In This Issue: New Ideas for Discovering Your Life’s Purpose Break Free From Crippling SelfDoubts Paying Attention to Your Body’s Signals for Optimal Health What To Do When You Have No Idea of What To Do
Publisher’s Note: Are You On A Journey of Self Discovery?
Do you know who you are, and who you are meant to become? Does the life you are living feel sometimes like it belongs to someone else? If so, you may not be living the life meant for you. And the only way to discover the life you were destined for is to take a journey of self-discovery. If you seek to begin your own journey of self-discovery ...the Women’s Self-Discovery Network website is a good place to start. There you will be offered ideas, insights, stories, quizzes, webinars and podcasts (coming soon) to help you get started and keep on track. We recommend that one of the best ways to begin your journey of self-discovery is to start a personal journal. Writing down your thoughts, ideas, insights and deepest desires has a powerful effect on your life ... helping you reconnect with your dreams and change your life. A big part of knowing yourself, is understanding what makes you unique; Your unique personality type, your unique values, your unique beliefs, your unique communication styles and more. In life, you are given a lifetime of experiences to figure out the big questions of life .. •
Who am I?
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Why am I here?
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Where am I coming from?
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Where am I going?
I hope that together we can travel on this journey of self-discovery and create the life we want to live.
Sherry Tobin Women’s Self-Discovery Network
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Table of Contents ................................................................................................................ 4 ................................................................................................................................. 6 ............................................................................................................... 9 .................................................................................................................. 11 ........................................................................................... 14 ..................................................................................................................................... 16 .......................................................................................... 19 ............................................................... 21 ........................................................................................................................................ 23 .......................................................................................................... 25 ................................................................................................................................................ 26 ........................................................................................ 28 ............................................................................................................................. 31 .................................................................................................................. 33 ........................................................................................ 35 ..................................................................................................... 38 ........................................................................................................................................................................ 41
IT’S. MY. LIFE. is owned and published by Sherry Tobin of Women’s Self-Discovery Network. All Rights Reserved. Protected by International Copyright Law. IT’S. MY. LIFE. can be shared, forwarded, cut and pasted but not sold, resold or in any way monetized. Using any images or content from IT’S. MY. LIFE. must be sourced as follows: “Copyright Women’s Self-Discovery Network, www.womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca. Women’s Self Discovery Network, 17 Valleywood Drive, Whitby, Ontario, L1R 2J8. Note: Sherry Tobin is not responsible for outcomes based on how you interpret or use the ideas in. IT’S. MY. LIFE. - T: 647-262-2393.
Advertising in IT’S. MY. LIFE.: This magazine reaches out to women in mid-life who are focusing on their well-being, happiness and experiencing life to the fullest. If you write articles that offer tips, tools and techniques that you know that have worked for you or sell products that focus on enhancing the lives of women, please contact Sherry. Full page rates are $50 per page; half page rates are $25 per page.
To share your life improvement ideas in IT’S. MY. LIFE. CONTACT: Sherry Tobin/ sherry@womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca/ 647-262-2393/www.womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca
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Life is less satisfying if you can barely drag yourself out of bed to drive to a job you don’t enjoy.
Try these techniques to find your life’s purpose:
Unfortunately, it’s easy to take the well-paying job that doesn’t seem so bad at first. The years pass, and you receive a promotion or two. You buy a house, have kids, and it seems that you’ll be stuck in that job forever.
1. Write it down. This method has been shown to be very effective. Take out a notebook and a pen. Write “my life’s purpose” at the top of the page and start writing whatever pops into your mind.
On the other hand, living your life’s purpose allows your life to be filled with excitement and happiness. It’s possible to find your life’s purpose and earn a living from it, even if you’re past the age of 40. There’s still time!
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If you think, “This is a dumb idea,” write it down. Did you think about how mad you are that the Knicks blew it last night? Write that down, too.
There will be a lot of mental garbage until you get to the good stuff. Just keep writing until you’re done.
How will you know you’ve found it? You’ll cry. When a simple idea can make you cry, you’ve stumbled on something meaningful
8. What are you willing to do without getting paid? How do you spend your free time? Do you love to restore cars or play the piano? Imagine if you could earn a living from something you’d do for free!
2. How would you spend the last year of your life? You probably wouldn’t watch reruns of Gilligan’s Island or sit around and pout. You’d live!
9. If you were locked out of your house on a Saturday from 8AM to 8PM, how would you spend your day? You might be stuck in a routine of hanging around the house all day. What would you do if that weren’t an option? What activities would appeal to you? Maybe you could start doing some of them now.
What would you do? It would be a mix of fun and meaningful activities. What are the meaningful activities that you’d do during your last year alive?
3. What did you dream about doing as a child? Did you want to be a doctor? An animal trainer? Have you ever heard a child state she wanted to sit in a cubicle all day and underwrite insurance? Get in touch with your inner child and think about the things that excited you as a youngster. You might be able to put that information to good use. 4. Volunteer. But don’t just go out and randomly volunteer down the street. Look at all the volunteer opportunities in your area and choose the one that appeals to you the most. Contributing to others gives you a mental break from your own problems. Your life’s purpose might reveal itself to you. 5. If you were given the mission of saving the world, how would you do it? What world problem is most meaningful to you? How could you contribute to solving it? Start small, but get started. You might find a lot of meaning in doing something that benefits everyone. 6. Ask yourself. Find a nice, quiet spot, preferably outdoors. Ask yourself, “What is my life’s purpose?” Listen to the answer you receive. Continue asking until you get an answer that resonates with you. 7. What are you good at doing? What are your natural talents? Ask others for their opinion. At the end of the day, you must make your own choices. But ask your friends what they think. Page 5
Get out of the rut your life has become. Make today be the day you determined the course of the remainder of your life. It’s possible to live your live with passion and excited expectation. Do the work required to find your purpose. You’ll be glad you did.
