In This Issue: Top 7 Secrets to a Great Life 9 Strategies to Bring More Balance Into Your Life Jump Start Your Day in 20 Minutes Flat What a Caveman Can Teach You about Simple Living
Publisher’s Note: Welcome to the first issue of IT’S. MY. LIFE. I bet some of you recognize the words “It’s My Life” and felt like you wanted to sing the words instead of read them. That’s because I am borrowing from a Bon Jovi song of the same name. Every time I hear this song, I feel like it is an anthem that speaks to all who are asking themselves the age old questions of; “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?”; “How can I make my life count for something?”; “What is my life-purpose?”; “Who do I want to be NOW?”; “Where do I go from here?” If you are asking yourself these questions, I hope this magazine will provide you with inspiration and encouragement to pursue your dreams – then make the necessary changes and take the first steps to make all your dreams come true. Our mission at Women’s Self-Discovery Network is to provide you with the tools and resources that will help you create the life that you want and to live your life to the fullest, now. With that, I will leave you to dream as you read this issue of It’s. My. Life.
Sherry Tobin Women’s Self Discovery Network
The chorus lyrics are: It’s my life And it’s now or never I ain’t gonna live forever I just want to live while I’m alive (It’s my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I’m alive ‘Cause it’s my life You can check out the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx2u5uUu3DE
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Table of Contents ............................................................................................................. 1 ..................................................................................................................................................................... 1 .................................................................................................................................................................. 3 ........................................................................................................................................ 4 ....................................................................................................................................... 6 ....................................................................................... 9 ......................................................................................................... 11 ...................................................................................................................... 14 ........................................................................................................................................................... 16 ................................................................................................................. 19 ...................................................................... 21 ............................................................................................................. 23 ........................................................................ 26 ......................................................................................................................... 28 ................................................................................................................................... 31 ................................................................................................................ 33 .............................................................................................................. 35 ................................................................... 37 ................................................................................................. 40 ........................................................................................................................................................................ 42
IT’S. MY. LIFE. is owned and published by Sherry Tobin of Women’s Self-Discovery Network. All Rights Reserved. Protected by International Copyright Law. IT’S. MY. LIFE. can be shared, forwarded, cut and pasted but not sold, resold or in any way monetized. Using any images or content from IT’S. MY. LIFE. must be sourced as follows: “Copyright Women’s Self-Discovery Network, www.womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca. Women’s Self Discovery Network, 17 Valleywood Drive, Whitby, Ontario, L1R 2J8. Note: Sherry Tobin is not responsible for outcomes based on how you interpret or use the ideas in. IT’S. MY. LIFE. - T: 647-262-2393. Advertising in IT’S. MY. LIFE.: This magazine reaches out to women in mid-life who are focusing on their well-being, happiness and experiencing life to the fullest. If you write articles that offer tips, tools and techniques that you know that have worked for you or sell products that focus on enhancing the lives of women, please contact Sherry. Full page rates are $50 per page; half page rates are $25 per page.
To share your life improvement ideas in IT’S. MY. LIFE. CONTACT: Sherry Tobin/ sherry@womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca/ 647-262-2393/www.womensselfdiscoverynetwork.ca
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A great life doesn’t happen by chance. It’s the result of having goals and skillfully allocating your resources in order to reach them. These resources include your thoughts, time, and energy.
tempting to keep putting things off until you reach some milestone. But instead, take the first step to realizing your success and start now.
Ultimately, a great life comes from taking the 24 hours you’re given each day and using them in a wise manner. This is more effective than just dealing with the next item on your endless list of chores or reacting to what’s happening around you. The key is in being proactive to create the life you desire. Consider making these action tips a part of your daily routine:
2. Create an excess of everything valuable. A great life is largely the result of having more than you absolutely need. You can apply this concept to time, money, fun, space, energy, love, friends, and anything else that matters to you. What if you saved 5 years of living expenses and had 3 days a week to do what you want?
1. Get started. Avoid waiting for the perfect time or you’ll be waiting forever. It may be Page 4
Wouldn’t it be nice to have so many friends that you could easily find someone available for a night on the town?
Can you imagine making 5 times the amount of money you need to pay your bills and getting to enjoy your life?
3. Simplify your life. Eliminate the things from your life that aren’t bringing you enjoyment or contributing to your success. Everything else is a distraction. By doing this, you free up the time and energy to focus on the important stuff. 4. Prioritize. Give the most important items in your life the highest priority. Consider the people you know that seem to constantly struggle. You’ll likely see that their priorities aren’t leading them to success. If you focus on irrelevant things, your life doesn’t move in a positive direction.
If you accurately prioritize and allocate your resources accordingly, success will be just around the corner.
Choose the life you want. The only alternative is to rely on random luck.
Simplifying, having priorities, and removing distractions will all help you to control your thoughts. The more time you can spend focusing on your goals, finding solutions, and believing, the more successful you’ll become.
Success is the result of simplifying, focusing your resources, and controlling your thoughts. You already have everything you need to get started. The other things you require will be found along the way. Start implementing these ideas today. They’re the backbone for creating a life you’ll love.
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5. Remove the superfluous from your life. How many things in your life are physically and emotionally draining? Do everything you can to eliminate the distractions in your life and your energy level and productivity will soar.
6. Strive for excellence. Great lives come from great effort. Are you spending your time and money in the best way possible? Your best effort isn’t simply “trying really hard.” It’s also doing your best to figure out where to focus your energy. Be effective and efficient. 7. Control your thinking. Taking charge of your thoughts is a huge priority. If you look at most of the previous tips, they’re about making it easier to control your thoughts. Page 5
What does it mean to have a positive quality of life?
