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Gung Hay Fat Choy! Happy New Year

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BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

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Professional Services

Should We Spend Millions to Rename SFO After Harvey Milk? ated with more than just sourdough and Summer of Love. There is benefit to our city’s image when someone traveling from China for a meeting in Silicon Valley has a boarding pass destination of San Francisco.

The Western View Joel P. Engardio Is it sacrilege for a gay person to question why we need to rename San Francisco International Airport after gay trailblazer and martyr Harvey Milk? Milk had the courage to run as an openly gay politician before it could be done, win on the fourth try and take a bullet that would compel future generations to break down the closet door. For that, it’s difficult as a gay man to object to putting Milk’s name on a great landmark. Yet I’m not convinced Milk needs his name on the airport—or even the Golden Gate Bridge— to keep his legacy alive. First, there are practical reasons for keeping San Francisco’s name on the Bay Area’s largest airport. Much of the high tech innovation that drives our economy and inf luences global trends actually happens closer to San Jose. To stay relevant, the San Francisco brand name needs to be associ-

We should also remember that past attempts to rename the airport have failed, even for Tom Lantos, the only Holocaust survivor to ever serve in Congress. Then there are San Francisco political giants like former mayor Willie Brown, Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Dianne Feinstein who are contenders for a monument to match their decades of service. Common sense says there are too many deserving names and only one San Francisco airport. Besides, “San Francisco” is already synonymous with everything Milk stood for. What concerns me most are the opportunity costs when our elected officials spend scarce time and resources on issues like renaming the airport. I believe focus is better spent on our $4 billion in unfunded retiree health care liability. Or figuring out how to fund and maintain our busses so they run on time. Changing the airport’s name will cost millions to create and market new signage. It will also require amending the city charter, which means putting yet another initiative on the ballot that adds to voter fatigue. We don’t need feel-good legislation that serves to raise a politician’s profile for higher office. Our supervisors should spend their political capital working on real problems that need fixing. Milk was only a supervisor for 10 months before he was shot and killed.

He wasn’t able to craft any laws to shape history. He wasn’t able to become a lion of any legislative body. That means his greatest legacy is the living, terrifying and liberating moment that every lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person faces when they heed Milk’s call to come out. “You must come out,” Milk said in a speech a few months before he died. “Come out to your parents. Come out to your friends. Come out to your fellow workers. Once and for all break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake, for their sake.” Milk said gay people would win their rights only after becoming visible. That’s why the oral tradition of coming out is Milk’s living monument. Voters wouldn’t have embraced samesex marriage for the first time last year and President Obama wouldn’t have supported it if enough people hadn’t followed Milk’s example. All the kitchen tables, employee cafeterias, family rooms, coffee shops and college dorms where a coming out conversation has happened deserve Milk’s name. These monuments are the places where a friend, co-worker or relative made the attitude-changing discover y that someone they know, respect and love is gay. These places matter more to Milk’s legacy than any airport could. In 2012, Engardio was the first openly gay candidate to run for District 7 supervisor on San Francisco’s historically conservative Westside. He serves on the board of directors for Plan C and the Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club. Follow his blog at www. engardio.com

HIV/AIDS News Awareness Day Inspires New Apps Duane Cramer, an acclaimed photographer and HIV advocate, today joins the national HIV education campaign I Design. Duane has partnered with Project Runway star Mondo Guerra, who served as the voice of the campaign in 2012, to help empower people living with HIV to work with their doctors and approach HIV treatment “through their own lens.” The I Design campaign traveled the United States in 2012, and is embarking on its second year on the road this National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, including the launch of interactive digital tools to help with HIV management. “As a person who has lived with HIV for a long time, I’ve learned that selfexpression is incredibly important, especially when it comes to working with my doctor on a treatment plan,” said Cramer. “I look forward to helping people living with HIV understand the importance of an open and ongoing dialogue with their healthcare provider to manage this chronic disease.”

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An internationally known photographer, Duane has lived with HIV for nearly two decades. He is also a passionate activist for HIV awareness and education, particularly for the African-American community, which is disproportionately affected by the disease. Since being diagnosed as HIV-positive, HIV has become his artistic lens, no matter the subject. Some of his most rewarding work, through his photography and his personal life, comes from bringing attention to African-Americans living with HIV. Duane lost his father

Joe J. Cramer, Jr., PhD, an accomplished academician, to the disease in 1986, and later created a panel for the AIDS Memorial Quilt in his honor with his mothers and sisters. He served as board member emeritus for the NAMES Project Foundation – AIDS Memorial Quilt. “Over the last year, I’ve been inspired by the many voices within the HIV community and want to continue reaching more people with the I Design message of work ing w ith your doctor in taking a tailored approach to your HIV treatment,” sa id Guer r a. “ T he ex per ience has been truly rewarding and I’m looking forward to working with Duane to continue sharing our mes-

Duane Cramer

sages about managing your HIV and the importance of patient-physician collaboration.” The “My Health Matters” and “My Positive Agenda” mobile and desktop apps – now available on w w w. Project I Desig n.com – include a symptom and medication tracker, which can create reports to make it easy to share information with your healthcare team.

N a t i o n a l B l a c k H I V/A I D S Awa reness Day wa s com memo rated to increase HI V awareness a nd a d v a nc e H I V pr e vent ion , t e s t i n g , a nd t r e a t me nt a mon g blacks in the United States. Accord i ng to t he Center s for Dis e a s e C o nt r o l a n d P r e v e nt i o n , African-Americans face the most severe burden of HI V compared to all racial/ethnic groups in the United States. Despite representi n g a p pr ox i m a t e l y 14 p e r c e nt of t he U. S. popu lat ion in 20 09, A f r i c a n - A m e r i c a n s a c c o u nt e d for nearly 45 percent of a l l new HI V infect ions in that year and account for a higher propor t ion of HIV infections at all stages of disease — from new infections to deaths.

Four Signs that Your Relationship Is in Trouble become dominated by these kinds of exchanges, the relationship is in serious trouble: 1. Criticism. People do complain in successful relationships. But a complaint only addresses the specif ic action that you don’t like, such as, “I don’t like it when you leave your shorts on the f loor.” Criticism adds blame and character assassination. Example: “You’re such a slob. You left your shorts on the floor again? Can’t you ever learn?”

Examined Life

2. Contempt. Behaviors like sneering, name-calling, eye rolling, mockery and hostile humor all convey contempt or disgust toward a partner. Of the four Horsemen, contempt is by far the most lethal to a relationship. When a couple has reached the stage of mutual contempt, the relationship is infected with a kind of cancer and is in serious trouble.

Tom Moon, MFT After watching a couple communicate with each other for just five minutes, psychologist John Gottman can predict, with 91 percent accuracy, whether they’ll break-up or stay together. (Take the Gottman quiz on page 12.) He learned to do this by observing many volunteer couples interacting during overnight stays in a specially equipped apartment in Seattle, watching them behind oneway mirrors, taping every interaction, and tracking signs of stress or relaxation with sensors. In analyzing the interactions, he identified four patterns of interaction that, if allowed to run rampant, were so lethal to a relationship, that he termed them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. When a couple’s communication has

3. Defensiveness. It’s natural to respond to criticism or contempt by defending yourself, but Gottman found that this natural response rarely has the desired effect. The partner doing the attacking usually doesn’t back down or apologize, because defensiveness is really a way of blaming the partner, of saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you. Defensiveness just escalates the conflict, which is why it’s so deadly to a relationship.

4. Stonewalling. This pattern usually arrives late in a relationship, after the first three Horseman have so infected the relationship with a sense of hopelessness that partners start tuning each other out. You come home, your partner starts in on you, and you walk out of the room. Or you stay, but you sit impassively and don’t respond, conveying the impression that you don’t care about what you’re hearing. Behind the mask of indifference, stonewallers are actually flooded with hurt, fear, and anger, but they wall themselves off because they feel that it’s too dangerous to show their vulnerability. Gottman found that undoing dangerous patterns isn’t about learning new “communication skills” or “resolving conflicts.” In successful relationships, many conf licts and differences are never resolved. What creates positive change is to stop focusing so much on the differences and work more on enhancing the strengths in the relationship. In his book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman offers tested techniques for helping troubled couples work at reviving and nurturing the fondness and respect that they originally felt for each other. Tom Moon is a psychotherapist in San Francisco. His website is tommoon.net.

FREE SEMINAR

Estate Planning Options for Unique Family Situations February 7, 6-7:30 p.m. Speaker: Deb Kinney, DLK Law Group Topics include tools to plan for beneficiaries who can’t manage finances due to youth, disabilities, addictions or other special needs. Learn estate planning options for blended families and extended family structures.

San Francisco LGBT Community Center 1800 Market Street Seminars are free, but reservations are required.

Inspiring LGBTQ Prof iles Kathleen Archambeau “I would say that poetry is the place we go to when we don’t have any more words.” (POETS. org) Richard Blanco Youngest and Only Immigrant Gay Inaugural Poet

Geysa Blanco never imagined her youngest son, Richard, who was born in Spain and raised in Miami of Cuban immigrant parents, would grow up to read a poem at a U.S. president’s inauguration. President Obama selected Richard Blanco, as reported in the New York Times, because his “deeply personal poems are rooted in the idea of what it means to be an American.” On January 21, 2013, this gay 44 yearold Cuban American took to the stage and captured the hearts of Americans with his poem, “One Today.” Its words included: “One sun rose on us

PHOTO: CN N SCREEN SHOT

Richard Blanco

today, kindled over our shores...One light, waking up rooftops, under each one, a story told by our silent gestures moving behind windows.” The dimpled poet went on: “My face, your face, millions of faces in morning’s mirrors.” He continued, “One ground. Our ground, rooting us to every stalk of corn, every head of wheat sown by sweat and hands…hands as worn as my father’s cutting sugarcane so my brother and I could have books and shoes.” Blanco is everyman. He grew up in an extended family of abuelos and abuelas, tias and tios. Fulfilling his immigrant parents’ dreams, he became a civil engineer. He still works on contract for the City of Miami as a professional engineer, though some call him the poet engineer. After living in Guatemala and Brazil, he settled with his partner of 12 years, Dr. Mark Neveu, in Bethel, Maine. The quiet of nature suits the writer’s life Blanco has developed in his three years of living in Maine. The award-winning poet has authored several collections, such as Looking for Gulf Motel (2012), Directions to the Beach of the Dead (2005) and City of a Hundred Fires (1998), paean to his parents’ birthplace in Cuba, Cienfuegos.

Blanco came to writing poetry late in life, writing “pretty bad poems,” at age 23 or 24. He lived the life of a straight man until age 25, navigating between Cuban and American culture, engineering and poetry. For this working class son of immigrants, writing was accessible. He explained, “You can pick up a piece of paper and a pen and write. You don’t have to go buy brushes and a can of paint to express your creativity.” Ironically, the first poem Blanco was asked to write in an MFA program was on the theme of “America,” in which he says, “By seven I had grown suspicious – we were still here. Overheard conversations about returning had grown wistful and less frequent. I spoke English; my parents didn’t.” Of his latest collection, Looking for the Gulf Motel (2012), Blanco sees the work as covering the “genealogy of the lost,” and affords him a chance to “explore how my family’s emotional legacy has shaped and continues to shape me.” His father’s death, the death of an entire generation and his mother’s exile, remind Blanco of “my own impermanence in the world and the permanence of loss.”

