October 2020

SAN DIEGO October

202i 0/

Jewish Journal

Tishre n 5781 Cheshva

San Diego Arts and Culture Conceived for At-Home Viewing JFS Holds High Holy Days Food Drive

“Setting records for our sellers and getting a great deal for our buyer clients is what keeps our momentum thriving in any market,” says Blumenfeld. “Our No. 1 skill is being able to rise early each day before most wake up, work while many are on vacation and pride ourselves on being available to clients any time of any day.”

A native San Diegan, Blumenfeld has lived in many areas of the region, from inland to coastal communities. His strong appreciation of local architecture helps clients find the style they desire, from historic homes to oceanfront estates to rural properties with large landscapes.

–––––––––

BHHS Chairman’s Circle Diamond and Legend Award Recipient ––––––––– RISMedia Magazine 2020 Newsmakers Honoree ––––––––– SDAR Circle of Excellence 2019 Platinum Level Award Winner ––––––––– San Diego Real Producers Magazine 2019 Power Partners Feature –––––––––

Joel Blumenfeld REALTOR® DRE# 01889382

619.508.2192 info@joelblumenfeld.com

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2365 Northside Drive, Ste. 200 San Diego, CA 92108 An Independently owned and operated franchisee of BHH Affiliates, LLC 2 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

1253112531 High Bluff Suite 400 400 High Dr, Bluff Dr, Suite

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Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® 12531 High Bluff 400STE 400 12531 HighDrive, Bluff STE Drive, Senior Vice President-­‐ Investments Senior Vice President-­‐ Investments CA 92130 CA Insurance Lic #0821851 San Diego, CA 92130 CA Insurance Lic #0821851San Diego, don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com 858-523-7904 858-523-7904

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®San Diego, CFP Jeffrey R Liber, CFP® CFP® Don Lincoln, , CFP CIMA Jeffrey R Liber, Don Lincoln, , ®CIMA® Gina Grimmer Alissa Waddell Gina Grimmer Alissa Waddell 858-523-7904 858-523-7904 Rlient Liber, CFP® Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® Director-Investments RDirector-Investments Liber, CFP® Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® Senior Vice President-Investments Managing Senior Vice President-Investments Registered Client Associate AVP -­‐ Registered CJeffrey lient Associate Registered Client Associate AVP Managing -­‐ Registered CJeffrey Associate Managing DirectorInvestments Senior Vice PresidentInvestments Managing DirectorInvestments Senior Vice PresidentInvestments CA i nsurance L ic # 0178195 CA insurance Lic #0I18483 insurance Lic #0178195 Gina Grimmer CA Lic #0I18483 Alissa WAlissa addell Gina CA Grimmer CA Insurance Lic #0C28496 Winsurance addell CA Insurance Lic #0821851 CA Insurance Lic #0C28496 CA Insurance Lic #0821851 Insurance Lic #0C28496 CA Insurance Lic #0821851 CA Insurance LicCFP® #0C28496 CA Lincoln, Insurance Lic #0821851 eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com Registered Ceugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com lient Associate AVP -­‐alissa.waddell@wfadvisors.com Registered Client CA Associate Jeffrey R Liber, CFP® Don Lincoln, CFP®, CIMA® Registered C lient A ssociate AVP -­‐alissa.waddell@wfadvisors.com Registered C lient A ssociate Jeffrey R Liber, Don CFP®, CIMA® Jeffrey.Liber@wfadvisors.com Don.Lincoln@wfadvisors.com Jeffrey.Liber@wfadvisors.com Don.Lincoln@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com CA insurance Lic #0178195 CA insurance Lic #0I18483 Managing DirectorInvestments Vice PresidentInvestments CA insurance Lic Senior #0178195 CA insurance Ljeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com ic #0I18483 Managing DirectorInvestments Senior Vice PresidentInvestments eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com alissa.waddell@wfadvisors.com eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com CA Insurance Lic #0C28496 CA Insurance Lic #0821851 alissa.waddell@wfadvisors.com CA Insurance Lic #0C28496 CA Insurance Lic #0821851

Patty Patty DutraDutra Hasten Michelle elle Hasten Mich SeniorSenior Client Client Associate Associate Registered Client Client Associa SeniorSeni te or Registered Associa te Client Associate Registered Client Associate Client Associate 858-523-7904 Registered Client Associate 858-523-7904 CA Insurance Lic #0183194 Inv Wells CA Insurance #0183194 Fargo Advisors, LLC, Member is a SIPC, registered broker-dealer and a separate affiliate Wells Fargo & Company.

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–v1 -0312-2590 jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com jeffrey.liber@wfadvisors.com don.lincoln@wfadvisors.com Investment and Insurance Products offered through affiliates:affiliates: !NOT FDIC Insured !NO Bank Guarantee Investment and Insurance Products offered through !NOT FDIC Insured !NO Bank Guarantee !MAY Lose Value YeseniaYesenia Gil !MAY Lose Value Gina Grimmer Gil Gina Grimmer

yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com Registered Client Associate eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com Client Associate yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com Registered Client Associate eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com Fluent inFluent Spanish CA insurance Lic #0178195 in Spanish CA insurance Lic #0178195 eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com eugenia.grimmer@wfadvisors.com 1253112531 High Bluff 400 yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com High Dr., BluffSuite Dr., yesenia.gil@wfadvisors.com Suite 400

San Diego, CA 92130 San Diego, CA 92130 858-523-7904 858-523-7904 www.LiberLincolnWMG.COM www.LiberLincolnWMG.COM

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Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 3

B"H

why I choose

CHABAD

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Jon R "Because of the excellent education and how it inspires our children."

Clive C. "They are truly our family. They offered help and comfort when our son passed. Their thoughtfulness and kindness will never be forgotten and always appreciated."

Shari C. "They have provided a guiding light into helping us reclaim our Jewish Heritage through classes, meetings and social events."

Ira B. "They are accepting of all Jews regardless of affiliation or level of Judaic knowledge and welcome all with open arms and a big smile."

Sam S! "Because my Rabbi has always been there for me. " Len H

We have locations all over San Diego!

Scripps Ranch (Chabad S. Diego HQ), Bonita, Carlsbad North, Carmel Valley, Chula Vista, Coronado, Downtown, East County, Encinitas, La Costa, La Jolla, Oceanside/Vista, Pacific Beach, Poway, Rancho S. Fe, S. Marcos, SDSU, UCSD, University City 4 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

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Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 5

CONTENTS Tishrei / Cheshvan 5781 October 2020

26 31 33 FEATURE

JFS Annual High Holy Days Food Drive Is More Vital Than Ever This Year

IN THIS ISSUE

ARTS

David Israel Reynoso’s “Portaleza” Creates a Way to Reconnect During a Time of Isolation

FOOD

Spiced Pumpkin Coconut Soup

MONTHLY COLUMNS

IN EVERY ISSUE

10 From the Editor 18 Personal Development and Judaism 20 Israeli Lifestyle 22 Examined Life 24 Religion 40 Advice

14 What’s Up Online 16 Our Town 33 Food 34 Online Offerings 37 Diversions 38 News

ALSO IN THIS ISSUE 29 OP-ED: Tikkun Olam Part 7

6 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 7

Larry M. Katz Certified Public Accountant

SAN DIEGO

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OCTOBER 2020 • TISHREI / CHESHVAN 5781

PUBLISHERS • Mark Edelstein and Dr. Mark Moss EDITOR-IN-CHIEF • Jacqueline Bull ASSISTANT EDITOR • Nathalie Feingold ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR • Eileen Sondak CREATIVE DIRECTOR • Derek Berghaus OFFICE MANAGER • Jonathan Ableson SENIOR CONSULTANT • Ronnie Weisberg CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Emily Bartell, Linda Bennett, Leorah Gavidor, Emily Gould, Judith Fein (Senior Travel Correspondent), Paul Ross (Senior Travel Photographer), Patricia Goldblatt, Pat Launer, Sharon Rosen Leib, Andrea Simantov, Marnie Macauley, Rabbi Jacob Rupp, Saul Levine, Rachael Eden, Sybil Kaplan.

ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVES Jonathan Ableson – Senior Account Executive Alan Moss – Palm Springs SAN DIEGO JEWISH JOURNAL (858) 638-9818 • fax: (858) 638-9801 7742 Herschel Avenue, Suite H, La Jolla, CA 92037 EDITORIAL: editor@sdjewishjournal.com ADVERTISING: marke@sdjewishjournal.com CIRCULATION & SUBSCRIPTIONS: jableson@sdjewishjournal.com ART DEPARTMENT: art@sdjewishjournal.com LISTINGS & CALENDAR: assistant@sdjewishjournal.com

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Correction: The September 2020 cover art was illustrated by Pepe Fainberg.

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Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 9

The Vote

T

he following two news items were reported in numerous news outlets: Christopher A. Wray, the director of the F.B.I, has stated that Russia “was actively pursuing a disinformation campaign” in the 2020 U.S. election.

A federal judge ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must prioritize election mail and reverse some of the policy changes imposed by Postmaster General Louis DeJoy. I can think of few things less democratic than election interference.

I, now perhaps naively, had thought to myself one of the benefits of the coronavirus media coverage was that election mania wasn’t dominating every inch of the news. I recall the 2012 and 2016 election each felt like the most drawn out two-year ordeals. I would wistfully pine to be any of the dozens of other countries that decide their leaders in a matter of weeks or months.

And perhaps we are ‘lucky’ to not be one of the states like Ohio where the Secretary of State issued a directive allowing only one ballot drop box per county.

Voter suppression attempts vary in their brazenness but are all deeply ugly.

They leave us asking how is this possible Todd Gloria and Barbara Bry will hapin our country? pen in November as well.

