13 minute read
SISTAH Teen Mentoring Initiative
Special Guest Bern Nadette Stanis (“Thelma” of Good Times) with SISTAH Teens and 2013 Non-Profit Beneficiaries H.O.M.E. Girlz (Helping Others Mother Effectively) at 6th Annual Women & Teen Community Outreach
Teen Alternative Sex
Teen alternative sex is teen involvement in sexual activities other than vaginal intercourse. It can include:
Oral sex Anal sex Petting, hand jobs, dry humping or any other stimulation of the partner's genitals Mutual masturbation Necking or making out
Some teens choose alternative sex as a means of expressing sexuality while remaining a virgin. Also, many teens think alternative sex is safe sex, but this is a misunderstanding. None of these activities will cause pregnancy, as long as no seminal fluid gets into the female's vagina, but these methods of teen alternative sexcan spread some or all of the 25 or more known sexually transmitted diseases, and thousands of teens are infected with STDs every day.
Teen anal sex is a high-risk sexually activity for the spread of teen sexually transmitted diseases, including fatal STDs such as Hepatitis B and HIV. Many teens think that oral sex is safe, but it is a leading cause of teen STD infections. Even if contact with semen is avoided, many teens have undetected bleeding gums, which can spread HIV, and any contact with the genital area can spread STDs such as herpes and genital warts. Mutual masturbation is safer sex only if there is no close contact with the other teen's body or bodily fluids. Necking can also spread some STDs such as syphilis.
Abstinence, which means refraining from all sexual relations, is the only way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.
Any teen having sexual contact with another person, including oral sex, anal sex, or hand jobs, should use a condom. Condoms reduce, but do not stop, the spread of STDs. A sexually active teen, especially one who has had any form of unprotected sex, should be examined by a doctor for sexually transmitted diseases. Not all STDs have symptoms, but some signs of a teen STD can include:
Burning during urination Pain during sex Blisters, rashes, swelling or redness around or in the genitals, anus, mouth, or throat, especially after anal or oral sex Strong genital odors Discharge from the penis or vagina Flu-like symptoms such as fever, head or body aches, or fatigue
No teen should ever be forced to perform any sexual act. Teens who are engaged in alternative sex must be very clear with their partners about their limits, and respect their partners' limits. A teen should never do anything that the other person is uncomfortable with, or try to pressure the other person into trying other forms of alternative sex. If someone tries to pressure a teen into doing something he or she is not comfortable with, the teen should tell them no, get away from the person, and consider reporting the incident to parents, law enforcement officers, or other trusted adults. No one who cares about someone will try to force him or her into a sexual activity he or she doesn't want. Any sexual contact that is not welcome is considered sexual battery or sexual assault, and can lead to criminal charges. The victim is never at fault in cases of sexual battery or sexual assault, and should seek counseling and medical care, if necessary.
Parents should talk to their teens about sexual activities and values, and encourage teens to make healthy and responsible choices about sex and sexuality.
6th Annual Women & Teen Community Outreach Elder Sharnae Coakley, SISTAH Teen Director
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What Are Men Really After…?
What are men really after? Just one thing, you say? Well, fMRI studies of men’s brains show that 98% of the male cerebral cortex is preoccupied with vivid sexual fantasies. Not really!
Seriously, what do we know about men’s priorities and what are men really after? In Part I of this two-part series on what are men really after we looked at men’s attitudes towards sex and quality of life. We shared some very surprising data that came out of an eight country random survey of 27,839 men ages 20-75. Using a questionnaire called the Men’s Attitudes to Life Events and Sexuality (MALES), the authors from the Kinsey Institute found that men’s attitudes towards two key areas, masculinity and quality of life, differed markedly from the cultural stereotypes of guys as shallow creatures who are driven primarily by lust.
In the masculinity section of the study and across all countries, being seen as a “man of honor” was the single highest ideal for men, far more important than “being physically attractive,” “having success with women,” or “having an active sex life.” Together with “being in control of your own life” these two attributes accounted for about 60% of the responses. These findings held across all nationalities and across all age groups.
But before we continue with this amazing study on what are men really after, I want you to take advantage of my free ongoing support. You can learn EXACTLY how to flirt, overcome shyness, find and attract the One, how to tell the DUDs from the STUDs, how to go from casual to a real commitment, how to keep the passion going and much much more by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
Now back to the study. In the MALES section called Quality of Life, men were asked to rate the following seven goals in order of importance:
• Being in good health. • Satisfying sex life. • Harmonious family life. • Good relationship with partner/wife. • Enjoying life to the fullest. • Satisfying career or work life. • Having a nice home.
Again, the findings were quite surprising. The top three answers were: “being in good health”; “a harmonious family life”; and “good relationship with partner/wife.” “A satisfying sex life” was last, tied with “a nice home.” While there was definitely variability in the top answers depending on country, “a satisfying sex life” always came last. Even more astonishing were the findings in
regard to age and marital status. Younger men, age 2039 still rated the same three goals as most important. When comparing single vs. married men, the only difference was that singles rated “enjoying live to the fullest” in second place along with “a harmonious family life.” Again “a satisfying sex life” was rated last.
