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TALES OF A FOURTH-GRADE NOTHING: Bullying bruised my childhood but never broke me I was bullied as a kid, and even at 34 years old, I still hurt when I look back. I want to go back to 1988 and hug my frizzy redhaired self. This happened in the mid ’80s and early ’90s, long before the microscope of social media. I don’t think I would’ve survived cyber bullying. Going to school JOANIE each day was painful enough back then. I was a tender-hearted kid who read Sweet Valley High books and had a scratch-and-sniff sticker collection. The teasing started when I was in kindergarten, or at least, that’s the earliest I can remember. Kids would say things like “We don’t want to sit with her, she’s way older than us! She’s supposed to be in third grade.” My mom enrolled me in dance classes so I could exercise, try to lose some weight and make some friends. The other girls in my class told me I was too big and fat to make the dance look pretty, and they begged me to stay home the day of the recital so I wouldn’t ruin it for the rest of them. I quit so I didn’t have to hear their taunts if I messed up any of the steps. I now proudly stand at 5-foot-11-inches tall. As a child, I was perpetually in the 95th percentile in both my growth chart and my academics. I was an A student born in August and one of the youngest kids in my class. But due to my incredible height, the children always accused me of being “much older and getting left back.” I was 5-foot-3 by the time I was 7 and taller than my second-grade teacher. By fifth grade, I was 5-foot-8, and by middle school, I shot up to 5-foot-11. On top of being deemed “a giant” by many of my peers, I was also overweight and a carrot top. “Here comes Joanie the Jolly red giant!” they’d yell at me in the halls. Not all of my classmates treated me badly, of course, but there was a handful of kids who made my life a living hell. Then in seventh grade, the unthinkable happened. A teacher posted a bunch of photos from a class trip on a bulletin board, and right in the center was a picture of me gnawing into my lunch. The entire class, including the teacher, thought it was hilarious, and it sent me running in tears to my guidance counselor’s office. The tenured teacher wasn’t fired, and the kids never stopped making fun of me. I had to face
everyone involved in the incident until my middle school sentence was over. It hurled me into a painful eating disorder that would haunt me through my high school years and revisit me later in my life during times of stress and sadness. COX-HENRY By eighth grade, I had shed 80 pounds, and I got so addicted to hearing people tell me how good I looked that I wanted to keep going. I got down to 136 pounds by sophomore year of high school. Now boys were teasing me because I had no boobs and I looked like Jack Skellington. I didn’t get what was happening. I was sure that if I lost weight, my classmates would stop making fun of me. But they just found different reasons to taunt me. In reality, I think I kept losing weight because I literally wanted to disappear so no one could hurt me anymore. My greatest fear was that I would somehow grow up to forget who I was and become a bully myself. Thankfully, that didn’t happen. I have witnessed kids getting bullied in the lobby of local movie theaters, at Mizner Park and even at the Town Center at Boca Raton food court. My reaction is always the same. I can’t just walk away. Instead, I head to the eye of the storm and I ask the person doing the bullying why they are doing it. I ask them how their day is going. I do anything and everything to shift the attack off the victim. In many cases, the bully just shifts the attack onto me. But I’m OK with that. I have the tools to be able to cope with it now. “Mind your own damn business!” and “Are you seriously talking to me right now?” have been a few of the standard responses. But each and every time I stepped in, something magical happened, regardless of how I was treated: The bullying stopped. Kids walked away. And if I saved even one kid from feeling like they wanted to disappear, then I did my job. There is so much about the world we can’t change, but bullying is something that every one of us can make an effort to eradicate. Sometimes you just have to be your own super hero.
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Stand UP Stand STRONG
By Chrissie Ferguson
W
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hen Jeff Bearden walks into a room, kids listen. Sure, it’s probably his 7-foot, 370-pound frame that initially gets their attention. But it’s also because this man – once known as Giant Warrior and Colossus
the Gladiator in the wrestling world – has a story to tell. And it’s one that involves bullying – a topic about which Bearden knows a thing or two. Bearden, now a motivational speaker known as the “Get back on your feet guy,” recalls having to keep up the persona of “the villain” or “bad guy” everywhere he went.
