Baby's and Beyond - Issue 2

babys beyond and

July - October 2014

The lowdown... on tearing down low Calling it quits Avoid the winter sniffles Education and training opportunities Meningitis: a mother’s anguish www.babysandbeyond.co.za

ISSN 2311-5467

9 772311 546706

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babys beyond and

CONTENTS Features 10 Baby bump 14

The lowdown... on tearing down low

17

Optimum nutrition for infants and toddlers

22

Calling it quits

25

Hormonal overload

30

The great math debate

34

Sex and pregnancy?

37

Meningitis: a mother’s anguish

41

The great trek: travelling with kids

44

Drugs: a slippery slope downhill

46

Education and training opportunities

53

Stem cells – a futuristic cure?

57

Making a date

59

Teen dating – when/how to let go

62

A toothy issue

64 Miscarriage 66

Sibling rivalry

70

Making your home baby-proof

84

Grandparents getting involved

86

Drowning in debt

Regulars

86 4

28 Dad’s diary: The blood inside me is the blood inside my children 54

Health: Avoid the winter sniffles

72

Health: Seasonal allergies

73

Subscribe and win!

74

Grab some grub: Bacon chicken wrap

75

rab some grub: Macaroni and G cheese

76

Kicks for kids www.babysandbeyond.co.za

Baby’s and Beyond July - October 2014

CREDITS babys beyond and

July - October 2014

The lowdown... on tearing down low

Editor: Tashne Singh tashne.singh@gmail.com Editorial Contributors Natasha Butler Jude Polack Heidi du Preez Debra Warwood Kevin Warwood Amanda and Conrad Stoffels

Calling it quits Avoid the winter sniffles

www.babysandbeyond.co.za

Education and training opportunities

Content Coordinator: Melanie Taylor artwork@mediaxpose.co.za

Meningitis: a mother’s anguish

Design: CDC Design carla@cdcdesign.co.za

www.babysandbeyond.co.za

Project Manager: Wendy Scullard wendy@babysandbeyond.co.za

ISSN 2311-5467

9 772311 546706

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babysandbeyond @babysandbeyond

Advertising Sales: Victoria Rose vicky@babysandbeyond.co.za Ehrin Manuel ehrin@babysandbeyond.co.za Chief Financial Officer: Shaun Mays shaun@mediaxpose.co.za Accounts Assistant: Melany Smith accounts1@mediaxpose.co.za Website: www.babysandbeyond.co.za Distribution: Universal Mail Link Printers: Tandym www.tandym.co.za

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404 Commerce House, 55 Short Market Street, Cape Town, 8001 PO. Box 15165, Vlaeberg, 8018 Tel: 021 424 3625 Fax: 086 544 5217 E-mail: info@babysandbeyond.co.za Disclaimer: The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher or its agents. While every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the information published, the publisher does not accept responsibility for any error or omission contained herein. Consequently, no person connected with the publication of this journal will be liable for any loss or damage sustained by any reader as a result of action following statements or opinions expressed herein. The publisher will give consideration to all material submitted, but does not take responsibility for damage or its safe return.

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22 25

ED’S NOTE Facing life’s challenges As I listen to stories of people from various walks of life, I am once again astounded by our resilience and our determination to forge ahead regardless of what life may throw our way.

In this edition we tackle a variety of realities facing people at different stages in their life.

An example of this is while everyone always talks about the “positive” aspects of pregnancy, little is communicated about the challenges that expectant mums face from raging hormones (Hormonal overload p.25) to difficult labour (The lowdown on tearing... down low p.14).

Then there is the challenge of making the difficult decision to divorce (Calling it quits p.22) and being a single dad not living with the family (The blood inside me is the blood inside my children p.28). But as these stories show us, that sometimes when we feel like complete failures, things happen for a reason and we can continue to have positive relationships.

Then when we have just finished dealing with teen aggression and finally have our little angels back, they want to start dating and we are knocked for a six (Teen dating p.59).

Parents are really the super-heroes of the world – juggling it all is a mammoth task yet few complain even when they are bogged down by debt (Drowning in debt p.86), or trying to plan a trip away with the kids (The Great Trek p.41), or just working really hard to ensure that their kids can attend institutions of higher education and training (Education and training opportunities p.46).

This edition is dedicated to all the super-parents out there who face challenge after challenge yet persevere throughout.

Best regards, Tashne

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FEATURE

Baby

Bump

By Natasha Butler

Doctors measure your pregnancy immediately after your menstrual period, although conception takes place two weeks after your menstruation. Therefore your pregnancy is counted as 40 weeks.

Week 1 The uterus prepares itself for fertilisation.

Week 2

transforms into an embryo with three different layers: the lungs, liver, digestive system and pancreas will develop in the inner layer; the muscles, skeleton, blood vessels, kidneys and heart will form in the middle layer; and the skin, hair, eyes, tooth enamel and the nervous system will make up the outer layer.

Week 5

Your ovary releases a ripened egg into your fallopian tube. When sperm penetrates the egg, that is the moment of conception.

Your baby’s heart starts beating which can be seen on an ultrasound. The nervous and circulatory systems, eyes, ears, lungs, intestines, bladder, kidneys liver and appendix develop.

Week 3

Week 6

The fertilised egg carries genes from you and your partner which will determine your baby’s physical characteristics, intelligence and personality, etc. It makes its way through the fallopian tube into the wall of the uterus for nourishment.

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You’ve just discovered that you’re pregnant and may be wondering how your baby’s growing. Here’s a detailed view on what’s happening in your womb.

The brain starts developing. The head is oversized in proportion to the body. Facial features, muscles and bones start forming. Little buds where the arms and legs will sprout are visible. The baby’s heart beats twice as fast as an adult’s.

Week 4

Week 7

The placenta brings oxygen and nutrients to your baby as it forms. Your baby is a ball of cells which

Veins are visible through the skin. The brain can be seen through the transparent skull. Your baby starts www.babysandbeyond.co.za

FEATURE

Week 5: Your baby’s heart starts beating which can be seen on an ultrasound.

to move in jerks, but you won’t feel it. Web-like fingers and toes, and the teeth and palate form. The liver produces red blood cells.

Week 8 Your baby is about 16mm long with clearer facial features. Organs start functioning and nerve cells in the brain start connecting with each other. The webbed look disappears on the feet and the baby’s wrists become more mobile. Taste buds start to form and eyelids grow further over the eyes.

Week 9 Reproductive organs start forming. The body is curled like a bean with the head half the size of the whole body. The eyelids further develop over the eyes and stay closed until week 26. Earlobes are visible. The arms grow longer and start to bend at the elbows.

Week 10 Your baby is now about 31mm long and weighs under 4g. Brain development speeds up and vital organs are at full function. Bones begin to harden and fingernails and fine hair grow. Your baby becomes more active.

Week 13 The body which was previously out of proportion is growing faster. The arms lengthen and your baby will be able to put his thumb in its mouth. The muscles in the cheeks are stronger and your baby can make sucking motions.

Week 14 Your baby measures 80mm from head to rump.

Facial muscles start to function and your baby can now make expressions. Fine hair which helps your baby retain body heat starts to grow over the skin and the eyebrows and hair on the head start growing too.

Week 15-18 Weight is about 70g. Your baby now hiccups. Legs grow longer and your baby can move its limbs.

The skeleton hardens. The umbilical cord has fully matured. Your baby can now inhale and exhale amniotic fluid through the lungs. The sweat glands develop and the body starts to store fat under the skin. The ears are more developed so your baby can hear sounds. Although your baby’s not yet breathing the chest moves up and down.

Week 11 Your baby starts inhaling amniotic fluid which aids in the development and growth of the lungs. Ears start moving into place on the head. The head is still out of proportion to rest of the body.

Week 12 Your baby is about 54mm long from head to rump.

Muscles develop further and your baby can open and close its fingers and curl his toes. Your baby starts to move its arms and legs but you won’t feel anything yet. The liver starts making bile and the kidneys secrete urine.

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Week 14: Facial muscles start to function and your baby can now make facial expressions.

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FEATURE Week 19-22 Your baby is now about 14.2cm long from head to rump and weighs about 240g. The brain starts developing the senses. You may be able to feel your baby move. A protective slick whitish coat starts to form over the skin. Your baby increasingly swallows to kick-start the digestive system. The fully developed eyelids allow your baby to blink.

The skin becomes less transparent as well as wrinkly and red. Tooth buds start to form beneath the gums.

Week 23-26 Your baby is now about 29cm long. Brain cells further develop and the lungs produce surfactant, a substance that helps the lungs to work. Your baby may hear your voice. Balance further develops and your baby knows if it’s upside down or not. Your baby has developed taste buds. The body fat increases which smooth out the wrinkled skin. Your baby starts to develop a sleep cycle. Around this time, your baby’s eyes begin to open. At the end of week 26 your baby weighs around 760g.

to sucking a finger. The head expands further to make room for the developing brain. Your baby is now more sensitive to light and sound. By the end of week 30, your baby is about 39cm long.

Week 31-34 With a weight at about 1.5kg, you baby more fully resembles a newborn. The internal organs further mature. The marrow in the bones now produces red blood cells. Skin further smooths out as your baby gets plumper. Your baby may start turning upsidedown in readiness for birth. The skull is soft for easy exit from the birth canal.

Week 35-38 At 35 weeks, hearing is fully developed. Fingernails and toenails are longer and the kidneys are in full working order. Your baby’s head is positioned in your pelvic area to make space for further growing legs.

The fine hair that had covered the body at 26 weeks has now disappeared, including the slick whitish fluid.

At the end of week 38 your pregnancy will be fullterm.

Week 27-30

Week 39-40

Weight is at about 1kg. By this stage you may feel your baby’s hiccups. Your baby’s eyes open and close and irises now have colour. Your baby is prone

The top layer of skin sloughs off to make way for new skin underneath. Hair thickens, and fingernails grow past the fingertips. At 40 weeks, if you haven’t given birth yet, your baby may put on some more weight and grow a bit taller.

The development of the foetus as it grows and starts to take form. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

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FEATURE

The lowdown ...

on tearing down low

The topic of tearing ‘down there’ during childbirth is not a pleasant one, but the more you know, the more you can do to prevent it.

Jude Polack, Director of active birthing hospital, Genesis Clinic, answers moms’ questions about perineal tearing.

What is a perineal tear?

When baby’s head crowns during childbirth, the tissue around the vaginal opening can tear. Typically, tears range from mere skin snicks which heal on their own after childbirth (called first-degree tears), to tears involving vaginal tissue and the perineal muscles, which will need a few stitches in the delivery room (second-degree tears). Far more rare are third- and fourth-degree tears, involving the vaginal tissue, perineal muscles, anal sphincter and at worst, tissue within the rectum. These tears require repair in theatre.

Understandably, moms delivering vaginally are often concerned about the pain of tearing. The good news is that you are unlikely to feel the tear during labour, since the skin is stretched taut, making it quite numb.

Afterwards however, pain will vary depending on the severity of the tear; in most cases, since the majority of tearing is either first- or second-degree, moms report stinging rather than actual throbbing pain.

Will I definitely get a tear?

The only delivery where a wound is a certainty is a Caesarean section. For a natural birth, the chances of going home with a tear are significantly smaller: around 40% for first-time moms, and 20% in subsequent deliveries, with only 0.6%-0.9% of vaginal deliveries resulting in a severe tear, according to James, Steer, Weiner and Gonik in “High Risk Pregnancy Management Options” (2005, Saunders Elsevier).

What increases my risk of tearing?

Baby’s size and position during the birth have a big influence. Babies who are large for their gestational age or over 40 weeks are more likely to cause tearing. Risks also increase with babies born face first or facing mom’s front instead of her back, and with those who have a hand, elbow or shoulder protruding.

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Mom’s position during delivery is another factor.

The rate of perineal tearing is higher in a traditional hospital environment where moms are required to deliver on their backs, often with their legs in stirrups; this is a particularly bad position for tear prevention.

Medical intervention also significantly raises the risk, with forceps delivery probably the biggest culprit.

Epidurals also have an impact, since they stop moms feeling the urge to push. Moms often end up pushing too early which can lead to a prolonged second stage of labour – a known risk factor in tearing – or they push too hard before the perineum has stretched sufficiently.

An augmented labour, where labour is helped along by drugs, further ups the risk. Contractions are often stronger than normal, which can cause the baby to crown too early and quickly.

My mom says I should have an episiotomy rather than risk tearing.

Is she right?