A great skill to learn is that of being more present. Being present is simply being focused on your environment and your current task. It means that your mind isn’t thinking about anything else other than what is right in front of you.
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There are so many great benefits that come from being present in the moment. For example, it’s relaxing! It’s about the only time your brain isn’t buzzing along thinking about 20 different things. You get to actually live your life, as opposed to either thinking about the past or the future. And you’re far more productive, too.
These techniques can help you live more fully in the present:
1. Pay attention to what is going on around you. If you’re not actively engaged in doing something productive, take a good look at what’s going on around you. Suppose you’re taking a walk. Notice everything: the cars driving by, the trees blowing in the wind, various animals scurrying around, the clouds, and more. See everything.
Listen to everything. What can you hear? How many different sounds can you pick out?
What can you feel? The warm air moving across your arm? A sore foot? The ground beneath your feet? Your cold hands?
What can you smell?
In general, if you’re not really doing something then you should be focused on your surroundings. Because, at that moment, that’s your life.
2. Focus on your current task. If you’re mowing the grass, focus on mowing the grass. If you’re writing a report, focus on writing the report. Your mind should stay on task. It takes practice to do it reasonably well, so practice all the time. When you start thinking about something else, gently come back to the task and let go of your previous thought.
You’ll get so much more accomplished when you’re focused on your task. You’ll also eliminate worry and stress. How can you be stressed if you’re only thinking about what is in front of you? There’s no room for stress.
3. If you’re having a hard time focusing on your work or environment, focus on your breathing. Your breath is like a constant in the universe; it’s always with you. It also helps to get your brain and body in sync. Focus on your breathing and don’t let your mind wander. When it does wander, gently bring it back to your breath.
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After 10-15 minutes, you should be ready to transition to focusing on something else.
4. Practice all the time. Make a game out of it. See if you can wash the dishes without thinking one stray thought; even thinking about how glad you’ll be when it’s done would be a stray thought. Do this with everything that you do, all day long. 5. At night, focus on your breathing. Lying in bed is a great opportunity for most people to get themselves all worked up. We think about how horrible work was or about how we have so much to do tomorrow. None of this has ever helped anyone. Focus on your breathing until you fall asleep.
Make the effort to be more present. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel and how much more you can get done. It’s not easy at first. Think of it as exercise for your brain. With practice, you’ll get a little better each day. Keep at it; the rewards are worth it!
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3 Easy Ways to Add Joy to Your Daily Routines Most of us live busy lives. Often, we're so busy juggling tasks and responsibilities that we forget to take the time to do the things that bring us happiness. Unfortunately, a lack of joy in your daily life can lead to unhappiness, and it can even have long term negative consequences on your health.
Thankfully, no matter how busy your life may be, there are steps you can take to instantly boost your mood and health. Try one of these easy ways to add some joy back into your life each day:
Several well-known studies demonstrate that positive emotions, such as joy, have a profound effect on your health. One such study entitled "Positive Emotion and Health: Going Beyond the Negative," was published in the July 2005 issue of Health Psychology. According to this study:
Positive emotions such as joy and hope not only reduce the incidence of heart disease, but they also have a protective effect against high blood pressure, diabetes, and upper respiratory infections.
1. Take time to appreciate and revel in activities that delight you. Whenever you feel your energy beginning to dwindle during the day, take a break and focus on something that brings you pleasure.
Joy and optimism provided a 51% reduction in the rates of heart disease among men who were followed for 10 years during the study.
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Giving yourself permission to have little "joy breaks" throughout your day will instantly
lift your mood, as well as help you reduce stress and recharge your energy.
Simple things like savoring a cup of your favorite coffee or reconnecting with an old friend have the ability to bring you joy.
The important thing to remember is to take time each day to focus on those simple activities that make you feel happier.
2. Count your blessings. If you’re having a particularly difficult or hectic day, you might find it tempting to focus on the negative aspects of the day. Instead, try focusing on the things that are going in a positive direction and be thankful.
Feeling and expressing gratitude are very powerful. Taking time to reflect on better times in the past, as well as the things that are currently going well, can instantly lift your mood and give you the strength to keep working towards your goals.
Consider keeping a "blessings journal" so that you have a physical record of the good things in your life. This will help lift you up and encourage you during the difficult times.
Your imagination is the only limit. To get started, why not explore a new route to and from your workplace? You could also try out a new recipe that features a novel ingredient.
Consider learning a new skill or hobby. When looking for something to try, pay attention to the dreams you've had as a child and adult. For example, did you ever dream of traveling to a faraway country in the past? Consider taking classes to learn that country's language and then plan a trip.
Remember to make time for laughter and fun throughout your day. Not only will you rediscover your joy, strengthen your health, and increase your own happiness, but your positive energy and outlook will also affect others around you and increase their level of joy, too!
3. Shake things up and do something new. The old adage, "familiarity breeds contempt," is certainly true when it comes to our daily lives. Why not try something completely different to rediscover your joy?