• See more News & Stories @ sfbaytimes.com • BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

National News Briefs compiled by Dennis McMillan

Gresham, OR - Oregon Bakery Says No to Same-sex Wedding Cake - 2.2 The Oregon Department of Justice is looking into a complaint that a Gresham bakery refused to make a wedding cake for a same-sex marriage. It started when a mother and daughter showed up at Sweet Cakes by Melissa looking for the perfect wedding cake. Owner Aaron Klein asked the bride and groom’s name. The girl giggled a little bit and said, “It’s two brides.” Klein told them he and his wife do not make cakes for same-sex marriages. Klein said the women were disgusted and walked out. “I believe that marriage is a religious institution ordained by God,” said Klein. “A man should leave his mother and father, and cling to his wife. That to me is the beginning of marriage.” At the advice of their attorney, the women are not speaking to the media, but they have plenty of support. Numerous people have blasted the Kleins on the Internet. What Klein wants to make clear is that he and his wife do not hate homosexuals. “They can buy my stuff,” said Klein. “I’ll sell them stuff. I’ll talk to them, it’s fine.” What is not fine, according to Klein, is a marriage between people of the same sex. “I’d rather have my kids see their dad stand up for what he believes in, than to see him bow down because one person complained.” Yes, so noble to stand up against human rights! ORS 659A.403 is the law in question. It prohibits discrimination in places of public accommodation. Klein and his wife have two weeks to respond to the Oregon Department of Justice’s inquiry into what happened.

Cheyenne, WY - Wyoming House Defeats Domestic Partnership Bill - 1.30 A bill that would have would have allowed same-sex couples in Wyoming to create domestic partnerships carrying most of the legal rights of marriage died on a close vote in the House of Representatives. Meanwhile, a bill that would prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is headed to the full Senate after having cleared the Senate Judiciary Committee. The House voted 35-24 against the domestic partnership bill. It was the first time at least in recent decades that pro-gay legislation reached a full floor debate. Proponents said the bill would grant same-sex couples as well as other citizens a way to share their property and make health care decisions for each other. Rep. Sue Wallis, R-Recluse, a co-sponsor of the bill, said she is a friend of an elderly gay couple, and the couple’s relationship enjoys no legal protection despite clear language in the state constitution that citizens should be treated equally. Opponents warned that the bill threatened to open the state to legal action seeking to force it to approve samesex marriage. Jason Marsden, director of the Denver-based Matthew Shepard Foundation, said the vote was disappointing. He said the bill had offered the Legislature a chance to sidestep the issues of religion, marriage and social tradition while still recognizing that there are thousands of gay people in the state. “These families are going to live and grow up and die in the absence of meaningful legal protection for their families,” Marsden said. Sen. Chris Rothfuss, D-Laramie, sponsored the anti-discrimination measure. Speaking after the committee vote, he said he believes there’s a decent chance of the bill moving forward. Source: billingsgazette.com

Source: king5.com

Lauderdale County, AL - Coach Suspended After Anti-Gay Rant - 2.4 The Lauderdale County High School football coach who was recorded making derogatory comments about gays and First Lady Michelle Obama has now been suspended.

Dallas, TX – Boy Scouts of America Postpones Decision on Gay Members – 2.6 The national executive board for the Boy Scouts of America decided this week to delay a vote on changes to the organization’s ban on LGBT scouts and leaders. Religious groups have been pressuring members to “discuss” the matter more, even though President Obama, other noted leaders and over one million people, via submitted signatures, support lifting the discriminatory ban. The decision is now delayed until the organization holds its annual meeting in May. A statement read, in part: “After careful consideration and extensive dialogue within the Scouting family, along with comments from those outside the organization, the volunteer officers of the Boy Scouts of America’s National Executive Board concluded that due to the complexity of this issue, the organization needs time for a more deliberate review of its membership policy.” Source: wsj.com

New Orleans, LA - 49ers Have Their Woes – 2.5 Super Bowl XLVII is now in the sports record book, with the 49ers losing to the Baltimore Ravens 34-31. Fallout from footballer Chris Culliver’s “I don’t do the gay guys” remarks (see page 10) continues, though. This week, the radio host who interviewed Culliver, Artie Lange, said he thinks the NFL needs a breakout star player to tear down the “gay barrier.” Lange told TMZ, “I think unfortunately what Culliver said reflects what 99 % of the league thinks. What’s gonna have to happen is a real star player ... a Jackie Robinson type ... a real star player is gonna have to come out WHILE HE’S PLAYING ... and other people will follow.” As for Culliver, Lange said, “I hope he learns from it,” meaning the controversy, which led to the 49ers sending Culliver off to sensitivity training. “And I hope I’m responsible for breaking the gay barrier in the NFL.” He might have to share that honor with former players like Wade Davis and Esera Tuaolo, who both came out after retiring from the NFL. Source: nfl.si.com

Bob Grisham, who is also a psychology and driver’s education teacher, was suspended for 10 days without pay. The Lauderdale County School Board met at 4pm Monday to discuss the matter. Grisham will have to attend mandatory sensitivity classes and meet with the assistant superintendent once a month. The board has also removed him from his 5th period psychology class, and he will be given a different assignment. Some people were pleased with the Board’s decision; others think the punishment should have been tougher. “I think it’s fair because I’m a big supporter of Mr. Grisham. I’ve known him for years,” said Lee Barclay. “He’s taught my children. My son played football under him. He’s a good Christian man; he just misspoke that day.” “I think he should be suspended more days than they gave him because we all have thoughts and thinking in our mind, but don’t say it out loud to kids,” said Christine Perkins. Grisham was recorded during an anti-gay rant last week. LGBTQ activists had called for his dismissal. Board members were unable to comment on the situation. However, they did release a statement saying they were disappointed in the actions and statements of Grisham. Say, when are homophobes going to learn to keep their bigoted opinions out of the public’s eyes and ears?! It always comes back to bite them in the butt, and then they just have to feign a half-assed apology. Source: WAFF.com

Local News Briefs Community Meeting Held at Eureka Valley Recreation Center Regarding Crime

New Research Reveals Paths to Implementing LGBTQ-Inclusive Lessons

In response to a recent uptick in crime in the Castro area, Supervisor Scott Wiener, Bevan Dufty, representatives from SFPD, and others were in attendance for a presentation followed by an opportunity for questions. Community co-sponsors for the event included the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence “Stop the Violence” program, Castro Community On Patrol, San Francisco SAFE, Castro/Upper Market Community Benefit District, Duboce Triangle Neighborhood Association, Castro/Eureka Valley Neighborhood Association and the Merchants of Upper Market and Castro.

A new report released in San Francisco by Gay-Straight Alliance Network examines the effectiveness of different approaches to implementing lessons that are inclusive of LGBTQ people. The findings illustrate the critical impact administrator support for LGBTQ-inclusive lessons can have, as well as the need to engage all stakeholders in the school community, from students to state education officials.

Discussed were quality of life issues involving bars, late-night parties and noise, alcohol- and drug-related problems, unsanitary conditions involving bodily fluids, etc. There are ongoing complaints of harassment and disturbances in Harvey Milk and Jane Warner Plazas. According to SFPD Captain Robert Moser (Mission Station precinct), the past two months of data in his precinct indicate that most incidents involving violence are bar-related. There have been disturbing reports of violent crimes - typically muggings that have turned violent - including an abduction and a pistol whipping that resulted in hospitalization due to skull fractures. Computer and smart phone thefts/robberies have been on the rise, particularly in cafes and on public transit. In cafes, according to surveillance footage, the perpetrators look “ordinary” and “average” - so make sure not to profile or stereotype anyone. There were reports of auto thefts. There were destructive intrusions where burglars target homes that have obscured or dark entryways with no iron gates. Concluded: There are simply not enough police officers at this time. This is due to the defunding of the Police Academy in San Francisco. Story by Dennis McMillan 8 BAY TIM ES F EBRUARY 7 , 2 0 1 3

“This new research underscores the importance of LGBTQ-inclusive lessons in keeping all students safe and connected to school,” said Carolyn Laub, Executive Director of GSA Network. “Further, this report builds on that research to outline clear paths for students, teachers, administrators, and policymakers to effectively advocate for lessons that are factual and relevant to all students.” Using a mix of quantitative and qualitative research, the report lifts up the experiences of students, documents various paths to implementation and their subsequent impact on student feelings of safety in three different schools, and examines lessons learned from earlier campaigns to implement ethnic studies curriculum. The report translates this research into an Implementation Action Guide that contains clear steps for state policymakers, state education administrators, local district officials, teachers, students and community members. The research primarily took place in California after the passage of the FAIR Education Act, which updated state education guidelines to end the exclusion of LGBTQ people and people with disabilities from social studies and history classes. Despite the law, there is significant work left before LGBTQ-inclusive lessons are a reality in every California school. The report outlines the path to implementation in California, as well as steps for advocates in other states to move toward LGBTQ-inclusive curriculum. Story by Dennis McMillan

BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

Response to 49er Chris Culliver’s Homophobic Remarks 2261 Market Street, No. 309 San Francisco CA 94114 Phone: 415-503-1375 525 Bellevue Avenue Oakland CA 94610 Phone: 510-846-8158 E-mail: editor@sfbaytimes.com www.sfbaytimes.com STAFF Dr. Betty L. Sullivan Jennifer L. Viegas

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John Chen John Chen is the founder and team caption of the San Francisco Bay Crash. He is also president of the Silicon Valley Flag Football Community Association. Culliver’s statements serve as a disappointing reminder that there is still a lot of work that needs to be done in eliminating homophobia and the climate where children are bullied for being differ-

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ent. We hope that Chris Culliver takes this experience as an opportunity to learn about the harmful impact that such words have on so many people. While it is unfortunate that one 49er player feels so strongly against gay people, San Francisco Bay (Gay) Football League very much appreciates the 49er organization for their continued outreach

Kim Corsaro Publisher 1981-2011

on the team. He replied, “We ain’t got no gay people on the team. They gotta get up out here if they do. Can’t be with that sweet stuff. ... Nah, can’t be ... in the locker room, man.” He also said, “I don’t do the gay guys. I don’t do that.” When then asked if a gay player should keep his sexual orientation a secret, Culliver agreed, stating that such individuals should only consider coming out a decade after retiring. In his words: “Gotta come out 10 years after that.” He later issued the following apology, via a statement released by the team.

and appreciation of LGBT 49er fans. We will continue to support and cheer on our beloved 49ers! ( Editor’s Note: During a Super Bowl media day interview, San Francisco 49er cornerback Chris Culliver was asked if there were any gay players

“The derogatory comments I made yesterday were a reflection of thoughts in my head, but they are not how I feel. It has taken me seeing them in print to realize that they are hurtful and ugly. Those discriminating feelings are truly not in my heart. Further, I apologize to those who I have hurt and offended, and I pledge to learn and grow from this experience.” Now that the Super Bowl is over, Culliver is to undergo sensitivity training and to work with The Trevor Project to learn about suicide prevention among LGBTQ youth.

