Simple Steps Real Change Magazine by Cheryl Maloney

Issue

#02

June 2013

Simple Steps Real Change Practical Advice for Real Life by a New Generation of Inspirational Leaders

this issue q The map 44 q simple quantum physics 19 q beyond tolerance 36 q removing struggle 68

Boni Lonnsburry - ”The Map” lorem ipsum dolor sit amet Consciously Creating Your Reality

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sed orci tellus vitae euismod Moving Beyond Heartbreak Parenting Magic lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur Living with Challenging Children The Sacred Heart Healing Cycle adipiscing elit. Nam libero neque, ultrices How to Start an Exercise Program We Are Ready placerat venenatis nec, blandit non turpis Even If You’ve Been on the Couch for Years phasellus quis scelerisque nunc. A Global Video Challenge science technology computers business photography design art fashion lifestyle www.contemporarymagazine.com

magazine

Simple Steps Real Change

contents

In Every Issue 4 welcome 5 in this issue 23 Book review Fearless Women

35 inspirational poster Katrina Mayer

43 Featured Inspirational Video We Are Ready - John Tayles

79 Reflections Cheryl Maloney

84 Contributor index Want Ask Receive

Making Changes 11 When Things Seem to Be At Their Worst Remember This Deb Scott

26 From Completion to Attraction

Josh Ubaldi

29 How to Move Through Any Challenge Cheryl Hunter

32 TheArtofWanting

Amanda Owen 43 We Are Ready Music Video Production - John Tayles 54 How to Break the

Habit

Your life was never meant to be a struggle

Regina Cates 68 Removing Struggle From Your Life Jon Satin, MBA & Chris Pattay, BBA 72 Moving Beyond

Heartbreak

Shann Vander Leek

80 Claim Your Independence Nancy Matthews

Health & Fitness 12 How to Start an Exercise Program

If You’ve Been on the Couch forYears - Dave Fresilli

Simple Steps Real Change No. 02 · June 2013 · Publisher & editor Cheryl L. Maloney graphic design Jack Maloney General Inquiries P.O. Box 954 Camas, WA. 98607 Phone 503 830-0587 EMAIL simplesteps@icloud.com website www.simplestepsrealchangemagazine.com

June 2013

Relationships 6 truth Sheila Burke

40 Step Away From the Runaway Train

Marilyn Hough, LMFT & Chuck Schmitt, LMFT

50 Parenting Magic Sandi Schwartz

Law of Attraction 18 Unlock the Power of Quantum Physics Greg Kuhn

44 The Map

Boni Lonnsburry

Beliefs 8 Stepping Up to Fear

Teri Williams 36 Growing Beyond

Tolerance Into Acceptance

Jordan Gray 57 Be Optimistic A Poem - Debbie Bongiovanni 58 The Unstoppable Erica Gilchrist Erika Gilchrist 64 Tipping the Scales Back in Your Favor Charlie Cain-Tolbirt

See beyond behavior into the inner world of a child

Spirit & Soul 22 The Inner Voice

D.J. Spivak-Fuller 24 Looking for Messages Robbie Adkins 30 Centered-Balanced- Whole Debbie Lynn 60 Breathing Through

the Heart

Cindy Hively 76 Seeking Refuge in

Meditation vs Addiction Carol Finlayson

We have always sought messages to guide us in our lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s decisions

copyright All material appearing in Simple Steps Real Change Magazine is copyright unless otherwise stated or it may rest with the provider of the supplied material. Simple Steps Real Change Magazine takes all care to ensure information is correct at time of publishing, but the publisher accepts no responsibility or liability for the accuracy of any information contained in the text or advertisements. Views expressed are not necessarily endorsed by the publisher or editor. Nothing within this publication dispenses medical advice or prescribes the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional or medical problems. It is at the sole discretion of the reader to seek the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the magazine is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Simple Steps Real change magazine

Welcome!

ave you ever experienced a challenge that was so great that you were scared and had no idea where to turn? Or perhaps do you find yourself existing but not knowing what you’re really doing... you’re on autopilot but there is no directional course set? Are you tired, frustrated and really just lost? If you answered yes to any one of these questions, or perhaps a slight variation of one, then this issue of Simple Steps Real Change Magazine is for you! Life comes with challenges and not a single one is meant to destroy us. Of course we may not know that when we’re in the heat of it all. Whether you know a challenge is coming or it hits you from ”out of the blue,” how you choose to see it is the difference between surviving it or thriving through it. And it all does come down to you. Circumstances, the other people in your life, your job, the economy, the weather or even horrendous

actions of others have very little to do with living a happy and fulfilled life. It instead comes down to your attitude. Are you willing to try something new in order to ”overcome” wherever you are in your life, right now? Every person who wrote an article for this issue has been through a challenge or two, and we’re all here to help you negotiate the challenges of your journey just a little bit easier and of course, simply! Turn the page and take a Simple Step forward for you... because you can! With love, Cheryl

Cheryl Maloney

Publisher & Editor Simple Steps Real Change Magazine

Simple steps Real Change June 2013

In This Issue

Welcome to the June 2013 issue of Simple Steps Real Change Magazine. This issue is all about dealing with life’s challenges. To help you, we’ve gathered a couple dozen of the finest people I know... all on a mission to take your hand and help you cross the line from where your stresses are dragging you down to a place where they will lift you up! This month our featured inspirational leader is Boni Lonnsburry. Boni’s teachings have helped thousands turn their lives around. Once on the verge of bankruptcy and losing everything and everyone she loved, Boni turned to a life of gratitude and intentions. Today she says she’s living life beyond her wildest dreams. Be prepared by her story to change your life too! So what’s your challenge? • Your marriage or relationship: Check out the article byMarilyn Hough & Chuck Schmitt, “Step Away From The Runaway Train” and discover how you can shut down an argument before it shuts off your lines of communication. • Your health and fitness: Our health and fitness expert Dave

•

Fresilli teaches you how to start up an exercise program when all the other ones you’ve tried have failed. Financial Concerns: Greg Kuhn helps us understand how we can change our fortune through using simple quantum physics to turn the tide. Rebellious children: Check out Sandi Schwartz’s article “Simple Steps to Living With Challenging Children.” Bad habits: Regular Regina Cates’ article, “How to Break a Habit” recounts her own efforts to kick addiction. Carol Finlayson helps you to understand the difference between “Finding Refuge in Meditation vs. Addiction.” Deb Scott shares how to deal with life when it doesn’t seem like it could get worse.

That’s just the beginning. Whether you’re exploring your soul, your next career or just being happy in your own skin, you’ll find something to guide you along the way. And as you take that step, enjoy the support and kindness that each author brings to your journey. It is after all... all about leading with love.

Simple Steps Real change magazine

TRUTH By: Sheila Burke

think truth is a great thing. It should be spoken more often. And by more often, I mean as the first option. Sure, sometimes the truth may sting a bit, but when you feel a deep cutting pain after hearing the truth, it is, more often than not, a result of all the lies you heard on your way to the truth being revealed.

So truth is not painful, it’s the loss of time spent believing things that simply were not true - that is painful. Possibly told to make you feel better,or spare you grief. Which is ironic considering in the end game, it is just the opposite - only at a much higher magnitude. Stories woven together that become a part of you, things you believe

with your heart because you trust someone to be honest with you. When we talk about trusting people, I think a lot of that comes down to truth; it’s hard to trust people who you know have not been honest with you in the past. We feel as if our time is precious, and we don’t feel comfortable with

June 2013 giving any more of it to that person, to tinker with our mind. Truth and trust go hand in hand. When one is lost, usually the other one follows closely behind. At this point we must make a decision: let the person go, or give them another chance. It is a very difficult choice because you feel your whole heart is at stake. You start thinking of the “what ifs” and thinking

”When we talk about trusting people, I think a lot of that comes down to truth.” about all the past pain all over again. In the end the only thing that can help you make your final decision is to ask yourself, “Do I really like this person?” It’s not a question of love but of like. You can love someone for a whole host of reasons, including infatuation, looks, and a false sense of security. You have to examine if you actually “like” them. You can love someone, but not really like the

person they are at their core. Sounds messed up but it is true. You also love people based on where you were at on your own personal journey when you met them, and where they were at along theirs. The comfort level that bonded you at first, and the rate in which you both grow, are not always in sync. Which is why you can continue to like someone, but no longer love them. Relationships built on a

foundation of truth will always last longer than those built upon lies. It’s no different than building a home. If your foundation is built cheaply and without the proper materials, the structure might stand for awhile, but eventually it’s going to come down. What you will be left with is a bunch of debris, a lot of wasted time, and having to start over again. The question is: do you start on the same ground, or do you move on and find a more stable area. When the structure is built on solid ground, truth and trust, it is far more likely to weather any storm. Even if it’s a bit shaky in the middle. Walls can be shored up and fixed, but when the foundation isn’t right from the start eventually it will give way.

Stepping up to

FEAR By: Teri Williams

”Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” - Bill Cosby

June 2013

ould facing your fears really be that easy? In most cases, I say YES loud and clear.

here to write about it.

people • Fear of sobriety – I don’t drink (maybe that should be facing my demons) There’s a lot more where that came from. You get the picture. Sometimes I take giant steps, and sometimes I take baby steps – I keep stepping into them and come out shining on the other side.

Hindsight is a great teacher. What I realized was that I had been facing There is nothing that keeps fears my whole life – MY us stuck more than fear. WHOLE LIFE! When you It can be paralyzing both think about it, I bet you physically and emotionally. have too. We all have a story around fear. Believe it or not there was a time that I was so afraid After that night, I made a to speak in front of a group list of all the ways I had that I had to hire people stepped up to fear in the to do it for me. I would past. Some were big literally make myself sick. fears, and some were little So when I read that quote Talk about NOT practicing fears. Here’s what part from Bill Cosby, I shook what you preach. of my list looked like, and my head up and down here’s what I did: with a resounding YES. When my father died, I wrote part of the eulogy • Fear of dogs after Almost everything we - for my sister to read at being bitten more than do begins with a choice. his funeral. I couldn’t do it, once – I have 2 dogs, Simple as it sounds, you even for him, the man that really big dogs can choose to step past constantly told me, “If you • Fear of being alone – I your fear and step into want to get anywhere in spend time alone – a lot your greatness. life, you have to stick your • Fear of change – I neck out”. (After all, he embrace it May I suggest you begin was a turtle.) • Fear of speaking – I host by imagining yourself as a radio show and give Gandalf the White Wizard When my son was a little motivational speeches – tell your fear “Thou shall boy (ok, he’ll always be before hundreds of not pass!” my little boy). Seriously, “If you want to get anywhere in life, you when he was 11, I took on the role of Pack Master for have to stick your neck out.” his school district. That meant I had to speak to over 100 parents on a regular basis. Nope! Not me. I coerced one of my friends to partner with me. I did the writing and she did the speaking! It was a great plan until she got sick. With trembling knees I stepped up to the podium and read my speech. Guess what – it was warmly welcomed. I didn’t die, no one laughed at me, well maybe a little, I didn’t trip and fall; I’m still 9

Simple Steps Real Change magazine

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The truth is, as long as you are living on planet earth in the skin suit, you are going to have to deal with some amount of pain, sorrow and sadness.â&#x20AC;?

nyone who tells you they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a bad day now and then, or some tough moments of struggle, or has all the answers, is a liar. Run away as fast as you can in the opposite direction. The truth is, as long as you are living on planet earth in the skin suit, you are going to have to deal with some amount of pain, sorrow and sadness. In situations such as these, it is important to remember this: there is always a big picture. How can remembering there is a bigger picture

in the immediate moment of unhappiness help to alleviate your pain? How can this one awareness transform the horrible into the tolerable, or even acceptable? How can this belief help you feel better when you are in the midst of feeling your worst? Consider your current difficulty is the catalyst for a change which elevates you in two years to begin the new business you have yearned to create for over a decade. Consider your current difficulty is the catalyst for change which elevates you to understand your true

vocation is to share your story with the world and write your book. Consider your current difficulty is the catalyst for change which elevates you to break free from fear and the demons of doubt holding you back from enjoying your own company regardless of outside opinions. Consider all the possibilities! My point is this: in the moment of your greatest pain, you will never feel the future joy of your authentic happiness. Just as darkness and light can never coexist in the same moment, the seeds of change will never be

June 2013

When things seem to be at their worst

By: Deb Scott

a visible harvest which has fully blossomed. One must end for the other to begin. It’s all a process. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. If you can, stop for a moment and consider that you don’t know what you don’t know... you don’t know if your perception of a bad thing in the present moment will transform into a beautiful success of magnificent joy in the future. You just don’t know! Here are a few Simple Steps to help you squeeze out the good in the midst

of the bad. • Write down what you have learned from this experience. Example: I have learned to not trust this person’s word – only their actions. • List the qualities you have appreciated in yourself in this experience. Example: I acted with honesty and integrity in this situation and I had the courage to communicate with this person with respect.

to yourself of a good change you will implement immediately because of this experience. Example: I will accept people as they are and not try to change them. I will keep the focus on myself. So remember, when you feel like all hope is lost, remember your feelings have nothing to do with the fact that you have truly gained your ultimate greatness.

• Make a promise

Simple Steps Real Change magazine

How to start an exercise program if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been on the couch for years By: David E. Fresilli

â&#x20AC;?Starting an exercise program begins right from where you presently are, even if that means you begin on the couch.â&#x20AC;?

simple steps real change magazine

he first step is to dream big.

