August 2020

August 2020 Av/Elul 5780

EDUCATION ISSUE

“Managing the JFS Food Pantry in a Crisis” page 28

B"H

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Shari C. "They have provided a guiding light into helping us reclaim our Jewish Heritage through classes, meetings and social events."

Ira B. "They are accepting of all Jews regardless of affiliation or level of Judaic knowledge and welcome all with open arms and a big smile."

Sam S! "Because my Rabbi has always been there for me. " Len H

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4 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

Advertorial - This article was submitted by Soille Hebrew Day School

Meet 3 Award-Winning Hebrew Day Grads

L to R: Liora Berg, recipient of the Eilene Cummins Memorial Award for Character and Leadership, Chumash Teacher Morah Michal Shapiro, and Rebecca Venger, recipient of the Kunin Memorial Award for Judaic Studies.

We all need inspiring good news to keep going during these isolating and uncertain times. Three 14-year old, each recent graduates of San Diego Hebrew Day’s Class of 2020, sat down to reflect on their education and future directions. In addition to their positivity and exuberance, their way of looking at the world offers us much encouragement as we look toward the future.

“I cherish most the opportunities built into my Hebrew Day education to step outside of myself, to help the community and be of service to others,” said Rebecca Venger, recipient of the school’s highest Judaic academic award. “I feel fortunate that beginning in preschool, throughout elementary and middle school, I was shown and taught what it means to be a good person.” Rebecca plans to attend Torah High in the fall.

Rebecca’s outlook contrasts so sharply with the norm for entering high school freshmen. In a recent interview, renown psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Edith Eger remarked “all kids today want to speak about is how they

feel put down by others. I do my best to guide them to thinking that no one puts you down except you yourself.”

Liora Berg, recipient of the school Eilene Cummins Memorial Award for Character and Leadership, says, “I feel excited to learn new things, knowing that my ideas are heard, challenged, and refined within classrooms where respect for one another is so important.” Liora will enter Francis Parker’s 9th grade in the fall. “I graduated Hebrew Day feeling accomplished, and filled with gratitude.”

Both girls found Hebrew Day’s Judaic studies to be impactful, and shaping of important core attitudes they hope to uphold throughout their lives. To Rebecca, her core idea is to “never fail to stand up for my beliefs.” Liora found her Hebrew Day education “an extremely personal experience. I benefited from the special relationships with my teachers and the large amount of attention given to me.”

Ruthie McElfresh, honored for her outstanding achievement in general stud-

ies said “most of all, I learned kindness, resilience, and responsibility.” Ruthie pointed to her success in transitioning to remote learning last March while maintaining “my sense of responsibility and accountability for the success of my learning.” Ruthie is enrolled at Torah High for the coming year.

Her highest aspirations? “I look to becoming a successful young woman, proud of my Jewish heritage. My future scholastic success will be based on the morals, principles, and life skills I learned. I will carry them with me for the rest of my life.”

Hebrew Day takes great pride in graduating distinguished young men and women, respectful toward all others and desiring to make lasting contributions to the betterment of society.

For further information, contact Head of School Rabbi Simcha Weiser sweiser@ssdhds.org Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 5

CONTENTS Av/Elul 5780 August 2020

25 32 33

EDUCATION:

Zvi Weiss, New Head of School at SDJA, Returns to Work in San Diego

EDUCATION:

LFJCC Preschool Reopening Q&A with Betzy Lynch

MONTHLY COLUMNS

IN THIS ISSUE

10 From the Editor 16 Personal Development and Judaism 18 Israeli Lifestyle 20 Examined Life 22 Religion

IN EVERY ISSUE 12 What’s Up Online 14 Our Town 37 Diversions

FOOD:

Watermelon Feta Salad with Za’atar and Olives

38 News 42 Advice

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE 28 FEATURE: Managing the JFS Food Pantry in a Crisis

31 ARTS: Explore the Arts District From Home with Virtual First Friday

34 ARTS: Online Offerings

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- William Murtagh, first keeper of the National Register of Historic Places.

www.sdjewishjournal.com August 2020 • Av/Elul 5780 PUBLISHERS • Mark Edelstein and Dr. Mark Moss EDITOR-IN-CHIEF • Jacqueline Bull ASSISTANT EDITOR • Nathalie Feingold ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR • Eileen Sondak CREATIVE DIRECTOR • Derek Berghaus OFFICE MANAGER • Jonathan Ableson SENIOR CONSULTANT • Ronnie Weisberg CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Emily Bartell, Linda Bennett, Leorah Gavidor, Emily Gould, Judith Fein (Senior Travel Correspondent), Paul Ross (Senior Travel Photographer), Patricia Goldblatt, Pat Launer, Sharon Rosen Leib, Andrea Simantov, Marnie Macauley, Rabbi Jacob Rupp, Saul Levine, Rachael Eden, Sybil Kaplan.

ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVES Jonathan Ableson – Senior Account Executive Alan Moss – Palm Springs SAN DIEGO JEWISH JOURNAL (858) 638-9818 • fax: (858) 638-9801 7742 Herschel Avenue, Suite H, La Jolla, CA 92037 EDITORIAL: editor@sdjewishjournal.com ADVERTISING: marke@sdjewishjournal.com CIRCULATION & SUBSCRIPTIONS: jableson@sdjewishjournal.com ART DEPARTMENT: art@sdjewishjournal.com LISTINGS & CALENDAR: assistant@sdjewishjournal.com SDJJ is published monthly by San Diego Jewish Journal, LLC. Subscription rate is $24 for one year (12 issues). Send subscription requests to SDJJ, 7742 Herschel Ave., Suite H, La Jolla, CA 92037. The San Diego Jewish Journal is a free and open forum for the expression of opinions. The opinions expressed herein are solely the opinion of the author and in no way reflect the opinions of the publishers, staff or advertisers. The San Diego Jewish Journal is not responsible for the accuracy of any and all information within advertisements. The San Diego Jewish Journal reserves the right to edit all submitted materials, including press releases, letters to the editor, articles and calendar listings for brevity and clarity. The Journal is not legally responsible for the accuracy of calendar or directory listings, nor is it responsible for possible postponements, cancellations or changes in venue. Manuscripts, letters, documents and photographs sent to the Journal become the physical property of the publication, which is not responsible for the return or loss of such material. All contents ©2020 by San Diego Jewish Journal. The San Diego Jewish Journal is a member of the American Jewish Press Association and the Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

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Fault Points

I

n general, I tend to not engage with people who believe in conspiracy theories.

Someone who thinks the earth is flat is not someone I’m going to spend time and energy on. And most of the time I’m comforted by the thought that these are extreme views held by a passionate, but statistically insignificant sect. Similarly with anti-vaxxers, simple empathy that you wouldn’t want other people’s immuno-comprimised children to catch the measles from your child should be enough. Encountering a lack of empathy is paralyzing. I don’t know how to convince someone they should care about other people.

And then masks became politicized. (This is too absurd to even comment on the whys and hows.) And then you could see when going about your errands who was interested in your safety or not. For argument’s sake, let’s say mask wearing only provided a small decrease in transmission; a small decrease in the potential of passing on a highly infectious disease that has killed 144K Americans should be convincing enough. I don’t know how to convince someone they should care about other people.

At time of writing, it is unclear whether schools will be permitted to open in-person in the fall. In the San Diego Jewish community, we are very fortunate to have excellent schools that have the resources, space, etc. that they would be much much safer to

reopen than the public schools. I hope we don’t lose sight of this.

There was a part early on in shelter-inplace where I was seeing a lot of think pieces about how this time was adding pressure to people to see the reality of their own lives.

You made your bed, now lie in it–essentially.

If you are in an amount of stasis, it is harder to escape from difficult truths. Maybe this is a stress test for our society to really process our reality.

This pandemic has shown the fault points in our society–healthcare, police brutality, national leadership, voting rights, science deniers, income stratification/inequality. We have nowhere to hide and with many places closing its borders to the U.S., we have nowhere to run either.

I walked through the Gaslamp on Fifth Avenue recently and saw the conversion to all outdoor seating. All this space is dedicated to gathering uninterrupted by cars. People were sharing meals and drinks together.

It was a heartwarming sight–at first. Then I could see that the tables were close together and the people sitting at them looked to be groups of couples clearly not people in the same household. And I thought ‘Man, we’re never getting rid of this virus.’

I hope firstly we can agree the whole situation is maddening. Amazon and Walmart are the only things that seemed to have benefited from this pandemic.

From The Editor 10 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

I’m frustrated, but I refuse to catastrophize simply for the pragmatic reason that giving up hope on a better outcome leads to reckless behavior. It is immoral to just throw your hands up in the air because you feel that your actions are irrelevant in a vast sea of bad behavior. It is also not true–especially when the virus spreads from one individual to one other individual. I’m reminded of my old philosophy class in college; to paraphrase Kant, an action is moral if it is universal. Or said another way, an action is only ethical if everyone doing that action would be ethical.

I tend to favor system changes rather than relying on individuals. Clearly relying on personal responsibility isn’t working. There are hand sanitizers next to the elevators in my building. Instead of relying on people to have their own before touching the elevator buttons, they offered a solution. Many other countries have contained the virus with fewer positive cases, fewer deaths and faster than we have, so maybe it is time to see what they are doing differently? A

Jacqueline Bull

Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 11

what’s up

online

@sdjewishjournal.com

The Jewish Book Council’s annual event goes virtual– and offers a peek into authors’ living rooms In a normal year, the Jewish Book Council’s annual conference is something of a variety show where hundreds of authors take to the podium with two minutes each to convey what makes their book special.

The event is part of the council’s attempt to connect writers with Jewish communities across the country. In the audience are about 200 representatives from Jewish community centers, synagogues and other Jewish institutions across the country. On the stage are authors trying to win a coveted spot in the upcoming season of book events.

“That energy, it’s amazing,” said the council’s executive director, Naomi Firestone-Teeter.

Things looked very different this year as the event, like so many others, went virtual because of the coronavirus pandemic. For the first time in the conference’s 22-year history, authors couldn’t see the audience’s reactions and attendees couldn’t schmooze with each other over coffee. Instead, participants watched from their living rooms as authors gave their pitches over Zoom during sessions spread over three days this week.