This used to be the accepted thinking, but experience has shown that episiotomies, where the perineum is cut by the doctor or midwife, do not reduce the severity of tearing. In fact, an episiotomy increases the risk of having a more severe third- or fourth-degree tear. Just think how hard it is to tear material, yet if you make a little nick, the fabric rips easily; the same happens with an episiotomy.

A perineal tear is usually only superficial, running through the skin, whereas an episiotomy cuts right through skin and muscle. This means episiotomies are usually more painful and slower to heal since they’re much deeper. The ragged edge of a natural tear is easier to match back if stitches are needed, so the wound heals with less scarring.

Episiotomies are only necessary in emergency situations when your baby needs to come out immediately, and there is no time to allow the perineum to stretch naturally. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

FEATURE

How can I prevent a tear?

There is no way to guarantee that you won’t experience some degree of tearing during birth, but there are a number of ways to minimise the risk.

• Perineal massage in the last six weeks of pregnancy can help to soften and stretch the perineum. Ask your antenatal educator or midwife to show you the ropes.

• Emotional readiness for the birth is a big factor. If mom is ready and has done visualisations, then she’s not tense and stressed and her muscles are softer.

• If possible, deliver on your hands and knees, which is the best position since baby isn’t being dragged out against your perineum.

• Even if you aren’t allowed to deliver on your hands and knees, you can do a lot to ensure a slow, controlled second stage, which is probably the biggest factor in reducing perineal tears. Push very slowly and only when you feel a contraction, and resist doing ‘red-faced’ pushing. As the baby starts crowning, don’t bear down on the contraction. Your midwife or antenatal educator will guide you on this.

Good wound care is important; ice packs will help reduce swelling and discomfort. Keep the area clean and don’t fiddle with the wound; salt baths are a great way to disinfect your wound while easing the discomfort.

If the wound stings when you go to the loo, pour warm water over the area while you urinate. You can also take stool softeners if it’s painful when you have a bowel movement.

Knowing all this, maybe it’s less risky to just opt for a Caesarean?

If I do tear, what happens next?

How you decide to have your baby is your personal choice, but remember that whether natural or by Caesarean, there is no pain-free, risk-free way to get a baby out of your body.

Neither birth routes are without risks; both have their own set of associated problems which you should take into consideration.

While you’re weighing up your risks of getting a bad perineal tear, also weigh up your chances of having an infected C-section incision that will require surgical repair, which happens in around 4-8% of Caesareans.

And while you might be caring for a wound if you give birth naturally, you’ll definitely be caring for one after a Caesarean.

Second-degree tears will be stitched by your doctor or midwife under local anaesthetic, while third- and fourth-degree tears will be repaired in theatre.

For further information please visit www.genesisclinic.co.za.

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FEATURE FEATURE

Optimum nutrition

for infants and toddlers

By Heidi du Preez, Pr.Sci.Nat.

It starts with mom Infant feeding starts with you, the mother. During pregnancy, your diet and lifestyle determines how well developed and nourished your baby will be. A mother’s nutritional status at the time of conception, and in the first weeks to follow, is the single most important determinant of a baby’s growth in those critical early stages, and ultimately their health status later in life.

If you want a truly healthy baby, you should follow a very good balanced wholefood diet. At the same time, toxic substances such as synthetic chemicals (preservatives, flavourants, colourants and other environmental chemicals) could have critical consequences for the development and ultimate health of your baby. These substances accumulate over the years in fatty tissues and are passed on to the next generation across the placenta and via breast milk.

There are no rigid rules in feeding your baby. Use your maternal instinct and common sense and follow your child’s natural instinct. There are more malnourished than underfed children in affluent homes. Take the stress out of mealtimes and remember that a loving environment is the best emotional ‘nourishment’ that you can give to your child.

From 0 to 6 months Breastfeeding is ideal. It provides your baby with all the nutrients it needs for optimal growth in its early stages. Breast milk is the most nutritionally complete www.babysandbeyond.co.za

and easily digested food for your baby. It contains at least 400 essential nutrients, hormones, antibodies and other co-factors that your baby needs for optimal growth and development, and to help her fight off a range of illnesses. Breastfeeding exclusively for the first 6 months of your baby’s life has been shown to improve its overall health in infancy and can even reduce the risk of it developing certain conditions in adulthood. The topic of when to introduce solids is as controversial as ever. Until the 1920’s babies were almost exclusively breast fed for the first year of life. Since then, solids have been introduced earlier and earlier. Today, solids are usually introduced between 4 and 6 months of age.

When is the right age to introduce solids? There are many factors at play determining health and allergy development in children and therefore research studies deliver contradictory results. Gut permeability, gut micro-flora, breastfeeding or bottle feeding, premature or full term, increase in vaccinations, genetics and parent’s health are some of the factors that will affect your baby’s ultimate health status.

The intestine of an infant during the first 4 months is very porous. This means that foreign proteins in allergy producing foods are easily absorbed from the intestine into the blood. This could allow the early process of allergy and disease to begin1,2. Exclusive breastfeeding and the late introduction of solids may have a beneficial effect on childhood health and subsequent adult disease3,4.

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Feature Formula milk If there are very good reasons why breastfeeding is not possible, then use formula milk. However, take note that no milk formula would ever come close to mother’s milk. Probably the easiest way to pick out the best formula milk is to compare the zinc content – the higher the better. The milk should also contain manganese, chromium and selenium, although many don’t. It’s also ideal to supplement your formula-fed baby’s diet with essential fats commonly known as omega-3 and omega-6.

For the first 6 months, give her a quarter of a teaspoon of high-quality cod liver oil or fish oil, then give half a teaspoon from 6 months to a year. This can either be added to the bottle or rubbed into the tummy or inside thigh, as it will be absorbed directly into her bloodstream via the skin. The healthy bacteria present in breast milk is lacking in formula milk, and this can lead to digestive upsets (diarrhoea or constipation), colic, eczema, nappy rash and even asthma. Use an infant probiotic containing Bifidobacterium infantis to prevent this. Add the contents of one capsule or quarter of a teaspoon of the probiotic once a day to a warmed bottle of formula milk. Don’t add the probiotic before heating as the process will kill the beneficial bacteria. If your baby had a caesarean birth, giving her an infant probiotic during the first month will also be very beneficial. Babies born naturally pick up the beneficial bacteria through the birth canal from their mother. Probiotics will help reduce the chances of her developing food allergies and will boost immunity, among many other health benefits.

From 6 to 9 months During this stage milk is still the main food source providing most of the nutrients. However, you will slowly start to wean your baby onto solids. The right time to introduce solids is usually when baby can hold her head up, sit upright, first teeth appearing and show an interest in food.

At the start of weaning, give your baby food that is very easily digested. It is best to start with cooked, puréed vegetables. Slightly steam or cook the vegetables, then purée with a little boiled filtered water. Initially offer solids between milk feeds, when your baby is a little hungry, but not ravenous. The optimal digestive time for first meals is between 10h00 and 14h00, therefore initially feed solids during this time. Start with small amounts, one teaspoon per meal, and gradually increase the amount.

Only introduce one new food per week to determine any adverse reactions, thus initially only make single purées. When well tolerated, mixed combinations of vegetables can be given. After 8 to 9 months, you can start adding grains (cereals) to the diet. First try them puréed on their own, before mixing with fruits or vegetables. Introducing grains (especially wheat) too soon can lead to constipation, blocked noses and itchy skin and increase the tendency towards food intolerances and Celiac disease5.

No processed food containing preservatives, colourants or flavourants should be given to your

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baby. Don’t add sugar, salt or fat (for example butter) to your baby’s food. Processed packaged meals should be the exception rather than the rule. They are not as nutritious as freshly home-prepared meals and might contain added chemicals, for example preservatives and artificial sweeteners. When you are away from home, rather take a ripe avocado and banana with you and mash as needed.

Good first food choices include: sweet potato, butternut, gem squash, carrot, spinach, broccoli, baby marrow, ripe banana, papaya, avocado, apple, pear, peach, apricot, kiwi and mango; whole grains such as brown rice, millet, sorghum, quinoa and amaranth. It is better to use the cooked whole grain and then purée, than to use refined flours to make porridge. Don’t use boxed cereals.

To make life easier, spoon the puréed food into an ice tray with medium-sized ice cubes and freeze.

This enables you to defrost one or two cubes at a time, just enough to make up one meal. Do not use a microwave oven to heat up food, rather reheat in a small pot on the stove. Add a little filtered water to prevent burning. Never use aluminium cookware or containers to heat food. If a fruit or vegetable can be given raw, then leave it raw, for example, bananas, avocados, very ripe pears or papaya. Fruit can simply be peeled and then puréed.

From 9 to 12 months Start to introduce the coarser textures of mashed, minced or grated food and more variety. The sooner your baby becomes use to textured food, the better.

Coarser food helps with speech development and if you keep your baby on puréed food for too long, you might have difficulty introducing a varied diet at a later stage. Finger foods, for example a piece of steamed carrot or sliced apple, will also bring relief with teething. However, the food should not be too coarse, since babies do not yet have enough teeth to break the food down properly, which could result in poor digestion.

At this stage you can start to add protein to the diet slowly. Good examples are free-range eggs and chicken, white deep-water fish, organic meat or venison, beans and pulses (e.g. chickpeas) and a little live natural yoghurt. Be cautious of egg and dairy allergies. Introduce a wider variety of vegetables, for example cabbage, green beans, peas, cauliflower and beetroot. Whole grains such as buckwheat, maize, oats, barley and rye can start to form part of the feeding plan. Wheat is one of the most common allergens and should ideally be avoided for as long as possible in the diet.

From 12 to 24 months It is ideal to continue breastfeeding for as long as possible, even while your baby is enjoying a diet of solid foods. The immunological properties of breast milk continue to provide both nutrition and protection from illness for as long as your baby continues to drink.

It is advisable to supplement your breast feeds with alternative milk to take some burden off you. Goat’s www.babysandbeyond.co.za

feature milk is less allergenic than cow’s milk because it is more easily digested. Various researchers and experts stress the potential dangers of soy for the developing human body (see further reading at end). During the first year milk is very important – babies can thrive on milk alone. In the second year of life 400-500 ml of milk every 24 hours is enough.

Other food and forms of protein should also form part of their diet.

Although it is important that your baby gets enough protein, meat and dairy should not be the main source. Also include beans, lentils, chickpeas, quinoa and seed vegetables (e.g. green beans) in the diet. Seeds and nuts contain a fair amount of protein. Good examples of animal protein are organic meat, ostrich mince, turkey, free-range chicken and eggs, cottage cheese and fish high in essential oils.

I breastfed my son until he was 18 months, after which he ‘craved’ meat (therefore protein).

Children have a natural instinct for what is good and essential for them. Although it’s important to balance their meals with fruit, vegetables and whole grains along with protein, do not become too desperate when your child has certain cravings or picks out all the meat and cheese from the rest of the food. If your toddler is only interested in one particular food, build on that as the main ingredient or dish and serve others with it. Your toddler should get at least six portions of multi-coloured fruits and vegetables per day. Limit it to one or two fruit, with four to five portions of vegetables. Whole grains are important, but should not be the staple food.

Every single meal might not be balanced, but it is important that the overall diet is well balanced.

Fruit and vegetables that can be introduced are tomatoes, strawberries, oranges, mixed berries, guavas, pitted fresh dates, garlic, onion and potatoes. Nightshade vegetables and acidic fruit should not be given in the first 12 months. Nuts and seeds are high in essential fatty acids and minerals, especially zinc, which is very important to your toddler. Grind the seeds and sprinkle over breakfast and spread nut butters on oat, corn or rice cakes.

Good examples are hazelnuts, brazil nuts, cashew nuts and almonds; sunflower, pumpkin, sesame and flaxseeds.

Other ideas • Ice-lollies made with puréed fruit and for variety add yoghurt, kefir or rooibos tea.

• Smoothies – purée fruit and add mixed seeds and/ or yoghurt or kefir.

• Use carob to flavour natural live yoghurt.

When weaning onto solids, it’s important that your baby still drinks enough liquid (between 800 to 1 000 ml per day). However, drinking too much liquid, especially milk, will curb their appetite for nutritious solids. Filtered water should be the main thirst quencher. Alternatively, also give organic rooibos and honey bush tea. You can even add some vitamin C powder and raw honey with propolis to the tea to boost the immune system. Freshly squeezed fruit or vegetable juice, for example carrot and apple, is a much better option than boxed (processed) fruit juice. If given, always dilute fruit juice with filtered water (1:3).

