IT'S. MY. LIFE. May 2016 Issue

In This Issue: How to Relax When Life is Out of Control 9 Ways to Push Beyond Fear How to Be an Introvert and Have an Active Social Life

Top 10 Critical Communication Skills for Couples

Editor’s Note: How Self-Aware Are You?

We live in a 24/7 society. From the time we wake in the morning until we close our eyes at night, we do not stop, and we do not rest. Unfortunately, one of the many prices we pay for living with this busy lifestyle is the loss of self-awareness.

When was the last time you sat down with yourself and reflected inward – thought about who you were, what was important to you and how you want your life to be remembered?

Taking time for reflection and introspection is crucial. Unconsciously, or maybe even consciously, we often push away our thoughts of reflection and determine our identities through our actions rather than our self-beliefs, through reactions rather than instincts, through habit rather than self-understanding. We become the sum of our achievements or failures, and we define ourselves through other people’s eyes.

I believe we all must take a journey of self-discovery at this stage of our life - A journey towards self-awareness and self-acceptance. This journey begins with a mission to understand ourselves, to clear away the debris that masks our real thoughts, true beliefs and honest opinions.

Women’s Self Discovery Network was created to help you look within and find your answers.

There you will discover exactly where you are now and you will see your own potential and be able to answer your question of “who am I now” and “what do I want to do with the rest of my life”.

I hope that together we can travel on this journey of self-discovery and create the life we want to live.

Sherry Tobin Women’s Self-Discovery Network

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Table of Contents ...................................................................................................................... 4 ......................................................................................................................... 6 ............................................................................................................................... 8 ............................................................................................................................................. 10 ........................................................................ 13 ............................................................................................................................................. 16 .............................................................................. 18 ............................................................................................. 20 ........................................................................................................................ 22 ............................................................................................................................................. 24 ............................................................................................................... 25 .................................................................................................................................. 27 ............................................................................................................................... 31 ................................................................................................................................................. 33 .............................................................................. 35 ......................................................................................................... 38 ........................................................................................................................................................................ 41

IT’S. MY. LIFE. is owned and published by Sherry Tobin of Women’s Self-Discovery Network. All Rights Reserved. Protected by International Copyright Law. IT’S. MY. LIFE. can be shared, forwarded, cut and pasted but not sold, resold or in any way monetized.

Using any images or content from IT’S. MY. LIFE. must be sourced as follows: “Copyright Women’s Self-Discovery Network, www.womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca. Women’s Self Discovery Network, 17 Valleywood Drive, Whitby, Ontario, L1R 2J8. Note: Sherry Tobin is not responsible for outcomes based on how you interpret or use the ideas in. IT’S. MY. LIFE. - T: 647-262-2393.

Advertising in IT’S. MY. LIFE.: This magazine reaches out to women in mid-life who are focusing on their well-being, happiness and experiencing life to the fullest. If you write articles that offer tips, tools and techniques that you know that have worked for you or sell products that focus on enhancing the lives of women, please contact Sherry. Full page rates are $50 per page; half page rates are $25 per page.

To share your life improvement ideas in IT’S. MY. LIFE. CONTACT: Sherry Tobin/ sherry@womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca/ 647-262-2393/www.womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca

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Journaling isn’t just for teenage girls. Powerful and successful people regularly keep journals. A journal can record your life and serve as an emotional release. A journal can serve as a record for your children. It’s also a great way to back up your aging memory! If you’ve never considered keeping a journal, reconsider.

Keeping a journal is simple:

1. Decide on a format. Nearly any form of journal can be effective. A notebook, word processor, or dedicated journal can serve you well. You can even record your journal online. It’s entirely up to you. A blog can serve as a journal.

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2. Stick to a schedule. Try to write something at least a few times each week. Ideally, you’ll be able to record your thoughts daily. You’ll find that the journaling habit is easier to create if you write each day.

3. Keep it casual. You’re not writing a novel.

You’re writing for yourself. You don’t even have to use complete sentences! Use a style that suits your wants and needs. Some days you’ll write more than others. There will be days without much to write about.

Anyone can enjoy the benefits of a journal. Choose a format that you enjoy and start writing. Keep a regular schedule. You’ll be amazed by how much

you write over the years if you just write a little each day.

more.

6. Keeping a journal puts you in good company.

Many of the most successful people in history kept a journal. A journal can encourage you to live a life worth recording. After writing the same thing for a few days, you’ll be inspired to make something interesting happen!

A journal serves many purposes:

1. A journal serves as a both a record of your life and your progress. Failures are difficult to forget, but successes can be difficult to remember. When you’re frustrated with your progress, it’s easy to pull out your journal and remember all the successes you’ve had in the past. 

Who knew that a few minutes of writing could accomplish so much? A journal is a quick, easy, and inexpensive way to enhance your life in numerous ways. Your children will appreciate the effort, and there are numerous mental and physical health benefits. Why not start today?

As we get older, the details of the past become fuzzy. A journal is a nice way to record your life and keep the details available. Your children might enjoy reading it someday, too.

2. A journal can reveal the truth. Things seem a little different on paper than they do in your head. Putting your thoughts to paper can reveal things you never considered. A journal can provide more insight than your thoughts alone.

3. A journal can hold you accountable. Fleeting thoughts and ideas are easy to ignore, but a written record is more compelling. You’ll find that you’re more conscientious and hold yourself more accountable when you keep a journal.

