The RAY v.18 Community Issue

the

A Source to Empower Your Inner Light | Vol. 8 | 18th Edition | 2008

Community & Sisterhood profound tools for personal development

A New Burner

queen mother finds her village

Surrendering

how to feel good about giving in

Diversity in the Dirt

a micro-universe on seven acres

theRAY.org

In this Issue Published by The RAY, Inc.

A Source to Empower Your Inner Light!

PO Box 1113 b Los Angeles, CA 90078 323.461.6456 (t) b 323.461.0231 (f ) info@theRAY.org Founder / Editor-in-Chief: Sierra J. Sullivan Managing Editor: Ariella K. Forstein Associate Editor & Art Coordinator: Sarah Hirsch Copy Editor: Sarah Irani Director of Advertising: Kataka Gara Administrative Assistant: Sara Landon Design & Layout by Creative Unite: Art Director: Jessica Krewson Support Graphics: Ronald K. Smith, Jessica Haeckel Contributing Writers: Christine Breese, Carla Browning, Vivian L. Geffen, Chrysalis Hyon, Sheila Kelly, Rob McClinton, Norma Olsen, Tancie Trail, Christy Wilhelmi Cover Image: Photography by Nick Boswell Hair by Andi Scarbrough Hair & Make-up by Michael David Gallego Design by Jessica Haeckel Contributing Artists: Charmaine Calcara, Michelle Garcia, Elisabeth Pach, Vanesa Martinelli

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11 FEATURES

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Same Goal, Different Visions

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The Problem with Surrendering

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Intentional Communities

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An Oasis of Community

Advertising Inquiries: Kataka Gara | 323.251.0051 | ads@theRAY.org

how the color of one contributes to the tapestry of all

by Carla Browning giving up vs. giving in to the experience

by Rob McClinton dealing with conflict and compromise

by Christine Breese a micro-universe on seven acres

by Christy Wilhelmi

LIVING THE LIGHT

Submission Inquiries: Ariella@theRAY.org Subscriptions: Subscribe Online at: theRAY.org

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Did You Know?

Send comments and thoughts to: info@theRAY.org To learn more, visit our website:

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Conscious Parenting

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The Green Beam

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A Man’s Perspective

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Copyright © 2008 The RAY, Inc. All rights reserved.

Reproduction of any part or whole of this publication without written permission from the publisher is strictly prohibited.

The RAY is a triannual publication.

The RAY is not liable for contents or representations of advertisers. Article opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher.

hormones: is mother nature our only answer? advice for ruby “waste”

an interview with Stephen Johnson, founder of the Men’s Center Los Angeles

FOCUS

“Comparison is the thief of joy!”

The RAY is a vision of female empowerment.

Our mission is to inspire women to a higher acceptance of self by providing uplifting publications, empowering events and a supportive network of resources.

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A New Burner

a 93 year old’s experience of Burningman theRAY.org b 3

Editor’s Greeting

Community. Tribe. Sisterhood.

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he theme of this issue is very dear to me. You might be wondering about the cover… who are those gals? Let me introduce the RAY team, the core of this community and my tribe of sisters who help make it all happen!

I never imagined putting myself and my team on the cover but when weeks of searching through hundreds of photos and artwork produced nothing that felt right, I realized that maybe it was time to step out from behind these pages and show the world some of the real faces of The RAY community. So here we are, front and center shining forth, and we want to welcome YOU to our expanding tribe.

When I first envisioned creating a publication for women that would inspire, uplift and connect us, I didn’t realize that my venture would be so deeply rooted in community. I initially called together a core group of women to mastermind ideas and discuss what we wanted from a “real and empowering” women’s magazine. What we discovered that day was that this was not going be “just a magazine.” It was the stirrings of a movement and that movement was going to gain momentum by connecting women, pure and simple.

Women by nature are gatherers and I have found that just by gathering we gain access to one of the most profound and powerful tools for personal development. It is through community that we are able to share our stories, find inspiration, lean on each other for support and do what we absolutely do best… nurture. I don’t need to remind you

how good it feels when you connect with girlfriends and how encouraged you feel after spending time with women you love.

It is essential to the growth of our lives.

The RAY is here to offer you a continued source of support, inspiration and a place to feel good about who you are. It is my intention to always bring that feeling of connection and gathering to you through our offerings. The mission of The RAY has gone far past a simple inspiration to bring an empowered magazine to the world. We have grown into a very powerful community of people who are deeply committed to making ourselves and our world, better. The fact that you have found your way to this publication and are taking the time to read these words tells me that you are already an integral part of this thriving group.

What you hold in your hands is merely the entry point to the portal of our offerings and if you find inspiration in what you read today, I invite you to participate more fully with us. If you have been seeking a like-minded community, you have found that with us. If you are ready to step out from any shadows that may be hiding your true self, come play in the light of The RAY. Let us help you turn the spotlight on your highest, most beautiful self.

Isn’t it time to shine? We think so.

Shine on...

Sierra J. Sullivan Founder & Editor-in-Chief

From the Editor’s “Desk”

Letters to the Editor

We invite truthful and sincere feedback to help us shape The RAY. Please send your comments, epiphanies and questions to: Ariella@theRAY.org

The RAY always seems to find me at exactly the right moment.

Most recently, it found me in the midst of a rocky patch in my relationship and that issue's theme, loving oneself, couldn't have been timelier. The encouragement and gentle reminders I received put everything back in place; that is, back within me. I was able to get back to center and embrace with wondrous curiosity and joy all the gifts I possess. Wrapping my arms around these gifts and truly embracing self-love, I was then able to give back to the relationship in a truer, more meaningful, and more compassionate light. Thank you, RAY providers.

Reader for life, Lorraine Cohen

Happy five-year anniversary for The RAY! I received the latest copy

It is sometimes a desk, and other times it is a park on a blanket or a lunch table. I send this greeting to share my excitement about our movement’s growth, and my invitation for your comments, questions and suggestions you have related to The RAY’s content.

Your written participation helps us shape the growth of the magazine!

