Seattle Sinner Sept 2011

September - 2011

St. Louis’ 2011 Pin-Up Girl Competition Winning Photographer

Al Nichols St Louis’

Ded Bugs

UNMASKED Seattle’s

James Hunnicutt

UNMASKED

St. Louis’ 2011 Pin-Up Girl of the year

Megan ‘Mae’ Newman

KAMIKAZE PUBLISHERS & 9/11 BOMBERS

In October of 2002 I dived head-first into the shark-infested waters of insanity called independent publishing, creating a forum of thought which sprang from my hopeless move to Seattle, Washington.

Our first issue covered Politics On The Hill, Aleister Crowley, Apocalypse Tattoo, and Rats In Religion – an atheist column of twisted sorts which questioned all the religions. Nine years later, questioning whether or not I should have allowed any of these thoughts to hit the printed press, I find myself drifting in the sinful waters of St. Louis, Missouri.

Nine Years. Nine years of fighting rip currents and undertows and man-eating sharks – survival of the fittest, or acceptance in the print business. Printing free thought is suicidal, kamikaze. At least most critics would say. With that thought posed, if my endless pursuit of free speech be suicidal, or kamikaze, or be the end of me and this sinful publication, let me dive head first into the bliss of end... my last words.

Publishing, in print or air, is about advertising – period! And if this is my last shout, voice, free thought, I am compelled to warn all other fools who dare swim this swim, it’s all about, “ADVERTISING, MOTHER-FUCKER!!!!”

Yeah, with four explanation points and a big Mother-Fucker! Think about that for a minute. Advertisers don’t like the use of words like “Mother-Fucker”, especially in the opening column by the publisher. Words like that are for the back pages, where the freaks and weirdos like to search for “1-900” numbers amongst Dan Savage’s column. And words, or thoughts, like that don’t sell ads – even though one of Dan’s last columns explained to a reader that the reason he toned his column down to queer relationships, losing the ass-fucking and cock sucking, in the RFT was because readers now googled that information online. I’ll say it, Bullshit! If that were true, readers would be searching queer relations online, too. Advertising, get it?

And in September, the last thing advertisers want to see in print is conspiracies about 9/11 being an inside job – that’s kamikaze for an independent publisher or a major network. As an Independent Publisher, you’re pretty much fucked if you dare pursue this path! Regardless as to whether I’m one of those “Nuts” myself is irrelevant. Over the past nine years I have committed parts of The Sinner to the alternative theory of what happened on 9/11. In this issue I have ran a piece submitted from a few years ago on building 7 – you know, the collapse, or “Pull” as Larry Silverstein called it in an interview after 9/11 – of the only steel building in world history from fire, at free-fall speed nonetheless. Of course, the networks never mention or show footage from this one. That footage was pulled by them on 9/11 and replaced by the honorific shots and film work of the towers being hit.

So who did it then? Was it Dick Cheney sitting behind the Big Curtain while his puppet George W. Bush read my Pet Goat to a bunch of elementary kids in Florida? Was it really a handful of terrorist from Saudi Arabia, hiding out in the mountains with a herd of goats? Maybe it was none of the above. Maybe it was the aliens in outer space controlling the minds of us all, attempting to take the free world without ever firing a shot. Shit, maybe it was the fucking Jews... and that’s another taboo topic for the free press, associating the Jews with anything sinister.

Of course, I have never been one to be threatened by the loss of advertisers or distributing points, or those potential ones. I have run sexy goth gal on the cover with a Nazi flag waving in the background on the fourth of July.

This cost us an advertiser, a distribution point to chunk that issue in the garbage, and another advertiser to turn the issue over. I was also warned to never pull that “stunt” again – you know that “stunt”, the First Amendment, aka, free speech and expression. I have also ran “Nigger” on the front cover of The Sinner after Hurricane Katrina hit. It was titled. “A Bunch Of Dead Niggers”, by Saab Lofton. In that same issue I commented on the looming collapse of the middle class in this column, comparing to what would be left of the middle class when it was all said and done as a bunch of niggers in the field, only serving the rich instead of picking their cotton. Saab Lofton, ripped me a new one on that, even though it was fine for me to print the word “Nigger” in his column and on the cover. As I told him then, no one even knows he’s black or whether or not I am. Yeah, that First Amendment is great for waving flags and shooting fireworks over, only if you use popular speech. And that’s what sells advertising – well, that and fluff.

Although I have forgotten more than I have written, the critics are sure to hunt these words down and burn them or throw them into the dumpsters. I’m sure they’ll call me many names, like communist, Nazi, faggot, nitwit, and even cynic. None of these are even close to the truth, yet Indy Publishing can breath life into the dormant cynic gene that each of us optimists have sleeping deep within us. As a believer in Humankind, the cynicism that Indy Publishing has brought to the surface to feed upon my wounded flesh has been the toughest battle to over come, way more fierce than the pull of under-tows and shark bites. Cynicism attacks from within, and eats the life of too many good people. Mine are tales of survival, of the fittest I really can’t say, but survival nonetheless. They’re personal battles, ones that are only shared between the closest friends and loved ones. In some ways, though, it’s a good thing to feel the bite of cynicism, to know the scent of your darkest adversary before it sneaks upon you looking for that fatal bite. And if all this comes to an end today, tomorrow, or on October 22, or some other night many moons away, it really does not matter that much, because it’s inevitable. The difference is how you go into that dark night, crawling in fear, head bowed with hands overhead – or running headfirst, with fists swinging, shouting the truths. And that’s not a bad way to face life, either – or to publish a newspaper.

Well, that my dear reader, is another tale in Indy Publishing from two cities... I hope this will not be the last.

HOPELESS CYNICS & SINFUL CRITICS

WRITERS, RANTERS, OPINIONISTS & OTHER ALL-OUT FREAKS: Mark Taylor-Canfield Paul Blow Lucifer Saab Lofton Malice Henry Nicolle Stu Kimberly Peters Emily Eufinger The Surley Gourmand

Guitar Doug Carrie Meyer Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid Kendra Holliday Joe Motor Jeff Meyer Adam Green Gina Simon Jack Rainwater Michael Mad Mike Miller

Publisher: Chuck Foster Layout: Terri Daniels Cover Art: Al Nichols Cover Model: Mae

The Sinner is a group of contributing writers. Their opinions, rants and ideas do not necessarily reflect the views of The Sinner itself. The Sinner encourages contributions from its readers but retains the right to edit material due to content or length of submission.

FOR ADVERTISING OR SUBMISSION INFORMATION, CONTACT US AT CHUCK@THESEATTLESINNER.COM. SUBMISSION DEADLINE IS THE 25TH OF EVERY MONTH.

ESSAY | True Lies

I

'll admit that everything I write is a total fabrication.

Words will never express the truth, even if the truth were capable of crawling into plain view. Lies are much more common and certainly, if experience has any truth to it, much easier to swallow. We live our lies.

We formed a society proclaiming that individual Rights and Liberty are ours at birth, equally endowed are we all. Race, religion, color, belief, whatever our attributes and professions, we each and all have a right to be here and to be left alone to pursue our own destinies. We formed the institutions necessary to preserve the individual from the masses. Then we began to lie.

Our institutions early abandoned the concepts of individual Liberty. We abandoned the concept of institutional protection of individual Liberty. Our leaders chose to build power instead of protection. They chose the lie. We chose to exchange Liberty for the baubles that abuse of power could bring us. We confirmed the lie and promoted the liars.

Lies have become so common that they are respectable. Our halls of government, religion and commerce are now filled with liars and their lies. The truth has fallen into disrespect and worse, into disregard.

Speak the truth today and no ear will listen.

Think about the lies you tell or accept every day.

Examples of lies you have made without quibbling over the truth would include any certification you signed under penalty of perjury. Applications for drivers' license, insurance, bank account, tax returns, passport, etc.

You undoubtedly lied on every one of those without ever giving the lie a moment's thought or consideration. You probably asserted that the information you were providing was correct without any knowledge of correctness. With very few exceptions, the documents you prepared and certified likely had nothing to do with your conduct and simply submitting the application was an unauthorized lie. You perjured yourself with every certified lie.

Our police lie a dozen or more times each day of duty. Our judges accept those lies, knowing they are lies and in so doing propagate the lies and the consequences of the lies. The judges lie and the prosecutors lie. They are protected by our law from the consequences of lies. Seriously, a judge or attorney is protected by law from the lies they may make in court

by Henry Nicolle

and most other venues.

Our elected officials lie as a matter of course and custom. We lie when we say we will vote for some candidate based upon his lies or her promises. We don't elect the liars, we elect the benefits the lies will bring us after we re-elect the liars.

The lies and liars dwell beyond our institutions.

They surround our every act. Our dentist and doctor will say, "This may hurt a little." when they know it will hurt like Hell on a bad day in Summer. Our religious trust-worthies will guarantee us a place of pleasure and leisure in the hereafter, if we will only believe their lies, propagate their lies and safe keep their institutions and persons in this world. If they've never been there and don't know exactly where it is, how can they assure you in truth that there is a place for you to go "after"?

They lie. We love the lies. We pass the lie to our kids and acquaintances.

"The check is in the mail." "I never got the bill." " I'll still love you in the morning." "I promise, I won't cum in your mouth." "I'll never do THAT again!" We lie and we lie even when the truth would serve us better. (Thank you, Dave Champion.)

O.K. So, we lie. Lies are a part of successful survival as individuals and as humans. There have been traditions which held that newborns should not be named until they can fend for themselves. So we gave them "Nicknames" or false names to mislead ill-luck.

We commonly use different names today for the same reason. We lie as a matter of course to preserve our personal security, prosperity and reputation. Lies are good; truth is dangerous on too many levels.

If one chooses silence over a lie when the truth is demanded, the silence presumes a reason to obscure truth. Offering a lie in the stead of truth relieves those aspersions and suppositions. Lies have gained a modicum of credibility in our society. We know the lies, but we cannot admit them. That would spoil the effect. We would have to pay our debts, keep our word and suffer the consequences of accountability. So, we lie and accept a lying society, bearing the resultant evils as payback for the benefits of self-deception.

The lie has become our truth. Our lies are callouses for our consciences.

3

An Era of Global Social Unrest During the month of August, an unprecedented number of conflicts took place between popular movements and their authoritarian political leaders. No one really knows where it will all lead. Across the globe popular uprisings have been challenging the power of their national governments and institutions. This ever-increasing list of countries experiencing unrest now includes: Bahrain, Tunisia, Libya, Egypt, Yemen, Syria, Greece, England, India, as well as many other places around the world. In Israel 100,000 people protested outside the Knesset against government economic policies which have resulted in the inflation of prices for food and other goods and services.

This was also one of the themes of the Egyptian uprising earlier this year. Major demonstrations over rising food prices have now been staged all around the planet.

In some cases the uprisings have been put down quickly by police in anti-riot gear. In South Africa police used tear gas and razor wire to stop protesters from disrupting proceedings at the African National Congress meeting. In the US, federal law enforcement agencies have been rounding up hundreds of protesters suspected of being a part of the Anonymous group which has been accused of hacking into the Paypal website and the BART transit system in San Francisco. Anonymous claimed they attacked Paypal and another corporate website because these sites had refused to provide web support for Julian Assange and WikiLeaks. The protests against BART were staged after transit police shot and killed a man. At one point BART authorities shut down all cell phone usage in the area when they attempted to stop a planned protest against police brutality.

EUROZONE CRISIS In Greece during the recent protests against their parliament, and at major international summits, groups of youth riot in black hoodies with handkerchiefs over their faces to hide their identities. Most of the property damage is committed by anarchist groups who actively oppose corporate globalization schemes and the International Monetary Fund, the World Bank and the World Trade Organization.

They maintain that these are undemocratic institutions controlled by greedy corporations and international financial institutions.

After a generation of social and economic stagnation, the youth of Europe have become almost completely disaffected and alienated from mainstream politics. They feel there is nothing left to lose and nothing better to do than to become predatory consumers. So they have proceeded to smash shops and break bank windows in retaliation for what they see as an unjust, unequal system which favors the interests of the rich over the best interests of the nation as a whole.

During the most recent riots in the UK, Prime Minister John Cameron displayed his obvious disconnect with the people by refusing to attribute any of the social unrest to current government economic budget cuts to vital social programs which critics say have disproportionately effected the poor and unemployed. He seemed to view the entire affair as just another inconvenient brush up against the usual lower class ruffians and malcontents.

I suspect that the appearance of the chaotic mobs may have pissed him off mostly because the riots may have interfered with his normal appointed tea time. In his inimical upper class posh Cambridge style, he pooh-poohed the uprisings in dozens of British neighborhoods, dismissing the participants as common criminals who just happened to organize flash mobs via their Blackberries in a random attempt to perform acts of consumer terrorism.

Cameron failed to acknowledge that the original protests in London were inspired by the shooting of a man by British police. Sociologists stated that poor economic conditions were the most likely cause of outbreaks of violence in the UK. Considering the fact that modern capitalism almost always requires a certain percentage of unemployment to keep prices high and wages low, I worry about future uprisings in other societies where the promises of affluence have failed to come true for the majority of people...

LIBYAN REVOLUTION Make no mistake; some of these uprisings are for real.