Visualize how amazing you will feel with a healthy, fit and happy body! What does that look like for you? Cut out photographs, make a collage, create a dream board… the more the better. The point is to really start living the dream of total fitness in your mind. Then you can move that vision into your body through the actions that evolve from your imagination. You create your own dream, your why, and your purpose. Starting an exercise program begins right from where you presently are, even if that means you begin on the couch. You want to make your dream a reality in your mind in order to create health

and fitness in your life. This dream becomes your north star, your road map to your destination. Now you are ready to create your plan! Ask yourself what is the “who, what, where, when” of your plan. Who will you work with? A DVD program, a trainer at the gym, an instructortaught class, or maybe even working with a group of friends? I highly recommend working with a qualified, skilled coach/trainer. A truly qualified coach possesses all of the knowledge, motivation and resources you will need to achieve your goal to complete fitness. They are not usually the trainers staffed at your local gyms, and so it might take a bit of looking to

June 2013 find the right wellness coach for you. I recommend seeking out a CHEK Practitioner, in your area. This can be achieved by going online to www. chekinstitute.com, and looking under “find a Practitioner.” What type of exercise makes you feel good: Pilates, yoga, weights, boot camps, martial arts, Zumba, boxing? You get to pick. Where are you performing your fitness routine? Will you be working out at home, a gym, or a studio? When is the best time of day for your workout? Most importantly, you must remain focused on the big picture. Visualize how amazing you are going to feel with this newly created health and fitness. Of course, it is important that you consult your doctor before starting any exercise program. But don’t worry. This can actually be fun! A good doctor will

Prepare Your Plan WHo

Who will you work with? A DVD program, a trainer at the gym, an instructor-taught class, or maybe even working with a group of friends?

What

What type of exercise makes you feel good? Pilates, yoga, weights, boot camps, martial arts, Zumba, boxing, you get to pick.

When

When is the best time of day for your workout?

Where

Where are you performing your fitness routine? Will you be working out at home, a gym, or a studio?

simple steps real change magazine recommend a full exam that includes checking your weight, height (which you can then use to determine your BMI body mass index), blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol, and fasting glucose levels. Your doctor can then discuss with you the option of slowly weaning you off any possible medications for diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, ect.) It is always a good position to know where you are starting in your health program, so you can reassess how you are progressing along the way. Start your exercise program at a low level. Don’t overdo it in the beginning because the body needs time to adjust. Your joints need to stabilize, and your muscles need to adapt to new movement patterns. In this way you will progress in a manner that proves safer and faster. This will allow you to progress through your exercise regime in a way that doesn’t cause pain, which could result in injuries that slow your progress. It might also be helpful to have a support group of friends that are consistent and committed to making similar lifestyle changes. Even if you’re new in town, there is information to be found online that will direct you to a local group in your area. Here is an important tip: don’t do diets! Yes, they are everywhere. You cannot escape them on the television, radio or

even online. Yes, they will most probably allow you to take the weight off in the beginning, but once you begin to stray or stop these programs, the weight most certainly will return, with a few more bonus pounds added. The best way to eat is the most simple and effective way. Eat only real food that you prepare yourself. Ingest quality proteins, fruit, vegetables (grown mostly above ground), and quality fats from your proteins. Now this is general, and we have not discussed portion sizes, but you can go to my website and get all this information at www.holistichealthfitness.com Becoming aware of what works for you will help you the most in achieving a healthy lifestyle. This includes understanding what food, exercise and healthy routines you are most receptive to. The more aware you become, the easier it is to get results without stumbling around trying everything out there. In my first article, I spoke of the Six Fundamentals of Health: paradigms, breath, hydration, exercise, nutrition and

June 2013 sleep. Each one of these components is part and parcel to you creating the healthy, happy, vibrant body and life you desire. Create the plan that works for you. What times in the day work best for you to exercise? How much time do you have? Set a schedule and make a calendar so you can check the days off. Because of my schedule, exercise needs to be done first thing in the morning. If you have kids, this could also be the best time to exercise. Completing your workout before your family and the resulting demand on your time arise reduces conflict in the morning routine. For your schedule, exercising might mean taking forty minutes during your lunch break to take a class, or exercising after work before you go home. You decide what works best for you. It may be a combination of the three. When it comes to food, getting your shopping done all at once helps with time. When I go shopping, I purchase most of the foods I need all at once. I also take advantage of my local farmers market. This provides me the opportunity to buy all of my vegetables for the week, and sometimes even all of my meats. I usually purchase a whole chicken, a few pieces of red meat, and a big piece of salmon. As soon as I get home I cook the meats. I decide whether to bake or grill a dish, or sometimes I will slow-cook the meat in a crockpot. I also cut about a two-quart Tupperware bowl full of mixed vegetables that will last me about five meals. Once the meats are cooked, they go into the refrigerator in separate Tupperware containers. Each night I prepare the following day’s meals and snacks along with making that night’s dinner.

I have a nice insulated food pack that I carry with me to work. This way I always have my food with me. When it comes to water consumption throughout the day, it can be just like food. If you don’t have it with you, you won’t drink it. So go get yourself a liter bottle (or larger if you can find one), and make it a container that is fun for you. Choose one in your favorite color, or with a clever design. Do your best to drink water throughout the day. Most everyone should be drinking half their body weight in ounces every day. Achieving total health really is all in the planning. So give yourself permission to sit down and figure out your plan before you start. Having most of it in place will go a long way in accomplishing your goals, and a lot less stress will be involved. Go to www.holistichealth-fitness.com and start reading through the blogs. Check out all the websites and articles on the Library media page. You’ll find everything from water to breathing right there! I am always here to help and support you. I wish for all of you Vibrant Health!

simple steps real change magazine

Unlock the Power of quantum physics How Quantum Physics Unlocks the All-Powerful, Benevolent Genie Promised to You: Law of Attraction By: Greg Kuhn

have been both excited and humbled by the reception my Why Quantum Physicists… book series has received. I knew that the instructions provided to us by quantum physics were needed because of how thoroughly they allow you to unlock the full, raw power of the law of attraction. I didn’t anticipate, however, how voraciously people hungered for such instructions. Recently, I asked some of my readers for their most pressing questions about quantum physics and the law of attraction.

Aren’t Your Instructions for Using Quantum Physics Really Just the Same Thing as Giving Yourself Positive Affirmations? Not only is using quantum physics to unlock the raw power of the law of attraction very different from using positive affirmations, but the distinction is important to address. Positive affirmations can actually cause a deliberate creator harm because they do not acknowledge your true beliefs; positive affirmations are usually too positive and thus, your subconscious mind does not believe them. Because of this, positive affirmations will not enact the law of attraction for you because they end up being a veneer of positivity covering an ocean of negative belief. Allow me to illustrate these important distinctions with an example from my own life. Before studying quantum physics I was an ardent student of selfhelp and the law of attraction. In 1999 I decided to take action, using what I had learned, to finally achieve the financial abundance which had eluded me. To 18

that end, I created a real estate business. From my study of the law of attraction I knew to not only take inspired actions, but also to only think positively about my endeavor. With my family on board, I made it a discipline to speak about my business only in positive terms, think about it only in positive ways, journal about it daily from a positive perspective, and do positive daily meditations about it. My commitment to this discipline was incredibly intense, due to my strong desire. Four years later, despite my best efforts, I faced complete failure. I had almost one million dollars in outstanding debt I couldn’t repay, I had fourteen foreclosures looming, and I was surely going to be forced into bankruptcy. I was livid with the universe. These outcomes flew in the face of all my very genuine and constant positive thinking. And I felt very jaded toward the law of attraction since, despite a deep desire for financial abundance and continual positive thinking, I was knee-deep in ruin. Out of desperation, however, I began to study quantum physics for a solution to the mess I’d made of my life. A turning point in my studies occurred one morning when I discovered a royalty check (from some of my writing) in my mailbox. “Oh boy!”, I thought, “The universe is finally starting to respond to my need for more money!” I opened the envelope and discovered…a check for $101.23. I was so enraged, I almost tore it up. “Are you kidding me?,” I angrily yelled at the universe, “I’m one

Unlock the Power Have a Question for Greg? Click Here 19

simple steps real change magazinefashion million dollars in debt and this is what you send me?! This is a sick, cruel joke: stick this check where the sun don’t shine!” When I calmed down, though, I had a moment of clarity. Obviously, I wanted and needed money, yet my response to that check wasn’t untypical of my responses to lesser-than-desired amounts of money throughout my life. And if that was my response to receiving a small amount of money, how could I ever expect to attract larger amounts of it? And, further still, if that was my response to receiving money, what does that tell me about my real, true beliefs about money? Motivated by what I was learning from quantum physics, I knew that my real, true beliefs about money had to be negative (the proof was in the pudding - revealed by my responses to it). And I also knew that if my real, true beliefs were negative, they had to be changed if I ever wanted to manifest a different material reality. Because we don’t manifest what we “want”, we manifest what we believe. All the positive affirmations in the world hadn’t changed my real, true beliefs about money (and never could). With a determination to actually change what I believed about money (instead of giving myself positive affirmations about it), I began to tell myself the best-feeling, believable story possible about it in every circumstance. This practice blows positive affirmations out of the water because it has the power to actually change our beliefs. And once our beliefs change, the universe takes care of the rest for us and the law of attraction works just as we thought it would. For example, I decided to look for pennies on the ground and tell myself, “Thank you 20

Modern Homes

universe! Although this penny isn’t the amount of money I hope to eventually manifest, I celebrate it as a wonderful reminder that you are limitless, abundant, and creative. Thank you for this reminder that anything is possible for you. And thank you for this sign that I can easily attract money to me!” I told stories like that about anything related to money – even when encountering another person’s display of abundance, such as seeing a flashy BMW on the freeway or driving past a beautiful home. As my beliefs began to grow, so, too, did my material experiences with money. The initial small improvements inspired me to continue to tell (and actually believe) better and better-feeling stories. Like a snowball rolling downhill, my stories got better as my material reality got better. And over the course of time, because those ever-growing stories changed my beliefs about money, they also changed my material reality completely. After approximately one year, I had grown and improved my beliefs, slowly but surely, to the point that all my debt was gone, I never had a foreclosure, I had money in the bank, and the future couldn’t have looked, or felt, any brighter.

Exactly Why Does Telling BetterFeeling, Believable Stories Unleash the Law of Attraction Where Other Things (Like Positive Affirmations) Have Failed Me? What we glean through studying quantum physics gives us a very clear, rather simple, and easy to follow set of instructions for using the law of attraction. And, more importantly, for making it as powerful for us as we’ve always hoped. You see, subatomic particles, the infinitesimally small “Legos” which construct all matter, are not actually “particles” at all. They are merely possibilities. They are mere possibilities, that is, until they are observed. Once observed, they abandon their state of mere possibility and take a definitive, concrete form (which we call forming a “time-space event”). The act of observing causes what’s

June 2013 called a collapsing of the quantum possibility wave; the quantum field becomes a material object when we place our awareness upon it through our observation. Remember the old metaphysical question: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound? It turns out that if no one is there, there is no forest! But the real goldmine quantum physics presents to someone who wishes to unlock the amazing promises of the law of attraction is revealed through a more precise explanation of how the quantum possibility wave is collapsed. It is, in fact, not merely your observations which command subatomic particles to manifest into material objects, but, more specifically, your expectations for them (which you convey via your observations). In this manner, quantum physics tells us very clearly how we have been creating our reality. And, also in this manner, quantum physics provides us with the tools we need to become true law of attraction masters - wielding even more influence over our material experiences than we may have thought possible.

If Quantum Physics Tells Us How to Use the Law of Attraction, How Can I Use It to Fulfill My Desires?

You already understand that you command subatomic particles to form your material reality through your expectations. Neural research allows you to make this knowledge more dynamic, however, once you also learn that your expectations arise naturally from your beliefs. In other words, your beliefs are the wellspring for all your expectations. This is why we manifest, not what we “want”, but what we truly believe. Neural research further aids your use of quantum physics when you understand that a belief is nothing more than a practiced thought. A practiced thought forms a neural net in your brain, and because that neural net has been used so much, it becomes a dominant pathway – what you and I call a “belief”. In this manner, we know that a belief is

not independently true; a belief is true for you, simply because it is a practiced and repeated thought. Knowing that beliefs are nothing more than practiced and habitual thoughts provides you with the freedom to change them if you wish. Since your expectations command the quantum field to form your material reality and your expectations are formed from your beliefs, you can see just how effective (and imperative) it is to change your beliefs if you wish to improve any aspect of your material reality. You change your beliefs simply by learning to tell the best feeling, believable stories about all your life experiences. From this practice, you form new neural pathways which become your new beliefs. And because these new beliefs are ones of your choosing, which serve rather than inhibit you, they align your material experiences with your desires. This is exactly how quantum physics unlocks the awesome promise of the law of attraction. When you change your beliefs, your expectations change in lockstep, and the universe (or the quantum field) responds automatically. This is happening for every human being, whether she knows about the law of attraction or not. It’s quite incredible, however, to witness a law of attraction student begin to discover the colossal effectiveness of using quantum physics. Once you begin to live this way, the universe slowly becomes the allpowerful and benevolent genie that the law of attraction promises.