Supplements A varied and nutritious diet is the key foundation to good health. However, the reality is that even the best diets can fail to provide all the nutrients we need. Children, in particular, can be picky eaters. There’s also the logistical challenge of providing a day’s meals perfectly balanced in every nutrient. During your baby’s first 6 months, only supplement with essential fatty acids if you are not breastfeeding. Probiotics are also important, especially when antibiotics are used. Although there are vitamin drops available for infants, it is advisable to start supplementing your baby’s diet only between the ages of 9 to 12 months.

Supplements will not make up for a poor diet.

Ideally give wholefood or ‘food state’ supplements e.g. barley or wheat grass. It’s best to give the supplement with breakfast, since some might have a stimulatory effect.

Toxicity Limit the exposure to toxic substances. Educate yourself on the pros and cons of vaccinations. Most vaccines are preserved with mercury. Asthma, liver disorders, depression, mental retardation in children, autism and dermatitis are some of the conditions that have been linked to mercury poisoning.

Good nutrition should be the key to combating illness. Enjoy your healthy child.

References: 1. http://adc.bmj.com/content/89/4/295.1.full.pdf+html 2. http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/ doi/10.1111/j.1651-2227.1983.tb09738.x/abstract 3. http://www.bmj.com/content/316/7124/21 4. http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/65/6/1178. full.pdf+html 5. http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article. aspx?articleid=200903

Heidi du Preez is a Professional Natural Scientist, who obtained her masters degree in Food Science. She is currently specialising in Nutritional Medicine. Heidi has a private practice in Cape Town. She uses a holistic, naturopathic approach, incorporating diet, supplementation, detoxification and spiritual well-being in her treatment regimen. Her focus is on the prevention and cure of chronic, metabolic and degenerative diseases. Heidi is the author of the health recipe book Naturally Nutritious Wholefood Cookbook. (website: www.naturalnutrition.co.za)

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FEATURE

Calling it

quits

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www.babysandbeyond.co.za

FEATURE

A few years ago, I thought leaving my husband would make my life better. I had a stable lifestyle and a strong bank balance. I made a decision where I felt good about myself as a person and enjoyed an independent lifestyle. My daughter was only two years old when we made the decision to get divorced.

By Debra Warwood The worst part was sitting in my lawyer’s office where my husband and I were trying to come to an agreement around assets, property and custody.

I knew I would get custody, because I was willing to fight. The anger we had towards each other meant we had nothing good to say towards each other. We communicated only by text or emails. We exchanged messages because we could not come to an agreement while talking face-to-face.

Soon enough, I began to notice my daughter withdrawing. She was restless in her sleep. She constantly kicked and fought with me in her sleep.

I realised that she needed someone to explain why her mum and dad were not together anymore as we never sat down with her and told her that we were going through a divorce. It is not and easy thing to explain divorce to a two year old.

I see myself as a very strong woman, but because of the situation we were caught up in, it made me realise how weak I was. We decided to take what some would call drastic steps. For the first appointment with a child psychologist, I could not endure the thought of my child seeing a psychologist, so her dad took her.

After her first session, she came home, and I just broke down in tears thinking how could I let my child go through this situation and started putting all the blame on myself as I thought I was a failure. I started to regret my decision and was disappointed in myself for not trying harder to make it work for the sake of my daughter. I felt so alone even though my family and friends thought I had such a great independent life. I started to doubt myself and ended up in a toxic relationship where I lost myself self-respect.

My ex-husband gave me an option, to hand my daughter over to him until I was back on my feet again. I accepted since I knew deep down that the life I had with my partner would not be a good example for her. It was the worst seven months I had ever endured. When she called, singing happy birthday to me and asked me when I was coming back was heart breaking, and I realised that she went through so much and that it was time to think of her and only her. I ended that dysfunctional relationship with my partner.

Her dad immigrated and we were given the opportunity to join him. We thought that it could potentially be a second chance to be a family again, but unfortunately it still did not work. Far away from all the support, I was forced again to stand on www.babysandbeyond.co.za

my own two feet and make a life with my daughter.

I was much stronger. I was adamant that I had to make it work without breaking down and making the wrong decisions. She was only five years old by then and had to start school.

In a foreign country and you don’t have your father, mother, family or friends, you must talk to someone and I was forced to talk things through with my ex. We still had our fights, to the point that I refused to allow him to speak to his daughter.

We were trying so hard to make each other’s life unbearable and used our daughter as the weapon.

I ended up moving to another city and enjoyed having her all to myself, but many times when I walked into her room, she was crying. She went to bed with her dad’s photo on her pillow crying herself to sleep. Every school holiday she flies to her dad for a week or two and when she comes back, she withdraws from me and behaves poorly.

Then one morning she just fainted while I was busy combing her hair. Seeing my daughter on the floor I realised everything was getting too much for her. We always just expect children to accept our decisions and don’t always realise what a traumatic experience it is for them. From that day I made big changes. I searched my soul, trying to see what I can do to make things better and easier for her. I called her father and made peace asking for forgiveness for all the pain I caused him and released all the anger and hurt I went through, which was passing on to my daughter.

It has been an emotional rollercoaster ride in the past few years and the challenges of being a single parent are huge and complex. My daughter endured many unstable environments over the past few years, but I feel blessed that she turned out to be the best daughter I could ever wish or ask for. She will be starting her intermediate schooling next year, and she has asked me if she could share the last few school years left with her dad. Again, I had to make a decision that was extremely difficult.

Being a mother is one of the most difficult jobs, but I can see that by some of the decisions she makes, she is turning out to be a thoughtful and balanced young lady. All the advice I impart to my daughter is to ensure that she becomes a beautiful, independent young woman. I know that she will learn from my mistakes and take to heart all the valuable lessons I have taught her. It is my privilege to walk alongside her in life because I love her.

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FEATURE

Hormonal

overload

Finally! After months/years of trying, there is light at the end of the tunnel – you are pregnant and excited at the prospect of having a bundle of joy.

You eagerly anticipate the famous pregnancy “glow” and the surge of love for the yet to be born baby… But while you may experience these feelings, people rarely talk about the bouts of moodiness and the physical changes that takes its toll on a woman’s body.

While many talk about the pregnancy “glow”, the somewhat negative aspects of pregnancy are brushed under the carpet. Every woman experiences pregnancy differently, but it is not uncommon for women to experience periods of heightened emotions – both good and bad. At some stages women may feel unbridled joy at having a baby, and the next moment doubt seeps in and you may have mixed feelings about having a baby – is this the right time; will you be a good mum; what have you gotten yourself into. In addition to these feelings of doubt, there are also the physical changes to take into account – are you putting on too much weight; bloating; are you still attractive and so forth.

The truth of the matter is that pregnancy has the ability to turn a rational, calm woman into a rather unpredictable person – smiling one moment and a heap of tears the next moment. This is completely normal, and we even know the culprit – hormones. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

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FEATURE Early pregnancy Following conception, the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) kicks into gear assisting in readying the womb and placenta. During the first 10 weeks of pregnancy, the level of HCG approximately doubles every two days. The downside of HCG is that it is thought to be responsible for bouts of morning sickness and fatigue. In addition to these side-effects, you may experience a sensitive bladder as HCG increases the blood supply to your pelvis, which in turn translates into more frequent urination – the good news is that this condition eases up after the first trimester and returns much later once the foetus is bigger and starts to exert pressure on your bladder.

Oestrogen and progesterone Oestrogen and progesterone can be considered the main hormonal culprits during pregnancy.

On the plus side, these hormones play a pivotal role in ensuring optimal development for the foetus. Here are some of the side effects caused by these hormones: • As a result of increasing levels of progesterone and oestrogen, women may experience tender breasts.

This should abate after the first trimester.

• A woman’s sense of smell is also heightened meaning that certain foods – due to its smell – might not appeal to you any longer.

• Progesterone can also cause bouts of extreme fatigue, however energy levels should return to normal once you enter your second trimester.

• Progesterone may also cause heartburn and acid reflux.

• Progesterone softens cartilage, which may be the cause of pubic/hip bone pain.

• Women may also experience bloating.

Hormones and the emotional connection Any significant change in hormonal levels has a direct effect on mood. The reason for this is that changes in hormonal levels have the ability to affect the levels of neurotransmitters – brain chemicals that are responsible for regulating your mood. Emotions can be magnified – if you are happy, you may feel the urge to cry with joy. In the same vein, if you are experiencing any doubt or anxiety at having a baby, this too will be magnified. Tears are normal – blame it on the hormones.

After birth You have had the baby, but this does not mean your hormone levels are back to normal. Following birth, hormone levels take a deep dive. This can result in you experiencing the “baby blues”. This, in addition to lack of sleep and the stress of having a baby can cause moodiness as well. This should last a few weeks, however in extreme cases women may suffer from post natal depression. If this is the case, consult a medical practitioner.

While hormones are to blame for a lot of uncomfortable physical and emotional effects during pregnancy, it is important to note that these hormones play a critical role in a healthy pregnancy. But most importantly, do not feel anxious about how you are feeling. Pregnancy, while an exciting journey, can be difficult for a woman too. While some women may go through pregnancy in a blissful haze of pregnancy “glow”, not all women do. It can be an emotional roller-coaster with some uncomfortable physical side effects such as bloating, pain, heartburn etc.

Remember, blame it on the hormones.

Tips to manage

mood swings

Call time-out: Don’t try to do everything at once.

You have nine months until the baby arrives – there is no need to get the nursery, the house revamped and all the shopping done in the first few months.

Me-time: Going hand-in-hand with time-out, remember to make some time for yourself to do things that you enjoy. It could be lounging with a good book, snuggling up on the couch or partaking in a hobby that is not harmful to your pregnancy.

Get a sound board: You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed or anxious. Speak to other mums about their experiences or chat to your girlfriends or

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a supportive partner about your feelings. They will most likely provide you with the essential support you need.

Get plenty of sleep: Feelings of fatigue during pregnancy are normal. Don’t feel bad if you need to sleep earlier in the evening.

Have a healthy diet and do some pregnancyfriendly exercises to stay fit.

Note the source: Identify stressors in your life and work on changing what you can to decrease stress levels.

If you are suffering severe depression or anxiety, consult a medical practitioner.

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DAD’S DIARY

The blood inside me is the blood inside my children Divorce is a harsh reality in this day and age and often takes its toll on the children. Here is my honest account of being a dad that tried my best to show my children that although we did not live together anymore, they remained my priority…

By Kevin B Warwood

After a number of good years and a few bad ones, we broke up. There were many reasons, sphinx-like at the time, but most now diminishing from memory. You will have your reasons too. The differences we had together became the differences we also had apart as we still fought over money and possessions. The one thing we didn’t fight over (much) was custody of the children. I had two boys, one 10 and one eight and it broke my heart that they would only be with me, in the new city I lived in, for the holidays. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. It tore me up.

I prepared for every holiday, planning my own breaks from work so we could do all sorts of activities and adventures. Who am I kidding? I had a bond to pay, rent on a new place and a struggling business at the time. I worked every hour God gave me just to make ends meet. I struggled with time to be with the boys so resorted to taking them to work with me. I felt I was letting them down and wanted so much to be ‘that’ dad that could pay for the movies, ice-creams and buy the latest ‘thing’ from the shops for them.

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The funny thing is now, the boys tell me the best time they ever had was when they were with me and it didn’t much matter that it wasn’t at the movies, they just wanted to hang out with dad.

There are a number of things you should try to do as a single father that can help your relationship with your children even when you’re not living with them such as: •B e Consistent – “Being a great father is like shaving.

No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.” – Reed Markham. Don’t

I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. It tore me up. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

DAD’S DIARY

break your promises. Be consistent with all things, expectations, discipline, the home, and messages like being neutral when you talk about your ex-wife in front of the children, hammering home the love you have for them and that the break up was not their fault … It was the parents.

• Make a Home – “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.” – Sigmund Freud. When the children come to your place, things will be strange for a while until they get their feet. Make it a home and make them feel protected in their dad’s life. If you can set them aside a room, then don’t change it between visits.

• Spend Time with Them – “Spending time with your child is more important than spending money on them.” I took my boys to work with me as I struggled to get time off and pay the bills. They remember those times fondly and although not ideal, they were safe, healthy and entertained but more importantly they felt wanted and close to me.

Simple things can be the best solutions to spending time with your children. It doesn’t have to be at the movies or a fun park.

• Keep in Contact – Skype and Facebook make it so easy to keep in touch with the boys, even today. You can even play online games together these days. It won’t take long to get bored with the telephone chats so find a way to play with your children online. This is quality time and that is exactly what they need, quality time with their dad.

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My responsibility is to make them the very best they can be and that means to be better than me.

The blood inside me is the blood inside my children.