Obviously, some of the rebellions also have been the beneficiaries of major support from the United Nations, NATO, and from US, French and UK covert special forces and intelligence agencies. The prime example of this kind of overt and undercover support is the revolution in Libya against Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi. The main reason for the current intense political focus on Libya is, of course, the existence of high quality oil in that nation.

In comparison, at least 2,200 people have been killed in Syria recently during that uprising against the Ba’athist dictator Bashar al-Assad. Yet so far, neither NATO nor any of its allies have stepped up to support military efforts to eliminate this particular tyrant.

INDIA’S NEW GANDHI Let me be clear - I am certainly not saying that I am in In India, a major national grassroots campaign against offavor of military intervention in Syria. I am only using that ficial corruption has been waged by humanitarian leader lack of response to the Syrian situation by the internation- Anna Hazare and his followers. By the way, Anna is a al powers to show the potential for hypocrisy in their pol- Hindu term, an affectionate nickname he was given years icy towards Libya. In Yemen anti-government protesters ago. Basically, it means he is blessed. And by all the availare being shot and killed by soldiers. The same has been able political evidence, Hazare does possess some kind true in Bahrain, Saudi Arabia and other countries around of special moralistic magic which allows him to win battles the world. The difference is, a large part of the US fleet with the Indian government time after time. is stationed in Bahrain, and in the case of Saudi Arabia, In August Hazare the crown prince and his was arrested by the family are considered close Indian authorities and allies to the US, because of placed in jail. The govits rich oil fields and due to ernment was attempting its great influence in this imto force him to give up portant geopolitical region his planned hunger strike of the Middle East. protest against corrupIn the past, Gaddafi tion. They ordered him was portrayed by the US as to eat. He refused. After one of our main enemies. thousands of his supHe was accused of orderporters demonstrated ing the Lockerbie plane from Mumbai to Calcutta, bombing which caused the the government tried to deaths of over 200 innocent kick him out of the jail. people. In retaliation, PresiHe refused to leave until dent Bill Clinton ordered they dropped their order Libyan flag above the communications tower in Al Bayda Libya. the bombing of the Libyan making his protest illegal. leaders’ home, supposedly Eventually, Indian law enkilling Gaddafi’s eight-year-old child. But during the adforcement authorities backed off, hoping the fervor over ministration of George W. Bush, the US leader and his cabinet warmed up to the former arch rival after Gaddafi his mistreatment would quietly dissipate. Instead, his hunpromised to help them fight their war against al-Qaeda. ger strike gained the support of millions of supporters who Suddenly the Libyan terrorist was back in favor with the demanded tougher enforcement of anti-corruption legislaUS – he was their dictator again. His direct involvement in tion. Hazare’s main demand was that top Indian political the mass murder of the Lockerbie passengers and crew leaders must be investigated and prosecuted for possible (presumably in retaliation for Clinton’s military strikes) involvement with bribery and other illegal practices.

This self-proclaimed adherent to Gandhian non-viowas conveniently forgotten by US officials. Now, in 2011 he is once again number one on their hit list. The incon- lent civil disobedience refused to eat for two weeks before sistency and hypocrisy of US policy in regards to Libya is the government finally acquiesced to his demands, ending his intended “fast until death”. His faithful supporters extraordinary!

written by Mark Taylor-Canfield breathed a collective sigh of relief when the victory was announced. Once again, Hazare’s undisputed reputation as an award-winning humanitarian leader allowed him the ability to shame the Indian parliament into doing what is right. Now his reputation is even more powerful as a spokesperson for the Indian people.

What is most interesting about this movement in India is the fact that the increasing disparity among the rich and the poor is considered as simply another form of official “corruption”. Indian activists believe the situation is the result of undemocratic and inhumane policies pushed by politicians and designed by business interests. In the US, the same economic disparity is apparently considered “business as usual”. Given a recent court decision, unaccountable business interests will literally be able to buy the next national US elections through money, advertising and influence. So far, I don’t see any high profile followers of Henry David Thoreau or Martin Luther King going to prison or refusing to eat as a protest against the corruption of the US electoral system.

US ECONOMIC INJUSTICE Tavis Smiley is a civil rights activist and a talk show host who has been very unimpressed by Barack Obama’s failure to address poverty in America. He and Dr. Cornell West have been traveling the country on an anti-poverty tour, constantly attacking Obama for his lack of leadership on the issues of civil rights and economic justice. At each stop they have been severely criticizing the US government’s economic policies which they say Dr. Martin Luther King would have condemned as uncompassionate and socially irresponsible.

They also opposed the infamous economic bailouts by the government which they claim only benefited wealthy criminals who brought about the current recession in the first place through their many unsound speculative investments and by unsecured borrowing from major banking institutions. Smiley and Professor West refer to the current US budget proposals as a “declaration of war on the poor”.

The so-called “economic stimulus packages” given away by Bush and Obama did nothing to relieve the enormous economic pressures placed on the average American family. Unemployment is still high due to a severe lack of high paying manufacturing jobs. International outsourcing has replaced millions of workers in the US with no end in sight thanks to disastrous world trade agreements. The country has developed an economy based almost entirely on conspicuous mass consumerism.

The constant refrain from US government economic experts is “spend more money!” Supposedly this consumer spending would stimulate the economy enough to bring us out of the current recession. The only problem is, due to increasing rent, food and gas prices, most folks don’t have spare money to spend on anything but the basic necessities. Economists and Wall Street stockbrokers are living in a house of illusion if they think consumers will be able to spend their way out of a potential depression this time around. Along with the IMF and the World Bank, they keep crying for more austerity measures, more cuts in funding for education, the elimination of environmental protection laws, and an end to much needed social welfare programs like national healthcare.

In actuality, the worst thing that could happen is the government may decide to cut so many public sector jobs and social programs that the majority of US residents are forced into abject poverty. If this scenario should take place, the economy may never completely recover.

One thing is certain, however. There is no real political movement to force the wealthy and huge corporations to pay their fare share of the tax burden as a way

of financing the enormous national debt. These powerful lobbying interests have a stranglehold on the political machine in Washington, D.C. One out of four US corporations pay no taxes at all, even though some of these same multi-national businesses (Exxon/Mobile) are making historic profits the likes of which the world has never seen before. Where is the equality or equanimity in this kind of an unbalanced economic system? Small businesses suffer from large tax burdens and excessive regulations, while the big boys and girls get anything they want because they can bankroll the politicians and control the national media.

The result of all this corruption is monopoly capitalism - a phenomenal blunder in socio-economic terms because the result of this type of policy is economic stagnation, market volatility, and increased unemployment and poverty. I doubt Adam Smith would be pleased to see that this degenerated form of capitalism has now become the world’s latest economic global empire. Free enterprise is supposed to be free; it was not designed to become a market controlled by a handful of powerful mega corporations and CEOs. There is no democracy in a political system that caters to the wealthiest class while oppressing the rights and aspirations of everyone else in society.

Dr. West’s Solution: When asked how we can end poverty in the United States of America, Tavis Smiley and Dr. Cornell West spell it out quite clearly. They say we could have put an end to poverty in America by a very simple means.

1) Take ten percent of the US military budget (approximately $100 billion).

2) Add to that the money the government has spent on corporate bailouts (another $700 billion), that’s $800 billion ($800,000,000,000).

3) Also, put an immediate end to the wars of occupation in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our nation has spent in excess of 1.3 trillion dollars on these two military campaigns ($1,300,000,000,000).

4) Take these substantial numbers and add them all together and you get 2.8 trillion US dollars. Divide that by the 40 million US residents in serious poverty today and you get $70,000 per person!

The answers to our social and economic woes may seem simple to anti-poverty activists like Smiley and West, but sadly, our political system is rigged by the powerful and the wealthy to favor the rich. There is a lack of political will in the nation’s capitol to address these fundamental issues. Our political leaders are unwilling to take on the powerful wealthy interests who finance their campaigns.

Meanwhile, the American Dream and the middle class are disappearing quickly...

Unfortunately, I don’t know any “Pay Your Fair Share” activists who are able to raise $200,000 a month for a presidential campaign based on the elimination of tax breaks for our wealthiest citizens, so I doubt these issues will be resolved anytime soon. Any candidate calling for an end to the Bush tax cuts for the top few percent of the population who control all the money will be vilified by the corporate controlled media and by other candidates from the two major political parties. Effective proposals to close the enormous corporate tax loopholes are opposed by both the Tea Party and the Republicans. The Democrats are not in a fighting mood when it comes to protecting the interests of the working class, the unemployed, or folks suffering in poverty.

Anyone feel like going on a hunger strike to protest official government and corporate corruption? Considering that food prices are soaring while our incomes are dwindling, we might not have much of a choice. If the corporate globalists and the folks on Wall Street continue to have their way, soon fasting might become an involuntary daily activity for many of us...

The New Aesthetic written by Saab Lofton “It’s not funny, Bart! Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act -- that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!”

– Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons I wrote a short story called I, Miss Peace – about a beautiful white woman (I modeled the protagonist after Tina Fey) who regularly dresses as a superheroine called Mistress Peace and uses her feminine wiles (i.e., how irresistible a Tina Fey lookalike would be in head-to-toe spandex) to coax men into donating massive amounts of money to the Peace Movement. The mission I’ve sworn myself to has many facets, but the main one is to base a movie on this story so that women will emulate the character. It’s a long shot (to say the least), but then again, that’s why I NEVER gamble – life is enough of a coin toss as it is ... ... so in case I, Miss Peace never reaches the silver screen, ladies, I give you the New Aesthetic!

1) Master the deadliest of martial arts by the time y’all graduate from high school (fuck ballet and fuck horseback riding). Not only to defend yourselves against rapists, which is obviously necessary, but also to further empower a historically oppressed gender.

photo courtesy of Rico Shen

Ballard 2 Bit Saloon 4818 17th Ave NW Queen Anne Piece of Mind 623 Queen Anne Ave N Mecca Cafe 526 Queen Anne Ave N Downtown Five Points Cafe 415 Cedar St Hurricane Cafe 2230 7th Ave Fantasy Unlimited 2027 Westlake Ave Georgetown Stellar Pizza 5513 Airport Wy S

Pioneer Square The Central 207 1st Ave S J&M 201 1st Ave S Greenwood The Baranof 8549 Greenwood Ave N University District Piece of Mind 4339 University Wy NE Monkey Pub 5305 Roosevelt Wy NE College Inn Pub 4006 University Wy NE Fremont Piece of Mind 315 N 36th St

The Dubliner 3535 Fremont Ave Lake City Piece of Mind 12516 Lake City Way Hollywood Erotic 12706 Lake City Way Capitol Hill Linda’s 707 E Pine St Shoreline Darrell’s Tavern 18041 Aurora Ave N West Seattle Easy Street Records 4559 Calif. Ave SW

For a complete list of our distibution points, log on to www.facebook.com/theseattlesinner

2) Women respond to what they hear, but men respond to what they see, which means makeovers are clearly for YOUR benefit, NOT ours. In other words, Natalie Portman or Reese Witherspoon could be as funky as Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown and guys would STILL lust after their asses! This is important because I shudder to think of how much money has been WASTED over the ages on makeup, fashion and jewelry. Donate all that money to worthy charities such as Amnesty International instead. I REPEAT: Donate all that money to worthy charities such as Amnesty International instead. In terms of beauty, either you got it or you don’t, and if you don’t, remember that Thing from the Fantastic Four is a powerful force for good DESPITE his ugliness (likewise, Doctor Helen Caldicott is the world’s premiere anti-nuclear activist, a Nobel Peace Prize nominee and she was named by the Smithsonian Institute as one of the most influential women of the 20th century – while I’d gladly take a bullet for the good doctor, I wouldN’T sleep with her if I was stranded in a blizzard and needed the warmth).

3) Alter the ideals you strive for. As it stands, when women talk amongst themselves, they get “catty” over whether someone wore white after Labor Day. Fuck that shit! Here’s

how “girl talk” SHOULD sound ...

Ashley: I raised a hundred bucks for the United Negro College Fund.

Brittany: Well, I raised five hundred.

Courtney: That’s nothing, honey, I just raised a thousand! ... and so forth.

4) Mood swings are NOT messages from God. Being dainty, pretending to be as fragile as Faberge eggs and overreacting to even the slightest provocation is NOT an acceptable way to conduct yourself. As labor organizer extraordinaire, Mary “Mother” Jones (1837-1930), once put it: “Don’t be ladylike! God almighty made women and the Rockefeller gang of thieves made the ladies.”

5) Raise your daughters or nieces on Xena, Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Captain Janeway from Star Trek: Voyager (fuck Barbie, fuck Hello Kitty and fuck My Little Pony).

6) Geeks, NOT jocks. Be honest, who’s most statistically likely to commit an act of domestic violence? Someone as colossal as Shaquille O’Neal or someone as small as Urkel? I’m NOT saying y’all should get married and have children – Earth is already overpopulated – but IF you do, choose a man one can stand toe-to-toe with in case worse comes to worse.

7) Ralph Nader said it best: “Young wives are the leading asset of corporate power.

They want the suburbs, a house, a settled life and respectability. They want society to see that they have exchanged themselves for something of value.” Therefore, to keep from being an asset of corporate power, change what you value; define yourself by your good deeds. Ever hear of Sabiye Tenberken? Probably not, given the extent to which trivial bread and circuses dominate American culture, but Tenberken is a blind woman who ventured alone to Tibet upon learning that blind children there were either neglected or ostracized. So what did she do? Singlehandedly open a school for the blind (read the book, My Path Leads to Tibet)! THAT’S more valuable than a house in the suburbs!