The Inner

voice BY: D.J. Spivak-Fuller

ne of today’s challenges is listening to the inner voice that guides our heart growth instead of our head growth. What do I mean by that? Heart growth is where our hearts provide us with a perspective of an emotional event and an action that we can pull from an experience that was or is necessary. Head growth is about the ego. Filling our mind full with distractions from the experience that leads us into questioning our self-worth. The many should of... could of... would of... moments. Learning to relax in decision-making is very helpful in hearing your inner voice. It’s important to take a pause in between the past experiences (the tapes) locked into our By: DJ Spivak-Fuller thoughts, our minds and feel the emotion attached to the choice at hand. When you find the emotion, ask yourself where am I coming from in this? Giving your inner voice permission to speak up. Once you have the inner dialogue started you are a witness observing three points of view • The Heart (feeling... i.e. future projection) • The Head (past experience) • The Inner Voice (the path, i.e. now) Each gives you clarity in your truth. The inner voice does not carry with it a trigger or charge. It is simply the courage to take your chances with a willing heart and open mind. This is a relationship that develops over your life. Be ready to let go of the self judgment and cut yourself some slack. After you have taken the first steps to touching the inner voice thru decision-making, you can start taking those same steps in connecting to it for other things. Like any life long relationship the conversations must come from the perception of truth. And be real with yourself in order to establish a foundation of trust. My inner voice taught me to try and to give it, what ever my best is, in that moment and to let go of comparing my best at any other point in time. The truth is always perception... until it is your belief... Your inner voice will lead you with a confidence to at least try it and to love the mistakes as much as the winning moments. Every time you tap into yourself you are one step closer to finding the greatest adventure of your life. 22

Book Review F earless W omen V isions of a new W orld BY: Mary Ann Helpin

have always found myself inspired by anyone who has come through a significant life challenge holding their head high. You know the one... the person who takes their tragedy and finds a way to make the world a better place. ”Fearless Women - Visions of a New World” is a collection of the portraits and stories of fifty such fearless women who are answering the question, ”What can each one of us do to make this world a better place?” Here are a few of the stories that touched me deeply:

ten other family members tried to keep normalcy for her family while facing her own cancer diagnosis and the end of a 30-year marriage. She encourages us to see through the sorrow and see the glory of life enduring. This beautifully photographed and riveting collection of life stories exists to inspire you. Be prepared to hear the message you need to become your fearless self! Review By: Cheryl Maloney

Cherie B. Mathews, a breast cancer survivor, encourages us to ”be fearless when it comes to our health.” She is the creator of the ”Heal in Comfort” shirt that helps support the physical journey of healing and the spiritual need for comfort and dignity. Karen Mertes’, Lt. Col. (Retired), USAF life changed when a drunk driver traveling at a high speed struck her vehicle. Her career and her life as she knew them were over. Her courage led her to create ”Fulfill Your Destiny,” a non-profit that help others become independent and successful whose life path have been changed by unforeseen circumstances, Kimberly Ness who lost her sister and 23

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Looking for Messages By: Robbie Adkins

ooking back into the misty beginnings of humanity, we have always sought messages to guide us in our life’s decisions. And since that beginning, men and women have believed that those messages came from outside ourselves, from some form of God. Often people played the role of interpreters of those messages. The fortunetellers, the Shamans, the edicine Men, the Tarot readers and the Priests have all played that roll for us, some better than others. I believe that currently there is a shift in consciousness that is teaching us that WE are the seekers of “magical” messages and we are the best interpreters of our own messages. How do we attract our messages? The answer is simple and yet complicated at the same time. Many of us believe that the more in touch we are with our soul, our soul purpose, our higher self, the more of those special messages we can and will receive. That is the simple part. The more complicated part is how to make and keep that contact between our

soul and our conscious mind. Learning to do that is what our generation is about. Each of us learning to accomplish that is what is pushing consciousness higher for all mankind. The world may seem more chaotic than ever right now, but once this shift is more accepted, things will settle down. Imagine a world free of war! What we have come to understand is that our subconscious mind listens without judgment or interpretation to what our conscious mind says. Even just our thoughts have more power than we previously believed. For instance, if you keep saying, “I am so fat!” your body or subconscious mind will do all it can to hold on to every extra fat cell it can find. So if you want to have more frequent and quality connections with your higher self or soul, you just need to ask for it. You will be guided to the best method for you. It may be meditation, yoga, or walks in nature. If you ask that every day, you will be guided to the right person, the right book, the right webinar

June 2013 to help you make and keep that line of communication open. There may be many things you can do so never stop making that statement of intent. “Let me be guided to the best technique to connect with my higher self, my soul.” Most likely, you have already started or accomplished that line of communication since you are reading this article! The next step is to start looking for messages. How do those messages come to you, who directs them; you do. What happens is that you send out a certain unconscious “vibration” and “the Universe” sends matches to that vibration. Like magnets to your thoughts. I think of the Universe as a giant living entity that we are part of. Animals, birds and butterflies can respond to your vibration without their conscious awareness. In fact, that is the world they live in. Modern mankind just forgot about that world, and we are just now remembering it. Native cultures never forgot. That is why it feels so good to be with nature…it is a GREAT vibrational match to our bodies. It is that same energy that helps you draw just the right card out of a deck of message cards. There is an energy inherent in each card, and your fingers, when tuned in, will “feel” the card that has the most appropriate message for you. I have had many messages from animals that appear around me. Most recently, we have been visited by a giant blue heron. It came to eat the fish in my small

fish pond, and it keeps coming back. We have lived here for 10 years and had that fish pond for 6 years. Why is the heron just showing up now? I believe it is telling me that I am on the right path. My career has just taken a new direction and to me this bird is showing up to support that new direction. Another example is that after last winter’s long period of freezing at night, a vine in my yard was covered with dead leaves so I had to trim it way back. That vine is home to a kind of butterfly that lives there year round. They look like small Monarch butterflies. I didn’t see any caterpillars when I did the trimming so I was worried that they wouldn’t come back in the spring since I didn’t think they migrated like Monarchs do. Within an hour of my wondering, there was a butterfly right next to me. I hadn’t seen one for weeks before or after that, so I believe it showed up to ease my mind about the welfare of it’s clan. The benefit to you for listening to these messages is to make the best decisions for yourself. The road to a better life doesn’t have to be hard; it can and will be easier if you learn to develop this source of guidance that is yours and yours alone. I love to discuss things with my friends, but I understand that I truly am my own best source of guidance. I have made mistakes along the way to be sure, but I always try to learn from them. I hope you find this information helpful and that it takes away some of the fear and mystery we sometimes feel when we get those magical messages!

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From Completion To Attraction By: Josh Ubaldi

”Completion is one of the fastest ways to make space for new and better things to enter your life.”

f you’re like many Americans, your annual spring cleaning has been completed, and you now have improved space and time for the light, airy luxuries of summertime. But what if you took it one step further and gave your entire life a good healthy spring cleaning? I’m talking about the exercise of Completion. Completion is one of the fastest ways to make space for new and better things to enter your life, and certainly to attract some richer wholeness. Have you wondered why it’s so hard to start new things, lose those last pounds, get better work, make more money, enjoy more leisure time? I’ll practically guarantee that you are juggling so many

incomplete things in your life that there is no room for anything better to come into the picture. You probably have a good understanding already of Closure, commonly described as the resolution of a relationship or its issues in a person’s life, not to mention the contentment that comes with it. Completion is much like closure, but it’s all about the outstanding or unfinished stuff in relationship with yourself. And I say stuff because it encompasses all manner of things that you may have left incomplete: experiences, tasks, lists, projects, conversations, plans, goals, and so on. The amount of incomplete stuff with which we live clutters up our lives to no end. And what happens then? New stuff has a much harder time to enter the picture. Without going into any highfalutin or

complex science, suffice it to say that physicists have proven that the entire universe and everything in it create a vacuum. Everything forms a unified whole. So following this, new things can only come or happen when old things fall away or disappear. Something must go for the vacuum to allow space for new things. This forms one of the bases of attraction. Much of my coaching practice is based around attraction. A lot of my clients are creative types by nature, people for whom ideas, thoughts and the creative process hold a lot of importance. When I start working with them, the first thing we do is make a list of all of the incomplete items that are hanging over their heads. And invariably after a week or two, it never fails that finishing a few of these items is followed very soon after by a surge of creativity and productivity.

The same consistently holds true for all of my clients, and often comes in the softer signs of extra time, greater peace of mind, less worry, less stress, even more money. One client started completing lots of loose ends after moving across the country, and landed a job she never had any realistic expectation of getting after interviewing months before. Some like to talk about coincidence, but what was the visible and quantifiable change throughout it all? She made a whole lot of room in her life, and something came to fill the void. And she moved right back across the country for her job of choice. Completion works on a lot of levels of attraction too. First there is the visible level of literally getting rid of things and making actual space in your environment. Next there is the time that is created by completing projects that consume your planning, that keep you anchored in the 27

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a new, more satisfying career, job or workplace; the list goes on to encompass your wildest imaginings. Once you have a clearer idea of how much richer you want your life to be, then you can make a master list of Completion.

planning stages without the bigger actions that move your goals, hopes or dreams forward. The most valuable levels that Completion works on, though, are the non-visible ones, the levels of your spirit. For example, my parents have been discussing cleaning out their basement practically since they moved into their new home, roughly six years ago. They have spent so many hours discussing, arguing over, wondering about, and worried about all of the ‘stuff’ in their basement, all of that time could have been put to richer use, doing the things they love to do. Wasting their conscious time on this incomplete project diverts their positive energy into this soul-sucking topic. Our conscious energy, our life energy that propels us forward, that keeps us excited about our activities and relationships, is the level that Completion works most richly on. The tried and true way to embrace Completion is to be methodical, and have some fun with it at the same time. First, remind yourself why Completion will serve you. Make a list of all of the new things that you want in your life: more quality time with your family, spouse, kids; money for better vacations; new appliances, gadgets, even toys for your home and leisure time; time to volunteer, meet new people, make new friends, engage in a worthy cause; 28

Sit yourself down in a quiet place, and write down 20 things in your life that are incomplete. I bet that it will be faster than you think when you really consider all of the things you’ve been talking about and wanting to do something about, but haven’t yet taken the time. Once you have 20, make yourself giddy and write another 20 incompletions down. It might feel like a stretch, but I bet you can get there, even if they are very minor things. Maybe they’ll even get bigger and bigger, like ‘start my new consulting business’ or ‘amass a six month emergency fund,’ things that might seem really challenging, but that you’ve been thinking about. Get onto the page absolutely everything that you’ve been thinking about but is not yet complete. Now get to work. And for heaven’s sake, make it fun. Put on your favorite music, invite over an interested good friend or two, and clean those closets and attics and garages, get the repairs taken care of, finish planting your vegetable garden, pay back your friends, write the end to that short story, finish those recipes for that cookbook you’ve been talking about. Take action! Then see and feel the results. Celebrate what you’ve achieved. Wonder what you might start once you’ve completed all of that old stuff. Start attracting all of the items on your new list. Completion is a massive step in attracting the life that you imagine and deserve.

June 2013

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How to move through any

CHALLENGE Cheryl Hunter A Video by

Cheryl Hunter

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Centered Balanced Whole 7 ways to locate happiness and stay there By: Debbie Lynn

bove and beyond it all, is the gratitude you hold for your life and the willingness to have happiness be a lifestyle. Your practice must be true to You and You must want to live in it without exception. A simple commitment starts here..

centered Be accountable The higher road is paved in accountability. Understand that all choices are your own (conscious or not). You had them, you made them, and you are here Now because of them. Period. No blame. This advancement of thought is freedom, truly one of the most beautiful gifts you can give to yourself.

what? In judgment, we lose sight of the real truth (which is between you and yourself and is personal). So here is the thing: When you live in kindness, there is not one thing to be worried about. Love has your back. Worry only depletes your energy, blocks all happiness and is in a future that hasn’t happened – why create it? Worry no more – release it. Center up. Have peace.

So thank your choices, all of them – good/bad and indifferent. Know you opted for betterment and fulfillment of your Soul’s purpose, which is simply to be content.

Notice your thoughts

Your business is just that – stop worrying

When you start this process you will be amazed how many harmful, untrue thoughts about yourself (and others) you have. This awareness is key. The more you begin to notice unhealthy thoughts and words, the better you will become at interception and in changing them. Then your practice (thoughts/ word and deed) will take on positivity and peace.

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” - Lao Tzu Learning to do as the heart tells us without worry is tough. We worry about what others will think and say, but for 30

Challenge every negative thought that comes in, look at it and give it a new view.

June 2013S

Balanced Forgive without strings attached

Refuse the drama and complaints

The key to forgiveness is surrender, and there is no “but” to forgiveness – no strings, no guilt, and no exceptions. We cannot change the past; however, we can certainly learn from it, thank it, and move on.

Getting tangled up in constant drama and complaining takes such a toll on the Soul. You do not have to participate. Leave the dramatics for the stage. The less drama you are involved in, the more pleasant the world becomes and the more you flow.

Forgiveness is a one-way street from the Heart to the infinite; releasing what holds you hostage and celebrating freedom within. It is another choice you have to make and well worth the investment in your inner peace.

This might require letting go of some people in your life, but that is just a conscious part of rising out of the old and making room for the new. Your happiness depends on it, especially if others dwell in chaos and you don’t.

Whole Give when no one is looking Giving is one of the highest forms of sincere happiness and totality when done without expectation or obligation. The sooner this is understood, the sooner the truth of giving is known. No need for acknowledgment, adoration, or praise. It is the beautiful pay it forward without question, and it is such an amazing healing energy. Give in silence. Give with your eyes, your heart or your thoughts… it just feels right and does the body good. The little things It is as simple as a smile and as easy as the breath to embrace your life with gratitude. Say Thank You often and mean it. Those two small words have huge implications and the power to change someone’s

whole day. Appreciation takes the edge off of the mundane and gives light to even the darkest corners. “Count your blessings” This is not just an expression, it is the true road to fulfillment. • It doesn’t take much to turn your life around; I promise. Your happiness is within reach, found inside, and it is never too late to change. • When you understand that all you have is enough to sustain you, everything else is trivial. When you wake up and know that you are protected, loved and never alone, peace will hold you tight. When simplicity is the norm, your serenity is hard to deny. You can have it all when you decide you want it all by just being thankful and knowing you are centered, balanced, whole and complete.

simple steps real change magazine

The Artof Wanting D

By: Amanda Owen

o you know more about what you don’t want than what you do want? Days, weeks, months, and years can spin by all the while you are thinking: I don’t want to live in this house! I don’t want this relationship! Get me out of this job!

I believe this occurs because we don’t have enough practice wanting. Huh? In a world that seems filled up with way too many greedy, selfish, entitled people, you may think that the idea that anyone would benefit by learning how to want is ridiculous. But hear me out.

You may even complain on a regular basis about the things in your life that are causing you to be unhappy and feel unfulfilled.