In California, all registered voters will In the last presidential election, 61.4% receive a ballot in the mail. (You can of the eligible citizens voted, according check that your voter registration is up to the Census. And this percentage only to date at sdvote.com). Ballots will start varied by 0.2% of the election prior. going out to registered voters the week How you feel about that number is subof Oct. 5. This is also the day early vot- jective, but personally, I was surprised to ing begins. The deadline for voter reg- imagine a group of 10 of my peers and istration is Oct. 19. For those looking to imagine I was in the group of six that to vote in-person, polling places will be voted and four of them did not. open Oct. 31- Nov. 3. Due to coronaAnd consistently for the last 40 years, virus, there will be fewer locations, so the older you are, the more likely you your polling location may have changed. voted. While there may be some ac(Mine did). counting for generational history, I think There are a number of local measures there is perhaps some wisdom in that. up for the vote as well. For the city of Voting is the most important tenet of San Diego, there is a measure for af- democracy and is only as valuable as it fordable housing to support seniors, is respected. If we value the legitimacy veterans and the homeless. And a mea- of our democracy, we have to value fair sure to establish a commission on police elections. practices. There are a number of school district and zoning/building measures as well. And then depending on your district and city, the measures will be local to you, so it is always a good idea to look up what will be on your ballot before voting in person or researching the items on your mailed ballot.

Perhaps the most flashy local item is the mayoral race. The runoff between Jacqueline Bull

From The Editor 10 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

San Diego Center for Jewish Culture

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Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 11

12 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

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URGENT COMMUNITY FOOD DRIVE

Every year during the High Holy Days, our community supports San Diegans facing hunger.

This year, the need is greater than ever.

Shanah Tovah!

Two Ways To Make An Impact Make A Gift Online at www.jfssd.org/fooddrive

1

Off Donations At JFS 2 Drop Sunday, Oct 18, 1:00-3:00pm Together, we can ensure our neighbors will not go hungry during these challenging times.

If you need help, please call the Jewish Community Access Line at (858) 637-3018 Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 13

what’s up

online

@sdjewishjournal.com

Israel’s president apologizes to nation for inability of government to control the coronavirus On the eve of the second lockdown in Israel for the coronavirus, President Reuven Rivlin apologized in a nationally televised address for the government’s inability to manage the pandemic.

“I know that we have not done enough as a leadership to be worthy of your attention. You trusted us and we let you down,” he said.

Some 5,523 new cases of the coronavirus were diagnosed on Sept. 15, the largest number diagnosed in one day. There were 57,165 tests conducted on that day.

The government announced that all Israeli schools except special education will close, citing the rapid spread of the coronavirus to teachers and students.

The lockdown came days before Rosh Hashanah.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, first Jewish woman to serve on Supreme Court, dies at 87 Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the first Jewish woman to serve on the Supreme Court and a tireless advocate for gender equality, has died at 87.

A fierce jurist known for her outsized presence and outspokenness, Ginsburg died from “complications of metastatic pancreas cancer,” the Supreme Court announced on Sept. 18. She had survived multiple bouts of different cancers over the course of two decades, vowing that she was healthy enough to continue her work and at times returning to the bench shortly after hospital stays.

Ginsburg’s death comes on the eve of Rosh Hashanah, six weeks before the presidential election and at a time of intense political polarization.

Four years ago, the Republican-held Senate refused to consider President Barack Obama’s nomination of Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has said he will attempt to fill any spots that open up on the court while President Donald Trump is in office. He repeated that pledge on Friday night following news of Ginsburg’s death.

Trump has already appointed two judges, Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh, during his presidential tenure.

14 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

Rivlin called on the country’s political leaders to “do everything to restore personal, medical and economic confidence to our fellow citizens. This is a second chance and we must take it because we will not, I fear, get a third one.”

“My fellow Israelis, you cannot beat corona alone, but no one can beat it without you.

I believe in this people; I believe in our ability to prevail. I would like to ask you to believe in this people’s ability to prevail. This is the time to follow the instructions, to take care of yourselves and those dear to you, to join hands to help those around you in need of assistance. Because we have no other land, we have no other country, we have no other people and we have no other way.”

Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., the minority leader, released a statement warning McConnell to wait out the election.

“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court justice,” said Schumer, who is Jewish. “Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.”

McConnell used precisely the same words to justify delaying a Supreme Court nomination in 2016 following the death of Antonin Scalia, a conservative justice, much earlier in the election year than Ginsburg’s passing.

Ginsburg reportedly told her granddaughter Clara Spera in her final days: “My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed.”

She won liberal acclaim by penning blistering dissents in high-profile cases concerning birth control, voter ID laws and affirmative action even as she maintained a legendary friendship with Scalia, the staunchly conservative firebrand who died in 2016.

Ginsburg was frank as well about the importance of Jewish tradition in influencing her life and career, hanging the Hebrew injunction to pursue justice on the walls of her chambers.

“I am a judge, born, raised and proud of being a Jew,” she said in an address to the American Jewish Committee following her 1993 appointment to the court. “The demand for justice runs through the entirety of Jewish history and Jewish tradition.”

Continue reading at sdjewishjournal.com

Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 15

our TOWN

BY LINDA BENNETT & EMILY BARTELL

Although live community events have been limited, the joy we receive from our life-cycle events continues: Mazel Tov to Deborah Pantoni on the engagement of her daughter Madeline to Brian Gustafson.

Mazel Tov to Joshua Poster on becoming a Bar Mitzvah on June 27th at Temple EmanuEl. Happy parents are Jodi Poster and Scott Poster. Grandparents Roberta & Jerry Litvinoff and Caren & Larry Poster looked on with pride.

Mazel Tov to Sarah & Nathan Stratton on the birth of their son, Asher Micah, born on June 28th. Happy grandparents are Rob & Cheryl Zitsman and Mel & Patty Stratton.

Mazel Tov to Greg & Jade Gaylis on the birth of their daughter, Tori Ariella, born in Atlanta on July 20th. Older brother Ashton was excited to welcome his new sister. Happy grandparents are Franklin & Jean Gaylis.

Mazel Tov to Evan & Kelly Ingardia on the birth of their son, Theodore Joseph, born on August 8th in Seattle. Happy firsttime grandparents are Gayle & Richard Ingardia.

Mazel Tov to Jessica Kort & David Manley on the birth of their son Soren Rhys. Grandmother Barbara Stone is overjoyed to welcome her newest grandchild.

Mazel Tov to Josh & Ceyda Macdonald on the birth of their daughter Lena Derin. Happy grandparents are Debbie Macdonald & Nancy Kossan.

Mazel Tov to Benjamin Tzvi, on becoming a Bar Mitzvah on September 5th, at Congregation Beth El. Parents are Sara Rosental and Michael Rosenbaum. Sibling Noa along with grandparents Rueben & Fanny Rosental looked on with pride.

Yom Huledets Sameach to‌

Sivia Mann celebrating her 96th birthday.

Norma Dreifuss celebrating her 87th birthday.

George Kaplan celebrating her 85th birthday Bob Berton celebrating her 83rd birthday Adryenn Cantor celebrating her 80th birthday.

Jay Berman celebrating her 80th birthday

Mazel Tov to‌

Cindy & Wayne Schwartz, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Sandy & Pam Monroe, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Bonnie & Laurie Baron, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

16 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

Paula & Eric Book, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Larry & Linda Okmin, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Linda & Steve Luttbeg, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Paula & Charles Brown, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Robin & Eric Whinston, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Morey & Aunrey Bubis, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Arlene & Phil Bresnick, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Donald & Linda Madigan, on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Kathleen & David Roberson, on their 51st wedding anniversary.

Barbara & Norman Ratner, on their 51st wedding anniversary.

Susan & Nate Harrison, on their 51st wedding anniversary.

Erica & Joel Berick, on their 51st wedding anniversary.

Estelle & James Milch, on their 51st wedding anniversary.

Jean & Bill Seager, on their 51st wedding anniversary.

Fran & Robert Preisman, on their 52nd wedding anniversary.

Rabbi Marty & Anita Lawson, on their 52nd wedding anniversary.

Stephanie & Michael Heinzman, on their 52nd wedding anniversary.

Alla Naydenova & Alec Fertel, on their 53rd wedding anniversary.

Judith & Paul Braun, on their 53rd wedding anniversary.

Nancy & Ross Rudolph, on their 53rd wedding anniversary.

Shelley & Paul Michelson, on their 53rd wedding anniversary.

Mary Ann & George Scher, on their 53rd wedding anniversary.

Bud & Harriett Kader, on their 53rd wedding anniversary.

Karen & Ron Levenson, on their 53rd wedding anniversary.

Lois & David Goldman, on their 54th wedding anniversary.

Donald & Nancy Sandweiss, on their 55th wedding anniversary.

Sandy & Barbara Rosenthal, on their 55th wedding anniversary.

Paul & Suzanne Schulman, on their 55th wedding anniversary.

Marilyn & Charles Perrin, on their 56th wedding anniversary.

Sybil & Charles Grossman, on their 57th wedding anniversary.

Sylvia & Paul Esrig, on their 57th wedding anniversary.

Helaine & Robert Baum, on their 57th wedding anniversary.

Marcia & Len Fram, on their 58th wedding anniversary.

Mary & Martin Rubenfeld, on their 59th wedding anniversary.

Naomi & Larry Rivkin, on their 59th wedding anniversary.

Naomi & Myron Shelley, on their 65th wedding anniversary.

Deborah & Isaac Bejar, on their 67th wedding anniversary.

Lee & Frank Goldberg, on their 68th wedding anniversary. A

During these historic days we practice gratitude. Tasked to be thankful for the storms as well as the smooth sailing. Make each day a holiday of thankfulness. SOHO is grateful for your support.