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Consistent gratitude is one of the most powerful tools that you can use to propel yourself into a brighter tomorrow. Gratitude isn’t a magical shortcut, though. It doesn’t necessarily create any changes outside of yourself. What it can do, however, is open you up to other opportunities. As you become aware of the multitude of blessings already present in your life, you may begin to focus on abundance more and more. This can set you on a path to a mental state rich in optimism. This transformation takes place as you begin to express genuine gratitude to others, and start feeling gratitude for everything in your life that brings you joy. Become Receptive to Abundance A great way to increase your awareness of the abundance you already have is to start a gratitude journal. You don’t have to wait for something great to come into your life to appreciate it. Instead, just open your notebook once a day and take a few minutes to write down everything you’re thankful for. You can feel grateful for anything, big or small. On days when you think you have absolutely nothing to be appreciative for, you can prime the pump by taking stock of the little things. For instance, take note of the air you’re breathing or the food in your pantry. Once you realize that there are so many things to be grateful for, you’ll find that you can think of more and more blessings in your life. After several weeks of journaling in this way, you may find that you’re spontaneously running into “good luck.” Some New Age gurus will tell you that your new found luck is due to “positive vibrations.” Instead, it probably Page 11
has more to do with training your brain to spot opportunities. You’ve convinced your subconscious that you’re positively swimming in abundance. And why not? You deserve it! Gratitude is a Tool Gratitude can put you on the path to becoming a stronger person. Use gratitude proactively to arm yourself against negativity and tough times. Focus on what you do have as opposed to what you don’t have. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology entitled “Counting Blessings versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-being in Daily Life” found that those who maintained a grateful attitude experienced greater physical and psychological well-being. The study claims that daily gratitude increases self-esteem. It also reduces materialism, envy, and selfcentered tendencies. Gratitude can also help you to form more meaningful relationships and generate social capital. People who consistently express gratitude are trusted more than those who don’t. Still other studies suggest that as you cultivate gratitude, you’re more likely to grow in response to stress, instead of shrink. By keeping the things you’re thankful for in your mind, you can reduce stress. When you deal with stressors more pro-actively, others will notice your new-found confidence. All of these effects combine to create new opportunities in your life that you wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. So go ahead: start a gratitude journal, and let the stress melt off. Open yourself up to the possibility of abundance. You’ll be glad you did!
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Discover Me is a journal for women in midlife who are focusing on learning who you are now. This journal asks 130 thought provoking questions on your path to self-discovery. ” “Most of us figure that at this point in our lives we should know who we are, but the reality is there have been so many changes in our lives by the time we reach midlife that we really start second guessing who we are and what we want from our lives… “ Discover Me Journal for Only $3.00 http://womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca/product/discover-me-questionsto-the-path-of-self-discovery-ebook/
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Unfortunately, grief is as much a part of life as happiness. You can’t have light without darkness. Happiness doesn’t exist without grief. Grief can have a strong negative impact on your life. You may start to neglect those that are close to you and still need your attention and love. Your work and even your health can suffer. Learning how to handle grief in a positive way is a valuable life skill. Grief can actually provide the seeds for happiness, if you know how to nurture them. During times of grief, there are things you can do to make the best of the situation: 1. Be grateful. One of the best things anyone can do each day is to make a gratitude list. List all the things that are good in your life. Focusing on the positive lessens the blow of grief. 
Make it a habit to spend 5 minutes each day listing the good things about that day.
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2. Focus on the things you can control. We spend much of our lives worrying over things beyond our control. This is time and energy that’s simply wasted. Enjoy your loved ones. Spend time with them making new memories and laughing about the old. 3. Focus on the people you still have in your life. Your relationships are the only thing that will really matter to you at the end of your life. Let your loved ones know just how much they mean to you.
Make that phone call and write that letter you’ve been putting off. One day, it really will be too late. There’s no point in keeping your love to yourself.
4. Rely on your religion or spirituality. Grief can be a great impetus to strengthening or beginning your spiritual life. Now might be the perfect time to go back to church or join a meditation class. There is a strength and support available from the Divine that you may have been neglecting for a while. 5. Remember the good things. When someone is gone, we still have access to many wonderful memories. Remember the good times together and the loving moments. 6. Rely on your friends and family for support. Sharing adversity brings people closer together. That’s why old war buddies are always there for each other. It’s same reason why doctors remain close with their former medical school classmates.
Sharing your grief with others is a strong bonding experience. It’s one more opportunity to bring positivity to difficult times.
7. Honor the memory. Do something in memory of your loved one. Did they adore children? Perhaps you could volunteer with a local children’s charity. 8. Allow the grief to turn into something positive. Spend some time considering what’s important in your life and make some positive changes. Perhaps you’ll spend more time with your children, take that Mediterranean cruise, or move closer to your family. Everyone is forced to deal with grief at some point in their life. It’s challenging, but taking these steps will both lessen the grief and enable you to get something positive from it. Go slowly, but keep moving in a positive direction. There are some good things to be found during times of grief.