Israel’s nurses strike to protest extra load due to the coronavirus Nurses in Israel launched a general strike on Jul. 20 to protest the difficult loads placed on them due to staff shortages in part because of the coronavirus crisis.

The strike started in the morning following meetings between the heads of the nurses’ unions and the director-general of the Health Ministry that lasted the previous night.

Nurses worked on a reduced schedule in hospitals, except in emergency rooms and in coronavirus wards and testing centers.

“The nursing system is collapsing,” union head Ilana Cohen told the Kan public broadcaster. “Forty coronavirus wards were opened. Where do you think they took the shifts from?”

Health Minister Yuli Edelstein acknowledged in interviews that the nursing shortage was not only due to the coronavirus.

The Health and Finance ministries announced the evening of Jul. 20 that they would enable the hiring of 2,000 more nurses and 400 doctors, Kan reported.

The announcement said that 700 administrative officials and other health workers will be hired to help deal with hospitalized coronavirus patients.

The nurses’ unions called off the strike and agreed to return to work.

12 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

“Being able to be among a crowd of book lovers, or people excited about a particular subject, at our conference–the energy that you just feel when we’re all together you can’t fully replicate that experience as much as we try,” Firestone-Teeter said.

Some 240 people tuned in to the program, an increase from the number of attendees last year.

Nearly 250 authors–both Jewish writers and non-Jewish authors whose books address Jewish themes–participated in eight sessions of author talks, slightly fewer than in 2019 but in line with previous years.

One silver lining — at least for the attendees — was getting a peek into their favorite authors’ lives.

‘Spanish Schindler,’ who reportedly saved over 5,000 Jews during WWII, given online tribute Angel Sanz Briz, a Spanish diplomat who reportedly saved over 5,000 Jews from Nazi persecution in Hungary, was given an online tribute 40 years after his death.

Sanz Briz was appointed to a diplomatic post in Hungary in 1944. As the Holocaust worsened there, he offered to protect Jews of Spanish origin and bring them Spanish passports. He received the consent of the Hungarian authorities to enable 200 Spanish Jews to receive them, but he turned that into 200 families and kept increasing the number, according to Yad Vashem, the Israeli Holocaust museum that recognized him as Righteous Among the Nations in 1966.

It is believed that in the last seven months of 1944, Briz issued forged Spanish documents to 5,200 Jews.

“My father thought that what he had done in Budapest was the most important and rewarding thing in his life,” Angela Sanz Briz said after the event. “He also considered that he had simply done his duty, that he could not look the other way. And he used all the means at his disposal to do so.”

“He never expected recognition or thought he had to have it.”

Sanz Briz died in 1980 at 69 years old.

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Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 13

our TOWN

BY LINDA BENNETT & EMILY BARTELL

Yom Huledets Sameach to…

Bill Friedel celebrating his 80th birthday.

Edie Greenberg celebrating her 86th birthday.

Sheldon Merel celebrating his 96th birthday.

Ruth Luttbeg of Omaha (formally of SD) celebrating her 96th birthday.

Deborah Szekely celebrating her 98th birthday.

Mazel Tov to…

Marilynn & Richard Rowen, on their 60th wedding anniversary.

Joan & Roy Rosenwald, on their 60th wedding anniversary.

Anne & Ron Simon, on their 60th wedding anniversary.

Ann & Bennett Weinbaum, on their 60th wedding anniversary.

Phyllis & Alfred Bendett, on their 61st wedding anniversary.

Leah & Robert Tempkin, on their 61st wedding anniversary.

Eileen & Edward Coblens, on their 61st wedding anniversary.

Harriet & Alan Shumacher, on their 61st wedding anniversary.

Evelyn & Ernest Rady, on their 61st wedding anniversary.

Mazel Tov to Adam and Jenny Blotner, on the birth of their daughter, Hadley Maya Blotner, born on Jun. 10. Proud grandparents are Heidi & Bernie Blotner. Adam & Jenny are performance artists that reside in New York.

Mazel Tov to Jaclyn Brody Gerson and Dan Stepchew on the birth of their son, Max Gerson Stepchew, born on Jun. 30. Older sister, Drew Brody Stepchew, was excited to welcome her new brother. Happy grandparents are Marla & Gordon Gerson.

Mazel Tov to Jeremy Globerson and Lindsay Pasco on their marriage. The wedding took place on Mar. 24. Jeremy is the son of Linda and Paul Globerson.

Mazel Tov to Phil Ginsburg for being presented with the “David K Kroll Leadership Award” for exemplary service, dedication and commitment to the JCC at the JCC Annual Meeting on Jun. 11.

How exciting! “Matzah Ball Books” newest publication, “Bubbe and Zaide,” written by Anne-Marie Asner has been released. Raised in San Diego, Anne-Marie now lives in Los Angeles. Proud parents are Richard and Rhona Gordon.

Mazel Tov to Yale Strom & Hot Pstromi for winning “Best World Music” at the 1st ever Virtual Edition of the 2020 San Diego Music Awards.

Mazel Tov to Dr. Paul Dean for being honored as a “Healthcare Hero of the Year” by the 2020 Grossmont Healthcare District. This award is given out annually to honor community members who improve the quality of healthcare in East County. Dr. Dean is a volunteer dermatologist who offers his services for free to uninsured patients at his La Mesa practice. A

Norman & Barbara Rozansky, on their 62nd wedding anniversary.

Irene & Lawrence Fine, on their 63rd wedding anniversary.

Ilene & Rolf Gruder, on their 63rd wedding anniversary.

Edith & Bernard Stein, on their 65th wedding anniversary.

Patricia & Marvin Spira, on their 68th wedding anniversary.

Doris & Irv Goldfarb, on their 71st wedding anniversary.

14 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

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Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 15

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT AND JUDAISM

THIS WAY TO EDEN

by Rachel Eden rachel.s.eden@gmail.com

Limitations or Possibilities

I

recently received a call from a woman who asked if she could share her story with me. I love a good story, so I happily agreed and we scheduled a time to speak.

Before the meeting, I researched her on social media and discovered that she does sales (multi-level marketing) for a skincare line. I groaned and quickly cancelled. The prospect that had energized me moments before now drained me. The reason for my mood swing was clear. Initially, I was excited to receive value (hear her story) and now I dreaded being asked to give something (buy her product). What thoughts and emotions might follow me at this point? One possibility is anger and frustration for being deceived into a sales call. Another option is disappointment and sadness in the human propensity for opportunism. Lastly, dismissal of the whole exchange and to just carry on with my day. I decided to try something different than any of those undesirable choices.

I stepped out of my perspective and into hers. I reasoned with myself: The woman was just trying to make a living. Sales is a tough field. I like supporting others (who doesn’t?) and I realized that I had perhaps knocked the wind out of this woman’s sails.

I messaged her an apology and asked if she could make the meeting after all. I didn’t have to spend money on moisturizer or protein shakes, but I could offer her time, attention and encouragement. Instantly, my energy returned to me.

There is a space in our minds and hearts that can either be taken up by limitations 16 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

or possibilities. We can’t be in both places at once; we have to pick one. The “who moved my cheese?” phenomenon is powerful. We can fixate on the fact that our cheese was moved, look to blame and become complacent. Alternatively, we can roll up our sleeves and proclaim: There must be cheese in here somewhere! Suddenly, with this new conviction, we live in the land of possibility.

Imagine a shepherd hires a marketing firm. The marketing team sits the man down and stuns him with a 17-step plan for helping his business expand and profit margins grow. They assure him that he will become a household name and his brand will be synonymous with all sheep lovers globally. The shepherd gets up and profusely thanks the marketing staff for their time. He will likely sign on with them so the meeting was a success! As he leaves, someone from the firm calls out, “Wait! We never did catch your name.” The shepherd smiles and answers, “Moses.” (Yes, the Moses who took the Jews out of Egypt.)

The moral of the story is this: Despite our best efforts, until we remain completely open to possibility, we will always be stuck with our limitations to some degree. I have observed executives who hold themselves back from entrepreneurship out of fear. I have heard parents cry over estranged relationships with their children. I have seen marriages dissolve into despair. Depression and anxiety replace gratitude and joy. Judgement traded for acceptance. In my own life, I have found myself bumping into the same

poor habits that lead to the same poor results multiple times before taking a step back to ask: What possibility am I not seeing?

All of us, at one point or another, envisioned big possibilities for ourselves. Some of us still harbor the dream and stow it safely out of focus and conversation. Some of us have buried our dreams so deeply, we don’t remember having them. Others still swear that we never lost a bright vision for ourselves because we never dared dream one at all. All of these cases are tragic. A guaranteed way to transition from limiting thoughts to thoughts of possibility is to ponder: If I had abundant money and time and no fear or insecurity, what would I want to do? What would I want to create or have or achieve or grasp? Then wait. Do you hear that thought bubble up? That one you’re afraid to say out loud? That’s the winner.

Big dreams; tiny steps. We are born into this world and quickly begin to consider what is possible. Our hopes are dashed when we encounter struggles, challenges and blocks.

Our possibilities die when we listen to the unsolicited negative chatter of well-meaning family, friends and educators. Unwittingly, we pick up the negative chatter of limitation, mistaking it for our own inner voice.

The trick is to remember that limitation cannot live in the same space as possibility.

As for that woman who called me to share her story? I asked her to send me a brochure.

I just might buy that moisturizer after all.A

Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 17

ISRAELI LIFESTYLE

LIVING ON THE FRONT PAGE

by Andrea Simantov andreasimantov@gmail. com

Buddhists & Bagels

H

e had only just wiped the dust off of the windshield and hopped behind the wheel when the dreaded, now familiar notice came from the Health Department. “You have been in the vicinity of an individual who tested positive for COVID-19 and are required to remain in isolation until midnight on the date blah blah.” The last time he’d been ordered into quarantine, my husband thought he’d lose his mind if sent into Lockup Redux. However, this edict was for only two days; Ronney’s reaction mirrored mine. We laughed.

Exiting the re-parked car, we climbed the stairs and kicked up our legs for another episode of “The Corona Follies.” For some reason, nothing felt bleak. Had we both mastered the same ballet called, “We’re Done”?