They are my family. My responsibility is to make them the very best they can be and that means to be better than me.

Forced back tears welled up in my eyes as two pairs of eyes stared through road wash stains on the window of the bus taking my sons away again. I would beat myself up for a few days as I put myself on trial. Did I do enough for them this time? Will they want to come back? All of these questions would circle me, waiting for that moment of inactivity to pop out and remind me of my job as a father to two boys.

The challenge does not go away and the result is not seen for many years, but all you can do is be there for them, guide them into adulthood and be ready to talk with them about the past, present and future.

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FEATURE

The great

math debate

What is maths literacy?

According to the Department of Basic Education: “Mathematical Literacy provides learners with an awareness and understanding of the role that mathematics plays in the modern world.

Mathematical Literacy is a subject driven by liferelated applications of mathematics. It enables learners to develop the ability and confidence to think numerically and spatially in order to interpret and critically analyse everyday situations and to solve problems.”

Maths literacy focuses on math concepts and how it can be applied to daily life. For example lessons will include: calculating income tax; the pros and cons of hire-purchase; how bond repayments work inclusive of the calculations for legal and transfer fees etc.

What is math?

Math involves the study of abstract problem solving and reasoning. Learners study algebra, arithmetic, geometry, trigonometry etc.

Why are learners choosing maths literacy over math?

Over the past few years, South Africa has taken a mighty knock with regard to core math levels – some surveys even go as far as listing South Africa near the bottom of the pile in comparison to other countries.

Many learners choose maths literacy as they

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struggle to grasp concepts of core maths. It is often seen as the “easier subject”.

But is it just an aptitude problem? One of the major challenges in basic education is the lack of math teachers. It has been reported that at some schools, English or any other subject specialist teachers are teaching maths due to the lack of math teachers.

In addition, at some schools English remains a challenge. It thus makes concepts of maths harder to impart thus resulting in learners performing poorly.

In addition, some reports show that teachers who are teaching math perform poorly too in the subject as they have insufficient training in the subject and curriculum.

What are the ramifications?

Learners are expected to make their own decisions with regard to whether they choose math or maths literacy. The pros of maths literacy is that it aims to train leaners for the real world. The pros of math is that opens more doors for learners when choosing to study further and offers more career options. Math students for example may enter fields of study such as medicine, engineering, and other science-related fields. The problem with math is that it can be a challenging subject to many learners. The problem with maths literacy is that if leaners decide later that they want to be a scientist or a doctor, they are blocked from studying in these fields. Learners need to think carefully about the choice they make so it does not affect their future goals. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

FEATURE

Sex and pregnancy?

This is often a question many women have, but is not usually discussed. Is it okay to be sexually active while pregnant?

Firstly, each woman experiences pregnancy differently. Some women feel more sexual and aroused when pregnant. In some women hormonal levels can cause fatigue, nausea and so forth hence so they might not be in the mood as per their usual sex drive. And for some women, insecurities might seep in due to change in body shape – but remember your pregnant body is beautiful.

But is it safe to have sex while pregnant? The answer is that as long as your pregnancy is proceeding along normally you may engage in sexual activity as frequently as your wants.

Will sex hurt the baby?

Rest assured your baby is snug in your uterus and well-protected by amniotic fluid and the muscles of the uterus.

Condomise?

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can adversely affect your pregnancy and your baby. It is essential to use condoms if your partner has an STI; if you and your partner are not monogamous; and if you decide to have sex with a new partner during your pregnancy.

• Have a history of preterm labour; • Have a history of miscarriage; • Are experiencing vaginal bleeding that cannot be explained; • Are expecting twins, triplets etc.; • Your placenta is too low in the uterus; • Are leaking amniotic fluid; and • Your cervix has opened too early.

What if you are not in the mood?

Don’t feel bad. Your body is going through myriad of changes and your hormones are screaming – you could be tired, nauseous or anxious. The main thing to do here is to communicate openly with your partner. Explain to him what you are feeling. It does not mean if you don’t want to have sex that all intimacy needs to vanish – kissing and holding each other can provide intimacy.

Are there any particular positions for sex during pregnancy?

Most sexual positions are okay.

The main thing is to ensure you are comfortable. Sexual positions should be determined by your level of comfort. You might find as the baby grows, so too will your preferences for particular positions. After the fourth month of pregnancy avoid the missionary position – this helps you avoid the weight of the growing baby constricting major blood vessels.

When should sex be avoided?

Most women can continue to have sex throughout their pregnancy, however some can’t. It is best to consult your doctor who might say you should stop if you:

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FEATURE

Meningitis:

a mother’s anguish

After a perfectly routine pregnancy, Taryn Slingers never assumed that her baby would pick up meningitis. This is a brief glimpse into Taryn’s and Jemmah’s difficult journey of uncertainty – how did this happen and how to move forward...

Cred

it: Sh

aun

May s

Taryn Slingers had a smooth pregnancy and eagerly anticipated the birth of her child. Even when she went into labour on the Friday at a Cape Town public hospital she did not expect anything to go wrong. This was further reinforced by her and baby Jemmah being discharged on the Saturday.

But by Sunday she was alarmed – something was wrong. Jemmah was not drinking properly and she was not waking up. Taryn immediately rushed the baby to the hospital and was told that this was normal. After being told that everything was fine, Taryn felt she had no choice but to return home – they were professionals and obviously they knew better?

By Monday, after enduring a stressful Sunday, Taryn’s belief that things were not right with Jemmah was reinforced so she bundled up the baby and went to consult with a doctor. The doctor diagnosed Jemmah as having jaundice. Taryn was also informed that the baby had picked up meningitis.

Meningitis is the inflammation of the meninges, the membranes that line the brain and spinal cord. Meningitis that affects newborns – up to three months old – is referred to as neonatal meningitis. There are two types of meningitis, viral and bacterial. Taryn was informed that Jemmah had bacterial meningitis which can cause deafness, www.babysandbeyond.co.za

Jemmah, Edwina and Taryn

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FEATURE

www.babysandbeyond.co.za

Credit: Shaun Mays

blindness, developmental delays, speech loss, muscle problems, kidney failure, seizures and even death.

Babies can contract meningitis during birth if the mother is infected with group B strep bacteria.

But Taryn was tested for this and it was negative.

One of the hospital staff informed Taryn that the baby could have picked up meningitis due to the fact that the nurse that handled Jemmah in the delivery room did not have gloves on and this could have potentially exposed the baby to bacterial meningitis.

The journey from there on has been difficult to say the least.

Jemmah has stopped breathing on more than 20 occasions. Throughout this tumultuous time she was regularly in and out of the hospital, but sadly according to Taryn some of the nurses were rude and unhelpful. Taryn mentions an incident where Jemmah was having a particularly difficult time so she sought out a nurse to gain some help with regard to what to do. She was rudely informed that she must wait because the nurse is busy on her cellphone. She was also told by the nurse that she was a lazy mother who does not want to look after the child in response to calling for her. Taryn was also given medication to give to Jemmah but was not informed as to what it was for.

At one stage Jemmah was so gravely ill that the family started preparing to say goodbye. She stopped breathing again. She turned colour, and as sad as it was the family was saying their goodbyes.

After witnessing her struggle for so long the family were ready to let her go. Jemmah’s grandmother, Edwina Slingers, said they had even started planning a funeral and she said to Jemmah, “I will let you go to Jesus now my baby.”

And then after not breathing for approximately 25 minutes, Jemmah suddenly started breathing again. The family was stunned but grateful for yet another chance.

Against all odds, Jemmah is now three years old.

Taryn and Edwina are thankful that she continues to makes strides. She continues to have difficulty breathing which is very audible, however she can see - contrary to what doctors told them. Jemma also has cerebral palsy and is possibly deaf but Taryn and Edwina continue to have hope as Jemmah has overcome so much and continues to surprise them – such as her smiling and slight movement in her arms and legs.

While Taryn and Edwina love and are grateful for Jemmah, it has been a very challenging journey.

Taryn had to give up her job as Jemmah needed 24/7 supervision and was too ill to be left in the care of others. Jemmah, while a blessing, will not lead a normal life. She will always need supervision. Taryn and Edwina are of the belief that the hospital, due to unhygienic conditions (nurse not wearing gloves), is the cause for Jemmah’s meningitis. Even though they were informed this could be the case, the hospital has not come forward to help or provide any sort of proper explanation. They are left in the dark with regard to the why and what the future holds.

Hospital negligence – not as uncommon as you think According to news reports earlier this year, there were 306 negligence claims amounting to a staggering R1.28 billion in Gauteng alone for the 2012/2013 financial year – 155 of these cases were for damage caused at birth such as cerebral palsy (a form of brain damage that can occur when mothers have a difficult birth) and mental retardation.

According to reports, the North West province had to pay out R13.3 million last year for one case of negligence where a baby was blinded - this is only one case and the figure for the total amount for negligence claims in the province is unknown.

In an effort to investigate the high number of negligence cases, Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi, set up a team to investigate. But for many, this comes too late.

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FEATURE

The great trek:

travelling

kids

with

It has been a stressful few months and all you can think of is going away on a vacation‌ however things are slightly different now that you are a parent as you can no longer just get up and go. There are a whole bunch of questions to ask: is the venue child-friendly; how will we get there; is the journey too long for the kids; what should we pack etc.

Firstly ensure that all arrangements are made prior to you leaving. Has the flights been confirmed? Has the hotel/accommodation spot been confirmed?

Is the car road-worthy? Imagine travelling with children and one of these go wrong? Juggling a www.babysandbeyond.co.za

child on the hip and trying to sort out the basics need not become a nightmare if everything is arranged beforehand. If travelling abroad ensure the entire family has taken the relevant shots/medication for that area.

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SHAKTI BEHARI Brand Manager

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ECZEMA

CRADLE CAP

FEATURE Pack smart Make sure that you pack smart by being ready for any occasion – it might be hot but you will need to pack a few warm items in case temperatures drop.

The last thing you want is to scurry around on your vacation looking for a jerseys for you and the kids.

Also ensure that you pack an essentials kit that contains a first aid bag for any knicks and scrapes you have to attend to. Included in this bag should be insect repellent if you are heading to the outdoors.

Children while adaptable are also creatures of habit – if your child sleeps at home with a specific comfort toy/blanket, be sure to pack that in too.

Wipes! Wipes! Wipes! On long trips chances are that the kids – and adults – will be chomping away.

As there will be no ablution facilities available if you are travelling by car, wipes are a must to stay clean.

It is also a good idea to pack the kids’ bag or to check older kids’ bags to ensure they have everything you know they will need and not the entire contents of their room.

For younger children, the decision on whether to carry the pram or not is a difficult one. Children get tired, so if you are planning a vacation with a lot of walks it might be a good idea even though it adds onto the luggage.

If travelling abroad, triply check that your and the kids’ passports are 100% up to date.

Travelling is a great educational opportunity for kids of any age.

Potty training?

If you are in the midst of potty training, travelling can throw a spanner in the works. There are not always bathrooms available when on the road. A good idea is to return to pull-ups.

Keep them entertained Regardless of the mode of transport, kids need to be entertained to prevent them from getting bored and crabby. For younger kids have toys available and colouring books and such. For older kids, they can carry books, ipods, tablets, laptops and other easily stored gadgets. Parents, particularly on road trips, can initiate games to play such as “I spy”, general knowledge games etc. You can also get the kids involved by showing them how to use a camera and give them the responsibility of documenting the journey – it is fun and gives them purpose in the car.

Snacks While it may be difficult, avoid giving them too many sugary sweets so they don’t get a sugar rush. Try having a variety of healthy snacks and a bit of junk.

Always have enough liquids on hand. For younger children, it might be a good idea to carry a portable steriliser to clean bottles and such.

that the kids have your details (such as your phone number) on them in case they get lost.

Get the kids involved Travelling is a great educational opportunity for kids of any age. Together as a family you can study the maps of the area, find interesting facts, study the animal life around and so forth. This also gives kids the opportunity to say what they would like to experience so everyone’s needs are taken care of.

Get some support For long journeys, kids and parents might start to take strain. It is a good idea to invest in some neck support cushions. Also make sure everyone is wearing comfortable clothes for the journey.

Keeping track of the kids

You have made it

Sometimes utilising busy spots such as airports and train stations can be a nightmare. Parents are juggling the luggage, trying to check-in all while keeping a close eye on the kids. As a precautionary measure, ensure

Now is the time to unwind and relax. While you still have to keep an eye on the kids, hopefully you have chosen a place that keeps the kids occupied while you can have a bit of a break.