• Do you invest more energy in helping other people reach their goals rather than focusing on your own? • Do you talk more about your partner, children, or grandchildren than

June 2013S

”When you are focused mostly on others, it is easy to see why, over time, you will not know what you want.”

yourself? Can you easily list other people’s goals but not your own? Is there anything wrong with helping others? No! This world would be a better place if people thought less about themselves and more about others. But if you do all of the giving while other people do all of the receiving, you will end up exhausted and resentful and clueless about what you want. I call this the Doer-Taker duo. Want Ask Receive When you are focused mostly on others, it is easy to see why, over time, you will not know what you want—even though wanting something for yourself is as natural as wanting something for someone else. The story about Cinderella provides a wonderful lesson in receiving. What did Cinderella want? To go to a dance. Plus, she wanted a great dress. After years of sweeping up after her wicked stepmother and stepsisters, she finally asked for what she wanted and got more help than she could ever have dreamed of receiving. It took her awhile to get there, to see beyond her situation, to envision a life that wasn’t dedicated to catering to her stepmother and stepsisters. But get there, she did.

ask to be rescued from her conditions and she didn’t ask her stepmother and stepsisters to agree with her. She didn’t try to raise her self-esteem. She just asked for what she wanted. I love the miracle that manifested from her wish to go to the ball—a fairy godmother who shows up to help her. Here are some of the reasons you may not be asking for what you want. • You are afraid of appearing selfish or greedy. • You are afraid the answer will be “no.” • You feel uncomfortable asking for something for yourself. • You don’t think your desires are important. • You don’t want others to know what you want. • You are too focused on helping other people get what they want. • You are afraid that asking for what you want will create conflict with people who are important to you.

What I love about this story of wanting, asking, and receiving is that she didn’t

simple steps real change magazine Asking for anything invites the risk of rejection. Getting everything you ask for can’t be your objective. No healthy relationship is about getting everything you want. If it is, you’ll never ask for anything unless you can predict the outcome. The point of asking is to become comfortable with not only stating your needs, but also with the fact that you do have needs. All of the fairy godmothers, people, and

angels in the universe cannot help us if we don’t want, ask, and then open up to receive their messages and assistance. Cinderella’s wish to go to the ball resulted in not only making her life better, but also the lives of everyone she knew - and many she didn’t know. All benefitted from her decision to want, ask, and receive. The same will be true for you. Start today by making a list of your top five goals.

“All of the fairy-godmothers, people, and angels in the universe cannot help us if we don’t want, ask, and then open up to receive their messages and assistance.”

June 2013S

simple steps real change magazine

GROWING BEYOND TOLERANCE

INTO ACCEPTANCE By: Jordan Gray

June 2013

know I am not seeing things as they are; I’m seeing things as I am. –Laurel Lee. This insight resonates as deep wisdom to me. These words affirm a point of view that I believe is true, yet grasping the idea of the quote I cannot call it ‘the truth.’ The concept clearly reveals that our beliefs are not facts, and it is our personal and collective beliefs that shape and color our entire reality. During the journey of a lifetime, it’s common to seek answers and to want to know the truth. Many people question our experience of reality. They want to know why we’re here. We often call that a quest for meaning—a search for the truth. On our search for truth, most of us discover and identify our personal beliefs about life, about creation, about humanity, about god, and so on. We often find others who share our beliefs. Sometimes we adopt a rigid position that our personal beliefs are the truth. Then, applying our beliefs we begin to judge, assess, and evaluate all that we experience, observe, and hear. This process is perfectly natural and there is no guilt or shame in it. The process of seeing things as I am allows me to create my entire perception of reality. (This is what I believe. Do you hear me laughing?) Accepting the difference between facts and beliefs helps me be open to the “truths” of others. I hold a complete canon of beliefs that create my values and govern my behavior. I am more comfortable with diversity when I accept that everyone is free to live life according to his or her own beliefs— just as I do. The more I practice letting go of my urge to defend my beliefs as if they are facts, the easier it is to welcome disagreement and a wide diversity of

concepts. Allowing others the same freedom I desire helps me listen more openly to the beliefs held by others. This openness creates space for my personal “truths” to grow. Furthermore, this openness eliminates stress around wanting others to confirm my beliefs— proving I’m right. Even more importantly, when I distinguish between beliefs and facts, I more easily let go of wanting others to conform to my personal beliefs. This works because I have come to accept that my beliefs are not facts. I release notions and feelings telling me that my beliefs equal “the truth”. (As I wrote that, another chuckle occurred.) For example, I have an unshakable belief that life is everlasting. I know people who believe just as strongly that life is finite. I tell these friends that when they

simple steps real change magazine die, come find me and we’ll have a laugh. Then, I admit that if they’re right—I’ll never know, and I laugh now. Neither belief can be proven as fact, so I enjoy living with a belief in eternal life. And, I easily accept people who believe life is finite. I don’t need to fret about the beliefs of others, and I certainly don’t need to convince others that my beliefs are right. With practice, recognizing the obvious difference between facts and personal beliefs transforms beyond knowledge into integrated heartfelt behavior. This practice allows me to grow beyond tolerating others into a graceful acceptance of vast diversity. This transformation is a challenge worthy of my creativity. The peace of mind acceptance brings is a valuable incentive. Well, that is what I believe. Do you still hear me laughing? Like others, I enjoy talking to people who share my beliefs. It is joyful to encounter others who agree with me. It’s fun for me to share my opinions and beliefs about life, creation, human nature, spirituality, and so much more. I confess that sometimes I still follow the urge to defend my beliefs as if they are facts. I don’t claim perfection nor do I seek it. When I practice catching myself defending a personal belief as if it is “the truth”—I laugh. I pay close attention to ideas and issues that trigger my defensive behavior regarding my beliefs. I acknowledge that these concepts represent my most cherished beliefs. These are the beliefs that form my values. My judgment defines who I am. There is no guilt or shame in judging what is right or wrong, good or bad for 38

me. When I act as if I can judge what is right or wrong, good or bad for others, I have forgotten that I am just seeing things as I am. I easily sidestep any coaching to bash my ego for acting up. Intention to Promote Acceptance: I easily recognize the difference between facts and beliefs. I remind myself that my beliefs form personal truths, not universal truths. I invite others to enjoy sharing their point of view, and I welcome diversity around beliefs. I do my best to refrain from the tendency to defend my beliefs as if I know a universal truth. Naturally, I accept that my beliefs sound like the truth to me. I joyfully practice letting go of the notion that others must conform to or confirm my beliefs. With eyes wide open, I’m able to love myself just as I am, and I love you with equal acceptance. I select the beliefs that shape and color my entire reality, and so do you. I am free to be me. You are free to be you. It’s okay if our beliefs differ. I am not afraid of your beliefs, and I let go of any urge to prove that I’m right.

June 2013

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Step Away From the Runaway Train

How to Maintain a Loving Relationship

By: Marilyn Hough, LMFT & Chuck Schmitt, LMFT

ou’ve just returned home after a lovely day with your partner...walking on the beach, lively conversation, a delicious meal. Still laughing and being playful with one another, something triggers one of you and a disagreement begins. How could this be happening? It’s going to ruin the entire day! Can I stop the progression into the dark abyss before it gets out of control? Absolutely.

When did this happen... how did we let negative interactions and disappointments have the power to turn into big overshadowing events? Somehow we have learned to be more comfortable focusing on what isn’t working in our life... and what could go wrong... rather than expecting life to remain positive and wonderful. We can’t tell you the countless times things are going well for a client and they say: I’m

just waiting for the other shoe to drop! Really? Well, if that’s what you are looking for and expecting, that is exactly what you are going to get! There are a couple key ideas that need to be established in order to change this downward spiral. First, people have an internal frame of reference or set point, like a thermostat. If you

June 2013 “Instead of accepting an unfavorable turn in your day, expect your joyous day to continue.” think about describing someone you know, you might say: she’s a happy person, usually optimistic, always smiling. Or, he’s normally critical and angry, always pointing out what’s wrong in the world. We all have an emotional set point from which we normally operate. You can be happy and operate from a place of harmony and joy. You can be sad or angry and live your life from that place. Each of our emotions carries with it a momentum and we tend to attract to ourselves situations that match that momentum. If you tend to be negative and see what is wrong with the world, you will experience life from that filter. If you are positive and see the good in life, your experience will be from that frame of reference. Two people can view the same situation and experience it totally differently, depending on their set point or perspective. And each perspective will lead to a different outcome. Bottom line: decide where you want to operate from and become more aware of when that momentum changes. Only then will you be able to do something about it before you spiral out of control.

to know that there is a fundamental decision that needs to be made when an argument occurs with a partner. That is the choice between being right or being loving. For the sake of simplicity, this means that you can either stand your ground and insist that your position is the only correct opinion and your partner needs to agree with you... OR... you can decide that being happy in your relationship is more important than the argument, and agree to disagree. In time you will hopefully learn to listen to one another’s perspectives and be able to discuss them calmly. It is crucial, however, that you understand that the choice is always there and it is yours to make. How does this fit into the discussion of disagreements and how to shift them before we

enter the dark abyss? It boils down to your awareness of what you want and what you are willing to do to get it. You can start by becoming aware of the tendency to accept a downward shift in momentum as normal and change it. Change it immediately. Instead of accepting an unfavorable turn in your day, expect your joyous day to continue. When something happens that triggers a disagreement, look at that disagreement as a snapshot in time, not like the beginning of the end. Instead of a “this is going to ruin the entire day” attitude, how about approaching the disagreement with curiosity: “that’s an interesting perspective. I’m not sure I understand how you came to that conclusion. Tell me more.” Or, “I’d rather milk this fabulous day for all it is worth. Can we table this discussion until tomorrow?”

Second, it is important

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that runaway train, we want you to take a deep breath and ask yourself the following questions:

We realize that not all upsets can be handled this easily. Let’s say the situation went from loving to ugly instantly. It happens. When it does, you need to remember Einstein’s famous words: No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. What does that mean exactly? It means that when you are in a heated exchange, it is not the best time to try and solve the issue. Instead, we suggest that you and your partner adopt the following agreement: I love you enough; I love me enough; I love our relationship enough not to continue down this negative path. Let’s agree to take a 30 minute time out, cool down, get back to the place of loving one another again, and then continue the discussion. Physiologically, this will give your body time to calm down and it will give you time to refocus your energy on what you want (a loving relationship) not the lack of it. This might be a radical or unfamiliar way to deal with conflict, but it is one that yields very positive results. There are a few other pieces to this Cool Down Exercise that will assist you. When people are upset, it is normal to begin thinking the worst... my partner is a jerk. This is never going to work. Why do I stay in this relationship? Instead of jumping on

• What was my partner trying to tell me? • What was my part in escalating this disagreement? • What brings me joy? Start thinking thoughts that make you happy...a sunny day, playing with your pet, your last vacation...then switch to loving thoughts about your partner. If you each take 30 minutes to ask yourself these questions, you will be in a place to end the disagreement when you come back together. The momentum will be shifted away from anger and disappointment and back to the place of love and companionship. If you are still upset after 30 minutes, it is important that you still come back together. Simply let your partner know that you need an additional 30 minutes to cool down. It is helpful to tell him at this point that you love him, you would simply like more time to work through your feelings. Then re-ask yourself the three questions above. This exercise can keep a minor disagreement from turning into an ugly situation. The steps are simple, but not necessarily easy. This practice takes consistent effort. One thing is for sure: the momentum will build in whichever direction you choose to focus. If you focus on what is not working in your relationship, you will get more of that. If you focus on what is working in your relationship you will create more of that. Begin with baby steps, be patient with yourself while you are learning, and watch for the shift to happen.

June 2013S

By: John Tayles

The challenge aims to bring together people from around the world to create: â&#x20AC;˘ A Global Challenge to ignite singers, songwriters, and musicians everywhere to sing about a better world together with this song. â&#x20AC;˘ A Global Conversation to magnify the number of people talking about what they are ready to see in the world in order to inspire.

Click HERE to watch the Video 43

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Create your own reality The one you want

June 2013

Q&A Boni Lonnsburry, Master Creationist, shows you how with ”The Map To Our Responsive Universe - Where Dreams Really Do Come True.” When I first talked with Boni in 2011, she was asking me if I had set my intentions for Simple Steps Real Change. I’m sure I fumbled through that answer which was ”not really.” Over these last two years I’ve come to know Boni better, studied her teachings, read her book and interviewed her for 5 radio shows. What I know about Boni is that she is a living example of how we create our own reality. By accepting who we are, intending what we want our lives to be and flowing the energy in that positive direction, we can live a life we love. Boni continues to inspire me, and I know she will too in this candid interview.

Someone looking at your life right now would see a fairytale filled with success, happiness and romance but that’s a far distance from where you started. What was your life like when you reached your lowest low?

My life has become a “dream come true” in every regard. I can honestly say I adore my life 99.99% of the time. But it wasn’t always this way. I very consciously created this life. When I was at my lowest point, I had just made it through a difficult year emotionally. My father died. I had just divorced my husband of 16 years. My two sons moved in with their father, and he immediately moved them out of state. My home was in the midst of foreclosure proceedings. I was investigating bankruptcy. I had no income, no job, and I feared I’d soon have no

home. Everything seemed to have fallen apart, and I had no clue how to put it all back together again. I felt like a failure, and I had little hope for a light-filled future. That was my lowest of lows.

You’ve said you knew for years that you create your own reality yet your reality, wasn’t ideal. What were you doing that kept you down?

I knew the concept that “we create our own reality”, but I wasn’t doing what it took to create what I wanted. I talked the talk, but I didn’t walk the walk. My negative self (aka ego) was running the show. I was feeling “better than” others for “knowing the theory,” but I wasn’t getting real about taking responsibility for my reality. And my reality wasn’t changing.

simple steps real change magazine When I stopped caring what other people thought, and just cared about how I felt, my world began to shift.

Q A

With all you were going through, when did you realize you had to take a new approach to your life?