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Current NFL athletes speaking out for gay rights include Jon Ryan, Seattle Seahawks; Brendan Ayanbadejo, Baltimore Ravens; and Chris Kluwe, Minnesota Vikings

Profiles of Courage and Compassion: Bob Michitarian on track for higher education and also kept him from exploring his sexual identify, which he hoped would just disappear as he worked his butt off. He became both high school class president and student body president.

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Don't Call It Frisco Stu Smith I first met Bob during Bevan Dufty’s campaign for mayor at the beginning of 2012. I immediately thought that he was going to be a shooting star in San Francisco political, cultural and social life, especially in our LGBT community. Bob radiates energy and honesty that is contagious. He is open-minded and willing to consider every viewpoint on any issue. He’s also very, very busy, but somehow finds time to be an angel of change for the better. The son of Mitch and Celeste, he grew up in Lake Tahoe where his dad drove a cab and his mom was a secretary. His dad was an Armenian immigrant who survived a Nazi Labor Camp in World War II. Mom was Mitch’s sweetheart from Colorado. School was an early passion and he excelled, working hard in the classroom and in the many jobs he had throughout his young academic life. Athletics were also important. Bob earned 8 varsity letters. This hectic and focused school schedule kept him

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He saved much of the money he earned for college and was named a U.S. Presidential Scholar, as well as the first person from his high school to be admitted to a top-ten college. Bob passed on an opportunity to be appointed to the Air Force Academy and instead chose Stanford. In his sophomore year, he started his process of coming out, which was aided when he was caught in a rip tide and saved by a lifeguard he found really hot. As an undergrad, he became the first openly gay editor-in-chief of The Stanford Daily student newspaper, studied ar ms cont rol and inter nat iona l relations, and was on Stanford’s Axe Committee. The opportunit y to advance gay rights became high on his radar and Bob became a regular LGBT speaker in classes, dorms, and fraternities. After success and a whetted appetite for political action, he went to law school at the University of Virginia, where he again worked his way through. While in DC, Bob was in a life-threatening accident when a truck that was f leeing police hit him. He spent 2 days in a coma and several months recovering. At Virginia, he was an editor of The Virginia Law Review and was the chairman of its first-ever symposium on LGBT rights. He volunteered with the ACLU, was a leader in the LGBT student group and advocated success-

fully for LGBT rights wherever he found himself. After law school, Bob moved to New York to live with his then-boyfriend near NYU. He accepted a job with legal powerhouse Latham & Watkins, becoming the firm’s first openly gay attorney among its 800 lawyers. Bob worked as a Wall Street lawyer for almost two years before returning to San Francisco to do Silicon Valley start-up work, venture finance and healthcare law. Bob worked with President Obama’s National LGBT Finance Committee, raising money to help with the reelection. The goal was not only to win the election, but also to increase the influence of LGBT people within the administration and to help the LGBT community fully claim its place on the national political stage. Bob helped with several presidential visits to the Bay Area and was part of the team to bring Washington State’s pro-marriage governor to San Francisco for fundraisers. President and Michelle Obama thanked Bob by having him join them and other supporters at a White House Holiday Party and at the Inauguration. After the campaign, former San Francisco supervisor Leslie Katz asked Bob to join the national Victory Fund Campaign Board to help elect LGBT candidates nationwide. Through the Victory Fund, Bob works to advance LGBT rights by making sure we have a seat at the table in cities, counties, state legislatures and Washington, DC. Bob works closely with California’s first openly gay congressman, Rep. Mark Takano, who is also the

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Rink, Sister Dana Van Iquity, Ann Rostow, Kirsten Kruse, Teddy Witherington, David Grabstald, Kate Kendell, Pollo del Mar, Heidi Beeler, K. Cole, Gary M. Kramer, Dennis McMillan, Tom Moon, Paul E. Pratt, Terry Baum, Gypsy Love, Joel Engardio, Rafael Mandelman, Scott Wiener, Shelley MacKay, Kit Kennedy, Leslie Katz, Karen Williams, Gary Virginia, Stu Smith, Zoe Dunning, Kathleen Archambeau

first-ever LGBT person of color in Congress. Genentech, the biotech pioneer in South San Francisco, recruited Bob to represent its finance and business development departments. That led to a variety of opportunities in venture capital, mergers and acquisitions and global finance. Bob led the legal negotiations to establish America’s first LGBT history museum, which opened on Castro at 18th in 2011. Bob recently joined the board of the LGBT Community Center, and is part of a working group determined to improve the center’s financial footing. As he says, “The time is now for the center to set itself on a path for the future.” Bob was on the founding board of Out & Equal, is an advisor to the anti-bullying group Bay Area Youth Summit (BAYS), and also volunteers for The Shanti Project. In 2008, Bob volunteered as a highlevel researcher on the No on 8 Campaign. As mentioned earlier, Bob was a campaign manager for Bevan Dufty when he ran for mayor in 2011, recruiting key volunteers, and raising money as part of Bevan’s early smalldonation strategy. (continued on page 22)

The Week in Review By Ann Rostow GLBT Fortnight in Review, February 7, 2013 Sick of the Scouts This is one of those weeks jampacked with moderately significant, somewhat tedious news items of mild interest to our vibrant and colorful GLBT community. I’m not pleased about it. I far prefer a week with a big exciting story that will eat up the first half of this column in one effortless gulp. Alternatively, we all also love the weeks when cannibals or conservative Christian pedophiles dominate our discussion. But Defense Department regulations? The Boy Scouts? Committee votes in various state legislatures? Say it ain’t so! Alas, it is so, and I can only do my best to spice up the bland fare with a little habanero sauce, or maybe a couple shots of f laming cognac. In truth, I’ve always thought it was a waste to burn off all the alcohol in a perfectly good snifter of booze. That observation aside, I’d like to dispense with the Boy Scouts as quickly as possible. The Scouts bore me with their sanctimonious oaths and traditions, their uniforms and badges and faithbased jingoism. In the last few weeks, they’ve dominated the headlines simply by hinting that they might ease their categorical ban on gay scouts at some point in the future. So what! I’ll believe it when I see it, which might not be for months. On Wednesday, the Scouts announced that the big decision will not take place until May or later, after some 1,400 members of some national council get to vote on the matter. My vote? Get these jokers off the front pages of our newspapers until, or unless, they actually take some action on the matter. Meanwhile, despite my better judgment, I will continue to buy microwave popcorn from the cute little Scout across the street. My politics are skin deep in certain areas. — Bustin’ Out All Over Marriage equality is poised to become law in England and France, where the lower houses of parliament both passed gay marriage rights by large margins last week. In Britain, the vote was 400-175, a large majority cobbled together despite the opposition of over half the conservative members. Good for David Cameron, a champion of justice who will pay for his support in political currency down the line. The measure now goes to the House of Lords, which looks as if it should be capitalized. I won’t even check the style guide. In France, the assembly voted 24997 to send marriage equality to the senate, which feels more like a lower case cohort. Lately, we’ve seen dueling protests in the streets of Paris on both sides of the debate. But the bottom line, if you believe pollsters, is that 63 percent of the French public believes in same-sex marriage rights. Bravo les mecs! I told you the news was significant. And there’s more of the same here in the Homeland, where an Illinois senate committee advanced marriage equality to the senate f loor. A senate vote is likely on February 14, after which the bill would go to the house. In other state news, Wyoming lawmakers defeated bills to ban gay discrimination and authorize civil unions. We’re supposed to be pleased that these bills made it to a floor vote to begin with, but I’m indifferent. Wake me up when the Big Sky coun-

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try legislature sends a gay rights measure to the governor’s desk.

me started on Reverend Al, who, at times, is simply incomprehensible.

Delaware activists are convinced they can legalize marriage for gay couples this spring. And we’re still waiting for action on marriage in the Rhode Island senate, after the house approved a marriage bill a few weeks back. I also told you the news was tedious, remember?

“Jenny Wether, ah, Jerry Werther, Wether, Wouldn’t you agree that Republicans can’t let the fairness of it, go to the voter? Can they get away with this? Jerry, what do you say?”

Is there more, you ask? Possibly. But I think we’ve had enough. Oh. Here’s a little unsubstantiated tidbit. Tax records from the National Organization for Marriage reportedly indicate that NOM chief Brian Bond makes around half a million a year if you add up all his salaries and perks. That’s a lot of money for losing four state elections and a couple of court cases. I wonder if the dwindling contributors to the fight against marriage appreciate how much of their cash is finding its way into the Bond household accounts. — Ask and Tell, But Don’t Shop in the PX I’d love to tell you what outgoing Defense Secretary Leon Panetta is planning on our behalf, but at press time, the details have yet to be announced. We do know that one of Panetta’s last acts will be to issue a number of directives to recognize the families of gay service-members. Obviously, he cannot violate the nefarious Defense of Marriage Act, which as you know prohibits the federal government from acknowledging gay spouses. On the other hand, he might be able to issue ID passes that could give gay spouses access to base services. Perhaps he can come up with some other perks. In any event, his efforts are welcome. Incoming Secretary Chuck Hagel has pledged to follow up on this initiative, assuming he is confirmed to the post. Well, you know what? It will all become moot this summer when the High Court strikes the Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional. Likewise, although it’s not clear that the trials and tribulations of bi-national gay couples will be addressed by immigration reform, their problems will also become moot when the Supreme Court rules in our favor. Why the confidence? Dear readers, the Defense of Marriage Act is not just “arguably” unconstitutional. It is blatantly unconstitutional and has been struck by every federal judge and every federal appellate panel that has evaluated its miserable existence. The federal government itself is arguing against it and it simply cannot survive review. Oh, did you think you’d escape a reference to the High Court this week? Sorry. Our two Supreme Court cases form a massive black hole in the center of our news galaxy, and their gravitational pull is felt even in the slowest news weeks. — Standing Up I feel it even now, as I slip inexorably towards the event horizon. Now that I think about it, the black hole metaphor is weak. It’s not bad enough to revise, but it can’t continue. Before we go on, however, may I complain about news anchors and talk show hosts who cannot read their Teleprompters? I had to turn off Chuck Todd in disgust this morning after he butchered the pronunciation of two words and misread a passage of text that we could all see for ourselves. Alex Wagner just referred to “Marshall McGLUEin.” And don’t get

“Well, Reverend. I think the attempt to disenfranchise the voters in minority districts is something that Congress has to address…” “Look at here we have numbers to tell us. Look at this number of people who had to give up and they had 20,000, 200,000, people who just said we can’t wait. What do you say to that Jenny?”

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“I think we all agree that we had a real problem in the last election…” Hey, I love his politics but this guy cannot put together a coherent sentence. And Chuck Todd is a close second in the race to ineptitude. C’mon guys. Make an effort. Moving on to the High Court, I gather that another zillion friend of the court briefs landed on the desks of the Supreme law clerks last week, as the bad guys’ amici filings came due. I have resisted the urge to read these horrif ic-sounding papers, and I’m none the worse for my laziness. I have about 20 years of anti-marriage legal briefs and opinions under my belt and from what I’ve heard, there’s nothing new in this latest barrage.