Please send in any and all musings or reactions after reading our unique periodical.

Contact me directly at Ariella@theRAY.org.

Enjoy the light we aim to spread!

Ariella

Managing Editor

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and I LOVE it! The articles are so timely for my journey right now and I found them to be very supportive and insightful for where I’m AT. I remember you enthusiastically telling me about The RAY and giving me your card when you were just getting started. I've always enjoyed the emails but NOW I have my very own 'zine by my bed. You are an inspiration and you bring so much happiness to so many.

Blessings, Sanyo Angel Hazel

After reading Christine Breese's article "Do Humans Mate for Life," I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable with her final words. While I think it is important to change your mindset about relationships, to relax the restrictions and not box yourself into the idea of "the one," I also think the writer makes it seem that simply moving from one person to the next is more simple and more helpful than it actually is.

Relationships take a lot of work, and it is through this work that we grow as human beings. While it is important to know when your time together is up, just leaving when the going gets tough (especially in the case of a marriage) is a disservice to your relationship and to yourself as a whole.

Standing for partnership, Nadine L.

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Same Goal Different Visions

by Carla Browning

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hile rushing across campus one day, I befriended a delightful young lady named Megan. Megan and I conversed while blazing a path toward our final destinations. Once we arrived at the courtyard Megan and I said our goodbyes and parted ways. As I hurried toward my classroom I was surprised to see Megan again. We laughed as we realized we were both headed in the same direction but with different ideas of how to get there.

That evening my thoughts were captivated by this experience. I began to contemplate how human beings desire the same outcome in life yet we spread ourselves in different directions to get there. The

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irony of being human is that we seek to be individuals, unique in our approach to life, yet all we truly want is to feel like we belong to something greater than ourselves.

On a daily basis we strive for the perfect balance between our unique identity and our sense of belonging. We want that same balance between our individual visions and our common goal as a human race.

For instance, if I were to ask Martin Luther King, Jr. about his ultimate goal as a social activist, his answer would sound much like the goals of many dynamic leaders. But if I were to ask him to describe his personal vision, now that would be a unique concept that no one could ever duplicate.

As a teenager I was determined to be unique. Each morning I woke up confident

that not one girl would dress like me.

My haircut would be distinct. My style would be flawless and my sense of humor unbeatable. I worked painstakingly at this attempt to be one of a kind, yet in hindsight I was simply one of many doing the exact same thing. In reality I just wanted to fit in and know what it was like to be part of a community of individuals that I could relate to by finding similar interests and values in common. This journey took me down a destructive path of dysfunctional relationships and alcoholism.

After several years of resistance and a new journey toward healing and forgiveness, I accepted my place in the circle of life and found myself teaching adolescents. As a classroom teacher I was taken back to my insatiable quest to be unique yet belong to something greater than myself. I saw my students wrestling with the same

concept day in and day out. I decided to invite them on a journey I refer to as, “The Deeper Life.” On this journey we explored our relationship to self, family, peers and a higher power. I asked my students all of the questions I wished someone had asked me when I was young. Together we explored the issues that were confusing to me during my high school experience in hopes that I could spare them a fraction of the painful scenarios I had trudged through. This journey we embarked upon over ten years ago has taken us all in different directions, yet we still pursue the same common goal.

Even today I receive updates from former students, expressing their excitement for the lives they have created for themselves as mothers, wives and women engaged in serving their local as well as global communities. Each of us has forged ahead in different directions yet I believe we will all glance up some day to see familiar faces as we head toward our common goal of peace and harmony for all mankind.

As I personally embrace this collective progression towards peace, sometimes I can audibly hear the soul-felt words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech cheering us on.

I no longer have a dream but I now have a reality that I will stand side by side with children, women and men of different faiths, races, social classes and backgrounds. We will feed the poor together. We will laugh and cry with one another. Our children will play and work side by side. We will no longer compete for power but will empower each and every being we come in contact with on a daily basis regardless of race, age or social class.

The beauty of this revelation is that with a little bit of open communication and a fine tuning of vision and goals, great people can take action to accomplish a great cause. The possibility I am creating for myself is that of being an unshakable force of love and truth to bring transformation and healing to our world.

Let us join forces and come together with all of our colorful visions to accomplish our common goals. There is no other time but the present!

As a Personal Success Coach, Carla inspires individuals to go confidently in the direction of their dreams. She offers individual and group coaching with an emphasis on releasing negative thought patterns, declaring what you want for your life, and taking action to make your dreams a reality. CarlaBrowning.com

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Did You Know?

Hormones Is Mother Nature Our Only Answer?

by Vivian Geffen

One piece of information holds true for both products: hormone replacement does relieve menopausal symptoms. That being said, the bigger question seems to about the longterm effects for both therapies. And while both camps fight it out, we are still not sure if hormone replacement therapy can lead to an increased risk of cancer and heart attacks.

It is difficult to find a straight answers in the realm of hormone replacement for menopausal and peri-menopausal

What I did see emphasized was the unassailable benefits of regular exercise and good diet for a woman’s health and longevity. women. There are two major camps: the bio-identical camp (BHRT) and the American Medical Association (AMA) approved HRT or hormone replacement camp. Each claims the other one is potentially unsafe and improperly tested. As a layperson trying to gain education in the matter it is difficult to make a decision.

There are 3 main differences between the HRT and BHRT regimes: (1) The source of the replacement hormones. (2) The physical structure of the hormones used. (3)The way the protocols are dosed and prescribed.

Different sources: BHRT compounds are derived from high yield soybeans and wild yams. The HRT hormones are extracted from the urine of pregnant mares. Before we make assumptions it is important to realize that with BHRT, while its origins sound natural, their compounds do not actually come out of the ground. They are synthesized in a lab just like the HRT hormones. Therefore the “natural” claim touted in the BHRT is not quite accurate.