If you feel contentment and personal satisfaction with the way you spend your time, your career, and those you have in your life, you’re likely living a quality life.
But if you feel kind of ho-hum about your daily existence, you can choose to do something to jazz it up.
Some people think that money and material goods will boost their quality of life. While wealth might be nice, it isn’t truly what matters in life. There are so many things that are more important to happiness.
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Initiate the following strategies to increase your quality of life, without breaking the bank:
1. Find a job that brings personal feelings of contentment and accomplishment. If you have a job you want to keep, then develop and maintain positive feelings about it.
The fact is our work consumes a great deal of our life. So, feeling positive about your job will go a long way toward increasing your quality of life.
2. Design your living space to bring you comfort, pride, and tranquility. The world can be chaotic and hectic, so make it a point to turn your living space into a home that fits you and your family.
Without spending much money, incorporate elements of living that bring you peace, like a great bed with restful wall colors or a room to do indoor activities you enjoy.
Give your home some thought. What can you do to enhance your surroundings in ways you’d like?
When you experience positive feelings as you walk in the door, you’ll know you have just the perfect space.
3. Pursue your hobbies with a vengeance. You know what they say about all work and no play. Having hobbies isn’t only enjoyable, but it’s also a healthy outlet that will bring you hours of personal pleasure and feelings of accomplishment.
Regardless of the work you do, where you live, or the kind of lifestyle you have, immerse yourself in your favorite hobbies.
If you currently lack hobbies, begin pursuing some this week. You’ll be surprised at how much more relaxed and happier you’ll feel.
4. Get excited about your life. What are you passionate about? Watching old movies? Acting in the local community theater? Taking an out-of-country vacation every two years?
Think about the subjects that get you thinking, “Yeah! I want to do that!”
When you feel incredibly positive and interested in what you’re doing, your life quality is vastly increased.
5. Spend time with positive individuals. Congregate with those who are fun, energetic, and positive. When you’re around positive people, it rubs off on you. Page 7
6. Live beneath your means. Financial struggles are one of the toughest parts of life and they will bring you down in a hurry.
If you can stay on top of your earning, spending, and budgeting, and have money to spare, you’ll feel so much better each day of your life.
Learning to live on the bare essentials with a few carefully selected extras will actually increase your quality of life.
7. Feel gratitude. You have a home, as well as family and friends who love you. You have your health, talents, and life’s work. You have many other blessings to be thankful for. Recognize the glorious elements of your life each day. It’s unnecessary to spend a lot of money to live a better life. When you put the above methods into action, you’ll find yourself living a life of happiness, health, and quality. Go ahead and enjoy yourself. You deserve it!
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As you go through life, you’ll likely encounter situations that result in your relationships with others being broken. Whether those relationships are with friends, co-workers or family members, the negative repercussions of the situation has caused a rift between you and left a gap in your life. There’s always that feeling of being incomplete when you’re at odds with someone you were once close to. And running into them continues to be very uncomfortable.
What can you do to mend this rift and set things right again?
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Try these techniques for restoring your broken relationships: 1. Be honest about the part you played. Sometimes, mending a relationship is harder than it needs to be because you just haven’t come to terms with the part you played to break it in the first place. It’s really important to take an honest look inward and take responsibility for your own contribution for what happened. Play the situation back in your mind. Look at what you did, how you responded to the point of view of the other person, and how much effort you put towards resolution at the time.
Turn the tables and ask yourself how you would feel if you were the recipient of your original behavior. Would you feel hurt? Offended? Be honest with yourself about it. Avoid feeling justified for any wrong you did in the situation. If it’s wrong, it’s just plain wrong!
Forgiveness isn’t based on someone’s apology; it’s based on your inner desire to be at peace with yourself and someone else. It’s about getting those emotional weights off your shoulders.
Remember that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to forget. Maintaining memory of the accounts of the past helps you to know how to react in similar situations in the future.
Perhaps you can start with a quick note or e-mail to say, "Hi, you were in my thoughts so I thought I’d send you a quick hello."
Gradually, you can move on to phone calls, group outings, and then eventually one-on-one sessions.
4. Suggest counseling. Try not to get paranoid about the word counseling! It doesn’t have to mean sitting in with a professional and having your dirty laundry aired. It could simply involve getting to the root of the issue to find a solution that’s acceptable to both of you.
2. Be willing to forgive. At the end of your assessment, you may realize that the other person also did or said hurtful things. And while they may not have apologized thus far, it’s important that you display the willingness to forgive them – even if that word "sorry" never comes out!
It would be wise not to expect that all relationships can be mended in the same amount of time. However, it’s very likely that they can all be mended if the same activities previously discussed are part of the equation. Remember, the more openness and honesty you display, the easier it will be to get a positive outcome. Quote:
3. Open channels of communication in stages. If the relationship means a lot to you, a good idea would be to try and open the channels of communication in several stages. Avoid trying to be "bosom buddies" overnight. Take it one step at a time to thaw the ice instead of chiseling away and trying to break it! Page 10
Life is demanding, and it’s very easy to feel that life is out of control. But you have a choice. You can bring balance to your life if you make it a priority. It’s easy to spend all day chasing objectives, only to feel that you’ve accomplished nothing at the end of day. Rebalancing your life is possible. A busy life can be meaningful, interesting, and invigorating. Try these effective strategies to create balance in your life: 1. Learn to be more patient. Your life might be more balanced that you realize, but it’s hard to see it if you’re impatient. A lack of patience makes every situation more challenging. A little patience makes many challenging situations manageable.
Impatience is one way you agitate yourself. You also make yourself less capable in the moment.
