anchor

Sunday, March 22, 2020 10:30 am – 12:00 pm Omni San Diego Hotel Tickets $36 Register by March 11, 2020 at jnf.org/SDBrunch2020 SAN DIEGO PRESIDENT Shari Schenk Elaine Chortek & Susan Chortek Weisman TABLE CAPTAIN RECRUITMENT CHAIR Leslie Caspi

EVENT CHAIRS

MORE INFORMATION

Monica Edelman, Director, San Diego medelman@jnf.org or 858.824.9178 x988 RSVP Required

JOIN JEWISH NATIONAL FUND FOR THE EXCLUSIVE

MAJOR DONOR WEEKEND March 20–23, 2020 Manchester Grand Hyatt San Diego To register, book your room under JNF’s Room Block through February 28, and to view our growing schedule, visit jnf.org/majordonorweekend Major Donor Weekend is open to our partners donating $5,000 or more to the 2020 annual campaign.

14 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

Dietary Laws Observed

The Behavioral Health Committee of Jewish Family Service Invites You to an Educational Event in Support of Mental Health Awareness

AGING WITH RESILIENCE Combating Loneliness and Enhancing Your Mental Health Sunday, March 22, 2020 Temple Emanu-El, 6299 Capri Dr, San Diego, CA 92120 2:00 – 3:00pm - Community Resource Fair 3:00 – 4:00pm - Featured Speaker: Dr. Dara Schwartz, Lead Clinical Psychologist at Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital

What is the difference between being alone and loneliness?

How can we distinguish between forgetfulness and dementia?

What does it look like to take care of our mental health as we age?

Thank You

The science and data are very clear: social isolation is one of the most dangerous risk factors affecting older adults. But as we age, maintaining social connections and prioritizing our mental wellness can often get put on the backburner. Join us for an inspiring community event to discover how we can age with resilience.

Free Event | Open to the Community

www.jfssd.org/resilience

Linda & Edward Janon Kira Finkenberg Marcia Foster Hazan & Mark Cammell Meiselman Family Marie G. Raftery & Dr. Robert A. Rubenstein Karen & Jeffrey Silberman

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online @sdjewishjournal.com

I care deeply about Israel, so climate change is determining my 2020 vote in America

In this polarized political atmosphere, how can a centrist Zionist vote responsibly? I have found a way through by thinking about how another issue I care deeply about, our Earth, affects the Jewish world.

I believe that the responsible Zionist vote today has to do less with voting for Israel’s future, but voting for all of our futures. Israel is facing a threat even larger than Iran, violence from Palestinian terrorists, the Islamic State or any militant group. Not too long from now, Tel Aviv could be underwater, the blooming desert may shrivel away and there may be no people left to live in what is now the Jewish state.

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s corruption trial to open 2 weeks after elections

The corruption trial of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu will open March 17 in Jerusalem, two weeks after Israel holds its national elections (its third in less than a year).

There are no jury trials in Israel; a threejudge panel of the Jerusalem District Court will hear the case.

Netanyahu was charged in November in three corruption cases, marking the first time that a sitting Israeli prime minister was indicted. (Olmert had stepped down prior to his indictment.)

16 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

I worry about the warnings from scientists who tell us that by 2050–just 30 years from now–our planet may be too hot for human life to continue as we know it. I am worried about the warnings from scientists who tell us we have only about a decade left to reverse, stop or slow down the global climate change crisis. And I worry the most because so many people refuse to accept that our planet is imminently endangered.

Jeff Goldblum, Terry Gross and Marc Maron get emotional tracing their Jewish heritage on ‘Finding Your Roots’ The latest episode of PBS’ celebrity genealogy show “Finding Your Roots” was a lesson in Jewish history.

Titled “Beyond the Pale”–a reference to the Pale of Settlement, the region of what was then Imperial Russia where many Ashkenazi Jews have roots–the episode explored the family trees of actor Jeff Goldblum, NPR host Terry Gross and comedian Marc Maron.

As host Henry Louis Gates, Jr. explained, each of them has “deep Jewish roots,” but they all knew next to nothing about their ancestors. Continue reading at sdjewishjournal.com.

Dor L’Dor FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION

Join us as we remember the victims of the Holocaust, honor its survivors and teach future generations

1945 • 75

YEARS • 2020

Community Holocaust Commemoration 2020 Sunday, April 19 | 1:30-3:00 PM Lawrence Family Jewish Community Center

JACOBS FAMILY CAMPUS, 4126 Executive Drive, La Jolla

Free and open to the public. Doors open at 1:00 PM Please visit jewishinsandiego.org/yomhashoah to register and learn more Proudly featuring: Ben Midler Survivor and Author | Steven Schindler Second Generation

jewishinsandiego.org 858-571-3444

In partnership with Anti-Defamation League • Generations of the Shoah San Diego Jewish Community Foundation • Jewish Family Service of San Diego Lawrence Family JCC • New Life Club • San Diego Center for Jewish Culture San Diego Rabbinical Association • Seacrest Village Retirement Communities

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 17

our TOWN

BY LINDA BENNETT & EMILY BARTELL

What a wonderful experience! The Timken Museum of Art hosted an extraordinary exhibit: “Anne Frank–A History of Today”. This traveling multi-panel exhibition brought crowds of all ages and faiths together as it displayed themes of discrimination and exclusion, balanced with hope and determination. This traveling one-day exhibition was so well-received that it was held over for an extra two days. Some of those we ran into at the private reception were Linda & Joe Satz, Jason Bercovitch, Linda Luttbeg, Jennifer Campbell, Susan Cohn, Roxanne Katz with mom Rose Schindler, Mimi Pollack, Becky Guttin, Bernardo & Maty Bicas. Also seen in the audience were the Netherlands Council General of San Francisco, Bruce M. Abrams of International Affairs Board, and a number of Student Ambassador Guides from local San Diego Schools.

"Anne Frank–A History of Today" at the Timken Museum of Art.

With over 650 women in attendance (and a few men), this year’s Jewish Federation of San Diego’s Options Event was an enormous success. Welcoming everyone were Co-Chairs Lisa Pearl and Marie Raftery. With a number of guest speakers, and the hysterically funny keynote speaker, writer/comedian Carol Leifer, we all had an enjoyable afternoon. Some of those seen in the crowd were Jane Fantel, Elizabeth Weinrib, Sue Applebaum, Leora Gilor, Glenda Sacks Jaffe, Bev Lachman, Debra Kramer, Rise Edner, Debbie Deverett, Ruth Weiss, Rita Heller, Mona Platt, Emma & Maytal Lefkowitz, Brooke Sateesh, Karla Berg, Nan Sterman, Sherry Ahern, Barbara Sherman, and three-month-old Jonah Zipp.

Yom Huledets Sameach to…

Joan Berg celebrating her 81st birthday.

Mazel Tov to…

Monica & Victor Mizrachi, on the marriage of their son, Solomon, to Tali Aires. Tali is the daughter of Ian & Dina Aires. The wedding took place on July 7, 2019. These two San Diego natives met in second grade at the San Diego Jewish Academy.

Barbara & Irvin Gellman, on their 58th wedding anniversary.

Barbara & Richard Gitlin, on their 53rd wedding anniversary.

Nancy & Jay Handwerger, on their 62nd wedding anniversary.

Sally & Joe Nalven, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Carole & Howard Robin, on their 54th wedding anniversary.

Rabbi Josh & Stephanie Dorsch, on the birth of their daughter, Ziva Elisheva. Older sibling Nadiv (2 1/2 yrs) was excited to welcome his new sister, born on December 18 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

23, 2019. Elana Levens-Craig & Scott Craig, on the birth of their 2nd grandchild, Layla Ann, daughter of Chip & Kristie Snoddy, born on January 1, 2020 in Oahu.

Darby Steuer and Ted Steuer, on the birth of their grandson, Hugo Lee, son of Eric & Erin Steuer. Older sibling, Franklin (6 yrs) welcomed Hugo, born on January 18, 2020, in Walnut Creek.

Barry & Christine Tobias, on the birth of their granddaughter, Blythe Annabella, daughter of Alex & Alana Tobias.

Blythe came into the world on October 2, 2019.

Kaylie Jackel, on becoming a Bat Mitzvah on January 18, 2020. Parents Carri & Brian Jackel, grandparents, Raya & Norm Jackel and Katherine Horak of Tucson and older brother Branden looked on with pride.A

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 19

the SCENE

BY JACQUELINE BULL

The Jewish Federation of San Diego County’s OPTIONS– The Women’s Event drew over 600 women philanthropists.

The event was held at the Hilton La Jolla Torrey Pines on the morning of Feb. 2 and was co-chaired by Lisa Pearl and Marie Raftery. Entertainment came in the form of Emmynominated comedian Carol Leifer.

The theme of the event, “planting the seeds that build our thriving community,” tied into Tu Bishvat and guests personalized a paper leaf to add to the community trees and were given seed packets at their tables. A

Co-chairs Marie Raftery and Lisa Pearl.

Leslie Caspi, Sonia Israel.

20 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

Marci Karoll, Rayna Karoll, Simone Abelsohn, Lesley Davis.

Elise Resnick, Michelle Fischthal, Amy Besnoy, Toni Robin, Merryl Goldberg.

Lisa Pearl, Carol Leifer, Marie Raftery.

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Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 21

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT AND JUDAISM

THIS WAY TO EDEN

by Rachel Eden rachel.s.eden@gmail.com

Reacting to Pain

H

e burst into my room, tears running down his cheeks. His older brother had kicked him with very little provocation. He was hurt and where was the justice? Someone had to make this right and his parents weren’t exactly springing to action. What happened next was a blur, but I suddenly woke up to the reality that my younger son was wielding a bag of Legos ominously. He steadied himself to launch them, one-by-one, in a ferocious attempt at vigilante. Before a single block was set in motion, big brother looked up and pieced together his little rival’s intentions. Startled, he knocked over his bowl of cereal, spilling milk all over his pants. The anger and fury from milliseconds earlier dissipated instantly as all eyes zeroed in on a single pair of very wet pants. Weapons were dropped, pants were changed, and the day moved forward.

For me, the event left residual questions about my own approach to suffering and painful encounters. One of Aesop’s Fables, “The Bear and The Bees,” examines how we react to pain: “A Bear roaming the woods in search of berries happened on a fallen tree in which a swarm of Bees had stored their honey. The Bear began to nose around the log very carefully to find out if the Bees were at home. Just then, one of the Bees came home from the clover field with a load of sweets.

22 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

Guessing what the Bear was after, the Bee flew at him, stung him sharply and then disappeared into the hollow log. The Bear lost his temper in an instant, ripped open the log and attempted to destroy the nest.

Of course, this only brought out the whole swarm. The poor Bear was forced to save himself only by diving into a pool of water.”

What’s the moral of the story? It is wiser to tolerate a single injury in silence than to provoke a thousand by flying into a rage.

Humans, as a rule, are pain averse. We embrace pain killers in the form of medication for physical ailments and psychological distress. We vacation periodically and take mini-escapes regularly to dull the hardship of responsibility, exhaustion and boredom. We feel despondent when we check off all the boxes of doing the right things and still encounter suffering or failure. Pain is critical to survival as it forces us to attend to needs that endanger our lives but our knee-jerk reaction to quell our pain–while instinctive–isn’t always helpful.

I always aspired to give birth medication free and would seek strategies for pain management in labor. While I’ve never made it to through childbirth without some sort of medical relief, I did learn something that helped me significantly increase my threshold for pain. A friend reminded me

that contractions are the force that ejects a baby into the world. While our instinct is to tense up in response to a contraction’s acute pain, our goal is actually to maximize the contraction’s impact and therefore relax our muscles. Surrender to the contraction and allow it to work its magic. Does it hurt?

You bet. But clenching up will only prolong labor and frustrate the contraction’s impact.

Understanding my pain’s purpose helped me tremendously and underscored Viktor Frankl’s argument in “Man’s Search for Meaning” that man’s desire to find meaning allows him to endure in the face of (senseless) suffering and pain. I’m not proposing that we remain passive in a painful situation–quite the opposite. Embracing pain doesn’t need to be an exercise in masochism, and if we’re positioned to offset something difficult, we absolutely should. I’m suggesting that in lieu of fighting the pain, we focus our attention on assessing an intelligent course of action. Sometimes we need to seek medical attention, sometimes we need to accept a loss and sometimes we need to wage war. When we remove our disdain and fear of pain, we see the human in our opponent, the potential for success after failure and the need for compassion towards others suffering. We can put down our weapons, change our pants and move forward. A

The Jewish Community Foundation WELCOMES

Ollie Benn Director of Philanthropy and Social Impact Ollie Benn was raised in London and moved via Florida and Philadelphia to San Francisco, where he practiced law, and became heavily involved with several major local non-profits.

He transitioned his career to become Executive Director of SF Hillel. During that time, Ollie met his wife who grew up in San Diego and whose family still lives here. Ollie is passionate about soccer, food, and exploring the outdoors.

“ Ollie adds to our team with his: •

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Knowledge of trends in philanthropy and technology

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Firm believer in Dor’ l’dor and the passing of values from generation to generation

I am so happy to be able to support San Diego’s community and its continued growth and prosperity.

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(858) 279-2740 | info@jcfsandiego.org | www.jcfsandiego.org Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 23

ISRAELI LIFESTYLE

LIVING ON THE FRONT PAGE

by Andrea Simantov andreasimantov@gmail.com

Table 51

I

hadn’t seen her since the Autumn and she appeared physically the same. Her curly hair was still more pepper than salt and she appeared stylish in the black velour sweat-suit.

Mom seemed at ease with the new cane I’d gifted her the year before, the ergonomic handle easily grasped in gnarled–but manicured– fingers. She might have been more bent than in September but, frankly, it was hard to tell.