4. A journal is the perfect place to record and track your goals. Goals require regular attention. The biggest challenge with achieving goals is forgetting about them after the initial excitement has worn off. Make a short entry in your journal each day regarding your goals.

5. A journal is great for your health. Numerous studies have shown that 15-20 minutes of writing, done for a few times each week, reduces stress. Write about your thoughts and concerns. You’ll feel better and enjoy your life Page 5

Stress is a constant companion, and most of us, through lots of practice, have become experts at elevating our stress levels. The ability to relax is an acquired skill too. Luckily, you can teach yourself to handle stress in a manner that minimizes it. However, the more stressed you feel, the more challenging it can be to relax.

Discover how you can relax your body and mind when your stress levels are out of control: 1. Take a moment to stretch. Stand up for a few minutes and stretch your body. Release the tension and stress in your muscles. Shake your arms and legs individually and get back to work. Try this. It works!

2. Exercise. If you have more time available, 30 minutes of exercise can work wonders. Avoid limiting yourself to the standard walk or jog. Play a match of tennis or attempt to break your personal bench press record. Consider whether you’d prefer to exercise alone or with others and make it happen.

3. Listen to music. Music can be very soothing. The theme from Rocky might make you feel great, but might not be the best choice if you’re feeling agitated. Choose music that you find relaxing.

4. Meditate. Meditation is simple, but challenging. You can learn to focus your thoughts and relieve your tension. Keep your thoughts focused on your breath and return to these thoughts whenever you get Page 6

distracted. What could be simpler?

5. Reach out to others. Some of us find relaxation in being alone, while others feel better with others. Reach out to your friends and family. You can discuss your feelings and the challenges you’re facing. You could also choose to use the people in your life as a distraction. Go out to dinner or watch a movie. Have a little fun.

6. Laugh. Maybe laughter is the best medicine. Pull out your favorite video or spend the evening at a comedy club. Call your funniest friend for a chat. Read a book of jokes. Find something or someone that will make you laugh.

7. Feel gratitude. It’s easy to forget about all the wonderful things in your life during challenging times.

Make a list of all the blessings in your life. Focus on feeling gratitude. By reminding yourself of all the good things, the bad things won’t seem nearly as bad.

8. Take a nap. One of the best ways to reset your nervous system is sleeping. Find a quiet place and lie down for an hour. A nap can be the best stress-buster.

9. Think happy thoughts. Remember a happy, past event. Relive it in your mind. Creative visualization can be an excellent way to take a break from your stress. Be creative and enjoy yourself.

10. Drop the caffeine from your diet. Caffeine and stress don’t combine well. Give your nervous system a reprieve and avoid caffeinated beverages. Do you really need to be any more stimulated?

11. Close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you. You could also cover your ears and focus on what you see. You’ll just look sillier. Block off one of your senses and focus on your environment. This is an excellent way to be more present. Giving your attention to your surroundings will stop your mind from creating more stress.

Stress is a part of daily life. Learning to manage it makes life more enjoyable.

The best time to address stress is the moment it begins. There’s a momentum to stress. Once your stress reaches a high level, it’s far more challenging to reduce. Most stress-reduction techniques provide a small to moderate amount of relief. Use them sooner, rather than later, and prevent a meltdown before it happens .

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You feel frustrated when your expectations aren’t being met. Frustration can’t be avoided entirely, but it can be effectively managed. Frustration isn’t enjoyable, but it can have positive benefits. It’s a sign that you believe you should be doing better.

It’s also a sign that what you’re currently doing isn’t working.

However, frustration can also stop you in your tracks.

Try these techniques to handle the frustration in your life like a pro:

1. Focus on the progress you’ve made.

Frustration grows if you remind yourself of how far you are from your objective. Celebrate the progress you’ve made so far. Constant improvement is the surest road to success.

Avoid frustration by keeping your focus on the positive.

2. Give yourself more time than you think you require. Whether you’re moving to a new home or learning to speak French, it always takes longer than planned.



Get started early and plan for the worst.

When you have a rough week, you’ll still have time to catch up.

3. Remain rooted in the present moment. The present moment is perfect as it is. It’s only when your mind wanders forward or backward in time that frustration sets in. When your expectations aren’t meant, you’re likely to become frustrated. It’s easy to be frustrated by the past.

4. Learn the causes of your frustration. Certain situations and people can trigger your frustration. Make a list of those triggers. Is it possible to avoid those people and situations?

Is there a way to work around them? If you’re unable to avoid a trigger, prepare yourself and resolve that you’ll maintain your composure.

5. Have reasonable expectations of others.

Maybe you’re expecting too much from others, and it’s causing much of the frustration in your life. People are unpredictable, but their past behavior can be a good indicator of how they’ll behave in the future.

6. Write about it. Instead of churning over the events in your mind, write down your thoughts.

Take your time and list everything in your life that you find frustrating. Read each item, take a

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you’re currently experiencing and develop strategies to avoid or minimize it.

deep breath, and relax. By the time you reach the end, you’ll feel better.

7. Remember the times you’ve been frustrated in the past. Consider the times you were frustrated in your teen years. They all seem silly now. It’s likely you’ll feel the same way about your current issues 15 years from now. 

Instead of waiting a decade or more to feel better, choose to feel better today.

8. Take responsibility. It’s feels easier to blame others, but you’re falling into a trap. If someone else to blame, you give up your power to alter the situation. By accepting responsibility for the situation, you can still turn the situation around.