C

M

Y

CM

MY

CY

CMY

K

Todd S. Frank, CLU

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PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT AND JUDAISM

THIS WAY TO EDEN

by Rachel Eden rachel.s.eden@gmail.com

Never Pick Seven

P

ick a number from 1-10 and remember it. I’ll guess at the end. Better yet, I have a far more impressive magic trick for you. Let’s play a game called “Create Your Life”. Most of us describe how our lives have happened upon us, but the truth is we have far more power than we know to live a life of our own creation.

Jean Reinhardt was born in Belgium in 1910. He was of Romani and French descent and was known to most by his Romani nickname: Django. A jazz guitarist and composer, he was the first major jazz talent to emerge from Europe. He spent his childhood in Romani encampments near Paris practicing violin, banjo and guitar. One night in Nov. 1928, Reinhardt knocked over a candle before going to sleep. His wife made artificial flowers out of celluloid and they quickly went up in flames along with the rest of his caravan. Reinhardt suffered extensive burns over half his body and almost died. He was hospitalized for 18 months and refused the recommended surgery to amputate his badly damaged right leg. With an abundance of determination and discipline, Reinhardt was able to walk again with a cane. Doctors also told him he’d never play guitar again and was unable to use his left pinky and ring finger at all. While most would resign themselves to their fate, Reinhardt decided 18 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

to innovate and relearn his craft. He heard the swinging sounds of American jazz and applied himself to regain mastery over music using just his left index and middle fingers.

Jean Reinhardt became the father of Gypsy Jazz and a guitar hero.

Reinhardt understood that when it came to music, he was a creator. Of course, he wasn’t delusional. He knew two of his four critical fingers no longer functioned, but he used this reality to shape something profoundly new in his life and in the world. His legacy simply wouldn’t have existed had all of his fingers worked.

Judaism stipulates that G-d is the Creator of each one of us but we were never meant to exploit that notion as an excuse. If we truly are men and women of faith, it is incumbent upon us to milk our lives for every drop of goodness, connection and success that we can. There is nothing righteous about believing G-d wants us to become miserable defeatists reporting on life’s circumstances as the only narrative that matters. Yet, that is exactly how each and every one of us speaks about some area of our lives. Before you gloss over that point, consider this: What is an area of frustration in your life? What is holding you back from transforming it? In reality, we are co-creators of our lives. We’re offered a lump of clay to shape life how we

choose. Time, space, personality, talents and any other resources at our disposal are our materials. Every single one of us has the capacity to shape our lives with freedom, ingenuity and ambition.

Tim Ferris, author of “Tribe of Mentors,” shares a rule about the number seven. He learned the rule from his interview with Kyle Maynard, the first quadruple amputee to ascend Mount Kilimanjaro without the aid of prosthetics. A CEO told Kyle that anyone responsible for hiring in his company was required to rank prospects on a 1-10 scale.

There was one caveat: they couldn’t choose seven as an answer. Kyle explained that this rule opened up a question for him that ultimately shifted his mindset: How much in your life would you rate a seven?

When we are forced to choose a six or an eight, we task ourselves to evaluate if our choice is truly worthwhile. Seven is easy.

Seven is in our comfort zone. Seven is satisfactory. But do you really want to live a satisfactory life? Kyle’s message is clear. If it’s a six, skip it. If it’s an eight, do it. Never pick seven.

So, back to the beginning. You chose a number from 1-10. Yes, I have a guess. I think we all know what your number is, or at least what it can be–a perfect ten. A

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Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 19

ISRAELI LIFESTYLE

LIVING ON THE FRONT PAGE

by Andrea Simantov andreasimantov@gmail.com

Inside Out

T

o be perfectly candid, remaining calm, displaying composure, accentuating the spiritual and articulating myriad blessings had grown tiresome. Both Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur had been so different, spent in complete lockdown along with the other 8,681,478 citizens of the Jewish state. There were, of course, arrests and protests, vile accusations of Draconian brutality and varied expressions about violations of freedom-of-expression hurled at the government, so unpopular was this mandated paralysis. Still, when I checked the news between days of observance, I began to hyperventilate from reports of climbing numbers of sick, dying and quarantined along with dismal projections for the upcoming flu season.

I hadn’t even been able to pretend that the holiday meals would be celebratory or familiar with only the two of us gracing an otherwise stunning table. Due to health concerns and increased awareness, there were no honey cakes, kugels, chocolate babkas or beef briskets. I’d served as elegantly as possible with no sugar, less gluten, reduced sodium and little animal flesh. The husband and I shared a wry laugh or 12 as we took note that we are enjoying increased energy and look great but have nowhere to go and no one to admire our new gorgeousness. On Sunday, he stepped into the hallway of our 12-unit building and blew the Shofar which sent a robustly haunting blare that echoed in 20 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

the stone-lined stairwells.

Still, we approached Sukkot with blank stares and silence. We hadn’t erected a succah in years because there are enough children and grandchildren between us to ensure multiple, overlapping invitations. We had no poles, fabrics, a bamboo s’chach cover or the standard enthusiasm which typically accompanies the eight-day celebration.

In addition to the other “don’t haves,” we don’t have an open patio or garden which meant that the on-street parking lot was the only option. Our home is located in a mixed neighborhood (some religiously observant and many not) as well as situated between two Arabic villages. The only optimism we could muster came in remembering that no one was permitted to venture more than 500 meters from their respective homes. This made the idea of dining and praying while sandwiched between a bevy of minivans and motorcycles a little less vulnerable.

Suddenly, I experience a minor revelation.

Enveloped by self-pity and Coronavirus-fed fury, I’d forgotten that the entire point of dwelling in a Sukkah for eight days and nights is to physicalize one’s faith in Heaven’s providence despite the precariousness of our fragile, earthly existence. Stepping outside of our respective comfort zones–typified by sturdy walls, running water and internet connection–provides a powerful reminder that physical security is illusory and even deceptive. How often do we find ourselves

at the mercy of false saviors who promise us political wisdom, elevated understanding, superiority over neighboring plebeians, and arrogantly conceived intellect borne as a result of devotions to Democrats/Republicans/Netanyahu’s Likud/Israel’s opposition party, Blue & White/Fox/MTV/Youtube and Netflix? How will history remember these momentary shapers of cultural ethos once they are unmasked as chimeras that were permitted to emerge and fester in a vacuum called “Spiritual-Disconnect” and “Abandonment of Personal Responsibility”?

Lest any reader accuse me of preaching, be assured this is a mistake.Taking a moment out of returning the good dishes to the armoire and refilling the honey jar for our next round of feasting, I point the finger inward and endure the near-unbearable discomfort of self-reflection. Only days after Yom Kippur, I still beat my chest and utter, “Je m’accuse for the sin I have sinned by placing faith in false gods.”

It is humbling to discover that Sukkot 5781 needn’t be passionless. We must never abdicate joyous simcha to the oppressive brutality and mystery that accompanies the presence of coronavirus in our world.

In fact, it is exactly a lack of clarity and dearth of worldly answers that impel us to physically emerge from our man-made cocoons and announce with defiant presence that “not-knowing” frees us to demonstrate a belief in the miracles of tomorrow. A

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Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 21

EXAMINED LIFE

OUR EMOTIONAL FOOTPRINT

by Saul Levine, M.D., Professor Emeritus in Psychiatry at UCSD slevine@ucsd.edu

The ‘Positive Emotional Footprint’ of Mike

W

hen my late father Mike came to these shores from Lithuania as a young man about a century ago, he was a penniless, uneducated immigrant.

But when he died at age 91 he had left a meaningful imprint on this world, a Positive Emotional Footprint. Considering the adversities he had endured, I often wondered how he came to be so benevolent, cultured and resilient, such a veritable “mensch.”

The world Mike entered as an infant was one of hardship and danger. He was born into an impoverished Jewish family in 1911 in the rural village (shtetl) of Kamai, in Lithuania (like the Russian village “Anatevka’ in the musical “Fiddler on the Roof.”) Kamai had a population of about 1000 people, 200 of whom were Jewish. It was only 12 km. from Vilnius (Vilna), the cosmopolitan center and capital he could never visit (“extreme” distance and costs were prohibitive), but Mike imagined it as an alternate universe.

He was the second youngest of eight brothers and sisters who lived with their parents in a ramshackle clapboard house with a grass-thatched roof. It consisted of a small bedroom for his parents, a large family room for living, eating and sleeping and an earthen floor covered with pieces of linoleum and old cloth. There were old chairs and couches, a big table near the central pot bellied stove used for cooking and heating which depended on scrounging for wood in the nearby forest. There was no electricity or indoor plumbing, but a water pump and outhouse were outside. A small nearby barn housed 22 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

chickens and an old horse and wagon. (I am in uncomfortable awe that my life has been in such contrasting comfort.)

Mike’s early years were marked by abject poverty and bitterly cold winters, but these were more tolerable than the pervasive anti-Semitism which surrounded him. This included intermittent verbal and occasional physical harassment, but the worst were the yearly “pogroms,” assaults (looting, beating, vandalism, fires) perpetrated by Lithuanian and other louts during Passover/Easter season. The attackers believed they were avenging the so-called “blood libel,” the myth that Jews drank the blood of Christian children on Passover (an early “conspiracy theory”!).

These attacks worsened later when the invading Nazis and their nativist supporters killed many Jews there including Mike’s parents (my grandparents) and a younger brother (my uncle). The oldest brother and his family were sent to slave labor camps.

Jewish residents were by then desperately trying to escape Kamai and similar towns throughout Eastern Europe. A few of Mike’s older siblings had left via secret itineraries and he was intent on doing the same.

He worked at multiple jobs in Kamai and on local farms, saved his earnings and finally afforded his escape: A covert horse-drawn wagon ride to a port city (a rendition of the “underground railroad”) and then, a crowded ship’s steerage to America.