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Rate Your Dominant Communication Style
When under pressure, do you tend to be (circle the adjective that most fits you)
Trait
Trait
Trait
Trait
Humorous (3)
Regimental (2)
Concise (1)
Concerned ( 4)
Focused on outcome (1) Aggressive (1)
Focused on steps (2) Talkative (3)
Excited (3)
Apprehensive (4)
Disciplined (2)
Nurturing (4)
Nonconfrontational (4) Innovative (1)
Schmoozer (3)
Resistant (2)
Assertive (1)
Talented (2)
Creative (3)
Productive (4)
Driven (1)
Enthusiastic (3)
Absorbed (2)
Seeking the peace (4)
Scattered (3)
Structured (2)
Multi-tasking (1)
Helpful (4)
Analytical (2)
Clear (1)
Tolerant (4)
Imaginative (2)
Prophetic (1)
Logical (2)
Resourceful (3)
Practical (4)
Consistent (4)
Heroic (1)
Critical (2)
Empathic (3)
Competitive (2)
Directing (1)
Enrolling (3)
Reliable (4)
Charismatic (3)
Forceful (1)
Friendly (4)
Technical (2)
Encouraging (4)
Independent (1)
Intellectual (2)
Light-hearted (3)
Likes short-term goals (2) Rule -breaker (1)
Socializer (3) Tests Rules (3)
Likes long-term Risk-taker (1) goals (4) Abides by Rules (4) Upholds Rules (2)
Explaining (2)
Expecting (1)
Supporting (4)
Mediating (3)
Leading teams (1)
Motivating teams (3) Avoiding leadership (4) Understanding Others (3) Hate drama (2)
Seeking teams (4)
Leading by example (1) Overlooking others (1) Shy from drama (4)
Avoiding teams (2) Sharing leadership (3) Criticizing others (2) Ignore drama (1)
Tough (1)
Contained (4)
Questioning (2)
Curious (3)
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Leading by necessity (2) Promoting others (4) Manage drama (3)
Write Your Item # Here
Likes physical challenge (1) Avoids confrontation (4)
Avoids conflict (3) Diffuses confrontation (3)
Likes mental challenge (2) Angered by confrontation (1)
Avoids stress (4) Energized by confrontation (2)
SCORING: Count up how many 1s, 2s, 3s and 4s you had and put the total below: Total 1s __________ Total 2s __________ Total 3s __________ Total 4s __________
SCORING INTERPRETATION 1 = Doer 2 = Thinker 3 = Influencer 4 = Connector Your score: _____ Doer _____ Thinker _____ Influencer _____ Connector
Your high score demonstrates your strongest communication style, especially under pressure. Your secondary score indicates your fall-back or adaptive style or styles. There are strengths associated with each style as well as limitations.
To learn more about each of the communication styles check out our website at: www.womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca/do-you-know-your-communication-style/
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Poor self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence can be just as damaging to our lives as being overconfident or arrogant. Do you harbor insecurities about your true abilities and worth? If so, this doubt is holding you back from reaching your full potential. Luckily, you don’t have to let fear keep you from achieving your dreams and ambitions in life. There are steps you can take that will help you build your confidence, face your fears, and become free of self-doubt. Try these tips to erase your self-doubt, gain confidence, and succeed: 1. Reflect on your past success. It's natural to feel a bit nervous if you've just been given a new task or responsibility. If you start to doubt your abilities, reflect on your past achievements and feel confident that your prior successes will carry over into this new area.
Even if you have some lingering doubts, be confident with the knowledge that you wouldn’t be in this new position if others didn’t think you were up to the challenge. Page 19
Seeking additional skill training in an area that matches or compliments your new duties can give you confidence in your new role.
Be willing to ask others for advice and guidance as you adjust to your new role. Their feedback can help you increase your skills and boost your self-esteem.
2. Learn to change your negative self-talk into positive affirmations. Our brains are constantly working to fulfill our inner thoughts and beliefs. When you’re overwhelmed with self-doubt, chances are that you’re subconsciously listening to negative self-talk from your brain.
Take control of your inner voice and turn a negative into a positive by replacing your doubts with positive affirmations!
Rather than focusing on your limitations, focus on what you can do. Capitalize on your strengths and write out 10 statements that affirm who you are at the core of your being. Then record how your strength and abilities will help you achieve your task or goal.
Start each day by repeating your daily affirmations. Then, repeat them whenever you start to worry or feel self-doubt.
3. Gain perspective by finding cheerleaders, mentors, and other guides. Do you have a difficult time maintaining a positive sense of self-worth? It’s critical that you take time to connect and build relationships with those that build you up, rather than tear you down.
Seek out mentors for your personal and professional life that can give you an unbiased opinion on what you’re doing well in various areas. They can also provide insight on what you could change to move forward.
Build relationships with friends and family members that encourage and rejuvenate you with their positive energy. Minimize contact with those who are overly critical, jealous, or negative. They just drain your energy and bring you down.
By surrounding yourself with positive individuals, you’ll receive the boost of energy and confidence you need to power through your moments of self-doubt. You’ll then begin to achieve your goals and dreams, rather than holding yourself back!
Everyone faces self-doubt and insecurities from time to time. Practicing these tips can help you defeat selfdoubt once and for all.
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Losing weight isn’t easy, but keeping the weight off for the long haul can be even more challenging. Many of us get stuck on that endless roller coaster of yo-yo dieting. We go on a diet, lose some weight, go off our diet, and then gain all of the weight back, plus some. So how can you get off of this dieting roller coaster? Learn some helpful tips to make your weight loss last: 1. Choose a diet for the long term. Many diets are very restrictive, and there's no way you can stay on a diet like that for very long.
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Rather than restricting calories to some ridiculously small number, or eliminating entire food groups, choose a healthy eating plan that you’ll be able to stick to, even after reaching your target weight.
2. Keep exercising even after you reach your goal weight. Losing weight isn’t a race where you get to stop and rest once you cross the finish line. It’s an ongoing effort, and it’s vital that you continue to eat right and exercise, so you don't put the pounds back on.
3. Set a target range rather than a specific goal weight. Trying to stick to a specific number on the scale can be difficult. If you go above your goal weight it can be discouraging, and you may lose the motivation you need to stick to a healthy diet and exercise program.
If you’ve been a yo-yo dieter in the past, you know how losing weight and keeping it off can be extremely difficult. If you keep these tips in mind, though, you’ll discover an easier and a more enjoyable experience than that roller coaster!