9. Make your own list of ways to get over your frustration. The best ideas will come from you!

Make a list of 25 ways you can either prevent frustration or lessen it. Consider your average day and the frustrations you’re likely to face.

What can you do to have a better day?

10. Take advantage of your frustration. Frustration isn’t entirely negative. It can stimulate your imagination. It’s also a sign that you believe you should be doing better. You might even find that your ability to focus and find solutions is enhanced.

If you’re never frustrated, you’re not trying.

Everyone experiences frustration on a regular basis. The key is to manage your frustration, and use it to your advantage. Frustration is a sign that a new approach is needed. Use your creative abilities to find a solution. Examine the frustration

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Fear is the biggest roadblock to success. Fear is a constant companion if you’re attempting to grow and achieve. The most successful people are often those that manage fear most effectively. Those that manage fear poorly are often the least successful. Learning to push beyond fear is a valuable skill that greatly increases your odds of success.

Conquer your fear and achieve success: 1. Control your thoughts. It’s possible to think about anything you choose. The best way to stress yourself is to think about stressful things. You’re not more effective when you’re afraid. You’re less. That doesn’t mean you should bury your head in the sand, but put yourself in a frame of mind that makes you most able to deal with the situation.

2. Consider the worst. Take a moment to consider the worst likely outcome. Can you handle it? Can you maneuver in a way that makes the worst outcome manageable? If you know you can handle the worst, there’s no reason to be afraid. 

Be prepared for the worst and you’ll find it rarely occurs.

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3. Breathe. Focus on your breath and slow your mind. Your mind will take reality and run wild with it.

Focusing on your breath will calm your mind, and reality remains. When stress is at your doorstep, just stop and breathe.

4. Imagine a positive outcome. Raise the level of your expectations. Your fear will melt away if you expect something positive to happen. Create a future that you find exciting and visualize your fear away. 

Repeat this exercise several times a day. Eventually, you’ll begin to believe it.

5. Exercise. Physical exertion is an excellent way to burn away your fear. It’s hard feel afraid when you’re exhausted! 

Go for a quick run, a long walk, or lift weights. When you’re pleasantly out of breath, you’ll find your fear has lessened.

6. Get support. Talk to friend or a mentor. Be choosy! Some of your friends and family are more supportive than others. Find someone going through the same thing and console each other. Online forums can be helpful, and you can remain anonymous.

7. Understand that change and fear go hand in hand. There’s a reason to be excited when you’re afraid: It’s very possible that you’re at the beginning of a great change in your life. 

Nothing seems to change when you’re comfortable 100% of the time. Be excited that you’re doing something that creates feelings of fear. Your life may be about to change for the better.

8. Make a list of the benefits of moving forward. Create a long list of the positive results that could result from being brave. Give yourself several reasons to motivate yourself. For example, if you’re starting a new business:    

Create a greater income.

Do something you love.

Finally realize your dream of being an entrepreneur.

Not to mention you’ll have the amazing experience of overcoming your fear!

9. Do it anyway. Fear is a lousy reason for not doing something. It’s not a good excuse, though it is a socially acceptable one. Be brave and resolve to do the thing you fear. It will be easier the next time. Build your tolerance to fear by facing fear daily.

Do you allow fear to determine your actions? Fear is a self-imposed roadblock on the path to progress.

Developing the skill to handle fear appropriately is necessary to move forward in any aspect of life. When you feel fear, you’re on the verge of making a significant change in your life. Get excited!

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7 Actions That Strengthen the Emotional Bonds of Your Relationship You can make your relationships emotionally deeper and stronger with simple actions. If you want your relationships to last, then it’s crucial to invest time and effort into them.

Try these strategies: 1. Spend the entire day with the person. One of the easiest ways to build an emotionally stronger relationship and create memories is to spend an entire day with your loved one. 

Your day can start with going out for breakfast and activities that you both enjoy. On the other hand, you can simply hang out at home together and relax. The most important point is to spend time together and enjoy it.

2. Create a special memory. Do you both love art or scrapbooking? Do you enjoy traveling to explore and experience new locations? A special memory can involve creating an object or an event together. 

Deeper relationships are created by sharing experiences with each other.

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

You can create a painting together, put together a photo album, or paint the kitchen. You can also travel together and build new memories.

3. Share your secrets. Vulnerability in a relationship can make it stronger and healthier. 

Trust is an essential part of a healthy relationship, so it’s important to feel comfortable sharing your secrets. You should be able to have confidence that the other person will keep the secret and not share it with anyone else.

4. Share your future plans. Share your ideas about the future and the goals you want to achieve. Listen to your partner’s goals for the future too. Together, you can support each other on the path to success and fulfillment.

5. Share your favorite books and articles. One of the easiest ways to create a stronger relationship is to share your favorite books and articles. This allows the other person to learn more about your interests and get a deeper understanding of you. 

Your favorite books and articles can reveal more than just your interests. They can be mirrors into your soul and reveal your thoughts, expectations, and beliefs.



You should feel comfortable sharing your reading material. Avoid worrying about judgment or arguments that could appear after your loved one reads these items.

6. Discuss your past. Have you opened up about your past? Conversations about the past can help you bond by sharing details of your history. The other person can learn more about you and your personality. 

You may want to share the stories that are hidden from others and discuss past mistakes or other issues.

7. Use technology to stay in touch. If you can’t see each other on a daily basis, use technology to communicate as often as possible. Your phones, tablets, and other devices can help you stay connected. 