Mike arrived in Halifax, Nova Scotia (Ellis Island was closed to Jewish immigrants at that time) at the age of 19 speaking only

Lithuanian and Yiddish. He took a train to Montreal where he at first lived in a crowded flat with siblings in an area heavily populated with Jewish immigrants.

He experienced a few anti-Semitic incidents early on, but these were “nothing compared to Kamai,” he later said sardonically.

He was not religious, having lost his belief in G-d in Kamai (the Holocaust only served to reinforce his atheism), but he was immensely proud of being Jewish.

He had a linguistically (and musically) sensitive “ear,” took ESL classes, conversed with others and quickly learned to speak and read English and French. He also had a facility with many manual trades (carpentry, electricity, bricklaying, plumbing, upholstery) at which he toiled for meagre under the table cash payments.

Mike soon met the comely “Bessie,” the proverbial ‘girl next door,’ the intellectual Socialist daughter of recent Latvian immigrants. They married and had three children of whom I was the oldest.

Over his lifetime, Mike had his share of pleasurable and heartening experiences (family, friends, traditions, culture, upholstery business). He said that his current life was yet another alternate universe to Kamai, but by then he was the epitome of gratitude and wonderment. He was sentimental and would often say with eyes tearing up, “this was the best evening I ever had,” usually after a meal with extended family or friends. When reminded he’d uttered those same words a few days earlier, he would reply, “It’s true today

and it was true then!” He was a benevolent soul, whose palpable bonhomie was genuine, ‘vintage’ Mike.

As is the case in all our lives, however, Mike also endured setbacks and disappointments: he made sacrifices on behalf of his family, his work hours were long and demanding, money was sparse, they had a severely autistic child, serious illnesses, marital difficulties and a business bankruptcy, to mention a few.

What was always remarkable and moving to me, however, was that in spite of the challenges in his early life, Mike was such a warm, kind and generous man. He was the ‘go-to” person in the family or neighborhood if one needed a favor, something fixed or a helping hand.

Whenever I witnessed setbacks or tragedies that he experienced, I was moved by his inordinate resilience, his ability to muster his courage for the benefit of his family or coworkers. He would demonstrably rally his strength, reframe the situation into a salvageable perspective and palpably work at rebounding from despair. (It was my dad’s resilience which inspired my research and books on that very subject.)

Given his early experiences, Mike could have become an embittered man, resentful of life’s unfairness. But he was the opposite of this: He was appreciative of the positives in his life and he was optimistic.

I still miss his warm presence and ‘feel his absence.’ I often picture my father with an engaging smile (“shmaychl”), whether he was listening to music or opera, fishing or mending a broken something, playing gin rummy or chess, sharing a meal or schnapps, or especially, just being with grandchildren, family or friends. Mike loved people and was interested in their personal stories. They were in turn drawn to his warm demeanor and his obvious concern and interest in them.

He enjoyed conversations with friends and even strangers (who immediately became friends.) He was a perfect example of ‘social contagion,’ imbuing others with his genuine warmth and bonhomie. Family and neighbors, friends and shopkeepers, coworkers and strangers–were taken with his inviting engagement. I can’t put it better than to say, “He made them smile.”

This unassuming “ordinary man” led an extraordinary life, filled with grace, humility,

appreciation and love. He contributed to the general social atmosphere by the ‘ripple effects’ of his benevolence. People who walked away from an encounter with Mike felt uplifted, invariably smiled and passed those positive emotions onto others.

When he died, Mike left few material acquisitions or wealth, but he did leave a remarkable legacy to his family, friends and community: Warm and comforting memories of a caring, loving and lovable human being who enhanced others. His very presence touched those around him and reminiscences of him still bring pleasure to those who knew him. He made the world a better place by leaving a profound, benevolent imprint on the world, a Positive Emotional Footprint.

You may know individuals like Mike, who ennoble our lives. Their lives, like everyone’s, are complex and challenging at times, pleasurable and fulfilling at others, yet they grace our world with their warm presence and essential humanity. If so, you are indeed fortunate. Perhaps you yourself are such a worthy mensch. If so, you are a blessing to us and I bow to you. A

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RELIGION

POST-POLITICAL

by Rabbi Jacob Rupp myrabbiben@gmail.com

Making the Choice to Rise Above

I

s there anything else besides politics these days?

On one hand, no, of course not.

Not only is our fate being decided by it, but we as a country have become so polarized that we now will demonize and dismiss those who vote for the other candidate. But the real question is what does it say about us that we are so uniform in our thinking about the identity of the “other” in this country and our ability to tolerate the division that has developed?

And on a deeper level, what is the cost of division? What does it do to us to live in a society so divided?

The Ba’al Shem Tov, founder of “Chassidic Judaism,” taught, “you are where your thoughts are.” From this perspective perhaps we could suggest that, with so much negativity and divisiveness surrounding us, we are living in a world of fear and negativity no matter our surroundings.

That being said, perhaps we can suggest that the world is neither negative nor positive, but neutral and awaiting our input.

Certainly, we can choose to react to the world and its messages, but if we find ourselves unhappy with our mindset, it might mean we need to take more accountability for it.

The fact that we can choose our beliefs, mindset and thoughts could awaken within us a tremendous sense of our own potential and what life could look like should we be able to pay attention not to what is going on outside, but to what is going on inside.

I had the opportunity to interview Dr. Cheri McDonald, a brilliant therapist who specializes in helping clients recover from mass casualty incidents. She explained to me

24 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

that our propensity to focus on bad news indicates our own unresolved trauma and that, should we heal, the bad news in the media would cease to be as compelling for us.

When we find ourselves looking for the next fire, the next scandal, the next pandemic, our anxiety peaking each headline we read, it might be time to ask ourselves: “What is it I am looking for?” “Why am I seeking this out?” and “How does this serve me?”

Making the decision to be happy, to be calm, to have faith, to reject the negativity and divisiveness of the political landscape may seem naive, or stupid at first. After all, how could we afford not to know about the world around us?

But then again, perhaps we are harkening back to a simpler time where our emotions were not tweaked thousands of times a day by algorithms. Maybe the world really isn’t so scary, people aren’t so divided and we aren’t just moments away from nuclear winter.

Maybe the only reason why we like to think we are is that it serves some part of us that is hurt, scared and lonely.

We all have the choice of which lens through which we view our lives. If we find ourselves seeing things or seeing ourselves in a certain light that we don’t like, we can always decide to change it. Sure, we might see ourselves one way, but others see us differently. With the competing narratives, perhaps it might make sense that people see us differently and more favorably than we see ourselves?

Or even more profound, perhaps we can see ourselves as filling a particular role and then contemplate how that role should be filled. What does it mean to be a boss, an

employee, a husband, a wife, a father, etc.?

If we consider how we should be, who we should be, instead of what we currently are, our world flips from disappointment to potential in the blink of an eye.

Ultimately, vast fortunes have been made and great power has been seized, by keeping people scared and at each other’s throats. But our decision to participate and to give over control to these forces which seek to distance us from each other and steal our peace of mind is up to us.

When we consider this, likely what comes up is “how?” “How do I watch the news and not go negative?”

How is never where we begin. We must begin with what. “What do I want to think?

What kind of a mindset do I want to have?”

Or perhaps we can go deeper. “Who do I want to be?” “Who do I need to become where I can choose my own viewpoint instead of being subjected to the outside world?”

Perhaps what comes up is someone who is strong, independent, positive, seeking the good in ourselves and others. Someone who naturally has hope in themselves and in humanity. Someone who can’t be easily influenced and who takes responsibility for bringing more light to the world. Someone, ultimately, that we not only like to be around, but someone we’d like to become.

As we ride the wave into the next month and the elections, let’s not be passive bystanders who buy into the rhetoric. However you vote, vote from a place of choice, of positivity, of trust and of faith that a better tomorrow is possible. A

Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 25

| FEATURE |

JFS Annual High Holy Days Food Drive Is More Vital Than Ever This Year

BY NATHALIE FEINGOLD

O

ver its 102-year history, JFS has developed a “reflexive muscle” to respond to crisis. While this is an unprecedented pandemic, this is certainly not the first time they’ve had to adapt rapidly to meet the heightened needs of their community.

JFS Director of Strategic Partnerships Carole Yellen provided examples of crises such as local fires, the great recession and the Poway shooting, none of those tragedies had a playbook on how to respond, yet JFS knows that providing help starts with showing up and acting.

“JFS is great at reflecting on our values and recognizing our unique skill set and strengths to figure out how to adapt quickly and do the right thing for our community, which is to show up when they’re in need,” Carole said.

With a crisis as large-scale as a global pandemic, the need for JFS’s help is perhaps greater than ever. There is currently a 309% increase in families and older adults seeking help through JFS’s nutrition assistance programs since the onset of COVID-19.

With more people facing food insecurity in San Diego than ever before, donations to the JFS annual food drive are correspondingly more vital than ever before. For this reason, JFS is urging those of us who are able to drop off donations collected over the High Holy Days season at the JFS Joan & Irwin Jacobs Campus from 1-3 p.m. on Oct. 18.

Their usual goal for the yearly drive is 30,000 pounds of food, however, with the 309% increase in demand, JFS is striving for a much higher volume of donations this year.

“Just for perspective, I was running some numbers and right now, we’re going through about 25,000 pounds of food a week,” said Sasha Escue, director of nutrition services.

26 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

They hope to collect enough food to last their clients until Thanksgiving.

The new faces of food insecurity

Sasha explained that many people seem to have a misunderstanding of what “food insecurity” actually means.

“We all experienced some sort of food insecurity when the pandemic first hit because we went to the supermarket and we saw that many goods were missing due to a supply chain issue,” Sasha said, “So, we didn’t necessarily have the same access to the foods that we’re so accustomed to eating. That’s what food insecurity is, it’s not necessarily if you have food or not, it’s that access point.”