Shooting for a target range also allows for weight fluctuations that naturally occur.
4. Having a support system can help you stay on track. If you can surround yourself with people that will help keep you motivated and accountable, it will be easier to maintain your weight loss.
6. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. Rather than turning to high calorie, prepackaged, processed foods when you need a snack, eat a piece of fruit or a bowl of vegetables. They’re packed with vitamins and minerals, are low in calories, and will fill you up.
Enlist the help of friends, family members, coworkers, or even people on a social networking site. If you state your goals publicly, you’ll be more motivated to put forth the effort to reach them.
5. Give yourself permission to make mistakes from time to time. Sticking to a healthy diet and regular exercise program is great, but there will be times where you eat something unhealthy or miss a few days of exercise.
If you overindulge on food or don’t work out, avoid letting that destroy your motivation. Keep yourself from going back to sitting on the couch and eating junk food.
If you have a misstep, get back on track and start moving forward again. You’ll reach and maintain your weight loss goals if you can develop good habits.
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If you’re not getting enough things done on your to-do list, you’re not alone. It’s common to feel a little overwhelmed, rushed, and even guilty when you’re unable to get everything done each day. Staying focused and in the moment is challenging. Then the little things seem to start piling up. The dishes are dirty and the laundry needs to be done. The only obvious solution is to be even busier and to schedule every minute of the day. It’s important to remember that nothing stays finished for long. Most of us feel like everything has to be done before we give ourselves permission to enjoy life. However, that moment of feeling “caught up” never seems to come. If you need to create a little more space and enjoyment in your life, try these tips: 1. Learn to be glad that you have more work to do. Remember, if you have more to do, your time is valuable. Imagine the implication of not having any tasks to complete at work. You’d likely be out of a job sooner, rather than later.
Be grateful that so many of the people in your life need you. Page 23
2. Look for dead time. You might believe that you’re busy 24/7, but that’s likely untrue. Use those moments between tasks to mentally relax. We all think much more than necessary.
If you’re working on a report at work, you’re probably also thinking about lunch, the unpaid cable bill, and what you’re going to do this weekend. None are helpful, nor do they help you get your report completed.
You’ll be much more relaxed and get more accomplished if you mentally limit yourself to the task at hand.
3. Slower can be faster. The military has a saying, “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.” Calmly approaching each task will frequently result in getting it done quicker. As our minds become over stimulated, it’s much more challenging to stay focused.
Think about how quickly you tie your shoes each day. Now try to tie your shoes as quickly as possible. You’ll almost certainly find that you’ve become slower. Any excessive increase in tension slows things down.
4. Limit unnecessary tasks. There’s no point in spending valuable time on things that don’t matter. If you’re spending time on tasks that have little meaning, ditch them. 5. Limit the important tasks, too. You can probably only get a few important tasks done each day. Making a list of 5 is certain to lead to feeling overwhelmed. Pick the 2-3 most important tasks to focus on. The rest can wait until tomorrow. 6. Give yourself the time you need. Everyone does some mental math each day that goes something like this, “This meeting ought to take 60 minutes. I’ll need 20 minutes to interview that job candidate. I have 30 minutes to drive home and change. Then, I still have 15 minutes to get Sarah to soccer practice.”
We all tend to be optimistic, and our mental schedule requires everything to go perfectly. The interview could take 20 minutes, at best. It might also take 40 minutes. It probably won’t take 10.
Be realistic and give yourself the time required for each task, as well as the time between tasks.
If you’re constantly in a hurry, life can feel chaotic and joyless. You have more time available than you realize. You can also learn to enjoy a busy schedule. Focus on each task and give yourself time to complete it. Remember that remaining calm and slowing down can actually increase the amount you get accomplished.
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Our society places an emphasis on success. However, success often seems hard to come by.
life in the long-term? 2. You have detrimental habits. Whether you’re too flabby, too poor, too lonely, or too ignorant, your habits are to blame. The small actions that you take each day determine your long-term outcomes.
We’re taught many things in school, but how to be successful isn’t one of them. One thing is for certain, if you want to achieve greater levels of success than you’re currently experiencing, you’ll have to change. A change in your results will require a change in your approach. Understand why you haven’t been as successful as you’d like: 1. You don’t know what you want. The accomplishment of something amazing is rarely accidental. You must have intention and purpose over a period of time. If you don’t know what you want, you can’t expect that anything great is going to happen.
Do you know what you want? Do you have an intention for each day? What did you try to accomplish today that will enhance your Page 26
Appropriate eating and exercise habits ensure a fit body.
Regular saving and effort to increase your income ensure wealth.
What habits do you currently have? Can you see how they’ve lead to your current circumstances?
3. You have poor self-control. Some degree of self-control is necessary to be successful. Humans are drawn to comfort. Sitting on the couch with a movie and a snack sounds good to the average person. Successful people are good at controlling themselves where it counts. If
comfort is your primary objective, success becomes much more difficult. 4. You waste more time than you realize. How much time do you waste each day? The TV, internet, e-mail, and gossip are a few examples of time-wasters that suck many of us into their vortex. When we emerge, more time than we imagined has simply disappeared.
Consider the most effective actions you can take each day and measure how much time you actually spend on them. The small amount of time you spend productively each day will amaze you. Just imagine the results you could obtain if you changed that trend.
5. You’re wrong. Achieving success also requires making productive decisions. None of us is correct 100% of the time. If your view of the situation or the world in general is incorrect, you’re bound to struggle. If you believe the pet rock is going to make a comeback, and it doesn’t, you won’t be successful.