Physical structure: The shapes of the

Both the BHRT and the HRT camps have fought passionately that their therapy is better. The BHRT proponents claim their product is healthier because it is “natural,” as it exactly mimics the real hormones in a woman’s body, and because its dosage is tailored to the user. The HRT supporters fire back with the assertion that BHRT have barely been tested, and certainly not as much as HRT, leaving everyone very uncertain about BHRT’s long term affects.

The major studies cited regarding the safety of hormone use relied on women who are in their late 50’s and 60’s (already post-menopausal).

Therefore, I was unable to ascertain whether or not this would be an appropriate course of action for me to take in the peri-menopausal state when hormones fluctuate greatly. Anecdotally, I know women who have, and do report positive results, but time will be the true test. What I did see emphasized was the unassailable benefits of regular exercise and good diet for a woman’s health and longevity.

molecules in BHRT are termed “bioidentical” hormones. This means that the hormones’ molecules are structurally identical to those in the body. HRT molecules are slightly different than what is found in the body. The difference in the shape of HRT makes them patentable products and profitable for the drug companies.

If you are interested in HRT or BHRT, numerous books are available. Some of the more popular ones are Suzanne Somer’s Ageless: The Naked Truth About Bio-Identical Hormones, Natural Hormone Balance for Women: Look Younger, Feel Stronger, and Live Life with Exuberance

by Dr. Uzzi Reiss, or The Miracle of BioIdentical Hormones by Dr. Michael, E. Platt.

Differences in dosage and protocols: The fact that dosages are individually tailored to the patient in BHRT usage attracts many women. The doctor takes her unique monthly fluctuations of hormones like estrogen and progesterone into account. The idea is to closely mimic the real life fluctuations of hormones during womens’ cycles. In contrast, HRT regimes rely on static doses throughout the month.

Vivan L. Geffen is a healer, writer and jewelry designer. An accomplished bodyworker of 18 years, she runs Hands-On Mobile Massage, teaches massage professionally and recently created Goddess-Army Gear, a line of handmade jewelry inspired by her desire to remind women about their feminine beauty, honor and strength. Vivian has been involved with the RAY since its inception in many capacities. She can be reached at vlg@vlgenterprises.com

Photograph by Steve Dibblee

W

hen it comes to our bodies I always assumed we just had to let nature take its course. From the loss of my first hamster to the death of my father it has become clear to me that the natural order of things is that living beings ultimately die. I never gave much credence to the notion of finding a “fountain of youth” nor am I at a stage in life where full-blown menopause is an immediate concern, but I am in that grey area where things are beginning to change.

Suddenly I am worried about my collagen and bones; will they stay put and stay strong? Science is starting to say “yes” but at this point in our scientific research each answer seems to come with many questions about safety and veracity.

Artwork by Elisabeth Pach, mihray.devianart.com

The Problem with Surrendering How to give in and feel good about it

by Rob McClinton

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lot of us are used to hearing the phrase “surrender to the universe.” It is offered as advice to reduce the strain and struggle that everyone feels at some point in their lives. But for many of us, surrendering remains a struggle. The challenge with surrendering, in my perspective, is a marketing problem.

Here are some definitions for “surrender”: 1. To relinquish possession or control of another because of demand or compulsion.

2. To give up or give back (something that has been granted).

3. To give up or abandon.

The biggest problem with the concept of surrendering is its name and meaning.

“Giving up” goes against the very nature of what it is to be human; we are just not wired to surrender and feel good about it. It is also antithetical to the very state of being one seeks through personal development.

That is the marketing problem with “surrendering.”

Let us use the word “acceptance” instead.

Suppose you went into the endeavor with the hope that you will get the outcome you want and the acceptance that you may not.

You will inevitably get a result. That result has value. Instead of bemoaning the fact that you did not get what you expected, accept what you did receive and evaluate all that is there for you to learn. After all, you may not have achieved the exact outcome you sought, but you did find the steps to an outcome and now know what does not work. You also gain valuable knowledge to apply next time.

Yes, it is hard to accept that we may not get what we want and it can be equally hard to go for something with full commitment while holding on to that reality. However, it is necessary. We teach children to do their very best and accept a loss if it happens.

The only difference is that as adults we stop applying that to our own lives.

Refusing to accept that you may not achieve every goal or desired outcome contradicts the very essence of personal development. That perspective limits our

ability to appreciate outcomes that may be different, and perhaps better. Think about the long list of inventions, recipes and even successful relationships that were born out of unintended outcomes.

Once you release yourself from the refusal to accept, a constraint that is very much self-imposed, you are then free to pursue your goals and dreams without the need to surrender. You can get back to putting your best foot forward and making things happen, knowing there will always be an outcome, but perhaps different than your expectation.

So, forget surrendering. In fact, do it as infrequently as possible! Keep fighting for betterment in your world and for the ones around you.

You do NOT have to surrender. You only have to accept.

Rob McClinton is the Founder of TheAuthenticYou.net & SmallVictories.net.

His upcoming book, “No Points for Suffering” will be released in Fall 2008. You can reach him at rob@theauthenticyou.net.

How do we get into these positions?

When we do or plan something, whether searching for a life partner, interviewing for a dream job or simply taking a road trip, we have expectations about how it will go. We fix our sights on the specific outcome we desire and when the outcome is not what we wanted, we struggle and resist. This struggle leads to the advice to, and the need for surrender (for the record, when fighting against the universe, giving up is not a bad idea).

So what if there is nothing to resist, no “against,” nothing to “win,” and therefore, nothing to “surrender”?

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Artwork by Vanesa Martinelli, vanesamartinelli.com

Intentional Communities The Secret to Getting Along with Others

by Christine Breese, Ph.D., founder of University of Metaphysical Sciences

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reating a community or a group of unified like-minded folks is a great idea, but what happens when conflict arises? As long as individuals with different worldviews interact, there will be conflict. Lack of conflict resolution techniques is often the undoing of many communities and it is the most crucial skill to learn if an intentional community is to become successful.

Basic Maturity is a Pre-requisite Initially, the members of the community must enter with a certain level of maturity.