According to Sasha, there are three main populations of people who represent this vast increase in demand for nutrition assistance. The first group is vulnerable older adults, the second group is older adults aged 65 and over who are sheltering in place and the third group is who both Sasha and Carole refer to as the “first-timers.”

These are typically middle-aged individuals with families that have either lost their jobs, lost hours or are trying to balance child care with homeschooling and they generally haven’t sought out resources from JFS until now.

“The new folks who are coming to us… by all outward appearances, have all the signals of success, but the realities of COVID are that [they] are struggling to make ends meet, [they] don’t necessarily have that buffer,” Carole said, “This is someone who hasn’t been used to seeking services through places like JFS but is for the first time needing to turn to the community for help.”

Both Sasha and Carole recognize that it is not easy for many individuals to ask for help, that is why JFS makes access to their drive-thru as low barrier as possible with no eligibility requirements.

“We recognize, whether it was pre-

COVID or currently through COVID that humbling ourselves to ask for help can be a difficult thing for people to overcome, especially for those who are used to being the volunteers and the givers in our community.

So we try to provide a dignified level of support and there’s no judgment about the people who are coming through our drive-thru line,” Carole said, “We’re just there to give food if they’re expressing a need.”

All hands on deck

Once the pandemic hit, JFS immediately realized that they would need to provide increased support to reflect the increased levels of food insecurity they were seeing, so they exercised that “reflexive muscle” of theirs to adapt to the heightened circumstances.

“JFS was fortunate that we never actually had to close when everybody else was mandated. We are an essential service provider and it’s in our nature to pitch in where there is help needed. So, we immediately began to shift,” Sasha said.

That “shift” included an all hands on deck approach with JFS adding a second shift in their kitchen so that they can operate from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. and then again from 2 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.

They also started a drive-thru distribution service open to the entire community for three hours Monday through Friday.

Additionally, JFS put together an emergency response program for isolated individuals who need home-delivered meals at this time.

During the pandemic, the JFS Food Pantry team has been sending out 41,000 pounds of food a week, a figure that is almost triple the amount the team was processing pre-COVID. “It was just exuberant numbers that we were sending out into the community going all the way out to Jacumba and down to the border and up to Vista and Oceanside.

We wanted to make sure that anybody who called us was able to get food within a reasonable time, sometimes that was within a few hours,” Sasha explained.

Sasha highlighted that JFS’s recent partnership with Lyft helped them deliver high volumes of emergency meals as efficiently as possible.

“They were able to get their delivery within a few hours and those are some of the strongest phone messages that I’ve received from clients who were like, ‘I just called you and there’s a box of food on my doorstep, this is amazing, how did you do this?’” Sasha said.

JFS partners with many organizations that help them provide additional assistance to their clients. Carole shared a story about a single Jewish father who was quarantining at home because he tested positive for COVID-19. He was unable to safely go out to get food for himself or his two young children so he reached out to JFS to inquire about their home-delivered meal services.

Although he didn’t technically qualify for the age-based services around home-delivered meals, JFS’s partnership with organizations such as the Federation, the Leichtag Foundation and the Jewish Community Foundation, allowed for them to provide additional assistance by delivering kosher meals to that father while he was recuperating at home to keep him and his children safe and well-fed.

“Within our staff and our community, when we hear that there’s a need, even when a person may not qualify, we look within our resources and try to connect them with providers and services that will be able to serve them” Carole concluded.

JFS is challenging the community to bring in nutritious food, such as fresh produce, non-perishable food items and kosher food items to support the varying dietary needs of the many community members who are seeking assistance at this time.

With so many San Diegans facing food insecurity, and many for the first time, Sasha concluded by emphasizing the importance of creating empathy in our community, simply because you never know who may need help.

“We’re at such a new time in the world that people you don’t think would ever need this kind of assistance are coming for help.

It’s your neighbor, it’s the person that you don’t suspect to need help,” Sasha said. A

How to help

For our readers who are interested in helping JFS serve the community, there are two primary ways to help. The first way can be done from home by donating online.

“We’ve quantified that $36 should feed a family of three for a week. Part of that is because when somebody gives a dollar to JFS, we are able to access some of the food resources that you don’t generally get to access just by going to the grocery store. So the dollar to JFS goes much farther,” Carole explained.

The second way to help is by checking in with your local organization or congregation and either donating goods to the organization or bringing that food to JFS directly on Oct. 18.

Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 27

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Tikkun Olam — On Repairing the World Part 7: What We Have Learned From Giving Away $2 million

BY BETH SIRULL

I

t has been more than six months since the original “shelter in place” order. Back in March, many of us thought we would be working at home for a few weeks or months and then things would return to “normal.”

But here we are still largely at home, with no real end in sight. Indeed, with Federal assistance fading and the winter flu season approaching, it is quite possible that for many in our community, the situation will get worse before it gets better.

Thus far, the San Diego Jewish community has successfully supported many organizations and individuals to navigate the effects of the pandemic. The San Diego Jewish Community COVID-19 Emergency Fund, a partnership between the Jewish Community Foundation, the Jewish Federation of San Diego County and the Leichtag Foundation, has raised approximately $2.3 million from nearly 400 members of our community, in gifts ranging from $18 to $1 million.

Over the past several months, nearly $2 million have been dispersed in 73 grants and loans to over 40 organizations in San Diego County. These funds have touched over 18,000 members of the Jewish community who need assistance as a result of COVID-19.

And these efforts, along with coaching and consulting, have enabled Jewish organizations to leverage over $14 million in government assistance.

As these funds were put to work in our community, we spoke with many frontline workers as well as ultimate beneficiaries, people in need of assistance. Here is some of what we have learned: With rising unemployment and increasing business closures, basic needs–shelter, food, health care–have multiplied exponentially. In just the past few weeks, as government benefits–enhanced unemployment payments and the impact of Payroll Protection Program forgivable loans–have either run out or declined, requests for assistance with rent and food

have increased.

Families with young children face immense pressure for childcare support as a result of school disruptions. In many cases, families had not budgeted for these expenses and their incomes cannot cover them.

Child and domestic abuse are increasing but are often going unreported.

Depression and substance abuse are increasing disproportionately.

Organizations working to meet these needs are having to pivot on what services they deliver and how. The costs of ongoing sanitization and testing are prohibitive for organizations whose budgets were already tight.

With these learnings, the San Diego Jewish Community COVID-19 Emergency Fund has made grants and loans to Jewish organizations across the county, from small synagogues to large community centers and schools. These grants have focused on four areas: Helping community members in crisis, including food, housing, extended medical benefits, domestic violence prevention and intervention and other basic needs.

Supporting members of the community to adapt and confront to a new reality, including mental health counseling, job search support, employment retraining and financial assistance for preschool, camp and school.

Building safe work and community spaces, including cleaning and sanitization supplies, personal protective equipment, COVID-19 testing, desk shields and partitions and safety training.

Enabling virtual and outdoor programming, through grants to purchase streaming technology, workspace technology and tents and other shade structures.

Among the 73 grants and loans, the emergency fund granted monies to the Lawrence Family Jewish Community Center to support scholarships for “All Day at the J,” a new program providing a safe space for children

to learn virtually, while maintaining the normalcy of being in a space with friends. Credentialed educators follow the curriculum provided by a student’s school. Socially distant activities occur when children are not in classes. COVID-19 safety protocols are followed throughout the day.

While the JCC is caring for the youngest members of our community, Seacrest Village is using a grant from the Fund to support ongoing safety and testing measures to keep the elderly safe, comfortable and mentally and physically healthy. And, with its grant, Jewish Family Service is working to provide care for adults and families struggling with unemployment, mental health challenges, housing and food needs. Thirty-seven other organizations are making similar use of grants provided from the fund.

While some of these expenditures are clearly one-time costs enabling organizations to purchase new equipment and technology, most are ongoing expenses that are unlikely to recede until after a vaccine is successfully developed and widely implemented and the economy rebounds. And, while we have already seen significant need on the part of individuals and families who have lost their livelihoods, with the decline in government aid, the number of individuals and families in need will only increase.

While no one can read the tea leaves and know exactly what the community will require in the coming months, we believe that we need to raise an additional $1.2 million to support our community in the next six months. In emergencies like COVID-19, every member of the community who can help must give–and encourage their friends to do the same. If you can provide a tax deductible donation, please visit jcfsandiego.org/covid19 or call 858-279-2740. A Beth Sirull is President and CEO of the Jewish Community Foundation of San Diego. She can be reached at beth@jcfsandiego.org.

Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 29

Advertorial - This article was submitted by The Seacrest Foundation

Seniors Physically Distance, Socially Engage Safely and Securely

I

s it possible to move into a retirement community during a global pandemic?

And why would anyone want to? Many local seniors are choosing to move into retirement communities now to increase socialization while remaining safe and secure.

At home, they may feel isolated and need to figure out how to get groceries and medication delivered, safely visit the doctor and be restricted in seeing friends and family.

Seacrest Village Retirement Communities, in coastal Encinitas, recognizes isolation as a risk factor for aging adults and developed a safe process for allowing seniors to move into independent living during the health crisis.

“The safety measures we designed for seniors moving into the Lee & Frank Goldberg Residence Court include testing for COVID-19,” explained Pam Ferris, President and CEO – Seacrest Village 30 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

Retirement Communities, “and a schedule and protocol for movers to safely bring resident’s furnishings into the apartment. The health and well-being of our residents is our number priority.”

“We’re experiencing an uptick in the number of calls from concerned family members worried about their parents or spouse and looking for a solution to social isolation and additional care,” said Matthew Schiff, Director of Sales and Marketing at Seacrest Village. “They’ve seen them recently–often not in person for a long time– and have noticed changes and decline in some cases.”