Q&A

One day I realized I had spent my entire day, morning, noon and night…afraid. I was afraid of the future. I was afraid they would repossess my car, my house, my clothing! I was afraid I would end up homeless—on the street, with a shopping cart filled with all my earthly possessions. And the worst of it all wasn’t even that I could be destitute…it was the fear. I hated being constantly afraid. It just felt so horrible to never be happy. I decided, “Screw the fear!” I couldn’t possibly feel any worse than I had been up until that point. And the constant fear and worry wasn’t helping my life one iota. I made the choice then and there to be happy first—and to forget the fear because a) it wasn’t serving me and b) it felt horrible! That choice “reset” my emotions and allowed me to create from a neutral position again. Choosing “happy first” allowed me to create my days unencumbered by the fear, which allowed my choices to begin to manifest. From that point on, I spent just five or ten minutes each day deciding how I wanted my day to feel…by instructing my unseen friends and feelings that way so they knew what I meant.

Within weeks my life began to change…first I was offered a great job, which I turned down (without falling into fear). I was then made the offer again, on my terms, and I took it! I kept “ordering up my day” for a few minutes every morning, and within a few months I was offered raise! That raise was turned down by corporate…because, get this…I was too valuable to receive such a small raise, they wanted me to receive more! I’m tellin’ you, this stuff works!! Within a few more months, the president of the company I worked for offered me a job as a VP of a startup. And then the startup was handed over to me! I was the president of my own company... less than three years from my lowest low. That company cost me $50 to incorporate. And within six years I grew it into to a $5 million company.

You wrote “The Map To Our Responsive Universe - Where Dreams Really Do Come True” as a step-by-step guide on how to create our dreams whether we know what we want or not. Isn’t it important that we know what we want if we’re going to create it?

Actually, it’s better if you don’t know precisely what you want when you want to create something. Because if you get caught up in the “form” something takes, in what something “should” look like, you shut down thousands of ways that something could come to you faster, easier, and more elegantly than had you not had any idea of what it might look like in the first place. What you do need to know, in order to create wonderful realities, is how you want to feel in that area of your life. So if you want more money, instead of trying

June 2013 to imagine a job or business, or profession that would make you rich, instead imagine the feelings you want to have when you are rich…financial security, abundance, prosperity, safety, freedom…to buy anything you desire, to travel, to hire helpers, to surround yourself with beauty, art, sensual and lovely things. Then begin to feel that way. Notice these feelings have nothing to do with how you receive the money…only with having the money. It is the feeling of having money (or not having money) that will draw the money to you (or push it away from you.) If you can leave the doors open as to how it will arrive, it has many more possible avenues to arrive from. When you decide it must come one and only one way, you shut down a LOT of possible futures. You also may end up creating the form of something, but not the essence that you truly wanted. You see this in the world with people who have money, but don’t feel secure, abundant, free, etc. You also see it with people who have created the spouse, or the job, or whatever, but aren’t happy with what they have.

You, personally, have followed “The Map” to create financial abundance, a deeply loving relationship and a healthier you. Did you do that all at once or is it important to focus on one area that we want to improve at a time?

Although I think it is easier to work on one major life dream at once, I do believe you can have lots of dreams “manifesting in the background.” I suggest you set intentions for every area of life (Core Intentions), and then setting intentions for what you are focused on manifesting right now (Immediate Intentions). It is the Immediate Intentions that you will spend your “magic time” working

on clarifying your intentions, focusing energy and clearing your beliefs. When you create one or two major things manifesting from your Immediate Intentions, you may then decide to tackle something else that would make your life even more amazing. And when everything you dreamed of has manifested, it’s time to dream some new dreams, and set some new intentions!

>Someone who thinks they are a victim of circumstances may have a hard time believing that the reality of their life is something they created. How does The Map help them?

“The Map” won’t prove that we create our own realities. There are lots of books on quantum physics that prove the premise. “The Map” is for people who feel that the concept of “you create your own reality” rings true in their heart and mind, and they want to know how to do it. It will help those people, who like me, once believed they were victims and created realities that made it look like they were victims. With “The Map” they will learn how to choose new beliefs, flow energy towards their dreams and thus create new realities. One doesn’t have to believe it 100% to begin—one only needs 47

simple steps real change magazine to have a sincere desire to change and a willingness to do the work. And when their reality begins to change and shift because of what they have learned to do in “The Map,” it becomes really exciting! They begin to strengthen their knowing that they are indeed creating it all, and, thus, their power.

Q A

You say that our lives are a manifestation of our beliefs. How can we change a belief that has been ingrained in us since childhood? Beliefs are not that hard to change. What is hard is getting someone to change his or her beliefs. Most people don’t realize that beliefs literally keep you in the reality you are in. They don’t think beliefs are that important. The truth is, they are critically important. People also don’t realize that changing beliefs is easy—and most don’t know how to discover what their beliefs are, let alone how to change them. I wrote “The Map” to be an easy, step-by-step guide for people to follow the entire process of conscious creation, including finding and changing beliefs.

Q A

Since you’ve figured out how to create your beautiful life, what do you do when you have a bad day or experience? When you stop putting out constricting energy (i.e. fear, scarcity, lack, anger, etc.) you stop creating bad experiences. That’s the way the universe works.

So, for the most part, I just don’t create much that I don’t like. I know it seems impossible, but it’s not. Even going to the dentist for a cleaning has become a beautiful experience (I actually wrote a blog post about this.) However, I am human. And as long as we are human there will be some days that are better than others. Why? Well, we might get caught up temporarily in other people’s energy and create some things we don’t want. Or we may be stretching into a new dream, and find some challenges there. When something unpleasant happens in my world, it really depends on whether it is a little or a big thing, as to how I handle it. For the little things: • I remember how powerful I really am, and I remind myself I am creating it all. • I focus on what I do want and I feel gratitude for what I have. I mostly ignore the little annoying things. I give my power to what I want, not what I don’t want. For the bigger things: • I allow myself the time and space to feel my feelings around it. You can’t get clear on anything regarding why you created the reality, until you are in a neutral emotional place. So I feel the anger, hurt, betrayal, disappointment, fear, whatever it might be. • Then I ask myself, “How did I create this?” And the answer is always found in “The Map”. Either I didn’t

June 2013 own my power (divinity), I wasn’t clear on the dream (intentions), I was flowing energy towards what I didn’t want (beliefs, fear, etc.), I wasn’t flowing energy towards what I did want, or I hadn’t taken action on the dream. • I correct what I discover, and move on to creating what I do want, rather than what I don’t.

What do you say to someone who is so steeped in negativity that they don’t believe that anything they do or don’t do will make a difference?

I don’t say anything to people like that. It’s not my job to change anyone’s mind about the nature of reality. They have unlimited time (lifetime after lifetime if they choose) to figure it out. And they will. What I do when someone is in that space is imagine him or her surrounded by beautiful healing light. I imagine they find fulfillment and happiness. I acknowledge they have appeared in my life for a reason and I bless them and their path. Although, again, my life has very few people in it with that type of outlook. The happier and more secure I am in my own power and knowing, the more and more I attract people of like mind, or at the very least, of an open mind.

How is “The Map’ different from any other Law of Attraction book?

I think “The Map” is different from other law of attraction books in three important ways:

• I have personally done this work in my own life. I came from a working class family with a background of pain and shame, like many people. But when I discovered that we create it all, I took my life apart, piece by piece, and created everything the way I wanted it. I have proven this works. • “The Map” breaks down the process, into small, simple steps. Do-able steps. With plenty of explanations and examples, so that people can truly be “guided” to create their dreams, instead of simply knowing it is possible. • Something else is different about this book…some say it is “imbued.” Others say I have created a “morphogenetic field.” I am not really sure why it is so different. I know I did ask for the assistance of my “unseen friends” every time I sat down to write. But something, according to its readers, does seem to be different. And because of all of these reasons, people are creating some phenomenal realities.

Q A

What do you remembered for?

are.

want

Wow. Good question. I guess I would like to be remembered for reminding people of who they really

Parenting Magic

Simple Steps to Living With Challenging Children

By: Sandi Schwartz

June 2013

“Parenting kicks up our deepest wounds while presenting opportunities to live in our highest form of unconditional love.”

o be a parent is to taste the agony and ecstasy of being human. It is more complicated than many of us thought it would be ~ Especially when you have a challenging child. Parenting can reduce successful men and women into a stressful state of confusion. Adults who see themselves as spiritual seekers are shocked at the negative feelings that can suddenly wash over them. Daily struggles turn love and adoration into a cycle of worry and control. Parenting kicks up our deepest wounds while presenting opportunities to live in our highest form of unconditional love. It seems easier to love with unconditional abandon when you live with a child who has a mellow, laid-back spirit. These are the kids who handle disappointment easily and rarely protest when you say, “No” or “Hurry Up.” Ah, but those feisty ones, the children who seem overly sensitive and have meltdowns in the middle of the shopping malls…how do you stay in love with them while dealing with their intense reactions? It is particularly challenging to remain calm and centered while the whole world seems to be watching. You can just feel how others are judging your parenting skills and condemning your child. When we dream about becoming parents we rarely look forward to sending children to ‘time-out’ corners

or threatening them with punishments. How is it then that so many reasonably sane adults lose their balance when coping with their highly spirited kids? They push our buttons; that’s why. We blame them for pushing our buttons. We are convinced they need to change. Frustration builds when we spend our energy trying to control them instead of learning how to meet their needs in an emotionally healthy way. My own experiences as a child development specialist and as the mother of one of these freedom-seeking children have led me on a journey of transformation. Opening my mind and heart has been the key to giving up control and moving from fear into trust. The steps I took are simple, but they required the willingness to give up old ways of thinking, especially when I was sure that my way was best. The first step is willingness to see beyond behavior into the inner world of a child. I came to understand that temperament is something we are born with and just like the color of eyes or the shape of a nose, no parent gets to choose their child’s hard wiring. If your child is active, intense, sensitive, easily distracted, or freedom seeking, you must stop interpreting behavior as a flagrant disrespect of your authority. The more you understand each of your children’s unique temperaments, the more 51

S simple steps real change magazine empowered you will feel in responding to their natural way of reacting to a demanding world. My next step was in moving past my intellect and asking Spirit for help. While I had studied child psychology and developmentally appropriate practices at the University level, it wasn’t until I saw my daughter through the eyes of her Creator that I was able to let go of trying to shape her into the child I thought she should be and began to accept her exactly as she was. The result of taking these two steps was the realization that nothing was wrong. I did not have to fix or change anything. Once we recognize that our children come into physical life exactly as they are meant to be, we become open to doing our work ~ accepting and adoring them as they are. The challenge, of course, is figuring out how to guide and support a child who cannot play this game of life by the preestablished rules. It sometimes feels impossible to validate their perspective and depth of spirit when we ache for them to be appreciated and accepted by strongly opinionated family, a test oriented school system and a society that lives by hypocritical standards of appropriate behavior. This challenge led me to the next step, which was giving up my Ego. I had to

stop worrying what other people thought. I had to care more about how my child was experiencing life than looking good in the eyes of friends and relatives. I began to release my own childhood story about being a good girl and pleasing others. I trusted my gut and realized that when my parenting responses felt good, felt connected to the truth of my own soul, felt in alignment with something greater than myself, that I was on the right path. When we stop interpreting our child’s nature as a problem that needs to be corrected, we become free to enjoy our child’s unique sense of self. I discovered that once kids start to feel understood and validated, their sweet, responsible, kind, cooperative dispositions begin to shine through. This does not mean that we let children run wild and become self-indulgent or irresponsible. We can learn how to create boundaries and set limits within an environment that honors our child’s temperament. I continued to hold high standards while being mindful not to compare my daughter’s responses with the style of her easy-going brother. Her dad and I made a conscious decision to really listen when she said something didn’t feel right, smelled funny, tasted yucky or was too loud. We accepted the probability that she would walk a unique path and we honored her courage and determination to live authentically. You can make a decision to strengthen your relationship with your children. Create your own first step. Pick a day

“You must learn how to create boundaries and set limits within an environment that honors your child’s temperament.” when you are relaxed and do not give any unsolicited advice. Spend time together with the single intention of getting to know each unique child. Purposely savor their deliciousness and ask for their opinions. Try to only notice the good stuff. In order to accomplish this you might have to spend some one-on-one time together. If they do something inappropriate, wonder out loud what they might be experiencing that is causing the behavior. Refuse to use guilt or shame as a way of controlling them, and talk instead about their inside feelings. Take off your mask of ‘knowing it all’ and become more ‘real’

with your child. It takes time and patience to nurture authentic relationships. There will be times when this commitment feels overwhelming and you’ll need some help. That’s the signal to get quiet, be still and connect with your soul. In that space you just may sense a thought that comes from a knowing that transcends space and time. The willingness to follow that gentle guidance is the pivotal moment when the magic will begin. It is quite possible that one day you will realize that your most challenging child came into your life to be your greatest teacher. 53

simple steps real change magazine

How To The Habit By: Regina Cates

fter a 22-year, almost two-pack-aday habit, I quit smoking. So I am frequently asked to share how I managed to stop. My initial answer is, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I just did.â&#x20AC;?

and a deep desire for my freedom. For way too long I had lied to myself, ignored the obvious physical dangers, and allowed myself to act unconsciously and irresponsibly.

That may seem too simple a response for smokers to believe. But yes, one part of the truth is that at 9 p.m. on a Sunday evening, I smoked my last cigarette. For the past 15 years I have not smoked even one cigarette. And my over-two-decade history with cigarettes holds another truth. Quitting happened only after I spent time on the front end preparing myself both physically and emotionally to end the nasty habit for good.

I began to regain control over myself and the habit when I stopped believing the lies I told myself, such as that smoking calmed my nerves. The fact was that smoking was very bad for my body. It actually made me more nervous than not smoking. For years I worried about getting lung cancer, to the point where I was obsessed and lived in terror of it. The truth was that I got sick all the time, smelled bad, had a constant cough, and could not walk up one flight of stairs without becoming badly winded.