In running a business such as the University 12 b 18th Edition | 2008

of Metaphysical Sciences I have learned about how important it is to avoid people with problematic behaviors. My large staff makes a spiritual family, not just an office and it is important to me that we all get along. Because of this, we have to make sure we pick a good match when adding a new member to the community.

In the beginning, we hired a few people who were not mature enough for the environment we set out to create. They brought pessimistic attitudes to the office, creating a negative environment for all who worked there. Members of the community tried to solve these issues with

our new employees. We had meetings and counseling sessions with them, gave them numerous opportunities to change their behavior, and finally, we had to give up and let them go.

We stopped hiring or keeping people with a history of rocking the boat. You can find out a lot about a person on Google, so do some research! If employees started to bring everyone else down we let them go sooner rather than later. We learned not to spend energy on trying to help them mature, for that was a process they needed to come to in their own time.

This does not mean that if someone has

a bad day we “vote them out,” nor do we expect people to be perfect. We are always supportive in times of need and challenges.

However, we are weary of negative behavior patterns and attitude problems that go deeper than the day-to-day complications of life.

So, how do you go about finding out the readiness of a potential group member? That takes time. Many intentional communities have a trial period. For instance, we have a pretty good idea if someone is going to work out within the first 2-4 weeks. The next level is the 3-month mark. Then there is the 6-month mark, and if no personality meltdowns have occurred by then the person would be “in” at our office. It is typical for Intentional Communities to set timelines for judging whether someone will fit in or not. At the 1 year mark, a community member will get the full stamp of approval by other community members because his or her less-than-perfect sides will have shown up by then and you will know if they are manageable within the group.

Do not be afraid to set time goals in your decision to include a new member. Do not grant automatic entrance, instant camaraderie or entitlement. Entrance into a community should be earned, not given without a trial period. That is one of the most important lessons I learned in the beginning stages of my endeavors with the spiritual community that has emerged in our office.

Compromise is another requirement for conflict resolution, and a part of life.

All parties involved must be willing to compromise and not expect to get their way 100%. All parties must also be willing to let go of grudges, even after a resolution is enacted. Often a resolution is undone if there are underlying grudges.

Unconditional Love & The Utopian Community We all fantasize about a Utopian community, that perfect world where everyone gets along and there is never any major conflict. It could be many generations before humanity can operate at the level where there are no wars, economic exploitation of others or crimes against each other. In the meantime, it is up to us to create a peace-making path with the possibility for that future by working on peaceful co-existence together right now in these smaller groups.

An essential part of a successful community is that we must be allowing of each other’s idiosyncrasies. The human vehicle, with all its shortcomings on emotional and mental levels is an imperfect design. Being

a human is not easy! So let us all be patient with our fellow humans’ growth processes (along with our own) while supporting and encouraging each other in shifting negative patterns into more positive ones.

We can solve conflicts gracefully while understanding that the human condition is not who we really are. Unconditional love is a quality of an evolved person and a community is the perfect vehicle within which to develop that trait.

The communities we create now are the prototypes of the future. It is a quantum leap for humankind to find the secret to getting along with each other. The more we explore what it means to get along, the less of a secret it is!

Christine Breese (christinebreese.com) is the founder of University of Metaphysical Sciences (umsonline.org), Universal Church of Metaphysics 501(c)3 (ucmeta.org), Starlight Journal (starlightjournal.com) and Peace Mountain Retreat in Grass Valley, CA. She is a charismatic speaker, author and workshop facilitator offering public meetings open to all in various locations.

Videos at christinebreesevideotranscripts.com, 1-888-229-META.

Communication & Compromise The second necessary ingredient to having a successful community or group endeavor is to have clear communications and a conflict resolution plan. Non-violent communication (NVC) techniques are well documented and all communities can learn and adopt these methods. These NVC techniques can easily be found on the Internet. One of the most important approaches is the need for everyone to feel heard by others. Sometimes being heard is all that is necessary for a resolution to occur.

Of course, there are many instances where practical measures must be taken, but the most healing aspect of all is the ability to communicate in a reasonable manner and hear each other with respect and grace.

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Artwork by Charmaine Calcara, charmaineolivia.com

Advice for Ruby

By Sheila Kelly

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I

need some advice. I am usually spouting off my points of view on everything from feminist empowerment to which tampon is the absolute best – with little or no leakage – and the cleanest (Kotex, by the way). But this here conundrum has got me stumped.

Just about a year ago, I wrote a story in the Global about how my little girl, Ruby, who was four at the time, was asked by a deliriously misguided young lifeguard at a private tennis club in LA to put her bikini top on while she was at the pool. She had been running around topless. Well, ever since that incident she has been terribly worried about anyone seeing her bare chest. To say she is being modest is putting it lightly. She could give a cloistered nun a run for her modesty.

So, the other day, as we were riding bikes around our neighborhood, she saw a man running in shorts with no top on.

She waited until he had passed us and then asked, “Mommy, why do mens not wear tops like that and womens do all the time?” Hmmm…. I immediately wanted to set off on a political diatribe about how misguided our country and government is; how hypocritical the obscenity laws are; how women have been subjugated for centuries to the whims of a patriarchal, puritanical society; how we allow other forces to dictate our actions and control our bodies who double-standard us with their laws about sexuality, force social morality down our throats and then hang out at the local strip club after work. But I couldn’t, she’s only five. So, I stuttered.

I cleared my throat. This is ME, mind you, female megaphone for true equality and righteous body advocate. So I simply said, “Sometimes life isn’t fair, baby. This is something that’s not fair and mommy is trying hard to fix it.” She didn’t get it. I could tell because she screwed her face up like a little prune, and then she wanted to talk about the squished worm that was on the sidewalk just under her tire.

I feel like I failed her. What does a mother say to a daughter without making inane excuses for a world gone slightly wrong? I think about this a lot because I know it’s going to come back again. Maybe not this year, maybe not next, maybe not until she’s 10 or 15, but when it does, I’m going to have to have a better answer! So I started researching on the web and found an organization called Topfree Equal Rights Association (TERA)

Conscious Parenting that shines a big fat spotlight on the subject matter. TERA’s basic claim is: Women deserve equal rights. We do not suggest that women or men should go about with bare breasts. That is every individual’s decision.