2. Simplify. It’s very easy in today’s world to buy more things than you need and take on more responsibilities than you can manage. Every extra item and responsibility in your life can create Page 11
imbalance. Eliminate the superfluous and bring more harmony into your life. 3. Give your health a priority. When life gets hectic, our first response is to sacrifice ourselves for everyone and everything else. This is a mistake. Without good health, life becomes very unbalanced.
If you don’t give your health the priority it deserves, your resulting bad health will eventually get your full attention.
4. Create a schedule that includes downtime. Downtime isn’t just the time that’s left over after your responsibilities are completed. Downtime is something you do on purpose. Plan for it. Make time for it. Knowing you have a break scheduled in the near future will motivate you to spend your time more effectively. 5. Get started early. It’s challenging to start the day and common to procrastinate. Time is such a valuable resource. It’s possible to increase your wealth or to receive more love, but we’re all limited to 24 hours. Once you fall behind, the entire day is out of balance.
Get started on your day with a purpose and the rest will fall into place.
6. Spend time on the activities that mean the most to you. Your family is likely a priority, but what else do you find meaningful? Hiking? Playing the violin? Reading? Working isn’t the only priority in life. The more time you’re able to spend on enjoyable activities, the more you’ll enjoy your life. 7. Spend time on your relationships. This includes, but isn’t limited to, your romantic relationships. Keep up with your friends and extended family too. It takes time, but you’re probably wasting time on something less meaningful, like television. 8. Get enough sleep. Do you sleep less than seven hours each night? Even if you’re highly successful, you could be doing even better. Studies have shown that performance increases for many tasks, both physical and mental, when subjects receive at least seven hours of sleep.
If you don’t have time for seven hours, it’s time to reexamine your priorities.
9. Make yourself your biggest priority. When you take good care of yourself, you can take better care of others. When you’re at your best, your performance at work is at its highest. It might seem selfish to prioritize your own needs and happiness, but everyone in your life will benefit from this mindset. Define what having a “balanced life” means to you. Balancing your life will be impossible until you clarify what balance means to you. How much time would you spend at work? How much time would you spend at home? How many leisure hours do you need each week? How would you spend those hours? Create a well-balanced life by choosing your priorities wisely. Page 12
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Nobody consciously chooses to be unhappy, but you can cause yourself a lot of misery by engaging in negative mental habits. The outcomes we experience in life are often the result of our habits.
1. Having unreasonable timelines. Nearly any goal is reasonable. Unfortunately, it’s common to overestimate what can be accomplished in a certain amount of time. Interestingly, most individuals underestimate what’s possible over longer stretches. Be sure your timeline is reasonable.
Eliminating counterproductive habits from your life is the first step to experiencing true happiness.
Make an effort to eliminate habits that negatively impact your happiness: Page 14
An overly optimistic estimation will leave you feeling defeated when you’re unable to attain your goal on schedule.
2. Holding a grudge. Focusing on negative events creates unhappy feelings. Taken to the extreme, a grudge can lead to engaging in negative actions to get back at someone.
Holding a grudge has been described as drinking poison and then expecting your enemy to suffer. Let go of your negative feelings toward others!
3. Spending too much time in the past or future. It’s challenging to be happy if you’re regretting the past or fearing the future. Learn from your past missteps and avoid dwelling on them. Avoid worrying about the future.
If you foresee potential challenges ahead, calmly prepare solutions. If you live in the present moment, being happy becomes much easier.
4. Embracing a victim mentality. It’s common to search for excuses for our negative experiences. We often try to justify staying in our current circumstances. You may very well be the victim of some unfortunate situation, but it’s your responsibility to work your way out of it.
6. Failing to learn from failure. Failure is rarely enjoyable, but it can be a useful experience. Learn from your failures and apply the knowledge to your future attempts. Failure can be a great tool for moving toward success. Repeating the same errors will provide the same results. View failure as a learning opportunity.
7. A lack of gratitude. Things are rarely as bad as they seem. Regularly reminding yourself of this can demonstrate that your life might be more wonderful than you realize. Use spare moments to mentally list the things that fill you with feelings of gratitude. It will allow happiness to enter your life. 8. Settling for low standards. It’s possible to become comfortable with poor results. On one hand, you might be unhappy with where you are. On the other hand, trying for more seems scary.
Taking responsibility for the happenings in your life is powerful. Countless individuals have overcome incredible odds. You can certainly be among them!
5. Comparing yourself to others. Everyone starts with a unique set of talents, skills, and experiences. Avoid comparing yourself to others. If you want to make a comparison, compare yourself to your recent past. Page 15
Are you heading in a positive direction? If so, you probably have a good reason to be excited. If not, it’s time to get busy making some changes.
You’re unique and capable. You can have a wonderful life. Increase your expectations. There’s no reason to settle for less.
Certain habits make it more challenging to experience happiness. Identifying and eliminating these counterproductive habits can create the necessary space for happiness to enter your life. Enhance the quality of your habits and you’ll experience a more positive perspective on life. After all, everyone deserves to be happy.
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What do you accomplish by being stressed? Nothing. It helps to accomplish tasks. You can get other people to respond to you. It's good to get upset.
What does persistence ... the dogged pursuit of what you want to achieve buy you? Too much work. Indigestion. Success. A better job.
When others treat you badly, who should you blame? Yourself. You allowed it to happen. Those that hurt you, of course.
Is respect important to a relationship? No, you can get along without it as long as you like or love the person. Yes; It is critical to a relationship.
Why is clear communication to other people critical? It prevents misunderstandings. Because they can't get their work done if you don't give them instructions.
Why is being truthful to others important?
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It creates trust and self-respect. They'll like you better. Because you'll get caught in most lies.
If you are publicly rude to other people, what will those around you remember about you? You will be considered a loser. People won't forget your rudeness, no matter what you do later.