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“I realized that my character (in the wrestling world) was the bully,” said Bearden, who was recently inducted into the IHWE Southern Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame. Bullies seek a reaction – whether from the person bullied or from those watching. And that’s what Bearden looked for when he was wrestling. “The more reaction I could get from the crowd, the more that it made me madder – where it even caused riots,” Bearden said. Children and youth often become a part of the crowd – observing the bullying, instead of stopping it – for different reasons. Some youth might be thinking more about themselves. “They want to video what’s happening, hoping they’ll get the next viral video on YouTube,” Bearden said. Or they might become a part of the crowd simply because it’s not easy to stand up to a bully. Children might be afraid of how the bully might treat them. Or they might worry about what others will think of them. Bearden understands that sometimes, “it’s easier to join in with the laugh than to step in and stop it.” Bearden recalled when he and other wrestlers picked on a young man who had only been wrestling for a year. They would cut the toes out of his socks or put his bags in the showers, Bearden said. And everyone would laugh at him. “It is very intimidating to have people laughing at you,” Bearden said. Don’t become a part of the crowd, he says now. Instead, stand up to the bully. “Studies show that if a person steps in on behalf of the victim, over 50 percent of the time, the bullying stops,” Bearden said. That doesn’t always mean meeting the bully face-to-face. There are less intimidating ways to stand up to bullying. “The observer can tell a counselor or a teacher, and that takes the pressure off of the victim and has the right people watching the [bullied] kid at school,” Bearden said. Children who report bullying can also remain anonymous, Bearden said. “A lot of the schools have created forms online so that they don’t have to speak to the principal or counselor.” With statistics stating that one in four children in the United States is bullied on a regular basis, according to bullyingstatistics.org, Bearden hopes that all schools will implement anti-bullying policies. Sprigeo.com, a website that gives kids, teens, parents and their schools reporting and planning
tools for creating and sustaining safe communities, is one place to start. Bearden, who was a skinny child with a buzz cut, was teased at school for his appearance. But it stopped there. The difference between bullying then and now is, “when the bell rang and you left school, once you got home, it all stopped. But with cyberbullying, the kids can’t get away from it,” Bearden said. Finding a way to overcome bullying is important. Bullying can have lasting effects on a child, creating a low self-esteem as the victim starts believing and listening to what the bully says. A child may also become withdrawn. Grades might drop or the child might start to skip school. Bullying can lead to alcohol and drug abuse, and in extreme cases, it can lead to suicide. Bearden encourages children who are bullied to remain strong. “You’ve got to be comfortable in yourself, above anybody else,” he said. “If you’re happy with that person that you see in the mirror every day, then no one else can take that away from you.”
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How to keep your child from
G N I Y L L BU BY MELISSA L. TICHAUER
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hen one Hollywood mother heard of her kindergartener’s involvement in a bullying incident at school, she was completely taken aback.
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As a hands-on mom, she had always instilled in her daughter the importance of being kind and respectful to others. However, her 5-year-old succumbed to peer pressure, and the mother found herself in unfamiliar parenting territory. “I was appalled and embarrassed, and I let my daughter know that it wasn’t acceptable behavior,” she said. “She was pressured by another child, but I still thought she should’ve known better.” Although she knew the behavior was uncharacteristic of her daughter, this mom used the situation to reiterate her point about not physically or emotionally harming others. She also revoked media privileges and had her daughter write a note to tell the other student she was sorry. “I referred back to an incident when she’d been on the other side to remind her how it feels to be teased and asked her to empathize,” the mother said. “Then she felt bad and realized how it had impacted that child. I wanted her to learn from it so she doesn’t do it again. It’s the parent’s responsibility to teach their child how to act in the world.” According to Lowell Levine, founder of the Stop Bullying Now Foundation Inc. in Palm Beach, this mom’s proactive parenting is exactly what society needs to ensure our children break the cycle of bullying. Levine has spoken about and worked with families from throughout the country to provide them with much-needed education and resources on the subject. He stresses getting kids on the right track at an early age. “Most bullies are children that haven’t had the proper guidance they should have,” Levine said. “Bullies like to feel better by controlling somebody because they feel power over another child.” When Levine lectures on the topic of bullying, he focuses on the importance of three words: leader, teammate and practice. He said when we teach our children how to be a leader and a teammate to others, and put those things into practice in school, sports or work, we are establishing the groundwork for raising better individuals. “Having continuous communication with your child, and learning the words leader, teammate and practice, will make him a stronger person who’s used to helping other people,” Levine said.