Ongoing communication is a key part of emotionally strong relationships.



You can use the traditional phone calls to stay in touch or turn to Skype, video chats, texts, emails, or social media.



Choose the devices and methods that work best for both of you.

Relationships can wither and stagnate if you don’t take action to keep them fresh, alive, and exciting. Make the effort to strengthen your emotional bonds. Your rewards will be well worth it.

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There are 16 different personality types.

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Our friends, coworkers, family, and the media influence us every day. Even strangers can get us to do things on a regular basis. The ability to influence others is powerful. Imagine if you had a greater ability to influence your children, spouse, neighbors, and coworkers. It’s much easier to get things done with the assistance of others.

Influence others and gain more control over your life: 1. Be trustworthy. When others trust you, they’re much easier to influence. Whom would you follow – the person that you trust or the person that you don’t trust? There are many ways to build trust. 

Tell the truth. Lying is the quickest and easiest way to destroy trust.

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

Be consistent. The employee that’s always prepared and on time is deemed to be trustworthy.



Follow through. Do what you say you’re going to do.

2. Be an expert. A doctor is much more likely to influence your health decisions than your mechanic is.

However, you’re more likely to believe your mechanic than your doctor regarding your car. It’s all a matter of expertise. We trust experts more than non-experts.

3. Give before you receive. There’s a human tendency to reciprocate. We feel much more obligated to return a favor than to provide a favor up front. 

Salespeople are experts at taking advantage of this phenomenon. Companies will often give away something at no cost. They know you’ll feel a sense of obligation to make a purchase later.

4. Focus on emotions. You don’t buy a particular coat because it’s the most thermally efficient at a given price point. You bought your last coat because it fulfilled a physical need, and the thought of wearing that particular coat felt good emotionally. 

Emotions ultimately drive people. Give someone a reason to feel good about helping you or following your lead.

5. Ask. It’s tough to get what you want if you can’t ask for what you desire in an assertive manner. Asking also implies that you have the right to ask in that situation. Bravely ask for what you want. The number of people willing to accommodate you will surprise you.

6. Focus on the benefits. People are interested in their own benefits. It’s great that you’ll be happy, but they wonder what’s in it for them. Ensure they understand how their compliance will benefit them. Others will do just about anything for a sufficient reward.

7. Make friends first. The famous book, “Make Friends and Influence People” had it right. Make friends and then influence people. If you try to influence a non-friend, they know you’re just trying to use them, and your job will be much tougher. A friend is willing to do something for you. A non-friend is primarily interested in their own benefits.

8. Ask for more than you actually need. There are two advantages to this approach. Your request might be granted. If not, the other person feels uncomfortable after refusing you. By scaling back your second request, you’re much more likely to receive a “yes”. 

If you ask a casual acquaintance for a ride to the airport on the other side of town, you’re likely to be denied. But if you follow up that refusal with a request for a ride to the store 3 miles away, you’ll almost certainly be successful.

Influencing others is a science. There is a tremendous amount of research on this field. Influencing others effectively can boost your charisma, authority, and bank account. The most influential people in the world are also the most powerful.

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The most common excuses adults give for not exercising are lack of time and feeling uncomfortable when they exert themselves. While scientists haven’t yet managed to add more hours to the day, there may be new hope for the sedentary.

Some endurance experts are advocating caffeine or other substances to help reduce the perception of effort. While the approach is still controversial, it may someday become as acceptable as a nicotine patch for smokers or an appetite suppressant for dieters.

Until then, there are still the traditional ways to make physical activity more palatable even for the most confirmed couch potato. Try these tips that will help you change the way you think about

exercise.

Transforming Your Attitude about Exercise Congratulate yourself. Do you criticize yourself for being out of shape when you feel short of breath or sore after a visit to the gym? Take a page from athletes who welcome those kinds of physical sensations as proof they’re growing stronger and faster.

Focus on results. Keep your motivation in mind.

Maybe you want to lose weight or reduce your risk of heart disease.

Maintain a log. Track your progress. Putting your program down in writing will make it easier to see how you’re advancing.

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Find a buddy. Working out with a friend or signing up for an exercise class can be more fun than going solo. You’ll look forward to your time together.

Form a habit. Exercise is easier when it’s automatic. If you go for a run each morning, you’ll find yourself putting on your sneakers without even having to think about it.

Change your self-talk. Telling yourself that you dislike push-ups just reinforces the discomfort.

Cheer yourself on instead. Celebrate your accomplishments like losing 5 pounds or moving up to an advanced Pilate’s class.

Be patient. It may take several weeks to see any visible results. Hang in there so you can reap the rewards of your efforts.

Working Out at Your Own Pace 1. Respect your limits. Pushing yourself too hard can make you want to give up. It also increases your risk of injury. Talk with your doctor if you have questions about your individual condition.

2. Take a walk. Walking is safe and effective for most adults. Start out with short distances, and gradually increase your time and pace.

Jump in the pool. Low-impact water exercises can be a healthy alternative for seniors or anyone who needs to protect their joints. If you have trouble finding a community pool, ask a local hotel if they offer gym memberships to non-guests.

Lean back. If you prefer dry land, how about pedaling on a recumbent bicycle? You’ll condition your heart without taxing your lower back and knees.

Count daily activities. Other kinds of movement qualify as exercise. You can burn calories and tone your muscles while you play with your kids and clean your house.