Why do we let ourselves become victims? Because we can't do anything to prevent it. It's hard to fight back. Because we don't have anyone to help us fight back. Because we don't feel worthy of anything better.
What should you do if bad things happen to you? If you have multiple challenges to overcome? Just give up and let them defeat you. Fix them and take them in stride. Try to get help from your friends and family. Blame other people for what they have done to you.
When you know something is wrong - isn't the right thing to do, how should you handle it? Ask the advice of your best friend and have him/her help you make the decision. Try to work with it to get it accomplished. Stick to your guns; listen to your gut. Find out if there's a way around it.
Note: There are no answers to this little quiz, just an opportunity to reflect upon yourself and what you would do if you were presented with these circumstances. The goal is to help you understand yourself just a little better, and have a little fun along the way. Page 18
Most women feel they could stand to lose more than a few pounds. Unfortunately though, the reward for eating those foods you should avoid is immediate and powerful, but the reward for eating well is hard to see in the short-term. It’s easy to tell yourself that you’ll start eating better tomorrow or next week. Changing any habit can be a challenge. Changing your eating habits is even more challenging. Change your diet intelligently with these tips: 1. Focus on the benefits. Make a list of everything you’ll gain by eating a more healthy diet. It’s easy to find the advantage to eating a candy bar – you’ll feel great for a few minutes. The advantages of eating a carrot are far less pronounced in the short-term. Remind yourself of how much healthier and fitter you’ll be in six months. 2. Make small changes. If your goal is to become a vegetarian, make the transition slowly. Try having a single vegetarian dinner this week. Shoot for two meals next week. Continue until you’ve successfully made the switch.
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Follow the same process for dropping unhealthy foods. Suppose you currently drink six sodas each day. Try drinking five each day for a week and then reduce it to four. In several weeks, you’ll be soda-free.
3. Focus on the most significant changes first. It’s more beneficial to your health to remove bacon from your diet than it is to make the switch from regular to organic apples. If you’re going to put your time and effort into changing, make the change count. 4. Avoid perfection. Studies have shown that following a diet 90% of the time is nearly as good as following it 100% of the time. It’s not necessary to live and eat like a monk.
Allow yourself to get a little crazy one meal out of ten. You’ll receive the same benefits, and your compliance will be much greater.
5. Take it one day at a time. The thought of following a new eating plan for years can be overwhelming. When the urge to stray occurs, tell yourself that you can cheat tomorrow, but not today. Then tomorrow, tell yourself the same thing. 6. Get all non-compliant foods out of the house. You’ll eventually eat any food in the house if it’s something you like. No one’s willpower can survive forever! Get it out of the house before you suffer a weak moment. Give it away or throw it in the trash. 7. Go food-shopping while you’re not hungry. You’re much more likely to buy junk food if you’re hungry. Have a healthy meal and then go to the grocery store. You’ll buy the food you need, rather than the food you want. 8. Notice the times and situations you eat poorly. When are you most likely to reach for those foods you’d like to avoid? Is it after dinner? While watching TV? When you’re feeling blue? On the weekends? Try to avoid succumbing to your urges during those times. Take a walk instead of watching television. Call a friend if you’re feeling down.
Bad habits have triggers. What are yours?
It seems like everyone is trying to eat better. Improving your diet is one of the best ways to enhance your health. Dietary habits are especially tough to change. Eating poorly has immediate rewards, but you may not enjoy the benefits of healthy eating right away. Take baby steps when making changes to your eating habits and change your diet once and for all. Quote:
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If you’re a fan of Charles Dickens, you know that great expectations can lead to house fires and being pursued by escaped convicts. The consequences are usually more subtle in real life, but managing your expectations can make you happier and more successful.
circumstances come your way. Replace disappointment with acceptance and curiosity. Let go of the past. Most of our expectations are based on our previous experience. Examine your old habits and make conscious choices about how you want to live.
In fact, psychologists believe that the most effective approach is to aim high while being flexible and realistic. Try these tips for enjoying great expectations while you turn setbacks into victories. Setting Your Expectations Distinguish between goals and expectations. You can want to lose 30 pounds or buy a new car without letting your happiness depend on such events. Work with whatever Page 21
Raise the bar. Ambitious goals challenge you to try harder. You hone your skills and rack up achievements that build your confidence. Even if you need more than one try, you know that you’re making progress. Savor the anticipation. Another advantage to reaching high is that it gives you so much to look forward to. You feel motivated to
put forth your best efforts when you remember the rewards.
On the other hand, sometimes good enough is okay. You may feel less stressed if you serve salad and sandwiches for dinner on Monday nights instead of cooking a hot meal.
Be realistic. At the same time, keeping your goals and expectations reasonable reduces stress. Understand your abilities and strengths. Calculate what resources you have available. Dealing with Your Expectations 1. Communicate clearly. Hidden assumptions can make it complicated to figure out the true expectations of others, as well as our own thoughts. Listen closely and ask probing questions. 2. Start early. There’s a good reason why major campaigns schedule pre-kickoff meetings, and employers orient new hires. It’s easier to agree on expectations at the start rather than trying to resolve conflicts after someone feels let down.
Seize opportunities. Managing expectations can be especially rewarding when your hard work pays off better than you hoped. Maybe your hobby will turn into a profitable small business or you’ll meet your future spouse on a blind date. Bask in your good fortune and share your blessings with others. Negotiate skillfully. Even when you’re comfortable with your expectations, you may still need to adjust them to accommodate others. Try to be patient and build goodwill while steering clear of excessive demands. Set ambitious goals without creating rigid expectations. Know that you can use any set of circumstances to learn and grow. Your future will look brighter even if it turns out differently from the vision you hold today.