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FEATURE

Drugs:

a slippery slope

downhill Drug addiction is an illness that is extremely painful and difficult to overcome.

Drug addiction is difficult to understand. Questions are asked such as: “Why don’t you just quit?”

But the sad reality is that when someone is deep in the throes of drug addiction, what they want is not necessarily all it takes.

The first thing is to acknowledge that drug addiction is a disease – it needs a structured approach to quitting. Often we hear of people who quit for months or years… only to relapse at a certain point. It is an ongoing battle but can be managed like other chronic illnesses such as diabetes etc.

Why do some people become addicted and others don’t? *Fathima, almost 10 years ago was an ecstasy, cocaine and marijuana user. In addition to this she was also a heavy drinker. She said she was at university and away from home – a chance to experiment away from her conservative family.

She was a regular drug user for four years, yet

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managed to obtain a degree and went on to become a successful career person with a growing family. After university, she decided that she wanted to return to the rules of her upbringing – no alcohol, no drugs, no cigarettes. Fathima did this successfully. *Sharon is 43 years old. She started using drugs as a teenager – anything that was on offer, she took.

Through the years she has been to rehab eight times, clean for months at a time and then falling back into old habits. Sharon has not held down a job for more than a few months at a time. She gave birth to four children and had two abortions – however she does not have custody of any of her children. She has been arrested a couple of times for theft as well.

Sharon has been clean for seven months but every day is an uphill battle. She too like Fathima comes from a good family – a stable family.

It is thus true when it is said that no single factor can predict who will become an addict and who will not.

There are however a few factors to consider: www.babysandbeyond.co.za

FEATURE

Nyaope – SA’s unique street drug Nyaope, also known as wunga, is a highly addictive drug that was invented right here in South Africa. Thus far the impact of this drug has had devastating consequences for communities in which users live.

Nyaope is made from a variety of ingredients such as heroin, marijuana and, anti-retroviral (ARV) drugs. Other substances added to the mix can include rat poison, milk powder, bicarbonate soda, and pool cleaner. At around R35 per straw, it is an affordable drug on the streets. It is a highly addictive drug with experts saying that one hit is all that is needed to get hooked. If users stop using they face serious withdrawal symptoms that include cramps, vomiting, diarrhea and they can’t sleep.

Users of the drug experience the usual effects of many drugs including euphoria.

But as the case with other drugs, once the euphoria passes, another hit is needed. Side effects of the drug can include abdominal pain and feelings of illness.

• Genes – some people are more prone to addiction but will not likely know this until it is too late.

• Mental disorders may influence the risk of drug addiction and abuse.

• The environment that you are in can influence drug taking. For example, peer pressure can play a large role in you taking that first hit even if you don’t want to. This is particularly true for young adults – all their friends are doing it so I should too.

Treatment Fortunately treatment options are available such as rehabs. Rehabs can be in-house facilities or out-patient facilities. According to research a combination of medication together with behavioural therapies work best to combat addiction. But the best solution remains prevention rather than cure. Parents should communicate this to their children to avoid further problems later in life.

Tik – the drug tearing apart families Tik is a drug infesting our communities. It can be sniffed, smoked or injected and is often manufactured with ingredients that is available at homes and over-the-counter.

The effects of tik are varied and can include hyper alertness, increased energy levels, euphoria and an increased self-confidence. In this sense it is similar to cocaine – a stimulant.

The dark path of tik is that it also leads to increased levels of aggression and users are more prone to committing violent acts. It can cause memory loss as well as heart and brain damage.

Sadly, because the drug is cheap and so easily made and available the number of users is increasing. Due to users being violent, this is having a devastating effect on communities.

*Not their real name.

www.babysandbeyond.co.za

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FEATURE

Education and training

opportunities With approximately 25% of South Africans unemployed, the need for education is now essential. Long gone are the days when a matric certificate could open doors, but with university fees continuing to skyrocket this avenue remains largely exclusive. But fear not, as there are alternatives to university education which will help make you/or your child a more employable candidate.

According to the White Paper for Post-school education and Training released by the Department of Higher Education and Training late last year: “The post-school system is understood as comprising all education and training provision for those who have completed school, those who did not complete their schooling, and those who never attended school.”

This is a very positive statement as it does not exclude people who were unable to finish matric at a formal schooling environment, and illustrates that education opportunities are becoming more inclusive.

Currently South Africa has: • 23 public universities (two new universities are being established which will bring the total to 25); • 50 public Technical and Vocational Education and Training (TVET) Colleges (formerly known as Further Education and Training [FET] colleges); • Public adult learning centres (to be absorbed into the new community colleges); and • Private post-school institutions (registered private FET colleges and private higher education institutions).

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Universities At present there are approximately 23 public universities – two new universities (Sol Plaatjie University in Northern Cape and the University of Mpumalanga in Nelspruit) are being established this year to meet the demand.

Since 2004 South Africa embarked on reforming higher education – this meant that smaller institutions were merged. Technikons were also brought under the university umbrella and were renamed universities of technology.

There is however three main challenges that continue to plague prospective students who want to attend universities in South Africa: • Insufficient capacity at universities to accommodate a larger number of students; • Funding challenges – some universities can cost up to R80 000 per year inclusive of residence fees.

It is particularly sad that many students end up dropping out of higher education institutions as they cannot keep up with payments; and 49 www.babysandbeyond.co.za

FEATURE • Miscellaneous entry requirements – it is a well-known fact that some students are at a disadvantage as they lacked access to resources during high school. Language can also be considered a barrier as not all learners are being exposed to teaching in English, but are then expected to write their matric in English.

Technical and Vocational Education and Training (TVET) Colleges Technical and Vocational Education and Training (TVET) Colleges, formerly known as Further Education and Training (FET) Colleges is noted as a priority for the Department of Higher Education and Training (DHET). According to the DHET, the aim is to turn these institutions into the institution of choice for school leavers.

Courses offered at these colleges are vocational where students receive hands-on training in an effort to secure job opportunities. Under specific conditions, students can then qualify for admission to a university of technology if they so choose to continue studying at a higher level.

Education and training at these colleges are provided from Grade 10 level up. This means if students had not completed matric they still can attend and obtain qualifications at these colleges.

There are public as well as private colleges Courses are offered in industry fields such as agriculture, arts and culture, business, commerce and management, education, training and development, engineering, manufacturing and technology, services, building construction and security. In addition, courses vary in duration from a few hours to three years study.

This is also a more cost-effective option than going the university route. The DHET subsidises the courses meaning that students only have to pay a portion.

The reason the government is making such a push for these colleges is due to the shortages of skilled artisans in South Africa. These colleges offer courses which will enable students to follow career paths in technical fields such as plumbing, motor mechanics and engineering.

To find a list of all public and private colleges, visit www.fetcolleges.co.za.

Public adult learning centres This is focused on adults who want to obtain a basic education. These centres aim to equip students with basic learning tools, knowledge and skills, resulting in a nationally-recognised qualification.

This is for anyone who did not complete mainstream schooling, and want a flexible course.

Private post-school institutions These are private institutions that offer matriculants further education opportunities. To ensure that the institution is accredited, please visit www.dhet.gov.za.

Financial assistance You may opt to go the route of a bank or alternatively you can approach the National Student Financial Aid Scheme (NSFAS), which is the government student loan and bursary scheme. NSFAS provides loans and bursaries to students at all 25 public universities and the 50 public FET Colleges. For criteria requirements for qualifying please visit www.nsfas.org.za.

List of universities Traditional universities Rhodes University Eastern Cape www.ru.ac.za

- Undergraduate and postgraduate degrees in the faculties of humanities, science, commerce, pharmacy, law, and education.

- Best known for its journalism and media studies department.

North-West University North West and Gauteng www.nwu.ac.za

- Has three three campuses: Mafikeng (North West province), Potchestroom (North West province), and the Vaal Triange campus (Gauteng).

University of Fort Hare Eastern Cape www.ufh.ac.za

- Oldest historically black university in the country.

- Nelson Mandela, Oliver Tambo and Govan Mbeki studied here.

University of Stellenbosch Western Cape www.sun.ac.za

- Faculties include arts and social sciences, science, education, agrisciences, law, theology, economic and management sciences, engineering, health sciences, business school, and military sciences.

- Afrikaans is used predominantly, however students are allowed to write exams and assignments in English.

University of the Free State Free State www.uvos.ac.za

- Faculties include education, health sciences (including a medical school), humanities, law, natural and agricultural sciences, theology, in addition to economic and management sciences.

University of KwaZulu-Natal KwaZulu-Natal www.ukzn.ac.za

- There are four colleges: agriculture, engineering and science; health sciences, including schools of clinical medicine and nursing; humanities; and the college of law and management studies.

University of Cape Town Western Cape www.uct.ac.za

- Regarded as the top research institution on the continent.

- It is the highest ranked African university in world university rankings.

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FEATURE University of Limpopo Limpopo www.ul.ac.za

- There was a merger between the University of the North and the Medical University of Southern Africa (Medunsa), which was incorporated as a full medical faculty.

- Other faculties include: humanities; science and agriculture; and management and law.

University of Pretoria Gauteng web.up.ac.za

- Faculties include: economic and business sciences; education; engineering; built environment and information technology; health sciences; humanities; law; natural and agricultural sciences; theology; and a faculty of veterinary science.

- In 2011 its business school, the Gordon Institute of Business Science was ranked as the top MBA in Africa by the Financial Times.

University of the Western Cape Western Cape www.uwc.ac.za

- Faculties include: arts, community and health sciences, dentistry, economic and management sciences, education, law, and natural sciences.

- UWC is the only African member of the Open Courseware Consortium.

University of the Witwatersrand Gauteng www.wits.ac.za

- One of the leading research institutions.

- Faculties include: engineering and the built environment; science; the humanities; health sciences; as well as commerce, law and management.

- Has the largest fossil collection in the southern hemisphere.

Comprehensive universities University of Johannesburg Gauteng www.uj.ac.za

- Incorporates the former Rand Afrikaans University, Technikon Witwatersrand, and Vista University’s Johannesburg campuses.

- Offers technical and academic programmes.

- Faculties include: art, design and architecture; economic and financial sciences; education; engineering and the built environment; health sciences; humanities; law; management; and science.

University of South Africa South Africa www.unisa.ac.za

- Distance-learning institution.

- Regional offices all over South Africa offering technical and academic programmes.

Walter Sisulu University Eastern Cape www.wsu.ac.za

- Merged with former Border and Eastern Cape technikons and the University of the Transkei.

- Campuses in East London, Butterworth, Queenstown and Mthatha.

- Faculties include: science, engineering and technology; health sciences; business, management sciences and law; education.

University of Venda Limpopo www.univen.ac.za

- Programmes offered in fields of education; environmental sciences; agriculture; health sciences; human and social sciences; law; management sciences; as well as mathematical and natural sciences.

University of Zululand KwaZulu Natal www.uzulu.ac.za

- Faculties include: arts; commerce, administration and law; education; and science and agriculture.

Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University Eastern Cape www.nmmu.ac.za

- Incorporates the former PE Technikon, University of Port Elizabeth, and Vista University’s Port Elizabeth campus.

- Faculties include: arts; business and economic sciences; education; engineering, the built environment and information technology; health sciences; law; and science.

Universities of technology

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Durban University of Technology KwaZulu-Natal www.dut.ac.za

- Faculties include: accounting and informatics; applied sciences; arts and design; engineering and the built environment; health sciences; and management sciences.

- It also has a Business Studies Unit.

Central University of Technology Free State www.cut.ac.za

- Faculties include: management sciences; engineering, information and communication technology; and health and environmental sciences.

Mangosuthu University of Technology KwaZulu-Natal www.mut.ac.za

- Faculties include: management sciences, engineering, and natural sciences.

Cape Peninsula University of Technology Western Cape www.cput.ac.za

- Largest university in Western Cape with a focus on in-service training.

Tshwane University of Technology Gauteng www.tut.ac.za

- Faculties include: engineering and the built environment; science; humanities; management sciences; information and communication technology; arts; as well as economics and finance.

Vaal University of Technology Gauteng www.vut.ac.za

- Faculties include: engineering and technology; applied and computer science; human sciences; and management sciences.

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M at w ern ea i r ty

Twin Pack Cotton Soft Cup Feeding Bra

Benefits: Soft cotton cups (100% cotton bra with satin edging for a finished look) Soft cup (non-underwire) for added comfort Laminated bottom cup for support Suitable for all day wear Detachable clasp on the strap for easy nursing

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Pack 501 Pack 621

Available in selected Edgars and independent stores.

FEATURE

Stem cells

– a futuristic cure?