Interested seniors and their families can take a virtual tour of Seacrest Village which offers updated studio, one and two bedroom suites with large ocean or garden view windows. The resort-like retirement community has leisure amenities–including a fitness

and aquatics center, a putting green, and theater–and newly remodeled dining room, lounge and more.

There are daily life enrichment activities and classes, including fitness, art, music and culture, taking place in small groups with residents wearing masks and keeping a safe distance. In each apartment, the entertainment comes directly to the residents.

Seacrest Village provides a closed circuit television channel to all residents, with a variety of programming, filled with entertainment and educational choices.

“Apartments are rented month-to-month, with no buy-in fee,” said Schiff. “We are offering a move-in special for new residents.

They can get 12 months of rent for the price of 10, if the move in takes place between September 1 and December 31, 2020.”

For more information and to schedule a virtual tour, visit seacrestvillage.org.

| ART |

David Israel Reynoso’s “Portaleza” Creates a Way to Reconnect During a Time of Isolation

BY NATHALIE FEINGOLD

D

avid Israel Reynoso invites you to activate your imagination and open a portal into another dimension through a digital WOW experience from La Jolla Playhouse titled, “Portaleza.”

Calling it simply a “digital” experience is an understatement as you are transported into a dreamscape reality that joins the corporeal, virtual and celestial realms. The piece begins by inviting you to send a multidimensional message in a bottle to a departed loved one in what feels like a home-made VR adventure.

David artfully provides you the opportunity to feel like you are the message in the bottle, as you embark on an intergalactic journey through space and time. Early on, you witness an otherworldly goddess receiving your message in the form of a translucent orb.

She lovingly caresses the orb in her larger-than-life hands as you are carried through a kaleidoscopic wormhole of flashing colors.

The mercurial pacing and emotionally-charged close-up shots force you to question your perspective of reality as the labile piece cycles from gritty to ethereal, from ancient to modern. David gives you 20 minutes in which you can coexist in the past, present and future.

The idea for this imaginative piece was conceived during the early days of the state-mandated shutdown. David did a lot of contemplation and he longed to create a feeling of reconnection during a time when everybody was required to be apart from one another.

“Then I thought, are there similarities between that and the belief that people will be reunited after death? I imagined other people might be asking themselves similar things during this time, so that formed the idea for what ‘Portaleza’ was meant to be,” David said, “How is it that we can cultivate hope within us when things

around us seem very difficult and bleak?”

He was thinking about his sister Paula, who died when she was just 19 years old. He wondered what she would say to him now if she could see things as they are; the idea filled him with hope and wonder.

He dreamed of a way to “reach across the veil” and communicate with her during this time. He compared it to sending a message in a bottle with only the desperate hope that it would reach the person who was meant to receive it. He compared it to prayer.

“Prayer is sending a message to those that we’ve lost, it’s something that comes with no guarantee that we’re truly being heard, yet we have to hold onto our faith and hope. That’s what keeps us going forward,” David said.

And thus, the idea for “Portaleza” was born.

David then began to reach out to creators and performers from all over the country to collaborate on his idea. The experience that went into making the piece is similar to the experience of viewing the piece, something that is both highly personal and highly collective.

“This was my first foray into something that turned out to be a bit of a short film… I had collaborators all over the country that I sent cameras to or they filmed things themselves and they would send me the footage and then I took all this footage and essentially tried to create these different chapters of a dream sequence,” David said.

David recognized that due to the lockdown many people were experiencing “Zoom fatigue” from staring at their screens. Then, he set out to try to recreate some aspect of the ceremony that goes into viewing an in-person theatrical production.

“You buy a ticket, you plan ahead, you show up, you might Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 31

dress differently. There’s something about the psychology of that that felt important in creating this piece,” David said.

That’s how he came up with the idea for the viewfinder that you make at home.

Once you buy a ticket for the piece, you receive a mysterious package in the mail with instructions on how to make the viewfinder. You then follow the steps to book an online appointment with an Optika Moderna optician for a “procedure” that promises to expand your vision “beyond what you hold to be true.”

You are meant to place the home-made viewfinder over your smartphone to watch the short film. The viewfinder, made of ordinary paper material, transforms into a mirrored portal that feels like you’re peering through an otherworldly kaleidoscope.

“There’s something about the humility of paper that I love. As a kid, I loved the idea of making things out of paper and cardboard and I think there’s something about the participation of making something that invites you to play along in a way that children do when they make-believe,” David said.

32 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

All David asks is that you try to go into the experience with an open mind and heart to allow your imagination to be evoked.

“Certainly there’s no audience around you, there’s no curtain up or curtain down, yet I think there are elements within the experience that feel heightened in the way that things in theatre tend to be. When we partake in theatre we engage in the suspension of disbelief. It’s this idea of inviting you to imagine and when imagination is sparked, the experience holds magic,” David said.

David’s signature style that was exhibited in his two prior Optika Moderna pieces, “Waking La Llorona” and “Las Quinceañeras,” is the wordless storytelling that occurs once the audience’s senses are heightened. Although this is David’s first short film and his first digital piece, he still found a way to immerse and captivate his audience by challenging their perception and engaging their senses.

“As I thought about creating something through the digital realm I thought it’d be fun to create something similar to our previous shows in the fact that you are really

zeroing in on what it is that you’re meant to see.”

David’s viewfinder does exactly that as it acts as a make-shift blinder, sealing off the viewer’s peripheral vision.

David believes that invoking your sense of imagination is important now more than ever.

“I think we can only move forward when we invite the imagination. Things don’t improve, things can’t heal if there’s not the imagination or the belief that there is a better way.”

“Portaleza” is, without a doubt, a contemplative experience that challenges you to imagine what you would like to say to your departed loved ones. However, David hopes that the experience doesn’t just end there.

“I hope that what it prompts, ultimately, is a contemplation of how we can seize the moments that we have with those that are still within our reach,” David said.

“Portaleza” is available for viewing from Sept. 8 to Oct. 31, visit lajollaplayhouse. org for more information. A

Spiced Pumpkin Coconut Soup Micah Siva | nutritionxkitchen.com With Autumn’s cooler weather, and celebrations of Sukkot underway, there’s no better time to start cooking with seasonal pumpkin. Sukkot is known as the “Harvest Holiday,” but it is much more than just a lulav and etrog. While Sukkot doesn’t have its own special dish to celebrate with, because of the time of year, Sukkot menus often have seasonal fruits and vegetables that signify the harvest theme. I’ve made the most of cooler weather with this pumpkin soup packed with warming spices. This rich, dairy free pareve soup is packed with rich coconut milk, making it the perfect way to warm up!

SERVES 4

PREPARATION:

INGREDIENTS: ½ tbsp. coconut oil 1 medium white onion, chopped 1 small sweet potato, peeled and chopped 2 cloves garlic, chopped 1 tbsp. fresh ginger, peeled and chopped 1 tsp. paprika ½ tsp. coriander, ground ½ tsp. cinnamon ¼ tsp. cumin Pinch red chili flakes 1 (425g) tin pumpkin puree 4 cups vegetable broth 1 cup canned coconut milk, full fat Juice of 1 lime Sea salt and pepper, to taste

Melt the coconut oil in a large pot over medium-high heat.

Add onions and sweet potato, cooking until the onions begin to soften, about 4-5minutes.

Add garlic, ginger, paprika, coriander, cinnamon, cumin and red chili flakes. Cook until fragrant, stirring frequently, about 4-6 minutes.

Add pumpkin puree and vegetable broth. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer and cook for 20-25 minutes, or until the sweet potatoes are soft.

Transfer to a blender (or use an immersion blender), and blend until smooth.

Add coconut milk and lime juice before serving.

Enjoy! A

Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 33

| FEATURE |

Online Offerings

BY JACQUELINE BULL

La Jolla Playhouse

All content is available on lajollaplayhouse.org.

Oct. 1-31: “Portaleza” This adventure begins with a special package in your mailbox and transports you to an otherworldly digital experience.

Ongoing: Without Walls (WOW) WOW digital is a series of one-on-one experiences and collective events.

Ongoing: The Totally Fake Latino News from Culture Clash Richard Montoya, Ricardo Salinas and Herbert Siguenza offer 10-minute doses of levity, poetics and payasadas (clowning).

The Old Globe

All content is available on theoldglobe. org.

Tuesdays at 5:30 p.m.: The Poet’s Tree Each week Old Globe Teaching Artist Gil Sotu interviews a poet and discusses their style live on Youtube and Facebook. The interviews are followed by weekly prompts.

San Diego Symphony

All content is available on sandiegosymphony.org.

Tuesdays: Lunch & Listen Q&As with CEO Martha Gilmer and San Diego Symphony musicians.

Wednesday Evenings: LISTEN // HEAR Music Director Rafael Payare and colleagues discuss all things symphony on YouTube and Facebook live streams and are later archived.

Ongoing: Symphony Stream Listen to past audio broadcasts, podcasts discussing classical works and videos with interviews and performances.

North Coast Repertory Theatre

Diversionary Theatre

Oct. 1-Oct. 11: “Necessary Sacrifices” This play is based on the documented meetings between Abraham Lincoln and Frederic Douglas during the Civil War. After buying a ticket, you can watch the stream anytime during the show’s run.

This one-act musical will premiere on Zoom and is set in an online high schoo.l

All content is available on northcoastrep.org.

Oct. 4, 5 p.m.: Curtain Up! This happy hour fundraiser will have guest appearances like Richard Dreyfuss, cocktail making and more.

Ongoing: Theatre Conversations Watch conversations with artists and friends of North Coast Rep discuss many of the behind-the-scenes stories of working in live theater.

San Diego Repertory Theatre

All content is available on sdrep.org.

Oct. 1-Oct. 14: A Weekend with Pablo Picasso Written and Performed by Herbert Siguenza, this piece creates a “joyful portrait” of the inimitable Pablo Picasso.