Heaven had choreographed a new dance for us and, amazingly, we were in sync. Replete with arabesques and foxtrots, we no longer wrung our hands and fretted over when we would next fly overseas to visit our loved ones.

Precious days were passing and our instincts, combined with faith in G-d, brought us to a less-weighty place where laughter, dreaming and revisiting soul-expanding beliefs can– when strung together–create a happy life.

We aren’t uninformed. News flashes on Israeli computer screens are identical to those in every other part of the world. We know the numbers. The video footage of mass graves and Hazmat-clad medical staff is enough to keep anyone awake at night. The warnings are ceaseless. No, we aren’t stupid or missing facts.

Still, for all that remains unknown, we 18 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

hold that there are still choices. In retrospect, those precious, pre-COVID days feel heady with dreams that were either well-developed or as emotionally-anemic as their respective owners. It is telling that so many of these dreams have, today, been relegated to memory’s dustbin–results of either neglect or panic. En masse, we stand about gaping, dazed and perplexed. Where are the myriad of rock stars, standing shoulder-to-shoulder for those of us too frightened to sing-a-long? Where are the harmonious strains of “We Are the World” and other melodies to help us address our increasing vulnerability with defiance?

Convenient for me, this lockdown occurred at the beginning of the three week period that precedes Tisha B’Av, the saddest period on the Jewish calendar. Along with the closures of business, schools and camps, my work is at a near standstill. There is plenty of time for reflection.

One of my most powerful teachers once said, “If something feels right, holy and familiar, it is near-certainly consistent with Torah.”

This definition was good enough for me when I accidentally stumbled upon a short Buddhist guide for dealing with coronavirus anxiety.

Acknowledging fear: I am subject to aging, subject to illness, subject to death. Fallibility is natural to life. We are impermanent and life is unpredictable. Thinking we

can control outcomes increases suffering.

Practice mindfulness: Before becoming a life coach, I cynically pooh-poohed meditation. No more. In addition to my daily prayers and psalms, employing moments of meditation throughout the day has increased both calm and productivity.

Cultivating compassion: In Judaism, compassion is a central attribute of the Divine and a core obligation. Buddhism teaches that developing this trait supplants anxiety and fearful states of mind. Even as we remain isolated, reaching out, connecting in small or large ways and developing the intuition to sense another’s suffering will, in time, increase and elevate our senses.

Reflection: ‘Filling time’ or ‘passing the hours’ are antitheses for development and reward. Uncertainty can provide wonderful opportunities for putting the aforementioned teachings into practice. By reframing obstacles as part of strengthening one’s spiritual path, difficult days can alter circumstances and allow us to celebrate over time.

Today our job is to keep living and find meaning in blurry-edged moments. I’m excited because when tomorrow unfolds, I’ll be sitting in the front row.A

Advertorial - This article was written by/for Wells Fargo Advisors and provided courtesy of Jeffrey Liber

10 Reasons Why Beneficiary Designations Are Important Beneficiary designations can provide a relatively easy way to transfer an account or insurance policy upon your death. However, if you’re not careful, missing or outdated beneficiary designations can easily cause your estate plan to go awry.

We often complete these designations without giving it much thought, but they’re actually important and deserve careful attention. Here’s why: Beneficiary designations take priority over what’s in other estate planning documents, such as a will or trust.

For example, you may indicate in your will you want everything to go to your spouse after your death. However, if the beneficiary designation on your life insurance policy still names your ex-spouse, he or she may end up getting the proceeds.

Here’s a sampling of where you’ll find beneficiary designations: • Employer-sponsored retirement plans [401(k), 403(b), etc.]

• IRAs • Life insurance policies • Annuities • Transfer-on-death (TOD) investment accounts • Pay-on-death (POD) bank accounts • Stock options and restricted stock • Executive deferred compensation plans Because you’re asked to designate beneficiaries on so many different accounts and insurance products, it can be difficult to keep up. However, it’s worth the effort; failing to maintain the beneficiary designation on that 401(k) from three employers ago could mean money will go to the wrong place.

When you first set up your estate plan, go over all the designations you previously made and align them with your plan.

After that, you should review and update them regularly–at least once a year.

10 tips about beneficiary designations Because beneficiary designations are so important, keep these things in mind in your estate planning: • Remember to name beneficiaries. If you don’t name a beneficiary, one of the following could occur:

• The account or policy may have to go through probate court. This process often results in unnecessary delays, additional costs, and unfavorable income tax treatment.

• The agreement that controls the account or policy may provide for “default” beneficiaries. This could be helpful, but it’s possible the default beneficiaries may not be whom you intended.

• Name both primary and contingent beneficiaries. It’s a good practice to name a “back up” or contingent beneficiary in case the primary beneficiary dies before you. Depending on your situation, you may have only a primary beneficiary. In that case, consider whether a charity (or charities) may make sense to name as the contingent beneficiary.

• Update for life events. Review your beneficiary designations regularly and update them as needed based on major life events, such as births, deaths, marriages and divorces.

• Read the instructions. Beneficiary designation forms are not all alike. Don’t just fill in names–be sure to read the form carefully.

• Coordinate with your will and trust.

Whenever you change your will or trust, be sure to talk with your attorney about your beneficiary designations. Because these designations operate independently of your other estate planning documents, it’s important to understand how the different parts of your plan work as a whole.

• Think twice before naming individual beneficiaries for particular assets. For example, you establish three accounts of equal value and name a different child as beneficiary of each. Over the years, the accounts may grow unevenly, so the children end up getting different amounts–which is not what you originally intended.

• Avoid naming your estate as beneficiary.

If you designate a beneficiary on your 401(k), for example, it won’t have to go through probate court to be distributed to the beneficiary. If you name your estate as beneficiary, the account will have to go through probate. For IRAs and qualified retirement plans, there may also be unfavorable income tax consequences.

• Use caution when naming a trust as beneficiary. Consult your attorney or CPA before naming a trust as beneficiary for IRAs, qualified retirement plans, or annuities.

There are situations where it makes sense to name a trust; for example if: • Your beneficiaries are minor children • You’re in a second marriage • You want to control access to funds • Even in cases like these, understand the tax consequences before you name a trust as beneficiary.

• Be aware of tax consequences. Many assets that transfer by beneficiary designation come with special tax consequences. It’s helpful to work with an experienced tax advisor who can help provide planning ideas for your particular situation.

• Use disclaimers when necessary, but be careful. Sometimes a beneficiary may actually want to decline (disclaim) assets on which they’re designated as beneficiary. Keep in mind disclaimers involve complex legal and tax issues and require careful consultation with your attorney and CPA. Next steps • When creating, updating, or simply reviewing your estate plan, pay attention to your beneficiary designations.

• Remember, beneficiary designations take precedence over what you may have specified in a will or trust.

• Put a reminder on your calendar to check your beneficiary designations annually so you can keep them up-to-date.

• Trust services are available through banking and trust affiliates in addition to non-affiliated companies of Wells Fargo Advisors.

• Wells Fargo Advisors and its affiliate do not provide tax or legal advice. Please consult with your tax and/or legal advisors before taking any action that may have tax and/or legal consequences.

This article was written by/for Wells Fargo advisors and provided courtesy of Jeffrey Liber, financial advisror in San Diego at 858-523-7989.

Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 19

EXAMINED LIFE

OUR EMOTIONAL FOOTPRINT

by Saul Levine, M.D., Professor Emeritus in Psychiatry at UCSD slevine@ucsd.edu

The Enigma and Metaphor of Face Masks

E

ven as a child I felt uncomfortable wearing a face mask when Halloween trick-or-treating or during Purim celebrations (admittedly a long time ago). Fast forward to the current coronavirus pandemic, when I and many others now wear this designated apparel regularly, especially when crowds are milling about or in stores or areas which demand them. Like many of you, I wear a face mask when it is mandated, or when people are congregating and “social distances” are being ignored or contravened.

The reality is that wearing a mask is not by choice or particularly stylish and can even be unsettling. I will add “uncomfortable” to this litany, as masks can at times make wearers feel stuffy and warm, eye glasses often fog up and speech can be muffled and unclear.

Still others harbor angry and defiant feelings at those making and enforcing the rules.

These ultra-libertarians feel their individual rights and freedoms are being infringed upon (“Nobody can tell me what to do!” “It’s a free country!”)

There are also those who feel that the entire pandemic is part of a conspiracy concocted by a nefarious group of actors who mean to do us harm. They “know” that the coronavirus is real (not a hoax), but they feel that the virus was purposefully and malevolently “planted.”

Finally, there are those who are selfish and narcissistic and when informed that masks can be of help to others, feel or say, “I don’t care!”

Most of us eventually get used to wearing protective face masks and we resign ourselves 20 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

to the minor inconveniences. We are more likely to wear them if they are strongly recommended by experts in virology, infectious diseases and epidemiology to protect our personal health and safety during the pandemic and even more so if we are legally compelled to do so.

One problem might have been conflicting information: We heard different opinions on the utility and necessity of wearing face masks (and every other related newly-mandated behavioral rule). To be fair, researchers and clinicians are still learning new information about this wily and sinister foe, COVID-19, so that up-to-date advice changes. However, the latest evidence is clear: We now know that wearing a face mask (covering the nose and mouth) is particularly effective at slowing the spread of air-borne droplets containing the active virus from us (you and me) to other people.

While masks are not foolproof, there is now no doubt that significant protection to others does indeed occur (which is why surgeons use masks during surgical operations).

We also know now that a mask protects the wearer from infected individuals or non-symptomatic carriers. A recent study in the Lancet Medical Journal corroborated the importance of face masks: The virus transmission rate in both directions was shown to be much less with a face mask and much greater without.

The World Health Organization (WHO)– despite President Trump’s criticism–and the Center for Disease Control (CDC), are both strongly recommending face masks in “hot”

(active) coronavirus infection areas. Scientists and clinicians are urging that we should all be wearing masks when we are among other people, especially at close interpersonal distances.

I am a physician (though not an epidemiologist or infectious disease specialist) and I am convinced by these latest findings and recommendations.