I’m sure the New Aesthetic will alienate as many women as it intrigues, but I don’t care. As Alfred wisely advised Bruce Wayne in The Dark Knight: “They’ll hate you for it, but that’s the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.”

United Police State of America A

merica is coming up on the ten-year anniversary of the attacks of 9/11, but how many Americans accept the official findings of the 911 Commission Report? In a 2008 poll of 17 countries, 15% of those surveyed believed the US government was involved, and many more believe it today. To believe the 911 Commission Report is to believe a conspiracy theory. We know what happened, more or less, but do we really know how it happened, who was behind the attacks and why would they conspire to create such a disaster? The attacks were predicted by some before it happened. In fact, journalist-producer Bill Cooper knew and warned it was going to happen years before 9/11. He also said Bin Laden would be blamed. Bill Cooper was killed in November of 2001. Coincidence?

Suppose the men accused of the attacks were in those planes. Who could have orchestrated this? And who knew about it, beforehand? The Twin Towers collapsed in a very suspicious manner. World Trade Building #7 collapsed even later in the day on September 11th but was never struck by an airplane. The official report does not even explain the explosions heard at ground level before the Twin Towers collapsed, even though video in television news reports clearly show explosions happening. There are many unanswered questions, the investigation was shoddy at best, considering the loss of life and damage. The day following the attacks we were told the case was solved, and pictures of 19 men were released to the press. Talk about shaping public opinion!

Yet it took almost 3 years to release the 911 Commission Report.

To some of us it is obvious that people in government knew, and were involved, but it is even more sinister than that. The puppets we call leaders did not plan this. The puppet masters, as I choose to call them, made this happen. It is part of their plan. Many things have changed drastically both in this country and the world since 9/11.

What scares me is what’s next. Look at the mechanisms that have been put into place and the wars waged. We have more troops in the Middle East than ever before. It would seem we will be expanding the war into Pakistan and other countries in the region.

One thing is for certain, the world has changed a lot since 9/11/. Our federal government has grown, along with the national debt. We now have the Department of Homeland Security, the Transportation Security Administration (who are everywhere), and troops all over the Middle East. Citizens of the United States can be searched without warrants, even while traveling within the United States. The TSA and the DHS have virtually unlimited power and Americans have lost much of their freedom, but are we really safer? We are treated like criminals when we travel, and not just in airports. If it were not for the 9/11 attacks, would Americans tolerate such treatment? We have become the United Police State of America, and it’s going to get worse.

The American public is more complacent than ever, but more people are waking up everyday. Three percent of the citizens in the Thirteen Colonies beat the British, maybe this is why we are seeing this clampdown. We are being suppressed and oppressed, because we are the enemy. We are being conditioned to accept the loss of our rights, to believe what we are told or live in fear, fear of what’s to come.

Some say it doesn’t matter who’s behind the attacks, but when someone kills thousands of people, it does matter. Like most conspiracies, we may never know the whole truth. We are being lied to. There is more to this than most people want to believe. Unless you throw common sense out the window, you will agree. It just doesn’t add up, if you really do your homework.

Watch : Youtube - 9/11 EXPERIMENTS - ELIMINATE THE IMPOSSIBLE, Youtube - HOW 9/11 WAS PLANNED, WHAT WAS USED, HOW THEY COVERED IT (HD) and, Youtube - THE ILLUMINATI & 9/11: AS IT HAPPENED (HD).

Who has benefited from the attacks on our country? Who controls our future? We are closer than ever to a one-world government. Who will run this New World Order? Who’s pulling the strings? We the people are not in control and neither are our leaders. The boogie man is dead, as bad as Bin Laden may have been, the puppet masters are even worse. Bin Laden was their scapegoat. The men flying the jets may have believed they were doing this for their cause, but they were only working for the puppet masters, too, and so are we.

-Joe Motor

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

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WTC 7 On Fire. Courtesy of the Prints and Photographs Division. Library of Congress.

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he mystery has finally been solved! According to the National Institute Of Standards and Technology’s (NIST) long and boring report, World Trade Center Building 7 fell free-fall by fire, the first steel building ever in history to do so! Haven’t heard of Building 7, kiddies? Well, let the Old Rat drag you along a tale of intrigue and government cover-up. Before we get started I must add a disclaimer- I am a man of science and only those who have an open mind should read further. World Trade Center Building 7, located north of the 2 famous towers hit by 2 planes on Sept. 11, also collapsed that same day. Yes, there were 3 high-rises that fateful day which fell from fire, only the latter was never hit by a plane. Yes. That’s what I said, “NO Plane!”

Building 7 was a 47 story trapezoid steel commercial building owned by the Seven World Trade Company and Silverstein Development Corporation. Among their most notable tenants were: U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, U.S. Secret Service, New York City Office of Emergency Management, National Association of Insurance Commissioners, Federal Home Loan Bank, First State Management Group Inc., Provident Financial Management, Immigration and Naturalization Service, Department of Defense and our Central Intelligence Agency. They also shared the 25th floor with the IRS. The plot thickens as we delve into the “whys” and “wherefores” of the only building ever to collapse mysteriously from fire (absurd); a feat not even the Empire State Building accomplished years earlier when hit by a commercial airliner.

According to Dr. Steven E. Jones, Physicist and Archaeometrist , “I call for a serious investigation of the Hypothesis that WTC 7 and the Twin Towers were brought down, not just by impact damage and fires, but through the use of pre-positioned cutter-charges. I consider the official FEMA, NIST, and 9-11 Commission reports that fires plus impact damage alone caused complete collapses of all three buildings. And I present evidence for the controlled-demolition hypothesis, which is suggested by the available data, and can be tested scientifically, and yet has not been analyzed in any of the reports funded by the US government.” Why would the U.S. government go to great links to exclude all but a select few “volunteers” of the NIST to unravel why these buildings fell? Are they not commissioned to protect society from future catastrophes? Should we be afraid every time we set foot in a sky-scraper or a plane?

The NIST report, which just recently came out August 21,2008, makes no mention of the molten metal pools found burning days later as clean-up crews quickly carried the crime scene off to be melted down. Nor do they make even a peep about the video, or eyewitness testimony, exposing explosions rippling through building 7 before its 5:20 p.m. collapse. Their official statement was, “No recorded demolition explosions were obtained for review.” What a crock of bullshit! After a short search of my own, it did not take long to find said recordings as well as video. Any demolition expert worth his weight in salt has seen the so-called “crimp” as building 7 fell upon its own footprint, completely disputing the NIST report about falling debris and fire taking out a few outside columns. This would have caused the building to collapse on its side, not straight down. The free-fall effect is only accomplished by simultaneous center column “Squib controlled” demolition. The quick removal of the steel from the site, on GPS enabled trucks, wreaks of serious concern for like-minded folk who understand that no one fucks with a crime scene!

In Dr. Jones report “Why Indeed Did the WTC Buildings Completely collapse?” he surmises that the steel used in the WTC buildings could withstand over 2700 degrees before failure. The fires that occurred from debris from the other WTC buildings would never have reached more than 1250 degrees, not near enough to form molten pools of metal which burned days later. Only one reaction would have produced this catastrophic effect, and I quote Dr. Jones, “I maintain that these observations are consistent with the use of high-temperature cutter charges such as thermite, HMX or RDX or some combination thereof, routinely used to melt/cut/demolish steel.”

In Conclusion, I would suggest a little searching for yourself on the web kiddies, don’t take the Rats word for it. I know there are some questioning why our government would go to so much length to lie to the American people? It’s very simple, I’m afraid -- Greedy old white men with power. The Military Industrial Complex has scarred our country for years. These self- righteous fools have decided to change our fears into patriotism, while making a little cash on the side. No different than the lease holder of WTC 7, Larry Silverstein, who made roughly 15 billion in terrorist insurance. Always remember what can happen will, and life is no more important to some men than a profit hidden behind a flag and a vote. Never forget Building 7!

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by Jack Rainwater What if, back in ‘55, Sam Phillips had a Marshall stack, digital processors, a pick-up for that dog-house bass, and a house drummer like Gene Krupa? Well, we probably wouldn’t have had the pleasure of “That’s All Right Mama,” “ Home of the Blues,” or “Rock House” but we might’ve had something like Hot Roddin’ Romeos’ Russian Roulette. This is Rockabilly at its core; rock and roll, hell yeah!

Ground breaking, maybe not, but Russian Roulette is a strong, fun, and refreshing approach to the rockabilly sound which is often too steeped in tradition to laugh at itself. The Romeos’ self-released debut opens with a live mainstay and frequent set opener “Wishin’ You Were Gone” which rapidly sets the tone for the album’s recurring theme of love gone bad, drunken, greasy debauchery and derailed hot rod life. A line in the title track, “put a bullet in the chamber place your bets take a spin at Russian Roulette” implies life is a dangerous gamble. “My Baby Left Me (Cause I Didn’t have No Hotrod)” (see a theme here?) is a standout as well. It’s a revved up story of a guy who can’t quite get it right. Then after three hard hitting billy numbers, the Romeos’ mix it up a bit with the twangy (and semi-autobiographical, I’m sure) “Diamond Ring” which shows the band’s ability to stretch out a bit. “Trailer Trash Whore” takes us down just a little deeper into trashville than I care to go. The very popular track happens to be the weak link in my opinion but still good for a laugh – comic relief is good, right? ”Ralphy the Wolf” and “Six inch Heels and Dynamite” are two of the first songs that singer, and predominant lyricist, Johnny Rocket wrote for the Romeos’. Although written in an earlier incarnation of the band, the current line-up breathes fire into the arrangements. “Romeo is Always King” and “Walk of Shame” are both great rockin’ numbers that further reinforce these guys can throw down on stage and elsewhere. A personal favorite of mine, “Rockin Space Cadet” harkens back to mid-century America’s obsession with the space race, outerspace, and rocketships. “Kitten’s a Tiger” is a swing number gone rock but thanks to a rhythm section solidified by Jody Gere and Billy Burns, the Romeos’ manage to keep the swing intact. Proving once and for all you can simultaneously rock and swing. “Hollowbody Guitar” is the band’s blues number, but it’s more of a declaration of determination than a lament. Closing track “Devils T-Bucket” is another favorite of mine because of its nostaligia which paints a vivid picture of Satan’s Ride, the baddest hotrod on the road. There’s a (not all that well) hidden track; an unlikely candidate, Funkadelics’ “My Automobile” which is a rough and interesting change from the slick production on Russian Roulette. I’d love to see the Romeos’ explore some more of this side of what they do.

Overall, Russian Roulette is a very strong first record. DC Wheeler’s guitar work is solid and aggressive, Johnny’s baritone is both smooth and gravely as the moment dictates; Billy and Jody often sound like a single instrument almost transparently moving the songs along effortlessly. The production (by Rocket) is consistent and solid. I, for one, am glad Sam Phillips had exactly what he had to work with but, if you like greasy, hot rodin’ and hard-drinking, fist-fightin’ rock and roll, then the Hot Roddin Romeos’ Russian Roulette is definitely for you.

If you like candy-ass-mamby-pamby-emo-pop-crap, come out to a Romeos’ show and get your ass kicked then go fuck yourself. If I had to rate this record I’d give it a solid 4-1/2 cans of Murrays.

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THE END OF THE WORLD PARTY And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man. Revelation 9:5

ST LOUIS PUSSYFEST 2: THE POSSESSION August’s edition of Subversion was all about cats... PUSSYFEST 2: THE POSSESSION was a sequel to last year’s successful feline leukemia benefit.

All proceeds from the evening went to Linda Blair’s Worldheart Foundation and local stray rescue organizations.

OCT

The Scam Seance 22ND Derailed Surprise Guest FREAK SHOW

BY STU

$7

BURLESQUE

Costume Contest Door Prizes Raffles

ST LOUIS, MO

Performances by international burlesque performer Viva La Muerte as well as local favorites - Rayna Skye, Koffin Kitten, Gypsy Havoc, Allura Fette and more. Music for the evening was provided by the fantastic Buxom Space Fish.

Photos courtesy of Carrie Meyer and Insomniac Studios www.insomniacstudios.net

September's Subversion is scheduled for Friday, September 9th at the Crack Fox with the theme of "Buxom Bumpkins" and will feature the Rat Rod Kings!

I am dedicating this month’s huggy talk column to none other than the fabulous Daisy Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard TV series (played by actress Catherine Bach). What does Daisy Duke mean to me? Simply put, Daisy Duke is a true backwoods sex symbol, a genuine American institution, and a totally righteous babe. True confession time: as a young lad growing up in Suburbia I had a “Daisy Duke in shorty shorts” poster on my wall. I fantasized about that poster. I made love to that poster... all night long. All night long. And it was sweet love.

(Ahem) After all, ya’ll know me: I’m just a good ol’ boy.

Never meaning no harm. And Lord knows it, I’ve been loving shorty shorts since the day I was born! Since the day I was born!

I bring this up only because I had the honor of emceeing the first annual Daisy Duke Pinup Girl contest at the Hillbilly Ball last month (a day long event held at Slim’s Last Chance in Georgetown). Only four girls entered the contest, but I was in shorty shorts heaven, and congratulations go out to “Rose” who won the grand prize: a genuine, official Pabst Blue Ribbon bicycle (complete with logo). The bike was a sweet ride, indeed.