Reinterpret setbacks. When you’re facing outcomes that are less than ideal, remain calm, and give yourself a pep talk. Think about previous ordeals that helped you to grow stronger.
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Plan for contingencies. Temporary bumps in the road won’t seem like such a big deal when you’ve already mapped out a detour route. Spot potential obstacles in advance so you’ll be prepared. Accept change. Are your expectations keeping up with the times? Check on whether you’re putting aside enough savings for your retirement years and have the latest qualifications to excel in your professional field. Establish priorities. Exceeding expectations can be a wise decision if it helps you to land a new client or give your family a vacation they’ll remember for the rest of their lives. Page 22
If your friends have vanished over the years, you might find yourself spending too much time alone at home. It doesn’t take long before you feel lonely and out of touch. It’s easy to build a social life once you have a couple of friends, but the first couple can be challenging to find. It’s not possible to have an active social life if you won’t leave the confines of you home. Build your social life from scratch: 1. Take responsibility for your social life. It doesn’t matter if your parents embarrassed you in the third grade or made your clothes out of old drapes. Your current social life is your responsibility to manage and change.
Take responsibility for your relationships, too.
While it might be easier to blame others, you lose your power that way. Maintain control of your life.
Meetup.com is one popular place to find and connect with others.
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2. Take part in a hobby that you can’t do at home by yourself. Salsa dancing, bowling, contract bridge, and volleyball are few examples. Find something that includes other people and an environment outside your home. 3. Get out and talk to others. The world is full of people. Head to the coffee shop and strike up a conversation. 4. Call an old friend. If that doesn’t work, call another old friend. Keep calling until someone will talk to you. Invite them out for a beer and catch up. 5. How did you arrive in your current situation? Have you always been a loner? Did you start working at home and ignore your old friends? Assess your situation. 6. Reject rejection. The only rejection you might face is being ignored. All the negative chatter in your head is self-created. Most people are very nice and welcome the opportunity to add a new friend to their social circle.
Everyone else is insecure, too. Be gentle with them.
7. Be positive. No one wants to spend time with someone carrying a bad attitude. You don’t want to deal with someone that’s complaining. Neither does anyone else. We like to be around people that lift our mood. Be that person for others. 8. Branch out. Social media provides a useful way to expand your social circle. On Facebook, you can send a friend request to anyone you please. Follow someone new on Twitter. There’s just one catch, stay local. Making a new friend in California won’t get you out of the house if you live in Atlanta.
Look at the friends of your friends. You already have something in common.
9. Make a list of what staying home is costing you. Think long-term. If you’re without a social network, you’re probably lonely and isolated. It will only get worse if you don’t take steps to change it.
How will your life look in 10 years if you fail to act now?
10. When your social life recovers, vow to maintain it going forward. You’ve already had more friends than you’ll ever need. You’ve just allowed them to slip away. A quick email or phone call once a month will keep most people in your orbit. Relationships require maintenance. 11. Work on your social skills. Buy a book or hire a coach. Social skills are learnable. You can become a social butterfly, even if you lack the necessary confidence at this time. Find the resources you need and start working. Make your social life a priority and you’ll soon have plenty of reasons to leave the house. It’s okay if you’re shy or nervous. Plenty of people are happy to be friends with someone shy and nervous. Use every opportunity to connect with others. An active social life can be yours. Page 24
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Divorce is a difficult process for everyone who is involved, but meddling family members can make it more complicated. This type of interference can make the process even more stressful and difficult. If you’re dealing with meddling family members during your divorce, consider asking – or requiring – that they refrain from these activities: 1. Choosing sides. One of the most common ways for family members to meddle in a divorce is to choose sides. You may want to ask your family not to do this because of the consequences.
Family members who choose sides in a divorce actually make the process more difficult. They can prevent or delay conflict resolution and keep the couple from reaching a settlement.
Meddling family members can create issues that can hurt your divorce case and have lasting consequences.
Instead, rely on professional legal and emotional advice.
3. Shaming your ex. Divorce can be messy and complicated, but it’s easier to handle if you don’t allow public shaming. Hurting your ex will only create more anger, resentment, and revenge.
Your family members shouldn’t be gossiping about your ex or divorce.
They can offer their support without hurting the other side. This will encourage a healthy and fast resolution.
4. Criticizing the divorce agreement. Your family may feel it’s helping you by criticizing the divorce agreement, but they can actually be creating new issues. You have to ask them not to interfere in the way you settle the divorce.
2. Giving advice. Family members often feel they can help by sharing advice. However, unless they are lawyers or therapists, their advice may be incorrect. The wrong advice can create serious legal issues in a divorce.
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Is your family judging your custody battle? Is your family criticizing how many assets you received in the divorce?
Although they may have good intentions, your family’s criticism can be hurtful and painful. Ask for support and understanding instead.
Your divorce doesn’t have to suffer from outside meddling. Learn how to handle meddling family members and make the process easier for everyone involved.
5. Bothering the children. If your divorce involves children, you certainly don’t want meddling family members making them feel worse about the process or confusing them. Your family needs to understand that you and your ex will be the only ones to discuss the divorce with the kids.
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Children are vulnerable and often have difficulties handling a divorce.
They can make easy targets for meddling family members who want information from them. They can also plant ideas in the children’s heads and make them worry about the process.
Establish clear guidelines with your family about the children during the divorce. They need to understand that you’re in charge and will discuss the necessary topics at your own pace. Your children shouldn’t be placed in the center of the divorce or used to gather information.
Your family members should also refrain from saying negative things about your ex to the children.
6. Fighting with your ex. An argument or a fight with your ex can have lasting consequences and may create further legal challenges.
Your family may be trying to protect you, but it’s a bad idea to start fights with your ex.