Even if masks are not a “100% guaranteed” defense against coronavirus (like an effective vaccine, which we all desire), here are other important reasons to convince you: Raising Consciousness (Mindfulness, Self): Wearing a mask raises one’s consciousness that we are indeed in the midst of a dangerous pandemic. It reminds us that we’re doing what is recommended by the experts, including other important behaviors, like not touching our faces, washing our hands frequently, disinfecting surfaces, avoiding crowds and certainly keeping at safe interpersonal social distances.

Civility and Caring (Altruism, Others): This singular act of wearing a face mask is a metaphor for caring and civility, an inherently noble gesture: Mask wearers protect their families, friends and neighbors, shopkeepers and many others. By wearing a face mask during this pandemic, people are performing a personal and social “Act of Human Kindness.”

This is an acknowledgement that we humans are all in this together. It is a generous, benevolent act of communality, a visible symbol of consideration, respect and empathy.

PLEASE BE SAFE and A GOOD PERSON: WEAR. A. FACE. MASK. A

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RELIGION

POST-POLITICAL

by Rabbi Jacob Rupp rabbirupp@gmail.com

How To Have Difficult Conversations

I

n the divisive world that we live in, communication is a lost art. Oftentimes we don’t (can’t) speak our minds out of fear of what others say or think about us. Because effective communication is difficult at times, due to the increased sensitivity, we at times would prefer to distract or avoid challenges rather than handle them.

As a coach, part of my work is being confrontational. My clients expect me to help them see around the stories they tell themselves and push them out of the areas where they feel stuck and underperforming. As loving and supportive as I try to be, there is no denying it; if I can’t have difficult conversations, I am unable to properly serve.

Being confrontational doesn’t come naturally to me. I care a great deal about what people think about me and few things bother me like knowing someone is upset with me.

Needing to push myself to call someone out, or to encourage them to do things differently is crucial to what I do, but also isn’t natural.

The most effective tools I have found are 1) permission and 2) context. I use these two skills daily in my communication and teach all of the coaches who train under me.

Permission means enlisting the support of the person with whom we need to have the conversation. Too often we find ourselves “at odds.” It’s me vs. them. My needs vs. theirs.

Adversarial positions rarely work. No one likes to lose and when we set our dynamics up as win/lose, oftentimes no one wins.

Instead, see yourself on the same side as the person with whom you need to have a difficult conversation. In a personal set-

22 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

ting, perhaps with a spouse, assume that your spouse ALSO wants to have a happy home and a happy spouse. Put yourself on the same side of the table. When you do that, you automatically reduce the pressure and can critique in a way that is serving them, instead of serving yourself.

When you are helping the other person with your advice, they are going to be more open to it. Still, you need their permission.

Giving rebuke/advice deals with power dynamics. When I am giving you advice, it implies I have something over you. Most of us with egos (i.e. everyone) don’t like to feel as if we don’t have as much power as the other person. Therefore, “the coach” (the person giving advice) needs to respect the ego of the “the mentee.” The way to do that is they ask the mentee’s permission to give advice.

Asking permission allows the balance of power to be one of equals. I am giving the advice, sure, but you are allowing me to give it. And as such, we are equal. I am always careful, therefore, to make sure my clients give me permission to give direction or advice. I am careful to do this even though they are paying me to do it! That’s how powerful our ego is. Even if we pay someone, we don’t want to listen to them.

So we must be willing to grant them, or to ask for permission before giving advice.

Secondly, context is everything. Never give advice outside of context. Imagine everyone sitting around for a family BBQ having a nice conversation. Suddenly, one person is giving completely unsolicited advice in public to someone else. Natu-

rally, not only does this not go over well, it tanks–hard. If you find yourself unable to have conversations with people because they aren’t willing to listen, usually you haven’t created context for the conversation.

Context occurs when both parties agree to have the conversation. You can’t spring a difficult conversation on someone. If you find yourself in the conversation without having first set up the context, it’s better to stop, slow down and ask for context. For example, an employee starts speaking to you about a certain issue and you immediately begin explaining to them why you need to terminate them if their behavior doesn’t change. Or over the dinner table, you decide to launch into a discussion with your spouse about why you aren’t happy. Rarely (never) does this work.

Instead, set context. Say to the person, “There’s something important I’d like to discuss with you. It should take about an hour.

Is there a time when we can sit down and discuss this?” Once this person has given permission and you have set aside the time for this discussion, chances are far better that whatever needs to be said will be said in a way that the other person can hear and accept.

By leveraging just these two modalities from coaching, I am confident that not only can you face difficult conversations with courage but actually have those people in your life thanking you for being on their side and helping them rise. Difficult conversations are opportunities for growth, and as such shouldn’t be avoided but embraced! A

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24 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

EDUCATION

Zvi Weiss, New Head of School at SDJA, Returns to Work in San Diego

BY NATHALIE FEINGOLD

Z

vi Weiss, born in Los Angeles, divided his time growing up between Los Angeles and Israel. He received a degree in educational psychology from Hebrew University and has experience working in both Israel and the United States. His career has been vast and diverse but has always revolved around one central theme: childhood development.

He’s worked as director of various educational institutions, spent a decade as a stayat-home father, sat on founding boards and worked as an active layperson. Zvi also served in the Israel Defense Forces during the first Gulf War and offered up a very insightful comparison between his former military experiences and the current situation in the United States.

“At that time I was working on preparing people for having their children put on gas masks and stay in secured rooms and follow military directives. Now I find myself, once again, trying to figure out how we can get people to wear a mask, different masks, mind you, and follow directives from authorities so that everybody stays safe and healthy,” Zvi said.

Most recently, Zvi spent six years as the head of school at Yavneh Day School, a K-8 Jewish community school in Los Gatos, Ca-

lif. Now, Zvi is bringing his wealth of educational experience to his new position as head of school at San Diego Jewish Academy.

Zvi, who started his career in education in San Diego after graduating from the University of California, San Diego, views his new role at SDJA as a sort of homecoming for him.

He transforms the various lessons he learned through his work and personal life into innovative learning experiences for his students.

“My goals are to take everything that I’ve learned and to try to apply it to a child from birth to adulthood. As a progressive educator, the whole approach of nurturing the curiosity of children at different ages and engaging them intrinsically in education to continue to build community is what really drives me and what I’m looking forward to helping further deepen at SDJA,” Zvi said.

The close-knit, engaged sense of community and full-circle approach to childhood development, starting from infancy in the Early Childhood Center (ECC) to young adulthood in 12th grade, is what inspired Zvi about SDJA. “The concept of having a community that really embraces and develops its children from almost the time they’re born until they

go off to adulthood takes all the different parts of my own personal educational and work journey and puts it all into one place.

It’s a wonderful opportunity.” Zvi said.

Although Zvi has years and years of experience and much knowledge to impart, starting as head of school during a global pandemic is as much a learning experience for him as it is a teaching one.

“Coming in right now, there is nothing that is: ‘this is the way we always do it,’ because it’s all new and we’re needing to respond to an ever-changing situation,” Zvi said, “So, it’s presented opportunities for innovation that I probably would not have even thought about engaging in during my first year on the job.”

One such innovative program that Zvi highlighted is the Center for Innovation and Entrepreneurial Thinking (CIET). The Center provides a modern learning experience that emphasizes critical thinking and entrepreneurial problem-solving.

CIET has been instrumental in the success of both on-campus learning and remote learning by ensuring that SDJA teachers have all the necessary technology to deliver their full curriculum to students in a meaningful and engaging way. The Center elevated the school’s digital capabilities allowing for them Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 25

to be well prepared for a fall semester that begins virtually.

“I’m always teaching myself new things, always,” Zvi laughed, “The whole online learning platform is still in such a nascent phase and so many of the things that the school has been doing these last few months have been a first for them. So, we’re reflecting on what happened during the very successful launch of our online and remote learning efforts and trying to learn from that in order to further improve and build upon those platforms.”

Zvi also highlights the importance of being flexible during these unique times.

“We need to be nimble and we need to be able to accommodate families who are more and less comfortable coming back to campus and to accommodate our return to online learning ... whether it be on a short-term or long-term basis,” Zvi said.

Despite the complicated circumstances of education in a global pandemic, SDJA saw a recent surge in enrollment with 90% of parents saying they would recommend the school to peers at this time, according to a recent survey.

The large campus size and low teacher-student ratio at SDJA makes a learning environment with social distancing and other important health measures in place very possible. These plans include: added indoor and outdoor learning spaces, desks spaced six-feet apart, motivated teachers and routine health screenings for students and staff to accommodate the families who are interested in having their children on campus.

There will also be swivel cameras in some classrooms so that the in-classroom experience can be felt at home to accommodate the families who are not yet comfortable with in-person learning. However, according to a recent parent survey, the majority of families are interested in having their children back on campus, Zvi says that the academy can accommodate that.

For now, following Governor Newsom’s executive decision and with San Diego County being on the state’s watch list, SDJA is prepared for the likely possibility that they will need to start their school year virtually. However, if San Diego moves off the state monitoring list for 14 consecutive days, SDJA will be ready to resume in-person learning with appropriate health measures in place.

“We’re really fortunate because we have a 56-acre campus that makes social distancing very possible,” Zvi said, “It’s all a little bit different than it was before but we’re taking whatever we have in terms of guidelines and trying to create a really meaningful and positive learning experience for everybody.”

SDJA will also be consulting with several physicians and disease doctors to get more background and make choices that make the most sense for SDJA families.

With the ever-changing nature of education during such unusual times, Zvi has personal advice to give to any students who may be struggling with adjusting to the new model of learning.

“New things happen all the time and we need to do our best to be strong and look for the best in every situation,” Zvi continued, “So, don’t focus on what you can’t do, focus on what you can do. You’ll probably find that there will be new things that you never thought imaginable that you will really enjoy and find a source of fun, comfort, learning and growth if you’re just open to trying new things.”

SDJA is set to begin their school year on Aug. 18 for their ECC students and Aug. 25 for their K-12 students. A

26 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

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In this challenging year, the San Dieguito study and social groups will meet via Zoom, outdoors, and in safe places.