Transforming my decades-long dependency on nicotine took concentration, self-support, self-control, 54

With the facts of how my body felt out on

June 2013 the “truth” table, I finally began to wake up, get fed up, and start accepting the reality about my nasty habit. I honestly admitted that from almost the first cigarette I smoked, I had wanted to stop. In fact, for 22 years, I had told myself I had to quit smoking. I’d try and fail. Then try again and succeed for a week or two. Each and every time my intentions to quit were good. But after trying again and passing up a cigarette or two, soon I made an excuse to have just one. Then I beat myself up for once again not being strong enough not to smoke. Excusing my lack of commitment, I told myself I was not perfect, I was only human, with faults, and I was allowed to make mistakes. I tried to change the negative habit for a long, long time. Until I realized I could continue “trying” for the rest of my life. It was that “aha” when I realized quitting smoking—or any other destructive habit—is accomplished not by trying harder, but by “doing.” To successfully do what was necessary to finally quit, I made a plan of how I would be a non-smoker in one month, and I stuck to the plan. During the first two weeks, I became emotionally responsible for each cigarette. That is, I remained present with and connected to each puff. I stopped doing anything else and just smoked. No eating, watching TV, talking on the phone, or any other distractions.

mixture. It was revolting; what I imagined I smelled like to a non-smoker. For the last 10 days leading up to my final-cigarette target date, I dramatically reduced the number I smoked each day. On day one I started with 20, a full pack. The next day I went to 18, the next to 16, then 14, then 12. Over the final five days I limited myself to only five cigarettes per day. By the time Sunday evening rolled around, I was truly anxious to quit. I lit it and smoked it down to the filter and put it into the jar. I spent the next month retraining myself and my mind. I stayed present, and when I habitually reached for a cigarette, I replaced that action with a new, positive habit of drinking a glass of water, or going on a short walk, or eating a carrot stick, or smelling that vile mixture of cigarette butts. By staying emotionally present with and responsible for my non-smoking actions, I managed not only to quit smoking but also to actually lose five pounds in the process. As smokers, we may try to quit several times. But to make certain this time is our last, we must become emotionally responsible for the habit. We must courageously face the fact that we live with the constant dread of dying. We must acknowledge that we are continuously sick, smell bad, and have a deep, nasty cough. We must accept the truth that we are intentionally abusing ourselves, exposing others to the harmful effects of second-hand smoke,

When I finished each cigarette, I put the butt into a jar with a little bit of water. Each time I wanted a cigarette, I first made myself smell that nauseating

simple steps real change magazine and wasting so much money. And, we must become responsible for the fact that we are allowing ourselves to be controlled rather than being in control of ourselves. The bottom line is that to better our life, we have to better ourselvesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;first, by defining the acceptable behavior we want from ourselves: to be a nonsmoker. Second, by setting a boundary with ourselves to not smoke, period. And third, to remain focused on keeping the â&#x20AC;&#x153;I refuse to smoke even oneâ&#x20AC;? boundary in place. The last one is huge because, yes, there were many times I was not popular with myself for striving to change for the better. While I was getting over the withdrawals of smoking, there were countless times I wanted just one more cigarette. But the boundary I had set was not to pick up even one cigarette, ever again. To be stronger than the addiction, temptation, and my countless rationalizations, I had to focus with tunnel vision on keeping the boundary firmly in place. Concentrating on the boundary I set for myself gave me the willpower to stop smoking, cold turkey. It has been many years since I put cigarettes down, and the boundary of not having even one cigarette remains in place. Our success in breaking a negative habit depends on preparing ourselves. To stop smoking, we must completely accept that we cannot allow ourselves to pick up even one cigarette. We must accept that it will take at least a month until we have passed the point of having the physical or psychological desire to smoke. We can accomplish anything we want when we love ourselves enough to take the actions necessary to remain in control of our behavior. We do not listen 56

to the rationalizations of our mind that say we can have just one. No, we listen to the higher wisdom of our heart that says I CAN do this! I am worth it. Yes, I do love myself enough NOT to pick up even one. Taking control of our behavior this way is really the key to winning over any undesirable habit. We replace a negative habit with a new, self-loving and selfrespectful, positive habit. By developing the positive behaviors necessary to stop a negative habit, we become self-aware. With greater awareness over our actions, our heart opens and we move forward, with a new sense of empowerment and responsibility, avoiding behaviors that hurt ourselves and others.

Be Optimistic A Poem By: Debbie_Bongiovanni

Be optimistic in your life, Believe that things will go your way, And if you need a little help, Take some time and pray. You need to have positive thoughts, The negative needs to leave, And if you think long enough, You truly will believe. So you did think good thoughts, And being optimistic made things right, And it was all because, You saw the light.

simple steps real change magazine

The Unstoppable Erica Gilchrist

ave you experienced events in your life that are so horrible that you believe you’re broken beyond repair? Do you think that you can never live a ”normal” life, let alone a life of happiness and success? Erika Gilchrist has been there and she’s on a mission to show you how you too can move beyond those events and become truly unstoppable!

Q A

What happened in your life that transformed you from victim to unstoppable?

My story seems like something that was made for a movie. I was a little girl with big dreams who grew up with humble beginnings and was sexually violated repeatedly by people who were supposed to be there to protect me. As a result, I grew up very confused about the role that men were supposed to play in my life. Even worse, I wasn’t sure what role I was to play in the lives of others. I began a downward spiral of mistrust, defensiveness, and complete sadness. As I got older, I began to notice how utterly possessed I was in getting people to like me. I became a CHRONIC PEOPLE PLEASER, and often times the things I needed to do for myself fell by the wayside. That forced me to work harder for less money, and I became completely overwhelmed. This

lead to a breakdown that ultimately sent me to seek professional help. And through the years of digging through all of the baggage, lies, mistrust, and shame, something miraculous happened. I was curled up in a corner on the floor feeling the worst emotional pain that I had ever experienced when I heard a voice so clearly that I thought there was someone else in the room. It sternly said, “Erika, you’re better than this. Get up!” The only word I can think of that could describe how I felt after hearing that voice is “UNSTOPPABLE.” And in that moment, The Unstoppable Woman was born.

Victims of sexual abuse often bury their story because they feel in some way responsible or unworthy. What is your advice for anyone who still hiding their truth?

June 2013

First, know that it wasn’t (and still isn’t) your fault! To have something so precious taken from you without your permission is enough to drive a person into a walking state of silent insanity. It’s a world where nothing makes sense. Second, know that you are not alone. There are hundreds of thousands of people who have experienced the same tragedy and are keeping silent because of the fear of being exposed, embarrassment, vulnerability, and shame. Join a discreet support group. You may do an internet search or go to MeetUp.com and locate one in your area. Lastly, forgive that person (or persons). It doesn’t mean that what they did is excused; it just means that your life is too precious to waste another millisecond in the role of victim. Forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you.

Q A

What can someone who truly cares do to help an adult friend when they learn about their childhood experience? Refrain from saying, “I know how you feel” if you haven’t experienced it. Listen with an open heart, offer your support, and help them to find a

professional who can help them to work through it. Also, don’t patronize them because of it. It’s bad enough they have lived with it for so long. They don’t need people to feel sorry for them.

Q A

What is your advice for victims who are ready to move out of the darkness that has been their life?

First, congratulations for making that decision for yourself! Depending on where you are with it, you may choose to take it slow and talk with just one trusted source, or you may be ready for a group. Or, you may want to do lectures about it, or write a book to expose this under-represented epidemic. Either way, start talking.

Q A

Can you provide 2-3 resource links that you believe are the most helpful for victims of sexual abuse?

www.MaleSurvivor.org (because it’s not just girls who are victims), ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse) www.ascasupport.org, HAVOCA (Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse) www.HAVOCA.org

simple steps real change magazine

June 2013

Breathing

through the

By: Cindy Hively

hat do you think of when you hear the word heart? I think of a big red heart shape, I think of love, I think of happiness, also the heart in my physical Being that pumps blood and sustains me and keeps me living. I remember hearing, especially in my youth, the phrase, “think with your brain and not with your heart.” It has taken me many years, experiences and life lessons to tell you I had it all backwards, and so did so many others and still do. If you’re reading this, you’re like me: you want to live a healthier, happier, more purposeful, fulfilled life, a life filled with meaning and that is not always rational. You are seeking a life that blissfully beats

your heart from the deepest depths of your very being. So many times we are so far from our heart because our mind has taken over, and not in good ways. As an Awakened Living Mentor and Health Coach, I listen daily to those who are so tired, frustrated with their jobs, living with health issues, trying to keep families together and relationships going. It seems to me that so many of us have lost our way, our ideals, our life purpose and what truly matters to us as an INDIVIDUAL. This is a mindless type of living. The answer to every question, to every desire, to every impulse is within your heart. Your energetic, vibrant beating heart is so vast 61

simple steps real change magazine

it can hold the entire universe. But how do you access the power, clarity, insight, love, and peace of heart-full living? Let’s journey together, shall we? Deepak Chopra says, “Only the heart knows the correct answer to life.” Most people think the heart is mushy and sentimental. But it’s not. The heart is incredibly intuitive, at times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought. The heart is powerful and you have experienced living from the heart already. What does Living and Breathing from the heart feel like? While taking my morning walk, I will see something in nature that, as soon as my eyes connect with it, it takes my breath away. I will feel this sensation in my heart first, then it moves to my mind, and I give gratitude. I will 62

see a dear friend’s number on my cell phone and get that butterfly feeling in my tummy. When my daughter comes home and I see her pull in the drive way, the emotion beats loud from my heart. I realize a few moments later in my brain that all my woohoo’s, dancing hugs and kisses have embarrassed her, especially if she has brought home a friend. Emotions like these examples are breathing and living from the heart. I also feel emotional sadness many times in my heart first. I can hear a siren from an emergency responder, and I will feel a gulp in my throat. I then will respond with my mind and drop back into my heart with a Metta Blessing of well being for whatever situation is happening. I remember a short time ago receiving a call from my college girlfriend concerning an illness she was suffering with, and as we talked I could feel my heart drop. I can hear someone I have never met before share their

June 2013

“Only the heart knows the correct answer to life.” difficulties, and I will choke back tears so I can keep open to best serve them. Our heart is emotion driven, but that is important to living and breathing in incredible profound truth, OUR truth, not someone else’s or what society dictates, but OUR own unique individual heart breath that lives within each of us. There are three simple practices that when applied to daily life can assist in the process of clearing habitual patterns by bringing energetic harmony and balance to our heart first, then body and mind. I love calling this, “breathing life into a living heart.” Self-Love Self-love is living and making choices following the impulses of your innerheart. This allows you to be guided by your inner wisdom rather than seeking fulfillment externally from need or emptiness or trying to please others or live up to their expectations. It is not a selfish or self-indulgent practice; however, it is a way of living that allows you to develop a connection with your true being or essence. Selflove encompasses loving and caring for yourself. It entails looking within for what you seek rather than relying on the world and others for love, acceptance and recognition. Meditation - The Gentle Heart Breath Meditation is a very beneficial tool; however, mystique and confusion surround it as there are so many conflicting and complex ways in which we are supposed to do it, so we think. However, the gentle heart breath mediation is a very simple technique that takes away this mystery. It simply consists of breathing gently.

or fifteen minutes upon waking, at lunchtime and before bed is sufficient to bring about beneficial changes. This practice can be done when walking, taking a relaxing bath, by closing your eyes in a comfy chair or while lying down. The gentle heart breath mediation will give you a feeling of equanimity, clarity, calmness and gentleness within the body allowing you to connect to your truest self and essence. In truth, the gentle heart breath meditation reconnects you to your inner heart. Stillness and Gentleness At the end of meditation, you will be in a centered state of stillness and gentleness. The key is to gently go about your day and take that stillness with you. When you feel you are becoming uncentered, simply return to the gentle heart breath. You will learn with time it will become easier and more natural to you. Simply focus on the gentle breath and observe yourself, and you will become aware of how quickly you are able to drop back into your heart. Gentleness is the bridge we can use to take us from chaos into love or stillness. Gentleness is achieved through the practice of staying centered. Now that you know that somewhere inside yourself you have the answers to living your life with joy, love, far less stress, clarity and the ability to live from your heart, it takes practice. It takes daily practice and gentle commitment. When making any kind of lifestyle change, allow yourself time to adjust. Practice makes progress, not perfection. Now, go take a gentle HEART BREATH. Ahhhh....