This issue isn’t easy to rectify. However, at the very least, you can examine your beliefs and ask yourself why you believe them.
6. You give up too soon. The most successful people have endured numerous failures. Persistence is the most important attribute you can have on the road to success. If you can make a small amount of progress each week, you can eventually accomplish anything. 7. You’re not growing as a person. The person you are today might not be capable of making 10 times your current salary. You’ll have to learn, grow, and adapt. You can’t stay exactly the same and have your life grow. You may need to become more knowledgeable, a better communicator, more disciplined, more sociable, or have more focus.
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Think about the person you’ll need to become in order to accomplish your objectives.
Success isn’t complicated, but it also isn’t easy. Becoming more successful is an issue of making good decisions, using your time wisely, and persistence. Decide what you want and determine the actions required to get there. Never give up and keep evolving. You’ll grow your knowledge and skills to reach your full potential.
Your body is a marvelous creation! It speaks to you when it’s doing great, and it also speaks to you when things aren’t so wonderful. But that’s the beauty of it – your body gives a ton of signals to let you know it’s in need of something so you can do what’s necessary to achieve optimal health. Use these strategies to tune in to what your body is telling you: 1. Assess how you feel each morning. The early morning hours are usually ideal for you to listen for your body’s signals. At that time of day, it’s usually very quiet, so you can pay closer attention to the physical signals. Each morning, determine whether you feel different from the morning before.
Determine if you experience any new aches when getting out of bed. Figure out if you wake up feeling lousy, even after a sound night’s sleep. See if you wake up with any ailments that you didn’t go to sleep with.
2. Compare the effects of different food choices. As you go through the motions day by day, it’s sometimes tough to maintain proper nutrition. Especially if you’re always on the go, you may end up making some Page 28
poor food choices. As you do that, however, it’s important to see what kind of impact your food choices have on your body.
Do you find that you’re more energetic when you have the recommended daily amount of fruits and vegetables?
How effective are you in the gym after you’ve spent a day eating junk food?
Does your mind function better at work when you eat vitamin-rich foods?
3. Get regular checkups. Even if you haven’t seen or felt anything to worry about, it’s important to get regular checkups at the doctor just to make sure everything is intact. It’s sometimes possible, for example, for your cholesterol or blood pressure to be high and you have no idea.
If you’re about to embark upon a stressful month at work, now would be a great time to get a checkup.
Put a routine in place for doing checkups and stick to it.
4. Know your body’s physical capabilities. Although you may consider yourself healthy and in good shape overall, there’s just so much the body can manage. Whether it’s exercise or mental work at the office, it’s important to know your limits so you don’t end up burned out and physically exhausted.
It’s okay to work out until your muscles feel worn, but you’ll know if you’ve overdone it if the recovery time is longer than you expect.
The same goes for mental exhaustion. You’ll feel like you’re coping through the long, stressful hours at work until you realize you’re motionless in bed when you should be up getting ready for work!
Paying attention to your body’s signals is a crucial part of maintaining good health. Remember that you rely heavily on your body to take you through the ins and outs of daily life, so you’re better off protecting it! Listen to your body’s signals and act accordingly!
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Busyness is practically a disease today. We all cram as much as we can into our seemingly limited time. Yet being busy isn’t the same as getting things done. Haven’t you had a day where you felt like you didn’t have a minute to spare, yet you still felt like you didn’t accomplish anything? Nearly everyone has. There are many reasons for this, but the most important is a failure to prioritize and focus on the tasks that will really make a difference. These are some of the common symptoms of busyness without productivity:
You’re worried today about how busy you’re going to be tomorrow. You’re annoyed that the people around you never seem to be as busy as you are. You spend your evenings thinking about all the stuff you didn’t get done today. You can’t pay attention during conversations because you’re too busy thinking about all the things you have to get done. You eat in your car.
If that sounds like you, try these ideas to free up time in your life and get things done: 1. Prioritize. Decide what the most important tasks are to accomplish today. If you don’t choose what you’re going to do today, you’re choosing to let the world decide your priorities for you. Dictate the direction of your day by making a decision before the day even starts.
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2. Notice how you’re wasting time. Many times, we intentionally avoid doing what we know we should be doing. We don’t want to make that difficult phone call or work on that report we’ve been dreading for weeks.
We are all excellent at inventing other things to do that don’t really have a lot impact. Notice the things you do when you don’t want to do what you should be doing. It might be cleaning your desk, checking email, or getting coffee. When you notice your ‘stalling’ behaviors, it’s easier to catch yourself and get back on track.
3. Keep you to do list short. A good idea is to make a list of everything the really needs to get done, and then just focus on getting the top 3 or 4 things done today. That might not seem like enough, but imagine what your to do list would look like today if you had been doing this exercise for the last 2 weeks.
The Pareto Principle suggests that 80% of your work can be completed with 20% of the relevant actions. Focus on the most important stuff and you’ll be amazed at how much you can get done.
4. Eliminate the excess from your life. Avoid spending your time on activities that are optional unless you truly enjoy it. That means you shouldn’t spend your free time on that charity or club that doesn’t really matter to you. Strive to eliminate as many of the non-meaningful activities from your life as possible to leave room for the meaningful things. 5. Limit yourself. If you only allow yourself a limited amount of time to work on something, you’ll be forced to do the most important tasks first. The fear of not getting done in time will increase your efficiency. 6. Measure yourself. At the end of the day, ask yourself how busy you were. Ideally, you should have a full day, but you shouldn’t have an endless list of tasks to complete. Life should be full, but it shouldn’t be busy. If you’re too busy, it’s likely that you’re either spending too much time on things that don’t really matter to you or you’re spending too much time on tasks that aren’t productive. Prioritize your day and your activities, stick to those items, and you’ll enjoy getting more done in less time.