We do believe that since men may choose to do so in many situations, women must also be able to at least in the same situations.

Without penalty of any kind.

It’s overwhelming this inequality between men and women by our society, state governments and religion. It feels almost insurmountable. It makes even me want

should be any woman’s or man’s personal choice when to walk around the world topless -- not a government-enforced edict that yet again separates society’s fairness between men and women.

Why are women made to feel shame about their breasts and their body from the time they’re innocently running around a pool at the age of four, until they reach an adulthood that can sometimes be peppered with arm-cutting, bulimia, anorexia and sexual frigidity? Think there’s a correlation at all?

I do. Sadly, it all starts with that day at the

Then some adult tells you to cover yourself, to hide your body, and you feel shame as my daughter did. to say, “I’ll leave it for someone else to battle, someone like TERA. I just want to live my life, hang out with my family, smell the flowers in the garden and maybe sunbathe topless in my back yard.” Oops, wait, that’s against the law, isn’t it? Which brings me back full circle. I can’t walk away and feel truly free in my own backyard. I can’t walk away, because then I have to live with my daughter’s face, her questions, her body image, her future in this world. This is a bigger issue than a child or a woman choosing to go topless. I want my daughter to soar just as high as I want my son to soar. I want her to own her body and have the same rights in her body as my son does. How in God’s name does a mother tell a daughter that her body is considered ‘indecent’ and ‘obscene’ when her brother’s isn’t? How do I explain why certain laws exist that treat women and men unequally?

I need an answer if you have one, and I need your support in trying to change an unfair paradigm.

As I think about her question about the jogging man again, maybe I could have said something like, “Women’s breasts are so beautiful and special and private that they’re only to be seen and experienced by those that are very special and close to us.”

But that’s not the whole truth. Or I could have said, “Because women’s breasts are too sensitive for the sunlight.” But that’s a lie…I think…but how could I know, my breasts haven’t really seen the sunlight much…that fact makes me rather sad. But with either of these responses, I would have been making an excuse for an unfair law. It

pool, that blissfully ignorant day running around with the sun and air and light and music hitting your chest in a deliciously free way. Then some adult tells you to cover yourself, to hide your body, and you feel shame as my daughter did. You feel dirty or embarrassed, like you did something wrong just living and playing in your body.

That becomes the day you realize that you are treated differently just because you are a girl, and then you won’t undress in front of anyone, including your mother, and you scream bloody murder when the straps on your tank top fall off of your shoulders for fear that your five year old chest might meet the air again. I can’t take back what happened to Ruby. It happens to every single female child in this country.

I witnessed the day, the exact moment that it happened and the humiliation accompanying it, and I can never take it back. That is a painful revelation.

I’m going to have to perform some serious female mother/daughter intervention magic. I’m going to have to bring her from her innocence on that day through her humiliation into self-righteous consciousness of demanding to be treated fairly. But how?

Sheila Kelley co-wrote, produced and starred in Dancing at the Blue Iguana. Her role as an exotic dancer in this film led to a fit body and enhanced feminine power. In 2001, the mother of two founded the S Factor workout, now taught at nine locations across the country. Sfactor.com

theRAY.org b 15

by N orma

R E N R U B W E N A

B

urning Man exists for one week each summer.

It appears suddenly on the desert landscape, and then just as suddenly disappears. For several years I heard my son-in-law and grandchildren talk with enthusiasm about their experiences, and the descriptions all sounded fantastic and unbelievable!

This year they wanted Marva, my daughter, to join them. She could leave work for only three days and wanted company for the eight-hour drive. At 93 years old, I received the invitation for this once-in-my-lifetime experience. I said, “Yes, count me in!”

At the entrance we were welcomed as “virgins” because this was our first Burning Man experience. That gave us the privilege of ringing the welcome gong and posing for a picture with the greeters, 16 b 18th Edition | 2008

Olse

n

The A dve We ll-liv nture of a e d Li f e time !

a group of scantily clad girls who gave us directions to the encampment. As we approached the city, we were surprised at the size and organized layout of thousands of temporary “homes.”

Marva and I arrived too late for the morning’s big event, the “Titty Parade” which consisted of girls who chose to parade around bare on the top halves of their bodies! Later in the afternoon, a few of the girls had still not dressed before walking around on the street. At least the weather was warm enough for their exposed bodies!

Sandi, my granddaughter, decided that she wanted to give Marva and me a “tour” of Black Rock City. I was able to see it all from the comfort of my “carriage” that Sandi pulled behind her bicycle. My son-in-law Ernie had mounted a white plastic chair

on a cart, and built a frame that formed a canopy with a purple paisley cover to protect me from the sun. I felt like the “queen mother” in my royal carriage! Some stranger must have thought so too because she smiled as she put a glow-in-the-dark wand in my hand, and then continued on her way.

The most prominent structure stood on a twenty-five feet pyre constructed of logs arranged in a tee-pee shape, supporting the “Burning Man,” a sculpture in the outline of a man and lit with green neon lights, powered by a solar panel.

In the afternoon we gathered on Jeff ’s “art car” to ride around the city. Jeff, another grandchild, had designed this “float” as an old time saloon. The sign on it said “Moonshine Saloon” and it was complete with a bar, stools, drinks, chairs,

guitar players, swinging doors and cacti decorating the outside. During the ride, we enjoyed seeing other “art cars” as well as the people who jumped on and off of the saloon as we moved through the streets.

This was fun! Then about four o’clock the wind kicked up. Within a very short time the white dust made it appear like a heavy fog had descended around us. It was difficult to breathe or keep our eyes open. It seemed like we were inside a cotton ball.

We happened to be near a “community tent” used as a gathering place and took refuge.

What a relief! The young people acted as though we belonged there. I was pleased to find everyone friendly and accepting, even of an old grey-haired lady! One girl even brought me a margarita from the attached tent where they had a bar. Nothing here or in all of Black Rock City can be sold or bought. Even drinks must be given away.