She was still sharp, vibrantly alive and, though she was loathe to admit it, no longer lonely.

The new surroundings were unfamiliar to me and it took a moment or three to personally synchronize my fiercely independent mother with her new independent-living residence in Maryland. The facility was both beautiful and stately and the only giveaway of it being exclusively for senior citizens was an occasional snoring denizen, smack-dab in the center lobby.

It was difficult to keep my delight in check as I toured the library, in-house health club, lunchtime cafe and solarium. The posted list of activities–cultural, athletic, spiritual–was rife with something for everyone. First-run films included “Parasite,” “Once Upon A Time in Hollywood” and “1917” and the van departed twice a day to a local upscale strip mall. The morning before my arrival, Mom had attended a rehearsal for the local chamber orchestra and that same night she’d seen an amateur production of “Raisin in the Sun.” Her room was beautifully furnished and the kitchen was better equipped than in my Jerusalem home. Comparatively, mom’s topof-the-line appliances and marble countertops made my apartment look like a hovel and I silently checked the mental box that said, “Home pride, Andrea!” There was carpets, wood accents, ceramic tiles and a view that evoked thoughts of 1776 and the signing of the Constitution. I felt deeply content and/ 24 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

or mildly smug that my siblings and I could house her at an address that was convenient for visiting children and grandchildren. Almost everyone I met was respectful (some awestruck) that I was Israeli-by-choice and had an opinion or six about how the country was being run. Many had relatives in a myriad of Israeli towns and tried out their best pre-bar mitzvah Hebrew on me. No one I met at the independent living center had the slightest doubt that I was involved in all government decisions and intimately involved in all decisions made by members of the Knesset.

The morning after my arrival, Mom treated me to the Sunday morning breakfast. She paid the requested $5 at the front desk and, as she limped alongside me, said in her best stage whisper, “Order the French Toast. It’s delicious, made with yesterday’s challah!”

‘If it’s all the same to you, Mom, I’m looking forward to scrambled eggs.’

“You’ll be sorry. The eggs are powdered, but suit yourself. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.”

Wending our way between wheelchairs, walkers and exceedingly cautious amblers, we parked ourselves at Table 51, where I was introduced to Olga, Lenny, Dov, Frank and Minette. (I was surprised at the number of men at Ring House since, typically, women outlive their husbands. I asked my mother about whether or not she would consider dating. Her answer is not printable.)

I was introduced to my co-diners and, although I was urged by everyone to order the post-Sabbath, challah French Toast, I held firm and ordered the inedible scrambled eggs.

Frank could barely look at me while muttering, “You wouldn’t listen. They’re powdered.”

My 90-year-old mother shrank into herself, awash with shame.

Almost all inquired about Dov’s wife who was languishing in the hospital, misdiagnosed and being systematically chopped away. First a toe, then a foot. I was feeling queasy but the others kept munching away. At this point my mother whispered to me, “Gurneys are wheeled on and off the elevators constantly.

You get used to it.”

It was revealed that Lenny was recently widowed to his bride of 70 years. I almost choked on my English muffin hearing this.

“We met in high school and she was the only girl I ever loved. She was still a junior when I graduated and enlisted. It was the middle of the war [WWII] and on my first leave home, in uniform, I walked right into her classroom, got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. We wed the day after she graduated.”

The meal was winding down with cups of hot water and saucers of prune compote.

I felt vaguely aware that something holy had transpired. I intuited that some lives pass richly while others are superficial and drama-free.

Indeed, over the course of only a few days, I’d been privy to tales of deep sadness, great joy, terrible loss and dreams that had been either fulfilled or not.

As I stand on the cusp of my own twilight years, I pray that my children and grandchildren will, with respect to me, conduct themselves kindly and take their cues from the Jewish precedent of honoring parents and celebrating elders. A

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Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 25

EXAMINED LIFE

OUR EMOTIONAL FOOTPRINT

by Saul Levine, M.D., Professor Emeritus in Psychiatry at UCSD slevine@ucsd.edu

The Complexities of Our Lives: The Past is Prologue

L

ife can be complicated. While often fulfilling and joyful, it can also be pressured and challenging when past concerns about ourselves can revisit us.

During my adolescence, I naively expected that life would progress smoothly and the “universe would unfold as it should” (comment by Comd. Spock on “Star Trek“) along a straight vector to a generically “better” place. There was no reason for this blind optimism since there were real problems in my life, but my youthful immaturity enabled my illusions.

My early childhood took place when World War II was raging and the world was in turmoil (déjà vu). I was raised in challenging working-class circumstances, my father having come in steerage to the “New World” as a non-English speaking, impoverished immigrant to escape the pogroms, poverty, anti-Semitism and looming Nazism in Europe.

My family shared a small cold water flat with relatives for a few years, as did many immigrant families in our homogeneous Jewish neighborhood. There were some displays of anti-Semitism, which kept us wary, sometimes vigilantly so. In addition, we went through personal trials and tribulations, like financial pressures and setbacks, physical illnesses and emotional distress.

I am not saying that I therefore experienced a scarring childhood. In spite of the ambient problems, I had loving parents, a warm ex-

26 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

tended family, enough to eat, adequate shelter, good education and friends.

Despite my “All will be well with the world” mentality, I was actually quite worried about my personal situation. I remember nights lying in bed during my high school and college years ruminating about whether I had “the right stuff.” Aside from age-related questions about my attractiveness (or lack thereof) to the opposite sex, my primary concerns resided in two other realms: the financial and the existential.

My worries about financial (in)security were deeply ingrained during my formative years. There were frequent family discussions about scarce money to afford staples and pay monthly bills.

But it was in the existential area that I especially wrestled with questions of identity like, “Who was I, really?” I wondered whether I was worthy of that unfolding universe and especially of my parents’ sacrifices and hopes.

Flash forward many years after those humble beginnings, I now find myself as a “young” octogenarian in dramatically different circumstances. I’m an Emeritus Professor of Psychiatry living in economic and social comfort. I’m happily married and the father of four wonderful offspring who have bestowed upon me seven grandchildren from whom I receive (and dole out) copious loving.

The intervening decades seem to have

flown by in a flash, but they certainly weren’t along the smooth trajectory I had expected.

As in most lives, there were unexpected disappointments and setbacks in my path (divorce, illnesses, losses).

While I now live in comfortable circumstances, there are times when I am preoccupied with old insecurities. I still doubt my fiscal competence and examine the worthiness and meaning of my life, but my current worries now include children, grandchildren and the state of the world.

I am not alone in this situation: The re-experiencing of old self-doubts and emotional wounds is a common human experience, especially during times of duress. One might think that the healing processes of maturation, seminal life circumstances, personal growth experiences and effective psychotherapies would permanently resolve our old insecurities and problems. One might think that, but one would be wrong.

We might now better understand the roots of our vulnerabilities. We might well have developed strategies to cope and compensate for our frailties (we all have them!), how to channel (redirect) or wall off (compartmentalize) old psychological wounds. But during crises, emotional scabs can be removed and old selfdoubts can come back to haunt our thoughts and dreams.

My experiences with patients and family, colleagues and friends throughout the world

have convinced me that we are all “afflicted” with the “Human Condition.” We are remarkably alike: We all have strengths and weaknesses, and our inner worlds are marked by the same emotions, love, hopes and joys, regrets and sorrows.

We are constantly thinking, searching, striving for improvements, ruing mistakes and taking pride in achievements. We’ve faced some challenges with trepidation, others with courage and resilience.

We all have aspirations for ourselves and our loved ones. We ponder existential issues by asking ourselves (or a deity or spiritual force) about the meaning of our life journeys.

We ask “Why?” and “How?” when critical events occur in our lives. We wonder about our good or bad luck, serendipity or synchronicity, karma or happenstance.

How did we sentient, creative human beings survive on Earth?

Why do we savor and suffer, love and hate? Is there meaning to our existence? We don’t have definitive answers to these existential quandaries; I doubt that we ever will or if we are even “meant to.”

It is up to us to embrace the fullness of life, which means making the best of what we have (setbacks and successes), and more so, making whatever we have the best it can be. Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” captures this masterfully with the words, “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same,” the message being that our successes and failures are both temporary blips in the trajectories of our lives.

At the end of our complicated life journeys, we all want to leave legacies for our children. Perhaps more important than material legacy is our Positive Emotional Footprint, the benevolent and meaningful effects we leave on our families, friends, relationships and communities. A

y

l p p

w o N

A

The JFS-David Rubenstein Memorial Scholarship Up to $5,000 Available for College

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Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 27

RELIGION

POST-POLITICAL

by Rabbi Jacob Rupp rabbirupp@gmail.com

The Art of Standing Still

A

s I thawed from what they say is a ‘mild’ Minnesota winter in the California sun, I felt this deep regret that I couldn’t stop time.

I find that the moments I wish would last forever are those times when I feel I have a sense of infinity. For me, the outcome of being ‘one with the Infinite’ should also have that quality of staying forever and it’s painful for me as it ebbs away.

It’s funny when Jews write about their spiritual experiences. It’s almost cringeworthy to write and it’s probably cringeworthy to read. It’s like watching two people deeply in love, or two people saying goodbye. You almost can’t look because the ‘realness’ of it all makes you want to turn away before it envelops you.

In our voyeuristic world, we like to keep a healthy emotional distance between us and our subjects. As a result, we save the ‘spiritual’ experiences for other faiths, other disciplines, or in other practices. But when was the last time a Jew felt G-d and talked about it without other people (and maybe himself ) thinking he was insane?

I don’t like to read what I write or watch a recording of myself when I speak. When I write or speak, I try to share a part of myself and going back re-reading it is like spending time with the dead. It was alive, and now it’s not. But for the sake of my creative development I will ask for your–my readers–indulgence.

On our vacation, I carved out time to take myself on a ‘date.’ This practice alone justifies the time you’ve spent on my article.

Deep down, on a metaphysical and biologically evolutionary level, we are terrified,

28 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

horrified, of being alone. To be apart from the group, distant from the crowd or vulnerable to the elements. To prevent this, we do whatever it takes to fit in. We tell the white (or not so white) lies, we doctor up our Instagram, we don’t stretch, sometimes we don’t dream.

But we’re never really alone. If we take the time to spend time with ourselves, we can actually hear ourselves. Sometimes we hear G-d. Answers materialize at times. Clarity manifests. We realize we don’t have to be scared of being alone–because we never really are. We are there with our thoughts and there with G-d.

So I stole time for myself. When my family was busy, I ran to a happy place. I have quite a few along the coast in California. My happy place usually involves an iced coffee from one of my uppity coffee spots and a beach with the mountains in the distance.

Usually there is a thin line of mist that separates the water and the mountains. I’ll look out and see the sun on the water. At those moments, I’ll get lost in the beauty–the Infinity of the ocean, how big it all is and how small I am. I become ultra-present and totally focused which for me almost never happens.

In those moments, with both the sound of the waves and my favorite live Dave Matthews (hey, never fails to disappoint) I got overwhelmed. Everything is ok. I love myself. All the stuff I am running to or from or towards … it’s all ok. And those moments I want to last forever because I feel in touch with the Infinite.

I get that feeling in synagogue too sometimes, or at the Kotel. I feel it in Israel or at

times with my family. But all of those moments, when you disappear into something bigger, you want to last forever. Ideally, that idea is at the core of the word “Shabbat.” It means to cease, to rest. To hang there a bit with nowhere to go because you’ve already arrived.

Is there a practical point to this reflection? Sure. Look for it. Give it to yourself.

If you never felt it, know there are people out there who do and who have. I have a friend who mentioned that one time he had this kind of experience and it changed his life. One time–life changing! Now he’s bereft because he’s accepted that maybe he’ll never have that sensation again.

I told him that now it happens to me somewhat often. It’s hard, of course, to slow down. It’s amazing to give yourself the gift of loving yourself instead of looking for it from our spouses, our kids, our jobs, or whatever little ecosystem you need to make yourself feel alive and worthy. You’re alive already and you’re already good enough.

It’s just that sometimes being in a beautiful place makes you realize it easier and faster.

When do you know you’ve gotten there?

You’ll never want to leave. You’ll want the time to stop, but you know it can’t. So you let the sun set, the sky get dark and you go back to your life better for having been there.

Now I appreciate that people might go their whole lives without spending time with themselves or taking a moment to just ‘be.’

It’s taken me a long time, but I can thrive being alone. A

T

EE R F

N VE

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Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 29

| TRAVEL |

A Jewish Detective Story From Japan

BY JUDITH FEIN PHOTOS BY PAUL ROSS

A

month ago, my husband Paul and I were riding in a van in little-known Tohoku, Japan with other travel journalists and photographers. We were passing by a torii gate, one of those large, majestic, orange or vermillion entrance gates to Shinto shrines that you have probably seen in every photo of Japan. One of the journalists called out to the guide, “Is the shape of the torii gate based on a Japanese letter?”

If I weren’t sitting right behind the guide, I would have thought I heard her words incorrectly. “No,” she replied. “The word ‘torii’ comes from Hebrew.”

I didn’t say anything aloud, but I whispered to Paul, “We Jews are always looking for Jewish connections when we travel. We see etrogs and Jewish stars everywhere. If there are two candles, we imagine they are for Shabbat.”

“But the guide isn’t Jewish. And she’s the one who said there is a Hebrew connection,” Paul whispered back.