Among the many offered are three book discussion groups, two film groups (including Jewish-themed literature and films), Music, Medicine, Current Events, Cooking, Walking, Women Who Make a Difference, Mah Jongg, TED Talks, Trivia & Cocktails and Puzzles & Wine.

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The eight of usAdvisors. made the transition from made the transition from our former firm, former firm, Midwest Financial Partners, where I’veMidwest spent my Financial Partners, where I’vegroup. spentOur mydecision 15-year ca15-year career working with this comes reer working withand thisisgroup.

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As an RIA we are fiduciaries, which means we are obligated As an our RIAclient’s we are fiduciaries, means we are to put best interest first.which This isn’t anything new obligated putalways our client’s best interest but first. to the way to we’ve conducted ourselves, weThis now isn’t anything new to theindependent way we’ve always feel better represented as an firm offeringconconducted ourselves, but we now feel better flict-free advice. In addition to being true fiduciaries,reprebeing sented as an independent firm offering conflict-free independent enables us to implement technology that is best advice. addition to being fiduciaries, being suited forInclients and expand ourtrue investment offerings and independent enables us to implement technolostrategy to offer comprehensive investment, retirement and gy that isguidance. best suited clients and expand our insurance We’refor better positioned to be nimble investment offerings strategy offer comand responsive to marketand conditions and to we’ve enhanced prehensive investment, andtoinsurance our client service offerings to retirement be a true partner our clients. guidance. We’re better positioned to be nimble This transition is a product of wanting to better serve our curand responsive to market conditions and we’ve rent clients and future clients with greater transparency. Our enhanced our client service offerings to be a true integrated team of specialists is united by a single purpose: partner to our clients. helping you build financial security throughout your lifetimeThis is awealth product of wanting to better while transition preserving your for generations to come. serve our current clients and future clients with I have a particular passion for education and financial literacy and helping people truly understand their financial needs.

46 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020 Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 27

| FEATURE |

Managing the JFS Food Pantry in a Crisis

BY JACQUELINE BULL

T

om Stewart is the program coordinator of the “Hand Up” Food Pantry for Jewish Family Service. He starts his day early in the morning in the warehouse.

His first task is to lay out the packed food from the day before into the working space to start to prep. Then he and his team start to assemble the packages that get delivered to home-bound seniors and the drive-thru clients. Fresh produce is added to the prepared boxes of non-perishables. Between 8:30 and 9, the volunteer drivers arrive.

They double-check all the routes, help them load the packages into their vehicles, resolve any questions and send them on their way.

By 10, the drive-thru service starts. Cars pull up and provide some basic information, pop their trunk and the JFS team puts the bags in their trunk and they’re on their way. Then with the help of volunteers, they pack the non-perishable packages for the next day and sort through the donated produce.

Then the JFS staff commences their fresh rescue efforts. Von’s, Target and Ralph’s donate items like dairy, fresh produce, bread for staff to pick up, bring back to the warehouse and sort.

And the next day he gets up early and does it all over again.

“At the food pantry we were used to serving about 300 families a month through our corner market-where clients were coming in shopping for themselves-and we were handling about 45,000 lbs of food. Where now we’re delivering to over 300 clients everyday plus serving 150-200 clients through our drive-thru every day. And just like last month, I did a quick calculation and we processed 165,000 pounds of food, so it’s three times the amount of food being processed through our warehouse,” Tom said.

They even added a second shift in the kitchen to make prepared meals for their seniors. Before the pandemic, they were mak28 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

ing 600 to 800 meals a day. Now they are making 1,600.

“Just the sheer volume of clients that we’re trying to respond to is almost a weekly battle of balancing ‘Am I going to have enough food to have the drive-thru operate and deliver nutritious food?’” Tom said.

“It used to be a few people at a time and now we’re seeing 100 cars come through every single day ... and what’s remarkable is there is a good number of those that are new to JFS. And I would say that that speaks to the impact of the pandemic. People who are only for the first time facing this type of need–especially when it comes to food insecurity and this helps offset the cost to pay the rent, to pay the utilities,” Carole Yellen, director of strategic partnerships, said.

FS has historically been responsive to crises that have happened in our community whether the fires or the Chabad of Poway shooting, so when this first began I think we were able to flex that same muscle to respond to the COVID-19 crisis,” Carole said.

She explained that every crisis is accompanied by a level of uncertainty especially as it relates to the time frame. At month four, they feel they are able to sustain some of the services that they’ve expanded to meet the need while keeping an eye towards recovery.

“Things that we’ve learned from the great recession in San Diego was that there was a crisis period with urgent critical need and then there was a long recovery period. What is unique about the COVID-19 crisis is that we recognize that we may fluctuate between the two … We are trying to figure out how to sustain the increase in our nutrition services more long term. ” she said Keeping the long-term needs in consideration also meant shuffling staff that were redeployed as they were all hands on deck in the beginning. She recalled they had par-

J

enting educators cooking in the kitchen, the warehouse had staff from all over JFS and she herself even took some shifts as a driver.

One of the downsides of not feeling of being in an active crisis mode is the perception that the need is diminishing.

“The community in many ways is seeing an attempt to reopen-and potentially we’re shutting some things down again-but it is giving a false sense that our community is not in need anymore. For instance with safe parking, we have a generous community who provides meals for the safe parking participants each night. And as the community started to reopen, we saw a slight decrease in the amount of donations we were receiving for those dinners. The reality is for many people like those who are living in their vehicles in our safe parking program the need for food existed before COVID-19 and it was just exacerbated while this has been going on, but that need is going to continue.

For many of our low-income seniors they were food insecure before COVID-19 and they will remain food insecure ... We just know that especially for our most vulnerable populations of older adults and homeless individuals and families, it is really crucial that we maintain services for them and making sure that our community hears there is still a way for them to participate and contribute to the critical work that will be going on that I would say for months if not years,” she said.

Before Tom was program coordinator of the pantry, he was a volunteer and before that he was a retail pharmacist for 20 years, “I moved to San Diego and needed to take a break from that professional life and just wanted to throw myself into volunteering and see what was next. I was thinking about going back to school continuing in a helping field, but in a more hands-on social services type of way. And JFS was one the first places

when I moved to San Diego that I volunteered at. It was just an overwhelming feeling of friendship and I just felt so welcomed here by the food pantry and so I just kept coming. And they kept giving me more responsibilities or more tasks to do like ‘Hey could you help go on this route and pick these up.’ And a position came open and started out as a part-time [job] and now I’m the coordinator for the food pantry…

I can’t imagine a better place to be, so it’s not only helped me just personally, but also [it helped me] put down roots in San Diego … so I feel part of a community” “JFS is not doing this work alone. We do have an amazing team of staff who have been very flexible and nimble in this response, but it clearly also takes so many of our partners and our community donors and volunteers. It has always been that way. JFS has never done this work alone, but it’s even more so highlighted during this particular time as our community bands together to address the impacts of COVID-19,” Carole said. A For those in need, the JFS access line where you can talk to an access specialist is 858 637 3210.

For those looking to help, visit jfssd.org/volunteer or talk to someone at the volunteer engagement team (858-638-3050).

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30 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

| FEATURE |

Explore the Arts District From Home with Virtual First Friday

BY NATHALIE FEINGOLD

E

leven years ago, the NTC Foundation started First Friday at Liberty Station as a way to highlight the creative offerings of their Arts District tenants.

“I don’t think we’ve ever missed a First Friday in all 11 years,” said Lisa Johnson, President and CEO of the NTC Foundation.

First Friday is a monthly art open house that showcases a variety of artists specializing in all types of mediums, such as fine, culinary and performance arts. The last in-person First Friday occurred on Mar. 6, the pandemic hit and without missing a beat, NTC rolled out their first-ever virtual First Friday on Apr. 3.

The shift to virtual programming was necessary for Arts District tenants to promote their local businesses, especially since the majority of them are considered non-essential businesses and thus were unable to physically open their doors.

As soon as COVID-19 hit San Diego in early March, Lisa and the staff at NTC realized that they had to quickly pivot to figure out what the Arts District can deliver virtually. Lisa says that the virtual showings get stronger and stronger with each passing month.

The August First Friday (Aug. 7) is gearing up to be their most robust virtual showing yet. Featuring live performances by San Diego Dance Theater, live storybook readings and interactive games with Reading Legacies, an Instagram live ballet photoshoot by new tenant Canela Photography, a pottery wheel demo with new tenant Milk Oolong Studio and many other immersive, creative experiences.

“We have for-profits, not-for-profits, small artists, big galleries, all coming togeth-

er to do unique, wonderful things.”

The unanticipated shift to virtual First Fridays was not without challenges, especially because the majority of Arts District tenants are small, local businesses.

“All of our tenants are small businesses and every one of them is suffering in some form or fashion. It’s been heartbreaking for me to see what has happened to people who have worked so hard to grow these great businesses just for them to hit a brick wall,” Lisa said.

However, despite the challenges, Lisa maintains a positive and hopeful outlook during these unprecedented times.

“To see all of the innovation and collaboration come out of such a tough time has been really inspirational and heartwarming for me. Even when faced with really terrible circumstances, the tenants rose above that and it’s a little emotional for me actually because I just know how hard it is for them,” Lisa said.

However, Lisa discovered that out of the difficult circumstances and government-mandated isolation, Virtual First Friday opened the door for an even stronger sense of community with a reach the likes of which she’s never seen before.

“The virtual aspect really opened up a whole new world for us and our tenants, for people realizing what we do,” Lisa said.

Lisa has friends in the East Coast and Northern California who are now excited to tune in from their homes every First Friday and take classes from across the country. The Watercolor Society, an Arts District legacy tenant, now can have virtual art shows featuring prominent artists from Europe and all over the United States.

Lisa said that the virtual aspect also broadened their audience to people who may not have felt comfortable taking a class in person.

“I had a friend say to me, ‘I’ve always wanted to take a ballet class but I’m too nervous to actually go into a studio but now, because I can do it from my living room in private, it was fun,’” Lisa continued, “I just think it puts our reach out there and when we can gather again I hope people will think to come and visit us that maybe haven’t been there in person before.”

First Friday is going to remain fully virtual for the remainder of 2020, an executive call that was determined early on in March.