And no one seemed concerned about the wind and dust outside.

The highlight and culmination of the week is the actual burning of The Man. The Saturday night event is a most impressive, mystical one-of-a-kind spectacle.

To watch this ceremony and the similar burning of the oil derrick, I had a good close up view from my carriage. This night it was pulled behind Ernie’s tall, four-seated Quadra cycle. From the four six-feet-high seats, Marva, Ernie, and two young men from our camp provided the “go” power.

They were rewarded with an unobstructed view of the thousands of people and other various activities. The burning was followed by a magnificent display of fireworks. They seemed spectacular in the dark desert night. I called the unusual display “dancing fire.”

shock me were the girls who undressed for the “Titty Parade” and one man who was a total show off. He appeared each day on the playa but his clothes had not come with him! That was beyond my comfort zone.

I was told that liquor and drugs could be found if wanted, but I saw no evidence of overindulgence. There were officials on duty that took care of any problems that might occur.

Many people broke camp and left for home on Saturday night. They were smart! By nine o’ clock Sunday morning the big exodus had begun. Marva and I

of the city itself. I can understand why people return year after year. Ken, my other grandson summed it up: “There is a feeling of being connected —even to strangers.”

This vacation will be remembered as my most unusual one. It was an enlightening experience that gave insight into people’s behaviours, and a view of creativity beyond my comprehension.

Perhaps it is not the most likely destination for “old folks” and no doubt I was the oldest person there, but I’m glad I went.

It was an enlightening experience that gave insight into people’s behaviours, and a view of creativity beyond my comprehension. left too late and discovered what “traffic jam” really means.

In the car we discussed our two-day adventure in “Black Rock City.” We agreed there were some unfavourable factors – the wind and dust, crowding in the trailer, and the water situation. Every drop used must be carried in with us.

However, the good offset the negatives. I appreciated the friendliness of everyone, the fascinating and creative structures, the imaginative art cars and the design

When people say to me with disbelief, “You actually went to Burning Man?” I happily answer, “Yes! Yes!” Then I smile because now I truly am a “Burner.”

Born in 1914 Norma Olsen grew up in California.

She studied Education at Fresno State College in 1936, married, raised 2 children and taught elementary education until 1978. She was married for 61 years to her husband Marvin and currently lives in a vibrant retirement community.

Norma loves watching the performing arts, plays Bridge, volunteers for various local organizations, and believes in the spontaneity of life.

This evening demonstrated three of the features expected at this event each year – friendliness, acceptance and creativity.

Everyone demonstrated the spirit and intentions of the festival.

During my time at Burning Man I saw little that shocked my sensibility. What little did theRAY.org b 17

An Oasis of Community

by Christy Wilhelmi

O

n this big blue planet, in the middle of sunny Southern California, on the outskirts of the hectic city of Los Angeles sits my garden. When I step into my garden, it is easy to get completely absorbed in the details. The tiny filaments of a spider’s web become a point of focus.

The color of the soil, the smell of dew on lettuce leaves and the light from the sun are all joyful focal points in an isolated world. I step into the details of the garden and forget the details and stresses of the everyday life. This patch of land is a little oasis where I can go to clear my head.

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It takes me away from all; it brings me home.

Gardening has always provided work for my idle hands so my brain can do its best thinking. Some people knit or crochet while their minds do the mental housekeeping, but for garden-variety folks, their most brilliant ideas come from an hour-long weeding session on a cool morning. What might seem like backbreaking work for some is spiritual freedom for others. For me there is no better meditation.

On occasion, actually more often than I can count, the one thing that brings

me out of this contemplative space is the sound of another person’s voice saying hello. It usually scares the bejeezus out of me because I am so focused, but after the initial shock we lapse into delightful conversation. People say hello to me all the time where I garden. That is because my garden is a small plot of land, about 15 feet by 15 feet, smack in the middle of a community garden.

There is more to this little community garden than just my meager plot of land and all its meditative benefits, however.

It is a micro-universe on seven acres.

People from all over the country, nay, all over the world garden here. In just my “neighborhood” alone, there are people from Poland, Russia, Sweden, India, several countries of South America and the US. There are people growing southern food: collard greens and okra; people growing the staples of Mexican foods: cilantro, tomatillos and chili peppers; while others are growing lavender, basil and oregano for Mediterranean faire.

But that is just the surface layer of diversity in this one little space on the planet. My “neighborhood” at the garden has old people, young people, gay and straight people, rich people and poverty-stricken nearly homeless people. The well educated and the under-educated exchange conversations and harvests every day. We all garden together in a community that crosses all boundaries, striving for the same thing: joy and sustenance.

If you ever want to learn how to co-exist in a group full of dramatically different people, or develop leadership or communication skills, just join a community garden.

Despite my description of this wonderful oasis, it is not without its challenges. Over my ten years as a board member, I have had to break up fist-fights, catch thieves redhanded, call animal control, reason with obsessive compulsive gardeners who took it upon themselves to “trim” their messy neighbors corn stalks down to stumps, and most of all, educate people about what it means to be part of a community: tolerance, openness, generosity. Even though one thing brings us all together as fellow gardeners – this love of growing things – we still have so much to learn from each other in all of our differences.

That is my kind of digging in the dirt.

Christy Wilhelmi is owner of Gardenerd.com, the ultimate resource for garden nerds. She is a board member of Ocean View Farms Organic Community Garden in Mar Vista, California, and gardens almost exclusively with heirloom vegetables. Please visit Gardenerd.com for organic gardening and soul-pampering tips, including classes and speaking engagements.