“Then they’ve learned what life is really about, and that will lessen their chances of becoming a bully.” Levine also recommends that children get involved in athletics or community service to learn the importance of helping people, particularly other children. “When a child who’s bullying volunteers their services, they start to question why they’re hurting somebody else,” Levine said. “It takes the bully away from being the bully.” Whether you encourage your child to volunteer at a local children’s hospital or religious facility, it’s the participation in something constructive that will help them realize the need to be kind to others. “If nothing is done, as they get older, they get more power and the bullying continues,” Levine said. “It’s crucial to get out of the cycle so they get wiser as they get older.”
Things parents can do to prevent bullying: DO teach your child the definition of bullying DO show your child how to be kind and empathetic and to respect others DO let your child know that it isn’t acceptable to harm someone emotionally or physically DO have your child apologize to the victim if they were the perpetrator DO teach your child not to succumb to peer pressure when it comes to bullying another child DO communicate and have frequent conversations about bullying with your child DO get your child involved in sports or volunteering to increase their involvement in productive activities DO get family counseling or seek help from a professional if the bullying continues DO teach your child the meaning of leadership and teamwork, and practice at school, at home and in sports
FOR MORE INFORMATION For resources and statistics on bullying, visit the Stop Bullying Now Foundation at www.stopbullyingnowfoundation.org.
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Anti-bullying campaign presented by
Best Design by Carolyn, 14
DON’T
BE A
BULLY
Best Overall by Nebeeha, 9
contest winners
South Florida Parenting invited readers of all ages to join us in taking a stand against bullying by creating artwork to display at our 2015 Back To School events. The first 100 entrants received an annual Kids Fun Pass, and the entries displayed here were chosen as winners.
Honorable Mention by Samira, 11
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Anti-bullying campaign presented by
Best Message by Brianna, 9
Honorable Mention by Julianna, 10
Honorable Mention by Ariella, 3rd grade
Honorable Mention by Tabassum, 6
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Parents are key to
ANTI-BULLYING EFFORTS
SCHOOLS CAN’T FIGHT ISSUE ON THEIR OWN, AUTHOR SAYS 12
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By Joanie Cox-Henry
O
ne of five kids is getting bullied, but only one-third of students actually report it out of concern for retaliation, said activist Roy Moore. “We can’t get lasting change without parents being involved, and it’s been hard to reach parents in some cases.” Moore is the president of Stand Strong USA, a Deerfield Beach-based organization dedicated to empowering students through inspirational speakers to put an end to bullying. “Creating a culture of diversity, empathy and compassion is key,” Moore said. “Kids can no longer leave the bullying behind with social media.” Paul Coughlin authored the book “Raising Bully Proof Kids” and is the founder and president of The Protectors, an organization that utilizes both faith-based and public school programs to help bystanders become protectors for youth who are bullied. “Bullying is a cultural problem, not a school problem,” Coughlin said. “It requires that people of goodwill stand against it. Parents and related guardians must lead the way, not teachers. Parents in Florida and across the country are either going to diminish bullying or not. Schools cannot do so on their own.” Coughlin said cruelty has become currency in youth culture. “We must change this false currency and replace it with another: civic courage to stand against it,” Coughlin said. “Bullying represents the worst in human nature. But combating it through civic courage represents the best.” Coughlin said the best way parents can bullyproof their children is to coach them to be more assertive and to use certain body language to maintain that presence. “The leading character trait that makes a child
the target of bullying is being non-assertive,” Coughlin said. “Bullies profile such kids because they are not looking for a fight but rather to overwhelm them. Parents and guardians need to help their child appear more assertive than they may feel inside. This takes time and coaching.” Some of that coaching advice includes making more eye contact with peers in general but not necessarily with the bully. “Telling your child to ‘look the bully in the eye’ may make the parent feel better, but not a serial target,” Coughlin said. “In our experience, most serial targets simply can’t do it, so telling them to do it makes them feel defeated right away. It’s not within their nature. Many adults are unable to look their bully in the eye.” Additional body language tips from Coughlin include standing stronger and straighter, raising their chin to the level position and even cracking a smile. “Putting a slight smile on their face when appropriate [is a good move] since many serial targets don’t smile before they are bullied,” Coughlin said. “It’s also good to take up space. Most targets make themselves look small when standing and seated. To appear larger and more confident, do the cowboy stance, where one foot is at about a 45 degree angle from the other and in front. Many actors take this stance in movies to appear more dominant. You see musicians do it all the time in cover art as well.” Coughlin also refers to social psychologist and Harvard professor Amy Cuddy’s practice of “power posing.” “This is where a person looks into a mirror with assertive body language and an assertive but not aggressive facial expression,” Coughlin said. “She found that the chemicals associated with confidence increase within only two minutes. Do this at home, not in the school bathroom.”