Is saving your baby’s stem cells the way forward in an effort to cure potential future blood and immune system diseases?

Stems cells are found in the body’s organs, tissues, blood and immune system. Stem cells are essentially the building blocks of other cells in your baby’s body. The marvel of stem cells is that they have regenerative abilities, which essentially means that these cells can regenerate into additional stem cells or become specialised cells such as blood cells.

What does this imply? Simply put, these cells can have the ability to repair or treat future illnesses such as sickle cell anaemia or leukaemia, which makes it invaluable during medical intervention.

Newborn stem cells During pregnancy, the umbilical cord is the lifeline between mother and baby. It is responsible for providing nutrients and oxygenated blood from the placenta to the unborn baby. And it is in the umbilical cord where two main types of stem cells are found – cord blood stem cells and cord tissue stem cells.

Following the birth of a baby, medical professionals are able to collect the stem cells in a painless procedure, however the challenge is that the cord has to be prepared and frozen soon after birth. The other challenge is that not many hospitals offer this procedure, and if they do it is quite expensive. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

Why save stem cells?

The main reason to store stem cells is based on curative measures. For example, if there is a particular predisposition to certain illnesses in the family, newborn stem cells can be utilised at a later date for treatment.

Stem cells work on a similar premise to that of bone marrow transplants – the cells are able to regenerate healthy blood and immune systems. However, obtaining stems cells following the birth of a baby is less risky than obtaining bone marrow from an adult.

A child is a perfect match with his/her stem cells, however there is also a good possibility that their stem cells might be a match for another family member such as a sibling, but this is not guaranteed.

Looking towards the future At this stage, while the utilisation of stem cells seems positive, there is some concern that transplanted stem cells could form tumours and become cancerous.

Further research is being conducted in order to ascertain if technologies derived from stem cell research would be able to combat other diseases such as cancer, Parkinson’s, multiple sclerosis and other conditions.

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HEALTH

Avoid

the winter sniffles Every winter is referred to as the cold/flu season. But, are you and your family ready? Here are a few steps that have the potential to help protect you and your family.

Prevention is better than cure • Good hygiene is essential. Ensure that all family members regularly wash their hands as this could help decrease the spread of viruses. In relation to this, keep all surfaces clean too.

• Lay down the law with certain rules such as covering your mouth when you cough/sneeze.

• Stock up on Vitamin C supplements.

• Avoid sharing utensils, towels, cups/glasses. Germs/ viruses can easily be spread between family members if they are using the same utensils.

• Lessen exposure to crowds – unfortunately for many parents this is a challenge as kids are at schools/ daycare etc.

• Have a balanced diet with large servings of fresh fruit and vegetables to help build immune systems.

• Get the entire family vaccinated.

Colds and flu The difference between seasonal flu and a common cold Seasonal flu

Common cold

The influenza, commonly referred to as the flu, is a contagious infection respiratory disease that affects the nose, throat and lungs.

A cold is a mild infection of the nose and throat caused by a variety of viruses.

Because the flu is a virus it changes rapidly, which is why new flu shots have to be made yearly in an effort to combat against the latest strain of flu.

Symptoms can include: cough; fever; fatigue; muscle aches; sore throat; headache; decreased appetite; runny nose; nausea; vomiting; and diarrhea.

Symptoms can include: runny nose; sneezing; cough; and sore throat.

Cold symptoms usually last for about a week.

Most flu symptoms gradually improve over two to five days, but it’s not uncommon to feel run down for a week or more.

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health

Boost your immune system Tea

According to research, Chamomile tea, can help prevent sickness. A study showed that people who drank fives cups a day for two weeks had increased blood levels of polyphenols, which is associated with increased antibacterial activity.

Ginger is said to warm the body and assists in breaking down the accumulation of toxins in the organs – particularly in lungs and sinuses.

Ginger Grapefruit

This immune booster is loaded with vitamin C. Red and pink grapefruit are a good choice as their colour indicates they are packed with bioflavonoids which are phytonutrients.

Cauliflower and broccoli are rich in antioxidant vitamins that give an immune system boost.

Cauliflower is also rich in glutathione that helps to fight off an infection if you are sick.

Cauliflower Yoghurt

Yoghurt has vitamins and protein. It’s also a source of lactobacillus, a probiotic (or beneficial type of bacteria) that helps fight off germs/viruses while boosting your immune system.

Watermelon is packed with vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients. But watermelon is extra special because of its large concentration of lycopene.

Lycopene benefits include reducing respiratory inflammation which can help prevent infection.

Watermelon Carrots

Mushrooms Cinnamon 56

As you know prevention is better than cure. Here are a few immune-boosting foods to stock up on.

Carrots are rich in beta carotene that supports the body’s mucus membrane, which lines the respiratory and intestinal tracts, making it harder for bacteria to enter the bloodstream.

Mushrooms are a major source of zinc which boosts the immune system. People who have low amounts of zinc tend to have fewer white blood cells which fight off disease.

Cinnamon contains antiviral, antifungal, and antibacterial components. So not only does it boost your immune system, it fights the pathogens that cause illness.

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FEATURE

You are a parent bogged down by numerous responsibilities – the home, the job, the kids, the bills… In between all the running around you can sometimes forget a very important relationship – you and your partner.

Making

a date

When you first met it was crazy butterflies, waiting for texts/calls and the excitement in the build-up to the date. Now years down the line, life feels somewhat routine – wake up, get the kids ready, you get ready, pack lunches, go to work, pick up kids, bath kids, feed kids, play with kids and put kids to bed. After all this, you catch a shower, do some work and then it is off to bed. So where exactly does your partner fit into this equation? Your answer is that there is simply not enough hours in the day – and this is true once you have a family. But, in order to ensure that the family stays happy, you and your partner need to be happy as a couple.

First things first – make a date. You and your partner have a manic schedule but at least once a month of alone time together will help – once a week is even better.

Get rid of the excuses Some parents feel guilt at having fun without their kids. If you organise a fun babysitter your kids will be having fun too. This is a great opportunity for kids to spend time with other family members such as aunts, uncles or grandparents. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

There is no time. You no longer have the luxury of just getting up and going. Work is crazy, the house needs cleaning, the kids need to go to the dentist… the list is endless. The trick to this is planning in advance.

Get the babysitter lined up and ready. Take a bit of a knock by doing things earlier so as to free up some time and save the date. We are able to plan in advance if we are invited to a birthday or wedding – so we can plan in advance for this event too.

Money is tight. While a fancy dinner at an even fancier restaurant is fun, other things that cost very little can be too. Making a date with your partner is not about how much money must be spent – it is about spending time alone together. Cheap date options include having a picnic, a stroll on the beach or even a few hours alone at home without the kids having dinner and drinks.

A happy couple makes a happy home There are a few relationships you are juggling – the relationship with yourself, the one with your kids, the family relationship and your relationship with your partner. But remember all relationships require work. If you and your partner have a happy relationship, the home is a happy place.

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FEATURE

Teen dating –

when/how to let go

This is not an academic perspective or a self help view, but the ordinary experiences of the parents of two teenage girls.

By Amanda and Conrad Stoffels While most parents would love their children to stay little forever, eventually the issue of dating will come up as experienced by us. It started with awkward little questions and pushing the boundary type of requests such as: “How old must I be to have a boyfriend?”, “Can I go out with a friend?”, “What do you think is acceptable in a relationship?” and so forth… www.babysandbeyond.co.za

We as parents then had to learn to navigate these somewhat thought of turbulent waters. We could not look towards our past experiences as we are of a different generation where rules were completely different. We had no cellphones and we had nowhere near the amount of freedom our kids today experience. So needless to say, we found this new venture quite challenging as parents.

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FEATURE We decided to establish our own perspective relating to teen dating and create our own framework and references. Knowing where you fall in the spectrum will help you set rules later.

At what age should our daughters have a boyfriend?

Maturity and responsibility are key drivers in our decision to accommodate boyfriend decisions in our teenagers’ lives. Although we cannot decide for them, we believe that we have a big say. Our take is that seventeen and upwards is probably a good age for teenage relationships.

What boundaries and expectations are we going to communicate?

We decided that we had to have “the talk” with our kids. It was not entirely the most comfortable discussion having to speak about dating, sex, temptation and feelings. While these subjects are no longer considered taboo, we as parents still see our children as our children – and dating is something that adults do. Nevertheless, we believed that our children needed to be informed before they could make decisions. Another important thing during “the talk” is to listen to your children. Things have progressed so much in today’s world and sadly us as parents are not always aware. The way we found to bridge this gap is by listening to what our children had to say. There was no judgement – simply listening

It was not entirely the most comfortable discussion having to speak about dating, sex, temptation and feelings. and providing advice. Being older and the adults it is our duty to guide our children – and we do that by listening and providing guidance. We also found that by having a frank discussion we were able to impart our perspective to our kids.

Setting the rules When we noticed our teens’ interest in the opposite sex the first thing that happened was alarm bells – ringing really loudly. Once that wore off, we started to think about the ground rules. As a couple we decided upon a set of rules which we explained to our children. We also elaborated on why there were rules – no we were not trying to ruin your life, but it is perfectly acceptable for parents to set curfews.

By having strong communication with our children, who feel comfortable to talk to us, we also have discussions about some exceptions to the rule. An example was of our then-17 year old going to a school dance – we extended her curfew. Our kids had some input with regard to setting the rules. This we believe works as they felt they were heard and they generally tend to follow it better as they were part of the discussion.

Meeting the date When being introduced to your teenager’s date, be courteous and friendly. This is not the time to go over the rules and limitations of dating your teen. If your teen is heading out the door with their date right there and then, be sure to have gone over the rules and gotten all of the information before his/her date gets there.

Ask a few questions about their interests and/or lives, but do not grill your teenager’s date. Try to avoid making him/her any more uncomfortable than he/she is already feeling. Lastly, invite them over so that you can get to know them better at a later time.

Many parents of teens feel some anxiety when their teen goes off on a first date. It’s okay. If you trust your teen to date, then you need to let go a little bit. Try to do things that get your mind off of the date. Read.

See a movie. If it helps, offer your teenager a cell phone so he or she can call you if needed. As time goes on you may not like the dating, but you will get used to it.

As a father, I thought that the attached application would dictate my views and actions when my teenage daughters’ starts to date, but life is not so simplistic.

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FEATURE

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by

a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME ....................................................................................................................................

DATE OF BIRTH ..........................................

HEIGHT ..................................................................WEIGHT ....................... IQ .................. ...... GPA .........................................................

SOCIAL SECURITY #............................................................................... DRIVERS LICENSE #................................................................

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES .......................................................................................... .................................................................

HOME ADDRESS ...............................................................................CITY/STATE .................. .............ZIP..................................................

Do you have parents?.............................................................................................................. ........................................... __Yes __No Is one male and the other female?............................................................................................ ....................................... __Yes __No If No, explain: ................................................................................................................................ ...........................................................

Number of years they have been married ........................................................................ ..................................................................

If less than your age, explain .......................................................................................... .......................................................................

ACCESSORIES SECTION: A. Do you own or have access to a van?................................................................................. ...................................... __Yes B. A truck with oversized tires?............................................................................................ ................................................ __Yes C. A waterbed?............................................................................................................................ ...................................... __Yes D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?............................................................................... ......................................... __Yes E. A tattoo?................................................................................................................................... ........................................ __Yes F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? .............................. __Yes

__No __No __No __No __No __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED “YES” TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION: In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?............................................................... ........................................................... ................................................................................................................................................ ...................................................................

In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?.......... ..................................................................... ................................................................................................................................................ ...................................................................

In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?.............................................. ............................................................... ................................................................................................................................................ ...................................................................

REFERENCES SECTION: Church you attend ...................................................................... How often you attend ...................................................................

When would be the best time to interview your: father? ............................................................. mother? .................................................. pastor? .......................................................

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:................................................. ............................................................

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:...................................... ......................................................................

C: A woman’s place is in the:............................................................................................ .....................................................................

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:................................. ................................................................

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?.......................................................................... ..............................................................

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:................................. .....................................................................

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ........................................................ .....................................................................

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROC UTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE......................................................... ....................................................................

Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)........................................

....................................................................

Mother’s Signature

Father’s Signature

................................................................................................................................................ ...................................................................

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

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FEATURE

A toothy issue

While many parents are excited at the prospect of their child having their first tooth, it can be a challenging time. Here is what to expect.

When do babies start teething?

It is interesting to note that teeth actually start developing when the baby is in the womb but only come through after several months. Teething generally occurs around 4-6 months of age. As with all development in babies, it differs from child to child so don’t panic if it happens a bit earlier or later.