WASTE

by Tancie Trail

I

n the area of waste we must no longer create a list of things to do differently, but rather reach for a new concept entirely. Everything we acquire will eventually end up somewhere. A lot of times we buy things with the thought “if it does not work, or if I end up not liking it I will just throw it away.” In this new concept of waste there is no such thing as ‘away.’ This is one area where we can no longer deny that we are part of the problem. Everything we throw away is sent to landfills. We are producing more waste than the current designated landfills can hold and we have run out of safe sites to create new landfills. I mention safe. Landfills are extremely toxic. As the trash decomposes, a toxic liquid call leachate develops. Leachate finds its way into the ground water system and contaminates the watershed. This results in unclean water for drinking and use in our daily lives and more expensive water treatment processes.

The Environmental Protection Agency estimates that half the landfills working today will be closed in five years because they will be beyond capacity. Imagine a world in which we are limited to the amount of trash we get to throw away. What if each household were only allowed to throw away one small garbage bag per month? It is not an unrealistic thought.

Laws could easily change any day now to restrict our unconscious behavior surrounding waste generation. What if ‘just throw it away’ was no longer an option and we had to live with every bit of waste we generated? I did for one week as part of a sustainable living workshop and it was a real eye opener! Simply put, our current patterns of waste generation and disposal contribute significantly to environmental, economic and public health problems. Let us make changes!

TIPS FOR REDUCING WASTE NOW: • Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Everyone seems to be recycle-obsessed these days while avoiding to the first two R’s. The point is to reduce first, reuse second and recycle as a last resort.

• Reduce the amount of trash you generate and dispose of what trash you do generate properly by separating trash, recyclables and vegetable based food waste.

• Re-use items whenever possible and support your local thrift shop by making donations.

• Recycle paper, plastic, aluminum, Styrofoam, cardboard, packaging, foil, etc. When in doubt put it in the recycling bin and it will be sorted in the next phase.

• Compost vegetable based food waste along with egg shells, coffee grinds, lawn waste, pruning, weeds, wood chips, branches and straw. No meat or fats. Visit composters.com to learn more about easy compost solutions for any living situation.

• Find your local hazardous waste facilities for items that cannot be added to traditional garbage. Some of these items are used light bulbs, batteries, chemicals, electronics, tires and automotive fluids.

• Eliminate unnecessary paper use and junk mail by paying bills online and visit junkbusters. com or advo.com/consumersupport.html to stop unwanted mail.

• Buy recycled content products and products packaged in recycled containers.

• Bring your own grocery bag and don't accept shopping bags if you can carry what you bought.

• Repair instead of discard or better yet buy the better brand once instead of the more affordable brand three times. Share your goods with neighbors and nearby family members: tools, appliances and hardware.

• Eliminate juice boxes, disposable plastic or foil drink containers, Styrofoam products, plastic baggies, aluminum foil, paper napkins, plastic table ware, pre-wrapped chopsticks and individual serving sizes of things like yogurt, chips and nuts.

• Use reusable plastic or glass containers and real silverware for food service and storage.

Buy in bulk, then portion foods and beverages into reusable containers for on-the-go.

• Do not dispose of newspaper or animal waste wrapped in plastic as this will cause the waste to degenerate much slower. Use biodegradable pet waste baggies.

• And finally, mothers, please look into biodegradable diaper options. There are alternatives. Find one that works for you and embrace and celebrate the new!

Tancie Trail comes from NYC and now resides in Marina Del Rey, CA where she enjoys a peaceful life near her beloved ocean. She devotes her energy to the environment, serving as a “green filmmaker” to document the green movement in Southern California and around the country. BecominGreen.com

Earth • Light • Insight

THE GREEN BEAM theRAY.org b 19

A Man’s Perspective

The Conscious Male Interview with Dr. Stephen Johnson

Photogra

ph by Her

b Rubinst ein

by Chrysalis Hyon

T

hroughout the country in different supportive settings, men are participating in workshops to come to terms with what it means to be a man today, and in the process renew their commitment to themselves, their community and planetary stewardship. Psychotherapist Stephen Johnson, Ph.D. is the founder and director of the Men’s Center in Los Angeles, created in 1988 as “a vehicle for men to support each other and the women and children who love them.” He also 20 b 18th Edition | 2008

conducts workshops nationwide. To learn more about Dr. Stephen Johnson’s Sacred Path programs in Los Angeles, please go to www.menscenterlosangeles.com.

Chrysalis Hyon: Stephen, you offer an unusual service in today’s world: menonly retreats not associated with any particular religion, for and by men. Can you share how you began this program?

Why retreats for men only?

Dr. Stephen Johnson: Many men from my generation had close relationships

with our mothers, and distant or uneven relationships with our post-World War II fathers. As we hit midlife coming from that earlier paternal history, some of us confronted a lot of internal ambiguity and did not know exactly how to navigate those waters.

We were quite confused about what it meant to be consciously mature men. We were becoming more defined by what we believed that women wanted in a man, as in passive or “feminized.” Women in fact

wanted men who were conscious, who were in their hearts, who were spiritual and who were also self-confident.

However, the leadership for consciously evolving men at the time was neither well defined nor integrated.

CH: So you were sensing there was a need for men to somehow define themselves, independent of women?

SJ: I was doing a lot of spiritual work to help both men and women contact their souls and to listen to and trust the voice of their intuition. During this period, an inner voice spoke to me and said, “Bring good men together, and bring out the best in them. And furthermore, when you bring these men together for the purpose of healing their wounds, they will naturally want to give back.” As a result of that direction, I created programs for men, their sons, and youth at risk.

CH: When and where did the retreats begin?

SJ: The first Sacred Path retreat was held in 1987, up in Topanga Canyon. Forty-five men participated. That was how the work commenced. And that was before I had heard of Robert Bly! CH: Robert Bly’s Iron John seemed to make a momentary splash. Was there an intersection between your path and Bly’s work?

SJ: When I saw “A Gathering of Men”—the Bill Moyers interview with Robert Bly—I realized that Robert truly understood what men in midlife were going through.

He understood that men had to have a place separate from women, to just do their own work. That validated the mens’ work I was facilitating.