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The big question now is whether or not the Obama administration will weigh in on the Prop 8 case. As you know, the administration is one of the petitioners in the Windsor challenge to the Defense of Marriage Act. But the federal government is not technically involved in the Prop 8 challenge to California’s marriage ban. That said, the Justice Department is free to author a friend of the court brief in opposition to the California amendment. An opinion by the federal government always carries significant influence with a court, ergo we all would like the administration to become one of our legal “friends.” They have until February 21 to file a brief. My last column reported that the deadline was February 28, but astonishingly, I appear to have been mistaken. In addition to the ugly antigay briefs that rained down on Washington last week, we also saw the Court-ordered brief on standing in the Windsor case from Harvard Law Professor Vickie Jackson. As the Court had requested, Jackson argued that neither the House Republican “bipartisan legal advisory committee” (BLAG), nor the U.S. Justice Department, had the right to appeal the Windsor decision to the High Court. To make a long story short, Jackson noted that Congress had no direct stake in the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act; and even if it had, the BLAG does not represent Congress as a whole since the U.S. Senate has not agreed to its activities. As for the Justice Department, Jackson points out that the Obama administration “won” its case against DOMA in lower court, and should not by rights be able to appeal a victory. Other voices argue that since the administration is continuing to enforce DOMA, and indeed has yet to repay Edith Windsor’s unconstitutional $360,000 estate tax check, the government has a continuing controversy that qualifies for standing under Article III of the Constitution. (continued on page 22)

Read more @www.sfbaytimes.com and check us out on Twitter and Facebook. BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

A Valentine’s Fairytale By Dr. Illana Berger “How do I love thee, let me count the ways”

That f irst date, when she leaned in for that fateful kiss, I remember thinking, “OMG, she is going to k iss me! I am going to be k issed b y a w o m a n ! ” For h e r it w a s like k issing a toad. My lips were l i ke sol id stones. My eyes were w ide and full and I had stopped breathing. For me, all my cultural mores f looded my mind and I had no idea what to do. She asked me if I wou ld rat her not do t his, to which I replied, “No, no. Give it another tr y.” The rest is histor y. Eleven years later (almost to the day), we are still growing and discovering the gems and g ifts that are inherent in a loving committed relationship. Love often happens when we least expect it and usually when we are not look ing for it. The same can be said for epiphanies and awaken i n g s . We f a l l i nt o t hem . A n open i ng appea r s i n our reg u la r rout i ne, a nd t hen wh at fol low s doesn’t seem to f it into our regular life. We don’t f it in our regular life either. That opening changes your entire frame of reference. It changes the biochemistry in your body and the energetic frequency of l i fe a nd t hen any t h ing m ight happen and often does. Valentine’s Day is a day set apart by custom for celebrating romantic love. When you meet someone you are attracted to, your pheromones are activated and you become magnetized by the other. It is as if the universe conspires to bring you together. The magic of that attraction is nothing short of miraculous. Once the attraction has been made, the mystery of the relationship begins to reveal itself.

Fr om t h at moment of c on ne c tion, the opportunities for growth and transfor mat ion are put into place. Some of you read ing t his have been in a relationship for a long time; some of you may have just met someone you are interested in; some of you are probably looking for that special someone, a nd s ome of you a r e end i n g a relat ionsh ip or ma r r iage. W hat most of you might have noticed is t hat t here are recur r ing t hemes that show up for you in the relat ionships you have or have had. What you may not realize is that whatever shows up in your most intimate relationship is all about you a nd ent i rely for you. You r most i nt i m ate rel at ion sh ip i s a mirror ref lection of you. Whether you f ind yourself struggling with cont rol issues, aba ndon ment is sues, anger issues or fear – each of t hese are ta k ing place w it hin you and t herefore, t hey are just for you. Successfu l relat ionsh ips requ ire a lot of sk i l l and work. L ove by itself is never enough. I often tell cl ient s t hat t he reason t hey a re together is to heal each other. You can’t heal these parts of yourself alone. You require an intimate in order to see where the obstacles and challenges exist within you. To succeed i n rel at ion sh ip you must face old fears and develop new sk i l ls. The relat ionship you have or the one that has just ended provides you with every opportunit y to g row, hea l and deepen your love for your self and your partner like no other experience. There is a paradox to relationship. It is essential for partners to accept and enjoy each other with no demand or requirement for them to change. You will discover, however, that you cannot meet your par t ner’s deepest needs w it hout g row ing and chang ing yourself. Part of that growth and change is

PHOTO BY RINK

PHOTO BY STEVEN UNDERHILL

I remember the f irst time my partner and I kissed. It is emblazoned i n my m i nd bec au se it w a s t he f irst time I ever kissed a wom a n . I had never dated a woman b e f o r e eit her. There was a spark that had been ignited between us that I did not fully under st a nd a nd d id n’t t r y to. She asked if we could try dating each other and see what would happen.

PHOTO BY STEVEN UNDERHILL

–Elizabeth Barrett Browning

ship. Do you know your partner’s inner world? Take the Dr. Gottman quiz below and f ind out. D r. Ill ana B e rge r i s th e founde r of Mindf ul Partnership ~ Mindf ul D ivorce® and is an expert in the f ield of relationship, separation , divorce and individual transformation. In private practice in Oakland and San Francisco since 2002, she of fers workshops, retreats and private sessions for individuals and couples. Please visit www. mindfulpartnership.com.

Photos above courtesy of Dr. Illana Berger

a deep embodied realization that you actually must grow enough to meet your own needs! In most relationships, we tend to focus on what’s wrong or lacking based on what we don’t have or don’t want, and we often focus on what’s w rong w it h our pa r t ner. The opportunity, though, that is a lways avai lable to you is to focus on the positive in each other. W hen you focus on the posit ive, your connection with each other deepens, as does your pleasure. The important thing to know and remember is that in a healthy relationship there must be more positive and loving elements than diff icult and negative ones in order for the relationship to thr ive. Many say t here must be a 5 -1 rat io: 5 positive interactions for every negative one. Learning to stop conf lict in your relat ionship a lways begins with stopping it in your self f irst. It is essent ial to remember that without cultivating positivity in your relationship, it is very diff icult to be intimate and if it is diff icult to be intimate it is even more diff icult to be sexual or physically close. Emotional intimacy is pivotal for sexual intimacy. The heart of emotional intimacy is in getting to know each other.

1. I can name my partner’s best friends.

Here is a short quiz to take either with your partner or alone to see how well you know the person you are in relationship with, the one you are ending or the one you are dating.

12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship.

yes

2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing. yes

3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. yes

4. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams. yes

5. I can tell you about my partner’s basic philosophy of life. yes

6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. yes

7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. yes

8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. yes

9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately. yes

10. My partner really respects me.

yes

11. There is fire and passion in this relationship.

yes yes

no no

13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship.

One of t he most impor t ant features of successful couple relationships is the quality of the friend-

yes

14. My partner generally likes my personality. yes

Happy Valentine’s Day from Betty, Jen and all of us at the Bay Times!

15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.

yes

16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.

yes

17. My partner is one of my best friends.

yes

18. We just love talking to each other.

yes

20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree.

yes

Your score: 12 o r m o re ye s answer s: You P H OTO B Y PH Y LLI S C O STA

have a lot of strength in your relationship. Congratulations! 6 to 11: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There is much strength you can build upon, but

there are also some weaknesses that need your attention. 5 o r f ewe r : Yo u r r e l at i o n s h i p may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.

Advertise in Bay Times Email us at ads@sfbaytimes or call 415-577-6422 12 BAY TIM ES FEBRUA RY 7 , 2 0 1 3

I Have Always Loved Cherries By Kit Kennedy I have always loved peaches I have always loved nectarines I have always loved plums and apricots I have learned to love pluots I have always loved stone fruit with abandonment have loved their perfume their flesh though troubled by definition of pit –

Spark & Kindle a Romance at the Claremont in Berkeley

PHOTO BY RINK

Kit Kennedy is the Poet in Residence of the “Bay Times.”

time couples walk hand in hand, slowly st rol l ing t he Claremont’s 22 acres of landscaped gardens. It’s a quiet getaway retreat, just minutes from San Francisco.

s auce, forest mu sh room r av iol i with a sassy herb butter, and much more. Don’t even get us started on the dessert and wine of ferings, as we’ll be here all night.

Sean Hubbard, a member of our com mu n it y, i s t he C l a remont ’s dashing food and beverage director. He, new chef de cuisine Scott Quinn ( plucked from a successful L . A . rest aura nt), execut ive chef Josh L add a nd t hei r tea m have brought their signif icant culinary skills to Meritage.

S p e a k i n g of a l l n i g ht e r s , w ho wou ld ever want to leave? A fter a long, luxurious dinner, why not stay the night? Order a bottle of Cha mpag ne a nd chocolate covered strawberries, tell the person you’re w it h t hat you love t hem, and then let the rest of the world go by…

We’ve seen celebrities dash in with lovers in tow. New couples giggle as they ascend to their rooms, not to be seen again for days. Long-

The food is, well, sexy. A recent meal featured seafood kissed with l ipst ick-red cit r us, slow-roa sted beef d r aped i n a r ich red w i ne

Claremont Hotel & Spa: 41 Tunnel Road, Berkeley, CA 94705 Tol l Free: 8 0 0 - 551-726 6 , Hotel Main: 510 -843-3000

PHOTOS BY RINK

Nevertheless, I devour stone fruit whether or not you are willing This is how I learned to savor women

Romant ic love inspired much of t he world’s g r e at a r c h it e c t u r e. The Taj Mahal in India, for example, was built by Mughal emperor Shah Jahan in memor y of a beloved wife. Another beautiful spark l ing white ed if ice, r ight in our own midst, was also born out of passion. Berkeley’s Claremont Hotel & Spa, back in the 1800’s, w a s f i r st a love nest c a st le for one lucky and inspired couple. In 1915, it was reborn as a grand hotel. To this day, Valentine dreams routinely come true there.

Photos courtesy of the Claremont Hotel

deep/ depression hell space for fighting animals sinkhole mineshaft hidden trouble pockmark drop before stage

BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

Gay Asian Pacific Alliance Celebrations

GAPA (Gay Asian Pacific Alliance Dinner Co-Chairs William Nguyen (center) and Ben Leong receive a proclamation from Mayor Ed Lee at the organization’s annual banquet held at the Empress of China restaurant.

celebration of their community’s accomplishments. The beauty and the mesmerizing movements of the various Ladies of GAPA, which included members from the Rice Rockettes and various other notable Asian drag queens, enchanted attendees.

conferences to network and support other API and API LGBTQ organizations. These are just a few of our activities and projects. The ultimate goal of all these programs has been to

PHOTO BY RIN K

P HOTO BY RIN K

On January 26, the Gay Asian Pacific Alliance had its annual GAPA Banquet at the beautiful and majestic Empress of China in the heart of San Francisco Chinatown. Attendees at the GAPA Banquet included San Francisco Mayor Edward Lee, Campbell Mayor Evan Low, Supervisor David Chiu, Supervisor David Campos, Commissioner Gabriel Quito, and a number of other long time political figures and community supporters. The annual banquet is an opportunity for the Gay Asian Pacific Alliance’s members to gather in gorgeous fanfare, drape themselves with luxurious-looking gowns, and toast, mingle, and feast their night away in

P HOTO C O URT E SY O F W IL L IAM N G UYE N

By William Nguyen and Benjamin Leong

PHOTO BY R IN K

The GAPA Banquet, though, is just one of many events that GAPA holds annually in support of its community and social justice advocacy, capacity building, and member support programing. In 2012, GAPA hosted monthly Happy Hours at the LOOKOUT. We additionally hosted the Annual GAPA Runway Pageant and the API Pride Pavilion & Parade. GAPA presented at the White House Briefing Panel addressing HIV/A IDS in the Asian American and Pacific Islander Community. We also have GAPA Rap, GAPA Chorus, GAPA 35+, and attend numerous national

PHOTO COURTES Y OF WI LLI AM N GUYE N

port other organizations at national conferences, forums, and summits. The next GAPA event will be on Thursday, February 21, 2013 from 7 to 9 PM at the LOOKOUT (3600 16th Street, San Francisco, CA). This will be GAPA’s Final GAPA Happy Hour. For additional information about GAPA please go to www. GA PA .org or check GA PA (Gay A s i a n Pa c i f ic A l l i a nc e) out on Facebook. William Nguyen and Benjamin Leong are the Co-Chairs of GAPA.