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Adjust your schedule. You probably have certain times of day when you’re most productive. If your energy flags after work, lift weights in the morning or at lunch time.

Monitor yourself. Health experts agree that most adults can accurately judge their heart rate and level of exertion based on signs like breathing, sweating, and muscle fatigue. If you like using the latest gadgets, you can also buy a fitness tracker to help you decide whether you need to slow down or challenge yourself more.

It’s much easier to stick to an exercise program when you learn to like physical activity. Starting out gradually and thinking positive will help you to fulfill your workout resolutions so you can stay in top condition.

Endurance training can make you happier, healthier, and more productive, even if you stop way short of running a marathon. Try these tips for building up your stamina safely and effectively.

Benefits of Endurance Training Boost your energy. If you feel too tired to exercise, remember this. Working out will reduce fatigue, especially when you’re doing activities that enhance your aerobic capacity.

Speed up your metabolism. Endurance training increases your metabolic rate even when you’re at rest. That means you can eat more calories without gaining weight, as long you don’t go overboard.

Make new friends. You’re bound to meet someone interesting when you become a regular at your community pool or running track. Greet your neighbors and strike up a conversation. You may connect with a potential training partner.

Cultivate peace of mind. There’s a scientific basis for the runner’s high. Due to endorphins and other chemicals, long-distance rhythmic movements tend to produce euphoria.

Nutrition Tips for Endurance Training Page 22

3. Read labels. Sports nutrition is big business, so you have a lot of energy products to choose from. Check the ingredients and avoid bars and drinks that are loaded with sugar.

4. Count calories. Endurance exercise can consume more than 600 calories an hour, but you don’t have to eat that much. Your body can’t absorb food that quickly so it makes up the deficit by burning stored fat.

You may want to consume some carbohydrates if your sessions last 2 hours, and add in protein if you train for 3 hours or more.

Fuel up. Stop eating at least 3 hours before a race or other intense activities so your blood sugar can stabilize.

Complex carbohydrates are ideal for pre-race eating. It’s okay to be a little hungry before competing.

Replenish your resources. Once your race or workout has ended, it’s time to recover and replace the nutrients you’ve used up. Try to eat a balanced meal with protein, complex carbohydrates, and healthy fats.

Safety Tips for Endurance Training 5. Stay hydrated. Drinking water is essential before, during, and after exercise. One 20 ounce bottle an hour is a good rule of thumb during tough training.

Practice moderation. Develop a workout plan with a gradual and balanced approach. Increase your time and distance slowly. Engage in a variety of activities, including strength training and stretching. Take days off to rest.

Turn down the heat. More athletes experience heat stroke than heart attacks. Wear protective gear and find an indoor track if it’s too hot outside.

See your doctor. Talk with your physician if you have any chronic aches or heart palpitations. Seek help immediately if you experience chest pain or suddenly feel short of breath.

Other Tips for Endurance Training 6. Consider supplements. While it’s good to rely on whole foods for most of your diet, supplements may also help when you’re placing extra demands on your body. Some studies support the benefits of taking whey protein, certain vitamins, and even caffeine in moderate amounts.

7. Warm up and cool down. Gentler movements before and after training may be especially important for endurance athletes. Cool downs can reduce the risk of losing consciousness caused by stopping abruptly.

8. Listen to your body. Your individual condition and goals determine the regimen that will work best for you. Experiment until you find a winning formula that keeps you safe and fit.

For a longer, healthier, and more active life, try endurance training. Whether you’re gearing up for a Spartan run or just riding your bike on weekends, endurance exercises strengthen your body and mind.

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Being an introvert and having a social life might seem be contradictory, but it’s possible for both to coexist. Balance is the key to successfully combining introversion and social activity. Too much social activity can be exhausting for an introvert. Too little will leave him longing for social interaction.

you that an active social life isn’t a possibility.

2. Consider your perfect day. If you were able to plan your perfect day, what ratio of people time to alone time would you choose? Attempt to create enough social contact to match that ratio. In addition, consider whether the time spent with others would include friends, family, or strangers.

Being an introvert doesn’t require spending 100% of your time alone. Introverts can have fulfilling and active social lives.

3. Focus on quality. An introvert typically doesn’t want 50 casual friends. He wants a few, close connections. Everyone has a limited amount of time to spend on social activities each week, so spend your time wisely.

Use these strategies to have an active social life and still enjoy your time alone: 1. Avoid pretending to be something you’re not.

If you’re not an extrovert, stop pretending that you are. Not only will you be acting in a disingenuous manner, but you’ll also wear yourself out. This strategy will only convince



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A few meaningful connections may be more satisfying and less stressful than many casual friendships.

4. Be willing to decline offers for social activities.

It’s okay to turn down offers for social contact.

Stay home if your energy levels are waning.

Going out when you’re already drained will ensure a miserable experience.

5. Create the habit of being social at least once per week. Even if you have friends already, you run the risk of losing touch with them if you don’t spend time together on a regular basis.

Once a week, either see your current friends or spend time making new friends. Have a standing date to be social one night each week.

6. Have a predictable social gathering at least once per month. Join a club, a sporting league, or take poker lessons. Get out of the house at least once each month for a structured social event.

7. Consider the venues that match your introversion. A loud, crowded bar or nightclub might be a little too much for your tastes.

Perhaps coffee or a trip to the bookstore with a friend would be choice that is more enjoyable. All will have a better time if you match an activity with your comfort.