When teeth start to come through it is usually the bottom middle teeth that appear first.

Teething symptoms to look out for During teething it is likely your child might suffer from discomfort. Here is what to look out for: • Drooling (which can lead to a facial rash) • Swelled gums • Gum sensitivity • Child is irritable • Child tries to bite • Become fussy during eating time • Problems sleeping There is some debate as to whether teething causes diarrhea or fever. Some experts say yes, whereas some experts disagree. Either way if your child has a fever and/or diarrhea it is best to consult a doctor for treatment of these symptoms.

How to ease baby During this time a baby can be quite crabby due to the discomfort it is suffering. Here are some ideas on how to lessen the discomfort:

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• Give them something to chew on. It should be firm and it should be large enough that they can’t swallow it. A good idea is a teething ring. If your child is eating solids, he/she might also obtain relief from cold foods such as yoghurt. You can also give them harder food to chew on such as breadsticks, but be careful he/she does not choke.

• Teething gels – consult your doctor relating to which teething gels are good for easing your child’s discomfort. Teething gels are generally rubbed onto the child’s gums – be sure to have clean hands before you do this and watch out for biting.

• If your doctor advises it, you can also give your child a mild pain reliever as per prescribed.

• If your child gets a face rash due to drooling, check with your doctor what can be used to ease this. Be sure to gently wipe the drool with a soft cotton cloth – do not rub hard as it may be painful. It is advised to apply a barrier cream such as petroleum jelly to the baby’s chin.

When is it done?

By the time your child is around two and a half or three, they will have 20 primary teeth. The first few teeth coming out are generally when things are the most challenging and then again when the molars (around on year) come through. After that it is relatively plain sailing.

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FEATURE

Miscarriage Miscarriage can be a devastating time in a couple’s life. This article aims to shed some light on miscarriage.

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FEATURE

It is completely natural to grieve after experiencing a miscarriage regardless of how early on in the pregnancy you miscarried.

Miscarriage refers to the loss of a foetus before the 20th week of pregnancy. According to reports approximately 15% of women know that they are miscarrying – the actual number of miscarriages is estimated to be as high as 50% as some women are unaware they are pregnant or miscarrying.

Some symptoms of a miscarriage include: • Vaginal bleeding or spotting (it is important to note that many women experience spotting or bleeding in the first trimester and have a successful pregnancy) • Severe cramps or pain in lower back or abdomen • Fever • Weakness • Fluid or tissue passing from your vagina If you experience any of the above symptoms during pregnancy, consult your medical practitioner immediately.

Causes of miscarriage Most miscarriages are due to abnormalities of chromosomes. Most of chromosomal problems occur by chance and are not related to the mother’s or father’s health. There are also other causes such as an egg not implanting properly in the uterus; or an embryo with defects that hinders development; or a molar pregnancy which is when a benign tumour develops in the uterus. A molar pregnancy results when there is an extra set of paternal chromosomes in a fertilised egg. Other causes of miscarriage include: • Infection such as mumps, measles, HIV, rubella, gonorrhoea and so forth; • Exposure to hazardous chemicals such as high radiation levels; • Hormonal problems; • Cervix problems such as the cervix widening too early; • Lifestyle – smoking, drinking and using drugs can increase the chance of miscarriage; • Certain medication – consult your doctor to ensure the medication you are on is safe during pregnancy;

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• Diseases such as kidney disease, congenital heart disease, untreated diabetes; thyroid disease; and • Severe malnutrition.

It is also said that women who are older are at a higher risk for miscarriages. Studies show that the chance of miscarriage for women over 40 is almost double that of a woman in her 20s. Being underweight or overweight has also been linked to an increased risk of miscarriage.

Grieving It is completely natural to grieve after experiencing a miscarriage regardless of how early on in the pregnancy you miscarried. Some people might say but it was not a fully formed baby, however as an expectant mum you have already started to bond with the foetus and developed a type of attachment to it. It is normal to feel feelings of loss, anger and depression. To help deal with the loss, lean on your partner, family or friends for support. If this does not help, you might want to consider seeking professional help in the form of a psychologist or perhaps join a support group.

Conceiving again While the experience of a miscarriage can be quite traumatic, it does not mean that you can’t try again.

You might have to wait a few weeks following a miscarriage – it is best to consult your doctor as to when you should try again.

Studies show that the chance of miscarriage for women over 40 is almost double that of a woman in her 20s.

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Feature

Sibling

rivalry While it is wonderful that siblings provide companionship – a playmate, a confidante, a champion – it is not uncommon for siblings to fight as well. It does not matter how old siblings become, they sometimes still have the occasional tiff. The sibling relationship can be a complicated one…

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Feature Some parents want to pull their own hair out as they pull apart their children. It can sometimes baffle parents as to how their children can be getting along one moment and at each other’s throats in the next – and before you know it your home is experiencing WWIII. Sibling rivalry can be due to several reasons – children are growing and they are changing.

Sometimes they want more space away from the other sibling – this rings particularly true for teenagers who are trying to exert independence.

Or sometimes they are in competition with their sibling/s – competition for material objects such as toys. A toddler for example is very protective over their toys and if their sibling takes it they are prone to feel some anger or frustration. Sometimes siblings are fighting to gain the attention of parents or other family members. While parents can attempt to divide their time equally among the children it is not always easy – sometimes a child needs more attention than the other because they are still young; perhaps one of the children is a special-needs child etc. This can also cause flare-ups of jealousy which can lead to siblings fighting. There is also the age difference issue – sometimes a younger sibling can’t understand why the older sibling is allowed more freedom. Or why do boys at times have different rules from girls?

What do you do?

It is always tricky for parents on whether to intervene or not. If it is possible, parents should stay out of it unless there is danger and potential physical harm.

The problem that arises when parents intervene is that one of the children might feel you are playing favourites, or they will continuously expect you to jump in instead of them resolving the tiff. That is not to say that you need to remain silent – parents should be guiding children as to what is right and wrong. An example could be one child calling the other names – you have a right to step in and explain why namecalling is inappropriate. If the fight is serious and physical, it is a good idea to separate the children and give them space and some time apart so they may cool down.

Sometimes siblings are fighting to gain the attention of parents or other family members.

When all is said and done, the sibling bond can be one of the strongest bonds in your children’s lives.

What can you do to lessen sibling rivalry?

• Ensure that there are rules. For example, there is no yelling in the house. There is no cursing. There is no name-calling etc. This way if you reprimand children, you are not “taking the side” of the other child. You are reminding them that these are the rules and behaviour such as this is against the rules.

• Don’t compare your children. Don’t say things like, “When your brother was in your grade, he always did his homework and is an A student. Why can’t you do the same?” Siblings do not want to be compared – they are each seeking their own individuality. Also children, regardless of being reared in the same household develop at different levels and have different interests and aptitudes. In terms of aptitude, one child could be more gifted in English whereas the other is gifted at math. Both should carry equal weighting. Some kids might be more artistically inclined whereas another excels at sport. Parents should focus on each child’s strengths and weaknesses without comparing those to their sibling.

• Be sure to notice good behaviour. If parents only pay attention to their children when they fight, chances are children will fight to gain their attention.

• Ensure that each child feels valued and loved.

Heap praise equally on the children and don’t single only one out for praise. While John is great at academia, Ben excels at sport. Also try and spend an equal amount of time with the children and try to do some age appropriate activities one on one – an example could be taking John to the movies to watch the latest movies and taking Ben who is younger to a games arcade.

• Have a routine – on Monday John helps mum wash the dishes while Ben helps dad with the garden.

On Tuesday chores between the kids can swop around. This shows that there is equal responsibility for the siblings.

When all is said and done, the sibling bond can be one of the strongest bonds in your children’s lives. A few tiffs here and there are normal, but if you think that the behaviour of your children is too extreme speak to a psychologist to obtain help.

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FEATURE

Making your home

baby-proof

It is a challenge to keep your baby from harm… even at the home.

But here are a few tips on making your home baby-proof.

Babies are constantly taking spills and bumps as they grow. We were so excited when they began to crawl until we realised the potential dangers in the home!

While baby-proofing your home goes a long way to ensuring the safety of your child, constant supervision still remains key.

Electrical Most electrical sockets are close to the floor – the level your crawling or walking child has access to. So ensure you cover up all electrical sockets so your child can’t put their fingers into it. It is also essential that electrical appliances are out of reach – remember that crawling babies also start to hold themselves up on objects such as tables and could have access to potentially harmful appliances. Parents should also ensure that all cords and wires are tucked away out of baby’s reach.

Stairs Babies and even toddlers are prone to taking tumble on stairs. Parents should install a child gate so children do not have access to stairs unless they are with parents.

Floors As weird as it might sound the floor can be a hazardous place for your baby. Parents should check that there are no exposed nails or objects lying on the floor such as coins which babies can ingest. Rugs and some carpets that are not wall to wall (and glued to the floor) can also cause parents to trip with baby in their arms.

Bathrooms Some children find bathrooms to be fascinating places. The potential danger here is your child falling into the toilet – or dropping objects into the toilet.

Never leave water unattended to – even if it is not much as it still poses a drowning hazard to children.

Another thing is to ensure that the bath water is the right temperature as sometimes toddlers sometimes jump into the bath – supervision during tapping bath water and during bath time is critical.

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Cleaning products Many homes store cleaning products with hazardous chemicals on the bottom shelves of bathrooms or kitchens. Ensure that you place a lock on these cupboards and remove items such as toilet cleaners to a higher level that your child can’t reach.

Tables Tables generally contain objects on them. When your child is starting to pull themselves up they then have access to these objects. Another concern are table clothes – some children may yank on a table cloth assuming it is sturdy which could cause objects to fall on your child.

Plants Move plants off the floor – some plants may cause itchiness or are poisonous.

Secure the furniture Furniture such as bookshelves can come tumbling down on your child – with its contents. Make sure you secure furniture such as this to the ground or the wall so it can’t move.

Ovens Children can easily reach ovens. Ensure ovens are switched off at the mains.

Objects Sharp objects must be put away at all times out of baby’s reach. Appliances such as hair straighteners that were just used must also be packed away as it can burn baby.

It’s a minefield The above-mentioned are just a few tips, but parents need to be alert of so much more such as the positioning of furniture – is it near a window where the child may fall out of; are balcony rails secure or are they too large; is the pool area covered at all times; is the fireplace covered etc. The list is endless. Vigilance is paramount to keeping your child safe. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

Health

Seasonal allergies Seasonal allergies are well seasonal. There occurrence is determined by the time of the year it is.

What causes seasonal allergies?

Seasonal allergies, sometimes referred to as hay fever, are caused usually by moulds and pollens.

While seasonal allergies can occur throughout the year, the prime time for seasonal allergies to appear is generally spring.

People who suffer from seasonal allergies are generally allergic to these moulds or pollens, and thus their immune system regards these particles as invaders. Your immune system then releases chemicals, inclusive of histamine, into the blood as a defense mechanism. Allergy symptoms result because these chemicals are released.

According to certain reports, if both parents are allergy sufferers there is a 66% a child will suffer from seasonal allergies. This lowers to 60% if only one parent is an allergy sufferer.

What are the symptoms?

Seasonal allergies are typically characterised by an itchy nose/eyes/throat, sneezing, congestion and a runny nose. Sounds familiar? Indeed, it sounds like cold symptoms. In winter, due to it being known as the cold/flu season, seasonal allergy symptoms are often misdiagnosed. If symptoms last longer than 10 days it is most likely an allergy.

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We often hear about allergies related to food, medication and so forth. But what about seasonal allergies?

Steps to take • It is a good idea to keep track of what happens every season. Do you find you have symptoms every spring on a yearly basis? Chances are you suffer from seasonal allergies.

• Try to figure out what triggers your allergies.

• Keep windows closed at night during high pollen seasons to lessen exposure to pollens.

And remember that rain increases pollen and mould so this may result in more exposure in rainy seasons.

• Ensure that you and your children wash their hands after playing outside – pollen or mould spores could have been picked up.

Treatment options • If you are sure you have an allergy and not the cold/flu, antihistamines are generally used to fight an allergy.

• If antihistamines do not work, perhaps have your doctor refer you or your child to an allergist for allergy shots.

When do allergies start?

Seasonal allergies can be triggered at any time.