14 BAY TIM ES FEBRUA RY 7 , 2 0 1 3

GAPA prides itself on being a member run and administered organization in which all of our events are planned and operated by our membership on a voluntary basis. Remaining relevant and meeting the needs of our members is what keeps the Board and organization motivated and progressing forward. In 2013, GAPA has set its sights on expanding current programming to meet the needs of the membership and to increase our social advocacy and collaborations with other LGBTQ, API, and community social advocacy organizations. GAPA also has intentions to present and sup-

PH OTO C O URT ESY O F WI L LI AM N G UYE N

provide social advocacy and support to our community and promote collaborations and networks within and outside of our community.

Real Estate and Design

Remodeling Econ 101

Project Remodel Jim Tibbs This month’s column is a continuation of the topic that I introduced in January: Setting Yourself Up for Remodeling Success. The first installment of this article reviewed three of the four key steps for starting a remodeling project. Step 1-Think big picture about your home improvement needs. Step 2- Prioritize those needs with your spouse or partner. Step 3- Get inspired by the possibilities for the home you want to create. In this column we focus on Step 4Setting Your Remodeling Budget, also known as Remodeling Econ 101. Lesson One- Determine your target audience. One of the first questions that I ask prospective clients is how long they intend to live in their house after it is remodeled. My reason for asking is to determine if the improvements are intended primarily for the current owners or to make the house attractive to potential buyers. Usually the response is some combination of these two objectives. If you are selling your house within the next f ive years, resale value should be a prime consideration in your decision-making. Focus your budget on improvements that will deliver high return at time of sale. If your time horizon is 5-10 years,

then I recommend balancing resale priorities with improvements that are customized for your family’s needs. If your time horizon is more than 10 years, the primary objective is to create a comfortable and attractive space that your family will enjoy for many years to come. Lesson Two- Estimate the upside potential of your home’s value. Use Zillow.com to research the estimated value of the homes in your neighborhood. Evaluate how your existing house compares to the neighborhood average and what the upside potential will be with improvements. If you are remodeling an existing living space, the increase in value is derived from the value or cost of the improvements themselves. If you are increasing the amount of living space with a bump-out, addition, or garage/basement conversion, the projected increase in value is based on the incremental square footage combined with the value of the improvements you are making. Doing this analysis will help you determine the upside potential for the value of your house and will also help you to establish a cap on your remodeling budget to avoid over-investing relative to what the market will bear.

Lesson Three- Determine the budget range for your priority projects. Once you have completed Lessons One and Two, you are ready to assign a preliminary budget range to your priority projects. The simplest and most accurate way to do this is to use Remodeling Magazine’s Cost Versus Value chart for the San Francisco Bay Area. (ht t p://w w w. r emo de l i n g. hw. n et /2 013/c o s t v s v a lue/d i v i sion/paci f ic/cit y/sa n-fra ncisco - ca.aspx) This is a user-fr iend ly chart that lists the most common ty pes of remodeling projects and the average cost and return on invest ment for each. T he cha r t is organized by midrange and up scale budgets, which will provide you with the low and high end of your prel im inar y budget ra nge. Prepared w it h t his infor mat ion, you are ready to seek t he counsel of a desig n and constr uct ion professiona l to help you fur t her def ine and implement a successful remodeling project. J im T ibbs is the creative director of HDR Remodeling. If you would like to learn more, please read his blog at ht tp:// h dr re modelin g.wordpress.com or follow him on Twitter at @HDRremodeling1.

Real Estate Mark Penn Real estate – what a world! If I had a nickel for every time someone asks, “How’s the market?” well, I wouldn’t have to be a working real estate agent! But when I answer the question, the first point I try to make is: Don’t believe what you hear on the national news wires. The truth is, real estate is LOCAL. What happens in all the national averages and numbers is not necessarily what happens in your own zip code. So although I am careful about dropping a bunch of unfiltered numbers into this column, there are indeed some predictions and parallel trends that could be drawn between the Bay Area and national markets. National Association of REALTORS® (NAR) Chief Economist Lawrence Yun says that the US housing market should maintain its rebound over the next several years, providing that a steady supply of mortgage credit re-

Let’s look at some recent numbers. Nationally, NAR estimates that the median existing-home price rose 6% to $176,100 last year, and predicts similar increases over the next couple of years. In December 2012, the median price in California rose to $281,000, the Bay Area (nine-county) median to $421,000, and in the City of San Francisco, $720,000. Percentage-wise, those numbers show corresponding differences of 60%, 139%, and 309% over the national median. If space allowed, we could drill even further down to cities and neighborhoods. There are challenges to our local markets, which continue to mark the horizon. Anecdotally, reports from nearly all of my company’s Bay Area offices suggest a marked shortage of properties for sale. This is borne out by numbers provided by the CAR that point to a 9% drop in December for number of sales across the Bay region, although this number includes a typical decline around the holidays. My colleagues are again seeing multiple offers on many properties as

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How’s the Market? mains available. Oscar Wei, Senior Research Analyst for the California Association of REALTORS® (CAR) predicts that as the economy continues to improve, California’s housing market condition will remain healthy in 2013 and that the statewide median prices are expected to increase modestly as well. So, in short, both the nation’s and the Bay Area’s markets should be expected to perform similarly.

Mark C. Penn

the competition for the few available properties increases, and nearly every agent I speak with reports having many more buyers than available properties to show them. This tight supply is pressuring prices upwards in many local markets. These factors point to the best market for sellers that we have seen in quite some time. We are also seeing large numbers of investors in the real estate market now, many paying all cash, and further tightening an already difficult market for home buyers.

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But once again – real estate is local. Despite similar trends across the country, your neighborhood is different from the rest of the city, the state, and certainly the nation. The best measure for finding out what’s happening in your neighborhood is to ask your REALTOR®. Those of us who work in this business have access to numbers, markets, marketing tools and strategies that bear witness to the old saying, “Don’t try this at home.” And whether national or local, all the trends show this: Homeowners today are looking at the best market for selling than they have in recent memory. A Bay Area native, Mark Penn has been a REALTOR® with Coldwell Banker since 2004. He is also active in animal welfare, and is a former educator, facilitator, and air traffic controller. Mark can be reached at mark@MyHomeInSonoma.com. BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

Born to Be Luminous ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Flaunt the colors of your imagination, Aries. Psychic insights are influencing words and actions now. Goal fulfillment will depend on how much you believe in the “unseen.” better. TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Your community expects a lot from you, Taurus. Everyone knows you can deliver the goods – but at what cost? Protect yourself from energy depletion by bolstering boundaries a bit.

Astrology Gypsy Love Fireflies emit 100% pure light—ten times that of the average electric bulb— making them Earth’s most efficient generators of energy. Despite their modest size and relatively brief life span, these impressive little glow bugs are also instrumental in the research of geneticists, chemists, and even NASA scientists. Astro-vibes remind us now that we’re each born to be luminous. Where are you inspired to make a difference? Feed your natural fire ...and fly.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20) This isn’t a popularity contest, Gemini. Think twice before following suit so easily. Your knack for sensing dualities will help unmask false leaders whose two faces could otherwise misguide you. CANCER (June 21 – July 22) Chaos gets a bad rap sometimes. Think about it, Cancer. Wouldn’t you agree your current situation could use a little shake-up? Appreciate the benefits of needing to begin anew.

LEO (July 23 – August 22) Go for the gold, Leo! Believe it or not, you’re actively manifesting precious dreams now. Fixate your thoughts on a positive outcome. Supportive admirers will flock to your aid.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22) Contrasts in your closest relationships shape important values now, Virgo. Learn to play well with others. Personal and professional fulfillment will depend on your ability to cooperate with dynamic partners.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22) ‘Amor’ is in the air, sweet Libra. Add even more spice by incorporating an international flair. Can you say, “Kama Sutra?” Colorful foreign flavors are calling your name now.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21) Feeling friskier than usual, Scorpio? Create a joyful outlet through which to express yourself. If artistic endeavors don’t excite you, commit to fun projects at home. Start between the sheets.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21) Domestic mayhem may be draining your mojo now. Replenish emotional nutrients by indulging in simple pleasures. Tend to your needs, Sagittarius. Warm up from the inside out..

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19) Keep at it, Capricorn. You’ve entered a remarkable phase where intellect and intuition operate handin-hand, especially where work and health are concerned. Aim your intention, and turn passions into profits. AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18) Possessions are only as valuable as you make them, Aquarius. Reflect on vital resources now. Most of what you’ve been fighting for is quite easily replaceable. Focus on intangible treasures. PISCES (February 19 – March 20) Your empathetic antennae are especially heightened now, Pisces. Purge negative vibes and protect positive energy by creating a sacred space for your thoughts and feelings. Practice “safe sense.”.

www.AstrologyByGypsyLove.com

Gypsy Love’s astrology readings have helped 1000’s of people attract what they authentically desire.

As Heard on the Street . . .

compiled by Rink

AL L PHOTOS BY RIN K

What message would you like to send out to your Valentine this February 14?

Moses Garcia

Saybelline Fernandez

Frankie Fernandez

Alan Toomey

Sara Malan

“To the person who rocks my world and knows what true love is all about: I love you Alan!”

“I love you today and every day. Be mine forever. Love you.”

“Every day is Valentines Day with you.”

“I am the new person I am because you believed in me.”

“Mona, after 15 years together, and two babies later, you’re still my favorite Valentine.”

16 BAY TIM ES FEBRUA RY 7 , 2 0 1 3

Arts&Entertainment Interview with Eytan Fox of Israeli Love Story “Yossi” Fox admitted in a phone interview from Israel that he never thought he would make a sequel to Yossi and Jagger, but he is pleased that he did. “I’m so proud of this film—it’s so personal, and I feel so close to it. Part of why I made this was an excuse to explore what happened to Yossi, which is what happened to me, to Israel, and to the gay community over the past ten years.” Film

Gary M. Kramer

The filmmaker gives the example of how the Israeli army has been more accepting and tolerant of queer soldiers as one dramatic change in the decade since Yossi and Jagger. He observed, “When I was in the Israeli army in 1982, the idea of being openly gay was unheard of. All the people I know who were gay in the army were completely closeted. That world has changed.”

PHOTO COURTESY EYTAN F OX

Yossi explores the idea that the main character is stuck in the past and has a closeted mindset. When Yossi meets Tom, he slowly begins to understand that there are other ways to live as a gay man.