“Kids can no longer leave the bullying behind with social media”
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If possible, do not stand face to face with a bully. Do what many police officers do and have a quarter stance toward the bully’s dominant hand and foot, most likely the right side. This will make it more difficult for the bully to punch or kick your child since it reduces the velocity of both the hand and foot. It also gives your child a better chance of deflecting and blocking both. Don’t sit in the back of the bus, but sit within eyesight of the driver through the rear mirror. Bring your child to the school before school begins to help break down fear and nerves and to help them acclimate. A leading defense against bullying is friendships. So cultivate those friendships for your children. Help your child identify hobbies and interests and guide them toward groups where they can make friends through common interests. A certain kind of verbal comeback is helpful, what is called “fogging.” This is where you respond to a bully in an assertive but non-violent way and in a way that does not engage the bully. Fogging includes saying words like “Interesting” and “Whatever.” But they need to be said in an assertive way and, equally important, said in a way that gives a take-it-or-leave-it quality. Work with your child to respond in a way that gives the appearance that he just doesn’t care, even when he really does inside. Your child does not owe the bully candor or truth about his life. This can be revolutionary information to your child, who thinks that he must answer every question posed to him. In reality, these questions are designed to get more information, which can be used later for further attack. This information might appear simple to most adults, but it can be transformational for many children. Sometimes students need to be saved from themselves. They don’t know that they are being profiled and judged by their body language. Lowell Levine, founder and president of the Stop Bullying Now Foundation, said the three most important characteristics any child can learn to bully-proof themselves are “leadership, team work and practice.” As a former college basketball player, Levine uses sports analogies to connect with kids to teach them the dangers of bullying. “If you understand these three things inside and out, you will not be bullied, and you will not become a bully,” said Levine, who has worked with both bullies and bullied students from both public and private schools throughout South
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Florida. Despite administrative efforts to end bullying on school campuses, getting parents involved is still ground zero. “Parents, not teachers, are the front-line defense against bullying,” Coughlin said. “We help parents change how they parent so their child won’t bully, so their child will stand up to it when they see it, and their child won’t behave in a way that is attractive to a bully.”
HOW TO SPOT A BULLY There are 7 qualities most bullies share, according to Paul Coughlin, author of “Raising Bully Proof Kids.”
1.
They often possess inordinate selfesteem, making them arrogant and conceited, and they believe they are superior to others.
2.
They often, though not always, have parents or guardians who use coercive parenting styles and who express disdain and contempt for others.
3.
They can come from homes with lack of supervision, especially male supervision.
4.
They can come from homes where they wrestled control of the home from their parents or guardians at a very early age. This can be common among criminals, as well.
5.
Though most deny it, they enjoy the pain and suffering of others, including animals. This is part of the definition of sadism.
6.
They often lack sympathy or empathy toward others and see others as a means to an end since being mean, cruel and unkind helps them to obtain and maintain social status.
7.
They are often charismatic and know how to read and lie to adults, making them very hard to catch in the act.