We got out of the van at the entry to the Yahiko shrine and stood before the torii that separates the mundane from the sacred. I left behind my daily thoughts which had to do with plane tickets, the weather, and wanting to buy a kimono, took a deep breath and entered the grounds of the shrine. I stuck close to our guide as she led us to gentle deer, which she described as “sacred,” and sacred hens. We passed by kegs of sacred sake that were donated by breweries, and the place where sacred sumo wrestling matches took palace and the locus of sacred archery with sacred targets where ten priests shoot ten arrows each. “Depending on how many bull’s eyes they score, it determines the fortune for the next year,” the guide explained, and then continued, “Everything in nature is sacred.

30 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

Everything at this shrine is sacred.”

When we departed in the van, I thought about the torii and the improbability of the name deriving from a Hebrew word. The Hebrew word for gate is shear. But that’s in modern Hebrew. Was it possible that torii was an ancient Hebrew word? I turned to my sometimes-fickle friend the Internet and, sure enough, there it was: torii means gate in the ancient Aramaic dialect of Hebrew. My mind flooded with things I knew about Jews coming to Asia in the past. Several people told me that at the time of the Inquisition in Portugal and Spain, Jews went to Goa and Macau and from those places to Japan.

I knew about ancient Israelite migration to Asia, as evidenced by communities discovered in India and China. Was it possible that ancient Hebrews came to Japan as merchants and traders or interacted with ancient Japanese in Japan or elsewhere? I heard that during the Tokugawa or Edo period (17th to 19th centuries) there was, in addition to anti-Semitism, a fascination with Jewish culture.

The torii wasn’t the only connection to Israelites that I found interesting. At many Shinto and Buddhist shrines and temples, we were invited to wash our hands for purification before entering. It was said to cleanse mind, body and speech. We generally stood at a raised pool of water within a stone basin. A wooden ladle was provided and we were instructed to fill the ladle with water, and then wash our hands three times: left hand, right hand, left hand. “This is what we have experienced in Orthodox homes,” I whispered to Paul. Was this a coincidence?

Or had the fascination with Jewish customs penetrated aspects of Japanese society?

The next clue was pretty outrageous. Bear with me when I give you a little background.

There is a sect of mountain monks called the Yamabushi. They were warrior monks, worked with the samurai and were considered to be so spiritually powerful that they could change the weather. For 1500 years, their practices were secret and most Japanese people have no idea that they still exist and practice.

In the remote mountains of Shonai on Honchu island (about four hours from Tokyo by rapid train or less than two hours by plane), the Yamabushi master decided that people were so stressed out it was time to make the practices available to them. First, Japanese people could enroll and go through the intense initiation. The response was so strong and positive that Master Hoshino decided it could be introduced to Westerners; it was fortunate that Tak, a monk and former stressed-out executive, spoke English. They decided to invite two American journalists and decided we would fit the bill after seeing a TEDx talk I gave about Deep Travel.

We headed for Shonai in the winter for a private three-day training with the master.

When I got instructions, less than a week before departure, I collapsed in a pool of panic and decided I couldn’t go. We wouldn’t be allowed to speak for the entire time. Well, okay, that wasn’t easy, but was certainly doable. No shaving. Paul said that would give his skin a needed break. Sit in a room with smoke from chilis to see how long you could take it? Never. I have allergies. I wheeze from cats and dogs. Meditate under a freezing waterfall? In the Winter? Not in this lifetime.

And climb up two thousand steps to go to a Shinto shrine? (I had just fallen off an electric bike and shredded my meniscus. I couldn’t

climb 10 steps. Even five were difficult.) And we were only allowed to use one word. We were expected to speak it when the master indicated we should. I have a certain facility with languages, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember that one word.

So I decided to write and cancel the training. “Wait…don’t send the email yet,” Paul said. “What if we go there, meet Master Hoshino, and see what happens?” With great trepidation, I agreed. But I had a backup plan. I prayed night and day that there would be a terrible snowstorm and we would be unable to go outside. Well, guess what?

The training happened. No frozen waterfall. No climbing 2,000 steps. Just ritual and chanting and learning from the delightful, but very strict master, who looked like a cross between a snow owl and someone in an old samurai movie.

We became friendly and by the end of the training, Master Hoshino called me “sister” and I called him “brother.” The practice is now available to Westerners and during my recent trip, I met a Jewish man in Japan who was fascinated by the training. “Do you know that the Yamabushi put on tefillin once a year?” he asked me.

“Whaaaa?” I said. “Surely you jest.”

“Check it out,” he told me.

So when I got home, I visited my pal the Internet and found actual images of the Yamabushi men with black pieces attached to their foreheads by straps. They looked like the little black leather boxes that Jewish men wear, except theirs are rounded rather than cubed. And this is what Simcha Jacobovici wrote about it in the Times of Israel: “The fact is that in the Nagano prefecture, on the island of Honshu, there is a mountain called ‘Mount Moriya’, as in the Biblical

Handwashing ladles.

Yamabushi monks.

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 31

‘Mount Moriah.’ The locals believe that there is a god associated with this mountain. Even more interesting, every year the story of the near sacrifice of Isaac on Israel’s Mount Moriah told in Chapter 22 of Genesis is reenacted. This is part of a Shinto ritual. Shintoism is the traditional religion unique to Japan. During the festival, a boy is tied up to a wooden pillar and a Shinto priest comes to him with a knife, as if ready to sacrifice him. But then, as in the Bible, a messenger comes (another priest) and stops his knife-wielding colleague. The boy is then released and animals are sacrificed in his stead. The people call this festival ‘Mi-isaku-chi’ which may be a play on the Hebrew ‘Itzhak’ i.e., ‘Isaac.’”

I decided to do what any responsible journalist would do: wean myself from the Internet and go to my source. So I wrote to Tak and Tim, two of the Yamabushi monks. Tim wrote about the black forehead piece that “is called a Tokin. It’s Buddhist in nature, but we also wear it during the Akinomine Autumn Peak Ritual, which is Yamabushi training run by Dewa Sanzan Shrine. We wear it the whole time during the training, even when we sleep.

I have also heard of the theory that they could be related to the black boxes worn

by Jewish men, but I’m not sure of their origin.”

I also asked Tak to inquire of Master Hoshino if there was a possible Jewish connection and I expected the latter to issue a denial. Instead, Tak wrote, “Although I expected Master’s uncertain bewilderment, he recognizes what you are asking about.

He said he heard about the connection.

He said he had noticed something in common between the Jewish religion and the Shugendo religion [it predated Shinto], including the shape of the black item for

32 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

the head. One of Master’s friends, Catherine, who is familiar with Jewish traditions, shared her findings: there are some similarities between two, especially the old historical ways and beliefs of Jews. He mentioned the word ‘Kabbala,’ and he asked me to do some research for you. He also said the similarity might come from respect for nature that both beliefs share."

Hmm. You see by now why you have to be a Jewish detective to follow clues and try to ferret out answers from primary sources.

The last Jewish-Japan connection is quite surprising, but much more recent. We were visiting and staying with our friend Yumi Abe, who is a professional guide in Hiroshima. Hiroshima is on flat land that is ringed by mountains. It was there that the United States dropped an atomic bomb on the city on Aug. 6, 1945. Because Hiroshima was contained by the mountains, the bomb had the maximum effect: the radiation spread out to the mountains and came back again. It was the dawning of the age of nuclear weapons and, according to Yumi, it is estimated that approximately 350,000 people (40,000 soldiers and 310,000 civilians) were directly exposed to the atomic bombing and 140,000 died by the end of 1945. 60,000 more died by the end of 1950. 80 to 100% of the people who were within a kilometer from the hypocenter were immediately killed, and 50% of those who were exposed to the atomic bombing within 1.2-kilometer radius of ground zero died on that day. In the Memorial Peace Park, a horrifying mound contains the ashes of 70,000 victims. To date, only 814 of them have been identified.

The suffering and trauma in Hiroshima were unimaginable. Yumi’s mother was trapped under the beam of her house when it collapsed, but she miraculously survived,

Yumi Abe.

and she told us the story of what happened to her, her sister, her brother-in law, and especially her mother, who suffered horribly for 11 years before she died. Hiroshima is a destination, almost a pilgrimage, for many American visitors to Japan. They are among the millions of tourists from around the world who need to see Hiroshima and learn about the devastation the nuclear weapon caused.

Yumi asked us if it was okay to take us off the tourist trail. Of course we said yes.

She wanted to show us her favorite Buddhist temple, the Mitaki Temple, which is also called the Temple of Three Waterfalls.

As we visited the lush, incense-infused grounds of the temple, we were accompanied by the sound of flowing water. “Five structures at our Mitaki-dera temple withstood the bombing. It is 3.2 kilometers from the hypocenter. People were evacuated here after the bomb was dropped. The tower you see is dedicated to victims of the A-bomb.”

And then she pointed out something that took my breath away: it was a monument or pagoda for the victims of Auschwitz. Why did the Buddhists of Hiroshima commemorate the horrors of the Nazis?

I had many questions, and after we left, Yumi spoke to Gensen Sato, a head monk.

Auschwitz memorial sign.

He said that a “peace pogoda” with the ashes of Auschwitz Holocaust victims was constructed 46 years ago at the Mitaki temple.

At that time, the Mitaki Temple was the head of the Hiroshima Prefecture religious association, and this association was connected to the Museum in Auschwitz. The museum sent the personal effects and remains of Auschwitz victims to the religious association. The Mitaki Temple requested that the Memorial Peace Park keep or exhibit them, but the latter said they only dealt with things related to the atomic bombing. The personal belongings from Auschwitz victims were scattered and sent to a few facilities. But as for the remains of the victims, the Temple felt they should be treated respectfully, so the monument was erected in 1973 inside the Temple grounds. Every year, on May 12, Shinto, Buddhist, and Christian members of the religious association gathered in front of the monument and did a memorial service.

“But recently, things have changed,” Yumi reported sadly. “Now only a monk from the Mitaki temple offers prayers on May 12.”

In 1981 when Pope John Paul II visited the Memorial Peace Park in Hiroshima, a cardinal, one of the party, conducted a church service in front of the pagoda at the Mitaki Temple. But when Pope Francis recently came to Hiroshima, no one visited the pagoda.

According to Gensen Sato, the senior priest at the Temple after World War II, thought that the dropping of the atomic bomb and the Holocaust in Auschwitz were both powerful symbols of the tragedy of war.

“Very few people know about the history of the peace pagoda for Auschwitz victims and its relation to the atomic bomb,” Yumi wrote. “But Japanese and foreign students who are interested in the Auschwitz or study about the history or the Holocaust sometimes visit the monument.”

To end the report of the findings of this Jewish detective, I include Yumi’s words when I recently asked her about the torii, “As for the torii gate, there are a few theories,” she wrote. “The pronunciation ‘torii’ in Japanese means ‘gate’ in Hebrew. The shape of the gate of the Temple in ancient Israel is said to be very similar to the shape of the torii gate in Japan.” A To contact Yumi for guiding services in Hiroshima and western Japan: s-abe@mte.biglobe.ne.jp For more information about Tohoku: tohokukanko.jp/en/

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Purim’s Past Makes for a Spectacular Present in Tel Aviv

BY EMILY GOULD

T

he story of Purim’s origins sounds quite like a Shakespearean tragedy, albeit without the tragic ending–for the Jews that is. The tale begins in the palace of the Persian King Ahasuerus during a six-month long celebration of feasting and drinking.

The well-intoxicated King commands his lovely wife Vashti to showcase her beauty in front of their guests wearing only her crown.

The Queen refuses, enraging the King and prompting him to have her escorted out and begin a search for a new wife. Ahasuerus holds auditions for the role of his new spouse, forcing all young women in the kingdom to present themselves. One of these young women is our heroine, Esther. She ultimately is the one who Ahasuerus fancies, and he makes her his new wife. Esther, however, hides her past from the King; she was an orphan and Jewish.

Esther’s cousin Mordecai overhears a conversation between two palace guards plotting the murder of Ahasuerus. Thanks to Mordecai, the perpetrators are found and hanged; while Mordecai is not thanked for his service, his actions are recorded in the court’s daily record.

Haman the Agagite, son of a king whose people were wiped out by the Jewish kings 34 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

Saul and David, is appointed to the position of King Ahasuerus’ vizier. Due to his background, and the fact that Mordecai refused to prostrate himself before Haman, the vizier detests Mordecai and vows to kill Esther’s cousin and the rest of the Jews in Persia. Haman curries favor with Ahasuerus who gives his vizier the authority and finances to commit this act. Haman holds a lottery of sorts to determine the date that the slaughter will take place, resulting in the choosing of the thirteenth day of the month Adar.

Upon hearing the news, Mordecai publicly weeps and mourns, as do many of the other Jews in the kingdom. When Esther hears of Haman’s plan to annihilate her people, she– albeit reluctantly–requests that all the Jews fast and pray for three days with her while she uses her influence to change the king’s mind.

On the third day, Esther invites Ahasuerus to accompany her to a feast with Haman during which she requests that they continue the fête the following evening. At the feast, Mordecai again refuses to bow to Haman, further angering the vizier and prompting him to build a gallows where he intends to hang Mordecai the next day.

After the party, Ahasuerus finds himself unable to sleep and has the daily records read

to console him. Ahasuerus hears the record of Mordecai’s valliance in saving the king’s life; he asks what was done to thank him and is told that there was no recognition.

As Ahasuerus frowns at this answer, Haman walks in; the king asks Haman how such an honorable man should be rewarded. In a comedic turn of events, Haman, thinking that the king is talking about him, responds that the man should ride the king’s royal horse dressed in the king’s royal robes. Ahasuerus nods in agreement and orders Haman to bestow such an honor upon Mordecai, much to the vizier’s chagrin.