Oct. 11 at 4 p.m.: “Get Happy: Angela Ingersoll Celebrates Judy Garland” Combining storytelling, humor and a sixpiece orchestra, this concert pays tribute to Judy Garland.

Cygnet Theatre

All content is available on cygnettheatre.com.

Oct. 12-Oct. 18: “Fully Committed” This comedy shows off the comedic chops of David McBean who plays the person at the reservation desk for a trendy restaurant and all the 40 other characters vying for a coveted reservation.

All content is available on diversionary. org Oct. 4 at 2 p.m.: “CANCELLED”

Lamb’s Players

All content is available on facebook. com/LambsPlayers Ongoing: Lamb’s Cabaret Affiliated artists with the Players upload covers of popular songs and songs from past productions.

Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego All content is on mcasd.digital.

Ongoing: MCASD: Digital This is a platform for online programs and exploring the museum’s collections digitally. Check out “Conversations” now called “Charla” with MCASD Curator Jill Dawsey chatting to San Diego artist Katie Ruiz in a virtual studio tour.

Oct. 1-Oct. 15: Art Auction This silent online auction features about 100 works by numerous artists. There are also many informational events and guides for first-time art collectors.

San Diego Museum of Art

All content is available on sdmart.org Oct. 5 at 10:30 a.m.: Artist Talk: Joanne Hayakawa SDSU Professor and ceramist Joanne Hayakawa discusses her work and creative process. RSVP is required for the Zoom meeting information.

Fridays at 10 a.m.: Masterpiece Minute Podcast This is a 60-second podcast series that looks at the stories and historical contexts of important works in the SDMA collection.

Ongoing: Virtual SDMA

34 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

Explore the galleries in 360, access insider stories and listen or read about works in the collection via the SDMA App on the App Store or Google Play.

Ongoing: SDMA at Play The museum is offering a variety of at-home art activities with detailed instructions (and in some cases accompanying video explanations) such as making your own shadow puppets and ekphrastic poetry.

Birch Aquarium

All content is on aquarium.ucsd.edu and youtube. com/user/BirchAquarium.

Tuesdays at 10 a.m.: Kelp Cam Live Visit the serene live footage of the Kelp Cam and learn about the different species from Scripps scientists.

Thursdays at 10 a.m.: Think Like a Scientist Join ocean experts for live chats on a wide range of topics like kelp forests or marine protected areas.

The Reuben Fleet Science Center

All content is on rhfleet.org. Events marked with a (*) require registration.

Ongoing: Virtual Classes The Fleet is offering live lessons, science clubs and camps for toddlers, kids and teens.

“How Not to Paint a Chair” by Kim MacConnel

Oct. 5, 7 p.m.: Sharp Minds* This talk’s topic is forensic firearms analysis and crime scene reconstruction.

Oct. 7, 7 p.m.: The Sky Tonight* Learn all about the life cycles of stars.

Oct. 12, 6:30 p.m.: Suds & Science* This edition of “spirited” discussion is all about the microscopic organisms in our ecosystems.

San Diego Natural History Museum All content is on sdnhm.org.

Ongoing: At-Home Activities Check out diy crafts, nature bingo, scavenger hunts, storytimes and printable coloring pages for family-friendly activities.

Oct. 9 at 9 a.m.: Member Meetup Talk with the guy who often discovers lost plants: Curator of Botany Dr. Jon Rebman. A “A Murder of Crows: Gyroscope,” by Joanne Hayakawa Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 35

AM ISRAEL MORTUARY We Are San Diego’s ONLY All-Jewish Mortuary Serving the community for over 38 years.

✡

Proudly Serving Jewish Families For Over 38 Years.

✡

Family Owned and Operated for Three Generations.

✡

Serving all Jewish Families, Orthodox, Conservative, Reform.

✡

Affiliated or Unaffiliated with a Synagogue.

✡

We can assist with At-need or Pre-need funeral planning. Purchasing cemetery plots or burial arrangements anywhere.

✡

Lt/Col. Allen Miliefsky. USAF Ret. Past State Cmdr. (619) 737-6910

We are here to help, call or email with any questions.

(619) 583-8850

6316 El Cajon Blvd., San Diego For a list of currents services and additional info:

www.amisraelmortuary.com Members of the JFDA- Jewish funeral directors of America, KAVOD - (Independent/Family owned Jewish funeral directors) Consumer Affairs Funeral and Cemetery division CA, Lic. #FD-1320

Stanley Newman - San Diego Ursula Gursten - Chula Vista Michael Nehamkin - Vista Andrea Gleckman - Chula Vista Patricia Herman - Potero, CA Jacob Grimberg - San Diego Paul Osroff - La Mesa Maretta Swartz - Encinitas Andrew Friedman - San Diego Lois Singer - Oceanside Rudolph Jacobson - Denver, CO Arthur Loomstein - Carlsbad

Jamin Eiseman - La Jolla David Borok - Sherman Oaks, CA Judy Rosen - San Diego Geoffrey Bergman - San Diego Norman Lipson - Coronado Barbara Farfel - Solana Beach Dawn Davis - Portland, OR Anna Perlina - San Diego Mordechai Cohen - Poway Marlene Kempner - Murrieta Augusto Muniesa - Chula Vista Brian Borkum - San Diego

May their memory be a blessing.

AM ISRAEL MORTUARY

On behalf of AM Israel Mortuary, We extend our condolences to the families of all those who have recently passed. The families of those listed above would like to inform the community of their passing.

Members of the JFDA- Jewish funeral directors of America, KAVOD - (Independent/Family owned Jewish funeral directors) Consumer Affairs Funeral and Cemetery division

We Are San Diego’s ONLY All-Jewish Mortuary Serving the community for over 40 years.

(619) 583-8850

6316 El Cajon Blvd., San Diego For a list of currents services and additional info:

www.amisraelmortuary.com CA, Lic. #FD-1320

36 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

| DIVERSIONS |

Sacha Baron Cohen’s next Netflix role is super Jewish and super relevant

BY JTA NEWS

T

he timing couldn’t be more prescient for Aaron Sorkin’s newest film, “The Trial of the Chicago 7”.

The movie by the Jewish “West Wing” creator, which is coming to Netflix on Oct. 16, is about the Jewish anti-war activist Abbie Hoffman, who was tried along with six others for conspiracy and inciting riot for their role in the 1968 protests at the Democratic National Convention.

Hoffman is played by none other than the Jewish actor Sacha Baron Cohen. It’s his second super-Jewish dramatic role for the streaming service after playing the Israeli spy Eli Cohen in the 2018 miniseries “The Spy.” The first teaser trailer for the movie premiered this week, and so much of it feels so timely and familiar– even if it depicts events from more than 50 years ago.

Especially familiar are the clips of scenes from anti-war protests, which led to a violent showdown between the protesters and law enforcement, including police and the National Guard. “The whole world is watching,” we hear a crowd chant. A sign with Black Power fists that reads “An attack on one of us is an attack on us all” looks like it could have come from any of the Black Lives Matter protests in recent months.

Seeing the fear and the determination of the protesters as they face armed guards also feels incredibly current. In fact, it makes you realize how little has changed over the past half-century–besides the hairstyles and the outfits, of course, plus the fact that nobody’s wearing a mask.

With an unruly, curly mane and an East Coast drawl, Cohen is perfect as Hoffman. The actor is known for his immersive, overstated satire and grand theatrics, after all, and Hoffman was known for his theatrical

style and comical methods for his anti-war activism.

Lately, Cohen is going back to using his own voice for his activism. (“This is the first time that I have ever stood up and given a speech as my least popular character, Sacha Baron Cohen,” he told the ADL crowd last year.) He’s brandished scathing critiques (sometimes even laden with Nazi analogies) of social media sites like Facebook and Twitter for their role in aiding the spread of misinformation, fomenting hate and conflicts in this country and abroad. In his ADL speech, he called YouTube, Google, Facebook and Twitter “the greatest propaganda machine in history.”

So it makes sense that he was cast by Sorkin to play Hoffman, one of the most well-known (and controversial) anti-war activists in U.S. history. That’s true even if Cohen (jokingly) insists on Twitter that it was a mistake As an infamous anti-war activist, Hoffman frequently got in trouble with the law and spent seven years in hiding to avoid the authorities. He was also deeply Jewish. In many fascinating online interviews, you can hear Hoffman talk about how he sang “hum hum” instead of “Jesus” in Christmas carols while attending the prestigious Worcester Academy boarding school in Massachusetts. (“They had just started letting Jews in,” he said.)

But perhaps the best Jewish video clip of Hoffman shows him making gefilte fish and telling a story about how he made the Jewish delicacy for the legendary author and pediatrician Dr. Benjamin Spock.

Will gefilte fish be featured in a scene in “The Trial of the Chicago 7”?

We don’t know yet–but we can hope.A Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 37

the news

S.D International Film Fest, Re-Imagined for 2020 The San Diego International Film Festival has been doing some innovating this year as they present their “re-imagined 2020 Festival.” The new experience will offer two socially-distant ways for viewers to watch their curated films: in virtual theaters and driveins.

“This commitment to re-imagining the Festival is vitally important to fulfilling our mission of presenting films that create conversation in an increasingly complex and divided world,” said CEO and Artistic Director of the Festival, Tonya Mantooth.

This year’s program features a selection of over 114 films including features, documentaries and shorts from all over the world. Viewers will have the opportunity to view these films at home in the “Festival Virtual Village” or from their cars for the “Festival Drive-In Movies.”

The festival opens with a showing of “Nomadland,” Director Chloe Zhao’s third feature film. “Nomadland” follows the migratory journey of 61-year-old Fern, played by Frances McDormand, as she struggles to redefine her life and create her own identity. The film centers around Fern’s personal transformation as she evolves while on the road, ultimately finding independence in the chaotic wilderness of the American west.