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Boca man stands strong AGAINST BULLYING By Joanie Cox-Henry
Nick Vujicic
was born with no arms or legs. There was no medical reason for his condition. He was so bullied as a child that at age 10 he attempted suicide in his bathtub. Vujicic has inspired more than 500 million people globally with YouTube videos and lectures, and a Palm Beach County man is bringing him to Boca Raton this November to speak to students at Boca Raton High School and Florida Atlantic University. Roy Moore, of Boca Raton, is president of Stand Strong USA, a Deerfield Beach-based organization dedicated to empowering students through inspirational speakers to put an end to bullying. “A lot of parents think bullying is a school problem,” Moore said. “I disagree. Speaking to parents and getting a 360-degree view is key. It’s about creating a culture of diversity, empathy and compassion. There are so many myths about bullying that we need to address.” Moore was so inspired by Vujicic’s passion to eliminate bullying that he wanted to bring him to Palm Beach County, which has had more than 5,600 incidents of bullying reported by students between 2007 and 2010, according to statistics from the State Department of Education. “Seeing CDC statistics on bullying really made me want to get involved and try to do something about it. According to a recent CDC teen risk behavior survey, 8.3 percent of teens in Broward and Palm Beach Counties have attempted suicide,” said Moore, who moved to Boca Raton in 2000 from Texas and is raising three children. “I had a corporate career and continued to hear stories about bullying from friends. If we can get people to rally behind and recognize this behavior, we can end bullying and save lives, which is our ultimate goal.” Moore’s organization first started as Stand
BANISHING BULLYING: President and founder of Stand Strong USA Roy Moore is passionate about helping students live and learn in a bully-free environment. He is pictured with his dog, Fox.
Strong Florida but then expanded to Stand Strong USA. The organization is also developing an antibullying app to launch this fall in which students, teachers, parents and anti-bullying advocates can get support and guidance. “When Nick speaks to an audience, he can encourage bystanders to be assertive and not aggressive. He can connect with kids in a dark place and provide them with resources so their hopelessness is immediately addressed,” Moore said. “We want these kids to know their better days are not their yesterdays but their tomorrows.”
Schools can register for Vujicic’s simulcast on Standstrongflorida.com. Individuals can also register for the simulcast through a contact form on the website.
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BULLYING RESOURCES By Jessica Lamar
The following resources are available for parents to get additional help when it comes to bullying. The resources vary from being proactive about bullying to responding to a specific bullying incident. Parents can also find a website that provides assistance for a child who is bullying other children. Some of these resources provide in-home assistance, in which a counselor comes to the home to help the family, while others provide online educational videos and curriculum to view and discuss at home as a family. These resources target all those who are involved in bullying – the bully, the victim and the bystander. Most of the resources below are free. NATIONAL VOICES FOR EQUALITY EDUCATION & ENLIGHTENMENT (NVEEE) 777 Brickell Ave., Suite 500, Miami 786-282-0035 www.NVEEE.org Jowharah Sanders, executive director and founder of NVEEE, said, “We offer direct and indirect services. We work with the students, and our program is student oriented. Most of the time, parents don’t know the process to help their child, so we help them with the process.” Sanders said many parents aren’t even aware that their child is being bullied. “Therefore when it comes to helping a child, if parents know about the bullying, that makes them ahead of the game.” NVEEE offers direct assistance to support families who have been affected by a crisis because of school bullying, and it serves Miami-Dade, Broward and Palm Beach counties. Parents interested in getting assistance with a bullying incident must request an appointment. The group also provides workshops and trainings that student ambassadors conduct in the schools throughout Florida. The service is free, and they work with children ages 5 to 18. PACER CENTER’S KIDS AGAINST BULLYING Pacerkidsagainstbullying.org This website is an educational tool. It focuses on all who are involved in a bullying incident, including bystanders. On this website, both parents and children can take a quiz to evaluate how much they know about bullying, what they should do during a bullying incident, and who is involved in a bullying incident. Parents and children can also watch videos that target anti-bullying. The website features a section that allows students to post their opinions about bullying, provides ways that parents and students can help, and addresses the student who is doing the bullying. Carmen is an animated character on the website and students can “Ask Carmen.” BROWARD COUNTY PUBLIC SCHOOL ANONYMOUS EMERGENCY HOTLINE 600 SE 3rd Ave., Fort Lauderdale 754-321-0911 www.broward.k12.fl.us/siu/tips Sometimes parents can forget that bullying is a crime. Although a parent might not want to dial 911, he or she can call the Broward County Public School Anonymous Emergency Hotline Special Initiative Unit. Once a parent calls, an operator will respond asking for the immediate emergency, similar to a 911 call. This hotline is open 24 hours and 7 days a week. They are equipped to address an emergency that involves bullying. If parents would like to leave
