The Adventures of Flying Toaster Strudel

The Adventures of Flying Toaster Strudel Issue 1.

A Zine Project Seattle Publication October-December 2012 Group

Cast of Characters

FTS Origins: It was a dark night in the kitchen and Lil Toaster Strudel and his parents had just got done watching a movie—The Amazing Snarfularfugus.

There was a knock at the door...

When Papa Strudel opened the door, Cheez-it Ninja Stars™ impaled his body.

Cheese squirted everywhere and Mamma Strudel and Lil Strudel screamed.

Suddenly Pop Tart Ninjas™ ran into the house, pushing down Lil Strudel while slicing Mamma Strudel in half with breadstick katanas™. Strawberry jam went everywhere.

As suddenly as they came, the Pop Tart Ninjas™ were gone and Lil Strudel was all alone.

So he disappeared into a toaster oven to devise a way to get back at the evil Pop Tart Ninjas™. From the corner of the toaster oven, he heard someone whisper something. He couldn’t hear, so he crept closer to the sound. “Give me butter”.

Lil Strudel saw that it was an old piece of toasted bread.

Toaster Strudel rushed over and cried his final tears of honey and butter onto the toast.

The toast transformed into a lovely brand new piece of fresh whole wheat toast and told the Lil Strudel that the evil Ninja Pop Tarts™ killed his parents.

Little Strudel, I promise you the power to defeat the Poptart Ninjas. I know the martial art of Krav Maga.

How will you teach me your ways, master Whole Wheat?

You must meditate for three days.

After that I shall teach you the art of Krav Maga.

What is Krav Maga? And how will it help me?

It will give you the skills you need to vanquish the Poptart Ninjas, and their employer, Evil Dr. Poptart.

Three days passed and when the Lil Strudel woke from the meditation, he felt wiser and stronger and fuller of frosting gusto. Toaster Strudel emerged and said, “I’m ready! Teach me you Kung Fu!”

FTS Learns How to Fly

Daily Routine 6:00am- Wake up 6:15am- Climb out of bed 6:20am- Bathroom Business 6:45am- Do 30 Push Ups 7:15am- Run 2 kitchen Miles 8:00am- Do 30 sit-ups/crunches 8:20- Break & Breakfast 9:00am- Flying Practice 10:00am- Power target practice 11:00am- 30 push-up & crunches Noon- Lunch 1pm- Fight Evil Until 10pm- Bed Time

FTS saves his first citizen!

While bench pressing the edges of old toast in the toaster oven cave, Flying Toaster Strudel heard a fretful mew coming from the kitchen.

He saw three Pop Tart Ninjas™ attacking Snickerdoodle the house cat.

“I’ll save you Snickerdoodle!!!,” FTS called. FTS swooped down, shooting sprinkles from his finger tips.

The ninjas exploded, but even more of them appeared from the shadows to replace the first.

Each of the ninjas, six in total, rushed FTS. Breadstick katanas swoop in from all directions, only to be met by the power of RAINBOW SPRINKLES!

The sprinkles had formed a shield around FTS body, before blasting out with concussive force. Each of the six ninjas exploded like their predecessors.

Snickerdoodle’s green eyes stared with thanks upon FTS followed by a soft mew.

FTS Private Life When Flying Toaster Strudel looks at his parents wedding portrait he feels lost and alone. He feels abandoned and very angry. Just the thought of the picture makes him feel vengeful. He wants revenge against Dr. Evil Pop-Tart and his poptart ninjas.

One of his fears is that he’ll be alone forever. No one wants to be left alone. After the death of his parents it’s become difficult for him to find someone who he cares about deeply.

FTS and Shoe Meet After a long day at his day job, FTS walked into his favorite bar under the kitchen sink. At the bar, he sees Evil Dr. Poptart and a dozen of his Poptart Ninjas!

His heart started beating fast, his mind started racing, thinking to himself, “what should I do?”

The ninjas didn’t spot him at first, so he snuck off to the darkest side of the bar.

Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha! All of my plans for world domination are going perfectly!

Not so Fast!

. It was Boots Wellington AKA

The Shoe, a vigilante from

Britain. “Don’t make a move,” said Shoe as he stared the doctor in the eye.

The Shoe flew around them all, tying them all up in a shoelace rope and kicked them out of the bar.

“Wow! We should work together to defeat Evil Dr. Poptart.

The Shoe and FTS left hand in hand, to chase down the Evil d Dr. Poptart.

Evil Dr. Pop Tart Up in the china cabinet—the tallest cupboard in the kitchen— Evil Dr. Pop Tart contemplates in his floating cookie dough armchair, looking out at everything.

***

They fought over who would rule the Toaster—the choicest piece of kitchen real estate for breakfast foods all over the suburban world.

Armed with Cheez Whizz Launchers ™ and Popsicle Stick Spears™, your mother and father led the Strudel Army into battle with the Pop Tarts. The Strudel Army, with their overwhelming numbers and rising popularity as the leading breakfast snack, annihilated the entire Pop Tart population.

Except for Dr. Pop Tart and a small contingent of Pop Tart Ninjas who escaped.

As they were fleeing, your father, Papa Strudel, in shinning Crisco glazed armor, throw a popsicle spear and shut out the light from Dr. Pop Tart’s eye.

Wounded, Dr. Pop Tart and his ninjas fled up the Granite Mountains to the china cabinet where they began to plot their return. Dr. Pop began cloning the ninjas.

He was also befriended by a wise, mustached wheaty warrior, who empathized for the pop tarts and their fall from fickle consumer preference. The warrior taught Dr. Pop Tart Muay Thai and other arts to defend himself.

But along the way, the wheaty warrior learned that Dr. Pop Tart planned to use Muay Thai for evil—to kill.

But Dr. Pop Tart had become too strong for the wheaty warrior.

FTS & Donette The two were on a gravy boat plowing through an ocean of gravy in the sink. At the bow of the ship, Toaster Strudel and Donette met.

Sturdel’s like, “Donette? What are you doing? You wanna jump? Want me to help you jump?”

“Oh!” Donette cried. “My life is so horrible! No one glazes my donut hole.”

“I’ll glaze your donut hole,” FTS said, admirably.

“How did this turn into pervertedness? I was trying to jump?”

Donette asked, totally confused.

“See… I distracted you,” FTS said.

“I guess you did,” Donette admitted.

“Now I want to show you something.” Toaster Strudel picked her up and began to fly into the brothy distance.

“I’m flying!”

“Um. Now you’re falling.”

Donette falls into the gravy.

“Watch,” FTS encouraged.

Globs of mash potato fish emerge and form an inner-tube so Donette can tube in the gravy.

“Now you kinda smell funny,” FTS said. “Donut, gravy and mash potatoes.”

“Sounds like a new cologne.”

The Final Countdown One day in the Toaster Oven Cave, Flying Toaster Strudel came across a strange note written in cream cheese.

“Evil Dr. Pop has Donette on top of the Empire Fridge Building. Look...�

FTS sees Donette hanging onthe Empire Fridge Building above a fryer.

He soars to the top, shooting rainbow sprinkles. Dr. Poptart absorbs the sprinkles into his frosting and sends Cheez-it Ninja stars out.

With an earth rumbling

Hm HMMM.

out from FTS’s belly

and hits Dr. Pop, making him explode.

A fist explodes

With FTS alive but wounded, Whole Wheat swoops in and rescues Donette from the fryer. “Just kidding. That was a test, FTS. You got your ass kicked. And then your tummy exploded. Wow. Good Job!”

Whole Wheat places Donette next to FTS and they go kick it by the gravy ocean.

The End

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