Amazingly enough men who had erectile dysfunction (ED) as well as those who did not suffer from ED, still rated “a satisfying sex life” the same way. Dead last. Understandably of course, men with ED reported having a less satisfying sexual life than those without ED. The MALES findings are in agreement with what I have found in over 25 years of clinical practice and in Love Mentoring. Despite fears of being vulnerable, of being loved and loving, most men want to be honorable and have a good relationship with their partners. So what are men really after? While a satisfying sex life is clearly important to men, it’s not at the top of their life priority lists.
© 2013 Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. – All Rights Reserved.
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed relationship advice book, "Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love", and of the best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
Visit Dr. Kirschner at www.Lovein90Days.com
Where Bondage Ends
By Beverly Armstrong, LMSW
Do you ever find yourself in a position where you’re doing something that – at face value – really sounds like the Christian thing to do, a wonderful thing to do, but it just doesn’t feel right in your spirit, has you feeling very awkward? very unsettled? with unrest? Could it be that you are submitting to people-pleasing righteousness or self-righteousness instead of submitting to the righteousness of God? In the event that you’re doing something “for peace sake” that God has not directed you to do, you must understand that without God’s righteousness, there can be no real peace. So, we must all understand that if we are to be empowered and available for the assignment that God has preordained for our lives, our position must be in the will of God, aligned with the Word of God and led by the Spirit of God.
One subtle bondage that positions us out of the will of God is our inability to, resistance to, or fear of saying no. But often it’s necessary to say “no” to people in order to say “yes” to God. Often the reason that it is so difficult for us, after our born-again experience, after truly committing our lives to God, “no” is something that many of us find tedious, unrighteous and uncomfortable. We can be so sensitive to the needs of others that we allow our sensitivity to overpower the will of God.
Does your desire to please others lead you into grudgingly bypassing your agenda for the things that others want to do? Do you base your response to situations on what others expect of you instead of what the Holy Spirit is leading you to do? Do you bypass who you are, your values, desires and boundaries to gain acceptance from others, to be in harmony with everyone, make sure everyone knows that you love them and that you’re a good Christian?
As Christians, it’s often easier to please people because people-pleasing gives us immediate, temporary gratification. We love the reward of their compliment, smile and pat on the back. Things appear to look more peaceful than if we told them how we really feel, what we really want to do and what we really do not want to do. But is passiveness, silence or false communication really peace? Is it really the righteousness of God? Real peace lies in following the principles of Gods Word and the direction of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 4:15-16 “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head – Christ – from whom the whole body joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.”
The enemy is on assignment to get us out of God’s will, to position us for serious enemy attack. When one area of our lives is out of God’s will, it throws other areas out of his will because we’re not positioned at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. Sometime we struggle in determining whether we are hearing the voice of God. Here are some key factors that will bring clarity to this dilemma:
Is the direction in harmony with the Word of God?
Will the results of your decision cultivate your relationship with the Father?
Will it lead to more crucifying of the flesh and radiate more of Christ in you?
Is God being put first in this situation?
If you lose the love of the people whom you please by standing for what you believe is God’s will, did you really have their love? Putting others before Him will cause the covering of God’s will to be violated, causing God’s plan and purpose for you to be restrained. Seek God’s face, His plan, His purpose by His Spirit. Don’t allow your desire to please people position you outside of the will of God. He is a jealous God and He wants to be first in your life.
Isaiah 48: 17,18 “I am the Lord your God who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea” Life Application Study Bible Matthew 6:33 “To seek first His kingdom and His righteousness means to turn to God first for help, to fill your thoughts with his desires, to take his character for your pattern and to serve and obey him in everything. What is really important to you? People objects, goals, and other desires all compete for priority. Any of these can quickly become most important to you if you don’t actively choose to give God first place in every area of your life”
In all of your ways acknowledge God and He will direct your path. The will of God is “Where Bondage Ends.
©2007 Beverly Armstrong – All Rights Reserved.
(A poetic exhortation from my book “Delivered By Grace”)
Hated to say “no”, even when I saw the need But who the Son sets free …Is free INDEED “No” is sometimes the answer that is best Let the Spirit lead you…Pass the test When God says say “no”.. “no” you must face Everything else will fall into place But if you say “yes” when you need to say “no” All will be out of order…Seeds of confusion you will sow God gives you your unction through the Holy Ghost Got to please God… can’t always please folks I know Mama said “Don’t tell me no” In your ear that voice still rings But now that you have become men and women You must put away childish things So “no” with courage and you will find “No” can be gentle – “No” can be kind When “no” is the order of God’s divine plan It may not always be understood by man But go forth with “no” in its purity And God’s glory will be revealed through His sovereignty “NO” can be a beautiful word..When through it the voice of God is heard Defeat!!! What the enemy is DETERMINED to steal YOUR place in the Master’s will His will welcomes His presence where you will find fullness of joy JESUS, YOUR SAVIOR…NOW….LET HIM BE LORD THIS… is Where Bondage Ends
By Beverly Armstrong, LMSW Author of “Delivered By Grace” published by Zoe Life Publishing
(This article includes many excerpts from my book, Delivered By Grace and from the Holy Bible)