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2. Contemplate if you’d like to alter any specific areas in each room. If you have too many figurines arranged on a side table, it might appear over-loaded or messy. Do you have space on tables for your electronic tablet, books, and beverage glass or cup? If so, maybe you feel pleased and satisfied with how you’ve arranged the items.
Having a home that’s comfortable and organized is intimately related to your well-being and how you approach life every day. Make your home your healthy haven with these tips. 1. Look around. How does your home look and feel to you? Are items on tables and furniture surfaces neatly arranged with plenty of empty space around them? Are you pleased with the selection of wall art and table décor?
What feelings do you experience when you sit in each room and survey the area? Tranquil and relaxed? Uncomfortable or anxious to leave the room? Page 33
3. Finish this sentence: “Regarding the furniture and arrangement of personal items in my home, it would make me happier if _____________.” Maybe you’d like to remove some furniture because over the years you’ve squeezed in too many pieces.
that there’s less “stuff” to clean around. You’ll experience deeper sleep due to decreased dust lingering in the room.
If you placed more than one or two wall hangings on each wall of a room, the room might appear cramped or “busy,” preventing you from feeling at peace in the room. Focus on how you feel in the room and what would make you feel better. For example, you’ve always hated entering your spare bedroom because you’re now using it as a “dumping ground” for items you don’t know what to do with. You feel disgusted as soon as you walk in the room. In fact, the room is quite cluttered – stacked up with clothing that doesn’t fit and boxes of miscellaneous possessions you never use. You’re disappointed in yourself and see the room as a true misuse of the space. You think, “Why haven’t I gotten the room under better control so I can use it as my library and reading room?” Gain clarity about how you can best free your home of clutter. A pleasing result will be greater feelings of peace, comfort, and freedom within you.
4. Embrace the idea of getting rid of unused and worn out items. Open your mind to the possibilities of what your home will be like whenever you discard unneeded items. You’ll have more rooms for things you enjoy. You’ll experience a sense of “newness.” You might feel more relaxed as well.
A side benefit of cleaning out each room is how contented you’ll feel that items not currently being used might be appreciated by someone else. Box items and clothing to drop off at the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or other charitable organization. Experience the positive feelings of giving to others.
5. Allow yourself to daydream about what it will be like when the bedroom is clear of clutter. You’ll sleep better. It’ll be easier to clean now Page 34
6. Work on one room at a time. Rather than becoming overwhelmed with feelings about how much you have to do, commit to unclutter your home over the long haul. Do something each day to get rid of items or organize things you want to keep. Your mental health is worth preserving. Unclutter your home bit by bit. Even though you didn’t realize the clutter you had in your home, taking a good look in each room will help open your eyes to it. Think about changes you want to make. Ask yourself what would make you happy related to your surroundings. Get excited about ridding yourself of unnecessary stuff. Daydream about the results you want and then produce them, one room at a time. If you unclutter your home, you’ll give yourself the precious gift of an uncluttered life.
Nobody but you can be the final authority on your life. If you don’t step up in that role, someone else will try to fill it for you. Empower yourself to stake a claim over your own life. The phrase, “Believe in yourself,” is a common piece of advice. But, what does it really mean? Although part of it is self-confidence, there’s a deeper meaning to be found and appreciated.
Believing in yourself is about self-awareness. Deep down, you know what you’re able and unable to do. When you believe in yourself, others are unable to pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do. On the other hand, no one can hold you back from doing something you know you can do. Outside perspective is important, but nobody knows you like you know yourself. With regular introspection, you can build unshakable self-confidence. The Delphic maxim “Know thyself,” inscribed for all posterity on the Temple of Apollo, speaks to this truth.
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What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Only you can answer these questions. You’re the only person in the world who truly knows your capabilities. Too often, people walk away from opportunities muttering “coulda,” “woulda,” “shoulda.”
The Importance of Self-Esteem Self-esteem needs to be cultivated, just like a garden. Weeds, in the form of negative self-talk, can creep in at any time. High self-esteem can help you communicate better, make you more decisive, earn you the respect of others, and allow you to maintain your integrity. Increasing your self-esteem becomes an exercise in writing a self-fulfilling prophecy. As you build your confidence, you’ll empower yourself to achieve more in your personal and professional lives.
Believe in Yourself Some think of self-doubt as a monster, greedily sucking away their motivation. This outlook isn’t particularly helpful because it sends signals to the subconscious that can strengthen self-doubt even more. Instead, be aware that self-doubt is a part of you that’s vulnerable and in need of support.
Take these steps and increase your self-esteem starting now: 1. Explore self-doubt. Doubt is part of the human experience, just like joy, fear, and sorrow.
If you discover what’s at the root of self-doubt and explore that, you may find that the doubt loosens its paralyzing grip. This will help you stop fighting with yourself, and you can move toward your goals. The key is to get to the bottom of your insecurities and face your fears. Addressing your fears is easier if you itemize them first. Putting your fears down on paper puts them in perspective.
2. Take stock of your fears. Your fears will appear menacing when they’re staring at you from within your own mental space.
Record your fears daily, in a journal, and watch the list shrink before your eyes.
3. Pay attention to your thoughts. Another way that you can cultivate self-confidence is to listen to your internal dialog.