In the longer term, First Fridays will go back to hosting in-person art open houses at Liberty Station. However, it will forever be changed as it plans on maintaining its online component for the years to come.

“I think the future for First Friday is bright. We’re gonna maintain the virtual component, but we’ll go back to our in-person component as well... I think we’ll see some crossover,” Lisa said, “We’re gonna look at capturing what’s actually happening live and making that virtual too; giving people that opportunity to be a part of what’s going on in the Arts District even if they aren’t physically there. Now we know all that stuff is very possible.”

For those interested in exploring their creative side, find a class or exhibition that appeals to you and tune in on Aug. 7. Visit libertystation.com for more information about the event. A

Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 31

EDUCATION

LFJCC Preschool Reopening Q&A with Betzy Lynch

BY JACQUELINE BULL

Editor’s note: Time of writing was before Governor Newsom’s announcement.

BL: Yes. Additionally, we are in a trust- SDJJ: Can you tell me about the ing relationship with the parents, teach- programming for school-age kids ers and students that requires total trans- the “All Day at the J”? parency, which we have been able to achieve throughout our re-entry into BL: “All Day at the J” is a program designed

San Diego Jewish Journal: How has the LFJCC Nierman Preschool adapted to re-opening?

Betzy Lynch: The LFJCC Nierman Pre- providing these much needed services. school has adopted guidance from the CDC, SDJJ: What should parents expect local Health Department, the California from sending their children back to State Leisure Department for Childcare and the school? the LFJCC’s COVID-19 Response Task- BL: Parents should expect children to keep force to take significant measures to mitigate the transmission of the COVID-19.

Some of these measures include: 1. Creating small groups of 10-12 children that do not intermingle with the other groups of children. 2. Developing a new carpool system so parents do not enter the building and we limit interactions within the preschool space to faculty and students. 3. Enhancing cleaning and sanitizing protocols as well as faculty PPE and age-appropriate PPE for students. 4. Implementing daily health checks for all students and faculty.

feeling self-actualized and loved in this moment of uncertainty. We approach learning always from the perspective of the WHOLE child and that approach remains unchanged with the new guidance for safety. Also, we are serving the entire family, not just their children. Parenting in a global pandemic is VERY HARD. We are a support system for families to navigate the difficulties that lie ahead.

SDJJ: Do you have a protocol in the event that any teachers, students or parents test positive?

32 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

SDJJ: Anything else you would like to add?

BL: Right now the need is greater than

SDJJ: What has been the feedback so far? ever. It is our hope that all children with BL: People are very grateful. Although the need are able to participate in our Niersome families don’t have to make the dif-

SDJJ: What were some of the chal- ficult decision regarding their child’s well lenges to overcome? being outside of the home, the reality for BL: Effectively showing the warmth the majority of families is that is not the and love needed for young children through wearing a mask and knowing the risks of the current health crisis.

for working parents whose children need assistance with distance learning and support for childcare during what would have been a normal school day. The same guidance we are using for camp and preschool has informed our structure for “All Day at the J.” The students will learn from the regular classroom teacher via technology; the LFJCC staff will provide help in understanding and completing assignments. Additionally, we will offer physical education, art, meditation & mindfulness, yoga & fitness and other activities.

case. We have helped families to lessen the guilt of needing to work for their livelihood by supporting and loving their children as if nothing has changed, but just being delivered with much more handwashing, hand sanitizer and wearing masks.

man Preschool and “All Day at the J” programs. The LFJCC Financial Assistance Fund ensures that anyone who wants to participate in our vibrant programs is able to regardless of socio-economic status. To make an impact in the lives of children and families during this time, call Shannon Merrill at 858-362-1347 to make a gift. A

Watermelon Feta Salad with wi th Za’atar Za’atar and Olives MICAH SIVA | www.nutritionxkitchen.com

Nothing says summer like cold and crisp watermelon–in a salad. Traditional watermelon salads feature basil, balsamic and sharp feta. We’re adding a little bit of Israeli flair with the addition of za’atar, a spice blend that will soon be your goto seasoning. The ingredients of za’atar vary by region with families guarding their proprietary blend closely. But, it is customarily a blend of thyme, oregano, marjoram, sumac, toasted sesame seeds and salt. Delicious with olive oil on bread, sprinkled into salad, blended into favorite hummus recipe, za’atar will be your new secret ingredient!

INGREDIENTS: Serves: 4 3 cups arugula 4 cups watermelon, peeled and cut into 1-inch cubes ¼ cup crumbled feta cheese ¼ cup red onion, thinly sliced 2 tbsp. pitted kalamata olives, sliced 1 tsp. za’atar spice blend Juice of 1 lemon 2 tbsp. olive oil Sea salt and pepper, to taste PREPARATION: Combine arugula, watermelon, feta, red onion and olives in a large bowl.

In a small bowl, whisk za’atar, lemon juice, olive oil, sea salt and pepper.

Pour dressing over salad, tossing to combine.

Enjoy! A Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 33

| FEATURE |

Online Offerings

BY JACQUELINE BULL

La Jolla Playhouse

All content is available on lajollaplayhouse.org Weekly: LJP Vault An artist, staff member or volunteer will share a favorite La Jolla Playhouse photo, video or memory.

Ongoing: Without Walls (WOW) WOW digital is a series of one-on-one experiences and collective events.

Ongoing: The Totally Fake Latino News from Culture Clash Richard Montoya, Ricardo Salinas and Herbert Siguenza chronicle their artsy activist lives.

San Diego Opera

All content is available on sdopera. org and also on youtube.com/user/ SanDiegoOpera.

Monday-Friday, 12 p.m.: Out of the Vault Out of the Vault is a 3-minute clip every day of a dress rehearsal of a past opera.

San Diego Symphony

All content is available on sandiegosymphony.org.

Tuesdays: Lunch & Listen Q&As with CEO Martha Gilmer and San Diego Symphony musicians.

Wednesday Evenings: Listen // Hear Music Director Rafael Payare and colleagues discuss all things symphony on YouTube and Facebook live streams and are later archived.

Ongoing: Symphony Stream Listen to past audio broadcasts, podcasts discussing classical works and videos with interviews and performances.

34 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

North Coast Repertory Theatre

reographed by Geoff Gonzalez and featured six dancers. Another series is set to continue, but did not have a release date at time of print.

Ongoing: Theatre Conversations Watch conversations with artists and friends of North Coast Rep discuss many of the behind-the-scenes stories of working in live theater.

Lamb’s Players

All content is available on northcoastrep.org.

San Diego Repertory Theatre

All content is available on sdrep.org.

Select Thursdays: We are Listening SD REP’s Development Coordinator hosts conversations with black artists discussing their careers in theater.

Aug. 5 at 7 p.m.: Beachtown Live!

As a citizen of Beachtown, you are invited to participate in an online town hall about how to handle a pandemic.

All content is available on facebook. com/LambsPlayers Ongoing: Lamb’s Cabaret Affiliated artists with the Players upload covers of popular songs and songs from past productions.

La Jolla Music Society

All content is available on ljms.org.

Aug 21-30: SummerFest Viewers can subscribe for live access to all six concerts, educational events and artists encounters. There

Aug. 13: Features Minka Wiltz Aug. 27: Features Eboni Muse.

Cygnet Theatre

All content is available on cygnettheatre.com.

Ongoing: Cygnet Theatre Interview Series This series is video chats with actors, playwrights and costume designers led by Rob Lutfy, Cygnet’s Associate Artistic Director.

City Ballet

All content is available on facebook. com/cityballetsd.

Ongoing: The Dark Room Series City Ballet’s first virtual performance was a series of four dance works cho-

Katie Ruiz in a virtual studio tour.

will be concerts featuring Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, Rachmaninoff and many others.

Ongoing: Digital Concert Hall Access past recordings and exclusive home concerts.

Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego All content is on mcasd.digital.

Ongoing: MCASD: Digital

This is a platform for online programs and exploring the museum’s collections digitally. Check out “Conversations” now called “Charla” with MCASD Curator Jill Dawsey chatting to San Diego artist Katie Ruiz in a virtual studio tour.

San Diego Museum of Art

All content is available on sdmart.org Fridays at 10 a.m.: Masterpiece Minute Podcast This is a 60-second podcast series that looks at the stories and historical contexts of important works in the SDMA collection.

Ongoing: Virtual SDMA Explore the galleries in 360, access insider stories and listen or read about works in the collection via the SDMA App on the App Store or Google Play.

Ongoing: Virtual SDMA + Art of Elan This is a series of short online experiences where works in SDMA’s collection are partnered with music of Art of Elan.

Ongoing: SDMA at Play The museum is offering a variety of at-home art activities with detailed instructions (and in some cases accompanying video explanations) such as making your own shadow puppets and ekphrastic poetry.

Mondays: Behind the Scenes Get an inside look at the aquarium with these short videos with the aquarist team and animals on topics like octopus enrichment or coral conservation.

Tuesdays at 10 a.m. and Thursdays at 2 p.m.: Live Stream Chats Join ocean experts for live chats on a wide range of topics like kelp forests or marine protected areas.

Wednesdays: All About Animals Check out short animal fact videos featuring the ocean animals at Birch Aquarium.

Fridays: Moments of Zen Visit with the fish of the aquarium backed with calming music.

The Reuben Fleet Science Center

All content is on rhfleet.org. Events marked with a (*) require registration.

Ongoing: Virtual Classes The Fleet is offering live lessons, science clubs and camps for toddlers, kids and teens.

Aug. 3, 7 p.m.: Sharp Minds* Dr. Deanna Needell, professor of Mathematics at UCLA talks high dimensional space.

Aug. 5, 7 p.m.: The Sky Tonight* Learn all about “Earth’s Sister Planet” Venus.

Aug. 10, 6:30 p.m. Suds & Science* This edition of “spirited” discussion is all about studying genetic adaptation.

San Diego Natural History Museum All content is on sdnhm.org.

Ongoing: At-Home Activities Check out diy crafts, nature bingo, scavenger hunts and printable coloring pages for family-friendly activities. A

“Lunch & Listen” with Violinist Jin Yan Bowcott.