With three virtual theaters, the audience can choose from a selection of live-streamed and on-demand films: the Cuervo Theater for live-streamed films, the Cove Theater for on demand options and the San Diego Locals Theater, which will exclusively premiere the “Best of” local film selections from the 2020 San Diego Film Week.

Additionally, the Fest will transform Westfield’s UTC parking lot into a drive-in movie experience from Thursday to Sunday.

The audience is also encouraged to virtually interact at the Virtual Filmmaker Cafe, where filmmakers from all over the world discuss their creative process. However, most pivotal to the 2020 experience is the “Perspective Center,” a space for panel discussions and presentations.

“Film has the power to shift our perspective–and allow us to look at topics through someone else’s lens. We look forward to doing a lot of that this year,” Tonya said.

The village virtually opens on Oct. 15 and there are several virtual pass options spanning from a 24-hour Pass to an All-Access Virtual Pass.

The 2020 S.D International Film Fest starts at 10 a.m. on Oct. 15 and closes at 8 p.m. on Oct. 18, visit sdfilmfest.com for more information or to purchase tickets.

La Jolla Symphony & Chorus Host their 13th Annual Gala

The virtual fundraiser promises to be an evening of entertainment and fine dining that will benefit the artistic mission of LJS&C and their young artist performance and composition programs.

La Jolla Symphony & Chorus (LJS&C) are hosting their annual Gala virtually this year, titled “California Dreamin” on Oct. 17. This year’s gala, starting at 6 p.m., aims to look at the “sunny side of life” as they launch into the 2021-22 season.

The night will feature various performances before concluding with a special concert.

38 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

To RSVP or learn more, visit lajollasymphony.com. RSVPs are required by Oct. 5.

Scripps Expert Urges Early Flu Shot to Reduce Illness and Strain on Hospitals Experts at Scripps Health are strongly recommending getting the flu vaccine early this year. It is considered especially urgent this year because the illness will be circulating at the same time as the coronavirus, which could cause a strain on health care resources across the country.

Meetings and Events for Jewish Seniors JFS Balboa Ave Contact Aviva Saad avivas@jfssd.org or swcenters@jfssd.org for Zoom access link.

“If you normally get the flu shot each year, then now is the time to make arrangements for your vaccination and if you rarely or never get a shot, then this is the year to start doing it,” said Siu Ming Geary, M.D., internal medicine physician and vice president of primary care for Scripps Clinic Medical Group.

Tuesdays, 2 p.m., Thursdays, 10 a.m.

Weekly Virtual Meetings.

Symptoms for the flu include fever, coughing, headache and fatigue, and are very similar to symptoms for COVID-19, both viruses also attack the respiratory system. Geary also stated that it is possible to get both the coronavirus and the flu at the same time. Receiving a flu vaccine is the most effective way to prevent this from happening.

Contact Mia Elenes miae@jfssd.org

Most experts, including the CDC, recommend getting the flu shot by the end of October, latest. However, Geary emphasized that it’s never too early to get the shot right now.

Fortunately, pharmaceutical companies produced a record-setting amount of doses for the flu vaccine this year .

Scripps physicians also imparted some tips to keep in mind as we enter into this year’s flu season. These tips include: wearing a facemask, washing your hands often, watching out for flu symptoms, covering coughs and sneezes and if sick, staying home from work/school for 24 hours after the fever is gone.

Scripps also recommends avoiding the emergency room unless experiencing serious flu symptoms to help reduce the strain on hospitals.

The Fleet Science Center is Offering Distance Learning Hubs for Students The Fleet Science Center is now offering Distance Learning Hubs through a new full-day, week-long program. The program provides a distanced environment for children to complete their school work while schools operate remotely.

The development of the program is in response to the growing demand from parents and educators for additional distance-learning resources for students in the San Diego community to do their online learning activities.

“We’ve heard from a number of parents who must go to work that they need a safe place for their child during the school day. Parents who are working from home are also finding it hard for them to do

On the Go Tuesdays, 12 p.m. Virtual Social Lunch.

Lawrence Family JCC Contact Melanie Rubin (858) 362-1141 melanier@lfjcc.org Oct. 27, 3:30 p.m.. JCC Social Circles-Movie Club discusses “Mr. Holland’s Opus.”

RSVP by Oct. 25.Visit lfjcc.org for more information.

their work while helping their children with online classes,” said Fleet Science Center Director of Education Kris Mooney.

Each hub will hold no more than 14 children and students will bring and use their own devices to connect to their school’s online learning program.

Inside the hub, students will be aided by the Fleet Education team to make sure that they can connect with their respective virtual classrooms, they will also have the chance to engage in hands-on “science enrichment activities” while working alongside other students, all while following mandated guidelines for health and safety.

Full-day, in person Distance Learning Hubs are open from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. and prices for the week-long program cost $270 for nonmembers and $240 for Fleet members. However, scholarships are available for students at no cost. Visit fleetscience.org for more information.

Tishrei | Cheshvan 5781 SDJewishJournal.com 39

ADVICE

ASK MARNIE

by Marnie Macauley asksadie@aol.com

Managing Migraine Mamas (And Papas) When We’re Adults

S

halom my dear San Diegans: In this issue I’m actually clacking away under my desk in case of exploding gefilte fish. The sensitive topic for the day is: dealing with our parents when we’ve reached adulthood which according to the Jewish calendar, is somewhere around applying for Medicare and the Shady Rest Home. (That’s us, not them.) Jewish mother jokes aside, we do come from an etho-culture that has taken a hit and of course has become the basis of almost every sitcom regardless of nationality.

Am I resonating? Let’s look.

BACK TO THE SANDBOX

Sheila’s all grown up–ten and a half months of the year.

A capable, reasonably sane divorced female attorney, Sheila manages to muddle through life’s marvels and mini-crises with practiced efficiency and only a modicum of self-recrimination.

Somehow, her children make it to school unscathed, (most) sinks are dutifully disinfected, she can now talk to her ex without a Prozac drip, she’s lost 35 pounds on a low carb, high stress diet, the majority of her clients aren’t “doing time,” and she has a tag team of friends who admire her pluck.

Then, when she comes home for Shabbat, with the precision of the philharmonic, the strains begin. Not from any concert hall, but from the mouths of “the family” to the driving beat of “What’s Wrong With Sheila?”

Witness: “Look, Al. Sheila came on time for a change,” says Mama to Papa.

40 SDJewishJournal.com | October 2020

“You look too thin. You’re overdoing it again,” cautions Papa.

“What ‘overdoing?’ interrupts Mama.

“She obviously isn’t busy sewing on buttons,” says the Sherlock of shirts, looking at her grandson’s Izod. “Come here baby,” coos gram to Sheila’s 10-year-old. “Gram will fix it. Get out the sewing kit, Sheila! The other guests will wait.” Oy. Somewhere between the 18 courses not only are buttons sewn by Mama, but yet another stitch is yanked from Sheila’s confidence. By the fourth side dish, a frozen smile replaces adult conversation as 38-year-old Sheila finds she’s slowly folding into a fetal position, as her question is “why?”

Why should a perfectly competent adult, suddenly turn unwilling babe in the presence of her parents?

The answer is, you feel like a toddler because you were one–once–and you possess the necessary childhood buttons just waiting to be pushed. Returning to the “bottle,” the baby bottle, that is, is not only a Jewish parent stereotype, but, as Marie Barone (“Everybody Loves Raymond”) proves, it’s a universal issue.

And despite Marie Barone’s famous, “It comes from love,” some parents of adult children experience a conflict between the mature part of themselves that wants you to grow into adult independence and their inner child, who wants to keep you close through control. These parents send the garbled double command, “Grow up–Don’t you dare.”

Even as the curtain has rung down on childhood, many, like Sheila, are still caught

in the old “songs and dances” of yesterday, as their inner child dreads disapproval. And the song title, “Keep Mom and Dad Happy,” is forever replayed at the cost of our own solo.

Listen: “How come I never hear from you?”

“I’m sorry, Ma. I was sick last week.”

(Shrug, head hangs.)

“If you’re so smart, why do you always screw things up?”

“When was the last time I screwed things up!” (Migraine starts.)

“I’d better pick out your wallpaper with you.”

“I know what I want. (Silence) Alright, see you at noon.” (Grimace.)

UP FROM THE SANDBOX:

While all parents and children slip into the occasional pas de deux, when protecting your parent’s feelings takes precedence over your own preferences and good sense, it’s time to stop the music. Here’s how.

1. Know you’re dancing. Determine if you’re responding out of guilt, fear or shame, rather than belief or compassion. 2. Tell yourself it’s the frightened, possessive little child in your parent that’s dancing with the insecure, guilt-ridden little child in you. 3.

Reach out to the mature adult in each of you.

Allay, then bypass your parent’s “childish” fears by standing your ground adding empathy and reassurance. For example: “I know my decision to take a job out-ofstate scares you, Mom. You’re afraid I’ll forget to call. But I’ll always love and care about you, so keep the guest room warm.”

“I like my job, Dad. But when you run-it-down, it makes me feel like nothing. I don’t believe that’s the way you really feel about me.”

“I know that you think a women shouldn’t travel alone. I respect you, but I’ve formed a different opinion. I’ll call you when I get back.”

While these new responses stop the music without malevolence, brace yourself for some rough weather. Chilly receptions or stormy rages are predicted, for old tunes die hard. It will take time and maintaining your ground before the loving grown-up in your parent emerges. Accept the fact that you can’t satisfy the child in your parent by sacrificing your own well-being as a separate adult.

When the old songs end, new ones begin. Liberating songs of self-discovery and self-growth. Songs which allow you to march forward to the beat of your own drummer. A

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