At the continuation of Esther’s banquet, she unveils her Jewish identity to her husband as well as Haman’s plot to eliminate all the Jews in Persia. Furious, Ahasuerus sentences Haman to die at the gallows which he had ironically prepared for Mordecai. As Haman’s preceding declaration of death to the Jews in Persia could not be undone, Ahasueres instead grants the power of writing a new declaration to Esther and Mordecai; they write that the Jewish people may kill anyone they perceive as a mortal threat. On Haman’s chosen 13th of Adar, 75,000 enemies of the Jewish people are executed, including Haman’s ten sons. The occasion led to Mordecai’s ap-

pointment to vizier, and consequently, his decision to create an annual holiday celebrating the salvation of the Jews in the Persian empire.

Such a fantastical origin has developed into arguably one of the most fun Jewish holidays at present tense.

“Purim” gets its name from the “Pur” or “lots,” cast by Haman to choose the date, the thirteenth of Adar. Sure we read from the Scroll of Esther, add to daily prayers, and donate to those less fortunate during purim, but we also take the celebration aspect to heart; especially if you’re in Tel Aviv.

As Jews in any other city do, Tel Avivians eat “oznei haman,” exchange gifts (typically food and/or drink related), dress up in costume, have a grandiose meal (at least one), and drink until they can’t earn anymore mitzvot. But what separates Tel Aviv’s celebration from the rest is the total and complete immersion in the holiday’s atmosphere. No matter where you go, for days before and after the thirteenth of Adar, the entire city is aglow.

You can’t go to a bar or restaurant that’s not having some kind of Purim party or promotion. You can’t walk through the city without seeing people dressed up in ridiculous attire, scootering around or riding the bus. You can’t set foot in a school without seeing signs and decorations up while children giggle about who has the best costume. And the parties are aplenty: the Kerem party at HaCarmel Shuk

always dazzles as the outdoor venue twinkles with lights and the music from local talent fills the ears of attendees; every cicar is outfitted with some kind of concert stage and dance floor (although that at cicar hamedi-

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na is undoubtedly the biggest); and every underground, hipster bar plays music all night, until the sun rises.

It’s a feeling, an energy, that’s difficult to describe. Every resident, young and old alike, delves deep into the spirit of the holiday. It’s a spectacular time of year when we can truly celebrate our livelihoods as Jews thanks to Esther and Mordecai, and symbolically cast away evil and evil-doers in the world like Haman.

“There’s nothing like Purim in Tel Aviv,” Mali Bires, a Chicago native who moved to Tel Aviv two years ago, said.

“The feeling of being in a city that’s completely immersed in its culture and heritage is spectacular; it almost feels like living in a movie. Everywhere you look people are singing and dancing, wearing costumes and drinking, giving gifts and eating hamantaschen. It’s truly unlike any other holiday I’ve ever seen; no Purim I’ve experienced in America has ever come close.”

The municipality of Tel Aviv takes great pains to ensure that all citizens and visitors alike are privy to the unique aura surrounding Purim in the city. Free public events are planned months and months ahead of time; if you search “Purim, Tel Aviv” on Google, you’ll come up with a seemingly endless list of parties and events put on by the city itself, as well as businesses and private citizens. If you’ve never been to Tel Aviv for Purim, it’s something you must put on your bucket list. All the mitzvot you’ll do can only be an added bonus. A

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Simchas Resource Guide

BY ALEX WEHRUNG

Venues: Andaz San Diego 600 F St. andazsandiego.com (619) 849-1234 Call for quote and details

B Bassmnt Nightclub 919 4th Ave. bassmntsd.com (619) 231-9200 ext. 3 Capacity: 50-1000 Call for pricing and catering information Dave & Buster’s 2981 Camino del Rio N daveandbusters.com/ locations/san-diego (619) 280-7115 Call for quote and details

B Deck655 655 W. Broadway deck655.com (619) 993-0710 Capacity: 350, reception style Booking cost: $6500 Advance booking recommended: Up to client’s discretion Outside catering allowed: No Harbor View Loft 1880 Harbor Island Dr. harborviewloft.com (858) 638-0672 Capacity: 200 Booking cost: $87 for rooms for weddings, $3000-4000 for corporate events Advance booking recommended: Yes. Location is booking for 2021 Outside catering allowed: No

B Hilton Garden Inn Carlsbad

Beach 6450 Carlsbad Blvd. hiltongardeninncarlsbad.com (760) 476-0800 Capacity: 230 Booking cost: Call for quote Advanced booking recommended: Six months in advance Outside catering allowed: Yes,

36 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

with $35 per-person cost

B Hilton Garden Inn San Diego/Del Mar 3939 Ocean Bluff Ave. hiltongardeninndelmar.com (858) 720-9500 Capacity: Sit-down for 200 Booking cost: $129-$329 for rooms, call for a quote with event space zYes on weekends; weekdays only 60 days in advance. LCD package included for BESA events Outside catering allowed: Only for ethnic requirements, but $36 per-person fee is applied Hilton San Diego Bayfront 1 Park Blvd. hiltonsandiegobayfront.com (619) 564-3333 Capacity: Up to 2,400 Booking cost: Varies, call for quote Advance booking recommended: Yes Outside catering allowed: No, Kosher catering available inhouse

B Hilton San Diego/Del Mar 15575 Jimmy Durante Blvd. sandiegodelmar.hilton.com (858) 764-6044 Capacity: Up to 6000 sq. ft Booking cost: Call for quote Advance booking recommended: Allowed for weekends; weekdays require booking 60 days in advance Outside catering allowed: $36 per person Homewood Suites by Hilton San Diego-Del Mar 11025 Vista Sorrento Pkwy. hilton.com/en/hotels/ sandehw-homewood-suitessan-diego-del-mar/ (858) 523-0500 Capacity: 12-200, depending by location Booking cost: Varies by event date and requirements Advance booking recommended: Yes

Outside catering allowed: No, exceptions for ethnic foods Hornblower Cruises 1800 N. Harbor Dr. hornblower.com (619) 686-8700 Capacity: 2-1,200 Booking cost: Price varies with custom options Advance booking recommended: As soon as possible Outside catering allowed: For dietary restrictions only Hotel Del Coronado 1500 Orange Ave. hoteldel.com (619) 435-6611 Capacity: Up to 1,100 Booking cost: Food and beverage minimums on top of room rental charges Advance booking recommended: At least one year Outside catering allowed: No

B Hyatt Regency La Jolla 3777 La Jolla Village Dr. lajolla.hyatt.com (858) 552-6025 Capacity: Up to 11,800 square feet Booking cost: $15,000 to $35,000 on average Advance booking recommended: 12-13 months Outside catering allowed: Yes, $50 plus tax and service charge fee Maderas Golf Club 17750 Old Coach Rd. maderasgolf.com (858) 451-8100 Call for quote and details

B Morgan Run Club and Resort 5690 Cancha de Golf clubcorp.com/Clubs/MorganRun-Club-Resort (858) 759-5444 Call for quote and details Parq Restaurant & Nightclub 615 Broadway parqsd.com

(619) 727-6789 Capacity: Up to 850 reception, 250 dinner Booking cost: Venue rental fee depends on group size and day of the week Advance booking recommended: 3 months Outside catering allowed: Not usually, but exceptions for kosher catering

B Party Pals 10427 Roselle St. partypals.com (858) 622-6613 Capacity: Up to 1,000 (inside and/or outside space available) Booking cost: Call for quote Advance booking recommended: Extremely busy through summer, starting in May. Recommended six months in advance Outside catering allowed: Yes San Diego Botanic Garden 230 Quail Gardens Dr. sdbgarden.org (760) 436-3036 Capacity: 30-300 Booking cost: $650-2500 Advance booking recommended: 15 months Outside catering allowed: No, but exceptions can be made for Kosher requirements

B San Diego Marriott Del Mar 11966 El Camino Real marriott.com/hotels/travel/ sandm-san-diego-marriottdel-mar (858) 523-1700 Capacity: 500-1200 Booking cost: $5000 and up Advance booking recommended: Yes Outside catering allowed: Yes San Diego Marriott La Jolla 4240 La Jolla Village Dr. marriottlajolla.com (858) 597-6384 Capacity: Groups of 80-700 Booking cost: $25-60 per person plus tax and service charge

San Diego Marriott Mission Valley 8757 Rio San Diego Dr. marriott.com/hotels/travel/ sanmv-san-diego-marriottmission-valley (619) 692-3800 Capacity: 200-700 Booking cost: Call for quote Advance booking recommended: As soon as possible Outside catering allowed: Yes, but there is a fee

B San Diego Mission Bay Resort 1175 E. Mission Bay Dr. missionbayresort.com (619) 275-8919 Call for quote and details San Diego Zoo 2920 Zoo Dr. events.sandiegozoo.org (619) 685-3259 Call for quote and details Sheraton San Diego Hotel and Marina 1380 Harbor Island Dr. sheraton.com/sandiegomarina (619) 692-2702 Capacity: 50-1500 Booking cost: Consultation required Advance booking recommended: At least one month Outside catering allowed: No Tango Del Rey 3567 Del Rey St. tangodelrey.com (858) 581-1114 Capacity: 5000 sq ft. with seating up to 220 Booking cost: Varies, call for quote Advance booking recommended: As early as one month depending on preferred date Outside catering allowed: No. Kosher-style available

B The Great Hall at UCSD

9500 Gilman Dr. ihouse.ucsd.edu/ (858) 852-1791 Capacity: 220-300 Booking cost: Regular rate $3750; non-profit rate $3375, both an 8-hr day

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Advance booking recommended: Short term up to a year and a half out Outside catering allowed: Only if full kosher is needed

Advance booking recommended: Availability is dependent on the academic calendar Outside catering allowed: No The New Children’s Museum 200 West Island Ave. thinkplaycreate.org (619) 233-8792 Capacity: 1,000 Booking cost: $2,500-6,500 Advance booking recommended: Availability varies Outside catering allowed: No, but exceptions can be made for Kosher requirements

B The Westin Carlsbad Resort

& Spa 5480 Grand Pacific Dr. westincarlsbad.com (760) 827-2419 Capacity: 100-500 Booking cost: No room reservation cost, only charged for food and beverage to be consumed Advance booking recommended: Six months recommended Outside catering allowed: Yes

B The Westin Gaslamp Quarter

910 Broadway Circle westingaslamp.com (619) 239-2200 Capacity: 10-630 Booking cost: Call for a quote Advance booking recommended: As far out as possible, but availability is very flexible Outside catering allowed: Yes

UCSD Faculty Club 9500 Gilman Dr., #0121 facclub.ucsd.edu (858) 534-0876 Capacity: 50-300 Booking cost: Prices vary for members or non-members Advance booking recommended: Faculty Club members and UCSD organizations receive scheduling preference Outside catering allowed: No

18th Annual BESA EXPO Marks First Year at Marriott Del Mar

BY ALEX WEHRUNG Every year, the BESA EXPO hosts a number of event planners, entertainers and caterers, who are all affiliated members. The expo allows attendees to walk among various vendors pick certain companies to provide the right services for their event, whether it’s an explicitly Jewish occasion or a secular one. 2020 marks the expo’s 18th year, and its first at the San Diego Marriott Del Mar. “It’s just so much fun to see everybody walking around,” said Lydia Krasner, former Co-President of BESA and current President. “We usually get maybe five to seven hundred people to come to the expo, and it’s a beautiful thing because there’s such a buzz in the room.

“All the kids are so excited, the parents are looking for information and there’s just so much out there.”

BESA was originally a group of around six organizations that were familiar with one another and wanted to serve as a resource for the broader Jewish community in San Diego. The initial BESA EXPOs included these groups along with outside companies, but once the organization had at least 40 members to its name, it was able to host its own members on an exclusive basis.

To be a BESA member, a company must be nominated by a present member, have served at over 50 bar/bat mitzvahs while fulfilling BESA’s “core” categories of expertise–catering, event planning, DJ-ing, photography and videography–amongst other requirements. For bar/bat mitzvahs in particular, entertainers are expected to be able to cater to all three generations of event-goers: children, parents and grandparents.

In years past, the BESA EXPO was typically hosted at a member company’s place of business. Moving into the Marriott Del Mar will allow BESA to occupy its ballroom and stretch out into the adjoining parking lot, allowing for more vendors–as well as other organizations like the Jewish Federation and the Jewish Teen Initiative–to set up their booths.

Lydia said that in a community where parents typically come to the expo with loads of questions about their child’s mitzvah and may not have the necessary experience to set up a whole event by themselves, “We want to be that resource to help people, and if they come in [open-minded], with the tips from the pros, ask questions. Talk to any of us.”

Details and contact info for BESA members can be found at besasandiego.com. A

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 37

Event Planners/ Decorators: B Absolutely Fabulous!