8. Introduce yourself to at least one new person each month. It could be a neighbor, friend of a friend, fellow employee, or a complete stranger. Follow up with others that seem compatible and interesting. It’s okay to let the rest go. Within a year, you’ll have at least a few new connections. A few might be all you need.

9. Learn to ask open-ended questions. It can be tiring to be the focus of a conversation. The solution is simple: ask questions that encourage others to talk. Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple question like, “Where did you go to school?” Instead, ask them what they enjoyed most about college. 

A few good questions will keep the other person talking for a long time. With a little practice, you’ll be known as an excellent Page 26

conversationalist. Interestingly, you won’t have to say much.

It’s possible to match your introverted personality with an active social life. Your version of an active social life might be different from that of an extrovert. What matters is that you’re enjoying your life to the fullest and spending some quality time with others. Stretch yourself, but it isn’t necessary to make yourself miserable on a regular basis. Focus on quality relationships.

Laughing at yourself is liberating. Instead of feeling frustrated by your shortcomings or embarrassed about looking foolish, you can experience a little amusement when things go awry.

Plus, seeing your behavior as funny creates a safe space for you to go about the serious business of personal growth. Consider the benefits of lightening up and seizing more opportunities to laugh at yourself each day.

Benefits of Laughing at Yourself Promote healing. Humor takes the sting out of sensitive issues. You can look at your old patterns and learn more constructive responses when you regard yourself with compassion instead of being judgmental.

Reduce stress. Trying to impress others or live up to rigid expectations can be exhausting and even undermine your health. Letting go of that tension allows you to relax.

Take more risks. Striving towards challenging goals expands your skills and knowledge. You may not succeed on the first try, but you’ll keep drawing closer when you stay cheerful.

Increase your energy levels. Laughter is invigorating. Your mind and body get a dynamic workout as you take in more oxygen and pump up your circulation.

Enhance your relationships. Trying to prove you’re right strains your interactions with others. Your friends and family will appreciate your company more when you’re flexible.

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Enjoy free entertainment. Broadway shows and video games are expensive. Laughing at yourself is a bargain.

Easy Opportunities to Laugh at Yourself Learn another language. Studies show that communicating in another language boosts your thinking skills.

You may also wind up with some funny stories if you accidentally announce you’re pregnant when you meant to say you’re nervous.

Adopt a pet. It’s okay to smile when you find yourself waiting for your cat to finish drinking from the bathroom faucet before you brush your teeth. It’s amazing how animals don’t need any books or classes on how to train humans.

Decorate your cubicle. Add a little personality to your work space. Bring in some wind-up toys or black velvet paintings.

Dress creatively. Your wardrobe can be whimsical too. You’ll be the only one who knows you’re wearing underwear with funny slogans under your business suit.

Visit a thrift shop. If you don’t have anything suitable on hand for creating a new look, it may be time to go shopping. You’re bound to feel more light-hearted once you own a ceramic brooch shaped like a llama.

Try a new sport. If you’re used to being envied for your backhand, take a swim instead of playing tennis one morning. You may not recognize your own body when you surprise it with a different way of moving.

Hang out with younger colleagues. If you wonder whether you’re funny, make friends with someone from a different generation. Be prepared to explain what work was like in the days before personal computers and mobile phones.

Eat something messy. Go ahead and dine on chili dogs and banana splits in public. There are advantages to forgetting about being neat sometimes.

Look at old pictures. Your high school yearbook can probably keep you and your children in stitches for hours.

Those outdated hairstyles and fashions are worth a second look.

Travel solo. Guided tours ensure you’ll order a balanced meal and catch the right bus. On the other hand, your vacation may be more memorable if you sample the local cuisine and venture into an unfamiliar neighborhood.

Build your self-confidence by taking yourself less seriously. Being willing to laugh at yourself gives you the strength you need to push beyond your comfort zone and achieve more.

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When someone has wronged you, forgiveness may be the last thing on your mind. You’re convinced they deserve all the anger and hostility you can muster. However, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Does your anger harm the other person? In most cases, the other person just stays away.

Holding a grudge is like punching yourself in the face and expecting the other person to say, “Ouch.”

Forgiveness is the healthy and logical choice for several reasons: 1. Living in the past steals your present and taints your future. A great future requires an attentive present.

That’s not possible if you’re living in the past. Life is happening right now in this moment. Every moment spent in the past is lost forever. Reclaim your life by forgiving and moving on.

2. Failing to forgive creates misery. Creating and maintaining negative thoughts doesn’t feel good. Pleasant thoughts support a pleasant mood. By refusing to forgive the person that wronged you, you’re harming yourself.

3. You’ll be stronger. Forgiveness can be challenging! Staying angry is easy in a certain way. Show yourself just how strong you are. Take a deep breath and forgive. It becomes easier with time.

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As an added bonus, the more forgiving you are, the more others are willing to forgive you!

4. The past cannot be changed, but your attitude can. What is the purpose of your anger? If you stay angry for the next ten years, what have you accomplished? Nothing you do today can change what happened yesterday. Change your attitude as quickly as possible and smile again.

5. They’ll be back sooner or later. Whether you forgive them or not, they’re sure to pop back into your life in the future. In most cases, they’ll act as if nothing ever happened. However, your resentment will make you feel bad all over again if you’re still holding a grudge. 

The sooner you forgive, the sooner you can put the matter to bed.

6. All humans make mistakes. We’ve all done or said things we later regret. You can’t expect to be forgiven if you’re unwilling to forgive. Living a perfect life and making perfect choices isn’t possible. Mistakes happen.