Birch Aquarium

All content is on aquarium.ucsd.edu and youtube.com/user/BirchAquarium Aug. 10 at 6 p.m.: Virtual Perspectives Lecture: Our Warming Ocean Scripps physical oceanography professor Sarah Gille describes how oceanographers study the warming ocean.

Ongoing: Kelp Cam Visit the serene live footage of the Kelp Cam or participate with educational activities for elementary students.

Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 35

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36 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

| DIVERSIONS |

‘An American Pickle’ trailer shows Seth Rogen plays both 1920s Jewish immigrant and his great-grandson

BY JTA NEWS

T

he trailer for “An American Pickle,” the upcoming movie in which Seth Rogen plays a 1920s Jewish immigrant who falls into a pickle vat and wakes up 100 years later, is finally here.

The trailer also fills out the plot, which is based on a short story by Simon Rich. When Herschel wakes up in the future, he attempts to get Ben to start a pickle business with him after Ben loses his job.

We caught a first glance of Rogen looking the part in a historically accurate picture released in April. Now, the trailer shows that Rogen actually plays both main characters: Herschel Greenbaum, the poor ditch-digger from “Schlupsk,” a fake region of Eastern Europe and Ben Greenbaum, his great-grandson who works as a computer programmer in modern-day Brooklyn.

The trailer suggests a wealth of Jewish references.

In one snippet, the two are shown talking about how polio has been cured. Ben says the doctor who discovered the cure was named Jonas Salk.

Herschel asks if he was a Jew, and when Ben says yes, Herschel pumps his fist.

The movie is out on HBO Max on Aug. 6. A Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 37

the news Jewish Community Foundation Announced Promotion of New Chief Impact Officer The Jewish Community Foundation (JCF) promoted Sharleen Wollach to Chief Impact Officer, according to Beth Sirull, JCF President and CEO. Wollach has been with JCF since 2009 and oversees the foundation’s approach to donor services. She works to strengthen community connections through her efforts as a liaison with grantee-organizations to promote philanthropy and enrich relationships with the foundation.

Wollach directs programs that focus on developing and enhancing relationships for current and future philanthropy.

“JCF’s programs are now nationally recognized as models for effective philanthropic planning, thanks largely to Sharleen’s tireless efforts,” Sirull said.

As acting Chief Impact Officer, Wollach will be working with the executive team to guide JCF to expand and integrate innovative approaches to the donor experience.

Helping At-Risk Israeli Youth During COVID-19 By Barbara Sherbill In March of this year, as COVID-19 spread across Israel forcing school closures, including in-educational communities, youth villages and other residential settings, thousands of at-risk youth suddenly faced lockdown in homes with challenging and unstable environments.

Many of Israel’s at-risk teens returned to large families in dire financial need as a result of sudden unemployment. ImpactIsrael (formerly Friends of Yemin Orde), which serves as the U.S. philanthropic partner of Yemin Orde Youth Village and Village Way Educational Initiatives (VWEI), raised $300,000 for food vouchers and crisis stipends to assist youth, families and graduates of the Village as well as graduates of Yemin Orde’s gap-year leadership programs for marginalized immigrant youth, called Mechinot (Hebrew, plural for Mechina).

After receiving financial assistance, one of the graduates said: “My brother and I came to Israel from an orphanage in Ukraine. For us, Yemin Orde is our only home. The fact that now during this really hard time when getting laid off work and having my own daughter to raise, that the Village and others from abroad reached out to us to offer us this support has meant the world to me. I really need the help to be able to pay the rent and eat, but it’s also such an emotional backing and gives me strength knowing we are never alone.”

In addition to monetary relief, educators and staff from the Village and VWEI’s network of Village Way educational partners delivered care packages and learning materials to homebound youth and their families. This personal contact–although socially distanced and wearing face masks–provided assurance and support.

At Yemin Orde Youth Village which is typically home and school to 450 at-risk youth from around the world, approximately 170 youth who have no other home in Israel or a suitable setting for their return, remained at the Village during the first 30 days of the coronavirus lockdown. These youth continued learning and living at the Village 38 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

in small family “capsules” with educators and staff who live at Yemin Orde and who provided stability and reassurance to worried teens.

Four weeks later, 150 more youth returned to the Village under strict quarantine guidelines. Before the end of the school year, Yemin Orde returned to full capacity, albeit with strict personal distance guidelines and crowd controls. Many youth will remain at Yemin Orde during the summer months to reinforce academic skills or because they have no other safe home. The Village is open 24/7, 365 days a year, for these teens without family in Israel or whose family situation is unsuitable.

The Old Globe Announces Additional Associate Artistic Director

The Old Globe announced the appointment of Freedome BradleyBallentine as Associate Artistic Director in addition to his current role as Director of Arts Engagement. Bradley-Ballentine will continue overseeing the Globe’s nationally recognized arts engagement programs while he takes a more central role in programming.

Bradley-Ballentine brings his skillset to join Associate Artistic Director Justin Waldman, making an impressive team. Waldman has worked for the Globe for nine years and is championed as a great thinker and leader.

“I’m thrilled to join the leadership team as the Associate Artistic Director (in addition to my prior role). We have an opportunity to create work that values both excellence and relevance, as well as take major strides to make San Diego arts more equitable. I look forward to developing new artistic relationships, not just in San Diego but throughout the United States. I’m honored to join a team dedicated to increasing the value of the work both nationally and locally,” Bradley-Ballentine said.

Barry Edelstein, the Globe’s Erna Finci Viterbi Artistic Director is pleased and excited to acknowledge the talents and contributions of Bradley-Ballentine.

“In the five years he’s been here, he’s made the Globe better in countless ways, to the benefit of San Diego. He has broadened our reach and made theatre matter to our neighbors around our county, forging important relationships with institutions and individuals here even as he has built a nationally recognized practice that is the envy of the field,” Edelstein said.

In his five years with the Globe, Bradley-Ballentine built an acclaimed platform with dozens of new programs that have reached tens of thousands of San Diegans, cultivating positive social connections with diverse communities throughout the county. His successful approach

is based in active listening that lets the community tell the Globe what it needs, making theatre truly accessible for all–an approach that is increasingly influential nationally.

“I can’t wait to share with the world what we’ve been cooking up!

The Globe has an amazing reach and I’m excited to see how fast this car can go!” Bradley-Ballentine said.

City of San Diego Summer Lunch Program Offers Free Meals to Families in Need The City of San Diego is offering free lunches for the remainder of the summer to help meet the needs of community members impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic. The City is collaborating with the San Diego Parks Foundation, Feeding San Diego and Albertsons Companies’ Nourishing Neighbors program to help support the program and feed children in need.

Community members will be able to pick up prepared “to go” lunch and breakfast meals for children under the age of 18 outside of 12 available recreation centers throughout the summer, no registration or income verification required.

To keep the public and staff safe, participants will need to wear a facial covering when picking up meals, children do not need to be present for parents to receive meals.

For more information about the 2020 Summer Lunch program including participating recreation center locations and food distribution times, visit sandiegoparksfoundation.org.

Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 39

the news Rabbi Goldstein of Chabad of Poway Pleads Guilty to Tax Fraud Rabbi Yisroel Goldstein, a victim of the 2019 terrorist attack on the Chabad of Poway, pleaded guilty to federal charges of tax and wire fraud involving the decades-long misuse of fake donations to the synagogue.

Robert Brewer, United States Attorney for the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of California, in a press conference reported

by CBS-San Diego described an “elaborate, long-term” scheme by Goldstein, known by investigators as the “90/10 Tax Fraud Scheme.”

The scheme involved Rabbi Goldstein accepting fake donations by co-conspirators for the purpose of tax write-offs. Goldstein would then return 90% of the “donations” to the donor while keeping 10% for his own profit.

Brewer alleged that the fake donations, occurring since the Mid1980s, totaled over $6 million with Goldstein keeping $620,000 for personal use.

The FBI employed an undercover agent to meet with Goldstein as part of their investigation into the 90/10 Tax Fraud Scheme. Rabbi Goldstein offered to launder money for the undercover agent and “did, in fact, exchange money for the undercover agent consistent with the 90/10 charitable donation scheme,” Omer Meisel, FBI Special Agent of the San Diego Division, said, as reported by CBSSan Diego.

Goldstein created several nonprofits since he established the Chabad of Poway in 1986, federal court documents said that some of these nonprofits were non-functioning fronts that solely existed on paper or as bank account holders for the purpose of money laundering and tax fraud.

Goldstein also faces charges of grant and insurance fraud dating back to at least 2010. After the Southern California wildfires in 2007, Goldstein, teamed up with co-conspirator Alexander Avergoon to create falsified invoices from Avergoon’s fake construction company.

The invoices were allegedly for repairs to the Chabad of Poway for damage caused by the wildfires. However, Brewer said that there was no damage to the synagogue. Goldstein then submitted the fake invoices to the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) for insurance checks, all of which, according to Brewer, Goldstein kept.

Rabbi Goldstein’s sentencing date is on Oct. 29, 2020, and although he faces a maximum of five years in prison, Brewer recommends probation based on Goldstein’s cooperation and “lifetime of service” to the community through the Chabad of Poway.

Rabbi Goldstein showed great community leadership after the horrific synagogue shooting; however, Brewer said that this does not negate his illegal conduct, “we cannot look the other way because a perpetrator of a crime becomes, suddenly, a victim of a crime.”

40 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

Rabbi Goldstein, who was shot in the hand during the Poway shooting, helped bring our community together in the aftermath of the attack. Goldstein rose to become a trusted and inspirational leader not just to his congregants of the Chabad of Poway, but globally, as he spoke all over the world advocating for peace and the elimination of prejudiced violence.

“Following the attack on our synagogue last year, when we were frozen with shock and fear, Rabbi Yisroel Goldstein brought us together and inspired our community. That was the Rabbi Goldstein we knew. That was the Rabbi Goldstein the world came to know,” said Chabad of Poway in a statement on their website.

The statement continued on to say, “we’ve since learned that Rabbi Goldstein violated the law, contradicted what our synagogue stands for, and transgressed the very moral and ethical rules of the Torah he taught.”

This is, without a doubt, an emotional time for Chabad of Poway and they ask for privacy in the coming weeks.