Meditating three times a day for ten 63

simple steps real change magazine

Tipping the scales back In Your

FAVOR H By: Charlie Cain-Tolbirt

“Working on yourself daily is very important. You should work daily on shifting the balance and tipping the scales back in your favor.”

appiness is such an easy word to say, and yet such a hard blueprint to follow sometimes. It’s so easy for someone to say, “Be happy” when they are already there. But when you are someone that deals with issues like “the blues” on a daily basis, it’s not as easy. It’s a daily struggle to get out of the bed, even harder to try to muster up the energy to put a smile on your face, let

June 2013

“No matter what your situation, you can be in charge of your own happiness again.” alone mean it! I should know, I have struggled with both in my life. The blues gets a hold of all of us at some point. Sometimes it’s hard to decipher the difference between the blues and depression. One is a state of mind; the other is a mental illness that requires medication and/or therapy in order to get better. One thing is for sure, both will totally eat away not only every bit of your happiness, but also rob you of the ability to thrive properly in your life. I have struggled for years with both the blues and depression. Suffering unnecessarily, not knowing what to do to overcome the overwhelming feeling of being lost, walking in a dark tunnel and constantly feeling so drained that all I could do was stay in the bed or on the couch all day. I have learned a little secret for combating the blues, and how to decipher the difference between the two. My methods have not failed me thus far, and I do not anticipate

they will in the future. I would also like to add that if you suffer from depression, medication does not automatically fix all the problems in your life. I think working on yourself daily is very important. You should work daily on shifting the balance and tipping the scales back in your favor. There are very simple steps that you can take to do just that. So no matter what your situation, you can be in charge of your own happiness again. Most people do not realize is, the blues is a state of mind. I’m talking “blues” here, not depression. It’s where you choose to put yourself in life. We all do it at times. Something happens, perhaps the breakup of a relationship, death of beloved pet, a move, the loss of a job, or some other huge happening in your life. These things can alter your perception of life and how you view your space around you. These major life changes can tip the scale of balance in the wrong direction sometimes,

thus making us feel abandoned, lonely, worthless or just plain sad. The only way to fight fire is with fire! In the universe there is constant balance. For every negative there must be a positive, and vice versa. Once we learn how to handle this balance, our moods shift. For example, if you are feeling down, you obviously aren’t going to be smiling, right? Smile anyway! You don’t even have to mean it when you do it. Just do it! The positive energy that you reflect from smiling counteracts the negative energy that you are feeling. That’s your first step to restoring balance. We

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can’t necessarily always have control over what has happened in our life, but we can most certainly have control over how we handle it. On days when I look in the mirror and see an old lady staring back at me, I close my eyes and envision the young girl that I was once upon a time. When I was wrinkle free, pain free and full of spunk and vinegar! I smile at that girl, brush my hair and accept that even though I’m not 21 years old anymore, I am still a beautiful creation of God’. A one-of-a-kind creation that no other person on this planet can claim credit to being. I personally think that’s something to smile about! I have found that by being kind to others, it helps shift my mood. This is one of the most simple, most therapeutic things that anyone can do for themselves. It could be something as simple as paying for someone else’s coffee, visiting someone in a nursing home or taking your neighbor’s trash cans from the road back to their house for them. The possibilities are endless, really. Seeing the joy on someone else’s face because of something that you’ve done makes you feel 66

needed and appreciated. This makes you feel good about yourself, thus pushing the blues off to the side. There is no room in your heart for both good and evil at the same time. So get rid of the negativity by replacing it with positive thoughts, actions and

energy. On days when I’m feeling sulky, sad and emotionally lonely, I first recognize what it is, and then I start taking steps to fight it. I think learning to recognize it for what it is, is really the first step to solving any problem. I love to sit on my front porch in my rocking chair and listen to the birds. I do most of my praying in my car or on that front porch. Talking to someone who understands is an amazing way to get things out and work through what’s going on

in your head, and your life. Who better to listen than the one that is able to fix the problems? If I’m doing my part to replace the balance in my life, and it’s still not shifting, I recognize that I need to see my doctor and discuss other avenues to take. Everyone should remember that we all suffer from the blues at some point in our lives. Everyone does, no matter how great and wonderful their life is. You are still a human being, and therefore subject to emotional overload at times. It’s a natural part of living. No one can be happy all of the time, and no one will be sad all the time. This is actually good news, believe it or not. Because once you recognize that the balance is tipped, you can start to tip it back in your favor, rather than suffering unnecessarily without recognizing what’s going on. Recapturing your happiness starts within yourself. Be in charge of what direction your mood goes in each and every day. It’s amazing what power you can have in your own life, once you realize this.

June 2013

Cheryl’s

Recommended Resources

Victor & I An Alexander Vesely Film

Beginnings By: Paul S. Boynton

Home with God By: Neale Donald Walsch

Begin Within: A Begin with Yes Guided Meditation By: Paul S. Boynton

Why Quantum Physicists Don’t Get Fat By: Greg Kuhn

The Nature of Personal Reality By: Jane Roberts

The Seventh Major Understanding

The Travelers Gift

By: Jordan Gray

By: Andy Andrews

removing struggle From Your Life

By: Jon Satin and Chris Pattay the Possibility Coaches

our life was never meant to be a struggle. Neither was living it. Yet for you and countless others, struggle has dominated your life personally, professionally or both, for as far back as you can remember. So, why is that? Do we, at a particular point in time, make a decision to struggle? That doesn’t sound quite normal. In fact, if we did decide to struggle, wouldn’t that be totally insane? Yet day after day, year after year, we are bombarded with examples of people struggling. Just turn

on the television. It’s a 24/7 marathon of life and its struggles. It’s been said (by whom we do not know) that “Struggle is noble.” That somehow struggle makes achieving our goals the more glorious and worthwhile. The belief is that all the ‘blood, sweat and tears’ we pour into our life’s endeavors results in a more appreciated and valued outcome. The truth is, struggle has little to do with nobility. It does, however, have everything to do with the belief that life

June 2013

“Your life was never meant to be a struggle. Neither was living it.”

do we struggle?” and “Why do we struggle collectively as a society and as a species?” The answer is simple. We have the power of thought which provides us with what is called Free Will. This is our ability to choose for ourselves in any given moment. It is the root of our struggles. It is also the solution to end them. A long time ago in a far-off land, the human species chose to incorporate the basic survival instincts known as “fight or flight” into all aspects of living. In other words, over time, we became so afraid of, literally, our own shadow that we couldn’t help but see life as a struggle. There was never to be another moment of peace. Just look at the history of our modern civilizations over the last five thousand years.

and all its’ experiences are made up of, as Winston Churchill put it, “One damn thing after another.” Do you believe that to be true for you? If so, we feel it is worth repeating that life is not meant to be a struggle. If you are struggling in your life today, know that there is hope. It does not have to remain this way. You have the power to change your circumstances. Are you willing to do so? Let’s also ask these questions: “Why

Yes, long ago life was hard. The life span was a lot shorter than it is now. True, we are much better off today; yet over the centuries behavior patterns rooted in the need to survive were passed on from one generation to the next through mind conditioning. Years ago we coined the phrase to describe this shared mind conditioning as “the chain of emotional pain.” It is from this chain that struggle arises. It is the breaking of this chain that struggle ends. Struggle is, therefore, inherited. Like eye color, big hips like your mother, 69

simple steps real change magazine male-pattern baldness like your father, it is passed on genetically. It lives in our minds. It is reinforced through conditioning during childhood, and it becomes, if unchecked, the dominant force for most in adulthood. As a dominant feature in your life, struggle manipulates, controls, bullies and moves you into a corner where the pain gets so great that you reach for outlets that numb the pain it causes. Perhaps you turn to alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, abusive relationships. No matter. They are only symptoms. They are features of someone who is living with emotional pain. Someone who is struggling. Someone who has been conditioned to believe that life is a struggle because they believe “that’s just the way it is.” Buying into that oh-so-negative belief and being brainwashed to act it out through a lifetime is what needs to be eliminated. We do this through emotional healing. This is what our world needs now. ‘Struggle mentality’ is a disease of the mind. It is also the cause of most physical illnesses. In truth, struggle, which is fueled by negative thought patterns, is the #1 addiction of the human race. In fact, we will “go out on a limb” and say that struggle is the ONLY addiction of the human race. All of the “acting out” we experience is simply symptomatic of struggle. We explained how struggle is an addiction. We will now go one step further and define it as fear. And what is fear? Fear is the absence of love. Our approach to ending all addictions is simple. Love is the solution. As we said, when there is an absence of love, there is fear. Fear has many faces. We have names for these faces. We call them ‘worry,’ 70

‘anxiety,’ ‘depression,’ ‘despair,’ ‘anger,’ ‘rage.’ Whether you wear these faces often, sometimes, infrequently is not what’s important. What matters is whether or not you experience them to such a degree that the faces of fear adversely affect the quality of your life. For far too many of us, the quality of our lives is diminished to excessively low levels because of our addiction to struggle. The simple solution is love. More specifically, it is self-love that will free you from the shackles of struggle and emotional pain. It is important that you have some tools to assist you to deal with your ongoing addiction to struggle. Here are some ways to begin to end the bout of “struggleholism.” Take a deep breath! Have hope! Believe! 1. Become aware of how struggle influences your life. Create a written inventory of the areas of your life e.g. career, finances, health, relationships, spirituality where struggle is a controlling force. 2. Look at your “inventory of struggle.” Now ask yourself, “What purpose does struggle in this area of my life serve?” Listen for the answer. It may surprise you! 3. Create a mental picture of, and then write down, how you want your life to look. Be very clear. Inject feeling and emotion. It’s your life and your movie and you’re in charge of the script. Now, read this new positive story when you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Do this for 21 days and notice if you feel the need to struggle start to ease up. 4. Start focusing on you more. Companions of struggle are selfloathing, self-depreciating, martyrs and “angry-givers.” Remember, only through self-love can we end the

“It is important that you have some tools to assist you to deal with your ongoing addiction to struggle.” struggle addiction from our lives. Find ways to nurture, pamper and enhance both your physical and emotional well-being. 5. Acknowledge your “value” as a human being. Whether you believe it or not, you are a one-of-a-kind, priceless life form that has so much to give to the world. Right now, no matter what your age, you may be a “diamond in the rough.” That’s okay! You’ll end struggle faster as you develop a willingness to explore new ways to provide value to others. One of the quickest ways to end your addiction

is to be of service to others who are experiencing the same. We know we covered a great deal of information in this article. We will write more about ending struggle and making the choice for self-love as the solution to all of your “problems” in future articles. For now, be hopeful that your struggles can and will end. Be grateful for all that you have now! And be optimistic that through the gift of Free Will and choice, your future does not have to equal your past. Namaste!

B e y Moving o n d By: Shann Vander Leek

ast year, I summoned the courage to forgive myself and my father after almost ten years estranged. Witnessing an alcohol

fueled argument between my father and step mother in the summer of 2002 triggered a flood of painful emotions I had buried deep inside for most of my life. I

decided in that moment that my father was out of control for the last time in my presence. As a new mother, I made the choice to protect my young daughter and myself from a narcissistic, often mean-

June 2013 spirited, “Jekyll and Hyde” character who happened to be my Dad. As a transformational coach and self-care enthusiast, I believe we must learn to create safe boundaries to honor and protect ourselves. We subconsciously erect protective walls around our hearts to insulate ourselves from the pain and trauma we once endured. The good news is that we can remove the barriers within that keep us from experiencing compassionate self-care. Over the last 10 years, I’ve learned that you can heal your past, open your heart and experience more joy. In my experience, forgiveness began my cycle of personal healing. Whether through coaching, counseling, or facing things on our own, there is deep emotional healing that must be attended to in order to reach a place where the old story is no longer the only story. I believe that when each one of us heals and forgives ourself, we invite a profound shift in compassion for ourselves and the world. When you experience compassion and trust, you feel loved. You’re at home in your body, and your relationships with yourself and others are at their best.

A significant part of the sacred process for letting go of an emotionally difficult past includes practicing yoga, sacred communication exercises and an understanding of the Sacred Heart Healing Cycle. Yoga Yoga means “Union” – the union of the mind, body, and spirit with the Divine. Practicing Yoga quite literally transformed my life. From my first gentle yoga class, through my teacher training, and teaching Luscious Living Yoga playshops, Yoga has remained the perfect way for me to access peace and tranquility while calling up repressed emotions and facing the scary monsters under my bed. If you want to get to the root of what is weighing you down, drop in on an introductory Yoga class and get back in touch with your body, mind and spirit.

Sacred Heart Healing Cycle Your heart is at the core of your beautiful spirit, where you can open up and connect with infinite joy and peace. The health of your heart registers the quality of love in your life. When we choose love, fear melts away. Love is the greatest healer of all. The most powerful way to open, energize and care for your heart is to learn to love yourself and others without judgment. Be yourself. Let others be who they are. Be mindful of the number of times each day you judge yourself. Simply notice your rambling inner critic, thank her for her opinion, and ask her to sit down and be quiet. I created the Sacred Heart Healing Cycle to help you identify with some of the feelings you may be experiencing

Sacred Heart Healing Cycle Innocence

Healing/Return to Innocence

Heartbreak

Wounded

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within the cycle. Each emotion represents a part of your experience and can be attributed to your overall upbringing, parentchild relationships, school experiences, romantic relationships, p r o f e s s i o n a l relationships, and your relationship with yourself. The cycle begins with the abundant flow of pure loving energy we are born with. We are shiny and new. Innocent. As we grow up, we endure personal experiences of heartbreak, pain, and wounding. If we’ve been a victim of abuse and significant loss, trusting ourselves and others can seem unfathomable. When we decide that we no longer want to suffer, we summon the courage to heal our precious hearts. We can return to innocence and complete the cycle. Below, I’ve categorized

the feelings and behaviors of which you should be mindful during each part of the Sacred Heart Healing Cycle. Where are you in this cycle? Can you identify with some of the feelings? What do you know you need to do to support the feeling you’re experiencing right now? You can set yourself free from attachment to the trauma that comes with a painful past. The best thing you can do right now is forgive yourself and forgive everyone else who’s ever done you harm. Carrying the weight of a painful past is like committing an act of violence against yourself, every day. Imagine being rid of the burden, anger and grudges you’ve toted along with you over the years. How would it feel to let them all go? I can tell you from experience that it feels incredible.

Healing Cycle Behaviors

Sacred Communication Communicating directly from the heart with ourselves and others takes practice. If you are ready to practice sharing your truth, here are a couple exercises to get you in the flow of sincere communication. Rage Letter Write a letter to the one(s) who hurt you. Let your angry feelings fill the page. Rant, scream, cry. Get it all out. When you can’t write another word, bless your letter and then burn it in a burn barrel or fireplace. Bless it and Burn it! Let it go. You will feel so much better. There is no resting place for rage in your beautiful heart. Forgiveness Letter Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself (or someone else). Identify what is haunting you and pour your heart out on the page. Squeeze out every detail of how you feel about the ghost(s) of your past. Forgive yourself for everything. Forgive everyone who’s done you harm. You deserve to let go of the pain and suffering that comes with holding a grudge. You do not have to beat yourself up any longer. You deserve the freedom that comes with forgiveness.

June 2013

Seeking Refuge in meditation vs. Addiction By: Carol Finlayson

he Hawaiians have a tradition when it comes to dealing out justice and granting forgiveness. When one has failed to care for the land, the animals, or the people (including oneself) then a crime has been committed 76

in the eyes of the community. Atoning for these transgressions is simple, just make it to the place of refuge. Okay, so you have to swim through some shark-infested waters to get there, but it sure beats the alternative.