7. Forgiveness may be the best form of revenge. If someone upset you, it’s possible it was intentional. While you might feel the need to strike back, forgiveness is the best policy. Show them you’re enjoying bigger and better things. Living a happy life is the best revenge!

8. Your health will improve. Happiness and peacefulness undoubtedly support good health and longevity.

Live a long and wonderful life. Be forgiving. The Mayo Clinic states that forgiveness can lead to:     

Healthier relationships Lower blood pressure Stronger immune system Improved heart health Higher self-esteem

9. Forgiveness is fast. Time may heal all wounds, but it can take a long time. Forgiveness is instantaneous.

There’s no faster way to enhance your mood than the simple act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is fast, effective, and free. Take advantage of it.

Forgiveness is self-serving. It’s something you do for yourself, because the alternative is harmful to your health, happiness, and future. Be good to yourself. The fact that you’re letting the other person off the hook is secondary. Forgiveness is necessary. Forgetting is optional, depending on the situation.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” Forgiveness requires real strength. The fastest way to heal any transgression against you is forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness doesn’t always mean that you give the other person a second chance. It means that you’re not willing to suffer any longer.

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Small wins pay off big. Social scientists and business experts agree that modest victories can provide major inspiration.

You may have heard of the progress principle.

Researchers at Harvard Business School conducted a multi-year study of what makes employees happy and productive. They found that daily progress on meaningful work was the most powerful factor by far.

Take a look at the general principles behind this foolproof formula for success, along with practical examples about how you can apply a small wins strategy to your life.

Keep a journal. Writing in a journal will help you recognize and celebrate miniature milestones that you might otherwise overlook. You’ll also be able to track your progress and understand the conditions that affect your performance.

Create catalysts. According to the Harvard team, there are two kinds of actions that encourage small wins. The first, catalysts, are related to how you work. Set clear goals, budget your time and resources, and practice open communications.

Seek nourishers. The second kind of action is called nourishers, and refers to interpersonal support.

Surround yourself with friends and colleagues who provide validation and constructive feedback.

General Principles Behind Small Wins Page 33

Participate in groups that share your interests, whether it’s a faith community or professional association.

Dazzle a customer. Similarly, you can make any work more meaningful by focusing on those who use your products or services. Give someone a sneak peek at your new line and ask for their feedback.

Set intermediate goals. Lofty goals can be overwhelming. Break any project down into tiny tasks. You’ll feel invigorated each time you check something off your to-do list.

Learn from setbacks. The flipside of small wins is the discouragement that can follow running into an obstacle. Acknowledge your feelings. Turn mistakes into valuable lessons.

Practical Examples of Small Wins Strategies Eat more vegetables. Sticking to a healthy diet may be easier than you think when you focus on only one change at a time. Work your way up to 9 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. Mix spinach into your eggs at breakfast. Snack on baby carrots and hummus.

Cut down on sugar. If you like sweetened coffee, use half your usual amount of sugar. The savings will add up.

Go to bed on time. Adequate sleep keeps your body and mind in top condition. You’ll probably accomplish more even if you shorten your waking hours.

Exercise for 5 minutes. Are you tired of lapsed gym memberships? You’ll be exercising for more than a half hour by the end of the week if you start with 5 minutes and add just 5 minutes a day to your home workouts.

Memorize a few lines. Maybe you’d like to speak Russian or recite poetry, but your busy schedule gets in the way. Ty practicing just 5 vocabulary words or one stanza a day.

Extend your network. Whatever you do for a living, networking is essential. Introduce yourself to a new contact or reconnect with a former colleague.

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Listen to your child. Show your child how much you love them by giving them your full attention.

Empathize with their struggles in Algebra or congratulate them on making the soccer team.

Surprise your spouse. Brighten your partner’s day with a fun surprise. Take out the garbage when it’s their turn. Put a love note in their briefcase or pick up a carton of their favorite ice cream on your way home from work.

Grand visions are the sum of many small wins that help you translate your dreams into action. Taking a small step forward each day will bring you success and happiness.

Assertiveness is an important part of communication. When you’re assertive, you’re standing up for yourself while respecting others. It’s also an excellent way to enhance your self-esteem and self-respect. The inability to be assertive suggests that part of you doesn’t believe you’re deserving of your request.

The ability to be assertive also provides you with the power to say, “No” to others.

Try these strategies to enhance your assertiveness and get the respect you deserve: 1. Give your opinion freely. Practice your ability to be assertive. Always give an opinion when asked. Avoid saying, “I don’t care” or “Whatever you want is fine.” Tell the people in your life what movie you want to see and the restaurant you want to try this weekend.

2. Keep the focus on yourself. Rather than saying, “Your opinion is wrong”, say, “I don’t agree with your statement.” The first way attacks the other person and is aggressive. The second option is assertive.

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3. Focus on win-win. Aggressiveness focuses on winning at the expense of others. Assertiveness is much more balanced. 

Think about the needs of the other person and strive to find a solution that benefits both of you.

4. Value yourself. Remind yourself that your thoughts, desires, and rights are just as important as those of everyone else. It’s fair to protect your rights, and you have the right to be treated with respect.

5. Be clear on what you want. Others are more likely to accommodate your requests when you’re clear about your needs. It’s not enough to express your displeasure. Tell others what you want.