ADL San Diego and the Jewish Federation of S.D County Announce New Partnership This 3-year partnership between the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) San Diego and the Jewish Federation of San Diego County is focused on enhancing safety for the Jewish community. The local partnership extends a national partnership between ADL and the Secure Community Network (SCN), the national homeland security initiative of the Jewish Federations of North America.

For over 40 years, ADL has worked closely with law enforcement officials in the Jewish community to help ensure safety throughout San Diego County, becoming the local leader in Jewish communal security. These efforts have been strengthened by national attempts to monitor and expose hate, primarily through their Center on Extremism. The Jewish Federation recognizes that an investment in the work of ADL will both bolster and provide security to the Federation’s 83-year legacy of building and strengthening the Jewish community.

This unified approach to safety is critical in increasing efforts to address the rise in anti-Semitism throughout the area, this includes hiring ADL San Diego’s Associate Director for Law Enforcement Initiatives and Communal Security, Matthew Brown. Brown brings over 25 years of experience in law enforcement to the table.

Brown will be working closely with local Jewish institutions to advise on issues surrounding safety and security. He will also provide training to local law enforcement on hate crimes identification and investigation as well as regularly connect with the Center on Extremism to remain up to date on local hate groups and activity.

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ADVICE

ASK MARNIE

by Marnie Macauley asksadie@aol.com

“What’s The Matter With Kids To-Day?”

S

halom my dear San Diegans: In this issue is education, which often leads us to our kinder, which then leads us to how we raise the kinder, which comes from: 1. Culture. Jewish, yes. World chaos, also yes; 2. Ridiculous “experts” who often spout nonsense (because they’re too busy being famous to have kids); 3. Even more ridiculous books the “experts” are writing.

There was a time parents learned by having been mentored by smart people or their tribe. They weren’t on a Xanax drip for depression or anxiety, nor did they run around apologizing. We’ve come a long way. Let’s look.

The following is a true story. I’m still recovering.

Dena, 4, was playing with a pull toy in a crowded kosher market and felling more shoppers than a SCUD with her slinky weapon of “mass destruction.” I caught up with her mother, a stranger, by the bagel counter and gingerly suggested: “Before we all wind up in Mt. Sinai how about putting your child’s toy in the cart?” She looked at me horrified, then whined,“But that will ruin Dena’s day!” Pity.

Impolite! Demanding! Out-of-control! I receive hundreds of letters from parents asking the same question: “What’s the matter with kids today?”

Back in 1963, Harry McAfee posed the question in “Bye Bye Birdie.” Today, that Birdie song should update to: “What’s the matter with parents today?”

According to the CDC, the facts are: 1) Death by suicide accounts for 11% of all deaths in teens.

2) 1 in 6 U.S children (aged 2-8 years) in the U.S. has a diagnosed mental, behavioral, or developmental disorder.

42 SDJewishJournal.com | August 2020

Clearly, we parents have become the new silent majority that’s lost our voice, power and the courage to use our innate and correct judgment. Simply, too many of us have been myth-duped.

Let’s look ...

PARENTING MYTHS VS. TRUTHS Parenting Myth One: It’s our job to make our children constantly “happy.” A “good” parent must devote himself to ensuring his child’s consistent contentment.

Molly was flying to Israel with her 5-yearold on the child’s birthday. Mama made a “party” on board, handing out gifts to passengers to give her kinder, along with letting her daughter run wild, talking and playing games with the other flyers, et. al.. A splendid idea, nu? No. While some passengers grudgingly enjoyed 10 hours of “little Malkie,” no doubt it had some looking for the escape hatch, while Malkie “learned” the world of strangers owes her ten hours of joy.

Truth: That snazzy concept snuck in on us among the pages of the 1950s-90s plethora of parenting books. Of course we want happy children. But not at any price. Giving in to silly or spoiled demands is costly to their mental health and ours. Striving and thriving requires the ability to delay gratification, manage frustration, anger, disappointment and ultimately, the knowledge they have the right stuff to survive through another imperfect day with persistence and optimism.

Parenting Myth Two: Discipline is abusive and unnecessary. After all, why can’t we just reason with a child to prevent scarring our child’s psyche by any early upset, like the word: “No!” Sy and Miriam had their “miracle” baby, Jonah, while in their 40’s. Jonah has them

dancing, sometimes in joy, but more often to placate the child who, not unlike that Twilight Zone child-monster, rules their universe. “No” is not a word “King” Jonah has heard. How can one say “no” or set ground rules for such a high-spirited, bright mazik without risking crushing his creativity and his ego?

Truth: Without rules, fair limits and “no,” children believe they’re the center around which the universe, never mind their parents, revolve. Rather than increasing self-esteem, the child who rules unchecked, will grow into a difficult adult, one who can’t accept rejection or limits, feels like a misfit and rails against a world that constantly fails to recognize his “creativity” and “superiority.”

Parenting Myth Three: It’s our job to “fix” our children’s problems so they won’t feel frustrated or incompetent.

While we Jewish mamas are, by nature, culture and training, highly invested in our children’s welfare, constant involvement is not part of the deal. Marsha fought her son’s battles with friends and teachers, ran to get tutors, agonized over every homework assignment, catastrophized all emotional wounds and applied her own special salve. After all, what good mama would let her child flounder or be hurt when it can be made “all better?”

Truth: Independence must be learned through independence. Of course we’re invested. Of course we check, stay on top of, teach, advise and warn. But running to fix or solving every issue for them telegraphs we have no faith in them or how we’ve trained them. And the message they take with them is not one of competence, ownership and faith, but serious doubts about their ability to manage problems and their lives.

The odious result of these three myths

have been fearful, insecure, confused, guilty parents who’ve abdicated to kids who grow up fearful, insecure, guilty and confused–then abdicate their own responsibility to themselves and the world.

SMART PARENTING: Make rules that are value-based, consistent, fair: Kids must know where we stand through rules that are clear and consistent. If homework before play is a rule, it doesn’t change because Bobby wore dad down. “Just this once” to a child turns into “Whoa! A wormhole!” and children are gifted at using wormholes to wear down tired parents.

Make rules stick: Consequences must be known, quick, connected and appropriately calamitous. Jordan lies about his time on the computer? Out goes his computer for two weeks. It’s a rule. He knew it. He blew it. A good parent may also give the child a way to redeem himself: “Either you stick to the computer game rules or …. Your choice.”

Be There, With Boundaries: This is a tough one. Our heart tells us to fix, heal, do. The wise parent sees the job of “being there” as monitoring, guiding and most of all helping children solve their own issues, without usurping their job: to learn, to persist, to try, to fail and to try again. Support creates self-reliance. Too much “doing” and they’ll remain in Push Ups until they’re 40.

Real rewards can be recognized and earned! An occasional “just because you’re you” treat is fine. But, the most beneficial rewards are those won by behavior. This is tricky. Not every accomplishment should be met with a “prize.” Doing what we’re supposed to should garner internal rewards: the pride of accomplishment. But privileges can be earned. When our teen consistently meets an early curfew, for example, an extra hour out may be a reasonable “reward.”

Do what we do: While certainly the “rules” are different for adults, our ethics must be the same. If “no Lashon Hara” is a rule and we gossip, the “rule” will land like tossed salad. Our children learn more from what they see us do, than what we say!

Most important, if we, as parents, model empathy, compassion and determination, we aren’t merely instilling healthy family values, but our youngsters will contribute well to Jewish and world values.

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SYNAGOGUE LIFE VIRTUAL EVENTS: Morning Yoga with Paul at Jewish Collaborative of San Diego Aug. 1, 8, 15, 22 & 29, 9 a.m. on Zoom Join Paul for morning yoga sessions every Saturday morning. Visit jcosd.com for more information.

Meditation with Craig Parks at Temple Solel

Aug. 2, 9, 16, 23 & 30, 8:45 a.m. on Zoom Virtually join Temple Solel for a “splash of Jewish wisdom followed by meditation.” Visit templesolel.net for more information.

Congregation Beth Israel’s Morning Mindfulness with Julie Potiker

Aug. 5, 12, 19, & 26, 10 to 10:40 a.m. on Zoom Start your day mindfully with Julie and experience moving your attention from a “place of fear to a place of calm” every Wednesday morning. There is no fee but interested attendees should RSVP for planning purposes. Visit cbisd.org for more information.

Temple Solel’s Tea and Topics of the Day with Rabbi Berk

Aug. 6, 13, 20 & 27, 10 to 12 a.m. on Zoom Bring a cup of your favorite tea or coffee and virtually join Rabbi Berk every Thursday for a morning chat. Start your day with love and connection! Visit templesolel.net for more information.

An Evening with Ambassador Dennis Ross and David Makovsky at Congregation Beth Israel

Aug. 11, 6 to 7 p.m. on Zoom “Will COVID Change the Middle East as We Know It?” Join Ambassador Dennis Ross and David Makovsky as they discuss how COVID-19 is affecting the Middle East and what to expect during this time of uncertainty. Visit cbisd.org for more information.

Congregation Beth El’s Knit ‘N’ Nosh

Aug. 13, 1 to 3 p.m. Zoom Learn knitting and crocheting skills while creating Tikkun projects like caps for premature babies, scarves for women with breast cancer and hats for Israeli soldiers.

For more information contact Joy Wasserman at wassermanjoy3@gmail.com or visit cbe.org.

Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 43

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JEWISH COMMUNITY Welcoming babies and families to San Diego’s Jewish Community ARE YOU EXPECTING A BABY OR DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS? Shalom Baby is an innovative program designed for San Diego families to celebrate the arrival of their Jewish newborns to affiliated, non-affiliated and inter-married families as a welcome to the San Diego Jewish Community.

To receive your Shalom BaBy BaSkeT and for informaTion conTacT:

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ENJOY DINNER & A MOVIE AT LEGACY! Outdoor Patio Seating Available!

THERESA’S AUTHENTIC ITALIAN STEAKHOUSE Dinner & Movie Special Offer 1) Choose your cuisine from a special dinner menu with recipes prepared by Executive Chef Brian Freerksen.

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Av/Elul 5780 SDJewishJournal.com 47