I took it for a spin around the block myself and even popped a few wheelies. The Hillbilly Ball also featured rousing sets by Zero Down, Los Bastardos, the Load Levelers, and more. What can I say... it was a ho down!

Daisy Duke in shorty shorts: an American In other news, I am happy to report that the first edition institution, and a righteous babe. of my book Tales From Outer Space has officially sold out. A second printing is now in progress, and I would like to thank all of you who supported the arts and purchased a copy. It means a lot to me, man. (Sniff sniff) I am currently working on my follow up book, One Word, which will consist of just a single word on each page, with the idea being that the reader will read one page a day, contemplate the meaning of each word for the duration of the day, and learn valuable life lessons along the way.

On a sad note, Club Motor has officially shut its doors for good as of August 31st. A big tip of the Huggy hat goes to Joe Motor and his son for keeping the place going as long as they did. I had some good times at Motor over the past couple years—I saw some good shows, played some good shows, and saw some sexy hot burlesque girls there—and the joint shall be missed. Sigh. At least I still have the good, ol’ Chupacabra, where “Hot” Josh (former guitarist for HIMSA and my bartender of the Ozzy attempts to bite the head off my book. year for 2010) continues to hold the fort down, spin the Metallica, and serve up the frosty PBRs. Speaking of being missed, I think I can speak for the entire Seattle rock community when I say that Keg, the Lone Ranger of Rock, has been sorely missed ever since his relocation to Los Angeles some months ago. The Keg Facebook page has been strangely silent as of late, but I can verify that Keg is indeed alive and well as I regularly receive text messages from Keg on my cell phone. The texts usually say, “What’s going on, man?” I think he’s planning something big. Stay tuned—more juice next month!

MON SEPTEMBER 12th F.O.A.D; The Disorderlies; Buckbye (ex Dingbatz); Joey Pissdrunk @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N $5 21+, 9:30pm - $1 BEER NIGHT!!!

TUES SEPTEMBER 13th Regional Faction; Misuse Of Power (ex Jager Bombs); 7 Year Old Blind Girl; Wrecked ‘Em Killed ‘Em @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N $5 21+, 9:30pm THURS SEPTEMBER 15th School Shootings; Gutter Gourmet; Can’t Complain; Clam Hamr; + burlesque @ High Dive 513 N 36th St 21+, 8:30pm, $6 TUES SEPTEMBER 27th Duckmandu (one man punk rock accordion player); + guests @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N $5 21+, 9:30pm

THURS OCTOBER 6th The Goddamn Gallows; Jake Orvis & The Broken Band; James Hunnicutt; Gutter Gourmet; Angie And The Carwrecks @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 8:30pm, $7 SAT OCTOBER 8th The Chop Tops (Santa Cruz); Hard Money Saints; Craic Haus (Los Angeles); Hot Roddin’ Romeos; Spiderface; Piston Ready @ Chop Suey 1325 East Madison St, Seattle, WA 21+, 8pm, $10 advance or $12 at the door FRI OCTOBER 19th James Hunicutt; Viva Le Vox @ Venue TBA SAT OCTOBER 20th James Hunicutt; Viva Le Vox @ Venue TBA

FRI SEPTEMBER 30th Rum Rebellion (Portland Folk Punk) @ Venue TBA

Stayed tuned for a lot more tasty shows to be announced soon including SEATTLE SKA FEST, CHAOSPALOOZA and SEATTLE PSYCHOBILLY BRAWL! www.facebook.com/local.chaos.greg - www.twitter.com/localchaosshows www.localchaosproductions.com - www.myspace.com/localchaosproductions

Paul Diamond Blow works as a part time hustler when he’s not writing for the Sinner. His new book “Tales From Outer Space” is available at paulblow.tripod.com

Photo of General Ursus, for no reason other than I like this photo.

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

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Monday August 15th in St Louis, MO

Monday, August 15th, was a day of sick calls and recovery for the numerous punks who came out to mosh against the brutal rhythms of Nashville Pussy, Dwarves, and The Scam on the night of the 14th. Many left a bit beaten, bloody, and broken– myself included. But that’s a punk show, or what one should be. And this one did not disappoint. While some of these cats might be a few years older than most rockers present, none have lost their magic, that gift which continues to lure the crowds in and send them into a frenzy of madness. If you missed it, well, your loss!!!

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Club Motor’s closing parties Date: 8/30/2011 & 8/31/2011 photos: Tina D Photography

9/9 Fri - Supernothing, Far From The Genuine, Fezzik 9/10 Sat - Golden Blondes, the Chasers, Leeches of Lure (NM) 9/12 Mon - Metal Mondays w/ Reficul, Six Days of Darkness, Solum $5 9/15 Thurs - John Hamhock & the Rooster Run Band 9/16 Fri - Ancient Warlocks, White Orange, Argonaut 9/17 Sat - Neon Wilderness, Gold Records, Sleeper Cell 9/19 Monday - Metal Mondays w/ Dumbass Jones, TBA $5 9/21 Wed - Backfire 4 pm Thanks Joe, Dayna & Brian for all the support! MOTOR will be missed by all!

There is the brand new SMP remix album, Shot, that was just released via our own imprint, Music Ration Entertainment. You can purchase the digital version of the record for $6.99 at www.cdbaby.com/cd/smp8 Shot includes remixes from Slave Unit, 64K, Deathproof, Killing Floor, Knife Cuts and others.

Upcoming for SMP is the re-release of the 1995 debut album, Stalemate. The re-release of Stalemate will include a brand new track, “Weak,” featuring original SMP member Sean Setterberg and will sport new artwork and re-mastered audio by Chris DeMarcus of Deathproof Productions. The Stalemate re-release will be released on SMP’s imprint, Music Ration Entertainment.

9/22 Sat - Alex’s Hand, The Flying Tortugas, OUT 9/23 Fri - Coney Island Cockabilly Roadshow 9/24 Sat - Pirex , The Connerys 9/26 Mon - Metal Mondays w/ Drakul, Blood And Thunder, Chemical Castration, Sacrament Ov Impurity $5 9/29 Thurs - Dead Language, Holy Ono, Limit Drive 9/30 Fri - Oriya, Pirex, Kings of the Wing People 10/1 - Hills of Elysium, Blame it on the Girl, The Saints of Damnation 10/7 Fri - Bad Love Sessions

METAL MONDAYS It’s Time To Bang Your Head 12

Every Monday Night @ 2 Bit

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

20th Anniversary @ It’s no secret that I’m a big Saw fan, they’re my family. It was a huge disappointment to see them dissolve, but it only made their 20 year reunion show that much more explosive!

Now, who’s you family, bitches?

The SAW, Mother-Fucker! The Saw!

Lemmons

After a rockin’ punk show at The Heavy Anchor, there’s only one place in South City to end the night, Lemmons – and that’s what the entire bar did after The Humanoids show last month! And who did we find ripping up the stage hard and fast, Black For a Second! If you see these cats on a flier, get off your ass and check them out!!!

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Raising Hell With Guitar Doug The Wizard Of Crossover Appeal “I’ve played metal, punk, rockabilly and it comes through in the mix of what I do. I also try not to stray too far away from the 3 chords and “The Truth” approach” James Hunnicutt is a unique figure on the Seattle rock scene in the fact that he is a heavy hitter, but is not technically playing rock. For performances these days, James walks up on stage, plugs in an acoustic guitar and plays guitar parts, which are fine for the style of music, but not necessarily complicated. James comes from a heavy background playing with bands like Neutral Boy and The Swinos, but is currently working as a successful solo artist.

The lyrics are what he describes as heart-felt, but what really draws a crowd to James Hunnicutt and keeps them spellbound throughout the set is his voice. James is what one would call a gifted singer, meaning his natural singing ability is not something you learn in music school. When James is on stage, he has a unique ability to hold an audience at the most hardcore rock clubs, doing something that is almost unheard of. Playing and performing by himself, with nothing but an acoustic guitar between himself and the crowd.

As far as crossover appeal, James has pretty much everyone beat, hands down. You can literally put him on the bill with anyone, and he will fit and draw an audience. It’s not unusual to find James Hunnicutt on the bill with heavier rock bands like Big Wheel Stunt Show one night, then a Rockabilly outfit like Hard Money Saints the next. He has more crossover appeal than just about anyone else playing the rock clubs and tours more than just about any other Seattle musician.

James is a career musician who relies only on his music to make a living, which is more unusual than most assume. Most musicians can’t support themselves playing shows, and hold down day jobs, but James is well connected clear across the USA, and has played just about everywhere there is to play.

Known for his personable off stage demeanor, he is able to network with everyone who has pull in the music business, a character trait crucial for a self booking, traveling solo artist.

Let’s take a look at what James has to say about his career as a full time working musician and his life on the road. I was struggling originally with covering a solo artist in my column, because never before over the course of 4 ½ years, have I featured anything other than full bands. The truth is, James Hunnicutt is so ingrained in what is going on in the Seattle rock clubs in 2011, this column would not be a complete work without featuring him. This column has always been about giving the casual reader a glimpse into the real Seattle rock scene, not what the weekly media is pretending it to be. Truth is, James Hunnicutt is about as Seattle rock as it comes, as a solo artist, not to mention the backlog of material and performances he has amassed over the years around town.

James, how many shows do you play per year and what can you tell us about your formal musical training?

I play 200-250 shows per year and I’d say 75% of those shows are on the road during US Tours, which cover the entire country for the most part. I think there are 6 states in the lower 48, that I have yet to play in. I have no idea just how many cities or miles that would translate into but it’s a lot.

I have no training, or lessons, other than my ears, my life, practicing, playing with others and doing my best to learn from it all.

You have strong crossover appeal with

the Seattle audiences at the clubs. How do you explain this?

Good question man. I’ve begun noticing this in recent years and it’s a wonderful realization. I’m not positive as to why this is, but I think that my influences and sound being a mixed bag of styles is a big part of it.

I believe that old rock n’ roll is quite timeless and appeals to people of all ages and that influence is pretty strong in what I do.

I think that it’s the influence I draw from my history with different styles of music. I’ve played metal, punk, rockabilly and it comes through in the mix of what I do. I also try not to stray too far away from the 3 chords and

“The Truth” approach with it and put as much heart, soul and honesty into it as well and I think that we can all relate to those things when we hear them.

I know not everyone is going to like what I do in a stylistic sense, but I’d like to think that most of us want to hear honest, heartfelt music. That seems to be lacking in popular music and I think that a large percentage of people who hear what I do and “feel” it are similar to me, in that they are also on a quest for “real” musical and art forms. I have no lofty aspirations of being the best guitar player, singer, or songwriter around, but I know that what I do is real and I think a growing number of people can feel that.

Tell us about some of the other groups and artists you have worked with.

I play primarily as a solo artist and perform with Jayke Orvis and the Broken Band on guitar. I also currently sit in with artists such as the Goddamn Gallows and Rachel Brooke, when I tour with them. Within the last few years, I’ve played guitar for Wayne Hancock, James Hunnicutt and the Revolvers, The Swinos and Neutral boy and a number of others over the years, since I first started playing in 1985-86.

What are some of your favorite places that you have played?

I’ve been lucky in that I haven’t played too many lame ones. A few stand outs from places I’ve played more than once would have to be The Filling Station in Bozeman Montana, and The Stage Coach Inn in West Yellowstone. I’ve had some great experiences at places I’ve only been to once so far as well like Reggie’s in Chicago, Beerland in Austin, TX, Annabelle’s in Akron, OH and The Unique Bar in Blue Ridge Summit, PA have all been awesome too. There have been so many cool places. I could write a book about ‘em! I’ve been really fortunate.

Anything else you would like to pass along to the readers?

I’d like to thank everyone who takes the time to listen and feel what I’m saying within my songs. When that connection is made it is priceless to me and more important than I can put into my words. Music is my love, my passion, my vice, my salvation and truly is my life.

I wouldn’t be able to make a living at it without the undying love and support I receive from so many of you each day and I can’t thank you enough. Special thanks to you Doug, RJB and The Sinner for honoring me with this feature. Much love to all of you.

P.S. May The Force be with You.

The Humanoids The Haddonfields Be My Doppleganger Better Days @ The Heavy Anchor

Does the title really need say anything more, other than “KICK ASS!”? I don’t think so. Check out Heavy Anchor for more ass-kicking shows.

Better Days

The Humanoids

Be My Doppleganger

SCAM PRE-PARTY

@ DB’s Sports Bar

If the itch for a road trip starts to eat away at your transient soul, then wash it away with a few glasses, or bottles, of wine at Blumenhof Vineyards in Marhasville. And you’re free to sample the grapes off the vine, too!

I had heard that the gals at DB’s would be naked and wrapped in plastic for the pre-party, but it was just another scam! What should I have expected, T&A? Almost as good though!

34 North Euclid Avenue Saint Louis, MO THORLOCK

34 Club’s 70th Anniversary with

There’s only one thing that can make a 70 year anniversary more entertaining than having The Randy Dandies perform for free, and that’s 1941 liquor prices! Unfortunately, 34 Club didn’t offer that. But what a show it was!

“There were cows and drunk teenagers as far as the eye could see.”

Interview by Chuck Foster I was at Koken Art Factory last month when I eavesdropped on a conversation between two rock-n-roll enthusiast. One said, “Man, I love that shirt!” The other said, “Yeah, Ded Bugs rock, man! Then I noticed the fliers spread out across the bar promoting the upcoming Ratline release featuring music by Sons of Black Mass and Ded Bugs.