(858) 886-6807 At Your Side atyoursideplanning.com (619) 322-7084

B Backdrops Beautiful

backdropsbeautiful.com (858) 300-2100 Bliss Events blissevent.com (619) 252-1058 Brilliant Event Design brillianteventdesign.com (305) 588-2761 Events by Gisele eventsbygisele.com (858) 531-3181 First Comes Love Weddings and Events firstcomeslovesd.com (619) 501-1695 I Do... Weddings and Events sdweddingplanner.com (858) 405-7244 Michele Moss Events michelemossevents.com (858) 220-9011

B Mitzvah Event Productions mitzvahevent.com (619) 548-3485 B RSVP Events rsvpsdevents.com (619) 517-6395 The Center of Attention thecenterofattention.biz (619) 857-5225

B The Party Link thepartylink.net (619) 464-3800 Timeless Event Design timelesseventdesign.com (617) 759-0050

Invitations/Favors/ Judaica/Decorations B Absolutely Fabulous! absofab.net (858) 886-6807 Products: Decor, planning, props, spandex, lighting

38 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

AFR Lounge Furniture Rentals afrevents.com (619) 208-2449 Products: Furniture Allen’s Flowers allensmitzvahflowers.com (619) 233-7673 Products: Floral-themed centerpieces, flowers, ceremony arrangements and baskets for out-of-town guests A Little Scene Flip Books alittlescene.com (323) 523-9595 Products: Photo flip books

B Backdrops Beautiful

backdropsbeautiful.com (858) 300-2100 Products: Backdrops

ENTERTAINMENT

A New World VR anewworldvr.com (858) 761-1758 Services offered: Virtual reality experiences

B Benjamin Asher Productions benjaminaproductions.com (858) 790-1412 Services available: DJ/MC, party pumpers, lighting, photo booths, custom grand entrances, video montages B Bollotta Entertainment

bollotta.com (619) 295-3522 Services available: DJs, dance bands, comedians

B CEG Interactive

B Balloonzilla balloonzilla.com (949) 427-0155 Products: Balloons

cegint.com (800) 987-0290 Services available: Video and photo booths

B Charming Expressions charming-expressions.com (619) 548-3485 Products: Charm bracelets, photo opportunities, sweet shoppe

B Charming Expressions charming-expressions.com (619) 548-3485 Services available: Sweets, charm bracelets, photo ops

B Chris’ Custom Airbrush airbrushchris.com (858) 488-7723 Products: Airbrush t-shirts

B Chris’ Custom Airbrush airbrushchris.com (858) 488-7723 Services available: Airbrush shirt and hats

B Create-A-Design at CLONE

createadesign.net (858) 259-6789 Products: Invitations, napkins, other favors and gifts

Hatikva Fine Judaica (858) 695-9777 Products: Judaica, jewelry, bookstore, cards, stationary and largest family-owned Jewish store in San Diego, since 1991.

B Lounge Appeal loungeappeal.com (888) 229-9990 Products: Event furniture rentals Pacific Events Productions, Inc./ Pep Creative pacificevents.com (858) 458-9908 Products: Furniture, bars, lighting & staging, props, florals, entertainment The Center of Attention thecenterofattention.biz (619) 857-5225 Products: Décor

Cirque Quirk cirquequirk.com (619) 800-1887 Services offered: Clowns, performing arts Dance Masters dancemasters.tv (800) 610-5570 Services available: Hip hop and break dancers Dancing DJ Productions dancingdjproductions.com (619) 980-8338 Services available: DJ/MCs, karaoke, photo booths

B Digital Event Caricature digitaleventcaricature.com (619) 579-7476 Services available: Live art B Fickle Finger Airbrush ficklefingerairbrush.com (760) 644-1991 Services available: Custom gifts, airbrushed and Henna tattoos

B The Funky 4 funkyhair.com (949) 500-5158 Products: Funky hair Henna San Diego hennasandiego.com (858) 752-3628 Services available: Henna tattoos

B JSoul Productions jsoulproductions.com j@jsoulproductions.com Services available: DJs, dancing Kevin Viner kevinvinermagic.com (760) 586-3947 Services available: Magic, mentalism and comedy Launch Live Art launchliveart.com (619) 326-8081 Services available: Live art

B Magic Mike Stilwell magicmikesd.com (619) 251-2766 Services available: Magic shows B Maximum Impact m-i-p.com (760) 929-9669 Services available: DJs, dancers, party pumpers, lighting, sound systems, video screens and more B Mr. Disc Jockey mrdiscjockey.com (760) 755-7720 Services available: DJ, party pumpers, lighting, concept video/ montages My Little Carnival mylittlecarnival.com (866) 838-4786 Services available: Carnival games and prizes, clowns, jugglers, magicians, dunk tanks, rock walls, amusement rides, pony rides, balloon decoration

B Party Pals partypals.com (858) 622-6613 Services available: Party rental games, arcade rental games PartyPOP partypop.com (818) 879-4880 Services available: DJs, musicians, décor, airbrush and body art

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| FEATURE |

Secular Rabbi Adam Chalom Talks What It Means to Be and ‘Do’ Jewish

BY ALEX WEHRUNG

W

hat does it mean to be Jewish?

Rabbi Adam Chalom of Kol Hadash–a humanistic Jewish congregation in Deerfield, Illinois–has a Bachelor’s degree from Yale in Jewish Studies and a Master’s in Hebrew and Judaic Cultural Studies from the University of Michigan, so as it happens, he has some authority on the subject. Enough so that he served as the speaker for three separate events on the meaning of Judaism over the course of three straight days in southern California.

Adam is a humanistic Jew who didn’t even consider becoming a rabbi until his junior year of high school, when his own rabbi suggested that he look into it as a career path. The summer before he attended college at Yale, he worked part-time at the office of an immigration attorney and at his synagogue. During the summer after his junior year in undergrad, Adam shadowed his congregation’s rabbi as part of an internship and sat in on budget discussions

and board meetings. Adam was ordained as a rabbi in 2001, and says he finds it rewarding to console families through hard times and encourage them through rites of passage.

Adam realized that being a rabbi was the life for him when he realized that he enjoyed speaking publicly, learning about Judaism and didn’t mind attending the aforementioned functions. “I sometimes joked that, for me, it was like a calling, but there was no one on the other end of the phone,” he said, referencing his secularism.

From Jan. 31 to Feb. 2, he took to Southern California to answer questions on Judaism in three cities: Newport Beach, San Diego and Los Angeles, respectively. On Feb. 1, he gave two separate presentations on Judaism at the Carlsbad City Library on behalf of the humanistic synagogue Kahal Am: “Being Jewish: What is a Jew?” and “Doing Jewish: Not Just for Jews Anymore!”

In his interview with me, Adam gave some insights into his personal analysis over

what Judaism is, and what it means to be Jewish.

“Being Jewish, for me, is being part of the Jewish family. I know it’s a self-referential concept, but there is a group of people who originally came out of Judea–which is where ‘Jew’ comes from–and who dispersed all over the world. They became mixed with other peoples in sort of an ethnicbiological sense. So that’s why Jews in Yemen look different from Jews in Ethiopia, look different from Jews in Poland, look different from Jews from Uzbekistan. We’ve mixed with the peoples around us and become sort of ethnically diverse within a larger umbrella.

“But when you think of it as a family, families have family stories, family legends, family culture, family recipes, family holidays, and those aren’t celebrated exactly the same way in every branch of the family, but there are some family resemblances among those experiences. So you have a Passover in just about every variety of

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 43

Jewish cultural group that you’ll find. They may do it very differently, but it’s all still part of that family tree, family inheritance. So for me, being Jewish is being part of this Jewish family inheritance.”

Adam also said that diversity, when considered from an evolutionary standpoint, has helped Judaism survive. There have always been varieties of ways to be Jewish, which manifests as several different denominations.

Without variety, the ‘species’ dies out–as well as makes it boring, Adam fears; who would he find to argue with otherwise? With variety, with pluralism, Judaism thrives.

But doing Jewish, Adam said, isn’t necessarily about fostering diversity, as much as it is welcoming it and shifting the conversation around Judaism; it’s about responding to diversity and making a framework for diverse experiences to be welcome in a single Jewish community.

“If you shift the focus from being Jewish to doing Jewish, and you don’t care as much who is Jewish or half-Jewish or any of that stuff, then it creates a much more welcoming environment for all kinds of people; for secular Jews who may not know very much about traditional Jewish practice, for humanistic Jews who want to do things that are meaningful to them and for non-Jewish spouses, partners or just people who are seeking … who want to know what it might be like to be part of the Jewish community, and so they want to try baking hamantaschen or spinning dreidels or experiencing a Passover Seder.

“So when you shift to doing Jewish, it changes the conversation about what is the Jewish community, what is this particular Jewish community throughout a congregational or community level, and who is part of this extended family?”

Going off of this, another topic–the subject of his talk in Newport Beach–is being Jewish and; the idea of keeping more identities than just being Jewish. “It used to be that your identity was Jewish or. You had to pick.

And for many people coming from multiple heritages, they don’t have to pick, they can be Jewish and something else.

“Think of the experience of Jews of color for example, or people who are Iraqi Jews who have very different experiences from Iranian Jews, who had different experiences from Russian Jews. If we treated Russian Jews as just Russian, that wouldn’t be complete. If we treated them as just Jewish like every other kind of Jew in sort of a whitewashing version, 44 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

that wouldn’t be true to their experience either.

“And if you treat the child of, let’s say, a Latina woman and a Jewish man who’s being raised experiencing both cultures, and tell them, ‘It’s Jewish or, you have to pick,’ they’re not gonna pick. They’re gonna choose both parents. They’re going to feel like both of who they are. So we have to be open to that hybrid-multiple-multi-faceted identity if we’re going to be relevant, going forward into the 21st century.”

Modernism clashing with Judaism as Judaism moves forward into the future is another theme Adam delved upon. “Certainly, if you take a secular approach to life, then the idea of a divine creation 5,780 years ago is not how you understand the world came to be. You believe in [the] Big Bang, evolution, dinosaurs, all that stuff. So there are times that modern approaches to knowledge will disagree with Jewish tradition.

“Also, the concept of the chosen people is one that has been challenged in recent … even decades, not even recent years.

Certainly, in the aftermath of the Holocaust, it’s hard to believe that the universe was designed for our benefit. And the founding of the state of Israel was in fact a reflection of acting instead of waiting; the Jewish tradition was waiting for the Messiah, and the Zionists said, ‘We’re not waiting anymore, we’re doing it ourselves,’ so that in some ways was a break. And they talked about the new Jew versus the old Jew as sort of transcending the

older value of just study piously, now we have to go out and act and farm and fight and all these virtues of Zionism.

“So we’re part of that tradition of sometimes challenging traditional values and lifestyles, but also we’re not unique in this.

Segregating genders in a synagogue setting is traditionally Jewish. Go back to any premodern synagogue, you have a little bit that’s separate sectioned off with a screen, and nowadays, even into the modern Orthodox world, they’ve shifted on this question of ‘Can women participate fully in synagogue Jewish life?’ Because of gender egalitarianism, feminism, human dignity, any way we want to slice it, those are modern values that changed Jewish tradition.

“So in a Reform setting, you’d never set up a mechitza to divide men and women, you’d never have the woman rabbi sit in the back of the room, because she can be a rabbi now. So modern values sometimes do disagree with Jewish traditions, and we have to decide, if push comes to shove, which are we going to side with.”

Towards the end of our interview, Adam added that he hopes Jewish Journal readers will think more deeply about what being and doing Jewish might mean to them, “And if approaching it in a secular, cultural, humanistic way might actually be any more meaningful for them than what they’ve experienced before.” A To learn about the local humanistic Jewish community, go to kahalam.org.

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| FEATURE |

Honoring the Theatre with a Musical Flourish – North Coast Rep’s Spotlight Gala

BY ALEX WEHRUNG Richard and Svetlana Dreyfuss.

N

orth Coast Repertory Theatre will hold its annual fundraising Spotlight Gala Mar. 22 for the first time at the Fairmont Grand Del Mar Hotel, after years of hosting the gala at the Del Mar Country Club. Gala Chairs Laura Applegate and Sarah King–who are in charge of the gala’s planning along with Martin Davis–expect somewhere between 200 to 250 people will attend the gala, of which considerable work is being undertaken have it ready in time for the March date.

“It takes a year of planning, basically, for a three-hour event,” said Nancy Richards, Director of Marketing and Press. “It’s amazing what goes into it.”

“I think Laura and I, we like to be a little ahead of everything,” said Sarah. “So we had timelines for ourselves personally, which maybe the theatre’s going, ‘No, you don’t have to do that for a month,’ but we very much know we’ve got to do that now. So when the plate comes off the stick, we’ve got time to stick it back on and have another go.”

Actor Richard Dreyfuss and his wife Svetlana will serve as Honorary Chairs for the evening. Richard is an Encinitas resident and has been involved with North Coast Repertory for at least six years; he is also good friends with Artistic Director David Ellenstein. Richard says he is going to attend the gala and donate a lunch with himself to the auction as a favor to David.

“If you come from the entertainment business, you know that can throw a rock

in any direction and hit an honor and an award and a tribute and it doesn’t really mean that much,” Richard said.

“But what means something is that you’ve found a community that supports theatre and likes and enjoys it, and that’s important.”

Richard also said that theatre is one of the most efficient ways of conveying ideas: “If a play is a regional hit and moves into New York and becomes a Broadway hit, and then becomes a film or a TV series and whatever, it spreads like benign plague, and it’s all of a sudden … the ideas expressed within this play are being mirrored everywhere.”

The night’s other honoree couple, Jay and Julie Sarno, will be honored with the Champion of the Arts Award. Jay became a member of NCR’s Board of Trustees after volunteering his services to fix the theatre’s various technical problems, and also served as President for three years. Julie works as the theatre’s Director of Development, after years of serving the position in a volunteer capacity.

The two were married on the theatre’s stage on April 22, 1989.

The gala will also feature performances of several famous Broadway songs, both old and new, performed by San Diego musical-comedy actors; “Money Money,” “Hey Big Spender”. And NCR’s own David Ellenstein will perform “If I Were a Rich Man.” Members of the North Coast Repertory Theatre Schools will also perform a song from “Oliver!” There will also be a sneak peak of an in-development Sherlock Holmes musical.

Gala Chairs Sarah King and Laura Applegate.

The money raised from the gala (which has raised up to $400,000 in the past) will go towards NCR’s general budget and be dispersed throughout its various departments. It will also subsidize children looking to attend the theatre school as well as fund the productions for said theatre school, the main stage productions, marketing materials and for the two housing units NCR rents out for the year to house actors from around the country it flies in for its productions.

