ASPIRATIONAL ACTIVITY

By Elizabeth MacGregor

Elizabeth MacGregor is a regular contributor to SideOne, following a successful career in education.

The lies and misconceptions we tell others and maybe ourselves

“Why yes, I practise yoga, and have been meditating all my life. Just don’t ask me how often, or what time of day, or what type of yoga.”

“No, my baby never cries during the night. Perfect child. How do I know about that show that is on most nights at 3 a.m.? Oh, lucky guess, I suppose.”

“I rarely eat sugar, fried food or meat. Yes, I have practised careful eating all my life. What is the best place for soft-serve? Oh, I like Dairy Queen.”

The above statements easily roll out of one’s mouth, onto a plate of other lies and misconceptions that we tell others about ourselves and may even half believe.

Yoga and meditation might have been part of one’s life in our twenties, but has been asleep in our closet, along with the mat, the foam blocks and the inspiration for many years. The Pilates ball may take up a corner as well.

Why do we lie, or is it actually lying? Perhaps a better description is self-deception. According to research conducted in the early 2000s, we all partake.

Stephen Diamond, in Psychology Today, Nov. 3, 2008, reports that “we dismiss certain facts incompatible with our myth of ourselves in favour of other less threatening and more corroborative ones. We twist the truth. And we become convinced of the veracity of this twisted truth.”

HER GRANDMOTHER DIED THREE TIMES

I worked with someone whose grandmother died three times in the five years that I worked with her. This convenient untruth gave her long weekends to travel when a day off required an excuse. I would

classify that as a lie. I truly hope she didn’t believe it.

Yoga and meditation might have been part of one’s life in our twenties, but has been asleep in our closet, along with the mat...

The stories we tell others about ourselves are often things that used to be true, or partially true, that we hold onto as our self-image stubbornly refuses to face facts.

Diamond cites charismatic historical figures as having the power to convince followers to adopt the fanciful delusions of their leaders. Thus we can see whole societies becoming victims to self-delusion. This can be seen in politics, religion, and cults. We hear of fake war heroes, wearing someone else’s medals to Remembrance Day parades, attracting undeserved glory. Students will cheat on tests and then publicly praise themselves for their ability to do well.

HOW WAS YOUR RUN?

When someone asks how long you have been running and if you run every day, only when they ask for distance details or location, would you be likely to admit that you used to run, or that you run occasionally? These details may spark a realization that the truth you hold about yourself is not current. A truthful exploration about this activity and an admission of exaggeration would be good for your soul and self honesty, and a new fitness plan. However, many of us hold onto our myths, unable to admit that we are not that person anymore, or maybe never were.

People sometimes inflate their own attractiveness, their skills, or their intelligence, trying to give themselves a competitive edge over their peers.

THE CHALLENGE

“One challenge with self-deception is when we do it unconsciously, it reinforces the story we believe to be true,” according to Bill Howatt, writing in the Aug. 8, 2018 issue of The Globe and Mail. He cites a study completed on self-deception that indicates that when people lie about their abilities in the workplace, this self-promotion is sometimes believed and they are

seen as being more competent, thus reinforcing the lie. The lie needs to be lived up to, though, and this can create unanticipated problems.

The stories we tell others about ourselves are often things that used to be true, or partially true, that we hold onto as our selfimage stubbornly refuses to face facts.

Diamond believes a “willingness to stop our chronic self-deception and face the truth finally sets us free.”

So then maybe we start meditating regularly, start to see a personal trainer, eat less meat, or go for a short but actual run. Wading through our self-deception can improve our reality.

I am not someone who makes New Year’s resolutions, but being more honest with myself and others is always a good plan. I am an avid cross-country skier. Cross-country skiing will be starting soon. I wonder where I put my skis when we moved here 13 years ago?