Physical altercations can lead to court or jail, and the emotional damage can last even longer.
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Do you spend your morning in a manic rush to get out the door? Do you arrive at work feeling ready to take on the day? Getting your day off to a good start is the best way to ensure you have a good day. Whether you realize it or not, you have a morning routine. But is your morning routine as effective as it could be? Enhance your morning routine and have a better day: 1. Wake up early. Waking up early provides a sense of control and avoids the feelings of anxiety that occur when time is an issue. Go to bed early if necessary. Giving yourself an extra thirty minutes in the morning will make your pre-work time leisurely and pleasant. Try to wake up 5 minutes earlier each day for the next 6 days. 2. Meditate for a few minutes. The typical 9-minute snooze is an appropriate amount of time for a short meditation session. Just breathe and pay attention to your breath. As your mind wanders, simply bring it back to your breath. You’ll be surprised by how calming this can be. 3. Have a large glass of water. Everyone is dehydrated after 7+ hours of sleeping. Allow yourself to have a large glass of water before doing anything else. In fact, anytime you’re feeling sluggish throughout the day, a glass of water will frequently help. Keep a bottle of water at your desk. 4. Get 5 minutes of exercise. Five minutes might not seem like much, but it’s enough time to get your heart pumping and become more alert. Walk up and down the stairs a few times or march in place. If you have a treadmill, use it. You’re just trying to move and warm your body. 5. Recite affirmations. While in the shower, recite affirmations to yourself. The particular affirmations you use are entirely up to you. Consider using affirmations that are likely to enhance your mood or support your goals. Here are a few suggestions: Page 28
I’m having a great day. I enjoy my job and my life. I am ready to tackle work with enthusiasm and a smile. I weigh 135 lbs. You’re in the shower anyway. Instead of worrying about work, why not use the time to make yourself feel better?
6. Eat a healthy breakfast. A good breakfast will keep your energy up and fuel your day. A healthy morning meal often leads to a healthy lunch. Try different types of breakfast foods and determine which works the best for you. 7. Review the tasks you need to complete for the day during your commute. Check your to-do list before heading out the door. On the drive to work, mentally review those tasks and consider the most effective strategy to get those responsibilities accomplished. 8. Listen to something that makes you feel good. The last 10 minutes of your commute, listen to something that inspires and energizes. We all have a song that makes us feel like we can take on the world. Maybe it’s the Rocky theme or a song by your favorite band. Pull into the parking lot or subway station feeling great and ready to tackle the day. Most of this morning routine doesn’t add any time at all to your day. It’s a matter of using the dead time you’re probably wasting. With 20 minutes, you can enhance your morning and the rest of your day. Consider other ways to build upon your current morning activities. Getting off to a good start is the best way to enjoy a great day.
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How would you like to achieve a big goal? Achieving big goals is a science. We’re not talking about losing 10 pounds or cleaning out the attic by the end of the month. A big goal is losing 50 pounds or doubling your income. The average person is effective at accomplishing smaller goals, but struggles with big goals. Big goals aren’t any more difficult. They just require more time. Big goals require a different strategy: 1. It’s important to measure your progress. Big goals take time, and it’s easy to become discouraged. It’s common for most of the results to occur near the end of the process. Perseverance is critical. Measuring your progress provides motivation to keep going.
Since big goals can take a lot of time, it’s important to know that you’re on the right track. Maintaining an awareness of your progress or lack of progress will allow you to change your approach as needed. Page 31
2. Big goals must be a priority. How many times have you set a goal, only to forget all about it in a week? Remind yourself of your goal each day. At the very least, read your goal once per day. Consider reading, writing, and visualizing it twice per day. 3. Mental garbage is the biggest obstacle. The thought of making a million dollars might sound great, but there’s also a part of you that feels like you accidently ate a bug. A part of you clenches when you think about accomplishing much more than you’re accustomed to accomplishing. This discomfort is a sign from our subconscious that it’s not entirely onboard.
There are many techniques to deal with this discomfort. You can pray or meditate. You can focus on a positive outcome. You can reframe the situation. Do whatever helps you to feel better.
If you can’t visualize the achievement of your goal and feel 100% positive, it will be challenging to achieve.
4. Focus on your habits. Your ideal body is the result of your eating and exercise habits. Losing 50 pounds is the result of having the appropriate habits and being patient enough to enjoy the results. What habits do you need to implement to make achieving your goals automatic?
Avoid the belief that huge success is the result of a single, spectacular action. Small changes in behavior and focus can provide the same, impressive results over time.
5. Be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so it’s not fair to expect something amazing to happen in a week. Set a reasonable timetable and relax. Big goals are marathons, not sprints. Read biographies of those that accomplished impressive things. The time and patience spent by our heroes are impressive.
Practice patience by learning to be patient in everyday situations. We all have plenty of opportunities. Waiting in line, sitting in traffic, or waiting at the doctor’s office are just a few examples. Just relax and breathe.
6. Only choose goals that are highly meaningful. A goal is much easier to achieve if you passionately want to achieve it. Some people bite off more than their motivation can chew. A big goal requires commitment, sacrifice, and time. Avoid goals that aren’t worth the cost. You’ll only be wasting your time.
Big goals are exciting and life changing, but big goals are often avoided because of the likelihood of failure. There is a process to making significant changes in your life. Be clear on your objective and create habits that bring you closer to that objective each day. Measure your results to stay motivated and ensure that you’re making progress. Reach your first big goal!
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Pranayama is the other side of yoga. While asanas like Down Dog condition your body, breath work gives your mind a workout. Even if you’re swamped with responsibilities at home and on the job, a few minutes of focusing on your breath will lift your spirits and calm your thoughts. If you still think you’re too busy to sit around just breathing, remember the many benefits of pranayama. In addition to the mental and emotional boost, you’re strengthening your circulatory, respiratory, digestive, and immune systems.