Ten years ago, Eytan Fox’s Yossi and Jagger told a heartbreaking queer love story between two male soldiers in the Israeli military. Now, with Yossi, the openly gay Fox offers a sequel to his 2002 classic. Familiarity with the original film is not essential for seeing the sequel; the backstory unfolds and makes sense for viewers who don’t know or don’t remember how the first film ended. In this new drama, Yossi (Ohad Knoller, reprising his role in an excellent performance) is a cardiologist who jerks off to porn, eats bad take-out, and uses old photos of himself to pick up guys on the net. When he is forced by circumstances to take a vacation, Yossi unexpectedly meets Tom (Oz Zehavi), a young, handsome, and openly gay soldier. A potential romance develops.

Fox emphasized, “Tom represents the idea that you can be happy with who you are. You can take your clothes off, stand there naked, and say, ‘This is who I am—love me!’” That’s what the attractive Zehavi does in one of the film’s key scenes. That said, Tom is not out to his family, a complexity Fox found interesting about contemporary queer youth in Israel, and one he incorporated into the film. “Young hipsters and actors tell me that being gay is a non-issue. And I say, ‘OK, I get it. It’s much easier now, that’s true. Tel Aviv and the world are much more accepting.’ But they have problematic relationships with their parents. Telling their parents, ‘This is who I am,’ is difficult for them.” The relationship between the heavyset and heavy-hearted Yossi and the younger, cuter Tom forms the film’s

Ohad Kn oller, Oz Zeh avi

romantic second act, and Fox said his purpose here was “to show the older generation reaching out the younger generation to teach them how to live better.” He continued, indicating his dismay that audiences question—as the bewildered Yossi does—why Tom is attracted to a sad, lonely, older man. “I’m almost offended that a young beautiful man can’t fall for a somber, sophisticated older guy. That’s the wrong way to see desire. Tom sees that Yossi can offer him more than his fun friends can. He’s a doctor who is smart and reads literature and needs saving. That’s something Tom wants to do—save someone who is in distress.” Distress in a relationship is something Fox, Knoller, and the film’s screenwriter, Itay Segal, all knew firsthand while making the film. Knoller, who is straight, went through a divorce between Yossi films, while Segal, who is gay, broke up with his boyfriend and was mourning his relationship. Similarly, Fox was having a crisis with his partner of 23 years, Gal Uchovsky. (The pair ended their professional

relationship after the 2006 film, The Bubble). The loneliness Fox faced during this period informed the f ilm. “Living in an empty apartment, eating bad take-out food, watching a lot of porn, falling asleep in front of boring TV and waking up to another day of loneliness [as Yossi does] wasn’t difficult for me to relate/connect to,” he confessed. “Ohad and I spoke a lot about the whole feeling of being alone and the fear and confusion that comes with that, and the questions of what being alone brings to your heart and mind. We shared those feelings. Plus, Itay and I were exposed to the new gay world of Internet dating.” One of the more interesting scenes early in the film has Yossi meeting a man online for sex, only to have the encounter go badly because of Yossi’s poor physical image and poorer selfimage. Several of the characters in Yossi— from his hospital colleague Moti (Lior Ashkenazi) as well as Tom—suggest that Yossi would feel better if he would

just get laid. It’s a facile curative for a depressed man grappling with survivor’s guilt, and being mostly closeted, but the film emphasizes Yossi finding sexual fulfillment as a means to emotional happiness. “I didn’t think of it that way,” Fox responded to the claim, “but he does need to get laid to feel better about himself and life.” The filmmaker then emphasized the real point he wanted to make with his film. “I wanted to show a person stuck in a bad place who frees himself. Sometimes it’s connected to moving, going in a new direction, or to new places. Changing new things in your life—the scenery, the city you live in—which for Yossi is claustrophobic—and going to the desert and meeting new people.” Now the question that arises is will Fox make a sequel to Yossi in 10 years? The filmmaker laughed and answered, “That might be another exercise--to see what happened to Tom in 10 years!” © 2013 Gary M. Kramer

Mark Etheredge Embraces “Change Coming” piano. He also produced, arranged and orchestrated it. “I looked at my excuses not to leave—job security and the fallacy that I couldn’t afford it,” says Etheredge. “I realized that this limited thinking was holding me back. I had to let go and embrace a shift. [Change Coming is] the theme song for my career change.”

Music Shelley MacKay Mark Etheredge took the plunge about a year ago when he left his successful career in software to pursue his lifelong dream of being a professional musician. This past fall, he released his original debut Change Coming, on which he performed vocals and

Mark is a lifelong musician and songwriter, mostly composing fusion, new age feel and jazz chords. Mark’s debut Change Coming features twelve original compositions and each one has a cool, calm and collected feel that will make you bop your head while tapping your feet. It was released on Mark’s own record label, Vipaka. He started the label to feature his own music. The label may feature other artists in the future. Unfortunately, Mark has had a difficult time getting exposure through

queer media for this album. He attributes this to the fact that his lyrics are subtle, lacking pronouns much of the time and thus being, as he says, “not gay enough.” The track “Pimp You Out for Love” is about wanting to help a good friend find love. When he sings, “Find the perfect guy, the man of your dreams,” it is not clear that the friend he is trying to help is, in fact, also a man. While I appreciate this sort of vague lyric, as I do not believe one has to be explicit to be an out queer musician, apparently not all media outlets agree. Mark started improvising on the piano at the age of f ive. When his mother tried to get him to take piano lessons, he simply refused. So he is completely self-taught. This pattern continued into his adulthood. He had been playing the Hammond organ and keyboard at Sunday night church services for MCCSF for a while.

One night, the drummer couldn’t make it. Since there was already someone on the piano, he made an executive decision to play drums himself. He couldn’t find any drumsticks, “so I found a pen and a pencil and just got through it,” Mark said. Since then, he’s been getting calls for drumming work. “It’s interesting to experience playing in a band from the perspective of different instruments,” Mark said. “It’s definitely helped me as a songwriter.”

To get a free download of the title track of f of Mark’s debut, sign up for his mailing list at w w w.Mark E t her e d g e.c om . You c a n a l s o buy h is music on CD Baby a nd iTunes. Shelley MacKay is a jazz, pop, r&b and rock vocalist, as well as songwriter. To learn more, please visit www. shelleysings.com.

Mark is looking forward to his first U.S. tour this year and a tour in Japan this fall. You can catch him before he begins his world travels at his next concert on March 2nd at 8pm at Metropolitan Community Church, located at 150 Eureka Street in San Francisco. Tickets are $15 and available at www.BrownPaperTickets.com. BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

Sister Dana Sez

By Sister Dana Van Iquity Sister Dana sez, “What the hell is wrong with Cupid and his missing arrows into this gay nun’s heart time and time again?! Is he still the Valentines mascot? Maybe we should refer Cupid to the Hunger Games.”

ALRP (AIDS Legal Referral Panel) kicked off 30 YEARS OF JUSTICE FROM THE HEART CAMPAIGN at the SF LGBT Community Center with Executive Director Bill Hirsch and Director of Development Jim McBride speaking of this new fundraising initiative that commemorates the agency’s 30th year of service to the community. Founded in 1983, ALRP became the first legal services provider in the nation dedicated to meeting the needs of people with HIV. Through this campaign, ALRP hopes to raise $300,000 from foundations, corporations, and individual donors. The aim is to ensure ALRP’s long-term stability and continuation of its programs helping clients avoid unlawful evictions, protect and regain lost jobs and insurance/medical benefits, protect their assets and their children’s future, reduce their stress and improve their health, and assure their personal dignity. Last year alone, ALRP helped almost 1,500 people with HIV/AIDS in 2,099 legal matters, successfully leveraging over $1.4 million in donated legal services, and providing training for more than 80 attorneys. ALRP also launched their label, Private Reserve Chardonnay & Cabernet Sauvignon Wines (from JK Cellars) and ALRP/UTAC (Until There’s A Cure Foundation) gold bracelet partnership. More info: alrp.org. K R EW E DE K I NQU E Mard i Gras Club had a festive kickoff with House of Garza at Cafe Flore. Garza performed, as did Bebe Sweetbriar, Sasha Stephane, Marco Middlesex, Kippy Marks, Tweaka Turner, MamaDora, DJ KdK King Gary I, and we formed a conga line to dance to “When the Saints Go Marching In.” K REWE DE KINQUE MARDI GRAS BAL MASQUE X is a fundraiser for TRANSGENDER LAW CENTER at The Arc (1500 Howard at 11th) Saturday, Feb. 9. An open bar featuring Stoli & Bacardi, New Orleans buffet, and lively music from The Dixieland Dykes + 3 for VIPs at 7pm. The General Admission at 8pm tickets ($20 advance, brow npapert icket s.com/event/320 667); $25 at door if available) includes a l l t he f un of t he M a sked Ba l l: DJ Kelly K idd & dancing, performer s Gr a nd M a r s h a l C a s s a nd r a Cass and Miss Gay United States Mercedez Mu n ro, S econd L i ne Parade, Live Tableaux Show, and crowning of the King and Queen

X. Then on Mardi Gras Tuesday, Feb. 12, Kd K w i l l host it s FAT TUESDAY BUS & BAR CR AWL starting at The Mix in the Castro. FR EEDOM FROM TOBACCO (FFT), a project of the SF LGBT Com mu n it y Center, joi ned Sa n Francisco’s civic and community leaders to celebrate Café F lore’s c om m it ment t o a he a lt hy L G BTQ communit y by prov iding a smoke-free patio for its guests. F F T presented its data from air qua l it y measurement s at t he Cit y’s queer bars t hat show unhealthy air quality levels on outdoor bar patios, and a resolution for ot her ba r s a nd r est au r a nt s asking them to commit to providing healthier outdoor spaces. Super v isors Scott Wiener and Er ic Mar joined representatives from S t at e S en at or M a rk L eno a nd A ssembly member Tom A m m iano’s of f ices i n present i ng procl a m at ion s to J. D. Pet r a s , C a fé Flore’s owner. Experience the Academy Awards with ACA DEMY OF FRIENDS’ A IDS fundraiser in tribute to the style and glamour of the Roaring 20’s a nd t he beg i n n i ng of Holly wood’s Golden A ge at BOA S, BOW TIES & BUBBLY! with live telecast of t he Oscars on supersized v ideo screens, champagne, a nd l i ve ent er t a i n ment . Ter r a Ga l ler y, 511 Har r ison Street on February 24. Tix at aofriends/20 13galaticketpurchase). AoF held a fun champagne kickof f at Bubble L ounge to a n nou nce t he BB& B event, with Board Chair Howard E del m a n a nd V ice Ch a i r M atthew Denckla hosting. DIANA VR EEL AND: THE EYE H A S TO T R AV EL is at Castro Theatre Febr uar y 20, hosted by Mark Rhoades. Q& A with Director Lisa Vreeland by fashion icon Joy Bianchi follows the screening. Cockta i l par t y at 7pm, upsta irs with Lisa Vreeland, 8pm screeni n g. D u r i n g D i a n a Vr e e l a nd’s f ift y-year reig n as the “Empress of Fashion,” she launched Tw igg y, adv ised Jack ie Onassis, a nd established countless trends that have w it hstood t he test of t ime. She had ma ny gay fr iend s such as Yves Saint Laurent, Ha lston, Giorg io A r ma n i, A ndy Wa rhol, Tr u ma n Capote, C ec i l B eaton, and Billy Baldwin. Admission is $12. Adult video pick of the week takes you on a European trip with Falcon in Madrid Sexy! Don’t m i s s M a g net’s (18t h a nd Castro) art exhibition of Chinese ink on rice paper by Xiang Gao: sometimes deeply disturbing, other times placating fear. Note the bird icon as spirit and red strings as veins and lifelines. (continued on page 22)