Interestingly enough, I had heard of this punk-pop powerhouse years ago in Seattle, that’s how popular they once were. I had always assumed the Bugs were dead, killed by a can of industrial-size Raid – well, not hardly. They seem to be alive and well, slowly gnawing away at the fabric of punk music as always. So I asked these cats to sit down and talk about their past, present, and future – and a little bit of everything else. And it went something like this: How did the Bugs come to be, And please credit each member with their role in the band.

Matt: Jeff, Dave and I have been close friends since our early teens. We started just goofing & hanging out... trying to play Ramones songs or Iron Maiden, going on foolish late-night adventures - road trips or whatever and essentially it somehow morphed into Ded Bugs. Our first gig was a kegger - Deana Terry's grad party deep in a back field of DeSoto. There were cows and drunk teenagers as far as the eye could see. Some drunk guys came up to the mic and tried to sing a country song. That didn't work out so well. Eventually we started writing and gigging beyond keggers. You know that band that tries to get a record deal, hands out a billion flyers and sends out a million invites to their shows so they can become famous as fast as possible. That's not us. That's our antithesis. Fun is first. That's our mantra.

As for roles... Um... Nothing by design, really. I happen to write a lot. Jeff's a really kickass artist, so he handles almost all of our art/ graphics. D-A-V-E cooks really well and is a brainiac. So he gets us out of jams by doing those things. For example, if we're in a dark alley and threatened by a gang of thugs, he's the one that fixes the lamp light and says, "Hey! You guys like Black Forest Cake?" BassAmp is a social bee and has the gift of gab so he usually ends booking shows and letting us know what goes on in the outside world. He rarely books church picnics tho. Kinda wish he'd do more of that. I've never played for a virgin sacrifice. Bet that'd be kinda neat.

Also, what other projects, if any, are you guys now involved with?

Matt: We're all always involved in other stuff.

Aside from other band projects: Jeff is a freelance artist and the creative force for a lot of toys and Halloween items you've seen. D-A-V-E competes in World's Strongest Man competitions and works w/techy stuff like lasers and superconductors. I'm a baseball enthusiast and get my kicks w/audio production. Really excited about mixing and mastering my friend's pop project, "Whoa Thunder!" at the moment. And BassAmp is an utterly dedicated rock'n'roll machine and trivia whiz.

He is also a very good driver.

How did you guys come up with the name?

Well... We started this mess when we were in our early teens, so there was no pre-conceived "concept". I do remember when we came up w/the name. I was hanging out w/Jeff in his room. We were eating tacos and watching Dark Shadows. "How about Ded Bugs?" "Okay, that sounds alright." Then we finished our tacos and watched

Dr. Julia Hoffman's brow furrow.

I read on some site, maybe yours, that the band really took off a few years ago, but it then seemed to disappear. Is that accurate?

Matt: I've no idea what site you're referring to, but it's not ours. Our site is dedbugs.com and we finally keep it updated now. "Really took off"(?) I don't think any of us were around when that happened. That must've been our Polynesian doppelganger. (We're on the hunt for them, by the way.) "Really took off". I took off work the other day. That's about it. We never disappeared. Or broke up. Probably a misconception.

We toured Japan in 2006. We played InsubFest in 2008 and other festivals over the years. But we've always been around popping up here and there with high profile gigs and at the same time playing small events. For example, our last two shows were 1) playing a friend's little sister's 21st b-day party and then 2) opening for punk legends, Sloppy Seconds. The original three Ded Bugs (Jeff, D-A-V-E and me) have been best friends since our early teens and band mates since 1990.

We might stop playing out some day, but the band

with audio - everything from scoring to sound design to recruiting bands for sound tracks. Eric and Wicked Pixel have shot music vids for us, helped us with editing. And Eric was right there for me every step of the way when I made my documentary on the St. Louis local music scene, STL 2000.

Never been to Koken. I expect a room full of beautiful art and hanging corpses...and somewhere a small stage amongst. Quite excited to be rawking the show with the Sons. I've been a rabid fan since they put out their cassette somewhere in the 90s. I've known Don (Sadie) for quite a while. Before he was a Son. Prolly wouldn't expect this, but we're both avid baseball fanatics. Severe. My baseball card collection is larger - well over 15K now - but his is better. He pulls out all this 50s and 60s Topps stuff on my ass. My Nolan Ryans and Pete Roses don't compare. Try trumping either of us w/a baseball question. I dare you. We will kill that question and feed it to John Rocker's mange-ridden trailer-mutt.

So, are Ded Bugs dead or back together, playing gigs?

Matt: Ded Bugs are not back together. Not at all. And we're not playing any future gigs. Write that down. "Ded

to mind: Humanoids always get my blood pumping and they are guitar riff kings. Everyone loves Doomtown and I like them a lot. Ben Smith is great at fusing his diverse & obscure taste into good songs w/clever arrangements.

The new Tone Rodent record kills. I've been blasting that a lot in my car. On the power-pop side, Erik Voeks is great. Haddonfields are a given. Superb punk-pop and always fun live. Shanna Kiel is also really talented. Art, song writing, singing. Everything she touches hits the heart. Dan Kelley is another uber-talented fella. Plays about nine hundred instruments and writes some catchy, fun stuff that instantly infects. I'm naming more people than bands now. Oops.

What about sin, which are each of you most guilty of?

BassAmp: Gluttony.. cuz I'm fat..

Matt: Ha. This question for a band that consists of an Atheist, a Catholic, a Mormon and a Persian. We don't discuss "sin" much. We'd much rather discuss Dr. Phibes. The ten plagues of Egypt were central to that plot.

Plagues! More interesting than sin. I mean, seriously.

Which is more fascinating: 1) Some boring dude committing adultery w/some trick chick or 2) A plague of locusts descending upon the masses! Yeah!

Gimme more plagues!

What's the biggest misconception about being in a punk band? *BassAmp: All of it.*

won't die until we do. Until we *really* die. Like eyes pop out, brain explodes, heart stops join the choir invisible dead. For example, if my head would be ripped off by a tornado. That might put a bit of a damper on things. On the other hand, it would make a kick ass headline. And hopefully Jeff gets it on vid.

Tell me about the new gig coming up at Koken with SOBM and Ratline. How did that come to be?

Matt: It's pretty neat. We've known Eric Stanze since college. It's probably his fault. He's an awesome friend and a warm-hearted demon lord. His talent and work ethic are off the scale. Completely in the red. A mutual admiration exists between us. We've assisted him w/films. Jeff's done SFX and designed props/monsters. D-A-V-E's wife - also an extreme talent - has acted in quite a few of his films. D-A-V-E's helped out with techy stuff. I've assisted

Bugs" stop. "First band in rock'n'roll to be completely broken up, yet still play shows for twenty years straight" stop. "No future dates will be played" stop. "Sons of Black Mass and Ded Bugs will perform at Koken Art Factory September 17" stop. "They all hate each other" stop. "Ice cream kills you" stop. "The moon is made of cottage cheese" stop. "Toothpaste is the new ham" stop.

Who's your top 5 local bands?

Bassamp: 1. Griddle Kids 2. Butcher Holler 3. Rum Drum Ramblers 4. TOK 5. BunnyGrunt Matt: The John Goodman Project? It's a rave band. John Goodman in a dominatrix costume and bustin' moves w/ the pitch-corrector cranked. Haven't heard many "new" bands lately. Cripplers have always been my favorite local band. Still are. Aside from the bands I work *with* (e.g., Finn's Motel, Whoa Thunder, etc.), a few come

I don't know. Gallup's not disclosed that information to me. I'll share something I've noticed over the years about "punks", tho.

This is something my friend, Scott and I noticed a few years ago. And I'll date myself by saying this. When we were younger - say, 70s all the way through the late 80s - the "punks" we knew were not to be messed with. And there weren't many of them. For the most part, they were sharp-witted teenagers who didn't necessarily look for fights, but they weren't going to back down if some asshole gave them any business. And jeez, some of them were bad-ass. Saw some nasty fights in my youth. And aside from an occasional mohawk, they looked fairly normal. They didn't play dress up like the Hot Topic kids today. It was mainly white t-shirts, jeans and Vans or Chucks. When I see kids all dressed-up in "punk" attire now, it can be fun...especially if they're reeeeeeeeeeally little twerps. Better than idolizing Doris Day or Phil Collins, I suppose. But I don't think there's really anything punk about it. My point is that the popular definition of "punk" has changed dramatically from the first time I heard the Ramones and Black Flag to the new Against Me! Record.

Any last thoughts to share with our readers, or BUG news?

Ded Bugs will never die. Next up: Get ready for "Cannibal: The Musical"! Punk-pop style! ...coming soon to a lovely venue near St. Louisians.

Last, how can someone find more about the band/ merch/shows?

Easy-breezy: http://dedbugs.com In case the bugs have eaten away at your brain since this started, let me remind you in layman’s terms: Saturday, September 17th, Ded Bugs, Koken!

9/9 & 10 - The Ride Rock Band Fan Club Sports Bar 8315 83rd Ave SW in Lakewood WA 9pm/21+/NC

9/24 - Classic Case Rock The Dock Pub & Grill 535 Dock Street in Tacoma, WA 8pm/21+/NC

9/10 - The Kingdogs HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 9pm/21+/NC

9/30 & 10/1 - La’ Grange ZZ Top Tribute Fan Club Sports Bar 8315 83rd Ave SW Lakewood, WA 9pm/21+/NC

9/10 - Paperback Riders & Threshold Bogart’s 3927 Airport Way S in Seattle 9pm/21+/$5

10/1 - Classic Case HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 9pm/21+/NC

9/16 & 17 - Kickstart Fan Club Sports Bar 8315 83rd Ave Sw in Lakewood, WA 9pm/21+/NC 9/17 - Knee Deep HD Hotspurs in Kent, WA 9pm/21+/NC 9/23 & 24 - Cozy Crush Fan Club Sports Bar 8315 83rd Ave SW in Lakewood, WA 9pm/21+/NC

Part New York Punk, Part White Trash Punk…all Parts Party Punk Rock When The Hard“Died Died”.

The Hardcount count first hit “ D e a d the scene, they Friends” is Life and Death EP got my attention. more of an They were playIrish Toast ing in good rooms than a story of with good lineups. countless tragic There was a ton of deaths and is alpositive chatter following most an anthem: “… each show. It wasn’t until Take a Glass, Hold it Michael LeAnne Booking Up, Close Your Eyes and put them on as headliners for a you Can See Them Again show at the Hard Rock Café that – Just Long Enough, to Say I got a chance to catch them.

Hello – This One’s for All My What I caught was outstandDead Friends…”. The 2nd ing. The Hardcount came off as Track “Back of My Hand” has a straight forward RAWK band with serious 80’s new wave/pop roots a bit of Theater thrown in. They were by changing the pace and adding definitely influenced by the sounds and a touch of synch. The 4th Song “Give styles of the 70’s and 80’s. Lead Singer “The My Regards to the World” adds a bit of Hot Reverend Adumb Green” commands the Rod “swing” which isn’t too surprising with stage as if Dave Vanian of The Damned, Al- Zen Master and Donnie Disco in the band. ice Cooper and Freddy Mercury had a 3 way The Song is The Hardcount’s tribute to love child. Further investigation reveals that Frank Sinatra/Sid Vicious’s “My Way”. The the entire band has deep roots in Seattle Mu- 5th Track “Lover” (You Ain’t Nothin’ But A) sic. The Reverend is the brother of Jeremiah switches things up with a song that is incredGreen of Modest Mouse and has been a DJ ibly “danceable” Rock. “Whiskey and Wine”, at 107.7 The End. Zen Master V’s (guitar) an upbeat ballad, comes out of nowhere with long list of bands includes Widow, Daddy a song that is undeniably 2 Step-Country with Longlegs and Jack the Hotrod.

Donnie slide pedal steel guitars, banjo and “twang”.

Disco (bass) was lead guitar/lead vocals for “Ain’t Left Home” Rocks switching in and out Jack the Hotrod, as well as bass and found- of Southern Groove and Punk Intensity. “Hey ing member of Guns of Nevada. Drummer T- Hell Yeah”, another Hot Rodded Cow-Punk Roy has been bashing the skins since grade Rocker, brings another “Anthem” for all the school in the Greater Seattle Area. hard partying creatures of the night life.

When I first listened to their 8 song EP In all, Life and Death is an unpretenLife and Death, what I heard was a tribute to tious kick in the ass…Part New York Punk, Punk Rock Icons. With a few exceptions, the Part White Trash Punk…all Parts Party Punk music has a Ramones “simplicity” while Ad- Rock. Get the album and learn the songs, umb’s voice is more Alice Cooper influenced. then go see The Hardcount so you can sing This is instantly clear starting with the first along. track “Dead Friends”. There’s no real connection to Jim Carroll’s “People that Died”, ~Michael Mad Mike Miller but you keep wanting to find a place to chant

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9/24 - Brittmania (Tribute To The Beatles) HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent, WA 9pm/21+/$5

10/7 & 10/8 - The Ride Rock Band Fan Club Sports Bar 8315 83rd Ave SW in Lakewood, WA 9pm/21+/NC 10/8 - Kickstart HD Hotspurs 315 S Washington Ave in Kent WA 9pm/21+/NC 10/15 - The Wounded Warrior Project Fundraiser featuring Knee Deep, The Ride Rock Band, And More tba Rock The Dock Pub & Grill 535 Dock Street in Tacoma, WA 1pm To 1am

On The Scene with Malice

Colorado Bob’s Ship Of Fools Look for the big sailboat in front!!