6. Be prepared for the response. Your needs won’t always be met. Others still have the right to say, “No.” The only way to avoid all refusals is never to ask in the first place. But consider where that strategy leads.

You lose self-esteem, self-respect, and the feeling of control over your life. And your needs will still be unmet. 

It can be nerve-wracking to be assertive, but the other alternative is much less desirable.

7. Maintain good eye contact. Avoid staring at the floor. You’re taken much more seriously when you make good eye contact. 

Stand up straight, walk confidently, and carry yourself assertively. This requires practice. Take every opportunity to practice your non-verbal behaviors.

8. Stay calm. Assertive people are calm, cool, and collected. People that yell, scream, and pout are aggressive and attempting to force others to comply. If you’re not calm, you’re not being assertive. 

Take a deep breath and speak your mind.

9. Remember that there’s no downside. Your request might be refused. That’s as bad as it can get. You can’t lose anything. At worst, you’re stuck in the same position. Being assertive can only bring positive or neutral results. It’s like gambling in Vegas without the potential to lose money. How exciting is that?

10. You can only control your own actions. We can’t control others with a high degree of certainty. Asserting yourself is the most effective action you can take. It costs nothing except a small amount of courage, yet you can receive so much in return. Focus on being assertive and let the chips fall where they may.

Give others the gift of giving you what you want! Being assertive is grounded in the premise that you’re important and worthy of stating your opinion and making requests of others. Stand up for yourself and let the people around you know what you need from them. Most of them would be thrilled to accommodate you!

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Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. The quality of any relationship is no greater than the quality of the communication. Increasing the quality of the communication within your relationship might be the best way to enhance it.

Unfortunately, interpersonal communication skills are rarely taught in school. We learn them independently.

If you’ve never tried to strengthen your communication skills, they’re probably not as good as they could be!

Enhance your communication skills and your relationship with these strategies: 1. Focus on the specific behavior, rather than the person. Address the other person’s behavior or words. It’s much more agreeable when someone says, “It hurts my feelings when you don’t listen to me” instead of “Why do have to be so rude all of the time and ignore me?” 

When you attack the other person, they become defensive. When people are defensive, unproductive fighting and arguments are the common result.

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

You’re interested in changing the other person’s behavior. You can’t change who they are. Focus on the behavior.

2. Find the right time. If your partner comes home from work and slams the door, it might not be the best time to share your displeasure over the dirty dishes in the sink. Pick a time when everyone is calm and there are few distractions.

3. Be clear and assertive. It’s unfair and unproductive to expect others to read your mind. Be bold enough to be open. Your happiness is as much your responsibility as it is anyone else’s. Let your partner know how they can fulfill your needs. If something is bothering you, share that information.

4. Be willing to compromise. Compromising means that both of you give something up. All relationships require compromise.

5. Consider the other person’s point of view. Strive to be empathetic. Talk a walk in the other person’s shoes. You might realize that you’re being unreasonable.

6. Create a safe environment. Be receptive to the concerns of your partner. When you react poorly, your partner will be less likely to communicate the next time. Create an environment that permits sharing without punishment. Be grateful when your partner is willing to speak up.

7. After you speak, listen. It’s not just about getting your point across. You also have a responsibility to listen.

You might learn something invaluable. Have you ever learned anything while you were speaking?

8. Avoid giving in just to keep the peace. While that solution works in the short-term, your feelings are unlikely to change. The issue will still be there, only there will be resentment, too. 

Your own happiness is at stake. Avoiding conflict will only make you feel better today. Your grief will only return in the future, with interest.

9. Let go of the past. Everyone makes mistakes. Harping on the past only stirs up old wounds. Keep your attention on today and the future. You’ve already had the conversation 100 times. The next time will have the same result.

10. Avoid assumptions. Many communication problems are the result of poor assumptions. Seek clarity.

Ensure you understand the situation before proceeding. It might just be a simple misunderstanding. An inaccurate assumption can be the starting point of another disagreement.

Effective and kind communication is pivotal in all relationships. Communication skills can make or break a relationship. Keep the lines of communication open by maintaining an environment that welcomes open dialog. Avoiding the situation only postpones the problem. Be assertive and share your concerns.

Take responsibility for the quality of your relationship by strengthening your communication skills. You’ll like the result!

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Personality Types N L Y R S N G E T A C O V D A F I J I

E V O E R A L J L U S N O C U B I X Y

C A L N U I G D O S O U T R I V M Y E

F E W G E C L T J L L R T T B B S X W

P K F I N I J M O J M S J Y A R N K Y

Adventurer Advocate Analysts Architect Campaigner Commander Consul

T S E A E T E N E R T A I N E R P T D

M X A P R S S R K S K F T R L F S R D

E P R M P I L X O D N X O Q H I J Q H

D W E A E G E C I R U L M H N A M J R

I R R C R O N W D D P C Y O O H Q T Y

A E U P T L I I E X L O G I C I A N E

Debater Defender Diplomat Entertainer Entrepreneur Executive Explorers

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T D T F N U T N E O M A W M O G E J V

O N N N E J N H Y C T D E B A T E R F

R E E E F J E C V O Q U P R L X V P E

R F V E V D S A R C H I T E C T D J T

J E D P C E C P N N D R T H W C L U V

G D A J M R I H J A N A L Y S T S O A

Logician Logistician Mediator Protagonist Sentinels Virtuoso

P J C O M M A N D E R D I P L O M A T

D S T W C I B I N E X E C U T I V E Q

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