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Plus, the more you train, the more effectively you can use your breath to energize or relax at any time. Try these tips for starters. General Tips for Pranayama Find a comfortable position. Sit cross-legged on the floor or find an alternative that works for you. You can sit on a chair with a back and armrests if that helps. Sit up straight. Wherever you sit, check your posture. Ensure your back is straight, your shoulders are lowered, and your chest is open.
Synchronize your movements. At some point in your practice, you may want to coordinate your breath with asanas or any body movement. In most cases, you exhale during the most strenuous part of the position.
upper chest. Reverse the process as you exhale so your abdomen draws in. 4. Hum a tune. As you exhale, liven things up even more with humming. The vibrations tone your pituitary gland.
Stop when dizzy. Pranayama can feel unnatural starting out while you’re fixing old habits like slouching or shallow breathing. Proceed gradually and take a break if you start to gasp or feel lightheaded.
Hiss like a snake. Hissing has a similar effect, and sharpens your concentration. Tighten the back of your throat as you inhale and exhale.
Add mantras. Once you master the basics, you may want to try thinking about an inspiring message or saying it out loud. Use traditional Sanskrit chants or invent your own statements. Speak softly to avoid straining your throat.
5. Extend your exhalation. Simply lengthening your exhalations provides instant stress relief. Try to spend twice as much time exhaling as inhaling. Pause each time you breathe out to notice the sensation.
Rise up slowly. When you’re done, pause a moment to give thanks. Notice your peace and contentment, and carry those sensations with you through the day.
Cool off. Roll your tongue and stick it out so you can exhale through it like a straw. Imagine you’re blowing away tension and discomfort.
Practice moderation. Your breath is actually just one component of pranayama, which refers to your primary life force. You may want to learn more about chakras or just avoid excesses like too much eating or arguing.
Alternate nostrils. Balance your brain by opening up both nostrils. Exhale and inhale on one side, and then place your thumb over that nostril. Keep switching sides as you continue for a few minutes.
Pranayama Exercises That Relax You
Pranayama Exercises That Energize You 3. Divide by three. Three-part breathing teaches you to use your full lung capacity so your blood circulates oxygen and nutrients more efficiently. Put your hands on your midsection, and feel your abdomen extend out as you inhale. Draw air up through your ribcage and finally your
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Maybe there’s no time in your schedule for a spa vacation, and no room in your budget for a personal life coach. A few minutes of yoga breathing give you greater control over your breath so you can enjoy more energy, relaxation, and bliss. Experience a richer sense of harmony and feel more at ease in your body with these breathing exercises.
Whether you’ve always been the life of the party or a wallflower, you can find and make new friends. As we get older, it becomes challenging to make more friends. But anyone can have a full and rewarding social life - even if you don’t have a single friend at the moment. Try these strategies to enhance your social life today: 1. Get out of the house. Potential friends aren’t going to line up and knock on your door. There are many ways to meet new people.
Volunteer for a cause that’s meaningful to you. You’re likely to run into people with similar interests.
Join a club. Meetup.com is a good place to look for others that share your interests. You can stay as busy as you like. There are groups that meet for soccer, meditation, card games, and anything else you can imagine.
Ask coworkers to go out. Get a group together and have dinner or walk on the local trail. More people are sulking at home than you think. Help yourself and someone else enhance their social life.
2. Be real. Avoid the trap of believing that you need to pretend to be more interesting, funny, or cool. You’ll be forced to either keep up the act long-term, or lose your new friends because you misled them. It’s too much work to pretend to be someone else. Have the courage to be yourself. 3. Determine the type of friend you want. The person you say “hi” and “bye” to in the next cubicle isn’t the same type of friend you’d turn to when your favorite cat is run over by a car. Are you Page 35
looking for casual friends to meet for happy hour on Thursday nights? Or do you want another close friend to share life’s ups and downs?
There’s no right or wrong answer, but you can’t find it if you’re unable to define it. Think about what you need more in your life right now.
4. Avoid being afraid. You might feel intimidated when meeting new people. Or you’re afraid of rejection. Will you be able to maintain a conversation? These are common fears. They’re also unnecessary.
Others are consumed with the same fears. They don’t have enough mental space left to judge you. The people that judge or reject you aren’t good friendship material anyway.
Visualize yourself confidently approaching a group of people. See the group accepting you with open arms. Keep performing this exercise until it feels believable. Then go out and do it.
5. Allow the friendship to grow. Hanging out once won’t result in a solid friendship. Keep in touch with the people you enjoy. It takes time and frequent interaction to build a true friendship. Avoid letting the good ones slip away. 6. Keep an open mind. You might have an image of the perfect friend burned into your mind, but be open to other possibilities. The best friend you’ve yet to meet might be completely different. Give everyone a chance to be a friend. Keep your mind open. 7. Be persistent. Keep going out until your social life is full. It might take a while, depending on your social skills. But even the most socially awkward of us can find and keep friends. Stick with it until you’re satisfied. Friendships add an additional layer of enjoyment to life. We all need friends for camaraderie and general socializing. Close friends are a true gift. Life is better when you have at least one, good, close friend. Get out there and meet a few new people. Quote:
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Do you have a family member or friend who is dealing with an emotional crisis? Are you suffering through a particularly devastating time yourself? This type of challenge can be caused by many things, including loss, Page 37
extreme life changes, health issues, severe stress, anxiety, or depression. An emotional crisis shouldn’t be ignored, and you can get help to make it through to the other side.
The consequences of this type of crisis can range from loss of work to loss of life.