P H OTO C O URT ESY O F VALE RY G UIG N O N

R ICH MON D/E R M ET A I DS FOUNDATION producers Ken Henderson and Joe Seiler presented a stellar one-night-only benefit cabaret to raise funds for REAF and BROADWAY CARES/ EQUITY FIGHTS AIDS. American Idol and Broadway (The Color Purple) star La Toya London, reality talent show stars Jason Brock (X Factor) and Tim Hockenberry (American’s Got Talent), and Hollywood’s Lindsay Pearce joined the national touring company of the Tony Award-winning Broadway show ANYTHING GOES for an evening of upbeat, high-energy music, comedy, and variety at Pier 39 Bay Theater. REAF has worked with over 35 touring casts to date to produce these gorge “One Night Only Cabaret” events. REAF has distributed well over $2.6 million to AIDS service agencies. This show was emceed by one of the wittiest, funniest yet (and tear-jerking singing “Beautiful City”) - Erich Bergen, who has the male romantic lead (Billy Crocker) in Anything Goes. The entire company performed a fabulous 42nd Street overture, complete with electrifying tap dancing. Jose Solivan, the AG stage manager, hit the heights of falsetto to do Melba Moore’s “I Got Love.” Brock and London brought down the house with their ‘50s style “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease. Lindsay gave us “Gimme Gimme” (“Cupid’s famous arrow: gimme love”) and a Katy Perry fiery “Firework.” There was an immensely impressive karate exhibition by Sean Watkins, as well as magic by Vincent Rodriguez III. Hockenberry sang his original composition, “Ease Your Pain,” and Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone.” Ryan Steer (on ukulele) and Alex Finke (second lead AG actress Hope) gave us a song and soft shoe, “Glory of Love.” Fred Applegate (AG’s Moonface) sang a comedic “If Ever I Would Leave You” from bad dinner theater. Ed Staudenmayer (stodgy British Lord Evelyn) and his dog ironically performed his hilarious send-up of “Cats.” Purrfect! Alas, column space does not allow writing about ALL the amazingly talented entertainers, but the entire company’s finale was incredible - the title song, “Anything Goes!”

GAPA (Gay Asian Pacific Alliance) celebrated the coming of the Year of the Snake in style with the GAPA ROYAL BANQUET at the Empress of China (read more about this event on page 14). Co-chairs Ben Leong and William Nguyen (also 1st Prince), along with Emcee Estee Longah hosted. Mr. GAPA Jethro and Miss GAPA Jezebel performed stylishly. The Ladies of GAPA did a flawless “La Cage aux Folles” production number. The Godzy “Godzilla” Award Winner for Activism was given to Brian Yee. Two special scholarships were awarded.

With a nod to the Noe Valley Voice tradition, here are Valery Guignon, Jason Halle, and Bob Schneider, reading the Bay Times in the Everglades. 18 BAY TIM ES FEBRUA RY 7 , 2 0 1 3

Photo Study by Steven Underhill Bay Times photographer Steven Underhill went on site with Anything Goes touring company’s Vincent N. Rodriguez. The result is a photo study collection celebrating the beauty of dance and the human male body. Steven captured Vincent levitating amidst the hills of San Francisco.

Crab Fee2d013

Hosted by the Castro Lions and the Park Presidio Sunset Lions Club benefitting a host of charities including Lighthouse for the Blind, the AIDS and Breast Cancer Emergency Funds, and Guide Dogs for the Blind

Saturday, February 9th

Cocktails 6pm • Dinner 7-9pm • Party ‘til 10pm Raffle and live auction of one week in Kauai Special Guest Appearances St. Anne of the Sunset, Judah Street @Funston (on the N-Judah Muni line) FREE PARKING is available for this event in the rear of the school Purchase tickets ($50 per person). Call 1-800-838-3006 or buy at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/270536

The Lions wish to thank our generous sponsors for their kind support Traci Hollander 420 Castro Street 415-863-3900

Advertise with the Bay Times. BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

compiled by Robert Fuggiti

See many more Calendar items @ www.sfbaytimes.com

“Nijinsky” will be at the SF Ballet through February 19. (Photo: Hamburg Ballet)

• 7 : T HURSDAY

Castro CBD Board Meeting – Castro CBD. Free. 6 pm to 7:30 pm. (501 Castro St.) www.castrocbd.org. The Castro/Upper Market Community Benefit District

(CBD) invites all members of the community to attend their February meeting to discuss events and issues affecting the Castro.

www.hbtb.org. Use estate planning to protect and provide for the important people in your life. Presented by Hospice By The Bay.

(1354 Harrison St.) www.lonestarsf.com. A monthly dance party happening second Fridays of every month.

Estate Planning Options for Unique Family Situations – SF LGBT Community Center. Free. 6 pm to 7:30 pm. (1800 Market St.)

Bear Coffee – Café Flore. Free. 6 pm to 8 pm. (2298 Market St.) www.cafeflore.com. A monthly meet-up and social for bears in the Castro.

• 9 : S ATURDAY

• 8: F RIDAY

“ D A R K LY T R I U M P H A N T ! ” The L.A. Times

NIJINSKY FEB 13–19

The Hellman Foundation

Cecilia and Jim Herbert

LEAD SPONSOR

MAJOR SPONSOR

2013 SEASON MEDIA SPONSORS

THE HAMBURG BALLET in

Friday Nights at the De Young – De Young Museum. $11. 6 pm to 8:45 pm. (50 Hagiwara Tea Garden Dr.) www.deyoung.famsf. org. Enjoy the museum in a fun, festive and dynamic atmosphere with live music and cocktails. Fever – Endup. $20. 10 pm to 10 am. (401 6th St.) www.theendup. com. Enjoy a night of dancing with DJ Adrian, Joey Jinks and Glittery Ricky. Cubcake – Lonestar. Free. 9 pm.

La Bota Loca – Club 21. $5. 9 pm to 4 am. (2111 Franklin St., Oakland) www.club21oakland.com. Hot go-go dancers and strong drinks make this one of the best Latino nights in the Bay. Big Ball X – The ARC. (1500 Howard St.) www.thearcsf.org. “Big X Ball - A Decade of Decadence” is a masquerade ball to raise funds for the Transgender Law Center. Castro Lions Club Crab Feed – St. Anne of the Sunset Church Hall. $50. 6 pm. (850 Judah St.) www.castrolionsclubsf.org. A fund-raising event with crab dinner, cocktails and raffle.

• 10 : S UNDAY

L.A. Hyder Art Exhibit – Free. 1 pm to 6 pm. (400 Beale St. #806) www.lahyderphotography.com. Photographer and mixed media artist, L.A. Hyder shares her work in her intimate studio.

L E A R N M O R E AT S F B A L L E T. O RG / N I T E O U T

20 BAY TIM ES FEBRUA RY 7 , 2 0 1 3

NITE OUT MEDIA SPONSORS

NITE OUT SPONSOR

Sundayz – Beatbox. $8. 3 pm. (314 11th St.) www.beatboxsf.com. The best t-dance party in town with a newly renovated dance floor and state of the art sound system.

• 11 : M ONDAY

Gay Bowling – Mission Bowling Club. $15. 5 pm to 8 pm. (3176 17th St.) www.missionbowlingclub. com. Mix, mingle and meet new friends at this weekly bowling social. Full bar and restaurant inside club. Radical Vinyl – El Rio. Free. 9 pm. (3158 Mission St.) www.elriosf. com. Enjoy cheap drinks and a heated patio with music by DJ Ectcetera. Piano Bar 101 – Martuni’s. Free. 9 pm. (4 Valencia St.) www.dragatmartunis.com. Sing along to your favorite songs with friends and patrons.

• 12 : T UESDAY

SAN FRANCISCO BALLET LGBT

F R I D AY, F E B R U A R Y 1 5

A Valentine’s Day Love Fest – Visual Aid. $40. 7 pm to 9 pm. (Address upon RSVP) www.visualaid.org. Join Visual Aid, Annie Sprinkle and Elizabeth Stephens for a lively cocktail party at their home in San Francisco’s Bernal Heights while enjoying cocktails and an array of delicious foods.

“Old Wicked Songs” will be at the Center Repertory Company through March 2. (Photo: Kevin Berne)

Randy Alfred hosts Smack Dab Open Mic Night at Magnet on February 13. (Photo: James Merithew)

GLBT Caregivers – SFSU Campus. Free. 1:30 pm. (1600 Holloway St.) www.sfsu.edu. A support group to discuss issues among gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s. Meetings occur second Tuesdays of every month. Meow Mix – The Stud. Free. 9

pm. (399 9th St.) www.studsf.com. A weekly cabaret variety show with drink specials and captivating performances. Gay Comedy Sketch – Mark I. Chester Studio. Free. 6:30 pm. (1229 Folsom St.) www.markichester.com. A hilarious queer comedy show happening every Tuesday.

• 13 : W EDNESDAY The Wild Bride – Berkeley Repertory Theatre. $35. 7 pm. (2025 Addison St., Berkeley) www. berkeleyrep.org. Adapted and directed by Emma Rice, “The Wild Bride” is a grown-up fairy tale that follows a girl’s journey through a visual wonderland. Through February 17.

Smack Dab Open Mic Night – Magnet. Free. 8 pm. (4122 18th St.) www.magnetsf.org. An open mic night for all, with special guest Randy Alfred of Wired Magazine. Hosted by Larry-bob Roberts.

• 17 : S UNDAY

BIG! – The Stud Bar. Free. 6 pm to 1 pm. (399 9th St.) www.phattestevents.com. A monthly bear dance party with drink specials, go-go dancers and hot Djs. Happening every third Sunday.

• 14 : T HURSDAY

Joey Arias – Castro Theatre. $28/$75 VIP. 8 pm. (429 Castro St.) www.castrotheatre.com. New York’s spellbinding international downtown super/star Joey Arias plays the historic Castro Theatre in a Valentine’s Day concert extravaganza. Valentine’s Day with Lesbian Romance Authors – Laurel Book Store. Free. 6:30 pm. (4100 MacArthur Blvd., Oakland) www.laurelbookstore.com. Meet lesbian romance authors Mary Griggs and Karin Kallmaker while enjoying Valentine’s Day sweets and refreshments. Out in the Bay Gay Radio Valentines Special – KALW 91.7 FM. Free. 7 pm. (Radio Station KALW 91.7 FM) www.outinthebay. org. Hear the love story of pioneering activists Phyllis Lyon and the late Del Martin, the first samesex couple married in San Francisco City Hall.

Salsa Sundays – El Rio. $10. 3 pm to 8 pm. (3158 Mission St.) www.elriosf.com. Enjoy live music and dancing every second and fourth Sunday. Jazz vocalist Ellen Robinson will be at the Sound Room on February 16. (Credit: Ellen Robinson) collaboration with one’s partner. Second day: Sunday Feb. 17, 1 pm to 6 pm. Beatpig – Powerhouse. $5. 9 pm to 2 am. (1347 Folsom St.) www. beatbigsf.com. A kinky party on the third Saturdays of the month.