W

e have found a new place to happen! Well it’s not a NEW place, Bob’s been in business for 7 years now and his bar is huuugely successful. The staffs handpicked

by Bob himself, and complemented by an atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re living a Jimmy Buffet song, with a life size replica of a Captain’s Wheel in front of the bar (which I’ve been told has had more than a few distressed damsels tied to the spokes). Tropical plants growing outside can be seen from your table, gigantic stuffed ocean fish adorn the walls, as do model ships on all the window ledges.

There was even a sign on the wall above our table that read “ Welcome to Paradise Where It’s Always Happy Hour.”

We came out to see The Quaaludes Featuring The DTs, which is one of our favorite local bands and so did MOST of the Southside – Bob & Sherry from the Way Out Club were spotted among the crowd (it says something about a bar when other bar owners come here to hang out), Craig Daddy and his new wife were out, as was Dennis with his missus (Two out of Three Trip Daddys), and even Jamey Almond & his girl Lisa were also there. We had seen Jamey play last weekend opening for Jason & The Punknecks and the weekend before that at The Crack Fox. It’s always good to see him just hanging out so we can get a chance to catch up ...come to think of it, almost everyone there was in a band, and they all came out to support their friends. For our part, Lupe Flores is our new favorite drummer, and the DT’s have two female vocalists who coordinate their outfits and sing the most outrageous dirty songs, looking as innocent as schoolgirls while belting out lyrics like “I Wanna F*ck You Raw” – love it... got to hear to that one TWICE. We had a really good time, and one of my coworkers met us out and then one of her friends showed up – they are now new fans of both this bar and the bands who played that night.

Much to my surprise and utter delight, an impromptu reunion of sorts, Craig, Dennis & Jamey played a few Trip Daddys songs, too. I never thought I’d ever see THIS lineup again. I am one happy camper...more than likely won’t ever happen again. A Once In A Blue Moon kinda thing, I imagine.

At the end of the show, Bob came by and introduced himself. Throughout the night he’d stop by our table to make sure we were well taken care of, telling us his story and the bars. He’s a Vietnam veteran who survived a house fire and just about lost it all – but with a vision of owning a bar with a Key West theme, inspired by Jimmy Buffet, he’s gotten his life back. We will definitely become Repeat Offenders to Colorado Bob’s even though it’s waay, waay far away from our house, but at least it’s not far from The Silver Ballroom on Morganford Rd. See You On The Scene Somewhere, Soon...

3457 MoFo Rd in St Louis

Photo by Rabid Rabbit

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Skampida Friday Sept 2 @ Tony V's in Everett, WA` UPCOMING SHOWS Sat, September 17th Portland, OR Tonic Lounge Sat, October 1st Seattle, WA Bogart's Airport Way Fri, October 14th Seattle, WA The Shanty Tavern

photos by Mike Emigh

Local Chaos Presents Skampida September 3rd @ the 2 Bit in Seattle Hometown: Bogotรก- Colombia, CO Genres: Alternative / Psyco'roots- Klesmer'house- Power'skaRagga'punk- / ChampetaReggae Members: David Mujica (Dub Id) Bass-Vocals Juan Gonzalez (Tobon) Guitar Pedro Vega Sax- Camilo Morales (Carela) Tmpet- Joaco Galeano tbone- Juan Escovar Drums www.facebook.com/SKAMPIDA www.reverbnation.com/skampidafastidia

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myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Skin Deep with Stu Photography by LB Photography (LBfoto1@yahoo.com)

L

et me start by saying that the purpose of this monthly column is to offer information and a personal view on matters involving body piercing and modification and is in no way meant to put myself above any other artist in the industry. Secondly, if you have a horror story and choose to share it with us, DO NOT give the name of the artist involved as I will just omit it anyway. There are many artists in the St. Louis and surrounding areas who deserve nothing but the utmost respect from myself and supporters of our shared profession. If you have a question about piercing/modification, a story, or just a desire to better understand the culture and would like that answered, please send them to: Stu@StuModifies.com.

Lo St

, uis

MO

Yo Stu! I got my bellybutton done years ago and had to take it out when I had my baby. When I went and got it done again the dude said to use sea salt, but I swear they said soap the first time. What’s up? Which ones better?

-Sherri Hey Sherri, Your correct, piercers had been suggesting mild antibacterial soap for a time and many still do. I myself was taught to suggest soaps when I first started piercing and shifted, overtime, to suggesting saline solutions. I have had quite a few return clients call me out on it, lol. The important thing to remember is that body piercers and tattoo artists are filed as “Practitioners”. This implies to the public that we are always evolving our trade to make it safer and produce more effective results.

The Soap vs Saline battle is an example of that evolution. In my opinion Saline is the most effective aftercare product, however many professionals disagree so this article will be written as my personal opinion as all of my articles are intended to be presented.

I do not recommend prolonged exposure to soap at any time during the life of the piercing. The reason for this is that I believe soaps to be harsh on the skin and, in my experience, cause a lot of abscessed piercings.

Some of the issues I have had with clients using soaps are as follows: • Client does not effectively wash away all of the soap residue causing a block in the piercings ability to “breathe” which causes abscess.

• Client’s skin is sensitive and is aggravated by soap causing abscess or bleeding due to over drying of the tissue.

• Client misunderstands the type of soap suggested and uses a hand soap with lotion that gums up the natural body serums and causes abscess.

• Client uses a bar soap that will carry bacteria and cause infection.

Just to be clear before we move on... I am not saying that it is impossible to heal with soap. All that I am suggesting is that I personally have been able to improve my results by suggesting Saline over Soap, so that’s what I stick with.

Some benefits to saline include: • Convenient and easy to use pressurized cans that help the client to keep up with the aftercare regiment are readily available and affordable.

• No long excessive rinsing and rubbing is needed which means less irritation put on the tissue during cleanings.

• Saline is soft on the skin and also is a light natural anti-inflammatory which helps the superficial tissue to heal more quickly.

• Saline soaks can help to break down abscesses.

• Some studies have shown that Saline actually helps to decrease scar tissue during healing.

• Saline is natural with no chemical additives.

It’s true in all honesty that you can produce a smooth healing from either method and that many practitioners still suggest soap and that many of us that suggest saline now did in fact suggest soap at one point in time.

It’s simply that, in my opinion and experience, saline has produced better and faster results. So that is, again, what I go with.

One more thing I wanna discuss is the proper Saline usage and mixture. You can in fact mix your own Saline with distilled water and *NON-IODIZED SEA SALT*. This can be annoying and messy and does take some amount of trial and error so it’s not usually what I would suggest to the average person. For the record though I mix my own and what works for me is mixing a clear solution that, when poured into a separate container and tasted, tastes like sea water. The above process also takes a certain level of decontamination and sterilization knowledge along with understanding of proper storage. I suggest purchasing a sterile saline wound wash as it is easier to use and store and does not require a bunch of self study before you can even get to cleaning your piercing.

When purchasing a saline, you want to make sure that you are getting the right stuff. Plenty of Saline based products are available but are not necessarily correct to use. Contact and Nasal Sprays/Solutions often contain buffers that act as preservatives or lubricants and these can be hard on tissue or cause abscess. The best way to select a Saline is by reading the ingredients. There should only be 2% water & 0.9% Sodium-Chloride. That is the same mixture used to dilute medicine and when the solution is processed and packaged in sterilized conditions, it is also known as “Inject-able Water”. Just a little fun fact for ya :) Cleaning the area with Saline is very simple: 1) Apply Saline to a clean piece of towel or gauze. 2) Wipe softly at the edges of the piercing to remove all debris.

3) Wipe softly with a clean and dry piece of towel or gauze to remove excess saline.

Saline Soaks can also be done to break up thick crust and debris that may be present on the jewelry: • Soak a clean piece of towel or gauze in the Solution • Apply directly to the area and hold for 3 minutes. No More, No Less • Wipe softly with a clean and dry piece of towel or gauze to remove excess saline As I mentioned before this is also what I suggest for people with abscessed piercings.

So that’s it! Those were some of the considerations I took when I decided to make the switch. Granted there are many more things I could have discussed, but it probably would have made for a pretty boring article.

So there’s some truth about writing, I guess hahaha.

Thanks for the question.

Stu

All questions will be answered by email or by a request for you to call me directly and may be in the next issue of the St. Louis Sinner! Thanks for reading! Stu (Myspace.com/StuModifies - Facbook.com/StuModifies) - Stu@StuModifies.com

23

The Sinful Photography Of

Al Nichols

Having to pick one shot for the cover from so many amazing photographers was a grueling challenge, but in the end there can be only one, and that one was Al Nichols. Al captured the winner of the contest, Megan ‘Mae’ Newman, with an angle that just seemed a bit sharper than the rest of the photographers competing. But what surprised me more about his work was his stunning portfolio, which is featured here. With my jaw-dropped, I asked him about his photography, the challenge of the competition, and the cover....

Tell me a bit about how you got involved in photography?

I began to seriously get into photography while I was a freshman in college at the University of Arkansas. The intro to photography class was a mandatory course for fine art majors, so I decided to sign up and get it out of the way my first year. After taking that first shot and seeing the result, I was hooked and haven’t stopped since.

By the time I graduated, I had just as many hours in photography as I had in my major which was graphic design.

What type/brand of camera do you prefer to shoot with, and why?

I currently shoot with a Canon 7D. The image quality and camera setup are top notch. Not to mention very user friendly and great customer service. I have had nothing but success with the Canon brand.

anticipated, all crowded around in front of the stage.

Trying to get the money shot without having other photogs in your view was pretty nerve racking. You also had to consider the paying crowd seated behind you, so standing was not always an option. It was complete madness as you only had a few minutes per performer to get just the right shot.

What about the cover images, did you perform any photoshop or effects to enhance the shots?

Actually I didn’t do too much to the images at all. There were some minor color adjustments to the brightness and saturation, but I was very pleased with how they turned out. I try not to do too much photoshopping to my images unless absolutely necessary. Upon arrival I spent a lot of time (pre-contest) adjusting my camera and lights.

Of course that all went out the window once the show started.

Which photos of that night were your personal favorites?

All of the images were very nicely done. There were lots of talented photographers there that night. It’s fun to see the same subject from different points of view. It’s amazing how we can all shoot the same thing, yet have them look very different.

Last, where can readers find more info on you and your work?

You can see more of my work at www.altonnichols.com

Some photographers have a speciality (portraits, pinups, photoshop technique), what about you?

I love b+w artistic nudes. The female form is pure beauty that comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. I feel most creative when working with a model while expressing a specific idea or concept. I love the challenge of creatively manipulating the light, shadow, form and tone of an image.

How difficult was it shooting the Pin-Up Competition last month, such as angles and fighting for a spot?

I must admit this was probably one of the more difficult shoots I have ever done. I’ve been in similar situations before, but this was a real challenge. The venue was awesome, but the lighting was very dim in many areas. There were more photographers there than I 24

myspace.com/stlouissinner - myspace.com/seattlesinner

Runner-Up St Louis’ 2011 Pin-Up Girl Rosie the Riveting

Studio 47 Photography

St. Louis’ 2011 Pin-Up Girl of the year Competition O

n August 11th St. Louis photographers and pin-up models converged upon The Way Out Club for St. Louis’ Pin-Up Girl Of The Year Competition, organized and hosted by Teya King. This was a first of a kind for Teya, even though her group has held several other Pin-Up style shoots in the past, including ones for Nerds and Goths.

What separated this Pin-Up Competition from her group’s other shoots, though, was the fact that this one will grow into an international competition. Currently they’re booking venues across the U.S. for the “Great American Pin-Up Competition”, mainly in college towns, Teya says, “where there is an unlimited amount of lovely ladies who are eager to compete.”

And“The Great Canadian” version is due to tour Canada early next year, kicking off in Red Deer Alberta, “a happenin’ town with a lot of great venues”, she adds.

Bursting lights repeatedly blinded models, of all sizes and fashion, through out the night while each mused the crowd with three minute sets of numerous poses. Teya explained that originally they had eight or so different categories which ranged from “petite to buxom and everything in-between”, but that they became “uncomfortable having gals judged on beauty or body type”, so they ditched that idea. The final call was giving the six judges very clear instructions that they could only vote on each gal’s costume and theme, incorporation of props and backdrop (if any) with her poses, hair and makeup in respect to ‘classic’ pin-up style, stage presence and smile, the number of ‘calendar-ready’ poses each could strike in 3 minutes, one final competition pose, and the audience’s response. Teya was hoping to draw gals of all sizes, shapes and ages, “And we did! And they ALL rocked!”

A Pin-Up competition might sound like a lot of sinful pleasure, and that it was for the many spectators attending, but for the 16 photographers and 8 models competing, it was a grueling rivalry. And when the flashes ended and red eyes finally readjusted to the house lights, the competition became one that ended in a devastating tie betwen Mae and Rosie, which had to be decided by three alternate judges. Still sound like fun?