And this year, two actors who featured in North Coast Repertory productions–Tony Amendola and Rafael Goldstein, who mesmerized in their performances as the protagonists from “Amadeus”–will receive Craig Noel Awards from the San Diego Critics Circle for Outstanding Lead Performance in a Play and Outstanding Featured Performance in a Play, respectively.

Richard called being an actor a gift, as it allows an individual to pause the pain in another person’s life. “It’s like creating a mechanism that goes into someone’s heart and discover[ing] pain that the person had totally thought he’d forgotten, but he hadn’t, and it was causing him to stoop down really low to the ground and groan. And then he goes to the theatre and laughs and he gets a relief.”

“There’s something magical about being in a theatre when something magical happens onstage,” Richard said. “It happens to you, in the theatre. And it’s great. It’s great.” A

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 47

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| OP-ED |

Tikkun Olam —On Repairing the World Part 1: Charity and Volunteering are Critical, But They Are Not Enough

BY BETH SIRULL

W

hen we think about furthering Tikkun Olam, repairing the world, most of us think of two approaches–donating money to charity, and volunteering our time and talent to help organizations and people. Both of these are critical, but they are not enough.

When we recite Judaism’s central prayer, the Shema, we promise to “Love the Lord our G-d with all our heart, all our soul and all our might.” Rashi, the 11th-century rabbinic sage, wrote that the word “might” doesn’t mean our physical power, but rather instructs that we must love G-d with “all our worldly possessions”–our money.

When you get right down to it, each of us can do four things with money: earn it, spend it, invest it and give it away. Done right, each of these can help to repair the world.

By 2025, millennials, those born between roughly 1980 and 2000, will make up 75% of the American workforce. Recent studies suggest that the overwhelming majority of millennials want to work for a company that has a purpose beyond just making money.

If you own a business and employ people, look for ways to make your business about making a positive difference in the world–in addition to making money. You’ll have an easier time hiring and retaining talent–and you will be helping to improve the world.

And if you are looking for a job, especially at this time of historically low unemployment, consider work that pays you AND makes the world a better place.

We all spend money. That’s how we acquire the goods we need to live—food, clothing, shelter, and everything else that fills our lives. How you choose to spend your money can also contribute to Tikkun Olam–or not. It is sometimes difficult for consumers to easily learn about the envi-

ronmental and social behavior of companies they purchase from. More and more companies are open about their social and environmental performance through annual corporate social responsibility reports.

When you are deciding on a purchase between different companies, check out their websites, not just for product specs but for purpose beyond profit. You’ll end up with a product you want–and you’ll be helping to improve the world.

What’s more, there are an increasing number of indicators that are easy for consumers to follow. The B Corporation movement is about ten years old. B Corporations (the B stands for benefit) are businesses that meet a standard of verified social and environmental performance, public transparency and legal accountability to balance profit and purpose. Just as trained mashgichim–supervisors–certify that certain foods are kosher, B Lab, the organization that created the B Corporation, certifies that these companies are intentionally leveraging business for good. More than 10,000 businesses across 150 industries and 65 countries are part of this growing movement. Visit BCorporation.net to learn more. And look for the B emblem on products you buy.

In addition to earning and spending money, most of us also invest our funds.

There are nearly 200 mutual funds and 40 exchange-traded funds that take environmental, social and governance performance into account when making investment decisions. There are also a growing number of specialty funds that focus on addressing specific challenges such as climate change or the gender gap. At year-end 2017, more than $12 trillion dollars were invested this way.

Some will say that taking social and environmental concerns into account when making investment decisions causes fi-

nancial performance to suffer. Numerous studies, and our own experience at the Jewish Community Foundation, dispute this claim. Visit the Forum for Sustainable and Responsible Investment website (ussif. org/performance) to connect to a variety of well-researched studies demonstrating that social impact and competitive financial performance can go hand-in-hand. Ask your advisor for socially responsible and impactful investment options. The more investors demand these investment options, the more investment managers will create them. You can earn a competitive rate of financial return and help repair the world.

At the Jewish Community Foundation, we are proud to be the first Jewish community foundation in the country to offer our donors an investment option aligned with Jewish values, JCF’s Impact Investment Pool. Investments in this pool include green energy and affordable housing, among many others. The pool has also used its ownership position to compel corporations to address the opioid crisis. At the same time, the Impact Investment Pool was our highest performing fund in 2019.

The Rabbis of the Talmud say that the first question G-d will ask you when you enter the gates of heaven is “Did you conduct your affairs of business with integrity?” Whether you are earning, spending, investing or donating your money, with a thoughtful approach, you will be able to answer with a firm “yes.” A Beth Sirull is the President and CEO of the Jewish Community Foundation of San Diego, Miriam and Jerome Katzin Presidential Chair.

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 49

San Diego Center for Jewish Culture

ARTS&IDEAS 2019-2020 S E A S O N

JACOB GOLDBERG Lecture Series on the Middle East

Professor Jacob Goldberg—a former senior adviser to Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak—presents an annual three-day lecture series centered on

the current political landscape in the ever-changing Middle East.

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50 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

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| FEATURE |

Good Deeds Day

BY JACQUELINE BULL

O

n March 29, an estimated 440 Jewish teens in San Diego County will participate in the global event Good Deeds Day. In 2019, Good Deeds Day brought together over 300 million volunteers in over 100 countries. Locally, Motiv coordinates 9th-12th-graders with community partners to create an array of service projects.

For the musically inclined, there is a way to participate in Good Deeds Day with HaZamir Choral Foundation.

“HaZamir is nationwide and has multiple chapters in cities across the nation. It is the inaugural year for San Diego to have a chapter. And this year HaZamir, with their choral leader, will be for Good Deeds Day singing at Seacrest for the eldery, so they are taking their talent of singing and bringing it to sing to the residences at Seacrest,” Associate Director Allie Donahoo said.

“I think that is really what community service should be about. It shouldn’t be seen as a chore for something that is a responsibility. It should just be taking what you are skilled at or passionate or want to learn more about and applying it in a positive

way,” Motiv Manager Michael Nimer said.

In years past they have had beach cleanups, opportunities to serve meals downtown, challah bakes, etc. Some events that are new this year are an opportunity with a dog rescue and a blood drive. In San Diego, the day is themed around the Olympics and has a tie-in with the Maccabi games that will be hosted in San Diego.

Maccabi participants that are registered with the Team San Diego delegation will be participating in the day with a large project on-site at the JCC. “I think it is a really good opportunity for the Jewish community to unite around tikkun olam. For me, it is the most important part of being Jewish. We speak a lot about it, but to have the entire community–this is close to 30 organizations actually taking action in one day,” Michael said.

In Michael’s estimation, about half of the organizations they coordinate with on Good Deeds Day are Jewish organizations that Motiv works with to help teen volunteers year-round.

“The ultimate goal is that teens will have such a good experience that they will come

back on an ongoing basis,” Michael said.

Michael gave an example of a high school student that took advantage of the opportunity to get further involved: “[The student] went to Good Deeds Day last year and because of that he found out about our summer of service internship that Motiv does over the summer, so he applied and participated in that. And then, actually, he is back doing his second internship with us this year. So there are quite a few stories of that; either going on to intern with us or volunteering with organizations on a more frequent basis." A Motiv’s focus is on high school students, but Good Deeds Day is a global event and there are opportunities for adults in San Diego to participate. For example, San Diego River Park Foundation is hosting a river survey where volunteers document invasive plant species to measure the health of the riverbank ecosystem.

Registration for teens opens on Mar. 2 at motivsandiego.org. For adults interested in participating, visit good-deeds-day.org.

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 51

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| FEATURE |

Israeli Women’s Team Impressive Showing at the LEN European Water Polo Championship

BY EMILY GOULD

I

t’s been an historic year for the Israeli Women’s National Water Polo Team; despite being one of the youngest teams in the European Confederation (with a mean age of 19), Israel has managed to make a name for themselves in European water polo. Just this past month, Israel managed to edge out Serbia, Germany and Croatia for the 9th place spot at the European National Championship in Budapest, Hungary. Their first invitation to the European Championship was in 2018 when they placed 10th out of 12 teams.

This is huge for a team that had never qualified for the championship prior to 2018 and then to place within the top ten

54 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

twice in a row; most teams in the Confederation don’t qualify for the championships at all. With two championships under their belt, Israel has now proven to be a worthy opponent in the European Confederation.

Despite the team’s unprecedented progress, the journey to the championship was not an easy one. The players endured twice-daily practices for months leading up to the tournament, spending weeks at a time at the Machon Wingate (Wingate Institute), one of the country’s top universities which boasts Olympic-grade facilities and houses the nation’s most elite athletes.

The majority of the Israeli players come

from club teams in Tel Aviv, Petach Tikvah, Yoqneam and Qiryat Tivon. Team captain Ayelet Peres plays for ASA Tel Aviv where she is also the first goalie and captain of her young team. Fellow team captain Shunit Strugo plays for Yoqneam along with fellow national team members May Regev, Eden Tal, Lior Ben David, Yahav Farqash and second goalie Inbar Geva.

Kerem Noy (Center Forward), Hila Futorian (Center Defense), Miriam Bogachenko, and newbies Yahav Farkash and Noa Sasover come from HaPoel Petah Tikvah.

The only player hailing from Qiryat Tivon is Nofar Hochberg, who sustained a broken nose (twice) throughout the games.

The team was also lucky to receive an additional player from outside of HaAretz; Mackenzie Mone, an American who played on Spain’s Catalunya team for several years.

The days were long and the training exhausting, but team captains Peres and Strugo kept up morale while head coach Dimitrios Mavrotas emphasized cross training and swimming during morning practices and scrimmage-based training in the evenings.

Ultimately, Peres felt their hard work had paid off the moment they laid eyes on the “amazing Duna Arena,” situated right along the Danube river. She felt that the games against the top six teams didn’t result in an ideal outcome; “We wanted to minimize the

gap, but ultimately, we lost by a big difference to each of them.

But our main focus was to win France. We prepared a lot for that game but we just couldn’t bring it as a team.”

Despite some missteps at the beginning of the tournament, Israel bounced back later on. “The upside was the win against Germany ... It was amazing. First, win in the European [Championship].”

The game against Germany was huge for the team’s progression in the tournament; the result of that game led Israel to compete in the game for 9th and 10th. A

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56 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

| OP-ED |

Stealth Judaism

BY RABBI JACOB RUPP

I

f all you know about Purim is that it’s the Jewish Halloween, boy are you missing out!

In the world of modern war, the scariest and most dangerous weapons aren’t the biggest, loudest, or strongest. Rather, our best weapons that are the deadliest are the ones you can’t see. From cyber warfare to stealth bombers, if you really need to deliver a powerful payload, make it one that the enemy doesn’t see coming.

This new concept is actually old. The most powerful payloads in the Jewish calendar are hidden. In the holiday of Purim, there are all kinds of “known entities.” The drinking, the costumes, the festive meals and gifts. But behind it all, what’s the point?

I remember being shocked to learn that the Megillah, the story of Purim, took place over a span of twelve to thirteen years. My whole life I thought these were back-to-back events, but they weren’t. Just like the seeds to the Second World War were planted early in the 1900s (or even earlier than that), what seems like inconsequential details (the death of Vashti, the Jews attending a party) would later lay the seeds for the destruction and redemption.

The day itself is called “Purim” after the lots that Haman used to figure out the most auspicious day to kill the Jews. Lots, dice, are elements of chance. The Jews “happened” to have their decree of death fall out on a certain day, which “happened” to correspond with the day Moses was born, then Moses died.

The entire beginning of the Megillah deals with strange events and strange decrees that left not only the capital city of Shushan confused, but the entire empire bewildered about the strange decrees of the king.

As the events of the story unfold, what becomes blatantly clear is that not only is this story going according to plan, it is going ac-

cording to an ancient plan. Haman, for example, is a descendant of Amalek, the nation of people who attacked the Jews upon leaving Egypt. How could a nation attack us seeing that we had just been taken out of Egypt by G-d Himself, through the ten plagues and the splitting of the sea? No, it wasn’t because they didn’t know about it, as our sages tell us that everyone knew about it. Rather, they denied that there was any order to the universe.

The Jews got “lucky,” it was random, and as a result just because they had been saved once, they wouldn’t get saved again.

It goes even deeper. Amalek the nation descends from Amalek the man, who was a child of Esau and one of the women who couldn’t marry into the Jewish faith, so his very essence was seeded with Jewish hatred. But the Talmud inquires with an even more penetrating question: “Where is Haman mentioned in the Torah?” (The story of Purim and all of its characters are all chronologically after the Torah was written and codified.) The Talmud answers that the root name stems from the question G-d asked Adam after he ate from the tree: “Did you, perhaps, eat from the tree?” The original doubt sowed by the original sin is at the essence of the threat against the Jews.

And Mordechai? Where does he come from? The tribe of Benjamin of course, the only one of the brothers who didn’t bow down to Esau (Amalek’s father) in the past.

Mordechai’s stock was sewn from people who didn’t capitulate to evil no matter how strategic it may be. And while it seemed that the entire potential capacity for the destruction of the Jews came through Mordechai’s unwillingness to ‘bend the knee’ to Haman, it was also him who saved us from his clutches.

So what’s the symbolism here, behind all of the greggors and hamentashen? Simple.

Looking at life and thinking it is random is

a fatal error. It means that you accept no responsibility for your fate and that there is no meaning to your life. Life has no common denominator, no reason to get out of bed in the morning, no reason to try or to be good or to attempt to amount to anything at all.

There is no one coming to help, no reason to save for tomorrow because everything is random after all. No wonder that these ideas spawned murderous ideologues who would stop at nothing to accomplish their ends.

This dark cloud seeks to envelop that which has order and that which is good.