Serenity Art Exhibit – UCSF Women’s Health Center. Free. 10 am to 3 pm. (2356 Sutter St.) www.mckinleyartsolutions.com. UCSF Women’s Health Center invitational exhibit showcases 5 artists whose work encapsulates ‘serenity’. Through April 16.

• 18 : M ONDAY

Remember the Children – Freight and Salvage. $8.50. 1 pm to

3 pm. (2020 Addison St., Berkeley) www.thefrieght.org. Join Kitka’s beloved long-time collaborator Linda Tillery and friends for an afternoon sing along. RuPaul’s Drag Race Viewing Party – Toad Hall. Free. 9:30 pm. (4146 St.) www.toadhallbar.com. Enjoy the return of Drag Mondays at Toad Hall and watch RuPaul’s Drag Race every Monday evening. Monday Musicals: Superstar Edition – The Edge SF. Free. 7 pm to 2 am. (4149 18th St.) www. edgesf.com. Enjoy clips from your favorite movie musicals and Broadway shows.

• 19 : T UESDAY

Funny Tuesdays – Harvey’s. Free. 9 pm. (500 Castro St.) www. harveyssf.com. An LGBT comedy night hosted by Ronn Vigh. Israel Vibration – The Independent. $25. 9 pm. (628 Divisadero St.) www.theindependentsf.com. Reggae music group Israel Vibration performs live. Marilyn Manson – The Warfield. $40. 8 pm. (982 Market St.) www. thewarfieldtheatre.com. Hard rock metal superstar Marilyn Manson delivers an unforgettable performance.

• 15 : F RIDAY

Black LGBT History Experiences – African American Art & Culture Complex. Free. 6 pm to 9 pm. (762 Fulton St.) www. aaacc.org. Celebrate the lives of Black LGBT historical figures with live entertainment, food, and art.

More listings at www.sfbaytimes.com

• 20 : W EDNESDAY Old Wicked Songs – Center Repertory Company. $38-$47. 7:30 pm. (1601 Civic Dr., Walnut Creek) www.centerrep.org. Nominated for the Pulitzer Prize in Drama, this is the inspirational journey of two very different men, with music as their one common bond, who must find a way to break through their pasts. Through March 2. Red Hot Burlesque – El Rio. $5. 7 pm. (3158 Mission St.) www. elriosf.com. A hot, outrageous women’s burlesque show happening every Wednesday and Friday. Last Drag – LGBT Center. Free. 7 pm. (1800 Market St.) www.lastdrag.org. A free stop-smoking class for LGBT and HIV positive community. Happening every Wednesday.

Nijinsky – SF Ballet. $35-$310. 7:30 pm. (301 Van Ness Ave.) www.sfballet.org. SF Ballet’s LGBT Night Out presents “Nijinsky,” John Neumeier’s dance theater epic based on the tumultuous life of dancer Vaslav Nijinsky. Through February 19. Some Thing Funny – The Stud. $7. 10 pm to 1 am. (399 9th St.) www.studsf.com. Guest DJ Miss Pop hosts a fun evening with performances by Glamamore, Mahlae Balenciaga, Mutha Chucka and many more.

• 16 : S ATURDAY

Ellen Robinson – The Sound Room. $25. 8 pm. (2147 Broadway St., Oakland) www.soundroom.org. Join jazz vocalist Ellen Robinson for a live performance at the new Oakland venue, The Sound Room.

“The Wild Bride” will be at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre through February 17. (Photo: Kevin Berne)

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Couples Workshop – Mindful Partnership. $225/couple. 10 am to 4 pm. (1832 Gouldin Rd., Oakland) www.minfulpartnership.com. This two-day workshop is designed to strengthen participants’ relationship through mindfulness, skill building exercises, teachings and Bring in this ad for your 2 for 1 Napa Valley Tasting

BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

(ROSTOW continued from page 11) He Takes The Cake

—

POP ROX

So, if we ran a bakery, should we be required to design a cake that says “God Hates Gays?” Of course, the story in the news this week actually involves a Christian bakery in Oregon that has refused to make a cake for a lesbian wedding. But the question works both ways.

Super Bummed

By K. Cole

One thing that’s clear is that these cases are not a matter of “religious freedom,” as the baker bleats. Hating gay people, or blacks or anyone else, is not a matter of faith, and saying so doesn’t make it so. But it might be a First Amendment question, don’t you think? Oregon state law, along with that of many of its sister states, forbids discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in public accommodation. That would include businesses like the Evil Cake Makers in question. But would that law oblige someone to produce a message that violates his or her deeply held beliefs? Would a blackowned bakery be obliged to ice an Aryan Nation cake? Would a Jewish bakery be forced to craft a swastika? I think there’s a difference between refusing to serve a gay couple in a restaurant or clothing store, and refusing to make something that conveys an idea you despise. And for the record, there was another mean baker in Colorado, so don’t think I got the dateline wrong.

What do I do with a 150-word shortage at the end of this column? I think I will ask my San Francisco readers to forgive me for the Super Bowl. Naturally, I was rooting for the 49ers, but I also hoped that Chris Culliver would have a bad game as cosmic penance for his obnoxious comments about gay players. Thanks to the mixed messages I was sending to the Gods of football, we gave up a big touchdown and extended the Raven’s drive in the 4th quarter with a pass interference call. I blame myself. That said, am I the only one who thought Kaepernick could have run for a touchdown on second and goal at the end of the game? And while I’m not an expert, I was under the impression that the defender is not allowed to wrap his arms around a potential receiver and drag him off the play. One of the commentators said that it was “tough” to call holding at the end of a big game. Say what? You just throw away the rulebook because it’s a “big game?” Bottom line, my friends, we were robbed. — arostow@aol.com

(PROFILES IN COURAGE continued from page 10) In the last few years, Bob has emerged as a key fundraiser for LGBT candidates, including Scott Wiener, Rebecca Prozan, Campbell mayor Evan Low, and SF College board member Rafael Mandelman. Bob was an early supporter of Rep. Mark Takano, and raised money to help Takano win his 2012 race to become California’s first openly gay congressman. Bob was just elected to the board of directors of the Alice B. Toklas Democratic Club, the more moderate of San Francisco’s two largest LGBT political clubs. His favorite quote is: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” —Martin Luther King

Asked to name his local heroes, Bob said, “José Sarria first and foremost. And I love that he passed out notes that read, ‘I am a boy,’ for drag queens to pin to their dresses, so the police couldn’t arrest them for dressing as women with an intent to deceive, which used to be illegal.” Meeting Sarria through the LGBT Historical Society was “a major thrill,” Bob says. Bob also lists among his local heroes equality pioneers Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, Supervisor Harvey Milk, and educator Bernard Mayes, who co-founded San Francisco Suicide Prevention, KQED and National Public Radio. Bob is single and is looking for the right guy to spend his life with.

(SISTER DANA continued from page 18) Cupid get s chewed up a nd s pit out when t he L E S BI A N/G AY CHORUS OF S A N F R A N CISCO present s t heir 10t h a nnual Anti-Valentine’s Day Cabaret, L ove Bites: 10 Years and Still Masticating on Friday and Saturday, Februar y 8th and 9th, 8pm at the Mission Cultural Center, 2868 Mission and 25th Street

KATIE MULLINS “Wedding” Minimal, folk, alternative; all failed descriptions of the small, intimate world of Katie Mullins. This new release, reminding us of our own Penelope Houston, is best kept in a secret place where the sonic wonder of it can wash over you. You will feel better about it all. Best Cut: “Where I Am the Most” Location: Ear buds, third floor main library

Tickets $20 -$30 sl id ing sca le genera l ad m ission ava i lable onl i ne at brow npaper t icket s.com/ event/315413), LGCSF ’s website (lgcsf.org), or at the door.

TEGAN AND SARA “Hearthrob” Embracing dance pop and a truly LA sound, meaning smooth, overproduced and remote, Tegan and Sara have become pop darlings of the clean cut set with this seventh release. Is it for the better? I don’t think so, but they will have a great shot at some television soundtracks with this release. Ca-Ching. Best Cut: “Drove Me Wild” Location: Coldstone Creamery, Suburbia

LOGAN LYNN “Tramp Stamps and Birthmarks” Portland’s Logan Lynn is no great singer, but his rough edges are well suited to the bombastic beats of his new explicit release. It leans heavily on the synthetic pop based in the 80’s wave, so I’m not sure why I’m listening to this. Best Cut: “The Ghost of Someone Else” Location: Driving past the Cat Club on Folsom

Sister Dana sez, “Happy Chinese New Year! It’s the Year of the Snake, which seems particularly phallic to this nun!”

PH OTO BY R I NK

SWING OUT SISTER “Private View – Deluxe Release” Celebrating the 25th year since its first release, Swing Out Sister gives us the gift of satisfaction, honey. This sonic sugar package is best described as Brazil 66 meets Barry White. Corinne certainly swings it. Grab this CD to impress your friends with your musical cool. Best Cut: “Incomplete Without You” Location: Cats Corner, Mission Street

Celebrants at the well-attended benefit for the Northern California Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Community Foundation held at the Metreon. 22 BAY TIM ES FEBRUA RY 7 , 2 0 1 3

– K Cole has been reviewing music for major publications since it came via snail mail on cassettes. Submissions to Pop Rox by local LGBT artists encouraged. Join on Facebook.com/Pop-Rox-Bay-Times-San Francisco or send it in to: K Cole, Attn: Pop Rox, 308 Jones Street, Ukiah, CA 95482. Katharinecole@yahoo.com.

Round About Rocket Dog Rescue’s Cherise Suzuki with an adoptable terrier outside Mudpuppy’s Tub and Scrub on Castro Street. Photo by Rink

Curator E.G. Crichton with co-workers Jeff Raby, Ramon Silvestre and Elisabeth Cornu at the Migrating Archives exhibit of the GLBT Historical Society Museum. Photo by Rink

Artist Xiango Gao at the opening reception at Magnet of his exhibit, featuring depictions of insiders and outsiders of SF gay culture. Photo by Rink

AIDS Legal Referral Panel’s Bill Hirsh, Academy of Friends’ Beth Feingold, attorney Carl Wolf and Supervisor Scott Wiener at ALRP’s 30 Years of Justice From the Heart Campaign Kickoff. Photo by Rink Executive Director Jeff Cotter with friends at Rainbow World Fund’s Volunteer Appreciation Party. Photo by Rink

Dr. Frankie Bashan enjoying a recent Hey Girl Hey gathering with friends Nicole Roberts, Marianne Poon and Marina Garza. Photo courtesy of Frankie Bashan Empress and Emperor candidates Danielle Logan, Drew Cutler and Patty McGroin at the Presentation of Candidates held at the Encore Lodge. Photo by Rink

Board Co-Chairs Howard Edelman and Jason Halle gave remarks at the Academy of Friends Nominees Toast Gala Tomboy Tailors founder Zel Anders welcomes guests to the spirited Grand Opening party of the new store at its Crocker Galleria location. Photo by Jo-Lynn Otto, Special to the Bay Times at the Bubble Lounge. Photo by Rink BAY T IM ES F EBRUARY 7, 2013

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