With that much shameful entertainment produced in one night, I asked Teya what her and her girlfriend had up their sleeves for the future? “We are in the process of lining up venues for the Saint Louis Gay Pin-Up Gal/Guy of the Year Competition. It’s going to be so much fun! And the categories - ‘Queens,’ ‘Kings,’ ‘Lipstick,’ ‘Butch,’ ‘Androgynous,’ etc....! Yeah...it makes me smile just thinking about it. (Sponsors: hit me up!)”

To follow this competition online or to check for upcoming events, search Teya’s site, www.bootysculpting. com for more info.

Bryan Krueger Photography

eva

The Surly Gourmand Devouring Slices of Misery so You Don’t Have To

2227 N. 56th St. For reservations call 206-633-3538

A

coupon purchased via the online sales boutique Rue La La prompted us to dine at Eva Restaurant. I’ve gotten quite a few deals through Rue La La and its lower-class brethren, Groupon and Yelp Deals, but every time I purchase something from them I feel like I just convinced a retard to give me his credit card number. From what I’ve heard, Groupon et al cut into a restaurant’s already razor-thin profit margins, alienate regular customers, and bring in hordes of mouth-breathing rubes who sweat while they eat and leave a twenty-five cent tip. It’s the restaurant equivalent of selling plasma. Still, no one twisted Eva’s arm to sign up with Rue La La so, enticed by the prospect of $50 worth of food for only $25, we headed out to Eva. We started with duck liver mousse ($9). This price got us a ramekin of silky pink mousse, heady and masculine yet deceptively light on its feet, which broke into my mouth and stole my tastebuds like a cat burglar liberating jewels from a museum.

This mousse was capped with a gleaming, bone-white slab of rendered duck fat. Accompanying the mousse were spicy pickled shallots, a blood-red pool of cherry chutney, and three crackers.

This dish tasted exactly like Christmas. If they could have somehow incorporated peppermint and the smell of a brand new Legend of Zelda NES cartridge, it would’ve really taken me back.

My only complaint with this dish was the dearth of stuff to spread the mousse onto: three fucking crackers just wasn’t enough.

True, that mousse was so good that when I ran out of crackers, I would’ve licked it off of a gorilla’s hairy nutsack, but the zoo was closed for the night so that wasn’t an option. Instead, I strategically ordered some bread and butter, which Eva sadly charges $3 for. So the net price of that duck liver mousse rose to $12 but it was totally worth it.

Next up was the Grilled Long Pepper Wild Gulf Prawns with a Salad of Cucumber, Cress, & Cilantro in a Ginger–Lime Vinaigrette with Toasted Coconut ($14). I’m just going to be honest with you guys: I totally cut-andpasted the name of this salad because it was way too fucking long to type. Sorry, I’m fucking tired after fisting your mom. Plus, the giant priapic salad name really pads my word count. Luckily this salad was as delicious as its name is long: just like my cock! Hidden within a neat bale of watercress were cucumber slices and juicy grilled shrimp, with golden shavings of toasted coconut. The dressing was tart but not overwhelming, and there was just enough cilantro to brighten the flavor without making it taste like tacos made by whitey. Seriously, cilantro is walking on thin ice. Every so often ingredients are so trendy and overused, they become cliché, like the cheap shorthand that Hollywood always uses in romantic comedies: bacon, for instance, and truffle oil are the high-powered executives of the ingredient world, too busy to care for their attention-starved son. But Eva managed to avoid the clichés: the grilled whatever salad was tasty, perfectly balanced, and unrepentantly spicy. Awesome.

The Grilled Northwest Beef ‘Petit Tender’ Steak* with a Sauté of Roasted Potato, Red Onion, and Summer Vegetables & a Feta, Smoked Paprika and Almond Saltsa ($21) was, once again, an unnecessarily descriptive name for a very good plate of food. Unfortunately, the name of this dish sounds like the dialogue from a Samuel Beckett play. Why is there an asterisk? What the fuck is “petit tender” steak? Actually, I know the answer to the latter: “petit tender” is a particular muscle from the cow’s shoulder, which is normally part of the chuck roast. But enterprising butchers these days have begun surgically dissecting cows and pigs in order to be able to profit on meat that used to end up in hamburgers, which is why people now pay good money for hanger steaks and flatiron steaks and now, apparently, petit tender steaks.

At any rate, the petit tender steak was fucking delicious. As befits a slice of chuck roast, this steak was very beefy like an evening spent at the fire department. You can keep your timid, Brooks Brothers-wearing filet mignon; give me a steak that drinks whiskey and loves to fuck. This blue-collar steak was sliced on the biased into three medallions, grilled to a sensible medium, and served with roasted potatoes, green beans, carrots, and grilled red onions. The potatoes had a salty brown crust, which parted to reveal creamy ivory flesh. The carrots and green beans were crisp and brilliant and eating these made me feel optimistic like I’d just been handed a stack of $100 bills. And the sauce: holy FUCK. Painted on the bottom of the plate was a crimson layer of romesco sauce. For some reason the menu calls this “paprika and almond saltsa” but guess what? That’s what romesco IS. It’s like having a glass of water on the menu and calling it “a silica container filled with an artisanal mixture of hydrogen and oxygen (plus impurities).” At any rate, the romesco was burly and grainy and sweet and smoky and spicy. If bricks were edible, romesco sauce is what they’d taste like.

Dessert was okay. My policy is to always get anything on the menu named after the restaurant itself, because that’s probably a signature dish. So we went with the Eva Trio. $8 got us a small bowl of a delicate honey ice cream, a peach cobbler with a couple miniature cinnamon rolls on top, and a peach and blueberry shortcake that tasted like a biscuit with fruit on it. The ice cream was easily the best of these, though the cobbler was also juicy and sweet. The shortcake was just too fucking dry: eating shortcake with no whipped cream is like fucking a belt sander.

Eva is great. The menu is thoughtfully composed, and the flavors are balanced and nuanced, yet still bold enough to be exciting. This is mature cooking. Don’t wait for another Rue La La deal to entice you to eat at Eva. Go there right fucking NOW, you assholes.

Rating: 8.5

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A Clean Plate and a Clean Conscience: are at

Fresh Local F

Words and Pictures by Emily Eufinger Inconspicuously tucked away in the St. Louis Hills neighborhood, FarmHaus presents a modest, unassuming front to the small street where it is located: a squat, brown brick building tightly nestled in a row of several others; quite nondescript from the outside.

Inside the atmosphere is both casual and refined; the wait staff positions thick sheets of torn brown paper atop white linen table cloths—elegance underneath practicality. The small dining room and even smaller bar area are cozy and minimalist at the same time, without appearing either confined or bare.

The menu reflects this sensibility, using fresh, high-quality local ingredients without dressing them up too much. The ingredients are allowed to stand on their own, and taste like themselves. Patrons will get pork that tastes like pork, not unidentifiable meat substance

daily based on seasons, availability, and the inspiration of Chef Kevin Willmann.

Willmann, of both Lucas Park Grille and Mosaic fame, orchestrates a bill of fare not easily

forgotten. The dishes are meant to be shared; they come out of the kitchen as soon as they are ready, rather than all at once. Thus, the plate of local artisanal cheeses ($13) arrives first. The saltiness of the cheese is expertly paired with honey, a balsamic glaze, summer sausage, peaches, and delectable tomato chutney that hit the taste buds in a succession of sweetspicy-vinegary.

Local veggies simply dressed with

doused in calorie-rich sauce to mask the stench of low-grade flesh.

Restaurant goers will get tomatoes that not only taste like tomatoes, but taste the way a tomato should, not like the flavorless idea-of-a-tomato that fast-food joints unceremoniously slap on their sandwiches, or the ones miraculously found at corporate-run grocery stores out of season. This is the kind of food people should eat; the kind of food people did eat, before everything started coming in a box or a can.

Furthermore, the ingredients do not have far to travel before they find themselves on a plate at FarmHaus, nor do they languish in frozen purgatory before being thawed out and flash fried to a greasy grey abscess. FarmHaus partners with local farms, bakers, cheese makers, and coffee roasters to compose a menu that changes almost

sweet Moscato vinaigrette appear tableside in a mason jar, to be dumped onto a plate and served with a large crisp lavash ($11). Firm-fleshed escolar dissolves into buttery velvet sweetness, the accompanying prawns simply prepared and brimming with the flavor of the sea from head to tail ($18). Tripe-laden country sausage and succulent pork belly rounded out the all-toofleeting breakfast plate ($15).

Playful candied pecans adorned a moist and saccharine pecan cake, which didn’t come off as cloying until the much more savory peach crostata showed up to complete the meal ($8/ea).

After a meal of luscious local fare complemented by a healthy wine list, eaters can leave with a satisfied stomach as well as peace of mind. There’s nothing on the menu to weigh on the hips, or the conscience.

For more information, please visit www. farmhausrestaurant.com.

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LE

O

SERIAL KILLER HORrOrSCOPE

My passionate Leo, we’re all familiar with your exceptional qualities. Your the king of the jungle, whether it be grass beneath your paws or pavement. Your spirit brightens the darkest of rooms and souls, regardless of intent. Children adore you, as you’re no more than a child yourself at heart.

With all your strength and greatness it’s only fitting that your sign is the sun. We all know that, my troubled Leo. It’s what those closest to you don’t know about you that worries me.

Of course, nothing is ever as it quite seems, and your fortune this month shall bare no exception to the rule. While you enjoy throwing yourself into the center ring, the main stage of life for all to enjoy, there is a darker side to you deeply hidden beneath all the smiles and laughs. So deep, that your past is hard to read. The pain you hide is my first concern. I can’t put a finger on it, but I feel you live a past tragedy over and over again, one that caused harm to a loved one, maybe even death.

As I dig through your soul I see a much younger you, fighting with your wife, shaking your young child relentlessly. I feel that you may have even been incarcerated for this incident. Perhaps this is the root of your pain.

Yes, I believe that’s part of it. But there’s something far graver that torments you. Your demon is resentment. You blame your wife for this past sin, as you did thirty years ago. Understand that it wasn’t the jurors fault for letting her ride and holding you accountable. That was society making the male pay for the crime. Someone had to. But then she left you there to rot in Hell for ten years. Your resentment is understandable, as is your anger. Let it go Leo, or suffer another demon’s bite.

I understand your distaste for women after what you went through. Many men have lived the same tale and suffered the same torture, but this isn’t about them. This is about you. You have became a loner at a dead end job as a county clerk. This is no place for a lion, not even one that’s maimed. Perhaps you’re putting too much time into that book you’ve been working on. And being a volunteer for the county carpool program may suppress your devilish wishes, but it’s not enough to keep you from doing the unimaginable, or imaginable for you.

Your thinking of killing. But know that killing innocent women will not bring back your child, nor your wife. Nor will it make all better and well. And if you think cutting a woman into parts for the special “meat” in your chili for the upcoming County Chili Cookoff will end your madness, your dead wrong. I know you want to feel like the lion again, but being daring enough to deliver supplies to the serial killer task hunting for you will not make your mane shine again either. All these paths will only take you to death row, as it did William Suff in 1995, another infamous Leo serial killer.

So my troubled Leo, seek professional help, find a friend, pick up a hobby, go on a safari to Africa and run with the lions. I promise, you would rather die a lion’s fate in the jungle than a serial killers in Texas.

Disclaimer: For all you crazy, fucking weirdos out there, this horrorscope is for entertainment purposes only.

It does not in any shape or form depict any real characters or situations in your near future. So please don’t kill anyone. Killings bad, MmmKay?

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Bitching with Buddha Lu c i fe r

The Mt PleasantMothman: Prophecy or Farce written by Creepy Carl

Dear, Oh Most Wicked One, I saw on the Internet that they’re talking about cutting funding to the National Weather Service (or was it the Department of Weather). It reminds me of those Libertarians who use to talk about cutting down government to the bone. We have those satellites in orbit watching for hurricanes and storms and such. I’m not so fond of government, mind you, but I am a bit uneasy about this. I want smaller government but why can’t they cut down something like the IRS? ~ Conscientious Objector Well CO, The world is a funny place. I really can’t stop laughing some times, no really. Here you are going through all these weird climate changes, perhaps you notice it was hotter than Hell for most of the summer, and colder than a witch’s tit most of the winter and some of you are questioning the value of the National Weather Service? Crazy.

But hey, I can totally get on board with this. Cut right down to the bone and keep sawing.

So let’s cut the Military to say, nothing. We’ll keep a purely voluntary force, which you sort of have now except this new volunteer army won’t get paid anything. I mean, it’s a volunteer army. Maybe we can give them discount coupons for Best Buy or something. The first benefit, right off the bat, you’ll be a nation at peace.

You know what, CO, if you legalize everything you won’t need so many prisons, or courts, or cops. Wouldn’t that be a party. Why are there so many rules regulating what an adult can and can not do? It’s like your government doesn’t trust you.

That’s the real problem, right there, trust. Who do you trust? The Far Right or the Far Left, it doesn’t matter because in a world controlled by either one there will be no room for strippers, gambling, alcohol, pot, or hookers. It is the goal of either party to “save” you from yourself. Sucks, doesn’t it?

As for cutting back to the bone, that has its appeal. Regulation is supposed to protect the citizens from the greedy and dishonest, but who protects the citizens from the regulators? But think about this, “wealth redistribution”. When a state builds a highway to nowhere, it does so with a federal grant which is used to hire local contractors and local laborers. Their pay checks infuses new cash into that local economy as the laborers spend their money on beer, food and whores. We could just cut to the chase and pay them “unemployment” or worst...“welfare”.