Learn about these crises and treatment options:
You may feel isolated and lose relationships. You may also suffer financial issues and setbacks.
7. Understanding an emotional crisis. An emotional crisis can be defined as a breakdown or other issue that occurs after serious events. An emotional crisis can occur because you lose a friend, family member, or pet. A crisis can also occur from a buildup of stress and anxiety that comes from work, family, or others. Health issues can also lead to an emotional crisis. Natural disasters, unemployment, divorce, separation, and other life events can lead to a crisis. A person in crisis can suffer from multiple symptoms that include anxiety, depression, paranoia, irritability, and more. They may not be able to work or handle family duties. 8. Physical issues associated with an emotional crisis. The mind isn’t the only part of the body that is affected by an emotional crisis. You can suffer physical symptoms related to the crisis too. Headaches, insomnia, fatigue, pain and other symptoms are common.
10.Medications as a treatment option. Medications are frequently used to help a person who is going through an emotional crisis. Depression is common, so antidepressants and other drugs may be prescribed. 11.Support groups as a treatment option. You may benefit from a support group that helps you deal with the crisis. Support groups vary, but they include groups for those who have lost family and friends. There are also groups for people dealing with depression, anxiety, and other disorders. Groups for people who have survived natural disasters also exist. 12.Therapy as a treatment option. Therapy is another option that can help you get through an emotional crisis. Therapists can help you find coping strategies and work with you during a crisis. They may prescribe medications to help you deal with the stresses of dayto-day life during your crisis.
9. Consequences of an emotional crisis. During an emotional crisis you may not be able to think or plan properly. You may have suicidal thoughts and severe depression.
13.Vacations. A vacation may even help you handle an emotional crisis. It will at least allow you to temporarily escape the Page 38
A single approach may not fix an emotional crisis, so you may have to try more than one.
daily issues that are creating the crisis and give you time to “regroup.” Stress is often a factor in an emotional crisis, so taking a vacation can help you reduce that stress and achieve a new clarity. It can also help you find a different perspective on the situation. On vacation, you can even meet new people that may help you move past the crisis. 14.Addressing individual needs. An emotional crisis can differ greatly from person to person. Each situation is unique and requires a special approach.
It may take some time, resources and effort, possibly even on a long-term basis. Inpatient or outpatient care at treatment facilities may be necessary in serious cases of an emotional crisis. An emotional crisis can be difficult to handle, but there’s help available. You or your loved ones shouldn’t suffer alone. Get the help you need to be able to overcome the crisis and move forward with a joyous and fulfilling life.
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If you've been shaping up on a paleo diet that has you eating like a caveman, you might want to take things a step further. Living more like a caveman across the board could help you to cut down on complications and stress. The next time you're facing a dilemma in your personal or professional life, ask yourself what a Neanderthal would do. Caveman Lessons on Living Healthy Stay active. Studies show that an hour at the gym may not be enough to offset the effects of prolonged sitting. Incorporate more physical activity into your routine. Taking the stairs and jumping rope can be just as effective as running after mastodons. Eat whole foods. Many of the benefits of a paleo diet come from focusing on natural foods rather than bags of chips and boxes of cookies. Fill most of your plate with vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, and healthy fats. Cut down on white sugar and flour. Avoiding processed foods can be challenging, but it's worthwhile. Lose weight and lower your risk for diabetes by switching to whole grains and satisfying your sweet tooth with fruit. Limit toxins. Our ancestors also had less exposure to environmental pollutants. Wash your produce well or buy organic. Support clean air and water initiatives. Page 40
Sleep well. Early humans didn't stay up all night binge watching Netflix or playing video games. Go to bed and wake up on a regular schedule. Darken your bedroom and wear earplugs if streetlights and traffic are keeping you up. Caveman Lessons on Strengthening Relationships 6. Be direct. If you believe the funny pages, Stone Age courtship consisted of clubbing your partner over the head and dragging them home. Granted, that's extreme, but straightforward communications usually promote more understanding and trust. 7. Connect with your kids. Some anthropologists praise the involved parenting style of ancient hunter-gatherers. Spend time with your children and encourage unstructured play. Communicate face to face. Gathering around the dinner table draws us closer to family and friends. Log off Facebook for a while and spend an evening in the same room with your loved ones. Cultivate alliances. Neanderthals couldn't order their groceries online when they were working overtime. Extend a helping hand to your neighbors, friends, and relatives so you can support each other on busy days. Throw potluck dinners and trade babysitting services. Other Caveman Lessons 8. Create a comfortable home. If home improvement projects are spiraling out of control, reclaim your free time. Cover the basics by arranging a space that keeps you warm and safe. For decorations, you can hang your own drawings on the wall. Repurpose and recycle. Our ancestors fashioned rocks and sticks into tools for farming and defense. You're carrying on the tradition when you fertilize your rose bushes with coffee grounds. Appreciate nature. Studies show that time outdoors makes us feel happier and more energetic. Take a walk during your lunch hour or read outdoors before breakfast. Kick your shoes off. Do your feet swell and ache because they've spent most of the day squeezed into fashionable footwear? Find relief by removing your shoes when you arrive home and practicing yoga exercises that strengthen your feet. As a bonus, you'll have cleaner floors and enhanced balance. Consume less. Most importantly, cavemen weren't big spenders. Liberate yourself by figuring out your basic needs. Trimming your monthly expenses helps you to pay for other priorities like travel or education. Even if your knowledge of the Stone Age is limited to watching reruns of the Flintstones, you can master living more like a troglodyte. Going prehistoric will make your life simpler, healthier, and more peaceful.
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It’s. My. Life Magazine - A Publication of
If you could refer us to your friends, we would appreciate it.
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