The randomness tries to destroy anyone who stands up to evil and says, “Not today!” While we can’t seemingly control every outcome, it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do what we can, in whatever small part, to right ourselves and to right the world. What does saying no to one little chocolate now do? Well, nothing.

Except that it builds within you the discipline to say no over and over again until you control your eating and your eating doesn’t control you.

And deep down, we have no idea what our deeds today will do to tomorrow. The fate of our great grandchildren actually is built by our actions today. Any student of history can trace cords of causation back through thousands of years. We are on that continuum, even if we can’t see it. So we wear masks to acknowledge that reality is a mask. You don’t see G-d, you don’t see order, but it’s right there. You’re looking at it.

These are the stealth messages of Purim.

Some people see a day of fun, drinking, and eating. But an astute observer can see all of that is the stealth. The surface. And that with only a little more effort you can realize it is not just a superficial day or a random holiday, but the kernel of truth and meaning for humanity. A

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 57

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Ma’amoul Jews from Syria, Lebanon and Egypt make these cookies for Purim. The word Ma’amoul means “filled” because of their hidden filling like Esther who kept her Jewish origins hidden. Jews also call it menena and do not make them with semolina.

Ma’amoul 36 nut-filled cookies Filling 1 cup finely chopped nuts ¼ cup sugar 1 tsp. orange-blossom water 1 tsp. water

Dough 3 cups white flour 1 cup unsalted butter or margarine, cut in pieces 2 tbsp. water 1 tbsp. orange-blossom water Confectioners’ sugar to decorate Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. 2. In a bowl, place the flour and cut in butter or margarine until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Sprinkle orange-blossom water over dough.

Stir and knead for about 3 minutes.

3. Form into 36 balls using about a scant tablespoon for each ball. Hold each ball in your hand, make an indentation in the

middle, work dough out to form a small cup about ¼-inch thick.

4. Combine nuts, sugar, orange blossom water and water for filling. Fill each ball with 1 teaspoon filling. Pinch dough, sealing in filling and molding top to resemble a gumdrop. Use the tines of a fork to decorate the cookies.

5. Place cookies 1-inch apart on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 20-22 minutes until light brown around bottom edges and pointed tops.

6. Let cool. Before serving, sprinkle confectioners’ sugar on top.

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by Sybil Kaplan Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 59

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| DIVERSIONS |

Steven Spielberg’s Film Company Acquires Rights to Novel About Israeli-Palestinian Conflict VIA JTA NEWS

S

teven Spielberg’s film production company has acquired the rights to a recently published novel about the unlikely friendship between an Israeli father and a Palestinian father who each lost a daughter to the Arab-Israeli conflict.

“Apeirogon” by Colum McCann was published by Random House on Feb. 25. Its acquisition by Amblin Partners was first reported by The Hollywood Reporter which did not say what the company paid for the rights.

The novel, which tells the story of how the fathers turned their grief into activism, has been named a most anticipated book of 2020 by The New York Times.

“Steven Spielberg and his company have always operated at the cutting edge of storytelling,” the Dublin-born McCann, an international bestselling author, told the Hollywood Reporter. “Their work is fueled by a deep moral concern. They go to the core of the issues of our day. I’m delighted that the story of Rami and Bassam will be in their hands.”

Amblin co-financed and produced “1917,” which won three Oscars this year.

Apeirogon means a shape with a countably infinite number of sides. A

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 61

entertainment

| By Eileen Sondak

“The Aging Magician” at the San Diego Opera.

Broadway-San Diego will bring the Broadway megahit “Frozen” to the Civic Theater March 26 through April 12. The Disney musical promises an unforgettable theatrical experience marked by sumptuous sets, sensational special effects and stunning costumes. The show is a must-see for audiences six years old and older.

The San Diego Opera will bring “The Aging Magician” to the Balboa Theater March 13 & 14. This West Coast premiere is about an eccentric clockmaker preparing a book of secrets to pass on. The opera has been described as a hauntingly beautiful hybrid of opera and theater that features choral music and puppetry. The company has added a special one-night event on March 4 celebrating the original Bel Canto Trio. That performance will take place at the new Conrad Prebys Performing Arts Center.

The Old Globe’s Main Stage is ready to unveil a new version of the beloved classic, “Little Women.” This collaboration with Dallas Theater Center honors the spirit of Alcott’s original story, while interpreting it with a fresh eye for a new era. The show will delight audiences March 14 through April 19.

The Globe’s White Theater’s West Coast premiere of “Hurricane Diane,” a side-splitting new comedy from Pulitzer Prize finalist Madeleine George, will continue to entertain theater-buffs through March 8. The show deals with the Greek god Dionysus–who returns to the modern world disguised as a butch gardener. Be prepared for some strong language along with the laughs, but the play has received critical acclaim for its clever observations and humanity.

Following on March 28 is “Faceless,” a riveting West Coast premiere about an American teenager who left her home and family to join ISIS. The play paints a compelling portrait of a troubled young woman, her father and the attorneys who battle over her future. The show comes with a warning for its strong language. “Faceless” will be ensconced at the Globe’s White Theater through April 26.

La Jolla Playhouse is offering an original take on Peter Pan’s Neverland in a new musical, titled “Fly.” The show puts the spotlight on Wendy’s coming-of-age. Although you’ll still find Peter Pan, Captain Hook, and the crocodile there to amuse young audiences, the show has enough substance to appeal 62 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

City Ballet’s “Hallelujah.”

to adults. “Fly” will soar–with aerial acrobatics and a thrilling percussive score–through March 29.

The San Diego Symphony will perform “Hail Britannia: Walton, Britten & Elgar” on March 7 & 8. This tribute to three English 20th-century composers will feature Bramwell Tovey on the podium and the Symphony’s own Jeff Thayer on violin. “Fandango at the Wall: Arturo O Farrell & the Afro Latin Jazz Orchestra” will perform on March 14. Expect “Vivaldi & Piazzolla: Four Seasons” to be coming this way March 20, when the magic of nature comes to life in music.

Two-time Tony Award-winner Sutton Foster will perform Broadway hits on March 21 in “An Evening with Sutton Foster.” “Trumpets & Tchaikovsky” are on tap for March 28 & 29, with Maestro Rafael Payare conducting and Pacho Flores on trumpet. The four-piece program will include Neruda’s Trumpet Concerto and Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 4.

San Diego Musical Theater launched its 2020 season with “She Loves Me,” a musical set in the 1930s. This charming romantic comedy focuses on shop clerks and their attempts to find true love through letter writing. The show will continue until March 8.

The San Diego Repertory Theater is taking on “House of Joy” (a play inspired by the epic legends of Indian history). The show– slated for a run at the Rep’s downtown Lyceum Space March 5–29–is a story of palace intrigue and betrayal, set in 17th-century India. This swashbuckling tale abounds with sword fights, narrow escapes, and sparks of revolution and has all the earmarks of a genuine crowd-pleaser.

North Coast Repertory Theater’s staging of “The Outsider,” a political satire directed by David Ellenstein, will stay on at the troupe’s Solana Beach theater through March 15. Overflowing with clever plot twists and razor-sharp dialogue, the show offers a bevy of non-partisan laughs. NCR’s Variety Nights continues on March 2–3 with “Winston Churchill,” portrayed with mastery

by Randy Otto. Richard Lederer’s “Presidents Tonight” returns for a one-night stand on March 9.

Cygnet Theater is offering the funny and flamboyant musical, “La Cage Aux Folles.” The fast-paced extravaganza deals with two men coming to terms with family problems after 20 years of un-wedded bliss. The show will keep audiences in stitches from

March 11 through May 3, under the astute direction of Sean Murray.

The Lamb’s Players is presenting a musical based on Lewis Carroll’s beloved tale, “Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass.” “Alice” is an imaginative adaptation of the brilliant story aimed at entertaining everyone in the family. The show will stay on at the Lamb’s Coronado home through April 12.

Coronado Playhouse is ready to unleash Ken Ludwig’s hilarious farce, “Moon Over Buffalo” at its waterfront theater on Coronado. The show will run from March 20 through April 19. What a treat for the legions of Ludwig fans around town!

City Ballet is back for its 27th season under Steven Wistrich’s artistic direction with “Balanchine and More.” The four-piece concert, slated for the Spreckels Theater March 6–8, will feature Balanchine’s “Walpurgisnacht Ballet” and Peter Martins’ high-voltage ballet, “Hallelujah,” plus more. The concert will be accompanied by a live orchestra.

The Roustabouts Theater Company will present a world premiere March 8–29 at the Moxie Theater in El Cajon. Titled “gUnTOPIA,” this black comedy takes a satirical look at contemporary life.

The La Jolla Music Society has an eclectic mix on-hand this month, starting on March 2 with violin virtuoso Joshua Bell performing with the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields at Symphony Hall. Murray Perahia will perform in the piano series at the Conrad’s Baker-Baum Concert Hall on March 5, followed on March 6 by Pablo Sainz Villegas Americano Trio at the JAI. The Arod Quartet performs at the Concert Hall on March 15, followed on March 19 – 20 by the Dorrance Dance SOUNDspace. Nat Geo Live! Exploring Mars is next at the Baker-Baum on March 26–part of the Society’s exciting new Speaker Series.

The Museum of Art is showcasing “Bouguereau & America,” a collection that includes 40 canvases depicting modern interpretations of classical subjects by the French artist. The exhibition will remain through March 15. “Nick Roth: Fates,” a three-panel animation representing life, destiny, and death, closes on March 1.

Birch Aquarium is highlighting “Turtleversary,” the fifth anniversary celebration of the arrival of a rescued Loggerhead sea turtle. “Seadragons & Seahorses” is a permanent exhibition. “Hall of Fishes,” which also serves as a working laboratory, is also on view. Birch has an installation on light by scientist Michael Latz, and another exhibition that helps you understand Scripps’ expeditions to discover and protect the planet. “Expedition at Sea” includes a 33-foot long projected triptych and hands-on learning opportunities.

Another interesting exhibition at the Birch is “Research in Action: 100 Island Challenge,” an exhibit that explores the way reefs are adapting to our rapidly changing planet. Also on display is “Oddities: Hidden Heroes of the Scripps Collection,” a comic book-inspired exhibit that highlights amazing adaptations of ocean species. This time of year, you can enjoy whale watching cruises as well.

The Reuben Fleet Science Center will be showing a new film, Great Bear Rainforest,” along with “Cuba,” a fascinating look at the island nation, “Turtle Odyssey” (narrated by Russell Crowe), “Superpower Dogs,” (which is about the bravery and prowess of some of the world’s most remarkable dogs) and “Volcanoes: The Fires of Creation” (which examines the contribution of volcanoes to the wildlife ecosystem and their impact on humans). Also at the Fleet is the “Renegade Science Project,” which escorts visitors through the park for a 90-minute exploration. Its newest exhibition, “Sun, Earth, Universe,” is an interactive exhibit that explores the world of space science and astronomy.

The Fleet is offering “Dream, Design, Build” – an exhibition that explores the museum’s collection of interactive engineering activities, “Mindbender Mansion” and “Taping Shape 2.0,” which uses hundreds of rolls of packing tape to create a world of translucent spaces and tunnels. The Fleet has several other permanent exhibitions, including “Don’t Try This at Home,” “Studio X,” “Block Busters,” and “Origins in Space.” The newest is “It’s Electric,” an interactive show that explores the fundamentals of electricity.

The Natural History Museum is captivating audiences with “Escape the Nat” – an escape room experience that dares you to solve puzzles and save the world. The 3-D films include “Hidden Pacific,” “Ocean Oasis,” and “Conquest of the Skies.

“Hidden Gems” is another attraction.

“Coast to Cactus in California,” and “Unshelved: Cool Stuff from Storage” – a display of specimens from around the world – are also worth checking out. “Living Lab” (featuring our creepy, crawly neighbors) is on view, along with a photographic exhibit titled “Insects Face to Face.” Both are expected to remain at the Nat through September.

The Timken Museum of Art has a new exhibition titled “Captivating Women from the Dykstra Collection.” The exhibition–marking the 100th anniversary of the women’s rights amendment– will remain on view through May 10.

San Diego Air and Space Museum is featuring “Space: Our Greatest Adventure.”

The New Children’s Museum has a colorful interactive textile environment to amuse the small-fry set. Dubbed Whammock, the intricate installation (designed by artist Toshiko Horiuchi MacAdam) invites kids to climb, play, and have fun.

The San Diego History Center is featuring the first exhibition in Balboa Park exploring San Diego’s LGBTQ+ community. The History Museum’s permanent exhibition, “Placed Promises,” chronicles the history of the San Diego region – and the America’s Cup Exhibition, highlights the sailing race held in San Diego three times since 1988.

The Museum of Man (open during a seismic retrofit) is showcasing “Cannibals: Myth & Reality” and “PostSecret.” A

Adar / Nissan 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 63

the news Civic Art Collection on Display at San Diego Central Library Until May 17.

The “Fear No Art: Civic Engagement, Histories, Currencies” civic art collection exhibit opened at the San Diego Central Library on Feb. 22. The exhibit contains works from the City of San Diego’s own art collection, as well as ones created

by Southern California artists.

“The juxtaposition of the City’s collection with works by artists from this part of California will showcase different approaches to art-making as well as the consideration of diverse perspectives related to modern-day themes,” said Lara Bullock, who curated the exhibit. “Themes like the representation of gender or the human relationship to the southern California landscape.”

The exhibition will be open for public viewing through May 17, from noon to 5 p.m. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays, 2 to 7 p.m. on Thursdays, and from noon to 4 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays.