Your fears can lurk in the words you use to describe yourself. Instead of saying, “I won’t be good at this,” try, “How can I make myself better?” out for size.
Consider separating yourself from chronically negative people. Cutting ties with toxic people is difficult, but do what’s best for you. Becoming assertive will allow you to help yourself and others.
4. Relish your successes, but avoid living in the past. When you’re feeling down, it’s easy to focus on your failures. Instead, recall your past successes. It’s okay to feel grateful for all that you have. Page 36
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Maintaining an optimistic mindset will help you recognize opportunities when they arise.
Ultimately, believing in yourself means claiming self-authority. Avoid letting others make decisions for you or limit your potential. More often than not, these people are projecting their own self-doubts onto you. Focus on your goals and talents, and remember: you deserve success.
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Sometimes the right choice is obvious. Other times, the solution is a little less clear. When you’re most uncertain, you’re often in a situation with great potential. This type of confusion is common when you come to a crossroads in life. The biggest decisions are often the most intimidating.
The ability to make challenging decisions increases with experience.
Try these techniques to deal with uncertainty and make intelligent decisions: 1. Be clear regarding your values. A wise choice might be easier if you’re aware of your values. Whenever you’re stuck, return to your values and take another crack at the situation. If you’ve never considered what your values may be, take the opportunity to make a list and describe what’s most important to you. 2. Gather more information. Do you have enough information to make a good decision? Take the time you need to gather the information needed to make a wise choice. Take advantage of every possible resource. 3. Avoid indecision as a decision. There’s a difference between taking your time and being indecisive. Make no mistake: failing to make a decision is a decision. It’s a decision to rely on luck and forces outside yourself to decide your fate. When you don’t make a decision, you lose control of your future. 4. Ask a mentor for advice. Maybe someone else you know has faced a similar dilemma. Experience counts for a lot. Get guidance if it’s available to you, but avoid blindly following the advice of others. Make your Page 38
own decision. A mentor guides, but he doesn’t decide. 5. Relax. Your brain works better when it’s relaxed. An overly stressed state results in the inhibition of the higher functions of your brain. Your best ideas come when you’re mentally at ease. Take a long, hot bath and ponder your situation. 6. Get some exercise. Physical exertion can change your chemistry and provide a new perspective. Hit the gym for an hour and then reconsider your dilemma. Don’t be surprised if you have a few new ideas. 7. Meditate or pray. The choice is yours. The mental state achieved through meditation and prayer can be highly creative. You’ll be in a better place to make a good decision. 8. What would you tell a friend in the same situation? Dealing with the challenges of others can be clearer than dealing with your own. What would you tell a friend or family member? It may be wise to take your own advice! 9. Review your goals. Each action you take will make achieving your goals either more or less likely. How do your choices mesh with your goals? This can be an effective way to find an intelligent solution. Make a list of goals if you don’t already have one. 10. Consider the downside. Maybe there is more than one choice with the same potential benefits. But consider the possible downside to each option. Manage your risk. When two or more options have the same potential benefit, the choice with the least risk is often the best. When you’re stuck, it means that all the choices seem equivalent. After you’ve done everything you can to reach a decision, choose. Even if you’re still uncertain, make a choice and stick with it until you’re certain it was a wrong choice. Even a poor decision is usually better than no decision at all. Taking action might show you a new idea for a better approach. And you’ll be moving forward, instead of stuck in the quagmire of indecision.
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Personal Values P L N L Q I R Y X J L O A A U J N S I I F R K P L
S E A P R L T V X Q S Y D S N X K D T C F F I X P
S E R A F I M Y W S B T N Y D D H S Q A B A M D R
Z S Z S R X L I E J C I U M E B I J Y X K L I E Z
Y B E U E N N N A Q L S W T R O X H U N H G L T Y
ADVENTURE BALANCE CALMNESS DETERMINATION ECONOMY FAITH GENEROSITY HELPFULNESS
M M C N L V L K L P J O E L S O D F O C I Q S H H
Q E O U L U E E T Z O R H I T S M W C A L X C Z Y
S U N N F U Q R H O M E K H A U L V V L B A H R K
C A S P O L F S A I G N J W N E I Y B M Y A C J U
Q G L D J C P E N N L E M K D S X J Q N O M Z G U
C E K W E D E A C P C G N G I F A O D E J I X J T
H C L S S Z T E K R L E E O N F I Z C S M Y M R Y
E Q D L W I M C R M U N N Q G F U L L S M R Z C I
J R A C O H O N L B J O E M E K P X H O A F E D U
S W U N L M D A L F S H S A C N H C D C R D G V J
INTEGRITY JOY KNOWLEDGE LOVE MODESTY NEATNESS OPTIMISM PERSEVERANCE
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Y O U T H F U L N E S S U E T L S H R Y X S U D T
Q W C R N L H A P C N C J K R N A Z F H W C B J M
R F P J G E V B Y P D X K Q W M E A Y E L D A O A
B U C M W F V Y T S E D O M N X W S P K Y Y R B X
L O V E U K H D F D V H G N O H T R S X Q T B I N
I Y C I V Y X U A E W U E W Q O T R D C A Y Y N C
R X Y T I R G E T N I N T F I H Y R H U Z E P K T
Z O P T I M I S M F P A Z P F J F R H R Q N H W F
Z F J E U A J Y I T L I P P R M M V W B V Z D C F
M S I L A N O I T I D A R T Z K K J P A V J B X H
RESOURCEFULNESS SECURITY TRADITIONALISM UNDERSTANDING VISION WEALTH YOUTHFULNESS ZEAL
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