Even kids who did not previously suffer from seasonal allergies can develop them in later years. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

Subscribe & stand a chance to WIN great prizes Visit our website and download your subscription form www.babysandbeyond.co.za Baby’s and Beyond July - October 2014

babys beyond and

July - October 2014

The lowdown... on tearing down low Calling it quits Avoid the winter sniffles Education and training opportunities Meningitis: a mother’s anguish www.babysandbeyond.co.za www.babysandbeyond.co.za

ISSN 2311-5467

9 772311 546706

INSIDE: Giveaways

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Kicks for kids

Lucky subscribers will WIN 1 of 3 Buchulife hampers valued at R500 each! and WIN 1 cot mattress and mattress protector from Sealy Posturepedic.

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Get some GRAB SOMEgrub GRUB Take one rasher of bacon and wrap it around the closed chicken breast, starting at the bottom. Make sure that the edges of the bacon overlaps as you finish each rotation, so that no part of the chicken can be seen through the bacon. When you get to the end of the rasher, take another and continue from where the first one ended, ensuring that the beginning of the second rasher overlaps the end of the previous one by about 8mm to prevent the wrap from coming apart. Repeat this with the bacon until the chicken breast is completely wrapped. You will use about 3-4 rashers of bacon per chicken breast.

Repeat with the other chicken breasts.

Pour the marinade into a small bowl, and, using a basting brush, lightly brush the marinade over both sides of each bacon-wrapped chicken breast.

Stuffed chicken bacon wrap Serves 4.

Ingredients 4 medium to large skinless chicken breasts 2 packets streaky bacon 1 tub feta cheese 1 cup shredded uncooked spinach 1 teaspoon mixed herbs 1 teaspoon finely-diced/mashed garlic 50ml marinade of your choice for basting

Method

Place the oven rack on the lowest rung and preheat the oven to 180°.

Rinse the chicken breasts with water and pat dry with roller-towel.

Place the chicken breasts flat on a board. Use a serrated knife, cut along the one side of the chicken breasts and fold open. This is butterflying the chicken. Be careful not to cut the chicken breast completely in half.

Use a tenderiser to lightly tenderise the butterflied chicken.

On one side of each butterflied chicken breast, spread the garlic and sprinkle the mixed herbs and spinach.

Crumble the feta cheese between your fingers and sprinkle over the spinach.

Fold the one side of each chicken breast closed.

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Lightly coat the bottom of a flat-bottomed glass bowl with Spray and Cook.

Carefully place each chicken wrap into the bowl, spacing them out to ensure that they don’t touch.

Place the side of the wrap where the bacon joins at the bottom so the heat will seal the overlapping sections.

Place the bowl in the oven and bake for 5 minutes.

Take a fork and gently push each chicken wrap around to loosen the bottom so that it does not stick to the bowl. The fat from the bacon should further grease the bowl so the wrap wont’ stick.

Bake for a further 30-40 minutes. Your wrap will be ready when the bacon is done.

Remove the bowl from the oven.

Lightly brush the last of the basting sauce over both sides of the wraps.

Serve hot with a side dish of crisp salad or roasted veggies.

Braai it This also works great on the braai. Simply wrap each individual chicken wrap in foil and place on the braaing grid. Do not put them together in a foil wrap as the heat can cause the wraps to stick together and come undone. The coals will give your wraps a nice woody, braai flavour.

Top tips Try different options with herbs, spices and filling.

1 Sour cream and chives 2 Cheddar cheese and mushroom sauce 3 Diced onions, green pepper, and blue cheese 4 Olives, sun-dried tomatoes, parmesan cheese and chillies You could mix and match any of the above combinations or come up with your own ideas.

Children can be very finicky eaters so you can even go plain and forego the stuffing and just flavour with Aromat, lemon and herb or just marinade on the inside.

GRAB SOME GRUB

Macaroni

&

cheese

Serves 12.

Ingredients Macaroni 750ml macaroni 2 teaspoons oil 2 teaspoons salt 1l boiling water Sauce 1l milk 2 teaspoon English mustard 200ml flour 300g grated cheddar cheese 150ml melted butter/margarine Salt and pepper to taste

Method 1. Pour the boiling water in a deep microwaveable dish, add the macaroni, salt and oil and cover with a lid.

2. Microwave on 100% power for 12 minutes, stirring occasionally to ensure the macaroni doesn’t stick together.

Ad-ons Add Chicken Ingredients 3 medium or 2 large chicken breasts half medium onion finely chopped 1 tablespoon finely chopped green pepper 1 tablespoon oil half teaspoon salt

Method

6. Transfer the flour mixture to a deep dish, gradually add the milk and stir regularly with a wooden spoon to smooth out lumps.

• Turn the oven on to medium heat.

• Pour the oil into a frying pan and let it heat for a minute.

• Add the onions, green pepper and salt and brown.

• Add the chicken and cover the pan with a lid.

• Let the chicken steam covered for 20 minutes, turning occasionally.

• Using two forks, shred the chicken and mix further into the onion and green pepper mixture.

• After step 11 fold the chicken into the macaroni and sauce mixture, then continue on from step 12.

7. Once all the milk is added, place in the microwave for about 15 minutes on 100% power

Add tuna

3. Drain the water in a colander and let the macaroni cool.

4. Place the oven rack on the middle rung and preheat the oven to 180°.

5. Add the flour to melted butter and mix into a paste, then add the mustard and salt and pepper to taste.

8. Stir the sauce at regular intervals to ensure a smooth texture.

9. Take two thirds of the grated cheese and fold into the sauce mixture.

10. In a large glass dish (about 50cm x 32cm), spray with Spray and Cook.

11. Put the macaroni into the dish, pour the white sauce over it and fold gently with a wooden spoon.

12. Take the rest of the cheddar cheese and sprinkle evenly over the top of the macaroni.

After step 11, add two tins of shredded tuna into the macaroni and sauce mixture, then continue on from step 12.

Add bacon Fry one packet of diced bacon and add to the macaroni and sauce mixture after step 11, then continue on to step 12.

Tip

13. Place the bowl into the oven and bake for about 40 minutes.

• Add tomato: season the top of the macaroni with slices of tomato before sprinkling the cheese topping.

Serve hot with a side dish of salads or cooked vegetables. Macaroni and cheese can be enjoyed as a light meal on its own or as side dish.

• Add some zing: add half a teaspoon of peri-peri to the white sauce when adding the mustard in step 7.

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Kicks for kids

babys beyond and

Colour in

Under the sea Fish are fascinating creatures and are one of the oldest creatures to live on earth. There are over 25 000 known species of fish‌ but we probably don’t know how many are yet to still be discovered!

Here are a few fun sea-based activities for you to do. Enjoy!

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KICKS FOR KIDS

Make your way to the

a

treasure

Find the sea animals in boxes

b

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KICKS FOR KIDS

Sea animals

Word search

c

differences

Spot

d

10

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CLASSIFIEDS • Homemade, textured, natural baby food and children’s meals from 6 months onwards • Freshly frozen, conveniently store in the freezer for 2 months • Easy to heat and prepare with no wastage • Ensure your baby is eating the tastiest, best quality food available • Home delivery and distribution throughout Johannesburg, Pretoria and surrounds – see website for details.

•G et mom and dad’s meals delivered too (www.exquisitetastes.co.za)

Tel: 011 466 3112 www.babytastes.co.za www.toddlertastes.co.za

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CLASSIFIEDS

Anne-MariĂŠ Flanagan C 082 890 0833 F 086 657 9041 E buggyboard@telkomsa.net www.buggyboard.co.za

This program has been designed to give our future leaders the skills they need to be confident and poised in their interpersonal activities. Peer approval for our youngsters is critical. Even shy children will embrace the fundamentals of etiquette if it is the route to more comfortable interactions with adults and their teachers.

Our program caters for Ages 4-18. We offer outings, excursions, activities, classes, Innovative exercises, role-playing and a reference workbook to help build the key elements of good social manners.

This exciting project is designed to promote the importance of good manners and values; to develop a society of decency, dignity, and decorum.

Individual Sessions, Half Day Seminars, School Discount Packages and Social Block Booking Offers also available!! In the comfort of your home/school

Contact Person: Ms. Lindsay Ramatsui Tel Number: +27 720 431 629 Email: quixotic.duchess@gmail.com Website: http://www.quixoticduchess.co.za/

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FEATURE

Grandparents

getting involved

Grandparents can be a blessing or a challenge to parents... but what exactly is their role?

Grandparents can be a tremendous support to parents – they have the experience as they raised you. However, how much say do grandparents have in raising your child?

The level of involvement that grandparents have is dependent on the parents. In many instances grandparents are there to lend support and help guide their children on aspects of parenting, however ultimately the decisions lie with the parents.

If parents are the primary caregivers for the children, they need to be the voice of authority. And the chances are that you will likely have a different style of parenting from your parents – so it is therefore okay for parents and grandparents to disagree from time to time on raising children. The key to dealing with any challenges that may arise is to communicate respectfully and to inform grandparents that you are indeed the voice of authority.

This is different when the grandparents are the primary caregivers of the grandchildren as is the case with quite a few South African households.

In a typical nuclear family the role of grandparents includes but is not limited to: • Historian – As grandparents are older, they have greater insight as towards the family history. They also are a fountain of information and brilliant storytellers such as: “In my day…” They can also serve as a role model to grandchildren in the sense that grandparents, due to their age and experiences, have a colourful past. They can serve to inspire and motivate grandchildren.

• Friend/confidant – As grandparents are not the primary caregiver, children feel that they can

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often communicate easier with grandparents as they are not typically seen as the disciplinarians.

Grandparents in turn may also relish the opportunity to communicate with grandchildren in a more relaxed stance as they are not the primary caregivers.

• Support structure: Parents can sometimes be overwhelmed in the parental role. Grandparents can lend support by offering guidance – not taking control – but offering further insight into parenting with regard to what their experiences were. Grandparents can also provide security for children in the sense they offer support and guidance to grandchildren making them feel secure.

• Teacher – Grandparents as stated earlier have a lot of knowledge and experience. They can help educate grandchildren of various aspects including socially acceptable behaviour by relating their experiences.

• Grandparents can also make grandchildren feel like teachers as grandchildren communicate and teach grandparents the latest technologies and the latest happenings.

• Playmates – While all grandparents might not be physically active, many of them fill the role of playmate. Sometimes parents are so busy juggling work and household chores, they don’t always have the time to play with the kids. Often kids feel that visiting grandparents is one big adventure as grandparents who are retired have more time to spend with the kids doing fun stuff like baking or gardening or playing board games. www.babysandbeyond.co.za

FEATURE FEATURE

Drowning in

debt

For many South Africans debt is a reality. It is an overwhelming feeling and many people struggle to see a way out… increasing school fees, skyrocketing electricity costs, clothes, food – it is overwhelming.

Many people struggle to understand how they have landed in such serious debt. For some it is due to chasing a fancy lifestyle whereas for others it is just trying to pay for the necessities. Parents, especially, have some idea that having children is expensive, but not many realise the true extent. As families grow there is a need for more – more clothes, more school fees to pay, a bigger house, a bigger car and so forth. The need for credit increases and thus the debt increases.

When people get blacklisted it becomes virtually impossible to get more credit and it is then that many people have a rude awakening.

Debt is a reality. And while it is very stressful, there is a way out.

What to do • Firstly acknowledge there is a problem. Sometimes, people just ignore the problem and obtain more credit and only start awakening when they can’t get anymore.

• Have a budget. Find out what are the essentials.

Do you really need to get your kid the latest X-box when he has a functional older version? Do you really need to shop at an expensive grocery store when a market offers cheaper fruit and veg? You want a new couch? Well if you can’t afford it cash, then it is best to forget about it. It’s the little steps that can go a long way to helping you out. Once you have a budget, stick to it. Many people have a budget and continually go over it – writing it down is not good enough.

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• Being a parent, miscellaneous costs crop up every now and then. Your child has an excursion etc.

It is therefore a good idea to have a rainy day fund – this is a separate fund from the budget that is allocated for emergencies which were not included in the budget.

• Communicate with your partner. Both you and your partner need to be on the same page. Having financial difficulties places strain on a relationship, but it is thus critical that partners work together to fix their financial woes.

It is no use if one partner is committed and the other is not – decisions particularly relating to budgets need to be discussed and agreed upon.

• Have a payment plan – you can discuss this with a financial advisor or your creditors. They will look at your budget and see how much you can pay back on a monthly basis. If you have extra cash at any point after you have put away savings, use this to repay debts. An example is bonus month – many of us want to go wild. You can still treat yourself and your family, but on a smaller scale. The debt is priority.

• It will be difficult, but start a savings plan. Any extra money you do have must go into this fund.

Have faith If you are committed, you can get out of debt. It will be a difficult few years, but in the long run it is worth it to not have the stress of having debt. www.babysandbeyond.co.za