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a message instead, they can do that by filling out the information sheet provided on the website. KIDS IN DISTRESS (FAMILY COUNSELING CENTER) 819 NE 26th St., Wilton Manors 954-390-7654 www.kidinc.org Kids in Distress is an agency dedicated to providing family counseling, including help with bullying, throughout Broward County. This organization works with children from birth to 21 if the child is still enrolled in school. Referrals can come directly from a parent or Broward County Public Schools. Free assistance is available for qualifying children. The Family Counseling Center can provide services in the home, in the school or at the agency. Parents interested in getting counseling can call and set up an appointment. “We receive referrals from Broward County Schools and work collaboratively with the school staff while providing services to the youth,” said Alaina McCoy, a clinical supervisor. “We attend community meetings (SEDNET, Broward Behavioral Partnership, etc.) to help address the ongoing needs in the community. Each of our therapists attend the Broward Schools’ Training prior to providing services in the school, which addresses what constitutes bullying and how the schools are currently handling bullying. “Every child deserves to go to school in a safe environment where they can focus on their education and not worry about being bullied,” McCoy said. YOUR VOICE YOUR LIFE 800-448-3000 www.yourlifeyourvoice.org This is a national hotline that provides families with immediate help regarding bullying. This organization also provides help to the parent whose child is the bully. When parents call, they are directed to a crisis counselor, who then asks questions to help the parent find a solution. Angelo Jones, a professional crisis counselor, said, “First we ask parents, ‘What have you done so far with helping your child?’ We like to direct parents to their child’s school. If the school hasn’t done anything, we then direct the parent to contact the superintendent. If that doesn’t work, we get the local authorities involved. Next, our program focuses on getting the child to heal from the bullying.” Jones invited parents who have a child who is the bully to call for guidance. Many times, the bully needs healing as well and doesn’t know how to communicate that other than bullying someone else. Parents can call the hotline number, send a message from the website, start a live chat with a counselor or text VOICE to 20121.
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Anti-bullying resources in South Florida THE HUMANITY PROJECT thehumanityproject.com 954-205-2722 The Humanity Project has programs and resources for students, parents and schools, including Anti-bullying Through The Arts, which teaches bystanders to stand up against bullying. The Project’s Thp4kids.com is a website for teens by teens featuring original artwork and poetry, and it includes helpful resources such as links, podcasts and videos.
NO PLACE FOR HATE Anti-Defamation League florida.adl.org No Place for Hate is a program developed by the Anti-Defamation League to help schools support individual and group differences. The program is school-focused and requires up to 30 students or teachers to lead the school in three school-wide activities to change the school’s culture about bullying and become a “No Place for Hate” school. No Place for Hate has also partnered with United Way of Broward, the Miami Coalition of Christians and Jews (MCCJ), University of Miami and several cities in Miami-Dade and Broward counties.
SAFE SCHOOLS SOUTH FLORIDA safeschoolssouthflorida.org 954-771-4799 or 305-576-2126 Safe Schools South Florida is a nonprofit with a
mission to teach respect for all regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity in schools. The organization works with the educators of schools and holds training programs to show those involved in youth support what they can do to provide a safer school environment. Safe School also holds youth conferences to explore bullying prevention programs.
SUNSERVE www.sunserve.org or 954-764-5150 SunServe is a social service agency that provides youth services, connects teens to peer counseling and provides successful adult role models for LGBTQ youths. Services include counseling, support groups and other resources. SunServe has multiple locations in South Florida and parents can go on the website for the closest location.
BULLYING AND THE LAW www.bullyingandthelaw.org Bullying and the Law is a free, online antibullying and cyberbullying program developed by Nova Southeastern University. Its goal is to make bullying and cyberbullying laws “common knowledge.” Students and schools can go online and look up Florida’s anti-bullying law and civil rights and harassment law as well as videos showing the consequences of breaking these laws. — Compiled by Maddy Mesa
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES Bullying.org Bullying.org is dedicated to increasing the awareness of bullying and to preventing, resolving and eliminating bullying in society. PacerKidsAgainstBullying.org A fun, interactive website with videos, coloring sheets and tutorials to help kids learn to recognize and stand against bullying. www.commonsensemedia.org/cyberbullying Cyberbullying, whether it’s done online or over a cell phone, can affect kids of any age. Find age-appropriate guidelines, videos, and articles to help with tough conversations -- whether your kid is a bully or is being bullied. StopBullying.gov A federal government website managed by the U.S.
