and what it means for our daughter. He gets frustrated when I don’t want to talk through things logically or comprehensively. I get frustrated when I feel like he’s discounting my emotions. Sometimes, this makes for a disconnect in our conversations. Other times, it makes for battle. A few months ago, we found ourselves particularly out of sync. Call it COVID, call it winter, call it whatever you’d like. We weren’t connecting, and our fuses seemed to shorten by the day. Here are a few things we did to strengthen our relationship and keep our wires from getting crossed.
• We committed to getting real – No more glossing over emotions; no more disengaging from difficult conversations. We are prioritizing 100% honesty when we are together. • We mixed up the caregiving routine – My husband has taken over the most stressful part of our daughter’s daily care. He now gets 60 minutes of daddy/daughter time each day, as well as a shared stake in negotiating with a 7-year-old. • We bought an erasable whiteboard for the refrigerator – Our conversations used to be heavy on the administrative stuff. “Did you remember to ______?” “For the last time, I told you I’m on it!” These days, we skip all that. I can see what my husband has done and vice-versa courtesy of a quick peek at the fridge. • We go for walks together – The Norwegians like to say, “There’s no such thing as bad weather; just bad clothes.” We’ve taken to bundling up and going for a walk around the neighborhood over our lunch breaks. It’s a great way to get out of the house, squeeze in some exercise, and talk in private. • We make dinner together – My husband and I have gotten really good at dividing and conquering. But making dinner is something we can do together. And if I ever get hit by a bus, I’ll at least know that the kids will be fed. • We try to treat one another as we would a best friend – Once upon a time, we were just friends. And best friends, at that. In that vein, we are trying to assume more positive intent, do less interrupting, and be quicker to apologize. It’s not about winning a conversation; it’s about connecting. Life isn’t perfect, but we are human beings who have chosen to embark on this journey together. My husband has the map, and I’m trying to see the forest for the trees, and one way or another, we’ll get there. We may lose some breadcrumbs along the way. We may even pelt them at each other. But we’ll get there. In the end, there’s no one else I’d rather have beside me.
“Come Touch His Cheek” By © Gary Shulman, MS. Ed. Special Needs Consultant and Trainer 646-596-5642 gary.shulman@nyc.rr.com | garyshulman.jimdo.com
This child of mine you stare at so, Please come closer so you will know Just who my child is and what I see when those sweet eyes stare back at me I see no limits to my child’s life Although I know It will be filled with strife, I’m hoping that doors will open each day I’m praying that kindness will come his way You look frightened? You tremble with fear? Come, come closer touch him my dear Touch his cheek so soft so sweet Be one of those people he needs to meet Someone who will look and hopefully see The skill, the talent The ability Please come closer You don’t have to speak Come a little closer Just touch his cheek And when you do you will see He is no different than you or me
Do you have a poem that you or your special needs child would like to include in a future issue of Special Needs Living? email us at SpecialNeedsLivingIndy@n2pub.com
Calling all individuals with special needs, parents, grandparents – If you would like to share some inspiration with the community or nominate someone else to be in an upcoming issue of Special Needs Living, email us at SpecialNeedsLivingIndy@n2pub.com.
May 2021 • Special Needs Living
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