Exploring the inner depths of the psyche to find a similar place of refuge may not involve swimming with maneaters, but the journey was equally liberating for me. Although I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t live in Hawaii, I do live by the sea in a small

June 2013 town in Scotland and meditation has given me serenity and peace. The Great Escape This idea of refuge is pretty universal. You can use meditation to seek a refuge of peace and tranquility by practicing mindfulness. Others chase a false refuge from life’s discomforts in the form of addiction to food, sex, substances, or the para-social connections provided by the Internet. It’s quite natural to desire a mental vacation once in a while. Dr. Tara Brach, renowned therapist and author of True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart, uses the prayer “May I find peace...May I love this life no matter what” as her personal mantra when coping with her own experience of pain and recovery. Within the pages of this compelling and inspirational book, I have learned some key differences between places of refuge, be they false or true.

and desires. Meditation, on the other hand, brings you closer to the self, and therefore more in tune with your true, compassionate and loving nature. Many turn to addiction to keep from facing the internal lessons which may be revealed when looking into the shadows of the mind, but the help of a skilled coach during meditation sessions can make the process fun and relaxing. There is no need for candles, special mats, quiet rooms or ritual. Of course these things are lovely but it`s essential to me that I teach my clients to meditate anywhere and anytime. Meditation Made Easy The Ideal Refuge Be Still: Meditation leads to a significant reduction in the stress hormone cortisol, resulting in a more positive state of mind, better sleep and increased creativity.

Practicing four hours of meditation per week can even change the physical composition of the brain, developing the neural pathways within the section of the brain responsible for emotions such as optimism, selfawareness, and compassion. Even if you have a hard time meditating, try devoting ten minutes a day to sitting still and quietly focusing on your rhythmic breathing. Guided meditations are also available to help develop the practice of enjoying the silence of your inner mind. Be Present: Universally, the path to a True Refuge involves retraining the negative habits of the mind and heart. Meditation leads to a state of mindfulness which pairs well with learning how to train our attention and focus. Keep yourself focused on your present

A Comparison of Coping Methods: Meditation Vs. Addiction Addiction is a shortterm, or false, refuge because it distracts from your true nature

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process of growth and transformation by surrounding yourself with inspiring and supportive friends. Listen to podcasts and read books that offer the guidance you seek as you learn to navigate the depths of your soul. Be Compassionate: Suffering exists when we forget ourselves, those things that bring us joy and leave us feeling serene. Allow yourself time each day to pursue your own path of peacefulness, and remember to be gentle with yourself as well. Learning to let go of past habits in exchange for a healthier lifestyle doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t happen overnight. Take it day by day and view the events of your day through the eyes of a sacred witness, and soon you 78

will come to see the peace and tranquility you seek surrounds you in abundance. Be Healed: Much of seeking refuge in meditation requires a considerable amount of inner work in the form of introspection and internal searching, but the external work is equally important. External work in this case means approaching each day with an open and loving heart, treating everyone you encounter (including yourself) with kindness and compassion. For some of the darker, uncertain times it is wise to turn to the support of friends, mentors, coaches or therapists.

The Sanctuary of Serenity When we seek refuge in addiction, or resist our higher calling to creativity, we are denying the calling of our higher selves. The further away we stray from our true nature, the more suffering we are likely to experience. To find your way back to the path of your higher self and your divine calling, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to take steps which allow you to develop a loving and compassionate heart. Pouring your heart into the needs of others may come naturally, but accepting this outpouring of positivity can sometimes be challenging. If you desire a helping hand as you build your own True Refuge, I am here for you, please reach out.

June 2013

here are people who come into our lives and stay and those who are with us for only a short period of time. Each one touches us with their energy and we are changed in some way. Some came to show us who we are and others show us who we never want to be. Our hopes are rekindled, our passion ignited and in some cases our fire extinguished. And with others, we may not realize the mark they left on us for years. Every experience though is our opportunity to touch anotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life. While they may not always bring out the best in us... we have the choice to allow our best to shine through. Allow kindness to prevail. Because no matter how another may treat us their actions are an indication of their pain, their unhappiness and their issues. They are not a reflection of who we are. Allow your light to shine over those who need it most and both your lives will be changed. Lead with love.

simple steps real changemagazine

Claim Your

Independence By: Nancy Matthews

June 2013

“What we most need independence from is independence from our own fears and limiting beliefs.”

pockets, but their spirits completely filled with the resolve and belief that they will have “The American Dream.”

Would you like a brighter and better future? Each of us is gifted with the opportunity every day to create a brighter and better future. Yet if that’s true, why is it that so many people say “Same stuff, different day”?

On the battlefield of life we are consistently presented with circumstances, challenges and obstacles that test our resolve and commitment to our goals and dreams. What does it take to stand firm in your path? To never give up and realize the brighter and better future you dream of?

s we approach the celebration of Independence Day here in the United States, I began to reflect on what it may have been like for the people at that time of the Revolution. Clearly, they were fed up with the status quo. They wanted more for their lives and their future. They said “Enough is enough!” and found the courage and strength to challenge the existing systems and structure. They took the risks, took up the fight and committed to play full-out with hope, infused with faith and belief, that a brighter and better future was possible.

Today you have the opportunity to claim your Independence Day! To challenge the status quo and make choices that will deliver a brighter and better tomorrow. To do so we must begin by recognizing what it is that we need independence from.

Do you think there were times that our forefathers had fears and thoughts of quitting? That it would be too hard, that they didn’t stand a chance of making it? Of course they did. They were no different from you and I and anyone else who has taken up the fight to go for their goals and dreams. The true battle that they won was the most crucial battle of all, the Battle of the Mind.

Whatever your goal or dream is, what we most need independence from is independence from our own fears and limiting beliefs. There are countless stories of people who came to this country with absolutely nothing in their

simple steps real change magazine It’s a little unusual for me to be using words associated with war, battle and fighting, as the images those words bring up aren’t pretty, in fact they can be pretty gruesome. In writing this article, I considered finding other words to describe the analogy as we fight for our dreams against our fears and limiting beliefs, but the truth of the matter is that the struggles, obstacles and challenges that come up (and our reactions to them) can be pretty gruesome! In order to deal with those challenges and fears head on we’ve got to understand what we are dealing with. If we think that fears and limiting beliefs are little things to overcome, failing to recognize their power – powerful enough to take down a whole town – let alone our dreams – we won’t be properly prepared to win and achieve our goals. Like you, my life has been filled with opportunities to stand firm in my beliefs and goals against circumstances, challenges and other people that tried to hold me back. There are times I have retreated and times I have succeeded. When I’ve succeeded it is because I won the most important battle of all, the battle of my mind. I offer you here the strategies I’ve used and shared with thousands of others, to succeed on the battlefield of my mind. • Step 1: You’ve Got to Know What It Is That You’re Fighting For. What is

your definition of a brighter future? What do you want that you do not yet have? What is the next goal you’re going for? This is a pivotal moment in claiming your independence because this is the moment that the battle in your mind begins. The moment we begin to think about creating something new and challenging the status quo, our minds respond with the list of challenges to overcome, the doubts, the I don’t know how to do it, no one will ever believe me, what will my friends and family say, that’ll never work. This is the battlefield of the mind that 9 times out of 10 stops people from even writing down their goals! But not you! This is the day you are claiming your independence and moving forward despite apparent obstacles or roadblocks. This is your moment of truth, choosing to continue and fight for your dreams, refusing to give up and retreat back to the way things were. • Step 2: Prepare for Battle on the Field of Life. What will I need to have in order to achieve my goals? Who do I need to be to achieve my goals? What do I need to do to become that person? What will I need to change – what will I be giving up? This is the process of turning those fears, obstacles and roadblocks into things to take into consideration to achieve your dream. This is the same process that everyone who has ever accomplished a big goal or dream achieved it and you can do it too! Consider how the Olympic Athlete begins with the dream of being in the Olympics then carefully maps out the plan to achieve it. We begin with the end in mind and work backwards to consider all the possibilities and ways of achieving the goal.

Throughout the process we must continuously win on the battlefield of our minds to tirelessly move forward in pursuit of our dreams. How do they (and you and I) do it? • Step 3: Visualize, Believe and Repeat! What will it feel like when your dream is realized? Who will you be spending time with? What vacations will you take? What kind of car will you be driving? What charities will you be supporting? How will it feel to accept that award? Spend time considering each detail of what it will actually be like once your goal is achieved. Athletes spend hours visualizing the end result, crossing the finish line, having the gold put around their neck. I’m sure our forefathers used visualization of freedom to push past their fears and beliefs. To win the fight in the battlefield of our minds, we must consistently be reminded of the dream we are fighting for. Visualization is the fuel that feeds your dream. Coaches and mentors hold the vision for you even when you can’t see it. Coaches can see things the athlete can’t see and hold the belief and visualization

for the athlete even when he or she may not be able to. As you head out for this holiday, I invite you to consider and reflect on some of the things I’ve shared and take this opportunity to fully commit and declare that today is your independence day. Commit to the practices that will allow you to win on the battlefield of your mind and in life: • Step 1: Know What It Is That You’re Fighting For. • Step 2: Prepare for Battle on the Field of Life. • Step 3: Visualize, Believe and Repeat! As you celebrate and enjoy the fireworks, consider them not just a celebration of the gift we have of living in one of the greatest nations, but also a remembrance of the people who were willing to fight for us to have our independence. See those fireworks as a symbol of your personal Declaration of Independence. You personally declaring that this is your time and you are willing to do what it takes to win the battle and achieve your goals and dreams!

Contributors Sheila Burke

Creator of Zen-Sational Living. She is the author of: ZenSational Living: A Simple Guide to Finding Your True Self and Maintaining Balance. ZensationalLiving.com

Teri Williams Teri Williams “Soul-cial Connector”, Visionary at SoulcialMedia.com and The Bliss Network. Host of Soulful Living at Empower Radio and shares her energy healing techniques as a Shamanic Reiki Practitioner. TeriGriffinWilliams.com

Deb Scott Deb Scott, BA, CPC is four time Award Winning Author in Self-Help, Motivation, Best New Non-Fiction and SelfImprovement for ‘The Sky is Green & The Grass is Blue.’ Deb is an Award Winning Radio Host for Best Podcaster, Featured & Top Rated Radio Host of The Best People We Know Show on Blog Talk Radio.

greenskyandbluegrass.com

D.J. Spivak-Fuller

Empath, Healer & Teacher. DJ helps people shift into their body and feel the truth of their connection to self, the Earth and mind to allow their spirit to come forward and guide them on the journey . djfullerempath.com

Robbie Adkins Artist and writer who has spent her lifetime developing useful spiritual tools. voiceofsoul.com

Josh Ubaldi Personal and business coach, professionally trained actor and author of ”The Successful Actors Guide to Los Angeles.” successmasterycoaching.com

Cheryl Hunter Bestselling Author of ”Use it! Turn Setbacks into Success.” Speaker, Transformational Coach and ”The Resilience Expert.” cherylhunter.com

Dave Fresilli Holistic Health Practitioner, CHEK Institute Certified Holistic Lifestyle Coach and Practitioner. NASM Corrective Exercise Specialist/Performance Enhancement Specialist. holistichealth-fitness.com

Greg Kuhn Author Greg Kuhn, Professional educator and a futurist, specializing in framing new paradigms for 21st Century living. “The Law of Attraction Science Guy.” Author of the ”Why Quantum Physicists” series. whyquantumphysicists.com

Debbie Lynn Ballet Dancer, Artist, Writer and Creator of “360 degrees project (full circle)”. facebook.com/360degreesofinspiration

Amanda Owen Coach & Counselor, Speaker and Author of ”The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve” and the soon to be released book ”Born to Receive.” amandaowen.com

Katrina Mayer PhD. Creator of Wholarian Vision, Motivational Speaker, Author, Wellness & Longevity Advocate. katrinamayer.com

Jordan Gray

Inspirational Speaker, Author of “The Seventh Major Understanding– A Message of Awakening”. 7thmajorunderstanding.com

Marilyn Hough, LMFT & Chuck Schmitt, LMFT The Relationship Specialists relationshipspecialists.com

John TayleS Singer, songwriter and creator of ”We Are Ready,” a global challenge asking, ”What Are You Ready to See in the World?” johntayles.com

Boni Lonnsburry A Master Creationist and the author of “The Map – To Our Responsive Universe, Where Dreams Really Do Come True”. livealifeyoulove.com

Sandi Schwartz M.S. International Children and Parenting Expert. Educator, author, radio show host and motivational speaker. sanditeaches.com

Regina Cates Regina Victoria Cates, a spiritual/ personal empowerment coach, transformational author and positivity junkie. romancingyoursoul.com

Debbie Bongiovann Author and Poet. Author of ”Hanging On By A Thread” a poetry book for abuse victims crafterdeb53@yahoo.com

Erika Gilchrist

The Unstoppable Woman. Award winning speaker and acclaimed author of ”The Secrets to Being an Unstoppable Woman.” erikagilchrist.com

Cindy Hively An Awakened Living Mentor, which means living in constant awareness. It is relaxing into this life. facebook.com/AwakeningToLifeYourTruestEssence

Charlie Cain-Tolbirt Coach, Inspirational Speaker and Author of ”Words With Wisdom.” wordswithwisdom.com

Jon Satin & Chris Pattay The Possibility Coaches Life and Relationship Coaches, Business Consultants, Emotional Healers, Seminar Facilitators, Authors and Entrepreneurs. possibilitycoaches.com

Shann Vander Leek Founder of True Balance International and Co-Founder of Anxiety Slayer. Author of ”Life on Your Terms.” shannvanderleek.com

Carol Finlayson Coach & Author of, ”Self Esteem, ” Falling In Love with Meditation: The Power of Mindfulness in a Frantic World.” carolfinlayson.com

Nancy Matthews Founder of Womens Prosperity Network, Speaker, Coach and Facilitator, creator of ”Receive Your Riches.” nancymatthews.com