Department of Health & Human Services with features and videos that define bullying and what you can do about it. ToThisDayProject.com Spoken word poet Shane Koyczan wrote a poem called “To This Day” about the effects of bullying and put it online with illustrations from 86 artists, creating a viral video that has won numerous awards and touched the lives of millions of people. ed.ted.com/featured/p04GkF0j TedEd (Lessons Worth Sharing) on the “To This Day” project: Find out how bullying touches us all and get involved so that you can help stop bullying in your community and around the world. Bullyingstatistics.org Information on preventing bullying, harassment, online/social bullying, and school bullies.
MORE INFORMATION Stop Bullying Now Foundation, Inc.: stopbullyingnowfoundation.org
Also: browardprevention.org/violence/anti-bullying in Broward County studentservices.dadeschools.net/bullying in Miami-Dade County palmbeachschools.org/ssci/Bullying.asp in Palm Beach County
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Anti-bullying efforts HAVE TO START EARLY By Christina Nicholson
Bullying starts before age 3. Yes, it sounds extreme … and the bullying isn’t on the same level as some middle school girls in action, but it happens. When my daughter came home from daycare one day, I was shocked! “Brooke told me I can’t be her friend,” she said. The next day it was, “Ashley said Brooke can’t play with us.” I didn’t know I had to start the whole “how to deal with mean girls” talk so early, but I did. I also had to make sure my little one wasn’t saying these same things to other girls in her class. Monkey see, monkey do, right? The first thing I did was talk about feelings – what words make people feel happy or sad, and how we would feel if someone said those words to mommy or daddy or even to ourselves. Obviously the “treat other people the way you wanted to be treated” cliche is golden, but let’s be real; many adults don’t even do this, so how are we going to expect our toddlers to? I want to make sure my kids aren’t participating in the bullying, and I want to make sure they aren’t being bullied, either. It sounds weird, but the same actions actually prevent both. Teach kids to respect others. You can do this in a variety of ways, like pointing out how neat and cool everyone’s differences are. Make it sound like something good (because it is) and not something that is different in a bad way. I’m a big reader, so I find books that have the message of differences and respect or positive experiences in a group of kids. I think the most important way to teach kids anything, especially when it comes to how your child treats others, is to lead by example. Actions
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speak louder than words, so show your kids how to use those magic words, how to be friendly to others, and even how to react to negative words or behavior. Talk about preventing it. I think this is a great thing to do because it’s bound to happen, so why not be prepared? Teach your child how to stick up for himself or herself. In my experience, this is the biggest challenge. Instead of backing down and taking it or crying, let your child know it’s OK to tell an adult or to say, “That’s not nice. Stop it. Don’t do that.” And because actions speak louder than words, show your child how to handle the situation by role-playing at home. Take action. Make sure your child knows it’s OK to get involved and stick up for a person who may be bullied. You’d want another child to do it for yours, and your child would want the same if he or she was feeling victimized. Plus, kids listen to kids. A lesson from a peer might mean more than a lesson from a teacher or parent. Also, let your child know it’s OK to tell another adult. There are no “tattle-tellers” here. So parents, your job is to talk to your child. If you don’t, how are you going to know what’s happening? Instead of saying, “Did you have a good day today?” ask an open-ended question, such as, “What did you do at school today?” An open line of communication with your little ones is key to both preventing and solving the issue, and the issue apparently starts early.
Christina Nicholson is a media relations and social media specialist who blogs at MascaraMavenAndMore. com. She has been featured in Forbes and Cosmopolitan and has also appeared on CNN and NBC 6 South Florida.
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Come Party With Us! presented by
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Make Bullying Everyone’s Business tell a trusted adult
don’t give a bully an audience
set a good example be a friend, not a bully
Learn how to talk to your child about it. For more information about how adults and children can prevent bullying, visit StopBullying.gov.
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