When Robert was writing his breakthrough book, Iron John, he came to California to co-lead a weeklong retreat of 125 male therapists with mythologist Michael Meade and Jungian analyst James Hillman. During that retreat, we got into some very deep and soulful work stimulated by mythology, fairytales, stories and poetry. We explored what it meant to be a “conscious man.” The men who were doing this mythopoetic work were talking of a mature masculine – a deeper contact with one’s soul. Somehow, this distinguished what we were doing from the work of the women’s movement, which was inadvertently giving “masculine” a pejorative connotation. The challenge for

us was: how do we reconcile the masculine/ feminine duality without creating further bifurcation and estrangement?

CH: Is there a kind of unique acknowledgement that only men can give to each other, to address this longing?

Years later, Robert elaborated upon this approach in co-ed conferences he held with Jungian analyst Marion Woodman.

In those retreats, men and women were first separated from each other to do their own work during the day. Later, they could listen to each other from a space of greater understanding and compassion.

SJ: Men have a need to be admired and to be recognized by other men— because men lack a blessing. When a father sends his son out into the world without a blessing, the son goes out as a prince, but without the capacity to be a king. The prince needs to be ordained. Where does the man find the blessing? I have met older men, men of accomplishment in the established industries of Hollywood, who sit with me and tell me they’re still a boy. When they admire someone, they want to be recognized by that person.

They want to be beholden in the eyes of the beloved. Whether it’s through sports, or the auto show, or even a strip club, it’s about sharing an experience. There’s something we have in common—that even though we’re different, we can look around at each other, and recognize that we’re bonded in brotherhood.

CH: So is it that men must relate to the conscious masculine, and women to the conscious feminine? Don’t we all (men and women) have to integrate both our masculine and feminine?

SJ: Ultimately, yes—through traversing a sacred path and embracing the spiritual practices of Mindfulness we naturally tend to integrate the masculine and the feminine.

That is what is really happening during the pursuit of personal transformation.

In our community, we say men become “elders” after 55. Men will experience their own male menopause changes. We help men understand more about what this means for them and to be better equipped to deal with their relationships as their wives age and undergo menopause. In our culture, everything’s disposable – you can turn around in the blink of an eye and get a new wife – ‘trade her in’ for a younger one. Many men are not prepared to be with women after they’ve had children and are entering their “crone” years.

What we’re constantly addressing is a pervasive sense of loss and longing, a profound longing we all carry inside.

Many times, it becomes distorted and men get themselves into trouble from this unrequited healthy longing, unacknowledged or expressed.

At the same time, there’s a lot of polarization amongst men in the world. How do we unite enough to make a difference?

That is the purpose of my work. Because civilization as we know it is at risk. So we’re reaching out to men, and helping them find their true destinies. To realize what it means to be a good man—to be the change they want to see in the world—to discover their personal significance and to live life fully and completely.

Chrysalis Hyon, M.A., is a freelance writer residing in Los Angeles. Chrysalis’ favorite topics include the spirituality of interconnectedness; well-being; and the integration of masculine and feminine energies. She has written on holistic health, feminine spirituality, Buddhism and yoga. You can email her at chyon@yahoo.com or visit ChrysalisHyon.com.

theRAY.org b 21

Woman’s Resource Directory

An Empowered Woman

Gather The Women

Special Spaces by Cindy

AnEmpoweredWoman.com

GatherTheWomen.org

310.828.1285

An Empowered Woman is a forum designed for women to empower each other by sharing their personal stories, challenges, and victories, utilizing platforms including web TV & radio, Telecalls, MasterMind Meetings, Second Sunday Series, Seminars, Blogs, Newsletters and MORE! Our newest addition is our Resource Center, where we are positioning ourselves to be the global resource center for women professionals and entrepreneurs. We have an empowered community that educates, motivates and inspires.

Gather the Women Global Matrix is a new kind of organic, self-organizing grassroots initiative to awaken the leadership potential of the women of the world. Gather the Women (GTW) is a gathering place for women and women’s organizations who share a belief that the time is now to activate the incredible power of women’s wisdom on a planetary scale. Gather the Women is a place where new models of feminine collaboration are being born. Over 6,000 women worldwide have experienced the core intention of Gather the Women, joyfully expressing the power of women’s wisdom.

Two great locations available for women’s gatherings, seminars and retreats! Beautiful Palisades home in a serene atmosphere with phenomenal views of mountains and ocean.

Easily accessible, very secure, tons of free parking and distant from the stresses of work and the city. A great alternative to hotels and meeting halls! Three office suites in Santa Monica over 200 sq. ft. each, beautifully furnished with great ocean and city views.

Ideal for small groups or professional meetings, available for on-going, part-time and hourly usage. Please contact Cynthia Stern at 310.828.1285 or csternlcsw@aol.com.

Hollywood NOW

Unity Bridges

NOW.org

UnityBridges.org

National Organization for Women Hollywood Chapter. NOW is the largest, most comprehensive feminist advocacy group in the United States. Our purpose is to take action to bring women into full participation in society to share equal rights, responsibilities and opportunities with men, while living free from discrimination. Founded in 1966 by a small but determined group of women’s rights advocates, NOW has more than 500,000 contributing members and hundreds of chapters across the U.S. Join us for Love Your Body Day on Sunday, October 12th. Loveyourbodyday.com

It is the mission of Unity Bridges to relieve individual, social and cultural suffering by creating experiences that inspire people to listen deeply to the different perspectives and realities of others. We are committed to bringing together people of various socio-economic, racial/ethnic and cultural backgrounds in order to recognize and reconcile our differences, honor our common ground, and empower ourselves to create change in our community. While we strive to impact entire communities, currently it is through communities of women that we accomplish our work.

22 b 18th Edition | 2008

The Women’s Resource Directory ads@theray.org • 323.251.0051

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We consider it an extraordinarily valuable tool to spotlight women focused resources in one convenient place. Our directory is a unique space created to feature women’s networks, gatherings, resources and products. Let’s make sure the 10,000+ people who read The RAY know who you are!

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F or e word by N ea le Do na l d W als c h Author, Conversations with God

THE

freedom formula How to Put Soul in Your Business and Money in Your Bank ďż˝

Christine Kloser