Monica Edelman Appointed as Director of Jewish National Fund in San Diego The Jewish National Fund in San Diego has found a new Director in Monica Edelman, an Inland Empire transplant, San Diego State graduate and former trainer of Arabian showhorses. She also earned her MS in Organizational Leadership and Innovation from the Hebrew Union College’s School of Jewish Nonprofit Management in Los Angeles. Edelman first joined the San Diego JNF in 2018 as its Associate Director.

“Celebrating Couture” Fashion Show to Benefit The Old Globe The Globe Guilders will hold their 30th annual fashion show, “Celebrating Couture”, on Mar. 21st at the Hyatt Regency in La Jolla at Aventine, with the purpose of benefiting The Old Globe’s artistic and arts engagement programs. Attendees will get to see a preview of the Marches Couture Pre-Fall and Fall 2020 collections.

InterfaithFamily Changes its Name to 18Doors

Simply Organic Gives Grant to Coastal Roots Farm

InterfaithFamily has changed its name to 18Doors, with the added tagline of “Unlocking Jewish,” as a declaration of the diversity of the families and couples that it serves. The name change came as the result of Interfaith’s consultation with the New York marketing agency Starfish.

The all-organic spices and herbs brand Simply Organic awarded Coastal Roots Farm–a nonprofit Jewish community farm in Encinitas –a $15,000 grant as part of the Simply Organic Giving Fund Grant Program.

The money will allow Coastal Roots to provide access to organic foods for people living in North County, in order to promote dignity and sufficiency.

“It is critically important for our name to reflect the diversity of the Jewish community, of families, of observance within the Jewish community and of ways in which couples and families with children connect to doing Jewish,” 18Doors CEO Jodi Bromberg said. “18Doors does that.”

18Doors’ mission is to empower people in interfaith relationships and help them engage in Jewish life.

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Coastal Roots Farm is a 17-acre farm that was established in 2014 and is located within the 67.5-acre property at Leichtag Commons. As a Jewish community farm, Coastal Roots uses farming, gardening and food to teach about Jewish traditions and heritage. The farm consists of vegetable production fields, a food forest, compost operations and more.

Meetings and Events for Jewish Seniors Jewish War Veterans of San Diego, Post-185 Contact Jerome Klein (858) 521-8694 Mar. 8, 10 a.m.

Walking Dead Showrunner Scott Gimple to Headline San Diego Writer’s Festival The second annual San Diego Writer’s Festival will take place at the Coronado Library, with adjoining spaces at the Spreckels Center and the Coronado School of Arts on April 4, from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m.

The headlining guest is Scott Gimple, who served as showrunner of AMC’s “The Walking Dead” from seasons 4 to 8. Other guests will include Rabbi Steve Leder and journalist Eilene Zimmerman, who wrote “More Beautiful Than Before” and “Smacked” respectively. Screenwriter, director and author of “Hannah’s War” Jan Eliasberg will be featured at a ticketed author lunch on April 3.

The festival will include writers of fiction, nonfiction, poetry, cooking, journalism, music, screenplays, graphic novels, comic books and more.

New Museum of Southern Jewish Experiences to Open in Fall 2020 Officials affiliated with the Museum of Southern Jewish Experiences have announced that the New Orleans museum will open in Fall 2020. The museum will allow visitors to learn about what life was like for Jews in the American South in 13 states over a 300-year period.

“Southern Jews have more often been a part of their communities than apart from them,” said museum Executive Director Kenneth Hoffman. “This contrasts with America’s urban immigration centers where Jews formed more insular enclaves. The contributions they made and the acceptance they received attest to something unique in the Southern heart.”

The museum will contain some 7,000 artifacts that were moved from the previous Museum of Southern Jewish Experiences, which was located in Utica, Mississippi and closed in 2012.

Veterans Association of North County, Post-385 Contact Marsha Schjolberg (760) 492-7443 Jewish War Veterans meetings Mar. 8, 11 a.m.

JFS Balboa Older Adult Center Contact Aviva Saad (858) 637-3388 Mar. 11, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Purim celebration with lunch, music and dancing. Cost is $27.

Lawrence Family JCC Contact Melanie Rubin (858) 362-1141 Mar. 16, 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. “Broadway and Bagels.”

Cost is $10 for JCC members, $12 for non-members. RSVP

by Mar. 9.

North County Jewish Seniors Club at the Oceanside Senior Center Contact Josephine (760) 295-2564 Mar. 19, 12:30 p.m.

On the Go Excursions Contact Mia Elenes (858) 637-3012 Mar. 20, Depart 10 a.m., return 2 p.m. The Cherry Blossom Festival at Balboa Park. Pay $20 by Mar. 10.

Mar. 23, Depart 6 p.m., return 9 p.m. “Feeling Groovy” at Cygnet Theatre. Pay $35 by Mar. 9.

JFS College Avenue Center Contact Bret Caslavka (858) 637-3257 Mar. 29, 12 to 2 p.m. Sunday lunch with entertainment by Rob Hardaway. Free; donations encouraged.

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ADVICE

ASK MARNIE

by Marnie Macauley asksadie@aol.com

Simchas: When Birthdays … “Bash”

M

y beloved San Diegans: In our “Simcha” edition, the task falls to me to answer “Simcha-touris” questions. Believe me, an honor it’s not, but I’ve chosen to take on birthdays. As Birthday simchas are sometimes filled with minefields, someone’s got to do it. I can relate.

For as long as I can remember, I thought of my birthday as a celebration just short of the coming of the Messiah. Unfortunately, I was alone in my demented belief system. My late husband didn’t “care” about his, so naturally he assumed that was a world view. More, he was severely shopping-challenged. If, by accident I liked something, I got it forever. I could blanket Tel Aviv with Jean Nate dusting powder. So fasten your seat belts and let’s hunt for thorn in the birthday simcha.

SECOND WIFE SECOND BEST? DEAR MARNIE: I’ve been married for just over a year to a man who is nine years my senior. He was married before for 12 years, divorced for three, and has a teen-aged daughter. My husband’s parents not only adore his first wife, but invite her to every function we have. I know they consider her “the older first wife” and I’m “the younger step-wife” though I’m 33. I’ve tried not to let it bother me and despite not being crazy about her, I’ve even gone out with the ex in social settings where she’s co-opted my friends. Last week was my father-in-law’s 80th birthday.

Once again, I was ignored but didn’t say anything. For example, among other things, my in-laws insisted the ex be out front with my 66 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

husband in the family photo. Next month is another significant birthday. I don’t want to put myself into another upsetting situation, so I told my husband I don’t want to go if she’s there. Am I being childish? — The Step-wife MARNIE SAYS: Yes mamala, you are but not in the way you think. You’re acting like “the younger other woman.” You don’t trust your place in this family album or how to make one.

Getting It! Your Personal Strategy *To take your rightful place, you first must believe you belong there. You do! Nine years between you is hardly May-December so quit a) playing this child-woman outsider role; b) listening to and worrying about the “grown-ups.” *Ask yourself, “what’s fair?” and “what’s workable?” Here are some guidelines. Share with hubby.

- The ex has been around awhile. Is it fair or workable that she be lopped from that family’s collective consciousness? (No.) - The ex is the mother of your stepdaughter. Is it fair or workable for her to be absent during family occasions her daughter will attend? (No.) - The ex is ... the ex. Should the family be sensitive in the way they treat you if you are feeling upset? (You Bet!) *This is tricky. The boundary is your fair discomfort. On one side of a notepad, list what’s fair and what you’re OK with. On the other, the things that make you cringe

about your “outsider” treatment. Look at both sides carefully with your husband to see what you’re doing to confuse things. For example: You’re sending double messages.

Gracious? Civilized? Of course. But she’s not your pal, and in fact has even “taken over” your pals. Enough with the body-snatching and morphing.

Tell the in-laws. Privately, you and your husband explain specifically how hurt you feel (which of course is not their intention).

Be specific about what you need to feel OK, loved, and #1DIL. And add reassurance– how much they mean to you.

Now, go get some new headshots, mamala. Big ones. Because you’ve got that hole to fill in that family album. You and the ex can co-exist with grace. But know that grace is not abdicating your place.

WELCHING SIS-IN-LAW DEAR MARNIE: Here’s one for you! I’ve been married for three years. My husband has an older sister, “Diane” who’s very well off, and thinks she’s so generous, but she’s constantly promising to do things and almost never comes through. An example.

My husband’s birthday was two months ago. She carried on about how she wanted to take us out to the best restaurant in San Diego. It never happened. Our anniversary was last month. Same thing. That’s her pattern. What really annoys me is, I know she believes the offer means she’s done her duty, and in a crazy way is taking credit for something she never did! Especially because she

makes such a big deal when she talks about how she “must” bring the family together for her husband’s birthday because she wants to show us “how it’s really done!” Any ideas? — Unfed sis-in-law.

MARNIE SAYS: Promises fancy food and forgets?! Personally, I would leave the head of a chicken in her bed! (I’m calmer now.)

Assuming she’s not suffering from a memory-blowing ailment, you’ve got a “kiss-kiss blower” on your hands. You know them. The synthetic sows who “we-must-get-together-kiss-kiss in the air” at you, while wondering if they should have the French manicure or go with the tips. A typical advice columnist would tell you to be bigger, after all, who needs to share a booth with this “hoity-toity” chazzer (pig) anyway? That’s why I’m so glad you asked me! No texting. Call her! Go on. Dial.

Getting It! Your Personal Strategy: *Say, “Well, hello darling. It occurred to me, I’m so sorry we haven’t been able to nail down those lovely dinner invites of yours.

Do you believe it? Two have flown by already! Get out your date book, sis!” *Suggest that, since she’s two behind, wouldn’t it be delightful, especially as she adores “family get-togethers” if you brought a few others, too? (Then text the other relatives she’s stiffed.) *Don’t get off the phone until you’ve nailed a bona fide time, date, and “fab” place. *On the appointed day, bring a doggie bag the size of a Samsonite Suiter. Insist you must make this a tradition! Then “kiss-kiss” this con, saying you simply “can’t wait” till the next one! A

SYNAGOGUE LIFE EVENTS Congregation Beth Am’s Annual ECC Fundraiser

Mar. 7, 7 to 10 p.m., 5050 Del Mar Heights Road, San Diego, CA 92130 Beth Am will be holding their annual fundraiser for its early childhood center preschool. Raffle ticket prices range from $20 to $100. Visit betham.com for more information.

Purim Carnival with Congregation Beth Israel

Mar. 8, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., 9001 Towne Centre Drive, San Diego, CA 92122 Have fun at a carnival featuring rides, games and raffles. Cost is $20 for anyone age 2 and up. Visit cbisd.org for more information.

Purim Carnival with Temple Adat Shalom

Mar. 8, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., 15905 Pomerado Road, Poway, CA 92064 Check out Adat Shalom’s Men’s Club’s Purim carnival, featuring face-painting, a costume contest and more. Cost ranges from $20 to $36. Visit adatshalom.com for more information.

Purim Ice Cream Social at Temple Beth Shalom

Mar. 9, 7 p.m., 208 Madrona Street, Chula Vista, CA 91910 Get some ice cream at Beth Shalom in celebration of Purim. Free. Visit bethshalomtemple.com for more information.

Ner Tamid’s Blooming Gala: Spring-a-Palooza

FACT:

Our Caregivers really do enjoy looking at pictures of the grandkids.

Quality home care for San Diego’s Jewish seniors.

Peace of mind for the familiies who love them.

Mar. 14, 6 to 10 p.m., 12348 Casa Avenida, Poway, CA 92064 Signature cocktails, dinner, dancing, raffles, and entertainment galore. Visit nertamidsd.org for more information.

Fused Glass Workshop at Congregation Beth Israel

Mar. 17, 6 to 8 p.m., 9001 Towne Centre Drive, San Diego, CA 92122 Learn from Ilanit Shalev how to make your own unique fused-glass creation. Cost ranges from $40 to $50. RSVP by Mar. 13. Visit cbisd.org for more information.

(760) 942-2695 www.seacrestathome.org

*Interested in having your event featured?

Contact assistant@sdjewishjournal.com.

Submissions are due by 15th of the month for the next issue.

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EVENTS

Cantor Deborah Davis

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The Joyous Music of Tradition and Transition.

Let the award-winning

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provide your wedding or Bar/Bat Mitzvah with lively, authentic music. Tradition has never been so much fun!

JEWISH COMMUNITY Welcoming babies and families to San Diego’s Jewish Community ARE YOU EXPECTING A BABY OR DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS? Shalom Baby is an innovative program designed for San Diego families to celebrate the arrival of their Jewish newborns to affiliated, non-affiliated and inter-married families as a welcome to the San Diego Jewish Community.

To receive your Shalom BaBy BaSkeT and for informaTion conTacT:

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To hear samples, visit our website: secondavenueklezmer.com

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Events, Birthday Parties, Bar/Batmitvahs Kosher Ice Cream Available Raul Ontiveros Owner

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68 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

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THE ORIGINAL LOST GIRL.

NOW PLAYING – March 29 Don’t miss this stunning new musical whose creative team members have won Tony, Emmy and Grammy Awards for such shows as Hamilton, Sesame Street and Avenue Q! Wendy’s life is about to change forever when she meets a boy named Peter, a pirate named Hook, and a beguiling Crocodile, who’s much more than meets the eye. Take an adventure to a whole new Neverland propelled by a powerful and percussive score, dynamic choreography and aerial acrobatics.

FLY | Based on the novel Peter and Wendy by J.M. Barrie | Book by Rajiv Joseph | Music by Bill Sherman Lyrics by Rajiv Joseph and Kirsten Childs | Choreography by Andy Blankenbuehler and Stephanie Klemons | Directed by Jeffrey Seller

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70 SDJewishJournal.com | March 2020

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