Kind of what is happening now. You could just let them starve but then the crime rate will go up and you’ll need to hire more cops and build more prisons. Sucks, doesn’t it? ~ The Prince of Darkness and Most Fun Loving, Lucifer

If you want to talk to God, see a psychiatrist, or email: god@theseattlesinner.com. To intercourse with the dark lord Lucifer, drink a bottle of Everclear, or email: lucifer@theseattlesinner.com.

There are many tales in American folklore of survivors escaping eminent doom from ghosts and goblins and creatures of all sorts, where they run for cover, leap in their vehicle, lock their doors, and punch the gas pedal to later share their heroic story with friends, strangers and media. After researching The Mothman of Point Pleasant, West Virginia for too many hours I found myself questioning whether or not over a hundred people could confuse a creature of six-plus feet, with a wing-span of over ten feet and glowing red eyes with that of “pranks, misidentified planes, or sightings of a barn owl, an albino owl, or perhaps a large snowy owl”, as suggested by skeptic Joe Nickell.

Some skeptics have even said that these “eye-witnesses” confused their account with that of a Sandhill Crane. I don’t know, but with that much eyewitness testimony, could the Mothman really be an alien, an angel, a demon, or even the curse of an assassinated Native American Chief, the legendary Cornstalk, as many Point Pleasant residents suggest?

The theories of the Mothman are as numerous as the feathers of a large snowy owl. Some believe, even though it was left out of the popular 90’s movie, The Mothman Prophecies, that the misfortunes of Point Pleasant are related to the assassination of the famous Shawnee Chief Cornstalk in 1777 when he made a diplomatic visit to Fort Randolph (an American Revolutionary War fort that was once located at present-day Point Pleasant) on behalf of his people. Cornstalk was gunned down, along side his son Elinipsico, and two other Shawnees after word that an American militiaman from the fort was killed nearby by “unknown Indians”.

Allegedly, his last breath was a curse among the residents of Point Pleasant and all their ancestors to come, establishing a gridline for the numerous catastrophes that has plagued the town since, including the Mothman tales of 1966-1967. Of course, I’m sure Joe Nickell would question why it took almost two-hundred years for Chief Cornstalk to return from the afterlife and torment the residents of point Pleasant.

Maybe it wasn’t the curse of Chief Cornstalk. Maybe it was an alien chasing Roger and Linda Scarberry, and Steve and Mary Mallette on Nov. 15, 1966 as they left an area of Point Pleasant known as ‘TNT’, the site of a former World War II munitions plant. The couples described it as a “flying man with ten foot wings” following their car, not a crane or snowy owl or a couple of helium balloons with red flashlights attached to them by prankster construction workers. A few days later two volunteer firemen reported a “large bird with red eyes” haunting them, although Sheriff George Johnson believed the sightings were due to an unusually large heron locally termed a “shitepoke”. And then there was contractor Newell Partridge who told Sheriff Johnson that when he aimed a flashlight at a similar creature in a nearby field that its eyes glowed “like bicycle reflectors”. Partridge also associated buzzing noises from his television set and the disappearance of his German Shepherd, Bandit, with this red-eyed creature.

Interestingly enough, there were no more reports of the Mothman after the Dec. 15, 1967 collapse of the Silver Bridge, leading to the death of 46 people, as in the 90’s movie. Believers of the Mothman say that the mysterious men in black suits present in Point Pleasant are the most important piece of the puzzle left out of the movie. Wikipedia states that “The MIB were thought to be one of two things by the majority of the people who experienced them in the Point Pleasant, WV area. Some thought them to be a sort of alien life form from another planet or astral plane and some thought them to be from the government, the U.S. government and/ or from another country.” The Men In Black were reported to have been on, or seen around, the bridge before it collapsed in 1967, too. And the common phrase associated with the MIB, at least by residents who reported abuse and harassment by them, was, “You didn’t see anything. Do you understand?”

Maybe the Mothman was an alien, or a demon, or an angel, or a curse set in place by a dying Native American chief – maybe it was the government pulling a 9/11 style event to see how residents would respond.

Maybe it was short-lived hallucinations caused by the chemical spill at the prior ammunitions dump,‘TNT”, that caused hundreds of people to see a glowing red-eyed creature chasing them down the dirt roads and abducting their pets. Then again, as the Mothman disappeared, so did the “men in black”. And that alone should raise a few questions as to whether it was a creature or a snowy owl or government involvement.

Regardless of what the Mothman was or wasn’t, it makes one hell of a campfire tale, and even more so if you hike up to Point Pleasant, West Virginia this September and go camping... all I can say is take a camera, leave your pets at home, and be weary of men dressed in black suits.

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Think Outside The Cage with Kendra Holliday of The Beautiful Kind

How Do We Talk Dirty?

Dear Kendra, My boyfriend and I love talking dirty, but we seem to get stuck with the same old phrases, with me repeating the lines: “fuck me in my ass”, “please cum on my face”, “call me a slut” etc., and him: “God you have the tightest ass” ,”I love sticking my dick between your nice tits” and so on. Where does one go from here? How much dirtier can we get without entering into creepy territory? ~Tongue Tied Dear Tongue Tied, Um, what’s wrong with creepy? And what is creepy anyway? For instance, is it creepy if, when your guy is blowing his load in your mouth, he growls, “SLUT....FUCKING SLUT”?

Sounds like you are down with that.

You just need to be creative. Start adding new elements into your routine. Let your imagination and fantasies take over. How about a little role playing? Pretend he is a peasant seducing the Queen, or he’s a dirty cop who pulled you over. Or introduce an imaginary third. Tell him you wish your hot friend was sitting on his face as you ride his dick. Whisper what you would do with her to him...

If your partner is a good sport, the element of surprise can be great. For instance, call your partner by another name. I’m serious! If your partner knows you have a thing for Maggie Gyllenhaal, all of sudden while she’s blowing you start calling her Maggie - “Maggie you’re such a good little tease - it’s about time you started sucking dick. Keep that up and I’ll give you a spanking you’ll never forget.”

I also like being told that I’m a “good girl” during sex. I think it has to be at least slightly twisted in order to induce that delicious rush when things get taken up a notch.

Whatever you do, don’t start quoting lines from porn. Despite the obligatory disclaimer displayed at the beginning, porn is for entertainment, and can result in miseducation.

How Do You Drop the Pervy Bombshell?

I’m a sociable, proud geek, but available geek women tend to be scarce, much less ones I’m interested in and who’d be interested in me. I have, to put it mildly, lived an odd life, and my only regrets have been the times where I was a wuss and held back.

The problem I’m facing now is that the lady I’ve got an eye on is the most outwardly normal white woman I’ve been attracted to. How can I tell her that I’m easily attracted to black women?

She will almost certainly notice before I tell her (a half-naked white hottie can walk by me and I’ll not even glance, but a black woman in a parka on a rainy day gets my head turning).

I don’t want her to get settled in before finding out all the “nasty” stuff that turns me on, and feel misled. ~ Chocolate Lover Dear Chocolate Lover, Your sexual history and fetishes are pretty much the reason why I published this letter. Sounds like you and I would get along famously.

I don’t see any way around it - you just need to be open and honest. Ideally you want a girlfriend who will point out a sexy black woman and nod your way with a gleam in her eye. It’s SOOO much more fun when it can be something personal that you share together. Reminds me of the time my Jewish girlfriend discovered her man’s huge Asian porn stash. At first she was troubled, but now she just finds it endearing.

So how do you approach it? I say early on. Ask her out, see if you guys hit it off for three or so dates, then start discussing where you see the relationship going. To broach the pervert business, take baby steps. Start off by joking about it. Or write it in an email. Or both of you can fill out my fetish checklist and then play show and tell. If your romantic interest is smart and geeky, that means she is curious and open to learning new things.

A wise professor taught me: “It’s better to regret the things you have done than the things you haven’t done.” These are great words to live by if you are presented with an opportunity to skinny dip with a hot chick or titty fuck with your friend’s cougar mom, but not so great when it comes to, say, murder.

love@thebeautifulkind.com www.thebeautifulkind.com

Got a sex, relationship, BDSM or fetish related question? Ask your local sexpert, Kendra Holliday, Writer & Editor of The Beautiful Kind, and Co-Founder of Sex Positive St. Louis.

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This, I Shamelessly Tell You The ‘I’m not a miss, I’m a mr.’, which restroom and other things column and a bit about the debt ceiling mess and finally moving

by Rajkhet Dirzhud-Rashid

I

North St Louis Mandina’s 1319 St Louis Ave Dutch Town Friendly’s 3503 Roger Pl South County Steel & Ink Studio 3561 Ritz Center MOFO The Silver Ballroom 4701 Mofo Rd at Itaska Tin Hat 3157 Mofo Rd South City Shameless Grounds 2650 Sidney The Heavy Anchor 5226 Gravois

Jefferson Ave Bistro 3701 S Jefferson Ave Cherokee District Apop Records 2831 Cherokee St Downtown Crack Fox 1114 Olive St Soulard Shanti Tavern 825 Allen DB’s Sportsbar 1615 S Broadway Laclede Landing Show Me’s 724 N 2nd St Big Daddy’s 118 Morgan St

Affton Bob’s Liquor 9347 Gravois Rd 10 Mile House 9420 Gravois Rd Overland Just Bill’s 2543 Woodson Rd Priscilla’s 10210 Page Ave Central West End 34 Club 34 N Euclid Tom’s Bar & Grill 20 S Euclid The Grove Just John’s 4112 Manchester Ave The Atomic Cowboy 4140 Manchester Ave

For a complete list of our distibution points, log on to www.facebook.com/saintlouissinner

t’s a lovely day outside and being Monkey Month (ah, the joys of being ‘betrothed’ to an astrologer), I’m impatient to get going, but there are things tossing about like a gory salad inside the old brain pan. So, on to it.

First, I’ve been continuing with the journey to further embracing my male self, ‘James’, the part of me that always felt like a ‘spy in the femme house’, when I stood in the line for the women’s restroom at events, or when I’m in the women’s locker room at my gym. Though, truth be told, now that I’ve started dressing more ‘boy’, I’m even more comfortable with my biologically given, female self. Just, I wish when I’m ‘dressed’ (like I was on a recent trip downtown), that people would stop insisting on calling me ‘miss’, or ‘ma’am’, particularly if I’m wearing my paint on mustache.

I think most people (even when it ISN’T Monkey Month), act like they’re in a race to the finish line, just glancing at the folks in their path, and being that our society tends to shorthand everything in this manner, most folks see a couple of telling features and declare to themselves ‘male’ or ‘female’. It’s silly, because someone wearing pants isn’t automatically a man nor is someone with multiple bracelets automatically a woman, but this is how we decide who or what people’s boxes are. You’re wearing a dress, so you’re a woman, you’re wearing facial hair, so you’re a man, unless you’re wearing bracelets and you have some bumps on your chest, then you’re female. Then I will call you ma’am and miss, no matter that you have a mustache and are wearing obvious male clothes. Yes, silly, and irritating, especially when you know that some of this ‘ma’am’ and ‘miss’ business is really Transphobia masking itself under ‘what’s normal’, or what’s conceived as ‘normal’.

This brings me to some good news. My transfer out of the ‘hell hole of broken and fucked up people’, that is the building where I live, has been approved. Hallefreakingleujah! I’ll no longer have to wonder if stalker number one or two (or lately three), is lurking downstairs to molest my person, or steal my undergarments when my back is turned, when I’m doing laundry. Hopefully I won’t meet similar jackasses in my new building, and I certainly hope to not have to meet ‘Miss I look like a piece of faded paper Transphobe chick’, or ‘Mr.’are you a girl? oh, hhuh, yeah you are’ Transphobe’ in my next building either. I sincerely hope my next neighors, even if they’re a bit damaged (comes with living in low income housing folks), aren’t downright malicious and dangerous, like the folks living in my current building are. Looking forward to that little dance in the street – even though it’ll be modified by my arthritic knee – that I promised myself when I moved out of ‘Little Purgatory’. Yay team.

In the mean time, I continue to forge ahead on the gender frontier, enjoying further the effect it’s having on my sweetie/slave (our sex life has entered a phase of joy and bliss that probably makes every angel in heaven cheer for us), and trying not to snarl (too much), when folks call me ‘miss’ and ‘ma’am’ when I think I’m totally ‘flashing boy’. I add more to my ‘boy wardrobe’, even starting to nurture the Gay boy (‘Paolo’ my sweetie and I named him, upon deciding that when I was last doing my honey’s hair, that I was her ‘Gay hairdresser’) who’s been dying to get out and dance (like I did recently, in the QFC, to Cindy Lauper’s ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’). My sweetie and I are determined a night out for her ‘girrl’ self and my ‘boi’ self is in order. Seattle, honey, get your ass ready!

Snap, snap, snap! Hey, at least this is better than wondering what evil plots some cabal of dark god worshipping politician/industrialists have in mind with this whole ‘new recession’ crap.

Me, I think it’s all a plan, and they just want to further take away our freedoms and put us under martial law and keep us all muddled, stupid and helpless. So, fight the freaking power in any way you can, by any means necessary!

This, I shamelessly tell you, darling babies!

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Seattle, WA